1
00:00:00,559 --> 00:00:01,358
Tom!

2
00:00:01,359 --> 00:00:04,893
I would like you to redesign
our Parks department logo.

3
00:00:04,961 --> 00:00:06,228
Sounds cool so far.

4
00:00:06,796 --> 00:00:09,898
Rethink our visual brand,
take these words,

5
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:12,567
and make
something amazing.

6
00:00:12,635 --> 00:00:14,269
So you're saying you want me
to choose a new font?

7
00:00:14,337 --> 00:00:16,637
Yes, essentially I'd like
you to choose a new font.

8
00:00:16,704 --> 00:00:18,205
Jerry, I am making you
my number-two guy

9
00:00:18,773 --> 00:00:19,773
on the new font project.

10
00:00:19,841 --> 00:00:22,009
Come on, that's too close.
Let's make him a number-three.

11
00:00:22,077 --> 00:00:23,377
Fair enough.
Jerry, you're number three.

12
00:00:23,445 --> 00:00:25,313
There's only two of us.

13
00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:28,549
He has been
in this department a long time.

14
00:00:28,616 --> 00:00:30,151
I think maybe you could
learn somethg from him.

15
00:00:42,029 --> 00:00:47,029
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

16
00:00:59,179 --> 00:01:01,480
Our research shows
that our park

17
00:01:01,547 --> 00:01:03,882
will draw
5,000 visitors a year,

18
00:01:03,950 --> 00:01:07,018
and I want this to be
the most amazing, awe-inspiring,

19
00:01:07,086 --> 00:01:08,686
fun-filled park
ever conceived.

20
00:01:08,753 --> 00:01:10,254
Now how big
is the park, exactly?

21
00:01:10,322 --> 00:01:15,593
It is.000003

22
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:16,961
square miles.

23
00:01:17,029 --> 00:01:18,963
Recently, the last remaining
telephone booths

24
00:01:19,031 --> 00:01:20,630
in Pawnee were torn down,

25
00:01:20,698 --> 00:01:21,999
and on that
patch of concrete,

26
00:01:22,066 --> 00:01:24,634
I am creating Pawnee's
newest tourist attraction

27
00:01:24,702 --> 00:01:26,769
The smallest park
in Indiana.

28
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,271
The title
is currently held

29
00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,207
by Martin Luther King, Jr. Park
in Terryville,

30
00:01:30,274 --> 00:01:31,608
but guess what?

31
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:35,379
Terryville sucks old car tires,
and so does Martin Luther—

32
00:01:35,446 --> 00:01:38,347
No, he does not
suck old car tires.

33
00:01:38,415 --> 00:01:40,316
He was one of
the greatest men in history.

34
00:01:40,384 --> 00:01:43,785
I'm sorry.
Sometimes I get competitive.

35
00:01:43,853 --> 00:01:46,122
Has there been any resistance
from the community?

36
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:47,323
No, not at all.

37
00:01:47,391 --> 00:01:48,657
It's so small
we don't even need to do

38
00:01:48,725 --> 00:01:50,426
an environmental impact report.

39
00:01:50,494 --> 00:01:53,261
It's inexpensive,
it benefits the town,

40
00:01:53,329 --> 00:01:54,729
it's a total slam dunk.

41
00:01:54,796 --> 00:01:56,831
You two, when you work
on a project together,

42
00:01:56,899 --> 00:01:58,966
are simply amazing.

43
00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:00,835
Great job, team.

44
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:02,504
Man, all these classes
look amazing.

45
00:02:02,971 --> 00:02:04,005
I can't choose.

46
00:02:04,073 --> 00:02:05,640
They do this thing
called a "shopping period,"

47
00:02:05,707 --> 00:02:07,575
where you can just sample
as many classes as you want.

48
00:02:07,643 --> 00:02:08,842
- Really?
- Yeah.

49
00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:10,310
Sports and Society.

50
00:02:10,378 --> 00:02:12,712
Physical Science.

51
00:02:12,780 --> 00:02:14,181
A crash course?

52
00:02:14,249 --> 00:02:15,649
Yeah, but it's not
what you think.

53
00:02:15,716 --> 00:02:17,551
Oh.

54
00:02:17,618 --> 00:02:20,054
I did not graduate college,
because I did not "attend" it,

55
00:02:20,121 --> 00:02:21,721
but I'm trying
to improve myself,

56
00:02:21,789 --> 00:02:24,590
so I'm gonna start
by taking just one class.

57
00:02:24,658 --> 00:02:25,958
If you're gonna
take a college course,

58
00:02:26,026 --> 00:02:28,027
Andrew, you should
explore a new subject.

59
00:02:28,619 --> 00:02:30,596
- Broaden your horizons.
- Yup.

60
00:02:30,664 --> 00:02:32,098
Horizons are dumb.
Never broaden your horizons.

61
00:02:32,166 --> 00:02:33,566
Yup.

62
00:02:33,633 --> 00:02:35,334
Just take something you're
great at and get an easy "A".

63
00:02:35,402 --> 00:02:39,439
No offense, Ron, but April's
way sounds way easier.

64
00:02:39,506 --> 00:02:42,240
Guitar for beginners.

65
00:02:42,308 --> 00:02:43,241
I value a good education,

66
00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:44,476
so I don't want
to see Andy

67
00:02:44,544 --> 00:02:46,744
waste his time in college.

68
00:02:46,812 --> 00:02:49,448
Of all my coworkers,
he is one of a small number

69
00:02:49,515 --> 00:02:51,450
whom I do not
actively root against.

70
00:02:52,517 --> 00:02:55,720
Ugh, there I go
getting all sappy.

71
00:02:57,954 --> 00:02:59,323
- Hey.
- Hey.

72
00:02:59,391 --> 00:03:01,658
So, I have about nine things
I need to talk to you about.

73
00:03:01,726 --> 00:03:03,260
The first is
the ribbon-cutting ceremony.

74
00:03:03,328 --> 00:03:04,995
Do you know who's
bringing scissors?

75
00:03:05,063 --> 00:03:07,498
Because I cannot tell you
how many ceremonies get derailed

76
00:03:07,566 --> 00:03:08,865
when people don't
bring scissors.

77
00:03:08,933 --> 00:03:10,167
- Number two—
- Right. Um, listen.

78
00:03:10,235 --> 00:03:11,368
I'm actually
glad you're here.

79
00:03:11,436 --> 00:03:12,569
Oh, yeah?

80
00:03:12,636 --> 00:03:13,936
After
this project finishes,

81
00:03:14,004 --> 00:03:15,472
I'm gonna focus
on other departments

82
00:03:15,539 --> 00:03:17,474
and cut down my time
with Parks and Rec.

83
00:03:17,541 --> 00:03:18,975
What?

84
00:03:19,542 --> 00:03:22,378
Well, look, I mean,
we tried hanging out together,

85
00:03:22,446 --> 00:03:26,316
we tried working together,
and it just...

86
00:03:26,383 --> 00:03:27,650
Bums me out.

87
00:03:27,718 --> 00:03:29,851
No, no, no. We're just
working out the kinks.

88
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:31,686
You don't need
to decrease your time with me.

89
00:03:31,754 --> 00:03:33,688
In fact, you need
to increase your time with me.

90
00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,591
You need to spend
more time with me.

91
00:03:35,658 --> 00:03:36,891
That make sense?
I think it does.

92
00:03:36,959 --> 00:03:38,227
No, Leslie,
no, listen to me.

93
00:03:38,294 --> 00:03:40,429
After The Smallest Park
wraps up,

94
00:03:40,497 --> 00:03:41,730
I am going to ask Chris

95
00:03:41,797 --> 00:03:44,565
to take over
all Parks and Rec business.

96
00:03:44,633 --> 00:03:47,235
Okay?

97
00:03:47,802 --> 00:03:49,337
- Okay.
- All right.

98
00:03:49,404 --> 00:03:50,804
Well,
if you'll excuse me,

99
00:03:50,872 --> 00:03:52,806
I need to ascertain
the whereabouts

100
00:03:52,874 --> 00:03:56,110
of some oversized
ceremonial scissors.

101
00:03:56,178 --> 00:03:57,612
I—

102
00:03:57,679 --> 00:04:01,714
Those are
my pens and pencils.

103
00:04:01,782 --> 00:04:05,285
No, see, I think that
Comic Sans always screams "fun."

104
00:04:05,353 --> 00:04:06,286
Right?

105
00:04:06,354 --> 00:04:08,588
But, man,
those "r's in Helvetica,

106
00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:10,089
they're just, you know, like,
really popping for me.

107
00:04:10,158 --> 00:04:12,359
I've never been more bored
in my entire life.

108
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:13,826
Who cares about letters?

109
00:04:13,894 --> 00:04:15,895
The only good font
is the Sopranos one,

110
00:04:15,963 --> 00:04:17,263
where the "r" is a pistol.

111
00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:19,331
Let's think bigger,
people, come on.

112
00:04:19,399 --> 00:04:21,233
What about
a top-to-bottom makeover

113
00:04:21,301 --> 00:04:22,868
for the entire department?

114
00:04:22,935 --> 00:04:25,804
I'm talking new uniforms,
new signage, new color scheme.

115
00:04:25,872 --> 00:04:27,339
A whole, new, sexy vibe.

116
00:04:27,407 --> 00:04:28,541
I don't know.

117
00:04:28,608 --> 00:04:29,841
This really isn't what Chris
asked us to do.

118
00:04:29,909 --> 00:04:32,044
You know, maybe we should just
stick to the assignment.

119
00:04:32,111 --> 00:04:33,211
Cool, Jerry.

120
00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:34,445
I'd take your advice
if I wanted to be

121
00:04:34,513 --> 00:04:37,048
a dead-eyed government drone
with no ambition.

122
00:04:37,115 --> 00:04:39,384
Yes, technically my new job
is my old job,

123
00:04:39,451 --> 00:04:42,353
but I'm not some boring,
Jerry Gergich-type guy.

124
00:04:42,421 --> 00:04:43,954
I'm more of a Steve Harvey.

125
00:04:44,022 --> 00:04:48,825
I dream big, I shake things up,
and I always wear dope suits.

126
00:04:49,393 --> 00:04:52,296
Okay, can anyone tell me
what this is called?

127
00:04:52,363 --> 00:04:53,463
- Uh, that's a fret.
- Yeah.

128
00:04:53,531 --> 00:04:55,165
And that little thing
you got right there—

129
00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:58,202
that's called a capo.
Changes the key.

130
00:04:58,269 --> 00:05:00,003
Uh, maybe you should be
in the advanced class?

131
00:05:00,071 --> 00:05:01,738
Yeah, maybe I should.

132
00:05:01,806 --> 00:05:03,507
Dude, dumb it down.

133
00:05:03,575 --> 00:05:07,142
But I couldn't possibly,
because I'm just a beginner.

134
00:05:07,211 --> 00:05:10,879
I barely haven't even
ever seen a "gortar."

135
00:05:10,947 --> 00:05:13,549
Okay.

136
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:15,918
We will be working on basic
chords for the first four weeks.

137
00:05:15,985 --> 00:05:18,221
Oh, my God.
Four weeks.

138
00:05:18,288 --> 00:05:20,155
I'm already bored.

139
00:05:20,223 --> 00:05:22,424
Of course you are.
You're not challenging yourself.

140
00:05:22,491 --> 00:05:24,926
I suggest we sample
a few more classes.

141
00:05:24,993 --> 00:05:26,394
Fine.

142
00:05:26,462 --> 00:05:27,729
Very good.

143
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:32,601
Good-bye, everybody.
Guess what.

144
00:05:32,668 --> 00:05:35,403
I was secretly an undercover
rock star this whole time.

145
00:05:37,706 --> 00:05:38,872
For what it's worth,

146
00:05:38,940 --> 00:05:41,675
I think you would make
an incredible brunette.

147
00:05:41,743 --> 00:05:45,613
Ron Swanson.

148
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:47,481
I mean,
he's not even attending

149
00:05:47,549 --> 00:05:50,251
the ribbon-cutting ceremony
of a park that we made together.

150
00:05:50,318 --> 00:05:51,719
I'm sorry, Leslie.

151
00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:53,353
I'm just freaking out.

152
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:55,521
The only thing
we have left is work.

153
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,890
And now he doesn't want
to work together anymore?

154
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,359
What does that all mean?

155
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,827
I think you know what it means.

156
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,764
Yeah.

157
00:06:04,831 --> 00:06:06,499
I should just drag out
that tiny park project

158
00:06:06,567 --> 00:06:07,567
for as long as possible

159
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:08,933
so Ben and I can
keep working together.

160
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:11,270
That's almost exactly
the opposite of what I meant.

161
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:13,438
No, what I'll do is I'll get
the neighborhood all riled up,

162
00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:16,408
and then maybe they'll ask for
an environmental impact report—

163
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:17,709
and then Ben and I
will work together

164
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:18,977
for at least another year.

165
00:06:19,044 --> 00:06:20,211
- Leslie, for God's sakes.
- Good idea, Ann.

166
00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:21,313
No, Ann, please,
I beg of you.

167
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,748
Will you just shut
your beautiful pie hole?

168
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:25,283
Just sit there,
let me stare at you

169
00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,985
while you silently support me
on this game plan.

170
00:06:27,986 --> 00:06:28,986
- Leslie—
- Shh—

171
00:06:29,053 --> 00:06:30,521
- Ann...
- Leslie...

172
00:06:30,589 --> 00:06:32,356
Your quiet support
means the world to me.

173
00:06:32,424 --> 00:06:35,760
As well as your tacit
endorsement of all my behaviors.

174
00:06:35,827 --> 00:06:37,461
As a mature,
reasonable adult,

175
00:06:37,529 --> 00:06:39,397
I understand that
this will be the last project

176
00:06:39,464 --> 00:06:41,431
that Ben and I
are working on together.

177
00:06:41,499 --> 00:06:43,767
So please join us
for the grand opening

178
00:06:43,834 --> 00:06:47,937
of Pawnee's Smallest Park
on November 12th, 2070.

179
00:06:49,933 --> 00:06:51,932
Thank you for coming
to this very important

180
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:55,169
and what I suspect
will be lengthy, meeting.

181
00:06:55,437 --> 00:06:58,005
The proposed park
is very small,

182
00:06:58,073 --> 00:07:00,639
but we believe we need
to investigate every detail.

183
00:07:00,707 --> 00:07:03,109
So if anyone
has any questions for me

184
00:07:03,177 --> 00:07:07,346
or assistant city manager
Ben Wyatt, go right ahead.

185
00:07:07,414 --> 00:07:08,347
Hi, I have a question
about this project.

186
00:07:08,415 --> 00:07:09,348
Whoa, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

187
00:07:09,416 --> 00:07:10,983
Where's the fire?

188
00:07:11,051 --> 00:07:13,352
Let's get to know
each other first.

189
00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:15,020
Tell me
about your childhood.

190
00:07:15,088 --> 00:07:17,122
Is there going to be
basketball there?

191
00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:21,593
Basketball courts attract
undesirables to my community.

192
00:07:21,660 --> 00:07:23,728
Well, there's barely room
for an actual basketball,

193
00:07:23,796 --> 00:07:25,063
much less a court.

194
00:07:25,131 --> 00:07:27,566
Because there's
a definite type of person

195
00:07:27,633 --> 00:07:29,534
I associate
with basketball,

196
00:07:29,602 --> 00:07:31,869
and I'd rather not have
that type of person nearby.

197
00:07:31,937 --> 00:07:33,137
Don't worry.
You don't need to worry.

198
00:07:33,205 --> 00:07:35,139
Okay, I'll just
come right out and say it.

199
00:07:35,207 --> 00:07:36,941
I'll tell you what type
of person I don't like.

200
00:07:37,009 --> 00:07:38,076
You don't have to do that.

201
00:07:38,143 --> 00:07:39,711
No, no, no, no.
I think we get it.

202
00:07:39,778 --> 00:07:40,945
Yeah, we do, Rose,

203
00:07:41,013 --> 00:07:42,614
and you bring up
a very good point.

204
00:07:42,681 --> 00:07:45,282
Intolerance.
Can we be doing more?

205
00:07:45,350 --> 00:07:47,118
I'd like to hear
from each and every one of you

206
00:07:47,185 --> 00:07:49,920
about a time when prejudice
has touched your lives.

207
00:07:49,988 --> 00:07:51,254
Hello, everyone.

208
00:07:51,322 --> 00:07:52,923
My name
is Professor Barnes.

209
00:07:52,991 --> 00:07:54,858
The class I'll be
teaching this semester

210
00:07:54,926 --> 00:07:56,426
is introduction to lasers.

211
00:07:56,494 --> 00:07:59,295
The word "laser"
stands for

212
00:07:59,363 --> 00:08:00,363
light amplification

213
00:08:00,431 --> 00:08:03,133
by stimulated emission
of radiation.

214
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:04,900
Where are the lasers?

215
00:08:04,968 --> 00:08:07,937
This graphic here represents
the electromagnetic spectrum

216
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:09,271
arranged
from low frequency...

217
00:08:09,339 --> 00:08:11,440
He's not even
using a laser pointer.

218
00:08:11,508 --> 00:08:12,942
He's right.
This class stinks.

219
00:08:13,010 --> 00:08:15,177
Stick with it.
You might learn something.

220
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:16,245
Uh, excuse me.

221
00:08:16,312 --> 00:08:17,780
Professor?

222
00:08:17,848 --> 00:08:19,448
Hi, there.
Andy Dwyer. Curious.

223
00:08:19,516 --> 00:08:22,416
When will you be bringing out
the lasers for me to play with?

224
00:08:22,484 --> 00:08:24,385
And will we start
with the small lasers,

225
00:08:24,453 --> 00:08:26,354
or could we go
just straight to the big lasers,

226
00:08:26,421 --> 00:08:27,956
in terms of
playing with them?

227
00:08:28,024 --> 00:08:29,991
We won't be using
actual lasers in this course.

228
00:08:30,059 --> 00:08:33,528
It's about the theory
that makes them possible.

229
00:08:33,595 --> 00:08:38,165
One of the most significant
bummers of my lifetime.

230
00:08:38,232 --> 00:08:40,100
First up,
a personal favorite,

231
00:08:40,168 --> 00:08:42,102
the Sopranos option.

232
00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:44,504
Now, I guarantee you,
anyone that sees this logo

233
00:08:44,572 --> 00:08:47,107
is not gonna
"fugghedaboudit."

234
00:08:47,975 --> 00:08:49,676
This is our current
community center.

235
00:08:49,743 --> 00:08:50,644
Ugh.

236
00:08:50,712 --> 00:08:52,845
This is our new
community center!

237
00:08:52,913 --> 00:08:55,447
That's right,
it looks like an apple store.

238
00:08:55,515 --> 00:08:57,083
Today, I'm a Beverly Hills
plastic surgeon,

239
00:08:57,151 --> 00:08:59,285
and the Parks department
is a wrinkly old housewife

240
00:08:59,352 --> 00:09:00,920
in her early 30's.

241
00:09:00,988 --> 00:09:02,889
I'm about to work
a miracle.

242
00:09:02,956 --> 00:09:04,557
Thank you, ma'am.
What a story.

243
00:09:04,624 --> 00:09:05,825
Anyone else?

244
00:09:05,893 --> 00:09:07,393
Anyone...

245
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,027
Uh, this gentleman
wants to say something.

246
00:09:09,095 --> 00:09:10,528
No, I don't.

247
00:09:10,596 --> 00:09:12,831
Come on, Mel. You're always
up in arms about something.

248
00:09:12,899 --> 00:09:14,066
No, I'm not.

249
00:09:14,133 --> 00:09:15,801
I'm not always
up in arms about something.

250
00:09:15,868 --> 00:09:17,235
There we go.
That's the spirit.

251
00:09:17,303 --> 00:09:18,503
Talk to me
about what's bothering you.

252
00:09:18,571 --> 00:09:22,174
Okay, that'll do it.
Thanks, everybody.

253
00:09:22,241 --> 00:09:23,974
I once hosted a forum
about a new bike rack

254
00:09:24,042 --> 00:09:25,475
that lasted seven hours.

255
00:09:25,543 --> 00:09:27,812
Now when I need
these people to complain,

256
00:09:27,879 --> 00:09:29,714
they're done
in 45 minutes?

257
00:09:31,181 --> 00:09:32,015
Whoa, check it out.

258
00:09:32,083 --> 00:09:35,252
You can get credit for playing
intramural frisbee golf.

259
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,722
Okay, you can take a class
on the Civil War.

260
00:09:37,789 --> 00:09:38,889
Why would I take a class

261
00:09:38,957 --> 00:09:40,356
on something that's
already happened?

262
00:09:40,424 --> 00:09:42,192
Look, you guys have
already had your say.

263
00:09:42,259 --> 00:09:45,161
Now I want to try
something that I want to try.

264
00:09:45,229 --> 00:09:47,897
And I'm gonna make my choice
as I always do,

265
00:09:47,965 --> 00:09:50,900
at random.

266
00:09:53,237 --> 00:09:55,238
As she was
burned at the stake,

267
00:09:55,305 --> 00:09:56,504
Joan of Arc did not cower.

268
00:09:56,572 --> 00:09:59,174
She did not
beg for mercy.

269
00:09:59,242 --> 00:10:01,409
she said, in a strong,
clear voice,

270
00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:04,346
"I am not afraid.
I was born to do this."

271
00:10:04,413 --> 00:10:05,981
I want to be
burned at the stake.

272
00:10:06,049 --> 00:10:07,582
Many societal
institutions

273
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:10,352
were established
solely to oppress women.

274
00:10:10,419 --> 00:10:11,887
To this day,

275
00:10:11,955 --> 00:10:14,956
some feminists have even
condemned marriage

276
00:10:15,023 --> 00:10:17,425
as a glorified form
of slavery.

277
00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:19,694
Amen.

278
00:10:19,762 --> 00:10:21,896
That class was awesome.

279
00:10:21,964 --> 00:10:23,998
I wholeheartedly agree.

280
00:10:24,066 --> 00:10:26,368
If that woman weren't so
violently opposed to marriage,

281
00:10:26,435 --> 00:10:29,069
I think I would
propose to her.

282
00:10:29,137 --> 00:10:30,738
Well, then,
it's decided.

283
00:10:30,805 --> 00:10:33,507
Andy Dwyer will be taking
"women's lasers."

284
00:10:33,575 --> 00:10:35,008
"Women's studies."

285
00:10:35,076 --> 00:10:37,978
Sorry. God, I cannot
stop thinking about lasers.

286
00:10:38,045 --> 00:10:39,179
"Women's studies."

287
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:40,247
Is there such thing
as "women's lasers"?

288
00:10:40,315 --> 00:10:41,448
That'd be
my number one pick.

289
00:10:42,016 --> 00:10:44,517
Excuse me,
what the heck is going on here?

290
00:10:44,585 --> 00:10:46,051
Just preparing
for the grand opening

291
00:10:46,119 --> 00:10:48,854
of this tiny
but very intrusive park.

292
00:10:48,922 --> 00:10:49,989
We were told
this would have

293
00:10:50,056 --> 00:10:51,557
very little impact
on the neighborhood.

294
00:10:51,625 --> 00:10:53,426
This flyer has
hundreds of events.

295
00:10:53,494 --> 00:10:55,861
There are fireworks
every night at midnight?

296
00:10:55,929 --> 00:10:56,962
They start at midnight.

297
00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:58,464
Who knows when
they're gonna end?

298
00:10:58,532 --> 00:11:00,266
Look, I don't even know
the impact of this park,

299
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:03,402
because the city skipped
an environmental impact report.

300
00:11:03,469 --> 00:11:05,270
So we don't know
about traffic problems

301
00:11:05,338 --> 00:11:07,606
or sound or lights
or crime.

302
00:11:07,674 --> 00:11:08,873
I mean,
it's all a mystery.

303
00:11:08,941 --> 00:11:10,141
Don't you work
for the government?

304
00:11:10,209 --> 00:11:12,010
I do, Joe.
Yeah, that's how I know

305
00:11:12,077 --> 00:11:13,812
just how high
this conspiracy goes.

306
00:11:13,879 --> 00:11:15,614
What can we do about it?

307
00:11:15,682 --> 00:11:17,748
I'm glad you asked.
I have some ideas.

308
00:11:17,816 --> 00:11:19,617
These are
our current park rangers.

309
00:11:19,685 --> 00:11:21,852
What are they up to?
No one cares.

310
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,688
They're boring,
and I hate them.

311
00:11:23,755 --> 00:11:26,890
But coming this spring
to the style network...

312
00:11:26,958 --> 00:11:28,426
Ranger Reality Show.

313
00:11:28,493 --> 00:11:29,560
I'm sorry, Tom,
but Chris,

314
00:11:29,628 --> 00:11:31,629
he just wanted us
to choose a new font.

315
00:11:31,697 --> 00:11:33,430
I mean, really,
you've gone way off track.

316
00:11:33,497 --> 00:11:35,131
Well, guess what, Jerry?
I'm a dreamer.

317
00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:36,633
Okay? I dream big.
Deal with it.

318
00:11:36,701 --> 00:11:38,802
Tom, weekends
are for dreaming.

319
00:11:38,869 --> 00:11:41,771
You are a government worker.
This is a government job.

320
00:11:41,839 --> 00:11:43,105
Plus isn't dreaming big

321
00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:46,108
exactly what got you in trouble
with your old company?

322
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:55,283
- Hey, where you going, Joe?
- Bathroom break.

323
00:11:55,352 --> 00:11:56,452
No, get back
over there.

324
00:11:56,519 --> 00:11:58,086
I'll find you a bottle
or something.

325
00:11:58,154 --> 00:12:00,389
Where did
all these people come from?

326
00:12:00,457 --> 00:12:02,458
And why did they turn
so quickly on this project?

327
00:12:02,525 --> 00:12:03,692
Well,
you know how it goes.

328
00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:05,960
It only takes one nut job
to get people riled up.

329
00:12:06,027 --> 00:12:07,328
I hate to say this,

330
00:12:07,396 --> 00:12:08,496
but I think
we're gonna have to do

331
00:12:08,564 --> 00:12:10,465
that environmental
impact report.

332
00:12:10,532 --> 00:12:13,968
They are explicitly
demanding it.

333
00:12:14,035 --> 00:12:16,203
Hey, everybody,
listen up.

334
00:12:16,271 --> 00:12:18,906
Uh, in response
to your complaints,

335
00:12:18,974 --> 00:12:22,141
we are cancelling
all of these disruptive events.

336
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:23,710
This park
is just gonna be

337
00:12:23,778 --> 00:12:26,279
a quiet patch of grass,
harming nobody.

338
00:12:26,347 --> 00:12:28,782
Everybody cool?

339
00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:31,284
Great.

340
00:12:31,352 --> 00:12:33,286
Dream team.

341
00:12:33,354 --> 00:12:35,555
Actually, Chris, I know you
think that we're a dream team—

342
00:12:35,623 --> 00:12:36,889
Dream team!

343
00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:37,890
Yeah.

344
00:12:37,957 --> 00:12:40,325
But we're not.

345
00:12:40,394 --> 00:12:42,961
You see, Leslie here
is a team of one.

346
00:12:43,029 --> 00:12:45,664
And that might be
a very good team,

347
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:48,734
but she kind of steamrolls
the rest of her team,

348
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:51,470
me,
to do whatever she wants.

349
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:54,038
Regardless of how the rest
of her team,

350
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,074
me,

351
00:12:55,806 --> 00:12:56,974
feels.

352
00:12:57,142 --> 00:13:01,145
So I don't think we should
work together anymore.

353
00:13:02,213 --> 00:13:04,816
Wow.
That was very hard to hear.

354
00:13:04,884 --> 00:13:06,651
So many negative words.

355
00:13:07,419 --> 00:13:11,388
I just need
to process this.

356
00:13:11,456 --> 00:13:12,523
Okay,
the dream team is dead.

357
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,090
But you guys
had a great run.

358
00:13:14,558 --> 00:13:16,560
Oh, and the park is open.
Yay!

359
00:13:17,628 --> 00:13:19,229
Good job with that.

360
00:13:21,628 --> 00:13:24,829
Hello ma'am,
who is just as equal as man,

361
00:13:25,189 --> 00:13:29,893
I would like one ticket
for, uh, women.

362
00:13:29,961 --> 00:13:33,363
He would like to register
for Women's studies.

363
00:13:33,430 --> 00:13:35,165
Okay.
Here's the registration form.

364
00:13:35,233 --> 00:13:36,733
Ooh!

365
00:13:36,801 --> 00:13:40,402
And we'll need a check
or money order for $940.

366
00:13:40,470 --> 00:13:41,737
Why?

367
00:13:41,805 --> 00:13:43,839
Why didn't you tell me
it was so expensive?

368
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,174
I didn't know.

369
00:13:45,242 --> 00:13:46,608
My parents
pay for my classes.

370
00:13:46,676 --> 00:13:47,943
I'll just have them
pay for yours too.

371
00:13:48,011 --> 00:13:51,613
Oh, God, no!
That's embarrassing.

372
00:13:51,681 --> 00:13:53,448
I know.

373
00:13:53,516 --> 00:13:55,483
I'm gonna beg for money in
the street like a drug addict.

374
00:13:55,550 --> 00:13:56,818
- No.
- Yeah.

375
00:13:56,886 --> 00:13:57,852
Oh my God.

376
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,254
Everything in my life
is going wrong right now.

377
00:13:59,522 --> 00:14:02,290
Whose fault is this?
I demand to know.

378
00:14:02,358 --> 00:14:04,225
Actually—

379
00:14:04,293 --> 00:14:05,226
Ben thinks
that I'm a steamroller?

380
00:14:05,294 --> 00:14:06,394
That's unbelievable.

381
00:14:06,462 --> 00:14:07,863
How dare he think
that I'm a steamroller?

382
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:09,197
Leslie,
I'm just telling you this—

383
00:14:09,264 --> 00:14:10,798
I know, he's going through
a phase right now,

384
00:14:10,866 --> 00:14:12,700
and eventually we're gonna
both be friends again.

385
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:14,702
No, what I was gonna say
is that you really are—

386
00:14:14,769 --> 00:14:16,136
Working too hard.
I know, Ann,

387
00:14:16,204 --> 00:14:17,905
you keep starting all these
sentences and not finishing—

388
00:14:17,973 --> 00:14:19,406
You're a steamroller!

389
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:22,943
You are a massive,
enormous, runaway steamroller

390
00:14:23,011 --> 00:14:26,813
with no brakes and a cement
brick on the gas pedal.

391
00:14:27,381 --> 00:14:29,616
You made me watch all eight
Harry Potter movies.

392
00:14:29,683 --> 00:14:30,984
I don't even
like Harry Potter.

393
00:14:31,051 --> 00:14:33,019
That's insane.
You love Harry Potter.

394
00:14:33,086 --> 00:14:34,787
You've seen
all eight movies!

395
00:14:34,855 --> 00:14:37,089
When we go out to a bar,
you order my drinks for me.

396
00:14:37,157 --> 00:14:39,091
Because you order white wine,
and it gives you a headache.

397
00:14:39,159 --> 00:14:40,326
Well, it's my headache!

398
00:14:40,394 --> 00:14:43,061
Leslie,
you do what you want,

399
00:14:43,129 --> 00:14:44,596
you ignore
what other people want,

400
00:14:44,664 --> 00:14:46,498
and you hear
only what you want to hear.

401
00:14:47,566 --> 00:14:51,236
Okay. I know.
I know I do this.

402
00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:53,471
I'm the worst.

403
00:14:53,540 --> 00:14:55,373
No, you're
very passionate.

404
00:14:55,441 --> 00:14:56,942
You just push
too hard sometimes.

405
00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,309
Well, you should
call me a bulldozer

406
00:14:58,377 --> 00:15:00,645
rather than
a steamroller.

407
00:15:00,712 --> 00:15:02,479
I'm sorry.

408
00:15:02,848 --> 00:15:03,681
It's gonna be okay.

409
00:15:04,249 --> 00:15:07,952
Is it?
Honestly, is it?

410
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:11,688
I mean, I guess I just
need to leave Ben alone.

411
00:15:11,756 --> 00:15:15,791
That's what
he says he wants.

412
00:15:15,859 --> 00:15:19,228
Okay.

413
00:15:19,296 --> 00:15:23,199
Well, this steamroller
is hangin' up her...

414
00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,368
The rolly thing
on the front of the machine.

415
00:15:25,436 --> 00:15:26,769
What do you—
what do you call that?

416
00:15:26,836 --> 00:15:28,904
- The roller?
- Probably.

417
00:15:28,972 --> 00:15:31,139
Okay.

418
00:15:31,207 --> 00:15:33,175
Got you a little
pick-me-up, Tommy.

419
00:15:33,242 --> 00:15:36,211
A triple-decker ham and cheese
from the cafeteria.

420
00:15:36,279 --> 00:15:37,479
Always makes me feel better.

421
00:15:37,547 --> 00:15:40,715
Two pathetic guys
eating pathetic sandwiches.

422
00:15:40,783 --> 00:15:41,716
Sounds terrific.

423
00:15:41,784 --> 00:15:42,817
I guess I'm Jerry now.

424
00:15:42,885 --> 00:15:44,586
After work,
I'll just go home,

425
00:15:44,653 --> 00:15:46,354
straight to my boring house,

426
00:15:46,422 --> 00:15:48,855
kiss my wife,
and have a home-cooked meal

427
00:15:48,923 --> 00:15:52,593
with my three
beautiful daughters.

428
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:54,195
What a miserable life.

429
00:15:54,262 --> 00:15:57,231
I have been here,
well, 30-some years,

430
00:15:57,299 --> 00:15:58,765
and the best way
to cope with this job

431
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,202
is to do everything
the exact same way

432
00:16:01,269 --> 00:16:03,470
every day.

433
00:16:03,537 --> 00:16:05,238
Heck, I still use
my original I.D. Card

434
00:16:05,306 --> 00:16:06,272
from my first day
on the job.

435
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:09,109
Check this out.

436
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:10,210
Oh, my God.

437
00:16:10,277 --> 00:16:11,377
I got to go.

438
00:16:11,445 --> 00:16:14,380
Put my sammie in the fridge.

439
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:20,385
Mouse Rat CD, $30.

440
00:16:20,453 --> 00:16:23,722
Candy bars, $50.
$50.

441
00:16:23,789 --> 00:16:25,424
God, people here
are so cheap.

442
00:16:25,492 --> 00:16:26,592
April, where have you been?

443
00:16:26,659 --> 00:16:29,528
Over two phone calls
came in unimpeded.

444
00:16:29,596 --> 00:16:31,863
We're raising money
for my college education, Ron.

445
00:16:31,931 --> 00:16:34,666
I took a second job
back at my old job.

446
00:16:34,734 --> 00:16:36,167
Do you want a shoe shine?

447
00:16:36,268 --> 00:16:37,968
It's $100.

448
00:16:38,036 --> 00:16:39,103
Laugh all you want, Kyle.

449
00:16:39,171 --> 00:16:40,904
I already took the money
out of your wallet.

450
00:16:40,972 --> 00:16:44,175
Oh.

451
00:16:44,243 --> 00:16:46,444
Good news, son.

452
00:16:46,512 --> 00:16:51,648
You have just won
a Ron Swanson scholarship.

453
00:16:51,715 --> 00:16:53,950
I don't think so.
I don't remember applying for—

454
00:16:54,018 --> 00:16:54,951
No, An—Andy.

455
00:16:55,019 --> 00:16:57,154
Ron Swanson...

456
00:16:57,221 --> 00:16:59,088
Scholarship.

457
00:17:00,157 --> 00:17:01,659
Wait, are you serious?

458
00:17:06,364 --> 00:17:07,296
Stop this.

459
00:17:07,364 --> 00:17:08,730
No.

460
00:17:08,798 --> 00:17:10,899
Stop,
or you lose the money.

461
00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:12,434
Why not?

462
00:17:12,502 --> 00:17:14,736
I like the kid,
and I have the money.

463
00:17:14,804 --> 00:17:16,639
One thing
I promised myself

464
00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:18,374
when I buried gold
in my backyard

465
00:17:18,441 --> 00:17:21,610
was that I'd never be a hoarder
or a miser about it.

466
00:17:22,779 --> 00:17:24,779
Okay, is this
health department business

467
00:17:24,846 --> 00:17:25,913
or Leslie business?

468
00:17:25,981 --> 00:17:27,515
You need to go talk to her.

469
00:17:27,583 --> 00:17:28,516
Why?
So she can force me

470
00:17:28,584 --> 00:17:30,685
to spend time
with her again?

471
00:17:30,752 --> 00:17:32,920
No. No way.
I'm done talking.

472
00:17:32,988 --> 00:17:33,954
Listen,
I know she can be

473
00:17:34,022 --> 00:17:35,923
strong-willed
and difficult, okay?

474
00:17:35,991 --> 00:17:37,758
She once made me eat
an entire cheesecake

475
00:17:37,826 --> 00:17:39,493
at a potluck
so she didn't look bad.

476
00:17:39,561 --> 00:17:42,696
But I really think
she's ready to listen.

477
00:17:42,763 --> 00:17:44,764
You ate
an entire cheesecake?

478
00:17:44,832 --> 00:17:46,833
Why didn't you just
throw it away?

479
00:17:46,901 --> 00:17:48,402
Because with everything
she's done for me,

480
00:17:48,469 --> 00:17:50,770
I would eat
ten cheesecakes for her.

481
00:17:50,838 --> 00:17:52,939
Also, P.S.,
it was delicious and amazing,

482
00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:54,541
like everything she does.

483
00:17:54,609 --> 00:17:56,742
Will you please just
talk to her? For my sake?

484
00:17:56,810 --> 00:17:57,976
I don't have
unlimited texting,

485
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:00,479
and when she can't talk
to you, she texts me.

486
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:08,187
So we take the old logo
from the 1970s,

487
00:18:08,255 --> 00:18:09,955
and we make limited-edition
hats, posters,

488
00:18:10,023 --> 00:18:11,389
t-shirts, everything.

489
00:18:11,457 --> 00:18:12,757
People love limited editions,

490
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,327
plus parents will get swept up
in the nostalgia

491
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:16,461
and want to go to the parks

492
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:17,995
to recreate the fun
they had growing up.

493
00:18:18,063 --> 00:18:20,332
This... is amazing.

494
00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:22,734
It is possibly the best idea
anyone has had

495
00:18:22,801 --> 00:18:24,536
in this government
in 100 years.

496
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:25,970
Tom, terrific.

497
00:18:26,038 --> 00:18:30,140
Thanks, but most of the credit
goes to my number-four, Jerry.

498
00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:31,842
He shared some words of wisdom
with me today,

499
00:18:31,909 --> 00:18:33,510
and while he was yammering on
about whatever,

500
00:18:33,578 --> 00:18:35,279
I happened to see
his old I.D. Card.

501
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:37,047
Thanks, buddy.

502
00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:38,315
Yeah.

503
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:44,420
- Hey.
- Hi.

504
00:18:44,421 --> 00:18:46,088
I wasn't sure
you were gonna come.

505
00:18:46,156 --> 00:18:48,258
Well, I got very curious

506
00:18:48,325 --> 00:18:50,025
when you only left me
one voicemail message,

507
00:18:50,093 --> 00:18:52,528
instead of your usual 20.

508
00:18:52,596 --> 00:18:54,230
I'm trying to be
a little less intense

509
00:18:54,298 --> 00:18:56,366
and a little more
considerate.

510
00:18:56,433 --> 00:18:57,767
Here, have a seat.

511
00:18:57,834 --> 00:18:59,368
But only if you want to.

512
00:18:59,435 --> 00:19:01,304
Okay.
I want to.

513
00:19:03,473 --> 00:19:05,874
I never listened
to what you wanted,

514
00:19:05,941 --> 00:19:09,010
or how you wanted us to be
when things...

515
00:19:09,078 --> 00:19:10,279
Ended between us.

516
00:19:10,346 --> 00:19:12,046
I just decided
what I wanted,

517
00:19:12,114 --> 00:19:14,683
and I got upset when
you didn't want the same thing.

518
00:19:14,751 --> 00:19:16,584
I know that's not fair,

519
00:19:16,652 --> 00:19:18,519
and I'm very sorry.

520
00:19:19,287 --> 00:19:21,756
Well, thank you.
I appreciate that.

521
00:19:21,823 --> 00:19:24,825
If you don't want to have
any more contact with me,

522
00:19:24,893 --> 00:19:26,927
I finally understand.

523
00:19:26,995 --> 00:19:28,929
I—I don't want that.

524
00:19:28,997 --> 00:19:30,631
Really.

525
00:19:30,699 --> 00:19:34,534
But I just think
it's for the best.

526
00:19:34,602 --> 00:19:36,536
- Okay.
- Okay.

527
00:19:40,007 --> 00:19:41,941
Okay.

528
00:19:44,512 --> 00:19:46,479
There is another option.

529
00:19:47,547 --> 00:19:49,214
We could just say "screw it"

530
00:19:49,282 --> 00:19:51,417
and do this thing
for real.

531
00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:53,285
What?

532
00:19:53,353 --> 00:19:54,787
I miss you like crazy.

533
00:19:54,854 --> 00:19:57,923
I think about you
all the time.

534
00:19:57,990 --> 00:20:00,626
I want to be with you.

535
00:20:00,694 --> 00:20:04,128
So let's just
say "screw it."

536
00:20:04,196 --> 00:20:05,696
No, we would have
to tell Chris.

537
00:20:05,764 --> 00:20:06,531
Yeah.

538
00:20:06,598 --> 00:20:07,665
It could turn
into a scandal.

539
00:20:07,733 --> 00:20:08,833
- Yeah.
- It could hurt your campaign.

540
00:20:08,900 --> 00:20:10,368
I mean, how would
you imagine we do this?

541
00:20:10,436 --> 00:20:11,469
I don't know.

542
00:20:11,537 --> 00:20:13,971
But I—I know how I feel,

543
00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:17,041
and I want to be with you.

544
00:20:17,108 --> 00:20:19,676
But I'm done
steamrolling people.

545
00:20:19,744 --> 00:20:22,813
This is how I feel.
How do you feel?

546
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:32,700
First day.

547
00:20:33,001 --> 00:20:33,700
You ready?

548
00:20:33,701 --> 00:20:35,536
As ready as I'll ever be.

549
00:20:35,937 --> 00:20:38,237
Oh, crap, I forgot my books.
And my computer.

550
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,640
Just pay attention
to the lecture and enjoy.

551
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:43,475
My first day of college,
my father dropped me off

552
00:20:43,943 --> 00:20:45,410
at the steel mill.

553
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,713
He didn't think
I should go to college.

554
00:20:47,781 --> 00:20:49,782
But I hitched a ride,
enrolled,

555
00:20:49,850 --> 00:20:52,017
and learned a lot.

556
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,352
I hope Andy does too.

557
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:54,986
We need to start
teaching women football,

558
00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:56,755
teaching women U.F.C.,

559
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,690
teaching them to drive trucks
without crashing.

560
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,458
"Hey, maybe I'm only sexy.

561
00:21:00,526 --> 00:21:01,659
"Then—maybe that's
all you see,

562
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,094
"but at least you can give me
extra money.

563
00:21:03,161 --> 00:21:04,429
"Tip money and stuff.

564
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:06,230
I'll flirt with you,
write my name on a napkin."

565
00:21:06,298 --> 00:21:08,566
They're gonna do it
in a right, kind of legal way

566
00:21:08,634 --> 00:21:10,734
that empowers prostitution.

567
00:21:10,802 --> 00:21:12,002
We don't rest
until we get that.

568
00:21:12,069 --> 00:21:13,904
That will be progress.

569
00:21:13,971 --> 00:21:16,907
That is extremely incorrect.

570
00:21:16,974 --> 00:21:18,675
I thought—
I thought maybe it was

571
00:21:18,743 --> 00:21:19,943
when I was—
I, uh—

572
00:21:20,011 --> 00:21:23,280
I'll get 'em next time.
Back to you, Professor.

573
00:21:24,219 --> 00:21:31,053
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com