1
00:00:01,437 --> 00:00:04,698
Okay, the central question that
the senators are gonna be asking is,

2
00:00:04,713 --> 00:00:07,036
"Why should we invest in
the National Parks Service?"

3
00:00:07,051 --> 00:00:08,884
- April...
- Well, it is simple, Leslie.

4
00:00:08,907 --> 00:00:12,459
In today's fast-paced society, national
parks are still the best place

5
00:00:12,467 --> 00:00:14,680
for full moon
werewolf transformations.

6
00:00:14,695 --> 00:00:15,766
I know you're kidding.

7
00:00:15,789 --> 00:00:18,707
But I also know that you're prepared
and we are going to do great.

8
00:00:18,729 --> 00:00:20,288
How psyched are you
about this trip?

9
00:00:20,313 --> 00:00:23,180
April, are you
super psyched?

10
00:00:23,187 --> 00:00:25,693
Yeah. Also you have
lipstick on your teeth.

11
00:00:25,718 --> 00:00:27,609
I do? Mm, okay.
Good looking out.

12
00:00:27,624 --> 00:00:28,595
We're a great team.

13
00:00:28,618 --> 00:00:30,307
Well, I never thought
I'd say this,

14
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:33,075
but I think I know
what's going on in your head.

15
00:00:33,091 --> 00:00:36,173
Oh, well then, welcome
to the terror dome.

16
00:00:36,196 --> 00:00:39,168
Okay, you need to tell Leslie
that you want to leave your job.

17
00:00:39,183 --> 00:00:42,235
No. She freaks out
when anything changes.

18
00:00:42,260 --> 00:00:45,465
One time Andy told her that I was getting
rid of my bangs and she called 9-1-1.

19
00:00:45,490 --> 00:00:47,544
Okay, well, I can't
keep your secret much longer.

20
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,615
Anytime your name
comes up, I panic

21
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,963
and change the subject to the Twin
Peaks reboot 'til she gets bored.

22
00:00:52,978 --> 00:00:54,414
So you talk for
one second?

23
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,303
You're gonna spend the next
couple days with her.

24
00:00:56,318 --> 00:00:58,634
If you talk to her
directly and honestly,

25
00:00:58,650 --> 00:01:00,824
she can be
surprisingly open-minded.

26
00:01:00,847 --> 00:01:02,098
Oh, really? Oh, okay.

27
00:01:02,123 --> 00:01:05,682
Hey, Leslie, um, I was thinking about
changing the font on the itineraries.

28
00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:07,637
- What do you think?
- What? Why?

29
00:01:08,103 --> 00:01:10,708
On what grounds?
Those—those fonts are perfect.

30
00:01:10,723 --> 00:01:12,793
It's readable and compact,
it's all on one page.

31
00:01:12,816 --> 00:01:14,775
That's insane.
Don't mess with that.

32
00:01:14,797 --> 00:01:16,480
I mean, I appreciate
your initiative,

33
00:01:16,495 --> 00:01:20,562
but itineraries are not
the right place to mess around.

34
00:01:20,577 --> 00:01:24,155
Yeah. April, I told you,
that was an absurd idea.

35
00:01:36,869 --> 00:01:44,877
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

36
00:01:45,387 --> 00:01:46,957
I don't care
what Ben says.

37
00:01:46,973 --> 00:01:49,648
I'm not going to tell Leslie I'm
leaving my job on this trip.

38
00:01:49,671 --> 00:01:51,517
She'll drown me
in the Potomac...

39
00:01:51,540 --> 00:01:53,668
while she recites facts
about the Potomac.

40
00:01:53,690 --> 00:01:56,091
Well don't fret, cookie.
We've made progress, haven't we?

41
00:01:56,114 --> 00:01:59,689
We got a whole list of all the things
you need out of a new job.

42
00:01:59,705 --> 00:02:02,598
Apple juice, barbeque sauce,

43
00:02:02,613 --> 00:02:04,123
Count Chocula—
wait.

44
00:02:04,138 --> 00:02:07,087
Oh, sorry, that's the list of cool new
nicknames I want people to call me.

45
00:02:07,102 --> 00:02:08,772
Here's your list.

46
00:02:08,787 --> 00:02:11,931
How can I tell her I'm leaving when
I don't even know what job I want?

47
00:02:12,329 --> 00:02:14,793
Babe, I wish you
were coming with me.

48
00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:17,710
I just decided what I am going
to do while April is out of town.

49
00:02:17,717 --> 00:02:20,541
I'm going to round up the team
and find her a new job.

50
00:02:20,564 --> 00:02:22,358
Yeah, Ben Wyatt please?

51
00:02:22,370 --> 00:02:24,802
Tell him it's Count Chocula.

52
00:02:26,174 --> 00:02:28,630
Uh, no it's Andrew Dwyer.
I'm sorry.

53
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,163
So April wants to leave?

54
00:02:31,179 --> 00:02:34,069
I always knew she would
tire of government.

55
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:35,661
Took long enough.

56
00:02:35,676 --> 00:02:38,375
Well, both me and Ben are trying
to help April find a new job,

57
00:02:38,398 --> 00:02:39,962
and we thought maybe
she could work for you.

