1
00:00:01,162 --> 00:00:03,078
We need to go over the schedule
leading up to the primary.

2
00:00:03,101 --> 00:00:04,705
- Let's talk shop.
- Ooh, shop talk!

3
00:00:04,728 --> 00:00:08,904
One of my five favorite types of talk,
along with pillow, girl, real, and TED.

4
00:00:08,927 --> 00:00:10,491
Why are you
wearing a poncho?

5
00:00:10,506 --> 00:00:13,971
Oh, because every surface area
in your house is sticky.

6
00:00:13,987 --> 00:00:17,248
Last time I was here, I found
a melted crayon on my blazer.

7
00:00:17,263 --> 00:00:20,375
Okay. I have a photo op
with Gryzzl tomorrow.

8
00:00:20,398 --> 00:00:22,404
Between now and then, we
have a ton of stuff scheduled.

9
00:00:22,411 --> 00:00:25,328
Looks like we're gonna have
to skip the pie-baking event

10
00:00:25,335 --> 00:00:27,120
and the ceremonial
squash toss.

11
00:00:27,135 --> 00:00:29,129
- Oh.
- Oh, really? We have to skip that?

12
00:00:29,137 --> 00:00:31,678
I love watching those
squashes fly through the air.

13
00:00:31,702 --> 00:00:33,258
I kind of like
the way they land.

14
00:00:33,273 --> 00:00:34,752
Me too!

15
00:00:34,774 --> 00:00:39,576
Okay, excuse me, but I have to get
back to a city where things happen.

16
00:00:39,584 --> 00:00:42,603
Okay. This campaign is
about to start in earnest.

17
00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:45,747
Things are about to get real intense.
Leslie, you ready?

18
00:00:45,762 --> 00:00:46,795
- Me Leslie?
- Yeah.

19
00:00:46,810 --> 00:00:50,861
Well, I was an actual candidate, so I think
I can handle being a candidate's wife.

20
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,487
I know all the issues
inside and out.

21
00:00:52,495 --> 00:00:53,981
Mm. See,
that's the problem.

22
00:00:53,997 --> 00:00:56,687
Being the wife of
is a minefield.

23
00:00:56,703 --> 00:00:59,261
If you were just a ding-dong, I would
just slap a flag pin on you.

24
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,805
I'd pour some Valium
down your throat

25
00:01:00,820 --> 00:01:03,779
and just shove you behind
the podium way upstage.

26
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:06,629
It's the smarties
that freak people out.

27
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:08,377
I think you're
underestimating the voters.

28
00:01:10,357 --> 00:01:12,961
I don't think
that is possible.

29
00:01:14,397 --> 00:01:16,286
Stephen, be careful!

30
00:01:18,958 --> 00:01:19,959
Poncho!

31
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:40,108
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

32
00:01:40,509 --> 00:01:42,879
I know you normally
hate foundations,

33
00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:45,475
but this one
I think you'll actually like.

34
00:01:45,483 --> 00:01:47,588
We take people that don't know
what they want to do

35
00:01:47,594 --> 00:01:50,645
and then put them to work doing
cool stuff all over the world,

36
00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:52,163
and I start in
a couple months.

37
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:57,660
Well, I had hoped you'd choose a more
dignified trade like masonry or logging,

38
00:01:57,682 --> 00:02:00,030
but you are out of
local government,

39
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,695
and that's a step
in the right direction.

40
00:02:01,718 --> 00:02:04,201
It's definitely
the job I wanted...

41
00:02:05,894 --> 00:02:09,737
But it means that we have
to move to Washington.

42
00:02:10,238 --> 00:02:11,528
Well...

43
00:02:12,460 --> 00:02:14,508
then bully for you.

44
00:02:14,533 --> 00:02:18,651
If you intend to move, I suppose you
should return the spare key to my house,

45
00:02:19,214 --> 00:02:22,381
the one I gave you years ago
when you were my assistant,

46
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:24,125
for emergencies.

47
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:25,582
Okay.

48
00:02:25,607 --> 00:02:27,074
Good talk.

49
00:02:30,815 --> 00:02:34,554
This neighborhood has been
mostly abandoned for years,

50
00:02:34,569 --> 00:02:37,369
but now, thanks to the new
Gryzzl headquarters,

51
00:02:37,377 --> 00:02:39,353
this district will soon
transform

52
00:02:39,376 --> 00:02:42,286
into a hub of innovation
for decades to come.

53
00:02:42,302 --> 00:02:43,209
Mr. Wyatt!

54
00:02:43,222 --> 00:02:45,190
Your campaign released
a schedule,

55
00:02:45,205 --> 00:02:47,842
and it looks like your wife
is skipping the Pie-mary.

56
00:02:47,857 --> 00:02:48,850
Care to explain?

57
00:02:48,865 --> 00:02:51,556
The Pie-mary is a Southern
Indiana tradition

58
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:55,733
where Congressional candidates' wives
face off in a pie-baking contest.

59
00:02:55,748 --> 00:02:59,488
The last contest winner was June
Hartwell's buttermilk meringue.

60
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:02,921
Last contest loser
was all women.

61
00:03:02,946 --> 00:03:06,677
Leslie would be the first candidate's wife
not to enter the Pie-mary.

62
00:03:06,703 --> 00:03:09,385
What kind of a statement
are you making by skipping it?

63
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,311
We're—I'm not making
any kind of statement.

64
00:03:11,334 --> 00:03:13,414
We're just focusing
on bigger issues,

65
00:03:13,429 --> 00:03:17,990
like Ben's $150 million
revitalization project.

66
00:03:18,005 --> 00:03:20,015
Pardon me. I need to get through.
Pardon me. Excuse me.

67
00:03:20,030 --> 00:03:21,125
Mike Patterson here.

68
00:03:21,141 --> 00:03:24,560
Leslie, you've made it pretty clear that
you don't think homemaking is important.

69
00:03:24,576 --> 00:03:26,153
Do you ever cook
for your children,

70
00:03:26,168 --> 00:03:28,553
and who's even watching
your children right now,

71
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,625
while you're out God
only knows where?

72
00:03:30,641 --> 00:03:32,825
What are you talking about?
I'm standing right here in front of you.

73
00:03:32,832 --> 00:03:34,569
Okay. Take it easy.
Let's not get emotional.

74
00:03:34,577 --> 00:03:36,040
Okay. We have to run.

75
00:03:36,055 --> 00:03:39,261
We'll see you all at my economic address.
Thanks for coming, everybody.

76
00:03:39,284 --> 00:03:43,124
What other traditions are you against,
Leslie? Baseball? Hugging your children?

77
00:03:43,147 --> 00:03:44,890
How much did that
haircut cost?

78
00:03:44,906 --> 00:03:46,908
None of your business,
and thank you for noticing.

79
00:03:47,656 --> 00:03:50,882
My desk was right here, sitting
right on top of it this whole time.

80
00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:52,869
- How much money is it?
- It's not money.

81
00:03:52,894 --> 00:03:55,724
I told you, it's Ron's key.
I hid it in here years ago.

82
00:03:56,201 --> 00:03:57,311
Ah! Wait!

83
00:03:57,326 --> 00:04:01,396
Yeah, no. No key. Just a note
and a movie ticket stub and four teeth.

84
00:04:01,411 --> 00:04:05,032
"If you are looking for Ron's key,
I moved it, and you'll never find it.

85
00:04:05,055 --> 00:04:06,439
Cordially, April."

86
00:04:06,454 --> 00:04:09,418
- Well, where'd you put it, then?
- I don't know. It was eight years ago.

87
00:04:09,441 --> 00:04:13,468
Oh, God. A key to Ron's house is
lost in a government building.

88
00:04:13,483 --> 00:04:15,251
- That's his worst nightmare.
- Listen, babe.

89
00:04:15,266 --> 00:04:20,131
All we got to do is train
Champion to sniff out Ron's key.

90
00:04:20,153 --> 00:04:22,738
- Okay. - All we need is
Ron's key to give him a scent.

91
00:04:23,244 --> 00:04:25,332
So give me the key,
and I'll get you that key.

92
00:04:27,537 --> 00:04:30,525
No, You're Wrong
with Mike Patterson.

93
00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:33,684
Welcome back to the program.
My guest is June Hartwell,

94
00:04:33,701 --> 00:04:36,109
wife of incumbent Congressman,
Paul Hartwell.

95
00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:39,159
Now, June, we all know what Ben
Wyatt's wife is really saying.

96
00:04:39,175 --> 00:04:43,593
By skipping the Pie-mary, she's saying
women who love their families are stupid.

97
00:04:43,608 --> 00:04:46,151
Well, Mike, we all
make certain choices.

98
00:04:46,175 --> 00:04:48,536
Ms. Knope chose
to try to have it all.

99
00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:50,386
I chose to put my family first.

100
00:04:50,409 --> 00:04:53,428
Well, I'm just speculating here, but do
you think that Leslie Knope's actions

101
00:04:53,443 --> 00:04:56,338
indicate that she actually
hates her family?

102
00:04:56,353 --> 00:05:00,092
Well, it only took three
hours for Jen to be right.

103
00:05:00,115 --> 00:05:02,735
I'm officially a distraction.
I'm gonna enter that Pie-mary.

104
00:05:02,758 --> 00:05:04,659
This is just nonsense.
It'll blow over.

105
00:05:04,674 --> 00:05:07,311
And the Pie-mary is
ridiculous and antiquated.

106
00:05:07,333 --> 00:05:08,804
But the more
they talk about this,

107
00:05:08,826 --> 00:05:11,110
the less they're gonna talk
about your economic plan.

108
00:05:11,126 --> 00:05:15,163
Besides, I'm good at making pies,
so I'll win, and then I can

109
00:05:15,188 --> 00:05:18,472
promote my self-published
women's rights barbecue cookbook—

110
00:05:18,487 --> 00:05:20,396
The Feminine Mesquite.

111
00:05:20,414 --> 00:05:21,529
Everything's fine.

112
00:05:22,002 --> 00:05:23,550
I had it in a safe place,

113
00:05:23,573 --> 00:05:27,844
and then I moved it to protect
it, and I don't remember where.

114
00:05:27,859 --> 00:05:28,782
I see.

115
00:05:28,806 --> 00:05:30,241
Don't be mad, Ron.

116
00:05:30,260 --> 00:05:33,081
She hid it too good,

117
00:05:33,106 --> 00:05:34,819
and she left a string of clues.

118
00:05:34,834 --> 00:05:39,050
It's an impossible puzzle,
and I love puzzles!

119
00:05:39,057 --> 00:05:42,842
A minimal, unhelpful note, these appear
to be human teeth, and what is this?

120
00:05:42,858 --> 00:05:44,671
New Moon.

121
00:05:44,686 --> 00:05:47,026
It's a movie,
but I've never seen it.

122
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:50,123
It's, like, about lame werewolves
and vampires and stuff.

123
00:05:50,130 --> 00:05:51,953
Donna likes those things!

124
00:05:51,968 --> 00:05:54,447
Dollars to doughnuts
this points us her way.

125
00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:57,487
Finally, a scavenger hunt
worthy of my time.

126
00:05:57,504 --> 00:05:58,489
Onward!

127
00:05:59,402 --> 00:06:00,278
Okay.

128
00:06:00,286 --> 00:06:02,937
Snacks given, kids
tucked in, books read,

129
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:06,865
three simultaneous meltdowns for
no reason, kids tucked back in,

130
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,846
one of them briefly got outside
somehow, kids back in bed.

131
00:06:10,861 --> 00:06:11,580
They're all napping.

132
00:06:11,595 --> 00:06:14,571
Okay, I got everything
you need for pie domination.

133
00:06:14,586 --> 00:06:16,840
I even got an extra
whipped-cream can.

134
00:06:16,863 --> 00:06:19,983
One for baking, one for
directly-into-mouth.

135
00:06:19,991 --> 00:06:21,867
Oh, you know me so well.

136
00:06:23,982 --> 00:06:25,521
That might be one of the kids.

137
00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:29,931
Hi, Leslie. Elise Yarktin from
the Indiana Organization of Women.

138
00:06:29,938 --> 00:06:32,402
Oh, my goodness!
Elise, please come in.

139
00:06:32,957 --> 00:06:36,192
Wait! Are you here to give me
the Woman of the Year award?

140
00:06:36,207 --> 00:06:39,187
I have a speech prepared. Would
you like to see it right now?

141
00:06:39,202 --> 00:06:40,973
No. Leslie, we
were thrilled

142
00:06:40,995 --> 00:06:43,573
to find out you were boycotting
that ridiculous Pie-mary,

143
00:06:43,588 --> 00:06:46,367
but we just got word
you've decided to enter?

144
00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:49,756
Yeah. Well, I agree that it's dumb,
but this is not about me.

145
00:06:49,779 --> 00:06:53,376
It's about Ben, and he will do
more for women than Hartwell.

146
00:06:53,391 --> 00:06:56,754
So, you know, lose a battle, win the war.
That kind of thing. It's the way to go.

147
00:06:56,777 --> 00:07:00,712
Look, the Pie-mary is retrogressive
and misogynistic, and if you participate,

148
00:07:00,734 --> 00:07:04,340
we will have no choice but
to protest you and Ben at the event.

149
00:07:04,362 --> 00:07:06,297
Hope you like pies...

150
00:07:06,321 --> 00:07:08,059
in yo' face.

151
00:07:08,642 --> 00:07:10,215
Metaphorically.
We'll be civil.

152
00:07:10,238 --> 00:07:13,531
Elise, there is no bigger
defender of gender equality

153
00:07:13,546 --> 00:07:15,547
than Leslie Knope,
and my husband, Ben,

154
00:07:15,570 --> 00:07:18,731
is a progressive champion
of women's rights.

155
00:07:18,754 --> 00:07:20,263
Babe, the oven's ready.

156
00:07:20,286 --> 00:07:22,273
Chop-chop!
Time to get baking.

157
00:07:22,288 --> 00:07:24,210
Daddy want pie!

158
00:07:24,705 --> 00:07:26,307
Hi. Ben Wyatt.

159
00:07:28,330 --> 00:07:30,839
We have a wonderfully
small number of clues.

160
00:07:30,854 --> 00:07:32,188
One is this ticket.

161
00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:35,133
Did you see this movie
about vampires and such?

162
00:07:35,141 --> 00:07:38,136
New Moon?
Yeah, I saw it with April.

163
00:07:38,152 --> 00:07:41,173
She was so hopped up on painkillers
from getting her wisdom teeth out,

164
00:07:41,196 --> 00:07:42,746
I convinced her
to see it with me.

165
00:07:42,754 --> 00:07:44,780
The teeth!
They're yours.

166
00:07:44,794 --> 00:07:46,207
You were super out of it.

167
00:07:46,232 --> 00:07:49,744
You kept yelling, "Team Voldemort!"
at the screen, and we were kicked out.

168
00:07:49,759 --> 00:07:51,258
I was furious.

169
00:07:51,629 --> 00:07:54,798
You only get to see the second Twilight
film for the seventh time once.

170
00:07:54,813 --> 00:07:57,073
Do you remember
anything about a key

171
00:07:57,096 --> 00:08:00,068
or April doing anything
unusual that day?

172
00:08:00,083 --> 00:08:03,194
She did make us stop by
the shoe-shine stand before she left,

173
00:08:03,201 --> 00:08:05,641
because she wanted to drop
something off for Andy.

174
00:08:05,656 --> 00:08:07,409
She had a real bad
crush on him.

175
00:08:07,424 --> 00:08:11,287
Oh, babe! You had
a crush on me!

176
00:08:11,311 --> 00:08:12,797
That's embarrassing.

177
00:08:12,812 --> 00:08:14,857
- We're married.
- Still!

178
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:16,585
To the shoe-shine stand!

179
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,072
- Stop! Stop!
- Ooh, chase me!

180
00:08:23,126 --> 00:08:24,644
Garry, what the hell
are you doing?

181
00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:28,390
Oh, gosh. Well, I dropped my
wedding ring down this grate,

182
00:08:28,405 --> 00:08:29,986
and then I was trying
to get it out,

183
00:08:30,001 --> 00:08:33,440
and I dropped my keys down
there too, so I can't leave.

184
00:08:33,465 --> 00:08:35,493
Damn. This takes me back.

185
00:08:35,511 --> 00:08:39,558
- You mind if I stay and watch?
- Oh, not at all. Appreciate the company.

186
00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:41,237
The I.O.W. does
not mess around,

187
00:08:41,252 --> 00:08:44,255
which, normally, is why I love them,
but now I'm on the other side.

188
00:08:44,270 --> 00:08:47,171
Oh, my God, Ben! I gave them
$100 in their annual pledge.

189
00:08:47,186 --> 00:08:49,870
Do you know how many anti-me
signs that could buy?

190
00:08:49,885 --> 00:08:52,473
You just don't do
the pie contest, obviously.

191
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:54,218
Then we're just back
where we started.

192
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,398
Then it just seems like I'm saying
I'm better than the women who bake.

193
00:08:57,423 --> 00:08:59,159
What should we do?
Should we get a divorce?

194
00:08:59,174 --> 00:09:00,802
Well, how about this?

195
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:06,098
What if I register for the contest?
I bake the pie. I act as my own wife.

196
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:09,336
Oh, that could work.
We sidestep the controversy,

197
00:09:09,354 --> 00:09:12,396
we refocus the campaign
onto the actual candidate,

198
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,249
and then we flip the antiquated
tradition right on its head.

199
00:09:15,271 --> 00:09:17,939
Exactly, but more
importantly,

200
00:09:17,947 --> 00:09:21,765
we change the idea
of what a pie is.

201
00:09:22,274 --> 00:09:23,935
I feel like
that's not more important,

202
00:09:23,949 --> 00:09:26,319
but I-I like the energy
that we have, so let's hear it.

203
00:09:26,339 --> 00:09:27,500
Okay. Picture this.

204
00:09:27,516 --> 00:09:31,411
Crust on the bottom,
filling, crust on top.

205
00:09:31,434 --> 00:09:33,587
- What am I describing?
- A pie.

206
00:09:33,611 --> 00:09:36,364
No, but you're
in the right zone.

207
00:09:36,379 --> 00:09:37,231
Oh.

208
00:09:37,256 --> 00:09:38,925
- Calzone!
- Sure.

209
00:09:38,943 --> 00:09:43,677
Pies are just sweet calzones, honey,
and I'm good at making calzones.

210
00:09:43,696 --> 00:09:44,925
You're amazing.

211
00:09:44,947 --> 00:09:47,486
- I can win this thing.
- Of course you can, baby!

212
00:09:47,494 --> 00:09:49,107
Get in there
and start baking!

213
00:09:55,732 --> 00:09:58,336
I am having some
serious déjà vu.

214
00:09:58,350 --> 00:10:00,438
- How many times have you lost
your wedding ring? - Oh, G—

215
00:10:02,164 --> 00:10:03,939
Too many times to count.

216
00:10:03,955 --> 00:10:05,942
And it causes real
trouble with Gayle.

217
00:10:05,957 --> 00:10:09,616
Yeah, I mean, anytime I lose my ring,
she turns into a real grumpy goose.

218
00:10:09,631 --> 00:10:11,017
- Is that so?
- Oh, yeah.

219
00:10:11,033 --> 00:10:11,887
She'll say, you know,

220
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:14,743
"Garry, you'd lose your head if
it wasn't screwed on tight."

221
00:10:14,768 --> 00:10:18,400
And then she makes me go for the fresh
oranges for the morning OJ.

222
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:21,565
Yeah, I mean, she says,
"Hey, Mr. Forgetful."

223
00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:24,167
Well, I mean,
those words—

224
00:10:24,181 --> 00:10:25,913
I mean, they rattle
around here for hours.

225
00:10:25,928 --> 00:10:27,427
That's why I've got
to be extra careful

226
00:10:27,442 --> 00:10:29,751
with this replacement ring,
because if I lost—

227
00:10:35,430 --> 00:10:38,011
I'm gonna order
us some dinner.

228
00:10:40,722 --> 00:10:42,550
The shoe-shine
stand is gone...

229
00:10:42,566 --> 00:10:45,170
or maybe it was
never here.

230
00:10:45,189 --> 00:10:47,269
They must have moved
it during the remodel.

231
00:10:47,277 --> 00:10:49,303
It's probably
in basement storage.

232
00:10:49,325 --> 00:10:50,514
To the basement!

233
00:10:54,493 --> 00:10:56,136
- Tighter!
- Are you sure, dude?

234
00:10:56,151 --> 00:10:58,139
Yeah, dude. Tighter.
I can do it.

235
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,259
Do what exactly?

236
00:10:59,278 --> 00:11:01,030
Nothing. We're not
doing anything.

237
00:11:01,053 --> 00:11:03,344
And we definitely do not
live down here now.

238
00:11:03,367 --> 00:11:05,761
Guys, where's the old
shoe-shine stand from upstairs?

239
00:11:05,784 --> 00:11:07,333
We don't know anything
about that.

240
00:11:07,355 --> 00:11:09,486
Boys, think.
We are on a quest,

241
00:11:09,492 --> 00:11:11,926
and we are not leaving
until we get an answer.

242
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:13,601
Well, we're on
our own quest,

243
00:11:13,608 --> 00:11:15,723
which is to squeeze this
just tight enough

244
00:11:15,730 --> 00:11:19,251
to make my eyes bulge out a little
bit, but not so tight that I die.

