1 00:00:01,019 --> 00:00:03,211 Well it's a pleasure to be here, ladies. 2 00:00:03,264 --> 00:00:04,830 I didn't think anybody really cared 3 00:00:04,832 --> 00:00:06,864 about my time on the city council. 4 00:00:06,866 --> 00:00:09,530 Oh, we do. I mean, you are such an inspiration. 5 00:00:09,532 --> 00:00:11,563 Still going strong at 82. 6 00:00:13,898 --> 00:00:15,663 How old is that handkerchief? 7 00:00:15,665 --> 00:00:17,413 Well, it's not a handkerchief. It's a receipt. 8 00:00:18,899 --> 00:00:22,197 Paula Horke was Pawnee's first female city councilor 9 00:00:22,199 --> 00:00:24,780 40 years ago, and she was a huge inspiration to me. 10 00:00:24,782 --> 00:00:26,830 Women have come a long way in Pawnee, 11 00:00:26,832 --> 00:00:28,780 but we still have quite a ways to go. 12 00:00:28,782 --> 00:00:31,197 I mean, technically, I'm not allowed to reserve 13 00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:34,697 this conference room without my husband or father's signature. 14 00:00:34,699 --> 00:00:37,830 Government was a real boys' club back in the '70s. 15 00:00:37,832 --> 00:00:39,413 They smoked their cigars, 16 00:00:39,415 --> 00:00:40,730 they snapped my bra, 17 00:00:40,732 --> 00:00:42,580 wore mirrors on their shoes 18 00:00:42,582 --> 00:00:43,613 to look up my skirt. 19 00:00:43,615 --> 00:00:45,114 Well, I am happy to report 20 00:00:45,116 --> 00:00:47,530 that it is now a pervert-free people's club. 21 00:00:47,532 --> 00:00:49,530 Well, except for Councilman Dexhart, 22 00:00:49,532 --> 00:00:51,114 who's a self-described pervert. 23 00:00:51,116 --> 00:00:53,580 Yeah, and didn't Milton try to kiss you? 24 00:00:53,582 --> 00:00:55,280 Well, yeah, things aren't perfect. 25 00:00:55,282 --> 00:00:58,447 All the other councilmen used to keep a calendar 26 00:00:58,449 --> 00:00:59,713 of my menstrual cycle. 27 00:00:59,715 --> 00:01:01,229 Are you kidding me? 28 00:01:01,231 --> 00:01:03,947 That is horrible. They don't do that to me. 29 00:01:03,949 --> 00:01:05,330 Do they do that to me? 30 00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,530 I once tried to start a commission 31 00:01:07,532 --> 00:01:10,196 to try to get more jobs for women in city government, 32 00:01:10,198 --> 00:01:11,663 and they dismissed me, 33 00:01:11,665 --> 00:01:14,030 saying that it was because it was just my time of the month. 34 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:16,530 Admittedly, they were right. 35 00:01:16,532 --> 00:01:18,164 Because of the calendar. 36 00:01:18,166 --> 00:01:19,864 Manpigs. All of them. 37 00:01:19,866 --> 00:01:21,947 You know what, I'm gonna get that commission going, 38 00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:24,413 because this inequality has gone on long enough. 39 00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:26,396 You know what, I think men are better than women. 40 00:01:26,398 --> 00:01:27,780 She's kidding. 41 00:01:27,782 --> 00:01:29,947 No, I'm not. They provide for us, 42 00:01:29,949 --> 00:01:32,547 and we must obey them because they are our masters. 43 00:01:32,549 --> 00:01:34,047 April, stop it. 44 00:01:34,049 --> 00:01:37,830 Leslie, you'll never land a beau with that domineering tone. 45 00:01:37,832 --> 00:01:39,380 We must always walk behind the men. 46 00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:40,696 Sheugh. 47 00:01:44,415 --> 00:01:49,166 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 48 00:02:00,864 --> 00:02:03,413 Moustache! Dumb-dumb! 49 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:04,830 Moustache! Dumb-dumb! 50 00:02:04,832 --> 00:02:06,030 - Hello. - I just came 51 00:02:06,032 --> 00:02:08,380 to drop off some of the employee... 52 00:02:08,382 --> 00:02:10,130 What is happening? 53 00:02:10,132 --> 00:02:11,847 The girls are on break, 54 00:02:11,849 --> 00:02:13,530 and their sitter had to go out of town 55 00:02:13,532 --> 00:02:15,463 for the day, so I'm watching them 56 00:02:15,465 --> 00:02:16,463 while Diane works. 57 00:02:16,465 --> 00:02:18,413 I borrowed some markers from Leslie 58 00:02:18,415 --> 00:02:20,330 and some stickers from Leslie 59 00:02:20,332 --> 00:02:24,663 and a Lite-Brite which I got from Andy. 60 00:02:24,665 --> 00:02:25,997 Girls, this is Ann. 61 00:02:25,999 --> 00:02:29,413 Talk to Ann. She's terrific. 62 00:02:29,415 --> 00:02:31,497 Hey, dudettes. 63 00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:34,497 You stoked about the weekend? No. 64 00:02:34,499 --> 00:02:38,030 Oh, look at this pwetty, pwetty wittle beads. 65 00:02:38,032 --> 00:02:39,663 They're not infants. 66 00:02:39,665 --> 00:02:42,030 I don't know. I'm weird with kids. 67 00:02:42,032 --> 00:02:46,213 So you guys like Coldplay? 68 00:02:46,215 --> 00:02:47,363 You're weird. 69 00:02:47,365 --> 00:02:49,196 You're... 70 00:02:50,831 --> 00:02:53,246 Well, hey, girls. 71 00:02:53,248 --> 00:02:54,246 No. 72 00:02:54,248 --> 00:02:56,330 Okay. Thanks. 73 00:02:56,332 --> 00:03:00,330 An equal gender employment commission. 74 00:03:00,332 --> 00:03:03,047 Leslie, I don't think this is a good idea. 75 00:03:03,049 --> 00:03:04,964 I think it's a fantastic idea. 76 00:03:04,966 --> 00:03:06,196 Oh. 77 00:03:06,198 --> 00:03:07,696 I didn't know where you were going with that. 78 00:03:07,698 --> 00:03:10,196 The lack of women in this government is criminal. 79 00:03:10,198 --> 00:03:11,863 I'm gonna ask each department 80 00:03:11,865 --> 00:03:14,296 to send two people to a meeting today. 81 00:03:14,298 --> 00:03:15,830 - Yeah! - And! 82 00:03:15,832 --> 00:03:18,463 And... and I can ask Shauna Malwae-Tweep 83 00:03:18,465 --> 00:03:19,914 to write an article about it 84 00:03:19,916 --> 00:03:20,914 for the Pawnee Journal. 85 00:03:20,916 --> 00:03:22,696 She's my special friend. 86 00:03:22,698 --> 00:03:24,079 That's what you're calling her now. 87 00:03:24,081 --> 00:03:25,880 I don't know what to call her. 88 00:03:25,882 --> 00:03:28,497 I don't entirely understand the behavior of young people. 89 00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:31,914 Recently, we engaged in something called a "group hang." 90 00:03:31,916 --> 00:03:34,246 It was like a date, but there were seven other people there. 91 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,163 It was very confusing. 92 00:03:36,165 --> 00:03:38,497 I'm not really sure what our label is. 93 00:03:38,499 --> 00:03:40,830 Labels can be bad, but they can also be good. 94 00:03:40,832 --> 00:03:43,330 "Toxic bleach" is a good label. 95 00:03:43,332 --> 00:03:47,213 Shauna Malwae-Tweep has amazing dimples. 96 00:03:47,215 --> 00:03:49,463 - So the commission? - Yes, right, the commission. 97 00:03:49,465 --> 00:03:51,432 - I'm gonna get that going right now. - Great. 98 00:03:53,132 --> 00:03:55,213 Okay, I know this text you sent me was a lie 99 00:03:55,215 --> 00:03:58,130 and Michael Stipe is not actually here, correct? 100 00:03:58,132 --> 00:03:59,797 Correct. That was a lie. 101 00:03:59,799 --> 00:04:00,914 Yeah, no, I knew it was. 102 00:04:00,916 --> 00:04:03,213 I just couldn't live with myself 103 00:04:03,215 --> 00:04:04,246 if it had been true. 104 00:04:04,248 --> 00:04:05,580 And that's why I sent it. 105 00:04:05,582 --> 00:04:06,830 Where's free Skittles? 106 00:04:06,832 --> 00:04:07,914 Here you go, buddy. 107 00:04:07,916 --> 00:04:09,246 Aw! 108 00:04:09,248 --> 00:04:10,296 He gets his thing? 109 00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:18,863 Listen, I need you two 110 00:04:18,865 --> 00:04:21,914 to teach me everything you know about basketball. 111 00:04:21,916 --> 00:04:23,814 Rent-A-Swag is doing really well. 112 00:04:23,816 --> 00:04:27,163 I'm on track to turn a profit in my third month. 113 00:04:27,165 --> 00:04:29,246 One problem: All the kids that shop in the store 114 00:04:29,248 --> 00:04:31,029 are basketball crazy. 115 00:04:31,031 --> 00:04:32,079 It's all they talk about. 116 00:04:32,081 --> 00:04:33,580 I need to be able to schmooze them, 117 00:04:33,582 --> 00:04:35,530 and I can't keep referring to basketball players 118 00:04:35,532 --> 00:04:38,079 as "Khloe Kardashian's husband and his friends." 119 00:04:38,081 --> 00:04:40,079 You're just the men to help me out. 120 00:04:40,081 --> 00:04:42,497 One jock, one geek who loves stats. 121 00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:43,713 I'll give you a few minutes 122 00:04:43,715 --> 00:04:45,330 to cancel the rest of your plans for the day. 123 00:04:45,332 --> 00:04:47,663 No need. My only plan was to buy Skittles. 124 00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:50,296 Wow, Chris. 125 00:04:50,298 --> 00:04:54,830 Your gender equality commission is a real sausage fest. 126 00:04:54,832 --> 00:04:56,196 Oh, my God. You're kidding me. 127 00:04:56,198 --> 00:04:58,530 I just assumed that some of the departments 128 00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,880 would send women. 129 00:04:59,882 --> 00:05:02,246 Oh, my God. 130 00:05:02,248 --> 00:05:03,330 I am part of the problem. 131 00:05:03,332 --> 00:05:04,996 Excuse me, everyone. 132 00:05:04,998 --> 00:05:06,830 Did anyone notice that there are no women 133 00:05:06,832 --> 00:05:08,547 on the Gender Equality Commission? 134 00:05:08,549 --> 00:05:10,963 Oh, there's a lady right next to you. 135 00:05:10,965 --> 00:05:12,463 Oh, wait, no. 136 00:05:12,465 --> 00:05:14,330 It's just a very beautiful man. 137 00:05:14,332 --> 00:05:15,530 Yes, okay, we are gonna need 138 00:05:15,129 --> 00:05:16,828 Let's feed the beast! 139 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:17,463 to rebalance this commission. 140 00:05:17,465 --> 00:05:19,663 Listen, you did a great job setting it up 141 00:05:19,665 --> 00:05:21,330 and getting the snacks ready, 142 00:05:21,332 --> 00:05:22,863 but we'll take it from here. 143 00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:24,914 Well, Councilman Milton, I did put the snacks together, 144 00:05:24,916 --> 00:05:26,330 and they are delicious, I must say, 145 00:05:26,332 --> 00:05:27,363 but that is not the point. 146 00:05:27,365 --> 00:05:30,213 Round of applause for the girl. 147 00:05:30,215 --> 00:05:32,163 She has to leave to get more snacks. 148 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,663 No, I don't! This is my commission! 149 00:05:33,665 --> 00:05:36,414 Ouch. Why so ornery? 150 00:05:37,415 --> 00:05:39,698 It's not the 7th yet. 151 00:05:42,697 --> 00:05:44,330 Hm. 152 00:05:44,332 --> 00:05:45,996 Your shoes are red now. 153 00:05:45,998 --> 00:05:47,880 - Yay. - Hooray. 154 00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:49,830 Hey! 155 00:05:49,832 --> 00:05:51,497 Mommy! 156 00:05:51,499 --> 00:05:52,630 You survived, huh? 157 00:05:52,632 --> 00:05:54,132 Indeed, I did. 158 00:05:56,332 --> 00:05:57,747 How were they? Really? 159 00:05:57,948 --> 00:05:59,630 Couldn't have been better. 160 00:05:59,632 --> 00:06:01,830 We had a wonderful time. Well, that's good. 161 00:06:01,832 --> 00:06:04,913 'Cause my sitter's still out of town, 162 00:06:04,915 --> 00:06:07,380 so I really hate to ask you this, 163 00:06:07,382 --> 00:06:10,613 but is there any way you could take them again tomorrow? 164 00:06:10,615 --> 00:06:12,246 Of course. I'd be delighted. 165 00:06:12,248 --> 00:06:14,079 You're a lifesaver. Thank you. 166 00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:15,747 Girls, you wanna spend another day with Ron? 167 00:06:15,749 --> 00:06:16,996 Yeah! 168 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:28,630 I believe one problem with hiring women 169 00:06:28,632 --> 00:06:31,246 is that they're frail and breakable. 170 00:06:31,248 --> 00:06:34,380 Is it possible you're thinking about light bulbs? 171 00:06:34,382 --> 00:06:35,497 - Or your hip? - Mm. 172 00:06:35,499 --> 00:06:38,130 If I were 300 years older, Councilman. 173 00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:41,213 Incoherent ramblings aside, I've done some research, 174 00:06:41,215 --> 00:06:44,713 and the female employment rate in government is abysmal. 175 00:06:44,715 --> 00:06:46,979 The number one offender: Sanitation. 176 00:06:46,981 --> 00:06:48,630 All right! 177 00:06:48,632 --> 00:06:50,862 No, no, no, stop celebrating. 178 00:06:50,864 --> 00:06:53,196 Why are there no female garbage collectors, Steve? 179 00:06:53,198 --> 00:06:55,330 I don't know. We hire women for other things. 180 00:06:55,332 --> 00:06:57,363 You have one woman, and she's a secretary. 181 00:06:57,365 --> 00:06:59,696 And she's the best secretary we got, 182 00:06:59,698 --> 00:07:00,830 except for Dan. 183 00:07:00,832 --> 00:07:02,213 - Dan's awesome. - Dan. 184 00:07:02,215 --> 00:07:03,879 Garbage collectors make good wages, 185 00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,330 they have good benefits, 186 00:07:05,332 --> 00:07:08,530 and they are the smelly glue that keeps this city together. 187 00:07:08,532 --> 00:07:09,530 You need to hire more women. 188 00:07:09,532 --> 00:07:11,213 Not that many women apply, 189 00:07:11,215 --> 00:07:14,580 plus it's a very physically demanding job. 190 00:07:14,582 --> 00:07:17,330 Your average woman can't handle it. 191 00:07:17,332 --> 00:07:19,030 Oh, no? 192 00:07:20,031 --> 00:07:21,530 Okay, so I took extensive notes 193 00:07:21,532 --> 00:07:23,046 on ways to maximize our efficiency, 194 00:07:23,048 --> 00:07:25,079 because we can't be just as good as the men. 195 00:07:25,081 --> 00:07:26,380 We have to be better. 196 00:07:26,382 --> 00:07:27,963 Yeah, you're totally right. Let's rock this. 197 00:07:27,965 --> 00:07:29,580 April, I love you, 198 00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:31,046 but I don't need your sarcasm right now. 199 00:07:31,048 --> 00:07:32,879 I'm serious. Let's get rolling. 200 00:07:32,881 --> 00:07:34,330 I wanna get into some garbage. 201 00:07:35,415 --> 00:07:37,747 What? I love garbage. 202 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:40,079 You ever found a dead body in the trash? 203 00:07:40,081 --> 00:07:41,380 Or body parts? 204 00:07:41,382 --> 00:07:42,530 Like, a torso or a head? 205 00:07:42,532 --> 00:07:43,913 Please say head. 206 00:07:43,915 --> 00:07:46,196 Hey, Dewey. Leslie brought binders. 207 00:07:47,532 --> 00:07:48,580 What do they say? 208 00:07:48,582 --> 00:07:50,296 "Pick up garbage. Put in truck"? 209 00:07:50,298 --> 00:07:51,829 Actually, yeah. 210 00:07:51,831 --> 00:07:53,363 That's what's in the binder on every page 211 00:07:53,365 --> 00:07:54,829 because I believe in being thorough. 212 00:07:54,831 --> 00:07:56,663 - All right. - Okay. 213 00:07:56,665 --> 00:07:58,130 Let's do it, trash people! 214 00:07:58,132 --> 00:07:59,463 Whoo! 215 00:08:05,062 --> 00:08:06,245 Here you are. 216 00:08:06,247 --> 00:08:08,462 I had to search the directory for quite a while. 217 00:08:08,464 --> 00:08:11,211 I thought your last name was Hanson for some reason. 218 00:08:11,213 --> 00:08:13,764 No, it's Perkins. Always has been. 219 00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:16,778 You seem more like a Hanson. 220 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:19,328 Anyway, I have the girls again today, 221 00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:20,944 and they're asking to play with you. 222 00:08:20,946 --> 00:08:22,612 Really? I thought they hated me. 223 00:08:22,614 --> 00:08:23,878 No, the opposite. 224 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,245 I don't know what you did to 'em, 225 00:08:25,247 --> 00:08:27,161 but it worked like gangbusters. 226 00:08:27,163 --> 00:08:28,328 Or they do hate me, 227 00:08:28,330 --> 00:08:30,579 and you're just desperate and tired. 228 00:08:30,581 --> 00:08:32,278 Either way, can you help me? 229 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,028 I'm out of activities, and they're playing 230 00:08:34,030 --> 00:08:35,462 with my land mine. 231 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,378 This thing's cool. What are these things? 232 00:08:40,996 --> 00:08:43,662 Let's play a word association game. 233 00:08:43,664 --> 00:08:45,828 I'll say a word, and then you say the first thing 234 00:08:45,830 --> 00:08:46,878 that pops into your mind. 235 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,111 - Okay. - You. 236 00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:50,712 - Reporter. - Me. 237 00:08:50,714 --> 00:08:52,662 - City manager. - Us. 238 00:08:52,664 --> 00:08:56,278 Ooh! Magazine. 239 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,161 Oh! 240 00:08:58,163 --> 00:08:59,328 According to Leslie's binder, 241 00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,278 she and April are making even better time 242 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:02,777 than the guys do on a normal day. 243 00:09:02,779 --> 00:09:03,911 Wow, that's weird. 244 00:09:03,913 --> 00:09:05,828 You know, with us being women and all, 245 00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:07,712 you'd think our boobs would get in the way. 246 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:09,378 Is that accurate Mr. Phlegner? 247 00:09:09,380 --> 00:09:11,777 Is Councilwoman Knope ahead of the regular schedule for this route? 248 00:09:11,779 --> 00:09:14,612 Whatever. No comment. 249 00:09:15,113 --> 00:09:16,579 - Tough stuff. - Are you posing? 250 00:09:16,581 --> 00:09:18,495 I don't have a photographer with me. 251 00:09:18,497 --> 00:09:19,828 Google Earth... 252 00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:21,245 Always taking pics. 253 00:09:21,247 --> 00:09:22,328 Let's move it out! 254 00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:24,111 All right, let's start with the basics. 255 00:09:24,113 --> 00:09:25,711 Uh, why don't you just play some one-on-one, 256 00:09:25,713 --> 00:09:26,711 see if you can score? 257 00:09:26,713 --> 00:09:28,212 Andy, guard him. 258 00:09:29,213 --> 00:09:30,744 Eh, he's too big. I can't see over him. 259 00:09:30,746 --> 00:09:31,878 It's not fair. 260 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,078 I feel like everyone should be the same size. 261 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:34,744 Okay, you have to create space. 262 00:09:34,746 --> 00:09:36,612 You gotta just dribble around him. 263 00:09:36,614 --> 00:09:38,045 - There you go. - Now what? 264 00:09:38,047 --> 00:09:40,111 Shoot! Shoot the ball. 265 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:41,794 Did I do basketball? 266 00:09:41,996 --> 00:09:43,579 Kind of. 267 00:09:43,581 --> 00:09:44,981 Try it again. 268 00:09:51,911 --> 00:09:53,247 Tommy for the dunk! 269 00:10:01,380 --> 00:10:03,045 My screen! 270 00:10:04,212 --> 00:10:06,961 But it was actually a blood-hungry witch 271 00:10:06,963 --> 00:10:09,445 who was wearing their mom's face like a mask! 272 00:10:12,430 --> 00:10:13,761 What is wrong with you, woman? 273 00:10:13,763 --> 00:10:16,612 Sorry. I thought kids liked ghost stories. 274 00:10:16,614 --> 00:10:18,661 Hey, girls! Did you wanna look through my nurse kit? 275 00:10:18,663 --> 00:10:21,744 - Yeah! - Ooh, check it out, bandages! 276 00:10:21,746 --> 00:10:22,878 We can wrap up the dolls, 277 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:24,245 and pretend they just had surgery. 278 00:10:24,247 --> 00:10:25,245 - Yeah! - Awesome! 279 00:10:25,247 --> 00:10:26,661 Yeah, or we can use this hammer 280 00:10:26,663 --> 00:10:27,777 and test reflexes. 281 00:10:27,779 --> 00:10:29,378 - Yeah! - Here, Zoe, watch. 282 00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:31,278 Do me! Do me! 283 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,245 Do Princess Junebug now! 284 00:10:33,247 --> 00:10:34,378 Okay. You know what, Ron? 285 00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:35,445 I can watch them for a little while, 286 00:10:35,447 --> 00:10:37,612 if you wanna... 287 00:10:37,614 --> 00:10:39,128 Take a break. 288 00:10:42,496 --> 00:10:44,777 This is Stacy Knoblauch's house. 289 00:10:44,779 --> 00:10:45,828 I went to high school with her, 290 00:10:45,830 --> 00:10:47,445 and she was super mean to me, 291 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:50,777 and now I know that she dyes her hair. 292 00:10:50,779 --> 00:10:53,446 I knew that wench wasn't naturally blonde. 293 00:10:54,447 --> 00:10:55,828 Oh, my God! 294 00:10:55,830 --> 00:10:59,212 She has to use prescription-strength deodorant. 295 00:11:00,213 --> 00:11:02,412 This is the best day of my life. 296 00:11:02,414 --> 00:11:04,495 Hey, ladies, someone just called in a pickup. 297 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,078 We have to make an unscheduled stop. 298 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,412 Hope you can handle it. 299 00:11:07,414 --> 00:11:09,195 - It's not in the binders. - A new challenge? 300 00:11:09,197 --> 00:11:10,611 Bring it on, Stevie boy. 301 00:11:10,613 --> 00:11:13,328 Whoo! April, let's finish up! 302 00:11:13,330 --> 00:11:15,211 We have some stereotypes to overcome. 303 00:11:15,213 --> 00:11:17,328 And some privacy to violate! 304 00:11:17,330 --> 00:11:18,328 - Yeah! - Whoo! 305 00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:20,111 Wait, no. 306 00:11:22,162 --> 00:11:24,378 - Oh! - Yes! 307 00:11:24,380 --> 00:11:26,078 - Nothin' but net. - Nice! 308 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,078 You are officially a baller. 309 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,611 I've been a baller since birth, son. 310 00:11:29,613 --> 00:11:31,328 Now, I'm an athlete. 311 00:11:31,330 --> 00:11:33,794 Hey! You little chumps wanna play some ball? 312 00:11:33,796 --> 00:11:35,628 - Sure. - Let's do this. 313 00:11:35,630 --> 00:11:38,064 Watch out. Tommy from half court. 314 00:11:40,663 --> 00:11:43,078 This could really only go poorly. 315 00:11:52,463 --> 00:11:54,128 - He won't get out of my way! - Tom... 316 00:11:58,879 --> 00:12:00,594 Oh, my God! 317 00:12:05,296 --> 00:12:06,628 - Yeah! - Yes! 318 00:12:11,579 --> 00:12:12,661 Tom, what the hell are you doing? 319 00:12:12,663 --> 00:12:14,128 I'm pivoting. Ben told me to pivot. 320 00:12:14,130 --> 00:12:15,611 I told you you can pivot, 321 00:12:15,613 --> 00:12:17,278 not that you can only pivot. 322 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,045 Stop pivoting! 323 00:12:19,047 --> 00:12:20,711 All right, that's illegal. 324 00:12:20,713 --> 00:12:22,445 I may not know much, but you can't just 325 00:12:22,447 --> 00:12:23,961 steal the ball from another player. 326 00:12:23,963 --> 00:12:25,445 Hey, aren't you the guy who owns Rent-A-Swag? 327 00:12:25,447 --> 00:12:28,544 - Yeah! Tom Haverford. - You suck at basketball, man. 328 00:12:28,546 --> 00:12:30,944 Well, you suck at being polite, sir. 329 00:12:30,946 --> 00:12:33,245 This has been fun, but we have an actual game tomorrow 330 00:12:33,247 --> 00:12:35,611 against guys who can actually play. 331 00:12:35,613 --> 00:12:37,078 Let's go. 332 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,580 Andy Dwyer for the dunk! 333 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:43,495 Aw, that wall's so close. 334 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,794 Doctors, the operation is now complete. 335 00:12:46,796 --> 00:12:48,878 Doctor Zoe, could you please use the reflex hammer 336 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,111 to see if she's okay? 337 00:12:50,113 --> 00:12:53,412 This is the most fun I have ever had with kids. 338 00:12:53,414 --> 00:12:54,661 They even said they wanted to be doctors 339 00:12:54,663 --> 00:12:55,777 when they grow up. 340 00:12:55,779 --> 00:12:58,245 Hot tip for you baby-sitters out there. 341 00:12:58,247 --> 00:13:00,961 Let your kids play with medical tools all the time. 342 00:13:00,963 --> 00:13:02,278 - We have a problem. - What? 343 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:03,412 Oh, my God. 344 00:13:03,414 --> 00:13:05,445 Girls! This is not a negotiation. 345 00:13:05,746 --> 00:13:07,878 - Unlock the door immediately. - No! 346 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,161 We're doing surgery! 347 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,928 Only doctors are allowed in here. 348 00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:12,544 Okay. 349 00:13:12,546 --> 00:13:14,111 Stand back, ladies! 350 00:13:14,113 --> 00:13:15,794 Ron, no, no, no, no! That's dangerous! 351 00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,378 Somebody in here's gotta have keys, right? 352 00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,544 I have keys. Wha... 353 00:13:18,546 --> 00:13:19,628 Jerry. 354 00:13:19,630 --> 00:13:20,944 I never thought I would say this, 355 00:13:20,946 --> 00:13:22,461 but I am so glad you're here. 356 00:13:22,463 --> 00:13:24,661 Well, it's gotta be one of these, right? 357 00:13:26,746 --> 00:13:29,045 - Oh, no. - Ladies, no, no, no, no, no! 358 00:13:29,047 --> 00:13:30,777 The patient needs a haircut. 359 00:13:30,779 --> 00:13:32,211 Her hair is infected. 360 00:13:32,213 --> 00:13:33,295 - Hurry, Jerry! - Okay, I'm trying. 361 00:13:33,297 --> 00:13:34,611 - It's not this one. - No. 362 00:13:34,613 --> 00:13:36,777 Okay, I'm not good under pressure like this. 363 00:13:36,779 --> 00:13:38,544 Zoe, stop it, please! 364 00:13:38,546 --> 00:13:41,461 - No! - Zoe, put the scissors down. 365 00:13:41,463 --> 00:13:44,412 Oh! 366 00:13:44,414 --> 00:13:45,828 No! 367 00:13:49,795 --> 00:13:51,161 Bakery called this in. 368 00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:53,245 Needs to go on that truck right there. 369 00:13:53,247 --> 00:13:54,961 Ah, easy, breezy, beautiful. 370 00:13:54,963 --> 00:13:56,878 That's the covergirl slogan. I didn't mean to say that. 371 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:59,045 Okay, here we go! On three! 372 00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,911 - Okay. - One, two, 373 00:14:00,913 --> 00:14:03,111 three, move it. 374 00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:06,777 On four, five, six, here we go! 375 00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:08,878 - You need a hand? 376 00:14:08,880 --> 00:14:10,045 No, no, we don't need a hand. 377 00:14:10,047 --> 00:14:12,494 What, you think Joan of Arc needed a hand? 378 00:14:12,496 --> 00:14:14,045 - Doing what? - Let me tell you something. 379 00:14:14,047 --> 00:14:15,295 We are not leaving 380 00:14:15,297 --> 00:14:18,611 until this symbolic feminist obstacle is loaded 381 00:14:18,613 --> 00:14:20,494 onto that truck of women's advancement, 382 00:14:20,496 --> 00:14:22,494 and you can put that on the record, Shauna. 383 00:14:22,496 --> 00:14:24,661 Well, you ladies clearly have everything in hand. 384 00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:26,211 Dewey and I are gonna head back to base. 385 00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:27,328 Hope we didn't throw you off schedule. 386 00:14:27,330 --> 00:14:29,611 - Not at all. - Have fun! 387 00:14:29,613 --> 00:14:32,744 Hey, Shauna, maybe not put this part on the record. 388 00:14:32,746 --> 00:14:34,444 You know, leave the earlier part on the record, 389 00:14:34,446 --> 00:14:36,411 but if we can't get this fridge onto the truck 390 00:14:36,413 --> 00:14:37,611 then maybe not put that on the record, 391 00:14:37,613 --> 00:14:39,211 and then just destroy the record altogether. 392 00:14:39,213 --> 00:14:40,578 Okay, guys, I'm gonna go ahead 393 00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,777 and decide what's on and off the record on my own. 394 00:14:42,779 --> 00:14:44,611 - Cool? - Uhhuh. 395 00:14:45,113 --> 00:14:46,578 The whole city is watching. 396 00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:49,045 If I can't move that fridge onto that truck, 397 00:14:49,047 --> 00:14:52,328 then feminism is over in this town. 398 00:14:58,579 --> 00:15:00,778 I don't know why I thought sneaking up on it would work. 399 00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:04,964 This is the one. This is... Oh! 400 00:15:04,965 --> 00:15:07,296 Why do you have so many keys? 401 00:15:07,298 --> 00:15:09,462 We did surgery just like you taught us! 402 00:15:09,464 --> 00:15:10,679 Okay, you know what? 403 00:15:10,681 --> 00:15:12,546 Why don't you girls clean up all this hair, 404 00:15:12,548 --> 00:15:13,762 and I'm gonna talk to Ron. 405 00:15:13,764 --> 00:15:15,929 - Let's cut off our toes! - No, let's not. 406 00:15:15,931 --> 00:15:18,280 I'm gonna take this bag, too. 407 00:15:18,282 --> 00:15:19,546 You need to fix this. 408 00:15:19,898 --> 00:15:21,712 It's not that bad. Nobody got hurt. 409 00:15:21,714 --> 00:15:23,479 It's extremely bad! 410 00:15:23,481 --> 00:15:25,579 I love this woman, and I just wanna show her 411 00:15:25,581 --> 00:15:27,546 that I'm capable of watching her children 412 00:15:27,548 --> 00:15:30,263 without something horrible happening. 413 00:15:30,265 --> 00:15:31,579 What? 414 00:15:31,581 --> 00:15:33,679 Did you just say you love Diane? 415 00:15:33,681 --> 00:15:35,246 No. I did not. 416 00:15:35,248 --> 00:15:37,762 Yes, you did! That is so cute! 417 00:15:37,764 --> 00:15:39,046 For God's sake, Hanson, 418 00:15:39,048 --> 00:15:40,912 will you please focus on the larger problem? 419 00:15:42,581 --> 00:15:45,745 Ron loves Mommy! 420 00:15:45,747 --> 00:15:48,046 Ron loves Mommy! 421 00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,762 Girls, girls, I don't know what you think you heard, 422 00:15:50,764 --> 00:15:53,096 but please don't tell your mother 423 00:15:53,098 --> 00:15:54,662 what you incorrectly think you heard. 424 00:15:54,664 --> 00:15:56,762 - Ron loves... Mommy! 425 00:15:56,764 --> 00:15:58,712 Ron loves Mommy! 426 00:15:58,714 --> 00:15:59,879 I love nothing! 427 00:16:03,081 --> 00:16:04,929 I'm gonna have to start writing this up soon. 428 00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,679 Kinda sucks. I thought maybe we'd be done in time 429 00:16:06,681 --> 00:16:07,846 - to grab a drink. - Oh! 430 00:16:07,848 --> 00:16:09,429 Have you been to Bistro d'Amour? 431 00:16:09,431 --> 00:16:11,263 - It's really romantic. - Ooh. 432 00:16:11,265 --> 00:16:13,129 Yeah, it was just gonna be you and me, 433 00:16:13,131 --> 00:16:14,679 my sister, a few people from work, 434 00:16:14,681 --> 00:16:15,796 and my ex-boyfriend. 435 00:16:15,798 --> 00:16:18,295 That's really confusing. 436 00:16:18,297 --> 00:16:19,646 I have a request. 437 00:16:19,648 --> 00:16:20,929 Could you please make sure 438 00:16:20,931 --> 00:16:23,596 that my involvement in this stays off the record? 439 00:16:23,598 --> 00:16:25,629 I wouldn't want anyone thinking that you're biased 440 00:16:25,631 --> 00:16:27,929 because we're something. 441 00:16:27,931 --> 00:16:29,379 You don't have to worry about that. 442 00:16:29,381 --> 00:16:30,546 I'm gonna include a disclaimer 443 00:16:30,548 --> 00:16:33,345 describing the nature of our relationship. 444 00:16:33,347 --> 00:16:35,246 I guess I'll have to wait for tomorrow's paper 445 00:16:35,248 --> 00:16:37,096 to find out our status. 446 00:16:37,098 --> 00:16:38,512 Why did I have to fall for somebody 447 00:16:38,514 --> 00:16:39,879 from the old media? 448 00:16:41,047 --> 00:16:43,696 Maybe we should just eat the refrigerator. 449 00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:45,462 We start chewing now, we can finish 450 00:16:45,464 --> 00:16:46,796 before the sun comes up. 451 00:16:46,798 --> 00:16:48,796 We have to solve this problem, 452 00:16:48,798 --> 00:16:50,429 or they are going to point to this forever 453 00:16:50,431 --> 00:16:52,046 as a reason to not hire women. 454 00:16:52,547 --> 00:16:53,879 I should never have taken the bait. 455 00:16:53,881 --> 00:16:58,429 It was just such tasty, righteously-flavored bait. 456 00:16:58,431 --> 00:17:00,929 You here to move the fridge? 457 00:17:00,931 --> 00:17:02,629 - Are you a ghost? - Yes, we are. 458 00:17:02,631 --> 00:17:04,779 Why you think you can lift it? 459 00:17:04,781 --> 00:17:06,629 You are two little canaries. 460 00:17:06,631 --> 00:17:09,013 Those garbagemen couldn't even lift it. 461 00:17:09,015 --> 00:17:11,295 They are like giant bears. 462 00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:12,596 Hold on. What do you mean? 463 00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,679 Bears are bigger than canaries, yes? 464 00:17:14,681 --> 00:17:16,295 So if bears can't lift the... 465 00:17:16,297 --> 00:17:18,412 No, I understand animal sizes. 466 00:17:18,414 --> 00:17:20,096 What do you mean they couldn't lift it? 467 00:17:20,098 --> 00:17:22,379 They tried three days ago, 468 00:17:22,381 --> 00:17:24,013 and it does not budge. 469 00:17:24,015 --> 00:17:26,046 They say they're gonna come back with more guys, 470 00:17:26,048 --> 00:17:27,846 but they come back with canaries. 471 00:17:27,848 --> 00:17:29,848 Fly away, little canaries. 472 00:17:32,347 --> 00:17:35,345 Those Sanitation goons set us up. 473 00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:36,745 You know what? Let's just go. 474 00:17:36,747 --> 00:17:37,846 What? No! 475 00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:38,912 We can't let them beat us. 476 00:17:38,914 --> 00:17:39,963 Just call it a tie. 477 00:17:39,965 --> 00:17:41,412 Nobody can lift it. 478 00:17:41,414 --> 00:17:43,379 No, Leslie, we do not want to tie. 479 00:17:43,381 --> 00:17:44,712 We want to win. 480 00:17:44,714 --> 00:17:46,262 Those guys suck, okay? 481 00:17:46,264 --> 00:17:47,512 We have to prove them wrong. 482 00:17:47,514 --> 00:17:49,596 Look, all we have to do is get some PCP. 483 00:17:49,598 --> 00:17:51,546 You can move anything on angel dust. 484 00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:53,546 My cousin Hesen, he beat off five cops on that stuff. 485 00:17:53,548 --> 00:17:54,879 Okay, hold on. Sir! 486 00:17:54,881 --> 00:17:56,796 Does this refrigerator still work? 487 00:17:56,798 --> 00:17:59,245 Works okay. We got a new one. 488 00:17:59,247 --> 00:18:00,929 We don't need it. 489 00:18:02,580 --> 00:18:03,796 So what if those kids 490 00:18:03,798 --> 00:18:05,046 think you're the lamest guy in the world? 491 00:18:05,048 --> 00:18:07,679 That's not who you want shopping at Rent-A-Swag anyways, Tom. 492 00:18:07,681 --> 00:18:09,712 That's exactly who I want shopping at Rent-A-Swag. 493 00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,745 Oh, well, then, that sucks. 494 00:18:11,747 --> 00:18:14,263 Look, I wanna show you something. 495 00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:19,796 Okay, this is Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook 496 00:18:19,798 --> 00:18:21,262 after a bad loss. 497 00:18:21,264 --> 00:18:22,679 Even the greats get beat, 498 00:18:22,681 --> 00:18:24,462 but they get back out there the next day, 499 00:18:24,464 --> 00:18:26,129 and they fight. 500 00:18:26,131 --> 00:18:28,129 So let's hit the gym again tomorrow. 501 00:18:28,131 --> 00:18:30,745 Guys, I think I just dribbled up an idea. 502 00:18:30,747 --> 00:18:32,679 No, double dribbled it. 503 00:18:32,681 --> 00:18:35,580 Yeah, you have learned nothing about basketball. 504 00:18:36,581 --> 00:18:38,079 You're a good friend, Ben. 505 00:18:38,081 --> 00:18:39,129 Oh, thanks. 506 00:18:39,630 --> 00:18:40,796 Can I borrow $1,500? 507 00:18:40,798 --> 00:18:43,879 You're not allowed to ask what it's for. 508 00:18:43,881 --> 00:18:45,212 Fireworks. 509 00:18:45,214 --> 00:18:47,546 First of all, everyone is fine. 510 00:18:47,548 --> 00:18:50,712 No one got hurt, but there was an incident. 511 00:18:50,714 --> 00:18:52,914 Oh, my God. What happened? 512 00:18:54,914 --> 00:18:57,245 Diane, this is all my fault. 513 00:18:57,247 --> 00:18:59,079 I let them go into my nurse's bag. 514 00:19:02,381 --> 00:19:04,345 Well, who has been having fun with scissors? 515 00:19:04,347 --> 00:19:05,345 Us! 516 00:19:05,347 --> 00:19:07,179 Ann taught us how to be doctors! 517 00:19:07,181 --> 00:19:09,245 - Yay! - You're not mad? 518 00:19:09,247 --> 00:19:10,912 No, it's fine. They're kids. 519 00:19:10,914 --> 00:19:12,712 Once, Zoe put Ivy in the dryer, so... 520 00:19:12,714 --> 00:19:14,546 I'm still incredibly sorry. 521 00:19:14,548 --> 00:19:16,046 I feel like I let you down. 522 00:19:16,048 --> 00:19:19,712 It is so sweet to me how much you care. 523 00:19:19,714 --> 00:19:21,929 This is why I love you. 524 00:19:21,931 --> 00:19:23,079 Oh. 525 00:19:23,081 --> 00:19:26,412 Well, I love you, too. 526 00:19:27,581 --> 00:19:29,013 That's my cue. 527 00:19:29,015 --> 00:19:30,412 All right, girls, good hang. 528 00:19:30,414 --> 00:19:31,879 - Bye, Ann! - Thanks, Ann. 529 00:19:31,881 --> 00:19:32,912 Oh. 530 00:19:33,613 --> 00:19:34,629 Hey, Leslie! 531 00:19:34,631 --> 00:19:36,629 Shauna just sent me the disclaimer 532 00:19:36,631 --> 00:19:38,745 that she's gonna use before she prints the article. 533 00:19:38,747 --> 00:19:40,013 "City manager Chris Traeger 534 00:19:40,015 --> 00:19:41,712 "was present for this event, 535 00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:44,412 and has a personal relationship with the author." 536 00:19:44,414 --> 00:19:45,762 Okay, that's pretty good, right? 537 00:19:45,764 --> 00:19:46,846 "Personal relationship." 538 00:19:46,848 --> 00:19:48,963 It's not romantic. 539 00:19:48,965 --> 00:19:50,912 But it is descriptive. No, it's not even descriptive. 540 00:19:50,914 --> 00:19:52,262 I know you're not used to this, 541 00:19:52,264 --> 00:19:54,879 but maybe you should just try to keep it chill 542 00:19:54,881 --> 00:19:56,212 and see what happens. 543 00:19:56,214 --> 00:19:57,629 Great advice. 544 00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:58,929 Impossible to follow, 545 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:00,745 but great advice. 546 00:20:00,747 --> 00:20:02,579 So do you think the soup kitchen 547 00:20:02,581 --> 00:20:03,679 could use that fridge? 548 00:20:03,681 --> 00:20:05,745 I mean, April and I were gonna haul it 549 00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:08,245 onto the truck effortlessly, but if you need it... 550 00:20:08,247 --> 00:20:09,963 Absolutely. This is a godsend. 551 00:20:09,965 --> 00:20:11,712 Thank you for thinking of us. 552 00:20:11,714 --> 00:20:12,846 Grab a side, ladies. 553 00:20:12,848 --> 00:20:15,128 I think all of us can get it on the truck. 554 00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,262 Not only did we complete the garbage route 555 00:20:17,264 --> 00:20:19,179 and move an unmovable fridge, 556 00:20:19,181 --> 00:20:20,546 but the Sanitation department 557 00:20:20,548 --> 00:20:23,579 hired three new female trash-haulers. 558 00:20:23,581 --> 00:20:25,345 And, best of all, 559 00:20:25,347 --> 00:20:26,596 April gave me this present 560 00:20:26,598 --> 00:20:28,931 to commemorate our feminist victory. 561 00:20:32,046 --> 00:20:33,680 And it's trash. 562 00:20:34,181 --> 00:20:35,846 It's filled with trash. 563 00:20:35,848 --> 00:20:37,546 Maybe there's something on the bottom here. 564 00:20:37,548 --> 00:20:39,179 Let me see... No, just trash. 565 00:20:40,057 --> 00:20:43,272 This is Brandon Turnbill for Kids' 46 News. 566 00:20:43,556 --> 00:20:46,939 I'm here with the star of today's win, Josh Diamond. 567 00:20:46,957 --> 00:20:48,739 What was the key to the victory, Josh? 568 00:20:48,773 --> 00:20:50,205 Well, uh, everything just came together for us, 569 00:20:50,239 --> 00:20:51,488 and we came out on top, 570 00:20:51,540 --> 00:20:53,038 and we're gonna try to keep it going next week 571 00:20:53,072 --> 00:20:54,388 against Snerling. 572 00:20:54,439 --> 00:20:55,838 Thanks, tiny reporter. 573 00:20:55,857 --> 00:20:57,856 It was a huge win for Josh and the boys, 574 00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,188 and after a huge win, 575 00:20:59,223 --> 00:21:03,055 be sure to visit Rent-A-Swag on Durham Avenue 576 00:21:03,106 --> 00:21:05,921 for all your post-game press conference fashion rental needs. 577 00:21:06,103 --> 00:21:07,219 We've got everything: 578 00:21:07,402 --> 00:21:09,117 Dope suits, pocket squares, 579 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,315 Gingham shirts, glasses with no lenses, 580 00:21:11,798 --> 00:21:13,413 Tiny cardigans, Fedoras... 581 00:21:13,896 --> 00:21:14,984 Look at this watch! 582 00:21:14,984 --> 00:21:16,517 Whatever swag you need, 583 00:21:16,535 --> 00:21:18,650 You can rent at Rent-A-Swag. 584 00:21:18,684 --> 00:21:20,017 Now, that's basketball. 585 00:21:20,018 --> 00:21:23,014 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com