1 00:00:00,340 --> 00:00:02,874 Ok guys, a Battle Royale is coming up. 2 00:00:02,940 --> 00:00:06,274 Every department, in one room, arguing for more money. 3 00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:08,178 Budgetary Thunder Dome. 4 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,970 So uhm, make a list of why other departments suck 5 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:13,770 and I gonna get the secret weapon. 6 00:00:13,870 --> 00:00:16,270 Our secret weapon in this budgetary battle... 7 00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:17,870 Ron. 8 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,274 Every time another department asks for more money, 9 00:00:20,309 --> 00:00:22,610 he just stares them down until they back off 10 00:00:22,645 --> 00:00:24,680 and/or wet themselves. 11 00:00:25,898 --> 00:00:29,233 Hey, who's ready to get— 12 00:00:29,268 --> 00:00:30,234 what are you doing? 13 00:00:30,269 --> 00:00:32,553 Tammy One showed up. 14 00:00:32,588 --> 00:00:35,106 I'm being audited by the IRS. 15 00:00:35,157 --> 00:00:36,557 No! 16 00:00:36,592 --> 00:00:37,742 Your worst nightmare. 17 00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,393 You know what? Screw this. 18 00:00:39,411 --> 00:00:42,497 First of all, income tax is illegal. 19 00:00:42,531 --> 00:00:45,399 Second, Tammy is a psychological mastermind. 20 00:00:45,417 --> 00:00:47,001 This is just another way for her 21 00:00:47,036 --> 00:00:49,537 to put her hand up my keister 22 00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:51,923 and control me like a puppet. 23 00:00:52,007 --> 00:00:53,274 I'd rather be locked up. 24 00:00:53,308 --> 00:00:55,643 Ron, this is a federal tax audit. 25 00:00:55,678 --> 00:00:57,345 You could go to jail. 26 00:00:57,379 --> 00:00:58,346 Jail, Ron. 27 00:00:58,380 --> 00:00:59,614 Ron, jail. 28 00:00:59,648 --> 00:01:00,815 Jail, Ron, jail. 29 00:01:00,849 --> 00:01:02,050 You could go to jail. 30 00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:03,251 Jail, jail, jail. 31 00:01:03,285 --> 00:01:04,252 Are you broken? 32 00:01:04,286 --> 00:01:05,620 Andy, April! 33 00:01:05,654 --> 00:01:06,688 What's up, boss? 34 00:01:06,722 --> 00:01:07,689 Stop yelling and being annoying. 35 00:01:07,723 --> 00:01:10,441 Grab your calculators. Settle in. 36 00:01:10,476 --> 00:01:13,527 Operation "Rescue Ron" is starting. 37 00:01:13,562 --> 00:01:15,813 Don't worry. I will think of a better name for it by tomorrow. 38 00:01:15,864 --> 00:01:16,845 Here you go. 39 00:01:16,865 --> 00:01:17,898 Calculator. 40 00:01:23,436 --> 00:01:30,036 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 41 00:01:39,054 --> 00:01:40,004 - Hey... - Hey, man. 42 00:01:40,055 --> 00:01:41,172 Ben. 43 00:01:41,223 --> 00:01:43,091 Hey, thanks for texting me to hang out. 44 00:01:43,125 --> 00:01:44,342 I've really felt like we've developed 45 00:01:44,393 --> 00:01:45,643 a cool friendship, and— 46 00:01:45,677 --> 00:01:47,261 anyway, it was just nice to have that validated. 47 00:01:47,296 --> 00:01:48,596 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 48 00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:51,566 Look, we got some documents over at Entertainment720 49 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,067 that seem really complicated. 50 00:01:53,102 --> 00:01:54,669 And I thought, maybe you could take a look at them 51 00:01:54,703 --> 00:01:58,940 because nerd stuff probably really excites you, 52 00:01:58,974 --> 00:02:00,024 because you're a nerd. 53 00:02:00,075 --> 00:02:01,542 No, of course. Yeah, no, I just— 54 00:02:01,577 --> 00:02:03,027 put on my Star Wars pajamas 55 00:02:03,078 --> 00:02:04,529 and sit in my mom's basement 56 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:05,696 and pore over some spreadsheets. 57 00:02:05,748 --> 00:02:06,697 Sounds great. 58 00:02:06,749 --> 00:02:07,999 Yeah. W-w-what'd you got? 59 00:02:08,033 --> 00:02:10,551 Something called "Break even analysis tables." 60 00:02:10,586 --> 00:02:11,552 Oh, break evens? 61 00:02:11,587 --> 00:02:12,587 Those are really fun. 62 00:02:12,621 --> 00:02:13,588 Yeah, sure. I'll take a look. 63 00:02:13,622 --> 00:02:14,589 Let's hit it. 64 00:02:14,623 --> 00:02:15,590 What you— right now? 65 00:02:15,624 --> 00:02:17,291 Uh—I have work. 66 00:02:17,326 --> 00:02:20,561 And I thought I had a friend. 67 00:02:20,596 --> 00:02:21,546 All right. 68 00:02:21,597 --> 00:02:23,464 It's almost too easy. 69 00:02:23,499 --> 00:02:24,465 I can hear you. 70 00:02:25,684 --> 00:02:27,001 I know you can, Ben. 71 00:02:27,019 --> 00:02:29,003 That's how easy it is. 72 00:02:29,037 --> 00:02:31,706 So we need to find proof of every tax deduction 73 00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:33,724 I've taken in the last five years. 74 00:02:33,776 --> 00:02:35,676 Ron, most of these aren't even receipts. 75 00:02:35,711 --> 00:02:39,030 This one says, "I bought supplies. 2007". 76 00:02:39,064 --> 00:02:41,566 You won't find any bank statements either. 77 00:02:41,617 --> 00:02:43,067 I've heavily invested in gold 78 00:02:43,118 --> 00:02:45,236 which I've buried in several different locations 79 00:02:45,287 --> 00:02:47,622 around Pawnee. 80 00:02:47,656 --> 00:02:48,923 Or have I? 81 00:02:48,957 --> 00:02:49,907 What's this? 82 00:02:49,958 --> 00:02:51,492 Some kind of lame drug deal? 83 00:02:51,527 --> 00:02:53,194 That is a gentleman's agreement. 84 00:02:53,212 --> 00:02:55,046 I made that man a dining room table 85 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,398 in exchange for 60 feet of copper pipe 86 00:02:57,432 --> 00:02:58,916 and a half pig. 87 00:02:58,967 --> 00:03:01,219 Well, looks like we have some actual receipts here. 88 00:03:01,253 --> 00:03:04,055 Same amount, every month. 140 bucks. 89 00:03:04,089 --> 00:03:05,072 What's this? 90 00:03:05,107 --> 00:03:06,107 Every 30 days, 91 00:03:06,141 --> 00:03:08,676 I buy shotgun shells and cigarettes 92 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,178 and send them home to my mom. 93 00:03:11,613 --> 00:03:12,580 That's so sweet. 94 00:03:12,614 --> 00:03:14,182 Your mom sounds kick-ass. 95 00:03:14,216 --> 00:03:16,384 My first ex-wife's name is Tammy. 96 00:03:16,418 --> 00:03:19,887 My second ex-wife's name is Tammy. 97 00:03:19,922 --> 00:03:24,926 My mom's name is Tamara. 98 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,527 She goes by Tammy. 99 00:03:26,562 --> 00:03:30,364 You can prevent adult-onset diabetes 100 00:03:30,399 --> 00:03:33,067 by getting an annual check-up, 101 00:03:33,101 --> 00:03:34,902 exercising, 102 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:35,903 praying... 103 00:03:35,921 --> 00:03:36,904 Okay. 104 00:03:36,922 --> 00:03:37,905 Who is that guy? 105 00:03:37,923 --> 00:03:39,006 That is Walt Morphling. 106 00:03:39,041 --> 00:03:40,575 He was the director of public health, 107 00:03:40,609 --> 00:03:42,210 but he had to retire at 46 108 00:03:42,244 --> 00:03:43,444 because he had diabetes. 109 00:03:43,478 --> 00:03:44,712 That is sad, but also, 110 00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:46,797 in this town, understandable. 111 00:03:46,849 --> 00:03:47,949 I would like to shoot a new PSA 112 00:03:47,983 --> 00:03:49,183 and I think it'd be good to get someone 113 00:03:49,218 --> 00:03:50,952 who's healthy and telegenic, 114 00:03:50,986 --> 00:03:55,189 and I thought that you would be perfect. 115 00:03:55,224 --> 00:03:56,324 Ann Perkins. 116 00:03:56,358 --> 00:03:57,308 I am flattered. 117 00:03:57,359 --> 00:03:58,326 And I will do it. 118 00:03:58,360 --> 00:03:59,560 Is there a script yet? 119 00:03:59,595 --> 00:04:01,929 Uh, no, because you just approved the idea, like, 120 00:04:01,964 --> 00:04:03,130 three seconds ago. 121 00:04:03,165 --> 00:04:04,165 I would like you to write me a script 122 00:04:04,199 --> 00:04:05,283 and get it to me in an hour. 123 00:04:05,317 --> 00:04:07,235 And we should start thinking about wardrobe. 124 00:04:07,269 --> 00:04:08,369 Casual? 125 00:04:08,403 --> 00:04:09,871 Formal? Semi-formal? 126 00:04:09,905 --> 00:04:10,872 Sporty? 127 00:04:10,906 --> 00:04:11,873 Scary? 128 00:04:11,907 --> 00:04:12,874 Posh? Baby? 129 00:04:12,908 --> 00:04:13,991 Those are the spice girls. 130 00:04:14,042 --> 00:04:15,009 I just got caught up in my own thoughts. 131 00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:16,244 I'm very excited about this. 132 00:04:16,278 --> 00:04:17,745 In terms of shirts, I can wear white... 133 00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:19,630 Welcome to paradise, my man. 134 00:04:19,665 --> 00:04:21,966 You can chill over there by the bar. 135 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,935 We also got basketball at any time you want. 136 00:04:23,969 --> 00:04:26,254 There's Roy Hibbert and Detlef Schrempf. 137 00:04:26,288 --> 00:04:28,506 Oh, my God. That's an actual NBA player. 138 00:04:28,540 --> 00:04:29,790 He plays for the Pacers. 139 00:04:29,808 --> 00:04:30,791 NBA's on strike, 140 00:04:30,826 --> 00:04:31,826 so we got him for only, like, 141 00:04:31,860 --> 00:04:34,595 75% of his original NBA salary. 142 00:04:34,629 --> 00:04:35,963 What up, Roy? 143 00:04:35,981 --> 00:04:37,064 Is this all you want me to do? 144 00:04:37,099 --> 00:04:38,399 Play one on one with Detlef? 145 00:04:38,433 --> 00:04:39,400 Yes. 146 00:04:39,434 --> 00:04:41,352 And keep your mouth shut. 147 00:04:41,403 --> 00:04:42,353 Jean-Ralphio! 148 00:04:42,404 --> 00:04:43,988 Take me there. 149 00:04:46,575 --> 00:04:48,859 Bump! 150 00:04:48,911 --> 00:04:49,860 Who are you? 151 00:04:49,912 --> 00:04:51,145 - Uh— - This is Ben. 152 00:04:51,163 --> 00:04:52,146 He's here to help us with the paperwork. 153 00:04:52,180 --> 00:04:53,147 Ben? Is that your real name? 154 00:04:53,181 --> 00:04:54,248 Yes. 155 00:04:54,283 --> 00:04:55,249 Oh, you could do better than that. 156 00:04:55,284 --> 00:04:56,250 I'ma help you out right now. 157 00:04:56,285 --> 00:04:57,335 Your name is Angelo. 158 00:04:57,369 --> 00:04:58,486 Angelo, thank you so much for coming out. 159 00:04:58,520 --> 00:04:59,487 Get a thicker tie. It looks weird on you. 160 00:04:59,521 --> 00:05:01,255 Makes your head look like a fish. 161 00:05:01,290 --> 00:05:02,373 Secondly, 162 00:05:02,424 --> 00:05:03,624 I don't know where the paperwork is, 163 00:05:03,658 --> 00:05:04,625 but when you find it, 164 00:05:04,659 --> 00:05:05,726 can you take care of it for us? 165 00:05:05,761 --> 00:05:07,295 We don't have any pens 166 00:05:07,329 --> 00:05:08,296 'cause we're afraid it's gonna leak in our shirts. 167 00:05:08,330 --> 00:05:09,463 Lastly, I hate the name, Angelo. 168 00:05:09,498 --> 00:05:10,865 I'ma switch it up for you, right now. 169 00:05:10,899 --> 00:05:13,968 Your new nickname is... 170 00:05:14,002 --> 00:05:15,369 Jell-o shot. 171 00:05:15,404 --> 00:05:17,021 What do you think of that, J-shot? 172 00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:18,022 Do you have questions? 173 00:05:18,056 --> 00:05:20,024 Yeah. Where are we? 174 00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:21,025 All right, Ben. 175 00:05:21,059 --> 00:05:22,310 If you need anything, 176 00:05:22,344 --> 00:05:23,411 one of these models that we pay to hang around here 177 00:05:23,445 --> 00:05:25,012 will grab it for you. 178 00:05:25,030 --> 00:05:27,064 In the meantime, we' gonna be playing video games, 179 00:05:27,115 --> 00:05:29,050 tweeting our high scores. 180 00:05:29,084 --> 00:05:30,051 Hit it! 181 00:05:30,085 --> 00:05:31,819 Um, hi. 182 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:34,188 Are you the receptionist? 183 00:05:34,206 --> 00:05:35,189 I guess. 184 00:05:35,223 --> 00:05:36,207 I don't really know. 185 00:05:36,241 --> 00:05:37,208 If you don't mind me asking, 186 00:05:37,242 --> 00:05:39,377 how much are they paying you? 187 00:05:39,411 --> 00:05:41,362 $100,000 a year. 188 00:05:41,396 --> 00:05:44,031 With full medical. 189 00:05:44,049 --> 00:05:45,499 I mean, I would guess they'll be bankrupt 190 00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:47,084 by the end of... 191 00:05:47,135 --> 00:05:48,372 This sentence. 192 00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:53,557 No, thank you. 193 00:05:53,592 --> 00:05:54,875 Is this true? 194 00:05:54,893 --> 00:05:57,645 You only spent $40 on clothes in the past 5 years? 195 00:05:57,679 --> 00:05:59,013 It sounds about right. 196 00:05:59,047 --> 00:06:01,148 How did you meet Tammy One? 197 00:06:01,183 --> 00:06:03,017 Technically, I've known her since I was born. 198 00:06:03,051 --> 00:06:05,236 She was a candy striper at the hospital. 199 00:06:05,270 --> 00:06:06,253 She helped deliver me. 200 00:06:06,288 --> 00:06:08,255 Oh, my God. 201 00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:10,091 I grew up in a very small town. 202 00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:11,558 600 people. 203 00:06:11,576 --> 00:06:13,744 Everybody knew everybody else. 204 00:06:13,779 --> 00:06:15,896 We first took up together when I was 15. 205 00:06:15,931 --> 00:06:17,298 - Awesome. - Oh, my God. 206 00:06:17,332 --> 00:06:18,699 It was a little scandalous, 207 00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:21,936 but everyone feared her, so they kept their mouths shut. 208 00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:24,171 I don't even know her, but she's my hero. 209 00:06:24,206 --> 00:06:26,307 No, she's no hero, April. 210 00:06:26,341 --> 00:06:28,342 She's a hellacious nightmare. 211 00:06:28,377 --> 00:06:31,412 She did, however, teach me everything I know. 212 00:06:31,430 --> 00:06:33,514 Sunday school, sex. 213 00:06:33,548 --> 00:06:35,249 She was my math teacher in middle school 214 00:06:35,267 --> 00:06:38,019 and my babysitter, and she taught driver's ed. 215 00:06:38,053 --> 00:06:39,053 I— 216 00:06:41,773 --> 00:06:42,756 Hello. 217 00:06:42,774 --> 00:06:43,757 I don't believe we've met. 218 00:06:43,775 --> 00:06:45,926 I am Leslie Knope, deputy— 219 00:06:45,944 --> 00:06:47,294 I don't think it will be necessary 220 00:06:47,329 --> 00:06:51,499 for you to speak again while I'm here. 221 00:06:51,533 --> 00:06:54,735 Why do I only date brunettes? 222 00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:57,004 You know, sometimes you eat chicken 223 00:06:57,039 --> 00:06:58,339 and you get food poisoning 224 00:06:58,373 --> 00:07:01,842 and then, even the sight of chicken makes you sick? 225 00:07:01,877 --> 00:07:04,612 Tammy One is my blonde chicken. 226 00:07:04,646 --> 00:07:07,164 Good God, Ronald. 227 00:07:07,215 --> 00:07:09,834 This is a much bigger mess than I imagined. 228 00:07:09,885 --> 00:07:11,252 You'll take a week off from work. 229 00:07:11,286 --> 00:07:13,187 We'll do a complete overhaul of your finances. 230 00:07:13,221 --> 00:07:15,022 I'll need access to all your accounts, 231 00:07:15,057 --> 00:07:17,958 and your home. 232 00:07:17,976 --> 00:07:19,560 Is that necessary? 233 00:07:19,594 --> 00:07:21,011 Oh, oh. 234 00:07:21,063 --> 00:07:22,830 We're playing a game where everyone says something stupid? 235 00:07:24,833 --> 00:07:27,601 You. What is your name? 236 00:07:27,636 --> 00:07:29,070 Tim. 237 00:07:29,104 --> 00:07:30,071 Tim Buckenowski. 238 00:07:30,105 --> 00:07:31,672 Really? 239 00:07:31,706 --> 00:07:32,673 No. 240 00:07:32,707 --> 00:07:33,941 Andy Dwyer. 241 00:07:33,975 --> 00:07:35,309 Andy... 242 00:07:35,343 --> 00:07:36,544 You're going to collect all of this, 243 00:07:36,578 --> 00:07:38,746 and you're going to put it in my car. 244 00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:39,914 - What— - Ms. Knope. 245 00:07:39,948 --> 00:07:40,915 Yes? 246 00:07:40,949 --> 00:07:42,349 You're going to go to payroll 247 00:07:42,384 --> 00:07:45,453 and get copies of Ronald's workplace expense reports. 248 00:07:45,487 --> 00:07:48,839 Oh, I—I'm just wondering how long that's going to take, 249 00:07:48,874 --> 00:07:51,342 because Ron and I have a very important meeting together. 250 00:07:51,376 --> 00:07:52,659 It's called the Battle Royale. 251 00:07:52,677 --> 00:07:53,660 It's super fun. 252 00:07:53,678 --> 00:07:54,678 Well... 253 00:07:54,713 --> 00:07:57,565 You and Ron have a big meeting, huh? 254 00:07:57,599 --> 00:07:59,850 I'm sure Ron will remember the meeting fondly 255 00:07:59,885 --> 00:08:02,403 while he makes toilet wine in a federal prison 256 00:08:02,437 --> 00:08:06,056 in Terre Haute. 257 00:08:06,108 --> 00:08:08,726 I'll—I'll head down to payroll. 258 00:08:08,777 --> 00:08:10,945 Now. 259 00:08:10,979 --> 00:08:12,546 You're not getting any younger. 260 00:08:12,581 --> 00:08:15,065 Yes, ma'am. 261 00:08:15,117 --> 00:08:19,286 She's the cold, distant mother 262 00:08:19,321 --> 00:08:21,889 I never had. 263 00:08:22,423 --> 00:08:23,776 I love her. 264 00:08:28,164 --> 00:08:29,564 Good morning, everyone. 265 00:08:29,582 --> 00:08:32,133 Good morning, sir. How can I help you? 266 00:08:32,168 --> 00:08:34,169 Ron? Your moustache fell off. 267 00:08:36,238 --> 00:08:37,205 Leslie, you goofball. 268 00:08:38,874 --> 00:08:40,508 Tammy pointed out that my face looked better 269 00:08:40,543 --> 00:08:41,676 without any hair on it. 270 00:08:41,710 --> 00:08:43,411 And it did collect a lot of food crumbs, 271 00:08:43,445 --> 00:08:46,247 which is very unsanitary. 272 00:08:46,265 --> 00:08:47,382 Hey, Jer. 273 00:08:47,416 --> 00:08:49,651 Hump day, am I right, buddy? 274 00:08:49,685 --> 00:08:50,852 What? 275 00:08:50,886 --> 00:08:51,836 What is going on? 276 00:08:51,871 --> 00:08:52,854 Where's Tammy One? 277 00:08:52,888 --> 00:08:53,855 She moved in with me. 278 00:08:53,889 --> 00:08:55,390 She's really helping me out. 279 00:08:55,424 --> 00:08:57,792 Yesterday, she converted my bank account 280 00:08:57,827 --> 00:08:59,694 into a joint bank account with her. 281 00:08:59,728 --> 00:09:00,912 Oh. That's great. 282 00:09:00,946 --> 00:09:02,780 And how is that gonna help? 283 00:09:02,815 --> 00:09:03,982 Not sure. 284 00:09:04,033 --> 00:09:05,450 When she explains it, it makes total sense. 285 00:09:05,484 --> 00:09:08,236 It is so nice having her around. 286 00:09:08,270 --> 00:09:09,737 Here's something neat. 287 00:09:09,771 --> 00:09:11,239 Tammy's got me taking baby aspirin 288 00:09:11,273 --> 00:09:14,775 to lower my risk of heart disease. 289 00:09:14,793 --> 00:09:16,628 Science is a miracle. 290 00:09:16,662 --> 00:09:19,414 Any-who, back to the old grindstone. 291 00:09:19,448 --> 00:09:21,449 These emails aren't gonna send themselves. 292 00:09:23,419 --> 00:09:25,854 Diabetes can't be cured. 293 00:09:25,888 --> 00:09:27,755 But it can be prevented. 294 00:09:27,790 --> 00:09:30,124 Make a choice. Make a change. 295 00:09:30,159 --> 00:09:31,259 And together, 296 00:09:31,293 --> 00:09:33,228 we can make a difference. 297 00:09:33,262 --> 00:09:34,596 What do you think? Any notes? 298 00:09:34,630 --> 00:09:35,830 Great. 299 00:09:35,865 --> 00:09:37,232 Just as good, if not exactly the same 300 00:09:37,266 --> 00:09:38,333 as the last one. 301 00:09:38,367 --> 00:09:40,034 In that last one, I left a nanosecond 302 00:09:40,069 --> 00:09:41,402 of a pause between the words, 303 00:09:41,437 --> 00:09:42,604 "together" and "we." 304 00:09:42,638 --> 00:09:43,688 It felt much better. 305 00:09:43,739 --> 00:09:44,939 But I'd love to try another one. 306 00:09:44,974 --> 00:09:46,641 I really think we've got it. 307 00:09:46,675 --> 00:09:47,808 Ann. 308 00:09:47,826 --> 00:09:48,860 This is important to me 309 00:09:48,911 --> 00:09:50,311 because it's important to you. 310 00:09:50,346 --> 00:09:51,779 I mean, you spent a lot of time and energy 311 00:09:51,813 --> 00:09:52,780 on writing this. 312 00:09:52,815 --> 00:09:53,781 Not really. 313 00:09:53,816 --> 00:09:55,750 So, it needs to be perfect. 314 00:09:55,784 --> 00:09:57,368 So, let's do 1 more, then 5 more, 315 00:09:57,419 --> 00:09:59,387 then 20 in a row. 316 00:09:59,421 --> 00:10:01,839 Hey, look who it is. 317 00:10:01,874 --> 00:10:02,991 Hey, hey. 318 00:10:03,025 --> 00:10:05,927 Tom. Jean-Ralphio. 319 00:10:05,961 --> 00:10:07,712 Professional basketball players. 320 00:10:07,763 --> 00:10:09,264 'Sup, Jell-o shot. 321 00:10:09,298 --> 00:10:11,165 Can I ask you guys a question? 322 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,884 How exactly are you making money? 323 00:10:12,935 --> 00:10:14,035 Wanna know how we make money? 324 00:10:14,069 --> 00:10:15,386 Do you wanna know how we make money? 325 00:10:15,437 --> 00:10:17,505 By literally printing out our money. 326 00:10:17,523 --> 00:10:19,891 We bought a printing press. 327 00:10:19,942 --> 00:10:21,526 This prints bills with our faces 328 00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:24,612 and the e720 logo on them. 329 00:10:24,647 --> 00:10:26,781 And promote the company by going to clubs 330 00:10:26,815 --> 00:10:28,316 and tossing the bills in the air and screaming, 331 00:10:28,350 --> 00:10:30,018 "Free money!" 332 00:10:30,052 --> 00:10:32,904 You can't just print your own money. 333 00:10:32,955 --> 00:10:34,489 This has to stop, 334 00:10:34,523 --> 00:10:35,490 right now. 335 00:10:44,967 --> 00:10:45,934 Aww! 336 00:10:45,968 --> 00:10:47,035 What's the deal, baby? 337 00:10:47,069 --> 00:10:48,219 One second, you hit the party switch, 338 00:10:48,253 --> 00:10:49,253 and the next second, you're all business? 339 00:10:49,305 --> 00:10:50,888 I need to see all of your books. 340 00:10:50,923 --> 00:10:51,889 You got it, baby. 341 00:10:51,924 --> 00:10:53,041 Baby! 342 00:10:53,075 --> 00:10:54,042 Get him the books. 343 00:10:54,076 --> 00:10:55,510 Aww, Snapple. 344 00:10:55,544 --> 00:10:57,095 Are we calling everybody "baby" now? 345 00:10:57,146 --> 00:10:58,096 'Cause honestly, 346 00:10:58,147 --> 00:10:59,180 I love that. 347 00:10:59,214 --> 00:11:00,214 Are we saying "Snapple" 348 00:11:00,232 --> 00:11:01,215 anytime we think something's dope? 349 00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:02,317 'Cause I love that, baby. 350 00:11:02,351 --> 00:11:03,318 Do you know what I love? 351 00:11:04,353 --> 00:11:05,403 Jell-o shot! 352 00:11:05,437 --> 00:11:08,022 Uh-oh! 353 00:11:08,057 --> 00:11:10,058 Hibbert, Hibbert. 354 00:11:10,092 --> 00:11:12,160 Hup, Jell-o shot! 355 00:11:12,194 --> 00:11:13,728 Jell-o shot! 356 00:11:13,746 --> 00:11:15,163 Jell-o shot! 357 00:11:15,197 --> 00:11:16,164 Jell-o shot! 358 00:11:16,198 --> 00:11:17,231 Thank you. 359 00:11:17,249 --> 00:11:18,499 We're here to serve you, friend. 360 00:11:18,534 --> 00:11:21,202 I hope the rest of your day is cool beans. 361 00:11:21,236 --> 00:11:22,203 Ron, 362 00:11:22,237 --> 00:11:23,921 what is this memo you sent to me? 363 00:11:23,956 --> 00:11:26,007 You're not going to the battle royale? 364 00:11:26,041 --> 00:11:28,176 I have decided not to attend this year. 365 00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:29,594 Okay, first of all, it's disturbing 366 00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:31,612 that you wrote a memo, at all. 367 00:11:31,647 --> 00:11:34,449 But you love arguing against government spending. 368 00:11:34,483 --> 00:11:35,717 Why do you not wanna do it now? 369 00:11:35,751 --> 00:11:37,051 Leslie, please. 370 00:11:37,086 --> 00:11:39,053 The government knows what it's doing. 371 00:11:39,087 --> 00:11:40,121 I'm confident that I'll— 372 00:11:41,355 --> 00:11:42,357 Ouchie. 373 00:11:42,391 --> 00:11:44,092 You and I are going to lunch. 374 00:11:44,126 --> 00:11:45,727 We have to talk. 375 00:11:45,761 --> 00:11:47,779 Let me just call Tammy first and get permission. 376 00:11:47,813 --> 00:11:50,698 Oh, come on. 377 00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:51,966 Tammy, 378 00:11:52,001 --> 00:11:55,003 I was wondering if I could go to lunch with Leslie? 379 00:11:55,037 --> 00:11:56,037 Terrific. 380 00:11:56,071 --> 00:11:57,038 Bye. 381 00:11:57,072 --> 00:11:58,239 She says I can't go. 382 00:11:58,273 --> 00:11:59,824 You're going to lunch with me. 383 00:11:59,875 --> 00:12:03,111 I say you can go. 384 00:12:03,145 --> 00:12:04,912 Oh, gosh. 385 00:12:04,947 --> 00:12:06,164 I'm really in a pickle now. 386 00:12:06,215 --> 00:12:07,448 Oh, my God. 387 00:12:07,466 --> 00:12:09,083 When Ron falls for Tammy Two, 388 00:12:09,118 --> 00:12:11,285 he turns into a demonic sex maniac. 389 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,353 But this? 390 00:12:12,388 --> 00:12:13,354 Neutered wimp? 391 00:12:13,389 --> 00:12:14,422 This is worse. 392 00:12:14,456 --> 00:12:17,091 Operation "Golden Dove" is in trouble. 393 00:12:17,126 --> 00:12:19,193 Ron, there are some things I want to speak to you about 394 00:12:19,228 --> 00:12:21,829 but I'm not quite sure how to phrase them. 395 00:12:21,864 --> 00:12:23,514 Just blurt them right out, Leslie. 396 00:12:23,565 --> 00:12:26,267 Anything you say will stay between you and me. 397 00:12:26,301 --> 00:12:27,485 Right, my love? 398 00:12:27,519 --> 00:12:28,603 Stop fidgeting. 399 00:12:28,637 --> 00:12:29,637 Sorry. 400 00:12:29,655 --> 00:12:31,506 I was hoping to speak with Ron alone. 401 00:12:31,540 --> 00:12:32,740 He wants me here. 402 00:12:32,775 --> 00:12:34,242 He invited me. 403 00:12:34,276 --> 00:12:35,993 Na-na-na-na-na. 404 00:12:36,028 --> 00:12:37,245 Don't worry, Leslie. 405 00:12:37,279 --> 00:12:39,213 Tammy's totally cool. 406 00:12:39,248 --> 00:12:40,198 Huh, okay. 407 00:12:40,249 --> 00:12:41,315 Then I'll say it to her. 408 00:12:41,350 --> 00:12:42,884 You're evil, and you need to go. 409 00:12:44,586 --> 00:12:46,987 Leslie, you are a panic. 410 00:12:47,005 --> 00:12:49,190 Tammy, may I use the restroom? 411 00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:51,344 Remember to wash your hands. 412 00:12:53,595 --> 00:12:54,996 Okay, you know what? 413 00:12:55,030 --> 00:12:56,964 Let's cut the crap. 414 00:12:56,999 --> 00:12:58,900 Is this audit even real? 415 00:12:58,934 --> 00:13:01,202 In a sense, yes. 416 00:13:01,236 --> 00:13:03,638 But in another, truer sense, no, 417 00:13:03,672 --> 00:13:05,172 it is not. 418 00:13:05,190 --> 00:13:06,691 I want Ronald back, 419 00:13:06,725 --> 00:13:08,242 but I had to learn about his finances, 420 00:13:08,277 --> 00:13:10,344 to make sure my future was protected. 421 00:13:10,379 --> 00:13:11,612 I'm impressed. 422 00:13:11,647 --> 00:13:14,816 He's acquired quite a bit of gold. 423 00:13:14,850 --> 00:13:18,119 You gold digger. 424 00:13:18,153 --> 00:13:21,756 You're literally a gold digger. 425 00:13:21,790 --> 00:13:25,860 The thing I love about Tammy is she calls me on my crap. 426 00:13:25,894 --> 00:13:27,595 Every guy needs that. 427 00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:35,002 Okay, if you want this company to survive, 428 00:13:35,037 --> 00:13:36,704 you immediately need to downsize. 429 00:13:36,738 --> 00:13:38,439 I mean, you don't need this airplane hangar 430 00:13:38,474 --> 00:13:39,841 um, I think we do. 431 00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:43,845 And two, you have to keep detailed financial records. 432 00:13:43,879 --> 00:13:44,979 Thank you! 433 00:13:45,013 --> 00:13:46,230 I've been trying to tell them that! 434 00:13:46,265 --> 00:13:47,598 Waste of time. 435 00:13:47,649 --> 00:13:49,567 They wouldn't know a non-employee tax-reportable 436 00:13:49,601 --> 00:13:52,353 expenditure request if it bit them in the ass. 437 00:13:52,387 --> 00:13:55,123 Hey guys, which two people here started their own company? 438 00:13:55,157 --> 00:13:57,592 'Cause I'm pretty sure it wasn't you two bozos. 439 00:13:57,626 --> 00:13:58,860 Hey! 440 00:13:58,894 --> 00:14:01,329 Look, you guys can swagger around all you want, 441 00:14:01,363 --> 00:14:04,282 but businesses need revenue, okay? 442 00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:07,101 Unless you start working on an actual plan, 443 00:14:07,136 --> 00:14:08,102 you're dead in a month. 444 00:14:08,137 --> 00:14:09,203 That's a fact. 445 00:14:09,238 --> 00:14:10,805 Ben, thanks for your time. 446 00:14:10,839 --> 00:14:12,256 But with all due respect, 447 00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:14,041 as far as business decisions go, 448 00:14:14,075 --> 00:14:15,710 I think we know what we're doing. 449 00:14:15,744 --> 00:14:19,130 Don't forget to grab a free iPad on your way out. 450 00:14:19,181 --> 00:14:20,915 He didn't even have one. 451 00:14:20,933 --> 00:14:21,916 Diabetes! 452 00:14:21,934 --> 00:14:24,302 Fight it! 453 00:14:24,353 --> 00:14:26,437 Not quite, but I like the energy—are we still rolling? 454 00:14:26,471 --> 00:14:28,139 Yup. 455 00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:29,190 Diabetes! 456 00:14:29,224 --> 00:14:30,808 Okay, let's— can we take a break? 457 00:14:30,859 --> 00:14:31,976 I think that's a great idea. 458 00:14:32,027 --> 00:14:33,394 I think we almost have it, 459 00:14:33,428 --> 00:14:35,663 and I am very excited at that prospect. 460 00:14:35,697 --> 00:14:37,798 I'll cancel my four o'clock and my five o'clock 461 00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,534 and my six o'clock appointments. 462 00:14:39,568 --> 00:14:41,485 I cannot believe I dated him. 463 00:14:41,537 --> 00:14:43,304 For a long time. 464 00:14:43,338 --> 00:14:45,173 And he broke up with me! 465 00:14:45,207 --> 00:14:47,124 Fat equals splat! 466 00:14:47,159 --> 00:14:49,010 As in, "you're dead!" 467 00:14:49,044 --> 00:14:50,011 Is there something there? 468 00:14:50,045 --> 00:14:51,012 No—no. That—that sucked. 469 00:14:51,046 --> 00:14:52,213 But there's something there. 470 00:14:52,247 --> 00:14:53,331 I'm feeling it— let's go right away! 471 00:14:53,382 --> 00:14:54,348 It's magic time! 472 00:14:54,383 --> 00:14:56,283 From the top, everybody. 473 00:14:56,301 --> 00:14:58,319 There's no one else here. 474 00:14:58,353 --> 00:15:00,621 Basically, we're being attacked by Godzilla. 475 00:15:00,639 --> 00:15:03,090 And to beat Godzilla, we need Mothra. 476 00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:04,675 No offense. 477 00:15:04,726 --> 00:15:06,928 None taken. I'm very flattered. 478 00:15:06,962 --> 00:15:07,929 Who's this? 479 00:15:07,963 --> 00:15:09,013 Who's this tall drink of water? 480 00:15:09,064 --> 00:15:10,031 Andy. 481 00:15:10,065 --> 00:15:11,332 Hey, Andy. 482 00:15:11,366 --> 00:15:12,633 How's it hanging? 483 00:15:12,668 --> 00:15:15,870 Listen, we need you to break Ron from her spell. 484 00:15:15,904 --> 00:15:18,439 Can't you just move your butt around, 485 00:15:18,473 --> 00:15:20,508 or wear a dress made out of meat? 486 00:15:20,542 --> 00:15:22,977 Well I could do all those things and have, 487 00:15:23,011 --> 00:15:24,862 but that bitch is crazy. 488 00:15:24,913 --> 00:15:28,983 When Ron left her and we got together, 489 00:15:29,017 --> 00:15:30,501 she threw acid on my foot. 490 00:15:30,535 --> 00:15:31,686 Eww! 491 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,487 Could we take a peek at it? 492 00:15:33,505 --> 00:15:37,341 Listen, Tammy One was my Sunday school teacher, too. 493 00:15:37,376 --> 00:15:39,160 She can pinpoint your weaknesses, 494 00:15:39,194 --> 00:15:42,697 and then destroy you with just one word. 495 00:15:42,731 --> 00:15:43,864 And a jar of acid. 496 00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,166 Oh, my God. 497 00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,568 I think I have an idea that could save Ron. 498 00:15:47,603 --> 00:15:49,337 Andy, don't joke around. 499 00:15:49,371 --> 00:15:52,773 I have ideas, too. 500 00:15:52,808 --> 00:15:54,242 You were right to come get me. 501 00:15:54,276 --> 00:15:56,811 My son Ronnie always had a weakness for those ladies. 502 00:15:56,845 --> 00:15:57,812 Oh, wow. 503 00:15:57,846 --> 00:15:59,063 Is this Ron? 504 00:15:59,114 --> 00:16:00,698 Yup. At the age of five. 505 00:16:00,732 --> 00:16:02,149 He's standing next to the first chair 506 00:16:02,184 --> 00:16:03,150 he ever built. 507 00:16:03,185 --> 00:16:06,020 Oh, my God! 508 00:16:06,038 --> 00:16:09,023 There's a room full of just guns. 509 00:16:09,041 --> 00:16:11,358 Why do you have so many guns? 510 00:16:11,376 --> 00:16:12,877 This is America, isn't it? 511 00:16:13,411 --> 00:16:14,328 Yes. 512 00:16:14,362 --> 00:16:15,997 Then I don't have to answer stupid questions 513 00:16:16,031 --> 00:16:18,065 while standing on my own property. 514 00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:20,001 Let's go. 515 00:16:20,035 --> 00:16:22,188 Okay. Well, it's definitely Ron's mom. 516 00:16:23,997 --> 00:16:25,247 Tammy? 517 00:16:26,997 --> 00:16:28,247 Tammy. 518 00:16:28,281 --> 00:16:29,248 Ronnie. 519 00:16:29,282 --> 00:16:30,582 What's going on? 520 00:16:30,617 --> 00:16:32,418 Welcome to the Battle Royale. 521 00:16:32,452 --> 00:16:34,003 Right here. Right now. 522 00:16:34,037 --> 00:16:36,622 Operation "Soaring Falcon" 523 00:16:36,656 --> 00:16:39,091 is in its final stages. 524 00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:42,011 It's time to settle this. 525 00:16:42,045 --> 00:16:44,013 Ah. 526 00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:46,715 An old-fashioned prairie drink-off. 527 00:16:46,766 --> 00:16:48,217 What's in that jug? 528 00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,185 It smells like jet fuel. 529 00:16:50,220 --> 00:16:52,721 That's Swanson family mash liquor. 530 00:16:52,772 --> 00:16:56,075 Made from the finest corn ever grown on American soil. 531 00:16:56,109 --> 00:16:58,077 Its only legal use is to strip varnish 532 00:16:58,111 --> 00:17:00,062 off of speedboats. 533 00:17:00,113 --> 00:17:01,980 If you win, he's all yours. 534 00:17:02,015 --> 00:17:03,682 And if I win, I bring him back to the farm 535 00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:04,817 for good. 536 00:17:04,851 --> 00:17:06,452 Wait, what? That wasn't the deal. 537 00:17:06,486 --> 00:17:07,820 Pour it. I'm thirsty. 538 00:17:07,854 --> 00:17:08,821 Pour me one, too, then. 539 00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:09,988 Let me in here. 540 00:17:10,023 --> 00:17:13,024 I'm gonna join you and if I win, 541 00:17:13,043 --> 00:17:14,543 Ron stays here with us. 542 00:17:14,577 --> 00:17:15,928 Leslie, no, don't drink that. 543 00:17:15,962 --> 00:17:20,099 We use it to burn warts off of the mules! 544 00:17:28,108 --> 00:17:30,759 Poison! 545 00:17:30,810 --> 00:17:32,210 Ugh! 546 00:17:32,228 --> 00:17:34,379 I made a mistake. 547 00:17:34,397 --> 00:17:37,649 I made a mistake. 548 00:17:37,684 --> 00:17:39,885 How were we together for five months? 549 00:17:39,919 --> 00:17:42,121 Well, you know, it's possible you can just date a guy 550 00:17:42,155 --> 00:17:45,524 because of where you are in your life emotionally. 551 00:17:45,558 --> 00:17:46,725 Yeah, I suppose you're right, John. 552 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:47,993 Ann Perkins, 553 00:17:48,027 --> 00:17:50,562 I hate to say this, but I have a stain on my shirt. 554 00:17:50,597 --> 00:17:53,365 Which means that everything we shot so far is unusable, 555 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,117 but let's use this as an opportunity 556 00:17:55,168 --> 00:17:56,935 to revisit the script. 557 00:17:56,970 --> 00:17:58,036 Delivery guy. 558 00:17:58,071 --> 00:17:59,288 - Hey. - Diabetes! 559 00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:03,242 Had enough? 560 00:18:03,276 --> 00:18:05,677 Of this watered-down baby formula? 561 00:18:05,712 --> 00:18:07,045 Not even close. 562 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,815 Not meven clarse. 563 00:18:09,849 --> 00:18:12,918 Marvin clods. 564 00:18:12,952 --> 00:18:14,319 Glenn Close. 565 00:18:14,354 --> 00:18:15,988 Leslie, you don't have to do this... 566 00:18:16,022 --> 00:18:18,426 Shh! Go to bed, Jimmy. 567 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,727 Wrah! 568 00:18:21,761 --> 00:18:23,695 I can't feel my face. 569 00:18:23,730 --> 00:18:25,096 My face is numb. 570 00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:32,838 What is that? 571 00:18:32,872 --> 00:18:36,274 And together, we can make a difference. 572 00:18:36,292 --> 00:18:37,509 That's it. 573 00:18:37,544 --> 00:18:39,378 I think we got it. Do you think we got it? 574 00:18:39,412 --> 00:18:41,613 Yes! Yeah, we have it. 575 00:18:41,631 --> 00:18:43,799 We had it seven hours ago. 576 00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,784 Oh, Ann, I—I know that I can be intense, 577 00:18:45,819 --> 00:18:48,687 but I'm only trying to be the best me that I can be. 578 00:18:48,721 --> 00:18:50,689 I want to thank you for this opportunity 579 00:18:50,723 --> 00:18:51,857 and your patience, 580 00:18:51,891 --> 00:18:55,961 and your intelligence, and your insight. 581 00:18:55,979 --> 00:18:59,198 You really are an amazing human being. 582 00:18:59,232 --> 00:19:02,167 Thank you. 583 00:19:02,202 --> 00:19:05,471 Oh, right— that's why I dated him. 584 00:19:06,906 --> 00:19:07,873 Hey. 585 00:19:07,907 --> 00:19:10,025 I wanted to apologize. 586 00:19:10,076 --> 00:19:12,878 We brought in five accountants to look at e720 587 00:19:12,912 --> 00:19:14,813 and they all said the same thing you did. 588 00:19:14,848 --> 00:19:15,914 If we don't start making changes, 589 00:19:15,949 --> 00:19:17,082 we're gonna lose the company. 590 00:19:17,116 --> 00:19:19,284 Okay. Well, first thing you need to do: 591 00:19:19,318 --> 00:19:20,886 Get rid of four of those accountants. 592 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,821 You don't need five accountants. 593 00:19:22,856 --> 00:19:24,456 Again, good advice. 594 00:19:24,490 --> 00:19:26,208 Here. 595 00:19:26,259 --> 00:19:29,528 You really—you need to stop giving these away like candy. 596 00:19:29,562 --> 00:19:30,963 I bought that one personally. 597 00:19:30,997 --> 00:19:31,997 As a thank-you. 598 00:19:34,968 --> 00:19:36,001 It's an iPad. 599 00:19:40,373 --> 00:19:41,840 She's had enough. Call it off. 600 00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:43,842 That's not how it works. She's out. 601 00:19:43,877 --> 00:19:45,060 Wait. I'm subbing in. 602 00:19:45,111 --> 00:19:46,912 April, no—that stuff will melt 603 00:19:46,946 --> 00:19:48,730 the shell off a garden snail. 604 00:19:48,781 --> 00:19:49,781 Whatever. 605 00:19:49,816 --> 00:19:51,683 I'm Puerto Rican. I can handle it. 606 00:19:54,454 --> 00:19:57,739 , oh, my God! 607 00:19:57,790 --> 00:19:58,740 Okay. 608 00:19:58,791 --> 00:20:01,793 This ends now. 609 00:20:18,478 --> 00:20:19,611 Ah. 610 00:20:19,646 --> 00:20:22,548 Mom, you're going back to the farm. 611 00:20:22,582 --> 00:20:24,016 And you, 612 00:20:24,050 --> 00:20:25,267 you're going back to hell. 613 00:20:25,318 --> 00:20:26,268 Fine. 614 00:20:26,319 --> 00:20:27,903 I got what I came for anyway. 615 00:20:27,937 --> 00:20:29,271 I found your underground safe. 616 00:20:29,322 --> 00:20:30,889 I stole half your gold. 617 00:20:30,924 --> 00:20:32,691 That's decoy gold. 618 00:20:32,725 --> 00:20:33,725 You think I'd leave my gold 619 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,494 in a locked safe buried underground, 620 00:20:35,528 --> 00:20:37,629 where anyone could find it? 621 00:20:37,664 --> 00:20:39,064 You don't know me at all. 622 00:20:39,098 --> 00:20:40,165 Yes, I do. 623 00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:42,034 I knew you the minute you were born. 624 00:20:42,068 --> 00:20:47,673 And I intend to be there the minute you die. 625 00:20:47,707 --> 00:20:50,707 Ron, your family's weird. 626 00:20:51,925 --> 00:20:53,925 Literally, there's a— someone reading a magazine, 627 00:20:53,959 --> 00:20:55,543 and someone applying nail Polish. 628 00:20:56,094 --> 00:20:59,129 What's that—what is she doing? She's just playing with an iPad. 629 00:20:59,164 --> 00:21:03,300 Tom told me that chair was $27,000. 630 00:21:03,334 --> 00:21:04,935 That chair that has a roof. 631 00:21:04,970 --> 00:21:08,389 The—there's someone over there in a deep sleep. 632 00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:12,610 She's probably being paid upwards of $100,000 a year. 633 00:21:12,644 --> 00:21:15,679 There's this video of a boat. 634 00:21:15,714 --> 00:21:17,648 Look at that thing. What is that? 635 00:21:17,682 --> 00:21:20,150 What are you supposed to do with that thing? 636 00:21:22,794 --> 00:21:30,978 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com