1
00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:02,513
- Morning.
- Hey.

2
00:00:02,514 --> 00:00:04,749
Hey, can you approve this new
design for the campaign poster?

3
00:00:04,917 --> 00:00:07,651
Oh, Ann, you beautiful,
rule-breaking moth.

4
00:00:07,718 --> 00:00:10,454
You know we can't talk
about my campaign in here.

5
00:00:10,521 --> 00:00:11,621
Seriously?

6
00:00:11,689 --> 00:00:13,690
It's a "yes" or "no"
question.

7
00:00:13,758 --> 00:00:15,192
When you're running
for office,

8
00:00:15,260 --> 00:00:17,594
there are, like, a million rules
of what you can and cannot do.

9
00:00:18,162 --> 00:00:18,829
Yes.

10
00:00:18,896 --> 00:00:20,164
And because I work
for the government,

11
00:00:20,231 --> 00:00:22,465
I am not allowed to do
anything campaign-related

12
00:00:22,532 --> 00:00:24,434
inside a government building.

13
00:00:24,501 --> 00:00:26,002
Boss, I need
your Herbie Hancock on this.

14
00:00:26,070 --> 00:00:27,870
Outside.

15
00:00:27,938 --> 00:00:29,439
It's kind of a pain
in the ass.

16
00:00:29,506 --> 00:00:32,842
But it's great exercise...
But it's a pain in the ass.

17
00:00:32,909 --> 00:00:34,677
So Perd Hapley
wants to do Thursday now.

18
00:00:34,678 --> 00:00:35,311
Fine.

19
00:00:35,379 --> 00:00:36,579
Did you finish
the maintenance report?

20
00:00:36,646 --> 00:00:37,847
I did not finish it,
but I will finish it.

21
00:00:37,914 --> 00:00:38,746
So wait,
what was your question again?

22
00:00:38,814 --> 00:00:39,848
The slogan?

23
00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:40,915
Okay,
can I just come out there,

24
00:00:40,984 --> 00:00:42,317
so we can talk
about everything?

25
00:00:42,385 --> 00:00:44,486
No, April, I need to keep
my work separate, okay?

26
00:00:44,553 --> 00:00:46,888
Just think of it
like a fun game.

27
00:00:46,956 --> 00:00:49,191
Parks is inside.
Campaign is outside.

28
00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:50,925
Parks is inside.
Campaign's outside.

29
00:00:50,994 --> 00:00:52,060
Ooh, you know
what would make it more fun?

30
00:00:52,128 --> 00:00:53,462
- What?
- Oh, my God, this.

31
00:00:56,530 --> 00:00:57,465
April.

32
00:00:57,532 --> 00:01:00,601
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com

33
00:01:17,718 --> 00:01:19,252
It's time, Leslie.

34
00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:22,255
You have to take a leave
of absence from the department.

35
00:01:22,323 --> 00:01:23,923
Ron,
that is ridiculous.

36
00:01:23,991 --> 00:01:26,358
- We've talked about this.
- No, you've talked about it,

37
00:01:26,426 --> 00:01:27,926
and I've ignored it,
because it is ridiculous.

38
00:01:27,994 --> 00:01:31,163
Need I remind you
that even if I win the election,

39
00:01:31,231 --> 00:01:33,098
I can still work
at the Parks department.

40
00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:34,766
City council
is a part-time job.

41
00:01:34,834 --> 00:01:37,102
But campaigning
is a full-time job.

42
00:01:37,170 --> 00:01:39,871
Right now you're working
50 hours a week here

43
00:01:39,939 --> 00:01:41,706
and 50 hours a week
on the campaign.

44
00:01:41,774 --> 00:01:43,141
Well,
I have time to spare.

45
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:46,511
I'm also volunteering
at "Wheels For Meals On Wheels."

46
00:01:46,578 --> 00:01:48,913
We repair vans
for "Meals On Wheels."

47
00:01:48,980 --> 00:01:51,649
You're a month
behind on everything.

48
00:01:51,716 --> 00:01:53,951
You forgot to file the weekly
Parks Maintenance report.

49
00:01:54,019 --> 00:01:56,154
You do it every week,
and you forgot.

50
00:01:56,221 --> 00:01:57,755
Things are falling
through the cracks.

51
00:01:57,822 --> 00:02:00,424
I'm pretty sure you've worn
that sweater four days in a row.

52
00:02:00,491 --> 00:02:03,093
Or I own four identical
versions of the same sweater.

53
00:02:03,161 --> 00:02:05,095
No, you don't,
there's an old lollipop

54
00:02:05,163 --> 00:02:06,629
that's been stuck to the back
since Tuesday.

55
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:11,435
That's the style now, Ron.

56
00:02:11,502 --> 00:02:13,537
It's called
"lollipopping."

57
00:02:13,604 --> 00:02:15,104
All the kids
are doing it.

58
00:02:15,172 --> 00:02:16,539
Leslie, you need
to take a sabbatical.

59
00:02:16,606 --> 00:02:18,074
Okay.
You know what, Ron?

60
00:02:18,141 --> 00:02:19,408
I accept your apology,

61
00:02:19,476 --> 00:02:21,343
I will not take a sabbatical,
as we agreed,

62
00:02:21,411 --> 00:02:24,413
and we will never
discuss this again.

63
00:02:25,231 --> 00:02:27,583
Sorry, Ann.
You can't open this gift.

64
00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,251
It's for the most beautiful
girl in Pawnee.

65
00:02:30,519 --> 00:02:31,686
Hold up, hold up, hold up.

66
00:02:31,753 --> 00:02:34,425
Hold up, hold up, wait.
That's you.

67
00:02:37,493 --> 00:02:38,726
Wow.

68
00:02:38,794 --> 00:02:40,828
Yeah, and look,
I got one too.

69
00:02:40,896 --> 00:02:42,330
Matching His and Hers.

70
00:02:42,398 --> 00:02:44,399
So I'm "Tommy's girl,"
and you're just "Tom"?

71
00:02:44,467 --> 00:02:46,166
Why not "Ann's man"?

72
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,668
Nobody owns me,
cupcake, not even you.

73
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,004
You can either burn
these hats in a fire,

74
00:02:51,072 --> 00:02:52,672
or you can use
a blowtorch.

75
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,641
How about this option?

76
00:02:54,709 --> 00:02:56,676
- We put the hats on—
- Don't say it.

77
00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:58,947
We take
everything else off.

78
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:03,816
These Kangol hats
are exactly like the one

79
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:06,051
Samuel L. Jackson wore
to the Latin Grammys.

80
00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:07,920
- How could she not like them?
- I don't know.

81
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:10,956
It's like somehow everything
I do with her is wrong.

82
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,059
Dude, seriously,
leave me out of this.

83
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:15,361
I kind of set up
Tom and Ann,

84
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,597
and now they won't stop
asking me for advice,

85
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,764
which is a really bad move
on their part,

86
00:03:19,832 --> 00:03:23,701
because I really don't care
what happens to them...

87
00:03:23,769 --> 00:03:25,437
Or anyone.

88
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,806
Champion!
Hey, bud.

89
00:03:28,874 --> 00:03:30,542
I missed you.

90
00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:32,076
Thank you so much.
I hope he wasn't a handful.

91
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,745
Not in the slightest.

92
00:03:33,812 --> 00:03:37,981
As the Germans would say,
"er ist ein wunder hund."

93
00:03:38,049 --> 00:03:39,950
- He is a wonder dog.
- Oh.

94
00:03:40,018 --> 00:03:41,018
The dog training course
I took

95
00:03:41,085 --> 00:03:42,353
was conducted entirely
in German,

96
00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:44,721
and so now
I'm fluent in German...

97
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:46,290
Words relating
to dogs.

98
00:03:46,358 --> 00:03:47,924
April and Andy went away
for the night,

99
00:03:47,992 --> 00:03:50,027
and I looked
after Champion here.

100
00:03:50,094 --> 00:03:51,327
He's a mutt.

101
00:03:51,395 --> 00:03:54,531
Half amazing,
half terrific.

102
00:03:54,598 --> 00:03:57,733
Ich bin ein
three-legged dog.

103
00:03:57,801 --> 00:03:59,235
Well,
I took him to PetSmart.

104
00:03:59,303 --> 00:04:00,803
I got him
various toys,

105
00:04:00,871 --> 00:04:04,140
got him shots, got him groomed,
and gave him plenty of exercise.

106
00:04:04,208 --> 00:04:05,107
He's healthier
than ever.

107
00:04:05,176 --> 00:04:07,342
Wait,
did his leg grow back?

108
00:04:07,410 --> 00:04:09,678
Aw, no, no.
That's okay.

109
00:04:09,745 --> 00:04:11,213
- Andy, if I may—
- Yes.

110
00:04:11,281 --> 00:04:13,114
Dogs tend to take on
the personalities

111
00:04:13,183 --> 00:04:14,749
- of their owners—
- Mm-hmm.

112
00:04:14,817 --> 00:04:16,485
So if you were to sit
on your couch all day

113
00:04:16,553 --> 00:04:18,520
watching cartoons
and eating nothing but Cheetos,

114
00:04:18,588 --> 00:04:19,555
that's what he would want
to do too.

115
00:04:19,622 --> 00:04:20,722
Who wouldn't?

116
00:04:20,790 --> 00:04:22,591
That sounds like
an amazing day, right?

117
00:04:22,659 --> 00:04:24,859
Okay, well, thanks.

118
00:04:24,927 --> 00:04:26,828
Bye, Champion.

119
00:04:27,396 --> 00:04:28,596
Morning, Leslie.

120
00:04:28,664 --> 00:04:30,464
Jerry, take that shirt off.

121
00:04:30,532 --> 00:04:31,966
You look ridiculous.

122
00:04:32,034 --> 00:04:36,537
Gayle gave me this shirt
yesterday as a birthday present.

123
00:04:36,605 --> 00:04:38,272
Oh, my God,
Jerry.

124
00:04:38,340 --> 00:04:40,074
I can't believe
I forgot your birthday.

125
00:04:40,141 --> 00:04:41,508
Leslie,
it is okay.

126
00:04:41,576 --> 00:04:43,443
I mean, let's face it,
it's a tough one to remember.

127
00:04:43,511 --> 00:04:45,846
My birthday
is February 29th,

128
00:04:45,914 --> 00:04:48,749
so I only get one real birthday,
you know, once every four years.

129
00:04:48,817 --> 00:04:51,018
But it's great
because my wife Gayle

130
00:04:51,086 --> 00:04:52,352
makes such a big deal
out of it.

131
00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:53,854
We go,
we split a huge piece

132
00:04:53,922 --> 00:04:55,221
of cotton candy cheesecake

133
00:04:55,288 --> 00:04:56,889
from Cakey J's
Cheesecake Facility.

134
00:04:56,957 --> 00:04:59,859
And then, well,
we hold hands for a while.

135
00:04:59,927 --> 00:05:01,894
We listen
to some Anita Baker.

136
00:05:01,962 --> 00:05:05,598
She meets up with some friends,
and I turn in early.

137
00:05:05,665 --> 00:05:08,000
This is unacceptable.
Birthdays are important.

138
00:05:08,068 --> 00:05:09,401
I'm so sorry
we forgot yours.

139
00:05:09,469 --> 00:05:11,837
I guess it just slipped
through the cracks.

140
00:05:12,404 --> 00:05:14,272
Yes,
I guess it did.

141
00:05:14,340 --> 00:05:16,942
Anyway,
Happy Birthday to Jerry.

142
00:05:17,009 --> 00:05:19,077
You are a kind
and wonderful soul.

143
00:05:19,645 --> 00:05:20,478
Thank you.

144
00:05:20,546 --> 00:05:22,380
Also I need you to do
some fecal contamination testing

145
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:24,182
- at the reservoir.
- Now?

146
00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:25,516
Yes, go get a kit
from maintenance,

147
00:05:25,584 --> 00:05:26,984
and I need you to check
the water for bird dung.

148
00:05:27,052 --> 00:05:28,385
Can I at least
grab the gloves?

149
00:05:28,453 --> 00:05:29,720
Jerry, what are you doing
standing here?

150
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,923
- Our water has poop in it.
- Oh, my God.

151
00:05:32,991 --> 00:05:35,626
Now Jerry is turning 64
this year.

152
00:05:35,693 --> 00:05:38,528
- He's only 64?
- 64 divided by 4 is—

153
00:05:38,596 --> 00:05:39,997
- 16.
- 64.

154
00:05:40,065 --> 00:05:42,899
So we're gonna throw him
a Sweet 16 surprise party.

155
00:05:42,967 --> 00:05:44,700
It's gonna be very special.

156
00:05:44,769 --> 00:05:48,138
- The usual, cake and pop?
- No, April, the unusual.

157
00:05:48,205 --> 00:05:50,140
- Fish and pop.
- No.

158
00:05:50,207 --> 00:05:51,941
- Cake and fish.
- No, no fish.

159
00:05:52,009 --> 00:05:55,011
Jerry only gets a real birthday
every four years.

160
00:05:55,079 --> 00:05:56,412
And four years from now,
who knows?

161
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,881
He might be retired...
Or dead.

162
00:05:58,948 --> 00:06:00,249
Let's start a pool.

163
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:01,349
Who wants retied?
Who wants dead?

164
00:06:01,417 --> 00:06:02,384
- Dead.
- No.

165
00:06:02,451 --> 00:06:04,019
- I got one dead.
- No.

166
00:06:05,255 --> 00:06:06,789
- You need to take that?
- Mm, no.

167
00:06:06,856 --> 00:06:09,324
The campaign can wait, 'cause
this is official Parks business.

168
00:06:09,392 --> 00:06:11,726
Donna,
can we use your lake house?

169
00:06:11,795 --> 00:06:13,395
How did you know
about that?

170
00:06:13,462 --> 00:06:14,996
My family has a lake house
up in the foothills,

171
00:06:15,063 --> 00:06:16,898
but we keep it quiet.

172
00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:19,867
We're not big
on hospitality.

173
00:06:19,935 --> 00:06:22,103
The Meagles
are a cold people.

174
00:06:22,171 --> 00:06:23,437
Can we use your house?

175
00:06:24,505 --> 00:06:26,407
I suppose.

176
00:06:26,474 --> 00:06:27,942
Bring your own towels.

177
00:06:29,010 --> 00:06:30,178
Wow, Donna.

178
00:06:30,245 --> 00:06:31,945
This place
is beautiful.

179
00:06:32,013 --> 00:06:34,714
Yes, it is,
and it will stay that way.

180
00:06:34,782 --> 00:06:37,917
These are the house rules.
No dirty shoes in the house.

181
00:06:37,984 --> 00:06:39,786
Upstairs is Meagle space
only.

182
00:06:39,854 --> 00:06:43,957
And if you listen closely, that
is the bubbling of the hot tub.

183
00:06:44,025 --> 00:06:45,826
You do not have access
to it.

184
00:06:45,893 --> 00:06:50,062
If you follow these rules,
we won't have a problem.

185
00:06:50,130 --> 00:06:52,531
Oh, my God.

186
00:06:52,598 --> 00:06:55,667
- Is that Ginuwine?
- Mm-hmm.

187
00:06:55,735 --> 00:06:57,402
Why do you have
Ginuwine's platinum record

188
00:06:57,470 --> 00:06:58,904
on your wall?

189
00:06:58,972 --> 00:07:02,274
Why do you have a photo of you
with Ginuwine at some place?

190
00:07:02,342 --> 00:07:04,775
Oh, have I never talked
about this before?

191
00:07:04,844 --> 00:07:05,910
Ginuwine's my cousin.

192
00:07:07,228 --> 00:07:08,412
Ginuwine?

193
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,449
The Ginuwine
is your cousin?

194
00:07:11,516 --> 00:07:12,917
How do I not know this?

195
00:07:12,985 --> 00:07:16,354
Who's Ginuwine?

196
00:07:16,421 --> 00:07:20,090
Ginuwine?

197
00:07:20,158 --> 00:07:24,461
Ginuwine is Ginuwine.
He's Ginuwine.

198
00:07:24,528 --> 00:07:26,296
Saying his name over and over
again is not going to help me.

199
00:07:26,364 --> 00:07:28,065
He's an R&B singer.

200
00:07:28,132 --> 00:07:30,334
Pony, Differences.

201
00:07:30,401 --> 00:07:32,535
Do you really not know
who Ginuwine is?

202
00:07:32,603 --> 00:07:34,238
I know that
he's Donna's cousin.

203
00:07:34,805 --> 00:07:36,839
When I'm dating someone,
I have a list

204
00:07:36,907 --> 00:07:38,341
called
my "oh-no-nos."

205
00:07:38,408 --> 00:07:41,344
A woman commits an "oh-no-no,"
it can end the relationship.

206
00:07:41,411 --> 00:07:44,313
Not loving '90s R&B music

207
00:07:44,381 --> 00:07:48,550
is number three
on the "oh-no-nos" list.

208
00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:50,486
Girl doesn't even know
who Ginuwine is.

209
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:52,820
Hey, boy.
How was the ride?

210
00:07:53,088 --> 00:07:55,055
Oh, hey, you want me
to show you something?

211
00:07:55,056 --> 00:07:55,823
Okay.

212
00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:58,928
Platz.

213
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:00,628
Steh Auf.

214
00:08:00,696 --> 00:08:03,765
See, it's pretty cool, huh?
Would you like me to teach you?

215
00:08:03,832 --> 00:08:06,534
Uh, whatever.
I mean, anybody can do that.

216
00:08:13,508 --> 00:08:15,109
Toxic.
Merkel.

217
00:08:15,176 --> 00:08:16,576
- Merkel.
- What is "Merkel"?

218
00:08:16,644 --> 00:08:19,146
She's the Chancellor
of Germany.

219
00:08:19,214 --> 00:08:21,815
Not only more jobs
but better jobs.

220
00:08:21,883 --> 00:08:25,285
I just did a phone interview
while simultaneously

221
00:08:25,352 --> 00:08:27,854
decorating this house
for Jerry's surprise party.

222
00:08:27,922 --> 00:08:31,425
Totally multitasking,
totally on top of all of it.

223
00:08:31,492 --> 00:08:34,594
Crow for dinner tonight,
Mr. Swanson?

224
00:08:34,662 --> 00:08:36,830
Okay,
we are locked and loaded.

225
00:08:36,898 --> 00:08:38,698
Music is ready.
Slideshow is prepped.

226
00:08:38,766 --> 00:08:41,300
- April, when does Jerry arrive?
- How would I know?

227
00:08:41,867 --> 00:08:43,135
Who was supposed
to invite Jerry?

228
00:08:43,702 --> 00:08:46,204
Guys, someone was supposed
to invite Jerry.

229
00:08:46,272 --> 00:08:48,541
It's his surp—

230
00:08:48,608 --> 00:08:52,110
Crap, it was me.
I forgot to invite Jerry.

231
00:08:55,505 --> 00:08:56,974
You need to take
a sabbatical.

232
00:08:56,975 --> 00:08:58,608
I'm not taking
a sabbatical.

233
00:08:58,676 --> 00:09:00,110
Is this because I forgot
to invite Jerry

234
00:09:00,178 --> 00:09:02,780
- to his own birthday party?
- It did seem like an oversight.

235
00:09:02,847 --> 00:09:04,715
I have a prediction, Ron.
By the end of the night,

236
00:09:04,783 --> 00:09:06,683
you are going to take
a bite of Jerry's cake,

237
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:09,586
which incidentally, we need
to pick up on the way home,

238
00:09:09,653 --> 00:09:13,222
and you are gonna say,
"sabbatical, schmabbatical.

239
00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:15,992
Leslie can do it all.
She's the best, and I'm stupid."

240
00:09:17,060 --> 00:09:18,595
That does sound
like me.

241
00:09:19,262 --> 00:09:22,631
Hey.
Here's a fun game.

242
00:09:22,699 --> 00:09:26,034
Let's talk minimum acceptable
thread count for sheets.

243
00:09:26,102 --> 00:09:28,870
- Ooh, that does sound fun.
- Stop me when I hit it.

244
00:09:28,938 --> 00:09:31,406
1,000...

245
00:09:31,473 --> 00:09:32,841
800...

246
00:09:33,909 --> 00:09:36,044
700...

247
00:09:37,312 --> 00:09:38,446
600?

248
00:09:38,514 --> 00:09:40,581
Ann, I'm at 600.
Are you really not stopping me?

249
00:09:40,648 --> 00:09:42,249
I have
those cotton t-shirt sheets.

250
00:09:42,317 --> 00:09:44,384
Huh?

251
00:09:44,452 --> 00:09:46,120
It's always
the most beautiful ladies

252
00:09:46,188 --> 00:09:48,789
who hurt you the worst.

253
00:09:48,857 --> 00:09:51,192
She's never seen
a single Paul Walker movie?

254
00:09:51,259 --> 00:09:52,659
That's a huge "oh-no-no."

255
00:09:52,728 --> 00:09:55,795
She also "doesn't care"
about Blu-ray?

256
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:58,164
- She's a monster.
- April, this is serious.

257
00:09:58,232 --> 00:09:59,933
I might have to break up
with Ann.

258
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,835
Yeah, well,
then break up with her.

259
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:03,502
But she's my dream girl.

260
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:04,738
Then don't break up
with her.

261
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,106
Except she hates
everything I like.

262
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:08,674
I own more pairs of Uggs
than she does.

263
00:10:08,743 --> 00:10:11,176
I was getting kind of sick
of listening

264
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:13,511
to Tom and Ann talk
about their relationship,

265
00:10:13,579 --> 00:10:16,551
but then I remembered
that alcohol existed.

266
00:10:20,619 --> 00:10:22,287
Thank you, alcohol.

267
00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,824
Jerry?
Jerry.

268
00:10:25,892 --> 00:10:27,691
Where the hell could he be?

269
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,426
Maybe someone else
had a surprise party

270
00:10:29,494 --> 00:10:30,762
and actually remembered
to invite him.

271
00:10:33,766 --> 00:10:34,665
Jerry?

272
00:10:34,733 --> 00:10:36,467
Jerry.

273
00:10:36,534 --> 00:10:37,902
Jerry?

274
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,938
Jerry!
Come on in.

275
00:10:41,006 --> 00:10:43,039
- Oh, God.
- Leslie.

276
00:10:43,107 --> 00:10:44,775
Hello, Jerry.

277
00:10:44,842 --> 00:10:47,177
Jerry,
why did you call us in here?

278
00:10:47,245 --> 00:10:48,879
Well, because I thought
you were Gayle.

279
00:10:48,946 --> 00:10:50,346
What are you doing
in my bathroom?

280
00:10:50,414 --> 00:10:53,316
Yes, Leslie, what are we
doing in Jerry's bathroom?

281
00:10:53,384 --> 00:10:55,451
There is
a Parks emergency

282
00:10:55,519 --> 00:10:57,687
that only you
can help us solve,

283
00:10:57,755 --> 00:10:59,221
so we need you
to get out of the tub.

284
00:10:59,289 --> 00:11:00,455
Let's get going.

285
00:11:00,523 --> 00:11:03,092
O-okay, jes—w—
I gotta get dressed.

286
00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,060
- No, there's no time.
- There's time, Jerry.

287
00:11:05,128 --> 00:11:06,495
Get dressed.

288
00:11:06,562 --> 00:11:08,463
Okay, well,
what is the big emergency?

289
00:11:08,531 --> 00:11:11,167
Oh, did we lose more seniors
in the woods?

290
00:11:11,234 --> 00:11:12,301
No, it's a sinkhole,
right?

291
00:11:12,368 --> 00:11:14,369
Crap on a catapult.

292
00:11:14,437 --> 00:11:16,971
They screwed up
my campaign signs.

293
00:11:17,039 --> 00:11:18,106
Now I gotta deal
with this.

294
00:11:18,174 --> 00:11:19,640
Okay,
but what about the sinkhole?

295
00:11:19,708 --> 00:11:22,510
Don't worry, Leslie will deal
with this and the sinkhole.

296
00:11:22,577 --> 00:11:24,979
Right, Leslie?

297
00:11:25,047 --> 00:11:27,015
Yes, Ron.
I will, Ron.

298
00:11:27,082 --> 00:11:29,684
And I shall do it
with aplomb.

299
00:11:30,251 --> 00:11:31,819
What the hell
is wrong with Tom?

300
00:11:32,136 --> 00:11:32,953
Don't know.

301
00:11:33,021 --> 00:11:35,656
It's like I'm dating
some idiotic game show host.

302
00:11:35,724 --> 00:11:38,793
He is driving me crazy
with these stupid questions.

303
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:39,893
Well, soon it won't matter.

304
00:11:41,361 --> 00:11:42,296
Why?
What did he tell you?

305
00:11:42,364 --> 00:11:43,531
Nothing.

306
00:11:44,098 --> 00:11:46,367
Wait, is he gonna
break up with me?

307
00:11:46,435 --> 00:11:48,368
I don't know.
I'm—

308
00:11:48,436 --> 00:11:50,737
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.

309
00:11:50,805 --> 00:11:52,071
That's not how this ends,
okay?

310
00:11:52,639 --> 00:11:54,774
I break up with him.

311
00:11:55,592 --> 00:11:58,578
I think I will celebrate
with a drink.

312
00:11:59,646 --> 00:12:00,980
Quit pulling.

313
00:12:01,048 --> 00:12:02,949
Fine, I'll let you
off the leash.

314
00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:05,351
- Andy.
- What the, dude?

315
00:12:05,418 --> 00:12:06,719
Where did you come from?

316
00:12:06,786 --> 00:12:08,320
I think that Champion
should stay on his leash.

317
00:12:08,388 --> 00:12:10,989
There's unfamiliar terrain
and strange smells.

318
00:12:11,057 --> 00:12:12,858
No, leashes are just
for dogs that bite people.

319
00:12:12,925 --> 00:12:14,292
That's not true.

320
00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:17,162
Chris,
Champion's my dog, okay?

321
00:12:17,230 --> 00:12:18,597
He's not going anywhere.

322
00:12:18,665 --> 00:12:21,432
Sometimes you just have
to let a dog be a dog.

323
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,468
He'll be all right.

324
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:26,505
Champion!

325
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:30,140
He'll come back.

326
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:32,443
So as you can imagine,
we would never have ordered

327
00:12:32,511 --> 00:12:34,812
a sign with all
this complicated nonsense

328
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,046
because, you know,
we're not insane.

329
00:12:37,114 --> 00:12:38,982
See right here
on the order form?

330
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,585
- It says, "http://--"
- Mm-hmm.

331
00:12:41,652 --> 00:12:44,287
- "www. knope2012—"
- I can read the sign.

332
00:12:44,355 --> 00:12:46,757
- It does.
- ".com/imagescmyk/--"

333
00:12:46,824 --> 00:12:50,994
- well, but this isn't what—
- "page/carnpaignlqty100123—"

334
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:52,160
You don't need to read
the whole thing.

335
00:12:52,228 --> 00:12:54,062
- "9u/09230023—"
- Mm-hmm.

336
00:12:54,130 --> 00:12:55,731
"099twposter—"

337
00:12:55,799 --> 00:12:58,701
- it does say that.
- ". jpeg."

338
00:12:58,769 --> 00:13:00,669
Jpeg.
Yes, Walter, it does say that.

339
00:13:00,737 --> 00:13:04,206
You're right, but using basic
logic and human intelligence,

340
00:13:04,274 --> 00:13:08,042
one can surmise
that this is a link to an image.

341
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:10,278
This isn't what we wanted
printed on the signs.

342
00:13:10,345 --> 00:13:11,780
Whatever's on the order form
I print.

343
00:13:11,847 --> 00:13:15,182
In this case, it was a long
string of letters and numbers.

344
00:13:15,250 --> 00:13:16,918
Can I just sh—show you
something here? There you go.

345
00:13:16,985 --> 00:13:18,052
That's highly
against protocol.

346
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,521
Well, here, look.

347
00:13:19,588 --> 00:13:22,023
That's a good sign.

348
00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:24,190
You should've used that.

349
00:13:24,258 --> 00:13:26,727
You told April
you were breaking up with me?

350
00:13:26,795 --> 00:13:29,930
Ann, we consistently disagree
on "who wore it best."

351
00:13:29,997 --> 00:13:31,998
You still use
an iPad one.

352
00:13:32,066 --> 00:13:34,568
You read books
all the time.

353
00:13:34,636 --> 00:13:37,103
Okay, how about
my "oh-no-nos" for you?

354
00:13:37,171 --> 00:13:40,005
You make me see terrible movies,
and then you talk through them.

355
00:13:40,073 --> 00:13:43,275
"You put 20" rims
on your volkswagen golf,

356
00:13:43,343 --> 00:13:45,210
and you insist on being
introduced

357
00:13:45,278 --> 00:13:46,979
as "the brown Gosling."

358
00:13:47,047 --> 00:13:50,650
Everything you just said
makes me like me more.

359
00:13:50,717 --> 00:13:53,352
I can't take it any more, okay?
I'm breaking you up.

360
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,487
You guys are done.

361
00:13:54,555 --> 00:13:57,522
- Fine with me.
- Fine, fine.

362
00:13:57,590 --> 00:13:59,658
- Oh, April.
- I'm drunk.

363
00:13:59,725 --> 00:14:03,662
You made me drunk,
you made me drunk, and you—

364
00:14:03,729 --> 00:14:06,665
- No, no. Give it a rest.
- I need it.

365
00:14:06,732 --> 00:14:07,599
- Okay.
- Fine.

366
00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:09,033
Let's get you to bed.

367
00:14:09,101 --> 00:14:10,602
You know, why are you guys
even fighting anyway?

368
00:14:10,670 --> 00:14:11,869
It's so stupid.

369
00:14:11,937 --> 00:14:14,004
"I hate Ann
because of this stupid reason."

370
00:14:14,072 --> 00:14:15,573
"And I hate Tom
for this stupid reason."

371
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:16,740
Who cares?

372
00:14:16,808 --> 00:14:19,142
- You want some help?
- No, I got it.

373
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:21,411
Well, we did everything, Ron.
We got new signs.

374
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:22,813
We put them
in people's yards.

375
00:14:22,881 --> 00:14:25,850
We got Jerry for the surprise—
sinkhole emergency.

376
00:14:25,917 --> 00:14:27,917
And, uh,
we briefly ran out of gas,

377
00:14:27,985 --> 00:14:29,118
and then we walked
to the gas station.

378
00:14:29,186 --> 00:14:30,887
We got more gas,
and now we're all good.

379
00:14:30,955 --> 00:14:32,921
Yep, you truly are
attempting to do it all.

380
00:14:32,922 --> 00:14:33,723
Thank you.

381
00:14:33,791 --> 00:14:35,592
We didn't get to the drug
store for my liver medication.

382
00:14:35,659 --> 00:14:36,893
Well, you should've
thought about that

383
00:14:36,961 --> 00:14:38,661
before we dragged you
out of the bath, Jerry.

384
00:14:38,729 --> 00:14:40,129
Yeah.

385
00:14:40,197 --> 00:14:42,264
Okay, wait a second.

386
00:14:42,332 --> 00:14:43,499
This is clearly not
a sinkhole problem.

387
00:14:43,566 --> 00:14:44,733
What's going on?

388
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,568
Jerry, as soon as
we open this door,

389
00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,639
everything
will become clear.

390
00:14:51,207 --> 00:14:52,307
Surprise!

391
00:14:52,375 --> 00:14:54,112
Oh, what the?

392
00:14:57,079 --> 00:14:58,213
Surprise.

393
00:14:59,090 --> 00:15:00,525
Where the hell is everybody?

394
00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:02,025
Well, it got so late.

395
00:15:02,092 --> 00:15:03,993
We just weren't sure
you were still coming.

396
00:15:04,061 --> 00:15:07,630
Everybody's either in bed
or out looking for Champion.

397
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:08,898
Oh, yeah.
Champion ran away.

398
00:15:08,966 --> 00:15:10,834
- Wake everybody up.
- Leslie.

399
00:15:10,901 --> 00:15:12,068
No, I am not gonna let this
fall apart.

400
00:15:12,136 --> 00:15:13,468
We are gonna throw Jerry

401
00:15:13,536 --> 00:15:16,404
an amazing Sweet 16
surprise party

402
00:15:16,472 --> 00:15:19,708
no matter how agonizing it is
for all of us.

403
00:15:20,275 --> 00:15:21,910
That's the spirit.

404
00:15:21,978 --> 00:15:23,745
- Champion.
- Champion!

405
00:15:23,813 --> 00:15:26,148
Champion, come here, boy.

406
00:15:26,216 --> 00:15:28,383
I have an organic,
gluten-free soy bone for you.

407
00:15:28,451 --> 00:15:30,184
Champion!

408
00:15:30,252 --> 00:15:33,187
Chris, there's something
I have to tell you.

409
00:15:33,905 --> 00:15:36,189
- I ate one of your soy bones.
- Really?

410
00:15:36,257 --> 00:15:37,724
Yeah,
it was really good.

411
00:15:37,791 --> 00:15:39,259
I was gonna give it
to Champion,

412
00:15:39,327 --> 00:15:42,062
but it just—
it looked so yummy.

413
00:15:42,129 --> 00:15:45,531
The point is,
I'm a terrible dog owner.

414
00:15:45,599 --> 00:15:47,334
And I think,
if we find Champion,

415
00:15:47,401 --> 00:15:48,634
you should keep him.

416
00:15:49,202 --> 00:15:52,637
Andy, if it wasn't
for you and April,

417
00:15:52,705 --> 00:15:54,139
Champion would still be back
at the pound.

418
00:15:54,207 --> 00:15:57,042
You gave him a home.
That's amazing.

419
00:15:57,110 --> 00:15:59,544
And he's your dog.

420
00:15:59,612 --> 00:16:01,313
If you just call out his name,
he will come to you.

421
00:16:01,381 --> 00:16:03,182
What—no, he won't
'cause I've been trying it,

422
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,284
and it didn't work.

423
00:16:05,352 --> 00:16:07,052
I think
he likes your music.

424
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,152
Why don't you sing
to him?

425
00:16:08,220 --> 00:16:09,720
Really?
I don't have my guitar.

426
00:16:09,788 --> 00:16:11,155
- I usually—
- Come on.

427
00:16:11,223 --> 00:16:15,226
I feel naked without it, okay.

428
00:16:35,780 --> 00:16:36,679
Champion!

429
00:16:36,747 --> 00:16:39,082
Champion, hey!

430
00:16:39,150 --> 00:16:40,816
Oh, buddy,
you came back.

431
00:16:40,884 --> 00:16:43,419
You came back
to my voice.

432
00:16:44,986 --> 00:16:46,222
Dog whistle.

433
00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:48,391
- April, wake up.
- Jerry's here.

434
00:16:48,458 --> 00:16:49,491
April.

435
00:16:49,559 --> 00:16:50,692
- April.
- Hey.

436
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,862
- Hi.
- Hi.

437
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:56,898
Why is your arm around her?
I broke you up.

438
00:16:56,966 --> 00:16:58,800
Well, we got back together
again 'cause of what you said.

439
00:16:58,867 --> 00:17:00,668
What do you mean?
I didn't say anything.

440
00:17:00,736 --> 00:17:02,170
Yeah, when we were
carrying you to bed,

441
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:04,605
you correctly pointed out that
we were arguing about stuff

442
00:17:04,673 --> 00:17:06,607
that was stupid,
and so we talked it out.

443
00:17:06,675 --> 00:17:08,609
And I apologized,
and he apologized.

444
00:17:08,677 --> 00:17:09,877
And now everything's
great.

445
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:11,046
- Thanks.
- No.

446
00:17:11,613 --> 00:17:14,181
I'm drunk.
Don't listen to me, no.

447
00:17:14,249 --> 00:17:16,417
- See you out there.
- No.

448
00:17:16,484 --> 00:17:18,419
- Whoa, thanks, guys.
This is really—

449
00:17:18,486 --> 00:17:19,553
this is really great.

450
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:22,289
Okay, I want
everyone to go around

451
00:17:22,357 --> 00:17:24,158
and tell
their favorite Jerry story.

452
00:17:26,226 --> 00:17:27,996
A positive one.

453
00:17:31,064 --> 00:17:32,332
Who's first?

454
00:17:32,399 --> 00:17:35,101
Jerry,
today is your birthday,

455
00:17:35,169 --> 00:17:37,770
but it's about
much more than that.

456
00:17:37,838 --> 00:17:40,940
It's also about Ann and I
getting back together

457
00:17:41,008 --> 00:17:43,209
and being the hottest couple
in Pawnee.

458
00:17:43,277 --> 00:17:44,542
I'd also like
to announce

459
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:47,545
our official relationship
mash-up name.

460
00:17:47,613 --> 00:17:49,848
It's "Tan."
To Tan.

461
00:17:49,915 --> 00:17:52,117
I would like
to announce that

462
00:17:52,185 --> 00:17:54,119
the name Tan
is officially over.

463
00:17:54,187 --> 00:17:55,753
To the end of Tan.

464
00:17:55,821 --> 00:17:58,523
- Haverkins it is.
- Okay, Donna?

465
00:17:58,591 --> 00:18:01,258
I would like to address
the fact that rule number seven

466
00:18:01,326 --> 00:18:05,229
says, "no pets," and yet
there is a three-legged animal

467
00:18:05,297 --> 00:18:06,397
- in my living room.
- Okay, Ron.

468
00:18:06,465 --> 00:18:10,667
Jerry's work
is often adequate.

469
00:18:17,007 --> 00:18:17,907
I'll go.

470
00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:20,377
Jerry has a wife

471
00:18:20,444 --> 00:18:22,678
and three beautiful daughters—
a full life—

472
00:18:23,246 --> 00:18:24,147
and that's amazing.

473
00:18:24,215 --> 00:18:27,250
April and Andy have Champion,
and that's amazing.

474
00:18:27,318 --> 00:18:30,620
I have a stepbrother
who lives in London

475
00:18:30,687 --> 00:18:33,088
and 2.8% body fat.

476
00:18:36,387 --> 00:18:37,888
Guys... guys...

477
00:18:38,693 --> 00:18:39,895
What do I do?

478
00:18:40,262 --> 00:18:41,230
I mean, she's asleep.

479
00:18:41,297 --> 00:18:42,964
You probably should just
sit there and not move.

480
00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:45,634
She's really tired.
Just a few hours.

481
00:18:45,701 --> 00:18:46,935
Few hours?

482
00:18:48,003 --> 00:18:50,138
Is this all the eggs
we have?

483
00:18:50,205 --> 00:18:53,041
Yes.
What are you making?

484
00:18:53,108 --> 00:18:54,108
Eggs.

485
00:18:57,746 --> 00:18:59,947
- Leslie.
- Surprise!

486
00:19:00,015 --> 00:19:03,017
Oh, God.
What happened?

487
00:19:03,085 --> 00:19:08,388
Well, you slept
with Jerry last night.

488
00:19:08,456 --> 00:19:11,458
No, I was planning Jerry's
morning surprise party.

489
00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,193
Morning surprise parties
are always the best.

490
00:19:13,261 --> 00:19:15,127
- Let's get going.
- I made some coffee.

491
00:19:15,945 --> 00:19:17,964
Let's go
for a walk.

492
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,866
I now officially insist
that you take a sabbatical.

493
00:19:20,934 --> 00:19:22,468
- No, no.
- Let me finish.

494
00:19:25,036 --> 00:19:27,139
I used to work
in a sheet metal factory,

495
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:30,876
but then a job came along
at the tannery.

496
00:19:30,944 --> 00:19:33,312
The hours were better,
and I would get paid.

497
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:35,714
Also I'd have the chance
to work with leather

498
00:19:35,782 --> 00:19:37,615
both before
and after it was on the cow,

499
00:19:37,683 --> 00:19:40,085
which had always been
a dream of mine.

500
00:19:40,152 --> 00:19:42,153
I didn't want to give up
my sheet metal job,

501
00:19:42,221 --> 00:19:44,989
so I tried to do both jobs
and finish middle school.

502
00:19:45,707 --> 00:19:46,491
How old were you?

503
00:19:46,492 --> 00:19:48,159
11.

504
00:19:48,227 --> 00:19:51,229
The point is,
I was so tired,

505
00:19:51,297 --> 00:19:53,930
I tried to puncture
an eight-gauge aluminum foil

506
00:19:53,998 --> 00:19:56,400
with a leather awl.

507
00:19:57,168 --> 00:19:59,136
- Wow.
- I learned a lesson.

508
00:19:59,204 --> 00:20:02,038
Never half-ass
two things.

509
00:20:02,107 --> 00:20:04,241
Whole-ass one thing.

510
00:20:04,309 --> 00:20:06,243
So if you want
to win that seat—

511
00:20:06,311 --> 00:20:07,344
Which I do.

512
00:20:08,412 --> 00:20:11,414
Then commit yourself 100%.

513
00:20:11,482 --> 00:20:12,848
Take a sabbatical.

514
00:20:14,316 --> 00:20:16,486
I will cut back
to 10 hours a week.

515
00:20:17,253 --> 00:20:18,222
Deal.

516
00:20:19,289 --> 00:20:21,957
- 15.
- 10.

517
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:23,359
Deal.

518
00:20:25,183 --> 00:20:27,417
Ugh, I can't believe
I got them back together.

519
00:20:27,985 --> 00:20:29,852
Now they're always gonna want
to come talk to me about stuff.

520
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:31,353
Eh, that's a good thing,
babe.

521
00:20:31,421 --> 00:20:33,455
They want to talk to you because
you're important to them.

522
00:20:34,023 --> 00:20:36,024
Yes, but I hate them.

523
00:20:36,092 --> 00:20:37,425
I know you do,
sweetheart.

524
00:20:37,426 --> 00:20:38,694
Oh, hey, uh,
by the way,

525
00:20:38,695 --> 00:20:40,529
I think that Chris is lonely,
so I told him he could borrow

526
00:20:40,597 --> 00:20:41,530
Champion whenever.

527
00:20:45,134 --> 00:20:48,270
- Andy, he's kissing me.
- Aww.

528
00:20:49,338 --> 00:20:50,639
Jerry,
I wanted to say I'm sorry

529
00:20:50,707 --> 00:20:52,173
that I screwed up
your birthday party.

530
00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,309
- Oh, that's okay.
- But we all pitched in.

531
00:20:54,376 --> 00:20:57,011
And we are sending
you and Gayle to a B&B

532
00:20:57,078 --> 00:20:58,413
in your favorite place
in the world.

533
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:00,514
Muncie?

534
00:21:00,581 --> 00:21:04,151
Amazingly, yes.
Muncie, Indiana.

535
00:21:04,219 --> 00:21:06,287
Thank you, guys.
It was really expensive.

536
00:21:07,922 --> 00:21:09,923
- Oh, campaign.
- Take it.

537
00:21:11,492 --> 00:21:13,397
Excuse me.

538
00:21:15,465 --> 00:21:19,366
If the Bread and Breakfast...

539
00:21:20,134 --> 00:21:21,168
This is Leslie.

540
00:21:21,169 --> 00:21:23,744
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

541
00:21:24,707 --> 00:21:27,527
Sync for WEB-DL: VeRdiKT