1 00:00:01,174 --> 00:00:03,404 So, while they re-paint the lines in the parking lot, 2 00:00:03,476 --> 00:00:05,535 we're asking everyone to do street parking. 3 00:00:05,612 --> 00:00:07,546 I'm not street parking my Mercedes. 4 00:00:07,614 --> 00:00:09,377 Well, everyone is. I'm doing it. 5 00:00:09,449 --> 00:00:11,508 'Cause nobody wants to steal a Saturn. 6 00:00:11,584 --> 00:00:14,678 All right, moving on to recycling. 7 00:00:16,556 --> 00:00:18,456 You okay, Ron? Just a little tooth pain. 8 00:00:18,525 --> 00:00:20,652 I'm fine. Continue. 9 00:00:20,727 --> 00:00:23,059 Okay, each department will be getting blue bins... 10 00:00:24,597 --> 00:00:26,588 Do you need to go to the dentist, Ron? 11 00:00:26,666 --> 00:00:28,293 I don't like dentists. 12 00:00:28,368 --> 00:00:30,359 Just a second. 13 00:00:30,436 --> 00:00:31,425 Hey. 14 00:00:31,504 --> 00:00:32,493 No, no. No! 15 00:00:32,572 --> 00:00:33,596 No, no, no, no! 16 00:00:38,178 --> 00:00:39,236 Oh! 17 00:00:39,379 --> 00:00:40,437 What the? 18 00:00:40,513 --> 00:00:41,775 Oh, my God! 19 00:00:41,848 --> 00:00:44,078 I'm sorry, everybody. What were we talking about? 20 00:00:44,150 --> 00:00:46,084 Recycling? 21 00:00:46,152 --> 00:00:48,347 Dentist pulled the tooth out yesterday. 22 00:00:48,421 --> 00:00:52,050 But it's always a good idea to demonstrate to your co-workers 23 00:00:52,125 --> 00:00:55,617 that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain. 24 00:00:56,296 --> 00:00:59,493 Plus, it's always fun to see Tom faint. 25 00:01:22,055 --> 00:01:24,046 Attention, everybody! 26 00:01:24,290 --> 00:01:25,484 Everybody, listen up. 27 00:01:25,558 --> 00:01:29,255 You are all officially invited to a dinner party, 28 00:01:29,329 --> 00:01:30,591 7:00 p.m. Tonight at our home, 29 00:01:30,663 --> 00:01:32,790 which is officially my friend Burly's home, 30 00:01:32,865 --> 00:01:34,560 because I don't have a home. 31 00:01:34,634 --> 00:01:35,931 That's it. There's no more left. 32 00:01:36,002 --> 00:01:37,230 Give it to him. 33 00:01:37,303 --> 00:01:38,600 We've been dating for almost a month, 34 00:01:38,671 --> 00:01:42,607 so we just decided that we wanted to do something special. 35 00:01:42,675 --> 00:01:46,236 And dinner parties do combine two of our favorite things, 36 00:01:46,312 --> 00:01:47,904 dinner and parties. 37 00:01:47,981 --> 00:01:49,448 Parties. Yeah. 38 00:01:49,515 --> 00:01:53,747 It's like if you could have a Xbox pancake. 39 00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:55,447 Your invitations include requests 40 00:01:55,521 --> 00:01:57,148 for each of you to bring stuff, 41 00:01:57,223 --> 00:01:58,622 'cause we don't have a whole lot. 42 00:01:58,691 --> 00:01:59,715 Don't be late. 43 00:01:59,792 --> 00:02:01,316 Watch out. 44 00:02:01,394 --> 00:02:03,760 "Dearest Tom, please bring silverware." 45 00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:05,161 "Please bring cooked steak." 46 00:02:05,298 --> 00:02:06,629 This is ridiculous. 47 00:02:06,699 --> 00:02:07,893 They're young. They're in love. 48 00:02:07,967 --> 00:02:09,696 They're ready to show it to the world. 49 00:02:09,769 --> 00:02:10,895 It's very sweet. 50 00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:12,767 And we're all going. - What? 51 00:02:12,839 --> 00:02:15,000 There's a boy's sale at Dillard's today. 52 00:02:15,074 --> 00:02:16,541 Hey. Oh, hey. 53 00:02:16,609 --> 00:02:17,837 You going tonight? 54 00:02:17,910 --> 00:02:20,674 Yeah. Apparently they want me to bring Avatar, 55 00:02:20,747 --> 00:02:25,275 and 50 pairs of 3-D glasses, and a 3-D-capable television. 56 00:02:25,351 --> 00:02:26,682 Mmm. Yeah. 57 00:02:26,753 --> 00:02:28,618 Well, I will see you there, with all of those things. 58 00:02:28,688 --> 00:02:29,950 I was actually coming to see you. 59 00:02:30,023 --> 00:02:31,251 I wanted your advice on something. 60 00:02:31,324 --> 00:02:32,313 Oh, yeah? 61 00:02:32,392 --> 00:02:33,381 My boss in Indianapolis, 62 00:02:33,459 --> 00:02:35,723 he wants me back on the road in a week. 63 00:02:35,795 --> 00:02:39,196 But then this morning, Chris offered me a job 64 00:02:39,265 --> 00:02:41,199 to stay here in Pawnee and work for him. 65 00:02:42,735 --> 00:02:43,827 Do you wanna do that? 66 00:02:43,970 --> 00:02:45,062 Well, I don't know. 67 00:02:45,138 --> 00:02:47,106 I've been moving around so much the past few years. 