1 00:00:00,726 --> 00:00:02,523 Support for Pawnee Community Radio 2 00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:04,357 comes from listeners like you 3 00:00:04,408 --> 00:00:07,190 and from the new film The Shadows of Seven Heads, 4 00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:09,490 the dramic tale of an Israeli soldier 5 00:00:09,524 --> 00:00:12,407 who falls in love with conjoined Palestinian sextuplets. 6 00:00:12,441 --> 00:00:14,774 Out soon from Focus Features. 7 00:00:14,807 --> 00:00:17,073 Welcome to "Thought For Your Thoughts." 8 00:00:17,107 --> 00:00:19,139 I'm your host Derry Murbles, 9 00:00:19,157 --> 00:00:21,806 sitting in for Nina Joplin, 10 00:00:21,824 --> 00:00:24,774 who is touring the country performing a spoken-word opera 11 00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,973 about pear-shaped women. 12 00:00:27,207 --> 00:00:31,339 My guest today is City Councilwoman 13 00:00:31,357 --> 00:00:32,440 Leslie Knope. 14 00:00:32,973 --> 00:00:34,607 It is a pleasure to be back, Derry. 15 00:00:35,090 --> 00:00:38,139 Your show last week on dolphin lactation 16 00:00:38,674 --> 00:00:40,723 was just riveting radio. 17 00:00:40,758 --> 00:00:44,757 Derry, my team and I are trying to build a park, 18 00:00:44,790 --> 00:00:47,623 and we need input on the design 19 00:00:47,641 --> 00:00:50,423 from you, the citizens of Pawnee. 20 00:00:50,457 --> 00:00:53,423 So I guess I'm here to send out the Bat-Signal. 21 00:00:53,457 --> 00:00:56,640 A Bat-Signal, for listeners who might not know, 22 00:00:56,674 --> 00:01:01,139 refers to the children's character "the Bat-Man" 23 00:01:01,174 --> 00:01:04,590 a strong gentleman who fights crime nocturnally. 24 00:01:04,624 --> 00:01:06,390 That's correct. Well put. 25 00:01:06,424 --> 00:01:10,139 This park is going to be a celebration of Pawnee 26 00:01:10,174 --> 00:01:12,922 by Pawnee and for Pawnee. 27 00:01:12,956 --> 00:01:15,723 So, you know, send in your plan 28 00:01:15,757 --> 00:01:17,839 or your resume... And quick. 29 00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:19,723 Please. Hurry. 30 00:01:19,757 --> 00:01:22,623 This is all gonna fall apart if you don't hurry. 31 00:01:22,641 --> 00:01:24,173 Coming up after the break, 32 00:01:24,207 --> 00:01:26,223 movie reviews with Ken Tucker 33 00:01:26,257 --> 00:01:28,839 who is filling in for David Bianculli 34 00:01:28,873 --> 00:01:31,406 who's in New York filling in for Ken Tucker. 35 00:01:31,441 --> 00:01:34,590 Leslie, would you like to introduce the next segment? 36 00:01:34,624 --> 00:01:36,056 Okay. 37 00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:40,056 "Now it's time for 'Jazz Plus Jazz Equals Jazz, ' 38 00:01:40,090 --> 00:01:42,789 "today we have a recording of Benny Goodman 39 00:01:42,807 --> 00:01:46,423 played over a separate recording of Miles Davis." 40 00:01:50,340 --> 00:01:54,889 Research shows that our listeners love jazz. 41 00:02:00,307 --> 00:02:04,902 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 42 00:02:17,474 --> 00:02:20,156 All right, so this is a letter 43 00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:22,139 from what looks like a federal penitentiary. 44 00:02:22,174 --> 00:02:23,339 "Here's a model 45 00:02:23,391 --> 00:02:24,955 "of what I thought the park could look like. 46 00:02:24,973 --> 00:02:27,972 Also, I'm innocent. Please find me a lawyer." 47 00:02:28,007 --> 00:02:29,573 I'm getting kind of worried. 48 00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:33,089 I mean, we have not received one usable idea so far. 49 00:02:33,123 --> 00:02:34,473 Hang on. Look at this guy. 50 00:02:34,507 --> 00:02:36,722 "30 years of experience 51 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:40,256 "with a degree in architecture from the Royal Danish Academy 52 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:41,955 of Fine Arts in Copenhagen." 53 00:02:41,973 --> 00:02:44,756 Wow! Beautiful fountain. 54 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:47,590 Perfectly manicured shrubbery. 55 00:02:47,624 --> 00:02:49,390 This is like Parks Department porn. 56 00:02:49,424 --> 00:02:51,089 This guy is great. 57 00:02:51,123 --> 00:02:53,139 I don't care if he's some junkie war criminal pimp. 58 00:02:53,174 --> 00:02:54,806 I am not gonna change my mind. 59 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,556 His name's Wreston St. James. He's from Eagleton. 60 00:02:57,591 --> 00:02:58,672 Oh, I've changed my mind. 61 00:02:58,707 --> 00:03:00,573 I'm not being melodramatic when I say 62 00:03:00,608 --> 00:03:02,173 that people from Eagleton are snobby and evil, 63 00:03:02,207 --> 00:03:04,173 and they look down on Pawnee, and they would most likely 64 00:03:04,207 --> 00:03:05,573 exterminate everyone who isn't from Eagleton 65 00:03:05,608 --> 00:03:08,206 if they weren't so busy being obsessed with themselves. 66 00:03:08,241 --> 00:03:10,039 God, that was close. 67 00:03:10,074 --> 00:03:11,773 Sometimes when I rant about Eagleton, 68 00:03:11,807 --> 00:03:13,672 I forget to breathe, and I pass out. 69 00:03:13,707 --> 00:03:15,639 No. We cannot have someone from Eagleton 70 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,173 design a park for Pawnee. 71 00:03:17,207 --> 00:03:20,473 We have had a blood feud that has lasted for 200 years. 72 00:03:20,508 --> 00:03:22,373 Well, we don't have a lot of time, 73 00:03:22,407 --> 00:03:24,273 and he is the first decent candidate. 74 00:03:24,307 --> 00:03:26,473 So let's at least go meet the guy. 75 00:03:26,508 --> 00:03:27,706 Yeah, that's a good idea. 76 00:03:27,740 --> 00:03:29,306 Then we can reject him face-to-face. 77 00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:31,373 I like your plan. 78 00:03:31,407 --> 00:03:34,406 Friends, former lovers, 79 00:03:34,441 --> 00:03:36,573 acquaintances, Jerry, 80 00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:39,340 I introduce you to the future home of... 81 00:03:39,374 --> 00:03:40,839 Rent-A-Swag! 82 00:03:41,374 --> 00:03:42,507 Yikes. 83 00:03:42,541 --> 00:03:45,473 Much like women in '90s stand-up comedy routines, 84 00:03:45,508 --> 00:03:46,973 Tommy be shopping. 85 00:03:47,007 --> 00:03:49,506 I started a business where I rent my fancy clothes to teens 86 00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,206 so their parents don't have to buy them nice things 87 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,206 they'll just grow out of. 88 00:03:52,241 --> 00:03:54,006 So if you see a 14-year-old kid 89 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:56,806 wearing a Louis Vuitton cravat, you know who to thank. 90 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,106 Me. 91 00:03:58,141 --> 00:04:00,739 And Louis Vuitton for making some dope-ass cravats. 92 00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:03,173 Son, I love wildlife, 93 00:04:03,207 --> 00:04:05,406 but is a store the best place for it? 94 00:04:05,441 --> 00:04:08,173 - Help. - The place needs some work, 95 00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,073 but this is a great location. 96 00:04:10,107 --> 00:04:12,706 Lots of foot traffic, no metered parking. 97 00:04:12,740 --> 00:04:14,706 And it's well within my fiscal range. 98 00:04:14,740 --> 00:04:16,806 Good use of the word fiscal, Tommy... very upscale. 99 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,473 Very impressive. Watching you gives me faith 100 00:04:19,508 --> 00:04:21,507 that anyone can reinvent themselves. 101 00:04:21,541 --> 00:04:23,089 Tommy Timberlake is dead. 102 00:04:23,141 --> 00:04:26,722 Long live Thomas M. Haverford, responsible tycoon. 103 00:04:26,757 --> 00:04:29,839 Help. I can't move. 104 00:04:31,890 --> 00:04:34,439 He designed this place? What a dump. 105 00:04:34,457 --> 00:04:35,872 Ben! Leslie. Hi! 106 00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:37,507 - Hi. - Wreston St. James. 107 00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:40,039 - Thank you so much for coming. - No, thank you. 108 00:04:40,057 --> 00:04:41,556 Well, what do you think of our newest park? 109 00:04:41,590 --> 00:04:45,089 Eh. In a word, underwhelming. And a little inconvenient. 110 00:04:45,141 --> 00:04:46,639 There's no trash cans anywhere. 111 00:04:46,673 --> 00:04:47,889 What am I supposed to do with my garbage, 112 00:04:47,941 --> 00:04:49,390 - just throw it on the ground? - Oh, hey. 113 00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,556 Thank you for the trash! 114 00:04:51,590 --> 00:04:53,390 Mr. St. James, I have to say, 115 00:04:53,424 --> 00:04:55,340 - this park is incredible. - Thank you. 116 00:04:55,374 --> 00:04:58,423 Its official name is "Five Mile Grounds", 117 00:04:58,474 --> 00:05:01,390 but we like to call it "Wide smiles abound." 118 00:05:01,424 --> 00:05:03,556 Because of all the smiles that occur? 119 00:05:03,590 --> 00:05:05,705 It's so boring. 120 00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,039 Come on, I'll take you guys on a little tour. 121 00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:09,390 Great. He seems super-cool. 122 00:05:09,424 --> 00:05:12,223 He seems cool. Just you wait. 123 00:05:12,257 --> 00:05:13,893 Well, they always wine and dine you first, 124 00:05:13,907 --> 00:05:15,523 but the fact of the matter is 125 00:05:15,557 --> 00:05:17,723 Eagletonians are, without exception, 126 00:05:17,758 --> 00:05:19,806 snobby, condescending jerks. 127 00:05:19,841 --> 00:05:23,307 This is the Pawnee side of our border with Eagleton... 128 00:05:23,341 --> 00:05:26,223 And this is the Eagleton side. 129 00:05:29,057 --> 00:05:30,890 Ah. Uhh. 130 00:05:30,924 --> 00:05:32,206 Hey, babe, it's me. 131 00:05:32,224 --> 00:05:33,890 Will you come down here, please, and keep me company? 132 00:05:33,924 --> 00:05:35,506 I'm so bored. I need you. 133 00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:38,257 If I come down there, can I at least break something? 134 00:05:38,308 --> 00:05:39,973 Of course, baby. Anything. You know that. 135 00:05:40,008 --> 00:05:41,506 Chris gave me this great job 136 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:42,973 as a weekend security guard at City Hall. 137 00:05:43,008 --> 00:05:45,723 Only one problem... it's a terrible job. 138 00:05:45,757 --> 00:05:47,640 I did everything I was supposed to do, 139 00:05:47,674 --> 00:05:49,157 and I walked around the building four times. 140 00:05:49,191 --> 00:05:50,640 Only 20 minutes has gone by. 141 00:05:50,674 --> 00:05:52,872 Ugh! Thought maybe ten minutes had gone by 142 00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:54,340 since I started talking. 143 00:05:54,374 --> 00:05:55,890 It's only been 15 seconds. 144 00:05:55,924 --> 00:05:59,223 Ohh... 145 00:05:59,258 --> 00:06:00,973 Oh, babe, thank God you're here. 146 00:06:01,008 --> 00:06:03,390 I got so bored, I started thinking about existence... 147 00:06:03,425 --> 00:06:05,840 "Do I matter? Do any of us? 148 00:06:05,874 --> 00:06:08,890 Is there a master plan in the works, a grand design?" 149 00:06:08,924 --> 00:06:11,556 - Just dumb stuff like that. - Ugh! Who cares? 150 00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:13,307 I thought being a security guard 151 00:06:13,341 --> 00:06:14,706 would be exciting. 152 00:06:15,024 --> 00:06:16,307 Nope. 153 00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:18,373 Wait a minute. 154 00:06:18,890 --> 00:06:22,173 Isn't this how all great Bert Macklin cases start? 155 00:06:25,414 --> 00:06:26,539 It's quiet. 156 00:06:28,141 --> 00:06:30,539 A little too quiet. 157 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,223 As you can see, we like to keep things quite immaculate. 158 00:06:33,258 --> 00:06:36,506 I remember when Pawnee had that massive sewage overflow 159 00:06:36,540 --> 00:06:38,173 in Circle Park... whatever happened with that? 160 00:06:38,207 --> 00:06:41,223 - We totally fixed it. - Well, except for the smell. 161 00:06:41,258 --> 00:06:44,506 The scientists think it's going to linger for another 40 years. 162 00:06:44,540 --> 00:06:46,723 Can we just cut to the chase here? 163 00:06:46,757 --> 00:06:49,340 Why would a fancy Eagleton architect like you 164 00:06:49,374 --> 00:06:52,340 want to design a tiny Pawnee park? 165 00:06:52,374 --> 00:06:53,973 Well, I heard your plea on the radio, 166 00:06:54,008 --> 00:06:55,473 and you were so passionate about the project. 167 00:06:55,507 --> 00:06:57,539 It doesn't matter if it's a giant park like this 168 00:06:57,557 --> 00:06:59,140 or a little tiny pocket park. 169 00:06:59,174 --> 00:07:00,506 It's about the people. 170 00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,389 We're here to serve them. 171 00:07:02,424 --> 00:07:04,007 Hey, Mr. St. James! 172 00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:05,806 Oh, our balloon artisan is out of balloons. 173 00:07:05,841 --> 00:07:07,673 Excuse me. 174 00:07:07,707 --> 00:07:09,640 I have chills. Look at my arm. 175 00:07:09,674 --> 00:07:11,473 Why are you so charmed by him? 176 00:07:11,507 --> 00:07:13,706 You're like a Southern belle when Rhett Butler comes around. 177 00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,756 Yes. Rhett Butler. That's who he reminds me of. 178 00:07:15,807 --> 00:07:17,040 Or Bono! 179 00:07:17,058 --> 00:07:18,307 What? 180 00:07:18,341 --> 00:07:20,057 No one from Eagleton has ever wanted to help 181 00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:22,673 anyone from Pawnee for any reason. 182 00:07:22,707 --> 00:07:24,873 In 1988, we were hit by a tornado. 183 00:07:24,891 --> 00:07:26,423 We asked Eagleton for help, 184 00:07:26,474 --> 00:07:28,806 and they claimed they weren't home. 185 00:07:28,841 --> 00:07:32,706 An entire town claimed they weren't home. 186 00:07:32,724 --> 00:07:34,173 I don't trust that guy for a second. 187 00:07:34,207 --> 00:07:35,806 Leslie, look what Wreston commissioned 188 00:07:35,841 --> 00:07:37,372 from the balloon artisan. 189 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,873 It's us. 190 00:07:44,373 --> 00:07:45,774 Great work, team. 191 00:07:46,022 --> 00:07:48,771 Donna, you and your work are ravishing, as usual. 192 00:07:48,805 --> 00:07:51,338 Ann, great organizational skills. 193 00:07:51,355 --> 00:07:53,337 Wow. Genuine praise. 194 00:07:53,355 --> 00:07:56,104 It's a tip I picked up from Lee Iacocca's autobiography. 195 00:07:56,139 --> 00:07:57,971 A small connection between you and your workers 196 00:07:58,005 --> 00:07:59,004 helps build loyalty. 197 00:07:59,022 --> 00:08:01,520 Jerry! How's the old ticker? 198 00:08:01,555 --> 00:08:03,604 Oh. Well, uh, the rehab is grueling... 199 00:08:03,638 --> 00:08:05,354 Great! Glad to hear it. 200 00:08:05,388 --> 00:08:07,387 Yo, Roomba, drop a beat! 201 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,337 Rent-A-Swag is gonna be the opposite 202 00:08:11,355 --> 00:08:12,670 of Entertainment720. 203 00:08:12,688 --> 00:08:14,604 This is my last chance. 204 00:08:14,638 --> 00:08:16,520 If this goes down in flames, I will have nothing 205 00:08:16,555 --> 00:08:17,837 except my looks. 206 00:08:17,855 --> 00:08:20,854 I could always pimp myself out to hot older ladies. 207 00:08:20,888 --> 00:08:22,337 I need to remember that. 208 00:08:22,671 --> 00:08:24,204 May, 1817. 209 00:08:24,272 --> 00:08:26,604 A scrappy group of frontiersmen and women 210 00:08:26,638 --> 00:08:28,587 arrive at a hardscrabble chunk of land 211 00:08:28,605 --> 00:08:31,105 and call it Pawnee, Indiana. 212 00:08:31,139 --> 00:08:32,604 We owe them a debt of gratitude. 213 00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:35,637 Mm. June, 1817, the richest among them 214 00:08:35,872 --> 00:08:37,271 take all of their money from the bank 215 00:08:37,305 --> 00:08:39,138 and then flee up the hill like cowards 216 00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:40,688 to form Eagleton. 217 00:08:40,722 --> 00:08:45,105 Recognize any of your ancestors among the meanies? 218 00:08:45,139 --> 00:08:47,304 Actually, like most people from the area, 219 00:08:47,355 --> 00:08:49,021 I have ancestors on both sides. 220 00:08:49,056 --> 00:08:51,938 That's why I think this rivalry is just a little silly 221 00:08:51,972 --> 00:08:54,304 - and self-defeating. - Yeah, you may not know this, 222 00:08:54,355 --> 00:08:56,604 but Leslie was actually born in Eagleton. 223 00:08:56,638 --> 00:08:59,387 Do not blame me for the sins of my mother. 224 00:08:59,421 --> 00:09:02,354 Look, Ms. Knope, I'm really trying here, 225 00:09:02,388 --> 00:09:04,721 but I just don't know if our working together 226 00:09:04,755 --> 00:09:06,587 is such a great idea. 227 00:09:06,605 --> 00:09:08,354 Oh... running away so soon. Typical. 228 00:09:08,388 --> 00:09:10,521 You know, say what you want about Pawneeans, 229 00:09:10,555 --> 00:09:11,921 but we never give up. 230 00:09:11,939 --> 00:09:14,938 We have a mural called "The Many Surrenders of Pawnee." 231 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,688 Oh, look who's paying attention to me now! 232 00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:19,055 Okay. Can I speak to you privately for a minute? 233 00:09:20,805 --> 00:09:22,637 The name is special agent Bert Macklin. 234 00:09:22,689 --> 00:09:24,471 Tell me who you are, who you work for, 235 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:25,971 and don't bother trying to lie to me, 236 00:09:26,022 --> 00:09:27,188 because I'm amazing. 237 00:09:27,222 --> 00:09:28,854 My name is Judy Hitler, 238 00:09:28,889 --> 00:09:31,221 and I am the spoiled only daughter of Adolf. 239 00:09:31,754 --> 00:09:33,138 And I'm going to tell my Daddy 240 00:09:33,189 --> 00:09:35,387 you were mean to me, Bert Macklin. 241 00:09:35,421 --> 00:09:37,088 He's not going to like it very much. 242 00:09:37,106 --> 00:09:39,688 - So untie me! - Nice try, Miss Hitler, 243 00:09:39,722 --> 00:09:41,637 but you have something that I want. 244 00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:43,938 Where's the necklace with all of Germany's war secrets? 245 00:09:43,972 --> 00:09:45,854 I don't know what you are talking about. 246 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,771 - I think you do! - I don't! 247 00:09:49,939 --> 00:09:52,138 Now, you give me that war-ending necklace, 248 00:09:52,189 --> 00:09:53,854 or I will resort to torture. 249 00:09:53,889 --> 00:09:57,105 Fine. I will show you where it is, damn it. 250 00:09:57,838 --> 00:09:59,188 You're too good, Macklin. 251 00:09:59,721 --> 00:10:00,771 Don't you do it, Hitler. 252 00:10:00,805 --> 00:10:02,938 Don't you dare fall in love with me. 253 00:10:05,155 --> 00:10:07,304 Oh, Hitler, you sexy bastard. No! 254 00:10:07,355 --> 00:10:10,604 - Yes! - Mm... Mm! 255 00:10:10,638 --> 00:10:14,088 Aah! 256 00:10:14,106 --> 00:10:17,021 I am just filled to the brim with questions. 257 00:10:17,056 --> 00:10:18,387 Why are you using this wood? 258 00:10:18,421 --> 00:10:20,854 Is it more pliable? What are these metal latches? 259 00:10:20,889 --> 00:10:23,138 Are they copper or brass? Is one better? 260 00:10:23,188 --> 00:10:25,021 And if so, why? 261 00:10:25,056 --> 00:10:27,804 If I tell you, then you won't have learned anything. 262 00:10:29,221 --> 00:10:31,253 Another in a long line of lessons 263 00:10:31,271 --> 00:10:33,521 from the great Ron Swanson. 264 00:10:33,555 --> 00:10:35,220 My therapist, Dr. Richard Nygard, 265 00:10:35,254 --> 00:10:39,220 suggested that I try some non-exercise-based hobbies. 266 00:10:39,254 --> 00:10:41,387 So I've been studying woodworking with Ron. 267 00:10:42,620 --> 00:10:44,071 I made this. 268 00:10:44,604 --> 00:10:47,420 Before I started, it was bigger. 269 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,771 Here. I have designed something very important. 270 00:10:50,805 --> 00:10:52,721 Why don't you start work on that right away? 271 00:10:52,755 --> 00:10:54,055 Yes, sir! 272 00:10:54,089 --> 00:10:58,253 It's a flight of stairs that leads to nowhere. 273 00:10:58,271 --> 00:10:59,471 Were you listening to him 274 00:10:59,522 --> 00:11:01,437 when he was talking about serving the public 275 00:11:01,472 --> 00:11:03,420 and making our communities better? 276 00:11:03,438 --> 00:11:05,304 You know who he sounds like, right? 277 00:11:05,355 --> 00:11:06,471 Yes. Idi Amin. 278 00:11:06,522 --> 00:11:08,521 - Or Lord Voldemort. - No. You. 279 00:11:08,555 --> 00:11:10,253 Now, you've been very rude to him, 280 00:11:10,271 --> 00:11:12,387 and you need to apologize. 281 00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,304 Ha ha ha. You are a laugh riot, Ben. 282 00:11:14,355 --> 00:11:16,721 I am never going to apologize to someone from Eagleton. 283 00:11:16,755 --> 00:11:18,220 All right. So you can kiss your park 284 00:11:18,254 --> 00:11:19,854 and four years of work good-bye. 285 00:11:19,889 --> 00:11:20,888 Up to you. 286 00:11:21,921 --> 00:11:23,220 Come on. You can do it. 287 00:11:23,254 --> 00:11:24,721 - I don't want to. - You can... 288 00:11:25,055 --> 00:11:26,689 You can do it. 289 00:11:27,722 --> 00:11:29,220 Mr. St. James, 290 00:11:29,254 --> 00:11:31,270 this has been a strange day. 291 00:11:31,305 --> 00:11:32,587 But we wouldn't want to leave you 292 00:11:32,605 --> 00:11:33,888 with the wrong impression of Pawnee. 293 00:11:34,421 --> 00:11:36,554 Have you guys seen Hitler? 294 00:11:39,605 --> 00:11:41,754 Anyway, we would love 295 00:11:41,772 --> 00:11:44,021 to have you design the park, 296 00:11:44,056 --> 00:11:45,604 and in the spirit of reconciliation, 297 00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,888 Leslie would like to apologize. 298 00:11:47,922 --> 00:11:49,887 I may have allowed my prejudices, 299 00:11:49,921 --> 00:11:53,754 my totally legitimate prejudices against Eagleton 300 00:11:53,772 --> 00:11:56,354 affect my feelings towards your involvement in this project, 301 00:11:56,388 --> 00:11:57,604 and so therefore, 302 00:11:57,638 --> 00:11:59,522 I would like to say that I'm... 303 00:12:00,555 --> 00:12:02,604 I'm... 304 00:12:03,437 --> 00:12:05,021 I'm Leslie Knope. 305 00:12:06,055 --> 00:12:07,004 No. 306 00:12:07,038 --> 00:12:08,387 That's not what I want to say. Okay. 307 00:12:09,421 --> 00:12:11,253 I'm... 308 00:12:11,271 --> 00:12:13,554 Sss... 309 00:12:13,588 --> 00:12:15,721 My mouth is kinda dry. 310 00:12:16,254 --> 00:12:18,087 My mouth is dry. This is Canada Dry. 311 00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:20,521 Drink Canada Dry if your mouth is dry. 312 00:12:20,555 --> 00:12:23,187 That's nothing. What I want to say is 313 00:12:23,221 --> 00:12:24,971 I'm s... 314 00:12:25,022 --> 00:12:26,554 I'm sor... 315 00:12:26,588 --> 00:12:27,921 I'm sor... 316 00:12:27,939 --> 00:12:29,921 He's a human being. You're a human being. 317 00:12:29,939 --> 00:12:31,587 You can just... just say... 318 00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:33,253 I'm sor... 319 00:12:33,271 --> 00:12:34,721 - Oh, my God. - I'm sorry. 320 00:12:34,755 --> 00:12:36,021 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 321 00:12:36,055 --> 00:12:38,054 I'm sorry that I... I'm sorry, very sorry, 322 00:12:38,688 --> 00:12:39,771 that I was rude. 323 00:12:41,388 --> 00:12:42,888 - It's too soon. - You know what, 324 00:12:42,922 --> 00:12:45,220 as a gesture of good will, I'd like to waive my fee. 325 00:12:45,254 --> 00:12:46,938 I'll design the park pro bono. 326 00:12:47,771 --> 00:12:48,637 Thank you. 327 00:12:48,689 --> 00:12:50,420 That's very nice of you. I've been working up 328 00:12:50,438 --> 00:12:53,021 a little model of the design. Why don't I bring it over, 329 00:12:53,054 --> 00:12:54,387 and we can all go through it together. 330 00:12:54,421 --> 00:12:56,354 Great. And then you can come to our wedding. 331 00:12:56,388 --> 00:12:57,754 - Huh? - What? 332 00:12:57,772 --> 00:12:59,087 It's in May, and we haven't planned it yet, 333 00:12:59,105 --> 00:13:00,555 but save the date. 334 00:13:02,689 --> 00:13:04,254 I was never here. 335 00:13:05,771 --> 00:13:08,087 - Ah! - Aah! 336 00:13:10,104 --> 00:13:11,054 Well done, team. 337 00:13:11,988 --> 00:13:12,921 What do you think of the place? 338 00:13:12,939 --> 00:13:15,220 Do you really like this yellow paint? 339 00:13:15,254 --> 00:13:16,354 I mean, I know it was on sale, 340 00:13:16,388 --> 00:13:18,253 but it looks a lot like dried phlegm. 341 00:13:18,271 --> 00:13:20,020 For real, Tom. This place is sad. 342 00:13:20,055 --> 00:13:23,187 I think one of the mannequins tried to commit suicide. 343 00:13:23,221 --> 00:13:24,604 I think what's important is we all had a goal, 344 00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:26,054 and we achieved it. 345 00:13:26,088 --> 00:13:28,971 - So you like the place? - Oh, no, it's quite terrible. 346 00:13:29,021 --> 00:13:30,521 This is the best I can do for now. 347 00:13:30,555 --> 00:13:32,854 And I'm $46 under budget. 348 00:13:32,889 --> 00:13:34,471 Now I have a small treat for you guys 349 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,804 for all your hard work. 350 00:13:35,855 --> 00:13:38,220 Pizza party! 351 00:13:38,254 --> 00:13:40,270 One small pizza for all of us. 352 00:13:40,305 --> 00:13:41,688 With no toppings. 353 00:13:41,722 --> 00:13:43,137 Cheese is a topping, Jerry. 354 00:13:43,688 --> 00:13:45,587 And why are these lights blaring, by the way? 355 00:13:45,605 --> 00:13:48,187 Does someone here own stock in the electric company? 356 00:13:50,854 --> 00:13:53,054 If there were more food and fewer people, 357 00:13:53,088 --> 00:13:55,187 this would be a perfect party. 358 00:13:55,221 --> 00:13:56,854 You can't run, Hitler. 359 00:13:56,889 --> 00:13:58,804 82nd airborne is everywhere! 360 00:13:59,654 --> 00:14:00,554 History channel. 361 00:14:01,087 --> 00:14:02,287 Ho ho ho! 362 00:14:02,421 --> 00:14:03,253 What is this? 363 00:14:03,271 --> 00:14:06,354 A child spy, sent to steal the necklace? 364 00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,721 Bert Macklin, FBI! Freeze! 365 00:14:08,755 --> 00:14:10,554 I didn't do anything! 366 00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,471 - Yeah, bad call, Bert. - Oh. 367 00:14:12,522 --> 00:14:14,020 Oh, hey, I'm just kidding, buddy. 368 00:14:14,055 --> 00:14:16,554 I'm just playing around. My name's really Andy Dwyer. 369 00:14:16,588 --> 00:14:17,387 I'm a security guard. 370 00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:19,304 - What's your name? - Joey. 371 00:14:19,355 --> 00:14:22,087 I was with my mom, and I got lost. 372 00:14:22,105 --> 00:14:23,471 Oh. Well, gosh, don't worry about that. 373 00:14:23,522 --> 00:14:25,721 I've gotten lost here about 500 times, 374 00:14:25,755 --> 00:14:27,137 and I work here. 375 00:14:27,188 --> 00:14:29,104 What do you say we go find your mom, huh? 376 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,637 She's not in there. I'll bet. 377 00:14:33,689 --> 00:14:35,471 Let's try this way. 378 00:14:35,522 --> 00:14:36,721 Hello? 379 00:14:36,755 --> 00:14:38,754 Ms. Knope, Mr. Wyatt? 380 00:14:38,772 --> 00:14:40,387 We're from Wreston St. James' firm. 381 00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:41,804 Oh, hey, come on in. 382 00:14:41,855 --> 00:14:43,187 Where's Wreston? 383 00:14:43,221 --> 00:14:44,888 He's on his way. He wanted us to get started. 384 00:14:44,922 --> 00:14:48,220 Aw! Oh, well. Okay, I guess go ahead. 385 00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:51,253 We present the Crown Jewel of Pawnee 386 00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:55,721 containing the sights, sounds, and most importantly, 387 00:14:55,755 --> 00:14:57,854 smells that define your city. 388 00:14:57,889 --> 00:14:59,137 There are several drool buckets 389 00:14:59,188 --> 00:15:00,970 for your more... slack-jawed citizens. 390 00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:03,521 We also have food troughs full of cheeseburgers 391 00:15:03,555 --> 00:15:05,387 and public showers 392 00:15:05,421 --> 00:15:08,554 with instructions for those who've never showered before. 393 00:15:08,588 --> 00:15:10,587 You have five seconds to get out of here... 394 00:15:11,104 --> 00:15:13,253 Or I will rip your throats out. 395 00:15:13,271 --> 00:15:15,137 Out. Now. 396 00:15:15,188 --> 00:15:19,087 Oh, hey, my backyard is bigger than your park. 397 00:15:19,105 --> 00:15:21,253 Leslie, stay back, stay back. 398 00:15:26,223 --> 00:15:29,407 I told you that Eagletonians are awful, terrible people. 399 00:15:29,408 --> 00:15:32,156 They call their boogers Pawnee caviar. 400 00:15:32,207 --> 00:15:33,407 I'm on your side, 401 00:15:33,441 --> 00:15:35,306 and I'm furious too. 402 00:15:35,324 --> 00:15:37,457 But this just doesn't make sense to me. 403 00:15:37,491 --> 00:15:38,972 I'm gonna talk to Wreston, 404 00:15:38,990 --> 00:15:40,557 and I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. 405 00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:41,857 Any excuse to talk to Wreston. 406 00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,906 Well, I am gonna think about a revenge plan. 407 00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:45,073 I know what we're gonna do. 408 00:15:45,107 --> 00:15:46,190 We're gonna find out where he lives. 409 00:15:46,241 --> 00:15:47,573 We're gonna drive to his house. 410 00:15:47,608 --> 00:15:49,139 We're gonna set it on fire and watch it burn. 411 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,473 Leslie, we can't do that. 412 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:53,824 You're right. We can't. 413 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,389 All right, so... 414 00:15:57,407 --> 00:15:59,222 Does this look familiar? 415 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,723 - No, not at all. - I was talking to Joey. 416 00:16:01,741 --> 00:16:03,073 - Joey! - Mommy! 417 00:16:03,107 --> 00:16:04,189 There you are. 418 00:16:04,223 --> 00:16:06,607 Oh, God, I was so worried. 419 00:16:06,658 --> 00:16:08,156 Thank you so much. 420 00:16:08,190 --> 00:16:09,773 You'll never know how much I appreciate it. 421 00:16:09,824 --> 00:16:12,556 Well, just doing my job, ma'am. 422 00:16:12,574 --> 00:16:14,106 Thank you for saving me, Andy. 423 00:16:14,157 --> 00:16:16,239 Thank you, too, miss Hitler. 424 00:16:16,274 --> 00:16:17,989 - What? - Don't worry about it. 425 00:16:18,424 --> 00:16:20,939 Wow. You made those losers very happy. 426 00:16:20,990 --> 00:16:22,556 Oh, no, I didn't. 427 00:16:22,574 --> 00:16:24,222 - Bert Macklin did. - No... 428 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:25,657 - FBI. - Actually, 429 00:16:25,691 --> 00:16:28,490 Bert Macklin kinda made that little boy cry. 430 00:16:28,524 --> 00:16:31,723 Well, he's a rogue agent who refuses to play by the rules. 431 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:34,156 Seriously, I think Andy Dwyer makes a better real cop 432 00:16:34,190 --> 00:16:36,356 than Bert Macklin. Maybe it's time for Bert Macklin 433 00:16:36,390 --> 00:16:38,108 to hang up his shades. 434 00:16:40,990 --> 00:16:42,740 Can I get you something to drink? 435 00:16:42,775 --> 00:16:44,856 Iced tea, please. And can I ask you, 436 00:16:44,907 --> 00:16:46,939 how are there palm trees here? 437 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:48,573 Well, Eagleton lies on top of a hot spring 438 00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,856 which creates a micro-climate zone. 439 00:16:50,907 --> 00:16:53,407 We are... truly blessed. 440 00:16:55,608 --> 00:16:56,972 God, I'm so sorry I'm late. 441 00:16:56,990 --> 00:16:58,607 What the hell happened, man? 442 00:16:58,641 --> 00:17:01,139 I had nothing to do with that stupid prank. 443 00:17:01,157 --> 00:17:02,573 In fact, that's why I'm late. 444 00:17:02,608 --> 00:17:04,156 I was firing the two people who were responsible, 445 00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,774 and I was escorting them out of the building. 446 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,273 Well... Good! 447 00:17:07,307 --> 00:17:09,023 Certain people in the firm 448 00:17:09,074 --> 00:17:11,939 wanted to promote them, but I insisted they be fired. 449 00:17:11,973 --> 00:17:13,972 If you swear to me that you're serious, 450 00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:15,440 maybe we can salvage this. 451 00:17:15,474 --> 00:17:18,972 I would really love to. But what about Leslie? 452 00:17:18,990 --> 00:17:20,640 I just doubt that she can ever get over 453 00:17:20,658 --> 00:17:22,023 the bad blood between our towns. 454 00:17:22,074 --> 00:17:23,273 I think you're wrong. 455 00:17:23,307 --> 00:17:25,240 Leslie is a very forgiving person. 456 00:17:25,274 --> 00:17:26,806 Revenge! Ha ha hal 457 00:17:26,824 --> 00:17:30,357 This is for Pawnee, you butt-faced pompous jerk! 458 00:17:30,408 --> 00:17:32,139 Whoo! 459 00:17:32,157 --> 00:17:33,323 I love you, Ben. 460 00:17:33,358 --> 00:17:34,740 Pawnee forever! 461 00:17:34,774 --> 00:17:37,607 You want a stupid tie? I'll give you a stupid tie. 462 00:17:37,641 --> 00:17:40,357 Ha ha! Wreston, suck it. 463 00:17:40,408 --> 00:17:42,106 - Now we're even. - Leslie. 464 00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:43,823 - Huh? - He didn't do it, 465 00:17:43,857 --> 00:17:45,657 and he fired the people who did. 466 00:17:52,408 --> 00:17:54,640 Attention, please. 467 00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:56,190 I've been going over the books, 468 00:17:56,241 --> 00:17:58,739 and I'm missing $9. 469 00:17:58,774 --> 00:18:00,972 Now, I'm not angry at whoever took it. 470 00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:02,190 Just come forward. 471 00:18:02,241 --> 00:18:03,906 You'll be served with a lawsuit, 472 00:18:03,940 --> 00:18:06,139 and we will move on with our lives. 473 00:18:06,157 --> 00:18:09,139 Hey, buddy, let's go get some breakfast, okay? 474 00:18:09,157 --> 00:18:11,073 Fine. It was your idea, so you're paying. 475 00:18:11,107 --> 00:18:12,972 You're driving. I'm not chipping in for gas. 476 00:18:12,990 --> 00:18:14,024 Okay. All right. 477 00:18:15,574 --> 00:18:17,106 I'll have the pancake breakfast. 478 00:18:17,140 --> 00:18:19,323 Oh, let me also get 12 eggs, uncooked, 479 00:18:19,357 --> 00:18:21,022 and some toast. 480 00:18:21,073 --> 00:18:23,473 20 slices, untoasted, in a row in a bag. 481 00:18:23,491 --> 00:18:25,607 You want a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread. 482 00:18:25,641 --> 00:18:27,640 Yeah, just the pancake breakfast is fine. 483 00:18:28,057 --> 00:18:30,273 Don't offer to pay if you're gonna be cheap. 484 00:18:30,307 --> 00:18:32,523 Listen, man, I know you don't want to repeat the mistakes 485 00:18:32,574 --> 00:18:34,190 of Entertainment 720, and that's great, 486 00:18:34,241 --> 00:18:36,240 but you're gonna need a little bit of the old Tom 487 00:18:36,274 --> 00:18:37,523 to make this business work. 488 00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:39,607 No. That Tom ruined everything. 489 00:18:39,641 --> 00:18:40,939 Yes, he did, 490 00:18:40,973 --> 00:18:43,823 and that Tom made you a horrible boyfriend 491 00:18:43,857 --> 00:18:46,640 and a terrible employee and drove you to bankruptcy. 492 00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,407 Are we nearing the point? 493 00:18:48,441 --> 00:18:50,073 But your swagger and your showmanship 494 00:18:50,107 --> 00:18:51,739 and your confidence is part of you, 495 00:18:51,774 --> 00:18:53,440 and in small doses, it can help. 496 00:18:53,474 --> 00:18:55,607 You can't have Rent-A-Swag without the swag. 497 00:18:55,641 --> 00:18:58,906 I barely have enough cash to get everything set up. 498 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:00,357 I know. Take this. 499 00:19:00,408 --> 00:19:03,640 We all chipped in. Use it to spruce up the store. 500 00:19:03,658 --> 00:19:05,023 And in return you can give us 501 00:19:05,074 --> 00:19:06,739 like one share of stock in the company. 502 00:19:07,274 --> 00:19:09,473 Like a mini public offering. 503 00:19:09,740 --> 00:19:11,640 "Smort", Ann. Smort. 504 00:19:11,657 --> 00:19:12,906 This is a cause for celebration. 505 00:19:13,180 --> 00:19:16,156 Waiter! Eight strips of bacon, uncooked, 506 00:19:16,157 --> 00:19:17,990 in a sealed package. 507 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,357 I call it the Pawnee Commons, 508 00:19:21,408 --> 00:19:23,357 a celebration of Pawnee's history and people. 509 00:19:23,408 --> 00:19:25,989 A Wamapoke-themed playground... 510 00:19:26,024 --> 00:19:28,423 Food trucks from local restaurants, 511 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:30,090 Li'l Sebastian fountain. 512 00:19:30,124 --> 00:19:32,156 - I mean, it's perfect. - Thank you. 513 00:19:32,191 --> 00:19:33,623 I can't see myself fighting you 514 00:19:33,657 --> 00:19:35,939 on more than 60% of these ideas. 515 00:19:35,973 --> 00:19:38,190 I'd expect no less. I'm just glad you like it. 516 00:19:38,241 --> 00:19:39,240 I've never met two people 517 00:19:39,274 --> 00:19:41,407 more passionate about their hometown. 518 00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:43,190 Oh, I'm actually from Minnesota. 519 00:19:43,241 --> 00:19:44,856 Why do you know so much about Pawnee? 520 00:19:44,907 --> 00:19:47,806 Well, I'm in love with a woman from here. 521 00:19:47,824 --> 00:19:51,106 A strange, passionate, goof ball of a woman. 522 00:19:52,239 --> 00:19:53,773 Me. He's in love with me. 523 00:19:57,607 --> 00:19:59,306 I'm sorry to see you go, Macklin. 524 00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:01,823 You didn't always play by the rules, 525 00:20:01,857 --> 00:20:04,073 but damn it, you were a hell of an agent. 526 00:20:04,107 --> 00:20:06,606 Today I say good-bye to the only life I've ever known. 527 00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:09,106 Well, some of the boys chipped in 528 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:10,674 and we got you... 529 00:20:11,238 --> 00:20:12,473 This. 530 00:20:12,990 --> 00:20:16,023 It isn't much, but it's something to remember us by. 531 00:20:18,157 --> 00:20:21,939 40 years undercover. I never even met my family. 532 00:20:21,973 --> 00:20:23,856 - What? - And this is all I have 533 00:20:23,907 --> 00:20:26,106 to show for it? 534 00:20:26,639 --> 00:20:27,773 Totally worth it. 535 00:20:28,806 --> 00:20:30,689 It's been a pleasure serving with you, son. 536 00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:32,606 If you ever need me, you know where to find me... 537 00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,240 In bed next to you, probably having sex with you. 538 00:20:41,358 --> 00:20:43,639 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 539 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,590 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 540 00:20:45,591 --> 00:20:50,056 Welcome to the new new Rent-A-Swag 541 00:20:50,258 --> 00:20:52,172 now with 30% more swag. 542 00:20:52,174 --> 00:20:54,006 I used the money you guys gave me 543 00:20:54,008 --> 00:20:55,506 to add a little flair, 544 00:20:55,508 --> 00:20:57,239 and I took everything I own in my house 545 00:20:57,241 --> 00:20:58,672 and brought it here, except for my bed. 546 00:20:58,674 --> 00:20:59,839 I basically live here now. 547 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:01,239 I hate all of this, 548 00:21:01,241 --> 00:21:03,507 which probably means it's good for your business. 549 00:21:03,509 --> 00:21:07,572 Ron, my woodworking project... it's for displaying shoes! 550 00:21:07,574 --> 00:21:10,206 Yes. That was always the plan. 551 00:21:10,208 --> 00:21:11,374 All right, Rent-A-Swag team, 552 00:21:11,376 --> 00:21:14,340 I have one more little surprise for you... pizza party! 553 00:21:14,342 --> 00:21:15,756 - Part Two. - Oh, wow! 554 00:21:15,758 --> 00:21:18,589 Two pizzas. And toppings! 555 00:21:18,591 --> 00:21:21,304 Only on half. I'm not Zuckerberg. 556 00:21:21,305 --> 00:21:22,303 Eat up, chumps.