1
00:00:01,777 --> 00:00:03,622
Rent-A-Swag shareholders:

2
00:00:03,705 --> 00:00:07,520
As you can see,
your store is hoppin'.

3
00:00:07,603 --> 00:00:10,049
These kids are renting my old clothes
like they're going out of style.

4
00:00:10,132 --> 00:00:11,121
Which they never will.

5
00:00:11,204 --> 00:00:13,383
Yeah, it's a lot
of foot traffic, Tommy.

6
00:00:13,466 --> 00:00:16,055
- I like it.
- Oh, "day-yay-yam,"

7
00:00:16,138 --> 00:00:18,301
it is kind of
a sausage party in here.

8
00:00:18,587 --> 00:00:19,707
For the record,

9
00:00:19,816 --> 00:00:23,105
would hit it, would hit,
would hit.

10
00:00:23,395 --> 00:00:24,842
Hard pass.

11
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:27,641
Tom, who is this... person?

12
00:00:27,724 --> 00:00:29,542
This is
Mona-Lisa Saperstein,

13
00:00:29,625 --> 00:00:30,873
my new sales associate.

14
00:00:30,956 --> 00:00:33,434
Mona-Lisa Saperstein?

15
00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:36,990
- Does that mean—
- ♪ Oh, yeah

16
00:00:37,073 --> 00:00:38,090
she's my sister.

17
00:00:38,173 --> 00:00:39,928
My twin sister,
from the same mister.

18
00:00:40,011 --> 00:00:41,789
Thank you so much
for hiring Mona-Lisa.

19
00:00:41,872 --> 00:00:43,138
It means so much to me.

20
00:00:43,221 --> 00:00:44,566
Even though, honestly, she's...

21
00:00:46,497 --> 00:00:48,004
She is the worst person
in the world.

22
00:00:48,121 --> 00:00:49,389
Huge skank.
Terrible.

23
00:00:49,472 --> 00:00:51,363
But thank you.
It means a lot.

24
00:00:51,511 --> 00:00:53,117
Of course. Got to keep it
in the family.

25
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:55,362
Yeah, but does it have to be
this family?

26
00:00:55,445 --> 00:00:56,725
Actually, that reminds me,

27
00:00:56,808 --> 00:00:58,173
Ba-ba-ba-boss man...

28
00:00:58,256 --> 00:01:01,199
I need to leave early today because
my shrink got me and him tickets

29
00:01:01,282 --> 00:01:03,020
to a Pitbull concert.

30
00:01:03,239 --> 00:01:04,925
And I already committed
to that.

31
00:01:05,008 --> 00:01:06,668
And so if you say
that I can't go,

32
00:01:06,751 --> 00:01:08,715
it's like you're taking
something away from me.

33
00:01:08,948 --> 00:01:10,252
Um, store's really busy.

34
00:01:10,335 --> 00:01:11,616
- I kinda need you to stay.
- Mm-hmm.

35
00:01:11,699 --> 00:01:12,697
I totally hear you.

36
00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:14,771
Um, I also don't like
what you're saying.

37
00:01:14,854 --> 00:01:16,190
So if you say no,

38
00:01:16,273 --> 00:01:18,582
I will start a fire
in the bathroom.

39
00:01:19,453 --> 00:01:20,613
Okay, I guess you can go.

40
00:01:20,696 --> 00:01:22,223
Yeah, I know I can.

41
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:23,887
What did I tell you, huh?

42
00:01:28,187 --> 00:01:29,963
She's the worst in the world.

43
00:01:30,061 --> 00:01:31,487
Jean-Ralphio.
How are you?

44
00:01:33,020 --> 00:01:39,094
Support us and become VIP member
to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org

45
00:01:51,641 --> 00:01:52,474
Hello.

46
00:01:52,557 --> 00:01:54,445
Welcome to Pawnee Videodome.

47
00:01:54,528 --> 00:01:55,556
Today we'll be screening

48
00:01:55,639 --> 00:01:59,406
Stanley Kubrick's 1957 classic
Paths Of Glory.

49
00:01:59,489 --> 00:02:02,187
It's about three men who refuse
to go on a suicide mission

50
00:02:02,270 --> 00:02:04,012
and are executed for cowardice.

51
00:02:04,095 --> 00:02:06,268
Or we could, you know,
maybe screen a different movie.

52
00:02:06,351 --> 00:02:08,012
One that's
a little bit more upbeat.

53
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,414
Like Finding Nemo or...

54
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,349
I could do, uh, Shoah.

55
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,356
Okay, Paths Of Glory it is.

56
00:02:14,090 --> 00:02:15,787
This is the Pawnee Videodome.

57
00:02:15,870 --> 00:02:19,145
And we are here because I started
a program to help local business.

58
00:02:19,335 --> 00:02:20,910
This is a Pawnee institution.

59
00:02:20,993 --> 00:02:22,496
This is the place
where Perd Hapley

60
00:02:22,579 --> 00:02:25,559
shot his movie review show
Lights, Camera, Perd.

61
00:02:25,921 --> 00:02:28,893
It's a heartwarming story,
but it's just not believable.

62
00:02:28,976 --> 00:02:31,806
Which is why
I give E. T. 11/2 stars.

63
00:02:34,204 --> 00:02:35,748
Andy, it's over.

64
00:02:35,831 --> 00:02:37,247
Get up, Andy.

65
00:02:37,716 --> 00:02:38,636
What are you doing?

66
00:02:38,719 --> 00:02:40,231
What's everybody—
where are we?

67
00:02:40,344 --> 00:02:43,083
The reason I love that film
is that it's really depressing.

68
00:02:43,402 --> 00:02:45,473
Speaking of which, sadly,
next month,

69
00:02:45,867 --> 00:02:48,473
Pawnee Videodome
will be closing its doors.

70
00:02:48,831 --> 00:02:50,489
- Forever.
- No!

71
00:02:50,572 --> 00:02:52,547
For those of you that
have attended our screenings,

72
00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:54,528
I want to thank you
for your patronage,

73
00:02:54,611 --> 00:02:56,896
though I wish you would have
rented more movies.

74
00:02:56,979 --> 00:02:59,302
Guys, we have to help out
Dennis and his business.

75
00:02:59,450 --> 00:03:01,767
Everybody rent something,
so we can help Dennis.

76
00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:02,897
Sir, will you rent something?

77
00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:03,967
Why would I do that?

78
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,781
All movies are online for free.

79
00:03:05,864 --> 00:03:08,054
I'm watching Iron Man 2
on my phone right now.

80
00:03:08,137 --> 00:03:08,995
Okay, you're not helping.

81
00:03:09,078 --> 00:03:11,877
I, for one, am going to rent
Finding Nemo.

82
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,048
Ooh, we don't carry cartoons.

83
00:03:14,131 --> 00:03:16,000
But if you want a film
about the ocean,

84
00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:17,272
we have a documentary

85
00:03:17,355 --> 00:03:19,570
about the brutality
of Japan's whaling industry.

86
00:03:19,653 --> 00:03:21,413
It's called
Tears Of My Blowhole.

87
00:03:21,496 --> 00:03:23,083
And it's—it's nauseating.

88
00:03:23,201 --> 00:03:24,992
I'll just buy some red vines.

89
00:03:25,075 --> 00:03:27,143
Oh, we only have
Japanese slime candy

90
00:03:27,226 --> 00:03:29,327
and, um, Bulgarian wheat balls.

91
00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,458
Leslie, seriously,
where are we?

92
00:03:33,205 --> 00:03:35,712
All these kids have fathers

93
00:03:35,795 --> 00:03:37,866
and mothers
who have birthed them

94
00:03:37,949 --> 00:03:39,984
and are guiding them
through life.

95
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:42,950
Yep, that's how it works.

96
00:03:43,275 --> 00:03:44,310
How are you feeling?

97
00:03:44,393 --> 00:03:46,190
Did you make
your dad-cision yet?

98
00:03:46,273 --> 00:03:47,724
I am 100% certain

99
00:03:47,807 --> 00:03:50,385
that I am 0% sure
of what I'm going to do.

100
00:03:50,468 --> 00:03:53,341
Ann Perkins asked me
if I would like to donate sperm,

101
00:03:53,424 --> 00:03:54,688
so she can have a baby.

102
00:03:54,771 --> 00:03:58,673
It's a battle between my primal desire
to bring a child into this world

103
00:03:58,756 --> 00:04:03,186
and my paralyzing fear of negatively
affecting any living thing.

104
00:04:03,528 --> 00:04:05,204
There's $60 missing
from the register.

105
00:04:05,287 --> 00:04:06,788
I think Mona-Lisa's
stealing from me.

106
00:04:06,871 --> 00:04:10,064
Yeah, it is absolutely Mona-Lisa.
100%. She's a total klepto.

107
00:04:10,147 --> 00:04:12,314
And nympho and pyro—
all those things.

108
00:04:12,397 --> 00:04:13,571
Okay, as your CFO,

109
00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:15,475
I recommend getting rid
of her immediately.

110
00:04:15,558 --> 00:04:18,069
I'm throwing a huge cocktail party
tomorrow for all my best clients.

111
00:04:18,152 --> 00:04:19,617
I don't have time
to find someone new.

112
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:21,012
This sucks.

113
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:23,392
You know,
when I was in high school,

114
00:04:23,475 --> 00:04:24,531
we had to spend a week

115
00:04:24,614 --> 00:04:27,950
carrying around a sack of flour,
pretending it was a kid.

116
00:04:28,203 --> 00:04:31,410
Why don't you
make Tom your sack of flour,

117
00:04:31,493 --> 00:04:33,809
see how it feels
to parent him a little?

118
00:04:34,224 --> 00:04:36,152
Ben, that is literally

119
00:04:36,235 --> 00:04:38,223
the greatest idea
in human history.

120
00:04:38,306 --> 00:04:40,338
I heard "sack of flour"
and "high school."

121
00:04:40,421 --> 00:04:42,613
Are you dingdongs making
fake drugs for sophomores?

122
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:45,278
Because if true,
this guy wants in.

123
00:04:46,227 --> 00:04:48,595
Yeah, just have Mr. Traeger
call me when he gets back in.

124
00:04:48,724 --> 00:04:49,692
Actually, you know what?

125
00:04:49,775 --> 00:04:50,802
Don't tell him that I called.

126
00:04:50,885 --> 00:04:53,582
Just when he gets there,
can you text me and tell me he's back?

127
00:04:53,688 --> 00:04:54,516
You know what?

128
00:04:54,599 --> 00:04:56,408
Let's just pretend
this didn't happen, okay?

129
00:04:56,491 --> 00:04:58,454
This is Jerry Gergich calling.
Bye.

130
00:04:58,784 --> 00:05:00,176
I have to tell you a secret.

131
00:05:00,352 --> 00:05:01,710
But if you tell anyone,

132
00:05:01,793 --> 00:05:04,033
I will kill you slowly
with a giant syringe.

133
00:05:04,116 --> 00:05:06,121
Good morning, April.
What's your secret?

134
00:05:06,710 --> 00:05:09,363
I'm thinking about applying to
veterinary school in Bloomington.

135
00:05:09,886 --> 00:05:11,740
Oh, my God, April,
that's great!

136
00:05:11,823 --> 00:05:13,372
Whoa!
Where'd you get that?

137
00:05:13,455 --> 00:05:14,418
The Internet.

138
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:16,884
So I really need
a letter of recommendation.

139
00:05:16,998 --> 00:05:18,879
And since you work
in a hospital,

140
00:05:18,978 --> 00:05:20,285
- as a janitor...
- Nurse.

141
00:05:20,373 --> 00:05:23,567
I was wondering if maybe
you would write one for me?

142
00:05:24,605 --> 00:05:25,512
Really?

143
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:27,280
Generally, between us,

144
00:05:27,498 --> 00:05:29,418
April always has
the upper hand.

145
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:32,077
And that hand
is usually giving me the finger

146
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,894
or pouring honey in my purse.

147
00:05:33,977 --> 00:05:35,592
But now I have the upper hand.

148
00:05:35,675 --> 00:05:38,425
And I'm going to use it
to crush her...

149
00:05:38,747 --> 00:05:40,191
Into being nice to me.

150
00:05:41,094 --> 00:05:43,258
I would be happy
to write you that letter.

151
00:05:43,341 --> 00:05:45,741
I actually know the guy who runs
the veterinary program over there.

152
00:05:45,824 --> 00:05:46,781
Because you hooked up with him?

153
00:05:46,864 --> 00:05:48,870
I don't hook up
with everyone I know.

154
00:05:49,488 --> 00:05:50,876
Although, yes, we did hook up.

155
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:52,276
But before I write you
that letter,

156
00:05:52,359 --> 00:05:55,526
you have to spend the next week
with me and do everything I say.

157
00:05:55,609 --> 00:05:57,273
So I have to be your slave
or something?

158
00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:59,402
No, you have to be my friend.

159
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:01,323
No, that is so much worse.

160
00:06:01,871 --> 00:06:02,909
Don't do that.

161
00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:05,294
I think I have a plan
of how to save your store.

162
00:06:05,377 --> 00:06:07,627
If we get
the Pawnee Historical Society

163
00:06:07,710 --> 00:06:10,435
to declare your store
as a historical landmark,

164
00:06:10,525 --> 00:06:13,492
then you might get enough of a
tax break to keep your business afloat.

165
00:06:13,575 --> 00:06:16,894
That sounds like the government
meddling in private enterprise.

166
00:06:16,995 --> 00:06:18,266
Well, Ron, we all know

167
00:06:18,349 --> 00:06:20,115
how much you love
the free market.

168
00:06:20,198 --> 00:06:23,625
But the Pawnee Videodome
is the only place in town

169
00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:25,804
where people gather
to do something intellectual.

170
00:06:25,887 --> 00:06:28,616
That and the slam poetry nights
at Beanie's Coffee.

171
00:06:28,699 --> 00:06:31,352
But I do not count those because
those poems do not rhyme.

172
00:06:31,601 --> 00:06:35,505
Anything can be a slam poem

173
00:06:35,588 --> 00:06:37,295
if you say it like this.

174
00:06:37,378 --> 00:06:38,277
It's pointless.

175
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:39,816
This man is a failure.

176
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,546
He is not up to snuff.

177
00:06:41,694 --> 00:06:44,010
His business is failing,
and you're bailing it out.

178
00:06:44,093 --> 00:06:46,137
This is a bailout,
and I don't like it.

179
00:06:46,220 --> 00:06:48,329
And there are some pretty
intellectual conversations

180
00:06:48,412 --> 00:06:49,905
down at Barrett's Hardware.

181
00:06:49,988 --> 00:06:51,869
You may get
a little heat for this, okay?

182
00:06:51,952 --> 00:06:53,859
So use your money wisely.

183
00:06:53,942 --> 00:06:56,548
Get popular films
that people wanna see.

184
00:06:56,631 --> 00:06:57,666
Like, uh,

185
00:06:57,749 --> 00:06:59,926
get the Tarkovsky movies
with the subtitles.

186
00:07:00,009 --> 00:07:01,843
No. Like Pixar.

187
00:07:02,092 --> 00:07:03,091
Reese Witherspoon.

188
00:07:03,221 --> 00:07:05,499
I know this is gonna hurt,
but maybe some Michael Bay.

189
00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:07,796
What? No, no.
No.

190
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:11,351
Tom, I have something
I need to talk to you about.

191
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,695
- Do we need to sit like this?
- Yes.

192
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,884
Mona-Lisa's taking advantage
of you.

193
00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:19,389
And I'm sure that it's not easy
when it's the sister of a dear friend.

194
00:07:19,472 --> 00:07:20,903
Oh, no, it's not that.

195
00:07:20,986 --> 00:07:22,360
She scares the crap out of me.

196
00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:24,843
I once saw her punch
a police horse in the face.

197
00:07:25,146 --> 00:07:26,482
Speak directly to her

198
00:07:26,565 --> 00:07:29,773
and tell her,
"I will not be disrespected."

199
00:07:30,392 --> 00:07:31,773
You're Tom Haverford.

200
00:07:32,114 --> 00:07:34,462
You're a smart,
successful young man

201
00:07:34,545 --> 00:07:36,320
with an adorable, little belly.

202
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:37,773
Stand up for yourself.

203
00:07:37,966 --> 00:07:40,058
Yeah, I'll talk to her
before the party.

204
00:07:40,141 --> 00:07:41,093
And if she murders me,

205
00:07:41,176 --> 00:07:43,245
tell Jean-Ralphio
to clear my browser history.

206
00:07:44,322 --> 00:07:45,542
Thanks for the advice, man.

207
00:07:45,996 --> 00:07:47,144
You're welcome.

208
00:07:48,047 --> 00:07:48,894
Son.

209
00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:49,858
What's that?

210
00:07:49,941 --> 00:07:51,578
- Nothing.
- All right.

211
00:07:51,661 --> 00:07:53,081
Pawnee Videodome

212
00:07:53,164 --> 00:07:55,160
is where I rented
my first Bruce Lee movie.

213
00:07:55,243 --> 00:07:58,126
And my second Bruce Lee movie.

214
00:07:58,209 --> 00:07:59,841
And when I was
in seventh grade,

215
00:07:59,924 --> 00:08:01,861
I went out back
in the alley behind the store,

216
00:08:01,944 --> 00:08:03,784
and there was
a giant hornet's nest.

217
00:08:04,271 --> 00:08:06,917
And I threw a rock at it,
and it exploded.

218
00:08:07,065 --> 00:08:08,667
- And hornets came out.
- Andy-

219
00:08:08,753 --> 00:08:10,488
The point is,

220
00:08:10,571 --> 00:08:11,816
obviously,

221
00:08:11,956 --> 00:08:15,472
you do not throw rocks
at a hornet's nest.

222
00:08:15,608 --> 00:08:17,485
And the point is also

223
00:08:17,568 --> 00:08:21,239
that the Pawnee Videodome is a place
with tremendous community value,

224
00:08:21,322 --> 00:08:23,719
where people gather
to expand their horizons.

225
00:08:23,830 --> 00:08:25,653
Any other comments here
before we vo—

226
00:08:26,292 --> 00:08:27,175
Ron?

227
00:08:27,258 --> 00:08:28,605
What are you doing
at a city council meeting?

228
00:08:28,688 --> 00:08:30,326
Are you lost?
Are you hurt?

229
00:08:30,409 --> 00:08:32,748
No, I am here
to express an opinion.

230
00:08:32,831 --> 00:08:36,083
This action by Councilwoman
Knope is nothing more

231
00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:38,600
than a thinly veiled
government bailout.

232
00:08:38,683 --> 00:08:41,424
And I, for one, refuse
to let her turn this town

233
00:08:41,507 --> 00:08:43,431
into a socialist hellscape.

234
00:08:43,514 --> 00:08:45,048
Allow me to elaborate.

235
00:08:46,054 --> 00:08:49,652
The government should not
prop up a failed business.

236
00:08:49,735 --> 00:08:52,386
That would be like giving food
to a mortally wounded animal

237
00:08:52,469 --> 00:08:54,118
instead of slitting its throat

238
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,847
and properly utilizing
its meat and pelt.

239
00:08:56,998 --> 00:08:59,715
Please stop talking
about wounded meat.

240
00:08:59,798 --> 00:09:02,703
Pawnee needs a place
where the community can gather

241
00:09:02,786 --> 00:09:04,620
to discuss and appreciate art.

242
00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:07,784
A place where you can rent
such films as Cinema Paradise

243
00:09:07,867 --> 00:09:09,809
or Rashomon.

244
00:09:09,892 --> 00:09:11,181
You rented Rashomon?

245
00:09:11,264 --> 00:09:12,930
What was your favorite part
of that?

246
00:09:13,013 --> 00:09:14,709
I haven't rented it,
actually, yet.

247
00:09:14,792 --> 00:09:16,851
But I like the idea
that there is a place

248
00:09:16,934 --> 00:09:18,935
where I could rent Rashomon.

249
00:09:19,018 --> 00:09:21,092
Uh, you can
just watch it online,

250
00:09:21,175 --> 00:09:22,776
for free, whenever you want.

251
00:09:22,859 --> 00:09:23,909
Bailiff!

252
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:25,117
Thank you, Mr. Swanson,

253
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,657
for your absurd opinion,
which is shared by no one.

254
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:29,632
Now, are there
any more public comments

255
00:09:29,715 --> 00:09:32,534
before we vote?
Mm.

256
00:09:33,595 --> 00:09:35,009
How much to rent this jacket?

257
00:09:35,092 --> 00:09:37,831
Oh. Curly Sue,
that jacket is so ugly.

258
00:09:37,914 --> 00:09:40,495
- You should just take it.
- It's 15 for the day,

259
00:09:40,578 --> 00:09:41,599
40 for the week.

260
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:42,390
Thank you.

261
00:09:42,473 --> 00:09:43,786
We appreciate your business.

262
00:09:44,278 --> 00:09:45,333
Mona-Lisa!

263
00:09:45,463 --> 00:09:47,264
Did you order the champagne
for the client party tonight?

264
00:09:47,347 --> 00:09:50,130
Did I order the what
for the what-what what, what?

265
00:09:50,248 --> 00:09:52,244
What are you even talking about
right now?

266
00:09:52,327 --> 00:09:54,181
Okay, we need
to discuss your work habits.

267
00:09:54,264 --> 00:09:56,371
Okay, sure,
but after I take a quick nap

268
00:09:56,454 --> 00:09:58,928
because ecstasy takes

269
00:10:01,703 --> 00:10:03,708
No. We're doing this now.

270
00:10:04,015 --> 00:10:05,415
You need to start putting in
more of an effort

271
00:10:05,498 --> 00:10:07,513
and start respecting
my authority around here!

272
00:10:07,596 --> 00:10:08,743
Or else what?

273
00:10:08,826 --> 00:10:10,177
Or else I'll fire you.

274
00:10:11,074 --> 00:10:11,966
What did you just say?

275
00:10:12,049 --> 00:10:14,524
I said, if you don't shape up,
I'll fire you.

276
00:10:14,607 --> 00:10:15,770
Do you understand?

277
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:18,301
You are so freaking sexy
right now,

278
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:19,543
I could crap my pants.

279
00:10:19,626 --> 00:10:20,747
Ugh.

280
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:22,779
What are you doing?

281
00:10:23,965 --> 00:10:25,459
I guess it would have to be

282
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:26,798
Channing Tatum's body,

283
00:10:26,881 --> 00:10:28,630
Ryan Gosling's face,

284
00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:32,614
and Michael Fassbender's...
sense of humor.

285
00:10:32,816 --> 00:10:33,726
What about you?

286
00:10:33,809 --> 00:10:34,743
Build your perfect guy.

287
00:10:34,826 --> 00:10:35,973
Um...

288
00:10:36,056 --> 00:10:37,825
Yao Ming's torso,

289
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,348
Napoleon's brain,

290
00:10:39,431 --> 00:10:41,661
and The Hunchback
of Notre Dame's hunchback.

291
00:10:42,011 --> 00:10:43,339
Do you like my nails?

292
00:10:43,931 --> 00:10:47,761
Even though she hides it underneath layers
of sarcasm, resentment, and grumpiness,

293
00:10:47,844 --> 00:10:49,817
I know, deep down somewhere,

294
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,239
April likes me.

295
00:10:51,422 --> 00:10:53,567
I'm kind of just fracking
for friendship.

296
00:10:53,995 --> 00:10:56,872
Gene Strackwell,
owner of Strackwell Hardware.

297
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:59,763
Is there a form I need
to fill out for the bailout?

298
00:11:00,203 --> 00:11:01,904
We're not bailing anyone out.

299
00:11:01,987 --> 00:11:05,120
Pawnee Videodome is receiving
historical landmark status.

300
00:11:05,203 --> 00:11:09,120
We've been around way longer than
that stupid art house movie bullcrap.

301
00:11:09,203 --> 00:11:11,964
And people need places
to buy tools.

302
00:11:12,047 --> 00:11:13,566
Uh, you can
just buy tools online.

303
00:11:13,649 --> 00:11:16,130
Bailiff, why is he back in here?
How did you get back in here?

304
00:11:16,213 --> 00:11:17,646
I'll see myself out.
Don't worry about it.

305
00:11:17,729 --> 00:11:19,723
I heard you were giving out
free money.

306
00:11:19,806 --> 00:11:21,599
I need $3,000.

307
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:22,491
Minimum.

308
00:11:22,574 --> 00:11:25,862
Mr. Fantringham, the city of Pawnee
is not gonna give you a personal loan.

309
00:11:25,945 --> 00:11:27,604
What would you do
if one of your citizens

310
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:30,580
was about to come into
some serious physical harm...

311
00:11:30,751 --> 00:11:32,752
Unless he got $3,000?

312
00:11:33,065 --> 00:11:34,072
I'd call the police.

313
00:11:34,155 --> 00:11:36,158
You cannot call the police.

314
00:11:36,403 --> 00:11:39,332
Wilson Gromling
of the "Liberty or Die" party.

315
00:11:39,415 --> 00:11:42,007
These government handouts
are deplorable.

316
00:11:42,090 --> 00:11:43,740
You're just handing out
blank checks.

317
00:11:43,823 --> 00:11:46,292
I was on food stamps.
I was on Welfare.

318
00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:47,648
And nobody ever helped me.

319
00:11:47,731 --> 00:11:49,383
This is not a blank check.

320
00:11:49,466 --> 00:11:52,473
I have given specific instructions
to the Pawnee Videodome

321
00:11:52,556 --> 00:11:54,368
about how they are going
to spend their money.

322
00:11:54,462 --> 00:11:57,048
In a few days,
Dennis will reopen.

323
00:11:57,145 --> 00:12:00,309
The store will serve a wider range
of Pawnee's citizens,

324
00:12:00,392 --> 00:12:03,603
and a Pawnee cultural
institution will be saved.

325
00:12:03,742 --> 00:12:06,018
- Are there any other comments?
- Yes.

326
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:09,430
The Pawnee chapter
of the "Liberty or Die" party

327
00:12:09,513 --> 00:12:10,689
has hit some hard times.

328
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:11,978
We were wondering if

329
00:12:12,101 --> 00:12:14,556
maybe the town
could loan us some money.

330
00:12:14,961 --> 00:12:16,251
Mm-hmm.

331
00:12:17,049 --> 00:12:19,151
Tom, how did it go
with Mona-Lisa?

332
00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:21,639
I told her she needed
to change her attitude,

333
00:12:21,722 --> 00:12:23,059
or I was gonna have
to fire her.

334
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:26,470
Well, that is very
responsible and mature.

335
00:12:26,553 --> 00:12:27,801
She took it well?

336
00:12:27,884 --> 00:12:30,215
Um... yeah.

337
00:12:30,298 --> 00:12:33,173
For some reason,
she got super turned on.

338
00:12:33,313 --> 00:12:35,345
We started making out.
Hard.

339
00:12:35,491 --> 00:12:37,480
Next thing you know,
we're back at my place,

340
00:12:37,574 --> 00:12:38,962
having sex.

341
00:12:39,477 --> 00:12:40,456
We're together now.

342
00:12:40,539 --> 00:12:42,320
Hey, bitch, I need
to borrow some money

343
00:12:42,403 --> 00:12:44,654
to do something that
is none of your damn beeswax,

344
00:12:44,737 --> 00:12:47,876
namely, I need to wax my bee.

345
00:12:48,024 --> 00:12:48,974
Here you go.

346
00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:50,571
I'd still hit it.

347
00:12:50,690 --> 00:12:52,024
I'm coolin' on you.

348
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:54,775
See? Perfect!

349
00:12:56,112 --> 00:12:57,809
Okay, you have to choose one.

350
00:12:57,892 --> 00:12:58,709
I can't think.

351
00:12:58,792 --> 00:13:00,962
These braids you did
are making my brain hurt.

352
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:03,078
Fine. Miranda.

353
00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:04,518
No, I think you're a Charlotte.

354
00:13:04,601 --> 00:13:06,489
You're like a scary Charlotte.

355
00:13:07,230 --> 00:13:08,162
Hey.

356
00:13:08,525 --> 00:13:10,103
Hey, you.

357
00:13:10,241 --> 00:13:12,564
What's—
what's up?

358
00:13:13,055 --> 00:13:14,181
Nothin'.

359
00:13:14,955 --> 00:13:15,957
This is weird.

360
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:17,110
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it is.

361
00:13:17,193 --> 00:13:18,778
- Why is it weird?
- It's not weird.

362
00:13:18,861 --> 00:13:20,667
Do you want to talk in private?

363
00:13:20,750 --> 00:13:22,759
No, anything you can say
to Ann, you can say to me

364
00:13:22,842 --> 00:13:24,643
because we're best friends
this week.

365
00:13:24,873 --> 00:13:26,185
C-can we talk later?

366
00:13:26,268 --> 00:13:27,052
- Yeah.
- Okay.

367
00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:28,733
- Why don't you talk now?
- No, talk to you later.

368
00:13:28,816 --> 00:13:30,154
Chris, we can talk now.

369
00:13:30,237 --> 00:13:32,215
- What's going on, best friend?
- Nothing, never mind.

370
00:13:32,298 --> 00:13:33,323
- Tell me.
- Nothing's happening.

371
00:13:33,406 --> 00:13:35,806
Back to forced friendship.
Hey, let's go put on our pj's

372
00:13:35,889 --> 00:13:38,102
and make White Russians.
So fun.

373
00:13:39,487 --> 00:13:40,487
Councilwoman.

374
00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:44,080
I just came down to see the effects
of your government intervention,

375
00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:45,528
and I've got to hand it
to you—

376
00:13:45,611 --> 00:13:47,500
You really turned
this place around.

377
00:13:48,533 --> 00:13:49,434
Really?

378
00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:51,821
Oh, my God,
this is amazing, Dennis.

379
00:13:51,904 --> 00:13:53,219
- Hey.
- You did it!

380
00:13:53,302 --> 00:13:55,015
We did it!
I did it.

381
00:13:55,134 --> 00:13:57,305
- This is me.
- Yes, it was.

382
00:13:57,511 --> 00:13:58,588
I took your advice.

383
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,739
Got rid of all
those dusty, old foreign films

384
00:14:00,822 --> 00:14:02,500
and used the money
for the part of our business

385
00:14:02,583 --> 00:14:04,225
that's always done
pretty well for us.

386
00:14:04,308 --> 00:14:06,006
Give the people
what they want, right?

387
00:14:06,089 --> 00:14:07,562
This isn't what people want.

388
00:14:07,850 --> 00:14:09,967
It's definitely
what that guy wants.

389
00:14:10,442 --> 00:14:11,741
I like this store now.

390
00:14:11,931 --> 00:14:13,296
Do you realize
what you have done?

391
00:14:13,446 --> 00:14:16,983
The Pawnee government now
effectively owns a porn shop.

392
00:14:17,326 --> 00:14:19,311
You have made us porn peddlers!

393
00:14:25,508 --> 00:14:27,824
Hello everyone,
I'm Brandi Maxxxx.

394
00:14:27,964 --> 00:14:30,464
Let's give a big round of
applause to Councilwoman Knope

395
00:14:30,547 --> 00:14:32,058
for keeping this store
in business!

396
00:14:32,141 --> 00:14:34,967
No.
Everyone stop applauding.

397
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,905
For the record, I was
just trying to help a place

398
00:14:36,988 --> 00:14:39,456
that had
tremendous cultural value.

399
00:14:39,539 --> 00:14:42,401
Leslie, you've always been
a huge supporter of my work.

400
00:14:42,484 --> 00:14:43,930
No, no, I haven't.

401
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:47,389
So I'm thrilled to tell you
that I'm playing Leslie Knope

402
00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:50,819
in the porn version of the story
of this government bailout!

403
00:14:51,438 --> 00:14:52,472
Please don't do that.

404
00:14:52,555 --> 00:14:54,606
- Oh, we already filmed it.
- Oh!

405
00:14:54,689 --> 00:14:56,745
The porn industry in town
was really faltering.

406
00:14:56,828 --> 00:14:58,054
But now we're back.

407
00:14:58,137 --> 00:14:59,501
You're our hero!

408
00:14:59,584 --> 00:15:01,389
Oh!

409
00:15:02,815 --> 00:15:04,263
Okay.
Are you ready?

410
00:15:04,346 --> 00:15:06,258
For you to tell me
what's going on with Chris? Yes.

411
00:15:06,341 --> 00:15:07,631
No.
To sing.

412
00:15:14,351 --> 00:15:15,700
No, tell me about Chris.

413
00:15:19,222 --> 00:15:22,035
Tell me about Chris, or I'm leaving,
and I don't care about the letter.

414
00:15:23,649 --> 00:15:24,764
I wanna have a baby,

415
00:15:24,847 --> 00:15:26,560
and I asked Chris
to donate his sperm.

416
00:15:26,643 --> 00:15:27,815
And he's taking
a really long time

417
00:15:27,898 --> 00:15:29,710
to make up his mind,
and it's really freaking me out.

418
00:15:29,793 --> 00:15:32,089
And I can't stop thinking about it,
and I'm obsessing about it,

419
00:15:32,172 --> 00:15:33,790
and I want to think
about anything else but that,

420
00:15:33,873 --> 00:15:35,379
but it's making me crazy.

421
00:15:45,444 --> 00:15:46,953
- You know this song already?
- Of course I do.

422
00:15:47,036 --> 00:15:48,870
Everyone knows this song.
It's amazing.

423
00:16:12,701 --> 00:16:14,108
This never happened.

424
00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:19,241
I made everything worse.

425
00:16:19,342 --> 00:16:22,260
If Tom were a bag of flour,
that flour would never grow up

426
00:16:22,343 --> 00:16:24,623
to be a happy,
well-adjusted loaf of bread.

427
00:16:24,743 --> 00:16:25,890
Much less a bran muffin,

428
00:16:25,973 --> 00:16:27,876
which is the highest honor
that flour can achieve.

429
00:16:27,959 --> 00:16:30,124
Okay, so you're
really gonna say no to Ann?

430
00:16:30,207 --> 00:16:32,428
I care about Ann very deeply,
but...

431
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,522
I just don't know
if I'm cut out to be a dad.

432
00:16:35,867 --> 00:16:39,111
You know, Chris,
every parent makes mistakes.

433
00:16:39,194 --> 00:16:41,514
I mean, lord knows
I've made plenty.

434
00:16:41,683 --> 00:16:44,475
But it's the small victories
that keep you going.

435
00:16:44,616 --> 00:16:47,467
When you see your little one
take her first step

436
00:16:47,550 --> 00:16:49,489
or—or graduate college,

437
00:16:49,572 --> 00:16:51,240
oh, my God, it just makes it
all worth it.

438
00:16:52,299 --> 00:16:54,420
And another thing is if—

439
00:16:54,676 --> 00:16:56,498
If, like—

440
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,829
If I—

441
00:16:59,178 --> 00:17:00,441
You know,
and then your kid's—

442
00:17:00,524 --> 00:17:02,153
because you're like—vrrrr—
I don't know.

443
00:17:02,236 --> 00:17:03,116
And everyone's like,

444
00:17:03,199 --> 00:17:04,842
"Oh."

445
00:17:05,134 --> 00:17:06,263
Oh, I'm sorry, guys.

446
00:17:06,346 --> 00:17:07,974
I—no one ever lets me
talk this long.

447
00:17:08,057 --> 00:17:09,328
I just got lost.

448
00:17:09,411 --> 00:17:10,524
It was a beautiful point.

449
00:17:10,607 --> 00:17:12,474
And very well said,
right up until that moment

450
00:17:12,569 --> 00:17:14,155
that you started babbling
incoherently.

451
00:17:15,615 --> 00:17:17,188
And I'll have the number eight.

452
00:17:17,271 --> 00:17:19,570
That's a party platter.
It serves 12 people.

453
00:17:19,653 --> 00:17:21,300
I know what I'm about, son.

454
00:17:22,228 --> 00:17:23,865
Go ahead, Ron.
Let me have it.

455
00:17:23,948 --> 00:17:25,310
Oh, wait, I'll do it for you.

456
00:17:25,393 --> 00:17:27,227
I told you so, Leslie.

457
00:17:27,310 --> 00:17:29,880
This is what happens when the
government interferes with business.

458
00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:31,537
Government is bad,
business is good.

459
00:17:31,620 --> 00:17:33,209
Free market.

460
00:17:33,431 --> 00:17:35,887
Capitalism
is the only way, Leslie.

461
00:17:35,970 --> 00:17:37,637
It moves our country forward.

462
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,397
It's what makes America great.

463
00:17:39,539 --> 00:17:41,770
And England okay
and France terrible.

464
00:17:41,853 --> 00:17:44,560
I like capitalism.
I love competition.

465
00:17:44,643 --> 00:17:45,960
I'm more competitive than you.

466
00:17:46,043 --> 00:17:47,021
- I don't think so.
- I think so.

467
00:17:47,104 --> 00:17:48,456
- Settle down.
- No, settle up.

468
00:17:48,539 --> 00:17:50,508
'Cause the bill's been paid,
and I've paid it, and I've won.

469
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,768
Look, the point is
there has to be a way

470
00:17:52,851 --> 00:17:55,764
for the government to help places
that add community value

471
00:17:55,847 --> 00:17:58,322
but don't necessarily
rake in the money.

472
00:17:58,405 --> 00:17:59,516
There is not.

473
00:18:00,262 --> 00:18:01,664
The free market is a jungle.

474
00:18:01,747 --> 00:18:04,506
It's beautiful and brutal
and should be left alone.

475
00:18:04,589 --> 00:18:06,347
When a business fails, it dies,

476
00:18:06,430 --> 00:18:08,328
and a new, better one
takes its place.

477
00:18:08,449 --> 00:18:11,762
Just let business be business
and government be government.

478
00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:13,516
Here you go.

479
00:18:13,599 --> 00:18:16,089
And one number eight.

480
00:18:16,172 --> 00:18:17,574
All right, party time.

481
00:18:17,657 --> 00:18:19,852
I would suggest sticking
around and watching him eat it

482
00:18:19,935 --> 00:18:22,230
'cause it only takes four minutes,
and it's pretty amazing.

483
00:18:22,313 --> 00:18:24,183
These will not be necessary.

484
00:18:27,639 --> 00:18:29,474
Here is your letter
of recommendation,

485
00:18:29,557 --> 00:18:31,017
so you're off the hook.

486
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:33,065
No need to pretend
to be my friend anymore.

487
00:18:33,148 --> 00:18:34,389
Thank God.

488
00:18:35,027 --> 00:18:36,718
I can't tell
if you actually hate me

489
00:18:36,801 --> 00:18:38,147
or if this is just how you are,

490
00:18:38,230 --> 00:18:40,365
but I had fun hanging out
with you.

491
00:18:40,593 --> 00:18:43,835
So I don't care what you say,
you're my friend.

492
00:18:43,965 --> 00:18:45,507
And I hope you get
into veterinary school

493
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:47,435
because I like you, so there.

494
00:18:48,445 --> 00:18:50,107
I got you something too.

495
00:18:51,153 --> 00:18:52,444
A baby-naming book.

496
00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:53,845
I hope it works out with Chris.

497
00:18:53,928 --> 00:18:56,045
And if it doesn't, I hope
it works out with someone.