68 00:02:47,173 --> 00:02:49,471 It might be nice to stay in one place for a while. 69 00:02:49,976 --> 00:02:51,500 What do you think? 70 00:02:51,577 --> 00:02:52,737 Well, this is a great city. 71 00:02:52,812 --> 00:02:54,541 You know, it's definitely the best city in Indiana, 72 00:02:54,614 --> 00:02:56,639 probably America, possibly the world. 73 00:02:56,716 --> 00:02:58,183 Sure. But on the other hand, 74 00:02:58,251 --> 00:03:02,210 you've put in 12 years with the state government. 75 00:03:02,288 --> 00:03:03,721 So you think I should say no to Chris 76 00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:05,917 and head back to Indianapolis or... 77 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:10,228 It's a tough call. You know what I would do? 78 00:03:10,296 --> 00:03:12,161 You should make a pros and cons list. 79 00:03:12,298 --> 00:03:13,322 That always works for me. 80 00:03:13,399 --> 00:03:14,388 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 81 00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:15,593 Okay, maybe I'll do that. 82 00:03:15,668 --> 00:03:16,726 Excellent. 83 00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:18,168 Nice talking to you. 84 00:03:18,237 --> 00:03:19,761 Good stuff. Okay. Yeah. 85 00:03:24,944 --> 00:03:26,502 So how does this work? 86 00:03:26,579 --> 00:03:28,103 All right, you just fill out your name tag, 87 00:03:28,181 --> 00:03:29,170 and you're all set. 88 00:03:29,248 --> 00:03:30,237 Okay. 89 00:03:30,316 --> 00:03:33,945 But I mean, do I just go up and talk to anyone, 90 00:03:34,020 --> 00:03:36,853 or do I wait for them to talk to me, or... 91 00:03:37,490 --> 00:03:40,186 Are you asking me how to flirt with men? 92 00:03:40,259 --> 00:03:42,523 Okay. All right. 93 00:03:42,595 --> 00:03:43,926 It's a whole new Ann Perkins. 94 00:03:43,996 --> 00:03:46,590 I'm putting myself out there, meeting some new people, 95 00:03:46,666 --> 00:03:48,964 having some casual fun, 96 00:03:49,035 --> 00:03:52,061 and it is awkward. 97 00:03:52,505 --> 00:03:55,565 Gayle went out and got me this new party shirt. 98 00:03:55,641 --> 00:03:57,939 So be honest, what do you guys think? 99 00:03:58,010 --> 00:03:59,204 You know what, Jerry? 100 00:03:59,278 --> 00:04:02,805 I make fun of you a lot, but credit where credit is due. 101 00:04:02,882 --> 00:04:04,975 You know, I like how the... 102 00:04:06,452 --> 00:04:07,919 Damn it. I was so close. 103 00:04:07,987 --> 00:04:10,182 It's a terrible shirt. 104 00:04:11,057 --> 00:04:13,548 Hey, guys. Okay, everybody listen up. 105 00:04:13,626 --> 00:04:16,220 April's friend Orin is here. 106 00:04:16,295 --> 00:04:18,456 He's very intense and very weird. 107 00:04:18,531 --> 00:04:19,964 So if you end up talking to him, 108 00:04:20,032 --> 00:04:21,624 just make sure you don't reveal 109 00:04:21,701 --> 00:04:23,225 anything personal about yourself. 110 00:04:23,302 --> 00:04:24,963 - Hey, gang. - Hey. 111 00:04:25,037 --> 00:04:26,402 What'd you bring? 112 00:04:26,472 --> 00:04:27,769 I was in charge of the cake. 113 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,502 To be fair, it's not a cake so much as it is a vegetable loaf. 114 00:04:30,576 --> 00:04:32,874 You got your mushrooms, your alfalfa sprouts, your spinach, 115 00:04:32,945 --> 00:04:35,345 and I had it sweetened with fruit reduction. 116 00:04:35,748 --> 00:04:39,047 But did they ask you to bring a vegetable loaf or a cake? 117 00:04:39,118 --> 00:04:41,348 No, a cake, but this is so much healthier. 118 00:04:41,421 --> 00:04:43,685 So not only does this thing exist, 119 00:04:43,756 --> 00:04:45,781 but now you have deprived everyone of cake. 120 00:04:45,858 --> 00:04:47,223 Take a walk, Ron. Yep. 121 00:04:53,633 --> 00:04:55,362 Donna. Oh, my God. 122 00:04:55,435 --> 00:04:57,494 I am so excited to see you here. 123 00:04:57,570 --> 00:05:01,631 These things are horrible when you're by yourself. 124 00:05:01,707 --> 00:05:02,833 What? 125 00:05:02,909 --> 00:05:05,036 Do you know where you are right now? 126 00:05:05,111 --> 00:05:07,545 We're in the jungle. There are no friends here. 127 00:05:07,613 --> 00:05:10,047 It's every woman for herself. 128 00:05:10,116 --> 00:05:11,447 You're joking, right? 129 00:05:11,517 --> 00:05:12,814 Do I look like I'm joking? 