1
00:00:01,531 --> 00:00:03,399
Okay, I don't want
to over-hype this,

2
00:00:03,433 --> 00:00:05,101
but presenting...
Dun-da-da-dah!

3
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,326
the new city of Pawnee website!

4
00:00:07,446 --> 00:00:08,846
Totally revamped!

5
00:00:08,881 --> 00:00:10,248
You can pay parking tickets,

6
00:00:10,282 --> 00:00:13,451
you can apply for a business
license and the best part

7
00:00:13,485 --> 00:00:15,405
is we're going to put up
an online poll so people

8
00:00:15,420 --> 00:00:17,088
can pick the new town slogan!

9
00:00:17,122 --> 00:00:18,489
Hey, look a panda!

10
00:00:18,523 --> 00:00:20,758
Yeah, that's just some mascot
thing

11
00:00:20,792 --> 00:00:22,426
that the designer put up
on the front page.

12
00:00:22,461 --> 00:00:23,728
But more importantly,

13
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:26,697
you can now apply for a utility
tax refund... online!

14
00:00:26,732 --> 00:00:28,499
Wait, the panda's name
is Peebo.

15
00:00:28,534 --> 00:00:29,567
Peebo.

16
00:00:29,601 --> 00:00:31,002
Look, you can even play
ping-pong.

17
00:00:31,036 --> 00:00:32,503
- What?
- I want to play!

18
00:00:32,538 --> 00:00:34,906
No, me first! Me first!
That's it. I'm calling it.

19
00:00:34,940 --> 00:00:36,841
Guys, Ben worked
really hard on this, okay?

20
00:00:36,875 --> 00:00:38,409
Let's look at the online polls.

21
00:00:38,444 --> 00:00:40,178
It's gonna be a cool way
to choose our new town's slogan.

22
00:00:40,212 --> 00:00:42,146
Oh! The panda holds a paddle
with his tail.

23
00:00:42,181 --> 00:00:43,214
I want to play!

24
00:00:43,248 --> 00:00:44,515
Congratulations, Ben.

25
00:00:44,550 --> 00:00:47,418
This is truly a fine panda game
you made. Well done.

26
00:00:47,452 --> 00:00:48,519
What else does he do?

27
00:00:48,554 --> 00:00:50,488
I think if you click on
the bamboo,

28
00:00:50,522 --> 00:00:51,622
it puts on a top hat.

29
00:00:52,691 --> 00:00:54,025
What?

30
00:00:54,059 --> 00:00:55,760
I love you, Ben!

31
00:00:58,797 --> 00:01:04,802
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com

32
00:01:17,883 --> 00:01:19,150
What's wrong with you?

33
00:01:19,184 --> 00:01:21,452
You look like Meryl Streep
at the end of Ironweed.

34
00:01:21,487 --> 00:01:22,887
You wish.

35
00:01:22,921 --> 00:01:24,889
Well, I've been driving
all over Indiana

36
00:01:24,923 --> 00:01:26,858
looking for bands to play
the unity concert.

37
00:01:26,892 --> 00:01:28,226
I got nothing to show for,

38
00:01:28,260 --> 00:01:30,361
except for four car accidents.

39
00:01:30,395 --> 00:01:33,764
All these strangers'
insurance information.

40
00:01:33,799 --> 00:01:35,633
Ooh, I get it,
you have car insurance.

41
00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:37,268
Why don't you brag about it?

42
00:01:37,302 --> 00:01:38,803
Hey, you are from Eagleton,
right?

43
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:40,972
Are there any places out there
I should check out?

44
00:01:41,006 --> 00:01:43,074
I used to go see live shows
at Patterson's.

45
00:01:43,108 --> 00:01:45,243
But I'm boycotting until
the owner apologizes

46
00:01:45,277 --> 00:01:47,111
for what she said to me
at the dog park.

47
00:01:47,145 --> 00:01:49,213
Cool. Anything else?

48
00:01:49,248 --> 00:01:51,149
I hear Cozy's Bar is pretty
packed on Thursdays.

49
00:01:51,183 --> 00:01:53,451
But I've never been because
it's mostly middle-aged women

50
00:01:53,485 --> 00:01:55,119
and I'm allergic
to turkey neck.

51
00:01:55,154 --> 00:01:56,354
Really?
That's the best part.

52
00:01:56,388 --> 00:01:59,257
We should split
a turkey sometime.

53
00:01:59,291 --> 00:02:00,625
Oh, Mr. Larson.

54
00:02:00,659 --> 00:02:01,893
Thank you so much
for meeting me here.

55
00:02:01,927 --> 00:02:03,427
Happy to.
I was in the area.

56
00:02:03,462 --> 00:02:05,897
The chance for me to return
your binder full of questions

57
00:02:05,931 --> 00:02:07,298
about the job.

58
00:02:07,332 --> 00:02:08,572
I think I answered all of them.

59
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:10,368
Thank you.
I cannot wait to check this out.

60
00:02:10,402 --> 00:02:12,603
Now, the reason why I asked you
to meet me here...

61
00:02:12,638 --> 00:02:14,038
More questions about the job.

62
00:02:14,072 --> 00:02:15,606
Oh, yeah.

63
00:02:15,641 --> 00:02:18,142
Martha? I'm gonna need
two hours worth of waffles.

64
00:02:18,177 --> 00:02:20,878
Grant Larson has offered me
a chance to oversee

65
00:02:20,913 --> 00:02:23,314
a branch office
of the national park service.

66
00:02:23,348 --> 00:02:26,050
This is like the parks
equivalent of Bruce Springsteen

67
00:02:26,084 --> 00:02:27,819
pulling Courtney Cox onstage.

68
00:02:27,853 --> 00:02:30,087
I mean, one minute you're just
a regular girl in the crowd,

69
00:02:30,122 --> 00:02:32,156
and the next minute you're
dancing 10 feet away

70
00:02:32,191 --> 00:02:34,859
from freakin' Max Weinberg!

71
00:02:34,893 --> 00:02:37,628
Okay, my fortieth and eighteenth
from last question

72
00:02:37,663 --> 00:02:40,731
is about the Heartland Exotic
Plant Management Project.

73
00:02:40,766 --> 00:02:44,001
Now, were would I be actually
doing the physical planting?

74
00:02:44,036 --> 00:02:45,837
Because it is always been
a dream of mine

75
00:02:45,871 --> 00:02:48,673
to plant spotted jewelweed
along the red river bank

76
00:02:48,707 --> 00:02:51,142
in Arkansas, but I'm sure
you hear that a lot.

77
00:02:51,176 --> 00:02:53,711
Well, you wouldn't actually be
planting things.

78
00:02:53,745 --> 00:02:55,980
I mean, you're overseeing
200 people.

79
00:02:56,014 --> 00:02:58,649
The everyday minutia
you would delegate to staff.

80
00:02:58,684 --> 00:03:01,919
Leslie, your job is more
creative, big picture stuff.

81
00:03:01,954 --> 00:03:03,988
No more boring people working
for you.

82
00:03:04,022 --> 00:03:07,024
Good!
I hate paperwork.

83
00:03:07,059 --> 00:03:09,360
I hardly ever do it in my bed
on a Saturday night

84
00:03:09,394 --> 00:03:12,196
while listening
to old spice girls CDs.

85
00:03:12,231 --> 00:03:14,098
Regal Meagle.
My favorite realtor.

86
00:03:14,133 --> 00:03:15,833
You got some hot properties
to show me?

87
00:03:15,868 --> 00:03:17,134
You know it.

88
00:03:17,169 --> 00:03:18,836
Remember my list of
must-haves: Open kitchen,

89
00:03:18,871 --> 00:03:20,905
fireplace, exposed brick,
and you know

90
00:03:20,939 --> 00:03:22,573
I wouldn't kick a skylight
out of bed.

91
00:03:22,608 --> 00:03:24,976
I'm opening Pawnee's first
authentic Sinatra style

92
00:03:25,010 --> 00:03:26,043
Italian restaurant...

93
00:03:26,078 --> 00:03:27,678
"Tom's Bistro."

94
00:03:27,713 --> 00:03:30,882
I'm kind of like a skinny,
handsome, Indian Mario Batali...

95
00:03:30,916 --> 00:03:32,283
who doesn't know how to cook.

96
00:03:32,317 --> 00:03:34,886
Before we go, I got you guys
a little something

97
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,220
for helping me out.

98
00:03:36,255 --> 00:03:38,823
Oh! Love it!

99
00:03:38,857 --> 00:03:41,626
A Larry voodoo doll?

100
00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:43,861
Tom, that's so sweet.
Thanks.

101
00:03:43,896 --> 00:03:47,031
Ow! Oh, my gosh!

102
00:03:47,065 --> 00:03:48,232
I didn't even do anything.

103
00:03:48,267 --> 00:03:50,234
The voodoo doll is reading
my thoughts.

104
00:03:50,269 --> 00:03:52,503
So it seems like it went
really well, right?

105
00:03:52,538 --> 00:03:54,005
Yeah. Yeah, totally.

106
00:03:54,039 --> 00:03:56,007
Grant is great,
the job is great.

107
00:03:56,041 --> 00:03:57,975
- The waffles were great.
- Great.

108
00:03:58,010 --> 00:03:59,410
So we're just about ready
to go live

109
00:03:59,411 --> 00:04:00,711
with the slogan poll.
You want to see?

110
00:04:00,746 --> 00:04:02,547
Now that Eagleton and Pawnee
have merged,

111
00:04:02,581 --> 00:04:05,216
it is time to pick
a new town slogan.

112
00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:08,553
And a slogan can make a big
difference with tourism

113
00:04:08,587 --> 00:04:09,687
in a town's identity.

114
00:04:09,722 --> 00:04:11,122
There is New York,

115
00:04:11,156 --> 00:04:12,757
the city that never sleeps.

116
00:04:12,791 --> 00:04:15,693
And then there is Glenwater,
Florida,

117
00:04:15,727 --> 00:04:19,030
home of America's most violent
Walmart parking lot.

118
00:04:19,064 --> 00:04:20,898
Okay, so people can vote now.

119
00:04:20,933 --> 00:04:23,434
Yeah, see, that's the super
cool thing about this website

120
00:04:23,468 --> 00:04:26,304
is it does all the work for us
so we can just sit back

121
00:04:26,338 --> 00:04:28,239
and take it easy.

122
00:04:28,273 --> 00:04:30,775
No. No, we're not gonna
do that.

123
00:04:30,809 --> 00:04:33,044
We're gonna sit forward
and take it hard.

124
00:04:33,078 --> 00:04:34,779
- Um, what?
- There's a lot of nitty-gritty

125
00:04:34,813 --> 00:04:35,880
left to do, Ben.

126
00:04:35,914 --> 00:04:37,181
We need to roll up our sleeves,

127
00:04:37,216 --> 00:04:38,349
we need to go door to door,

128
00:04:38,383 --> 00:04:39,951
we need to hand out fliers,
and canvass.

129
00:04:39,985 --> 00:04:41,285
You know what we should do?

130
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,421
We should have a press junket,
to publicize the poll.

131
00:04:43,455 --> 00:04:44,735
Okay, I hope you had lunch
plans,

132
00:04:44,756 --> 00:04:46,077
'cause now you get
to cancel them.

133
00:04:46,091 --> 00:04:48,126
Well, I-I did.

134
00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:51,529
So this was one of Eagleton's
top sushi restaurants.

135
00:04:51,563 --> 00:04:53,731
But you can't out-run
the whale meat police forever.

136
00:04:53,765 --> 00:04:55,266
This is great.
I love it!

137
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:56,801
Look at it,
I can picture it now.

138
00:04:56,835 --> 00:04:58,436
That's where the politicians
will sit,

139
00:04:58,470 --> 00:05:00,905
this is where the connected
guys will bring their goomahs.

140
00:05:00,939 --> 00:05:02,139
This place is perfect.

141
00:05:02,174 --> 00:05:03,808
- How much?
- 9,000 a month.

142
00:05:03,842 --> 00:05:05,276
What? That's way more
that I can afford.

143
00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:06,644
Whatever.
It's not that great.

144
00:05:06,678 --> 00:05:08,079
Plus, it's really far away
from work

145
00:05:08,113 --> 00:05:09,647
and that'd be annoying.

146
00:05:09,681 --> 00:05:11,415
It's not a big deal.

147
00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:13,117
I mean, when it first launches
I'll go back and forth,

148
00:05:13,152 --> 00:05:16,220
but hopefully it takes off and
it'll become a full-time job.

149
00:05:16,255 --> 00:05:18,789
Come on, I'll show some places
in your price range.

150
00:05:21,260 --> 00:05:24,128
This press junket
is a brilliant idea, isn't it?

151
00:05:24,163 --> 00:05:27,231
Mr. Strange Cameraman
Who I Never Met.

152
00:05:27,266 --> 00:05:29,367
Leslie, I told you,
I'm not gonna participate

153
00:05:29,401 --> 00:05:32,470
in your weird Julia Roberts,
cameraman husband fantasy.

154
00:05:32,504 --> 00:05:33,805
Quiet, cameraman, Perd's here.

155
00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,208
Leslie, your poll is designed
to choose a new slogan.

156
00:05:37,242 --> 00:05:40,745
And a slogan is a series of
words that have a meaning.

157
00:05:40,779 --> 00:05:43,014
So true, Perd.

158
00:05:43,048 --> 00:05:44,248
All of the choices

159
00:05:44,283 --> 00:05:46,617
for the town slogan
are wonderful,

160
00:05:46,652 --> 00:05:48,853
but if I had to choose
my favorite

161
00:05:48,887 --> 00:05:52,457
it would probably be
"Storied past, bright future."

162
00:05:52,491 --> 00:05:56,460
Well, the story of my interest
level is: It's medium.

163
00:05:56,495 --> 00:05:58,262
Joan, this poll is a chance
to give

164
00:05:58,297 --> 00:06:00,698
our newly-merged city
a new identity...

165
00:06:00,732 --> 00:06:03,768
to really rebrand this town.

166
00:06:03,802 --> 00:06:06,370
Yes, great question.
I have been thinking

167
00:06:06,405 --> 00:06:07,705
of rebranding myself.

168
00:06:07,739 --> 00:06:11,109
What do you think about
Juan Callamezzo?

169
00:06:11,143 --> 00:06:12,844
Isn't "Juan" a man's name?

170
00:06:12,878 --> 00:06:14,445
No, it means "flower."

171
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:15,947
I think it means "John."

172
00:06:15,981 --> 00:06:18,983
Crazy Ira and the Douche

173
00:06:19,017 --> 00:06:22,153
from 93.7 FM, the Groove.

174
00:06:22,187 --> 00:06:25,022
Leslie, do you believe
that this new slogan

175
00:06:25,057 --> 00:06:26,791
will integrate Pawnee
and Eagleton

176
00:06:26,825 --> 00:06:28,893
into one cohesive city?

177
00:06:28,927 --> 00:06:32,563
Wow, that's a very thoughtful
question, Crazy Ira.

178
00:06:32,598 --> 00:06:33,865
Yes, yes, I do.

179
00:06:33,899 --> 00:06:35,333
Follow-up question, Leslie,

180
00:06:35,367 --> 00:06:38,236
show us your boobs!

181
00:06:39,538 --> 00:06:41,305
Will this fit
on a bumper sticker?

182
00:06:43,342 --> 00:06:44,509
Gosh, this place is packed.

183
00:06:44,543 --> 00:06:46,210
You folks must really like
this guy.

184
00:06:46,245 --> 00:06:48,513
Honey, he is sex on a stick.

185
00:06:48,547 --> 00:06:50,014
Ladies and gentlemen,

186
00:06:50,048 --> 00:06:54,252
put your jazzy hands together
for my man, Mr. Duke Silver!

187
00:06:57,389 --> 00:07:00,725
A smooth and silky evening
to you all.

188
00:07:00,759 --> 00:07:03,394
On nights like this,
when the cold winds blow,

189
00:07:03,428 --> 00:07:06,998
and the air is awash
in the swirling eddies

190
00:07:07,032 --> 00:07:08,499
of our dreams,

191
00:07:08,534 --> 00:07:11,502
come with me
and find safe haven...

192
00:07:11,537 --> 00:07:15,239
in a warm bathtub
full of my jazz.

193
00:07:15,274 --> 00:07:17,608
Uh!

194
00:07:20,712 --> 00:07:23,648
Well, the good news is
your poll was a big hit.

195
00:07:23,682 --> 00:07:24,882
Thousands of people voted.

196
00:07:24,917 --> 00:07:26,217
That's great.
What's leading?

197
00:07:26,251 --> 00:07:28,920
- "Storied past, bright future"?
- No.

198
00:07:28,954 --> 00:07:30,288
The current leader is

199
00:07:30,322 --> 00:07:33,591
"Pawnee,
welcome to Douche nation."

200
00:07:33,625 --> 00:07:35,526
- What?
- Crazy Ira and the Douche

201
00:07:35,561 --> 00:07:37,462
got their bonehead radio fans

202
00:07:37,496 --> 00:07:39,597
to flood the poll
with write-in votes.

203
00:07:39,631 --> 00:07:41,365
Why did we include
a write-in option?

204
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,301
Because every election
has a write-in option.

205
00:07:43,335 --> 00:07:45,136
That's how democracy works.

206
00:07:45,170 --> 00:07:47,371
I'm not a dictator.
If I we're a dictator,

207
00:07:47,406 --> 00:07:50,508
I would throw the Douche
in prison without a trial.

208
00:07:50,542 --> 00:07:52,577
I would be
a very strong dictator,

209
00:07:52,611 --> 00:07:55,880
and you would be my bodyguard,
and you would lead my army.

210
00:07:55,914 --> 00:07:58,649
Okay, I know we should
figure out how to fix this.

211
00:07:58,684 --> 00:08:00,585
But I'm starting
to get kind of turned on

212
00:08:00,619 --> 00:08:02,386
imagining you as a dictator,
is that bad?

213
00:08:02,421 --> 00:08:03,821
No, it's okay.

214
00:08:06,497 --> 00:08:07,897
You know,
we could just figure out

215
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,876
a different strategy
for picking a slogan.

216
00:08:09,996 --> 00:08:11,563
You don't have to go
on their show.

217
00:08:11,598 --> 00:08:13,198
No, I want to do this.
I enjoy the challenge.

218
00:08:13,233 --> 00:08:14,833
So, how do I look?

219
00:08:14,868 --> 00:08:17,916
I need these guys to think
that I'm, like, super chill.

220
00:08:18,036 --> 00:08:18,796
Is this gonna work?

221
00:08:18,827 --> 00:08:20,172
Oh, what up, Lez?

222
00:08:20,292 --> 00:08:23,440
Backwards hat... shows a real
lack of respect for authority.

223
00:08:23,475 --> 00:08:24,808
I like that.

224
00:08:24,843 --> 00:08:26,210
What's up, little mayor?

225
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:28,011
Are you gonna freak out again?

226
00:08:28,046 --> 00:08:30,013
So, Leslie, what's the deal?

227
00:08:30,048 --> 00:08:32,182
Are you just here
to yell at us again?

228
00:08:32,217 --> 00:08:35,919
Yeah, we are in store for
another Leslie Knope nag sesh?

229
00:08:35,954 --> 00:08:38,856
Crazy Ira, do the dishes!

230
00:08:38,890 --> 00:08:40,561
Classic! No way!

231
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:42,122
I'm not here to nag, guys.

232
00:08:42,156 --> 00:08:43,997
I'm just psyched
to be in the studio, you know?

233
00:08:44,025 --> 00:08:46,993
I'm just... chillin'
in the studes with my dudes.

234
00:08:47,028 --> 00:08:48,895
If you're really not really
here to nag us,

235
00:08:48,930 --> 00:08:52,232
then maybe you'll help us
with our next segment...

236
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:56,403
"Rating celebrities' boobs!"

237
00:08:56,437 --> 00:08:58,071
Perfect.

238
00:08:58,106 --> 00:09:01,541
On a scale, from 1 to
ga-ga-ga-going!

239
00:09:01,576 --> 00:09:05,345
How would you rate
Emma Watson's boobs?

240
00:09:05,379 --> 00:09:07,948
First of all, I would rate
her acting as an "A."

241
00:09:07,982 --> 00:09:10,217
You have three seconds to
answer or we're gonna withdraw

242
00:09:10,251 --> 00:09:13,153
- a donation from charity.
- From charity? Oh.

243
00:09:14,322 --> 00:09:15,355
A minus.

244
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:18,592
More like double D minus.

245
00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:22,329
Me so horny!

246
00:09:22,363 --> 00:09:24,464
I knew it. I knew it.

247
00:09:29,537 --> 00:09:31,438
- Can I help you?
- Maybe.

248
00:09:31,472 --> 00:09:33,540
I was out at the jazz club
last night...

249
00:09:33,574 --> 00:09:35,942
scouting bands
for the unity concert.

250
00:09:35,977 --> 00:09:38,044
And I saw something
very interesting.

251
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:45,185
- I am Duke Silver.
- I have a twin brother.

252
00:09:45,219 --> 00:09:46,787
What?

253
00:09:46,821 --> 00:09:50,223
- I have a twin brother.
- You are Duke Silver?

254
00:09:50,258 --> 00:09:51,224
Yes, I am Duke Silver.

255
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:57,564
The only other people
who know are Tom and April.

256
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,232
So, please, keep it to yourself.

257
00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:01,168
Are you kidding me?
You are really good!

258
00:10:01,202 --> 00:10:03,470
You are, like,
the saxophone player

259
00:10:03,504 --> 00:10:05,205
for the California-raisins-good.

260
00:10:05,239 --> 00:10:06,573
No joke.
You know what?

261
00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:09,342
I'm booking you...
for the unity concert.

262
00:10:09,377 --> 00:10:10,577
Absolutely not.

263
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,479
My musical career is private.

264
00:10:12,513 --> 00:10:14,181
If my secret got out,

265
00:10:14,215 --> 00:10:16,650
this office would be waist-deep
in women's undergarments.

266
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:18,852
No, I'm in charge of booking
the bands for the concert,

267
00:10:18,886 --> 00:10:20,886
and I say, you're in.
You're gonna play right after

268
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:22,889
Bobby knight ranger.
It's a night ranger cover band

269
00:10:22,924 --> 00:10:24,324
where they only
wear read sweaters.

270
00:10:24,358 --> 00:10:26,193
It's gonna be epic!

271
00:10:26,227 --> 00:10:28,095
Final round, Leslie,

272
00:10:28,129 --> 00:10:30,263
boobs or ass?

273
00:10:30,298 --> 00:10:34,034
Hard to believe this is a fan
game for your radio listeners.

274
00:10:34,068 --> 00:10:36,403
Ah... I'm gonna say butt.

275
00:10:36,437 --> 00:10:37,404
Ding, ding, ding!

276
00:10:37,438 --> 00:10:39,039
- Yes!
- You are correct.

277
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:41,908
This is my mom's dumper!

278
00:10:42,944 --> 00:10:44,211
Oh, mommy!

279
00:10:44,245 --> 00:10:45,679
I don't know how
you got yours hand on that.

280
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,114
I took it.

281
00:10:47,148 --> 00:10:50,050
Good. Well, it is been so fun
bro-ing out with my dogs.

282
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:53,887
I never knew that objectifying
women could be so much fun.

283
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:55,201
We're running out of time here

284
00:10:55,223 --> 00:10:57,124
so just a quick reminder
to write-in

285
00:10:57,158 --> 00:10:59,926
"Welcome to Douche nation!"

286
00:10:59,961 --> 00:11:03,296
As the official town slogan
for pawneecity.gov.

287
00:11:03,331 --> 00:11:06,233
Or you know what would also be
kind of dope

288
00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:08,435
for the people of Douche nation
to do?

289
00:11:08,469 --> 00:11:10,137
It's vote for another slogan.

290
00:11:10,171 --> 00:11:14,040
Like, you know,
"Storied past, bright future"?

291
00:11:14,075 --> 00:11:17,377
But... I don't care.
I don't give a fart, bros.

292
00:11:17,412 --> 00:11:19,746
You know, just do your thing,
chicken wing.

293
00:11:21,015 --> 00:11:22,249
Hey, Crazy Ira,
have you seen my stick?

294
00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:23,723
- Where's your stick?
- I don't know.

295
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:25,652
Lesbo Baggins,
you know where my stick is?

296
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,888
- You...
- Oh! Found my stick.

297
00:11:27,922 --> 00:11:29,823
Oh, where did you find it?

298
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:33,760
Up Leslie Knope's butt!

299
00:11:33,795 --> 00:11:36,129
- Yo, where my stick up?
- It's up her butt, papi.

300
00:11:37,999 --> 00:11:41,168
Jewish Greg, whatever we're
paying you, it's not enough.

301
00:11:43,504 --> 00:11:45,105
Damn it,
I almost pulled that off.

302
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:46,506
No, you really didn't.

303
00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:49,509
Just delete the poll.
Let the slogan thing go.

304
00:11:49,544 --> 00:11:51,845
Or, maybe we sneak back
in there...

305
00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,147
you distract those guys
for, like, 30, 90 minutes,

306
00:11:54,182 --> 00:11:56,102
I get on live radio,
I give an impassioned speech

307
00:11:56,117 --> 00:11:57,751
about what slogan
I want to endorse

308
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,825
and I play a few songs,
which I always wanted to do,

309
00:11:59,854 --> 00:12:01,488
and then we just see
what happens.

310
00:12:01,522 --> 00:12:03,123
No.

311
00:12:03,157 --> 00:12:04,458
I should just let this go.
Okay.

312
00:12:10,331 --> 00:12:12,099
Dude, what are you doing?

313
00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:14,601
That looks like a perfectly good
saxophone case.

314
00:12:14,635 --> 00:12:17,571
Wait a minute.
What's inside that case?

315
00:12:17,605 --> 00:12:19,806
I am ending
my secret musical career.

316
00:12:19,841 --> 00:12:22,609
- I have to kill Duke Silver.
- No, come on, man.

317
00:12:22,643 --> 00:12:23,643
You're really good.

318
00:12:23,678 --> 00:12:25,645
- You can't quit.
- Sorry, Andrew.

319
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:26,880
I would rather never play again

320
00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:29,082
than have everyone know
my secret.

321
00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:32,152
Good-bye, Duke Silver.

322
00:12:32,186 --> 00:12:35,455
May you rest... in jazz.

323
00:12:38,826 --> 00:12:42,295
So, Tom told you are sort
of like a computer expert.

324
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:43,830
Uh... yeah.

325
00:12:43,865 --> 00:12:45,499
You can say that.

326
00:12:45,533 --> 00:12:47,567
These jerks are trying
to hijack my online poll,

327
00:12:47,602 --> 00:12:50,170
and so far the leading town
slogan is,

328
00:12:50,204 --> 00:12:52,472
"Home of the stick
up Leslie Knope's butt."

329
00:12:52,507 --> 00:12:54,107
Yeah, yeah.
I voted for that one.

330
00:12:54,142 --> 00:12:56,910
Great. I'm wondering,
is there a way I can communicate

331
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,079
- with everybody who voted?
- Yeah, I can do that.

332
00:12:59,113 --> 00:13:00,380
Should take about two minutes.

333
00:13:00,415 --> 00:13:02,415
Just PayPal me some bitcoins
when you get a chance.

334
00:13:02,417 --> 00:13:04,985
What?

335
00:13:05,019 --> 00:13:06,419
So, this is way
under your budget.

336
00:13:06,421 --> 00:13:09,556
Used to be a donut shop.
Well, a tire shop

337
00:13:09,590 --> 00:13:11,191
- that sold donuts.
- Pretty rough.

338
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:12,526
I mean, I guess I could fix
the roof

339
00:13:12,560 --> 00:13:14,194
and tear up the counters.

340
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:15,462
Do something about the smell.

341
00:13:15,496 --> 00:13:16,897
This place is creepy.

342
00:13:16,931 --> 00:13:20,033
I mean, I love it, because
it reminds me of the cafeteria

343
00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:21,868
in a haunted nursing home,
but...

344
00:13:21,903 --> 00:13:23,370
that's just me.

345
00:13:23,404 --> 00:13:24,905
This is the last listing I have

346
00:13:24,939 --> 00:13:26,573
that isn't an active crime
scene.

347
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:27,708
Hey, man, what happened?

348
00:13:27,742 --> 00:13:29,676
I thought Jurassic Fork
was super popular.

349
00:13:29,711 --> 00:13:31,011
We stretched ourselves too thin

350
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:32,913
by expanding to
a second location.

351
00:13:32,947 --> 00:13:34,948
You opened another
dinosaur-themed restaurant?

352
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,117
No, another Steven
Spielberg-themed restaurant.

353
00:13:37,151 --> 00:13:39,519
The German place downtown...
Schindler's Lunch.

354
00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:41,788
I think you may have
misunderstood what people liked

355
00:13:41,823 --> 00:13:43,123
about Jurassic Fork.

356
00:13:43,157 --> 00:13:44,858
I actually think the space
is pretty cool.

357
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:46,760
Obviously, we'd had to move
this T-Rex, but...

358
00:13:46,794 --> 00:13:48,862
No can do.
That's a load-bearing T-Rex.

359
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,364
This is really the last place
you have available?

360
00:13:51,399 --> 00:13:54,935
Dang. Maybe Tom's Bistro
wasn't meant to be.

361
00:13:56,471 --> 00:13:59,139
- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, real quick.

362
00:13:59,173 --> 00:14:00,974
Remember when you said
you would close up shop

363
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:03,010
- on the slogan thing?
- Yes.

364
00:14:03,044 --> 00:14:04,478
You did do that, right?

365
00:14:04,512 --> 00:14:07,014
You didn't somehow get the email
addresses for every person

366
00:14:07,048 --> 00:14:08,815
who voted for the
"Stick up the butt" slogan

367
00:14:08,850 --> 00:14:12,419
and then write each of them
a personalized heartfelt email

368
00:14:12,453 --> 00:14:13,774
telling them
to do the right thing

369
00:14:13,788 --> 00:14:15,055
and vote for a real slogan?

370
00:14:15,089 --> 00:14:18,325
Are you crazy?
What a crazy talk you just did

371
00:14:18,359 --> 00:14:19,860
with your funny words.

372
00:14:19,894 --> 00:14:22,162
Well, someone wrote
those emails.

373
00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:25,666
And we got about 300 complaints
and as a cherry on top

374
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:28,635
some hackers got really mad
about the invasion of privacy

375
00:14:28,669 --> 00:14:31,071
and attacked the website.

376
00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:34,608
Look what they did to Peebo.

377
00:14:34,642 --> 00:14:37,344
He's wearing a hat
made of penises.

378
00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:38,979
Oh, boy.

379
00:14:40,339 --> 00:14:42,090
Well, I.T. is fixing
the website,

380
00:14:42,117 --> 00:14:43,718
but it will be down
for about three days.

381
00:14:43,743 --> 00:14:45,543
Well, no worries, I will handle

382
00:14:45,578 --> 00:14:47,899
all of the overflow work
personally.

383
00:14:48,019 --> 00:14:50,202
Parking tickets,
code violations...

384
00:14:50,236 --> 00:14:51,837
- send them all to me.
- What's going on?

385
00:14:51,838 --> 00:14:53,638
I don't know.
I spoke to grant

386
00:14:53,673 --> 00:14:55,807
about the national parks job,
and he mentioned

387
00:14:55,842 --> 00:14:58,510
that's mostly big picture
planning and delegating,

388
00:14:58,544 --> 00:15:00,645
and not very much
nitty-gritty,

389
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,747
hands-on stuff
that I love to do.

390
00:15:02,782 --> 00:15:05,083
I would miss that, very much.

391
00:15:05,118 --> 00:15:08,286
I mean, have I really pulled
my last bloated raccoon carcass

392
00:15:08,321 --> 00:15:09,488
from a public fountain?

393
00:15:09,522 --> 00:15:10,889
But that's the whole point

394
00:15:10,923 --> 00:15:13,425
of moving up the ladder,
you get to think bigger,

395
00:15:13,459 --> 00:15:15,227
swim in a bigger pond.

396
00:15:15,261 --> 00:15:17,429
You're having a public forum
on the slogan, right?

397
00:15:17,463 --> 00:15:18,997
Use it as a test.

398
00:15:19,031 --> 00:15:21,600
Hand the reins to someone else,
let them handle things

399
00:15:21,634 --> 00:15:23,368
while you manage
from a distance.

400
00:15:23,402 --> 00:15:24,703
Yeah. That's a good idea.

401
00:15:24,737 --> 00:15:28,440
I guess I should practice...
delegating.

402
00:15:28,474 --> 00:15:29,908
Ugh! Okay.

403
00:15:29,942 --> 00:15:33,678
The public forum
will be run by...

404
00:15:33,713 --> 00:15:35,981
Oh, no, I would not
have started the sentence

405
00:15:36,015 --> 00:15:37,949
if I knew Larry
was the only one here.

406
00:15:37,984 --> 00:15:40,719
Babe, if you can step back
and let Larry take control,

407
00:15:40,753 --> 00:15:42,587
you can survive anything.

408
00:15:42,622 --> 00:15:44,923
All right.
Larry, can you get in here?

409
00:15:44,957 --> 00:15:46,725
I would love to.
Gosh darn it.

410
00:15:46,759 --> 00:15:50,262
I-I somehow ran my belt through
a slat in this chair

411
00:15:50,296 --> 00:15:53,465
so I'm kind of... I'm kind
of stuck to it now.

412
00:15:55,735 --> 00:15:57,068
Great.

413
00:16:00,406 --> 00:16:02,647
You really shouldn't have dug
that out of the dumpster.

414
00:16:02,675 --> 00:16:05,076
I had to. Also I had a banana
on the way over here.

415
00:16:05,111 --> 00:16:06,578
Sorry.

416
00:16:06,612 --> 00:16:09,247
I get why you don't want any
more to know about Duke Silver,

417
00:16:09,282 --> 00:16:10,982
and you don't have to worry.

418
00:16:11,017 --> 00:16:12,851
You secret is safe with me.

419
00:16:12,885 --> 00:16:14,519
To even it out,

420
00:16:14,554 --> 00:16:16,688
I'm gonna tell you
all of my secrets.

421
00:16:16,722 --> 00:16:19,224
Oh, no, that's not necessary.

422
00:16:19,258 --> 00:16:21,426
I once forgot to brush
my teeth for five weeks.

423
00:16:21,461 --> 00:16:22,861
I didn't actually sell
my last car.

424
00:16:22,896 --> 00:16:24,136
I just forgot
where I parked it.

425
00:16:24,163 --> 00:16:25,597
I don't know who Al Gore is.

426
00:16:25,631 --> 00:16:27,132
And at this point
I'm too afraid to ask.

427
00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:28,567
When they say 2% milk,

428
00:16:28,601 --> 00:16:31,269
I don't know what
the other 98% is.

429
00:16:31,304 --> 00:16:32,771
When I was a baby,
my head was so big

430
00:16:32,805 --> 00:16:34,573
scientists did experiments
on me.

431
00:16:34,607 --> 00:16:35,741
I once threw beer at a swan,

432
00:16:35,775 --> 00:16:38,143
and then it attacked
my niece Rebecca.

433
00:16:38,177 --> 00:16:39,544
That'll do, Andrew.

434
00:16:39,579 --> 00:16:41,947
You don't have to play
the unity concert.

435
00:16:41,981 --> 00:16:45,050
But don't quit music.
Please.

436
00:16:51,057 --> 00:16:52,924
- Tommy.
- Hey.

437
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:55,427
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

438
00:16:55,461 --> 00:16:57,062
I just got excited about
the restaurant

439
00:16:57,096 --> 00:16:58,597
but I should probably call
my investor

440
00:16:58,631 --> 00:17:00,565
and tell him we have a problem.

441
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,767
Well, I got you something
to cheer you up.

442
00:17:02,802 --> 00:17:03,902
Watch cologne.

443
00:17:03,936 --> 00:17:05,170
Cologne for watches.

444
00:17:05,204 --> 00:17:06,171
Thanks.

445
00:17:06,205 --> 00:17:08,540
Things used to make me
so happy.

446
00:17:08,574 --> 00:17:11,643
But I've grown a lot
in the last year.

447
00:17:11,677 --> 00:17:13,445
Now I just want one big thing,

448
00:17:13,479 --> 00:17:15,313
my own restaurant,
named after me,

449
00:17:15,348 --> 00:17:17,849
that makes me so much money
I can buy anything I want.

450
00:17:18,445 --> 00:17:22,581
I should go.

451
00:17:22,615 --> 00:17:24,516
I didn't want Tom to leave,

452
00:17:24,551 --> 00:17:27,052
so I said all these bad things
about the restaurant,

453
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:28,654
so he wouldn't like them.

454
00:17:28,688 --> 00:17:30,522
Damn, we should have
coordinated.

455
00:17:30,557 --> 00:17:32,517
I don't want to lose that
weird little elf either.

456
00:17:32,525 --> 00:17:34,405
That's why I showed him
all those crappy places.

457
00:17:34,427 --> 00:17:36,228
Oh, I thought you were
just bad at your job.

458
00:17:36,262 --> 00:17:39,164
Sorry.
What should we do?

459
00:17:39,199 --> 00:17:41,033
Let me call some people.

460
00:17:42,035 --> 00:17:44,370
Hello, everyone, and welcome

461
00:17:44,404 --> 00:17:47,072
to a public forum to choose
our new town slogan.

462
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:50,309
I'm gonna hand things over
to Larry Gengurch,

463
00:17:50,343 --> 00:17:54,179
who is 100% in charge.

464
00:17:54,214 --> 00:17:55,748
Well, let's
just get started, huh?

465
00:17:55,782 --> 00:17:56,782
I want to talk about...

466
00:17:56,816 --> 00:17:59,385
Oh, it's the...
geez Louise...

467
00:17:59,419 --> 00:18:00,953
This keeps happening.
I don't know why.

468
00:18:00,987 --> 00:18:02,588
I think the slogan should be

469
00:18:02,622 --> 00:18:04,723
"Pawnee, home of crackers,

470
00:18:04,758 --> 00:18:07,726
the orangest goldfish
in Indiana."

471
00:18:07,761 --> 00:18:08,727
- Okey-dokey.
- No.

472
00:18:08,847 --> 00:18:09,768
Let me write it down.

473
00:18:09,778 --> 00:18:11,864
- Who even needs a slogan?
- Well, now,

474
00:18:11,898 --> 00:18:13,058
that is an interesting point.

475
00:18:13,142 --> 00:18:15,134
No, that's my slogan idea.

476
00:18:15,168 --> 00:18:16,402
"Who even needs a slogan?"

477
00:18:16,436 --> 00:18:19,238
And then a big picture of me
flipping everybody off.

478
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:22,741
Let's keep our eye
on the ball here, Douche nation,

479
00:18:22,776 --> 00:18:26,612
"Home of the stick up Leslie
Knope's butt."

480
00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:27,913
Butt stick!

481
00:18:27,947 --> 00:18:29,181
Butt stick! Butt stick!

482
00:18:29,215 --> 00:18:30,449
Let's vote on it right now!

483
00:18:30,483 --> 00:18:32,851
Butt stick!
Butt stick!

484
00:18:34,027 --> 00:18:35,994
Okay. Who's next?
Yes, ma'am.

485
00:18:36,029 --> 00:18:39,330
This slogan is gonna go on
every sign in town.

486
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:41,484
I think it should be
something real

487
00:18:41,519 --> 00:18:43,520
that we can all be proud of.

488
00:18:43,554 --> 00:18:45,221
I've lived in Pawnee
my whole life

489
00:18:45,256 --> 00:18:48,925
and it could be a strange place,
but overall it's a warm,

490
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,330
and wonderful town.

491
00:18:50,450 --> 00:18:53,597
My idea for a slogan is,
"When you're here,

492
00:18:53,631 --> 00:18:55,131
then you're home."

493
00:18:55,166 --> 00:18:56,233
Well, that's lovely.

494
00:18:56,267 --> 00:18:57,467
I actually had it printed up

495
00:18:57,501 --> 00:18:58,902
so we can see what
it would look like.

496
00:18:58,936 --> 00:19:00,270
Oh, you...

497
00:19:00,304 --> 00:19:02,172
Hm... there's... that's... that's
spelled wrong.

498
00:19:02,206 --> 00:19:04,107
That should be "then",
t-h-e-n.

499
00:19:04,141 --> 00:19:06,076
Stay strong.
Let them work it out.

500
00:19:06,110 --> 00:19:07,444
And trust Larry.

501
00:19:07,478 --> 00:19:08,878
Trust Larry?

502
00:19:08,913 --> 00:19:10,113
Are you listening to yourself?

503
00:19:10,147 --> 00:19:11,615
I like that slogan a lot.

504
00:19:11,649 --> 00:19:15,051
But you made
a little mistake there.

505
00:19:16,420 --> 00:19:19,456
- You see?
- Back off.

506
00:19:19,490 --> 00:19:21,291
"You're" is spelled wrong.

507
00:19:21,325 --> 00:19:23,760
It should be "y-o-u-r."

508
00:19:23,794 --> 00:19:25,795
Oops, I didn't catch it.
Thank you.

509
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:27,230
No, no, no,
she made a possessive.

510
00:19:27,231 --> 00:19:28,798
- She's getting further away.
- It's okay.

511
00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:30,267
Okay, let's vote.

512
00:19:30,301 --> 00:19:31,801
All those in favor.

513
00:19:33,104 --> 00:19:34,371
Approved!

514
00:19:38,709 --> 00:19:40,577
Man, the places that came
on the market today

515
00:19:40,611 --> 00:19:43,113
are way nicer than the listings
we saw yesterday.

516
00:19:43,147 --> 00:19:45,982
I know, crazy, right?
Real estate.

517
00:19:46,017 --> 00:19:47,484
This property
is under your budget,

518
00:19:47,518 --> 00:19:49,653
and it's got everything
on this wish list you gave me.

519
00:19:49,687 --> 00:19:51,154
Except the two helipads.

520
00:19:51,188 --> 00:19:52,422
Does it have one helipad?

521
00:19:52,456 --> 00:19:53,823
I don't know.

522
00:19:53,858 --> 00:19:56,593
I like it, but... seems
a little small.

523
00:19:56,627 --> 00:19:58,662
No, I think it just seems
small because

524
00:19:58,696 --> 00:20:00,163
of all the heavy furniture.

525
00:20:00,197 --> 00:20:01,865
But that part is really great.

526
00:20:01,899 --> 00:20:04,134
The lighting is really cool.

527
00:20:04,168 --> 00:20:06,536
I think this is the one.

528
00:20:06,571 --> 00:20:08,538
You know, I think you're right.

529
00:20:08,573 --> 00:20:09,606
I'll do it.

530
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:11,007
Thanks, April.
And, hey, bonus,

531
00:20:11,042 --> 00:20:12,976
it's pretty close to city hall.

532
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:14,277
You guys are gonna be regulars.

533
00:20:14,312 --> 00:20:16,146
I'll keep a table open for you.

534
00:20:16,180 --> 00:20:18,615
And special thanks
to Leslie Knope

535
00:20:18,649 --> 00:20:21,785
for once again bringing about
positive change to this town.

536
00:20:21,819 --> 00:20:25,055
Pawnee, I present to you,
your new slogan.

537
00:20:26,591 --> 00:20:28,058
You fixed the mistakes.

538
00:20:28,092 --> 00:20:30,160
I held it together
for the entire meeting.

539
00:20:30,194 --> 00:20:31,194
Let me have this one.

540
00:20:31,228 --> 00:20:33,463
I'm done micromanaging.
I promise.

541
00:20:33,497 --> 00:20:36,533
Then I'm sure you are okay
with the fact

542
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:38,068
that they installed the sign

543
00:20:38,102 --> 00:20:40,337
the wrong way
and it's welcoming you to Pawnee

544
00:20:40,371 --> 00:20:41,438
as you're leaving.

545
00:20:41,472 --> 00:20:42,505
What?

546
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:44,741
No! Oh, son of a...

547
00:20:44,775 --> 00:20:46,176
Hey, you passed the test.

548
00:20:46,210 --> 00:20:47,444
Honestly,

549
00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:49,346
there's something else
I'm worried about.

550
00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:51,147
The kind of work that I've been
doing all these years,

551
00:20:51,182 --> 00:20:53,049
the nuts and bolts,
the grunt work,

552
00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:54,751
that's the stuff I know
how to do.

553
00:20:54,785 --> 00:20:56,686
What if I take
this national parks jobs

554
00:20:56,721 --> 00:20:58,888
and I just... fail?

555
00:20:58,923 --> 00:21:00,991
- Hm.
- What if I'm not good at it?

556
00:21:01,025 --> 00:21:02,025
Yeah.

557
00:21:02,059 --> 00:21:05,996
Leslie, I love you, very much.

558
00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:08,098
But this is the stupidest
thing you've ever said.

559
00:21:08,132 --> 00:21:10,333
You'd be amazing.

560
00:21:10,368 --> 00:21:12,402
And everyone's gonna be in awe
of how amazing you are,

561
00:21:12,436 --> 00:21:13,837
so just shut your month.

562
00:21:16,407 --> 00:21:17,507
Hey,

563
00:21:17,541 --> 00:21:18,675
are we leaving or entering?

564
00:21:18,709 --> 00:21:21,611
We've been driving around
in circles.

565
00:21:21,646 --> 00:21:23,914
You're...

566
00:21:24,034 --> 00:21:29,728
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com