1
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:18,799
Hey, I've gained a lot
of ground in the polls. That's good news.

2
00:00:18,828 --> 00:00:20,640
Yeah, I have you down
only four points,

3
00:00:20,759 --> 00:00:22,559
but they're running a ton
of new negative ads.

4
00:00:22,628 --> 00:00:24,174
Maybe you should fight back.

5
00:00:24,208 --> 00:00:25,508
Ben, your heart's
in the right place.

6
00:00:25,542 --> 00:00:26,840
Your heart and your butt.

7
00:00:26,875 --> 00:00:28,358
I will not go negative.

8
00:00:28,392 --> 00:00:29,641
Crap on a turd!

9
00:00:29,675 --> 00:00:31,774
Care for a "Recall Knope"
gift bag?

10
00:00:31,808 --> 00:00:34,341
The committee to recall
Leslie Knope is relentless.

11
00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:36,891
Look what they're handing out
at elementary schools.

12
00:00:36,942 --> 00:00:38,341
I'm Leslie Knope.

13
00:00:38,359 --> 00:00:39,558
Tell your parents to recall me.

14
00:00:47,325 --> 00:00:49,474
We all know that I cannot
spend as much money on ads

15
00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:53,374
as my opponent, but I printed
out 10,000 "Don't" stickers

16
00:00:53,409 --> 00:00:56,174
and 10,000 question mark
stickers.

17
00:00:56,208 --> 00:00:59,707
That way, if you see a sign
and it says "Recall Knope,"

18
00:00:59,741 --> 00:01:01,658
all you need to do is add
the question mark

19
00:01:01,708 --> 00:01:03,207
and the "Don't,"
and suddenly, it reads,

20
00:01:03,225 --> 00:01:05,324
"Recall Knope?
Don't."

21
00:01:05,359 --> 00:01:06,491
Why don't you
just put the "Don't"

22
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,857
in front of "Recall Knope"?

23
00:01:09,459 --> 00:01:11,258
Yep, that's a much better idea.

24
00:01:11,292 --> 00:01:12,258
Can I have these
question mark stickers?

25
00:01:12,309 --> 00:01:13,307
Why?

26
00:01:13,325 --> 00:01:14,358
I want to put them
on stop signs.

27
00:01:14,409 --> 00:01:15,524
April, no!

28
00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:35,627
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

29
00:01:37,031 --> 00:01:40,307
Hi. Um, I need to talk to
somebody about reserving a park.

30
00:01:40,325 --> 00:01:41,907
Oh, we have a new policy.

31
00:01:41,942 --> 00:01:44,007
Parks can only be reserved
for witch covens

32
00:01:44,042 --> 00:01:45,757
or slip-and-slide
competitions.

33
00:01:45,808 --> 00:01:46,790
Which one are you?

34
00:01:46,825 --> 00:01:48,024
Uh,
slip-and-slide competition.

35
00:01:48,058 --> 00:01:49,773
- Seriously?
- No.

36
00:01:49,791 --> 00:01:51,924
Why would you even compete
in something like that?

37
00:01:51,958 --> 00:01:53,308
It doesn't matter.

38
00:01:53,342 --> 00:01:55,224
Um, I called earlier about
the free vaccinations thing.

39
00:01:55,275 --> 00:01:58,241
We're hoping to set up
a mobile hospital

40
00:01:58,275 --> 00:02:00,274
in one of your parks.

41
00:02:00,309 --> 00:02:02,067
I'm sorry, is there
something wrong with him?

42
00:02:03,108 --> 00:02:05,424
Tom, this witch wants to
reserve a park

43
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:06,408
for her satanic ritual.

44
00:02:06,442 --> 00:02:08,074
Can you help her?

45
00:02:08,092 --> 00:02:09,491
Right. Smashing.

46
00:02:09,525 --> 00:02:11,608
Uh, yes, I'm Thomas Haverford.

47
00:02:11,641 --> 00:02:13,774
I sort of run
the whole department.

48
00:02:13,808 --> 00:02:15,424
Um, what was the name, then?

49
00:02:15,459 --> 00:02:16,591
Uh, Nadia Statsky.

50
00:02:16,626 --> 00:02:17,840
I'm from Doctors
Without Borders.

51
00:02:17,874 --> 00:02:20,558
Brilliant.
The old "D's without "B's.

52
00:02:20,609 --> 00:02:23,458
Uh, we can definitely help.

53
00:02:23,492 --> 00:02:24,924
Yeah, Tom's your guy.

54
00:02:24,958 --> 00:02:26,924
He actually used to run
the Parks Department

55
00:02:26,975 --> 00:02:28,608
in his home country of Russia.

56
00:02:28,641 --> 00:02:31,957
This one is mental.

57
00:02:31,992 --> 00:02:33,924
She's joking, obviously.

58
00:02:33,975 --> 00:02:34,941
How could I be from Russia?

59
00:02:34,975 --> 00:02:37,191
Not with this spot-on
British accent.

60
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:39,174
We can definitely
get you sorted.

61
00:02:39,208 --> 00:02:40,790
Right this way.

62
00:02:40,841 --> 00:02:41,807
Okay.

63
00:02:44,141 --> 00:02:47,458
Whoa. I am pretty sure you
shouldn't have a weapon at work.

64
00:02:47,492 --> 00:02:50,141
Literally everything
is a weapon, son.

65
00:02:50,175 --> 00:02:52,474
That folder, in my hands,
is far deadlier

66
00:02:52,492 --> 00:02:53,774
than this bow in yours.

67
00:02:53,808 --> 00:02:55,991
Oh, that's...
probably true.

68
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:58,041
So, Leslie and I just
finished putting together

69
00:02:58,075 --> 00:02:59,891
our will, and she wants you
to be the witness.

70
00:02:59,925 --> 00:03:00,974
You mind signing it?

71
00:03:01,008 --> 00:03:02,274
That's your will?

72
00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:03,907
You need that many pages
to say,

73
00:03:03,941 --> 00:03:05,174
"Give my stuff to my wife"?

74
00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:06,974
It's a complicated
legal document.

75
00:03:07,008 --> 00:03:08,308
It doesn't have to be.

76
00:03:08,342 --> 00:03:11,874
I've had the same will
since I was eight years old.

77
00:03:13,425 --> 00:03:15,673
"Upon my death,
all of my belongings

78
00:03:15,691 --> 00:03:17,690
"shall transfer
to the man or animal

79
00:03:17,725 --> 00:03:19,408
who has killed me."

80
00:03:19,442 --> 00:03:21,091
What are these weird symbols?

81
00:03:21,125 --> 00:03:23,757
The man who kills me will know.

82
00:03:23,808 --> 00:03:25,857
Okay, you should really
have a will

83
00:03:25,892 --> 00:03:27,907
that's more than
one sentence long.

84
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,624
You have a wife and kids now.

85
00:03:29,675 --> 00:03:30,807
I could introduce you
to our lawyer.

86
00:03:30,841 --> 00:03:33,007
The three most useless
jobs in the world

87
00:03:33,025 --> 00:03:35,991
are, in order, lawyer,
congressman, and doctor.

88
00:03:36,042 --> 00:03:37,124
Pass.

89
00:03:37,158 --> 00:03:38,724
Ron, that document is nothing.

90
00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:39,974
It's not even notarized.

91
00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:41,274
You know, if you die

92
00:03:41,308 --> 00:03:42,607
and you don't have a real will,

93
00:03:42,641 --> 00:03:44,740
most of what you own
will go to the government.

94
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:48,308
Where is this lawyer
you speak of?

95
00:03:48,342 --> 00:03:51,524
I'm pleased to
formally submit Bill 68-J,

96
00:03:51,575 --> 00:03:54,374
which funds a new bike path
in Ramsett Park.

97
00:03:54,409 --> 00:03:56,590
- Motion to table this bill.
- Second.

98
00:03:56,625 --> 00:03:59,107
- I also submit Bill 68-R.
- Motion to table.

99
00:03:59,142 --> 00:04:00,224
Second.

100
00:04:00,275 --> 00:04:01,807
You guys want to delay
all my bills? Fine.

101
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:02,807
I'm just gonna
keep my head down

102
00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:04,191
and continue to get work done.

103
00:04:04,242 --> 00:04:06,240
All right, well, uh,
motion to end this session early

104
00:04:06,259 --> 00:04:07,573
so nothing can get done.

105
00:04:07,591 --> 00:04:08,573
Second.

106
00:04:08,591 --> 00:04:10,057
Gahhh, you guys are the worst!

107
00:04:10,108 --> 00:04:11,191
Sorry, Knope.

108
00:04:11,225 --> 00:04:12,491
We're just looking for
any possible way

109
00:04:12,524 --> 00:04:14,274
to get you recalled
because we don't like you.

110
00:04:14,308 --> 00:04:16,624
- It's nothing personal.
- It absolutely is personal.

111
00:04:16,675 --> 00:04:18,424
That is the definition
of "personal."

112
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,341
"The definition of personal."

113
00:04:22,141 --> 00:04:24,740
Excuse me, we have an issue.

114
00:04:24,774 --> 00:04:27,391
A tweet has been tweeted from
the Parks and Rec Twitter,

115
00:04:27,425 --> 00:04:29,590
and I'm afraid it is quite
sexually graphic.

116
00:04:30,841 --> 00:04:32,107
It's probably just
some bored teenager

117
00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:33,157
who hacked the account.

118
00:04:33,208 --> 00:04:36,424
Whoever it is,
it's quite serious.

119
00:04:36,475 --> 00:04:38,274
I don't want you to get
recalled Knope,

120
00:04:38,309 --> 00:04:40,107
but damn, these people know how
to pick a neck massager.

121
00:04:40,141 --> 00:04:41,907
And before you get on my case
about those stickers,

122
00:04:41,942 --> 00:04:43,041
I already did 'em.

123
00:04:43,075 --> 00:04:45,124
Donna, there is
trouble a-brewin'.

124
00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:47,274
We think that you
may have accidentally

125
00:04:47,309 --> 00:04:49,191
tweeted from
the Parks and Rec account

126
00:04:49,225 --> 00:04:50,724
rather than your own
personal account.

127
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,241
Uh-oh.
What'd it say?

128
00:04:52,275 --> 00:04:53,241
"See you tonight.

129
00:04:53,275 --> 00:04:54,674
"Hope you like tongue baths,

130
00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:56,840
you big, nasty fireman."

131
00:04:56,875 --> 00:04:58,757
Then there's a picture
of a pair of lips

132
00:04:58,808 --> 00:05:00,224
and then a picture
of an eggplant.

133
00:05:00,275 --> 00:05:02,574
I'm both confused, and if
we're being totally honest,

134
00:05:02,608 --> 00:05:03,540
a little aroused.

135
00:05:03,575 --> 00:05:04,991
Ew.

136
00:05:05,042 --> 00:05:06,540
Not to give you too much of
a peek into my personal life,

137
00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:08,540
but this could have been
way worse.

138
00:05:08,574 --> 00:05:10,224
What's important is,
we deleted the tweet,

139
00:05:10,259 --> 00:05:11,540
and nobody is gonna know
it's you,

140
00:05:11,558 --> 00:05:13,557
but Donna, you know, be more
careful in the future.

141
00:05:13,608 --> 00:05:15,740
This almost blew up in my face.

142
00:05:18,225 --> 00:05:20,674
I'm here live,
at a press conference,

143
00:05:20,708 --> 00:05:22,107
where Councilman Jeremy Jamm

144
00:05:22,142 --> 00:05:24,191
will discuss
a government scandal

145
00:05:24,225 --> 00:05:26,124
we are calling
"Twitter Watergate"

146
00:05:26,158 --> 00:05:28,857
until we can find
a snappier name for it.

147
00:05:28,892 --> 00:05:31,674
Tongue baths?
Eggplants?

148
00:05:31,708 --> 00:05:32,991
Firemen?

149
00:05:33,025 --> 00:05:35,757
Those men are heroes
who deserve respect!

150
00:05:35,791 --> 00:05:37,774
9/11!

151
00:05:37,808 --> 00:05:40,207
This is how Leslie Knope
runs her Parks Department?

152
00:05:40,242 --> 00:05:42,924
We are going to hold
hearing after hearing,

153
00:05:42,958 --> 00:05:44,224
until we are satisfied.

154
00:05:44,259 --> 00:05:46,891
This will be blown
way out of proportion!

155
00:05:46,942 --> 00:05:48,673
You have my word on it!

156
00:05:48,691 --> 00:05:49,840
Ugh.

157
00:05:49,858 --> 00:05:51,840
Ooh, this is bad.
I'm gonna get fired.

158
00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:53,690
No one is getting fired, okay?

159
00:05:53,741 --> 00:05:56,473
Jamm is trying to use this
to hurt me in the recall.

160
00:05:56,491 --> 00:05:57,907
He's trying to take me down,

161
00:05:57,942 --> 00:06:00,191
and he's willing to attack
my friends in the process?

162
00:06:00,242 --> 00:06:02,358
- No. No way. Not on my watch.
- Not on her watch.

163
00:06:02,408 --> 00:06:03,824
He is not gonna
Sully your name.

164
00:06:03,858 --> 00:06:04,857
No sullying allowed!

165
00:06:04,908 --> 00:06:05,957
Don't worry about it, Donna.

166
00:06:05,992 --> 00:06:07,490
We're gonna nip this
in the bud.

167
00:06:07,524 --> 00:06:08,690
Guard your buds, 'cause
they're about to get nipped!

168
00:06:08,741 --> 00:06:10,274
- Okay.
- Okay.

169
00:06:12,037 --> 00:06:15,232
So, why does Doctors
Without Borders

170
00:06:15,352 --> 00:06:16,272
want to come to Pawnee?

171
00:06:16,453 --> 00:06:18,939
Pawnee is like
a petri dish of weird diseases.

172
00:06:18,973 --> 00:06:21,156
Did you know you have a higher
rate of the West Nile virus

173
00:06:21,190 --> 00:06:22,588
than the actual Western Nile?

174
00:06:22,623 --> 00:06:25,755
Sorry, West Nile,
looks like Pawnee wins again.

175
00:06:25,773 --> 00:06:29,373
What else have you beaten
the Western Nile in?

176
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,572
Cricket.
Uh...

177
00:06:31,606 --> 00:06:35,022
just fill out these forms,
and we will be all set

178
00:06:35,056 --> 00:06:37,839
like two biscuits inside a tin.

179
00:06:40,256 --> 00:06:43,655
So, you've gone insane.
That's fun.

180
00:06:43,673 --> 00:06:44,622
I just panicked.

181
00:06:44,656 --> 00:06:45,695
She's so out of my league,

182
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:46,639
my brain just made me
talk that way

183
00:06:46,673 --> 00:06:47,605
so I'd seem cooler.

184
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:48,605
What should I do?

185
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:49,989
Nothing!
This is amazing.

186
00:06:50,023 --> 00:06:52,422
- April.
- Fine.

187
00:06:52,456 --> 00:06:53,488
If you want to have
a chance with her,

188
00:06:53,523 --> 00:06:55,323
obviously, you have to stop.

189
00:06:55,356 --> 00:06:56,572
It's either that,
or you talk like that

190
00:06:56,623 --> 00:06:57,789
for the rest of your life.

191
00:06:57,823 --> 00:07:00,805
You think she'd marry me?

192
00:07:00,856 --> 00:07:02,905
All right, just let me
do the talking here, okay?

193
00:07:02,940 --> 00:07:04,672
I mean, he's a lawyer,
I'm an accountant.

194
00:07:04,706 --> 00:07:06,122
We speak the same language.

195
00:07:06,157 --> 00:07:09,323
I mean, obviously, accountants
are a little more bad boy,

196
00:07:09,356 --> 00:07:11,755
but, uh,
there's a respect there.

197
00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:13,789
- When will this be over?
- Hey, Trevor.

198
00:07:13,823 --> 00:07:15,972
I've been talking to Ron
about estate planning,

199
00:07:16,023 --> 00:07:20,689
and he is here to do
some "Good Will Hunting."

200
00:07:20,723 --> 00:07:23,189
Because he has to
draw up a new will, so...

201
00:07:23,223 --> 00:07:24,782
Yes, I understood,
Mr. Wyatt. Thank you.

202
00:07:24,806 --> 00:07:26,789
As I've said before,
I just don't like puns.

203
00:07:26,823 --> 00:07:29,455
Oh, well, my accountant
friends seem to enjoy 'em.

204
00:07:29,473 --> 00:07:32,722
Mr. Swanson, let's begin
by filling out this form,

205
00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:33,722
listing your assets
and liabilities.

206
00:07:33,740 --> 00:07:35,322
Nice try.

207
00:07:35,356 --> 00:07:37,472
I'm not telling you
how much money I have,

208
00:07:37,506 --> 00:07:39,772
where it's hidden,
or which precious metals

209
00:07:39,806 --> 00:07:43,256
and/or gemstones it may
or may not take the form of.

210
00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:44,422
If you don't give me
the information I need,

211
00:07:44,456 --> 00:07:45,455
there's nothing I can do.

212
00:07:45,489 --> 00:07:46,689
Oh, come on, Trevor.

213
00:07:46,723 --> 00:07:49,905
Where there's a "Will,"
there's a way.

214
00:07:49,957 --> 00:07:52,172
I'm gonna say this
one last time, Wyatt.

215
00:07:52,207 --> 00:07:53,805
Check the accountant crap
at the door.

216
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:55,605
Yes, sir, I will.

217
00:07:55,656 --> 00:07:57,156
Unintentional.

218
00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:59,172
All right, let's begin.

219
00:07:59,223 --> 00:08:01,256
These hearings have two goals.

220
00:08:01,289 --> 00:08:04,405
One, to find out exactly
how this offensive tweet

221
00:08:04,456 --> 00:08:05,622
came to be sent.

222
00:08:05,656 --> 00:08:07,422
And two,
to turn this whole thing

223
00:08:07,456 --> 00:08:08,655
into a media circus.

224
00:08:08,673 --> 00:08:10,222
Ms. Knope, do you have
a statement?

225
00:08:10,256 --> 00:08:11,615
Well, it's actually
quite simple.

226
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,156
Uh, a Parks and Rec
employee forgot to log out

227
00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:16,628
of the Parks and Rec
Twitter account,

228
00:08:17,173 --> 00:08:20,855
they posted a personal, of the Parks
and Rec private message by accident,

229
00:08:20,890 --> 00:08:22,572
and, uh, that person
is very sorry,

230
00:08:22,606 --> 00:08:23,705
and it won't happen again.

231
00:08:23,756 --> 00:08:25,288
Stop stonewalling

232
00:08:25,323 --> 00:08:26,672
and tell us what happened here!

233
00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:28,305
I just told you what happened.

234
00:08:28,356 --> 00:08:30,405
It was an unfortunate mistake.

235
00:08:30,439 --> 00:08:32,805
Okay, sadly,
due to your "intracksidence"...

236
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:33,839
Not a word.

237
00:08:33,890 --> 00:08:35,388
We may never find out
what happened.

238
00:08:35,423 --> 00:08:38,521
When this sick, depraved tweet
first came to light,

239
00:08:38,539 --> 00:08:41,755
you said, "The account
was probably hacked

240
00:08:41,790 --> 00:08:43,805
by some bored teenager."

241
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:47,022
Now you're saying
it's an unfortunate mistake.

242
00:08:47,056 --> 00:08:48,488
Why do you keep
flip-flopping?

243
00:08:48,522 --> 00:08:50,956
Well, because I learned
new information.

244
00:08:50,990 --> 00:08:53,156
When I was four,
I thought that chocolate milk

245
00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:54,772
came from brown cows,

246
00:08:54,823 --> 00:08:57,672
and then I flip-flopped
when I found out

247
00:08:57,706 --> 00:09:00,139
that there was something
called chocolate syrup.

248
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:01,772
I don't think I'm
out of line when I say

249
00:09:01,806 --> 00:09:05,622
that this scandal makes Benghazi
look like whitewater!

250
00:09:05,656 --> 00:09:06,956
It's utterly meaningless.

251
00:09:06,990 --> 00:09:09,555
I think we need to hear
from the unnamed employee

252
00:09:09,589 --> 00:09:10,639
behind the tweet.

253
00:09:10,690 --> 00:09:12,956
- Perhaps he or she...
- Or them.

254
00:09:12,990 --> 00:09:15,288
It could be a bunch
of hot ladies.

255
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:16,639
Yes, perhaps "them"

256
00:09:16,673 --> 00:09:20,039
can finally give us
the answers we need.

257
00:09:20,073 --> 00:09:22,922
What, what, what?
There she is.

258
00:09:22,956 --> 00:09:24,505
Nadia, I didn't know
what you wanted,

259
00:09:24,556 --> 00:09:26,388
so I got you a cappuccino,
a latte,

260
00:09:26,406 --> 00:09:29,789
four bags of coffee beans,
and a mini espresso machine.

261
00:09:29,823 --> 00:09:31,922
What happened to your accent?

262
00:09:31,956 --> 00:09:35,889
Oh, yeah.
It's gone. Huh.

263
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:38,255
You know, I had a cold
recently.

264
00:09:38,289 --> 00:09:40,321
I think that may have
affected my voice,

265
00:09:40,339 --> 00:09:42,939
like, in certain British ways.

266
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,789
Well, that's all there is
to that story,

267
00:09:44,823 --> 00:09:46,188
so no need for
any more questions.

268
00:09:46,206 --> 00:09:47,288
You have a cold?

269
00:09:47,323 --> 00:09:49,255
Can I feel your glands?

270
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,172
Sure.

271
00:09:51,222 --> 00:09:53,847
Wow, you are wearing a lot of
moisturizer on your throat.

272
00:09:53,967 --> 00:09:55,905
Best way to prevent crow's neck.

273
00:09:55,957 --> 00:09:57,755
Is this glitter?

274
00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:59,254
So, those are the forms.

275
00:09:59,273 --> 00:10:00,605
You filled 'em out.
Great.

276
00:10:00,656 --> 00:10:02,538
April's gonna file these.

277
00:10:02,573 --> 00:10:05,338
Hey, when is the thing
you're doing in the park?

278
00:10:05,389 --> 00:10:08,888
I'd love to come by and maybe
help administer vaccines?

279
00:10:08,906 --> 00:10:11,122
Oh. Are you a doctor,
somehow?

280
00:10:11,156 --> 00:10:13,722
No.

281
00:10:13,756 --> 00:10:16,056
No follow-up to that?
Okay, great.

282
00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:18,572
Um, well, I'm not actually gonna
be attending the event,

283
00:10:18,606 --> 00:10:20,122
so if you could
just give me the permit,

284
00:10:20,156 --> 00:10:21,405
so that I can go home
to Indianapolis

285
00:10:21,439 --> 00:10:25,022
and never come back here?

286
00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:29,205
I am in love with Nadia
Whatever-her-last-name-is,

287
00:10:29,256 --> 00:10:30,588
and I'm gonna keep her here,

288
00:10:30,623 --> 00:10:32,221
using the most powerful
weapon I have...

289
00:10:32,255 --> 00:10:34,772
bureaucratic incompetence.

290
00:10:34,823 --> 00:10:39,672
Oh, no. You filled out
Form 3208.

291
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:42,338
You were supposed to
fill out Form 3248.

292
00:10:42,373 --> 00:10:44,022
Oh, God.

293
00:10:44,056 --> 00:10:45,855
This is to lease a hangar
at the airport.

294
00:10:45,873 --> 00:10:48,171
I know. It's so crazy,
it almost sounds made up.

295
00:10:48,206 --> 00:10:49,555
Bureaucracy, right?

296
00:10:49,589 --> 00:10:52,572
What are you gonna do?
Huh. Weird.

297
00:10:52,606 --> 00:10:55,705
Someone left out a blender,
fresh fruits, and rum?

298
00:10:55,740 --> 00:10:57,755
I guess we gotta, like,
make Daiquiris now.

299
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,138
I like to have music on
while I work, you know?

300
00:11:02,690 --> 00:11:05,322
What is this place?

301
00:11:07,172 --> 00:11:09,472
Ms. Meagle,
let me first say

302
00:11:09,523 --> 00:11:11,905
that I am a big fan
of your writing.

303
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:13,789
Thank you.

304
00:11:13,823 --> 00:11:15,221
It's good stuff.

305
00:11:15,256 --> 00:11:17,722
Really good stuff.

306
00:11:17,756 --> 00:11:20,022
Okay, does anyone else here
see a double standard?

307
00:11:20,057 --> 00:11:22,188
Councilman Dexhart
is currently being sued

308
00:11:22,222 --> 00:11:24,238
by two different women
for sexual harassment,

309
00:11:24,289 --> 00:11:27,188
one of whom was the judge
in the first woman's trial.

310
00:11:27,222 --> 00:11:28,839
She was talking dirty to me.

311
00:11:28,890 --> 00:11:29,972
She was reading the emails

312
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,438
that you sent
to the first woman.

313
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:33,022
Look, I obviously

314
00:11:33,056 --> 00:11:35,705
never meant to embarrass
the parks department.

315
00:11:35,756 --> 00:11:37,722
My personal account
is set to "private."

316
00:11:37,756 --> 00:11:40,022
Yeah, I don't even know
what she writes on there!

317
00:11:40,057 --> 00:11:42,438
Well, you may not know
what she's writing, but we do.

318
00:11:42,489 --> 00:11:45,922
In a shocking twist
to an already juicy story,

319
00:11:45,957 --> 00:11:48,522
we have obtained access
to Ms. Meagle's account,

320
00:11:48,556 --> 00:11:51,155
via a third party.

321
00:11:51,189 --> 00:11:52,956
Same hairdresser.

322
00:11:52,990 --> 00:11:56,455
Damn it, Typhoon!
Why'd you do this?

323
00:11:56,473 --> 00:11:57,855
Maybe if you had bothered

324
00:11:57,890 --> 00:12:01,438
to come to my Great Gatsby
Brunch, you'd know.

325
00:12:01,489 --> 00:12:03,039
I don't even need
an exact number.

326
00:12:03,072 --> 00:12:04,154
Just ballpark it.

327
00:12:04,172 --> 00:12:05,639
That's all I need
to get started.

328
00:12:05,673 --> 00:12:06,922
Or, I'm sure
the state government

329
00:12:06,940 --> 00:12:08,138
would love to use your money

330
00:12:08,189 --> 00:12:10,789
to hire more bureaucrats,
maybe build a library.

331
00:12:10,823 --> 00:12:13,989
Fine, a ballpark figure.

332
00:12:14,023 --> 00:12:15,639
Thank you.
God.

333
00:12:21,189 --> 00:12:22,655
Holy.

334
00:12:22,690 --> 00:12:24,171
Is this a joke?

335
00:12:24,206 --> 00:12:26,422
Another word for "jokes"
is "lies."

336
00:12:26,456 --> 00:12:29,188
I do not lie.
Therefore, I do not joke.

337
00:12:29,222 --> 00:12:31,238
Mr. Swanson,
an estate of this size

338
00:12:31,273 --> 00:12:32,372
means that your children

339
00:12:32,406 --> 00:12:34,038
would never have to work
a day in their lives.

340
00:12:34,089 --> 00:12:35,788
This is going to take
some time.

341
00:12:35,806 --> 00:12:37,772
Trusts need to be drawn,
tax shelters.

342
00:12:37,806 --> 00:12:39,088
That's enough.

343
00:12:39,106 --> 00:12:42,188
I do not need some drawn-out
legal expedition

344
00:12:42,206 --> 00:12:43,822
to tell me what I knew
when I was eight.

345
00:12:43,856 --> 00:12:45,388
Here's my original will.

346
00:12:45,423 --> 00:12:47,388
Do whatever lawyer nonsense
you have to

347
00:12:47,423 --> 00:12:48,388
to make it official,
and I will sign it.

348
00:12:48,422 --> 00:12:49,939
Good day.

349
00:12:49,973 --> 00:12:52,071
Wait.
What are all these symbols?

350
00:12:53,373 --> 00:12:56,538
I was right not to be
threatened by you.

351
00:12:56,589 --> 00:12:59,355
Okay, I would like to
enter into the record

352
00:12:59,389 --> 00:13:01,739
a selection
of Ms. Meagle's tweets.

353
00:13:01,773 --> 00:13:04,205
Uh-oh. Uh, can I request
a brief recess?

354
00:13:04,239 --> 00:13:06,154
It's okay, Donna. I'm not
gonna let them fire you.

355
00:13:06,172 --> 00:13:08,138
Yeah, it's not me
I'm worried about.

356
00:13:08,172 --> 00:13:10,254
Ms. Beavers,
if you please.

357
00:13:10,273 --> 00:13:12,605
Yesterday, 9:02 A.M.

358
00:13:12,656 --> 00:13:14,789
"Annoying-ass Leslie

359
00:13:14,823 --> 00:13:17,288
"has given me another
annoying-ass task.

360
00:13:20,873 --> 00:13:23,355
September 25th.

361
00:13:23,389 --> 00:13:27,272
"Twitter poll: On a scale
of 98 to 100,

362
00:13:27,323 --> 00:13:29,605
"how annoying is Leslie Knope?

363
00:13:29,656 --> 00:13:32,705
"Cuz u know it ain't
less than 98.

364
00:13:32,740 --> 00:13:37,422
All my #trueblood fans
know what's up."

365
00:13:37,456 --> 00:13:42,121
Page after page of personal
attacks on Leslie Knope.

366
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,988
Not only do you have no control
over your department,

367
00:13:45,006 --> 00:13:47,205
you don't even have the respect
of your employees.

368
00:13:47,256 --> 00:13:48,321
That's what you really
think of me?

369
00:13:48,339 --> 00:13:49,505
You think I'm annoying?

370
00:13:49,539 --> 00:13:52,055
Leslie, sometimes
you're kind of annoying.

371
00:13:52,089 --> 00:13:53,488
I mean, I thought
that was your thing.

372
00:13:53,506 --> 00:13:56,422
My thing? My thing
is not being annoying.

373
00:13:56,456 --> 00:13:59,338
My things are making
friendship bracelets

374
00:13:59,373 --> 00:14:01,288
and dancing like
nobody's watching,

375
00:14:01,322 --> 00:14:03,705
thinking up really cool
nicknames for my friends.

376
00:14:03,756 --> 00:14:06,538
You of all people should
know that, El Diablo!

377
00:14:06,589 --> 00:14:08,121
Look, the only reason
I'm even on Twitter

378
00:14:08,155 --> 00:14:09,538
is to blow off steam about work

379
00:14:09,589 --> 00:14:12,154
and tweet nasty stuff to dudes
with washboard abs.

380
00:14:12,172 --> 00:14:13,955
You really think I hate you,

381
00:14:13,989 --> 00:14:16,488
after all we've been through
the last ten years?

382
00:14:16,506 --> 00:14:18,455
I honestly don't know anymore.

383
00:14:19,841 --> 00:14:22,288
Okay, I think we've done
a lot of good here today.

384
00:14:27,994 --> 00:14:30,361
Leslie, I am sorry, but I could not
postpone

385
00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:32,150
these pointless hearings
that Jamm is having.

386
00:14:32,168 --> 00:14:33,288
He is just determined.

387
00:14:33,387 --> 00:14:34,893
Well, thank you for trying.

388
00:14:35,013 --> 00:14:36,103
I have a question for you.

389
00:14:36,434 --> 00:14:37,516
Do you think I'm annoying?

390
00:14:37,567 --> 00:14:38,666
- No.
- Are you lying?

391
00:14:38,701 --> 00:14:40,500
- No.
- Are you trying to protect my feelings?

392
00:14:40,619 --> 00:14:41,220
No.

393
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:42,316
Do you think I'm being
annoying right now?

394
00:14:42,436 --> 00:14:44,316
- Yes.
- So you do think I'm annoying.

395
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:46,082
I think that you ask a lot

396
00:14:46,117 --> 00:14:47,349
of the people
that you work with,

397
00:14:47,384 --> 00:14:49,700
and I think that people do
what you ask

398
00:14:49,734 --> 00:14:50,982
because they love you.

399
00:14:51,033 --> 00:14:54,249
But, I also think that driving
people as hard as you do

400
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:56,316
can ruffle some feathers.

401
00:14:56,350 --> 00:14:58,199
I think a lot of things.
I like thinking.

402
00:14:58,234 --> 00:14:59,233
And racquetball.

403
00:14:59,267 --> 00:15:00,333
Now who's annoying?

404
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:01,700
I spent the last hour

405
00:15:01,734 --> 00:15:03,283
reading some of Donna's
old tweets,

406
00:15:03,317 --> 00:15:04,716
and it turns out
there are some more things

407
00:15:04,767 --> 00:15:05,766
that she said about you.

408
00:15:05,801 --> 00:15:07,516
"Message to the recall haters:

409
00:15:07,567 --> 00:15:09,266
"You can't keep
Leslie Knope down.

410
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:10,916
"She's too real for this ish.

411
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,016
"Leslie Knope is stepping up
at these hearings

412
00:15:16,067 --> 00:15:17,147
"and taking a bullet for me.

413
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:22,132
It appears,
whereas "bitch boss"

414
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:24,183
is clearly an indication
of her frustration,

415
00:15:24,217 --> 00:15:26,349
"boss bitch"
is a term of endearment.

416
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:27,566
Isn't language fun?

417
00:15:27,601 --> 00:15:29,316
It's like racquetball
for your mouth!

418
00:15:30,751 --> 00:15:32,449
Did you change your outfit?

419
00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:35,449
I changed five times,
and she hasn't noticed yet.

420
00:15:35,484 --> 00:15:37,366
I can only stall for so long.
What should I do?

421
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,449
Um, I just finished
filling this one out.

422
00:15:39,484 --> 00:15:41,533
I didn't know what to put for
"Name of commercial airline,"

423
00:15:41,567 --> 00:15:43,633
because I do not operate
a commercial airline,

424
00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:44,716
so I just made one up.

425
00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:46,566
What did you name
your imaginary airline?

426
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:47,616
"Jet Blue Ivy."

427
00:15:47,651 --> 00:15:49,116
I figure Jay-Z
and Beyonce's kid

428
00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:51,800
will own her own airline
eventually.

429
00:15:51,833 --> 00:15:53,949
She's the one.

430
00:15:53,983 --> 00:15:56,650
So, can I have
my permit now? Finally?

431
00:15:56,684 --> 00:16:00,366
Uh, no, there was a mistake,

432
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,832
and we gave the park
to someone else.

433
00:16:02,866 --> 00:16:03,799
What?

434
00:16:03,816 --> 00:16:04,982
Maybe I can drive you around

435
00:16:05,017 --> 00:16:07,116
and we'll pick another one?

436
00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:08,082
Maybe I'll bring
a picnic lunch.

437
00:16:08,117 --> 00:16:09,416
Do you like tamales?

438
00:16:09,450 --> 00:16:11,333
You said that that park
was ours.

439
00:16:11,367 --> 00:16:12,832
You said it a long time ago,

440
00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:14,516
in a British accent.

441
00:16:14,551 --> 00:16:15,766
I probably shouldn't say this,
as a doctor.

442
00:16:15,799 --> 00:16:17,066
It's probably not cool.

443
00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:20,082
But I really hope you all
get West Nile virus.

444
00:16:20,133 --> 00:16:22,550
Nice meeting you, April.

445
00:16:22,601 --> 00:16:24,099
Kind of.
You're weird too.

446
00:16:24,133 --> 00:16:25,866
Thank you.

447
00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:30,949
We need to talk.

448
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,216
That has never been true.

449
00:16:33,267 --> 00:16:34,733
I think I know
what's happening.

450
00:16:34,767 --> 00:16:37,149
Thinking about how to
divide up your possessions

451
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,616
for when you die,

452
00:16:38,667 --> 00:16:41,166
it's tough, confronting
your own mortality,

453
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:44,916
and I think it's got you
spinning a little bit.

454
00:16:44,950 --> 00:16:46,316
Am I right?

455
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:47,650
Wow.

456
00:16:47,684 --> 00:16:49,782
I had not considered that.

457
00:16:49,833 --> 00:16:51,750
Yes, I think that maybe
you are on to something.

458
00:16:51,783 --> 00:16:52,916
Yeah.

459
00:16:52,950 --> 00:16:54,966
Just know that it's
perfectly healthy

460
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,433
to be thinking about...

461
00:16:57,467 --> 00:16:58,683
Oh, you're joking.

462
00:16:58,734 --> 00:16:59,815
Yes, son, I am.

463
00:16:59,850 --> 00:17:01,566
First joke ever.

464
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,032
Don't care for it.

465
00:17:03,067 --> 00:17:04,949
Death does not scare me.

466
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,633
What I am worried about
is spoiling my children.

467
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:09,349
I don't want 'em to be
the kind of people

468
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,399
who never work,
live off their trust funds,

469
00:17:12,434 --> 00:17:14,399
who buy their wooden furniture.

470
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:17,032
I will leave my children
$50 apiece

471
00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:18,550
for the cab home
from my funeral

472
00:17:18,584 --> 00:17:20,749
and a steak dinner,
end of discussion.

473
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:21,799
Okay.

474
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:22,849
I mean, look, it doesn't matter

475
00:17:22,883 --> 00:17:24,332
how much money
you leave your kids.

476
00:17:24,350 --> 00:17:27,233
What matters is that you teach
them the right values.

477
00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:29,166
But, if something
horrible happens,

478
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,466
and you want your kids
to be left alone

479
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,699
with no safety net,

480
00:17:31,716 --> 00:17:33,333
just so they can learn
some kind of weird lesson,

481
00:17:33,367 --> 00:17:35,600
then, by all means,
leave your fortune

482
00:17:35,634 --> 00:17:39,283
to the wild boar
who gores you to death.

483
00:17:39,317 --> 00:17:42,916
I'd never lose to a boar.

484
00:17:48,933 --> 00:17:51,600
I'm sorry if I can be
little annoying at times,

485
00:17:51,634 --> 00:17:53,533
but one person's annoying

486
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,899
is another person's
inspiring and heroic,

487
00:17:55,917 --> 00:17:58,999
so, you know,
who are we to judge?

488
00:17:59,033 --> 00:18:01,399
And I'm sorry
for writing those things.

489
00:18:01,434 --> 00:18:03,249
Some of those things.

490
00:18:03,284 --> 00:18:06,433
I can't promise
that I won't be inspiring

491
00:18:06,467 --> 00:18:08,149
and heroic in the future.

492
00:18:08,184 --> 00:18:10,483
And I can't promise that I
won't complain about it.

493
00:18:10,517 --> 00:18:12,650
Deal.

494
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,316
I got you an apology present.

495
00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:15,366
Oh!

496
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,765
It is all of
your favorite lipsticks

497
00:18:16,783 --> 00:18:17,765
and nail polishes,

498
00:18:17,783 --> 00:18:18,765
and I got the same ones too.

499
00:18:18,783 --> 00:18:19,899
I printed out a schedule,

500
00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,316
so we can wear them
at the same time.

501
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:23,316
Now, I would like you
to open each one

502
00:18:23,367 --> 00:18:24,406
in front of me, and tell me

503
00:18:24,433 --> 00:18:25,982
how you feel about them
individually.

504
00:18:26,033 --> 00:18:27,566
Let me take a picture.

505
00:18:27,601 --> 00:18:28,899
Are you tweeting this?

506
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,316
Mm-hmm.

507
00:18:30,367 --> 00:18:31,316
What's the hashtag gonna be?

508
00:18:31,367 --> 00:18:32,599
"Boss bitch" or "bitch boss"?

509
00:18:32,617 --> 00:18:33,866
Yeah,
it's "psycho boss."

510
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:36,321
Eh, I don't hate that.

511
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,346
Benjamin, after thinking
about what you said,

512
00:18:40,466 --> 00:18:41,376
I've decided to leave

513
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:44,125
each of my children
5% of my fortune.

514
00:18:44,245 --> 00:18:46,461
Wow, 5 whole percent.

515
00:18:46,496 --> 00:18:48,744
So, I guess you are gonna
teach them a lesson.

516
00:18:48,778 --> 00:18:52,011
Oh, my God, that's 5%?

517
00:18:52,045 --> 00:18:53,661
That is a lot of money.

518
00:18:53,695 --> 00:18:55,294
Wait, is this a joke?

519
00:18:55,346 --> 00:18:56,711
It is not a joke.

520
00:18:56,745 --> 00:18:58,677
Not that an accountant
would know the difference.

521
00:18:58,712 --> 00:19:01,844
Also, if something should
happen to Diane and me,

522
00:19:01,878 --> 00:19:03,711
we decided
that the kids should go

523
00:19:03,745 --> 00:19:05,794
to the most important
people in our lives.

524
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:09,595
Ron, I'm... I'm incredibly
flattered.

525
00:19:09,628 --> 00:19:11,910
Ralph Piatkowski
and his wife Helen.

526
00:19:11,928 --> 00:19:14,345
He's the Maitre D'
at Mulligan's Steakhouse,

527
00:19:14,379 --> 00:19:16,428
and he knows me
better than anyone.

528
00:19:16,462 --> 00:19:18,244
However, if they are not
able to do it,

529
00:19:18,262 --> 00:19:20,595
which seems likely,
as they're in their 90s,

530
00:19:20,628 --> 00:19:23,244
you and Leslie
are choice number two.

531
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:24,844
I'm honored.

532
00:19:24,878 --> 00:19:26,411
Everyone, take your seats,

533
00:19:26,429 --> 00:19:28,927
so this witch hunt
may proceed as scheduled.

534
00:19:28,962 --> 00:19:31,011
Speaking of, uh,
where are the witches?

535
00:19:31,045 --> 00:19:32,461
They're right here!

536
00:19:32,512 --> 00:19:35,044
Well, we're not witches.
That's sexist and offensive.

537
00:19:35,078 --> 00:19:36,244
But we're right here,

538
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:37,927
and we are not gonna
sit in this room

539
00:19:37,962 --> 00:19:39,761
and let you drag our names
through the mud

540
00:19:39,795 --> 00:19:41,761
just to score some
cheap political points.

541
00:19:41,795 --> 00:19:43,677
How dare you demean the value

542
00:19:43,712 --> 00:19:45,627
of the political points
I'm scoring?

543
00:19:45,678 --> 00:19:47,044
We have had enough.

544
00:19:47,078 --> 00:19:49,345
I am going back to work so I can
do some good for this town,

545
00:19:49,379 --> 00:19:51,345
and my friend Donna
is coming with me.

546
00:19:51,379 --> 00:19:53,128
Hmm.
I prefer "El Diablo."

547
00:19:53,179 --> 00:19:55,244
Uh, this is not over,
Ms. Knope!

548
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:57,794
Donna, quit punishing me!

549
00:19:57,845 --> 00:19:59,711
- I miss you.
- Uh-uh!

550
00:19:59,745 --> 00:20:01,744
Bridge burned, Typhoon.

551
00:20:01,762 --> 00:20:04,761
Or should I say, "Norman"?
Uh-huh.

552
00:20:04,795 --> 00:20:06,910
Okay, I'm just gonna man up,

553
00:20:06,928 --> 00:20:08,411
tell her how I feel,

554
00:20:08,429 --> 00:20:09,627
and hope she feels
the same way about me,

555
00:20:09,678 --> 00:20:10,761
and that's that.

556
00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:11,877
If she doesn't,
no big deal. It's done.

557
00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:13,011
I'm an adult.
Let's do it.

558
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,761
Great.

559
00:20:14,795 --> 00:20:16,794
Nope, I can't do it.
New plan.

560
00:20:16,845 --> 00:20:17,927
Tell her all the screw-ups
were your fault.

561
00:20:17,962 --> 00:20:19,345
I'll tell her I had to
cover for you,

562
00:20:19,379 --> 00:20:20,345
because you are so dumb.

563
00:20:20,379 --> 00:20:22,677
Nadia!

564
00:20:22,712 --> 00:20:25,294
We're very sorry for everything
you went through today.

565
00:20:25,346 --> 00:20:28,511
I have reserved the park
for your event.

566
00:20:28,545 --> 00:20:32,345
Now, April has something
she'd like to admit.

567
00:20:32,379 --> 00:20:34,461
Tom wants me to tell you that
all the screw-ups were my fault,

568
00:20:34,512 --> 00:20:36,577
but really, he kept messing up
so that you would

569
00:20:36,595 --> 00:20:37,794
stay in Pawnee
as long as possible

570
00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:39,627
because he is super into you.

571
00:20:39,678 --> 00:20:42,577
Okay.

572
00:20:42,595 --> 00:20:43,961
Several questions.

573
00:20:44,012 --> 00:20:46,178
- Is any part of him British?
- No.

574
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:47,927
So, that was just weird,
panicky dude behavior?

575
00:20:47,962 --> 00:20:49,011
- Yeah.
- Okay.

576
00:20:49,045 --> 00:20:50,204
I'm just trying to figure out

577
00:20:50,212 --> 00:20:52,777
if acting that insane
is, like, romantic,

578
00:20:52,795 --> 00:20:54,328
or totally scary.

579
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:56,961
I'll go with romantic.

580
00:20:56,995 --> 00:20:58,395
He is kind of cute.

581
00:20:58,429 --> 00:20:59,961
What's his deal?

582
00:20:59,995 --> 00:21:01,877
He's sweet, he's cool,

583
00:21:01,912 --> 00:21:03,294
and you're, like,
way out of his league,

584
00:21:03,329 --> 00:21:06,444
so there's literally
no risk for you at all here.

585
00:21:06,462 --> 00:21:07,444
Okay.

586
00:21:07,462 --> 00:21:08,861
Well, I am going
to Rwanda in, like,

587
00:21:08,895 --> 00:21:10,777
two weeks for my job,
so, what the hell?

588
00:21:10,795 --> 00:21:11,911
Cool.

589
00:21:11,945 --> 00:21:12,961
So, you want to go out with me?

590
00:21:12,995 --> 00:21:14,461
Yes, please.

591
00:21:14,495 --> 00:21:17,461
Okay. Bye.

592
00:21:17,495 --> 00:21:20,111
Okay, you owe me,
like, 1,000 favors.

593
00:21:20,129 --> 00:21:21,794
See ya.

594
00:21:22,123 --> 00:21:29,589
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com