1
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,751
Knopey, my girl, what up?

2
00:00:07,766 --> 00:00:09,506
- I just farted.
- Oh, Jeremy.

3
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:12,234
I truly thought that I would never
have to interact with you again.

4
00:00:12,250 --> 00:00:13,421
I missed you too.

5
00:00:13,441 --> 00:00:15,804
The city council is voting
on whether to rezone

6
00:00:15,822 --> 00:00:17,987
the Newport land
for commercial use.

7
00:00:18,002 --> 00:00:21,209
If I win, stupid Gryzzl
and stupid Ron

8
00:00:21,231 --> 00:00:23,655
can't build anything there,
and then I'm sitting pretty.

9
00:00:23,670 --> 00:00:28,459
Sadly, the deciding vote
is from my old city council mate

10
00:00:28,474 --> 00:00:32,920
and human equivalent of
gas station Sushi, Jeremy Jamm.

11
00:00:33,452 --> 00:00:36,647
So I am here to talk to you
about why you should vote "No"

12
00:00:36,663 --> 00:00:38,030
- in the zoning issue—
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

13
00:00:38,049 --> 00:00:39,349
Hold up, little chica.

14
00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:43,141
Before we go any further, I need to ask
my girlfriend how she wants me to vote.

15
00:00:43,154 --> 00:00:45,433
Why? Who's your
girlfriend?

16
00:00:45,856 --> 00:00:47,589
Hello, Leslie.

17
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:49,608
Tammy!

18
00:00:59,742 --> 00:01:09,742
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

19
00:01:10,187 --> 00:01:13,201
Wow, Jamm and Tammy.
Jammy.

20
00:01:13,226 --> 00:01:14,999
Jammy.

21
00:01:15,015 --> 00:01:16,813
You guys are so cute.
When did you—

22
00:01:16,828 --> 00:01:20,508
why would either one of you,
uh, you know, why?

23
00:01:20,523 --> 00:01:21,866
Dear God, why?

24
00:01:21,891 --> 00:01:23,817
Hit it off at karaoke.

25
00:01:23,842 --> 00:01:26,389
She saw me nail
Gangsta's Paradise.

26
00:01:26,412 --> 00:01:28,600
I saw her bite the door guy...

27
00:01:28,623 --> 00:01:31,375
She then let me buy her
a bunch of purses,

28
00:01:31,398 --> 00:01:33,376
- and the rest is history.
- A bunch.

29
00:01:33,391 --> 00:01:37,575
Wait a second, this is great news,
because Ron is my opponent in this,

30
00:01:37,585 --> 00:01:39,725
and you live
to torture Ron.

31
00:01:39,745 --> 00:01:42,409
Vote for me so that you
can screw Ron over.

32
00:01:42,424 --> 00:01:44,448
Maybe you're not
a blonde bimbo after all.

33
00:01:44,472 --> 00:01:46,364
- Thank you.
- Well, let me mull it over.

34
00:01:46,389 --> 00:01:49,053
Sure, I'm aligning myself
with terrible people,

35
00:01:49,075 --> 00:01:51,487
but think of all
the wonderful people

36
00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:53,643
who will benefit
from a national park!

37
00:01:53,658 --> 00:01:56,269
It's worth it, and you
can trust my opinion

38
00:01:56,276 --> 00:01:58,480
because I have a lot
to gain by being right,

39
00:01:58,502 --> 00:02:01,393
and I have severe tunnel vision
about achieving my goals.

40
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:05,050
Joan, on behalf of the entire
city, congratulations.

41
00:02:05,065 --> 00:02:07,840
I do want to apologize for not
being able to accommodate

42
00:02:07,861 --> 00:02:09,236
- some of your requests.
- Oh.

43
00:02:09,243 --> 00:02:11,215
For example,
we couldn't get a bottle

44
00:02:11,230 --> 00:02:16,777
of Chateau Marmont because it's a hotel
in Los Angeles, not a wine.

45
00:02:16,792 --> 00:02:18,800
Well, did you at least get
Buddy Holly to sing?

46
00:02:18,815 --> 00:02:23,363
No, because he's been
famously dead for 60 years.

47
00:02:23,378 --> 00:02:25,019
- What?
- Hi, Joan.

48
00:02:25,033 --> 00:02:27,232
Hi, my name is April,
and I'm your biggest fan,

49
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:28,573
- and I pretty much hate everyone.
- Oh.

50
00:02:28,587 --> 00:02:30,345
Will you sign your
ninth memoir for me?

51
00:02:30,352 --> 00:02:32,650
Well, it would
be my pleasure.

52
00:02:32,672 --> 00:02:34,290
You said your
name was Glenn?

53
00:02:34,314 --> 00:02:36,712
- Yes, I did.
- That's pretty.

54
00:02:36,735 --> 00:02:39,154
Joan has always been
kind of a train wreck,

55
00:02:39,173 --> 00:02:42,408
but the last three years,
she's gone off the deep end.

56
00:02:42,423 --> 00:02:44,947
She did a string of
shows from rehab.

57
00:02:44,962 --> 00:02:49,270
Victoria Herzog, you were a successful
attorney from Wilmington, Delaware.

58
00:02:49,293 --> 00:02:50,641
Then you hit rock bottom.

59
00:02:50,659 --> 00:02:52,456
This is supposed to be
anonymous.

60
00:02:52,471 --> 00:02:55,175
She once gave every member
in her audience a car.

