1
00:00:00,506 --> 00:00:01,773
Gentlemen.

2
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Wildeness weekend is upon us.

3
00:00:04,968 --> 00:00:06,649
There will be no video games.

4
00:00:06,693 --> 00:00:09,028
There will be no Internet pads.

5
00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:11,131
This weekend
you have two parents:

6
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Me and Mother Nature.

7
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And I...

8
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am Mother Nature's brother:

9
00:00:17,718 --> 00:00:18,763
Brother nature.

10
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:20,498
But you can call me Andy.

11
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Or brother nature.

12
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Your call.

13
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- Thank you, Andy.
- Brother nature.

14
00:00:25,837 --> 00:00:27,340
For the last three years

15
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I have served as troop leader
of the Pawnee Rangers.

16
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This is our handbook.

17
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I wrote the whole thing myself.

18
00:00:36,940 --> 00:00:38,466
Okay, it's time
to give out the badges.

19
00:00:38,503 --> 00:00:39,781
Um, let's see.

20
00:00:39,815 --> 00:00:41,999
Emily, you get the badge
for most community service.

21
00:00:43,185 --> 00:00:46,471
To Casey,
the best penguin blog badge.

22
00:00:47,539 --> 00:00:48,506
To Abigail,

23
00:00:48,540 --> 00:00:50,525
flyest hairstyle.

24
00:00:50,559 --> 00:00:52,894
And Ann gets the badge
for second-flyest hairstyle.

25
00:00:52,945 --> 00:00:54,695
Oh!
I wasn't competing for that.

26
00:00:54,730 --> 00:00:55,813
I'll say.

27
00:00:55,848 --> 00:00:57,198
Five years ago,

28
00:00:57,232 --> 00:01:00,017
a plucky fifth-grader wanted
to join the Pawnee Rangers,

29
00:01:00,052 --> 00:01:02,887
but their executive council said
what obnoxious jerks always say.

30
00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:04,655
"No. This is males-only.

31
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Go start your own club."

32
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She couldn't.

33
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So I did.

34
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We're called
the Pawnee Goddesses,

35
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and we're freakin' awesome.

36
00:01:13,315 --> 00:01:15,363
Hey, Ron, whose club
do you think is better,

37
00:01:15,401 --> 00:01:16,700
yours or mine?

38
00:01:16,742 --> 00:01:18,668
The answer is mine.
Say mine is better.

39
00:01:18,693 --> 00:01:20,059
It's not a competition.

40
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Oh, but it is. Your club made it
a competition, when they kept girls out.

41
00:01:23,704 --> 00:01:25,373
Oh, my stars.

42
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:26,852
I'm just a little lady.

43
00:01:26,876 --> 00:01:30,608
My fragile constitution cannot
handle the fearsome outdoors.

44
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I have no problem
with strong women, Leslie.

45
00:01:32,899 --> 00:01:34,167
Who's Leslie?

46
00:01:34,236 --> 00:01:36,687
My name is Annabelle Vandergraf,

47
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and, y'all,

48
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I just fall to pieces

49
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when the sun shines

50
00:01:41,577 --> 00:01:43,661
on my hair—ed.

51
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However, the Pawnee Rangers
were founded because some boys

52
00:01:47,366 --> 00:01:49,500
want to go out into nature

53
00:01:49,535 --> 00:01:51,569
and learn
traditional survival skills

54
00:01:51,603 --> 00:01:53,438
without being distracted
by girls.

55
00:01:53,472 --> 00:01:57,341
Well, my awesome goddesses
don't want to be distracted by losers.

56
00:01:57,376 --> 00:01:58,842
Say my club is better, Ron.

57
00:01:58,877 --> 00:01:59,610
Say it.

58
00:01:59,645 --> 00:02:00,595
My club is better.

59
00:02:00,629 --> 00:02:01,762
Say it.

60
00:02:01,797 --> 00:02:03,347
Come on. Say it's better.

61
00:02:03,382 --> 00:02:04,465
Say it.

62
00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:05,683
Say it's better.
Say my club is better.

63
00:02:05,717 --> 00:02:06,684
Say it. Give it up.

64
00:02:06,718 --> 00:02:07,685
Whose club is better? Mine.

65
00:02:07,719 --> 00:02:08,686
Say it. You know it.

66
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,421
Say it.

67
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On principal,
I never say anything

68
00:02:11,723 --> 00:02:14,725
that another person is obviously
trying to get me to say.

69
00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,113
My first wedding ceremony
took two hours,

70
00:02:17,144 --> 00:02:20,270
because after the priest said
"Repeat after me"

71
00:02:20,422 --> 00:02:22,597
I fell silent.

72
00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:35,498
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

73
00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:45,694
I've been auditing
the budget, and I noticed

74
00:02:45,740 --> 00:02:47,742
you're way behind
on your paperwork.

75
00:02:47,795 --> 00:02:51,164
Uh, Jerry, you haven't
filled out a PC-10 form

76
00:02:51,186 --> 00:02:52,919
in two and a half years.

77
00:02:52,950 --> 00:02:54,470
Aw, jeez, I'm sorry.

78
00:02:54,571 --> 00:02:57,084
Yeah, we kinda do
our paperwork at our own speed.

79
00:02:57,132 --> 00:02:57,859
Oh, really?

80
00:02:57,897 --> 00:03:00,254
Well, I kinda need you
to do it at my speed.

81
00:03:00,369 --> 00:03:02,613
Fine, I'll do them.

82
00:03:02,846 --> 00:03:04,233
What is wrong with you today?

83
00:03:04,293 --> 00:03:05,376
Did they cancel
Game of Thrones?

84
00:03:05,410 --> 00:03:07,705
Nothing is wrong,
just do your job.

85
00:03:10,017 --> 00:03:12,909
And they would
never cancel Game of Thrones.

86
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:14,203
It's a crossover hit.

87
00:03:14,333 --> 00:03:16,139
It's not just
for fantasy enthusiasts.

88
00:03:16,209 --> 00:03:18,894
They're telling human stories
in a fantasy world.

89
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Fill out the forms, please.
Thank you.

90
00:03:23,662 --> 00:03:25,696
I used to have
one really good reason

91
00:03:25,768 --> 00:03:27,036
for staying in Pawnee.

92
00:03:27,070 --> 00:03:30,489
But now, I'm not sure
what's keeping me here.

93
00:03:30,540 --> 00:03:33,342
Although,
I am just two sandwiches away

94
00:03:33,376 --> 00:03:35,828
from a free meatball sub.

95
00:03:38,415 --> 00:03:40,583
This is expired.

96
00:03:44,321 --> 00:03:47,320
Rangers, as a reward
for coming on this trip,

97
00:03:47,382 --> 00:03:49,626
I have gotten you each
two gifts.

98
00:03:49,785 --> 00:03:51,091
Go ahead. Open 'em.

99
00:03:54,664 --> 00:03:55,714
What is this?

100
00:03:55,767 --> 00:03:57,801
That is a canvas sheet,

101
00:03:57,946 --> 00:04:00,215
the most versatile object
known to man.

102
00:04:00,276 --> 00:04:02,891
It can be used
to make tents, backpacks,

103
00:04:02,966 --> 00:04:04,433
shoes, stretchers,

104
00:04:04,505 --> 00:04:06,042
sails, tarpaulins,

105
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:08,922
and I suppose, in the most
dire of circumstances,

106
00:04:08,964 --> 00:04:11,369
it can be a surface
on which to make

107
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"art."

108
00:04:12,546 --> 00:04:14,002
What's the second gift?

109
00:04:14,056 --> 00:04:16,891
The second gift
is the box itself.

110
00:04:16,978 --> 00:04:19,631
You have 10 minutes
to assemble a shelter

111
00:04:19,662 --> 00:04:22,397
using only your two gifts.

112
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:23,503
Go.

113
00:04:23,540 --> 00:04:24,713
Ladies!

114
00:04:24,750 --> 00:04:28,035
The goddess cabin
has never looked better.

115
00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:30,049
This year's
cabin refurbishment badge

116
00:04:30,086 --> 00:04:32,370
is going to be hotly contested.

117
00:04:32,399 --> 00:04:34,067
Okay,
so what did everybody make

118
00:04:34,085 --> 00:04:35,785
for their
loosely structured craft time?

119
00:04:35,826 --> 00:04:36,560
Lauren?

120
00:04:36,604 --> 00:04:38,185
I made a "Gertrude Stein."

121
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:42,913
Amazing.
Lauren, that's so good!

122
00:04:43,076 --> 00:04:45,088
I really wouldn't
want to follow that.

123
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:46,701
Ann?

124
00:04:46,736 --> 00:04:48,037
Oh, boy. Um...

125
00:04:48,083 --> 00:04:51,886
I was making
some cornhusk dolls for everyone

126
00:04:51,952 --> 00:04:53,753
but they kinda turned out wrong

127
00:04:53,787 --> 00:04:55,788
so they look like monsters.

128
00:04:57,603 --> 00:04:58,591
I'm sorry.

129
00:04:58,619 --> 00:05:01,754
I'm just gonna
put that over there.

130
00:05:02,152 --> 00:05:03,863
In the fire.

131
00:05:04,061 --> 00:05:05,566
Well, Ann's keeping us warm.

132
00:05:05,619 --> 00:05:06,938
And that's important.

133
00:05:06,975 --> 00:05:07,826
April?

134
00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,215
I drew something on my arm.

135
00:05:12,710 --> 00:05:14,563
It's a pioneer girl
watching her grandmother

136
00:05:14,602 --> 00:05:15,783
get trampled by a buffalo.

137
00:05:18,781 --> 00:05:20,530
Yeah.
This right here's all the blood

138
00:05:20,581 --> 00:05:21,619
coming out her face.

139
00:05:22,925 --> 00:05:24,864
DJ Bluntz is in the building,

140
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,899
here to announce
that Tom Haverford

141
00:05:26,939 --> 00:05:28,704
is in the building.

142
00:05:28,744 --> 00:05:31,195
Oh! 1-2, 1-2!

143
00:05:31,226 --> 00:05:33,295
- Donatella.
- T-mobile.

144
00:05:33,391 --> 00:05:34,723
Three words for you:

145
00:05:34,788 --> 00:05:36,382
Treat. Yo. Self.

146
00:05:38,949 --> 00:05:40,424
Once a year, Donna and I

147
00:05:40,469 --> 00:05:41,901
spend a day treating ourselves.

148
00:05:41,978 --> 00:05:43,511
What do we treat ourselves to?

149
00:05:43,551 --> 00:05:44,963
- Clothes.
- Treat yourself.

150
00:05:45,020 --> 00:05:45,986
- Fragrances.
- Treat yourself.

151
00:05:46,023 --> 00:05:47,690
- Massages.
- Treat yourself.

152
00:05:47,725 --> 00:05:49,142
- Mimosas.
- Treat yourself.

153
00:05:49,175 --> 00:05:51,405
- Fine leather goods.
- Treat yourself!

154
00:05:51,448 --> 00:05:53,065
It's the best day of the year.

155
00:05:54,899 --> 00:05:55,982
I got a question.

156
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Mm-hmm?

157
00:05:56,822 --> 00:05:58,562
What do you think
about inviting Ben

158
00:05:58,621 --> 00:06:00,064
to come along with us today?

159
00:06:00,157 --> 00:06:02,188
What? Noo!

160
00:06:02,476 --> 00:06:03,470
This is our thing.

161
00:06:03,526 --> 00:06:05,428
But he really seems
like he could use a day off.

162
00:06:05,473 --> 00:06:07,057
He's like
a skinny little rubber band

163
00:06:07,097 --> 00:06:08,815
that's about to snap in half.

164
00:06:08,847 --> 00:06:11,114
Exactly.
He doesn't know how to relax.

165
00:06:11,152 --> 00:06:13,186
Donna, you and I
are relaxation professionals.

166
00:06:13,217 --> 00:06:14,567
There's no way Ben
can slow down enough

167
00:06:14,618 --> 00:06:15,556
to keep up with us.

168
00:06:15,598 --> 00:06:17,832
My Nubian princess,
this is our holy day.

169
00:06:17,904 --> 00:06:20,141
It's the one day a year
I allow myself to be selfish.

170
00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:21,288
Ooh, cupcakes.

171
00:06:21,342 --> 00:06:22,892
Those are all for me, Jerry.

172
00:06:22,927 --> 00:06:26,546
This homemade bulgogi
is so delicious, Kayla.

173
00:06:26,564 --> 00:06:28,264
This is the best Korean food
I've ever had.

174
00:06:28,315 --> 00:06:30,016
I would say
it's almost as good as

175
00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:32,752
lukewarm beans from a can.

176
00:06:32,787 --> 00:06:34,754
Right, Ron?

177
00:06:34,789 --> 00:06:37,023
I'm trying to teach my boys
about rationing food,

178
00:06:37,057 --> 00:06:38,891
and your self-indulgent

179
00:06:38,909 --> 00:06:41,194
ethnic food court isn't helping.

180
00:06:41,228 --> 00:06:43,563
Goddesses, let's go over
our schedule for this afternoon.

181
00:06:43,581 --> 00:06:45,865
We have hiking,
and then capture the flag,

182
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,101
and then a puppet show
about the Bill of Rights

183
00:06:48,135 --> 00:06:51,037
set to "Party in the USA"
by Miley Cyrus,

184
00:06:51,071 --> 00:06:53,206
and then we have lasso training,

185
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,124
and a s'mores-off.

186
00:06:58,178 --> 00:06:59,879
So what's on our schedule,
Mr. Swanson?

187
00:07:00,313 --> 00:07:02,715
We have one activity planned:

188
00:07:02,749 --> 00:07:03,967
Not getting killed.

189
00:07:08,422 --> 00:07:09,639
Jerry.

190
00:07:09,690 --> 00:07:11,608
Oh, everybody must be
at Rangers weekend.

191
00:07:11,642 --> 00:07:13,426
You know, I actually
was a ranger for 12 years—

192
00:07:13,444 --> 00:07:14,427
That's wonderful.

193
00:07:14,445 --> 00:07:15,612
Maybe you should
take the day off.

194
00:07:15,646 --> 00:07:17,530
You know,
rest is very important.

195
00:07:17,565 --> 00:07:20,950
Did you know that lab rats
who are deprived of rest

196
00:07:21,001 --> 00:07:22,752
grow tumors
all over their bodies?

197
00:07:22,786 --> 00:07:24,120
You should Google it.
It's horrifying.

198
00:07:24,171 --> 00:07:25,455
Uh, thank you. Yes.

199
00:07:25,506 --> 00:07:26,840
You know, I'm gonna—

200
00:07:26,874 --> 00:07:28,374
I'm gonna go have lunch
with my daughter!

201
00:07:28,408 --> 00:07:29,309
You know, Chris, if you wanted,

202
00:07:29,343 --> 00:07:31,211
you know,
you should join us for lunch.

203
00:07:31,245 --> 00:07:32,679
My daughter,
she's really sweet.

204
00:07:32,713 --> 00:07:34,880
I would love to, Jerry,
but I'm afraid that I am busy.

205
00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:35,748
I have got to run.

206
00:07:35,766 --> 00:07:36,799
Google those rat tumors!

207
00:07:41,305 --> 00:07:43,422
Oh, lord.

208
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:44,641
Is he eating soup?

209
00:07:44,692 --> 00:07:46,426
On a bench? Alone?

210
00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:48,862
Tom.

211
00:07:49,697 --> 00:07:51,230
Fine.

212
00:07:51,598 --> 00:07:53,983
Come on, rubber band.
Come with us.

213
00:07:54,034 --> 00:07:55,101
What? What are you—

214
00:07:55,135 --> 00:07:56,319
No arguing.

215
00:07:56,370 --> 00:07:57,436
And no soup in the Benz.

216
00:07:57,854 --> 00:07:59,539
- Get in.
- Wha?

217
00:07:59,573 --> 00:08:00,773
What?

218
00:08:00,791 --> 00:08:01,958
What is happening right now?

