1
00:00:00,439 --> 00:00:02,603
Okay, everybody,
latest poll is

2
00:00:02,767 --> 00:00:05,333
Newport, 40%,
Leslie, 32%,

3
00:00:05,401 --> 00:00:06,900
with everyone else way back.

4
00:00:06,968 --> 00:00:09,900
Now this debate is our best
chance to close that gap.

5
00:00:09,968 --> 00:00:12,799
Chris, Ann, and Tom, you guys
will be talking to reporters,

6
00:00:12,867 --> 00:00:14,565
providing facts, general spin.

7
00:00:14,633 --> 00:00:16,199
- Spin team!
- Spin team!

8
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:18,699
This is the best
possible job for me.

9
00:00:18,766 --> 00:00:21,099
I can literally make
anything sound positive.

10
00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:22,665
Your house just burned down,

11
00:00:22,733 --> 00:00:23,999
and you lost all your money
in the stock market.

12
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:25,532
It's a chance to start over.

13
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:27,299
Fire is cleansing,
and true wealth

14
00:00:27,367 --> 00:00:28,731
is measured by the amount
of love in your life.

15
00:00:28,799 --> 00:00:33,698
If I had to have anybody
tell me that I had cancer,

16
00:00:33,765 --> 00:00:34,998
I would want it to be me.

17
00:00:35,065 --> 00:00:36,664
Ron, April, and Andy,
you'll be throwing

18
00:00:36,732 --> 00:00:38,098
a party
for our biggest donors.

19
00:00:38,165 --> 00:00:39,831
Ooh,
I can't believe our house

20
00:00:39,899 --> 00:00:41,798
is going to be full
of rich people

21
00:00:41,866 --> 00:00:44,465
named Dottie
and Todd and Rick.

22
00:00:44,531 --> 00:00:46,364
Is the menu all set?

23
00:00:46,431 --> 00:00:49,230
Yes, I will be providing
several slabs

24
00:00:49,298 --> 00:00:51,030
of my world-famous
Swanson ribs.

25
00:00:51,098 --> 00:00:54,530
And I will be providing
my world-famous $100 lap dances.

26
00:00:54,598 --> 00:00:55,397
- Sweet!
- No.

27
00:00:55,465 --> 00:00:56,697
Okay.

28
00:00:56,764 --> 00:00:57,964
The election
is in two weeks.

29
00:00:58,031 --> 00:01:00,430
The debate
is in nine hours.

30
00:01:00,497 --> 00:01:01,429
Let's get to work.

31
00:01:07,097 --> 00:01:11,692
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

32
00:01:24,911 --> 00:01:26,195
Wow.

33
00:01:26,262 --> 00:01:28,195
Can't believe
we're doing this here.

34
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:30,728
Seats, like, 800 people.

35
00:01:30,796 --> 00:01:31,761
Well, that's what you get
when your opponent's

36
00:01:31,829 --> 00:01:33,527
the most famous person
in town.

37
00:01:33,595 --> 00:01:36,128
This is a lot bigger than my
high school debate auditorium.

38
00:01:37,195 --> 00:01:38,128
4 feet.

39
00:01:38,196 --> 00:01:39,861
Exact same size
as the podium you use

40
00:01:39,928 --> 00:01:40,927
in the Parks department.

41
00:01:40,996 --> 00:01:42,295
Opening statement.

42
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,594
I am Leslie Knope.

43
00:01:43,661 --> 00:01:45,428
I love this town,

44
00:01:45,495 --> 00:01:47,028
and I've worked my whole life
to make it great.

45
00:01:47,096 --> 00:01:48,627
I believe that
I've earned your vote.

46
00:01:48,695 --> 00:01:50,227
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.

47
00:01:50,295 --> 00:01:51,759
- You got this.
- I got this.

48
00:01:51,827 --> 00:01:53,127
You could debate Newport
in your sleep.

49
00:01:53,195 --> 00:01:54,361
I have.

50
00:01:54,427 --> 00:01:55,493
I know.
We sleep in the same bed.

51
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:56,759
It's been hell.

52
00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:58,327
I finally get
a chance to stand

53
00:01:58,395 --> 00:02:01,294
in front of everyone and talk
about the town that I love.

54
00:02:01,362 --> 00:02:03,094
What if the town loves Bobby
more than me?

55
00:02:03,161 --> 00:02:05,393
There's no way.
You're going to destroy him.

56
00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:06,959
I'm going to wipe the floor
with his face.

57
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:09,259
You're going to rip out
his spine with your teeth

58
00:02:09,327 --> 00:02:11,725
and then chew it up
and gargle with it.

59
00:02:11,793 --> 00:02:14,259
I love it when
you're needlessly disgusting.

60
00:02:14,327 --> 00:02:16,093
I'm trying to clean up
for the party,

61
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:19,259
but I swear to God,
my arms can't move that way.

62
00:02:19,327 --> 00:02:20,592
Leave it messy.
It doesn't matter.

63
00:02:20,659 --> 00:02:24,192
Nothing matters.
Life is garbage.

64
00:02:24,259 --> 00:02:25,724
What happened?

65
00:02:25,792 --> 00:02:28,225
Ann broke up with me.
For reals this time.

66
00:02:28,293 --> 00:02:30,657
And all I did was call
into this radio station

67
00:02:30,725 --> 00:02:32,058
and give her a sweet
little shout-out.

68
00:02:32,126 --> 00:02:33,359
So we're up in the club.