130 00:05:12,885 --> 00:05:15,911 Dating is a zero-sum game. 131 00:05:15,988 --> 00:05:19,822 If you get a man, I don't get that man. 132 00:05:19,892 --> 00:05:21,484 I'm here because of advice that you gave me 133 00:05:21,561 --> 00:05:23,529 to be more adventurous in my life. 134 00:05:23,596 --> 00:05:25,723 Here's some more advice. Beat it. 135 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:28,662 Hey. 136 00:05:28,734 --> 00:05:29,894 Ben, heard you might be leaving Pawnee. 137 00:05:30,870 --> 00:05:34,101 I don't know. I'm thinking about it. 138 00:05:34,173 --> 00:05:35,401 Well, you are a huge nerd. 139 00:05:35,475 --> 00:05:37,204 But I'd be sorry to see you go, man. 140 00:05:37,276 --> 00:05:38,470 Thanks, Tom. 141 00:05:38,544 --> 00:05:41,445 Okay, this party needs a little help. I'll be right back. 142 00:05:41,514 --> 00:05:44,176 So are you going on, like, a year-long walking tour 143 00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:46,650 of the set of The Lord of the Rings in New Zealand? 144 00:05:47,386 --> 00:05:48,978 To be honest with you, I wasn't a fan 145 00:05:49,055 --> 00:05:50,613 of Peter Jackson's interpretation. 146 00:05:50,690 --> 00:05:52,248 So you can put that one away. 147 00:05:53,025 --> 00:05:55,289 Andy, I think you maybe should put some more food out. 148 00:05:55,361 --> 00:05:58,626 Totally agree. Just firing up the Bagel Bites now. 149 00:05:58,698 --> 00:06:00,427 Hey. Oh, my God. 150 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:01,933 What do you think? 151 00:06:02,001 --> 00:06:03,434 April, you're not supposed to let me see you. 152 00:06:03,503 --> 00:06:04,800 No, come on. You have to look. 153 00:06:04,871 --> 00:06:07,135 This is important. You have to tell me if I look good. 154 00:06:07,206 --> 00:06:08,639 Hey, guys, what's going on? 155 00:06:09,442 --> 00:06:11,205 Uh... It's supposed to be a big surprise. 156 00:06:11,277 --> 00:06:14,269 But tonight, me and April are getting married. 157 00:06:16,415 --> 00:06:17,905 To each other. 158 00:06:19,919 --> 00:06:21,147 Is April pregnant? Are you pregnant? 159 00:06:21,220 --> 00:06:22,414 Yes. 160 00:06:22,488 --> 00:06:23,580 Yes? No. 161 00:06:23,656 --> 00:06:25,248 Are you sick? Are you terminal? 162 00:06:25,324 --> 00:06:26,882 Is it like that movie A Walk to Remember? 163 00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:27,983 Yes. What? 164 00:06:28,060 --> 00:06:29,584 No. God. Oh, God. 165 00:06:29,662 --> 00:06:31,254 Why are you doing this? 166 00:06:31,330 --> 00:06:33,560 Why is this great thing happening? 167 00:06:33,633 --> 00:06:36,295 Well, I mean, it's actually a really funny story. 168 00:06:36,369 --> 00:06:37,631 We were hanging out. 169 00:06:37,703 --> 00:06:40,297 And suddenly, I was like, 170 00:06:40,373 --> 00:06:42,000 "What if we got married tomorrow?" 171 00:06:42,074 --> 00:06:44,304 And she was like... 172 00:06:45,177 --> 00:06:46,405 "Fine." 173 00:06:46,479 --> 00:06:47,639 She's like, "Fine." 174 00:06:47,713 --> 00:06:48,839 That is a great story. 175 00:06:48,915 --> 00:06:50,780 But you guys haven't been together very long, 176 00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:52,374 and you have no place to live. 177 00:06:52,451 --> 00:06:53,713 We've been together long enough, 178 00:06:53,786 --> 00:06:54,980 and we'll find a place to live. 179 00:06:55,054 --> 00:06:56,180 Yeah. 180 00:06:56,255 --> 00:06:57,916 Like, a house or, like, a condo or something. 181 00:06:57,990 --> 00:06:59,082 Probably a condo. 182 00:06:59,158 --> 00:07:01,388 You can't just get a condo. 183 00:07:01,460 --> 00:07:04,395 No, you're right. House. 184 00:07:04,497 --> 00:07:06,624 I love Andy and April as a couple. 185 00:07:06,699 --> 00:07:08,564 I want them to stay together forever. 186 00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:11,102 But relationships need planning. 187 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:14,105 You just can't jump into something without thinking. 188 00:07:14,173 --> 00:07:17,404 It took me four years to find the right hairdresser, 189 00:07:17,476 --> 00:07:19,967 and we still fight all the time! 190 00:07:20,046 --> 00:07:21,911 Andy and April are gonna surprise people 191 00:07:21,981 --> 00:07:23,414 with a secret ceremony. 192 00:07:23,482 --> 00:07:25,814 Whoa. Secret wedding. 193 00:07:25,885 --> 00:07:27,853 Julia Roberts pulled the same move. 194 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:30,388 Is that that toothy girl from Mystic Pizza? 195 00:07:30,456 --> 00:07:32,617 Ron, please, I need you to help me knock some sense into them. 196 00:07:32,692 --> 00:07:35,183 It's not really my place. Or yours. 197 00:07:36,929 --> 00:07:38,226 Hi. I'm Ann. 198 00:07:38,297 --> 00:07:39,559 Brian. 199 00:07:39,632 --> 00:07:41,224 What's your occupation? 200 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,200 I'm a manager at a sporting-goods store. 201 00:07:43,269 --> 00:07:44,293 No way. Me, too. 202 00:07:44,437 --> 00:07:45,495 Seriously? Which one? 203 00:07:45,571 --> 00:07:49,974 No, I'm not. I was just ribbing you. 204 00:07:50,042 --> 00:07:51,304 What are you drinking? 205 00:07:51,444 --> 00:07:52,706 Yeah. 206 00:07:52,778 --> 00:07:53,904 What? 207 00:07:54,046 --> 00:07:55,206 Oh, I don't know. 208 00:07:55,281 --> 00:07:57,044 I couldn't hear you. 209 00:07:57,116 --> 00:08:01,018 So you just laughed and said, "Yeah"? 210 00:08:01,087 --> 00:08:02,611 Yeah. Excuse us. 211 00:08:04,056 --> 00:08:05,853 That was the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. 212 00:08:05,925 --> 00:08:07,392 Did you grow up in the woods? 213 00:08:07,460 --> 00:08:09,587 Are you Nell from the movie Nell? 214 00:08:09,662 --> 00:08:10,924 I told you I'm rusty. 215 00:08:12,264 --> 00:08:13,822 All right, come with me. 216 00:08:13,899 --> 00:08:15,389 Hey, Andy. Yeah. 217 00:08:15,468 --> 00:08:17,902 I know what's going down, and I'm so happy for you guys. 218 00:08:17,970 --> 00:08:19,232 Thank you, Tom. 219 00:08:19,305 --> 00:08:20,704 Hey, something just occurred to me. 220 00:08:20,773 --> 00:08:21,865 Can I be your best man? 221 00:08:22,008 --> 00:08:23,100 Yeah, dude, totally. 222 00:08:23,175 --> 00:08:24,972 Thank you. My best man. 223 00:08:25,044 --> 00:08:26,102 Best man! 224 00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:28,476 One of my life goals is to be a best man. 225 00:08:28,547 --> 00:08:29,673 It's a baller position. 226 00:08:30,483 --> 00:08:31,950 You get drunk. You make speeches. 227 00:08:32,018 --> 00:08:34,987 And you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, 228 00:08:35,054 --> 00:08:37,249 usually standing, from behind. 229 00:08:37,323 --> 00:08:39,587 Look, I know that I cannot tell you what to do. 230 00:08:39,659 --> 00:08:41,126 I know it doesn't work, 231 00:08:41,193 --> 00:08:43,593 from all the times I've tried to tell you what to do before. 232 00:08:43,663 --> 00:08:44,925 But you know what would be fun? 233 00:08:44,997 --> 00:08:47,363 Maybe we should make a pros and cons list. 234 00:08:47,433 --> 00:08:49,458 Let me take you home, and then we'll go do that together. 235 00:08:49,535 --> 00:08:50,524 It'll be a blast. 236 00:08:50,603 --> 00:08:51,968 Leslie, relax. 237 00:08:52,104 --> 00:08:53,469 You relax. 238 00:08:53,539 --> 00:08:55,905 You relax all the way home and get into bed. 239 00:08:55,975 --> 00:08:57,135 You need to go to bed. 240 00:08:57,276 --> 00:08:58,436 April. 241 00:08:58,511 --> 00:08:59,944 Girl talk. 242 00:09:00,012 --> 00:09:02,446 Hey, what's your middle name? 243 00:09:02,515 --> 00:09:04,415 The justice of the peace lady needs to know. 244 00:09:04,483 --> 00:09:06,144 You don't know each other's middle names? 245 00:09:06,218 --> 00:09:08,709 I don't wanna say it out loud. 246 00:09:09,955 --> 00:09:10,979 - Ew. - Shut up. 247 00:09:12,491 --> 00:09:13,515 Roberta! 248 00:09:13,592 --> 00:09:14,581 Such a loser. 249 00:09:14,660 --> 00:09:16,059 Can't believe I'm marrying him. 250 00:09:16,162 --> 00:09:17,561 You don't have to. 251 00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:20,098 I'm going to. And then I'm gonna divorce him. 252 00:09:20,166 --> 00:09:22,634 Then I'm gonna marry him again. 253 00:09:22,702 --> 00:09:26,297 One time, I fell madly in love with a Civil War reenactor 254 00:09:26,372 --> 00:09:27,999 that I had only known for six hours. 255 00:09:28,074 --> 00:09:30,099 And then I found out he wore those clothes 256 00:09:30,176 --> 00:09:31,803 all the time. 257 00:09:31,877 --> 00:09:32,969 And he was married. 258 00:09:33,045 --> 00:09:35,707 But the clothes thing really bothered me. 259 00:09:36,982 --> 00:09:38,813 You always wanna scribble the name. 260 00:09:38,884 --> 00:09:41,512 Make 'em read. Draw them in. 261 00:09:41,587 --> 00:09:42,611 Make 'em work for it. 262 00:09:42,755 --> 00:09:43,813 Right. 263 00:09:43,889 --> 00:09:45,322 Two shots of Jameson. 264 00:09:45,391 --> 00:09:48,087 Don't make too much eye contact. 265 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,095 You wanna seem available, but not too available. 266 00:09:51,163 --> 00:09:52,892 Oh, thanks. I think I'm good for now. 267 00:09:52,965 --> 00:09:53,954 I'm not gonna... 268 00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:55,022 Yeah. 269 00:09:57,269 --> 00:09:59,703 All right. Let's do this. 270 00:10:01,674 --> 00:10:06,168 Ron, you are so amazing with me and April, stuff. 271 00:10:07,113 --> 00:10:08,876 I love you, man. 272 00:10:08,948 --> 00:10:10,210 Would you be one of my best men? 273 00:10:11,016 --> 00:10:14,144 I'd be honored to, son. 274 00:10:14,220 --> 00:10:16,950 Chris, you helped me get April back. 275 00:10:17,022 --> 00:10:18,785 Would you be my best man? 276 00:10:18,858 --> 00:10:22,294 Nothing else in my entire life 277 00:10:22,361 --> 00:10:24,693 would make me happier as long as I live. 278 00:10:24,764 --> 00:10:25,890 Jerry. 279 00:10:26,565 --> 00:10:29,557 I'm so glad you made it. This shirt is hilarious. 280 00:10:29,635 --> 00:10:33,002 Derek and Ben, will you be my best men? 281 00:10:33,072 --> 00:10:35,666 Got a little competition for the best man, huh? 282 00:10:35,741 --> 00:10:38,073 Well, you know what the best best man does. 283 00:10:38,144 --> 00:10:39,975 Excuse me! 284 00:10:40,346 --> 00:10:41,836 Are there any strippers here? 285 00:10:42,748 --> 00:10:44,477 Former strippers? 286 00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:46,814 Non-dancers but you're feeling a little bit drunk? 287 00:10:46,886 --> 00:10:48,217 What are you doing? 288 00:10:48,287 --> 00:10:50,278 I'm throwing Andy an impromptu bachelor party. 289 00:10:50,356 --> 00:10:51,914 It's my duty as best man. 290 00:10:51,991 --> 00:10:53,481 The wedding's in four minutes. 291 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:54,958 It's that kind of negative thinking 292 00:10:55,027 --> 00:10:57,552 that makes you a less good best man. 293 00:10:57,630 --> 00:10:59,097 Hello? 294 00:10:59,165 --> 00:11:00,189 Hi, Ann, it's Leslie, 295 00:11:00,266 --> 00:11:01,961 Leslie Knope from the Parks Department. 296 00:11:02,034 --> 00:11:03,831 Yeah, I know. Where are you? 297 00:11:03,903 --> 00:11:05,632 April and Andy are getting married tonight. 298 00:11:05,704 --> 00:11:07,535 What? Yeah, I know. 299 00:11:07,606 --> 00:11:08,971 I need you to get down here, Ann. 300 00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:12,636 I need you to kiss him again or kiss her or kiss somebody. 301 00:11:12,711 --> 00:11:15,441 I don't know, Ann! Help me, please! 302 00:11:15,514 --> 00:11:17,505 Relationships are like scuba diving. 303 00:11:17,583 --> 00:11:20,518 If you come up too fast, you get the bends. 304 00:11:20,586 --> 00:11:21,848 And the reason why I know this 305 00:11:21,921 --> 00:11:23,252 is because I was dating a guy once, 306 00:11:23,322 --> 00:11:24,414 and we were scuba diving, 307 00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:25,889 and I told him that I loved him underwater, 308 00:11:25,958 --> 00:11:28,483 and he shot up really fast, and he got the bends. 309 00:11:28,561 --> 00:11:32,497 No, Orin, I don't know how I'm going to die. 310 00:11:32,565 --> 00:11:34,897 Wait. Are you asking me or telling me? 311 00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:36,161 Hey, can I talk to you for a second? 312 00:11:36,235 --> 00:11:37,293 Yes, please. 313 00:11:37,369 --> 00:11:39,360 April and Andy are about to get married. 314 00:11:39,438 --> 00:11:43,534 Wow. My Brita filter's older than their relationship. 315 00:11:43,609 --> 00:11:45,474 Wait a second. Should I change my Brita filter? 316 00:11:45,544 --> 00:11:47,569 I don't know. It depends on how frequently you use it. 317 00:11:47,646 --> 00:11:49,580 True. Stay focused, okay? Please. 318 00:11:49,648 --> 00:11:52,139 The point is two boneheads, whom I love dearly, 319 00:11:52,218 --> 00:11:53,708 are about to sacrifice their future 320 00:11:53,786 --> 00:11:54,878 'cause they haven't thought this thing through. 321 00:11:54,954 --> 00:11:56,649 And nobody seems concerned about this. 322 00:11:56,722 --> 00:11:57,780 Attention, everybody. 323 00:11:57,857 --> 00:12:02,851 Mesdames and... Missoirs. 324 00:12:02,962 --> 00:12:08,229 If you would do me the obligation of having your honor, 325 00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:14,029 heretofore, in the room doth right over there, hence. 326 00:12:14,173 --> 00:12:15,231 What? 327 00:12:15,307 --> 00:12:17,241 Big event in that room, 15 minutes. 328 00:12:17,309 --> 00:12:19,140 Oh, my God. This is really happening. 329 00:12:19,211 --> 00:12:23,011 I love April and Andy. I want them to stay together. 330 00:12:23,082 --> 00:12:26,176 And that is why I have to stop their wedding. 331 00:12:27,987 --> 00:12:29,818 Hi, guys, remember how I told you 332 00:12:29,889 --> 00:12:31,652 there was going to be a surprise later? 333 00:12:31,724 --> 00:12:35,820 Well, the surprise is you are not actually at a dinner party. 334 00:12:36,896 --> 00:12:39,091 You're at our wedding. 335 00:12:42,101 --> 00:12:45,229 All right. Let's do this. 336 00:13:08,327 --> 00:13:11,319 Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today 337 00:13:11,397 --> 00:13:16,460 to marry Andrew Maxwell Dwyer and April Roberta Ludgate. 338 00:13:17,403 --> 00:13:20,634 I guess I kind of hate most things. 339 00:13:20,706 --> 00:13:23,266 But I never really seem to hate you. 340 00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:27,201 So, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. 341 00:13:27,279 --> 00:13:28,303 Is that cool? 342 00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:29,404 Yes. 343 00:13:31,083 --> 00:13:32,516 Is it my turn? Yes. 344 00:13:32,584 --> 00:13:34,643 "April, you're the most awesome person 345 00:13:34,787 --> 00:13:36,880 "I have ever known in my entire life. 346 00:13:36,956 --> 00:13:41,416 "I vow to protect you from danger. 347 00:13:41,493 --> 00:13:42,585 "I don't care if I have to fight 348 00:13:42,661 --> 00:13:46,119 "an ultimate fighter, or a bear, or him, 349 00:13:46,198 --> 00:13:48,564 "your mom... I would take 'em down." 350 00:13:48,634 --> 00:13:49,896 Andy. 351 00:13:49,969 --> 00:13:51,994 I'm getting mad right now even thinking about it. 352 00:13:52,071 --> 00:13:53,333 I'm telling you. It's okay. 353 00:13:53,405 --> 00:13:57,705 I wanna spend the rest of my life, every minute, with you. 354 00:13:57,776 --> 00:14:00,939 And I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy. 355 00:14:02,514 --> 00:14:05,608 And now the rings. 356 00:14:08,587 --> 00:14:11,920 By the power vested in me by the State of Indiana, 357 00:14:11,991 --> 00:14:15,188 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 358 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,189 Go fly away. 359 00:14:22,334 --> 00:14:23,323 Fly! 360 00:14:23,402 --> 00:14:24,494 Fly! Wings of love. 361 00:14:25,771 --> 00:14:26,931 Okay. All right. 362 00:14:27,006 --> 00:14:28,473 So that one is dead. We know that. 363 00:14:41,086 --> 00:14:43,179 You wouldn't have been able to stop it, you know. 364 00:14:43,255 --> 00:14:46,588 I could've yelled something or tackled someone. 365 00:14:46,658 --> 00:14:49,058 But you didn't, because deep down, 366 00:14:49,128 --> 00:14:50,720 you knew it wouldn't have mattered. 367 00:14:50,796 --> 00:14:52,627 Those kids are gonna do what they wanna do. 368 00:14:52,698 --> 00:14:54,325 They may have just ruined their lives 369 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:56,197 on an impulse decision. 370 00:14:56,268 --> 00:14:58,202 Leslie, I got married twice. 371 00:14:58,270 --> 00:15:00,704 Both times, I was a lot older than those two. 372 00:15:00,773 --> 00:15:04,436 And both marriages ended in divorce... 373 00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:06,137 And a burning effigy. 374 00:15:06,211 --> 00:15:08,679 Who's to say what works? 375 00:15:08,747 --> 00:15:12,012 You find somebody you like, and you roll the dice. 376 00:15:12,084 --> 00:15:13,449 That's all anybody can do. 377 00:15:14,887 --> 00:15:17,082 Wait. Weren't you married three times? 378 00:15:17,156 --> 00:15:19,681 Oh, my God, you're right. 379 00:15:22,227 --> 00:15:24,161 I get to burn another effigy. 380 00:15:24,229 --> 00:15:26,823 The key to burning an ex-wife effigy 381 00:15:26,899 --> 00:15:28,992 is to dip it in paraffin wax 382 00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:32,834 and then toss the flaming bottle of isopropyl alcohol 383 00:15:32,905 --> 00:15:34,634 from a safe distance. 384 00:15:34,706 --> 00:15:36,503 Do not stand too close 385 00:15:36,575 --> 00:15:39,203 when you light an ex-wife effigy. 386 00:15:39,278 --> 00:15:42,805 My sister is lame, but Andy's sort of cool. 387 00:15:42,881 --> 00:15:45,543 I guess I kind of see why he'd marry her. 388 00:15:45,617 --> 00:15:48,279 Also, if anyone finds my gray hoodie, I lost it. 389 00:15:48,353 --> 00:15:49,718 Thanks. 390 00:15:52,825 --> 00:15:54,224 That was beautiful. 391 00:15:54,293 --> 00:15:59,128 You two remind me of me and my husband, George. 392 00:15:59,198 --> 00:16:01,029 I gotta nail the speech. 393 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:03,568 So I brought in an expert. Jean-Ralphio. 394 00:16:03,635 --> 00:16:05,398 Can I throw something on you, see if it feels good? 395 00:16:05,471 --> 00:16:06,768 Sure. Okay, this is what I would do. 396 00:16:06,839 --> 00:16:07,965 I would start with a joke. 397 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,975 Joke, Vince Vaughn quote, obviously. 398 00:16:11,043 --> 00:16:12,305 Swingers or Crashers? 399 00:16:12,377 --> 00:16:13,605 Fred Claus. 400 00:16:13,679 --> 00:16:15,408 Talk about Andy's ex-girlfriends. 401 00:16:15,481 --> 00:16:20,077 Quote from Love Actually. Hold back your tears. Pause. 402 00:16:20,152 --> 00:16:22,985 Drop the microphone. Get out of that bitch. 403 00:16:23,122 --> 00:16:25,682 I wish you the best of luck, to both of you. 404 00:16:28,660 --> 00:16:30,594 Thank you, Grandma. 405 00:16:30,662 --> 00:16:33,426 How could anyone ever possibly top that? 406 00:16:33,499 --> 00:16:35,160 Am I right? 407 00:16:35,234 --> 00:16:37,099 So, thank you all for all the talking. 408 00:16:37,169 --> 00:16:38,932 Let's just get back to dancing, huh? 409 00:16:41,273 --> 00:16:44,709 Cool. See you around, maybe. 410 00:16:44,776 --> 00:16:46,209 That went better, right? 411 00:16:46,278 --> 00:16:47,643 Yes, it did. 412 00:16:47,713 --> 00:16:50,773 However, he proudly told me that he "beat herpes." 413 00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:53,010 I'm sorry, Donna. I'm gonna go home. 414 00:16:53,085 --> 00:16:55,280 I just found out Andy's getting married. 415 00:16:55,354 --> 00:16:56,981 So? 416 00:16:57,055 --> 00:16:58,613 So that's my ex-boyfriend. 417 00:16:58,690 --> 00:17:00,214 We were together for a really long time. 418 00:17:00,292 --> 00:17:01,520 All right. 419 00:17:01,593 --> 00:17:02,753 What? 420 00:17:02,828 --> 00:17:06,457 What? Listen, you are a hot, young doctor. 421 00:17:06,532 --> 00:17:07,521 I'm a nurse, actually. 422 00:17:07,599 --> 00:17:08,588 Okay, I don't know you. 423 00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:10,828 But I do know that you can fix your attitude. 424 00:17:10,903 --> 00:17:12,564 Do you wanna go home and feel sorry for yourself 425 00:17:12,638 --> 00:17:14,071 about a man you didn't wanna marry? 426 00:17:14,139 --> 00:17:15,663 Or do you wanna go talk to that cute boy, 427 00:17:15,741 --> 00:17:18,175 who has been looking at you, and give him your number 428 00:17:18,243 --> 00:17:21,007 before I throw him in my Benz for myself? 429 00:17:22,381 --> 00:17:23,541 All right. 430 00:17:25,651 --> 00:17:29,143 I just wanna thank my family, my friends, 431 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:33,590 most importantly, my best best man, Mr. Tom Haverford. 432 00:17:34,893 --> 00:17:36,155 Oh! Coolest guy I know. 433 00:17:36,228 --> 00:17:38,093 And, ladies, he's single, I think. 434 00:17:38,163 --> 00:17:39,357 You're not still married, are you? 435 00:17:39,431 --> 00:17:40,955 No. 436 00:17:41,099 --> 00:17:42,657 But you... You're straight? 437 00:17:42,734 --> 00:17:44,634 Yes. Jean-Ralphio's just a friend? 438 00:17:44,703 --> 00:17:46,500 Yeah. Yeah! 439 00:17:46,572 --> 00:17:49,439 Anyways, oh, my God, I'm married! 440 00:17:50,475 --> 00:17:53,171 This is crazy. What happened? 441 00:17:53,245 --> 00:17:56,214 But, seriously, life is short, right? 442 00:17:57,216 --> 00:18:00,982 Uh, just... I really think you should just do whatever makes you happy. 443 00:18:01,053 --> 00:18:03,613 That's what April and I did. 444 00:18:03,689 --> 00:18:05,213 We are in love. 445 00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:07,451 So we didn't overthink it. 446 00:18:07,526 --> 00:18:11,826 I mean, seriously, I cannot emphasize 447 00:18:11,897 --> 00:18:13,797 how little we thought about this. 448 00:18:13,865 --> 00:18:15,457 Am I right? 449 00:18:15,534 --> 00:18:19,129 All right, well, this is a song I wrote for you, 450 00:18:19,204 --> 00:18:21,866 April Roberta Ludgate. 451 00:18:21,940 --> 00:18:23,498 I love you. 452 00:18:23,575 --> 00:18:24,633 I love you. 453 00:18:25,077 --> 00:18:26,840 Yeah, yeah 454 00:18:28,413 --> 00:18:29,846 Oh, Grandma 455 00:18:29,982 --> 00:18:32,644 April, there's so little time 456 00:18:34,786 --> 00:18:37,550 The things I really want to do 457 00:18:40,559 --> 00:18:42,652 Let's fly to the sky 458 00:18:43,996 --> 00:18:45,554 It's so awesome 459 00:18:45,631 --> 00:18:47,531 Exactly. Mortality. 460 00:18:47,599 --> 00:18:49,260 See, I like to take each day at a time. 461 00:18:49,334 --> 00:18:52,701 There's nothing in the world we can't accomplish if we try. 462 00:18:52,771 --> 00:18:53,965 I have to go. 463 00:18:54,039 --> 00:18:55,165 It's been great talking to you. 464 00:18:58,210 --> 00:18:59,802 Hey. Don't worry. 465 00:18:59,878 --> 00:19:02,506 I'm not gonna say another word. This is your day. 466 00:19:02,581 --> 00:19:05,744 I just wanted to say that... 467 00:19:06,451 --> 00:19:07,748 I'm really glad you're here. 468 00:19:09,121 --> 00:19:12,022 I think you're awesome, and I love you. 469 00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:19,793 What's the deal with that hot girl, April? 470 00:19:19,865 --> 00:19:21,730 What's the deal with her? Yeah. 471 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,234 Like, is she good to go? Like, is she down to clown? 472 00:19:24,303 --> 00:19:25,998 She's married. 473 00:19:27,639 --> 00:19:29,106 She got married, like, 20 minutes ago. 474 00:19:29,174 --> 00:19:32,041 Oh, my God. That's the same girl from the thing. 475 00:19:32,110 --> 00:19:34,078 From the wedding ceremony, yeah. 476 00:19:34,146 --> 00:19:36,614 All the good ones are taken, huh, bro? 477 00:19:39,217 --> 00:19:40,514 Yeah. 478 00:19:46,325 --> 00:19:47,553 Hey. 479 00:19:49,828 --> 00:19:51,455 You should stay. 480 00:19:52,964 --> 00:19:56,092 Don't go back to Indianapolis. You should stay here. 481 00:19:56,168 --> 00:19:57,692 You think? 482 00:19:57,769 --> 00:19:59,259 Yeah. Yes. 483 00:19:59,338 --> 00:20:01,203 It's a great city here, you know? 484 00:20:01,273 --> 00:20:02,501 And there are great people. 485 00:20:02,574 --> 00:20:04,007 And you've made a lot of friends. 486 00:20:04,076 --> 00:20:05,373 And what are you gonna do? 487 00:20:05,444 --> 00:20:09,244 You gonna go back to your old job and hack up people's budgets? 488 00:20:09,314 --> 00:20:12,078 Stay here. Help us build something. 489 00:20:12,150 --> 00:20:13,583 I already accepted the job. 490 00:20:14,953 --> 00:20:16,352 I'm staying here. 491 00:20:17,622 --> 00:20:18,611 That's good. 492 00:20:18,757 --> 00:20:19,746 Yeah, I think so. 493 00:20:22,961 --> 00:20:24,155 Orin's behind me, isn't he? 494 00:20:24,229 --> 00:20:25,423 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. 495 00:20:25,497 --> 00:20:26,486 Okay. Okay. 496 00:20:26,565 --> 00:20:27,759 So just keep your eyes on me. Okay. 497 00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:29,130 Don't panic, 'cause he can smell fear. 498 00:20:29,201 --> 00:20:30,190 What do I... Just keep talking to me. 499 00:20:30,268 --> 00:20:31,326 Hi. Hi. 500 00:20:31,403 --> 00:20:32,461 How are you? Good. How are you? 501 00:20:32,537 --> 00:20:33,970 How was the wedding? Run! 502 00:20:38,276 --> 00:20:40,267 "Hey, Ann, it was great talking to you last night. 503 00:20:40,345 --> 00:20:42,336 "Hope we can get together soon." 504 00:20:42,881 --> 00:20:45,076 Okay, now you write, "Who is this?" 505 00:20:45,617 --> 00:20:47,949 Hey, you guys, we got a video from April and Andy. 506 00:20:48,019 --> 00:20:49,281 Oh. Okay. 507 00:20:49,388 --> 00:20:50,514 How you guys doing? 508 00:20:51,022 --> 00:20:52,580 Hey, we're on our honeymoon. It is awesome. 509 00:20:52,691 --> 00:20:57,060 We're at Burly's family vacation house on Lake Michigan. 510 00:20:57,162 --> 00:20:58,686 We're having so much fun. 511 00:20:58,764 --> 00:21:01,756 Except for Roberta, here, turns out, sucks at water skiing. 512 00:21:01,833 --> 00:21:03,425 Oh, my God. So bad. I'm gonna divorce you. 513 00:21:03,502 --> 00:21:05,026 Andy sucks at driving a boat. 514 00:21:05,103 --> 00:21:07,731 And I'm gonna divorce him, probably right now. 515 00:21:07,906 --> 00:21:10,568 Well, they're still together. You owe me 20 bucks.