1
00:00:00,488 --> 00:00:01,785
Hey, there you are.

2
00:00:01,986 --> 00:00:03,784
- I miss you.
- I miss you, too.

3
00:00:04,286 --> 00:00:04,918
Where are you?

4
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,751
I'm in my new
city council office.

5
00:00:06,753 --> 00:00:08,251
- No way.
- I know, do you like it?

6
00:00:08,253 --> 00:00:09,251
I love it.

7
00:00:09,253 --> 00:00:10,984
I love it, too.
Check this out.

8
00:00:11,486 --> 00:00:14,251
Here is my wall
of inspirational women.

9
00:00:14,253 --> 00:00:15,485
Ah.

10
00:00:15,487 --> 00:00:16,751
Is that a picture of you?

11
00:00:16,753 --> 00:00:18,285
Yes.
I am big enough to admit

12
00:00:18,287 --> 00:00:20,584
that I am often inspired
by myself.

13
00:00:20,586 --> 00:00:23,750
Here are my clocks.
Pawnee and Washington D.C.

14
00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:24,817
Same time zone.

15
00:00:24,819 --> 00:00:26,051
Oh, this is
the coolest part ever.

16
00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:28,548
I have my own
private bathroom.

17
00:00:28,649 --> 00:00:29,547
Occupied!

18
00:00:29,548 --> 00:00:30,946
- Oh my God.
- Ugh.

19
00:00:32,446 --> 00:00:33,444
Councilman Jamm.

20
00:00:33,544 --> 00:00:34,942
What are you doing in my bathroom?

21
00:00:34,993 --> 00:00:36,940
I don't known if I would call it
your bathroom.

22
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,636
Its only door
is in my office.

23
00:00:39,637 --> 00:00:43,536
I think it is crazy that
the most junior city councilor

24
00:00:43,538 --> 00:00:46,570
gets a private bathroom
just because she is a girl.

25
00:00:46,572 --> 00:00:49,204
- Excuse me?
- Let's solve this.

26
00:00:49,206 --> 00:00:50,404
Tell you what
I'm going to do.

27
00:00:50,406 --> 00:00:52,337
I'm going
to drop my liquids in here,

28
00:00:52,339 --> 00:00:53,770
take my solids
down the hall.

29
00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:56,253
- Deal?
- No. No deal.

30
00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:58,720
Fine.
Your loss.

31
00:01:00,454 --> 00:01:01,553
How?

32
00:01:04,555 --> 00:01:09,151
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com

33
00:01:21,721 --> 00:01:22,986
Fun fact about me.

34
00:01:22,988 --> 00:01:26,653
I recently began
intensive psychotherapy.

35
00:01:26,805 --> 00:01:28,337
I may have mentioned that
to you already.

36
00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:29,803
Several times.

37
00:01:29,805 --> 00:01:31,004
Well,
like my therapist says,

38
00:01:31,006 --> 00:01:33,237
"You can't share too much
or too often."

39
00:01:33,239 --> 00:01:34,937
You know, Gayle and I,
we saw a couples therapist

40
00:01:34,939 --> 00:01:36,670
for a little while.
That's too much, Jerry.

41
00:01:36,672 --> 00:01:37,703
For real.
Keep us out your bedroom.

42
00:01:37,705 --> 00:01:38,703
It used to be,

43
00:01:38,705 --> 00:01:40,137
when I was down,
I called my mother.

44
00:01:40,139 --> 00:01:42,937
When I lacked self-confidence,
I called my running coach.

45
00:01:42,939 --> 00:01:45,770
And now, no matter
what emotion I'm feeling,

46
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:48,703
I call one number...
my therapist.

47
00:01:48,705 --> 00:01:51,371
I want to do the same thing
for the city.

48
00:01:51,373 --> 00:01:53,371
A psychotherapist
for the city.

49
00:01:53,373 --> 00:01:54,371
No, Andy.

50
00:01:54,373 --> 00:01:55,703
- No.
- A 311 line.

51
00:01:55,705 --> 00:01:59,937
Citizens will call 311
for whatever problem they have.

52
00:01:59,939 --> 00:02:02,503
Uncollected garbage,
broken streetlight,

53
00:02:02,505 --> 00:02:05,570
and we will direct them
to the proper department.

54
00:02:05,572 --> 00:02:07,037
Chris, great idea.

55
00:02:07,039 --> 00:02:08,270
Thank you, Andy.
I agree.

56
00:02:08,272 --> 00:02:09,304
I love this idea.

57
00:02:09,306 --> 00:02:11,403
And I love me
for thinking of it.

58
00:02:11,405 --> 00:02:13,204
My therapist said that
I need to be more vocal

59
00:02:13,206 --> 00:02:14,204
about appreciating myself.

60
00:02:14,206 --> 00:02:15,737
Thank you, Chris.

61
00:02:15,739 --> 00:02:17,803
You're welcome, Chris.

62
00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,536
I sound insane.

63
00:02:19,538 --> 00:02:20,803
I'm going to go talk
to my therapist.

64
00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:22,536
Welcome to Pawnee Today.

65
00:02:22,538 --> 00:02:25,536
I am first-rate newswoman
Joan Callamezzo.

66
00:02:25,538 --> 00:02:30,270
Pawnee's City Council
approval rate is at a dismal 3%.

67
00:02:30,272 --> 00:02:32,370
That's an all-time low.
Yuck.

68
00:02:32,372 --> 00:02:35,237
Leslie, the city council
has done very little

69
00:02:35,239 --> 00:02:36,770
over the past few years,

70
00:02:36,772 --> 00:02:38,737
and what they
have accomplished,

71
00:02:38,739 --> 00:02:40,970
in my opinion,
has been embarrassing.

72
00:02:40,972 --> 00:02:41,970
And that is a fact.

73
00:02:41,972 --> 00:02:43,870
No, that's your opinion.

74
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,104
That's the definition
of an opinion.

75
00:02:45,106 --> 00:02:47,737
Well,
that's your opinion.

76
00:02:47,739 --> 00:02:50,570
The city council
has some political gridlock

77
00:02:50,572 --> 00:02:51,803
and some partisan bickering,

78
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,636
but we're actually
about to pass a bill...

79
00:02:53,638 --> 00:02:54,636
my bill...

80
00:02:54,638 --> 00:02:56,237
the Leslie Knope
Fun In The Sun Act,

81
00:02:56,239 --> 00:02:59,237
which will extend
public pool hours citywide.

82
00:03:01,037 --> 00:03:02,503
Can you say, "big whoop"?

83
00:03:02,505 --> 00:03:05,237
Recently, the Captain of
the Pawnee Porpoises swim team

84
00:03:05,239 --> 00:03:07,937
asked me if we could keep
the public pools open longer

85
00:03:07,939 --> 00:03:09,737
so they could log
more practice time,

86
00:03:09,739 --> 00:03:11,703
and I said, "Absolutely."

87
00:03:11,705 --> 00:03:13,703
Because not only am I
a city councilor.

88
00:03:13,705 --> 00:03:16,204
I'm a city councilor
with porpoise.

89
00:03:17,438 --> 00:03:20,603
By passing the bill,
and extending pool hours,

90
00:03:20,605 --> 00:03:23,803
we are saying to our citizens
that this City Council

91
00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:26,270
is determined
to better our town.

92
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:28,503
Okay, Pawnee Porpoises
youth swim team,

93
00:03:28,505 --> 00:03:29,503
I have a question for you.

94
00:03:29,505 --> 00:03:30,870
What is your
greatest accomplishment?

95
00:03:30,872 --> 00:03:32,503
We came in fourth

96
00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:33,737
in the County swim meet
last year.

97
00:03:33,739 --> 00:03:35,403
Wrong,
your greatest accomplishment

98
00:03:35,405 --> 00:03:38,336
is happening in two hours
when this bill becomes law.

99
00:03:38,338 --> 00:03:39,870
Yay.

100
00:03:39,872 --> 00:03:41,137
I just want you to be
very proud of yourselves,

101
00:03:41,139 --> 00:03:44,170
because this bill is going
to start a long romance

102
00:03:44,172 --> 00:03:45,470
between the city
and its government.

103
00:03:45,472 --> 00:03:49,137
Porpoise call!

104
00:03:52,839 --> 00:03:54,336
What are you doing?

105
00:03:54,338 --> 00:03:55,703
I'm doing a porpoise call,
which we used to do

106
00:03:55,705 --> 00:03:56,870
when I
was part of your group,

107
00:03:56,872 --> 00:03:57,937
but it seems like
you don't do it any more

108
00:03:57,939 --> 00:03:59,070
and that's fine.

109
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:00,370
I'm not weird.
Okay, everybody leave.

110
00:04:00,372 --> 00:04:03,104
I'll see you
at the city council meeting.

111
00:04:03,106 --> 00:04:04,737
Hey, are you busy?

112
00:04:04,739 --> 00:04:06,937
And writing Star Trek
fan fiction does not count.

113
00:04:06,939 --> 00:04:08,137
Ha ha ha.

114
00:04:08,139 --> 00:04:10,803
I... finished it last week.
What's going on?

115
00:04:10,805 --> 00:04:12,970
Um, I miss Andy.

116
00:04:12,972 --> 00:04:15,004
And you probably miss
your lover, Chris.

117
00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:16,104
Leslie.

118
00:04:16,106 --> 00:04:17,269
I had an idea.
It's Friday.

119
00:04:17,271 --> 00:04:19,237
Pawnee's only a ten-hour drive.
Road trip?

120
00:04:19,239 --> 00:04:21,204
Oh, I don't know,
I was going to try to get a jump

121
00:04:21,206 --> 00:04:22,837
on some work this weekend.

122
00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:24,336
Dude, 30 years from now,

123
00:04:24,338 --> 00:04:26,237
when you're on your deathbed,
what are you going to remember?

124
00:04:26,239 --> 00:04:28,503
Organizing files or taking
a spontaneous road trip

125
00:04:28,505 --> 00:04:29,737
to surprise Leslie?

126
00:04:29,739 --> 00:04:32,237
Yeah, you know what?
All right, I'm in.

127
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:35,204
You know, we might be able
to sneak out early.

128
00:04:35,206 --> 00:04:37,037
You get snacks.
I'll bring music.

129
00:04:37,039 --> 00:04:38,603
We'll jam out
to some sweet tunage.

130
00:04:38,605 --> 00:04:39,803
You know what?
This is awesome.

131
00:04:39,805 --> 00:04:41,837
Actually, no.
I don't want to go any more.

132
00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:43,837
Oh. Okay.

133
00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:45,269
Just kidding.
See you in ten minutes.

134
00:04:45,271 --> 00:04:46,269
Okay.

135
00:04:46,271 --> 00:04:49,004
Just kidding.
We're not going.

136
00:04:49,006 --> 00:04:50,004
Road trip!

137
00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:51,004
So we're going?

138
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:52,470
Yes!

139
00:04:52,472 --> 00:04:54,837
Oh, I'm excited
to bond a little with April.

140
00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:56,503
She's like the little sister
I never had.

141
00:04:56,505 --> 00:04:58,903
Because the little sister
I do have

142
00:04:58,905 --> 00:05:01,937
is normal
and not terrifying.

143
00:05:07,270 --> 00:05:10,336
- 311.
- Well, Diane, for potholes,

144
00:05:10,338 --> 00:05:11,670
you want to speak
with Public Works.

145
00:05:13,072 --> 00:05:15,236
I understand
you've tried them four times.

146
00:05:15,238 --> 00:05:17,737
Government is inefficient
and should be dissolved.

147
00:05:17,739 --> 00:05:19,703
Please hold
while I transfer you.

148
00:05:19,705 --> 00:05:21,037
Donna, can you help me?

149
00:05:21,039 --> 00:05:23,803
I got a 311 call,
but it was all static.

150
00:05:23,805 --> 00:05:25,336
That sounds like
an I.T. Problem.

151
00:05:25,338 --> 00:05:26,603
Well, how do I
get I.T. Here?

152
00:05:26,605 --> 00:05:28,770
Call 311.

153
00:05:29,271 --> 00:05:32,104
311, how can I...

154
00:05:32,106 --> 00:05:34,203
Oh, hello again, Diane.

155
00:05:34,205 --> 00:05:36,670
Nobody answered?

156
00:05:36,672 --> 00:05:37,670
Okay, you know what?

157
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:39,903
Someone will be there shortly.

158
00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:42,070
Andrew, get your lunch,
some water,

159
00:05:42,072 --> 00:05:43,937
and a 40-pound bag
of asphalt.

160
00:05:43,939 --> 00:05:45,169
Okay, boss.
What are we doing?

161
00:05:45,171 --> 00:05:46,336
- We're fixing a pothole.
- Hey!

162
00:05:49,271 --> 00:05:52,403
Pawnee 311.
How can I help...

163
00:05:52,405 --> 00:05:53,870
Oh, no.
No, this is not 911.

164
00:05:53,872 --> 00:05:55,004
No, no.
This is 311.

165
00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:57,636
Donna, they switched my phone
with 911.

166
00:05:57,638 --> 00:05:58,837
What do I do?

167
00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:00,070
I don't know.
Try to help.

168
00:06:00,072 --> 00:06:01,070
Now hush.

169
00:06:01,072 --> 00:06:03,236
It is heating up
in this piece.

170
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:04,403
Oh, that sounds awful.

171
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:07,070
Good lord,
it is hot.

172
00:06:07,072 --> 00:06:08,470
Yes, mercy me.

173
00:06:08,472 --> 00:06:09,837
Living in this town's
like living

174
00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:11,004
in the devil's butt crack.

175
00:06:11,006 --> 00:06:13,070
Almost out of gas.

176
00:06:13,072 --> 00:06:15,169
I'll wait
till we're on the highway.

177
00:06:15,171 --> 00:06:20,070
Now, the GPS says
we should take 495 to 270,

178
00:06:20,072 --> 00:06:21,303
but check out this
cool alternate route I fou...

179
00:06:21,305 --> 00:06:23,104
Oh, my God,
that is so interesting to me

180
00:06:23,106 --> 00:06:24,937
because I'm a map salesman.

181
00:06:24,939 --> 00:06:26,436
Why aren't we moving?

182
00:06:26,438 --> 00:06:28,503
Because.
Other cars.

183
00:06:29,605 --> 00:06:30,737
Will you not do that?
Please don't.

184
00:06:30,739 --> 00:06:32,070
That's what you do
when you...

185
00:06:32,072 --> 00:06:34,269
Please don't do...
Oh, great, here comes a guy.

186
00:06:34,271 --> 00:06:36,004
- Excuse me.
- Mm-hmm?

187
00:06:36,006 --> 00:06:37,503
- Why aren't we moving?
- Exit's closed for a bit.

188
00:06:37,505 --> 00:06:38,803
Presidential motorcade.

189
00:06:38,805 --> 00:06:43,570
I'll just shut off the car
till it opens up.

190
00:06:47,304 --> 00:06:49,136
Holy, it's hot.

191
00:06:51,471 --> 00:06:53,236
Oh, yeah, yeah.

192
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,004
Beautiful, Tom.
Beautiful.

193
00:06:55,006 --> 00:06:57,269
- Dynamite gums.
- Aw, thanks.

194
00:06:57,271 --> 00:06:59,937
Tom, do you want to know
why I moved to Pawnee?

195
00:06:59,939 --> 00:07:01,203
Sure.

196
00:07:01,205 --> 00:07:02,703
It's because
the two leading industries here

197
00:07:02,705 --> 00:07:04,903
are corn syrup
and rubber nipples.

198
00:07:04,905 --> 00:07:08,436
It is a dentistry jackpot.
It's genius, right?

199
00:07:08,438 --> 00:07:10,436
Well, D.D.S. Doesn't stand
for "dumb, dumb, stupid."

200
00:07:12,037 --> 00:07:13,670
I like that.

201
00:07:13,672 --> 00:07:15,303
I'm going to steal it.
That's mine now.

202
00:07:15,305 --> 00:07:16,603
All right. Cool.

203
00:07:16,605 --> 00:07:18,636
Councilman Jamm and I
have gotten pretty tight.

204
00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:20,970
And I'm hoping to parlay this
into a membership

205
00:07:20,972 --> 00:07:22,303
at the Pawnee Smokehouse,

206
00:07:22,305 --> 00:07:25,470
Pawnee's most exclusive
cigar club.

207
00:07:25,472 --> 00:07:28,136
Overstuffed leather chairs,
top-shelf brandies.

208
00:07:28,138 --> 00:07:31,403
And that stale tobacco stench
that says,

209
00:07:31,405 --> 00:07:33,303
"Welcome to the top."

210
00:07:33,305 --> 00:07:36,004
You're a member
of the Pawnee Smokehouse, right?

211
00:07:36,006 --> 00:07:38,269
- Oh, yeah.
- Man, I love a good stogie.

212
00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:41,803
I actually just had this
personalized cigar cutter made.

213
00:07:41,805 --> 00:07:43,069
Whoa.

214
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:44,303
Real nice.

215
00:07:44,305 --> 00:07:47,169
Not my initials,
but thank you so much.

216
00:07:47,171 --> 00:07:48,570
Oh, well, it's not...

217
00:07:48,572 --> 00:07:50,136
Okay.

218
00:07:50,138 --> 00:07:51,670
Hey, so, uh,
we're still all good

219
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,903
on Leslie's bill, right?

220
00:07:53,404 --> 00:07:56,670
Actually, Tommy,
we need to talk.

221
00:07:56,672 --> 00:07:58,803
I have wanted this perm
since middle school.

222
00:07:58,805 --> 00:08:00,169
I could not be
more excited about this.

223
00:08:00,171 --> 00:08:02,403
- Are you excited, Autumn?
- Yeah, definitely.

224
00:08:02,405 --> 00:08:05,770
Do you ever give a perm
to someone and ever regret it?

225
00:08:05,772 --> 00:08:07,636
Uh...

226
00:08:07,638 --> 00:08:10,303
Ann has told me repeatedly
not to get a perm.

227
00:08:10,305 --> 00:08:11,503
But Ann's not here.

228
00:08:11,505 --> 00:08:15,403
So when the Ann's away,
the mice get perms.

229
00:08:16,637 --> 00:08:19,069
Councilman Jamm
changed his vote.

230
00:08:19,071 --> 00:08:20,370
He's voting no
on fun in the sun.

231
00:08:20,372 --> 00:08:22,503
What? Why?
He promised me.

232
00:08:22,505 --> 00:08:24,370
He just said
that he changed his mind.

233
00:08:24,372 --> 00:08:26,503
Then he told me some veneers
could really make my smile pop.

234
00:08:26,505 --> 00:08:27,803
Thoughts?

235
00:08:27,805 --> 00:08:29,069
Oh, my God.
The vote is in an hour.

236
00:08:29,071 --> 00:08:31,770
Okay, we need to have an
emergency strategy session now.

237
00:08:31,772 --> 00:08:34,603
- What about the perm?
- The perm must wait, Autumn!

238
00:08:34,605 --> 00:08:37,603
The perm must wait.

239
00:08:39,789 --> 00:08:41,888
Wait... So this means the bill
isn't going to pass?

240
00:08:41,989 --> 00:08:44,486
My parents said that you guys
can't get anything done.

241
00:08:44,788 --> 00:08:45,853
Now, wait, okay, hold on.

242
00:08:45,855 --> 00:08:47,419
This isn't over
by a long shot.

243
00:08:47,421 --> 00:08:49,253
But it's three to two
against us.

244
00:08:49,255 --> 00:08:50,286
Yeah, I know
how to do math, Mason.

245
00:08:50,288 --> 00:08:51,986
Okay, don't be an alarmist.

246
00:08:51,988 --> 00:08:53,486
It's very important
that we stay positive.

247
00:08:53,488 --> 00:08:55,753
Our positive attitude
is our greatest asset.

248
00:08:55,755 --> 00:08:56,986
- Tom, a word, please.
- Mm-hmm.

249
00:08:56,988 --> 00:08:58,453
The bill is dead,
the Porpoises are doomed,

250
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,603
and democracy is over.
Oh, my God.

251
00:09:00,605 --> 00:09:02,870
I can't believe
I decided to get a perm.

252
00:09:02,872 --> 00:09:04,737
Ann should have never
let me do this.

253
00:09:04,739 --> 00:09:06,336
Look, Jamm saw you
on Pawnee Today.

254
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,837
He knows how much
you want this.

255
00:09:07,839 --> 00:09:09,203
He's just trying to get
something in return.

256
00:09:09,205 --> 00:09:10,536
This is a bargaining tool.

257
00:09:10,538 --> 00:09:12,103
You know, this is why
people hate the government.

258
00:09:12,105 --> 00:09:14,770
'Cause just when we're about
to do something really good,

259
00:09:14,772 --> 00:09:16,770
it all falls apart
due to some stupid,

260
00:09:16,772 --> 00:09:18,603
selfish jerk butt.

261
00:09:18,605 --> 00:09:20,904
You know, screw Jamm.
Screw Jamm.

262
00:09:20,906 --> 00:09:22,770
I'm just going to try
to get Councilman Milton's vote.

263
00:09:22,772 --> 00:09:24,536
Milton?
He's, like, 150 years old.

264
00:09:24,538 --> 00:09:26,336
Yeah.
He's got grandkids, okay?

265
00:09:26,338 --> 00:09:27,637
And... and kids love to swim.

266
00:09:27,639 --> 00:09:28,637
And he'll give us his vote.

267
00:09:28,639 --> 00:09:29,737
He's an old person,

268
00:09:29,739 --> 00:09:30,870
and I'll talk to him
really slowly.

269
00:09:30,872 --> 00:09:31,937
He won't even know
what he's doing.

270
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:35,003
I just need to hurry up.
How do I look?

271
00:09:35,005 --> 00:09:37,503
I don't know
how to answer that.

272
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,770
Hi, I'm Andy.
I really like your dress.

273
00:09:41,772 --> 00:09:44,370
- I'm a princess.
- I'm a mermaid.

274
00:09:44,372 --> 00:09:46,503
I'm the director
of Parks and Recreation.

275
00:09:46,505 --> 00:09:48,103
I'm here to fix that hole.

276
00:09:48,105 --> 00:09:50,770
This is our kingdom.
You have to ask permission.

277
00:09:50,772 --> 00:09:52,336
Excuse me?

278
00:09:52,338 --> 00:09:54,169
Your highnesses,

279
00:09:54,171 --> 00:09:57,703
we do humbly request
thine permission

280
00:09:57,705 --> 00:10:00,103
to befix doth holes yonder.

281
00:10:00,105 --> 00:10:01,603
Only if you can tag us.

282
00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:02,603
Come here.

283
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,370
Your tax dollars at work.

284
00:10:08,371 --> 00:10:10,570
Soundtrack
to Pulp Fiction,

285
00:10:10,572 --> 00:10:12,270
soundtrack to Singles,

286
00:10:12,272 --> 00:10:14,103
soundtrack
to Grosse Pointe Blank.

287
00:10:14,105 --> 00:10:15,169
Why do you have
so many soundtracks?

288
00:10:15,171 --> 00:10:16,169
Oh, well, uh,

289
00:10:16,171 --> 00:10:17,603
I kind of look at it like

290
00:10:17,605 --> 00:10:18,637
it's your favorite directors

291
00:10:18,639 --> 00:10:20,103
making a mix tape
just for you.

292
00:10:20,105 --> 00:10:22,003
Eww.

293
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:23,603
Oh, here's something.

294
00:10:24,604 --> 00:10:27,203
"Benji's Cool Times
Summer Jamz Mix."

295
00:10:27,205 --> 00:10:29,103
Oh, no, I... you probably
don't want to listen to that...

296
00:10:29,105 --> 00:10:30,536
- Yes, I want to listen to it.
- Just 'cause... no, listen, it...

297
00:10:30,538 --> 00:10:31,969
- I want to listen to it.
- We don't... we don't...

298
00:10:31,971 --> 00:10:32,969
- I wanna hear what's on it.
- We don't need to...

299
00:10:32,971 --> 00:10:34,503
April...

300
00:10:42,805 --> 00:10:44,603
Don't judge me.

301
00:10:44,605 --> 00:10:45,770
Councilman,
I'd like to talk to you

302
00:10:45,772 --> 00:10:47,370
about the Fun
In The Sun bill,

303
00:10:47,372 --> 00:10:49,603
and I don't mean to rush you,
but the vote is in an hour.

304
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:52,770
When I'm done eating,
we'll talk.

305
00:10:52,772 --> 00:10:54,869
I've eaten the same lunch
for 58 years.

306
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:58,303
Caesar salad,
extra dressing,

307
00:10:58,305 --> 00:11:02,236
extra croutons,
and extra anchovies.

308
00:11:02,238 --> 00:11:03,737
Mmm.

309
00:11:03,739 --> 00:11:06,203
Councilman Milton was first
elected as a city councilor

310
00:11:06,205 --> 00:11:09,969
in 1948, as a member
of the Dixiecrat Party.

311
00:11:09,971 --> 00:11:13,536
Their platform?
"De-integrate Baseball."

312
00:11:13,538 --> 00:11:15,603
The secret
is in the dressing.

313
00:11:15,605 --> 00:11:20,436
Try it.
It's an aphrodisiac.

314
00:11:20,438 --> 00:11:22,936
You too,
my strange, foreign friend.

315
00:11:22,938 --> 00:11:24,836
- No, thank you.
- Tom, eat some.

316
00:11:24,838 --> 00:11:27,236
I'm not eating
racist salad.

317
00:11:27,238 --> 00:11:30,503
The more we eat,
the faster we talk.

318
00:11:34,771 --> 00:11:36,436
Mmm.

319
00:11:36,438 --> 00:11:38,003
You can really taste
the ignorance.

320
00:11:38,505 --> 00:11:40,403
It's pronounced
"anchovies."

321
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:44,809
Hi.

322
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:45,436
Diane Lewis.

323
00:11:45,937 --> 00:11:46,936
I own this pothole.

324
00:11:46,938 --> 00:11:49,236
Ron Swanson.
I'm here to fix it.

325
00:11:49,238 --> 00:11:52,703
Oh, seaweed choke! Ugh!

326
00:11:52,705 --> 00:11:55,303
That large boy
is my colleague.

327
00:11:55,305 --> 00:11:57,236
We work
at the Parks Department.

328
00:11:57,238 --> 00:12:00,069
Oh, you're not even from
the Public Works Department?

329
00:12:00,071 --> 00:12:01,936
Look, it appeared that no one
from the proper channels

330
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:04,570
was gonna fix this,
so I decided to do it myself.

331
00:12:04,572 --> 00:12:06,169
Do you know
what you're doing?

332
00:12:07,470 --> 00:12:08,670
Yes, ma'am.

333
00:12:08,672 --> 00:12:10,936
Yes, I do.

334
00:12:11,238 --> 00:12:13,036
Councilman,
you have grandchildren...

335
00:12:13,038 --> 00:12:14,836
And seven great-grandkids.

336
00:12:15,338 --> 00:12:18,503
Tim, Mary, Jack,

337
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:22,470
uh, Tim, Marie,
Tim, and Mary.

338
00:12:22,522 --> 00:12:23,586
Don't forget about Tim.

339
00:12:23,588 --> 00:12:24,986
Right, Tim.

340
00:12:25,238 --> 00:12:26,503
How many is that?

341
00:12:26,505 --> 00:12:30,036
You know,
it's very hard to tell.

342
00:12:30,088 --> 00:12:31,319
This might not work.

343
00:12:31,321 --> 00:12:32,619
Let me find Jamm,
see if he'll bargain.

344
00:12:32,671 --> 00:12:33,736
Mm-hmm.

345
00:12:33,738 --> 00:12:35,869
What country is he from?

346
00:12:35,871 --> 00:12:37,286
Iceland.

347
00:12:37,288 --> 00:12:39,686
"Data had never felt
this way before.

348
00:12:39,688 --> 00:12:42,319
"Of course, data had never
felt anything before.

349
00:12:42,321 --> 00:12:44,785
"But Captain Picard
couldn't help but note

350
00:12:44,787 --> 00:12:46,553
"the smile that crept over

351
00:12:46,555 --> 00:12:49,019
his mechanical
but lifelike face."

352
00:12:49,021 --> 00:12:50,153
I'm gonna murder you.

353
00:12:50,155 --> 00:12:52,186
I understand.
Just one second.

354
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:55,186
"As they walked down the hall
into the bridge..."

355
00:13:01,820 --> 00:13:03,419
Lemonade?

356
00:13:03,421 --> 00:13:05,520
Please and thank you.

357
00:13:05,522 --> 00:13:07,653
Hey, I'm sorry
if I was curt earlier.

358
00:13:07,655 --> 00:13:09,119
I'm a single mom,
and sometimes things

359
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:10,419
get chaotic around here.

360
00:13:10,421 --> 00:13:12,019
When you showed up
from the Parks Department...

361
00:13:12,021 --> 00:13:14,986
No need to apologize.
I understand completely.

362
00:13:14,988 --> 00:13:16,186
This is delicious.

363
00:13:16,188 --> 00:13:18,119
Well, I got it
from Food and Stuff, so...

364
00:13:18,121 --> 00:13:19,620
That's where
I got these gloves.

365
00:13:19,622 --> 00:13:21,319
Right?

366
00:13:21,321 --> 00:13:24,253
So, how exactly are you
gonna fix this hole?

367
00:13:24,255 --> 00:13:27,453
Just for my own edification.

368
00:13:27,455 --> 00:13:30,386
Uh, I dug the loose gravel
out of the hole.

369
00:13:30,388 --> 00:13:33,286
Now I'm using a jackhammer
to remove the larger pieces,

370
00:13:33,288 --> 00:13:36,386
then I'll spray down
the hole to settle the dust

371
00:13:36,388 --> 00:13:39,620
and fill it
with cold patch asphalt.

372
00:13:39,622 --> 00:13:40,919
Well, thank you.

373
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:44,752
Now I can fix
the next one myself.

374
00:13:52,488 --> 00:13:53,486
Do you hear that bird?

375
00:13:53,488 --> 00:13:55,219
Jamm!
What do you want?

376
00:13:55,221 --> 00:13:57,819
Support of one of your bills?
Committee chairmanship?

377
00:13:57,821 --> 00:13:59,919
- I want your toilet.
- What?

378
00:13:59,921 --> 00:14:02,019
Your office,
with the private bathroom?

379
00:14:02,021 --> 00:14:03,219
He wants your office.

380
00:14:03,221 --> 00:14:04,886
Yeah, I don't mean
to brag, but, uh,

381
00:14:04,888 --> 00:14:06,986
I've got
Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

382
00:14:06,988 --> 00:14:08,186
This isn't even
about policy?

383
00:14:08,188 --> 00:14:10,019
Absolutely not.
- This is a no-brainer.

384
00:14:10,021 --> 00:14:12,086
Just make the trade,
everyone's happy.

385
00:14:12,088 --> 00:14:13,419
I'm not happy.

386
00:14:13,421 --> 00:14:15,086
He shoots down
a very helpful bill

387
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:16,919
'cause he doesn't get to poop
wherever he wants?

388
00:14:16,921 --> 00:14:19,419
No, I'm gonna get
Councilman Milton,

389
00:14:19,421 --> 00:14:22,319
and you can put your butt
back in your pants, sir.

390
00:14:22,321 --> 00:14:25,253
Yeah, well,
love the hair!

391
00:14:28,321 --> 00:14:29,852
Andy, come help me
tamp this down.

392
00:14:29,854 --> 00:14:30,986
For the last time,

393
00:14:30,988 --> 00:14:33,253
Ron, it's
princess rainbow sparkle.

394
00:14:33,255 --> 00:14:34,752
Holy Moses.

395
00:14:34,754 --> 00:14:36,752
Can we turn you
into a princess?

396
00:14:36,754 --> 00:14:38,620
No.

397
00:14:38,622 --> 00:14:40,153
I think it would
really make Diane happy.

398
00:14:40,155 --> 00:14:42,520
Why would that matter?

399
00:14:42,522 --> 00:14:43,652
Shut up.

400
00:14:43,654 --> 00:14:44,919
Ooh.

401
00:14:44,921 --> 00:14:46,219
Would you please
come help me tamp this down?

402
00:14:46,221 --> 00:14:48,586
It's a job
that requires two men.

403
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,919
Or does it require
two princesses?

404
00:14:51,921 --> 00:14:53,553
- Please?
- Please? Please?

405
00:14:53,555 --> 00:14:54,685
Oh.

406
00:14:54,687 --> 00:14:57,052
This is impressive.

407
00:14:57,054 --> 00:15:00,419
You remind me of a young,
beautiful Strom Thurmond.

408
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:03,520
Yes, I've been saying that
for years.

409
00:15:03,522 --> 00:15:05,419
Councilman Milton,
do I have your vote?

410
00:15:05,421 --> 00:15:07,619
- Yes, indeed.
- Oh.

411
00:15:07,621 --> 00:15:09,886
Oh, there's a lot of
salad dressing on your hand.

412
00:15:09,888 --> 00:15:10,952
Shall we kiss?

413
00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:12,153
Huh? No. No!

414
00:15:12,155 --> 00:15:13,520
- Aah! Oh!
- Oh!

415
00:15:13,522 --> 00:15:15,153
- Oh.
- Oh, my God, are you okay?

416
00:15:15,155 --> 00:15:16,286
Please be okay.

417
00:15:16,288 --> 00:15:17,685
Please,
still be able to vote.

418
00:15:17,687 --> 00:15:18,819
We can kiss if you want to.

419
00:15:18,821 --> 00:15:20,253
With tongue?

420
00:15:20,255 --> 00:15:21,319
Hey! No.

421
00:15:22,842 --> 00:15:24,484
She tried to kiss me.

422
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,190
She was insatiable.

423
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,956
Well, I don't know,
maybe we should, you know,

424
00:15:27,958 --> 00:15:28,823
postpone the vote

425
00:15:28,875 --> 00:15:30,789
until the councilman
gets better, you know?

426
00:15:30,791 --> 00:15:33,190
Uh, yeah, we're not
postponing anything, okay?

427
00:15:33,192 --> 00:15:35,023
I'm pushing the vote through
and it won't pass.

428
00:15:35,525 --> 00:15:37,123
Complimentary toothbrush?

429
00:15:37,125 --> 00:15:38,689
You're missing the backs
of your upper canines.

430
00:15:38,691 --> 00:15:39,956
Sloppy technique.

431
00:15:39,958 --> 00:15:40,989
Excuse me?

432
00:15:40,991 --> 00:15:42,890
I have excellent
toothbrush technique.

433
00:15:42,892 --> 00:15:45,156
Just give him what he wants.
Take the easy way out.

434
00:15:45,158 --> 00:15:47,156
I always do.
It's so easy.

435
00:15:47,158 --> 00:15:49,623
I do not negotiate
with dentists.

436
00:15:49,625 --> 00:15:51,290
I'm trying to tell everybody
that the government is great,

437
00:15:51,292 --> 00:15:52,623
and I think it stinks.

438
00:15:52,625 --> 00:15:54,023
I hate it.
I hate the government.

439
00:15:54,025 --> 00:15:55,990
- You don't mean that.
- You're right, I don't.

440
00:15:55,992 --> 00:15:57,523
I take it back.
Why did I say that, Tom?

441
00:15:57,525 --> 00:15:58,723
God, you know me so well.

442
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,323
More Rouge!

443
00:16:00,325 --> 00:16:03,156
Everything going good?

444
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:07,890
I came here
to fix a pothole,

445
00:16:07,892 --> 00:16:09,156
not be mocked.

446
00:16:09,158 --> 00:16:11,457
I'm sorry, it's just...
your face is ridiculous.

447
00:16:14,092 --> 00:16:15,390
Thank you for the lemonade.

448
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,223
The asphalt will bear weight
in an hour.

449
00:16:17,225 --> 00:16:18,490
- Time to go, Andrew.
- No!

450
00:16:18,492 --> 00:16:20,223
Wait, but we were gonna make
a sparkle palace!

451
00:16:20,225 --> 00:16:21,823
Ron, you're walking
across hot lava!

452
00:16:21,825 --> 00:16:23,823
- Oh!
- Oh, no!

453
00:16:27,491 --> 00:16:29,123
Whoa, it's moving.

454
00:16:29,125 --> 00:16:31,923
- It's moving.
- What?

455
00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:35,223
- Yes!
- Finally.

456
00:16:37,158 --> 00:16:39,823
No.
No, no, no, no, no.

457
00:16:39,825 --> 00:16:41,290
- What?
- No!

458
00:16:41,891 --> 00:16:42,856
We're out of gas.

459
00:16:44,457 --> 00:16:46,490
Aah!

460
00:16:46,492 --> 00:16:47,856
Aah!

461
00:16:48,358 --> 00:16:49,689
Next order of business,

462
00:16:49,691 --> 00:16:51,556
the Fun In The Sun Act,

463
00:16:51,558 --> 00:16:53,023
introduced
by Councilwoman Knope.

464
00:16:57,192 --> 00:16:58,390
Councilman,
I move that the bill

465
00:16:58,392 --> 00:17:00,156
be read
in its entirety.

466
00:17:00,158 --> 00:17:04,457
- Ms. Beavers?
- Fine.

467
00:17:04,459 --> 00:17:07,423
Pawnee Municipal Code
Amendment, 217-426...

468
00:17:07,425 --> 00:17:09,456
Buying time, I see.
What's up?

469
00:17:09,707 --> 00:17:11,156
You can have my office.

470
00:17:11,158 --> 00:17:14,923
Okay, why don't you, uh...
why don't you sweeten the pot?

471
00:17:14,925 --> 00:17:16,522
You can have
my parking space.

472
00:17:17,024 --> 00:17:18,123
And?

473
00:17:18,125 --> 00:17:20,623
And I will get Invisaligns
from you.

474
00:17:21,025 --> 00:17:21,956
And?

475
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,556
And, that is enough.

476
00:17:23,558 --> 00:17:24,823
And shut up.
And I hate you.

477
00:17:25,325 --> 00:17:26,460
We got a deal.

478
00:17:26,491 --> 00:17:29,457
Can't wait to drop
my kids at the pool.

479
00:17:29,858 --> 00:17:32,023
- By "kids," I mean turds.
- I get it.

480
00:17:32,425 --> 00:17:33,555
Yeah.

481
00:17:33,557 --> 00:17:36,489
Then Ana asks Grey
to punish her.

482
00:17:36,491 --> 00:17:37,856
Donna, please,
can you keep it down?

483
00:17:37,908 --> 00:17:39,273
Or at least research

484
00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:41,772
how to deliver a baby
that's coming out face up.

485
00:17:41,774 --> 00:17:42,973
Lay the mother on her side

486
00:17:42,975 --> 00:17:44,806
and try to move the baby
in a corkscrew fashion.

487
00:17:44,808 --> 00:17:47,906
Diane is awesome
and she likes you.

488
00:17:47,908 --> 00:17:49,772
And you like her.
I can tell.

489
00:17:49,774 --> 00:17:51,873
"A," I don't recall
inviting you in here,

490
00:17:51,875 --> 00:17:53,472
and "B," I did not like her.

491
00:17:53,474 --> 00:17:54,639
She's not my type.

492
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:57,240
Her life is messy.

493
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,273
Ron, messy is fun, okay?

494
00:17:59,275 --> 00:18:01,140
My whole life
is a giant mess

495
00:18:01,142 --> 00:18:02,273
and I love it.

496
00:18:02,275 --> 00:18:03,639
I mean, look at my hair.

497
00:18:03,641 --> 00:18:05,039
I have gum in my hair.

498
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:07,439
Listen,
I will not pursue Diane.

499
00:18:07,441 --> 00:18:09,806
End of story.

500
00:18:09,808 --> 00:18:12,772
- Please, just steer.
- Be stronger.

501
00:18:12,774 --> 00:18:15,373
Ow.

502
00:18:15,375 --> 00:18:17,039
That was a great road trip.

503
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:19,306
We made it 40 feet.

504
00:18:19,308 --> 00:18:20,873
Yeah, well, at least
it took a million hours,

505
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:22,106
and it was 180 degrees,

506
00:18:22,108 --> 00:18:24,206
- and we starved to death.
- So fun.

507
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:30,405
Hey, how about next weekend
we fly to Pawnee?

508
00:18:30,407 --> 00:18:33,405
- Tickets are on me.
- Really?

509
00:18:33,407 --> 00:18:35,405
That would be awesome.
Definitely.

510
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:38,839
Nah, never mind.
I don't feel like it.

511
00:18:38,841 --> 00:18:40,206
What?
Oh, my God.

512
00:18:40,208 --> 00:18:43,039
See how it feels?

513
00:18:43,041 --> 00:18:45,739
Excellent work, everyone!

514
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:47,273
Particularly you, Ron.

515
00:18:47,524 --> 00:18:49,555
You have one
very satisfied citizen.

516
00:18:49,557 --> 00:18:50,689
What did you do for her?

517
00:18:50,691 --> 00:18:52,156
I fixed her pothole.

518
00:18:52,158 --> 00:18:53,555
Is that a euphemism?

519
00:18:53,607 --> 00:18:55,606
- No.
- Then great work.

520
00:18:55,608 --> 00:18:56,606
In fact,
she's out in the hallway

521
00:18:56,608 --> 00:19:00,340
and wants
to thank you herself.

522
00:19:00,342 --> 00:19:02,606
If you're here
to complain about the pothole,

523
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,606
I guarantee
I did it correctly.

524
00:19:04,608 --> 00:19:06,739
Actually, I'm here
to ask you out for dinner.

525
00:19:06,741 --> 00:19:07,906
Really?

526
00:19:07,908 --> 00:19:09,639
Well, I hope you're not
the kind of man

527
00:19:09,641 --> 00:19:11,206
who needs to ask
the lady out.

528
00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:12,539
I'm a middle school
vice-principal.

529
00:19:12,541 --> 00:19:16,006
I don't screw around.
Does that freak you out?

530
00:19:16,008 --> 00:19:17,639
No, on the contrary.

531
00:19:18,141 --> 00:19:19,973
So, dinner?

532
00:19:19,975 --> 00:19:21,572
Please and thank you.

533
00:19:21,574 --> 00:19:23,006
Well, it'll be casual.

534
00:19:23,008 --> 00:19:26,106
No need to wear makeup.

535
00:19:26,108 --> 00:19:28,106
I begrudgingly admit

536
00:19:28,108 --> 00:19:32,106
that the 311 program
is a moderate success.

537
00:19:32,108 --> 00:19:33,372
I'm still not sure why

538
00:19:33,374 --> 00:19:37,306
the citizen decided to come
speak with me in person,

539
00:19:37,308 --> 00:19:39,106
but I'm just happy to see

540
00:19:39,108 --> 00:19:42,106
a government program
finally work.

541
00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:45,689
Okay, so let's get ready
for the photo, guys.

542
00:19:45,741 --> 00:19:47,639
I want you
to arrange yourselves

543
00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:50,472
from most excited about
democracy to least excited.

544
00:19:50,474 --> 00:19:51,873
Wait a minute.
Everybody's excited?

545
00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:53,240
I bet you are!

546
00:19:53,242 --> 00:19:57,572
Because your bill
just became law.

547
00:19:57,574 --> 00:19:59,173
Boy, you know, I can't believe
you traded your office

548
00:19:59,175 --> 00:20:00,606
to keep
this craphole pool open

549
00:20:00,608 --> 00:20:02,039
for a couple more weeks
a year.

550
00:20:02,041 --> 00:20:03,672
Hey, can you not say that
in front of the kids, please?

551
00:20:03,674 --> 00:20:05,439
I'm trying to teach them
how great government is.

552
00:20:05,691 --> 00:20:07,289
Oh, this is
a teaching moment?

553
00:20:07,291 --> 00:20:09,789
Great.
Hey, uh, kids?

554
00:20:09,791 --> 00:20:13,056
Would you like to learn
how Leslie got your bill passed?

555
00:20:13,108 --> 00:20:15,606
Councilwoman Knope
traded my vote for her...

556
00:20:19,075 --> 00:20:20,539
What the hell, man?
Why'd you do that?

557
00:20:20,541 --> 00:20:22,106
Um...

558
00:20:22,108 --> 00:20:26,539
Um, because
it's fun in the sun!

559
00:20:26,541 --> 00:20:29,206
Everybody in the pool!

560
00:20:29,208 --> 00:20:32,106
Yay, pool!

561
00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:34,206
Yay, democracy!

562
00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:35,206
Oh, no, my perm.

563
00:20:37,272 --> 00:20:39,038
Ta da.
What do you see?

564
00:20:39,489 --> 00:20:41,654
- Your new city council office.
- Yes.

565
00:20:41,656 --> 00:20:43,154
And it is
across the courtyard

566
00:20:43,156 --> 00:20:46,487
from your office,
so we can wave at each other.

567
00:20:46,489 --> 00:20:48,787
But it is also Pawnee's
newest and most exclusive

568
00:20:48,789 --> 00:20:52,420
cigar club,
Tom's Smokehouse.

569
00:20:52,422 --> 00:20:54,387
Whoa! "Smoke Dog."

570
00:20:54,389 --> 00:20:58,587
And the Tommy Haverford
member's chair.

571
00:20:58,589 --> 00:21:00,088
Now you're talking.

572
00:21:00,090 --> 00:21:02,554
Man, Jamm's
gotta be pretty mad at us.

573
00:21:02,606 --> 00:21:03,704
I ain't scared of him.

574
00:21:03,706 --> 00:21:05,804
He's a punk.

575
00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,005
To making things happen.

576
00:21:07,007 --> 00:21:08,539
I'll puff to that.

577
00:21:15,471 --> 00:21:17,105
I do not like this.

578
00:21:17,306 --> 00:21:21,884
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com