1 00:00:07,914 --> 00:00:11,111 Hey, ladies and gentlemen, for the first time ever in her new part-time job 2 00:00:11,184 --> 00:00:14,745 in the Public Health Department at City Hall, it's Ann Meredith Perkins! Yay! 3 00:00:14,821 --> 00:00:16,755 Leslie, this is so nice! 4 00:00:16,856 --> 00:00:18,619 I put a poisonous gas in one of these balloons, 5 00:00:18,725 --> 00:00:20,750 so if any of them pops, you may die. 6 00:00:20,827 --> 00:00:23,261 No, April, we would all die. 7 00:00:23,329 --> 00:00:27,356 Gases fill the volume of whatever container they're in. 8 00:00:27,434 --> 00:00:28,594 School. 9 00:00:28,668 --> 00:00:31,034 We have activities every hour on your first day. 10 00:00:31,104 --> 00:00:33,436 10:00 am, "Ann's first day waffle explosion." 11 00:00:33,506 --> 00:00:35,974 11:00 a.m., "The start-paperwork jamboree." 12 00:00:36,042 --> 00:00:40,103 And then 12:00 noon sharp is the inaugural "D-Ann-ce Party." 13 00:00:40,780 --> 00:00:42,611 Welcome to City Hall, cupcake! 14 00:00:42,682 --> 00:00:45,173 How many of you are in here? - There's seven. 15 00:00:45,251 --> 00:00:48,311 And you have an office mate. His name is Stuart, and he's kind of a grouch. 16 00:00:48,388 --> 00:00:49,946 I have an office mate? 17 00:00:50,023 --> 00:00:52,150 Get these balloons out of here. 18 00:00:53,193 --> 00:00:54,524 Hi, I'm Ann. 19 00:01:15,048 --> 00:01:16,106 Hey. Hey. 20 00:01:16,182 --> 00:01:19,083 Just to let you know, I gave the senior center project to Donna. 21 00:01:19,152 --> 00:01:20,847 Sounds good. The meeting's at 2:00? 22 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,512 Yes. Conference room "C". 23 00:01:22,589 --> 00:01:24,523 Okay. I think at some point, 24 00:01:24,591 --> 00:01:27,185 you and I should probably make out with each other. 25 00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:28,318 Yeah, good call. 26 00:01:28,561 --> 00:01:30,586 The best part of any relationship is the beginning. 27 00:01:30,930 --> 00:01:32,522 No problems, no fights. 28 00:01:32,599 --> 00:01:35,295 Just white wine, cuddling, 29 00:01:35,368 --> 00:01:39,532 and crazy amounts of History Channel documentaries. 30 00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:42,470 Hey, we should take separate cars to the restaurant tonight. 31 00:01:42,542 --> 00:01:45,306 Chris is deadly serious about this... I know. 32 00:01:45,378 --> 00:01:48,506 I just don't wanna talk about it, okay? I'll see you tonight. 33 00:01:48,781 --> 00:01:53,946 Okay. By the way, I have a meeting with Marlene Griggs-Knope. 34 00:01:54,487 --> 00:01:56,387 Is that any relation? 35 00:01:56,756 --> 00:01:57,745 No. 36 00:01:57,824 --> 00:01:58,848 Oh, okay. 37 00:01:58,992 --> 00:02:02,120 Just a coincidence. We get it all the time. We laugh about it. 38 00:02:02,529 --> 00:02:03,689 But I've never met her. 39 00:02:03,763 --> 00:02:05,958 She's Filipino. Okay, bye. 40 00:02:08,201 --> 00:02:10,192 Why don't you just tell Ben she's your mother? 41 00:02:10,270 --> 00:02:13,364 Because Ben and I are in this amazing little bubble right now, 42 00:02:13,439 --> 00:02:15,066 and there's no room in here 43 00:02:15,175 --> 00:02:18,975 for Chris' stupid rules about us not dating or my ball-busting mother. 44 00:02:19,045 --> 00:02:21,980 Leslie, I'm sorry, but I don't think you thought this through. 45 00:02:22,048 --> 00:02:23,913 You know what I should do? I should get my mother 46 00:02:23,983 --> 00:02:25,951 a one-way ticket to London, leaving today. 47 00:02:26,019 --> 00:02:27,611 And that way, Ben never has to meet her 48 00:02:27,687 --> 00:02:30,383 and I could visit her in London. Everybody wins. 49 00:02:30,490 --> 00:02:32,924 What if he sees a picture of her on your desk? 50 00:02:33,026 --> 00:02:35,119 What if Marlene says, "Hey, have you met my daughter, Leslie? 51 00:02:35,195 --> 00:02:36,594 "She works in the Parks Department." 52 00:02:37,430 --> 00:02:39,660 Stuart, please, could you give us, like, 45 minutes? 53 00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:41,901 It's my office, too. Stuart. 54 00:02:44,137 --> 00:02:45,263 That guy was rude. 55 00:02:45,505 --> 00:02:47,405 I feel that some structural changes 56 00:02:47,473 --> 00:02:49,498 could really unlock this department's potential. 57 00:02:50,243 --> 00:02:51,437 Jerry. Mmm? 58 00:02:51,511 --> 00:02:53,706 I believe you are capable of much more. 59 00:02:54,514 --> 00:02:55,674 I'm not. Nonsense. 