498
00:18:56,989 --> 00:18:57,986
We're gonna hug now.

499
00:18:58,069 --> 00:18:59,271
- No.
- Yeah.

500
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:00,912
Ow! You're hurting me!

501
00:19:01,051 --> 00:19:03,936
Mm! Lot of hot "D"
in here tonight.

502
00:19:04,083 --> 00:19:06,053
Ooh, look at that chunky hunky.

503
00:19:06,136 --> 00:19:08,622
Go over there and talk to him
and find out what his deal is.

504
00:19:08,705 --> 00:19:10,558
No, I'm not gonna talk
to some other guy.

505
00:19:10,641 --> 00:19:12,552
When we're together,
you can't check out other guys.

506
00:19:12,635 --> 00:19:13,422
That's the deal.

507
00:19:13,505 --> 00:19:15,303
Or else it's over between us,
you understand?

508
00:19:15,443 --> 00:19:18,170
Mm! Tommy laying down the law.
A little feisty.

509
00:19:18,253 --> 00:19:20,757
I like that, okay?
I'ma go get a soda.

510
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,145
Do you want to have sex
somewhere after I do that?

511
00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:24,974
- Sure.
- All right.

512
00:19:29,004 --> 00:19:29,795
Well.

513
00:19:29,878 --> 00:19:32,419
Looks like things
with Mona-Lisa are...

514
00:19:33,209 --> 00:19:34,209
Continuing.

515
00:19:34,292 --> 00:19:36,520
Yeah. I think
I'm gradually transforming her

516
00:19:36,603 --> 00:19:38,614
from truly terrible
to only kinda terrible.

517
00:19:38,697 --> 00:19:40,286
It's the small victories,
you know?

518
00:19:41,081 --> 00:19:42,208
Indeed.

519
00:19:42,604 --> 00:19:43,661
The small victories.

520
00:19:43,744 --> 00:19:45,194
I know she's kind of a monster,

521
00:19:45,277 --> 00:19:46,720
but whatever.

522
00:19:46,803 --> 00:19:48,614
I'm young.
She's sexy.

523
00:19:48,982 --> 00:19:50,794
I'm just gonna see
where this roller coaster goes.

524
00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:52,122
Fair enough.

525
00:19:52,597 --> 00:19:54,411
Is there anything else
you need help with?

526
00:19:54,645 --> 00:19:56,113
Have you learned
how to ride a bike yet?

527
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:57,915
Yeah.
I'm 28 years old.

528
00:19:58,884 --> 00:20:00,630
I'm proud of you, bud.

529
00:20:02,844 --> 00:20:03,896
Thanks!

530
00:20:04,389 --> 00:20:05,505
Ann Perkins.

531
00:20:05,724 --> 00:20:08,152
Is that a happy "Ann Perkins,"

532
00:20:08,235 --> 00:20:10,444
or is that
a bad-news "Ann Perkins"?

533
00:20:10,527 --> 00:20:11,784
Oh, happy.
Obviously.

534
00:20:11,867 --> 00:20:13,409
The bad-news one
sounds like this.

535
00:20:13,982 --> 00:20:15,021
"Ann Perkins."

536
00:20:15,138 --> 00:20:15,943
Oh.

537
00:20:16,026 --> 00:20:17,226
Well, I've thought about it.

538
00:20:17,887 --> 00:20:18,953
And I'm in.

539
00:20:19,036 --> 00:20:20,279
I want to be a parent.

540
00:20:20,439 --> 00:20:21,865
I want to raise a child,

541
00:20:22,631 --> 00:20:24,995
with all the ups and downs

542
00:20:25,078 --> 00:20:27,396
and challenges
that comes with it.

543
00:20:27,911 --> 00:20:29,862
Chris, this is so great.

544
00:20:29,945 --> 00:20:32,016
- I'm so happy.
- Me too.

545
00:20:32,099 --> 00:20:35,145
Well, I guess your uter-you
and my uter-me

546
00:20:35,228 --> 00:20:36,802
are now our uter-us.

547
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,740
Don't make me change my mind.

548
00:20:39,351 --> 00:20:42,417
Although we are all sad
and deeply grossed out

549
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:43,974
that the Pawnee Videodome

550
00:20:44,057 --> 00:20:45,880
is turning into a porno palace,

551
00:20:45,963 --> 00:20:48,501
I am happy to announce
that the Pawnee government

552
00:20:48,584 --> 00:20:51,653
will be hosting
a weekly movie night

553
00:20:51,736 --> 00:20:52,897
here at the Community Center.

554
00:20:52,980 --> 00:20:55,699
There will be free screenings
followed by a discussion

555
00:20:55,782 --> 00:20:58,473
led by local film buff
Dennis Lerpiss.

556
00:20:58,647 --> 00:20:59,885
Tonight's film is...

557
00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:01,365
The Sound Of Music.

558
00:21:02,410 --> 00:21:04,349
And... action.

559
00:21:05,209 --> 00:21:07,058
I'm glad you're here,
Dong Swanson.

560
00:21:07,141 --> 00:21:09,243
The local video store's
about to go under.

561
00:21:09,326 --> 00:21:10,428
We have to save it.

562
00:21:10,511 --> 00:21:11,737
Oh, this is the wrong movie.

563
00:21:12,042 --> 00:21:13,116
We ne—
shut this down, please.

564
00:21:13,199 --> 00:21:15,057
- Shut it down.
- Sorry, Leslie.

565
00:21:15,282 --> 00:21:18,354
I'm a strict libertarian,
and I don't believe in bailouts.

566
00:21:18,508 --> 00:21:20,242
This is not how it happened.

567
00:21:25,184 --> 00:21:27,225
Sync and corrected by LeRalouf

568
00:21:28,325 --> 00:21:38,325
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