61
00:02:55,197 --> 00:02:57,675
One car, that they all
had to fight for.

62
00:02:57,698 --> 00:03:01,110
Oh, and last year she did a show where
she called all of her ex-boyfriends

63
00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:02,665
while sitting on
a washing machine.

64
00:03:02,679 --> 00:03:05,827
Well, Erik, if you didn't
give it to me, then who did?

65
00:03:05,835 --> 00:03:07,716
I love her so much.

66
00:03:07,738 --> 00:03:10,234
I hope she's my real mom.

67
00:03:10,969 --> 00:03:12,836
"Entrepreneur-bachelor
Tom Haverford

68
00:03:12,851 --> 00:03:15,742
"is making quite a splash
in the culinary world.

69
00:03:15,757 --> 00:03:20,083
We expect even bigger things
from him in 2018."

70
00:03:20,098 --> 00:03:22,660
Tom, what does
"culinary" mean?

71
00:03:22,674 --> 00:03:24,556
It means this is a cause
for celebration.

72
00:03:24,581 --> 00:03:26,651
Round of drinks for everyone
on the house.

73
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:30,322
Yeah! Oh, let me also get a chicken
parm and a lasagna on the side.

74
00:03:30,337 --> 00:03:33,056
And a spaghetti to go.
On the house!

75
00:03:33,071 --> 00:03:34,054
Yes.

76
00:03:36,251 --> 00:03:37,938
That's the fourth
engagement this month.

77
00:03:37,953 --> 00:03:40,890
I'm tired of being
an entrepreneur/bachelor.

78
00:03:40,915 --> 00:03:42,751
I need to find someone.

79
00:03:42,774 --> 00:03:44,360
Are you bummed, Tom?

80
00:03:44,374 --> 00:03:47,347
Hey, I got a quick fix for that.
Let's get hammered.

81
00:03:47,813 --> 00:03:49,548
Everything here is free.

82
00:03:50,693 --> 00:03:52,271
Ron.

83
00:03:52,294 --> 00:03:56,333
Ms. Knope. How's that
$0 bid coming along?

84
00:03:56,348 --> 00:03:58,646
You know, in my experience
with capitalism,

85
00:03:58,653 --> 00:04:02,623
people normally expect money in
exchange for their goods and land.

86
00:04:02,646 --> 00:04:05,919
In my experience with
buttfaces, you are one.

87
00:04:06,794 --> 00:04:09,716
We will now hear arguments
about the Newport property.

88
00:04:09,741 --> 00:04:13,412
First, on behalf of Gryzzl,
Mr. Ron Swanson.

89
00:04:13,437 --> 00:04:15,018
Thank you, councilman.

90
00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:18,441
When you vote tomorrow,
we believe you should vote

91
00:04:18,456 --> 00:04:21,589
to rezone the land
for commercial use.

92
00:04:21,614 --> 00:04:24,473
Well, I'm convinced.
Tomorrow I'm voting for Gryzzl.

93
00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:25,633
What?

94
00:04:25,658 --> 00:04:27,422
I didn't even get a chance
to say my plan.

95
00:04:27,447 --> 00:04:28,764
Your plan?

96
00:04:29,194 --> 00:04:30,692
You know who
else had a plan?

97
00:04:30,715 --> 00:04:31,801
Please don't say Hitler.

98
00:04:31,824 --> 00:04:34,113
Adolf Hitler.

99
00:04:34,136 --> 00:04:35,886
I'm with Swanson.

100
00:04:35,901 --> 00:04:38,480
It's a stache thing.
Stache bros.

101
00:04:38,496 --> 00:04:39,872
You wouldn't understand.

102
00:04:39,897 --> 00:04:41,263
We're done here.

103
00:04:42,155 --> 00:04:44,038
Well, that was easy.

104
00:04:44,524 --> 00:04:46,067
What the hell
just happened?

105
00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:50,083
Thank you, Commissioner
Gordon, people of Gotham.

106
00:04:50,098 --> 00:04:51,880
Okay, she thinks
she's in Batman.

107
00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:55,016
People often ask me,
"Joan, how do you do it?"

108
00:04:55,023 --> 00:04:56,298
It's simple.

109
00:04:56,899 --> 00:04:58,725
I love being on TV.

110
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:02,120
I've known what I've wanted to do
since I was ten years old.

111
00:05:02,145 --> 00:05:05,184
That is the key
to living a good life.

112
00:05:05,207 --> 00:05:09,238
If you don't absolutely love
what you do with a true passion,

113
00:05:09,258 --> 00:05:11,696
then what's the point
in doing it at all?

114
00:05:11,703 --> 00:05:14,930
On a separate note, I think that
America should have a purge night.

115
00:05:14,953 --> 00:05:16,675
Let me explain why.

116
00:05:17,365 --> 00:05:19,698
Do I even like my job?

117
00:05:20,999 --> 00:05:23,655
I must be the first
person ever

118
00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:28,368
to have money, power, and notoriety
but still feel empty.

119
00:05:29,666 --> 00:05:31,652
I need someone
to share my life with.

120
00:05:31,677 --> 00:05:36,177
What if your future wife is
somebody that you already know?

121
00:05:36,184 --> 00:05:38,187
Let's open your Gryzzl page.

122
00:05:39,113 --> 00:05:40,323
What about her?
She's cute.

123
00:05:40,348 --> 00:05:41,817
- Date her.
- That's my cousin.

124
00:05:41,839 --> 00:05:43,733
Oh. How about her?

125
00:05:43,749 --> 00:05:45,269
That's my dad!
What's wrong with you?

126
00:05:45,277 --> 00:05:48,298
I'm drunk, okay? Why are you
only friends with your family?

127
00:05:48,323 --> 00:05:51,581
Ooh, look, you just got a message
from somebody named Lucy in Chicago.

128
00:05:51,605 --> 00:05:52,699
She looks familiar.

129
00:05:52,713 --> 00:05:54,394
Yeah, we used to date.
I was super into her.

130
00:05:54,409 --> 00:05:57,268
No, that's not it.
Was she in Destiny's Child?

131
00:05:58,170 --> 00:06:01,412
"Hey, Tom.
Saw the article, you boss!

132
00:06:01,420 --> 00:06:03,790
Let's catch up soon.
Miss you."

133
00:06:05,090 --> 00:06:06,723
Do you realize
what's happening?

134
00:06:06,738 --> 00:06:09,168
We have been sitting here searching
for your soul mate this whole time,

135
00:06:09,192 --> 00:06:11,449
and then Lucy just
Gryzzl-texts you out of nowhere?

136
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,066
It's a sign, and we
have to catch it.

137
00:06:13,089 --> 00:06:15,707
We are going to Chicago.

138
00:06:15,732 --> 00:06:19,295
Andy, think about what
you're saying right now,

139
00:06:19,309 --> 00:06:21,793
'cause it's the smartest idea
anyone's ever had.

140
00:06:21,816 --> 00:06:24,100
- Let's go!
- Yeah!

141
00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:25,987
Ron, what did you do?

142
00:06:26,012 --> 00:06:30,011
I delivered a flawless presentation
and secured tomorrow's vote.

143
00:06:30,018 --> 00:06:32,696
No, you got all sneaky
and snuck around

144
00:06:32,704 --> 00:06:34,105
and snooked that
vote away from me.

145
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,652
And I know this because earlier
I sneaked and snooked around,

146
00:06:37,659 --> 00:06:39,608
and Jammy was supposed
to vote for me.

147
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,117
The snooker has become
the snorked.

148
00:06:42,125 --> 00:06:43,571
What are you talking—

149
00:06:45,826 --> 00:06:47,414
She's near.

150
00:06:47,439 --> 00:06:49,164
Hey, Ron.

151
00:06:49,186 --> 00:06:50,286
Tammy.

152
00:06:50,297 --> 00:06:51,785
So you two are
together now.

153
00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:54,216
- My condolences to both of you.
- Mm.

154
00:06:54,232 --> 00:06:55,669
You guys were supposed
to vote for me.

155
00:06:55,692 --> 00:06:58,394
Leslie, I would never
do anything to help you.

156
00:06:58,405 --> 00:07:00,197
You've always been
against me and Ron.

157
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,441
You're a big part of the reason
that he and I aren't together

158
00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,559
and I had to settle
for this placeholder.

159
00:07:04,578 --> 00:07:06,355
I love you so much.

160
00:07:06,380 --> 00:07:09,942
So you thought if you voted for Ron,
you could actually win him back?

161
00:07:09,957 --> 00:07:12,894
Yeah, that's right.
Did it work, baby?

162
00:07:12,919 --> 00:07:15,338
Are you horny
with gratitude?

163
00:07:17,681 --> 00:07:19,939
You two more than
deserve each other.

164
00:07:19,953 --> 00:07:22,233
Good luck.

165
00:07:22,256 --> 00:07:23,940
The vote is tomorrow.

166
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,577
If I don't get Jamm out
from Tammy's clutches,

167
00:07:26,602 --> 00:07:29,664
I'm doomed! It's like
rescuing a bunny from a lion,

168
00:07:29,671 --> 00:07:32,715
but that lion is
a demonic sociopath

169
00:07:32,740 --> 00:07:34,412
with really nice cleavage.

170
00:07:36,416 --> 00:07:38,268
All right, we're here.

171
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:39,850
Sir, where
the hell are we?

172
00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:41,234
Chicago.

173
00:07:41,241 --> 00:07:43,098
That'll be $830.

174
00:07:43,114 --> 00:07:44,301
Oh, no.

175
00:07:44,326 --> 00:07:46,256
- This is so dumb.
- Awesome!

176
00:07:46,279 --> 00:07:47,975
Turn the car around.
We're going back home.

177
00:07:47,992 --> 00:07:50,703
No way. Pay me.
And get the hell out of my cab.

178
00:07:50,726 --> 00:07:52,119
Pay the man.

179
00:07:52,755 --> 00:07:55,590
Chicago!

180
00:07:55,615 --> 00:07:57,529
The Big Apple!

181
00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,716
- Well, that's where Lucy works.
- Yeah.

182
00:07:59,732 --> 00:08:01,130
Must have given
the cabbie the address.

183
00:08:01,154 --> 00:08:02,719
Let's just get something
to eat and fly home.

184
00:08:02,744 --> 00:08:04,420
What? No!
We came all this way.

185
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:05,821
Tom, we should
at least say hi.

186
00:08:05,846 --> 00:08:08,105
No. You can't not talk
to someone for five years

187
00:08:08,130 --> 00:08:10,869
and then show up unannounced where
they work in a different city.

188
00:08:10,894 --> 00:08:13,035
That's what murderers do
before they murder someone.

189
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:14,117
Tom?

190
00:08:14,136 --> 00:08:16,003
I thought that was you.
What are you doing here?

191
00:08:16,026 --> 00:08:17,448
Oh, uh—

192
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,551
You're not going
to murder me, are you?

193
00:08:19,574 --> 00:08:24,478
No. I'm here doing
stuff, um—

194
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:26,667
Lucy, hey.
Andy Dwyer.

195
00:08:26,692 --> 00:08:27,770
- Remember me?
- Yeah.

196
00:08:27,785 --> 00:08:30,158
He's here helping me
find a place to live.

197
00:08:30,173 --> 00:08:33,522
I just got a job here, and then
when you hit him up on Gryzzl,

198
00:08:33,545 --> 00:08:37,781
he was like, "Let's go say hi to Lucy
since we're already here in Chicago."

199
00:08:37,796 --> 00:08:40,537
- Yeah. That's the deal.
- Cool. What job is it?

200
00:08:40,545 --> 00:08:42,608
Head coach of
the Chicago Bulls.

201
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,733
No, he's, uh,
working at a nonprofit.

202
00:08:44,740 --> 00:08:46,686
No, what? Am I?

203
00:08:46,693 --> 00:08:47,795
Aw, that sucks.

204
00:08:47,803 --> 00:08:50,178
Well, um, listen, I got some
stuff I got to do in the office,

205
00:08:50,193 --> 00:08:51,318
but I want to hang out.

206
00:08:51,341 --> 00:08:52,898
Do you want to meet me
here in, like, an hour?

207
00:08:52,913 --> 00:08:54,391
Yeah. That sounds great.

208
00:08:54,407 --> 00:08:55,345
We'll, uh, got get a little

209
00:08:55,355 --> 00:08:58,316
- Chicago deep dish pizza
and go watch the Bears. - No.

210
00:08:58,341 --> 00:09:00,303
I'm sorry I started
doing that.

211
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,534
- Hey, April. How's it going?
- Fine.

212
00:09:05,557 --> 00:09:09,315
Except hearing Joan talk about her
passion and doing what you really love,

213
00:09:09,330 --> 00:09:10,768
like, totally
freaked me out.

214
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:13,822
Eight years ago, I accepted a random
internship at the Parks Department,

215
00:09:13,837 --> 00:09:15,868
and then Leslie told me
to do a bunch of stuff,

216
00:09:15,884 --> 00:09:18,608
and now I'm executive director
of regional whatever—

217
00:09:18,622 --> 00:09:19,598
I don't even know
what it means,

218
00:09:19,621 --> 00:09:22,386
and I never even asked myself
if I even really like it.

219
00:09:22,411 --> 00:09:24,222
I mean, it's like what
is my purpose in life?

220
00:09:24,237 --> 00:09:26,036
What do I even care about?

221
00:09:27,026 --> 00:09:28,874
My insides are dying.

222
00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:30,915
So, not fine.

223
00:09:30,922 --> 00:09:32,883
I don't know what to do.
I have to quit.

224
00:09:32,907 --> 00:09:33,837
To do what?

225
00:09:33,852 --> 00:09:37,477
I'm just gonna go live under a bridge
and ask people riddles before they cross.

226
00:09:37,492 --> 00:09:40,110
Okay, hold on. Do you remember
what Joan said at the ceremony?

227
00:09:40,125 --> 00:09:43,008
That is doesn't count
as stripping if no one pays you?

228
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,954
Yes, she did say
that, but no.

229
00:09:44,979 --> 00:09:48,035
She knew she wanted to be
on TV when she was ten.

230
00:09:48,060 --> 00:09:51,095
So what did you want
to be when you were ten?

231
00:09:53,519 --> 00:09:58,451
It says here the future of caskets
may just be biodegradable plastic.

232
00:09:58,475 --> 00:10:00,420
Oh, you don't say.
Hey, are you chilly?

233
00:10:00,435 --> 00:10:02,269
- I'm a little chilly, I think.
- No.

234
00:10:02,284 --> 00:10:04,917
Hey, guys. Welcome.
I'm Dan.

235
00:10:04,932 --> 00:10:08,327
Hi, I'm Ben. This is April.
And I'm scared of death.

236
00:10:08,931 --> 00:10:11,884
I'm just really interested
in learning what you do.

237
00:10:11,899 --> 00:10:13,119
You're gonna love it here.

238
00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:14,904
People are dying
to get in.

239
00:10:16,373 --> 00:10:19,563
Come on, come on. We'll start
down at the cadaver chute.

240
00:10:20,129 --> 00:10:22,597
The cadaver chute.
Come on!

241
00:10:23,606 --> 00:10:25,068
So this is where
you want to eat lunch?

242
00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:26,255
In a steakhouse?

243
00:10:26,278 --> 00:10:28,076
Don't you have
irritable bowel syndrome?

244
00:10:28,091 --> 00:10:29,420
God, I hate that
I know that.

245
00:10:29,442 --> 00:10:32,276
Yeah, it's murder on the old
plumbing, but, uh,

246
00:10:32,301 --> 00:10:34,770
Tammy only wants me
to eat steak and whiskey.

247
00:10:34,777 --> 00:10:37,683
She has my stool analyzed
just to keep me honest.

248
00:10:37,698 --> 00:10:40,013
I don't think this
relationship is that healthy.

249
00:10:40,028 --> 00:10:43,513
I mean, it seems like Tammy
is trying to turn you into Ron,

250
00:10:43,528 --> 00:10:45,865
and you're Jeremy Jamm,
I mean, come on.

251
00:10:45,879 --> 00:10:48,174
You love Porsches
and spiked iced tea,

252
00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:50,121
and you have
a Hooters platinum card.

253
00:10:50,133 --> 00:10:52,646
Yeah, Tammy doesn't really
let me do that stuff anymore.

254
00:10:52,668 --> 00:10:55,098
But, uh, you know,
it's good, you know?

255
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:56,026
I'm better now.

256
00:10:56,051 --> 00:10:59,786
I mean, sure, I'm depressed,
and, uh, I'm constantly sick,

257
00:10:59,809 --> 00:11:03,739
and nothing really brings me
joy, but it just feels right.

258
00:11:05,578 --> 00:11:07,437
Oh, God.

259
00:11:07,453 --> 00:11:09,654
- Oh, boy.
- Oh, help me, Knope.

260
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:11,445
Oh, I used to be so great.

261
00:11:11,460 --> 00:11:13,230
Remember?
Everybody thought so.

262
00:11:13,245 --> 00:11:15,496
- Well—
- Oh, God.

263
00:11:15,519 --> 00:11:17,574
Wow. This is worse
than I thought.

264
00:11:18,402 --> 00:11:21,330
You're broken.
She has broken you.

265
00:11:21,355 --> 00:11:22,937
You need to get
away from her.

266
00:11:22,952 --> 00:11:24,405
Oh, God. Whoa, hey.
Look at that.

267
00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:25,749
More hair came out.

268
00:11:32,671 --> 00:11:34,499
Yeah, I think you're really
going to like it here.

269
00:11:34,514 --> 00:11:36,429
And obviously everyone's
in a really great mood now

270
00:11:36,451 --> 00:11:38,080
because of the Cubs
winning the series.

271
00:11:38,102 --> 00:11:41,383
Yeah, it seems really nice. I mean,
I am gonna miss Pawnee, though.

272
00:11:41,405 --> 00:11:43,319
My wife's there,
for crying out loud.

273
00:11:43,326 --> 00:11:45,831
Yeah, tell me about Pawnee.
It sounds like it's really changed.

274
00:11:45,856 --> 00:11:47,883
Oh, yeah. There's a ton
of new businesses.

275
00:11:47,890 --> 00:11:51,930
Gryzzl came in. They gave everyone
free tablets and wi-fi and phones.

276
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,445
You can watch Hitch 2
anytime, anywhere.

277
00:11:54,461 --> 00:11:56,164
Finally, that's the dream.

278
00:11:56,182 --> 00:11:58,315
Part of me wants to go
back, you know?

279
00:11:58,331 --> 00:11:59,904
I always kind of
liked it there.

280
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,919
Man, you got me really
missing Pawnee now.

281
00:12:02,935 --> 00:12:05,642
I don't know what to do.
Am I making the right decision?

282
00:12:08,266 --> 00:12:09,658
Hey.

283
00:12:09,673 --> 00:12:12,008
- Why are you here?
- I'm calling a temporary truce.

284
00:12:12,027 --> 00:12:14,535
You need to help me
break up Jamm and Tammy.

285
00:12:14,543 --> 00:12:17,473
Forget it. You just want
Jamm to switch his vote.

286
00:12:17,488 --> 00:12:19,616
What is this,
revenge for Morning Star?

287
00:12:19,630 --> 00:12:21,295
No, it is not about that.

288
00:12:21,319 --> 00:12:22,616
It is not about the vote.

289
00:12:22,638 --> 00:12:25,474
There is a guy in real trouble, and you
might be the only one who can help him.

290
00:12:25,482 --> 00:12:27,271
This is about saving
someone's soul.

291
00:12:27,286 --> 00:12:30,255
He is a monster.
Monsters do not have souls.

292
00:12:30,278 --> 00:12:32,742
Uh, have you ever seen
Monsters, Inc.?

293
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,049
- No.
- Damn it, Ron.

294
00:12:34,072 --> 00:12:36,276
Engage in the culture
once in a while.

295
00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:38,040
Jamm, get in here.

296
00:12:41,638 --> 00:12:44,310
Good God, man.
What happened to you?

297
00:12:44,326 --> 00:12:45,855
Tammy happened to him!

298
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,786
Remind you of anyone, Ron?

299
00:12:47,804 --> 00:12:52,006
We need to put our issues aside
and defend this miserable person.

300
00:12:52,893 --> 00:12:55,262
Jeremy, this
is a gold bar.

301
00:12:55,287 --> 00:12:56,430
You keep that
in your desk?

302
00:12:56,455 --> 00:13:01,984
I will give you this gold bar if you say
one unflattering thing about Tammy.

303
00:13:02,009 --> 00:13:03,582
If I do...

304
00:13:04,524 --> 00:13:06,207
does Tammy get
to keep the gold?

305
00:13:06,232 --> 00:13:07,502
Oh, my God.

306
00:13:07,527 --> 00:13:11,496
When it comes to Tammy, the code is
the same as that of the battlefield:

307
00:13:11,511 --> 00:13:13,262
First, you leave
no man behind.

308
00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:17,691
Second, you must protect yourself
against chemical warfare.

309
00:13:17,704 --> 00:13:21,040
Tammy does not abide
by the Geneva convention.

310
00:13:22,772 --> 00:13:24,857
I made this Tammy
de-programming kit

311
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:27,560
in case I ever fell
victim to her again.

312
00:13:27,583 --> 00:13:30,685
First, this is a chastity belt
that I made by hand.

313
00:13:30,696 --> 00:13:34,712
It might be a couple sizes too big
for you, but you can just pad it.

314
00:13:34,727 --> 00:13:37,622
The first step
is to cut out all sex.

315
00:13:37,629 --> 00:13:40,238
That won't be necessary.
We haven't done the deed yet.

316
00:13:40,246 --> 00:13:43,074
She lets me rub up
against her leg sometimes.

317
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,746
Well, all the more
reason to wear it.

318
00:13:44,753 --> 00:13:47,121
She knows she has that
card left to play,

319
00:13:47,136 --> 00:13:48,942
and you best
believe she will.

320
00:13:48,967 --> 00:13:50,940
We're also gonna try
a Pavlovian technique.

321
00:13:50,965 --> 00:13:54,667
Ron is holding
Tammy's perfume, Girth.

322
00:13:54,692 --> 00:13:56,171
Oh.

323
00:13:56,196 --> 00:13:58,712
Oh, smells good. Oh!

324
00:13:58,727 --> 00:14:00,150
Again.

325
00:14:00,157 --> 00:14:01,479
Tammy. Oh!

326
00:14:01,504 --> 00:14:02,942
How many times
are we gonna do this?

327
00:14:02,956 --> 00:14:04,668
Until the bottle is empty.
Again.

328
00:14:04,687 --> 00:14:05,854
Twice.

329
00:14:05,872 --> 00:14:07,380
Tam— Ahh!

330
00:14:07,387 --> 00:14:08,328
Ahh!

331
00:14:08,745 --> 00:14:12,183
It's going well so far,
but it's too early to tell.

332
00:14:14,966 --> 00:14:16,769
- Oh.
- He was pretty far gone.

333
00:14:18,857 --> 00:14:20,583
Hopefully we get
a body in today,

334
00:14:20,597 --> 00:14:23,550
so I can show you guys
the really fun part:

335
00:14:23,565 --> 00:14:25,971
- Draining.
- Oh, God. I hate this so much.

336
00:14:25,994 --> 00:14:27,357
Cool. Can I touch
a dead body?

337
00:14:27,372 --> 00:14:29,349
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Slow down, eager beaver.

338
00:14:29,372 --> 00:14:31,592
That doesn't happen
for at least a year.

339
00:14:31,610 --> 00:14:33,175
Why? How did you
become a mortician?

340
00:14:33,190 --> 00:14:35,754
- Can't I just sign up?
- Oh, gosh, no.

341
00:14:35,779 --> 00:14:38,623
You need two years of school
and a year-long apprenticeship.

342
00:14:38,646 --> 00:14:42,029
First few years are mostly
paperwork and filing.

343
00:14:42,045 --> 00:14:44,826
Ugh! Why is every job
just paperwork?

344
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:47,070
Hey, it's a living.

345
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,065
Yeah, I think we're
just gonna go, Dan.

346
00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,079
Um, the reality of your life
is incredibly depressing.

347
00:14:52,095 --> 00:14:53,596
I'm just gonna stay
at my current job

348
00:14:53,614 --> 00:14:57,663
until I get old and die and then end
up here being embalmed by some weirdo

349
00:14:57,678 --> 00:15:01,085
who had to go to school for three
years just to cut my guts open.

350
00:15:01,107 --> 00:15:03,001
- Let's go.
- Oh, thank God.

351
00:15:03,026 --> 00:15:05,307
Okay. Have a good one.

352
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:07,338
Okay, we're gonna
do some scenes

353
00:15:07,346 --> 00:15:09,862
and demonstrate ways
that you can resist Tammy.

354
00:15:09,869 --> 00:15:12,365
I will play Tammy.
Ron will play you.

355
00:15:12,390 --> 00:15:14,260
Hey there, horsey.

356
00:15:14,285 --> 00:15:17,433
Time to mount up and ride
on into Bonertown.

357
00:15:17,449 --> 00:15:20,887
What do you say we get stanky
in that pet store bathroom?

358
00:15:20,906 --> 00:15:23,703
- Huh, Jamm? Hmm? Huh? Huh?
- Do it.

359
00:15:23,718 --> 00:15:26,735
- There will be no sex
today, Tammy. - Oh.

360
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:30,774
Instead, why don't you go into the pet
store and feed yourself to the snakes?

361
00:15:30,799 --> 00:15:33,416
To hell with you, woman.
Good-bye.

362
00:15:33,431 --> 00:15:35,533
Hey, you big hunk
of wiener meat.

363
00:15:35,557 --> 00:15:40,401
I've got 40 handtowels, some energy
bars, and a Chinese finger trap.

364
00:15:40,416 --> 00:15:42,141
Let's get gross.

365
00:15:42,166 --> 00:15:44,053
This gambit has failed.

366
00:15:44,078 --> 00:15:46,380
To hell with you, woman.
Good-bye.

367
00:15:46,399 --> 00:15:49,587
- What are you wearing?
- It's a crotch-blinder of my own design.

368
00:15:49,609 --> 00:15:52,897
In this scenario, she will be
coming at you pants-less.

369
00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:54,537
Okay.

370
00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:57,001
Doors are locked.
Window is secured.

371
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:59,473
There is no way
Tammy's getting in here.

372
00:15:59,488 --> 00:16:03,245
Jamm. Strip down,
you sex maggot.

373
00:16:03,270 --> 00:16:05,050
And hold!

374
00:16:05,075 --> 00:16:06,598
What was your mistake?

375
00:16:06,613 --> 00:16:08,927
You didn't check
the armoire.

376
00:16:08,942 --> 00:16:13,310
Tammy once camped out in my attic
for six days awaiting my arrival.

377
00:16:13,334 --> 00:16:16,055
She survived on rats
and rainwater.

378
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:17,524
Let's run it again!

379
00:16:18,338 --> 00:16:21,283
I gotta say, hanging out with
Lucy's been so fun. She's the best.

380
00:16:21,299 --> 00:16:23,404
And I love that
she's buying us stuff.

381
00:16:23,429 --> 00:16:25,289
Dude, make your move.
Ask her out.

382
00:16:25,312 --> 00:16:27,750
I don't know. She lives here.
How would it even work?

383
00:16:27,756 --> 00:16:29,500
Life is about
taking risks.

384
00:16:29,524 --> 00:16:32,165
Look at me, Tom.
I'm moving to Chicago.

385
00:16:32,188 --> 00:16:33,518
It's just us right now.

386
00:16:33,543 --> 00:16:34,824
Do you really think
you're moving here?

387
00:16:34,847 --> 00:16:36,892
One double XL, one kid's XL.

388
00:16:36,910 --> 00:16:38,683
- Hey, you remembered my size.
- Yeah.

389
00:16:38,695 --> 00:16:40,295
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

390
00:16:40,315 --> 00:16:42,017
Hey, Lucy,
can I ask you something?

391
00:16:42,032 --> 00:16:43,586
- Of course. What's up?
- I was wondering,

392
00:16:43,611 --> 00:16:46,314
would you want to maybe...

393
00:16:47,737 --> 00:16:49,456
come work for
me in Pawnee?

394
00:16:49,478 --> 00:16:52,704
I have the company,
and it's growing so fast.

395
00:16:52,719 --> 00:16:54,658
I can't do it all myself,
and I need a manager,

396
00:16:54,674 --> 00:16:56,221
and you're a perfect
candidate.

397
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:58,019
Wow. Really?

398
00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:01,220
That does sound
kind of awesome.

399
00:17:01,245 --> 00:17:03,362
And it'd be super fun
to work with you.

400
00:17:03,369 --> 00:17:06,088
I mean, I have to talk to my
boyfriend about it first, but...

401
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:08,105
Yeah, of course!

402
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:11,363
This is all perfect, and everything's
worked out just as I'd hoped.

403
00:17:12,110 --> 00:17:15,028
Hey, this is why they
call it Beantown, huh?

404
00:17:17,405 --> 00:17:18,589
Hey, Jere-bear.

405
00:17:18,614 --> 00:17:20,366
What are you doing
with these two jabronis?

406
00:17:20,391 --> 00:17:23,003
Tammy, I've given this
a lot of thought.

407
00:17:23,845 --> 00:17:25,587
We should break up.

408
00:17:28,453 --> 00:17:29,938
What's the matter,
little boy?

409
00:17:29,954 --> 00:17:31,563
Did the bad people
get to you?

410
00:17:31,579 --> 00:17:35,048
They just made me realize how
unhealthy this is, literally.

411
00:17:35,071 --> 00:17:37,360
All the steak and whiskey—
I have to wear a diaper.

412
00:17:37,368 --> 00:17:39,308
That's 'cause
you're my widdle baby.

413
00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:40,948
We drilled you on this, Jamm.

414
00:17:40,958 --> 00:17:42,974
Baby talk, what do you do?

415
00:17:42,989 --> 00:17:45,466
I'm not a baby.
I'm a big boy!

416
00:17:45,489 --> 00:17:47,766
Yeah, okay. That—
well, that wasn't terrible.

417
00:17:47,789 --> 00:17:50,180
Don't listen to Leslie.
She's trying to manipulate you.

418
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,850
All she cares about is herself,
and I can prove it.

419
00:17:52,875 --> 00:17:54,758
How's this, Leslie?

420
00:17:54,773 --> 00:17:58,180
You leave us alone, and we
swing the vote to you?

421
00:17:58,187 --> 00:18:00,058
Help you get your park.

422
00:18:01,909 --> 00:18:03,540
No. Nice try.

423
00:18:03,565 --> 00:18:05,557
Stay strong, Jeremy.

424
00:18:05,582 --> 00:18:07,590
- It's over, Tammy.
- Tell you what.

425
00:18:07,605 --> 00:18:09,347
It's been long enough.

426
00:18:09,370 --> 00:18:13,477
What do you say we
consummate our relationship...

427
00:18:13,502 --> 00:18:15,244
tonight?

428
00:18:15,268 --> 00:18:17,877
Huh? Let's do it.

429
00:18:19,519 --> 00:18:22,285
And the last
card is played.

430
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,785
- What are you doing?
- Shh! This is a library.

431
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,066
Do you see
what's happening here?

432
00:18:26,081 --> 00:18:28,172
Ron, I need
that crotch-blinder.

433
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:30,704
No, you don't.
Just end it.

434
00:18:32,049 --> 00:18:33,230
- Look at my boobs.
- No.

435
00:18:33,252 --> 00:18:34,366
- Look downstairs.
- No.

436
00:18:34,391 --> 00:18:35,706
There's a prize
inside for you.

437
00:18:35,731 --> 00:18:38,229
- It's over, Tammy.
- What?

438
00:18:38,254 --> 00:18:40,824
To hell with you, woman.
Good-bye.

439
00:18:40,847 --> 00:18:44,351
How dare you?
Are you kidding me?

440
00:18:44,376 --> 00:18:46,493
You'll be back!
They all come back!

441
00:18:46,518 --> 00:18:48,651
Well done, Jeremy.

442
00:18:48,676 --> 00:18:51,616
Turns out the crotch-blinder
was inside you all along.

443
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,193
Come on everybody,
who wants to get it on?

444
00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:55,388
I'm naked!

445
00:18:56,630 --> 00:18:58,473
Donna, what do I do?

446
00:18:58,496 --> 00:19:02,511
If working around corpses isn't
even right for me, then nothing is.

447
00:19:02,536 --> 00:19:05,080
I feel totally lost.

448
00:19:05,105 --> 00:19:07,382
- Saturn's return.
- What?

449
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:10,719
Saturn's orbit around the sun
takes roughly 29 years,

450
00:19:10,744 --> 00:19:12,819
and when it gets back to where
it was when you were born,

451
00:19:12,844 --> 00:19:15,212
lots of turmoil,
self-discovery.

452
00:19:15,223 --> 00:19:18,658
When I was your age, I got banned
from every riverboat in Germany.

453
00:19:18,683 --> 00:19:20,856
Donna, April,
what are you up to?

454
00:19:20,871 --> 00:19:25,316
Oh, you know, just regionally directing
the Midwest whatever of who cares.

455
00:19:25,324 --> 00:19:26,337
Oh, isn't it great?

456
00:19:26,362 --> 00:19:28,053
Can you believe that
they pay me for this?

457
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,425
Because I would
do this for free.

458
00:19:30,825 --> 00:19:32,538
Aw, jeez!

459
00:19:33,984 --> 00:19:36,101
I do miss you, Terry.

460
00:19:36,117 --> 00:19:37,745
Let me get you
some napkins.

461
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:41,398
April, you looked
at one horrifying job.

462
00:19:41,423 --> 00:19:44,782
I've got a few more ideas. We'll find
you something you like, okay?

463
00:19:44,798 --> 00:19:46,216
Okay.

464
00:19:46,241 --> 00:19:49,689
But you can't tell Leslie I might leave.
She'll have a heart attack. Promise?

465
00:19:49,714 --> 00:19:50,687
I promise.

466
00:19:50,709 --> 00:19:52,547
Why are you so into
helping me right now?

467
00:19:52,572 --> 00:19:55,027
Because I'm finally
doing what I love,

468
00:19:55,050 --> 00:19:57,395
and I know how hard it is
to get to that place.

469
00:19:57,417 --> 00:20:02,175
And I want you to be happy
because you're my friend.

470
00:20:02,186 --> 00:20:05,655
No, I'm not.
I've never cared for you.

471
00:20:08,345 --> 00:20:10,036
Wait, wait.

472
00:20:12,122 --> 00:20:14,405
You're behaving very strangely.

473
00:20:15,751 --> 00:20:17,810
Saturn's return.

474
00:20:17,835 --> 00:20:19,530
Hey, Brokemons.

475
00:20:19,554 --> 00:20:23,007
I just wanted to let you know that I will
be abstaining from the vote today.

476
00:20:23,030 --> 00:20:24,952
You are my two
all-time best friends,

477
00:20:24,967 --> 00:20:29,100
and you brought me back from
the brink, so I can't choose sides.

478
00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:34,175
Although if I had to pick one side,
it would be Lucy Liu's backside.

479
00:20:36,739 --> 00:20:39,341
Without Jamm,
the vote's two-two.

480
00:20:39,353 --> 00:20:41,288
This was all for nothing.

481
00:20:41,298 --> 00:20:45,791
I thought it was very big of you to not
bend when Tammy promised you the vote.

482
00:20:46,499 --> 00:20:49,351
Well, I thought it was very big
of you to help him at all.

483
00:20:49,376 --> 00:20:51,252
You didn't have
to do that.

484
00:20:53,124 --> 00:20:55,217
Okay, back to work to figure
out how to destroy you.

485
00:20:55,233 --> 00:20:56,866
Same. Good bye.

486
00:20:58,435 --> 00:21:00,900
Dude, thank you so much for this.
I really owe you one.

487
00:21:00,915 --> 00:21:04,504
No, you don't. You're smart and qualified
and we're totally lucky to have you.

488
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:05,929
Okay, let's do this.

489
00:21:05,952 --> 00:21:09,783
I still don't know what claiming
allowances means. I always put 6.

490
00:21:09,808 --> 00:21:13,105
- So far so good.
- Dude, you are totally going to jail.

491
00:21:14,029 --> 00:21:16,072
This couldn't have
worked out any better.

492
00:21:16,097 --> 00:21:19,488
There was a guy eating lunch in here
who didn't finish his spaghetti.

493
00:21:19,513 --> 00:21:22,299
Oh, also, Tom and Lucy are
totally going to fall in love!

494
00:21:23,471 --> 00:21:24,505
Five second rule!

495
00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:31,519
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther