1 00:00:00,601 --> 00:00:02,357 First of all, I am rage glowing. 2 00:00:02,393 --> 00:00:04,358 Second, you wanna cut funding 3 00:00:04,393 --> 00:00:06,289 for the Pawnee Palms Public Putt-Putt? 4 00:00:06,324 --> 00:00:08,672 What did the P.P.P.P.P. ever do to you? 5 00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:11,177 Ron is very anti-government, and he has that philosophy, 6 00:00:11,213 --> 00:00:12,690 but there are just certain things that you don't cut. 7 00:00:12,727 --> 00:00:15,839 Schools, police, mini-golf, merry-go-rounds, parades, 8 00:00:15,874 --> 00:00:18,274 gazebo repair, roads and bridges, whatever. 9 00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:20,397 Pretty gardens, hummingbird feeders. 10 00:00:20,432 --> 00:00:23,510 I believe in cutting useless government projects. 11 00:00:23,547 --> 00:00:25,911 I also believe in cutting useful projects, 12 00:00:25,947 --> 00:00:28,833 future projects, and past projects. 13 00:00:28,870 --> 00:00:31,408 The Hoover Dam is a travesty. 14 00:00:31,444 --> 00:00:33,078 You also believe in making furniture. 15 00:00:33,114 --> 00:00:35,252 Why don't you go solder a chair instead? 16 00:00:35,289 --> 00:00:36,766 Do you expect me to make a chair 17 00:00:36,802 --> 00:00:39,479 out of transistor chips and small wires? 18 00:00:39,534 --> 00:00:41,672 Look, the defunding of the mini-golf course 19 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,403 is on the agenda for the city council meeting tomorrow. 20 00:00:44,438 --> 00:00:47,412 I'm sure you'll argue against it with your trademark vigor. 21 00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:49,778 Oh, I will argue, and I'm gonna win. 22 00:00:49,831 --> 00:00:51,936 That putt-putt is gonna be around forever, 23 00:00:51,971 --> 00:00:53,466 and when I am done with it, 24 00:00:53,519 --> 00:00:56,684 it'll attract more visitors than the Hoover Dam. 25 00:00:56,703 --> 00:00:59,659 And it'll produce double the amount of electricity. 26 00:00:59,695 --> 00:01:01,276 - How? - I'll figure it out. 27 00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:02,982 It already has windmills. Who cares? 28 00:01:06,062 --> 00:01:11,073 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 29 00:01:23,961 --> 00:01:25,979 Councilmen, I have something to discuss with you, 30 00:01:26,014 --> 00:01:27,736 but before I do, can I just point out 31 00:01:27,789 --> 00:01:30,537 how handsome the both of you look today? 32 00:01:30,572 --> 00:01:32,937 - Yeah, I know. - I feel very ill. 33 00:01:32,973 --> 00:01:34,834 Okay, well, tomorrow we are voting on funding 34 00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:36,765 for the mini-golf course, and personally, 35 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,139 I think it is great for families, 36 00:01:38,174 --> 00:01:41,497 it's a great job creator, and it's extremely cute. 37 00:01:41,532 --> 00:01:43,358 I'm wondering which way you two are leaning. 38 00:01:43,393 --> 00:01:44,958 Well, the last time I was there, 39 00:01:44,994 --> 00:01:48,420 I saw kids of all races getting along and playing. 40 00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,350 It was terrible. 41 00:01:50,387 --> 00:01:51,759 So I'm voting to get rid of it. 42 00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,864 At least you have a good reason. 43 00:01:53,901 --> 00:01:55,795 Well, Howser is with me. 44 00:01:55,831 --> 00:01:57,065 Milton is with Dexhart. 45 00:01:57,102 --> 00:01:58,700 Jeremy, you're the swing vote. 46 00:01:58,753 --> 00:02:00,284 - What do you think? - Hmm. 47 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,067 Well, on the one hand, I love cutting government programs. 48 00:02:03,103 --> 00:02:06,250 On the other hand, mini-golf rules. 49 00:02:06,286 --> 00:02:09,399 And on the third hand, I hate both you and Ron Swanson. 50 00:02:09,435 --> 00:02:11,435 So this one could go either way. 51 00:02:11,470 --> 00:02:13,278 I'm kind of a badass wild card. 52 00:02:14,044 --> 00:02:15,696 Hey, what are you doing tonight? 53 00:02:15,732 --> 00:02:17,836 More like who am I doing? 54 00:02:20,759 --> 00:02:21,506 No one. 55 00:02:21,525 --> 00:02:22,602 I'm free. What's up? 56 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,351 Can I get two beers and an ice water 57 00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:27,630 for my friend here, designated driver? 58 00:02:27,666 --> 00:02:29,596 I am? You drove here. 59 00:02:29,631 --> 00:02:30,587 Nah, it's too late, bro. 60 00:02:30,623 --> 00:02:31,649 I already ordered the water. 61 00:02:31,702 --> 00:02:32,953 I don't know what you want me to do. 62 00:02:32,989 --> 00:02:34,223 Andy and I just closed a big donation 63 00:02:34,259 --> 00:02:35,788 to the Redwood Music Program, 64 00:02:35,825 --> 00:02:37,684 a charity he discovered, 65 00:02:37,703 --> 00:02:40,433 so I suggested we all go out for a celebratory drink. 66 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:44,782 And somehow I just ended up becoming the designated driver. 67 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,548 And paying for everyone. 68 00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:49,862 And I didn't get to choose the bar. 69 00:02:49,897 --> 00:02:52,001 I should be more assertive. 70 00:02:53,881 --> 00:02:56,768 Aw, the band is moving me tonight. 71 00:02:56,804 --> 00:02:58,456 It's really good. 72 00:02:58,491 --> 00:03:00,612 Really? They sound kinda crappy to me. 73 00:03:00,631 --> 00:03:02,004 Kinda sounds like one of your songs, babe. 74 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,987 Well, you know what, Mouse Rat has a lot of influence 75 00:03:04,006 --> 00:03:06,005 on some of the local high school bands, 76 00:03:06,042 --> 00:03:08,180 mostly 'cause Chang buys 'em beer and whatnot. 77 00:03:08,216 --> 00:03:10,214 Wait, Andy, this is a Mouse Rat song. 78 00:03:13,312 --> 00:03:14,459 That's my band. 79 00:03:14,496 --> 00:03:15,625 I didn't recognize us without me 80 00:03:15,661 --> 00:03:16,809 because I'm the only one that matters. 81 00:03:16,844 --> 00:03:18,147 Thank you, everyone. 82 00:03:18,166 --> 00:03:19,696 We are Rat Mouse. 83 00:03:19,731 --> 00:03:21,140 Rat Mouse? 84 00:03:21,175 --> 00:03:22,166 Rat bastards. 85 00:03:22,201 --> 00:03:23,158 They're playing without me? 86 00:03:23,193 --> 00:03:24,984 That's a song I wrote! 87 00:03:26,063 --> 00:03:28,341 Hey, baby, can I borrow your car for a month? 88 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:29,646 I already lent you my car. 89 00:03:29,682 --> 00:03:31,159 Do you not know where my car is? 90 00:03:31,196 --> 00:03:33,073 Ugh, I'm so sick of the third degree. 91 00:03:33,109 --> 00:03:34,204 It's like dating a cop. 92 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,518 I'm gassy. Let's make out. 93 00:03:36,553 --> 00:03:37,614 - What? - Yeah. 94 00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:39,388 Move aside! 95 00:03:39,442 --> 00:03:41,753 Dating Mona-Lisa is awesome. 96 00:03:41,806 --> 00:03:44,380 Except that I live in constant fear for my life. 97 00:03:44,399 --> 00:03:47,060 So I guess it's time to do the mature thing 98 00:03:47,095 --> 00:03:49,756 and have someone else dump her for me. 99 00:03:49,792 --> 00:03:52,800 Uh, Perkins, sit down. 100 00:03:52,818 --> 00:03:54,661 I just heard that you and Traeger 101 00:03:54,697 --> 00:03:56,209 might be getting back together. 102 00:03:56,245 --> 00:03:57,462 Yeah, it's funny, right? 103 00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:58,663 I mean, we're already planning 104 00:03:58,698 --> 00:03:59,828 on having a baby together. 105 00:03:59,846 --> 00:04:00,941 We're not quite a couple but... 106 00:04:00,977 --> 00:04:02,037 Yeah. Cool. Congrats. 107 00:04:02,074 --> 00:04:03,395 Listen, I need your help. 108 00:04:03,430 --> 00:04:04,821 My girlfriend is crazy. 109 00:04:04,857 --> 00:04:07,047 You say that about every girl you date. 110 00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:08,247 You said that about me. 111 00:04:08,284 --> 00:04:09,587 Calm down, Ann. You're proving my point. 112 00:04:09,623 --> 00:04:12,405 Seriously, Mona-Lisa is legit insane. 113 00:04:12,459 --> 00:04:13,536 She once jumped out of a moving car 114 00:04:13,555 --> 00:04:15,259 to buy a Nicki Minaj poster. 115 00:04:15,294 --> 00:04:17,537 Can you break up with her for me? 116 00:04:17,572 --> 00:04:19,328 I'm not gonna dump a girl for you. 117 00:04:19,365 --> 00:04:21,329 I'll give you that chenille blanket of mine 118 00:04:21,365 --> 00:04:23,104 - you love so much. - Deal. 119 00:04:23,139 --> 00:04:24,599 Ugh, but that's my favorite blankie. 120 00:04:24,618 --> 00:04:26,148 - Won't you do it for free? - Nope. 121 00:04:26,201 --> 00:04:28,688 Fine. 122 00:04:28,723 --> 00:04:31,314 Yeah, dead ringer for Courtney Thorne-Smith. 123 00:04:31,351 --> 00:04:33,350 She works at the gas station. 124 00:04:33,386 --> 00:04:35,872 Okay, I need to have Jamm fall in love with this place, 125 00:04:35,891 --> 00:04:37,230 so I'm rolling out the red carpet. 126 00:04:37,265 --> 00:04:38,847 I need you to stay upbeat. 127 00:04:38,900 --> 00:04:40,151 Keep things light. 128 00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:41,195 Absolutely. 129 00:04:41,214 --> 00:04:42,918 I can be a sort of... 130 00:04:42,953 --> 00:04:45,214 Conversational lubricant. 131 00:04:45,267 --> 00:04:46,189 Yeah, there's probably a less gross way 132 00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:47,284 to say it, but sure. 133 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:48,589 I love being a caddy. 134 00:04:48,624 --> 00:04:52,067 It's so much more than just carrying clubs. 135 00:04:52,104 --> 00:04:54,695 It's about offering positive reinforcement. 136 00:04:54,730 --> 00:04:58,208 I consider myself a caddy to everyone in my life. 137 00:04:58,227 --> 00:05:01,131 - Yeah, good one! - Nice shot! 138 00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:02,348 Great sweeping. 139 00:05:02,367 --> 00:05:05,602 Way to be, duck. 140 00:05:05,655 --> 00:05:07,567 Councilman, nice putter. 141 00:05:07,586 --> 00:05:09,098 Oh, thank you very much. 142 00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,499 Some fat Hawaiian guy left it in my waiting room. 143 00:05:11,535 --> 00:05:12,912 When he came back, I was all like, 144 00:05:12,943 --> 00:05:15,430 "Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, no, I haven't seen it. 145 00:05:15,467 --> 00:05:16,422 I don't know." 146 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:17,900 Classic. 147 00:05:17,937 --> 00:05:20,354 What a great and funny story. 148 00:05:20,389 --> 00:05:22,720 Okay, before we start, anybody want a hot dog? 149 00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:24,007 Hot dogs? 150 00:05:24,042 --> 00:05:27,224 You know I have irritable bowel syndrome, you racist. 151 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,504 Yikes, okay. How about a snow cone on me? 152 00:05:29,539 --> 00:05:30,686 Hello, Councilman. 153 00:05:30,723 --> 00:05:33,522 Chris, Leslie, snow cone lady. 154 00:05:33,558 --> 00:05:35,366 I see you're about to play a round 155 00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,558 of publicly subsidized mini-golf. 156 00:05:38,115 --> 00:05:40,585 Mind if I join you? 157 00:05:40,933 --> 00:05:44,290 Well, hello, Burly, Chang. 158 00:05:44,326 --> 00:05:45,525 Hey, man, what's up? 159 00:05:45,561 --> 00:05:47,248 I was just over at the bar, 160 00:05:47,283 --> 00:05:49,161 enjoying a wonderful night with my co-workers 161 00:05:49,214 --> 00:05:50,639 who all talked about how awesome I was, 162 00:05:50,676 --> 00:05:51,631 and I look up, and what do I see? 163 00:05:51,668 --> 00:05:53,041 A band. 164 00:05:53,076 --> 00:05:54,640 But you're missing something like, uh, I don't know, 165 00:05:54,677 --> 00:05:58,729 your lead singer/songwriter/ T-shirt designer/nacho chef. 166 00:05:58,764 --> 00:06:00,172 What's up? 167 00:06:00,191 --> 00:06:02,156 First of all, your nachos are terrible. 168 00:06:02,192 --> 00:06:03,635 No one's had the guts to tell you. 169 00:06:03,670 --> 00:06:05,096 Why don't you melt the cheese? 170 00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,088 We tried to tell you about the show, man. 171 00:06:08,124 --> 00:06:09,793 I called your cell, like, 20 times. 172 00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:11,550 Well, I dropped my cell phone 173 00:06:11,585 --> 00:06:13,654 in a bowl of cereal last week, you idiot. 174 00:06:13,691 --> 00:06:16,142 You bothered to call me, you'd have known that. 175 00:06:16,177 --> 00:06:17,446 Maybe you should change your name 176 00:06:17,483 --> 00:06:20,299 to Burly and The Backstabbers. 177 00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:21,952 That's a pretty good name, actually. 178 00:06:21,971 --> 00:06:24,458 Yeah, he's really good at coming up with names. 179 00:06:25,014 --> 00:06:26,927 Get me a Budweiser Black Crown. 180 00:06:26,946 --> 00:06:28,319 You guys got Black Crown here? 181 00:06:28,338 --> 00:06:30,215 If not, you should. 182 00:06:30,251 --> 00:06:31,346 Ron, are you gonna be joining us? 183 00:06:31,381 --> 00:06:33,503 I won't be playing. 184 00:06:33,539 --> 00:06:35,521 I'm simply here to remind Councilman Jamm 185 00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:37,539 that this ridiculous play palace 186 00:06:37,575 --> 00:06:40,183 costs the taxpayers thousands of dollars a year. 187 00:06:40,202 --> 00:06:41,679 And what a bargain. 188 00:06:41,716 --> 00:06:44,462 I mean, kids love it, adults love it, Jamm loves it. 189 00:06:44,499 --> 00:06:45,767 Everybody loves it. 190 00:06:45,803 --> 00:06:47,106 It's like the Toy Story 3 of places. 191 00:06:47,142 --> 00:06:48,376 Yeah, she's right, Swanson. 192 00:06:48,413 --> 00:06:49,768 I do love it. 193 00:06:49,804 --> 00:06:51,073 You should relax a little. 194 00:06:51,109 --> 00:06:52,325 Have a snow cone. 195 00:06:52,361 --> 00:06:53,509 Leslie's buying all night. 196 00:06:53,544 --> 00:06:54,639 You don't say. 197 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:56,292 She's buying you snow cones, 198 00:06:56,328 --> 00:07:00,118 and tomorrow you're voting on an issue that she cares about. 199 00:07:00,468 --> 00:07:01,771 Hey, guys, what, are we gonna stand around all day 200 00:07:01,807 --> 00:07:04,363 and listen to Ron spout off unrelated facts 201 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:06,625 about blah, blah, blah, or are we gonna play? 202 00:07:06,644 --> 00:07:07,843 Game on. 203 00:07:07,844 --> 00:07:08,886 Hey, everybody, great news. 204 00:07:09,427 --> 00:07:11,635 They gave us free mylar balloons. 205 00:07:11,670 --> 00:07:13,949 I got dibs on the dinosaur. 206 00:07:13,984 --> 00:07:16,123 And the pirate and the dolphin. I want all of 'em. 207 00:07:16,159 --> 00:07:18,298 - You got 'em. - Sweet. 208 00:07:20,122 --> 00:07:22,469 The Councilman is away... Good luck to you both. 209 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,675 Luck has nothing to do with it, Chris. 210 00:07:28,109 --> 00:07:29,135 Yeah, I could be a pro! 211 00:07:29,188 --> 00:07:30,926 Wow, you are on fire, Jeremy. 212 00:07:31,170 --> 00:07:32,439 - Having fun? - Mmhmm. 213 00:07:32,476 --> 00:07:35,396 I think this proves that this is a wonderful place 214 00:07:35,641 --> 00:07:37,728 that brings joy to people's lives 215 00:07:37,763 --> 00:07:39,589 and brings a community together. 216 00:07:39,608 --> 00:07:41,659 It's also a place that costs the taxpayer 217 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:44,738 $9,000 in annual subsidies. 218 00:07:45,922 --> 00:07:47,244 You guys sound like school. 219 00:07:47,279 --> 00:07:49,922 I have two important pieces of caddy information. 220 00:07:49,958 --> 00:07:52,184 Councilman Jamm leads by eight strokes, 221 00:07:52,219 --> 00:07:54,340 and you are both about to set a course record. 222 00:07:54,376 --> 00:07:55,680 For friendship. 223 00:07:55,716 --> 00:07:58,098 On to the next hole. 224 00:07:58,134 --> 00:08:00,498 You are pandering to get a vote. 225 00:08:00,534 --> 00:08:02,516 And worse, you're deliberately losing. 226 00:08:02,535 --> 00:08:03,630 I am not deliberately losing. 227 00:08:03,665 --> 00:08:05,579 I'm having a very off night. 228 00:08:05,614 --> 00:08:07,161 Losing on purpose is a form of lying. 229 00:08:07,718 --> 00:08:09,944 You're only as good as your word. 230 00:08:09,981 --> 00:08:11,040 You want a word, Ron? 231 00:08:11,077 --> 00:08:12,659 I have a word for you. 232 00:08:12,694 --> 00:08:15,041 I will do anything I can to get Jamm's vote 233 00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:16,764 so that he will keep this course open, 234 00:08:16,817 --> 00:08:18,068 and it will be good for the community... 235 00:08:18,087 --> 00:08:19,217 stop! I know it's more than one word. 236 00:08:19,253 --> 00:08:21,548 Shut up. 237 00:08:23,688 --> 00:08:24,940 Hi, Mona-Lisa? 238 00:08:24,993 --> 00:08:26,175 Hi. 239 00:08:26,211 --> 00:08:27,219 I'm Ann Perkins. 240 00:08:27,254 --> 00:08:29,115 - I used to date Tom. - Oh, okay. 241 00:08:29,151 --> 00:08:31,811 We can do this, but I will bite you. 242 00:08:31,848 --> 00:08:34,160 Is that a screwdrive... no, I do not want to fight. 243 00:08:34,196 --> 00:08:35,343 - No. - Okay. 244 00:08:35,378 --> 00:08:37,256 I just wanna talk to you woman-to-woman 245 00:08:37,309 --> 00:08:40,197 because I know Tom pretty well. 246 00:08:40,232 --> 00:08:41,188 Do you know his ATM pin? 247 00:08:41,224 --> 00:08:42,284 'Cause I cannot crack 248 00:08:42,319 --> 00:08:43,397 that little bitch's code. 249 00:08:43,433 --> 00:08:44,997 I don't. 250 00:08:45,545 --> 00:08:46,720 You know what used to drive me nuts? 251 00:08:46,755 --> 00:08:48,667 He is a total control freak. 252 00:08:48,704 --> 00:08:51,503 I mean, you have to put a coaster down on every surface, 253 00:08:51,521 --> 00:08:53,086 and the worst part is, they're all 254 00:08:53,140 --> 00:08:55,383 made out of pictures from Diddy's Instagram. 255 00:08:55,419 --> 00:08:57,418 Diddy's on Instagram? 256 00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:01,124 How did I not know that Diddy was on Instagram, you jagweeds? 257 00:09:01,159 --> 00:09:03,680 - Who are you yelling at? - The jagweeds. 258 00:09:03,716 --> 00:09:05,855 Why are you still in front of me? 259 00:09:09,092 --> 00:09:11,247 I mean, I'm an adult now, you know? 260 00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:14,274 I work two part-time jobs. Hello. 261 00:09:14,311 --> 00:09:15,614 I don't need the stress 262 00:09:15,650 --> 00:09:17,772 of playing guitar with my friends every few weeks. 263 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:20,641 Yeah, plus look how bad they are without you. 264 00:09:21,216 --> 00:09:22,259 Burly's terrible. 265 00:09:22,556 --> 00:09:24,730 He actually has a really beautiful voice 266 00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,034 for a backup singer. 267 00:09:26,069 --> 00:09:27,878 Right, that's what I meant. 268 00:09:27,913 --> 00:09:30,383 I love Andy, but to be perfectly honest, 269 00:09:30,419 --> 00:09:31,966 Mouse Rat's music is not my thing. 270 00:09:32,001 --> 00:09:34,418 I really only listen to, like, German Death Reggae 271 00:09:34,455 --> 00:09:37,359 and Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s. 272 00:09:37,412 --> 00:09:38,663 And Bette Midler. 273 00:09:38,699 --> 00:09:40,891 Obviously. 274 00:09:40,926 --> 00:09:42,821 You know what, I'm retiring from music. 275 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,543 - Andy. Andy. - Done. 276 00:09:44,579 --> 00:09:45,883 But not without first 277 00:09:45,936 --> 00:09:50,023 a monster farewell performance solo 278 00:09:50,059 --> 00:09:52,458 on this stage tonight, everybody. 279 00:09:52,494 --> 00:09:54,754 I'ma show these idiots what a big mistake they made. 280 00:09:54,791 --> 00:09:57,764 I need piece of paper, I need a pen, I need four more beers, 281 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,530 I need a computer fan, I need a lightning bolt of inspiration. 282 00:10:00,583 --> 00:10:01,678 It's song writing time. 283 00:10:01,713 --> 00:10:03,748 What do you need a computer fan for? 284 00:10:03,784 --> 00:10:07,001 Sometimes when you use a computer, it gets hot, 285 00:10:07,038 --> 00:10:10,237 and the fan cools it down. 286 00:10:11,316 --> 00:10:12,412 You know, I think it's great 287 00:10:12,447 --> 00:10:14,638 that you're cool with Tom's financial situation. 288 00:10:14,674 --> 00:10:15,734 What are you talking about? 289 00:10:15,787 --> 00:10:18,500 Tommy owns his own business. 290 00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,466 Yeah, but he had to borrow a lot of money, 291 00:10:20,501 --> 00:10:22,535 and when you're not around, 292 00:10:22,572 --> 00:10:25,388 Tom drinks tap water. 293 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:26,658 What? 294 00:10:26,695 --> 00:10:28,781 Excuse me. 295 00:10:28,817 --> 00:10:30,677 You're broke? 296 00:10:30,696 --> 00:10:33,217 Uh, yeah, super broke. Are you upset about that? 297 00:10:33,236 --> 00:10:36,122 Mm, yeah, 'cause I don't eff with poorsies. 298 00:10:36,175 --> 00:10:39,271 But thanks to a warning from my new best friend, 299 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,679 I don't have to, okay? 300 00:10:40,716 --> 00:10:42,854 We're done, you're awesome, 301 00:10:42,872 --> 00:10:45,098 and I don't even usually like Puerto Rican chicks. 302 00:10:45,134 --> 00:10:46,872 I'm not... I mean, it shouldn't matter, but I'm... 303 00:10:46,925 --> 00:10:48,490 You're breaking up with me? 304 00:10:48,509 --> 00:10:51,639 - Oh, man, that sucks. - That's right. It's over. 305 00:10:51,675 --> 00:10:53,170 Let's go dance. 306 00:10:53,223 --> 00:10:54,442 Help. 307 00:10:57,293 --> 00:10:59,728 Ugh, I cannot catch a break. 308 00:10:59,763 --> 00:11:01,659 You better find your stroke, Knope. 309 00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,277 Guys, I'm gonna let Julie go home. 310 00:11:03,313 --> 00:11:05,643 It's getting late, and Jeremy's eaten all the syrup. 311 00:11:05,678 --> 00:11:06,895 Thank you. 312 00:11:06,931 --> 00:11:08,009 It's been an honor working alongside you. 313 00:11:08,044 --> 00:11:09,800 - Thanks. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. 314 00:11:09,853 --> 00:11:11,575 Snow cones are half the fun. 315 00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:13,070 Yeah, Julie, could you stay, please? 316 00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:15,036 I have calculus homework. I... 317 00:11:15,054 --> 00:11:17,176 Oh, well, math is worthless in real life. 318 00:11:17,212 --> 00:11:19,334 I mean, there's an app for calculating tips. 319 00:11:19,369 --> 00:11:20,359 That's all you need. 320 00:11:20,379 --> 00:11:21,594 Math is very important, 321 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:23,125 especially for young women. Stay in school. 322 00:11:23,179 --> 00:11:26,118 I've made my point. Leslie has made hers. 323 00:11:26,171 --> 00:11:28,501 Which way are you voting, Councilman? 324 00:11:28,537 --> 00:11:30,164 Uh, well, I'm kind of still on the fence 325 00:11:30,207 --> 00:11:31,597 about this budget thing, 326 00:11:31,633 --> 00:11:34,450 but I do love watching you guys squabble over me. 327 00:11:34,469 --> 00:11:36,485 You sure make a guy feel like a real lady. 328 00:11:36,522 --> 00:11:37,564 Weird. 329 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,216 All right, how about this? 330 00:11:39,235 --> 00:11:40,869 You two play each other. 331 00:11:40,905 --> 00:11:43,130 Nine holes. Winner gets my vote. 332 00:11:43,184 --> 00:11:45,374 I'm game. Ron? 333 00:11:45,410 --> 00:11:47,341 An athletic competition where both parties 334 00:11:47,394 --> 00:11:50,124 are competing their hardest is certainly more honorable 335 00:11:50,159 --> 00:11:51,777 than whatever this charade is. 336 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:53,273 Sudden death playoff 337 00:11:53,308 --> 00:11:55,186 on the very course that hangs in the balance. 338 00:11:55,222 --> 00:11:57,500 I could literally faint 339 00:11:57,536 --> 00:11:59,135 if I didn't have impeccable blood pressure. 340 00:12:01,224 --> 00:12:02,579 Oh, hey, everybody. 341 00:12:02,616 --> 00:12:04,771 My name is Andy Dwyer. 342 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:07,363 You probably know me as the artist formerly known 343 00:12:07,398 --> 00:12:09,276 as the lead singer of Mouse Rat. 344 00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:13,086 Well, after tonight, you'll only know me as the former artist 345 00:12:13,539 --> 00:12:16,792 formerly known as the lead singer of Mouse Rat. 346 00:12:16,828 --> 00:12:18,601 I'm retiring from music. 347 00:12:18,637 --> 00:12:22,028 This is my swan song. 348 00:12:52,645 --> 00:12:54,576 - Tom. - What happened to you? 349 00:12:54,611 --> 00:12:56,107 Mona-Lisa happened to me. 350 00:12:56,125 --> 00:12:58,437 She covered me in glitter and Anna Nicole body spray. 351 00:12:58,474 --> 00:13:00,456 Why do they still even make that? 352 00:13:00,491 --> 00:13:02,247 They don't... she's had the same bottle for years. 353 00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:04,230 She just mixes in water and baby oil. 354 00:13:04,266 --> 00:13:06,056 Now it's your turn to help me, okay? 355 00:13:06,075 --> 00:13:08,440 You need to break things off with me and Mona-Lisa. 356 00:13:08,476 --> 00:13:10,441 Uh, Ann, this might be a battle 357 00:13:10,476 --> 00:13:11,467 you need to fight yourself. 358 00:13:11,503 --> 00:13:12,632 I try not to get involved 359 00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:13,711 in other people's personal relationships. 360 00:13:13,729 --> 00:13:15,259 Aah! Don't hurt me. 361 00:13:15,296 --> 00:13:16,773 Get me out of this friendship! 362 00:13:36,013 --> 00:13:39,718 Why is there a gorilla guarding this gingerbread house? 363 00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:41,196 Because mini-golf is awesome. 364 00:13:41,232 --> 00:13:43,276 It's cute, and it's fun, and it needs to be saved. 365 00:13:43,319 --> 00:13:45,896 Less talk. More competing for my vote. 366 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:51,042 Wow. 367 00:13:51,062 --> 00:13:52,417 This is it. 368 00:13:52,453 --> 00:13:53,964 Ron leads by one. 369 00:13:53,983 --> 00:13:55,913 If he hits the ball into the dragon's mouth, 370 00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:57,113 he gets Jamm's vote. 371 00:13:57,167 --> 00:13:58,610 Uh, bean sprouts. 372 00:13:58,645 --> 00:14:00,749 Tofu. Ralph Nader. 373 00:14:00,786 --> 00:14:02,959 Ayn Rand is a terrible writer. 374 00:14:03,012 --> 00:14:06,108 Don't mess up, don't mess up, don't mess up. 375 00:14:07,361 --> 00:14:08,368 - Damn it! - Hole- in-one! 376 00:14:08,405 --> 00:14:09,708 Excellent win, Ron. 377 00:14:09,761 --> 00:14:11,570 Even better loss, Leslie. 378 00:14:11,588 --> 00:14:13,501 Ultimately, we learn the most about ourselves 379 00:14:13,536 --> 00:14:15,240 through the losses. 380 00:14:15,276 --> 00:14:16,284 Swanson, I hate you. 381 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,762 Nothing will change that. 382 00:14:17,799 --> 00:14:20,094 But I respect the hell out of your short game. 383 00:14:20,842 --> 00:14:22,354 You got my vote, hombre. 384 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:25,104 Hey, you got a hole-in-one on 18, 385 00:14:25,139 --> 00:14:26,721 so I'm supposed to give you this. 386 00:14:26,758 --> 00:14:30,009 No, he gets the dragon too? 387 00:14:30,028 --> 00:14:31,227 A fine trophy. 388 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,723 I think I'll keep it in the office. 389 00:14:32,758 --> 00:14:34,010 No, you won't. 390 00:14:34,028 --> 00:14:35,245 - Here, kid, want this, huh? - Yeah. 391 00:14:35,282 --> 00:14:37,368 Take it and run. Run! 392 00:14:40,190 --> 00:14:42,206 Tom, she's coming! Tom! 393 00:14:42,225 --> 00:14:43,911 Okay, desperation time. Follow my lead. 394 00:14:43,982 --> 00:14:45,007 What lead? What do you mean? 395 00:14:45,026 --> 00:14:47,077 What are you... oh. 396 00:14:47,130 --> 00:14:51,948 What the mother-effing, c-ing ess-ing, effing k-ing eff 397 00:14:51,984 --> 00:14:53,427 is going on right now? 398 00:14:53,462 --> 00:14:54,593 Sorry, Mona-Lisa. 399 00:14:54,628 --> 00:14:56,140 We can't keep our hands off each other. 400 00:14:56,176 --> 00:14:57,567 That is accurate. 401 00:14:57,603 --> 00:14:59,672 Oh, it's all finally very clear. 402 00:14:59,707 --> 00:15:01,655 All the times that you were like, 403 00:15:01,690 --> 00:15:03,047 "Oh, no, Tom's no good for you." 404 00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:05,239 And all the times you tried to break it off with me... 405 00:15:05,292 --> 00:15:07,048 - I finally get it. - Mmhmm. 406 00:15:07,083 --> 00:15:09,100 You guys want a threesome. 407 00:15:09,136 --> 00:15:11,518 What? No. We do not wanna have a threesome with you. 408 00:15:11,537 --> 00:15:13,553 Well, let's not rush to judgment. 409 00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:16,059 - I mean, I say we hear her out. - Gross. 410 00:15:16,094 --> 00:15:17,172 Tom, good luck. 411 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,686 You still owe me a blanket. 412 00:15:19,972 --> 00:15:22,147 She's got a screw loose, am I right? 413 00:15:22,183 --> 00:15:23,157 Actually she's not the one 414 00:15:23,192 --> 00:15:24,687 in my life I would call crazy. 415 00:15:24,741 --> 00:15:26,305 Look, I still don't think we should date. 416 00:15:26,341 --> 00:15:27,488 Oh, me neither. 417 00:15:27,524 --> 00:15:28,532 I've been single for an hour now, 418 00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:30,984 and it's the tits! 419 00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:32,185 I'd still like to hook up though. 420 00:15:32,742 --> 00:15:37,439 Yo, do you wanna have a threesome with us? 421 00:15:37,474 --> 00:15:38,813 Yeah, okay. 422 00:15:38,848 --> 00:15:40,100 - Cool. - Sweet. 423 00:15:40,135 --> 00:15:41,196 - All right. - All right. 424 00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,310 Yo, what up? My name is Mona-Lisa. 425 00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:46,032 Well, hello, fellow employees. 426 00:15:46,050 --> 00:15:47,841 Co-workers, I bid you adieu. 427 00:15:47,877 --> 00:15:49,912 Whoa, fancy Andy. 428 00:15:49,947 --> 00:15:51,076 Oh, me? No. 429 00:15:51,095 --> 00:15:52,921 This is just how I dress now. 430 00:15:52,956 --> 00:15:56,782 Funny goofball music Andy... 431 00:15:56,801 --> 00:15:58,383 is gone. 432 00:15:58,419 --> 00:16:00,818 You're left with the professional remains. 433 00:16:00,854 --> 00:16:02,210 I'm an adult now. 434 00:16:02,246 --> 00:16:03,689 I'm gonna focus on business, which is good. 435 00:16:03,724 --> 00:16:05,689 Give me more time to play video games. 436 00:16:05,724 --> 00:16:10,960 Babe, you love that band that I also love so much. 437 00:16:10,996 --> 00:16:13,187 They're important to you. 438 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:16,022 Come on, call Burly and ask him to let you back in. 439 00:16:16,059 --> 00:16:17,432 Why, so they can steal my swan song? 440 00:16:17,467 --> 00:16:19,710 Ha, joke's on them. I forgot it. 441 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:22,076 No, business is my life now. 442 00:16:22,408 --> 00:16:24,616 - Okay, what's in there? - I don't know. 443 00:16:24,652 --> 00:16:26,077 I-it's locked. 444 00:16:26,113 --> 00:16:28,286 - Yeah, that's my briefcase. - Is it? 445 00:16:29,928 --> 00:16:30,965 Good gravy. 446 00:16:31,002 --> 00:16:32,131 Oh, hello, Ron. 447 00:16:32,166 --> 00:16:33,801 I believe you know this gorilla. 448 00:16:33,837 --> 00:16:36,758 It used to bring joy to hundreds of Pawnee families, 449 00:16:36,794 --> 00:16:38,776 but then you got rid of its habitat, so it died. 450 00:16:38,795 --> 00:16:41,647 Your office shall serve as its monkey tomb. 451 00:16:41,682 --> 00:16:43,472 - How much did you pay for this? - Irrelevant. 452 00:16:43,491 --> 00:16:46,013 I would pay any amount of money to properly shame you. 453 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:48,362 Leslie, you should know by now that I live my life 454 00:16:48,397 --> 00:16:50,257 according to a certain set of principles, 455 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,623 and I do not deviate from them. 456 00:16:52,659 --> 00:16:55,337 Right, I mean, God forbid you're flexible in any way. 457 00:16:55,373 --> 00:16:57,632 You should just stick to your stupid, rigid, 458 00:16:57,651 --> 00:16:59,407 anti-government principles. 459 00:16:59,444 --> 00:17:01,390 But you know what? Those principles stink. 460 00:17:01,427 --> 00:17:02,887 They're not the right principles. 461 00:17:02,905 --> 00:17:04,748 You may think so. I do not. 462 00:17:04,784 --> 00:17:07,079 Thank you for my new silver-backed friend. 463 00:17:07,115 --> 00:17:09,027 I like him very much. 464 00:17:09,064 --> 00:17:13,672 I will call him "$9,000 of taxpayer money the gorilla." 465 00:17:13,708 --> 00:17:16,387 That is a terrible... his name is Mr. Fuzzyface! 466 00:17:20,370 --> 00:17:20,995 Hey. 467 00:17:21,032 --> 00:17:24,980 How did your wild dirtbag fantasy night work out? 468 00:17:25,015 --> 00:17:27,572 Well, Mona-Lisa and the random girl she grabbed after you left 469 00:17:27,607 --> 00:17:30,251 got into a fistfight in the parking lot. 470 00:17:30,286 --> 00:17:31,955 Eventually, Mona-Lisa threw a cinderblock 471 00:17:31,991 --> 00:17:33,086 through the girl's windshield. 472 00:17:33,122 --> 00:17:34,965 She dives in, steals her purse, 473 00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,765 doesn't go for the money, steals all her birth control pills, 474 00:17:37,802 --> 00:17:39,384 and says, "Bitch, you're gonna get pregnant." 475 00:17:39,419 --> 00:17:41,940 She then pretends those are ecstasy 476 00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:43,578 and sells it to a bunch of college kids 477 00:17:43,594 --> 00:17:46,011 that are drinking Goldschläger at a gas station. 478 00:17:46,047 --> 00:17:48,325 You have to break up with her. 479 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:49,559 I tried. Again. 480 00:17:49,596 --> 00:17:50,917 It did not go well. 481 00:17:50,952 --> 00:17:52,570 Did she assault you? 482 00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:56,170 - No, this was a sexual injury. - Okay, gross. 483 00:17:56,223 --> 00:17:58,084 Anyway, here's your chenille blanket. 484 00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,111 You earned it. 485 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,102 Thanks for your help. 486 00:18:00,155 --> 00:18:01,459 Tom, thank you. 487 00:18:01,494 --> 00:18:03,181 Eh, be nice to Chenille O'Neal. 488 00:18:03,217 --> 00:18:04,398 I will. 489 00:18:04,435 --> 00:18:05,442 It needs to be brushed regularly. 490 00:18:05,478 --> 00:18:06,479 Never use a lint roller. 491 00:18:06,487 --> 00:18:08,557 - I'm dead serious. - Okay. 492 00:18:08,592 --> 00:18:09,600 And keep it out of direct sunlight. 493 00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,531 If I see this at one picnic, I swear... 494 00:18:11,567 --> 00:18:12,836 Okay, you know what, I don't even want it anymore. 495 00:18:12,889 --> 00:18:14,123 Yes! 496 00:18:14,159 --> 00:18:15,689 Thank you! 497 00:18:15,724 --> 00:18:18,367 What's up, yellow head? 498 00:18:18,421 --> 00:18:20,473 Jamm, are you here to rub it in my face 499 00:18:20,508 --> 00:18:21,986 that I lost your vote last night? 500 00:18:22,022 --> 00:18:26,874 Well, I was, but it doesn't have to go down that way. 501 00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:29,118 You shook Ron's hand and told him 502 00:18:29,154 --> 00:18:30,823 that you were gonna vote to close the putt-putt. 503 00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:32,475 My word is garbage. 504 00:18:32,511 --> 00:18:33,571 Everyone knows that. 505 00:18:33,608 --> 00:18:34,929 Let's talk deal. 506 00:18:34,982 --> 00:18:38,703 What can you offer me to change my mind? 507 00:18:38,739 --> 00:18:42,113 Wow, Jamm, even for you, this is pretty sleazy. 508 00:18:42,148 --> 00:18:43,470 Hey, don't act so shocked. 509 00:18:43,505 --> 00:18:46,114 A few months ago, you traded me your office 510 00:18:46,149 --> 00:18:47,592 for that stupid swimming pool bill. 511 00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:49,766 Last night you bring in a teenage girl 512 00:18:49,803 --> 00:18:52,585 to pump me full of snow cones. 513 00:18:52,621 --> 00:18:56,604 This is simply how people like us operate. 514 00:18:57,160 --> 00:18:59,387 I have six things to say to you. 515 00:18:59,423 --> 00:19:02,501 You drive me nuts with your rigid code of honor. 516 00:19:02,537 --> 00:19:05,023 Congratulations, putt-putt has been defunded. 517 00:19:05,059 --> 00:19:07,546 And only because Jamm was going to double-cross you, 518 00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:09,355 and I made him stick to his word. 519 00:19:09,374 --> 00:19:12,278 I am furious that putt-putt has been defunded. 520 00:19:12,313 --> 00:19:13,669 I am sorry that I said 521 00:19:13,704 --> 00:19:15,095 the gorilla's blood was on your hands. 522 00:19:15,114 --> 00:19:16,539 'Twas Leslie killed the beast. 523 00:19:16,592 --> 00:19:19,410 Putt-putt is for children, and they are the future, 524 00:19:19,445 --> 00:19:21,201 and I have already written a ballot measure 525 00:19:21,238 --> 00:19:23,028 that will save it, and it will pass. 526 00:19:23,063 --> 00:19:26,594 And six: Your rigid code of honor, which drives me nuts, 527 00:19:26,629 --> 00:19:28,247 makes you a wonderful human being, 528 00:19:28,282 --> 00:19:29,290 and I am proud to call you my friend, 529 00:19:29,326 --> 00:19:30,925 and don't ever change. 530 00:19:30,944 --> 00:19:33,465 - You want a drink? - Very much. 531 00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:39,387 Burly, I just want to say I'm sorry 532 00:19:39,388 --> 00:19:40,745 that I haven't been to rehearsal 533 00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:43,006 and that I won't let you sing or write songs 534 00:19:43,025 --> 00:19:44,798 or walk out onstage in front of me. 535 00:19:45,111 --> 00:19:46,711 Man, I love playing with you guys. 536 00:19:47,268 --> 00:19:49,060 And I want back in if you'll let me. 537 00:19:49,113 --> 00:19:50,503 Well, we never wanted to kick you out. 538 00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:52,069 It's just, you didn't show up for practice, 539 00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:53,408 - and we like to play. - Right. 540 00:19:53,879 --> 00:19:56,331 If you wanna come back in, you can. 541 00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:57,671 I'm more of a backup singer anyways. 542 00:19:57,706 --> 00:19:58,749 You can say that again. 543 00:19:58,750 --> 00:19:59,758 No, no, no. 544 00:19:59,794 --> 00:20:01,115 Hey, you got a great voice. 545 00:20:01,150 --> 00:20:02,159 Yeah, Ben! 546 00:20:02,194 --> 00:20:03,794 God, don't say that. 547 00:20:03,812 --> 00:20:05,533 - Welcome back, buddy. - Yes. 548 00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:07,726 All right! 549 00:20:07,761 --> 00:20:09,499 Hey, I'll even try melting the cheese on the nachos. 550 00:20:09,535 --> 00:20:10,543 All right. 551 00:20:10,579 --> 00:20:11,761 It won't work. 552 00:20:11,796 --> 00:20:14,197 You're gonna look like such an idiot. 553 00:20:14,493 --> 00:20:16,928 I have been in the city council for almost a year, 554 00:20:16,946 --> 00:20:18,239 and I'm proud of what I've done. 555 00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:20,424 But every once in a while, I end up in a situation 556 00:20:20,460 --> 00:20:21,972 that makes my stomach queasy. 557 00:20:21,991 --> 00:20:24,373 You're in politics. What did you expect? 558 00:20:24,408 --> 00:20:26,634 Frankly, I hoped it would be like dealing with you. 559 00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:31,244 People with strong opinions hashing it out respectfully. 560 00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:33,558 And then you either realize that I'm right 561 00:20:33,594 --> 00:20:36,550 or you get hungry and go home and I win. 562 00:20:36,586 --> 00:20:38,063 There are a lot of Jeremy Jamms 563 00:20:38,100 --> 00:20:39,942 along the path you're walking. 564 00:20:39,995 --> 00:20:41,908 I suppose you just need to figure out 565 00:20:41,944 --> 00:20:44,257 whether it's a path you truly wanna walk. 566 00:20:44,292 --> 00:20:47,561 Yeah. 567 00:20:47,598 --> 00:20:49,214 I'm taking that gorilla with me 568 00:20:49,251 --> 00:20:50,345 and putting it back in the putt-putt 569 00:20:50,381 --> 00:20:53,042 - when it reopens. - Sorry, no. 570 00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:54,695 That gorilla was a gift 571 00:20:54,730 --> 00:20:57,773 from a very determined co-worker whom I respect. 572 00:20:57,808 --> 00:21:00,034 And there's a certain code of honor 573 00:21:00,070 --> 00:21:01,461 that accompanies gift-giving. 574 00:21:01,479 --> 00:21:04,261 God, you're the worst. 575 00:21:06,384 --> 00:21:07,445 Ladies and gentlemen, 576 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,037 welcome to Mouse Rat's Reunion Show, 577 00:21:10,073 --> 00:21:13,012 featuring me, Andy Dwyer, and for the first time, 578 00:21:13,047 --> 00:21:16,404 Andrew "Burly" Burlinson on lead vocals. 579 00:21:16,457 --> 00:21:18,631 That's right, two lead vocalists. 580 00:21:18,666 --> 00:21:21,066 Name one other band that's done that. 581 00:21:21,102 --> 00:21:23,606 The Beatles. 582 00:21:23,851 --> 00:21:25,363 Three, four! 583 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:41,450 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com