219
00:08:08,314 --> 00:08:09,582
Great pillow fight, girls.

220
00:08:09,616 --> 00:08:11,450
That was one
of our best ones yet.

221
00:08:11,468 --> 00:08:13,503
Okay.
Now it's time for awards.

222
00:08:13,554 --> 00:08:16,022
Lulu gets the golden pillow.

223
00:08:16,056 --> 00:08:18,808
And the silver pillow
goes to Janie.

224
00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:21,010
Ooh!

225
00:08:22,061 --> 00:08:24,397
Yes, what is it?

226
00:08:24,431 --> 00:08:26,399
Ms. Knope,

227
00:08:26,433 --> 00:08:28,134
I don't like
the Rangers anymore.

228
00:08:28,152 --> 00:08:30,837
I want to become
a Pawnee Goddess.

229
00:08:30,871 --> 00:08:31,905
I did it!

230
00:08:31,939 --> 00:08:34,407
My club is officially
the best club.

231
00:08:34,441 --> 00:08:36,475
I would give myself
a merit badge that says

232
00:08:36,510 --> 00:08:38,244
"Best Club Founder,"
but I don't have one,

233
00:08:38,278 --> 00:08:39,578
so I'm going to give myself

234
00:08:39,613 --> 00:08:42,282
"Prettiest eyes"
as a placeholder.

235
00:08:42,316 --> 00:08:43,833
I secretly always
wanted this badge,

236
00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:45,835
so it works out great.

237
00:08:47,170 --> 00:08:48,701
You were defecting?

238
00:08:48,755 --> 00:08:50,739
I like you, Mr. Swanson,
it's just...

239
00:08:50,962 --> 00:08:53,247
All we do is sit in silence
and eat beans.

240
00:08:53,384 --> 00:08:55,778
Those beans were a reward.

241
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:56,867
Well, see, the thing is

242
00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,470
this club is for girls only.

243
00:08:58,501 --> 00:09:00,612
Maybe you should start
your own club, for boys.

244
00:09:00,651 --> 00:09:01,946
Get back to your canvas box.

245
00:09:01,996 --> 00:09:03,752
We'll discuss this no further.

246
00:09:03,791 --> 00:09:05,709
And I'll thank you
to keep the ruckus down

247
00:09:05,743 --> 00:09:08,004
so my boys can
focus on solitude.

248
00:09:08,041 --> 00:09:10,127
- I'm sorry, Darren.
- Let's go.

249
00:09:12,784 --> 00:09:14,935
So, treat yourself day
is just a day

250
00:09:14,969 --> 00:09:18,138
where you go to the spa
and then the mall?

251
00:09:19,357 --> 00:09:20,657
I knew you wouldn't get it.

252
00:09:20,692 --> 00:09:23,060
Well, I'm a relaxation novice.

253
00:09:23,094 --> 00:09:24,287
Give me some guidance.

254
00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:25,857
Listen to me, Ben-to box,

255
00:09:25,897 --> 00:09:28,190
the point of this
is to pamper yourself.

256
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,359
Just relaaax, man.

257
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:31,334
I can't.

258
00:09:31,372 --> 00:09:33,122
Something about
the sound of harps

259
00:09:33,191 --> 00:09:35,429
that makes me nervous.

260
00:09:35,606 --> 00:09:36,907
Oh, my God!

261
00:09:36,941 --> 00:09:38,566
- Hi, Donna.
- Hey.

262
00:09:38,751 --> 00:09:40,544
Relaxation lesson number one:

263
00:09:40,582 --> 00:09:41,895
Acupuncture.

264
00:09:42,013 --> 00:09:44,314
It's great for your back,
and your rear.

265
00:09:44,349 --> 00:09:47,150
Needles in your face,
pleasure in your base.

266
00:09:50,555 --> 00:09:52,322
- I know.
- That's my boss.

267
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,990
Hey, Chris.

268
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:57,260
Uh, I would like you
to meet my daughter, Millicent.

269
00:09:57,295 --> 00:09:59,012
Wow.

270
00:09:59,046 --> 00:10:00,163
Jerry, great job.

271
00:10:00,197 --> 00:10:01,531
I'm your dad's boss.

272
00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:03,466
And his much-younger friend.

273
00:10:03,501 --> 00:10:04,901
Pleasure to meet you.

274
00:10:04,936 --> 00:10:06,052
Isn't she beautiful?

275
00:10:06,103 --> 00:10:08,838
I say she looks
like my wife, Gayle,

276
00:10:08,856 --> 00:10:10,941
and Gayle agrees.

277
00:10:10,975 --> 00:10:13,109
So, anyway,
we were gonna go to lunch, so—

278
00:10:13,144 --> 00:10:16,012
I retroactively accept
your original offer.

279
00:10:16,365 --> 00:10:17,159
Let's go!

280
00:10:17,262 --> 00:10:18,468
Ladies, I just wanted

281
00:10:18,499 --> 00:10:21,336
to thank you for not cheering
when I sent Darren away.

282
00:10:21,383 --> 00:10:23,561
Ms. Knope,
wasn't Darren just asking

283
00:10:23,592 --> 00:10:25,481
for the same equality
that you and the goddesses

284
00:10:25,512 --> 00:10:27,751
wanted five years ago?

285
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,080
In a sense,

286
00:10:29,111 --> 00:10:30,968
but it's a little bit
more complicated than—

287
00:10:30,999 --> 00:10:32,705
Wasn't your answer
the very same thing

288
00:10:32,728 --> 00:10:34,769
that the ranger council
said to you?