60 00:02:55,748 --> 00:02:57,238 Look in the mirror. Huh? 61 00:02:57,417 --> 00:03:02,116 You are an intelligent, charismatic, beautiful superhero. 62 00:03:02,188 --> 00:03:04,088 I'm making you head of Public Relations, 63 00:03:04,157 --> 00:03:06,751 which means you'll be leading the daily briefing sessions. 64 00:03:06,826 --> 00:03:07,952 Excellent idea. 65 00:03:08,027 --> 00:03:12,123 This is my favorite part about having a new city manager. 66 00:03:12,198 --> 00:03:15,395 They always try to shake things up, and their ideas are terrible, 67 00:03:15,501 --> 00:03:18,993 and it brings City Hall to a grinding halt. 68 00:03:19,072 --> 00:03:22,530 I just grab a few donuts, sit back, and enjoy the show. 69 00:03:23,042 --> 00:03:25,567 April, you are too valuable 70 00:03:25,645 --> 00:03:27,408 to just be Ron's assistant. 71 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:29,948 So from now on, you are a multitasking executive aide, 72 00:03:30,149 --> 00:03:31,616 assisting the entire office. 73 00:03:31,684 --> 00:03:33,345 Is this a nightmare? 74 00:03:33,419 --> 00:03:34,750 April, wake up. 75 00:03:35,054 --> 00:03:36,146 Tom, I just wanna say 76 00:03:36,222 --> 00:03:40,625 that you are a wonderful employee and a terrific human being. 77 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,091 Meeting adjourned! 78 00:03:42,362 --> 00:03:43,693 Tom. 79 00:03:44,430 --> 00:03:46,022 I enjoy you. 80 00:03:46,132 --> 00:03:48,464 You know what else I enjoy? Your entrepreneurial spirit. 81 00:03:48,801 --> 00:03:51,429 I did recently sell my Chronicles of Riddick DVD 82 00:03:51,504 --> 00:03:53,165 on eBay for $10. 83 00:03:53,239 --> 00:03:54,968 Used the profits to buy the Blu-ray. 84 00:03:55,041 --> 00:03:57,202 That's terrific. I have an amazing project 85 00:03:57,277 --> 00:03:58,471 for someone of your talents. 86 00:03:59,012 --> 00:04:00,274 You are going to digitize 87 00:04:00,346 --> 00:04:02,576 the entire city archives up on the fourth floor. 88 00:04:02,649 --> 00:04:05,209 No! I hate the fourth floor! Last time I was up there, 89 00:04:05,285 --> 00:04:08,550 I saw someone buy crystal meth out of a vending machine. It's a bad place. 90 00:04:08,655 --> 00:04:10,316 You won't be alone. Andy. 91 00:04:10,757 --> 00:04:13,521 Starting now, you are nobody's shoeshine boy. 92 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:17,025 Starting now, you are an administrative assistant. 93 00:04:18,097 --> 00:04:20,031 For three weeks. Then back to shoes. 94 00:04:20,099 --> 00:04:22,124 Chris! 95 00:04:22,201 --> 00:04:23,429 I wasn't super paying attention 96 00:04:23,569 --> 00:04:24,797 to what you just said that we'll be doing, 97 00:04:24,871 --> 00:04:26,304 but I will give 110 percent! 98 00:04:27,507 --> 00:04:30,601 Well, as soon as you repeat yourself in a more interesting way. 99 00:04:31,444 --> 00:04:32,536 Hey, Ben. 100 00:04:32,679 --> 00:04:33,805 Hey, what's up? 101 00:04:33,913 --> 00:04:35,744 Nothing much. Since I'm here, I just wanted to let you know 102 00:04:35,815 --> 00:04:37,339 that Marlene Griggs-Knope is my mom. 103 00:04:38,151 --> 00:04:39,948 What? Why... 104 00:04:40,019 --> 00:04:42,112 Also, she can be cruel and difficult, 105 00:04:42,188 --> 00:04:43,712 and she makes snap judgments about people 106 00:04:43,856 --> 00:04:45,380 that she holds on to for a very long time. 107 00:04:45,458 --> 00:04:46,516 And she's kind of a bully. 108 00:04:46,592 --> 00:04:48,219 Okay! Go in there, you're gonna be great. 109 00:04:48,294 --> 00:04:51,229 God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. Here. Sorry! 110 00:04:52,265 --> 00:04:53,459 Hello. 111 00:04:53,533 --> 00:04:54,830 I'm Mr. Ben Wyatt. 112 00:04:55,301 --> 00:04:57,030 Looks like you got some shirt on your coffee. 113 00:04:57,103 --> 00:04:58,900 Yeah. You know what happened? 114 00:04:58,971 --> 00:05:02,202 I spilled it, but you know how it goes. 115 00:05:03,109 --> 00:05:04,167 Fun anecdote. 116 00:05:04,610 --> 00:05:07,477 The county school district needs four new school buses. 117 00:05:07,547 --> 00:05:09,447 I'm being stonewalled by the board, 118 00:05:09,582 --> 00:05:11,516 and I'm hoping your office can help us out. 119 00:05:11,584 --> 00:05:12,846 Okay. 120 00:05:13,619 --> 00:05:15,211 Really? That's it? 121 00:05:15,288 --> 00:05:18,348 Yeah. Actually, no. It... 122 00:05:19,025 --> 00:05:20,583 It's probably not possible. 123 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,159 Then I'm confused, Ben, 124 00:05:22,628 --> 00:05:24,220 because you just told me it was. 125 00:05:24,297 --> 00:05:25,457 Five seconds ago. 126 00:05:26,632 --> 00:05:29,465 I got a second box of donuts, if anybody... 127 00:05:30,603 --> 00:05:32,036 What the is this? 128 00:05:32,105 --> 00:05:35,006 This, Mr. Director, is your new desk. 129 00:05:35,308 --> 00:05:36,366 Okay. 130 00:05:36,442 --> 00:05:38,034 This desk is the epitome 131 00:05:38,111 --> 00:05:40,705 of the Swedish concept of jämställdhet, 132 00:05:40,780 --> 00:05:42,407 or "equality." 133 00:05:42,482 --> 00:05:43,813 Imagine someone needs your attention. 134 00:05:43,883 --> 00:05:44,907 Somebody say my name. 135 00:05:44,984 --> 00:05:46,008 Chris. 136 00:05:46,419 --> 00:05:48,478 Swivel! What is it, Jerry? 137 00:05:48,554 --> 00:05:50,044 You told me to say your name. 138 00:05:50,123 --> 00:05:51,613 And you did a great job, superstar. 139 00:05:52,091 --> 00:05:53,251 Someone else say something. 140 00:05:53,326 --> 00:05:54,350 You look like a freak. 141 00:05:54,427 --> 00:05:55,894 Swivel! 142 00:05:55,962 --> 00:05:57,793 April, that is not a very good attitude. 143 00:05:57,864 --> 00:05:59,661 I will keep my eye on you 144 00:05:59,732 --> 00:06:01,666 from my circular desk where I can see everything. 145 00:06:01,734 --> 00:06:04,134 Tiny swivel. See how it works? 146 00:06:04,570 --> 00:06:08,097 What about my office and its many walls? 147 00:06:08,207 --> 00:06:10,641 That becomes a new public waiting room. 148 00:06:10,710 --> 00:06:12,507 And we got rid of that giant pillar 149 00:06:12,645 --> 00:06:14,476 that was in front of your door. 150 00:06:14,547 --> 00:06:15,775 I loved that pillar. 151 00:06:15,848 --> 00:06:17,873 It made it really annoying to stand in my doorway. 152 00:06:18,050 --> 00:06:20,280 Well, get over it, because it's gone. 153 00:06:20,686 --> 00:06:23,519 You're gonna be more accessible than ever. 154 00:06:27,693 --> 00:06:29,957 The fourth floor. Small claims court, 155 00:06:30,029 --> 00:06:32,395 divorce filings, state-ordered drug tests. 156 00:06:32,765 --> 00:06:35,165 It's somehow both freezing and humid. 157 00:06:35,234 --> 00:06:37,065 There's a whole room on the fourth floor 158 00:06:37,203 --> 00:06:39,137 where they store the knives they've confiscated from people 159 00:06:39,205 --> 00:06:41,332 who went to the fourth floor to stab someone. 160 00:06:43,242 --> 00:06:45,142 You from Parks and Rec? Yeah. 161 00:06:45,211 --> 00:06:47,202 I'm here to show you around. 162 00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:49,411 Nice to meet you, ma'am. What's your name? 163 00:06:49,482 --> 00:06:52,451 Ethel Beavers. Follow me. 164 00:06:53,386 --> 00:06:55,616 Okay, this is you. 165 00:06:56,255 --> 00:06:57,517 Oh, wow! 166 00:06:57,824 --> 00:06:59,951 Double computers? 167 00:07:00,426 --> 00:07:01,984 I get my own office phone. 168 00:07:02,061 --> 00:07:03,289 Hello, Wall Street. 169 00:07:03,362 --> 00:07:05,523 Buy more stocks. Now. 170 00:07:05,598 --> 00:07:06,929 This phone kind of smells like a butt. 171 00:07:06,999 --> 00:07:08,626 Try not to move things around. 172 00:07:08,701 --> 00:07:12,068 Because technically speaking, this is still a crime scene. 173 00:07:12,138 --> 00:07:13,730 Here's your name tags. 174 00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:15,632 Here. 175 00:07:16,442 --> 00:07:18,034 Ethel, this shirt is from Theory. 176 00:07:18,110 --> 00:07:20,044 Name tags make holes. I'm not wearing this. 177 00:07:20,179 --> 00:07:21,669 Do what you want. 178 00:07:23,282 --> 00:07:25,045 Bye, Ethel! Damn it. 179 00:07:25,351 --> 00:07:28,115 Remind me next time to ask her where she was when Lincoln got shot. 180 00:07:28,187 --> 00:07:31,782 "Remind... Tom... Ask... Something." 181 00:07:32,158 --> 00:07:33,352 You got it, boss. 182 00:07:33,693 --> 00:07:36,025 Hey! Somebody made somebody a mix! 183 00:07:36,095 --> 00:07:37,892 And I definitely heard your feedback from last time, 184 00:07:37,964 --> 00:07:40,956 so I only put five Sarah McLachlan songs on this one. 185 00:07:41,033 --> 00:07:43,797 Cool. Should we talk about how you claimed your mom 186 00:07:43,870 --> 00:07:45,770 was a Filipino woman you'd never met? 187 00:07:45,838 --> 00:07:46,930 Should we? 188 00:07:48,674 --> 00:07:50,699 I was just trying to delay the inevitable. 189 00:07:50,977 --> 00:07:53,172 If this turns into something real, 190 00:07:53,246 --> 00:07:55,578 then we are gonna have to deal with Chris' rule, 191 00:07:55,681 --> 00:07:58,707 and parents, and annoying flossing habits, 192 00:07:58,784 --> 00:08:00,411 and a lot of un-fun stuff. 193 00:08:00,486 --> 00:08:02,181 But not yet. 194 00:08:02,255 --> 00:08:04,951 I just want to enjoy the bubble for a little while. 195 00:08:06,225 --> 00:08:07,249 I'm sorry. 196 00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:09,692 Everything's good? No, it's not. 197 00:08:09,762 --> 00:08:12,697 I was completely flustered. I came off like an idiot. 198 00:08:12,965 --> 00:08:14,364 I mean, at one point, for no reason, 199 00:08:14,433 --> 00:08:16,867 I just took off my shoes and held them in my hand. 200 00:08:16,969 --> 00:08:20,132 I'm gonna go ask her how it went, and I bet she loved you. 201 00:08:21,307 --> 00:08:22,899 I loved him! 202 00:08:23,309 --> 00:08:26,335 He's a total pushover. 203 00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:28,471 Very odd guy, though. 204 00:08:28,548 --> 00:08:31,813 He's like a goofy, spineless jellyfish. 205 00:08:33,319 --> 00:08:34,786 Why do you ask, sweetheart? 206 00:08:35,488 --> 00:08:36,785 No reason. 207 00:08:38,558 --> 00:08:40,355 Don't worry about it. It's totally fine. 208 00:08:40,426 --> 00:08:41,688 No, it's not fine. 209 00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:44,423 What if she starts going around telling people I'm a pushover? 210 00:08:44,497 --> 00:08:45,691 No one's gonna believe that. 211 00:08:45,765 --> 00:08:48,632 When I first met you, I thought you were a fascist hard-ass. 212 00:08:48,701 --> 00:08:50,726 What? A cute fascist hard-ass, 213 00:08:50,803 --> 00:08:53,033 but still, you give off a very... 214 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,975 Education Department now officially requesting 10 school buses. 215 00:08:57,777 --> 00:08:59,540 I thought they only wanted four. 216 00:08:59,612 --> 00:09:02,809 Well, now that I'm a pushover, why not ask for 10, or 20, 217 00:09:02,882 --> 00:09:05,851 or 100 new school buses and a fleet of school yachts? 218 00:09:05,918 --> 00:09:08,011 How about that? Here's what we're gonna do. 219 00:09:08,588 --> 00:09:11,648 You are gonna tell me everything there is to know about your mom. 220 00:09:11,724 --> 00:09:13,385 And I'm gonna have another meeting with her, 221 00:09:13,459 --> 00:09:14,517 and we're gonna have it out. 222 00:09:14,594 --> 00:09:16,619 Or we could go to Belize 223 00:09:16,696 --> 00:09:18,994 and go scuba diving. And we could look at the whale sharks. 224 00:09:19,065 --> 00:09:20,930 You're certified, right? Let's get you certified. 225 00:09:25,338 --> 00:09:28,034 April, do you have that usage report that I asked for? 226 00:09:31,877 --> 00:09:33,071 Anything for you, Jerry. 227 00:09:33,212 --> 00:09:34,440 Thank you. 228 00:09:34,547 --> 00:09:36,947 Oh, come on. Why? 229 00:09:37,383 --> 00:09:39,317 Excuse me. 230 00:09:39,385 --> 00:09:43,014 There's a sign at Ramsett Park that says "Do not drink the sprinkler water," 231 00:09:43,122 --> 00:09:46,683 so I made sun tea with it, and now I have an infection. 232 00:09:46,792 --> 00:09:48,259 Sir? 233 00:09:48,527 --> 00:09:51,655 Sir, are... Are you listening to me, sir? 234 00:09:51,731 --> 00:09:54,199 Sir, I'm talking to you! 235 00:09:54,266 --> 00:09:55,597 Sir! 236 00:09:55,668 --> 00:09:57,693 Sir, are you aware 237 00:09:57,770 --> 00:10:01,968 that there is waste in your water system? 238 00:10:02,041 --> 00:10:04,874 Okay, you need to be strong, powerful, decisive. 239 00:10:04,944 --> 00:10:06,969 This is not a meeting. It's a battle. 240 00:10:07,046 --> 00:10:09,014 Normal meeting rules do not apply. 241 00:10:09,081 --> 00:10:11,914 I'll be my mom and I'm gonna be very harsh with you, 242 00:10:12,018 --> 00:10:13,246 and it's only because I like you a lot. 243 00:10:14,020 --> 00:10:15,180 Okay. Go! 244 00:10:18,290 --> 00:10:19,382 Hello. Wrong. 245 00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,449 What? No preambles. No introductions. 246 00:10:21,527 --> 00:10:22,926 Just walk in and start talking. 247 00:10:23,529 --> 00:10:25,463 I'd like to discuss the new school bus. 248 00:10:25,531 --> 00:10:28,989 I'd like to discuss your rhyming, Dr. Seuss. 249 00:10:29,301 --> 00:10:31,235 And you should be sitting by now. What? 250 00:10:31,303 --> 00:10:32,429 Just walk in and take a seat. 251 00:10:32,638 --> 00:10:35,573 Um... "Um" is the sound in "dumb." 252 00:10:35,641 --> 00:10:36,801 That's what she says to people. 253 00:10:36,876 --> 00:10:38,503 And now you've crossed your legs like a woman. 254 00:10:38,577 --> 00:10:40,204 God! Okay, should we just start over? 255 00:10:40,279 --> 00:10:42,042 No. No, we need to put a pin in this. 256 00:10:42,114 --> 00:10:46,141 Here is a list of my mother's top 100 favorite conversation topics, 257 00:10:46,218 --> 00:10:48,516 starting with Persian rugs, ending with Daniel Craig. 258 00:10:48,587 --> 00:10:50,782 You have 10 minutes to memorize it. 259 00:10:51,023 --> 00:10:53,048 Deliverance, the movie? Mmm-hmm. 260 00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:54,285 Oh, God. 261 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:57,022 So Jerry is, like, basically my boss now, 262 00:10:57,096 --> 00:10:58,825 which I'm never gonna work for him. 263 00:10:58,898 --> 00:11:01,162 Ron's trapped in this weird desk prison, 264 00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:04,430 and I now work at this traveling IV station. 265 00:11:04,503 --> 00:11:06,266 This Mort Jansen's office? 266 00:11:06,472 --> 00:11:07,530 Nope. 267 00:11:16,382 --> 00:11:18,577 Tell Mort I said "Your move." 268 00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:23,955 Oh, my God. I wanna work up here 269 00:11:24,023 --> 00:11:25,285 with you guys. This is awesome. 270 00:11:25,725 --> 00:11:27,693 How many more of those stupid documents do you have to scan? 271 00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:32,161 Just this one, and all the ones in those boxes. 272 00:11:32,398 --> 00:11:34,093 I gotta get out of here pronto. 273 00:11:34,166 --> 00:11:36,691 Time to get those old ladies to do my work for me. 274 00:11:36,769 --> 00:11:40,205 How? By shining down on them with the Haverford charm ray. 275 00:11:42,908 --> 00:11:44,000 Well, well, well. 276 00:11:44,243 --> 00:11:46,006 If it isn't Ethel Beavers. 277 00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:47,943 What's up, beautiful? 278 00:11:48,013 --> 00:11:50,379 Julianne Moore just called. She wants her hair back. 279 00:11:51,784 --> 00:11:54,480 Nobody named Julien called. 280 00:11:54,553 --> 00:11:57,351 Never mind. I just need to ask you a couple of questions. 281 00:11:57,723 --> 00:12:00,817 One, can you help me out with this project we're doing? 282 00:12:01,127 --> 00:12:02,424 And, two, 283 00:12:03,062 --> 00:12:05,997 will you please invite me to your 30th birthday party? 284 00:12:08,834 --> 00:12:10,028 What are you doing? 285 00:12:10,102 --> 00:12:12,866 I'm making a test call to your phone to make sure it's working 286 00:12:12,938 --> 00:12:15,099 so you don't miss any more calls. 287 00:12:15,207 --> 00:12:16,435 You know what? Don't bother. 288 00:12:16,509 --> 00:12:18,943 Maybe I'll just find an open window and plummet to my death. 289 00:12:19,011 --> 00:12:20,376 Okay. 290 00:12:22,448 --> 00:12:24,313 This isn't gonna work. 291 00:12:25,651 --> 00:12:28,745 Okay, you did not just swivel away while I was talking to you. 292 00:12:28,821 --> 00:12:32,689 This spaceship keyboard is driving me crazy. 293 00:12:32,758 --> 00:12:36,057 I'm down to one word a minute, and the word is "perflipisklup" 294 00:12:36,128 --> 00:12:38,460 because I can't fly spaceships. 295 00:12:38,931 --> 00:12:40,592 Donna, you know as well as I do 296 00:12:40,699 --> 00:12:43,190 these city manager shakeups always peter out. 297 00:12:43,269 --> 00:12:44,429 You just have to wait. 298 00:12:44,570 --> 00:12:45,730 Usually I'm with you. 299 00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:48,501 But this is Chris Traeger, the six million dollar man. 300 00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:49,666 He won't quit. 301 00:12:49,742 --> 00:12:51,903 So you need to swivel your ass down to his office 302 00:12:51,977 --> 00:12:53,501 and have a word with him. 303 00:12:54,413 --> 00:12:55,937 Mommy. Oh! 304 00:12:56,749 --> 00:13:00,583 That is so thoughtful of you. 305 00:13:00,653 --> 00:13:02,018 Of course! 306 00:13:02,087 --> 00:13:06,353 I just figured, hey, why not put my mother in a good mood? 307 00:13:06,725 --> 00:13:10,183 So, it's my understanding that despite what I said in our meeting, 308 00:13:10,262 --> 00:13:13,698 you have somehow increased your request for more school buses. 309 00:13:14,567 --> 00:13:16,797 Excuse me, but I'm having coffee with my daughter. 310 00:13:16,869 --> 00:13:18,393 Maybe we could do this another time. 311 00:13:18,470 --> 00:13:20,597 No, we're gonna talk about this now. 312 00:13:21,540 --> 00:13:22,598 Or if you'd prefer, 313 00:13:22,675 --> 00:13:24,836 I could put a permanent freeze on the education budget. 314 00:13:24,910 --> 00:13:26,502 It's your call. 315 00:13:26,612 --> 00:13:30,844 Wow, maybe you should talk to him, Mom. He seems pretty self-assured. 316 00:13:32,251 --> 00:13:33,548 There's nothing left. 317 00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:34,977 It's over. 318 00:13:35,054 --> 00:13:37,420 Hey, hey, hey, don't say that. Now, come on. 319 00:13:38,524 --> 00:13:39,855 Get yourself together 320 00:13:39,959 --> 00:13:43,861 and go out there and be the woman you always knew you could be. 321 00:13:44,396 --> 00:13:46,057 Thank you so much. 322 00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:49,489 Who was that? 323 00:13:49,635 --> 00:13:50,624 I don't know. 324 00:13:50,703 --> 00:13:53,137 I saw her crying, and so I helped. 325 00:13:54,273 --> 00:13:55,570 What did you wanna talk to me about? 326 00:13:55,641 --> 00:13:57,575 Look, Chris, I'm very flattered 327 00:13:57,643 --> 00:13:59,736 you thought of me for this amazing opportunity, 328 00:13:59,812 --> 00:14:02,872 but I don't really know if this gig is in my wheelhouse. 329 00:14:02,948 --> 00:14:05,041 I tend to work best with young, attractive people. 330 00:14:05,117 --> 00:14:07,779 Tom, I have made you a project leader. 331 00:14:07,853 --> 00:14:09,047 This is a big deal! 332 00:14:09,121 --> 00:14:10,520 You should keep an open mind. 333 00:14:10,589 --> 00:14:13,581 Let your brain unlock the door to your heart's future. 334 00:14:13,993 --> 00:14:15,790 I made that expression up when I was 14. 335 00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:18,762 Still in use today. By me. Gotta jam. 336 00:14:20,199 --> 00:14:21,928 You know what? It's just not possible. 337 00:14:22,001 --> 00:14:23,798 And don't even bother trying to outflank me either, 338 00:14:23,869 --> 00:14:24,995 because you will fail. 339 00:14:25,304 --> 00:14:27,397 Where did all this confidence come from all of a sudden? 340 00:14:27,473 --> 00:14:28,770 Hey, guys, come on. Let's relax. 341 00:14:28,874 --> 00:14:30,842 You know, Ms. Griggs-Knope... Marlene. 342 00:14:30,910 --> 00:14:32,434 There's probably a compromise here. 343 00:14:32,511 --> 00:14:34,376 Compromise is usually a sign of weakness. 344 00:14:34,446 --> 00:14:36,539 Yes, it is, according to Andrew Carnegie. 345 00:14:36,882 --> 00:14:38,850 But your demands remind me of a different quote, 346 00:14:38,918 --> 00:14:40,408 from the great Bill Watterson. 347 00:14:41,186 --> 00:14:43,848 "You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw." 348 00:14:44,857 --> 00:14:47,348 I love Calvin and Hobbes. Me, too! 349 00:14:49,561 --> 00:14:52,155 I gotta say, this is some of my best work. 350 00:14:52,231 --> 00:14:54,256 This could not have gone better. 351 00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:56,130 They are really hitting it off. 352 00:14:56,235 --> 00:14:58,601 Thank God. Crisis averted. 353 00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:03,870 Well, I am very glad you came back up here. 354 00:15:05,511 --> 00:15:06,603 Yeah, me too. 355 00:15:06,679 --> 00:15:08,271 Yeah... So you have a deal. 356 00:15:08,380 --> 00:15:09,972 Well, let me mull everything over, 357 00:15:10,049 --> 00:15:12,950 and then we can reconnect and hash things out. 358 00:15:13,519 --> 00:15:16,249 It might get rough, but that can be fun. 359 00:15:16,322 --> 00:15:18,187 Ben can handle it. Yep, I can. 360 00:15:18,257 --> 00:15:19,724 Okay, great. 361 00:15:19,792 --> 00:15:21,953 It was a pleasure. Oh! Mmm-hmm. 362 00:15:24,530 --> 00:15:26,020 What's so great is, she was impressed by you, too. 363 00:15:26,098 --> 00:15:27,190 I mean, you could tell instantly. 364 00:15:27,266 --> 00:15:29,166 The way you guys were connecting was really amazing. 365 00:15:29,234 --> 00:15:30,326 Now, what I'm thinking is that maybe 366 00:15:30,469 --> 00:15:31,561 we should go over to her house... 367 00:15:32,204 --> 00:15:35,469 You two are just the cutest things on four legs! 368 00:15:35,541 --> 00:15:37,304 But why so much black? 369 00:15:37,376 --> 00:15:38,900 It's like you're going to a funeral. 370 00:15:39,111 --> 00:15:40,373 She's got a point, babe. 371 00:15:40,512 --> 00:15:41,809 So, marry her then. 372 00:15:42,047 --> 00:15:43,207 I wish! 373 00:15:43,782 --> 00:15:45,841 Hey, sorry to interrupt the love fest, 374 00:15:45,918 --> 00:15:47,647 but can you hand me that folder there, please, Ethel? 375 00:15:49,021 --> 00:15:50,045 Oh, great. 376 00:15:50,122 --> 00:15:51,487 Why you gotta be like that, Ethel? 377 00:15:51,557 --> 00:15:54,219 Looks like someone got up on the wrong side of the crib. 378 00:15:55,661 --> 00:15:56,889 Stop laughing, Muriel. 379 00:15:58,163 --> 00:15:59,528 Stop it! 380 00:16:00,165 --> 00:16:01,496 I gotta say, I'm a genius. 381 00:16:01,567 --> 00:16:03,762 The only thing my mom loves more than music boxes 382 00:16:03,836 --> 00:16:05,360 is McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy. 383 00:16:05,437 --> 00:16:09,203 So, I made her a McSteamy-style music box, 384 00:16:09,274 --> 00:16:11,834 and I thought maybe you could give it to her. She would love you for it. 385 00:16:11,910 --> 00:16:14,037 I think maybe that's not such a good idea. 386 00:16:14,146 --> 00:16:17,138 Why? I mean, it's not the best picture of him, but... 387 00:16:17,483 --> 00:16:19,246 Your mom kind of, 388 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:22,309 um, 389 00:16:23,088 --> 00:16:24,749 made a pass at me. 390 00:16:27,393 --> 00:16:29,486 So, Webster's dictionary 391 00:16:29,661 --> 00:16:31,629 describes a pork as a... 392 00:16:31,764 --> 00:16:33,664 No, it's park... Park. 393 00:16:34,199 --> 00:16:36,292 I'm sorry. Geez, okay. So... 394 00:16:37,269 --> 00:16:39,100 You know what, can we start over? 395 00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:40,570 Let's... Let's go from the first thing. 396 00:16:40,639 --> 00:16:42,903 I said, pork, which... By the way, 397 00:16:42,975 --> 00:16:45,569 they have a great pork sandwich in the cafeteria today. 398 00:16:45,811 --> 00:16:47,711 Ron Swanson. Chris. 399 00:16:47,780 --> 00:16:52,342 You have come up with a plan so spectacularly horrible 400 00:16:52,418 --> 00:16:54,409 that it might ruin the entire department. 401 00:16:54,486 --> 00:16:56,852 Now, wait a minute. I mean that as a compliment. 402 00:16:57,289 --> 00:16:58,722 So, it pains me to say this. 403 00:16:59,391 --> 00:17:01,621 My department has to go back to the way it was. 404 00:17:01,693 --> 00:17:03,183 Give them time. They'll adjust. 405 00:17:03,262 --> 00:17:05,594 No, they won't. They're miserable. 406 00:17:06,532 --> 00:17:09,160 Tom only performs when there's someone to impress, 407 00:17:09,268 --> 00:17:12,601 so marooning him on Freak Island isn't helping anyone. 408 00:17:12,671 --> 00:17:16,437 And you made April assistant to everyone? You know who April hates? 409 00:17:17,509 --> 00:17:19,170 Everyone. 410 00:17:19,244 --> 00:17:21,974 And Jerry can only function if no one's looking. 411 00:17:22,047 --> 00:17:23,173 You shine a light on him, 412 00:17:23,248 --> 00:17:25,944 and he shrinks up faster than an Eskimo's scrotum. 413 00:17:26,051 --> 00:17:27,575 Well, that's very perceptive, Ron. 414 00:17:27,653 --> 00:17:29,450 And, very graphic. 415 00:17:29,888 --> 00:17:30,946 I understand your point, 416 00:17:31,023 --> 00:17:33,491 but there's no way that I can just roll over on this. 417 00:17:35,761 --> 00:17:37,820 Okay. 418 00:17:37,896 --> 00:17:41,024 You won't ever hear me say this again, so savor this moment. 419 00:17:43,702 --> 00:17:45,863 I may have a compromise. 420 00:17:45,938 --> 00:17:47,929 Look, she was just flirting a little. 421 00:17:48,006 --> 00:17:50,406 I'm sure she's not really interested in me. 422 00:17:50,476 --> 00:17:52,535 Oh, my God. I can't even have this conversation. 423 00:17:52,611 --> 00:17:53,942 The whole thing is screwed up now. 424 00:17:54,546 --> 00:17:56,309 There's so many ways to destroy a bubble, 425 00:17:56,381 --> 00:17:59,714 but my mom flirting with you is number one on the list. 426 00:18:00,052 --> 00:18:01,952 And I'm sorry, I have to say this, 427 00:18:02,054 --> 00:18:03,851 were you asking for it in any way? 428 00:18:04,256 --> 00:18:05,314 No! 429 00:18:05,390 --> 00:18:06,857 How were you dressed? Oh, my God. 430 00:18:06,925 --> 00:18:08,654 I was wearing this. Here's what we do. 431 00:18:08,727 --> 00:18:10,490 You issue a government-wide memo 432 00:18:10,562 --> 00:18:12,427 about sexual harassment, and then you go to Mexico. 433 00:18:12,865 --> 00:18:14,696 Just for a couple of weeks. 434 00:18:14,833 --> 00:18:16,824 Where are you going? Ben! 435 00:18:17,302 --> 00:18:19,031 Ben! Wait. Just... Hey... 436 00:18:20,339 --> 00:18:21,431 Hi, Mom. 437 00:18:21,507 --> 00:18:23,475 Hi again. Leslie and I are dating. 438 00:18:24,176 --> 00:18:25,200 We haven't told anyone 439 00:18:25,277 --> 00:18:27,643 because there's a rule against office relationships. 440 00:18:27,713 --> 00:18:29,237 But it's happening. 441 00:18:29,314 --> 00:18:31,714 I'm sorry we didn't tell you before you touched my knee, 442 00:18:31,783 --> 00:18:33,512 and I trust you won't tell anyone now 443 00:18:33,652 --> 00:18:35,381 since it could get your daughter fired. 444 00:18:42,561 --> 00:18:44,825 That is hilarious. 445 00:18:45,564 --> 00:18:47,429 That's what we thought, too. 446 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,394 Well... 447 00:18:51,603 --> 00:18:52,627 Four buses. 448 00:18:52,838 --> 00:18:54,271 Two. Deal. 449 00:18:59,778 --> 00:19:01,109 I like this one. 450 00:19:01,747 --> 00:19:02,941 Me, too. 451 00:19:03,415 --> 00:19:05,542 You keep your hands off him. 452 00:19:06,451 --> 00:19:08,851 Margaret's pecan squares. 453 00:19:09,454 --> 00:19:11,684 They are like crack. I brought you one. 454 00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:13,223 How are you so happy working here? 455 00:19:13,392 --> 00:19:15,917 I don't know, man. It's not that bad. A year ago, I lived in a pit. 456 00:19:15,994 --> 00:19:18,929 Now I got a job, and a kickass wife. 457 00:19:18,997 --> 00:19:21,261 And my band is so good, 458 00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:23,597 and are you gonna eat that pecan square? 459 00:19:27,906 --> 00:19:31,933 When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. 460 00:19:32,444 --> 00:19:34,912 I read that once on a can of lemonade. 461 00:19:34,980 --> 00:19:37,175 But I like to think that it applies to life. 462 00:19:38,483 --> 00:19:39,973 I don't want lemonade. 463 00:19:40,152 --> 00:19:42,552 It's too sweet and it makes my tongue feel gritty. 464 00:19:42,654 --> 00:19:44,383 So maybe it's time for a change. 465 00:19:44,690 --> 00:19:46,920 Starting now, when life gives me lemons, 466 00:19:47,125 --> 00:19:48,854 I'm gonna slice them up into wedges 467 00:19:49,127 --> 00:19:51,061 and throw them into vodka tonics, 468 00:19:51,129 --> 00:19:53,927 which I will then sip in a burlesque nightclub 469 00:19:53,999 --> 00:19:58,368 that I co-own with actor Taye Diggs and two of the Pussycat Dolls. 470 00:20:01,373 --> 00:20:02,533 Here you go. 471 00:20:02,608 --> 00:20:04,075 Thank you. 472 00:20:09,615 --> 00:20:11,583 Kind of figured you'd be back in your office by now. 473 00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:14,148 Well, you know how new city managers are. 474 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,847 Seems like everyone else is back to normal. 475 00:20:18,323 --> 00:20:20,348 How long do you have to do this? A week. 476 00:20:22,094 --> 00:20:24,688 Citizen request. Swivel, swivel, swivel. 477 00:20:24,763 --> 00:20:27,527 Hello. I can help you in here, sir. 478 00:20:33,005 --> 00:20:35,496 Oh, man, you're really screwing this up. 479 00:20:35,907 --> 00:20:39,399 I'm gone for one day and this entire shoe shine stand falls apart. 480 00:20:39,478 --> 00:20:40,809 Everything I built. 481 00:20:41,213 --> 00:20:42,441 Jump up here. I'll show you how it's done. 482 00:20:43,348 --> 00:20:44,940 See, your problem is you're thinking too much. 483 00:20:46,551 --> 00:20:48,610 Wow. You're really good at this. 484 00:20:48,687 --> 00:20:50,120 Yes. I am. 485 00:20:50,188 --> 00:20:51,416 When I come back here in a few weeks, 486 00:20:51,490 --> 00:20:53,958 I don't want all my regular customers to not be here waiting for me 487 00:20:54,026 --> 00:20:55,755 because somebody screwed it up. 488 00:20:56,762 --> 00:20:57,751 Huh? 489 00:20:57,863 --> 00:20:58,887 Thanks. 490 00:20:59,031 --> 00:21:00,055 No problem. 491 00:21:00,532 --> 00:21:01,897 See you later, kid. Wow. 492 00:21:01,967 --> 00:21:03,901 What a moron.