1
00:00:08,343 --> 00:00:10,844
Come on, come on, come on.

2
00:00:10,912 --> 00:00:13,847
- Leslie Knope!
- Hey, Chris!

3
00:00:13,915 --> 00:00:14,848
Wow, is that
a new jogging shirt?

4
00:00:14,916 --> 00:00:16,317
It is!

5
00:00:16,357 --> 00:00:18,692
It's an experimental fabric
called bumble-flex.

6
00:00:18,726 --> 00:00:20,160
It's made out of
synthetic bees' wings.

7
00:00:20,178 --> 00:00:21,512
- That's cool.
- Anyway...

8
00:00:21,546 --> 00:00:22,996
You're not supposed to be here.
You're suspended.

9
00:00:23,031 --> 00:00:24,214
I totally understand that.

10
00:00:24,265 --> 00:00:25,665
I'm just going to, uh,
take my flash drive

11
00:00:25,683 --> 00:00:26,867
and I'll do
some work from home.

12
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:28,235
N...

13
00:00:28,269 --> 00:00:30,370
O. You are specifically
prohibited from doing your job.

14
00:00:30,405 --> 00:00:31,738
Oh, I'm not gonna do my job.

15
00:00:31,773 --> 00:00:33,490
I'm just gonna oversee
the department, and check in

16
00:00:33,525 --> 00:00:35,742
on the parks, and attend any
meetings that require

17
00:00:35,777 --> 00:00:37,194
- the deputy director.
- Leslie.

18
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:41,248
Go home and give me
the flash drive.

19
00:00:43,384 --> 00:00:45,419
This is a nasal spray.

20
00:00:45,453 --> 00:00:47,087
Give me the flash drive.

21
00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:49,356
Give me the nasal spray.

22
00:00:49,390 --> 00:00:50,424
On three.

23
00:00:50,458 --> 00:00:51,425
One...

24
00:00:51,459 --> 00:00:52,626
- Two...
- Two...

25
00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:55,395
Three.

26
00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:57,965
Okay, good.
Now, in two weeks, you can—

27
00:00:57,999 --> 00:01:00,434
Leslie Knope!
I am much faster than you!

28
00:01:00,468 --> 00:01:02,186
I have bumble-flex!

29
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:10,230
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

30
00:01:22,407 --> 00:01:24,324
It's so nice to be able
to sit here in public

31
00:01:24,358 --> 00:01:25,759
- and have breakfast with you.
- Yeah.

32
00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:28,361
In a way, my suspension from
work was kind of a blessing.

33
00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:31,582
Yeah, I feel the same way
about resigning in disgrace.

34
00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:33,767
Totally, the key is you have
to keep yourself busy,

35
00:01:33,801 --> 00:01:34,968
or else you're gonna go crazy.

36
00:01:35,003 --> 00:01:36,570
I mean, look at me,
look how busy I am.

37
00:01:36,604 --> 00:01:39,907
I'm inventing a new spice
called "sal-gar."

38
00:01:39,941 --> 00:01:41,975
It's part salt, part sugar.

39
00:01:42,010 --> 00:01:43,911
What could that possibly
be good on?

40
00:01:43,945 --> 00:01:46,146
- Butterscotch pudding.
- Fair enough.

41
00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:48,482
Okay, I have to go to this
meeting with my advisers.

42
00:01:48,516 --> 00:01:51,068
You have a big day, right?
Which interview is this?

43
00:01:51,102 --> 00:01:52,903
It's a job doing
in-house accounting work

44
00:01:52,937 --> 00:01:56,940
for an accounting firm, so...
could be pretty interesting.

45
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:58,192
Yeah, sounds interesting.

46
00:01:58,226 --> 00:02:00,594
You know, if I hadn't
resigned in disgrace,

47
00:02:00,628 --> 00:02:02,796
I might never have explored
the private sector.

48
00:02:02,830 --> 00:02:06,566
It's like, why didn't I resign
in disgrace 12 years ago?

49
00:02:06,584 --> 00:02:09,286
You might want to stop saying
"resigned in disgrace."

50
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:10,804
Especially during
job interviews.

51
00:02:10,838 --> 00:02:13,340
Good call.

52
00:02:13,374 --> 00:02:14,741
Leslie wishes
she could be here herself

53
00:02:14,776 --> 00:02:17,244
to give you these presents,
but she's suspended.

54
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,296
Oh, and also she said
that they're not from her,

55
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,383
- they're from Santa Claus.
- Can I go first?

56
00:02:24,435 --> 00:02:27,020
Mouse Rat,
certified gold!

57
00:02:27,055 --> 00:02:32,025
Over 100 copies sold in Pawnee!

58
00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:34,444
I need to get a picture of me
holding this so I can frame it.

59
00:02:34,479 --> 00:02:37,264
Personalized,
leopard-printed robe.

60
00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,099
Pink feather cuffs.

61
00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:42,102
And on the back,
in rhinestones...

62
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,453
"You can get it"!

63
00:02:43,488 --> 00:02:44,871
I know you're sad
you couldn't get tickets

64
00:02:44,906 --> 00:02:48,275
to the "Watch the Throne" tour,
so I got you a watch

65
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:50,177
and a tiny throne instead.

66
00:02:50,211 --> 00:02:52,212
And check it out, she even
took out the dumb clock part

67
00:02:52,247 --> 00:02:53,780
and put this in...

68
00:02:53,815 --> 00:02:55,215
"Baller Time."

69
00:02:55,250 --> 00:02:57,818
These are the Black-eyed Peas.

70
00:02:57,852 --> 00:03:01,171
And I finally killed them.

71
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:03,156
It's a Christmas miracle.

72
00:03:03,191 --> 00:03:06,827
Every year, I give Leslie the
same present I give everyone:

73
00:03:06,861 --> 00:03:09,329
A crisp $20 bill.

74
00:03:09,364 --> 00:03:12,899
And every year, she gets me
something thoughtful

75
00:03:12,934 --> 00:03:14,368
and personal.

76
00:03:14,402 --> 00:03:17,070
It makes me furious.

77
00:03:17,105 --> 00:03:19,573
This year, she outdid herself.

78
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:27,864
She had it installed
over the weekend.

79
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:29,816
It's so—

80
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,518
It's so beautiful.

81
00:03:31,552 --> 00:03:34,121
We need to get Leslie
something that erases

82
00:03:34,155 --> 00:03:37,007
the enormous emotional debt
that has built up over years

83
00:03:37,041 --> 00:03:39,009
of this gift-giving imbalance.

84
00:03:39,043 --> 00:03:40,761
Everyone start
thinking of ideas.

85
00:03:40,795 --> 00:03:42,763
Aw, jeez.

86
00:03:42,797 --> 00:03:44,548
Socks.

87
00:03:44,599 --> 00:03:45,832
She gets me.

88
00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:47,384
Hi, hi, hi, hi.
Sorry I'm late.

89
00:03:47,435 --> 00:03:50,003
I was off getting
holiday gifts for my team.

90
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:53,023
William, here is
a Knope 2012 tree ornament.

91
00:03:53,057 --> 00:03:54,507
- Hey.
- And Elizabeth,

92
00:03:54,525 --> 00:03:59,529
I got you a Knope 2012...
Menorah... Maybe?

93
00:03:59,564 --> 00:04:01,281
- No.
- No, okay.

94
00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:02,515
Then I got you
a tree ornament.

95
00:04:02,533 --> 00:04:04,851
Okay, so let's talk
about damage control.

96
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,187
Now, I could go on
Pawnee Today, but—

97
00:04:07,221 --> 00:04:08,405
and I know this is
a long shot—

98
00:04:08,456 --> 00:04:10,040
Oprah has her own network now.

99
00:04:10,074 --> 00:04:12,209
- Whoa, Leslie, slow down.
- The first step is for us

100
00:04:12,243 --> 00:04:13,694
to figure out what
we're up against,

101
00:04:13,728 --> 00:04:15,495
and we've already got polls out
in the field, and we should

102
00:04:15,529 --> 00:04:17,297
have results back
in a couple of days.

103
00:04:17,332 --> 00:04:20,467
Just stay out of the spotlight
until we can figure out

104
00:04:20,501 --> 00:04:23,086
just how this, uh, incident
has affected the voters.

105
00:04:23,137 --> 00:04:26,540
Sit tight,
take a beat, relax.

106
00:04:26,574 --> 00:04:29,042
"Sit tight"?
"Take a beat"? "Relax"?

107
00:04:29,077 --> 00:04:31,144
I don't really do
any of those things.

108
00:04:31,179 --> 00:04:32,612
In fact,
while I was in that meeting,

109
00:04:32,647 --> 00:04:36,183
I was also planning my mother's
birthday party in my head.

110
00:04:36,217 --> 00:04:38,018
Strawberry margaritas!

111
00:04:38,052 --> 00:04:39,920
Another use for sal-gar!

112
00:04:39,954 --> 00:04:43,824
Financial analysis,
automated general ledger

113
00:04:43,858 --> 00:04:46,827
accounting systems,
audit management.

114
00:04:46,861 --> 00:04:48,412
Hmm, you've done everything.

115
00:04:48,446 --> 00:04:51,131
Well, they call me
"the Swiss Army Accountant."

116
00:04:52,583 --> 00:04:54,668
- They don't call me that.
- They should.

117
00:04:54,702 --> 00:04:57,604
Well, look, I think
you'd be a great addition.

118
00:04:57,638 --> 00:05:00,140
Would you be willing to come
back to meet the division head?

119
00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,508
Yes, absolutely.

120
00:05:01,542 --> 00:05:03,760
- We'll set that up.
- Okay, great.

121
00:05:03,795 --> 00:05:07,597
- Thank you.
- Well, uh...

122
00:05:07,632 --> 00:05:09,599
Calc-you-later.

123
00:05:14,422 --> 00:05:16,440
Oh, you like that one, huh?

124
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:20,894
We do not get
a lot of humor here,

125
00:05:20,928 --> 00:05:22,779
and when we do,
it's wonderful.

126
00:05:22,814 --> 00:05:25,165
- Oh.
- Ted! Come in here!

127
00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:29,703
Say it to Ted when he comes in.

128
00:05:29,737 --> 00:05:32,439
We could get Leslie
some marshmallow fluff.

129
00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:34,708
I have some right here.

130
00:05:34,742 --> 00:05:37,294
Correction, darling.
You had some right here.

131
00:05:37,328 --> 00:05:38,628
Did you just
scoop it out of the jar

132
00:05:38,663 --> 00:05:41,214
with your hand like a bear?
Yes.

133
00:05:41,249 --> 00:05:43,133
I can't get it off.
Can you help me?

134
00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:44,551
Behold!

135
00:05:44,585 --> 00:05:46,503
My latest attempt
to drag this department

136
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:47,971
into the 20th century.

137
00:05:48,005 --> 00:05:50,323
- Tom, it's the 21st century.
- I know.

138
00:05:50,358 --> 00:05:51,958
I'd settle for
getting you into the 20th.

139
00:05:51,976 --> 00:05:55,729
I fed all of Leslie's
emails, letters, and memos

140
00:05:55,763 --> 00:05:57,898
into a program and generated...

141
00:05:57,932 --> 00:05:58,965
A word cloud.

142
00:05:58,983 --> 00:06:00,901
This is how we can
get gift ideas.

143
00:06:00,935 --> 00:06:03,737
The more she's mentioned a word,
the larger it appears.

144
00:06:03,771 --> 00:06:06,857
"Ben"...
And much larger, "Ann."

145
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:09,476
- She definitely loves Ann.
- Aww.

146
00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,411
Okay.
I have an idea.

147
00:06:11,446 --> 00:06:14,848
I will build a small wood model
of the parks department.

148
00:06:14,882 --> 00:06:17,501
We can decorate our offices
as they are in real life.

149
00:06:17,535 --> 00:06:20,987
It will be...

150
00:06:21,022 --> 00:06:22,689
- Cute.
- Wait!

151
00:06:22,723 --> 00:06:24,541
Better idea:

152
00:06:24,592 --> 00:06:27,093
We make a gingerbread
version of the office.

153
00:06:29,130 --> 00:06:31,031
- That's so good!
- I think the wood model is—

154
00:06:31,065 --> 00:06:33,300
and we can decorate
our offices with candy canes

155
00:06:33,334 --> 00:06:34,601
and gumdrops!

156
00:06:34,635 --> 00:06:36,002
That would be so adorable!

157
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:38,371
Thanks, Ron!
That's such a cute idea!

158
00:06:38,406 --> 00:06:41,525
I have some great red birch
with a nice spalting.

159
00:06:41,559 --> 00:06:44,744
I already have
some scale wainscoting.

160
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:47,247
Mmm, I love me a calzone.

161
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,566
Ben!
I'm going crazy!

162
00:06:49,617 --> 00:06:51,084
First, they won't let me work
in the parks department,

163
00:06:51,118 --> 00:06:52,786
now they won't let me
campaign either.

164
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:55,188
All I want to do
is improve our town,

165
00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,656
and they won't let me do that!

166
00:06:56,691 --> 00:06:58,592
You're putting an awful lot
of sal-gar on your pasta.

167
00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:00,861
This is just sugar.
Okay, I need you to distract me.

168
00:07:00,895 --> 00:07:02,629
Talk to me about something.
Anything.

169
00:07:02,663 --> 00:07:04,531
Well, that accounting firm
is gonna make me a job offer.

170
00:07:04,565 --> 00:07:05,632
Oh, yeah?
That's great!

171
00:07:05,666 --> 00:07:06,766
- Yeah.
- Are you gonna take it?

172
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:08,935
Well, it pays well.

173
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,805
The commute is a little long,
but that's okay.

174
00:07:11,839 --> 00:07:16,610
I didn't love the carpeting,
but... eh.

175
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:18,445
You know what I think?

176
00:07:18,479 --> 00:07:20,514
If you don't love it,
take a month.

177
00:07:20,548 --> 00:07:22,582
See what else is out there.

178
00:07:22,617 --> 00:07:23,817
Yeah. Yeah.

179
00:07:23,851 --> 00:07:25,819
And, you know, you can still
improve the city.

180
00:07:25,853 --> 00:07:28,522
You can't work right now,
or run a campaign.

181
00:07:28,556 --> 00:07:30,390
- Do it as a private citizen.
- Oh, my God.

182
00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:32,492
I'll form
a citizen action committee,

183
00:07:32,527 --> 00:07:33,793
I'll lobby from the outside,

184
00:07:33,828 --> 00:07:35,895
I'll harness the power
of the community.

185
00:07:35,913 --> 00:07:37,330
Oh, my God, I finally have
some work to do.

186
00:07:37,365 --> 00:07:40,700
Thank you so much
for dinner, honey.

187
00:07:40,735 --> 00:07:44,738
I can hear you breathing, and,
yes, you can finish her pasta.

188
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:50,343
Thank God.
I'm so hungry.

189
00:07:50,378 --> 00:07:52,178
Mmm, it tastes
like froot loops.

190
00:07:53,878 --> 00:07:55,678
Wow! Great turn out.

191
00:07:55,878 --> 00:07:57,552
Okay, welcome everyone

192
00:07:57,553 --> 00:08:00,906
to the first meeting of
the Parks Committee of Pawnee,

193
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,057
or PCP.

194
00:08:02,091 --> 00:08:04,743
Um, should we really
be called "PCP"?

195
00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:06,111
- See, because—
- Yes, because,

196
00:08:06,145 --> 00:08:09,948
like the drug PCP, we are
so fast-acting and powerful,

197
00:08:09,982 --> 00:08:11,216
we should be illegal.

198
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:13,802
Now, what do you want to see
fixed in the parks? Yes?

199
00:08:13,836 --> 00:08:15,987
I've noticed that
the White Hills hiking path

200
00:08:16,022 --> 00:08:17,522
could really use some upkeep.

201
00:08:17,556 --> 00:08:19,574
I was thinking we organize
a letter-writing campaign.

202
00:08:19,609 --> 00:08:22,928
Uh, I-I know for a fact that
nobody in the parks department

203
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:25,063
reads letters,
except for one person,

204
00:08:25,097 --> 00:08:29,434
who is amazing, but s-he
isn't currently there,

205
00:08:29,468 --> 00:08:31,603
because he was suspended.

206
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,571
How amazing can he be
if he got suspended?

207
00:08:33,589 --> 00:08:36,007
Pretty damn amazing, Diane.
Now shush.

208
00:08:36,042 --> 00:08:38,410
If we want to get the government
off their bloated,

209
00:08:38,444 --> 00:08:41,463
bureaucratic butts, then we need
our voices to be heard,

210
00:08:41,514 --> 00:08:42,797
and that's what
we're gonna do.

211
00:08:42,848 --> 00:08:45,784
Clear eyes,
full hearts, can't lose.

212
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:47,886
Ron is making the model,
and then we're going to put

213
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,122
all of our candy decorations
in our corners of the office.

214
00:08:51,157 --> 00:08:52,256
Okay, so what
did everybody make?

215
00:08:52,274 --> 00:08:54,025
Boom!

216
00:08:54,060 --> 00:08:55,894
Rock n' roll candy Andy.
Wow.

217
00:08:55,928 --> 00:08:57,278
- Mmm.
- That's really good, son.

218
00:08:57,313 --> 00:08:59,164
I didn't do anything
for my office.

219
00:08:59,198 --> 00:09:00,649
It's okay,
I took care of it.

220
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,784
I made a marshmallow
Ron Swanson.

221
00:09:04,487 --> 00:09:06,771
See? His arms are crossed
because he's mad at all

222
00:09:06,789 --> 00:09:09,491
the other marshmallow workers
for annoying him.

223
00:09:09,542 --> 00:09:11,326
You like it?

224
00:09:11,377 --> 00:09:12,777
It's fine.

225
00:09:12,812 --> 00:09:15,413
When I was trying to decide
how to decorate my office,

226
00:09:15,447 --> 00:09:18,750
I had to ask myself, "what kind
of candy should I choose?"

227
00:09:18,784 --> 00:09:21,302
Obviously chocolate,
'cause I'm sweet, smooth,

228
00:09:21,337 --> 00:09:23,054
and the ladies love me.

229
00:09:23,089 --> 00:09:25,974
Now the question still remained,
"what kind of chocolate am I?"

230
00:09:26,008 --> 00:09:28,159
Do I have a little gooey,
caramel center?

231
00:09:28,194 --> 00:09:30,662
Am I filled
with little rice krispies?

232
00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:32,797
Maybe I'm white chocolate and
I'm bucking all the stereotypes.

233
00:09:32,815 --> 00:09:34,298
Oh, just put
your damn candy out.

234
00:09:34,316 --> 00:09:38,636
Ultimately, I decided to go
with a little gourmet fudge.

235
00:09:38,654 --> 00:09:40,238
I didn't have time
to make it into anything,

236
00:09:40,272 --> 00:09:42,657
and please don't eat it
'cause it cost $55 an ounce.

237
00:09:42,692 --> 00:09:46,161
So I made my desk
out of silver m&ms.

238
00:09:46,195 --> 00:09:49,480
But they do not make silver
m&ms, so I spray-painted them.

239
00:09:49,498 --> 00:09:51,583
Okay, those are poisonous,
so no one eat them.

240
00:09:51,617 --> 00:09:53,001
Yeah, duh.

241
00:09:53,035 --> 00:09:54,919
- Go throw up.
- I didn't eat any.

242
00:09:54,954 --> 00:09:57,922
- Go throw up.
- Throw up.

243
00:09:57,957 --> 00:09:59,674
- Ben Wyatt.
- Hi.

244
00:09:59,709 --> 00:10:01,059
- Great to meet you.
- You too.

245
00:10:01,093 --> 00:10:03,661
I'm, uh, this.

246
00:10:03,679 --> 00:10:05,964
Well, thank you for meeting
with me, Mr. Feinstein.

247
00:10:05,998 --> 00:10:08,333
Please, call me
Dennis Feinstein.

248
00:10:08,367 --> 00:10:10,135
I'm gonna cut
right to the chase, Ben.

249
00:10:10,169 --> 00:10:12,137
This cologne company
is my life's work.

250
00:10:12,171 --> 00:10:15,040
Why should I trust you
with my perfumery?

251
00:10:15,074 --> 00:10:17,609
Well, uh, I've been in
government accounting for more

252
00:10:17,643 --> 00:10:20,812
than a decade, and I just think
it's time for a change.

253
00:10:20,846 --> 00:10:22,881
Listen, Ben, I'm gonna
cut right to the chase, okay?

254
00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:24,783
I like you—
I've always liked you—

255
00:10:24,817 --> 00:10:27,068
but I also like Eddie.

256
00:10:27,119 --> 00:10:28,553
Ed—who—who's Eddie?

257
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,922
Eddie's my current CFO,

258
00:10:30,956 --> 00:10:34,743
but I might fire him
and hire you.

259
00:10:34,794 --> 00:10:36,077
- You got kids?
- No.

260
00:10:36,128 --> 00:10:37,629
That's good.
Dum-dum Eddie has two kids.

261
00:10:39,198 --> 00:10:40,565
Oh, God.
Don't fire Eddie.

262
00:10:40,599 --> 00:10:42,200
Why would you have him
in here in this interview?

263
00:10:42,234 --> 00:10:44,335
- Eddie, I am sorry—
- Don't talk to Eddie.

264
00:10:44,369 --> 00:10:48,389
Treat him like you would treat
a person in another country

265
00:10:48,424 --> 00:10:51,509
that you paid $25,000 to hunt.

266
00:10:51,544 --> 00:10:53,578
- What are you talking about?
- What am I talking about?

267
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,396
I'm talking about
the best vacation of my life.

268
00:10:55,431 --> 00:10:56,848
Oh, my God.
Look, I'm sorry.

269
00:10:56,882 --> 00:11:00,051
I-I thought I wanted to
branch out a little career-wise,

270
00:11:00,086 --> 00:11:01,770
but that was a mistake.

271
00:11:01,821 --> 00:11:05,723
Keep Eddie.
I do not want this job.

272
00:11:05,741 --> 00:11:07,192
You're crazy, man.

273
00:11:07,226 --> 00:11:08,827
We'll be in touch.

274
00:11:08,829 --> 00:11:11,162
Okay, are there
any more recommendations

275
00:11:11,197 --> 00:11:12,730
for new games
at the rec center?

276
00:11:12,748 --> 00:11:14,833
My daughter, she loves
chutes and ladders.

277
00:11:14,867 --> 00:11:17,035
Oh, come on!

278
00:11:17,069 --> 00:11:19,454
There is no strategy
to chutes and ladders.

279
00:11:19,505 --> 00:11:21,940
- It's just luck.
- My daughter's five.

280
00:11:21,974 --> 00:11:23,625
Well, your daughter
is an idiot.

281
00:11:23,676 --> 00:11:24,976
Her daughter is an idiot!

282
00:11:25,010 --> 00:11:26,277
He daughter is an idiot!

283
00:11:26,312 --> 00:11:27,679
- No, no, no.
- Her daughter is an idiot!

284
00:11:27,713 --> 00:11:30,014
No, no she's not.
Hello, I am Leslie Knope,

285
00:11:30,049 --> 00:11:33,768
and I represent the PCP.

286
00:11:33,803 --> 00:11:35,419
We have a list of six demands.

287
00:11:35,437 --> 00:11:36,855
Here they are
in alphabetical order.

288
00:11:36,889 --> 00:11:38,056
Number one: Ants.

289
00:11:38,090 --> 00:11:39,440
Too many ants
in the teen center.

290
00:11:39,475 --> 00:11:41,359
Number two:
Tennis court improvements.

291
00:11:41,393 --> 00:11:44,028
- Number three—
- Well, Les—um, ma'am,

292
00:11:44,063 --> 00:11:46,965
uh, this public forum,
it is just about improvements

293
00:11:46,999 --> 00:11:48,233
that we can make
to the rec center.

294
00:11:48,267 --> 00:11:50,568
Speaking of which,
the fact that yahtzee is not

295
00:11:50,602 --> 00:11:55,473
in the rec center is a tragedy
on par with human trafficking.

296
00:11:55,508 --> 00:11:58,776
Slight exaggeration...
Getting back to our demands.

297
00:11:58,794 --> 00:12:01,446
We will not be muzzled
like a rabid dog.

298
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,331
We are gonna take this
all the way to the top.

299
00:12:03,382 --> 00:12:04,883
Yay!

300
00:12:04,917 --> 00:12:06,801
Okay, we have made
some waves here, people,

301
00:12:06,836 --> 00:12:08,503
but we need to keep
this momentum going.

302
00:12:08,554 --> 00:12:11,189
Now, the city manager's name
is Chris Traeger.

303
00:12:11,223 --> 00:12:12,524
I want to take
this fight to him.

304
00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,025
Ooh, a letter-writing campaign!

305
00:12:14,059 --> 00:12:15,643
God, Diane,
will you stop it

306
00:12:15,678 --> 00:12:17,262
with the letter-writing
campaign? No.

307
00:12:17,296 --> 00:12:19,931
I have his office number.
I want one of you calling it

308
00:12:19,965 --> 00:12:21,182
every 15 minutes.

309
00:12:21,233 --> 00:12:23,518
We are also going to protest
along his jogging route,

310
00:12:23,569 --> 00:12:26,988
and I need someone in every
GNC within a five-mile radius

311
00:12:27,022 --> 00:12:29,440
- of the city center.
- But there are only 12 of us.

312
00:12:29,474 --> 00:12:31,642
- 13.
- Look! Our numbers are growing!

313
00:12:31,660 --> 00:12:34,179
There's nothing we can't do
if we work hard, never sleep,

314
00:12:34,213 --> 00:12:36,181
and shirk all other
responsibilities in our lives.

315
00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:39,784
You with me?

316
00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:51,329
I can handcraft 17-foot canoes
out of western red cedar,

317
00:12:51,363 --> 00:12:54,165
but I can't glue two damn
Graham crackers together!

318
00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,217
Look, it's really easy.

319
00:12:56,268 --> 00:12:57,869
I know a lot about candy.

320
00:12:57,903 --> 00:13:00,188
I play with it, I eat it.

321
00:13:00,222 --> 00:13:02,190
Sometimes I play with it
and eat it.

322
00:13:02,224 --> 00:13:04,475
Boom!

323
00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:05,693
Okay, new plan.

324
00:13:05,728 --> 00:13:07,779
Everyone else makes
this candy house,

325
00:13:07,813 --> 00:13:11,032
and I make myself
useful elsewhere.

326
00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:12,984
Your 11:00 is here.

327
00:13:13,018 --> 00:13:15,486
Concerned citizen and
community leader Leslie Knope.

328
00:13:15,521 --> 00:13:17,038
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, Leslie.

329
00:13:17,072 --> 00:13:18,522
You're not supposed
to be here.

330
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:20,592
As a government employee,
that's true, but I am just here

331
00:13:20,626 --> 00:13:23,745
as a concerned citizen
and founder of PCP.

332
00:13:23,796 --> 00:13:25,463
The Parks Committee of Pawnee.

333
00:13:25,497 --> 00:13:27,632
Those are the people
that have been harassing me.

334
00:13:27,666 --> 00:13:30,134
We have many demands.
Specifically, these six unfunded

335
00:13:30,169 --> 00:13:32,253
projects that need
to be dealt with immediately.

336
00:13:32,304 --> 00:13:33,537
- Well—
- Not good enough!

337
00:13:33,555 --> 00:13:35,974
Leslie,
out of respect for you,

338
00:13:36,008 --> 00:13:37,976
I will meet with your group,
but I hope that this

339
00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:39,644
puts an end to the madness.

340
00:13:39,678 --> 00:13:41,646
Prepare for battle.

341
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,481
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I got your Christmas present.

342
00:13:43,515 --> 00:13:46,150
It's like a little stopwatch
that records your jogging times

343
00:13:46,185 --> 00:13:47,986
and then sends it to
your computer via Bluetooth.

344
00:13:48,020 --> 00:13:49,487
Ahh!

345
00:13:49,521 --> 00:13:51,739
- That is so thoughtful!
- Aww.

346
00:13:51,774 --> 00:13:54,776
My pleasure.
See you in hell!

347
00:13:56,195 --> 00:13:58,763
Well, I see you've taken
our advice about relaxing.

348
00:13:58,797 --> 00:14:00,748
Oh, this is just
a little militant citizen group

349
00:14:00,783 --> 00:14:02,116
I slapped together.

350
00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:03,968
But enough about me,
what are my polling results?

351
00:14:04,003 --> 00:14:07,005
Uh, well, before the scandal,
you were at 26%.

352
00:14:07,039 --> 00:14:09,674
Now, we knew we'd take a hit,
but we figured as long as

353
00:14:09,708 --> 00:14:12,293
we're at 15% or above,
we're still in the fight.

354
00:14:12,344 --> 00:14:14,412
And we're at 15%?

355
00:14:14,446 --> 00:14:17,148
We went back to 26%?
Whoa, wait.

356
00:14:17,182 --> 00:14:18,132
50%?

357
00:14:18,183 --> 00:14:20,151
We're at one.

358
00:14:20,185 --> 00:14:22,020
One... hundred?

359
00:14:22,054 --> 00:14:23,805
You're polling at 1%.

360
00:14:23,856 --> 00:14:26,024
What? No.
That can't be right.

361
00:14:26,058 --> 00:14:28,693
Okay, well, what we do
is we move forward from this.

362
00:14:28,727 --> 00:14:30,594
How do we put
a positive spin on this?

363
00:14:30,612 --> 00:14:32,630
- There's no way to spin this.
- Sure there is.

364
00:14:32,665 --> 00:14:35,133
You're looking at the glass
like it's 99% empty.

365
00:14:35,167 --> 00:14:36,868
I'm looking at it
like it's 1% full.

366
00:14:36,902 --> 00:14:40,238
You know, the last delicious
sip of a milkshake

367
00:14:40,272 --> 00:14:42,323
at the bottom
of the metal milkshakey thing?

368
00:14:42,374 --> 00:14:44,826
It's very hard to come back
from this kind of thing.

369
00:14:44,877 --> 00:14:46,344
You know, a sex scandal
with your boss.

370
00:14:46,378 --> 00:14:48,546
Oh, like you're
so pure and chaste.

371
00:14:48,580 --> 00:14:51,482
Please, I know the two of you
are sleeping together.

372
00:14:51,517 --> 00:14:55,303
It's obvious, with all your
glances and your sly smiles.

373
00:14:55,337 --> 00:14:57,972
- I'm gay.
- Well, never mind then.

374
00:14:58,007 --> 00:15:01,993
It's a small town.
There's nowhere to hide.

375
00:15:02,027 --> 00:15:04,662
We can't run
your campaign anymore.

376
00:15:04,697 --> 00:15:06,981
I'm sorry, Leslie.
You were a great candidate,

377
00:15:07,016 --> 00:15:10,034
but... it's over.

378
00:15:14,196 --> 00:15:15,695
Could you maybe find
new advisors?

379
00:15:15,696 --> 00:15:17,730
I can't. I talked
to everyone in the entire state

380
00:15:17,764 --> 00:15:19,081
who's ever run a campaign.

381
00:15:19,116 --> 00:15:21,067
Nobody wants
a candidate who's polling

382
00:15:21,101 --> 00:15:24,386
- at "last milkshake sip" levels.
- Can I say something?

383
00:15:24,404 --> 00:15:27,323
This sucks, I am not gonna
convince you that it doesn't,

384
00:15:27,357 --> 00:15:29,325
and you can tell me
every day for the next year

385
00:15:29,359 --> 00:15:31,494
- about how much this sucks.
- One year—you said one year.

386
00:15:31,528 --> 00:15:33,446
- That's on the record.
- And I meant it.

387
00:15:33,497 --> 00:15:37,333
But eventually this'll pass.
You're gonna get through this.

388
00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:39,569
I don't know if I'm going to.

389
00:15:39,603 --> 00:15:42,571
I mean, look, I return
to my old job in a week,

390
00:15:42,589 --> 00:15:45,574
and that's great because
I love my old job, but...

391
00:15:45,592 --> 00:15:48,678
My heart was really
set on this new job.

392
00:15:48,712 --> 00:15:52,515
Ann.

393
00:15:52,549 --> 00:15:54,350
Don't touch my pickles, Ann!

394
00:15:56,954 --> 00:16:00,106
B-b-b-b-Ben-jammin'!

395
00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:01,941
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

396
00:16:01,975 --> 00:16:04,260
Hey, Jean-Ralphio.
How's it going?

397
00:16:04,278 --> 00:16:06,862
It's going good, I'm actually
right here for an appointmt.

398
00:16:06,897 --> 00:16:09,765
Getting a Brazilian.
By the way, there's a woman

399
00:16:09,783 --> 00:16:11,767
over there that is unbelievable.
Her name is Kim.

400
00:16:11,785 --> 00:16:13,703
When she rips it off,
she smiles,

401
00:16:13,737 --> 00:16:15,037
and it makes you feel things.

402
00:16:15,072 --> 00:16:16,572
Throw my name,
I get a referral discount.

403
00:16:16,606 --> 00:16:18,574
- If you don't mind.
- Okay.

404
00:16:18,608 --> 00:16:20,609
I heard somebody
resigned in disgrace.

405
00:16:20,627 --> 00:16:22,712
My question to you is,
how you making that paper?

406
00:16:22,746 --> 00:16:26,048
Oh, well, I've interviewed
around, uh, but I'm actually

407
00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:27,917
about to take a job
doing in-house accounting

408
00:16:27,951 --> 00:16:30,636
- for an accounting firm.
- Buh...

409
00:16:30,671 --> 00:16:32,054
I almost fell asleep
during that sentence.

410
00:16:32,089 --> 00:16:33,222
- Okay.
- Let me get this straight.

411
00:16:33,257 --> 00:16:36,309
You would be an accountant...

412
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:38,461
- For accountants?
- Yeah.

413
00:16:38,495 --> 00:16:42,298
So at this accounting firm,
you would have the boring job?

414
00:16:42,332 --> 00:16:44,433
Are you nuts?
This is probably the first time

415
00:16:44,468 --> 00:16:45,901
you've had off since
you've been kid president.

416
00:16:45,936 --> 00:16:47,903
- True or false?
- True.

417
00:16:47,938 --> 00:16:50,740
Why don't you use that time and
go after one of your passions,

418
00:16:50,774 --> 00:16:53,576
like model trains or, like,
or toy Gandalfs or something?

419
00:16:53,610 --> 00:16:56,412
I don't know why you jumped
straight to model trains.

420
00:16:56,446 --> 00:16:58,514
I mean... it's accurate.

421
00:16:58,548 --> 00:17:01,417
I'm gonna tell you something
that I once heard from a very,

422
00:17:01,451 --> 00:17:05,321
- very smart woman named Kim.
- The lady who waxes you?

423
00:17:05,355 --> 00:17:08,758
She told me, "if you don't
love what you do...

424
00:17:08,792 --> 00:17:10,559
Then why do it?"

425
00:17:10,594 --> 00:17:12,345
Then she ripped the hair
from my b-hole.

426
00:17:14,498 --> 00:17:16,432
Ron filled me in
on everything that happened,

427
00:17:16,466 --> 00:17:19,235
and I really wish
that the ethics investigation

428
00:17:19,269 --> 00:17:21,337
hadn't interfered
with your campaign in any way.

429
00:17:21,371 --> 00:17:24,340
You don't have to apologize.
You were very fair.

430
00:17:24,374 --> 00:17:27,209
In fact, I'm the one
that needs to apologize.

431
00:17:27,244 --> 00:17:30,346
I got you involved in PCP.

432
00:17:30,380 --> 00:17:33,015
But I'm starting
a new group now, LSD—

433
00:17:33,033 --> 00:17:34,550
Leslie's Sorry Division—

434
00:17:34,584 --> 00:17:37,520
and I just want to say
I'm sorry, Chris.

435
00:17:37,554 --> 00:17:40,289
Oh, that's nice
of you to say.

436
00:17:40,324 --> 00:17:44,327
Anyway, now,
for your Christmas present.

437
00:17:49,082 --> 00:17:52,535
Your suspension's been lifted.
Please, come back to work.

438
00:17:53,069 --> 00:17:54,403
Thank you.

439
00:17:55,438 --> 00:17:57,606
Hey, what are you doing here?

440
00:17:57,641 --> 00:17:58,924
Hey.

441
00:17:58,975 --> 00:18:02,311
Uh, I just wanted to tell you
something in person.

442
00:18:02,846 --> 00:18:03,929
Oh, my God,
I'm pregnant.

443
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:06,749
Wait, what?
No, that's not it.

444
00:18:06,783 --> 00:18:10,386
I turned down
that accounting job.

445
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:12,788
Just didn't feel right.
That's okay, right?

446
00:18:12,823 --> 00:18:14,790
Yeah.
I think that's great.

447
00:18:14,825 --> 00:18:16,792
- I'm really proud of you.
- Yeah?

448
00:18:16,827 --> 00:18:19,245
What are you
gonna do instead?

449
00:18:19,279 --> 00:18:22,915
- I have no idea.
- I like it.

450
00:18:22,949 --> 00:18:24,917
Okay, well, I guess
I'll just see you at home.

451
00:18:24,951 --> 00:18:26,202
Well, they're having
a party in here.

452
00:18:26,236 --> 00:18:27,620
Why don't you stay?

453
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:30,572
Actually, I think
you should go in alone.

454
00:18:39,099 --> 00:18:42,301
- What's going on here?
- Merry Christmas, Leslie!

455
00:18:42,352 --> 00:18:44,586
We made you this replica
of the parks department

456
00:18:44,604 --> 00:18:47,807
out of gingerbread.
Oh, my God, I love it!

457
00:18:47,858 --> 00:18:50,092
Aw, I love it,
and I love you guys,

458
00:18:50,127 --> 00:18:52,311
and Ann specifically.
And all of you!

459
00:18:52,362 --> 00:18:54,613
You did all of this together?

460
00:18:54,648 --> 00:18:57,283
Yes,
except for me.

461
00:18:57,317 --> 00:19:00,236
Turns out, I cannot make
a gingerbread house,

462
00:19:00,270 --> 00:19:03,572
which would bother me
if I were an 8-year-old girl.

463
00:19:03,606 --> 00:19:06,909
In any case, these people
stepped up and helped me out,

464
00:19:06,943 --> 00:19:08,713
and that gave me another idea.

465
00:19:11,248 --> 00:19:14,216
This is
the city council chambers,

466
00:19:14,251 --> 00:19:16,685
and that's you, next may.

467
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,305
I don't understand.

468
00:19:19,339 --> 00:19:21,824
Your campaign advisers quit,
big deal.

469
00:19:21,858 --> 00:19:23,826
You're running
for city council again, Leslie,

470
00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:25,812
with our help.

471
00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:31,367
April Ludgate, youth outreach
and director of new media.

472
00:19:31,401 --> 00:19:35,004
Tom Haverford, image
consultant, swagger coach.

473
00:19:35,038 --> 00:19:38,407
Ann Perkins, office manager
and volunteer coordinator.

474
00:19:38,442 --> 00:19:42,578
Andy Dwyer, security,
sweets, body man.

475
00:19:42,612 --> 00:19:44,046
Javelin, if need be.

476
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:49,084
Donna Meagle, transpo,
AKA rides in my Benz.

477
00:19:50,587 --> 00:19:52,922
W—you guys didn't tell me
we were doing this.

478
00:19:52,956 --> 00:19:54,840
I—I did not know
that I was supposed to

479
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:56,292
come up with something. I—

480
00:19:56,326 --> 00:20:01,964
Ron Swanson, any other
damn thing you might need.

481
00:20:01,998 --> 00:20:04,200
Guys, it's so much work.

482
00:20:04,234 --> 00:20:06,435
I can't ask you to put
your lives on hold.

483
00:20:06,470 --> 00:20:08,670
Find one person here
who you haven't helped

484
00:20:08,688 --> 00:20:11,109
by putting your life on hold.

485
00:20:13,443 --> 00:20:15,746
I don't know what to say...

486
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,915
Except...

487
00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:24,069
Let's go win an election!

488
00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:27,740
Giving Christmas gifts
is like a sport to me.

489
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:31,043
Finding or making
that perfect something.

490
00:20:31,077 --> 00:20:32,428
- Come on.
- It's also like a sport to me

491
00:20:32,462 --> 00:20:33,879
because I always win.

492
00:20:33,914 --> 00:20:37,416
This year, though?
My friends won.

493
00:20:37,467 --> 00:20:39,802
In fact, I got my ass
handed to me.

494
00:20:42,333 --> 00:20:44,633
- Welcome, Mr. Saperstein.
- Thank you so much.

495
00:20:44,668 --> 00:20:46,285
I will just show
to your cubicle.

496
00:20:46,319 --> 00:20:47,436
I can't wait.
I bet it's a big one,

497
00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:50,105
- huh Barney?
- Um, the, uh, temp agency said

498
00:20:50,123 --> 00:20:52,274
that you are fluent
with Quickbooks Pro, correct?

499
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:53,676
Oh, right, yeah,
we should cover that.

500
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:56,812
You see, my resume might not
actually be accurate, right?

501
00:20:56,847 --> 00:20:58,297
So I have no idea
what you're talking about.

502
00:20:58,331 --> 00:21:00,649
Don't know
what Quickbooks are.

503
00:21:00,684 --> 00:21:02,635
You don't have
any accounting experience?

504
00:21:02,669 --> 00:21:05,254
No, no, no, Barney, come on.
But you don't have to be

505
00:21:05,288 --> 00:21:08,257
an accountant to know
that this girl is a ten.

506
00:21:08,291 --> 00:21:10,509
Yo, what up, D.S.?
You come here often?

507
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,594
To my job?

508
00:21:11,628 --> 00:21:12,845
Ooh, she got
a mouth on her also.

509
00:21:12,896 --> 00:21:14,346
- Shut it.
- Is this the new temp

510
00:21:14,397 --> 00:21:16,081
who's supposed to help me
with the spreadsheets?

511
00:21:16,116 --> 00:21:17,349
You want to talk
about spreading and sheets,

512
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,368
we can go back to my place
and I will rock your—

513
00:21:19,402 --> 00:21:21,353
- You're fired!
- That makes sense.

514
00:21:21,404 --> 00:21:23,522
So I just go out
the same way I came in?

515
00:21:23,523 --> 00:21:27,522
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com