1 00:00:00,629 --> 00:00:01,912 2020 2 00:00:02,427 --> 00:00:04,609 Uh... that's a stretch. 3 00:00:04,625 --> 00:00:06,891 Fine. 2024. 4 00:00:06,892 --> 00:00:09,474 I win, we move in there. 5 00:00:09,975 --> 00:00:11,975 I'll take the West Wing. You take the East Wing. 6 00:00:11,976 --> 00:00:13,658 You can be the first gentleman. 7 00:00:13,659 --> 00:00:15,925 Actually, that sounds kind of great. 8 00:00:15,926 --> 00:00:18,057 Thanks for coming with me to get my stuff. 9 00:00:18,058 --> 00:00:19,491 How could I pass up an opportunity 10 00:00:19,492 --> 00:00:20,825 to look at our future house? 11 00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:22,758 Oh, just remembered. 12 00:00:22,759 --> 00:00:25,057 I kind of got you an engagement present. 13 00:00:25,308 --> 00:00:26,591 Is it a waffle tower? 14 00:00:26,592 --> 00:00:28,990 I mean, it's a little better than that. 15 00:00:33,090 --> 00:00:35,590 Claudia Welders. 16 00:00:35,591 --> 00:00:38,189 Uh, that... how did... 17 00:00:38,190 --> 00:00:40,089 - How did you do this? - Called in a few favors. 18 00:00:40,090 --> 00:00:41,490 Excuse me. 19 00:00:41,491 --> 00:00:43,289 A few hundred favors. 20 00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:44,656 Mr. Vice President. 21 00:00:44,657 --> 00:00:46,556 Ben Wyatt from congressman Murray's office. 22 00:00:46,557 --> 00:00:48,522 Hey, Ben. Dave told me yowewere gonna be coming by. 23 00:00:48,523 --> 00:00:49,756 And you must be Leslie Knope. 24 00:00:49,757 --> 00:00:52,923 Welcome. Welcome. 25 00:00:52,924 --> 00:00:56,589 You're... my name just came out of your mouth. 26 00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,088 Well, yeah, it did. 27 00:00:58,089 --> 00:01:00,922 This isn't happening. 28 00:01:00,923 --> 00:01:02,655 This isn't real. 29 00:01:02,656 --> 00:01:03,822 No, it's happening, 30 00:01:03,823 --> 00:01:05,455 and I'm delighted to have you here. 31 00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:07,254 On behalf of the president and myself, 32 00:01:07,255 --> 00:01:08,455 - I wanted to... - Oh, Mr. Vice president, 33 00:01:08,456 --> 00:01:09,755 I am deeply flattered, 34 00:01:09,756 --> 00:01:11,187 but there's no way that I could take over 35 00:01:11,188 --> 00:01:13,755 Madam Secretary Clinton's position. 36 00:01:13,756 --> 00:01:15,688 - I mean... - I'm confident 37 00:01:15,689 --> 00:01:16,887 you could do that job or any other, but... 38 00:01:16,888 --> 00:01:18,320 - Okay, I will. 39 00:01:18,321 --> 00:01:20,821 Well, the reason you're here is I'm told 40 00:01:20,822 --> 00:01:22,019 you've done such a great job 41 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,353 in your town and in the state of Indiana, 42 00:01:24,354 --> 00:01:25,520 and I just want to say congratulations 43 00:01:25,521 --> 00:01:27,186 for your public service. 44 00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:29,186 And I just want to say thank you. 45 00:01:29,187 --> 00:01:30,487 Well, you... you're very welcome. 46 00:01:30,488 --> 00:01:31,720 You're very welcome. 47 00:01:31,721 --> 00:01:34,419 Hey... y-you're very welcome. 48 00:01:34,420 --> 00:01:36,853 - You're very handsome. - I think we're all done. 49 00:01:36,854 --> 00:01:38,352 - Well, you're very nice. - Okay. Thank you. 50 00:01:38,353 --> 00:01:39,820 Thank... thank you very much. 51 00:01:39,821 --> 00:01:40,886 Thank you very much. We'll see you tomorrow. 52 00:01:40,887 --> 00:01:43,886 Well... Oh, well, you will? 53 00:01:43,887 --> 00:01:45,853 Thank you, Mr. Vice President. 54 00:01:45,854 --> 00:01:47,385 Y-you're welcome. 55 00:01:47,386 --> 00:01:49,718 You don't let anything happen to him, you understand me? 56 00:01:50,218 --> 00:01:52,084 He is precious cargo. 57 00:01:55,085 --> 00:02:00,020 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 58 00:02:12,251 --> 00:02:14,584 Yeah, it's actually the same accounting firm I almost joined 59 00:02:14,585 --> 00:02:16,717 last year, and they gave me a great package... 60 00:02:16,718 --> 00:02:19,617 Three weeks of vacation, matching 401(K), 61 00:02:19,618 --> 00:02:22,349 and a pretty sweet windbreaker. 62 00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,850 - Wow. - I'm getting married, 63 00:02:23,851 --> 00:02:26,382 and I wanted a good stable job, 64 00:02:26,383 --> 00:02:29,416 so I'm going back to Accounting. 65 00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:32,450 So just call me Bond, 66 00:02:32,451 --> 00:02:36,249 municipal bond. 67 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:39,148 Yeah, that joke killed at the accounting firm. 68 00:02:39,149 --> 00:02:40,449 Well, well, well. 69 00:02:40,450 --> 00:02:42,715 If it isn't Mr. Looks and Professor Books. 70 00:02:42,716 --> 00:02:44,816 He's Looks. I got it. 71 00:02:44,817 --> 00:02:46,881 Of course you do, Books. What's going on? 72 00:02:46,882 --> 00:02:49,816 Well, fun fact: Ben just got an amazing accounting job. 73 00:02:49,817 --> 00:02:51,649 Regular fact: I have to go to a meeting. 74 00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:55,180 Un-fun fact: My Uncle just had a stroke. 75 00:02:56,281 --> 00:02:58,147 Well, I'm off. 76 00:02:58,148 --> 00:03:00,080 This is actually a crazy coincidence. 77 00:03:00,081 --> 00:03:01,815 I have a new company 78 00:03:01,816 --> 00:03:04,247 and could use your help on the math side of things. 79 00:03:04,248 --> 00:03:06,481 - Oh, what's the new company? - We specialize in making stacks 80 00:03:06,482 --> 00:03:07,980 on stacks on stacks on stacks. 81 00:03:07,981 --> 00:03:09,346 Right. Pass. 82 00:03:09,347 --> 00:03:10,580 I'm kidding. 83 00:03:10,581 --> 00:03:11,780 It's a real idea. 84 00:03:11,781 --> 00:03:13,379 So get this... 85 00:03:13,380 --> 00:03:15,212 Kids are always growing out of their clothes, 86 00:03:15,213 --> 00:03:16,346 so their parents don't want to buy 'em nice things. 87 00:03:16,347 --> 00:03:18,413 I'm gonna rent my upscale clothing 88 00:03:18,414 --> 00:03:20,346 to middle school kids, because I discovered 89 00:03:20,347 --> 00:03:23,413 I'm roughly the same size as the average Pawnee 12-year-old. 90 00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:25,011 That's actually a really great idea. 91 00:03:25,012 --> 00:03:26,845 I know. Can you take a look at the business plan, 92 00:03:26,846 --> 00:03:27,978 tell me what do you think? 93 00:03:27,979 --> 00:03:29,145 - Sure. Why not? - Awesome. 94 00:03:29,146 --> 00:03:30,746 Washington, D.C. has 95 00:03:30,747 --> 00:03:33,412 more dog parks per capita than most cities. 96 00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,812 Pawnee only has two dog parks... 97 00:03:35,813 --> 00:03:37,978 this one and that one, 98 00:03:37,979 --> 00:03:40,211 which is also an active parking lot. 99 00:03:40,212 --> 00:03:42,645 Can you say "per capita" again? 100 00:03:42,646 --> 00:03:44,377 I want to take a picture of you saying "per capita." 101 00:03:44,378 --> 00:03:46,177 - Stop. - I am so proud of you. 102 00:03:46,178 --> 00:03:48,177 Now stand next to the screen and think about 103 00:03:48,178 --> 00:03:49,911 all the strong female role models in your life. 104 00:03:49,912 --> 00:03:52,044 - Gross. - April came to me 105 00:03:52,045 --> 00:03:54,844 with an idea to build a dog park in Pawnee. 106 00:03:54,845 --> 00:03:57,143 I recognized her potential a long time ago, 107 00:03:57,144 --> 00:03:59,109 and she's finally living up to it. 108 00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:00,843 I mean, I am so proud of her, 109 00:04:00,844 --> 00:04:03,276 I could cry. 110 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:06,076 And... here we go. 111 00:04:06,077 --> 00:04:07,276 One tiny critique. 112 00:04:07,277 --> 00:04:08,910 If you do want to be taken seriously, 113 00:04:08,911 --> 00:04:10,076 you might want to think a little bit 114 00:04:10,077 --> 00:04:11,209 about how you present yourself. 115 00:04:11,210 --> 00:04:12,842 No, this is publicity 116 00:04:12,843 --> 00:04:14,809 for Orin's new performance art show. 117 00:04:14,810 --> 00:04:16,975 He's an animal living on a human farm. 118 00:04:16,976 --> 00:04:19,042 And you can go and feed him from your own hand. 119 00:04:19,043 --> 00:04:20,375 Ugh, that's horrifying, 120 00:04:20,376 --> 00:04:21,543 and so is Orin. 121 00:04:21,544 --> 00:04:22,709 You should not be friends with him. 122 00:04:22,710 --> 00:04:24,242 So, after reviewing all the options, 123 00:04:24,243 --> 00:04:26,576 I found that the best location for the dog park 124 00:04:26,577 --> 00:04:28,974 is Lot 48, 125 00:04:28,975 --> 00:04:30,341 the one behind Ann's house. 126 00:04:32,809 --> 00:04:35,542 No. No, no, no, no, no, no. 127 00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:38,107 I've been trying to put a park there for four years. 128 00:04:38,108 --> 00:04:40,374 See, the thing is, April, that lot is mine. 129 00:04:40,375 --> 00:04:42,341 I've been doing slow, painstaking work 130 00:04:42,342 --> 00:04:44,907 so I don't want to whip out the legalese on you now, 131 00:04:44,908 --> 00:04:45,973 but I got dibs. 132 00:04:45,974 --> 00:04:47,307 What we are gonna do 133 00:04:47,308 --> 00:04:48,541 is we're gonna take your enthusiasm, 134 00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:49,907 we're gonna bundle it up, 135 00:04:49,908 --> 00:04:51,106 and we're gonna find a new place for a dog park. 136 00:04:51,107 --> 00:04:52,206 Doesn't that sound fun? 137 00:04:52,207 --> 00:04:54,807 One, two, three, cheese. Good girl. 138 00:04:54,808 --> 00:04:56,441 Good morning, Andy. 139 00:04:59,207 --> 00:05:04,540 Okay, something is different about my computer. 140 00:05:04,541 --> 00:05:06,706 Aha. It's gone. 141 00:05:09,204 --> 00:05:12,005 A game is the foot. 142 00:05:12,006 --> 00:05:14,239 See, part of the police academy entrance exam 143 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,704 is investigating a crime. 144 00:05:16,705 --> 00:05:18,704 So about a month ago I told everyone in the office 145 00:05:18,705 --> 00:05:20,605 that, at some point, they should steal something 146 00:05:20,606 --> 00:05:22,271 from my desk so I could practice. 147 00:05:22,771 --> 00:05:24,238 Let's do this. 148 00:05:25,238 --> 00:05:28,605 Wait, hey, did you guys take my glasses too? 149 00:05:28,606 --> 00:05:30,605 They got my sunglasses too. 150 00:05:30,606 --> 00:05:33,237 I was in Miami last weekend. 151 00:05:33,238 --> 00:05:34,703 I took my talents to South Beach. 152 00:05:34,704 --> 00:05:36,671 How do you spend your time in Miami? 153 00:05:36,672 --> 00:05:38,237 Maybe fencing stolen computers? 154 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,671 Yes, I took your government computer 155 00:05:40,672 --> 00:05:44,137 from Indiana to Miami 156 00:05:44,138 --> 00:05:46,003 to sell it on the black market 157 00:05:46,004 --> 00:05:47,471 for 150 bucks. 158 00:05:47,472 --> 00:05:50,803 Ha-ha, you don't know it, but you just gave yourself away. 159 00:05:52,237 --> 00:05:53,403 Gotta say, I'm impressed. 160 00:05:53,803 --> 00:05:55,803 Your mission statement made sense, 161 00:05:55,804 --> 00:05:58,336 and you didn't use one R. Kelly lyric. 162 00:05:58,337 --> 00:05:59,803 Yes. 163 00:05:59,804 --> 00:06:01,570 So you want to be my CFO? 164 00:06:01,571 --> 00:06:02,836 Well, I already have a job, 165 00:06:02,837 --> 00:06:04,102 but I'll help as a friend. 166 00:06:04,103 --> 00:06:06,902 As long as you take what I say seriously. 167 00:06:06,903 --> 00:06:09,935 I don't want another Entertainment 720 disaster 168 00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:11,101 on our hands. 169 00:06:11,102 --> 00:06:12,201 Yeah, it was a disaster. 170 00:06:12,202 --> 00:06:13,768 Too bad we didn't see it coming. 171 00:06:13,769 --> 00:06:15,735 All right, what's my first move? 172 00:06:15,736 --> 00:06:18,001 You know, I think any of the four previous locations 173 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:20,168 would work, but there's something about this place. 174 00:06:20,169 --> 00:06:22,767 It just has a really good energy here, 175 00:06:22,768 --> 00:06:25,134 you know? lots of natural light. 176 00:06:25,135 --> 00:06:27,000 It's tiny and awful and loud. 177 00:06:27,001 --> 00:06:30,834 And it's zone 14B, industrial waste clean-up site. 178 00:06:30,835 --> 00:06:32,767 We should technically be wearing Hazmat suits right now. 179 00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:35,401 It seems like the kind of place a ska band would go 180 00:06:35,402 --> 00:06:36,766 to shoot heroin. 181 00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:39,233 Come on, guys, this is a great place for a dog park. 182 00:06:39,234 --> 00:06:41,900 I mean, look, there's already a dog here. 183 00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,999 Oh, my God. I had that exact doll 184 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,166 when I was a kid. 185 00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,099 This is... this is traumatic for me. 186 00:06:47,100 --> 00:06:49,800 Well, I'm sorry, but lot 48 is the only one that works. 187 00:06:49,801 --> 00:06:50,900 And I'm definitely bringing it up 188 00:06:50,901 --> 00:06:52,433 at the next city council meeting. 189 00:06:52,434 --> 00:06:53,799 April, please, I beg of you, 190 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,632 I will do anything to keep you from doing that. 191 00:06:55,633 --> 00:06:56,965 Okay. Saw off your pinky toe. 192 00:06:56,966 --> 00:06:58,399 - No. - Shave your head. 193 00:06:58,400 --> 00:06:59,965 - No. - Have sex with Jerry. 194 00:06:59,966 --> 00:07:01,232 No. 195 00:07:01,233 --> 00:07:02,799 Well, I tried to be reasonable. 196 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,499 I have created a monster. 197 00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:06,932 And now I need to destroy her. 198 00:07:06,933 --> 00:07:08,432 What do I do, Joe? 199 00:07:08,433 --> 00:07:10,298 Well, Leslie, 200 00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:12,397 look into my eyes, take a deep breath, 201 00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:14,398 and everything will be fine. 202 00:07:14,399 --> 00:07:16,097 Thanks, Joe. 203 00:07:16,098 --> 00:07:18,264 God, he's good. 204 00:07:19,785 --> 00:07:22,117 Ron, thank you for agreeing to see me. 205 00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:24,115 I didn't. You just walked in here and started talking. 206 00:07:24,116 --> 00:07:25,382 I don't have time for a history lesson. 207 00:07:25,383 --> 00:07:29,282 Look, I am trying to remove parking meters, 208 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:32,315 and there is a guy in Public Works 209 00:07:32,316 --> 00:07:33,749 who's being a real thorn about it. 210 00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:36,482 - Which guy? - Ricky Jordache. 211 00:07:36,483 --> 00:07:37,915 Never heard of him. What's his deal? 212 00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,848 He's new. He used to be a slacker, 213 00:07:39,849 --> 00:07:42,015 but now he's realizing his full potential, 214 00:07:42,016 --> 00:07:43,181 but at what cost? 215 00:07:43,182 --> 00:07:44,814 He's smart, and he's beautiful, 216 00:07:44,815 --> 00:07:46,515 and I think of him in many ways as a daughter, 217 00:07:46,516 --> 00:07:48,114 but that would be crazy 'cause he's a man 218 00:07:48,115 --> 00:07:49,549 and his name's Ricky. 219 00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:50,614 Here's my question. 220 00:07:50,615 --> 00:07:52,847 How did you used to slow me down 221 00:07:52,848 --> 00:07:55,247 when I was becoming too me-ish? 222 00:07:55,248 --> 00:07:56,813 Sometimes I'd just give you busy work. 223 00:07:56,814 --> 00:07:59,347 I once had you put together a brochure 224 00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:02,080 about different kinds of Indiana topsoil. 225 00:08:02,081 --> 00:08:04,180 That soil brochure was not busy work. 226 00:08:04,181 --> 00:08:07,180 I mean, people still refer to Mulch Ado About Nothing. 227 00:08:07,181 --> 00:08:10,013 And if you were particularly amped up about a project, 228 00:08:10,014 --> 00:08:13,579 I'd take you to JJ's and distract you with waffles. 229 00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,013 Those were distraction waffles? 230 00:08:15,014 --> 00:08:16,679 I thought they were friendship waffles. 231 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,746 Breakfast food can serve many purposes. 232 00:08:19,747 --> 00:08:22,079 But what if this person, this Ricky, who is real, 233 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:23,579 doesn't like waffles 234 00:08:23,580 --> 00:08:25,012 or anything. 235 00:08:25,013 --> 00:08:27,678 Everybody has something they're passionate about. 236 00:08:27,679 --> 00:08:30,711 Just figure out what it is, express an interest in it, 237 00:08:30,712 --> 00:08:32,345 and divert his attention. 238 00:08:39,079 --> 00:08:40,311 Howdy, neighbors. 239 00:08:40,312 --> 00:08:41,810 Welcome to human farm. 240 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:46,211 Here's your animal feed. Please don't feed the animals. 241 00:08:46,212 --> 00:08:51,412 Wow, this is really, really cool. 242 00:08:51,413 --> 00:08:54,145 I like the statement it's making 243 00:08:54,146 --> 00:08:57,576 that, you know, we're all in cages in a way. 244 00:08:57,577 --> 00:09:00,310 Yeah, it's actually about death and the city. 245 00:09:00,311 --> 00:09:02,510 Yeah. I see that now. 246 00:09:02,511 --> 00:09:05,344 Hi, Orin. 247 00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,709 Ms. Wicks, if you've read our proposal, 248 00:09:07,710 --> 00:09:09,743 you'll see that an alliance between Rent-A-Swag 249 00:09:09,744 --> 00:09:12,643 and Sweetums could be mutually beneficial. 250 00:09:12,644 --> 00:09:15,642 Well, I must say it's a much better idea 251 00:09:15,643 --> 00:09:17,675 than the last one you had, 252 00:09:17,676 --> 00:09:19,642 that gourmet French food thing. 253 00:09:19,943 --> 00:09:22,775 Oh, my escargot delivery service, Snail Mail. 254 00:09:23,276 --> 00:09:25,076 So you want to partner up and make history? 255 00:09:25,077 --> 00:09:27,109 I mean, you've already made history 256 00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:29,009 as the world's most beautiful CEO. 257 00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:30,807 I'm really sorry, cutie. 258 00:09:30,808 --> 00:09:32,508 The company's laying low right now 259 00:09:32,509 --> 00:09:35,108 due to a small mishap. 260 00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:36,574 Ah, yes. 261 00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:39,508 The Sweetums molasses storage vat exploded, 262 00:09:39,509 --> 00:09:42,275 resulting in a slow-moving ecological disaster. 263 00:09:42,276 --> 00:09:44,275 Well, all press is good press. 264 00:09:44,276 --> 00:09:46,341 No, this was bad press. 265 00:09:46,342 --> 00:09:49,507 A lot of homes were very gradually flooded. 266 00:09:49,508 --> 00:09:52,141 People died. 267 00:09:52,641 --> 00:09:54,307 Actually, speaking of, 268 00:09:54,308 --> 00:09:56,573 we're starting up a non-profit foundation 269 00:09:56,574 --> 00:09:58,074 to restore our name. 270 00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:00,041 Any interest in running it? 271 00:10:00,042 --> 00:10:03,906 Oh, I'm... I'm sorry, you want me to run your non-profit wing? 272 00:10:03,907 --> 00:10:06,206 I know that Bobby Newport is my stepson, 273 00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:10,639 but the work you did on Leslie's campaign was amazing. 274 00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:12,439 Your name is on our short list. 275 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,972 Just to clarify, 276 00:10:14,472 --> 00:10:17,205 it's a no to me on all fronts, 277 00:10:17,206 --> 00:10:18,771 and you're offering Ben a job? 278 00:10:18,772 --> 00:10:21,571 - Yeah. - Cool. Cool. 279 00:10:22,571 --> 00:10:24,604 Been looking at your file all day, 280 00:10:24,605 --> 00:10:27,505 Jerry... if that even is your real name. 281 00:10:27,506 --> 00:10:29,838 It's not. My real name is Gary. 282 00:10:29,839 --> 00:10:33,404 Well, Gary... if that even is your real name... 283 00:10:33,405 --> 00:10:36,637 Somebody stole my computer. Now, if you're a criminal, 284 00:10:36,638 --> 00:10:38,238 look at me, 285 00:10:38,239 --> 00:10:40,537 you have to tell me legally, 286 00:10:40,538 --> 00:10:43,171 or else it's considered entrapment. 287 00:10:43,172 --> 00:10:45,837 I'm sorry, Andy. It wasn't me. 288 00:10:45,838 --> 00:10:47,404 Oh, man, really? 289 00:10:47,405 --> 00:10:48,737 - No. - Okay. 290 00:10:49,238 --> 00:10:51,536 Okay, so we know it's not Jerry, 291 00:10:51,537 --> 00:10:53,636 unless he was lying to me. 292 00:10:53,637 --> 00:10:56,736 I can never tell when people are lying to me. 293 00:10:56,737 --> 00:10:59,469 Hopefully that doesn't come up in my police work. 294 00:10:59,970 --> 00:11:01,936 I think we should do more stuff like this. 295 00:11:01,937 --> 00:11:04,403 You know, I think Pawnee needs an amazing arts program. 296 00:11:04,404 --> 00:11:06,601 Maybe you should just drop everything and coordinate it. 297 00:11:06,602 --> 00:11:07,768 I'm not stupid. 298 00:11:07,769 --> 00:11:09,568 What is that supposed to mean? 299 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,435 It means that the only reason you brought me here 300 00:11:11,436 --> 00:11:13,236 is to distract me from the dog park. 301 00:11:13,237 --> 00:11:15,336 - You hate this show. - I love this show. 302 00:11:15,337 --> 00:11:17,435 - What's your favorite part? - The heavy-handedness. 303 00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:19,968 You know what, I have to go talk 304 00:11:19,969 --> 00:11:21,201 to Councilman Jamm right now. 305 00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:22,767 Why are you talking to Councilman Jamm? 306 00:11:22,768 --> 00:11:24,268 Because I told him about the dog park idea, 307 00:11:24,269 --> 00:11:26,201 and he loves it. He thinks it's a great idea. 308 00:11:26,202 --> 00:11:27,767 He's gonna support my motion 309 00:11:27,768 --> 00:11:29,334 at the city council meeting tomorrow, 310 00:11:29,335 --> 00:11:31,501 and he gave me a really cool dental mirror 311 00:11:31,502 --> 00:11:32,834 to check out my molars. 312 00:11:32,835 --> 00:11:35,068 Our dispute aside, you should be careful with Jamm. 313 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,901 He's a snake, I'm telling you. 314 00:11:36,902 --> 00:11:40,366 Yeah, like I should trust you out of all people right now. 315 00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:42,433 Moo. 316 00:11:42,934 --> 00:11:44,900 - Moo. - Quiet, weirdo. 317 00:11:44,901 --> 00:11:46,400 Aren't you supposed to be a sheep? 318 00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:49,034 No. You are. 319 00:11:49,035 --> 00:11:50,933 Oh, shut up. 320 00:11:51,433 --> 00:11:53,899 Tom would make a great profile for your show. 321 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,665 I mean, this is a guy who's learned 322 00:11:55,666 --> 00:11:59,932 through an unbelievable series of bonehead business moves. 323 00:11:59,933 --> 00:12:01,798 Not to mention in the last month alone 324 00:12:01,799 --> 00:12:03,199 three people have confused me 325 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,732 for a shorter, Indian Ryan Gosling. 326 00:12:05,733 --> 00:12:07,598 It's interesting, but I think I need to wait 327 00:12:07,599 --> 00:12:09,032 until the business has been around 328 00:12:09,033 --> 00:12:12,398 for a few months, make sure it's viable. 329 00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:14,631 You're the guy who ran the congressional campaign 330 00:12:14,632 --> 00:12:16,297 - in Washington, right? - Yeah. 331 00:12:16,298 --> 00:12:17,498 What, are you gonna offer him a job? 332 00:12:17,999 --> 00:12:19,898 Yes. We're launching 333 00:12:19,899 --> 00:12:22,398 a new political chat show, and we need correspondents. 334 00:12:22,399 --> 00:12:23,764 Oh, well, thank you, 335 00:12:23,765 --> 00:12:26,363 but I'm a little shaky on live TV. 336 00:12:26,364 --> 00:12:28,930 That's okay. People want authenticity. 337 00:12:28,931 --> 00:12:30,763 - Think about it? - Didn't you hear him? 338 00:12:30,764 --> 00:12:31,930 He stinks on TV. 339 00:12:31,931 --> 00:12:33,330 He sweats. He stutters. 340 00:12:33,331 --> 00:12:34,830 It's like The King's Speech, 341 00:12:34,831 --> 00:12:36,263 but the first part, before he's fixed. 342 00:12:36,264 --> 00:12:38,430 That was my favorite part of the movie. 343 00:12:38,431 --> 00:12:40,296 What is happening? 344 00:12:40,697 --> 00:12:41,929 Chris Traeger. 345 00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:43,429 Yup. Hi, Andy. 346 00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:44,962 I know you did it. 347 00:12:44,963 --> 00:12:48,096 Did what? 348 00:12:48,097 --> 00:12:50,562 Don't play stupid and handsome with me. 349 00:12:50,563 --> 00:12:53,496 You stole my computer so that I could practice 350 00:12:53,497 --> 00:12:55,862 for my police exam. 351 00:12:55,863 --> 00:12:57,728 You're as guilty as you are sexy. 352 00:12:57,729 --> 00:12:59,895 Andy, another computer was reported stolen 353 00:12:59,896 --> 00:13:01,495 from the offices on the other side 354 00:13:01,496 --> 00:13:02,828 of the courtyard. 355 00:13:02,829 --> 00:13:03,961 I don't think 356 00:13:03,962 --> 00:13:05,495 this is part of your police training. 357 00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:07,694 I think City Hall was robbed. 358 00:13:08,195 --> 00:13:09,261 I can't tell if you're lying to me. 359 00:13:09,262 --> 00:13:10,761 - Really? - I think. 360 00:13:10,762 --> 00:13:12,895 Like a real crime? That's even better. 361 00:13:13,395 --> 00:13:14,693 Next order of business: 362 00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,693 It's agenda item 280B, 363 00:13:16,694 --> 00:13:19,593 a motion to construct a dog park 364 00:13:19,594 --> 00:13:21,360 on municipal lot 48. 365 00:13:21,361 --> 00:13:23,960 Ms. Ludgate, you have the floor. 366 00:13:23,961 --> 00:13:25,427 Thank you, Councilman Jamm. 367 00:13:25,428 --> 00:13:27,927 Your help and general non-awfulness 368 00:13:27,928 --> 00:13:29,393 is much appreciated. 369 00:13:29,394 --> 00:13:31,893 Leslie, members of the Council, 370 00:13:32,393 --> 00:13:35,426 I believe that municipal lot 48 should be a dog park. 371 00:13:35,427 --> 00:13:37,060 Boo. Boo. 372 00:13:37,061 --> 00:13:39,659 Well, it sounds like there's considerable opposition to this, 373 00:13:39,660 --> 00:13:40,926 so I'm sorry, Ms. Ludgate, 374 00:13:40,927 --> 00:13:42,359 you should go now. 375 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,027 Really? I just heard one hag booing. 376 00:13:44,028 --> 00:13:47,258 Ladies, please, let's keep this civil. 377 00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:49,758 Councilman, Pawneeans, 378 00:13:49,759 --> 00:13:52,358 satisfied customers of Jamm Orthodontics, 379 00:13:52,359 --> 00:13:56,059 as we discuss what type of park to put on lot 48, 380 00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:57,791 I had a thought. 381 00:13:58,541 --> 00:13:59,591 How about no park? 382 00:14:00,092 --> 00:14:02,224 Who here thinks parks are stupid? 383 00:14:02,225 --> 00:14:04,557 Let the record show that everyone is raising their hands. 384 00:14:04,558 --> 00:14:08,158 I happen to know for a fact that Pawnee's favorite 385 00:14:08,159 --> 00:14:11,091 fast food restaurant, Paunch Burger, needs a new location. 386 00:14:11,092 --> 00:14:13,557 Now, seeing as how the future of lot 48 is open 387 00:14:13,558 --> 00:14:16,357 for debate, I move we sell it to Paunch Burger 388 00:14:16,358 --> 00:14:18,289 for a nice profit. 389 00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:22,689 You don't even have to be Asian to do math that simple. 390 00:14:22,690 --> 00:14:24,356 You told me you wanted a dog park. 391 00:14:24,357 --> 00:14:26,189 Uh, psych. 392 00:14:26,190 --> 00:14:28,223 That's not fair. You lied to me. 393 00:14:28,724 --> 00:14:30,090 You just got jammed. 394 00:14:30,590 --> 00:14:31,890 I hate when he says that. 395 00:14:34,486 --> 00:14:36,285 I told you that Jamm was a snake. 396 00:14:36,348 --> 00:14:37,681 Well, it takes a snake to know a snake. 397 00:14:37,682 --> 00:14:39,146 - So now I'm a snake? - Yes. 398 00:14:39,147 --> 00:14:41,213 You deceived me for two straight days, 399 00:14:41,214 --> 00:14:42,814 and you eat mice. 400 00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,146 - I don't eat mice. - Yes, you do. 401 00:14:44,147 --> 00:14:45,347 You're a mouse eater. Mouse eater. 402 00:14:45,348 --> 00:14:46,681 - Mouse eater. - Enough! 403 00:14:46,682 --> 00:14:48,680 You are friends and coworkers. 404 00:14:49,180 --> 00:14:52,013 In this office, we treat each other with respect. 405 00:14:52,014 --> 00:14:54,346 Hey, April, how is that dog park coming? 406 00:14:54,347 --> 00:14:56,646 - Get out, Jerry. - This is private! 407 00:14:56,647 --> 00:14:58,947 Sorry, guys. 408 00:14:58,948 --> 00:15:00,880 We are not leaving here until you two figure this out. 409 00:15:00,881 --> 00:15:02,546 Ron, guard the door. 410 00:15:02,547 --> 00:15:03,679 Yes, sir. 411 00:15:04,679 --> 00:15:08,012 No one leaves the Octagon. 412 00:15:08,013 --> 00:15:09,211 I dated an ultimate fighter. 413 00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:11,278 It was like a thing he said. 414 00:15:12,178 --> 00:15:13,378 What's the play here, officer? 415 00:15:13,379 --> 00:15:14,544 You gonna set up a perimeter, 416 00:15:14,545 --> 00:15:16,278 maybe bug a few phones? 417 00:15:16,279 --> 00:15:17,378 Ooh, I know. We could put out 418 00:15:17,379 --> 00:15:18,445 a dummy computer for them to steal, 419 00:15:18,446 --> 00:15:20,012 fill it with explosives first, 420 00:15:21,012 --> 00:15:22,644 Boom, take 'em all out. 421 00:15:23,444 --> 00:15:24,945 Yeah, we're not doing any of that. 422 00:15:24,946 --> 00:15:27,044 Andy, I love your enthusiasm, but we don't really have 423 00:15:27,045 --> 00:15:29,310 the kind of money to launch a massive investigation. 424 00:15:30,310 --> 00:15:32,643 You're just gonna fill out this stupid report 425 00:15:32,644 --> 00:15:33,710 and that's it? 426 00:15:33,711 --> 00:15:34,810 As a future cop, you have to understand, 427 00:15:34,811 --> 00:15:36,143 I cannot let this guy go. 428 00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:39,444 Look, man, this is what most police work is. 429 00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:41,993 Just writing stuff down. 430 00:15:41,994 --> 00:15:44,459 It's not superhero time. 431 00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,225 If it sounds boring, 432 00:15:46,226 --> 00:15:47,959 maybe you ought to do something else. 433 00:15:49,727 --> 00:15:51,893 Maybe we should find the person 434 00:15:51,894 --> 00:15:55,059 who stole his positive attitude. 435 00:15:55,559 --> 00:15:56,793 Hey, man. 436 00:15:56,794 --> 00:15:58,925 Hey, man. Get any more job offers 437 00:15:58,926 --> 00:16:00,391 since I last saw you? 438 00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,625 Yeah, but it was just a management position 439 00:16:02,626 --> 00:16:03,625 at Urban Outfitters. 440 00:16:03,626 --> 00:16:04,925 I turned it down. 441 00:16:04,926 --> 00:16:06,758 I don't know, man. Maybe I can't hack this. 442 00:16:06,759 --> 00:16:08,257 Maybe I should take a cue from you 443 00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,324 and stick with my boring day job. 444 00:16:10,325 --> 00:16:13,257 Well, my accounting job isn't boring. 445 00:16:13,258 --> 00:16:14,490 If it was remotely interesting, 446 00:16:14,491 --> 00:16:15,757 there would be a show on A&E about it. 447 00:16:15,758 --> 00:16:17,757 They have a show about storage unit auctions. 448 00:16:17,758 --> 00:16:19,657 Fair point. 449 00:16:19,658 --> 00:16:21,557 Look, if you're passionate about this, 450 00:16:21,558 --> 00:16:23,323 keep at it. Things will turn around. 451 00:16:23,324 --> 00:16:25,557 Also can you tell me what time 452 00:16:25,558 --> 00:16:28,024 that show about storage units is on? 453 00:16:28,025 --> 00:16:30,024 9:30. 454 00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:32,573 All right, I'm gonna have to force this. 455 00:16:32,574 --> 00:16:34,639 Leslie, maybe you want to admit 456 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,273 that you haven't been the greatest role model. 457 00:16:36,274 --> 00:16:37,739 I don't care. Orin's my role model. 458 00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,639 April, maybe you want to admit 459 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:40,940 that you've been a little selfish 460 00:16:40,941 --> 00:16:42,807 and inconsiderate. 461 00:16:42,808 --> 00:16:46,038 Look, all I ever wanted was for you to show the enthusiasm 462 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,305 you showed for your dog park, and, when you did, 463 00:16:48,306 --> 00:16:50,205 I blew it. 464 00:16:50,206 --> 00:16:51,772 - And I'm sorry. - Fine. 465 00:16:51,773 --> 00:16:54,638 I'm sorry that I outsmarted you at every turn. 466 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,672 - April. - And I know I have a lot 467 00:16:57,673 --> 00:16:59,872 to learn from you, and I'm sorry 468 00:16:59,873 --> 00:17:02,004 that I disrespected your stupid dream. 469 00:17:02,005 --> 00:17:04,904 A lot of love in this room. 470 00:17:04,905 --> 00:17:07,972 - I'm very, very sorry. - Me too. 471 00:17:08,422 --> 00:17:10,654 - I love you very much. - I love you too. 472 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:11,921 I don't want to do this in front of her. 473 00:17:11,922 --> 00:17:13,754 - Okay. - Okay, Ann, 474 00:17:13,755 --> 00:17:15,471 since you're such a genius, what do we do now? 475 00:17:15,472 --> 00:17:17,171 Neither of you want Jamm to win, nor do I, 476 00:17:17,172 --> 00:17:18,837 because I hate Paunch Burger, 477 00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,670 but, if there is one in my backyard, I will eat there, 478 00:17:20,671 --> 00:17:23,203 like, every night, and that is no good. 479 00:17:23,204 --> 00:17:25,403 So I say we stop playing dirty with each other, 480 00:17:25,404 --> 00:17:27,370 and we start playing dirty with Jamm. 481 00:17:27,371 --> 00:17:29,303 - Yes. We'll have triple-sex with him. 482 00:17:29,304 --> 00:17:31,370 No. I have an idea. It's very uncool, 483 00:17:31,371 --> 00:17:33,103 but it's not illegal, technically, 484 00:17:33,104 --> 00:17:35,336 but it is a dick move. 485 00:17:35,337 --> 00:17:36,336 I love it. 486 00:17:36,337 --> 00:17:37,836 Hey, Captain. 487 00:17:37,837 --> 00:17:39,135 Status update: 488 00:17:39,136 --> 00:17:42,135 My new suspect... the dude who runs carpet emporium. 489 00:17:42,136 --> 00:17:43,436 The way I figure it is, 490 00:17:43,437 --> 00:17:46,269 criminals love to wrap things up in rugs. 491 00:17:46,270 --> 00:17:49,436 Plus, he yelled at me when I tried to unroll 'em all, so... 492 00:17:49,437 --> 00:17:50,901 Andy, while I appreciate your dedication 493 00:17:50,902 --> 00:17:52,201 to finding this criminal, 494 00:17:52,202 --> 00:17:54,034 I think you might want to take into account 495 00:17:54,035 --> 00:17:55,034 what the policeman said. 496 00:17:55,035 --> 00:17:56,335 I mean, gosh, 497 00:17:56,336 --> 00:18:00,101 if I can't even investigate bad guys, 498 00:18:00,102 --> 00:18:02,501 why become a cop at all? 499 00:18:02,502 --> 00:18:03,935 What are you doing? 500 00:18:03,935 --> 00:18:05,134 When I get bummed out, I take my shirt off 501 00:18:05,135 --> 00:18:07,267 because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty. 502 00:18:08,768 --> 00:18:10,867 You know what, maybe I should bail 503 00:18:10,868 --> 00:18:12,267 on being a cop. 504 00:18:12,768 --> 00:18:15,933 City Hall needs a new part-time security guard 505 00:18:15,934 --> 00:18:17,267 for the weekends. 506 00:18:17,268 --> 00:18:18,367 You want to do that? 507 00:18:18,368 --> 00:18:20,167 Look at it as a way to feel out 508 00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:21,367 whether you want to be a police officer. 509 00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,366 But, keep in mind, if you take this job, 510 00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:25,632 you must keep your clothes on at all times, 511 00:18:25,633 --> 00:18:26,699 even if you get sad. 512 00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:29,433 No deal. 513 00:18:29,434 --> 00:18:30,532 Okay, I'll do it. 514 00:18:30,533 --> 00:18:32,999 - That a boy. - I'll do it. I promise. 515 00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,466 And I get a gun, 516 00:18:34,467 --> 00:18:36,166 and I can point it in people's faces. 517 00:18:36,167 --> 00:18:37,333 Incorrect. 518 00:18:40,631 --> 00:18:42,432 Hey. What the hell is going on? 519 00:18:42,733 --> 00:18:44,531 Oh, hello, Councilman. 520 00:18:44,532 --> 00:18:46,332 The dogs are here because there's no dog park 521 00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,865 in your neighborhood, and the kids are here 522 00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,498 because there's no human park in your area. 523 00:18:50,499 --> 00:18:52,332 They all needed a place to play. 524 00:18:52,333 --> 00:18:53,531 My front lawn? 525 00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:54,530 That's right, 526 00:18:54,531 --> 00:18:55,664 and they're gonna keep using it 527 00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:57,797 until there's an actual park nearby. 528 00:18:57,798 --> 00:18:59,664 Hey, hey, lady, get that thing off my gnome. 529 00:18:59,665 --> 00:19:01,764 He is dry-humping my garden gnome. 530 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:05,297 - Stupid beast. - Councilman Jamm, we just need 531 00:19:05,298 --> 00:19:07,030 a little bit more time to design our park. 532 00:19:07,031 --> 00:19:08,964 And, if you plow through and ignore us, 533 00:19:08,965 --> 00:19:10,529 this is gonna be your life. 534 00:19:10,530 --> 00:19:12,463 I'll call the police. 535 00:19:12,464 --> 00:19:15,129 Yeah, sic the police on a bunch of kids and puppies. 536 00:19:15,130 --> 00:19:18,263 - That's a great photo op. - Fine. 537 00:19:18,614 --> 00:19:19,763 Gentleman's agreement. 538 00:19:19,764 --> 00:19:22,330 In 90 days, we'll put our plans to a vote. 539 00:19:22,331 --> 00:19:23,663 - Winner take all. - Deal. 540 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:25,696 Great, now call off the actual dogs. 541 00:19:25,697 --> 00:19:27,162 I want these kids off my lawn. 542 00:19:27,163 --> 00:19:29,095 I want that hula hoop off my 'Vette. 543 00:19:29,096 --> 00:19:32,162 Right now. Hey, Jamm. 544 00:19:32,163 --> 00:19:35,495 You just got knoped. And ludgated. 545 00:19:35,496 --> 00:19:37,762 - And perkinsed. - Ha-ha. 546 00:19:37,763 --> 00:19:39,228 Nice try. It didn't work. 547 00:19:39,229 --> 00:19:41,429 You just got jammed. 548 00:19:42,861 --> 00:19:44,994 Okay, so let's get to work. 549 00:19:44,995 --> 00:19:47,461 Wait, wait, wait, do you never just take a second 550 00:19:47,462 --> 00:19:48,828 to enjoy things? 551 00:19:48,829 --> 00:19:49,927 I just said, "let's get to work." 552 00:19:49,928 --> 00:19:51,561 How else do people enjoy things? 553 00:19:51,935 --> 00:19:58,028 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 554 00:19:58,928 --> 00:20:02,024 I know you changed your mind the last time 555 00:20:02,025 --> 00:20:03,290 we offered you a job, 556 00:20:03,291 --> 00:20:04,457 but we are just thrilled 557 00:20:04,458 --> 00:20:05,591 that you changed it again. 558 00:20:05,592 --> 00:20:06,624 Thank you. Me too. 559 00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:08,823 This is our best office. 560 00:20:08,824 --> 00:20:10,823 As you can see through the window, 561 00:20:10,824 --> 00:20:13,323 you have a great view of the billing department. 562 00:20:13,324 --> 00:20:16,423 - Hey, Sharon! - Shh. 563 00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:18,123 Sorry. She's fun. 564 00:20:18,124 --> 00:20:19,355 So, please, 565 00:20:19,356 --> 00:20:21,422 if there's anything we can do 566 00:20:21,423 --> 00:20:23,122 to make you happier in your new job, 567 00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:24,522 just let me know. 568 00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,189 Oh, no, this is great, Barney. 569 00:20:26,190 --> 00:20:28,355 Thank you. 570 00:20:29,655 --> 00:20:31,856 But I have to quit 571 00:20:31,952 --> 00:20:33,155 again. 572 00:20:33,156 --> 00:20:36,354 What... ohh! Is this a classic Ben joke? 573 00:20:36,355 --> 00:20:38,788 No. I'm really sorry. 574 00:20:38,789 --> 00:20:40,589 But I just don't want to do this. 575 00:20:40,590 --> 00:20:44,521 I need to move my life in another direction. 576 00:20:44,522 --> 00:20:47,854 This is disappointing. Again. 577 00:20:48,355 --> 00:20:50,920 Maybe someday we'll figure out the magic formula 578 00:20:50,921 --> 00:20:52,920 that gets you to work here. 579 00:20:52,921 --> 00:20:56,520 Well, formulas are my formula for moolah. 580 00:20:58,154 --> 00:21:00,887 Ted, get in here! 581 00:21:00,888 --> 00:21:04,853 Ben's quitting again, but you gotta hear what he said. 582 00:21:04,854 --> 00:21:06,588 Leslie's been saying for weeks I should do something 583 00:21:06,589 --> 00:21:09,053 I love, and she's right. 584 00:21:09,054 --> 00:21:12,120 And I'll help Tom or maybe try to do that TV thing 585 00:21:12,121 --> 00:21:14,819 or maybe work for the Sweetums foundation. 586 00:21:14,820 --> 00:21:16,220 I don't know. Life is short. 587 00:21:16,221 --> 00:21:18,087 Why be an accountant, you know? 588 00:21:18,088 --> 00:21:21,153 I mean, other than the stability and the health plan 589 00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:23,319 and the above-average pay. 590 00:21:25,520 --> 00:21:27,918 Oh, God, this better work out.