58
00:02:39,969 --> 00:02:42,929
I feel like it would be
a perfect fit.

59
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:45,684
Although, I don't know exactly
what you guys do here.

60
00:02:45,697 --> 00:02:47,113
I'm guessing...

61
00:02:48,522 --> 00:02:49,859
it's a business?

62
00:02:49,874 --> 00:02:52,330
Assassins? Hit men?

63
00:02:52,353 --> 00:02:54,328
Doctors. You guys
are doctors.

64
00:02:54,353 --> 00:02:56,212
We build things.

65
00:02:56,237 --> 00:02:58,122
Come on, let me
show you around.

66
00:02:59,136 --> 00:03:02,830
This is a door.
These, of course, are walls.

67
00:03:02,845 --> 00:03:04,926
What else?
What else? Ah!

68
00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:07,021
Meet our Vice President,
Don Swanson.

69
00:03:07,044 --> 00:03:10,251
- Don, this is Andrew and Benjamin.
- Pleasure to meet you.

70
00:03:10,266 --> 00:03:12,645
Is this your brother?

71
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:14,456
You have a brother.

72
00:03:15,326 --> 00:03:16,747
No.

73
00:03:17,869 --> 00:03:20,777
Fine. Yes. I suppose
the cat's out of the bag.

74
00:03:20,792 --> 00:03:23,608
I have a brother.
One brother.

75
00:03:23,623 --> 00:03:25,454
All those years together
at the Parks department

76
00:03:25,470 --> 00:03:27,104
and you never told us
you had a brother.

77
00:03:27,127 --> 00:03:29,776
- You worked at the Parks department?
- Tour's over!

78
00:03:30,629 --> 00:03:34,054
Okay. Carry-on bag's packed.
Trashy magazines purchased.

79
00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:39,223
Boarding passes in hand, and we have
26 minutes for unstructured chat time.

80
00:03:39,238 --> 00:03:41,817
- What do you want to talk about?
- I don't know. Nothing.

81
00:03:42,788 --> 00:03:44,907
I thought maybe we could
talk about your future.

82
00:03:44,923 --> 00:03:46,651
Wanna talk about
your future?

83
00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:51,907
- Yeah. I've actually been thinking about
that a lot lately. - Yeah, I figured.

84
00:03:51,930 --> 00:03:54,402
It's hard, at your age,
to figure out your path.

85
00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:55,809
- I know.
- Yeah.

86
00:03:55,824 --> 00:03:58,548
I was gonna surprise you with this in
Washington, but, you know, what the heck?

87
00:03:58,573 --> 00:04:01,360
It's unstructured chat time.
So...

88
00:04:02,174 --> 00:04:03,027
ta-da!

89
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:07,070
This is your clear, definitive path
through the federal government.

90
00:04:07,085 --> 00:04:12,012
It starts here today with this flight
and it goes all the way to 2022.

91
00:04:12,035 --> 00:04:13,341
Cool, right?

92
00:04:13,349 --> 00:04:15,070
Wow. This is intense.

93
00:04:15,085 --> 00:04:18,543
I had to make some guesses about
your ultimate government objectives

94
00:04:18,558 --> 00:04:21,850
and your fashion choices,
etcetera, but the point is

95
00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:24,112
with this you don't
have to worry.

96
00:04:24,127 --> 00:04:26,677
I know! I feel so relaxed.

97
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,617
Yeah! I know!

98
00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:30,611
What's up with these shirts?

99
00:04:30,626 --> 00:04:32,002
Gov Buds for Life?

100
00:04:32,025 --> 00:04:34,137
Just a little fun I was
having, you know?

101
00:04:34,152 --> 00:04:36,037
I didn't really
make the shirts.

102
00:04:37,371 --> 00:04:40,655
- But did you though?
- Yes, I did!

103
00:04:40,670 --> 00:04:43,261
Ha-ha! Ta-da!

104
00:04:44,315 --> 00:04:47,201
Oh, and also,
I have a middle seat.

105
00:04:47,217 --> 00:04:50,474
April! Group one
is boarding!

106
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,964
Break it down. What will
she be doing at this job?

107
00:04:54,987 --> 00:04:57,717
Well, she'd have about six
people reporting to her.

108
00:04:57,732 --> 00:05:01,489
And if she started soon, she could project
manage our new warehouse in Snerling.

109
00:05:01,514 --> 00:05:03,559
Get to be my own boss.
So far, so good.

110
00:05:03,574 --> 00:05:07,625
She also wants passionate
interest in subject matter.

111
00:05:07,645 --> 00:05:10,366
So, what kind of building is it?

112
00:05:10,382 --> 00:05:13,815
It's a large scale storage unit
for surplus vinyl sheeting.

113
00:05:13,838 --> 00:05:17,240
Okay. So that's,
uh, boring.

114
00:05:17,255 --> 00:05:21,173
Would she have an opportunity to practice
any creative problem solving?

115
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:25,201
Creativity is for people
with glasses who like to lie.

116
00:05:25,224 --> 00:05:28,265
Although, I suppose she
could use creative ways

117
00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,831
to organize and stack
the vinyl sheeting.

118
00:05:30,854 --> 00:05:32,289
No, that's insane.

119
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:35,136
We use the Towsend method.
It's tried and true.

120
00:05:35,144 --> 00:05:36,724
I think this might
be a dead end.

121
00:05:36,739 --> 00:05:38,264
I think you might be right.

122
00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:41,830
But getting a good person out of
government is a worthwhile endeavor.

123
00:05:41,846 --> 00:05:44,371
I will help, but first I'm
gonna need some grub.

124
00:05:44,389 --> 00:05:46,702
Ooh, yeah! Let's grab some
lunch and some ice cream!

125
00:05:46,727 --> 00:05:48,439
Then maybe some
after ice cream tacos?

126
00:05:48,464 --> 00:05:50,896
We'll just brainstorm and
maybe grab some snacks.

127
00:05:50,903 --> 00:05:52,288
Vaughn, Lon.

128
00:05:52,303 --> 00:05:53,674
Ron.

129
00:05:56,194 --> 00:05:58,172
Okay, I think we're all set.

130
00:05:58,196 --> 00:05:59,733
Even though I'm taking
the lead on these meetings,

131
00:05:59,751 --> 00:06:01,124
- don't be afraid to jump in.
- Copy that.

132
00:06:01,147 --> 00:06:04,975
April, when Randy brings up the river
project, that is your cue to—

133
00:06:04,990 --> 00:06:08,576
Distract the guards so
the Hamburglar can make his escape.

134
00:06:09,693 --> 00:06:11,375
We're meeting with
a lot of senators today.

135
00:06:11,382 --> 00:06:12,664
- Is she going to be okay?
- Yeah.

136
00:06:12,671 --> 00:06:14,593
It's just April. Trust me.

137
00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:18,102
And we hope you agree that
this is the best plan

138
00:06:18,110 --> 00:06:20,831
to preserve national parks'
funding into the next decade.

139
00:06:20,856 --> 00:06:23,864
Well, so Leslie, what do you think?
Is—is this the right move?

140
00:06:23,879 --> 00:06:25,953
Well, I think it's the only
move, Senator Boxer.

141
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:28,473
I don't think this chance
is gonna come around again.

142
00:06:29,103 --> 00:06:33,311
Well, you know, if it's good
with Leslie, it's good with me.

143
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:35,095
Well, I have another
great idea.

144
00:06:35,114 --> 00:06:39,473
How about you and me, April, Randy,
historical lamp posts of D.C.?

145
00:06:39,488 --> 00:06:41,791
Walking tour
starts in 15 minutes.

146
00:06:41,810 --> 00:06:45,423
Sounds great, but, uh, I do have
an appointment with the President.

147
00:06:46,363 --> 00:06:47,732
Can we come?

148
00:06:48,707 --> 00:06:53,235
What kind of a business is this?
Is it like hit men or astronauts?

149
00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,143
It's an accounting firm.

150
00:06:55,157 --> 00:06:57,599
But they recently opened up
a consulting wing.

151
00:06:57,622 --> 00:06:59,275
And consulting is
perfect for April.

152
00:06:59,289 --> 00:07:02,254
You think this Barney fellow will
listen to what we have to say?

153
00:07:02,269 --> 00:07:04,578
Ben! Ben is here!

154
00:07:04,593 --> 00:07:05,664
Hi, Ben!

155
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,776
Ted! Ben is here!

156
00:07:07,791 --> 00:07:11,806
Hey, it is actuarially
very good to see you guys.

157
00:07:11,826 --> 00:07:14,533
Aah! Ha ha!

158
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:15,243
Ben!

159
00:07:15,259 --> 00:07:18,113
- They like me here.
- You gotta hear this!

160
00:07:19,736 --> 00:07:22,705
So we think we can keep costs
down and still meet deadlines.

161
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,335
You know, I have to say
I'm really impressed

162
00:07:24,343 --> 00:07:26,330
with what you guys are doing
over at Interior.

163
00:07:26,337 --> 00:07:28,832
Thank you, Senator Gillibrand, we
really appreciate your support.

164
00:07:28,847 --> 00:07:31,279
- Would you mind signing a copy of
your book? - Oh, of course, of course.

165
00:07:31,295 --> 00:07:32,968
I took the liberty of
writing the inscription.

166
00:07:32,991 --> 00:07:34,179
All you have to do is sign.

167
00:07:34,202 --> 00:07:37,237
"To Leslie, my inspiration,
my muse,

168
00:07:37,259 --> 00:07:39,431
my partner in crime.
I owe it all to you."

169
00:07:39,453 --> 00:07:43,445
And there's room for a P.S. if you
feel there's more you left out.

170
00:07:43,452 --> 00:07:45,889
Well, I think I've said all
I wanna say right here.

171
00:07:45,907 --> 00:07:47,243
- Okay.
- Okay.

172
00:07:47,662 --> 00:07:49,876
Yeah, well, I can't do
that right now.

173
00:07:50,445 --> 00:07:52,393
Oh, boy. I'll call
you back.

174
00:07:52,408 --> 00:07:54,707
Hello, Senator. Do you
have a minute to chat?

175
00:07:54,730 --> 00:07:56,231
Oh, I can't right now.
I've got a meeting.

176
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,964
Well, actually, I checked
with your staff

177
00:07:57,971 --> 00:08:00,430
and they said that
you have a free half hour.

178
00:08:00,455 --> 00:08:04,435
Did anyone ever tell you that your
tenacity can be intimidating?

179
00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:06,733
Yes. Every month of my life
since fourth grade.

180
00:08:06,748 --> 00:08:08,649
Now, let's talk about
national parks.

181
00:08:09,395 --> 00:08:11,123
Well, I just have to say
I'm very surprised

182
00:08:11,145 --> 00:08:13,799
that the two of you are
seeing eye to eye on this one.

183
00:08:13,815 --> 00:08:17,663
Well, Senator Buckner and I are both
concerned about our nation's resources.

184
00:08:17,677 --> 00:08:20,298
And that absolutely includes
our national parks.

185
00:08:20,321 --> 00:08:25,679
But that's not all we have in common.
In fact, our real passion is...

186
00:08:25,694 --> 00:08:28,082
Polynesian folk music.

187
00:08:29,230 --> 00:08:30,167
W—what?

188
00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:31,653
Polynesian folk music.

189
00:08:31,669 --> 00:08:34,733
Our band is playing in Georgetown
tonight if you'd like to come.

190
00:08:34,758 --> 00:08:38,629
- We're called "Across the Isle."
- Did you get that? Aisle? Isle?

191
00:08:38,637 --> 00:08:42,625
Like an island and then across
the aisle, the political aisle.

192
00:08:42,641 --> 00:08:44,794
It's like a pun.
It's a play on words.

193
00:08:44,802 --> 00:08:45,850
- I do get it.
- Are you sure?

194
00:08:45,866 --> 00:08:47,213
We are definitely
coming to this.

195
00:08:47,229 --> 00:08:51,375
It's $8.00 if you buy your tickets now.
It's $10.00 at the door.

196
00:08:51,390 --> 00:08:53,753
Fiscal conservative.
Love this guy.

197
00:08:53,778 --> 00:08:54,823
- Love this guy.
- Yeah.

198
00:08:55,391 --> 00:08:57,023
April Ludgate Dwyer.

199
00:08:57,048 --> 00:09:00,443
She worked on the Gryzzl deal that
you guys did the finances for.

200
00:09:00,458 --> 00:09:03,079
Now, I know that you're
opening up a consulting wing,

201
00:09:03,095 --> 00:09:05,723
and we just think that April
would be a great hire.

202
00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:08,215
Yeah, and here's the thing,
Barney.

203
00:09:08,223 --> 00:09:10,045
We're obviously very familiar
with what consulting is

204
00:09:10,068 --> 00:09:11,672
but why don't you go ahead
and tell my friends here,

205
00:09:11,687 --> 00:09:13,557
because I don't think
that they know.

206
00:09:13,572 --> 00:09:19,617
Well, it's really about finding creative
solutions to difficult problems.

207
00:09:19,632 --> 00:09:23,337
Now, a lot of times
there's firings, so...

208
00:09:23,362 --> 00:09:25,372
consultants aren't
exactly well liked.

209
00:09:25,397 --> 00:09:27,779
Holy crap. This is the job
for her, I can feel it.

210
00:09:27,794 --> 00:09:29,605
She'll take it!
Now let's talk perks.

211
00:09:29,630 --> 00:09:31,979
- Does she get the summers off?
Is it like school? - Son, easy.

212
00:09:32,004 --> 00:09:34,210
Well, what did
she major in?

213
00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:36,290
Economics? Accounting?

214
00:09:36,305 --> 00:09:38,065
She designed
her own major.

215
00:09:38,081 --> 00:09:40,826
- "Halloween Studies."
- Trust me, Barney.

216
00:09:40,842 --> 00:09:43,571
She's brilliant and
a very fast learner.

217
00:09:43,594 --> 00:09:46,574
Does that, uh,
compound your interests?

218
00:09:47,717 --> 00:09:49,883
- Huh?
- Ha ha!

219
00:09:49,898 --> 00:09:52,151
So what do you say?
Huh, Barney?

220
00:09:52,166 --> 00:09:55,230
- Oh, Ben, that was amazing.
- Thank you.

221
00:09:55,253 --> 00:09:57,546
But it's too late
for her to apply.

222
00:09:57,561 --> 00:10:01,042
I'm sorry but we're not really
taking any more applicants.

223
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:05,509
Though I could make
an exception for someone else.

224
00:10:05,533 --> 00:10:06,776
Not interested.

225
00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:09,386
Okay, so five
yeses and four nos.

226
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:10,629
Not a bad start.

227
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,925
So, Leslie, I was going to talk
to you about this in a few weeks,

228
00:10:12,948 --> 00:10:14,620
but Mike Norbert is retiring.

229
00:10:14,645 --> 00:10:18,014
Oh, really?
'Ol Norbs is stepping down.

230
00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:20,686
Couldn't handle the pressure,
huh? What a wuss.

231
00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:22,992
- His marriage is falling apart.
- Oh—oh, okay.

232
00:10:22,999 --> 00:10:24,267
She had an affair
with his best friend.

233
00:10:24,282 --> 00:10:26,910
- Ooh, okay, I feel bad about what I said
before. - Yeah, I get it, I get it.

234
00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:28,719
So, anyway,
the good news for you is

235
00:10:28,742 --> 00:10:32,422
we'd like to promote you to Deputy
Director of Operations and Interior.

236
00:10:33,184 --> 00:10:34,519
Wow.

237
00:10:34,531 --> 00:10:36,646
You'd have to move to D.C.
and you have to complete

238
00:10:36,660 --> 00:10:39,102
the Senior Executive Service
Candidate Development program.

239
00:10:39,122 --> 00:10:40,775
I have to enroll
in S.E.S.C.D.P.?

240
00:10:40,782 --> 00:10:45,560
44 weeks of intensive courses and note
taking? Um, it's a dream come true.

241
00:10:45,582 --> 00:10:47,540
And I have to warn you, there'll
be a confirmation hearing.

242
00:10:47,555 --> 00:10:49,924
A confirmation hearing?
A freaking confirmation hearing?

243
00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,411
Excuse me a second.

244
00:10:51,434 --> 00:10:52,826
What's that?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

245
00:10:52,841 --> 00:10:56,955
Um, to the best of my recollection,
yes, I accept the job.

246
00:10:56,970 --> 00:10:59,801
Oh, excuse me, ma'am? Do you
mind if I borrow your hat?

247
00:10:59,824 --> 00:11:01,706
I just want to throw it up in
the air victoriously.

248
00:11:01,717 --> 00:11:03,536
- No.
- Ma'am!

249
00:11:05,312 --> 00:11:07,015
I think that job's
perfect for April.

250
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,120
We just have to convince Barney
to give her a shot.

251
00:11:09,135 --> 00:11:12,412
I mean, first problem, she's not
as qualified as the other applicants.

252
00:11:12,427 --> 00:11:14,704
Simple solution.
I break into her college

253
00:11:14,726 --> 00:11:17,202
and I change her degree
to accounting. Easy.

254
00:11:17,222 --> 00:11:20,028
On my way out, look up at
the blackboard, what is that?

255
00:11:20,053 --> 00:11:23,409
Impossible math equation?
I solve it.

256
00:11:23,431 --> 00:11:25,700
X equals Y, obviously.

257
00:11:25,713 --> 00:11:30,283
Professor comes up to me and says,
"I've been working on that for 50 years.

258
00:11:30,879 --> 00:11:34,336
Why don't you accept
this math trophy?"

259
00:11:35,079 --> 00:11:37,128
By the time he turns
around, I'm gone.

260
00:11:37,143 --> 00:11:39,520
We need to highlight
April's strengths.

261
00:11:39,541 --> 00:11:40,995
I thought we could
update her resume.

262
00:11:41,009 --> 00:11:43,396
This is the one she
applied to Parks with.

263
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:46,609
It's just a signed photograph
of a puppet named Alf.

264
00:11:46,616 --> 00:11:50,612
Okay, so, we make her an actual resume
then put on a big presentation.

265
00:11:50,627 --> 00:11:53,317
Show Barney that
she's more than qualified.

266
00:11:53,332 --> 00:11:54,600
Gonna need all
hands on deck.

267
00:11:54,620 --> 00:11:56,825
That's Craig, Donna,
and most importantly—

268
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,087
- Please no.
- Come on, don't do it.

269
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:03,064
Oh, you wanna photocopy? You guys
want to do all the mindless work?

270
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:05,036
Yeah, I didn't think so.

271
00:12:07,641 --> 00:12:09,812
Get me Garry Gergich.

272
00:12:11,004 --> 00:12:12,906
Look around, April.

273
00:12:12,921 --> 00:12:14,469
What do you see?

274
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:18,181
Fountains. Water.

275
00:12:18,199 --> 00:12:19,568
Sky.

276
00:12:19,591 --> 00:12:22,156
You... looking at me
like a crazy person.

277
00:12:22,171 --> 00:12:25,712
I see a new home.
I am gonna take that job.

278
00:12:25,730 --> 00:12:28,837
Ben's gonna run for Congress,
he will win eventually,

279
00:12:28,860 --> 00:12:31,675
and then we're gonna split our time
between Washington and Pawnee.

280
00:12:31,693 --> 00:12:34,882
That's great. It looks like everything
is falling into place for you.

281
00:12:34,900 --> 00:12:36,236
For us, April!

282
00:12:36,261 --> 00:12:38,004
- For us!
- Oh, God.

283
00:12:38,028 --> 00:12:40,523
Whoa! What is that?
Over there, a lamp post?

284
00:12:40,546 --> 00:12:41,876
Is that historic, do you think?

285
00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:43,378
No. They put that in
in the 70s.

286
00:12:43,393 --> 00:12:45,962
Look, I am so ahead
of my five-year plan.

287
00:12:45,978 --> 00:12:50,224
Which means that you're gonna need
a new five-year plan, and here it is.

288
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,712
Ow, it's hot! How did you
make this so fast?

289
00:12:52,727 --> 00:12:55,769
I keep a local binder maker
on retainer in D.C.

290
00:12:55,776 --> 00:12:58,521
We are about to embark on
such an amazing journey.

291
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:01,854
This is gonna be our city.
And this is gonna be our bench.

292
00:13:01,879 --> 00:13:05,578
April, we have
a bench in D.C.!

293
00:13:05,594 --> 00:13:07,823
I'm sorry, Leslie,
I can't do this anymore.

294
00:13:07,831 --> 00:13:11,274
I don't want to work
in government. I quit.

295
00:13:14,302 --> 00:13:17,490
What are you talking about?
You quit? Why?

296
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:23,002
Because, honestly, I don't even know
if I like working in national parks.

297
00:13:23,025 --> 00:13:24,018
Or government.

298
00:13:24,025 --> 00:13:26,772
I just fell backwards
into your world

299
00:13:26,787 --> 00:13:30,016
and years have gone by,
and now I'm here and—

300
00:13:30,031 --> 00:13:32,639
Andy and Ben have been helping me look
into different jobs to figure out

301
00:13:32,654 --> 00:13:33,773
what I really want to do.

302
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,533
Ben who? Ben Wyatt?

303
00:13:35,555 --> 00:13:37,581
He's been helping you
behind my back?

304
00:13:37,589 --> 00:13:39,742
Wow, okay, you know what,
we had a good run,

305
00:13:39,749 --> 00:13:41,266
- but he's dead to me now.
- It's just—

306
00:13:41,282 --> 00:13:43,543
I've been on this weird path
my entire adult life,

307
00:13:43,558 --> 00:13:45,373
and I need to figure out
what I really want.

308
00:13:45,396 --> 00:13:47,077
I cannot believe
you're quitting.

309
00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:51,710
And I cannot believe this is the first
time I'm hearing it. And on our bench...

310
00:13:51,717 --> 00:13:53,751
of all places.

311
00:14:00,785 --> 00:14:03,332
You know, it's just so frustrating.
I mean, I love her, but, you know,

312
00:14:03,357 --> 00:14:05,184
you spend so much time and
effort on someone's life

313
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:08,573
and she's just gonna quit on me?
It's like, what's the point, you know?

314
00:14:08,588 --> 00:14:10,611
Wow, Leslie. I haven't
seen you this upset

315
00:14:10,627 --> 00:14:13,362
since you almost forgot
Ann's half-birthday.

316
00:14:13,378 --> 00:14:16,146
- Yeah. - Tell me. How many
times have we had lunch?

317
00:14:16,153 --> 00:14:18,937
Five. Well, eight, if you
count all those times

318
00:14:18,962 --> 00:14:21,191
I showed up unannounced at your
office with mini-muffins.

319
00:14:21,206 --> 00:14:23,709
And why have we had
lunch so many times?

320
00:14:23,728 --> 00:14:27,433
Well, because, when I knew I would
be coming to Washington to work,

321
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,082
I wore you down until you
agreed to become my friend.

322
00:14:30,107 --> 00:14:31,465
I'm so glad that you did.

323
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:36,242
And you are wonderful friend, but,
sometimes you're so focused and driven

324
00:14:36,257 --> 00:14:37,947
that you forget about
people's feelings.

325
00:14:37,967 --> 00:14:41,580
Ah, pfft! Name one time
I've done that.

326
00:14:41,587 --> 00:14:45,218
Well, you were so wrapped up in your
story that you actually ate my waffle.

327
00:14:46,075 --> 00:14:51,523
Sometimes, all you can do is give people
a little bit of advice and a push,

328
00:14:51,539 --> 00:14:55,636
but you have to realize April has
to be able to make up her own mind.

329
00:14:55,651 --> 00:14:57,560
Ah, you're right...

330
00:14:57,575 --> 00:14:59,411
once again, Madeleine Albright.

331
00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:03,533
- Can I have my pin back now?
- Oh! Oh, yeah, sorry.

332
00:15:03,548 --> 00:15:05,894
Thank you for letting me wear it.
Just makes me feel very powerful.

333
00:15:05,917 --> 00:15:06,793
Me too.

334
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:12,189
Resume's done. I used bullet
points instead of numbers

335
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:14,536
because I find it conveys
strength and confidence.

336
00:15:14,543 --> 00:15:16,874
A binder of her
accomplishments.

337
00:15:16,897 --> 00:15:18,743
Photos of her
getting the job done.

338
00:15:18,758 --> 00:15:22,385
And $500 cash, in case you want
to go the straight-up bribe route.

339
00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:23,301
Donna...

340
00:15:23,317 --> 00:15:25,311
You put me on the team,
I find a way to win.

341
00:15:25,334 --> 00:15:26,646
Okay, copies are made.

342
00:15:26,661 --> 00:15:28,771
Um, everything has been
collated and stapled.

343
00:15:28,786 --> 00:15:30,468
And all the research
has been double-checked.

344
00:15:30,476 --> 00:15:32,133
I went through quite
a few staples.

345
00:15:32,149 --> 00:15:34,832
I added a personal testimony
vouching for April's brilliance.

346
00:15:34,839 --> 00:15:36,124
And this guy better
appreciate it

347
00:15:36,149 --> 00:15:38,816
because I do not compare people
to Mary J. Blige lightly.

348
00:15:38,831 --> 00:15:40,435
Uh, no one should.

349
00:15:40,450 --> 00:15:42,287
- Do you want to go to dinner tonight?
- I do not.

350
00:15:42,302 --> 00:15:43,016
Respect.

351
00:15:43,032 --> 00:15:44,346
- I'm free.
- I have plans.

352
00:15:44,368 --> 00:15:45,549
Well, great job, guys.

353
00:15:45,564 --> 00:15:48,305
With all this, Barney will at
least have to give her a shot.

354
00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:51,138
Sure, they did a good job,
but this isn't enough.

355
00:15:51,153 --> 00:15:54,985
And I've been thinking about
it all day and I have a plan

356
00:15:54,993 --> 00:15:59,542
to go the extra mile and make April
seem like the ideal candidate.

357
00:16:05,203 --> 00:16:07,347
Give me the job!

358
00:16:07,362 --> 00:16:10,827
My name's April Ludgate and my
talent is explosive!

359
00:16:12,473 --> 00:16:15,279
Go U-S-A!
U-S-A!

360
00:16:15,302 --> 00:16:17,950
U-S-A!
U-S-A!

361
00:16:17,975 --> 00:16:20,876
U-S-A! When should
I tell April to show up?

362
00:16:20,891 --> 00:16:22,126
My car...

363
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:29,698
Hey.

364
00:16:29,714 --> 00:16:31,074
Thank you for coming.

365
00:16:31,097 --> 00:16:35,025
Yeah, well, I had to miss the memorable
rain gutters of Washington walking tour,

366
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,919
so, this better be good.

367
00:16:36,944 --> 00:16:39,321
I'm sorry I blew up
at you yesterday.

368
00:16:39,344 --> 00:16:42,088
I really want all of my friends
to be happy together,

369
00:16:42,103 --> 00:16:45,322
but, more importantly,
I just want them to be happy.

370
00:16:46,351 --> 00:16:49,925
If you feel like you need to
move on, I totally get it.

371
00:16:52,187 --> 00:16:53,071
Okay.

372
00:16:53,086 --> 00:16:54,651
- Turn around.
- What? Why?

373
00:16:54,674 --> 00:16:56,449
Because I'm about to say
something serious

374
00:16:56,472 --> 00:16:58,162
and I can't do it if I have to
look you in the eye.

375
00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,912
- Please.
- Okay.

376
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,795
Now take your shoes off
and wear them like mittens.

377
00:17:03,810 --> 00:17:05,952
- April...
- Okay, sorry.

378
00:17:08,077 --> 00:17:12,926
When I started working
for you, I was aimless

379
00:17:13,963 --> 00:17:18,843
and just thought everything
was stupid and lame, and

380
00:17:19,532 --> 00:17:24,142
you turned me into someone
with goals and ambition,

381
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:28,673
which is really the only reason why I'm
even thinking about what I really want.

382
00:17:31,457 --> 00:17:33,331
I just...

383
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,217
wanna say thank you.

384
00:17:36,531 --> 00:17:38,952
And I love you very much.

385
00:17:39,662 --> 00:17:43,361
Which is why I have decided not
to turn you into a sea urchin,

386
00:17:43,377 --> 00:17:46,755
which I could do, because
I am an actual witch

387
00:17:46,771 --> 00:17:49,391
- with powers and I'm evil...
- I know.

388
00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:51,745
- and I hate everything.
- I know you do.

389
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,584
I know. Thank you, April.

390
00:17:55,517 --> 00:17:57,998
So you don't have any idea
what you want to do?

391
00:17:59,308 --> 00:18:01,608
Well, here's the good news:
I am on the case.

392
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,608
I know some people who might be
able to help us. Come on.

393
00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:07,818
April, this is Alyssa from the
American Service Foundation.

394
00:18:07,843 --> 00:18:10,935
They take young people like you who
are trying to explore a new path

395
00:18:10,943 --> 00:18:13,273
and match them with one of
the thousands of jobs

396
00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,107
across America
that help communities.

397
00:18:15,132 --> 00:18:19,770
Alyssa, this is April Ludgate,
the single greatest human being ever,

398
00:18:19,777 --> 00:18:22,298
and you need to find her a job
that she will love and cherish

399
00:18:22,313 --> 00:18:24,526
- and make her life feel complete.
- Okay. I'm sorry.

400
00:18:24,541 --> 00:18:27,246
I found this crazy woman on the street
and she won't leave me alone.

401
00:18:27,262 --> 00:18:30,486
Oh, I'm very familiar
with Leslie's... enthusiasm.

402
00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:32,073
They contacted
us last year

403
00:18:32,098 --> 00:18:34,215
because they wanted to place
some people in national parks.

404
00:18:34,230 --> 00:18:36,569
Two days later, we had
set up the entire program,

405
00:18:36,592 --> 00:18:39,103
and she sent me a throw pillow
with my face stitched onto it.

406
00:18:39,126 --> 00:18:41,282
Not my best work.
Plus, you changed your hair.

407
00:18:41,307 --> 00:18:42,536
I'm gonna send
you another one.

408
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,257
Okay, go solve all of
your career problems.

409
00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:47,043
- I'll wait right here.
- Sorry.

410
00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:50,538
- That-a girl!
- Ugh, Mom!

411
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:54,637
I don't know, Madeleine. They're taking
forever and I'm starting to lose it.

412
00:18:54,652 --> 00:18:56,866
Talk to me, okay?
Your voice makes me calm.

413
00:18:56,889 --> 00:18:58,592
Tell me another Yeltsin story.

414
00:18:58,603 --> 00:18:59,807
Okay, she's here.
I have to go. Bye.

415
00:18:59,822 --> 00:19:02,294
Say hi to your daughters.
Hey. Hi.

416
00:19:02,313 --> 00:19:03,582
How did it go?

417
00:19:03,599 --> 00:19:07,360
I'm great. I know exactly
what I want to do.

418
00:19:07,376 --> 00:19:09,582
Yes! Is it Teach
for America?

419
00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:11,467
No! Habitat for Humanity?

420
00:19:11,482 --> 00:19:13,351
No! It's working
with animals.

421
00:19:13,366 --> 00:19:16,943
No. I want to work here.
At the foundation.

422
00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:18,721
I want to be like Alyssa.

423
00:19:18,743 --> 00:19:22,184
I wanna tell people what to do
and then send them far away from me.

424
00:19:22,207 --> 00:19:23,232
It's perfect.

425
00:19:23,247 --> 00:19:24,719
And it hits everything
on my list.

426
00:19:24,741 --> 00:19:26,916
Creative problem solving,
working one-on-one—

427
00:19:26,931 --> 00:19:30,084
I am 100,000%
in support of this idea.

428
00:19:30,099 --> 00:19:31,765
This is an amazing idea.
I love this idea!

429
00:19:31,788 --> 00:19:33,126
And I love you!

430
00:19:33,149 --> 00:19:35,863
So are they hiring? What did
Alyssa say when you told her?

431
00:19:35,886 --> 00:19:37,145
Um, nothing.
I didn't tell her yet.

432
00:19:37,168 --> 00:19:40,161
I wanted to see if you thought
it was a good idea first.

433
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,365
What? Bad idea?

434
00:19:43,389 --> 00:19:45,187
You wanted to run
something by me?

435
00:19:45,195 --> 00:19:46,515
Oh, my God.

436
00:19:46,540 --> 00:19:49,519
Yes. So, will you help me?

437
00:19:50,076 --> 00:19:51,890
April, you don't need me.

438
00:19:51,913 --> 00:19:53,873
You can get any
job you want.

439
00:19:53,898 --> 00:19:55,625
All by yourself.

440
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:57,390
Well, obviously I'm going to
vet your resume

441
00:19:57,405 --> 00:19:58,797
and we'll hold some
mock interviews

442
00:19:58,804 --> 00:20:01,228
and I'll choose your outfit
and everything but—

443
00:20:01,253 --> 00:20:03,206
you can get this
sucker on your own.

444
00:20:05,075 --> 00:20:07,573
So, long story short, we might
have found you the perfect job

445
00:20:07,588 --> 00:20:09,677
but also I might
have blown it.

446
00:20:09,684 --> 00:20:11,929
Ben and Ron are there
now to try to fix it.

447
00:20:11,944 --> 00:20:14,674
And if they don't, I feel like
it's kind of on them.

448
00:20:14,697 --> 00:20:16,451
Everyone is being
so nice to me lately.

449
00:20:16,466 --> 00:20:19,171
It's weird. I feel like I need
to take a shower in pig's blood

450
00:20:19,194 --> 00:20:20,626
to wash all
the niceness off me.

451
00:20:20,649 --> 00:20:22,839
It's because we love you.
We want you to be happy.

452
00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:24,653
This consulting job
could be the answer.

453
00:20:24,668 --> 00:20:27,429
Yeah, so about that...

454
00:20:29,381 --> 00:20:32,556
Please don't hold anything
Andy did against April.

455
00:20:32,570 --> 00:20:37,163
She is an exceptional human being,
who married a well meaning goof.

456
00:20:37,171 --> 00:20:40,057
And I think that presentation
we put together says it all.

457
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,176
All we're asking is
thatyou meet with her

458
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:44,873
and seriously consider
her for the job.

459
00:20:44,898 --> 00:20:47,841
And if she disappoints you,
you can hold me...

460
00:20:47,857 --> 00:20:49,907
accountable.

461
00:20:50,460 --> 00:20:52,547
- Right?
- You know what?

462
00:20:52,572 --> 00:20:54,674
If her friends are
trying this hard,

463
00:20:54,685 --> 00:20:56,812
there must be something
amazing about her.

464
00:20:56,827 --> 00:20:59,717
- Tell her I'll meet with her tomorrow—
- Uh, hold on. April?

465
00:20:59,733 --> 00:21:03,501
Hey, we were just talking about you.
We got some good news.

466
00:21:05,662 --> 00:21:07,021
Oh, boy.

467
00:21:08,190 --> 00:21:09,595
Okay.

468
00:21:11,038 --> 00:21:14,134
She doesn't want the job.

469
00:21:15,323 --> 00:21:16,684
I see.

470
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,455
Well, this is uncomfortable.

471
00:21:22,946 --> 00:21:29,953
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther