1 00:00:00,139 --> 00:00:02,439 Hmm. Eyeballs wrapped, uhm... vampire teeth 2 00:00:02,539 --> 00:00:03,539 Boom! Vampire teeth. 3 00:00:03,606 --> 00:00:05,573 Good. Spider webs. 4 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,141 - Done. - Mm-hm. 5 00:00:07,209 --> 00:00:08,909 Fake blood capsules. 6 00:00:08,977 --> 00:00:10,478 Oh, they didn't have any. 7 00:00:10,546 --> 00:00:13,347 Really? 8 00:00:13,415 --> 00:00:15,616 That's gross, I love it. 9 00:00:15,684 --> 00:00:17,885 We are throwing a Halloween party at our house. 10 00:00:17,953 --> 00:00:19,187 It's gonna be the greatest thing ever. 11 00:00:19,254 --> 00:00:20,420 Someone will die. 12 00:00:20,488 --> 00:00:21,588 Of fun! 13 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:22,789 And of murder. 14 00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,691 And there's gonna be beer, pumpkins... 15 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:25,959 Bloody goblins. 16 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,260 Fake ones. It's gonna be awesome. 17 00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:28,328 We have decorations... 18 00:00:28,396 --> 00:00:29,896 Dead people that we just murdered. 19 00:00:29,964 --> 00:00:31,164 Not... murdered. 20 00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,366 But pictures of dead people from TV or movies. 21 00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:34,501 Mutilated bodies. 22 00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:35,502 B-but fake ones. 23 00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:37,703 Candy, dancing, Tequila. 24 00:00:37,770 --> 00:00:39,004 All kinds of food and snacks. 25 00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:40,005 Blood orphans. 26 00:00:40,073 --> 00:00:41,974 No blood orphans. 27 00:00:42,041 --> 00:00:44,343 I... I don't know what that is. 28 00:00:50,614 --> 00:00:59,951 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com. 29 00:01:05,097 --> 00:01:07,397 I want you on message, and the message is... 30 00:01:07,665 --> 00:01:08,598 Leslie Knope. 31 00:01:08,966 --> 00:01:10,100 If you're not talking about you, 32 00:01:10,167 --> 00:01:11,501 you're talking about the wrong thing. 33 00:01:11,569 --> 00:01:12,902 I hate talking about myself. 34 00:01:12,970 --> 00:01:15,104 Get over it. I talk about myself constantly. 35 00:01:15,172 --> 00:01:16,673 Everyone loves me for it. 36 00:01:16,741 --> 00:01:18,975 I really am amazing. 37 00:01:19,043 --> 00:01:20,310 When you work in government, people often suspect 38 00:01:20,378 --> 00:01:21,611 that you're anti-business. 39 00:01:21,679 --> 00:01:23,313 So I'm throwing a little meet-and-greet 40 00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:25,548 with business owners, and I've asked Tom's company to help. 41 00:01:25,615 --> 00:01:27,149 Here's my opening line: 42 00:01:27,217 --> 00:01:29,318 "Hi, I'm Leslie Knope, and I'm in the business 43 00:01:29,386 --> 00:01:30,653 of being city councilor." 44 00:01:30,721 --> 00:01:32,588 - Oh, my God. - I'm not going to use that. 45 00:01:32,656 --> 00:01:35,090 This is your primary target. 46 00:01:35,158 --> 00:01:36,925 President of the chamber of commerce, Martin Kernston. 47 00:01:36,993 --> 00:01:40,362 Oh, yes, from Kernston Rubber Nipples. 48 00:01:40,429 --> 00:01:42,364 "The nipple king." 49 00:01:42,431 --> 00:01:43,631 Photos, BIOS: 50 00:01:43,699 --> 00:01:46,100 likes, dislikes, prescription medications. 51 00:01:46,168 --> 00:01:47,502 I've heard of Martin Kernston. 52 00:01:47,570 --> 00:01:49,237 - I know a little bit about him. - Oh, really? 53 00:01:49,304 --> 00:01:50,972 Well, which of his advisors does he trust more, 54 00:01:51,039 --> 00:01:52,474 Ted Flirtman or Rex Spax? 55 00:01:52,541 --> 00:01:54,376 Well, it depends, Flirtman is more of a confidant— 56 00:01:54,443 --> 00:01:56,143 I made up both those names. 57 00:01:56,211 --> 00:01:57,544 Okay, I'm on it. 58 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,414 Get at me. 59 00:02:00,482 --> 00:02:02,616 Jean-Ralphio, stop crying. 60 00:02:02,684 --> 00:02:04,351 What? 61 00:02:04,419 --> 00:02:07,421 Hold on, slow down. Hold on— 62 00:02:07,489 --> 00:02:10,924 Allergic to chestnuts. 63 00:02:10,992 --> 00:02:14,126 And... good haircuts. 64 00:02:20,967 --> 00:02:22,134 It's too tight, looser. 65 00:02:22,202 --> 00:02:24,136 No, I feel like we need to inflate it more. 66 00:02:24,204 --> 00:02:25,738 No, I told you, I'm a sumo wrestler 67 00:02:25,806 --> 00:02:27,507 after he lost the weight. 68 00:02:27,574 --> 00:02:28,807 I take it we're having a party. 69 00:02:28,875 --> 00:02:30,575 Dude! 70 00:02:30,643 --> 00:02:32,544 I knew there was sometngng I forgot to tell you. Sorry. 71 00:02:32,612 --> 00:02:33,645 No, no, no, it's fine. 72 00:02:33,713 --> 00:02:34,780 Why should you guys tell me 73 00:02:34,847 --> 00:02:36,281 you're gonna have an enormous party? 74 00:02:36,348 --> 00:02:38,683 I-I didn't tell you I was gonna be quietly working in my room. 75 00:02:38,751 --> 00:02:39,918 - That's a good point. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 76 00:02:39,985 --> 00:02:41,386 I guess we're even. 77 00:02:41,454 --> 00:02:43,087 If you need me, I'll—I'll definitely be awake. 78 00:02:43,155 --> 00:02:45,823 Because I-I won't... be able to sleep. 79 00:02:45,891 --> 00:02:46,924 Because of the party. 80 00:02:46,991 --> 00:02:48,859 You know? 81 00:02:48,927 --> 00:02:51,228 So... All right. 82 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:54,164 My family is very non-confrontational. 83 00:02:54,232 --> 00:02:56,133 My parents' method of problem-solving 84 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:57,802 is to kind of keep everything bottled up 85 00:02:57,869 --> 00:03:01,137 and just subtly hint at what's bothering them. 86 00:03:01,204 --> 00:03:05,742 And after 36 years, they are still divorced. 87 00:03:07,845 --> 00:03:09,312 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 88 00:03:09,379 --> 00:03:10,947 Tom, this is not what I pictured at all. 89 00:03:11,014 --> 00:03:13,716 This looks like a party for Entertainment 720. 90 00:03:13,784 --> 00:03:16,452 Is Entertainment 720 running for office? 91 00:03:16,519 --> 00:03:17,920 It's a small business. 92 00:03:17,987 --> 00:03:19,387 You're trying to show people you have a good relationship 93 00:03:19,456 --> 00:03:21,122 with small businesses. 94 00:03:21,190 --> 00:03:22,991 Now the party, that's all about you, Boo. 95 00:03:23,059 --> 00:03:25,160 Okay, then shouldn't my face be on these rugs? 96 00:03:25,227 --> 00:03:26,795 I'm sorry, no. 97 00:03:26,863 --> 00:03:27,963 It's always been a dream of mine to be a rug. 98 00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:29,431 And it's finally happened. 99 00:03:29,499 --> 00:03:32,667 Tom, now is not a time for you to explore your weird dreams. 100 00:03:32,734 --> 00:03:35,169 Okay? I want all of this gone, all of it. 101 00:03:35,236 --> 00:03:37,037 Except that cake. Keep tha tcake here. 102 00:03:37,105 --> 00:03:39,207 Just scrape off the words. 103 00:03:43,411 --> 00:03:45,312 Donna? 104 00:03:45,380 --> 00:03:46,747 Blue shirt... 105 00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:47,882 Badge... 106 00:03:47,950 --> 00:03:48,915 Nightstick. 107 00:03:48,983 --> 00:03:51,084 You... are a policewoman. 108 00:03:51,151 --> 00:03:52,352 Yup. 109 00:03:52,419 --> 00:03:53,820 - You're a regular— - Sherlock Holmes. 110 00:03:53,888 --> 00:03:55,755 I solved that mystery before you did. 111 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,658 Okay, this was fun. 112 00:03:58,726 --> 00:03:59,759 Andy! 113 00:03:59,827 --> 00:04:02,061 You are UFC legend Chuck Liddell. 114 00:04:02,129 --> 00:04:04,163 That's right. 115 00:04:04,231 --> 00:04:06,064 Girl from The Ring. 116 00:04:06,132 --> 00:04:07,832 To me, Sherlock Holmes is literally 117 00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:10,102 the greatest character in the Western canon. 118 00:04:10,169 --> 00:04:12,872 Smart, intuitive, handsome. 119 00:04:13,439 --> 00:04:14,907 Replace his pasty British frailty 120 00:04:14,975 --> 00:04:17,275 with superhuman physical fitness, and you get... 121 00:04:17,843 --> 00:04:20,245 Sherlock Traeger. 122 00:04:20,313 --> 00:04:21,546 Mister Potato head. 123 00:04:21,614 --> 00:04:23,247 That's right. 124 00:04:23,315 --> 00:04:24,949 Hey, where's my lovely daughter tonight? 125 00:04:25,017 --> 00:04:26,017 She's at home. 126 00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:27,519 I knew that you would be here. 127 00:04:27,586 --> 00:04:29,020 And I was worried that you might be concerned, 128 00:04:29,087 --> 00:04:30,287 seeing us together at night. 129 00:04:30,355 --> 00:04:31,723 You're a very thoughtful guy. 130 00:04:31,790 --> 00:04:33,491 But really, I have no problem with the two of you dating. 131 00:04:33,559 --> 00:04:35,860 R-really, I mean, look at you. 132 00:04:35,928 --> 00:04:37,394 You're just, you know, beautiful. 133 00:04:37,461 --> 00:04:38,529 You're beautiful. 134 00:04:38,596 --> 00:04:40,531 On the inside where your spirit lives. 135 00:04:40,598 --> 00:04:43,233 Listen, tell her come to the party and I don't mind at all. 136 00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:46,904 Oh, good, I'll text her. 137 00:04:46,971 --> 00:04:49,439 Okay, you can text without looking at your phone? 138 00:04:49,507 --> 00:04:51,207 I think it's rude not to maintain eye contact 139 00:04:51,275 --> 00:04:52,242 with people that I'm talking to. 140 00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:55,444 That's from me. 141 00:04:55,512 --> 00:04:56,779 Wow! 142 00:04:56,847 --> 00:04:58,714 I—th-that's amazing. 143 00:04:58,782 --> 00:05:00,952 - High five. - Wow. 144 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,988 Hey, Ron. Good to see you. 145 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,489 Weren't you a pirate last year? 146 00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:10,324 Yes. This is my Halloween costume. 147 00:05:10,392 --> 00:05:13,929 Andrew, are you aware that your bathroom faucet is leaking? 148 00:05:14,496 --> 00:05:15,697 Are you kidding me? 149 00:05:15,765 --> 00:05:18,199 I just stuffed a sock in it yesterday. 150 00:05:18,267 --> 00:05:19,768 What else do they want me to do? 151 00:05:19,835 --> 00:05:22,837 There's an exposed wire above the bathtub as well. 152 00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:24,838 Oh, yeah, shockwire! 153 00:05:24,906 --> 00:05:26,941 I call it that 'cause if you take a shower 154 00:05:27,008 --> 00:05:29,509 and you touch the wire. 155 00:05:29,578 --> 00:05:31,244 You die! 156 00:05:31,312 --> 00:05:33,413 Yes, that is accurate. 157 00:05:33,481 --> 00:05:34,582 Do you have a toolbox? 158 00:05:34,649 --> 00:05:35,849 Yeah. 159 00:05:35,917 --> 00:05:39,319 No home is complete without a proper toolbox. 160 00:05:39,387 --> 00:05:41,754 Here's April and Andy's. 161 00:05:41,822 --> 00:05:43,522 A hammer. 162 00:05:43,591 --> 00:05:45,091 Half of a pretzel. 163 00:05:45,158 --> 00:05:46,292 Baseball card. 164 00:05:46,359 --> 00:05:50,663 Some cartridge that says "Sonic" and "Hedgehog." 165 00:05:50,731 --> 00:05:52,131 A scissor half. 166 00:05:52,199 --> 00:05:54,133 And a flashlight... 167 00:05:54,201 --> 00:05:57,135 Filled with jellybeans. 168 00:06:00,907 --> 00:06:03,508 Although I've not worked with you professionally, 169 00:06:03,576 --> 00:06:06,845 as a private citizen, I have personally patronized 170 00:06:06,913 --> 00:06:08,346 each and every one of your establishments. 171 00:06:08,414 --> 00:06:11,516 Mm, I've never seen you buy a salad at Sue's Salads. 172 00:06:11,584 --> 00:06:13,884 That's 'cause I don't hate myself, Tanya. 173 00:06:13,952 --> 00:06:15,019 I'm sorry. 174 00:06:15,087 --> 00:06:16,587 I know I should be chasing your vote, 175 00:06:16,655 --> 00:06:19,189 but I stand behind my decision to avoid salad 176 00:06:19,257 --> 00:06:20,357 and other disgusting things. 177 00:06:20,425 --> 00:06:21,826 And I think I have a lot of support 178 00:06:21,927 --> 00:06:23,961 in the community for that. 179 00:06:24,029 --> 00:06:26,497 Despite the fact that this seems like a party for Tom's face, 180 00:06:26,564 --> 00:06:28,232 uh, I think it's going pretty well. 181 00:06:28,299 --> 00:06:31,567 When in doubt, in Pawnee, slam salad. 182 00:06:31,636 --> 00:06:32,869 I'm just especially thankful 183 00:06:32,937 --> 00:06:34,004 that you could come, Mr. President. 184 00:06:34,071 --> 00:06:35,672 - Martin. - Martin. 185 00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:37,707 You were responsible for the Harvest Festival, right? 186 00:06:37,775 --> 00:06:39,375 No. Yes. Well... 187 00:06:39,443 --> 00:06:41,044 It was a team effort. I barely did anything. 188 00:06:41,112 --> 00:06:42,411 I held them back actually. 189 00:06:42,479 --> 00:06:45,781 They succeeded despite me. 190 00:06:45,815 --> 00:06:47,516 I'm sorry. I worked very hard on that event. 191 00:06:47,583 --> 00:06:48,951 I'm just.. 192 00:06:49,019 --> 00:06:51,020 Bureaucrats s aren't used to bragging about themselves. 193 00:06:52,588 --> 00:06:54,089 Tom, come over here and talk about how great I am. 194 00:06:56,026 --> 00:06:57,559 Tom M Veverfor I threw this shindig 195 00:06:57,593 --> 00:06:58,994 Tom, tell Martin how hard I worked 196 00:06:59,095 --> 00:07:00,328 on the Harvest Festival. 197 00:07:00,396 --> 00:07:03,031 It was incredible. 198 00:07:03,098 --> 00:07:04,132 A lot of people say the Harvest Festival 199 00:07:04,199 --> 00:07:05,833 is what launched Entertainment 720. 200 00:07:05,901 --> 00:07:07,168 - No one says that. - I just said it. 201 00:07:07,235 --> 00:07:09,436 My company, Entertainment 720, 202 00:07:09,504 --> 00:07:12,040 has an amazing business opportunity for Kernston's. 203 00:07:12,107 --> 00:07:13,675 Mind if I steal you away for a few seconds? 204 00:07:13,742 --> 00:07:15,009 Give you the 'tails? 205 00:07:15,077 --> 00:07:16,077 The 'tails? 206 00:07:16,145 --> 00:07:17,210 The details. 207 00:07:17,278 --> 00:07:19,245 Most people would probably say "the deets." 208 00:07:19,313 --> 00:07:20,513 I say "the 'tails." 209 00:07:20,581 --> 00:07:23,349 Just one example of innovation. 210 00:07:23,417 --> 00:07:25,085 Look, I don't like to throw around the word 211 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:27,187 "butthead" too often. 212 00:07:27,254 --> 00:07:28,555 If you call everybody a butthead, 213 00:07:28,622 --> 00:07:30,023 then it kind of loses its impact. 214 00:07:30,091 --> 00:07:32,059 But I can say without hesitation 215 00:07:32,126 --> 00:07:34,193 that Tom is being a real dick. 216 00:07:35,826 --> 00:07:36,793 Hey! 217 00:07:36,826 --> 00:07:38,093 You stole the nipple king. 218 00:07:38,222 --> 00:07:39,689 Thanks a lot, traitor. 219 00:07:39,757 --> 00:07:41,257 I'm sorry, I just needed to ask him about this one thing, 220 00:07:41,325 --> 00:07:42,392 but we're all good now. 221 00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:43,660 Wh-what if I just introduce you for your speech? 222 00:07:43,728 --> 00:07:44,361 I have a better idea. 223 00:07:44,462 --> 00:07:45,895 Why don't you go over to one of your rugs 224 00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:47,430 and sit on your own face? 225 00:07:47,498 --> 00:07:50,500 I don't need your "help" anymore. 226 00:07:50,568 --> 00:07:51,867 Hi there. 227 00:07:51,934 --> 00:07:53,769 Is there a project you're working on? 228 00:07:53,837 --> 00:07:55,270 I know more than you. 229 00:07:55,338 --> 00:07:57,773 All right. 230 00:07:57,841 --> 00:07:59,575 When April and Andy married, 231 00:07:59,642 --> 00:08:01,410 I didn't get them a wedding present. 232 00:08:01,478 --> 00:08:03,111 In my experience, wedding presents 233 00:08:03,179 --> 00:08:06,448 are nothing more than kindling on a divorce bonfire. 234 00:08:06,516 --> 00:08:10,451 But I think I found a way I can really help them make a home. 235 00:08:12,588 --> 00:08:14,889 You, beanbag, come with me. 236 00:08:14,956 --> 00:08:16,056 I'm an eggplant. 237 00:08:16,124 --> 00:08:17,792 I don't care. Come with me. 238 00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:21,295 - Why? - I need small hands. 239 00:08:21,363 --> 00:08:26,032 I'm... scared. 240 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,735 Look who decided to join the party, bro! 241 00:08:28,803 --> 00:08:30,537 That's awesome! 242 00:08:30,605 --> 00:08:31,605 Where's your costume? 243 00:08:31,672 --> 00:08:33,640 Honey, he's wearing a costume. 244 00:08:33,708 --> 00:08:35,041 He's going as lame. 245 00:08:36,511 --> 00:08:38,177 That's a pretty good costume actually. 246 00:08:38,245 --> 00:08:40,345 But, uh, I think the Batman costume's way better. 247 00:08:40,414 --> 00:08:41,947 You should go wear that. 248 00:08:42,015 --> 00:08:43,315 Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna put on a costume 249 00:08:43,383 --> 00:08:46,218 because I'm not really attending this party... 250 00:08:46,286 --> 00:08:47,553 That's at my house. 251 00:08:47,621 --> 00:08:49,922 Hey, listen, if you're mad about something, 252 00:08:49,989 --> 00:08:51,290 - you should just— - No, I'm not. 253 00:08:51,357 --> 00:08:52,425 I'm not mad. 254 00:08:52,492 --> 00:08:54,126 Really? Listen, I feel like you are mad. 255 00:08:54,193 --> 00:08:56,227 So maybe you should just talk to us about it. 256 00:08:57,295 --> 00:09:00,064 My name's Ben. 257 00:09:00,132 --> 00:09:02,000 I'm mad. 258 00:09:02,068 --> 00:09:03,768 All right, that was great, 259 00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:04,969 - Thank you. Thanks for that. - Soft, soft lips. 260 00:09:05,037 --> 00:09:06,070 Your fingers are salty. 261 00:09:06,138 --> 00:09:07,572 I'm gonna finish my work— 262 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,442 Oren, no! No. Stay out. 263 00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,609 Pawnee has suffered through a tough economy. 264 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:16,313 And what has kept our town alive is you, the small businessman. 265 00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:18,882 And I'm not referring to your stature, Gary. 266 00:09:18,950 --> 00:09:21,452 You are a giant in this community. 267 00:09:21,519 --> 00:09:23,587 So many business represented here today. 268 00:09:23,655 --> 00:09:26,290 Food and Stuff, JJ's Diner, 269 00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,458 Glenmore Discount Cemetery, 270 00:09:28,525 --> 00:09:30,359 uh, Tramp Stamp Tattoos, 271 00:09:30,427 --> 00:09:33,796 Enormous Kenny's Fried Dough Stand and Mobile Phone Emporium. 272 00:09:33,864 --> 00:09:36,432 Who else? Sue's Salads. 273 00:09:37,534 --> 00:09:39,469 Smooth Operator Bikini Waxes. 274 00:09:39,536 --> 00:09:41,437 Jeff's Savings and Loan... 275 00:09:41,505 --> 00:09:44,005 And Entertainment 720. 276 00:09:44,073 --> 00:09:46,608 Thank you so much for that amazing intro, Leslie. 277 00:09:46,676 --> 00:09:47,943 Hi, folks. 278 00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:49,377 My name is Tom Haverford, and I'm here to tell you 279 00:09:49,445 --> 00:09:52,380 a little bit about Pawnee's premiere entertainment 280 00:09:52,448 --> 00:09:53,782 and multimedia conglomerate, 281 00:10:01,255 --> 00:10:02,389 How about we watch this brief promotional film? 282 00:10:02,457 --> 00:10:03,390 What? 283 00:10:04,893 --> 00:10:07,294 Entertainment 720 has been a fixture of this community 284 00:10:07,362 --> 00:10:08,328 since June. 285 00:10:08,396 --> 00:10:09,730 Tom, listen to me. 286 00:10:09,798 --> 00:10:12,165 Turn that off or give me the remote right now. 287 00:10:12,233 --> 00:10:14,401 Can we let it play please? 288 00:10:14,469 --> 00:10:15,735 You're lucky that Martin Kernston is here 289 00:10:15,803 --> 00:10:18,004 because you're gonna need another nipple. 290 00:10:47,766 --> 00:10:48,900 There. 291 00:10:48,967 --> 00:10:50,501 I think I got it. 292 00:10:50,569 --> 00:10:52,703 Yep, you got it. 293 00:10:52,771 --> 00:10:54,772 Can you at least tell me what you're doing? 294 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,306 I'm a homeowner. 295 00:10:56,374 --> 00:10:59,243 I would like to actually learn something. 296 00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:01,179 Yeah. 297 00:11:01,247 --> 00:11:04,414 I'm tightening the valve stem into the valve shank. 298 00:11:04,481 --> 00:11:06,215 I'm replacing the handle. 299 00:11:06,283 --> 00:11:07,951 And then tightening the set screw, 300 00:11:08,019 --> 00:11:09,853 which will hold it in place. 301 00:11:09,921 --> 00:11:11,521 Now... 302 00:11:11,589 --> 00:11:13,690 Oh, my God! We made it work. 303 00:11:13,758 --> 00:11:15,025 It's a good feeling. 304 00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:17,994 A sense of accomplishment and pride. 305 00:11:18,062 --> 00:11:22,665 Damn it, I just love it so much. 306 00:11:22,732 --> 00:11:23,933 Are you okay? 307 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,034 Great. 308 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,535 I'm gonna go around this house 309 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:28,938 and fix everything I can find that needs fixing. 310 00:11:29,005 --> 00:11:30,039 You wanna help? 311 00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,807 I really do. 312 00:11:31,875 --> 00:11:33,442 Good. 313 00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,777 That's next. 314 00:11:35,844 --> 00:11:37,511 I can't reveal my identity 315 00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:39,280 because of various corporate enemies, 316 00:11:39,347 --> 00:11:40,448 but suffice it to say, 317 00:11:40,515 --> 00:11:43,818 I run a fairly popular social networking site. 318 00:11:43,886 --> 00:11:45,419 And let's face it, 319 00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:48,990 booking e720 was the smartest decision I ever made. 320 00:11:49,058 --> 00:11:51,892 I hope you liked this story. 321 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,761 I invented Facebook. 322 00:11:54,829 --> 00:11:57,130 Wow. Okay, um... 323 00:11:57,198 --> 00:12:00,467 I know that video seemed like the rantings of a lunatic 324 00:12:00,534 --> 00:12:02,168 pretending to be Mark zuckerberg— 325 00:12:02,236 --> 00:12:04,037 - That's who that was? - No. 326 00:12:04,105 --> 00:12:05,438 That is impressive. 327 00:12:05,506 --> 00:12:07,807 Uh, we're not gonna waste any more of your time. 328 00:12:07,874 --> 00:12:08,941 Agreed. Let's get right to it. 329 00:12:09,009 --> 00:12:12,011 Please welcome the e720 mailing list divas! 330 00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,983 I want all of y'all to write down the name 331 00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,318 and direct phone line for whoever's in charge 332 00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:22,655 of hiring independent contractors for your business! 333 00:12:22,723 --> 00:12:25,389 Now come join me and let's all take a dip 334 00:12:25,457 --> 00:12:28,860 in the e720 mobile hot tub! 335 00:12:28,928 --> 00:12:31,129 It's parked right outside. 336 00:12:31,196 --> 00:12:34,232 Le'go. 337 00:12:36,936 --> 00:12:38,169 - Hey, Ben. - Hey. 338 00:12:38,237 --> 00:12:39,970 Thought you weren't coming to the party. 339 00:12:40,038 --> 00:12:41,805 Well, I'm just having a butterfinger. 340 00:12:41,873 --> 00:12:42,840 Oh, really? 341 00:12:42,907 --> 00:12:44,041 Is that okay? 342 00:12:44,109 --> 00:12:45,676 No. 343 00:12:45,744 --> 00:12:47,577 You're not part of the party, you can't have the candy. 344 00:12:47,646 --> 00:12:48,914 - Back up. - All right. 345 00:12:48,946 --> 00:12:50,114 - Back up. - Okay. 346 00:12:50,181 --> 00:12:52,282 I have one sister. 347 00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:53,483 We steal each other's stuff, 348 00:12:53,551 --> 00:12:55,818 hack each other's Twitter accounts, 349 00:12:55,886 --> 00:12:57,486 set each other's clothes on fire. 350 00:12:58,554 --> 00:13:00,422 There are no rules. 351 00:13:03,093 --> 00:13:04,627 We need to deal with what's bothering you. 352 00:13:04,695 --> 00:13:06,328 Oh, please, come into my room. 353 00:13:06,396 --> 00:13:09,065 See? You're angry at me and you're not talking about it. 354 00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:12,834 And I'm gonna beat you up until you do, because I'm mature. 355 00:13:12,902 --> 00:13:14,069 What are you— 356 00:13:14,637 --> 00:13:16,138 Stop it. 357 00:13:16,205 --> 00:13:17,673 I grew up with five brothers and we fought. 358 00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:21,242 Using the Dwyer method, which was yelling, 359 00:13:21,310 --> 00:13:22,544 wrestling, 360 00:13:22,611 --> 00:13:25,080 crying, 361 00:13:25,148 --> 00:13:26,715 followed by lots of hugs. 362 00:13:26,783 --> 00:13:28,515 And then more wrestling, but the fun kind, 363 00:13:28,583 --> 00:13:29,750 and then crying when the fun kind of wrestling 364 00:13:29,818 --> 00:13:31,185 got out of hand. 365 00:13:31,252 --> 00:13:33,520 Um, can you let me go? 366 00:13:33,588 --> 00:13:35,089 Not 'til you tell me what's wrong. 367 00:13:37,325 --> 00:13:38,859 Um, Mr. President. 368 00:13:38,927 --> 00:13:42,362 I just want to apologize for the actions of that little weasel. 369 00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:43,530 Leslie, I'm a frugal man. 370 00:13:43,598 --> 00:13:45,565 I don't like extravagance or showmanship. 371 00:13:45,632 --> 00:13:47,433 That's why I cut my own hair. 372 00:13:47,501 --> 00:13:50,336 And it's what's made me a successful businessman. 373 00:13:50,404 --> 00:13:53,707 So if Entertainment 720 is the kind of business you trust, 374 00:13:53,774 --> 00:13:57,010 I'm afraid you and I don't share the same values. 375 00:14:06,219 --> 00:14:07,953 There you are, you little bastard. 376 00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,588 Get out of there right now. 377 00:14:09,655 --> 00:14:12,057 Leslie, can you do me a favor and just let me sit here? 378 00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:14,459 Tom, get out of your stupid limousine hot tub right now, 379 00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:15,793 or we are no longer friends. 380 00:14:15,861 --> 00:14:17,195 I'm not getting out. 381 00:14:17,262 --> 00:14:20,231 Fine, then I'm getting in. 382 00:14:20,298 --> 00:14:21,498 Listen to me. 383 00:14:21,566 --> 00:14:22,967 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, get away from me. 384 00:14:23,035 --> 00:14:25,269 You know what you are? You're a selfish little punk, okay? 385 00:14:25,337 --> 00:14:26,437 Just because you want something doesn't mean 386 00:14:26,504 --> 00:14:27,905 that everybody has to bow to— 387 00:14:27,973 --> 00:14:30,074 listen to me! You didn't even let me have my one night. 388 00:14:30,142 --> 00:14:32,375 Look at me! I don't want to see your face. 389 00:14:32,443 --> 00:14:34,111 Look at me. I don't want to see your face! 390 00:14:34,178 --> 00:14:35,311 I've been looking at your face all night. 391 00:14:35,379 --> 00:14:36,412 God! 392 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,548 I'm sorry. 393 00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:39,716 What's wrong with you? 394 00:14:40,784 --> 00:14:42,318 My company's bankrupt. 395 00:14:42,386 --> 00:14:43,386 Okay? 396 00:14:43,387 --> 00:14:45,822 Entertainment 720 is dead. 397 00:14:46,890 --> 00:14:49,391 Oh, man. 398 00:14:52,053 --> 00:14:54,021 Excuse us. 399 00:14:54,889 --> 00:14:56,056 Nice form, son. 400 00:14:56,123 --> 00:14:58,290 Make sure you keep a firm pressure on the cranium. 401 00:14:58,357 --> 00:14:59,391 On the cranium? 402 00:14:59,458 --> 00:15:00,693 Listen up! 403 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:02,661 I have to turn off the power for one minute. 404 00:15:02,729 --> 00:15:05,564 We're gonna go dark, people. Bear with us, okay? 405 00:15:05,631 --> 00:15:07,599 We gotta switch off the main fuse hose. 406 00:15:07,667 --> 00:15:08,834 It's just a fuse. 407 00:15:08,902 --> 00:15:12,937 It's just a fuse... People. Just a fuse. 408 00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:27,752 Well, maybe we should get out of this hot tub. 409 00:15:27,820 --> 00:15:29,452 I'm too sad to get out. 410 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:30,754 And I'm all pruney. 411 00:15:30,822 --> 00:15:31,922 What happened? 412 00:15:31,989 --> 00:15:33,256 I don't know. 413 00:15:33,324 --> 00:15:34,357 I guess I just didn't moisturize enough this morning, 414 00:15:34,425 --> 00:15:35,358 and I've been laying around— 415 00:15:35,426 --> 00:15:37,928 With the company, Tom. 416 00:15:38,495 --> 00:15:40,764 We're hemorrhaging cash ever since we opened. 417 00:15:40,832 --> 00:15:42,699 They say you've got to spend money to make money. 418 00:15:42,767 --> 00:15:43,700 Well, I don't know where we went wrong. 419 00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:45,367 We spent all of our money. 420 00:15:46,235 --> 00:15:47,036 Okay. 421 00:15:48,104 --> 00:15:49,538 You know what you need? 422 00:15:49,606 --> 00:15:51,807 Some good old-fashioned comfort food. 423 00:15:51,875 --> 00:15:53,075 Where are we gonna get Albacore tuna 424 00:15:53,143 --> 00:15:54,343 with crispy onions at this hour? 425 00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:55,845 Come on. 426 00:15:55,912 --> 00:15:58,214 Looks like you've got the handle on that torque wrench. 427 00:15:58,281 --> 00:16:00,382 Yeah, well, the flange was a little warped. 428 00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:02,784 So I just goosed it with a triple three bolt smack. 429 00:16:03,552 --> 00:16:04,685 That was nonsense. 430 00:16:04,754 --> 00:16:07,222 I know, but it's so fun to talk like that. 431 00:16:07,289 --> 00:16:08,556 You know what? 432 00:16:09,324 --> 00:16:11,093 Keep this. 433 00:16:12,161 --> 00:16:13,461 You earned it. 434 00:16:13,528 --> 00:16:15,864 Thanks, Ron. 435 00:16:22,603 --> 00:16:24,171 I need to get more dip. 436 00:16:24,239 --> 00:16:26,439 Great. 437 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:28,112 I'm going. 438 00:16:32,180 --> 00:16:33,846 - Come on, walk. - No. 439 00:16:33,914 --> 00:16:36,482 This is a pacifist protest. Had enough? 440 00:16:36,549 --> 00:16:38,617 You need to let go of me. 441 00:16:38,685 --> 00:16:40,887 Yeah, get it. That's good. There we go. 442 00:16:44,624 --> 00:16:47,160 - Let go of me. - He's got his back. 443 00:16:47,227 --> 00:16:48,427 Come on, fight me. 444 00:16:48,495 --> 00:16:51,562 - No! - Noooo. 445 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,600 Nice! Yeah! 446 00:16:55,668 --> 00:16:57,335 Oh, my God, Andy, I am so sorry. 447 00:16:59,172 --> 00:17:01,339 Psych! Blood capsules. 448 00:17:02,408 --> 00:17:04,509 - What? - Yeah! 449 00:17:04,576 --> 00:17:07,211 I wanted to shock you into expressing your anger. 450 00:17:07,279 --> 00:17:09,880 And that way— ! My nose is broken. 451 00:17:09,948 --> 00:17:11,115 Oh, my God. 452 00:17:11,183 --> 00:17:12,283 - I gotta go to the hospital. - Andy, come on. 453 00:17:12,350 --> 00:17:13,284 - Oh, my God. - Didn't it feel good? 454 00:17:13,351 --> 00:17:14,285 Come here. 455 00:17:14,352 --> 00:17:15,485 Yup! 456 00:17:15,553 --> 00:17:17,454 Wow, I thought you guys were doing great. 457 00:17:17,522 --> 00:17:18,689 I remember trying to hire you once. 458 00:17:18,756 --> 00:17:20,191 And you said you were all booked up. 459 00:17:20,258 --> 00:17:22,225 That was a business tactic. 460 00:17:22,293 --> 00:17:24,026 For the first two weeks, we told everyone we were booked solid 461 00:17:24,027 --> 00:17:25,528 to make people want us more. 462 00:17:25,595 --> 00:17:28,131 Oh, no, that's the stupidest idea I've ever heard. 463 00:17:29,399 --> 00:17:30,867 Well, hindsight is 20/20. 464 00:17:30,935 --> 00:17:32,068 Kind of seems like regular sight 465 00:17:32,136 --> 00:17:33,703 should have caught that one. 466 00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:36,306 Also, your logo, it's the worst logo I've ever seen. 467 00:17:36,373 --> 00:17:38,040 It doesn't make any sense. It's gibberish. 468 00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,610 We made some mistakes. 469 00:17:42,178 --> 00:17:44,046 Tonight was my last chance to land a big client. 470 00:17:44,113 --> 00:17:46,148 And I failed again. 471 00:17:46,216 --> 00:17:47,615 God, it's so embarrassing. 472 00:17:47,683 --> 00:17:50,185 Oh, hey, Tom, you're a smart guy. 473 00:17:50,253 --> 00:17:52,321 And charming. Occasionally. 474 00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:55,622 You're gonna have a lot more good ideas. 475 00:17:56,190 --> 00:17:58,059 Thanks. 476 00:17:58,126 --> 00:17:59,894 Sorry I screwed up your campaign thing. 477 00:17:59,962 --> 00:18:01,795 I really wanted to do a good job. 478 00:18:01,864 --> 00:18:04,298 I made you this amazing video biography. 479 00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:06,033 Of my life? 480 00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:07,201 It's back at the office. 481 00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:08,669 - Well, let's eat and go. - Okay. 482 00:18:09,237 --> 00:18:10,803 Didn't I ask for whipped cream on this? 483 00:18:10,872 --> 00:18:11,872 Ma'am? 484 00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:13,974 Ugh, does it hurt? 485 00:18:14,041 --> 00:18:16,076 Yeah, you broke my nose, so... 486 00:18:16,143 --> 00:18:17,577 - I'm sorry. - But I don't even care. 487 00:18:17,644 --> 00:18:20,813 Just get it all out there, man. Go. 488 00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:22,015 All right... maybe you have to start thinking about 489 00:18:22,083 --> 00:18:23,750 how—how your actions affect me. 490 00:18:23,817 --> 00:18:27,819 Like, tell me about stuff happening in the house. 491 00:18:28,388 --> 00:18:31,190 Stop referring to my bedroom as a common space. 492 00:18:31,258 --> 00:18:35,094 Stop using my comforter for your pillow forts. 493 00:18:35,161 --> 00:18:36,095 Just... respect me. 494 00:18:36,162 --> 00:18:37,096 Absolutely. 495 00:18:37,163 --> 00:18:38,364 - Really? - Yep. 496 00:18:38,431 --> 00:18:40,432 And in return, I'll only ask for one thing, 497 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,833 which is for you to pay for studio recording time 498 00:18:42,902 --> 00:18:44,235 for my band to do our new album. 499 00:18:44,303 --> 00:18:46,604 It's gonna be about 5,600 bucks. Deal? 500 00:18:46,671 --> 00:18:49,540 That's not gonna happen. 501 00:18:49,608 --> 00:18:51,042 Here's something for the pain and some ice packs. 502 00:18:51,110 --> 00:18:53,177 - Oh. - You his friend? 503 00:18:53,245 --> 00:18:56,214 Him? Hell, no. 504 00:18:56,282 --> 00:19:00,017 We're brothers. 505 00:19:00,084 --> 00:19:01,919 - Excuse me. Hey. - Hi. 506 00:19:01,986 --> 00:19:03,720 We should go. I'm blocking an ambulance. 507 00:19:04,388 --> 00:19:06,089 Ew, if your nose is all weird after this, 508 00:19:06,157 --> 00:19:07,291 I'm totally gonna divorce you. 509 00:19:07,358 --> 00:19:08,691 Whatever, I'm gonna divorce you first 510 00:19:08,759 --> 00:19:10,127 for wearing my favorite hoodie. 511 00:19:11,194 --> 00:19:12,429 Is everything cool? 512 00:19:12,496 --> 00:19:15,631 - Yeah, it is. - Let's go. 513 00:19:15,698 --> 00:19:17,166 We just can't use Ben's comforters anymore 514 00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:18,367 for our pillow forts. 515 00:19:18,435 --> 00:19:22,071 Ugh, what are we gonna have sex on? 516 00:19:23,639 --> 00:19:26,708 The year was 1975. 517 00:19:26,776 --> 00:19:28,744 It was a time of trouble. 518 00:19:28,812 --> 00:19:32,314 Watergate, Vietnam, 519 00:19:32,381 --> 00:19:35,050 Peter Gabriel leaves Genesis. 520 00:19:35,117 --> 00:19:37,319 But then, a ray of hope... 521 00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:44,025 Leslie Barbara Knope was born on January 18, 1975. 522 00:19:44,093 --> 00:19:47,127 And she has been a loyal patron of its businesses ever since. 523 00:19:47,195 --> 00:19:51,131 Tom Haverford is a selfish, unctuous, sleazy, 524 00:19:51,199 --> 00:19:54,869 self-promoting, good-hearted, secretly kind and wonderful 525 00:19:54,937 --> 00:19:56,437 tiny little person. 526 00:19:56,505 --> 00:19:58,138 He went to Kernston's office 527 00:19:58,206 --> 00:20:00,808 and basically begged him to meet with me again. 528 00:20:00,876 --> 00:20:02,809 I think he technically might have bribed him. 529 00:20:02,877 --> 00:20:04,277 But hey, you know, whatever works. 530 00:20:04,345 --> 00:20:06,480 It was Mary pickford who once said, 531 00:20:06,547 --> 00:20:09,716 "This thing we call failure is not the falling down, 532 00:20:09,784 --> 00:20:13,052 but the staying down." 533 00:20:13,120 --> 00:20:14,955 Tom won't be down for long. 534 00:20:15,022 --> 00:20:17,723 Her name is Leslie Knope. 535 00:20:17,791 --> 00:20:19,825 And I'm gonna vote for her. 536 00:20:19,893 --> 00:20:24,262 And if Lil' Sebastian were still alive, he'd surely vote for her. 537 00:20:24,330 --> 00:20:26,901 And I reckon you should too. 538 00:20:28,568 --> 00:20:30,135 Did ya like it? 539 00:20:30,203 --> 00:20:31,770 It's pretty great, right? 540 00:20:31,838 --> 00:20:33,372 Worked really hard on it. 541 00:20:33,439 --> 00:20:35,974 Yeah, I loved it. 542 00:20:36,041 --> 00:20:38,342 I'm gonna watch it every day for the rest of my life. 543 00:20:38,410 --> 00:20:41,345 And when I die, I'm gonna project it on my tombstone. 544 00:20:44,525 --> 00:20:47,592 I had an amazing time at that party. 545 00:20:48,025 --> 00:20:50,392 And in the case of the woman who's stolen my heart, 546 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:54,397 the culprit... was Millicent Gergich. 547 00:20:54,464 --> 00:20:56,532 You should look into actual detective work. 548 00:20:56,599 --> 00:20:57,999 I will. 549 00:20:58,067 --> 00:21:01,036 And, Jerry, I've decided to take your daughter home. 550 00:21:01,103 --> 00:21:03,071 And we may be having intercourse. 551 00:21:03,139 --> 00:21:05,240 Please, you've got to stop saying things like that to me. 552 00:21:05,307 --> 00:21:06,307 You've got it, man. 553 00:21:06,375 --> 00:21:07,542 Bye, dad. 554 00:21:10,846 --> 00:21:11,913 Everything okay? 555 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:14,948 I can't find my car keys. 556 00:21:15,016 --> 00:21:18,952 Solve this mystery, genius. 557 00:21:20,628 --> 00:21:27,930 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com