289
00:10:34,806 --> 00:10:35,844
"Stick to your own kind"?

290
00:10:35,881 --> 00:10:38,334
Who wants
homemade peanut brittle?

291
00:10:38,362 --> 00:10:40,758
Ms. Perkins, please,
we're in the middle of a debate.

292
00:10:41,129 --> 00:10:42,696
Sorry.

293
00:10:42,877 --> 00:10:44,052
Come on, goddesses.

294
00:10:44,072 --> 00:10:46,258
We just struck
a huge blow for equality

295
00:10:46,289 --> 00:10:47,852
by proving that
we were better than them.

296
00:10:47,888 --> 00:10:48,783
I disagree.

297
00:10:48,810 --> 00:10:50,196
What about a public forum?

298
00:10:50,229 --> 00:10:52,159
You always say that
there's no better solution

299
00:10:52,213 --> 00:10:53,353
for a hot-button issue

300
00:10:53,377 --> 00:10:55,795
than a good ol'-fashioned
public forum.

301
00:10:55,835 --> 00:10:56,848
Great idea, Lauren.

302
00:10:56,887 --> 00:10:58,023
What was that?

303
00:10:58,054 --> 00:11:00,557
I said,
"great idea, Lauren."

304
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:02,085
I've taught them too well.

305
00:11:02,144 --> 00:11:05,313
I've created a mob of
little Leslie Knope monsters.

306
00:11:05,359 --> 00:11:06,593
I'm so proud.

307
00:11:06,689 --> 00:11:07,723
And a little annoyed.

308
00:11:07,759 --> 00:11:09,476
But mostly proud.

309
00:11:09,511 --> 00:11:10,811
70/30.

310
00:11:11,364 --> 00:11:14,492
- Just relax and don't move.
- Okay. Ah...

311
00:11:15,297 --> 00:11:16,991
This is the most

312
00:11:17,035 --> 00:11:19,733
stressed-out I've ever been

313
00:11:19,820 --> 00:11:20,887
in my life.

314
00:11:21,009 --> 00:11:22,460
Ben, listen.

315
00:11:22,492 --> 00:11:24,293
I'm gonna talk to you
about things you like

316
00:11:24,409 --> 00:11:25,576
to take your mind
off the needles, okay?

317
00:11:26,767 --> 00:11:28,592
Accounting.

318
00:11:29,164 --> 00:11:30,347
Trigonometry.

319
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:31,632
Stamps, probably.

320
00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:32,731
More of a rare coins guy.

321
00:11:32,751 --> 00:11:34,184
Help me. Help me!

322
00:11:34,313 --> 00:11:38,058
There is nothing that I like
more than running for charity.

323
00:11:38,110 --> 00:11:40,394
You know, last summer
I did a 50-mile bike ride

324
00:11:40,414 --> 00:11:42,139
- for the red cross.
- Yes, she did.

325
00:11:42,177 --> 00:11:43,493
Millicent Gergich,

326
00:11:43,511 --> 00:11:45,629
biking for charity is literally

327
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:47,214
one of my interests on Facebook.

328
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:50,223
I can't believe
how alike we are.

329
00:11:50,241 --> 00:11:52,776
I know, it's like
we're literally the same person.

330
00:11:56,386 --> 00:11:58,566
We are having a moment.

331
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:01,511
Attention, everyone.

332
00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:03,377
Welcome to wonder weekend's

333
00:12:03,415 --> 00:12:05,715
first-ever public forum.

334
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,442
Our topic today?

335
00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:09,222
Should the amazing goddesses

336
00:12:09,265 --> 00:12:12,216
take pity on the once-powerful
Pawnee Rangers,

337
00:12:12,371 --> 00:12:15,857
and let them into our
clearly superior organization?

338
00:12:15,900 --> 00:12:17,901
Ron, your opening statement.

339
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,459
This forum,
like all public forums,

340
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:23,543
is a waste of time.

341
00:12:23,576 --> 00:12:24,977
Thank you.

342
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:25,917
Powerful stuff.

343
00:12:25,961 --> 00:12:28,546
Okay. Let's open up
the floor to debate.

344
00:12:28,572 --> 00:12:29,989
Who— yes, Abigail.

345
00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:33,000
Isn't it like Brown vs.
The Board of Education?

346
00:12:33,061 --> 00:12:35,145
Separate but equal
is never really equal.

347
00:12:35,180 --> 00:12:36,280
We should let the boys in.

348
00:12:36,314 --> 00:12:37,931
Mmm, interesting. Casey?

349
00:12:37,982 --> 00:12:38,959
I disagree.

350
00:12:38,978 --> 00:12:41,773
I think there's a benefit
to educating the genders separately.

351
00:12:41,815 --> 00:12:43,615
I see where you're coming from.

352
00:12:43,698 --> 00:12:45,342
Let's hear from a ranger.

353
00:12:45,367 --> 00:12:47,136
Anyone? Darren?

354
00:12:47,431 --> 00:12:49,866
It's cold and dirty out here.

355
00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,054
And you guys have candy.

356
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,551
I want the candy.

357
00:12:54,358 --> 00:12:56,833
The goddesses are making
some well-informed statements,

358
00:12:56,864 --> 00:12:58,202
but the most compelling point

359
00:12:58,235 --> 00:13:00,038
is from Darren, about the candy.

360
00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:02,802
We have amazing candy in there.

361
00:13:03,274 --> 00:13:04,693
Welcome to Nirvana,

362
00:13:04,733 --> 00:13:06,467
the Plaza at Eagleton.

363
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,055
There's a reflecting pool
out back,

364
00:13:08,096 --> 00:13:10,297
there's an old-timey train
that runs through the mall,

365
00:13:10,337 --> 00:13:12,571
and three Burberrys.

366
00:13:12,606 --> 00:13:14,340
If you tell your friend,
"hey, meet me at Burberry,"

367
00:13:14,374 --> 00:13:16,976
they gotta specify which one.

368
00:13:16,998 --> 00:13:18,332
Let's hit it.

369
00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:20,916
I really want this dress,

370
00:13:20,993 --> 00:13:22,543
and I like this crystal beetle,

371
00:13:22,596 --> 00:13:25,513
but it's expensive
and there's no use for it.

372
00:13:25,656 --> 00:13:27,107
Donna Meagle?

373
00:13:27,575 --> 00:13:29,409
Treat yourself.

374
00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:31,702
Velvet slippies,
cashmere socks,

375
00:13:31,736 --> 00:13:33,787
velvet pants, cashmere turtle.

376
00:13:33,822 --> 00:13:35,572
I'm a cashmere-velvet
candy cane.

377
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,108
Treat yourself.

378
00:13:38,143 --> 00:13:39,677
I mean, this is insane.

379
00:13:40,962 --> 00:13:42,546
Jerry, a word?

380
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:43,647
Of course.

381
00:13:43,682 --> 00:13:45,883
I had an amazing lunch.

382
00:13:45,917 --> 00:13:48,168
I've already passed
the kale salad I had.

383
00:13:48,219 --> 00:13:49,219
But, even better?

384
00:13:49,254 --> 00:13:51,138
Your daughter
was delightful company.

385
00:13:51,172 --> 00:13:52,840
Now, I don't want to put you

386
00:13:52,891 --> 00:13:54,475
in an awkward position, but—

387
00:13:54,509 --> 00:13:56,260
You would like
to date my daughter.

388
00:13:56,294 --> 00:13:57,461
Yes!
But you are her father.

389
00:13:57,479 --> 00:13:59,229
And that is a sacred thing.

390
00:13:59,264 --> 00:14:01,432
I would like to spend
the next 2 to 4 days with you

391
00:14:01,466 --> 00:14:02,799
so you can get
to know me better,

392
00:14:02,817 --> 00:14:04,268
to find out if I'm
the kind of person

393
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:05,986
who's good enough
for your daughter.

394
00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:07,404
Then, you can come with us

395
00:14:07,439 --> 00:14:08,576
on our first 3 to 6 dates—

396
00:14:08,614 --> 00:14:10,130
Chris,
I appreciate the gesture,

397
00:14:10,189 --> 00:14:11,239
it's very nice,

398
00:14:11,294 --> 00:14:12,795
but, Milly,
she's a grown woman,

399
00:14:12,833 --> 00:14:14,564
and of course I trust her.

400
00:14:14,659 --> 00:14:16,172
And I trust you.

401
00:14:16,218 --> 00:14:17,485
Jerry.

402
00:14:17,538 --> 00:14:18,665
Thank you.

403
00:14:23,886 --> 00:14:24,830
Mmm.

404
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,730
Boys, I'm trying
to teach you something

405
00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:29,135
about nature and self-reliance.

406
00:14:29,252 --> 00:14:32,509
Nothing beats hard work
and determination.

407
00:14:32,554 --> 00:14:34,022
Is this the Pawnee goddesses?

408
00:14:34,057 --> 00:14:35,289
I've got
the puppies you ordered.

409
00:14:35,319 --> 00:14:35,958
Oh!

410
00:14:36,002 --> 00:14:37,715
The puppies for the puppy party

411
00:14:37,751 --> 00:14:38,945
that we're having in our cabin?

412
00:14:38,969 --> 00:14:39,936
Those puppies?

413
00:14:39,979 --> 00:14:40,798
What?

414
00:14:40,829 --> 00:14:42,248
Noo!

415
00:14:47,194 --> 00:14:49,613
Man, did you buy anything
for yourself today?

416
00:14:49,647 --> 00:14:50,864
Yeah, I got this pack of socks.

417
00:14:51,136 --> 00:14:53,293
Plain white socks?
That's not a treat!

418
00:14:53,318 --> 00:14:54,267
Donna!

419
00:14:54,306 --> 00:14:55,335
Get me away from him.

420
00:14:55,378 --> 00:14:57,640
Look. Maybe this is our
version of treat yourself day

421
00:14:57,673 --> 00:14:59,054
and he needs to do his version.

422
00:14:59,119 --> 00:15:00,164
What are you talking about?

423
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:02,664
Wyatt, if you could blow
big money on one thing—

424
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:04,121
not sock money—

425
00:15:04,185 --> 00:15:06,164
what would it be?

426
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,106
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

427
00:15:13,160 --> 00:15:14,954
This is a whole new
level of nerd.

428
00:15:15,096 --> 00:15:16,537
You're right.
This is ridiculous.

429
00:15:16,606 --> 00:15:18,162
- What am I doing?
- Wait. No, no, no, no.

430
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:19,760
I mean that in a good way, Ben.

431
00:15:19,811 --> 00:15:20,832
Listen to me,

432
00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:23,082
you're part of the
treat yourself team now, okay?

433
00:15:23,176 --> 00:15:25,219
If that costume
somehow makes you happy,

434
00:15:25,260 --> 00:15:26,723
you're gonna buy it.

435
00:15:26,917 --> 00:15:29,060
And you're gonna wear it
out of the store, okay?

436
00:15:29,116 --> 00:15:30,257
You're gonna treat yourself.

437
00:15:30,323 --> 00:15:31,289
Yeah, you know what?

438
00:15:31,324 --> 00:15:32,357
I'm gonna do that.

439
00:15:32,415 --> 00:15:33,915
I'm gonna—

440
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,743
I'm gonna treat myself.

441
00:15:35,791 --> 00:15:37,222
Thanks, you guys.

442
00:15:39,041 --> 00:15:41,230
Thank you.

443
00:15:42,007 --> 00:15:43,841
I really needed this.

444
00:15:46,026 --> 00:15:48,539
I'm gonna treat myself.

445
00:15:50,272 --> 00:15:52,554
Uh-oh. Batman's crying.

446
00:15:52,891 --> 00:15:54,554
I am a goddess.

447
00:15:54,595 --> 00:15:57,042
A glorious female warrior.

448
00:15:57,185 --> 00:15:58,979
I am a goddess.

449
00:15:59,037 --> 00:16:01,744
A glorious female warrior.

450
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,014
Queen of all that I survey.

451
00:16:04,079 --> 00:16:06,946
Queen of all that I survey.

452
00:16:06,989 --> 00:16:09,525
Enemies of fairness
and equality,

453
00:16:09,612 --> 00:16:11,307
hear my womanly roar.

454
00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:14,398
Enemies of fairness
and equality,

455
00:16:14,447 --> 00:16:17,342
hear my womanly roar.

456
00:16:22,907 --> 00:16:24,487
Congratulations,
you are now goddesses.

457
00:16:24,554 --> 00:16:26,082
Oh, my God!

458
00:16:27,128 --> 00:16:29,046
Now, have yourselves

459
00:16:29,073 --> 00:16:30,056
a puppy party.

460
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:40,524
Oh, boy.

461
00:16:42,758 --> 00:16:43,793
Hey.

462
00:16:43,846 --> 00:16:45,647
Can I sit down?

463
00:16:47,719 --> 00:16:50,855
Look, I didn't mean
for this to happen.

464
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,690
I have a lot of respect
for the Pawnee Rangers,

465
00:16:53,786 --> 00:16:56,405
even if they were jerks
five years ago.

466
00:16:56,757 --> 00:16:58,377
You're not a jerk.

467
00:16:58,423 --> 00:17:00,453
You're a good troop leader.

468
00:17:00,638 --> 00:17:03,239
Not for these times I'm not.

469
00:17:03,899 --> 00:17:05,911
It's taken me a while
to see this,

470
00:17:05,970 --> 00:17:08,605
but these kids...

471
00:17:08,915 --> 00:17:10,569
I don't understand 'em.

472
00:17:10,712 --> 00:17:12,980
And they certainly
don't understand me.

473
00:17:13,377 --> 00:17:14,555
That's not true.

474
00:17:14,605 --> 00:17:16,036
No, it is.

475
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,303
And it's okay.

476
00:17:17,345 --> 00:17:19,048
People change.

477
00:17:19,281 --> 00:17:21,316
Their interests change.

478
00:17:21,419 --> 00:17:24,354
It's the way of the world.

479
00:17:24,758 --> 00:17:27,976
When did kids get
so interested in fun?

480
00:17:30,030 --> 00:17:31,480
Ah...

481
00:17:31,962 --> 00:17:34,293
I'm gonna turn in.

482
00:17:34,818 --> 00:17:37,020
You were right, by the way.

483
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:39,125
Your group is better.

484
00:17:45,354 --> 00:17:47,304
What's wrong?
Out with it.

485
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:50,370
I was... seeing a woman,

486
00:17:50,551 --> 00:17:52,718
uh, for a while, and then

487
00:17:52,758 --> 00:17:54,936
we stopped seeing each other.

488
00:17:54,992 --> 00:17:57,236
Uh, pretty recently.

489
00:17:57,325 --> 00:17:59,710
That's why you've been
off your game.

490
00:18:00,018 --> 00:18:01,769
Sorry, dog.

491
00:18:01,828 --> 00:18:03,179
You're a catch, Wyatt.

492
00:18:03,525 --> 00:18:04,894
You're gonna be okay.

493
00:18:04,997 --> 00:18:06,673
There's chickenheads
everywhere, Ben.

494
00:18:06,710 --> 00:18:08,267
Chickenheads all around
this mall.

495
00:18:08,310 --> 00:18:10,023
You're gonna find one,
and you're gonna be great.

496
00:18:10,043 --> 00:18:11,350
But, for now,
why don't you let it out?

497
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,382
Treat yourself to a good cry.

498
00:18:14,931 --> 00:18:16,108
One question, though.

499
00:18:16,139 --> 00:18:17,683
Yeah?

500
00:18:18,248 --> 00:18:21,817
Why so serious?

501
00:18:23,666 --> 00:18:25,104
Wait, I got something.

502
00:18:25,154 --> 00:18:25,733
Oh!

503
00:18:25,764 --> 00:18:27,782
Cool! Awesome! Nice!

504
00:18:27,864 --> 00:18:29,565
Thanks, D-money.

505
00:18:29,668 --> 00:18:30,868
What kind of bait did you use?

506
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,443
I bought this mackerel
at the supermarket.

507
00:18:33,531 --> 00:18:34,832
I've been standing in the water

508
00:18:34,865 --> 00:18:36,124
with the fish on my hook

509
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,572
for 30 minutes.

510
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:39,669
I saw it on an episode
I Love Lucy.

511
00:18:39,822 --> 00:18:41,123
Pathetic? Maybe.

512
00:18:41,182 --> 00:18:43,337
But, feels pretty good
to have a bunch of little boys

513
00:18:43,396 --> 00:18:44,696
be super into me.

514
00:18:44,728 --> 00:18:45,771
That came out wrong.

515
00:18:45,823 --> 00:18:47,062
Ron!

516
00:18:47,112 --> 00:18:48,662
Come fish with us!

517
00:18:48,846 --> 00:18:50,359
That's okay.

518
00:18:50,634 --> 00:18:52,800
Seems like you have
things under control.

519
00:18:52,877 --> 00:18:53,618
Come on!

520
00:18:53,662 --> 00:18:55,179
Come do that thing
where you catch one

521
00:18:55,204 --> 00:18:56,279
with your hands!

522
00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:58,057
I've seen him do it,
it's incredible.

523
00:18:58,211 --> 00:18:59,507
Ron, come on!

524
00:18:59,563 --> 00:19:01,418
We need you
to help us have fun!

525
00:19:01,472 --> 00:19:03,066
First annual Leslie Knope

526
00:19:03,103 --> 00:19:05,288
remote control speedboat race!

527
00:19:08,182 --> 00:19:09,494
See ya Monday.

528
00:19:18,132 --> 00:19:19,216
Jerry.

529
00:19:19,573 --> 00:19:20,758
Where did you come from?

530
00:19:20,820 --> 00:19:22,545
Listen, as I said earlier,

531
00:19:22,607 --> 00:19:24,925
I want keep everything
above board in regards

532
00:19:24,966 --> 00:19:26,317
to my relationship
with your daughter.

533
00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:29,523
And, as you know, Millicent
and I went out last night.

534
00:19:29,557 --> 00:19:31,225
And... it went terrific.

535
00:19:31,259 --> 00:19:32,172
Chris, that's great,

536
00:19:32,209 --> 00:19:33,322
but you really don't
have to do this.

537
00:19:33,354 --> 00:19:35,305
Again, the date was amazing,

538
00:19:35,363 --> 00:19:37,825
we had sparkling conversation,

539
00:19:37,856 --> 00:19:39,574
and, full disclosure,

540
00:19:39,628 --> 00:19:41,295
she did spend the night
at my house.

541
00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:42,873
Have a great day, Jerry.

542
00:19:50,082 --> 00:19:51,282
What are you doing here?

543
00:19:51,317 --> 00:19:52,717
We're here for the club.

544
00:19:52,751 --> 00:19:53,968
That was last week.

545
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:55,520
The ad says today.

546
00:19:55,554 --> 00:19:56,554
Ad?

547
00:20:00,145 --> 00:20:01,645
"Are you tough as nails?

548
00:20:01,707 --> 00:20:03,766
" Would you rather sleep
on a bed of pine needles

549
00:20:03,810 --> 00:20:05,004
"than a mattress?

550
00:20:05,077 --> 00:20:06,925
"Do you find
video games pointless

551
00:20:06,968 --> 00:20:08,793
"and shopping malls stupid?

552
00:20:09,047 --> 00:20:11,373
"Do you march to the beat
of your own drummer?

553
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,663
"Did you make the drum yourself?

554
00:20:14,019 --> 00:20:17,071
"If so, you might just have
what it takes to be

555
00:20:17,122 --> 00:20:18,739
"a Swanson.

556
00:20:19,071 --> 00:20:21,822
"Pawnee's most hardcore
outdoor club starts today.

557
00:20:22,102 --> 00:20:25,120
Boys and girls welcome."

558
00:20:27,093 --> 00:20:28,059
Swansons!

559
00:20:28,095 --> 00:20:30,362
Are you prepared
for whatever lies ahead?

560
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:31,397
Yes, sir.

561
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:32,515
Before we proceed,

562
00:20:32,549 --> 00:20:35,281
do any of have any
dietary restrictions?

563
00:20:35,416 --> 00:20:37,367
Correct, you do not.

564
00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:39,205
First outing is right now.

565
00:20:39,326 --> 00:20:42,389
I will be teaching you to
dig a proper trench.

566
00:20:42,765 --> 00:20:44,847
Does that sound like
something you want to do?

567
00:20:44,945 --> 00:20:46,878
Yes, sir.

568
00:20:47,058 --> 00:20:49,298
This will be no fun at all.

569
00:20:53,325 --> 00:20:55,126
The Internet's not working.

570
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,127
Ben!

571
00:20:56,161 --> 00:20:57,013
We need your help.

572
00:20:57,038 --> 00:20:58,350
Guys, I've told you
how to do it.

573
00:20:58,395 --> 00:20:59,645
You just unplug the router

574
00:20:59,696 --> 00:21:01,313
and then you plug it
back in again.

575
00:21:04,670 --> 00:21:05,954
Guess I'll do it.

576
00:21:10,991 --> 00:21:12,142
Still not working.

577
00:21:12,239 --> 00:21:13,723
Well,
give it a minute. God.

578
00:21:16,615 --> 00:21:17,982
Okay, it's working.

579
00:21:18,292 --> 00:21:24,292
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther