1
00:00:01,631 --> 00:00:03,632
"Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt
were married

2
00:00:03,667 --> 00:00:06,168
"one year ago this week
at the Pawnee city hall.

3
00:00:06,203 --> 00:00:08,771
"The bride wore a gown made
by her friend Ann Perkins.

4
00:00:08,805 --> 00:00:11,907
"And the groom wore a butt so perfect
it could make an angel hang itself."

5
00:00:11,942 --> 00:00:14,242
- You wrote this, didn't you?
- I did.

6
00:00:14,243 --> 00:00:16,291
- They cut it way down.
- Thank God.

7
00:00:16,326 --> 00:00:19,203
Okay, so, the big day is tomorrow.

8
00:00:19,238 --> 00:00:21,926
So let's go over this again.
What are the anniversary rules?

9
00:00:21,961 --> 00:00:23,272
At lease 100 kisses.

10
00:00:23,306 --> 00:00:24,506
Dinner at 7:00.

11
00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:27,109
- And no gifts.
- That's right, no gifts.

12
00:00:27,143 --> 00:00:28,849
No gifts.

13
00:00:29,145 --> 00:00:30,846
No gifts.

14
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:32,348
Oh, I'm getting him a gift.

15
00:00:32,382 --> 00:00:34,250
I always say that I'm not gonna
get him a gift.

16
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:36,051
And Ben always believes me.

17
00:00:36,086 --> 00:00:37,686
And then, bam, I surprise him

18
00:00:37,721 --> 00:00:39,188
with the best gift of all time.

19
00:00:39,222 --> 00:00:42,858
He makes the cutest, dopiest
face when he's surprised.

20
00:00:42,893 --> 00:00:46,862
It's like... Wha-a-a-at?

21
00:00:46,896 --> 00:00:49,098
I'm not gonna make my stupid
surprise face this year

22
00:00:49,132 --> 00:00:51,934
because this time I got her
the most amazing gift ever.

23
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:53,302
And she'll never see it coming

24
00:00:53,336 --> 00:00:55,805
because I'm giving it
to her today, one day early.

25
00:00:55,839 --> 00:00:57,673
So she's gonna make
the face this year.

26
00:00:57,707 --> 00:01:00,643
She will make that stupid face!

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00:01:00,904 --> 00:01:10,904
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com

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00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:23,565
Additional support
for Pawnee Public Radio

29
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:27,269
comes from the Edgar C.
and Janis R. Lumway Foundation

30
00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:30,773
and the Richard and Lois Wallenberg
Foundation Foundation...

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00:01:30,807 --> 00:01:33,409
dedicated to the idea
that all human beings

32
00:01:33,443 --> 00:01:37,446
deserve a chance to hear about
foundations.

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00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,282
Welcome to
Thought For Your Thoughts.

34
00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:43,085
I'm your Pawneean host,
Derry Murbles.

35
00:01:43,119 --> 00:01:46,522
And I'm your Eagletonian host,
August Clementine.

36
00:01:46,556 --> 00:01:50,159
Yes, if you have not heard
our program in a while,

37
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,695
Thought For Your Thoughts
now has a co-host,

38
00:01:52,729 --> 00:01:55,598
thanks to
the Pawnee-Eagleton merger

39
00:01:55,632 --> 00:01:58,300
I believe that is
the Eagleton-Pawnee merger,

40
00:01:58,335 --> 00:01:59,468
n'est-ce pas?

41
00:01:59,502 --> 00:02:02,104
I'd like to apologize to our listeners

42
00:02:02,138 --> 00:02:06,308
for my co-host's sudden
and violent outburst just now.

43
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:10,746
Our guest is former city
councilwoman Leslie Knope.

44
00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:13,515
- Leslie, thought...
- For your thoughts.

45
00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:14,883
I said it.

46
00:02:14,918 --> 00:02:18,087
Absorb the aggression, Derry.

47
00:02:18,121 --> 00:02:20,389
Absorb the aggression.

48
00:02:20,423 --> 00:02:23,125
Well, I just want
to say thank you so much

49
00:02:23,159 --> 00:02:24,026
for having me.

50
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,361
It's a thrill to be here.

51
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:28,497
As a listener, I think
the merging of your two shows

52
00:02:28,531 --> 00:02:33,135
has really created such a big,
quiet, arcane ball of fun.

53
00:02:33,169 --> 00:02:35,404
It's been a couple of months
since Pawnee and Eagleton

54
00:02:35,438 --> 00:02:36,438
officially merged.

55
00:02:36,473 --> 00:02:39,375
Things are going... okay.

56
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,311
There's still a little animosity
between the two towns.

57
00:02:42,345 --> 00:02:44,213
I haven't seen Pawneeans this mad

58
00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:48,017
since Frankie's discontinued
their pizza-stuffed-crust pizza.

59
00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:52,054
It was a pizza whose crust
was stuffed with little pizzas.

60
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,323
And the crust of those little pizzas

61
00:02:54,357 --> 00:02:56,258
was made of chocolate.

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00:02:56,293 --> 00:02:58,794
Ms. Knope, I understand
you're here today

63
00:02:58,828 --> 00:03:00,329
to try to convince us

64
00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:02,965
that this disastrous merger
of our two towns

65
00:03:02,999 --> 00:03:05,701
was, in any way, a good idea.

66
00:03:05,735 --> 00:03:07,937
Yes, there were some
bumps and bruises.

67
00:03:07,971 --> 00:03:10,673
And a brief rash of arson.

68
00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:14,376
And a rather large-scale brawl
at the dump.

69
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:18,847
But overall, the state
of the merger is very strong.

70
00:03:18,882 --> 00:03:19,949
Scoff.

71
00:03:19,983 --> 00:03:22,351
Did you just say the word "scoff"?

72
00:03:22,385 --> 00:03:26,522
You must admit, Ms. Knope,
that the merging of the towns

73
00:03:26,556 --> 00:03:28,457
has been fraught with antipathy.

74
00:03:28,491 --> 00:03:31,560
For example, I now have
to share my studio

75
00:03:31,595 --> 00:03:35,698
with a fatuous twerp
who shall remain nameless.

76
00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:37,099
This twerp has a name.

77
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:40,936
And it's August N'gutu
Liebowitz-Clementine.

78
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,738
Guys...

79
00:03:42,772 --> 00:03:44,206
Hello.

80
00:03:44,241 --> 00:03:46,041
Thank you so much

81
00:03:46,076 --> 00:03:47,910
for letting me help plan
your anniversary.

82
00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:50,579
It is so wonderful to be part
of such a special day.

83
00:03:50,614 --> 00:03:52,715
Okay, remember,
under no circumstances

84
00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:54,450
can Leslie know
about what's going on.

85
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,986
She has to make that face,
do you understand?

86
00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,121
No, I don't fully,
but my lips are sealed.

87
00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:00,823
I asked for Larry's help
because he has

88
00:04:00,857 --> 00:04:02,691
the most successful marriage
of anyone I know,

89
00:04:02,726 --> 00:04:04,860
to a gorgeous woman.

90
00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:07,863
Which, honestly,
is still a mystery to me.

91
00:04:07,898 --> 00:04:11,200
Like, was it a hypnosis
accident or something,

92
00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:12,434
where they put Gayle under

93
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,637
and made her fall in love with Larry

94
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:16,605
and never said the magic word
to snap her out of it?

95
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,674
Like, if I say "nutmeg,"

96
00:04:18,708 --> 00:04:21,277
will she wake up and start screaming?

97
00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:23,746
What kind of pet are you
interested in adopting?

98
00:04:23,780 --> 00:04:25,881
We have dogs, cats, rabbits.

99
00:04:25,916 --> 00:04:28,717
Um, I work here, so, legally,
you can adopt me.

100
00:04:28,752 --> 00:04:31,120
The girls want an actual dog.

101
00:04:31,154 --> 00:04:33,422
And they want it to look like this.

102
00:04:33,456 --> 00:04:34,456
Interesting.

103
00:04:34,457 --> 00:04:37,693
So, like a banana made of spiders?

104
00:04:37,727 --> 00:04:39,662
I've said it before
and I'll say it again,

105
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,964
children are terrible artists.

106
00:04:41,998 --> 00:04:44,333
And artists are crooks.

107
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:46,068
I think I know a good dog.

108
00:04:46,102 --> 00:04:48,270
There he is!

109
00:04:48,305 --> 00:04:50,506
Ron, how about this guy?

110
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:53,008
Yes, he is a handsome fellow.

111
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,376
Hello, dog.

112
00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:55,811
I'll take him.

113
00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:57,880
That was easy. Awesome.

114
00:04:57,914 --> 00:05:01,150
Well, Donna can help you
get started on the paperwork.

115
00:05:01,184 --> 00:05:03,252
Donna?

116
00:05:03,286 --> 00:05:06,155
"Why lie? I'm shopping.
Back in an hour."

117
00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:11,060
Ugh! God, she's always just
leaving and not telling me.

118
00:05:11,094 --> 00:05:13,062
Hello, caller. You have a comment?

119
00:05:13,096 --> 00:05:14,930
Yeah, ever since the merger,

120
00:05:14,965 --> 00:05:17,466
we've had a really bad trash problem.

121
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:19,501
Well, yes, there has been
some confusion

122
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:20,936
with some of the garbage routes.

123
00:05:20,971 --> 00:05:23,472
And the Sanitation Department
is stretched a little thin.

124
00:05:23,506 --> 00:05:26,475
No, I mean Eagletonians
are human garbage.

125
00:05:26,509 --> 00:05:28,310
And we should throw them
in a dumpster.

126
00:05:28,345 --> 00:05:29,478
Kapow!

127
00:05:29,513 --> 00:05:31,714
Yeah, I really like the merger,

128
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:34,249
but I hate that Eagleton
was forced to join Pawnee.

129
00:05:34,284 --> 00:05:36,151
Well, that's what the merger is.

130
00:05:36,186 --> 00:05:39,121
Oh. Yeah, then I hate the merger.

131
00:05:39,155 --> 00:05:41,223
I think the merger was great.

132
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:44,827
And I think Leslie Knope
did an amazing job.

133
00:05:44,861 --> 00:05:47,062
I don't know who this is,
but I agree.

134
00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:48,364
- It's Andy!
- Hey.

135
00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:49,932
I'm on the radio!

136
00:05:49,966 --> 00:05:52,635
That's all the time we have on
Thought For Your Thoughts.

137
00:05:52,669 --> 00:05:55,838
- I'm Derry Murbles.
- And I'm August Clementine.

138
00:05:55,872 --> 00:05:59,141
And I talked last. Good day.

139
00:06:01,177 --> 00:06:02,978
Is this land mine still functional?

140
00:06:03,013 --> 00:06:06,048
Partially.

141
00:06:06,082 --> 00:06:07,283
Why?

142
00:06:07,317 --> 00:06:09,285
Because I want to blow up
Donna's desk

143
00:06:09,319 --> 00:06:11,030
so I can teach her
a lesson about what happens

144
00:06:11,065 --> 00:06:12,534
when you skip work.

145
00:06:12,569 --> 00:06:14,223
I'm not sure that's how
you should go about this.

146
00:06:14,257 --> 00:06:18,260
I'm kind of her boss, now,
but I still feel weird disciplining her.

147
00:06:18,261 --> 00:06:19,261
What do I do?

148
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:22,765
Look her in the eyes and tell her
exactly what you need from her.

149
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:26,502
Be mature, direct, and firm.

150
00:06:26,536 --> 00:06:29,472
What? Some fool
just slammed me on Yelp.

151
00:06:29,506 --> 00:06:30,873
I took Ron's advice.

152
00:06:30,907 --> 00:06:33,842
I very maturely and straightforwardly

153
00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:36,512
left anonymous comments
about Donna online.

154
00:06:36,546 --> 00:06:38,948
"Stopped by to adopt a dog,

155
00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:40,983
"but the employee, Donna Meagle,

156
00:06:41,017 --> 00:06:42,451
"was nowhere to be found.

157
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,821
Thanks for nothing,
Donna Meagle. Booooo!"

158
00:06:45,855 --> 00:06:47,556
With five "O's.

159
00:06:47,591 --> 00:06:49,024
Oh, my God, that sucks.

160
00:06:49,059 --> 00:06:51,360
Just have to work harder,
I guess, huh?

161
00:06:51,394 --> 00:06:54,430
This freak thinks he can hide
behind some anonymous user name?

162
00:06:54,464 --> 00:06:57,867
I'm about to hunt you down.

163
00:06:57,901 --> 00:07:00,603
Don't be upset, Leslie.
No one listens to the radio.

164
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,871
I wasn't even listening.
I was listening to podcasts.

165
00:07:02,906 --> 00:07:04,406
Podcasts are great.
Radio is boring.

166
00:07:04,441 --> 00:07:06,408
Tom, this merger needs a win...

167
00:07:06,443 --> 00:07:08,677
something symbolic
and bright and happy

168
00:07:08,712 --> 00:07:10,846
that will show that there's
light at the end of the tunnel.

169
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,348
God, I am so stressed.

170
00:07:12,382 --> 00:07:14,984
Uh, Leslie, may I borrow you
for a second?

171
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,485
Something very special to show you.

172
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:18,621
Now is not the time, Larry.
Please leave.

173
00:07:18,655 --> 00:07:20,789
- I think you...
- Larry! What are you still doing here?

174
00:07:20,824 --> 00:07:22,558
Aw, jeez. Okay.

175
00:07:22,592 --> 00:07:26,128
I just wish Pawnee and Eagleton
were as happy as Ben and me.

176
00:07:26,162 --> 00:07:27,930
Yeah, by the way,
I was gonna mention,

177
00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:29,565
you look really old in this picture.

178
00:07:29,599 --> 00:07:31,033
What?

179
00:07:31,067 --> 00:07:32,935
Andy, this is a picture of us.

180
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:34,503
This is a picture of an elderly couple.

181
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:35,638
Rosie and Doug DeMarco.

182
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,106
They've been married for 50 years.

183
00:07:37,140 --> 00:07:39,508
"Rosie Hails from Pawnee,
while Doug is originally

184
00:07:39,542 --> 00:07:41,510
from the former Eagleton."

185
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,412
Oh, my God, this is perfect.

186
00:07:43,446 --> 00:07:46,582
A Pawnee-Eagleton couple that
has been married for 50 years

187
00:07:46,616 --> 00:07:49,418
is a perfect symbol of how
our towns can get along.

188
00:07:49,452 --> 00:07:52,187
And we are gonna hold them up
as an example

189
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,556
of Pawnee-Eagleton unity.

190
00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:56,492
Whoo! I'm getting
the epiphany sweats.

191
00:07:58,927 --> 00:08:01,120
Stop where you are
and take off your clothes.

192
00:08:01,123 --> 00:08:04,557
It's couples massage.
Ugh. Where's Leslie?

193
00:08:04,592 --> 00:08:06,267
Oh, well, she seemed
kind of stressed out.

194
00:08:06,301 --> 00:08:07,761
And then she yelled at me,

195
00:08:07,796 --> 00:08:09,370
and she said she was
too busy to come.

196
00:08:09,405 --> 00:08:11,421
And since you had said
do not tell her the secret

197
00:08:11,456 --> 00:08:14,208
- under any circumstances...
- Aw, man.

198
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:16,878
Well, that's a danger of doing
things a day early, I guess.

199
00:08:16,912 --> 00:08:18,479
Should I text her and try again?

200
00:08:18,514 --> 00:08:20,637
Why don't you just go ahead
and get your massage,

201
00:08:20,672 --> 00:08:22,820
and then hopefully we can
get her in for the next thing.

202
00:08:22,855 --> 00:08:24,485
Okay. I have been
kind of tense lately.

203
00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:27,255
Just thinking about
the new Star Wars sequel.

204
00:08:27,289 --> 00:08:29,657
I'm afraid they're gonna
rely too heavily on CGI.

205
00:08:29,691 --> 00:08:32,360
And I'm carrying it all
in my shoulders.

206
00:08:32,394 --> 00:08:34,462
Just you? You paid for a couple.

207
00:08:34,496 --> 00:08:38,299
Well, can't believe
I'm saying this, but, uh...

208
00:08:38,633 --> 00:08:42,136
Larry, would you like to get
a couples massage with me?

209
00:08:42,170 --> 00:08:43,771
I would love to.

210
00:08:43,805 --> 00:08:45,706
Are we sure we should do this?

211
00:08:45,741 --> 00:08:47,975
Last time we scared an old person,
Larry had a heart attack.

212
00:08:48,009 --> 00:08:50,644
That was awesome.
He farted so much.

213
00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:52,439
Okay, look, obviously,
we don't really know

214
00:08:52,447 --> 00:08:54,915
these people, so let's
keep things fun and positive

215
00:08:54,950 --> 00:08:56,751
and celebratory, and merger-y.

216
00:08:58,286 --> 00:09:00,921
Can I help you?

217
00:09:00,956 --> 00:09:02,356
Hello, Mrs. DeMarco,
I am Leslie Knope,

218
00:09:02,391 --> 00:09:04,325
and we saw your announcement
in the newspaper

219
00:09:04,359 --> 00:09:06,594
and we would love to treat
you and your husband

220
00:09:06,628 --> 00:09:08,863
to a very special day.

221
00:09:08,897 --> 00:09:11,165
All right.
How much money did we win?

222
00:09:11,199 --> 00:09:14,435
Oh, no, you didn't win any money,
you won something better than money.

223
00:09:14,469 --> 00:09:16,470
A golden anniversary celebration.

224
00:09:16,505 --> 00:09:18,439
So no money.

225
00:09:18,473 --> 00:09:23,110
No, and I'm now just realizing
how misleading this giant check it.

226
00:09:23,145 --> 00:09:24,111
- Told you.
- Yes, you did, Tom.

227
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:27,114
Thank you. Now is not the time.
We... Hey! Hey!

228
00:09:27,149 --> 00:09:28,816
We'll give you some money.
Okay?

229
00:09:28,850 --> 00:09:30,084
Here, here's some money.
Everybody give 'em money.

230
00:09:30,118 --> 00:09:33,888
I got football cards,
and a travel mouthwash.

231
00:09:33,922 --> 00:09:36,090
Wow! That's great!

232
00:09:36,124 --> 00:09:37,925
Let's get started!

233
00:09:37,959 --> 00:09:39,894
Just give me
the IP address of the dude

234
00:09:39,928 --> 00:09:41,929
that gave me
that cracked-out Yelp review.

235
00:09:41,963 --> 00:09:43,564
Okay, here we go.

236
00:09:43,598 --> 00:09:46,901
The IP address says it came from
someone inside city hall.

237
00:09:46,935 --> 00:09:49,503
In this building? Oh, hell, no.

238
00:09:49,538 --> 00:09:51,305
Well, who cares, really?

239
00:09:51,339 --> 00:09:53,107
It's just some dumb
internet person. Ignore it.

240
00:09:53,141 --> 00:09:54,709
Ignore it?

241
00:09:54,743 --> 00:09:57,578
I'm about to come down on this
dude like Thor's hammer Mjolnir.

242
00:09:57,612 --> 00:10:01,949
I'm about to go Mjolnir
on his ass!

243
00:10:01,983 --> 00:10:04,785
Speaking of bad reviews...

244
00:10:04,820 --> 00:10:07,354
Computers are mostly pointless,
but that Yelp thing

245
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:11,058
gave me a great idea on how to
criticize people and places.

246
00:10:11,093 --> 00:10:14,512
I am composing strongly-worded letters

247
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,465
about things I disapprove of,
and I am using the internet

248
00:10:17,499 --> 00:10:20,267
to get addresses
where I can send them.

249
00:10:20,302 --> 00:10:22,737
So far I've written
to a vegetable farm,

250
00:10:22,771 --> 00:10:27,241
several European ambassadors,
a manufacturer of male cologne,

251
00:10:27,275 --> 00:10:30,811
and a nonfat frozen yogurt bar.

252
00:10:30,846 --> 00:10:34,782
"Dear frozen yogurt,
you are the celery of desserts.

253
00:10:34,816 --> 00:10:39,787
Be ice cream or be nothing.
Zero stars."

254
00:10:39,821 --> 00:10:43,391
Oh, I cannot wait for Leslie
to see this surprise.

255
00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:44,959
I am so prepared.

256
00:10:44,993 --> 00:10:47,928
I watched Enchanted three times
to get all the details right.

257
00:10:47,963 --> 00:10:51,699
And then another two times,
because that movie is amazing.

258
00:10:51,733 --> 00:10:53,300
Oh, it really is.

259
00:10:53,335 --> 00:10:55,770
- Hello?
- Oh, hey, Leslie.

260
00:10:55,804 --> 00:10:57,438
You want to go grab lunch together?

261
00:10:57,472 --> 00:11:00,641
- I'm out front. Super casual.
- I'm sorry, babe.

262
00:11:00,676 --> 00:11:03,477
I'm not even in my office.
I'm out saving the merger.

263
00:11:03,512 --> 00:11:05,046
Can it wait?

264
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:07,882
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No worries.

265
00:11:07,916 --> 00:11:09,150
Okay, great.
I'll see you at dinner. I love you.

266
00:11:09,184 --> 00:11:11,385
Oh, boy.

267
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:13,821
Well, it's not too late
to cancel the waffle buffet

268
00:11:13,855 --> 00:11:15,122
or the Hilary impersonator,

269
00:11:15,157 --> 00:11:17,291
but a lot of these deposits
were non-refundable.

270
00:11:17,326 --> 00:11:19,660
Hey, Larry.

271
00:11:19,695 --> 00:11:23,197
You up for a boys' day out
in a horse-drawn carriage?

272
00:11:23,231 --> 00:11:25,199
Sure. What the heck?

273
00:11:25,233 --> 00:11:27,802
Well, thus begins
our enchanted adventure.

274
00:11:28,937 --> 00:11:30,871
God, that movie really was amazing.

275
00:11:30,906 --> 00:11:33,007
And you know what doesn't
get enough credit in that movie?

276
00:11:33,041 --> 00:11:34,308
- The score.
- Music.

277
00:11:35,344 --> 00:11:36,344
Good sir,

278
00:11:36,345 --> 00:11:38,279
tally ho.

279
00:11:38,313 --> 00:11:39,914
God, that... from the movie!

280
00:11:39,948 --> 00:11:41,882
That is definitely from the movie.

281
00:11:41,917 --> 00:11:44,218
Okay, you two, head on up there.

282
00:11:44,252 --> 00:11:47,088
We are gonna recreate your
wedding photo from 50 years ago.

283
00:11:47,122 --> 00:11:50,057
Okay, let's relive that day.

284
00:11:50,092 --> 00:11:52,994
Only this time could we
shave her moustache?

285
00:11:53,028 --> 00:11:54,662
Oh, boy. I don't know.

286
00:11:54,696 --> 00:11:57,565
I'm kind of worried about
putting these two on live TV.

287
00:11:57,599 --> 00:11:59,233
They're sort of grumpy.

288
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:01,669
Why are we wasting our time
with these old people anyway?

289
00:12:01,703 --> 00:12:03,270
They're like the old version of iTunes.

290
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:05,172
We're like the new version
of iTunes, baby.

291
00:12:05,207 --> 00:12:07,908
We're gonna be here forever.

292
00:12:07,943 --> 00:12:10,344
Oh, my God.

293
00:12:10,379 --> 00:12:11,912
I'm gonna die someday.

294
00:12:11,947 --> 00:12:15,049
Well, let's just hope that deep down
these two still love each other.

295
00:12:15,083 --> 00:12:18,819
Hey, no touching.
This is not your birthday.

296
00:12:18,854 --> 00:12:22,490
Now, you see, the trick with paella
is to use just enough saffron

297
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:24,292
- to complement the shellfish.
- Okay.

298
00:12:26,161 --> 00:12:28,396
- Oh, man, that is so good.
- Oh, yeah.

299
00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:30,031
Wow, isn't this exciting?

300
00:12:30,065 --> 00:12:31,632
In just a few minutes,

301
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,602
you are going to be professing
your love on television.

302
00:12:34,636 --> 00:12:36,437
Could I have a glass of water
before we go on?

303
00:12:36,438 --> 00:12:37,571
Don't give him any water.

304
00:12:37,606 --> 00:12:39,106
He does this annoying thing
where every time

305
00:12:39,141 --> 00:12:41,342
he takes a drink of water
he goes, "Ah..."

306
00:12:41,376 --> 00:12:43,344
She does this annoying thing
where every time

307
00:12:43,378 --> 00:12:45,312
she takes a drink of water
she is an old nag.

308
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:49,250
Ah, the playful banter
of a couple on the same team.

309
00:12:49,284 --> 00:12:51,052
That's what this is, right?

310
00:12:51,086 --> 00:12:53,387
All right, let's burn this candle.

311
00:12:53,422 --> 00:12:54,555
Joan, if we could just have a moment.

312
00:12:54,589 --> 00:12:56,290
We need to get ready.

313
00:12:56,325 --> 00:12:57,925
Oh, no, no. We gotta go.

314
00:12:57,959 --> 00:12:59,293
Yeah, the uppers are kicking in.

315
00:12:59,328 --> 00:13:00,995
Just took some ludes
to kind of smooth it out,

316
00:13:01,029 --> 00:13:02,396
so I'm right in that sweet spot.

317
00:13:02,431 --> 00:13:05,700
Got about 20 minutes before
I either get really tired

318
00:13:05,734 --> 00:13:09,470
or really horny, so let's roll.

319
00:13:09,504 --> 00:13:12,106
Dougie, are you sure
you want to go on television?

320
00:13:12,140 --> 00:13:14,608
You look like a leather glove
got caught in a lawnmower.

321
00:13:14,643 --> 00:13:17,078
Okay, you know what?
I'm going to admit something.

322
00:13:17,112 --> 00:13:19,547
I orchestrated
the Pawnee-Eagleton merger,

323
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:23,317
and I was hoping that
your marriage could show people

324
00:13:23,352 --> 00:13:24,952
that a happy union is possible.

325
00:13:24,987 --> 00:13:27,188
So when you're out there,
if you could just, you know,

326
00:13:27,222 --> 00:13:30,057
look back over the past
50 years together

327
00:13:30,092 --> 00:13:33,794
and focus on the good times, okay?

328
00:13:33,829 --> 00:13:36,330
Donna, you wanted to see me?

329
00:13:36,365 --> 00:13:37,865
Yes, I did, troll.

330
00:13:37,899 --> 00:13:39,333
What?

331
00:13:39,368 --> 00:13:41,135
You tried to adopt a cat
last week and I turned you down,

332
00:13:41,169 --> 00:13:44,305
because I thought it was too sad
for you to have six cats.

333
00:13:44,339 --> 00:13:46,674
Then you tried to blow up
my spot online.

334
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:48,209
You're fired.

335
00:13:48,243 --> 00:13:50,945
You're not my boss, I work
for the city attorney's office.

336
00:13:50,979 --> 00:13:53,914
You're fired.

337
00:13:55,350 --> 00:13:58,652
How much postage does it take
to send a letter to Canada?

338
00:13:58,687 --> 00:14:01,088
- Who's it going to?
- Canada.

339
00:14:01,123 --> 00:14:04,291
It says, "Dear Canada,
you."

340
00:14:04,326 --> 00:14:06,961
Doug and Rosie DeMarco,
50 years.

341
00:14:06,995 --> 00:14:07,995
Ahh.

342
00:14:07,996 --> 00:14:10,865
Tell us how you first met.

343
00:14:10,899 --> 00:14:13,034
Well, it was 1963,

344
00:14:13,068 --> 00:14:17,171
and we met, and it was great.

345
00:14:17,205 --> 00:14:19,106
Isn't love grand?

346
00:14:19,141 --> 00:14:23,677
50 years of marriage, helping
to bridge the meaningless divide

347
00:14:23,712 --> 00:14:25,479
between Pawnee and Eagleton.

348
00:14:25,514 --> 00:14:26,714
Yeah, my show, my questions.

349
00:14:26,748 --> 00:14:29,550
So what is the secret sauce
that we should all

350
00:14:29,584 --> 00:14:32,853
be putting on
our marriage burgers?

351
00:14:32,888 --> 00:14:34,522
Well, we never go to bed angry.

352
00:14:34,556 --> 00:14:35,823
Never, ever would have
thought of that.

353
00:14:35,857 --> 00:14:38,826
- Ahh.
- Okay.

354
00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:40,895
I can't do this.
Leslie, you can keep your money.

355
00:14:40,929 --> 00:14:43,364
M-money?

356
00:14:43,398 --> 00:14:45,032
Did you bribe them to be here?

357
00:14:45,067 --> 00:14:46,300
No, I...

358
00:14:46,335 --> 00:14:48,402
Leslie offered us each
200 bucks to keep this going...

359
00:14:48,437 --> 00:14:50,738
- Ah...
- But it's impossible.

360
00:14:50,772 --> 00:14:52,339
You want to know
why we got married?

361
00:14:52,374 --> 00:14:53,741
Bring it.

362
00:14:53,775 --> 00:14:56,377
I had no prospects, and Dougie
here had an alcohol problem.

363
00:14:56,411 --> 00:14:58,946
Plus the Cold War was happening,

364
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:01,215
and frankly, we all thought
we were gonna die.

365
00:15:01,249 --> 00:15:03,684
Well, I figured I could
really tick off my parents

366
00:15:03,719 --> 00:15:06,787
by shacking up
with some Pawnee trash.

367
00:15:06,822 --> 00:15:08,255
Ya-ta-ta-ta-ta. Okay.

368
00:15:08,290 --> 00:15:10,858
We all agree that marriages
have their ups and downs,

369
00:15:10,892 --> 00:15:15,396
but at the end of the day,
they're worth it because...

370
00:15:15,430 --> 00:15:16,764
Who likes tap dancing?

371
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,129
I slept with Sharon in 1979.

372
00:15:20,164 --> 00:15:23,537
I used to get out of the shower
in front of your brother on purpose.

373
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:28,383
Hey, Leslie, who cares?
They're old people.

374
00:15:28,417 --> 00:15:30,819
They eat, they sleep, they complain,
and they watch Family Feud.

375
00:15:30,853 --> 00:15:32,187
Oh, my God,
I wanna be an old person.

376
00:15:32,221 --> 00:15:33,922
Gah, I don't know what to do.

377
00:15:33,956 --> 00:15:36,391
I wish Ben was here.
What is he doing right now?

378
00:15:54,676 --> 00:15:56,544
Oh, man!

379
00:15:56,578 --> 00:15:58,112
- You did good!
- Larry!

380
00:15:58,147 --> 00:16:00,481
Whoa! Wow. Thank you.

381
00:16:02,417 --> 00:16:03,981
Can I help you?

382
00:16:04,016 --> 00:16:07,488
Yeah, I own Lettuce Eat,
the vegan restaurant on Lowell Drive,

383
00:16:07,523 --> 00:16:10,091
and I wanted to know
why you nailed this letter to my door.

384
00:16:10,125 --> 00:16:12,260
"Veganism is the sad result

385
00:16:12,294 --> 00:16:13,995
"of a morally corrupt mind.

386
00:16:14,029 --> 00:16:16,931
Reconsider your life."

387
00:16:16,965 --> 00:16:19,467
Because I believe it. Good day.

388
00:16:19,501 --> 00:16:23,337
Carnivores. You're all the same.

389
00:16:23,372 --> 00:16:25,273
How did that guy
know where to find you?

390
00:16:25,307 --> 00:16:27,074
I assume he saw
my name and address

391
00:16:27,109 --> 00:16:29,477
at the bottom of the letter
I nailed to his door.

392
00:16:29,511 --> 00:16:31,846
- You signed your real name?
- Of course I did.

393
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:32,980
What's gonna happen?

394
00:16:33,015 --> 00:16:35,049
A vegan is gonna physically
attack me?

395
00:16:35,083 --> 00:16:37,685
They're basically made of glass.

396
00:16:37,719 --> 00:16:39,854
But more importantly,
if you believe in something,

397
00:16:39,888 --> 00:16:41,422
you sign your name to it.

398
00:16:41,456 --> 00:16:44,158
Which is why the makers
of carbonated water

399
00:16:44,193 --> 00:16:47,028
will soon know exactly
where to find me.

400
00:16:49,064 --> 00:16:52,800
Donna, Kyle did not
write those things, okay?

401
00:16:52,835 --> 00:16:54,268
I did.

402
00:16:54,303 --> 00:16:56,504
- I know.
- You do?

403
00:16:56,538 --> 00:16:57,972
I checked what else
that user had written.

404
00:16:58,006 --> 00:16:59,941
It was a review
of a funeral home that said

405
00:16:59,975 --> 00:17:01,475
"Great first date spot."

406
00:17:01,510 --> 00:17:03,511
I dragged Kyle in here to see
if you would come clean.

407
00:17:03,545 --> 00:17:05,079
Well, you overestimated

408
00:17:05,113 --> 00:17:07,381
how much I care
what happens to Kyle.

409
00:17:07,416 --> 00:17:09,517
Or anyone, really.

410
00:17:09,551 --> 00:17:13,121
But... I'm sorry that I didn't
just talk to you.

411
00:17:13,155 --> 00:17:14,395
And I'm sorry I bailed on work.

412
00:17:14,423 --> 00:17:17,358
And I'm sorry I toyed with you
instead of coming at you straight.

413
00:17:17,392 --> 00:17:19,927
From now on,
we say what we feel.

414
00:17:19,962 --> 00:17:21,796
- Cool?
- Cool.

415
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:23,464
Your lipstick looks weird.

416
00:17:23,498 --> 00:17:24,999
You're gonna want to
shut your mouth right now.

417
00:17:25,033 --> 00:17:26,901
Good talk.

418
00:17:26,935 --> 00:17:28,502
I don't know.

419
00:17:28,537 --> 00:17:31,906
Maybe Pawneeans and Eagletonians
aren't meant to coexist.

420
00:17:31,940 --> 00:17:33,708
Well, at least our merger
is going well.

421
00:17:33,742 --> 00:17:36,944
- Cheers.
- Cheers.

422
00:17:36,979 --> 00:17:38,779
You know, Andy and Tom were right

423
00:17:38,814 --> 00:17:40,415
when they said
the DeMarcos don't matter.

424
00:17:40,449 --> 00:17:42,083
Their generation's the past.

425
00:17:42,117 --> 00:17:43,584
The way to make
this merger take hold

426
00:17:43,619 --> 00:17:45,653
is to focus on the future.

427
00:17:45,687 --> 00:17:47,521
Of course.

428
00:17:47,556 --> 00:17:50,691
The children.
The children are our future.

429
00:17:50,726 --> 00:17:52,260
Whitney Houston knew it,

430
00:17:52,294 --> 00:17:53,728
and so do you, and so do I.

431
00:17:53,762 --> 00:17:55,096
I'm gonna need your help
on something.

432
00:17:55,130 --> 00:17:56,597
- I think we should go to work...
- Oh.

433
00:17:56,632 --> 00:17:59,066
But not now. We're having dinner.

434
00:17:59,101 --> 00:18:02,203
Damn, this paella is good.
Did you put saffron in here?

435
00:18:02,237 --> 00:18:05,072
It makes the shellfish
taste delicious.

436
00:18:05,107 --> 00:18:08,676
Yes. Yes, it does.

437
00:18:08,710 --> 00:18:10,711
Okay, the people in this room

438
00:18:10,746 --> 00:18:13,714
are the first members of the
Pawnee-Eagleton Youth Committee.

439
00:18:13,749 --> 00:18:15,816
Now, April says that young people

440
00:18:15,851 --> 00:18:17,251
think the word "committee" is lame,

441
00:18:17,286 --> 00:18:19,787
so let's just think of this
as a like a super chill,

442
00:18:19,821 --> 00:18:21,122
fun e-hangout.

443
00:18:21,156 --> 00:18:23,090
Worse. That's worse.

444
00:18:23,125 --> 00:18:24,759
Okay, new people.
Let's introduce ourselves.

445
00:18:24,793 --> 00:18:26,093
Craig Middlebrooks.

446
00:18:26,128 --> 00:18:28,229
Samantha in the boardroom,
Miranda in the bedroom.

447
00:18:28,263 --> 00:18:30,865
I know it's not ideal,
but it's who I am.

448
00:18:30,899 --> 00:18:33,634
This is my friend Madison.
She's amazing.

449
00:18:33,669 --> 00:18:35,536
And she drove me here!

450
00:18:35,571 --> 00:18:36,838
Okay.

451
00:18:36,872 --> 00:18:39,740
This group has
an incredibly important job.

452
00:18:39,775 --> 00:18:43,144
You need to figure out how to
hold this town together.

453
00:18:43,178 --> 00:18:44,946
You are going to meet twice a week

454
00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:46,747
and you're here
because of your energy,

455
00:18:46,782 --> 00:18:48,816
and your youth, and for some
of you, your mental age,

456
00:18:48,850 --> 00:18:51,485
and you're going to find a way
to make this merger stick.

457
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:53,454
So we are gonna order you
some 'zzas.

458
00:18:53,488 --> 00:18:56,290
You get to B.S.-ing,
brainstorming.

459
00:18:56,325 --> 00:18:58,804
Just chill. Peace out.

460
00:19:00,093 --> 00:19:01,760
Okay, so it's been an hour.

461
00:19:01,795 --> 00:19:03,128
From out there,
it looks like you guys

462
00:19:03,163 --> 00:19:04,497
were having some fun,
getting to know each other.

463
00:19:04,531 --> 00:19:06,451
So why don't we call
this first meeting a success

464
00:19:06,466 --> 00:19:08,133
and then we'll get together
later in the week.

465
00:19:08,168 --> 00:19:10,102
Hold up, sweet pea.
We have an idea.

466
00:19:10,137 --> 00:19:12,304
It's called the Unity Concert.

467
00:19:12,339 --> 00:19:15,774
It's a massive music and arts festival
to celebrate the merger.

468
00:19:15,809 --> 00:19:17,743
We get artists and musicians
from both towns

469
00:19:17,777 --> 00:19:18,911
to come together.

470
00:19:18,945 --> 00:19:20,246
It's gonna be like a giant Woodstock,

471
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,148
except for instead of everybody
rolling around in mud,

472
00:19:22,182 --> 00:19:23,616
they'll be rolling around
in happiness.

473
00:19:23,650 --> 00:19:26,385
Or maybe mud. I don't know.
I can't control the weather.

474
00:19:26,419 --> 00:19:27,820
We want to have a bunch
of different band stages.

475
00:19:27,854 --> 00:19:29,788
You know, people will go
to parts of the town

476
00:19:29,823 --> 00:19:30,923
they don't usually go to.

477
00:19:30,957 --> 00:19:32,825
Plus, we'll have tents
for art exhibits

478
00:19:32,859 --> 00:19:34,827
and panels, and maybe
a short film festival.

479
00:19:34,861 --> 00:19:37,062
Donna said she might
be able to get Ginuwine.

480
00:19:37,097 --> 00:19:38,631
That's given me a reason to live.

481
00:19:38,665 --> 00:19:40,232
Yeah, it's not like
everyone's gonna suddenly

482
00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:42,201
start holding hands and making out,

483
00:19:42,235 --> 00:19:44,537
but we figure, why not
throw a big three-day

484
00:19:44,571 --> 00:19:46,972
outdoor party,
show everyone a good time,

485
00:19:47,007 --> 00:19:49,408
and maybe they'll forget
about this stupid stuff.

486
00:19:49,442 --> 00:19:50,843
What do you think?

487
00:19:50,877 --> 00:19:52,711
I don't... I don't...

488
00:19:52,746 --> 00:19:54,280
I don't even...
You know what I mean?

489
00:19:54,314 --> 00:19:56,982
What's wrong with her?
Why is making those noises?

490
00:19:58,285 --> 00:19:59,485
Oh, right, you don't know Leslie.

491
00:19:59,519 --> 00:20:03,155
That means she loves it so much
she can't speak.

492
00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:06,025
You guys, that's like...
I don't know... Amazing.

493
00:20:06,059 --> 00:20:08,060
Like... what you do there.

494
00:20:08,094 --> 00:20:09,762
Happy anniversary.

495
00:20:09,796 --> 00:20:11,096
So I know we agreed on no gifts.

496
00:20:11,131 --> 00:20:12,932
- What?
- But I did get you a gift.

497
00:20:12,966 --> 00:20:14,200
- No.
- A bunch of them, actually.

498
00:20:14,234 --> 00:20:16,001
I was gonna surprise you
with them yesterday,

499
00:20:16,036 --> 00:20:18,838
but they never reached you.

500
00:20:18,872 --> 00:20:20,339
Ahem.

501
00:20:20,373 --> 00:20:24,743
Oh, my eff-ing God.

502
00:20:24,778 --> 00:20:26,712
You planned all of this for me?

503
00:20:26,746 --> 00:20:28,547
An enchanted carriage?

504
00:20:28,582 --> 00:20:30,182
This is amazing.

505
00:20:30,217 --> 00:20:33,285
Oh, and your scrapbook
instincts are really good.

506
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,753
I mean, this is a little rough,

507
00:20:34,788 --> 00:20:36,288
but you have a lot of talent here.

508
00:20:36,323 --> 00:20:37,656
Oh, I can't believe

509
00:20:37,691 --> 00:20:39,558
I actually defeated Leslie Knope
at a gift exchange.

510
00:20:39,593 --> 00:20:42,294
- Yes!
- Uh, yeah.

511
00:20:42,329 --> 00:20:43,796
About that.

512
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:46,065
Happy anniversary.

513
00:20:48,602 --> 00:20:51,303
It's the Iron Throne.

514
00:20:51,338 --> 00:20:53,139
Ohh! It's the Iron Throne.

515
00:20:53,173 --> 00:20:54,740
Yes, it is.

516
00:20:54,774 --> 00:20:57,476
I had a guy at the model store
make a replica.

517
00:20:57,511 --> 00:21:01,113
He's a bigger Game of Thrones
fan than you are.

518
00:21:01,147 --> 00:21:03,349
Okay, I know I'm making
that dumb surprise face,

519
00:21:03,383 --> 00:21:04,817
but I can't help it.

520
00:21:04,851 --> 00:21:06,986
This is the greatest gift
I've ever received, Leslie.

521
00:21:07,020 --> 00:21:10,055
When you play the game of thrones,
you win or you die.

522
00:21:10,090 --> 00:21:11,390
Yes.

523
00:21:11,424 --> 00:21:12,758
No.

524
00:21:12,792 --> 00:21:14,160
Yes.

525
00:21:14,194 --> 00:21:15,427
No!

526
00:21:15,462 --> 00:21:16,796
Come here.
Come hither, peasant.

527
00:21:16,830 --> 00:21:18,564
Come here. Who are you?

528
00:21:18,598 --> 00:21:20,099
Our starship is in trouble.

529
00:21:20,133 --> 00:21:21,801
Okay, Leslie, listen.

530
00:21:21,835 --> 00:21:23,665
If you're not... if you don't know
what you're talking about...

531
00:21:23,966 --> 00:21:29,537
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com