1
00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:02,483
Oh, goody, you're all here.

2
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:05,339
Now, I know I'm not supposed to talk
about my campaign in the office,

3
00:00:05,459 --> 00:00:08,490
but last night I've made a decision
about who should be my campaign manager.

4
00:00:08,610 --> 00:00:10,427
This is a huge job.

5
00:00:10,445 --> 00:00:12,663
This is going to require
a lot of late night,

6
00:00:12,698 --> 00:00:14,615
one-on-one jam sessions
with me,

7
00:00:14,650 --> 00:00:16,133
and we're going to bounce ideas
off of each other,

8
00:00:16,168 --> 00:00:17,284
you're going to have to take
calls for me,

9
00:00:17,319 --> 00:00:19,070
any time, day or night.

10
00:00:19,104 --> 00:00:24,075
The person I have chosen is,
drum roll please,

11
00:00:28,180 --> 00:00:29,547
Ann Perkins! Yay!
Give it up for Ann!

12
00:00:29,581 --> 00:00:32,583
Good choice.

13
00:00:32,601 --> 00:00:34,585
Leslie, I don't know the first
thing about running

14
00:00:34,619 --> 00:00:36,620
a political campaign.

15
00:00:36,655 --> 00:00:38,589
Ann, you beautiful tropical fish.

16
00:00:38,607 --> 00:00:41,809
You're smart as a whip
and you're cool under pressure.

17
00:00:41,860 --> 00:00:44,028
You've resuscitated a human
heart in your bare hands.

18
00:00:44,062 --> 00:00:45,463
No, I haven't.

19
00:00:45,497 --> 00:00:47,031
- You haven't?
- No!

20
00:00:47,065 --> 00:00:49,066
You will.
You're that good of a nurse.

21
00:00:49,101 --> 00:00:50,317
What about Ben?

22
00:00:50,369 --> 00:00:52,286
I mean, he ran for mayor
at 18 and won.

23
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,605
Ben is poison in my campaign.

24
00:00:54,623 --> 00:00:57,274
Our relationship is the reason
why my advisors pulled out.

25
00:00:57,309 --> 00:00:58,659
- I—
- Ann,

26
00:00:58,710 --> 00:01:00,611
don't listen to your head
or your heart.

27
00:01:00,645 --> 00:01:02,446
Just look at my eyes
and say "yes."

28
00:01:02,464 --> 00:01:04,114
- Okay, yes.
- Yes!

29
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,949
- I believe in you, Ann.
- Thank you.

30
00:01:05,967 --> 00:01:07,635
And your first job
as my campaign manager

31
00:01:07,669 --> 00:01:09,420
is to start dressing like one.

32
00:01:09,454 --> 00:01:11,172
I don't want to have this
conversation again.

33
00:01:11,223 --> 00:01:13,957
Again? You just hired me eight
seconds ago.

34
00:01:13,975 --> 00:01:15,593
Wow. You're doing
a really bad job.

35
00:01:25,201 --> 00:01:35,201
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

36
00:01:35,847 --> 00:01:39,333
- William, Elizabeth.
- Leslie, hi.

37
00:01:39,367 --> 00:01:42,019
Hi. What are you—
Are you coming to see me?

38
00:01:42,053 --> 00:01:43,888
Did you hear that I'm
relaunching my campaign?

39
00:01:43,922 --> 00:01:45,289
Actually, no, sorry.

40
00:01:45,323 --> 00:01:47,558
We weren't here to see you.
We've been meeting with

41
00:01:47,592 --> 00:01:49,326
other potential candidates
for city council.

42
00:01:49,361 --> 00:01:53,097
Oh, really? So, my campaign
ends and, just like that,

43
00:01:53,131 --> 00:01:54,865
you find someone else and run theirs?

44
00:01:54,900 --> 00:01:56,801
Yes, that's our job.

45
00:01:56,835 --> 00:01:59,537
I know.
Good luck, but, uh,

46
00:01:59,571 --> 00:02:01,872
I just had a big meeting
with my new advisory board,

47
00:02:01,907 --> 00:02:04,708
and they're brilliant and amazing.

48
00:02:04,743 --> 00:02:06,510
They're real killers.

49
00:02:06,545 --> 00:02:09,063
Leslie, I tried to make
ramen in the coffee pot

50
00:02:09,114 --> 00:02:10,731
and I broke everything.

51
00:02:10,782 --> 00:02:12,783
Thank you, Andy.
I'll be right in.

52
00:02:12,818 --> 00:02:15,236
Well, uh, good luck,
Leslie. Honestly.

53
00:02:15,287 --> 00:02:18,522
Well, we don't need luck.
We are a rocket ship.

54
00:02:18,557 --> 00:02:20,891
We are relaunching,
and we're going to blast past

55
00:02:20,926 --> 00:02:23,127
your cann—
Huh, they're gone.

56
00:02:23,161 --> 00:02:26,130
It's true—I no longer have
highly-trained,

57
00:02:26,164 --> 00:02:29,133
professional campaign managers.
So what?

58
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:31,669
Are most murders committed by
highly-trained,

59
00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:33,721
professional assassins?
No.

60
00:02:33,755 --> 00:02:37,741
They're committed by friends
and coworkers.

61
00:02:37,776 --> 00:02:39,777
That analogy was way better
in my head.

62
00:02:45,267 --> 00:02:47,184
Hi.

63
00:02:47,219 --> 00:02:52,106
Champion? Oh my gosh,
there you are, puppy.

64
00:02:52,157 --> 00:02:55,125
- That's a good boy.
- That is a three-legged dog.

65
00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:58,913
His name is Champion, because
he's the dog world champion.

66
00:02:58,947 --> 00:03:00,564
Okay, I have to ask this, I'm sorry,

67
00:03:00,599 --> 00:03:03,066
but how many legs did that dog
have when you found him?

68
00:03:03,084 --> 00:03:04,735
Three! That's what
makes him the best.

69
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,621
He can do more with three legs
than most dogs can do with four.

70
00:03:07,672 --> 00:03:09,790
Except for digging.
He's really bad at digging.

71
00:03:09,841 --> 00:03:10,958
And you remember what you said

72
00:03:11,009 --> 00:03:12,293
about making decisions in the house?

73
00:03:12,344 --> 00:03:15,346
You want to be involved.
We get that, so...

74
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:16,747
You just say the word,

75
00:03:16,765 --> 00:03:18,549
and Champion goes back to the pound,

76
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:20,718
where he can be put down
and killed forever.

77
00:03:20,752 --> 00:03:23,103
I'm not gonna send
a three-legged dog to his death.

78
00:03:23,138 --> 00:03:24,455
Yes!

79
00:03:24,489 --> 00:03:26,390
But I'm not gonna
take care of him for you.

80
00:03:26,424 --> 00:03:28,943
Well, it would be nice
if you helped a little.

81
00:03:28,977 --> 00:03:31,428
Because, unlike you,
Andy and I have jobs.

82
00:03:31,446 --> 00:03:34,298
Cruel, but fair.

83
00:03:34,332 --> 00:03:37,701
So Leslie and I have
come up with the theme

84
00:03:37,736 --> 00:03:39,904
for the campaign relaunch rally.

85
00:03:39,938 --> 00:03:41,705
"The Comeback Kid."

86
00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:44,158
Everyone loves
a good comeback story. Rocky.

87
00:03:44,209 --> 00:03:45,459
Robert Downey, Jr.

88
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:48,462
Terminator said,
"I'll be back," and he was.

89
00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:51,715
Also making a comeback—
the casual Hawaiian shirt.

90
00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:54,001
Well, well, well,
look, who's ahead of the curve.

91
00:03:54,052 --> 00:03:55,302
I was joking.

92
00:03:55,337 --> 00:03:57,805
You should soak that
in bleach and burn it.

93
00:03:57,839 --> 00:03:59,640
Okay, so, the rally's
going to be held tomorrow

94
00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:01,225
at the Pawnee Sports Building.

95
00:04:01,259 --> 00:04:03,344
April, you finalized a rental, right?

96
00:04:03,395 --> 00:04:04,762
Shut up, Ann.

97
00:04:04,796 --> 00:04:06,530
I told you never to talk to me.

98
00:04:06,565 --> 00:04:08,182
That was Champion.

99
00:04:08,233 --> 00:04:09,900
Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
Bad dog!

100
00:04:09,935 --> 00:04:11,569
Yes, everything's fine
with the rental.

101
00:04:11,603 --> 00:04:13,203
Ron, you're constructing the stage?

102
00:04:13,238 --> 00:04:14,688
Yes, ma'am.

103
00:04:14,739 --> 00:04:19,076
Leslie wanted to hire
a contractor to build a stage.

104
00:04:19,110 --> 00:04:20,811
I don't want to paint
with a broad brush here,

105
00:04:20,845 --> 00:04:23,814
but every single contractor
in the world

106
00:04:23,848 --> 00:04:26,850
is a miserable, incompetent thief.

107
00:04:26,885 --> 00:04:32,790
Seal the edges by crimping
the fork—aw, crap.

108
00:04:32,824 --> 00:04:34,224
Ben!

109
00:04:34,259 --> 00:04:35,626
What's up, Chris?
Come on in, man.

110
00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:37,161
I already did.

111
00:04:37,195 --> 00:04:38,796
So, uh, how you been?
How are you doing?

112
00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:40,598
- How are you?
- Great, actually.

113
00:04:40,632 --> 00:04:44,902
I'm just learning how to
make a "cali-zoin-za."

114
00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:48,072
Or, as you Americans
like to say, calzones.

115
00:04:48,106 --> 00:04:51,976
- Do you want one?
- No, I find calzone fatty,

116
00:04:52,010 --> 00:04:53,344
and unnecessary.

117
00:04:53,378 --> 00:04:55,279
So, you've hit a bit of a rough patch,

118
00:04:55,313 --> 00:04:57,014
and I care about you,

119
00:04:57,048 --> 00:04:59,550
so I just want to make sure
you're doing okay.

120
00:04:59,584 --> 00:05:02,519
Chris, honestly, I'm great.

121
00:05:02,554 --> 00:05:06,323
I'm just exploring whatever fun
activity pops into my brain.

122
00:05:06,358 --> 00:05:07,658
Like, check this out.

123
00:05:07,692 --> 00:05:12,446
I'm teaching myself how to do
Claymation videos.

124
00:05:12,497 --> 00:05:14,665
Isn't this just so cool?

125
00:05:14,699 --> 00:05:15,966
It is so cool!

126
00:05:16,001 --> 00:05:19,637
Ben is massively depressed,
and he needs my help.

127
00:05:19,671 --> 00:05:21,405
You look like a real campaign manager.

128
00:05:21,423 --> 00:05:24,574
Oh, thanks, that's because
I googled "campaign manager"

129
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:27,177
and noticed that they wear
a lot of dark colors.

130
00:05:27,212 --> 00:05:28,612
See, there's more things
to look at on the Internet

131
00:05:28,647 --> 00:05:31,849
- besides naked guys, Ann.
- What?

132
00:05:31,883 --> 00:05:34,151
I need a team update,
campaign manager.

133
00:05:34,185 --> 00:05:37,921
Okay. Pistol Pete Disellio
will be here in five minutes.

134
00:05:37,956 --> 00:05:39,456
I still can't believe
that you got him.

135
00:05:39,491 --> 00:05:41,925
Ann got local hero Pistol
Pete Disellio

136
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,627
to endorse me at the rally.

137
00:05:43,662 --> 00:05:46,230
In 1992, Pistol Pete's
last-second dunk

138
00:05:46,264 --> 00:05:49,316
against Eagleton High clinched
a comeback victory

139
00:05:49,367 --> 00:05:51,835
for the Pawnee Central
drunken savages.

140
00:05:51,870 --> 00:05:54,338
Team mascot later changed.

141
00:05:54,372 --> 00:05:57,607
Akash, buddy, of course
I came to you first.

142
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,410
You're the best carpet man in Pawnee.

143
00:05:59,444 --> 00:06:00,878
But here's my question—

144
00:06:00,912 --> 00:06:02,913
Do your carpets match your drapes?

145
00:06:05,717 --> 00:06:07,134
How do you make any event classy
on a budget?

146
00:06:07,168 --> 00:06:08,819
Red carpet.

147
00:06:08,853 --> 00:06:10,587
My entire apartment is red carpet.

148
00:06:10,622 --> 00:06:13,257
On top of that,
leading into my bedroom,

149
00:06:13,291 --> 00:06:14,558
a second red carpet.

150
00:06:14,592 --> 00:06:17,895
Oh, what's this in my shoe?

151
00:06:17,929 --> 00:06:19,480
Red carpet insole.

152
00:06:19,514 --> 00:06:23,200
Everywhere I go,
I'm walking on red carpet.

153
00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:26,837
Is there even enough room
for everyone?

154
00:06:26,871 --> 00:06:28,522
- Here, sit on my lap.
- No, that's humiliating.

155
00:06:28,573 --> 00:06:29,973
Can't I at least sit on Andy's lap?

156
00:06:29,991 --> 00:06:31,692
No, that's Champion's spot.
He called it.

157
00:06:31,743 --> 00:06:33,577
Tom, we're already late.

158
00:06:33,611 --> 00:06:35,746
Now, be a man, and sit
on that girl's lap.

159
00:06:35,780 --> 00:06:37,948
Yes, sir.

160
00:06:40,952 --> 00:06:42,186
Hi, Pete Disellio.

161
00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:43,370
We can call you Pistol, right?

162
00:06:43,421 --> 00:06:44,705
I prefer Pete.

163
00:06:44,756 --> 00:06:46,990
Oh. Okay, got it.
I'm Leslie Knope.

164
00:06:47,008 --> 00:06:48,892
We overlapped a year
at Pawnee Central.

165
00:06:48,927 --> 00:06:50,094
You probably remember my voice

166
00:06:50,128 --> 00:06:51,295
from the morning announcements.

167
00:06:51,329 --> 00:06:53,130
This is my campaign manager,
Ann Perkins.

168
00:06:53,164 --> 00:06:55,015
Hi, nice to meet you.
Come on in.

169
00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,900
Oh, thanks.

170
00:06:56,935 --> 00:06:59,803
- I'm excited to be here.
- Ah! We're excited to have you.

171
00:06:59,838 --> 00:07:03,357
Ann is killing it.
My campaign team is unstoppable.

172
00:07:03,391 --> 00:07:05,726
This rally is going to be awesome.

173
00:07:05,777 --> 00:07:07,528
Oh, my God, I'm feeling it!

174
00:07:07,562 --> 00:07:12,232
I'm gonna break dance!

175
00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:13,350
Leslie?

176
00:07:13,368 --> 00:07:15,369
Coming! Thank God.

177
00:07:20,564 --> 00:07:22,983
Oh, Champion is a way better
kisser than you are, babe.

178
00:07:23,018 --> 00:07:23,818
- Nuh-uh!
- Yes, he is.

179
00:07:23,819 --> 00:07:27,109
He's even a better kisser
than me. Here, try some.

180
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,440
Okay, stop it.
He's drooling on me!

181
00:07:30,942 --> 00:07:33,077
- This is unsafe.
- Ha ha!

182
00:07:33,111 --> 00:07:34,245
Oh, we should do it for the kids.

183
00:07:34,279 --> 00:07:35,996
Kids love it, Ron.
Just for the kids.

184
00:07:37,031 --> 00:07:39,784
Hi, kids! Hey!

185
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:40,668
Oh, look.

186
00:07:40,703 --> 00:07:43,104
The police even love it.
They're sirening back to us.

187
00:07:43,738 --> 00:07:46,072
That's awesome, I was going to
tell them that we heard them.

188
00:07:46,073 --> 00:07:47,709
Heard ya, bud!

189
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,596
And then, you come out,
and you dunk the ball,

190
00:07:51,647 --> 00:07:54,982
and you say, "Voting for Leslie
Knope is a slam dunk!"

191
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,117
You can still dunk, right?

192
00:07:56,151 --> 00:07:59,987
- Oh, I can, but I won't.
- Sorry?

193
00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,188
Look, everywhere I go,

194
00:08:01,223 --> 00:08:02,723
everybody wants me to
talk about that dunk,

195
00:08:02,741 --> 00:08:03,891
and that game.

196
00:08:03,926 --> 00:08:05,159
It feels like I'm living in the past.

197
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:09,080
But the past is great.
The jitterbug, stagecoaches,

198
00:08:09,114 --> 00:08:10,264
Herman Munster.

199
00:08:10,299 --> 00:08:11,832
Look, Leslie, I read up on you.

200
00:08:11,867 --> 00:08:13,434
You've done great stuff
for our parks system

201
00:08:13,468 --> 00:08:15,636
and I will happily endorse you...

202
00:08:15,671 --> 00:08:17,271
As Peter Disellio,

203
00:08:17,306 --> 00:08:19,006
regional distributor
for Derwin ham loafs,

204
00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:22,510
but if this is about who I was,
or what I did when I was 17,

205
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,312
I'm out of here.

206
00:08:24,346 --> 00:08:26,097
Let's not talk about dunking anymore.

207
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:27,247
Let's talk about what you want to do.

208
00:08:27,266 --> 00:08:29,016
- Okay.
- I think you want to dunk.

209
00:08:29,051 --> 00:08:30,484
I'm not going to dunk the ball.

210
00:08:30,519 --> 00:08:32,687
What about a layup?

211
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,106
Officer, I've been operating
heavy machinery

212
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,525
since I was eight years old.

213
00:08:37,559 --> 00:08:40,478
Now, I respect you
and your service to this town

214
00:08:40,529 --> 00:08:41,662
and your country,

215
00:08:41,697 --> 00:08:45,366
but what laws are we breaking exactly?

216
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,301
Well, you got four people
in the front seat,

217
00:08:47,336 --> 00:08:49,136
nobody's wearing a seat belt,

218
00:08:49,171 --> 00:08:50,655
you were speeding
and blasting your horn

219
00:08:50,706 --> 00:08:52,139
through the hospital zone,

220
00:08:52,174 --> 00:08:55,326
the rear of the vehicle's open,
debris has been falling out,

221
00:08:55,377 --> 00:08:57,511
and you don't have a commercial
license to drive a truck.

222
00:08:57,546 --> 00:09:01,082
Okay. Well, we have
a philosophical difference

223
00:09:01,116 --> 00:09:03,334
on what constitutes a law.

224
00:09:03,385 --> 00:09:04,618
I need to see your hands

225
00:09:04,636 --> 00:09:06,787
and could you step out of
the vehicle, please?

226
00:09:06,805 --> 00:09:10,308
Hi. I just wanted you to know
we're about to be arrested.

227
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,859
Oh my God, April, that's horrible.

228
00:09:11,893 --> 00:09:13,511
Where are you?

229
00:09:13,562 --> 00:09:15,313
"My mother's butt", really?
That's really helpful.

230
00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,731
Let me talk to her.

231
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:19,567
April, this is city council
candidate Leslie Knope.

232
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:20,968
Do not make any trouble.

233
00:09:20,986 --> 00:09:24,155
Sit tight.
I'm on my way.

234
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,990
- Whoa. You just hung up on her?
- She'd already hung up on me.

235
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:27,842
Okay, I'm going to go down
there and get them out,

236
00:09:27,876 --> 00:09:29,377
because men in uniform love me.

237
00:09:29,411 --> 00:09:32,013
You have to get Pistol Pete
to make that shot.

238
00:09:32,047 --> 00:09:33,781
Okay, but if I don't,
it's no big deal, right?

239
00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:36,117
- You'll just make your speech?
- He's our surprise headliner.

240
00:09:36,151 --> 00:09:38,152
The whole town loves him.
I'm polling at 1%.

241
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:40,004
He must dunk, Ann.

242
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:41,706
Do whatever it takes.

243
00:09:41,757 --> 00:09:43,323
You know, anything short
of sexual favors.

244
00:09:43,342 --> 00:09:44,792
- What?
- I do not—

245
00:09:44,826 --> 00:09:46,427
I repeat, I do not

246
00:09:46,461 --> 00:09:48,396
want you to tempt him
with sexual favors.

247
00:09:48,430 --> 00:09:49,897
- I wasn't going to.
- Good, I wouldn't either.

248
00:09:49,931 --> 00:09:50,965
That's where I draw the line.

249
00:09:50,999 --> 00:09:52,133
Although, I am a little offended

250
00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:53,117
that you wouldn't do that for me.

251
00:09:53,118 --> 00:09:54,452
- Go.
- Right.

252
00:09:54,703 --> 00:09:59,306
- So, Ben... Why Calzone?
- Glad you asked, Chris.

253
00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:01,675
You know, there's fast food
hamburgers.

254
00:10:01,693 --> 00:10:02,843
There's fast food Mexican.

255
00:10:02,861 --> 00:10:04,344
There's fast food Chinese.
Blah blah blah.

256
00:10:04,363 --> 00:10:05,780
Have you ever wondered

257
00:10:05,814 --> 00:10:08,115
why there isn't a fast food
option for Italian food?

258
00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:09,483
What about pizza?

259
00:10:09,517 --> 00:10:12,019
Pizza?
Never heard of it.

260
00:10:12,037 --> 00:10:13,788
That's what people will be
saying in 20 years,

261
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:16,190
because pizza is old news, Chris.

262
00:10:16,208 --> 00:10:19,076
Pizza is your grandfather's calzone.

263
00:10:19,127 --> 00:10:20,578
Never thought of it that way.

264
00:10:20,629 --> 00:10:22,380
What I'm talking about is
a portable, delicious meal,

265
00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:23,798
that is it's own container.

266
00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:26,934
It's a whole new spin
on Italian fast casual dining.

267
00:10:26,968 --> 00:10:28,803
Amazing.

268
00:10:28,837 --> 00:10:31,172
And you of all people will like this.

269
00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:32,173
I'm gonna use
low-fat ingredients.

270
00:10:32,207 --> 00:10:33,474
Game-changer.

271
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:36,510
And I will call my new
Italian fast casual eatery

272
00:10:36,544 --> 00:10:41,098
"The Low-cal Calzone Zone."

273
00:10:41,149 --> 00:10:44,185
That idea is literally
the greatest idea

274
00:10:44,219 --> 00:10:45,252
I've ever heard in my life.

275
00:10:45,287 --> 00:10:47,421
That idea is terrible.

276
00:10:47,456 --> 00:10:49,223
Glen, you're killing me.

277
00:10:49,241 --> 00:10:51,358
They broke about 50 laws, Knope.

278
00:10:51,392 --> 00:10:54,028
And that girl, she tried to get
that gimp dog to bite me.

279
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:57,397
Look, I could sit here
and fill out all the paperwork,

280
00:10:57,416 --> 00:10:59,900
but you and I both know that
you'd rather go home to Debra,

281
00:10:59,935 --> 00:11:02,569
have a nice home-cooked meal,
and do what comes naturally.

282
00:11:02,587 --> 00:11:03,871
That's not appropriate.

283
00:11:03,905 --> 00:11:06,040
You know that I'm gonna
pay all the fines.

284
00:11:06,074 --> 00:11:10,294
I'm in the middle of a campaign
rally, and this is my team.

285
00:11:10,345 --> 00:11:12,296
- I need them, please.
- Fine.

286
00:11:12,347 --> 00:11:14,148
But unless one of you
has a commercial license,

287
00:11:14,182 --> 00:11:17,084
you can't take that truck.

288
00:11:17,119 --> 00:11:19,970
It would just mean so much to us.

289
00:11:20,021 --> 00:11:22,056
I mean, you're a living legend.

290
00:11:22,090 --> 00:11:25,159
They still air that game every
Friday night on cable access.

291
00:11:25,193 --> 00:11:26,494
Yeah, well, being a living legend is

292
00:11:26,528 --> 00:11:27,945
sort of a double-edged sword.

293
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,830
Everybody in this town
still calls me "Pistol."

294
00:11:29,865 --> 00:11:32,817
Tell me more about that, Peter.

295
00:11:32,868 --> 00:11:36,153
I mean, yes, that dunk,
it made me famous,

296
00:11:36,204 --> 00:11:39,573
but sometimes...

297
00:11:39,607 --> 00:11:43,544
Sometimes life dunks you.

298
00:11:43,578 --> 00:11:45,612
Hey, man, you want to go for a jog?

299
00:11:45,630 --> 00:11:47,414
Just, sort of, kick out the cobwebs,

300
00:11:47,448 --> 00:11:49,300
get some endorphins going?

301
00:11:49,334 --> 00:11:50,968
Oh, no, thanks, Chris.

302
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:53,020
Kind of tearing this Claymation video

303
00:11:53,054 --> 00:11:54,788
a new one right now.

304
00:11:54,823 --> 00:11:56,423
You know, Ben, I really think

305
00:11:56,457 --> 00:11:57,842
you need to take a step back here.

306
00:11:57,893 --> 00:11:59,793
I think getting some
perspective would be good.

307
00:11:59,811 --> 00:12:01,328
What are you talking about?

308
00:12:01,363 --> 00:12:02,730
I've known you a long time.

309
00:12:02,764 --> 00:12:07,134
And, right now, you need help.

310
00:12:07,169 --> 00:12:09,970
- With my Claymaish?
- With your life.

311
00:12:09,988 --> 00:12:14,241
You are wildly, insanely depressed.

312
00:12:14,276 --> 00:12:15,676
Depressed?

313
00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:17,411
I'm the furthest thing from depressed.

314
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:19,313
I mean, look at what
I've accomplished.

315
00:12:19,331 --> 00:12:20,760
Do you see him?

316
00:12:20,761 --> 00:12:23,850
Do you think a depressed
person could make this?

317
00:12:23,851 --> 00:12:24,704
No.

318
00:12:26,755 --> 00:12:28,989
- That's all we can fit in here.
- No problem.

319
00:12:29,007 --> 00:12:30,925
This is going to be fine.
We're all going to be fine,

320
00:12:30,959 --> 00:12:32,326
because the team is still together,

321
00:12:32,344 --> 00:12:34,094
and there's nothing the team can't do.

322
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:37,431
Wait, I think Champion
has to go to the bathroom.

323
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:41,035
- Oh! He shall do it in the car!
- Answer your phone, Ann.

324
00:12:41,069 --> 00:12:42,536
That's what life is like

325
00:12:42,571 --> 00:12:44,705
in a strict Roman Catholic household.

326
00:12:44,739 --> 00:12:46,307
Of course, my father,

327
00:12:46,341 --> 00:12:47,391
he was more stick than carrot

328
00:12:47,442 --> 00:12:49,109
when it came to matters of discipline.

329
00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:52,313
I'm sorry, but the Ben Wyatt
that I know,

330
00:12:52,347 --> 00:12:54,915
I just don't think he'd be
happy sitting here

331
00:12:54,950 --> 00:12:56,534
faffing around.

332
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:57,868
I'm not faffing around.

333
00:12:57,903 --> 00:12:59,703
I've sunk myself into my hobbies.

334
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:03,290
Here, I'll show you my
Claymation project, okay?

335
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,426
Now, I've been working
pretty hard on this,

336
00:13:05,460 --> 00:13:08,128
and... I think
it's really good.

337
00:13:08,163 --> 00:13:10,464
So just hang on to your hat, okay?

338
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:12,383
Here it goes.

339
00:13:14,386 --> 00:13:16,036
Oh, how great.

340
00:13:27,249 --> 00:13:31,485
- Did you pause it?
- No, I—hang on.

341
00:13:41,296 --> 00:13:45,165
Oh, my God.
That's the whole thing.

342
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,635
- That's three weeks of work.
- You're gonna be okay.

343
00:13:47,669 --> 00:13:51,205
No, no, no, no, I'm not.
You see, in my head,

344
00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:53,841
I thought that was really,
really cool.

345
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,443
I emailed Leslie two days ago

346
00:13:56,478 --> 00:13:58,646
and I compared it to Avatar,

347
00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,048
Chris, and how can it not be longer?

348
00:14:01,082 --> 00:14:03,851
Okay, look, what you're
feeling, right now

349
00:14:03,885 --> 00:14:06,520
is regret and shame.

350
00:14:06,660 --> 00:14:08,520
But we are going
to get through this.

351
00:14:08,690 --> 00:14:10,724
Okay, no word from Ann.

352
00:14:10,759 --> 00:14:12,276
April, I need a status report.

353
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:15,195
- How's it looking out there?
- Perfect, but just one thing.

354
00:14:15,230 --> 00:14:16,797
It's not a basketball court any more.

355
00:14:16,831 --> 00:14:18,148
It's an ice skating rink.

356
00:14:18,199 --> 00:14:19,700
Wait, what? Why?
What happened?

357
00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,869
The stupid guy I called to
book this place didn't tell me

358
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,904
they took off the basketball
floor for a hockey game.

359
00:14:23,938 --> 00:14:26,240
Or maybe he did tell me,
but he was so stupid and boring

360
00:14:26,274 --> 00:14:27,458
that I wasn't listening,

361
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:28,609
and either way, it was his fault,

362
00:14:28,643 --> 00:14:30,411
because he was stupid and I hated him.

363
00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:31,845
Ron, how's the stage coming?

364
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:35,582
Well, since we had to
jettison the bulk of the wood,

365
00:14:35,616 --> 00:14:36,884
this is the biggest I could make it.

366
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:38,452
Oh, my God.

367
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:41,588
Good lord, what happened
to the rest of my face?

368
00:14:41,622 --> 00:14:43,290
We had to "Jetsons"
most of the poster too,

369
00:14:43,308 --> 00:14:44,508
but I kind of like it,

370
00:14:44,559 --> 00:14:48,062
'cause windows
are the eyes to the house.

371
00:14:48,096 --> 00:14:49,730
Wow.

372
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,599
- Okay, I got Pistol Pete.
- Good, where is he?

373
00:14:52,633 --> 00:14:54,601
Right now, he's curled up
in the back seat of my car,

374
00:14:54,635 --> 00:14:57,538
talking about his father,
who is a piece of work.

375
00:14:57,572 --> 00:14:59,573
I actually think he did the best
he could for a single father,

376
00:14:59,607 --> 00:15:01,275
but I may be too close
to the situation.

377
00:15:01,309 --> 00:15:03,027
Anyway, the important news
is that he's here.

378
00:15:03,078 --> 00:15:04,578
Good. Is he going to
dunk for me?

379
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:06,947
I'm not sure, I couldn't
hear through all the crying.

380
00:15:06,981 --> 00:15:08,648
- He's crying?
- No, I was crying.

381
00:15:08,667 --> 00:15:09,917
It's been a stressful day,

382
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,118
and he's had a really rough life.

383
00:15:11,152 --> 00:15:12,553
Oh, my God.

384
00:15:12,587 --> 00:15:13,787
We should cancel it, right?
Maybe we should cancel it?

385
00:15:13,822 --> 00:15:15,022
- Yeah.
- Jerry...

386
00:15:15,056 --> 00:15:16,540
You were in charge of getting a crowd.

387
00:15:16,591 --> 00:15:18,125
Please tell me that you pulled
a Jerry, and no one's here.

388
00:15:18,159 --> 00:15:19,460
Okay, well, first of all,

389
00:15:19,494 --> 00:15:20,928
I don't like it when you guys
use that term.

390
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,130
But for the record, I came through.

391
00:15:23,164 --> 00:15:25,499
There are almost
a hundred people out there!

392
00:15:25,517 --> 00:15:28,385
Oh, damn it, Jerry, you just
had to do your job, didn't you?

393
00:15:28,436 --> 00:15:30,337
Yeah, can't you do anything
wrong, Jerry?

394
00:15:30,372 --> 00:15:32,339
I've been looking
at our utter and complete lack

395
00:15:32,357 --> 00:15:34,692
of experience as a positive thing,

396
00:15:34,726 --> 00:15:36,193
but I'm starting to think

397
00:15:36,227 --> 00:15:38,311
it might actually be a problem.

398
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:41,744
Okay, guys, everybody listen up.

399
00:15:41,864 --> 00:15:43,540
I just wanted to say thank you.

400
00:15:43,660 --> 00:15:46,188
You've all volunteered
your time and, no matter what,

401
00:15:46,222 --> 00:15:48,023
I am eternally grateful for it.

402
00:15:48,057 --> 00:15:49,191
Now, I'm going to go out there,

403
00:15:49,225 --> 00:15:51,026
and I'm going to
announce the relaunch,

404
00:15:51,060 --> 00:15:53,628
and I'm going to muddle through
this thing as best I can.

405
00:15:53,663 --> 00:15:55,830
You should all leave,
and when this thing is over,

406
00:15:55,865 --> 00:15:57,165
I'll meet you at the nearest bar.

407
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,134
That would be Hurley's.

408
00:15:59,168 --> 00:16:00,485
- Oh, it's karaoke tonight!
- Yes!

409
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,889
No, no, no, guys.
No. We're not leaving, okay?

410
00:16:03,923 --> 00:16:06,273
We're the reason
Leslie's in this mess.

411
00:16:06,274 --> 00:16:08,756
It's our mess.
We're going to stay here

412
00:16:08,757 --> 00:16:11,112
and we're going to
go out there as a team.

413
00:16:11,113 --> 00:16:15,267
Or, we go as a team to Hurley's.

414
00:16:15,301 --> 00:16:17,052
No, Ann's right.

415
00:16:17,086 --> 00:16:20,322
We're a team.
We're all going out together.

416
00:16:20,356 --> 00:16:21,489
Let's give this crowd a show.

417
00:16:21,524 --> 00:16:24,109
Go, team!

418
00:16:35,288 --> 00:16:36,805
Tom?

419
00:16:36,839 --> 00:16:38,290
I couldn't afford
enough premium carpet

420
00:16:38,324 --> 00:16:39,774
to get us to the stage.

421
00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:40,909
I mean, it was a short walk,

422
00:16:40,943 --> 00:16:42,577
but it was pretty luxurious, right?

423
00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:44,612
Okay.

424
00:16:51,603 --> 00:16:52,837
Everybody smile and wave.

425
00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:06,268
Stop leaning on my arm, Andy.

426
00:17:10,239 --> 00:17:11,773
I'm holding the dog.

427
00:17:11,807 --> 00:17:13,858
He is peeing.
He is now peeing.

428
00:17:13,909 --> 00:17:15,643
I am putting him down.

429
00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:17,412
No, Ron, he only has three legs!

430
00:17:18,814 --> 00:17:21,383
- Get off me!
- No, I'm scared!

431
00:17:23,286 --> 00:17:25,854
Ron? Ron?
There's no stairs.

432
00:17:25,888 --> 00:17:27,488
How do I get onto the stage?

433
00:17:50,412 --> 00:17:52,380
Okay.

434
00:17:59,922 --> 00:18:03,158
Mm-mm.
Here you go. Drink up,

435
00:18:03,192 --> 00:18:06,027
because it has every herb
in my herb belt.

436
00:18:06,045 --> 00:18:08,463
Oh. Tastes like a belt.

437
00:18:08,497 --> 00:18:11,666
I know, isn't it awful?
But it works wonderfully.

438
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:13,251
So, tell me.

439
00:18:13,302 --> 00:18:15,937
Do you admit that you're depressed?

440
00:18:15,971 --> 00:18:17,906
How did you know?
I didn't even know.

441
00:18:17,940 --> 00:18:20,141
The Letters to Cleo t-shirt,
the unshaven face,

442
00:18:20,176 --> 00:18:23,044
the Doc Martins, and your hair
does not have that normal,

443
00:18:23,062 --> 00:18:26,881
uptight, rigid, inflexible
Ben Wyatt sense of fun.

444
00:18:26,899 --> 00:18:30,418
You can't hide
these things from friends.

445
00:18:30,453 --> 00:18:33,121
I think I'm feeling better.

446
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:35,657
Herbal smoothie,
you have done it again.

447
00:18:35,691 --> 00:18:39,361
As a loyal pawneean, I've
always been proud of this town,

448
00:18:39,395 --> 00:18:41,429
and, I, oh, um, sorry.

449
00:18:41,464 --> 00:18:44,332
My cards got out of order here
when they fell.

450
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:51,005
Together, we can defeat
obese children.

451
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:54,125
I'm sure that was something
positive, originally.

452
00:18:54,176 --> 00:18:57,679
I'm sorry, okay, this is
just a disaster, isn't it?

453
00:18:57,713 --> 00:19:02,751
This is the worst political
event ever in history.

454
00:19:02,785 --> 00:19:07,088
Well, um, I can assure
you people in the bleachers

455
00:19:07,123 --> 00:19:10,191
that, if you follow my campaign,
it will be interesting.

456
00:19:10,226 --> 00:19:11,810
It sure will be!

457
00:19:11,861 --> 00:19:13,395
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Pistol Pete,

458
00:19:13,429 --> 00:19:15,763
and around here, I'm a Pawnee legend!

459
00:19:18,484 --> 00:19:21,619
I just wanted to say that
I fully endorse Leslie Knope.

460
00:19:21,654 --> 00:19:23,604
She's got a great team behind her,

461
00:19:23,622 --> 00:19:26,808
and a vote for her is a slam dunk.

462
00:19:29,128 --> 00:19:30,678
Thanks, Pistol Pete!

463
00:19:30,713 --> 00:19:33,214
Wow, we're so happy to have you.

464
00:19:33,249 --> 00:19:35,884
Oh, hey. There he goes.

465
00:19:35,918 --> 00:19:36,885
Come on, Pete!

466
00:19:36,919 --> 00:19:38,303
Oh!

467
00:19:38,337 --> 00:19:41,005
Okay, stay still.
Stay down.

468
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:44,492
Pistol Pete, everybody.
Still got it.

469
00:19:47,178 --> 00:19:49,964
- Hey.
- Hey, how was the rally?

470
00:19:49,999 --> 00:19:51,866
- Oh, we nailed it!
- No, we didn't.

471
00:19:51,901 --> 00:19:54,536
Ben, my campaign manager
and I have made a decision.

472
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:57,639
We've decided to fire
the campaign manager—me.

473
00:19:57,673 --> 00:20:01,342
- And hire you.
- But we've talked about this.

474
00:20:01,377 --> 00:20:03,778
I don't care if you're
poison to my campaign.

475
00:20:03,813 --> 00:20:07,482
This team has a lot of heart
and zero know-how.

476
00:20:07,516 --> 00:20:09,250
You're the only one that can save us.

477
00:20:09,285 --> 00:20:12,086
Please be my campaign manager.

478
00:20:12,121 --> 00:20:14,522
You know, Leslie, Ben's really
been going through something,

479
00:20:14,557 --> 00:20:17,525
and he's on a journey, so I
don't think he's gonna be—

480
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,194
I'll do it. I'm in.

481
00:20:19,228 --> 00:20:21,763
I've done enough exploring.
I'm good.

482
00:20:21,797 --> 00:20:23,164
- Okay, great.
- Ann, you're fired.

483
00:20:23,182 --> 00:20:25,833
Oh, thank God.

484
00:20:25,851 --> 00:20:29,114
No, don't make out.
It's making Champion sad.

485
00:20:30,737 --> 00:20:32,870
Surprise!

486
00:20:33,110 --> 00:20:36,246
We felt really bad about
the whole dredging up your past

487
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,582
just to be publically
humiliated thing.

488
00:20:38,616 --> 00:20:41,585
- So, cookies.
- And balloons.

489
00:20:41,619 --> 00:20:44,654
Thanks, guys. It—
that's nice.

490
00:20:44,672 --> 00:20:45,922
We feel so bad.

491
00:20:45,957 --> 00:20:48,391
Is there anything else we can do?

492
00:20:48,426 --> 00:20:50,026
You could let me take you to dinner.

493
00:20:50,061 --> 00:20:51,895
Yes, Ann, yes.
You should do that.

494
00:20:51,929 --> 00:20:53,930
Oh, I can't, though,
because I'm married.

495
00:20:53,965 --> 00:20:56,550
You're not married.
She's not married.

496
00:20:58,769 --> 00:21:00,770
This is uncomfortable.

497
00:21:01,878 --> 00:21:07,617
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com