69
00:02:33,425 --> 00:02:34,292
It's me!
We're dancing.

70
00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:36,092
We're sweating.

71
00:02:36,159 --> 00:02:37,624
Let's just say we got
to second that night.

72
00:02:37,692 --> 00:02:40,090
Kind of.
Me so horny.

73
00:02:40,157 --> 00:02:41,923
This chick's
name is Ann Perkins.

74
00:02:41,992 --> 00:02:44,191
Look her up
on the government website.

75
00:02:44,258 --> 00:02:45,857
She is crazy hot.
Isn't that great?

76
00:02:45,924 --> 00:02:47,923
Come here.
Aah!

77
00:02:47,992 --> 00:02:49,756
I complimented you.

78
00:02:49,824 --> 00:02:53,156
I guess she's just afraid of
how powerful her feelings are.

79
00:02:53,224 --> 00:02:54,789
Dude, that's not why
she broke up with you.

80
00:02:54,857 --> 00:02:56,555
You have to stop
your stupid swagger

81
00:02:56,623 --> 00:02:59,922
and just tell her in a normal
voice that you care about her.

82
00:02:59,991 --> 00:03:01,856
What do you know?
You don't care about things.

83
00:03:01,923 --> 00:03:03,822
Yes, I do,
I care about...

84
00:03:03,890 --> 00:03:07,422
Andy...
And champion.

85
00:03:07,490 --> 00:03:09,989
And I want Leslie to win,
and I like sleeping.

86
00:03:10,056 --> 00:03:11,888
So everybody has things
they care about.

87
00:03:11,956 --> 00:03:14,022
If Ann is yours,
you need to tell her.

88
00:03:17,789 --> 00:03:20,055
Okay, Chris,
hypothetical crisis.

89
00:03:20,123 --> 00:03:21,654
Leslie just tried
to answer a question

90
00:03:21,722 --> 00:03:24,821
and audibly farted
then threw up. Spin.

91
00:03:24,889 --> 00:03:27,620
Leslie Knope
is literally overflowing

92
00:03:27,688 --> 00:03:29,420
with ideas for this town.

93
00:03:29,488 --> 00:03:31,553
And speaking of methane,
have you heard about her plan

94
00:03:31,621 --> 00:03:32,954
to limit greenhouse
gas emissions?

95
00:03:33,022 --> 00:03:34,420
- Wow.
- Nice.

96
00:03:34,488 --> 00:03:35,854
- Spin team!
- Spin team!

97
00:03:35,921 --> 00:03:37,720
Ann and I make
such a great team.

98
00:03:37,788 --> 00:03:40,021
It's silly that we're not
a team in real life.

99
00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:41,287
I just heard those words
come out of my mouth,

100
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:42,719
and I have made a decision.

101
00:03:42,787 --> 00:03:46,586
I've heard that you
and Tom Haverford

102
00:03:46,653 --> 00:03:47,819
are no longer
romantically involved.

103
00:03:47,887 --> 00:03:48,819
Is that true?

104
00:03:48,887 --> 00:03:50,919
Yes, we broke up.

105
00:03:50,988 --> 00:03:53,586
And I honestly can't believe
we ever dated.

106
00:03:53,653 --> 00:03:56,120
Does defy logic.

107
00:03:56,188 --> 00:03:58,651
Okay, I still have
feelings for you.

108
00:03:58,719 --> 00:03:59,986
Strong feelings.

109
00:04:00,053 --> 00:04:02,852
Emotional, primal feelings.

110
00:04:02,919 --> 00:04:06,052
And I would like to give
our relationship another try.

111
00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:10,918
Chris, we dated for, like,
three months a year ago.

112
00:04:10,987 --> 00:04:12,551
I honestly think
that you've built this

113
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:14,784
into something
that it wasn't.

114
00:04:14,852 --> 00:04:16,784
And according to your rule,

115
00:04:16,852 --> 00:04:18,284
we can't date
because you're my boss.

116
00:04:18,352 --> 00:04:19,684
Maybe not for long.

117
00:04:19,751 --> 00:04:22,118
If Newport wins,
the city council may replace me.

118
00:04:22,186 --> 00:04:27,051
But it would open it up
for us to be together.

119
00:04:27,119 --> 00:04:29,383
Would you like that?

120
00:04:29,451 --> 00:04:31,549
Don't answer.
Just think about it.

121
00:04:31,617 --> 00:04:34,350
Come on.
Let's spin.

122
00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:39,184
So you do a lot
of investing?

123
00:04:39,251 --> 00:04:40,683
- We like to dabble.
- Mm-hmm.

124
00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:41,916
I recently invested

125
00:04:41,985 --> 00:04:44,783
in some shirts I got
at a garage sale.

126
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:47,083
Left those at Wendy's
on the way home.

127
00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:48,615
So...

128
00:04:48,683 --> 00:04:50,249
The economy.

129
00:04:53,316 --> 00:04:54,482
Hello.

130
00:04:54,549 --> 00:04:55,815
You are here

131
00:04:55,883 --> 00:04:57,815
because you gave us money.

132
00:04:57,883 --> 00:05:00,648
Now we will give you ribs.

133
00:05:00,716 --> 00:05:02,148
Also you will watch
the debate.

134
00:05:02,216 --> 00:05:05,281
If you like the debate,
you'll give us more money.

135
00:05:05,349 --> 00:05:08,281
That is all.
Ron Swanson.

136
00:05:11,782 --> 00:05:14,814
Uh-oh. Somebody forgot
to pay the cable bill.

137
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,513
Am I right?

138
00:05:17,581 --> 00:05:18,513
It was me.

139
00:05:18,581 --> 00:05:20,613
Do it.

140
00:05:20,681 --> 00:05:21,780
Fierce. Power.

141
00:05:21,848 --> 00:05:23,580
Pump it up.
2012.

142
00:05:25,048 --> 00:05:26,480
Nothing gets me more amped
than Sarah McLachlan.

143
00:05:26,547 --> 00:05:28,280
Opening statement.

144
00:05:28,348 --> 00:05:30,147
I am Leslie Knope.
I love this town.

145
00:05:30,214 --> 00:05:31,513
I've worked my whole life
to make it great.

146
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:32,713
I believe
I've earned your vote.

147
00:05:32,781 --> 00:05:34,912
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.

148
00:05:34,981 --> 00:05:36,645
I have the best campaign manager
in the world.

149
00:05:36,713 --> 00:05:38,779
I wouldn't say that.
Jen's a killer.

150
00:05:38,847 --> 00:05:41,180
You can beat Newport.
I don't know if I can beat her.

151
00:05:42,245 --> 00:05:43,545
Here's what I know.

152
00:05:43,613 --> 00:05:44,879
I love you,
and I like you.

153
00:05:44,947 --> 00:05:47,645
I love you,
and I like you.

154
00:06:05,112 --> 00:06:07,078
Your boy looks
a little lost out there.

155
00:06:07,145 --> 00:06:08,078
Oh, he'll be fine.

156
00:06:08,145 --> 00:06:10,011
Expectations are crazy low.

157
00:06:10,079 --> 00:06:11,477
If he puts
two sentences together

158
00:06:11,544 --> 00:06:13,011
without crying,
the press is going to say

159
00:06:13,079 --> 00:06:15,143
he's doing surprisingly well,
and if he falls to pieces,

160
00:06:15,210 --> 00:06:16,509
he's going to look sympathetic.
It's a win-win.

161
00:06:16,577 --> 00:06:19,509
So do you have any idea how long
this is going to take?

162
00:06:19,577 --> 00:06:21,242
Good evening, everyone,
and welcome to the event

163
00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:25,143
we are doing tonight, which is
a city council candidate debate

164
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:28,209
that we're going to start now.
I'm Perd Hapley.

165
00:06:28,277 --> 00:06:32,308
And I am legendary newswoman
Joan Callamezzo, newly single.

166
00:06:32,376 --> 00:06:34,741
It's time
for opening statements.

167
00:06:34,809 --> 00:06:36,275
I am Fester Trim.

168
00:06:36,343 --> 00:06:39,241
Many of you know me as the man
who sells you your guns

169
00:06:39,309 --> 00:06:41,442
at the gun-believable
Gun Emporium.

170
00:06:41,509 --> 00:06:43,541
Whoo!

171
00:06:43,609 --> 00:06:45,741
I want to tell you
about my idea

172
00:06:45,809 --> 00:06:49,075
for assault rifle
vending machines.

173
00:06:49,141 --> 00:06:51,774
You might be thinking,
"what does an adult film star

174
00:06:51,842 --> 00:06:53,407
know about politics?"

175
00:06:53,475 --> 00:06:55,507
Well, I've produced
and starred in

176
00:06:55,575 --> 00:06:57,907
over 400 adult films
this year alone.

177
00:06:57,976 --> 00:06:59,407
- Whoo!
- Thank you.

178
00:06:59,475 --> 00:07:01,274
And just like Leslie,
I know

179
00:07:01,342 --> 00:07:04,573
what it's like to be the only
woman in a room full of men.

180
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,873
I am Manrico Della Rossa.

181
00:07:05,941 --> 00:07:09,107
I believe animals are
as important as people.

182
00:07:09,174 --> 00:07:11,573
And if elected,
I will fight for them

183
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,273
as if they are
my own children.

184
00:07:13,341 --> 00:07:14,606
I am Leslie Knope.

185
00:07:14,674 --> 00:07:16,506
I love this town,

186
00:07:16,574 --> 00:07:18,672
and I've worked my whole life
to make it great.

187
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:21,238
I believe that
I've earned your vote.

188
00:07:21,306 --> 00:07:24,238
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.

189
00:07:24,306 --> 00:07:26,272
And maybe that's because he's
never earned anything

190
00:07:26,340 --> 00:07:29,238
his entire life.

191
00:07:29,306 --> 00:07:31,672
That—that hurt my feelings.
Hurt my feelings.

192
00:07:31,739 --> 00:07:33,505
You're supposed to be
this positive person.

193
00:07:33,573 --> 00:07:35,237
Can't we just talk
about things we like?

194
00:07:37,073 --> 00:07:38,604
Well said.

195
00:07:38,672 --> 00:07:40,571
Uh, just a reminder
to our candidates

196
00:07:40,638 --> 00:07:42,804
to keep it civil.

197
00:07:42,872 --> 00:07:43,904
Looking at you, Leslie.

198
00:07:43,973 --> 00:07:45,904
Ah, that's okay, Joan.

199
00:07:45,973 --> 00:07:47,737
I'm okay. I'm just—

200
00:07:47,805 --> 00:07:50,004
I'm nervous, man.
I'm nervous. Gah.

201
00:07:50,071 --> 00:07:52,437
I guess I want
to do a good job

202
00:07:52,504 --> 00:07:55,636
because, um, I like it when
people think I do a good job.

203
00:07:55,704 --> 00:07:58,636
And I want your vote
because I want Pawnee and my dad

204
00:07:58,704 --> 00:08:00,971
to see what I'm made of.

205
00:08:02,037 --> 00:08:03,570
So let's do this.

206
00:08:06,370 --> 00:08:07,102
The wrecking crew.

207
00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:09,002
Who let you guys in?

208
00:08:09,069 --> 00:08:10,401
Hey, Jason.

209
00:08:12,903 --> 00:08:15,336
Ease back.

210
00:08:17,578 --> 00:08:19,710
This question
about public safety

211
00:08:19,878 --> 00:08:21,943
comes from Twitter
because apparently,

212
00:08:21,945 --> 00:08:23,977
that's something
that happens now.

213
00:08:24,094 --> 00:08:28,610
@munchmeat2015 asks,
"Pawnee used 2 b safe.

214
00:08:28,912 --> 00:08:31,375
"Some1 stole my car.

215
00:08:31,377 --> 00:08:32,409
"What will u do

216
00:08:32,477 --> 00:08:34,142
"2 make Pawnee safe

217
00:08:34,210 --> 00:08:35,776
& can u help me
find my car?"

218
00:08:35,844 --> 00:08:37,809
I can assure you,

219
00:08:37,877 --> 00:08:41,175
if you had a gun
mounted on the dashboard,

220
00:08:41,243 --> 00:08:44,943
which automatically shot people
trying to break into it,

221
00:08:45,011 --> 00:08:46,975
you would still have your car.

222
00:08:47,042 --> 00:08:49,642
You know, I guess I would like
to tell Mr. Munchmeat

223
00:08:49,709 --> 00:08:51,474
that I think that stinks
that happened to him.

224
00:08:51,543 --> 00:08:53,174
You know, one time
a guy stole

225
00:08:53,242 --> 00:08:54,942
some downhill skis
out of my jeep.

226
00:08:55,009 --> 00:08:58,141
And I was so mad,
I punched a mailbox.

227
00:08:58,208 --> 00:09:01,408
I'm against crime,
and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

228
00:09:06,241 --> 00:09:07,807
I can't get through
to the cable company.

229
00:09:07,875 --> 00:09:09,507
Can you do something?

230
00:09:09,575 --> 00:09:11,974
- Like what?
- Anything.

231
00:09:12,041 --> 00:09:14,240
Andy's just acting out scenes
from his favorite movies.

232
00:09:15,909 --> 00:09:17,873
So Swayze runs,
boom!

233
00:09:17,941 --> 00:09:20,105
Tackles the guy
off the motorcycle.

234
00:09:20,173 --> 00:09:21,472
Dude's like, "you're dead, bro!"
Comes at him.

235
00:09:21,541 --> 00:09:23,573
Swayze ducks, scissor kick.
Sha!

236
00:09:23,641 --> 00:09:25,072
The guy has Swayze's head.

237
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,640
And he says, "I used to
guys like you in prison."

238
00:09:27,707 --> 00:09:29,006
By the looks
of this guy,

239
00:09:29,073 --> 00:09:31,006
this is not consensual sex
we're talking about.

240
00:09:31,073 --> 00:09:32,439
We see bad guy

241
00:09:32,507 --> 00:09:34,539
had a gun
the whole time.

242
00:09:34,606 --> 00:09:37,204
He's like, "I'ma kill you
the old-fashioned way."

243
00:09:37,272 --> 00:09:39,471
Swayze's like,
"not this time."

244
00:09:39,540 --> 00:09:40,605
That's subtext.
He doesn't say that.

245
00:09:40,673 --> 00:09:43,138
Bypasses the gun,
hooks the arm.

246
00:09:43,205 --> 00:09:44,639
Back to the secret move
he used before

247
00:09:44,706 --> 00:09:46,371
to kill somebody,
he feels so bad about it.

248
00:09:46,439 --> 00:09:48,204
But this time he has to do it
because it's self-defense.

249
00:09:48,272 --> 00:09:50,070
K-k-k-kah!

250
00:09:50,138 --> 00:09:53,037
Takes the esophagus
out of the neck area.

251
00:09:53,104 --> 00:09:54,804
You can't eat.
You'll starve to death.

252
00:09:54,872 --> 00:09:57,103
And that is Road House.

253
00:09:57,171 --> 00:09:58,538
What should I do next?

254
00:09:58,605 --> 00:09:59,905
Leslie Knope.

255
00:09:59,971 --> 00:10:02,203
This question is about
Pawnee's park system.

256
00:10:02,271 --> 00:10:06,503
Why is Ramsett Park
so filthy and awful?

257
00:10:06,571 --> 00:10:10,069
It's difficult to get
into the complicated problems

258
00:10:10,137 --> 00:10:11,302
with Ramsett Park in such
a short amount of time.

259
00:10:11,370 --> 00:10:13,570
- You have 20 seconds.
- Oh, my God, okay.

260
00:10:13,638 --> 00:10:16,670
I will say that the parks
in Pawnee—

261
00:10:16,738 --> 00:10:19,637
I do have an update
on your time allotment,

262
00:10:19,704 --> 00:10:22,536
and that update is that
your time is almost gone.

263
00:10:22,603 --> 00:10:24,135
I have no more time left?

264
00:10:24,202 --> 00:10:26,636
Well, you had some time
when I started talking,

265
00:10:26,703 --> 00:10:28,536
but by the time I finished,
your time was up.

266
00:10:28,603 --> 00:10:29,869
Thank you very much.

267
00:10:29,936 --> 00:10:31,402
- She's off her game.
- She's fine.

268
00:10:31,469 --> 00:10:33,035
Mr. Newport, rebuttal.

269
00:10:33,102 --> 00:10:35,836
I know this. If something is
dirty, we should clean it up.

270
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:36,736
Let's start there.

271
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,701
Right?

272
00:10:40,769 --> 00:10:43,401
You know what, I had this
cleaning lady named Yolanda

273
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:44,835
who was very wise.

274
00:10:44,902 --> 00:10:46,568
She basically raised me.

275
00:10:46,636 --> 00:10:49,334
And one day she said,
"little Bobby,

276
00:10:49,402 --> 00:10:51,367
I'm not going to clean
your room no mas."

277
00:10:51,435 --> 00:10:53,867
And from that day on,
my room was gross.

278
00:10:53,934 --> 00:10:55,099
Really bummed me out.

279
00:10:55,167 --> 00:10:57,066
I think we should make
our parks

280
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,233
look like my room

281
00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,133
after Yolanda
finally, you know,

282
00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:01,734
gave in and cleaned it up
for me.

283
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:03,700
If I may, Joan.

284
00:11:03,768 --> 00:11:04,834
That's a very sweet story,
Bobby,

285
00:11:04,901 --> 00:11:06,700
but not all of us
have Yolandas

286
00:11:06,768 --> 00:11:08,400
who can clean up
our room for us.

287
00:11:08,966 --> 00:11:09,733
Some of us believe

288
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,165
that you need to roll up
your sleeves

289
00:11:11,233 --> 00:11:12,866
and do the hard work
yourself.

290
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,533
I'd just like to say that,
like Leslie,

291
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:18,365
I don't have people
do my work for me.

292
00:11:18,433 --> 00:11:20,899
Leslie and I do
our work ourselves.

293
00:11:20,966 --> 00:11:22,666
My work, of course,
is having sex

294
00:11:22,734 --> 00:11:25,765
with men and women
on camera.

295
00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:30,598
Once again, Brandi and Leslie
are essentially the same person.

296
00:11:30,666 --> 00:11:33,798
But Bobby Newport is
super handsome and charming,

297
00:11:33,865 --> 00:11:36,565
so that means people
will probably vote for him

298
00:11:36,633 --> 00:11:39,197
because there's no justice
in the world.

299
00:11:39,265 --> 00:11:41,464
How do you respond
to Newport's claim

300
00:11:41,532 --> 00:11:42,963
that the city parks
need to be cleaned up?

301
00:11:43,031 --> 00:11:45,363
Leslie Knope works tirelessly
every day,

302
00:11:45,431 --> 00:11:48,030
so our parks can be
the best they can be.

303
00:11:48,097 --> 00:11:50,631
78% of Pawneeans label
our parks "pristine."

304
00:11:50,698 --> 00:11:52,697
And we all know
the better-looking a park is,

305
00:11:52,765 --> 00:11:55,030
the more attention it will get
from lady parks

306
00:11:55,097 --> 00:11:57,696
who want to have sex
with it.

307
00:11:57,764 --> 00:11:58,663
Excuse us.

308
00:11:58,731 --> 00:12:00,262
What the hell is wrong with you?

309
00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:01,896
We're fighting
for our lives out there.

310
00:12:01,963 --> 00:12:03,730
Oh, I don't know.

311
00:12:03,797 --> 00:12:05,229
Maybe the fact
that we just broke up,

312
00:12:05,296 --> 00:12:06,462
and you're already riding
the Traeger train.

313
00:12:06,531 --> 00:12:08,329
What are you talking about?

314
00:12:08,397 --> 00:12:10,429
I saw you guys getting back
together. What about us?

315
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:12,029
What about us, Tom?

316
00:12:12,096 --> 00:12:13,162
We're not together
any more

317
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:14,729
because you keep acting
like an ass.

318
00:12:15,295 --> 00:12:16,294
I'm sorry.

319
00:12:16,362 --> 00:12:18,995
I just act that way
sometimes...

320
00:12:19,062 --> 00:12:21,428
Because I'm nervous,
and...

321
00:12:21,496 --> 00:12:23,161
I feel like
you're out of my league.

322
00:12:23,229 --> 00:12:25,895
But I'd do anything to get back
together with you.

323
00:12:25,962 --> 00:12:27,729
Please.

324
00:12:27,795 --> 00:12:29,395
Vote for me to be
your boyfriend.

325
00:12:30,895 --> 00:12:33,293
Ben, he's winning.
How is he winning?

326
00:12:33,361 --> 00:12:34,394
Everything he's saying
is nonsense,

327
00:12:34,461 --> 00:12:35,594
and he's fooling them.

328
00:12:35,662 --> 00:12:36,694
Okay, you're doing fine.

329
00:12:36,762 --> 00:12:38,293
I need to go back
on the attack.

330
00:12:38,361 --> 00:12:39,860
No! No, no, no, no, no.
See, okay.

331
00:12:39,928 --> 00:12:41,793
When you attacked, you kind of
came off like a bully,

332
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:43,427
and he looked sympathetic,
so, you know,

333
00:12:43,495 --> 00:12:45,260
y-you did a really good job
of easing off.

334
00:12:45,328 --> 00:12:48,493
- Leslie, this is fun, isn't it?
- Yeah.

335
00:12:48,561 --> 00:12:50,359
Well, there's no reason
on earth that I can think of

336
00:12:50,427 --> 00:12:52,493
that we shouldn't have
concussion grenades

337
00:12:52,561 --> 00:12:54,660
in our nation's
movie theaters.

338
00:12:54,728 --> 00:12:56,259
By the year 2013,
we will have

339
00:12:56,327 --> 00:12:58,426
a fully functional mall
on Jupiter.

340
00:12:58,494 --> 00:13:01,393
Sure, I agree that movies
should be more faithful

341
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:02,758
to the books that
they are based on,

342
00:13:02,826 --> 00:13:04,291
but what does that have
to do with this election?

343
00:13:04,359 --> 00:13:06,158
All my movies
are based on books.

344
00:13:06,226 --> 00:13:09,324
And anyone who even
rubs their hands

345
00:13:09,392 --> 00:13:11,491
on a leather jacket

346
00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:13,491
should be tried for murder.

347
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,625
I'm an American.
My father is an American.

348
00:13:16,692 --> 00:13:19,424
My mother is an American.

349
00:13:19,492 --> 00:13:21,457
My godfather is the viceroy

350
00:13:21,526 --> 00:13:23,324
of the principality
of Liechtenstein.

351
00:13:23,392 --> 00:13:27,089
Once again, people,
grenade launcher.

352
00:13:27,157 --> 00:13:29,089
Daniel Craig.

353
00:13:29,157 --> 00:13:32,456
No...
Timothy Dalton.

354
00:13:32,525 --> 00:13:35,156
I was in favor of closing
the borders bookstore,

355
00:13:35,224 --> 00:13:36,890
not the border to Mexico.

356
00:13:36,957 --> 00:13:39,690
I guess my thoughts
on abortion are...

357
00:13:39,757 --> 00:13:41,322
You know, let's just all
have a good time.

358
00:13:41,390 --> 00:13:44,355
I don't care about that issue.
Just ask someone else.

359
00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:45,822
For the record,
I'd appear in a film

360
00:13:45,890 --> 00:13:48,288
with any
of my fellow candidates.

361
00:13:51,223 --> 00:13:53,055
- Anteaters.
- Kill shot.

362
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:54,755
- Money shot.
- Fudgsicles.

363
00:13:54,823 --> 00:13:56,622
Let's spend our money
on what matters.

364
00:13:56,689 --> 00:13:58,588
Police, fire,

365
00:13:58,656 --> 00:14:00,187
parks, and schools.

366
00:14:02,222 --> 00:14:05,154
After a rough start,
your girl's doing okay.

367
00:14:05,222 --> 00:14:07,821
Um, I think she's doing
a little better than okay.

368
00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,522
Or did you miss
the applause

369
00:14:09,589 --> 00:14:11,054
she got on
the raccoon safety question?

370
00:14:11,122 --> 00:14:12,488
Oh, that was great.

371
00:14:12,555 --> 00:14:15,186
That probably pulled her even
with Bobby.

372
00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,987
I can't believe you're
so casual about this.

373
00:14:17,054 --> 00:14:18,286
Don't you even want
to win the debate?

374
00:14:18,354 --> 00:14:20,286
Oh, we're gonna win
the debate.

375
00:14:20,354 --> 00:14:21,487
Got an ace in the hole.

376
00:14:21,555 --> 00:14:24,153
- Little surprisey-wisey.
- What?

377
00:14:24,221 --> 00:14:26,086
Oh, you'll see.
Hey, quick question.

378
00:14:26,154 --> 00:14:27,820
Does that guy Chris Traeger
have a girlfriend,

379
00:14:27,888 --> 00:14:28,819
and is his penis normal?

380
00:14:28,887 --> 00:14:30,486
Stop talking.

381
00:14:30,554 --> 00:14:34,285
You guys, uh, know anything
about a guy named John Rambo?

382
00:14:34,353 --> 00:14:38,052
Open on villagers being
thrown out into a rice field.

383
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,620
Land mines blowing them up
into pieces.

384
00:14:39,686 --> 00:14:41,419
After I steal
this cable feed,

385
00:14:41,487 --> 00:14:44,352
I will repay the cable company
for the service we used.

386
00:14:50,719 --> 00:14:52,385
This last question
before the break

387
00:14:52,452 --> 00:14:54,418
is for Mr. Newport.

388
00:14:54,486 --> 00:14:57,885
Uh, some—not me—have
criticized your involvement

389
00:14:57,952 --> 00:15:00,251
with your father's
candy company Sweetums.

390
00:15:00,319 --> 00:15:02,717
Would your affiliation
with big business

391
00:15:02,784 --> 00:15:04,984
affect your decisions
as a city councilor?

392
00:15:05,051 --> 00:15:07,417
I want to run this town
like a business.

393
00:15:07,485 --> 00:15:09,584
My opponent, Leslie Knope,

394
00:15:09,651 --> 00:15:12,317
has a very
anti-business agenda.

395
00:15:12,385 --> 00:15:15,317
Recently, my dad told me
that if Leslie Knope

396
00:15:15,385 --> 00:15:16,716
wins the election,

397
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,749
they'll probably have to
move Sweetums to Mexico.

398
00:15:20,717 --> 00:15:23,082
That would be terrible,
of course.

399
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:24,583
Thousands of people
in this town

400
00:15:24,650 --> 00:15:27,483
would lose their jobs,
and we all wouldn't have candy.

401
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:29,883
Now, I'm not saying
that is gonna happen,

402
00:15:29,950 --> 00:15:31,349
but I do know this.

403
00:15:31,417 --> 00:15:33,948
If I win...

404
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,848
I bet I could
get them to stay.

405
00:15:38,149 --> 00:15:39,848
Wow. Shocking stuff.

406
00:15:39,916 --> 00:15:42,148
We're gonna be back
with our closing statements

407
00:15:42,216 --> 00:15:44,281
right after a word
from our sponsor, Sweetums,

408
00:15:44,349 --> 00:15:47,081
Pawnee's biggest supplier
of candy and jobs.

409
00:15:47,149 --> 00:15:48,814
Stick around.

410
00:15:50,832 --> 00:15:52,231
So Sweetums is gonna
move to Mexico

411
00:15:52,299 --> 00:15:53,532
if Bobby doesn't win?

412
00:15:53,599 --> 00:15:54,998
How could they do that
to this town?

413
00:15:55,066 --> 00:15:57,298
- What a crappy stunt to pull.
- One minute back.

414
00:15:57,366 --> 00:15:59,098
What do we do?
I think we attack him.

415
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,765
He's more confident now.
I have to attack him.

416
00:16:00,832 --> 00:16:02,598
And say what?
We didn't plan for this.

417
00:16:02,666 --> 00:16:04,131
- What would you even say?
- I don't know.

418
00:16:04,199 --> 00:16:05,431
I'll figure out
as I'm saying it.

419
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:07,764
Just let me attack him.
I want to attack him.

420
00:16:07,831 --> 00:16:09,264
No, no, no, no.
It's too risky.

421
00:16:09,331 --> 00:16:10,897
Just go with the closing
statement we rehearsed.

422
00:16:10,965 --> 00:16:13,031
Add a line at the end
about how you're pro business,

423
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:16,032
and we'll deal with
the fallout tomorrow, okay?

424
00:16:17,597 --> 00:16:19,596
What?
What's the matter with you?

425
00:16:19,664 --> 00:16:23,129
I can do it.
I can crush him.

426
00:16:23,197 --> 00:16:24,063
I promise.

427
00:16:27,130 --> 00:16:28,663
Ah, screw it.
Go get him.

428
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:32,430
- Really?
- Kick his ass.

429
00:16:53,594 --> 00:16:55,427
The final thing
these candidates will say

430
00:16:55,495 --> 00:16:57,394
are their closing statements.

431
00:16:57,462 --> 00:17:00,261
We will begin with our first
candidate to go, Bobby Newport.

432
00:17:00,328 --> 00:17:03,727
How do we fix this town?
I have no idea.

433
00:17:03,795 --> 00:17:05,194
You tell me.

434
00:17:05,262 --> 00:17:07,294
That's what I'm counting on.
You telling me.

435
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,559
And that's how it ends.

436
00:17:10,627 --> 00:17:13,559
I loved it.
It's called Babe.

437
00:17:13,627 --> 00:17:16,160
And I know it sounds corny.
Talking pig. Whatever.

438
00:17:16,228 --> 00:17:18,293
You should all see it.

439
00:17:18,361 --> 00:17:21,193
I feel like I just did.

440
00:17:21,261 --> 00:17:22,460
It's on.

441
00:17:22,526 --> 00:17:24,959
And, Leslie Knope,
closing statement?

442
00:17:28,525 --> 00:17:30,292
I'm very angry.

443
00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:33,925
I'm angry
that Bobby Newport

444
00:17:33,993 --> 00:17:35,825
would hold this town hostage

445
00:17:35,893 --> 00:17:37,759
and threaten to leave

446
00:17:37,826 --> 00:17:39,725
if you don't give him
what he wants.

447
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:41,991
It's despicable.

448
00:17:42,059 --> 00:17:45,624
Corporations are not allowed
to dictate what a city needs.

449
00:17:45,691 --> 00:17:48,024
That power belongs
to the people.

450
00:17:48,092 --> 00:17:51,191
Bobby Newport and his daddy
would like you to think

451
00:17:51,259 --> 00:17:53,391
it belongs to them.

452
00:17:53,459 --> 00:17:55,091
I love this town.

453
00:17:55,159 --> 00:17:58,357
And when you love something,
you don't threaten it.

454
00:17:58,424 --> 00:18:02,323
You don't punish it.
You fight for it.

455
00:18:02,391 --> 00:18:05,589
You take care of it.
You put it first.

456
00:18:05,957 --> 00:18:08,090
As your city councilor,

457
00:18:08,158 --> 00:18:12,023
I will make sure that no one
takes advantage of Pawnee.

458
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:16,089
If I seem too passionate,
it's because I care.

459
00:18:16,157 --> 00:18:20,389
If I come on strong,
it's because I feel strongly.

460
00:18:20,456 --> 00:18:22,555
And if push too hard,

461
00:18:22,622 --> 00:18:25,322
it's because things aren't
moving fast enough.

462
00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:29,088
This is my home.
You are my family.

463
00:18:29,156 --> 00:18:32,288
And I promise you...

464
00:18:32,356 --> 00:18:34,355
I'm not going anywhere.

465
00:18:36,621 --> 00:18:38,521
Holy, Leslie,
that was awesome.

466
00:18:42,655 --> 00:18:45,586
Thanks, Bobby.

467
00:18:49,687 --> 00:18:53,254
Yeah!
Play it. Woo-hoo!

468
00:18:53,321 --> 00:18:55,420
Knope 2012!

469
00:18:55,487 --> 00:18:57,886
Hyah! Hyah!

470
00:19:00,921 --> 00:19:01,719
Ron!

471
00:19:01,721 --> 00:19:03,619
What the voters
saw tonight

472
00:19:03,687 --> 00:19:04,886
is an undeniable fact.

473
00:19:04,954 --> 00:19:07,419
That one of these candidates
is right for this town,

474
00:19:07,486 --> 00:19:10,785
and one of them is not.
Thanks, guys.

475
00:19:10,853 --> 00:19:12,419
Ann Perkins!
Uh-oh.

476
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,752
I'm sorry, Chris.

477
00:19:14,819 --> 00:19:16,818
It's very flattering.
I just—

478
00:19:16,886 --> 00:19:19,584
I just don't think
it's a good idea.

479
00:19:19,652 --> 00:19:21,484
It was worth a shot.

480
00:19:21,552 --> 00:19:23,851
Well, I hope that
whoever you end up with

481
00:19:23,919 --> 00:19:26,918
treats like you like
the amazing person that you are.

482
00:19:26,985 --> 00:19:28,218
Thank you.

483
00:19:28,286 --> 00:19:30,185
And I am going to go
run some stairs

484
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:33,383
and work through
these feelings.

485
00:19:33,451 --> 00:19:35,084
- Is he sad?
- Oh, my God.

486
00:19:35,152 --> 00:19:36,417
He looks sad.

487
00:19:36,484 --> 00:19:38,117
I'm not going out
with Chris again.

488
00:19:38,185 --> 00:19:39,184
Does that mean we're
getting back together?

489
00:19:39,252 --> 00:19:40,716
No. I don't know.

490
00:19:40,784 --> 00:19:41,651
No, not right now.

491
00:19:41,718 --> 00:19:42,751
There's a chance
I'm never

492
00:19:42,818 --> 00:19:44,351
gonna date anyone
ever again.

493
00:19:44,418 --> 00:19:47,517
I'll take it.
And you know what else?

494
00:19:48,085 --> 00:19:49,815
I'm coming for you, girl...

495
00:19:49,883 --> 00:19:53,116
Just... Like... You... Want.

496
00:19:53,184 --> 00:19:54,883
Just get out there
and spin, man.

497
00:19:55,450 --> 00:19:56,550
You got it.

498
00:19:56,617 --> 00:19:58,917
Leslie Knope is scrappy
like a terrier.

499
00:19:58,984 --> 00:20:01,583
She's smoooooth
like a blended whiskey.

500
00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:04,116
My girl has big ideas
and big feelings,

501
00:20:04,184 --> 00:20:05,415
and she's not afraid
to express 'em.

502
00:20:06,232 --> 00:20:08,415
- Was I too mean?
- No, you were perfect.

503
00:20:08,482 --> 00:20:09,649
- Leslie!
- Hey!

504
00:20:09,716 --> 00:20:11,715
- Oh, it was amazing.
- Oh, thank you.

505
00:20:11,783 --> 00:20:13,381
Hey, how was the spin room?

506
00:20:13,449 --> 00:20:14,782
It was a lot.
We'll talk about it.

507
00:20:14,850 --> 00:20:16,481
Woo! We did it!
We did it!

508
00:20:16,550 --> 00:20:19,049
Oh, my God, I was so nervous,
but we completely go through it.

509
00:20:19,116 --> 00:20:20,415
I haven't felt this good
since I scored

510
00:20:20,482 --> 00:20:22,248
that lacrosse goal
at state, seriously.

511
00:20:22,315 --> 00:20:23,881
Hey, party at my dad's
lake house.

512
00:20:23,949 --> 00:20:26,148
Bring whoever you want.

513
00:20:33,215 --> 00:20:35,745
Scrawny Christians,
missionaries,

514
00:20:35,812 --> 00:20:37,279
come to him, and they're like,
"Are you John Rambo?"

515
00:20:37,346 --> 00:20:38,478
He's like, "yeah."

516
00:20:38,546 --> 00:20:40,578
And they're like, "we need you
to take us upriver."

517
00:20:40,646 --> 00:20:42,478
And he's like,
"it's a war zone up there."

518
00:20:42,513 --> 00:20:43,811
And they're like,
"yeah, we know.

519
00:20:43,879 --> 00:20:45,845
We're gonna change things."

520
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,512
And he's like, "you bringing
any weapons?"

521
00:20:48,579 --> 00:20:49,845
They're like, "of course not."

522
00:20:49,912 --> 00:20:51,211
"Then you're not
changing anything.

523
00:20:51,279 --> 00:20:52,744
Go home."

524
00:20:52,811 --> 00:20:54,410
And then they come back
in a rainstorm.

525
00:20:54,478 --> 00:20:58,245
This time he says,
"nope. Go home."

526
00:20:58,311 --> 00:20:59,844
They go home again.

527
00:20:59,911 --> 00:21:02,844
Bottom line, they go upriver.
Does not go well.

528
00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:08,185
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com