1 00:00:00,906 --> 00:00:01,908 - and sparkly. - I know. 2 00:00:02,410 --> 00:00:04,709 And it's a nonconflict diamond. 3 00:00:04,710 --> 00:00:06,913 When Andy proposed to me, he gave me a ring pop, 4 00:00:06,964 --> 00:00:09,219 but then he ate it first. How did Ben do it? 5 00:00:09,253 --> 00:00:10,704 Let me start from the beginning. 6 00:00:10,722 --> 00:00:12,541 - Uh-oh. - In 1832, 7 00:00:12,559 --> 00:00:16,382 Ben's great-great-great-great- grandfather, Teodore Wyatt, 8 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:19,072 a bastard, met a beautiful seamstress from Antwerp. 9 00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,441 Ben and I are getting married, and I've been telling 10 00:00:20,492 --> 00:00:21,827 everybody about it. 11 00:00:21,861 --> 00:00:23,413 I'm so happy, I want to shout it from the rooftops. 12 00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:24,616 And she has. 13 00:00:24,667 --> 00:00:26,703 We've gotten several noise complaints. 14 00:00:26,721 --> 00:00:29,375 - We're getting married! - All right. 15 00:00:29,393 --> 00:00:32,765 Mm, the joy that I am feeling 16 00:00:32,816 --> 00:00:36,940 right now is profound and unmatched in the modern era. 17 00:00:36,992 --> 00:00:39,078 And I can't tell you what it means to me 18 00:00:39,113 --> 00:00:41,399 that I'm the very first person that you chose to tell. 19 00:00:41,417 --> 00:00:42,535 Oh... 20 00:00:42,569 --> 00:00:45,591 Let me walk around with you 21 00:00:45,625 --> 00:00:46,910 as you tell everyone else 22 00:00:46,928 --> 00:00:51,937 so that I can share true joy being spread, please? 23 00:00:51,972 --> 00:00:53,357 Hey, everyone! 24 00:00:53,391 --> 00:00:55,394 We have something very exciting to tell you 25 00:00:55,428 --> 00:00:57,114 that you have never heard before. 26 00:00:57,149 --> 00:00:58,400 - Ben and I are engaged... - What? 27 00:00:58,434 --> 00:00:59,569 And you're hearing about it 28 00:00:59,603 --> 00:01:01,239 for the very first time right now. 29 00:01:02,609 --> 00:01:04,879 Come on, everybody! How about a little excitement? 30 00:01:04,914 --> 00:01:05,948 Leslie and Ben are engaged! 31 00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,501 Nothing will ever come between them! 32 00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:09,088 Leslie and Ben are... 33 00:01:09,122 --> 00:01:10,808 What's going on? 34 00:01:10,842 --> 00:01:11,810 Leslie and Ben are engaged! 35 00:01:12,845 --> 00:01:14,933 Again? 36 00:01:14,967 --> 00:01:16,069 - You guys! - Oh. 37 00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:17,154 - Oh. - Oh, yeah! 38 00:01:17,189 --> 00:01:18,975 Aah! 39 00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:26,603 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 40 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:41,736 - Okay, T-minus six hours until the engagement party. 41 00:01:41,787 --> 00:01:44,208 Has you-know-who responded yet? 42 00:01:44,243 --> 00:01:47,081 Surprisingly, no, Larry Bird has not RSVP'd yet. 43 00:01:47,132 --> 00:01:48,467 Well, he kind of waits until the last minute. 44 00:01:48,501 --> 00:01:50,037 That's his style. Put him down as a "maybe." 45 00:01:50,055 --> 00:01:51,473 - Are you excited? - Yeah, totally. 46 00:01:51,507 --> 00:01:53,343 I-I just have two small requests. 47 00:01:53,377 --> 00:01:55,714 One, put Twizzlers on the candy table, 48 00:01:55,732 --> 00:01:58,820 and two, cancel the party 49 00:01:58,855 --> 00:02:00,074 because you invited my parents, 50 00:02:00,108 --> 00:02:02,411 and they can't be in the same room together. 51 00:02:02,446 --> 00:02:03,897 Okay? Great, thank you. 52 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:06,536 No to canceling the party, and no to Twizzlers. 53 00:02:06,570 --> 00:02:08,340 We are a Red Vines family. 54 00:02:08,374 --> 00:02:09,425 You're gonna have to get used to that. 55 00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:11,596 I know you're scared, but I love you, 56 00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:13,600 and this party is gonna go great. 57 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,087 Well, if there's anyone 58 00:02:15,105 --> 00:02:17,758 who can bring my parents together, 59 00:02:17,776 --> 00:02:19,228 it's no one. 60 00:02:19,262 --> 00:02:21,933 No one can ever bring them together. 61 00:02:21,951 --> 00:02:23,653 My family situation is complicated. 62 00:02:23,704 --> 00:02:26,442 My parents got divorced 30 years ago 63 00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:29,298 and they hate each other. 64 00:02:29,333 --> 00:02:31,636 Okay, I guess it's not that complicated. 65 00:02:31,670 --> 00:02:35,260 Okay! You guys pretend you're Ron Swanson, 66 00:02:35,294 --> 00:02:36,846 and you're trying to decide 67 00:02:36,897 --> 00:02:38,483 whether you want to invest in this company. 68 00:02:38,518 --> 00:02:40,120 Be super critical. 69 00:02:40,155 --> 00:02:41,256 You're short. 70 00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:43,593 And here... we... go! 71 00:02:45,131 --> 00:02:48,937 Tom Haverford and Jean-Ralphio Saperstein... 72 00:02:48,972 --> 00:02:51,860 Creators of Entertainment 720... 73 00:02:51,894 --> 00:02:54,031 Proudly present... 74 00:02:54,066 --> 00:02:57,437 - Rent A Swag! - Wah! 75 00:02:57,455 --> 00:02:59,292 Parents, are you tired of watching 76 00:02:59,326 --> 00:03:00,777 your middle-school-aged children grow out 77 00:03:00,795 --> 00:03:02,798 of the nice clothes you buy for them? 78 00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:04,836 Then rent them! From Rent A Swag. 79 00:03:04,887 --> 00:03:06,256 I own it. 80 00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:09,095 You rent it. You wear it. 81 00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:11,482 You clean it. You return it. 82 00:03:11,517 --> 00:03:13,320 I get rich. Wink! 83 00:03:13,354 --> 00:03:14,471 Rent A Swag! 84 00:03:15,641 --> 00:03:17,278 Okay, stop. You guys, stop! 85 00:03:17,312 --> 00:03:18,413 Stop! 86 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,152 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! 87 00:03:21,186 --> 00:03:23,039 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Please.. 88 00:03:23,074 --> 00:03:25,127 There's actually a lot more, 89 00:03:25,161 --> 00:03:26,746 but tell us your thoughts so far. 90 00:03:26,797 --> 00:03:28,600 It's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. 91 00:03:28,634 --> 00:03:30,337 - Yes! - No! It's terrible. 92 00:03:30,371 --> 00:03:32,091 It's terrible, you guys. 93 00:03:32,142 --> 00:03:33,543 I love you, baby. You're so smart. 94 00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,397 You're presenting this to Ron Swanson. 95 00:03:35,431 --> 00:03:38,052 Don't talk about any of your old, failed businesses, 96 00:03:38,070 --> 00:03:39,572 get rid of that stupid light show, 97 00:03:39,606 --> 00:03:41,726 and definitely don't use any weird, made-up words 98 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,363 that Ron doesn't understand. 99 00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:45,167 But the presentation's tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. 100 00:03:45,201 --> 00:03:46,703 We don't have time to start from scratch. 101 00:03:46,737 --> 00:03:50,594 Well, if you do any of that, he's not gonna invest, so... 102 00:03:50,628 --> 00:03:52,932 Your funeral. 103 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,135 Hey! I'm glad you're here. 104 00:03:54,186 --> 00:03:55,587 Let's go over the plan. 105 00:03:55,605 --> 00:03:59,428 Okay, you and I go stargazing in Harvey James park, 106 00:03:59,446 --> 00:04:02,034 while my parents slowly strangle each other 107 00:04:02,068 --> 00:04:03,320 in the living room. 108 00:04:03,371 --> 00:04:06,275 - No. Your mom arrives at 7:00. 109 00:04:06,293 --> 00:04:08,630 We hand her a glass of chilled white wine, 110 00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:10,834 and, oh, look, my mom is walking over, 111 00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:12,721 and they're both educators and mothers. 112 00:04:12,756 --> 00:04:14,475 What a fabulous coincidence. 113 00:04:14,509 --> 00:04:16,763 Then later, Stephen Wyatt shows up... that's your dad. 114 00:04:16,797 --> 00:04:18,350 Yes. He's terrifying. 115 00:04:18,401 --> 00:04:19,819 We make some small talk, 116 00:04:19,853 --> 00:04:21,305 and 30 minutes later, 117 00:04:21,323 --> 00:04:24,862 I show everybody the big surprise. 118 00:04:24,913 --> 00:04:26,482 The Knope-Wyatt unity quilt. 119 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,835 Ben and I are weaving our lives together, 120 00:04:27,869 --> 00:04:29,705 so I have woven this quilt. 121 00:04:29,756 --> 00:04:34,015 It represents every member of our new united family. 122 00:04:34,049 --> 00:04:35,967 Of all my metaphorical art projects, 123 00:04:36,002 --> 00:04:38,005 this is by far the coziest. 124 00:04:38,024 --> 00:04:40,227 - This is amazing. - I know. 125 00:04:40,278 --> 00:04:41,512 I worked really hard on it. 126 00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:42,948 And, out of respect, 127 00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:45,186 I did not include any images of the only other man 128 00:04:45,204 --> 00:04:47,357 in the world who's as sexy as you, Joe Biden. 129 00:04:47,375 --> 00:04:48,827 - Yes, you did, right there. - Hmm? 130 00:04:48,861 --> 00:04:51,249 Oh, well, that's just a little one. 131 00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:53,837 The point is, this quilt is going to unite the Wyatt clan. 132 00:04:53,871 --> 00:04:57,711 It's beautiful, and it won't. 133 00:04:58,898 --> 00:05:00,567 Everyone, before everyone else gets here, 134 00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,855 I'd like to make a little toast. 135 00:05:02,889 --> 00:05:06,612 My romantic life has been a bit of a mixed bag lately. 136 00:05:06,663 --> 00:05:10,420 And when that's the case, it's hard not to be cynical 137 00:05:10,455 --> 00:05:12,741 about love and relationships, but it's couples like you 138 00:05:12,759 --> 00:05:14,244 that give hope to the rest of us. 139 00:05:14,262 --> 00:05:17,768 Leslie, you deserve the best, and you found it. 140 00:05:17,802 --> 00:05:20,924 Ben, don't you dare hurt her. 141 00:05:20,942 --> 00:05:22,060 I won't. 142 00:05:22,094 --> 00:05:24,431 Don't laugh. She means it. 143 00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,817 Okay, I-I won't. 144 00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:28,456 Seriously, son, don't hurt her. 145 00:05:28,491 --> 00:05:30,577 Okay, I'm not planning on hurting her. 146 00:05:30,611 --> 00:05:32,598 - You better not be. - I'm not! 147 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:35,303 Hey, Ben, you best watch yourself. 148 00:05:35,354 --> 00:05:36,856 Why would any of you think I would hurt Leslie? 149 00:05:36,890 --> 00:05:38,759 You're all my friends too. 150 00:05:38,777 --> 00:05:40,147 Nah. 151 00:05:40,198 --> 00:05:41,816 This was literally 152 00:05:41,867 --> 00:05:44,705 the most beautiful and moving thing 153 00:05:44,739 --> 00:05:48,279 that I have ever heard. 154 00:05:48,297 --> 00:05:49,615 There, there, baby boy. 155 00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:53,623 Take all the time you need. 156 00:05:53,641 --> 00:05:56,345 Well, sure, in a wrestling match, Kirk would win. 157 00:05:56,396 --> 00:05:58,132 But overall, who would you rather have at the helm 158 00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,320 of your Sovereign-class starship? 159 00:06:00,354 --> 00:06:02,074 Jean-Luc Picard. No contest. 160 00:06:02,108 --> 00:06:03,309 Hey, your mom's here. I need you. 161 00:06:03,327 --> 00:06:04,662 Thank God. 162 00:06:04,696 --> 00:06:06,866 - There's my boy! - Hey, Mom. 163 00:06:06,917 --> 00:06:08,119 Nice to see you. 164 00:06:08,153 --> 00:06:10,340 This is Leslie Knope, my fiancee. 165 00:06:10,374 --> 00:06:12,661 Hi. It's... it's really nice to finally meet you, Ms. Wyatt. 166 00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:14,131 Oh! Please call me Julia. 167 00:06:14,165 --> 00:06:16,168 Is your father here yet? 168 00:06:16,186 --> 00:06:18,890 - No fighting tonight, Mom. - Don't worry! 169 00:06:18,941 --> 00:06:20,310 I'm going to be civil, as long as he is. 170 00:06:20,344 --> 00:06:22,898 Frankly, after what he did at Geoffrey's graduation... 171 00:06:22,949 --> 00:06:24,986 Oh, I have some white wine for you, some Chardonnay. 172 00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:27,074 - Oh, thank you. - You're welcome. 173 00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:29,662 Right this way. 174 00:06:32,135 --> 00:06:35,173 - Hey, you guys, come on in. - Thank you. 175 00:06:37,712 --> 00:06:40,550 Ann. 176 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,686 Hey. 177 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,573 You all right, man? 178 00:06:43,607 --> 00:06:45,827 The toast that you gave to Ben and Leslie 179 00:06:45,861 --> 00:06:46,946 was so beautiful, 180 00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:50,537 and I'm feeling very raw from my therapy. 181 00:06:50,571 --> 00:06:55,413 I am so happy... And so sad. 182 00:06:55,431 --> 00:06:58,553 It's like a perfect storm of emotions. 183 00:06:58,587 --> 00:07:04,064 And so I'm hiding out here, so I don't ruin this party 184 00:07:04,098 --> 00:07:06,602 for my two amazing best friends 185 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:09,041 who I love so much. 186 00:07:09,075 --> 00:07:10,160 Oh! 187 00:07:10,211 --> 00:07:12,614 There's no more tissue. 188 00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:14,117 - Everything ends! - No, no, no. 189 00:07:14,135 --> 00:07:15,837 No, there's more tissue. 190 00:07:15,888 --> 00:07:19,645 - There's... - Everything goes away. 191 00:07:19,679 --> 00:07:21,599 And I said, rules or no rules, 192 00:07:21,633 --> 00:07:22,901 I just have to kiss that beautiful face. 193 00:07:24,105 --> 00:07:25,473 Well, that's a Knope woman for you. 194 00:07:25,491 --> 00:07:27,277 When we see something adorable, we attack it. 195 00:07:27,311 --> 00:07:29,982 He is adorable, isn't he? 196 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,170 You chose well, Benny. 197 00:07:32,205 --> 00:07:34,208 Aw, thank you. 198 00:07:34,259 --> 00:07:35,326 So far, so good. 199 00:07:35,344 --> 00:07:36,462 I'll admit it. 200 00:07:36,496 --> 00:07:37,714 Things are going surprisingly well. 201 00:07:37,765 --> 00:07:39,101 Yeah. 202 00:07:39,135 --> 00:07:40,437 And pack it up. It's over, we're screwed. 203 00:07:40,471 --> 00:07:41,772 He brought his girlfriend? 204 00:07:41,807 --> 00:07:43,226 He wasn't supposed to bring his girlfriend, Ben. 205 00:07:43,277 --> 00:07:44,778 Oh, Ben! 206 00:07:44,813 --> 00:07:46,699 Your father brought his little plaything. 207 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,352 - Hiya, Benny. - Hey, Dad, hi. 208 00:07:48,370 --> 00:07:50,907 Hi. 209 00:07:50,958 --> 00:07:52,026 Unh. 210 00:07:52,044 --> 00:07:53,696 Hi, Ulani. 211 00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:55,500 Thought you weren't coming. 212 00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:58,723 Ulani is my girlfriend, and she's important to me, 213 00:07:58,757 --> 00:08:00,059 and I need her here. 214 00:08:00,094 --> 00:08:02,397 Ulani, hi, I'm Leslie. What a wonderful surprise. 215 00:08:02,432 --> 00:08:04,067 We're so happy that you're here. 216 00:08:04,102 --> 00:08:06,405 What the hell, Steve? They didn't know I was coming? 217 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:09,394 We didn't know it was spring break. 218 00:08:09,412 --> 00:08:10,613 Okay, thanks, everybody, for coming. 219 00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,334 I'm so sorry you all have to go home. 220 00:08:12,368 --> 00:08:14,922 Hey, Red Vines anyone? 221 00:08:14,956 --> 00:08:17,961 We're a Twizzlers family. 222 00:08:19,984 --> 00:08:21,486 Okay, we are off to a rocky start, 223 00:08:21,485 --> 00:08:22,988 but we are gonna fix this. 224 00:08:23,022 --> 00:08:25,409 Yes, we will. I called a cab. 225 00:08:25,410 --> 00:08:26,443 It's outside. 226 00:08:26,444 --> 00:08:29,166 I gave the driver 100 bucks to sit and wait, 227 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,670 so whenever we're ready to go... 228 00:08:31,705 --> 00:08:32,872 like, maybe right now... 229 00:08:32,907 --> 00:08:34,626 all we have to do is walk outside. 230 00:08:34,677 --> 00:08:37,549 No, I want to be here now, with you and your parents. 231 00:08:37,583 --> 00:08:38,751 Help me make this work. 232 00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,855 Okay, fine. Best thing to do is 233 00:08:40,889 --> 00:08:42,892 distract them with innocuous talk 234 00:08:42,926 --> 00:08:45,198 - about the stuff they care about. - Great, like what? 235 00:08:45,232 --> 00:08:47,402 Well, they're white people from Minnesota, 236 00:08:47,436 --> 00:08:49,740 so hockey, fishing, skiing, sailing, and after a few drinks, 237 00:08:49,774 --> 00:08:51,243 put on a Prince album. 238 00:08:51,277 --> 00:08:52,796 Don't mention the Green Bay Packers 239 00:08:52,830 --> 00:08:54,949 or the state of Iowa. And also, 240 00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:56,220 I have enough frequent flyer miles 241 00:08:56,254 --> 00:08:57,973 to get us to Australia tonight. 242 00:08:58,008 --> 00:08:59,393 - Everything okay? - Uh, slight speed bump. 243 00:08:59,427 --> 00:09:02,399 Everything is terrible, but I am going to fix it 244 00:09:02,433 --> 00:09:03,601 with my secret weapon. 245 00:09:03,635 --> 00:09:05,137 Okay, well I will make sure 246 00:09:05,155 --> 00:09:06,306 that everything else runs smoothly. 247 00:09:06,324 --> 00:09:07,742 Ann, you are such a good friend. 248 00:09:07,777 --> 00:09:11,483 You are a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox. 249 00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:14,423 Thank you, ox, for keeping this ship afloat. 250 00:09:14,457 --> 00:09:16,043 You got it. 251 00:09:16,094 --> 00:09:18,464 Guys, I need your help, okay? 252 00:09:18,498 --> 00:09:20,685 Chris is in the back room, and he's crying. 253 00:09:20,719 --> 00:09:22,338 Go in there, calm him down, make him feel better. 254 00:09:22,356 --> 00:09:24,693 Leslie and Ben have enough to deal with, okay? 255 00:09:24,727 --> 00:09:26,563 Thank you. Wait, why is Chris crying? 256 00:09:26,614 --> 00:09:30,071 - Uh, he's emotional. - Wait, why is Chris emotional? 257 00:09:30,122 --> 00:09:32,041 Because he's in therapy right now, 258 00:09:32,076 --> 00:09:33,461 and it's dredging up a lot of stuff for him. 259 00:09:33,495 --> 00:09:35,631 Wait, wait, like what kind of stuff? 260 00:09:35,666 --> 00:09:37,502 Like, I don't know, his friends are getting married, 261 00:09:37,536 --> 00:09:38,871 and he's not dating anyone. 262 00:09:38,889 --> 00:09:40,842 Why isn't he dating anyone? 263 00:09:40,876 --> 00:09:42,879 Yeah, why don't you date him? 264 00:09:42,897 --> 00:09:44,984 Because I'm dating myself right now, okay? 265 00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,739 I'm... I'm trying to figure out how to make me happy. 266 00:09:47,773 --> 00:09:49,225 Ugh, why is it always about you, Ann? 267 00:09:49,243 --> 00:09:50,444 Self-centered much? 268 00:09:50,496 --> 00:09:52,735 Just go, okay? Thank you. 269 00:09:55,372 --> 00:09:56,957 - Ron in 60 seconds. - Tom. 270 00:09:57,009 --> 00:09:58,427 I haven't seen you tonight. 271 00:09:58,461 --> 00:10:00,848 I've been working on my presentation. 272 00:10:00,883 --> 00:10:02,185 I just came by to congratulate Leslie, 273 00:10:02,219 --> 00:10:03,354 and then I'm heading back. 274 00:10:03,388 --> 00:10:04,940 I admire the work ethic. 275 00:10:04,975 --> 00:10:07,195 I'm always looking for new investments. 276 00:10:07,229 --> 00:10:09,766 Ever since I got my first job at the age of nine, 277 00:10:09,784 --> 00:10:11,954 I have put all my money into gold, 278 00:10:11,989 --> 00:10:14,108 which is currently at an all-time high. 279 00:10:14,126 --> 00:10:19,719 So I have a certain amount of money. 280 00:10:19,754 --> 00:10:21,890 I've said too much. 281 00:10:21,925 --> 00:10:24,062 Looking forward to tomorrow. 282 00:10:24,096 --> 00:10:25,815 Yes... About that. 283 00:10:25,849 --> 00:10:28,854 I was wondering, is there any chance we could reschedule? 284 00:10:28,905 --> 00:10:30,358 I just want to make sure everything is up 285 00:10:30,409 --> 00:10:31,660 to my world-class "standees." 286 00:10:31,694 --> 00:10:34,449 I like to keep my appointments, son, 287 00:10:34,483 --> 00:10:35,918 and I like others to do the same. 288 00:10:35,953 --> 00:10:39,175 Of course, yes. No problem, 8:00 a.m. Tomorrow. 289 00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:41,430 I think you're gonna be very impressed 290 00:10:41,464 --> 00:10:43,100 with our presentation. 291 00:10:43,134 --> 00:10:46,223 "Our presentation"? Who else is joining you? 292 00:10:46,274 --> 00:10:47,558 Ricka ricka ricka ricka! 293 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:51,349 Swanson. 294 00:10:51,367 --> 00:10:53,186 - Jean-Ralphio. - That's me. 295 00:10:53,204 --> 00:10:55,458 I didn't realize you were a part of this. 296 00:10:55,492 --> 00:10:57,045 Of course he is. He's my business partner. 297 00:10:57,079 --> 00:11:00,468 Shh! Clean! 298 00:11:00,502 --> 00:11:02,422 Business partner, now and forever. 299 00:11:02,473 --> 00:11:05,377 Hold up! Forever 21. 300 00:11:05,395 --> 00:11:07,398 21-gun salute. Salute your shorts. 301 00:11:07,433 --> 00:11:08,717 Kaboosh! 302 00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,571 I just free-associated all over the "mousse-tache." 303 00:11:10,605 --> 00:11:12,391 That's just one of many skills he brings 304 00:11:12,409 --> 00:11:13,560 to this business partnership. 305 00:11:13,578 --> 00:11:15,281 What are those, shrimp? Ah! 306 00:11:15,332 --> 00:11:18,754 Okay. Rethink that move, son. 307 00:11:18,788 --> 00:11:21,409 Let's just drive back. I feel weird. 308 00:11:21,427 --> 00:11:24,015 Steve, you like sailing, right? 309 00:11:24,050 --> 00:11:25,885 Not any more, since Julia got the boat in the divorce 310 00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,755 and then sold it to a scrapyard 311 00:11:27,773 --> 00:11:29,592 because she's terrible. 312 00:11:29,610 --> 00:11:30,761 Well, at least you don't have to deal 313 00:11:30,779 --> 00:11:32,699 with all that boat upkeep now, right, huh? 314 00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,035 Yech, no thankee. 315 00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:36,156 Let's talk about something other than sailing. 316 00:11:36,207 --> 00:11:37,375 Why don't you head in the other room? 317 00:11:37,409 --> 00:11:39,963 I have a surprise that... there she goes. 318 00:11:39,998 --> 00:11:42,468 There's a surprise for you, so, um, head on in. 319 00:11:42,503 --> 00:11:44,389 I don't like surprises. 320 00:11:44,423 --> 00:11:45,725 Okay, look, you gave it a try, 321 00:11:45,759 --> 00:11:48,347 but this quilt thing is not going to work. 322 00:11:48,398 --> 00:11:50,067 Ben, on three separate occasions, 323 00:11:50,102 --> 00:11:52,271 I have used a quilt to mend fences. 324 00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:54,192 In ninth grade, a quilt ended an argument 325 00:11:54,243 --> 00:11:55,477 between my two best friends, 326 00:11:55,495 --> 00:11:57,331 and a quilt settled 327 00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:59,836 the Donna-Jerry parking lot feud of 2006. 328 00:11:59,870 --> 00:12:01,322 What was the third time? 329 00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:03,326 Right now. 330 00:12:03,344 --> 00:12:04,929 Okay, I still don't think it's gonna work, 331 00:12:04,964 --> 00:12:06,850 but I am really attracted to you right now. 332 00:12:06,884 --> 00:12:10,191 I know. Let's do this. 333 00:12:11,343 --> 00:12:12,344 Police, open up! We have a warrant! 334 00:12:12,362 --> 00:12:13,447 Just kidding, it's us. 335 00:12:13,481 --> 00:12:15,568 - Ha, we got you! - Andy and April. 336 00:12:15,619 --> 00:12:16,853 We have someone who wants to see you! 337 00:12:16,871 --> 00:12:18,373 Champion! 338 00:12:18,408 --> 00:12:20,244 Come here. Hey, big boy. 339 00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:22,531 You are such a brave, good dog, 340 00:12:22,549 --> 00:12:23,967 with so much spirit. 341 00:12:24,003 --> 00:12:25,254 You've overcome so much. 342 00:12:25,305 --> 00:12:29,980 You are the most wonderful dog in the whole world. 343 00:12:30,015 --> 00:12:31,566 And I am so happy for you. 344 00:12:33,238 --> 00:12:35,774 Okay, everyone, I have a surprise for all of you. 345 00:12:35,826 --> 00:12:37,778 Voila! 346 00:12:37,830 --> 00:12:41,402 The Knope-Wyatt unity quilt! 347 00:12:41,420 --> 00:12:44,742 It represents our two families coming together, 348 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,412 and there is a personalized square for each member 349 00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:48,634 of our joint family, see? 350 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,189 - Sweetheart, this is lovely. - Thanks, Mom. 351 00:12:51,224 --> 00:12:53,527 Where's my square? 352 00:12:53,561 --> 00:12:55,097 Well, you're not technically... 353 00:12:55,115 --> 00:12:57,702 - Not technically what? - Not technically an adult. 354 00:12:57,736 --> 00:13:00,457 This is a very thoughtless omission, Leslie, 355 00:13:00,492 --> 00:13:03,446 and as far as I'm concerned, if there's no Ulani square, 356 00:13:03,464 --> 00:13:05,834 this is not a legitimate unity quilt. 357 00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,889 - Oh, that old Chestnut. - Okay. 358 00:13:07,923 --> 00:13:11,129 I will make an Ulani square. 359 00:13:11,147 --> 00:13:13,800 Very, very easy. Okay. 360 00:13:13,818 --> 00:13:15,187 Look, this is your square now. 361 00:13:15,238 --> 00:13:16,656 What does "Ulani" mean? 362 00:13:16,691 --> 00:13:18,160 "Cheerful." 363 00:13:18,194 --> 00:13:19,696 Sure. 364 00:13:19,747 --> 00:13:22,535 All right. Look at that. 365 00:13:22,586 --> 00:13:25,490 Unity! It's that simple. All we had to do was... 366 00:13:25,508 --> 00:13:27,161 I don't want her name on my quilt. 367 00:13:27,179 --> 00:13:29,332 It's not your... it's everyone's quilt. 368 00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,834 It's a unity quilt. 369 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:33,106 I think it's mean that you didn't do a square for me. 370 00:13:33,141 --> 00:13:34,609 It's a disaster is what it is. 371 00:13:34,643 --> 00:13:36,196 You can say that again, Steve. 372 00:13:36,230 --> 00:13:38,183 See, Ben, they're agreeing. 373 00:13:38,201 --> 00:13:39,569 It's working. 374 00:13:39,620 --> 00:13:40,738 Okay, I'm thinking 375 00:13:40,789 --> 00:13:43,493 we junk everything except the mannequins. 376 00:13:43,527 --> 00:13:45,030 Ron's gotta see how dope the outfits are. 377 00:13:45,048 --> 00:13:46,383 That's the business. 378 00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:48,920 Why are we going to Ron? Ron should be coming to us! 379 00:13:48,973 --> 00:13:50,557 We created Entertainment 720. 380 00:13:50,592 --> 00:13:51,760 Which was a huge failure. 381 00:13:51,811 --> 00:13:52,980 I don't know... 382 00:13:53,014 --> 00:13:54,548 Look, a bank's not gonna give us a loan, 383 00:13:54,566 --> 00:13:58,023 and Ron loves my entrepreneurial spirit. 384 00:13:58,057 --> 00:14:00,110 Trust me, he's our best chance at getting start-up money. 385 00:14:00,161 --> 00:14:01,780 I hear that. Let's go clubbing. 386 00:14:01,831 --> 00:14:03,250 No, we gotta work. 387 00:14:03,284 --> 00:14:04,252 Didn't you hear me say we gotta junk 388 00:14:04,286 --> 00:14:05,404 most of the presentation? 389 00:14:05,422 --> 00:14:07,875 Tommy, I will always be there for you, 390 00:14:07,909 --> 00:14:09,595 no matter what, but right now, 391 00:14:09,630 --> 00:14:12,101 I cannot be there for you because I have to go. 392 00:14:12,135 --> 00:14:14,856 I hate to say this, but... 393 00:14:14,890 --> 00:14:18,447 Sometimes you've gotta work a little, 394 00:14:18,481 --> 00:14:20,784 so you can ball a lot. 395 00:14:20,819 --> 00:14:23,273 That was beautiful. 396 00:14:23,291 --> 00:14:27,781 That changed me. I'll give you ten minutes. 397 00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:30,220 You have to try to eat something, okay? 398 00:14:34,480 --> 00:14:36,850 Mmm! Wow, that's amazing. 399 00:14:36,901 --> 00:14:40,023 See? There you go. 400 00:14:40,075 --> 00:14:41,493 This one's not as good. 401 00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:43,080 All right, Chris, here's the plan. 402 00:14:43,114 --> 00:14:45,033 I'm just gonna list off happy things 403 00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,953 until you're cheered up. 404 00:14:46,988 --> 00:14:50,260 Pizza, the beach, rock and roll music... 405 00:14:50,295 --> 00:14:52,348 - and I'll list terrible things to bring you back down. 406 00:14:52,382 --> 00:14:54,852 Smallpox, botched surgery, 407 00:14:54,887 --> 00:14:57,024 snails crawling out of your mouth. 408 00:14:57,058 --> 00:14:59,529 This is weirdly working. It's evening me out. 409 00:14:59,563 --> 00:15:01,816 - Okay, keep going, keep going. - Laughter. 410 00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:02,851 Snails crawling out of your mouth. 411 00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:03,870 - The beach. - Snails crawling out 412 00:15:03,905 --> 00:15:05,641 - out of your mouth. - Cute cats. 413 00:15:05,675 --> 00:15:06,910 Snails crawling out of your butt. 414 00:15:06,961 --> 00:15:08,580 Dave Matthews Band. 415 00:15:08,631 --> 00:15:10,217 Dave Matthews Band. 416 00:15:10,251 --> 00:15:13,140 Look, Dad, Leslie worked really hard on this, 417 00:15:13,174 --> 00:15:15,594 so can you just cool it for, like, 30 seconds? 418 00:15:15,645 --> 00:15:17,983 Sure, I can. 419 00:15:18,017 --> 00:15:19,885 But your mother can't. See? 420 00:15:19,903 --> 00:15:22,391 She's ruining your quilt, 421 00:15:22,409 --> 00:15:24,111 just like she ruined our marriage! 422 00:15:24,163 --> 00:15:25,364 Mom! 423 00:15:25,398 --> 00:15:26,732 Oh, I didn't know we could cut that. 424 00:15:26,750 --> 00:15:27,835 It had to be done, Ben. 425 00:15:27,869 --> 00:15:30,290 It absolutely did not have to be done. 426 00:15:30,341 --> 00:15:32,344 Look, champagne! 427 00:15:32,379 --> 00:15:34,081 Yeah, why don't we just forget about the quilt 428 00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:36,719 - and just raise a glass? - Yes! Toasts are fun. 429 00:15:36,753 --> 00:15:38,640 They usually signify the end of a party. 430 00:15:38,691 --> 00:15:39,758 Here you are, Ulani. 431 00:15:39,776 --> 00:15:41,029 I'm good, thanks. 432 00:15:41,063 --> 00:15:42,531 Oh, by all means, go ahead and take it, Ulani. 433 00:15:42,566 --> 00:15:44,435 Or, wait, are you even old enough to drink? 434 00:15:44,453 --> 00:15:46,239 Yes, Julia, I am, 435 00:15:46,273 --> 00:15:49,545 but I can't because I'm pregnant. 436 00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:50,664 You're what? 437 00:15:50,715 --> 00:15:52,001 Oh, boy. 438 00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:53,386 I didn't mean to steal your spotlight, 439 00:15:53,421 --> 00:15:54,622 but the cat's out of the bag. 440 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:59,265 Young Ben is going to have a new baby sister, huh? 441 00:15:59,299 --> 00:16:02,137 Still firing bullets, son. 442 00:16:02,155 --> 00:16:03,857 I cannot be in the same room as him. 443 00:16:03,908 --> 00:16:05,160 What about the wedding? 444 00:16:05,194 --> 00:16:08,316 I'm talking about the wedding. 445 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:11,956 Ladies and gentlemen, the Wyatt family. 446 00:16:13,949 --> 00:16:15,867 It's like the war of the Wyatts out there! 447 00:16:15,868 --> 00:16:18,840 - I mean, it's so brutal! - Oh, my God. 448 00:16:18,874 --> 00:16:20,143 Were you and Dad ever like that? 449 00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,297 Well, like any married couple, 450 00:16:22,331 --> 00:16:24,284 honey, your father and I fought occasionally, 451 00:16:24,319 --> 00:16:26,973 and sometimes he won the argument, 452 00:16:27,008 --> 00:16:28,593 and sometimes I won. 453 00:16:28,644 --> 00:16:31,182 But usually, we forgot what we were arguing about 454 00:16:31,216 --> 00:16:32,484 and just had sex. 455 00:16:32,518 --> 00:16:34,387 - La la la la la. - Anyway, the important thing 456 00:16:34,405 --> 00:16:38,246 is that we always ended up on the same team. 457 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,781 And in the same bed. 458 00:16:40,901 --> 00:16:43,089 God, I miss that man. 459 00:16:43,123 --> 00:16:44,875 How can you be so wise and so inappropriate 460 00:16:44,909 --> 00:16:46,578 at the same time? 461 00:16:46,596 --> 00:16:48,916 I'm a parent. 462 00:16:50,271 --> 00:16:51,639 I can't figure out how to phrase this mission statement. 463 00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:52,941 Let me get a shot at it. 464 00:16:52,976 --> 00:16:54,094 I'm actually pretty good at this stuff. 465 00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,534 See? 466 00:16:57,568 --> 00:16:59,538 You just googled, "Amanda Bynes side boob." 467 00:16:59,572 --> 00:17:00,907 What's wrong with you? 468 00:17:00,941 --> 00:17:02,794 What's wrong with you? Why is your safesearch on? 469 00:17:02,828 --> 00:17:05,667 That is amateur hour, Tom. 470 00:17:05,718 --> 00:17:08,389 Listen, we've been at this for an entire evening. 471 00:17:08,423 --> 00:17:10,176 I say, why don't we cut our losses? 472 00:17:10,227 --> 00:17:12,731 If it was such a good idea, we would be millionaires by now. 473 00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:13,816 Hello. 474 00:17:13,850 --> 00:17:15,603 Look, man, I believe in this idea. 475 00:17:15,637 --> 00:17:18,159 Do you? 476 00:17:18,193 --> 00:17:20,313 You know I love you, but... 477 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,200 I don't think you're as serious about this business as I am. 478 00:17:22,251 --> 00:17:25,823 Oh, yeah, no, I'm definitely not. 479 00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:40,236 Hey, I got your text. What are you doing? 480 00:17:40,287 --> 00:17:42,207 I grabbed all of the brownies from the dessert table 481 00:17:42,241 --> 00:17:43,459 and four bottles of wine. 482 00:17:43,493 --> 00:17:44,711 Get in the car. We're going to Australia. 483 00:17:44,746 --> 00:17:46,582 - Leslie... - I am so sorry for everything. 484 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,971 I love you, and I want to be on your team. 485 00:17:49,005 --> 00:17:50,590 I am on your team, but I think that 486 00:17:50,641 --> 00:17:52,227 our team should be far away from here. 487 00:17:52,261 --> 00:17:54,398 Normally, I would get in the cab with you, 488 00:17:54,432 --> 00:17:57,553 but I am so sick of them ruining everything, 489 00:17:57,571 --> 00:17:59,441 and I really liked that unity quilt. 490 00:17:59,492 --> 00:18:02,197 - It was a good quilt. - It was an awesome quilt. 491 00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,501 Look, my parents are insane, 492 00:18:04,535 --> 00:18:06,839 but they need to be at our wedding. 493 00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,175 You know what? 494 00:18:08,210 --> 00:18:09,845 It's time for this team 495 00:18:09,879 --> 00:18:11,548 - to come up with a new plan. - I agree. 496 00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:13,686 Phase one of our new plan, you get in the backseat 497 00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,974 of this cab, and we hardcore make out for 15 minutes. 498 00:18:16,026 --> 00:18:17,360 I would love to do that. 499 00:18:17,395 --> 00:18:19,197 I'm just not sure if the driver would be okay with it. 500 00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,735 For another 100 bucks, you can do whatever you want. 501 00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:23,739 Let's do this. 502 00:18:26,046 --> 00:18:27,497 Swan song! 503 00:18:27,548 --> 00:18:28,916 What up, my man? 504 00:18:28,950 --> 00:18:31,472 - Ow, are you kidding me? - Jean-Ralphio. 505 00:18:31,506 --> 00:18:33,759 I thought you and Tom were working on your presentation. 506 00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:36,732 No, I decided it was best if I took my talents elsewhere. 507 00:18:36,766 --> 00:18:38,936 - Do you know what I mean? - You abandoned your friend? 508 00:18:38,971 --> 00:18:40,940 God, no. He fired me, straight up. 509 00:18:40,975 --> 00:18:42,744 Talked about how I wasn't serious enough 510 00:18:42,778 --> 00:18:43,812 about the project, 511 00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:45,416 how he needed to grow up. 512 00:18:45,451 --> 00:18:47,871 Anyway, I have an amazing investment idea for you. 513 00:18:47,922 --> 00:18:49,841 Condoms with pictures on them. 514 00:18:49,876 --> 00:18:51,095 - Pass. - Good. Smart. 515 00:18:51,129 --> 00:18:52,430 I think you made the right decision. 516 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:55,002 Take care. 517 00:18:55,020 --> 00:18:57,607 Oh. Chris? 518 00:18:57,641 --> 00:19:00,446 Seems like the storm has passed. Indeed it has. 519 00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:02,817 I can't believe that I spent the entire party in a room 520 00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:05,540 being happy-sad on a night that means so much 521 00:19:05,574 --> 00:19:06,825 to my two best friends. 522 00:19:06,859 --> 00:19:08,195 I mean, you're going through a lot. 523 00:19:08,213 --> 00:19:10,633 You need to purge all this stuff that's been building up. 524 00:19:10,667 --> 00:19:12,972 This lesbian nurse is right, Chris. 525 00:19:13,006 --> 00:19:14,874 You can't keep it all bottled up. 526 00:19:14,892 --> 00:19:17,063 Maybe you're right. Maybe all of my emotions 527 00:19:17,097 --> 00:19:19,518 tumbling out like this means that I can get a clean start. 528 00:19:19,552 --> 00:19:21,054 Well, for that, you're gonna have to visit 529 00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,056 the bathroom first. 530 00:19:22,074 --> 00:19:23,359 - Right? - No. 531 00:19:23,393 --> 00:19:24,727 - Ann Perkins! - Nope. 532 00:19:24,745 --> 00:19:27,534 You are, without a doubt, the queen of toilet humor. 533 00:19:27,568 --> 00:19:32,126 That's all I ever wanted to be. 534 00:19:32,178 --> 00:19:34,564 This was supposed to be a happy occasion. 535 00:19:34,599 --> 00:19:36,301 You were supposed to come here, 536 00:19:36,336 --> 00:19:39,524 celebrate your son's engagement, maybe bury the ax? 537 00:19:39,559 --> 00:19:40,826 And not in each other's back. 538 00:19:40,861 --> 00:19:44,267 But it did not work out that way. 539 00:19:44,285 --> 00:19:45,703 So here is the new plan. 540 00:19:45,737 --> 00:19:47,473 I don't expect you to like each other, 541 00:19:47,508 --> 00:19:49,611 but you have to come to the wedding, okay? 542 00:19:49,629 --> 00:19:51,114 We'll seat you far away from each other. 543 00:19:51,132 --> 00:19:52,300 You don't even have to socialize. 544 00:19:52,334 --> 00:19:54,170 Yeah, in fact, we insist that you don't. 545 00:19:54,222 --> 00:19:55,956 But you do have to show up 546 00:19:55,975 --> 00:19:57,460 and tell us that you had a great time. 547 00:19:57,478 --> 00:19:58,812 That's the deal. 548 00:19:58,847 --> 00:20:01,134 You can either take it, or you can take it. 549 00:20:01,152 --> 00:20:03,805 I can take it. I'm sorry. 550 00:20:03,823 --> 00:20:06,745 - I'm sorry too, Benny. - Sorry. Whatever. 551 00:20:06,779 --> 00:20:08,499 Aw, what a beautiful apology. 552 00:20:08,533 --> 00:20:09,651 - Julia... - Guys. 553 00:20:09,669 --> 00:20:10,653 Sorry. 554 00:20:10,671 --> 00:20:12,423 Ben's parents are insane, 555 00:20:12,458 --> 00:20:13,592 but he is not. He's amazing. 556 00:20:13,627 --> 00:20:15,880 And that's all that matters. 557 00:20:15,931 --> 00:20:18,185 I guess he might become insane as he ages. 558 00:20:18,219 --> 00:20:21,275 I should keep an eye out for that. 559 00:20:21,309 --> 00:20:23,028 Also, for the record, my unity quilt worked. 560 00:20:23,063 --> 00:20:26,034 So technically, I am three for three with unity quilts. 561 00:20:26,069 --> 00:20:27,203 We only have 30 bucks left. 562 00:20:27,237 --> 00:20:28,372 Let's go. Oh, okay. 563 00:20:28,406 --> 00:20:29,741 Get ready, driver. 564 00:20:29,792 --> 00:20:32,213 We're gonna make out so hard in the back of your cab. 565 00:20:37,058 --> 00:20:39,200 Are you okay, son? Did you get any sleep? 566 00:20:39,262 --> 00:20:41,949 Uh, not really. I stayed up most of the night. 567 00:20:42,302 --> 00:20:45,289 But that's not important. 568 00:20:45,291 --> 00:20:47,260 Let me tell you about Rent A Swag. 569 00:20:47,262 --> 00:20:48,428 - Now... - No need, Tom. 570 00:20:48,430 --> 00:20:50,015 I'm in. 571 00:20:50,017 --> 00:20:52,753 I like doing business with serious people, 572 00:20:52,755 --> 00:20:56,211 and when you removed yourself from the company of that moron, 573 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,715 you showed me you're a serious person. 574 00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,736 - You have your start-up money. - Wow. 575 00:21:00,738 --> 00:21:03,058 I appreciate it. 576 00:21:03,060 --> 00:21:04,244 Tommy "T"! 577 00:21:04,246 --> 00:21:06,832 You just missed the craziest of crazies. 578 00:21:06,834 --> 00:21:08,752 Clubs. Girls. Dancing. 579 00:21:08,754 --> 00:21:11,258 Naked. Mom? Argument. 580 00:21:11,260 --> 00:21:13,879 Police. Fleeing the scene. Hiding in a Dumpster. 581 00:21:13,881 --> 00:21:15,082 Coming here. 582 00:21:15,084 --> 00:21:16,768 Crashing on your couch for a week 'cause 583 00:21:19,226 --> 00:21:20,693 Hey, "mousse-tache." I'ma hit the couch. 584 00:21:20,695 --> 00:21:22,429 You know where I be. 585 00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:27,434 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com