245
00:11:19,266 --> 00:11:22,118
Oh, I've been there.
That's a real tightrope walk.

246
00:11:22,143 --> 00:11:24,200
Oh! Hey!

247
00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:27,802
Last week this real scary ghost
came down here looking for it.

248
00:11:27,825 --> 00:11:31,102
It had black hair, but you
could see through its skin,

249
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:34,755
and it didn't like me, but that's just
'cause I got a soul of a Ghostbuster.

250
00:11:34,778 --> 00:11:38,477
Yeah, it said something about how it
was worried Brett was gonna mug it.

251
00:11:38,492 --> 00:11:41,817
Okay, so we're looking
for a racist ghost

252
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,092
with black hair
who likes shoe shines.

253
00:11:44,114 --> 00:11:47,098
I think I have the answer.
The chase continues!

254
00:11:48,788 --> 00:11:52,143
Okay, wait. The time that you told
us you were mugged in the park,

255
00:11:52,162 --> 00:11:53,922
what were you
reaching for in the river?

256
00:11:53,943 --> 00:11:55,891
- A burrito.
- That's right!

257
00:11:55,906 --> 00:11:58,754
You fell in the river
reaching for a burrito.

258
00:11:58,769 --> 00:12:01,217
Yes, ma'am, that was not
one of my finer moments.

259
00:12:02,201 --> 00:12:04,219
Ooh, it's getting late.
We need to bounce.

260
00:12:04,242 --> 00:12:06,085
- I can give you a ride.
- Oh, thank you, Donna.

261
00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:09,074
Probably gonna get an earful
when I get home tonight.

262
00:12:09,089 --> 00:12:11,364
Gayle might even call me
the B word.

263
00:12:12,150 --> 00:12:13,141
"Bozo."

264
00:12:13,163 --> 00:12:14,460
- Wow.
- Mm.

265
00:12:14,473 --> 00:12:16,538
We are very
different people.

266
00:12:18,192 --> 00:12:19,804
Did you hear
back from Elise?

267
00:12:19,829 --> 00:12:22,669
Oh, yeah, we're good. The I.O.W.
is not gonna protest us.

268
00:12:22,685 --> 00:12:24,452
How's your pie?

269
00:12:24,475 --> 00:12:26,384
I don't know.
I didn't make a pie.

270
00:12:27,113 --> 00:12:29,536
Okay. How is your
dessert calzone?

271
00:12:29,552 --> 00:12:30,756
It's ready.

272
00:12:30,767 --> 00:12:33,208
The question is, are they?

273
00:12:33,733 --> 00:12:38,003
All right. Our next contestant is
candidate Ben Wyatt's wife, Leslie.

274
00:12:38,018 --> 00:12:41,287
Let's see what Mrs. Wyatt
has baked up for us, shall we?

275
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:45,080
It's actually Ms. Knope, and,
actually, right now it's Mr. Wyatt.

276
00:12:45,095 --> 00:12:46,676
Leslie has her own busy life,

277
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,922
and I happen to be
an excellent pie maker,

278
00:12:48,937 --> 00:12:51,237
so we figured
we'd switch it up a bit.

279
00:12:51,262 --> 00:12:53,017
Now, pack your suitcases,

280
00:12:53,032 --> 00:12:56,669
because we're going
to a little town

281
00:12:56,692 --> 00:13:00,173
called a-Napoli
in Ital-y.

282
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:03,304
Free Ben Wyatt! Free Ben Wyatt!

283
00:13:03,327 --> 00:13:05,306
Excuse me.
Free me from what?

284
00:13:05,313 --> 00:13:07,581
From the tyranny of women.

285
00:13:07,605 --> 00:13:08,896
We are the Male Men.

286
00:13:08,919 --> 00:13:12,297
We are a men's rights activist
group, and we are fed up!

287
00:13:12,322 --> 00:13:14,025
I'm sorry.
What's happening now?

288
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:19,486
Behind every successful woman
is a man she has oppressed.

289
00:13:19,505 --> 00:13:22,476
First, Leslie Knope poaches
her husband's campaign

290
00:13:22,490 --> 00:13:24,159
by making it all about her.

291
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:28,019
Now she's forcing him to bake
pies and enter a contest for her?

292
00:13:28,034 --> 00:13:30,548
Oh, excuse me! I'm not
forcing him to do anything.

293
00:13:30,571 --> 00:13:31,886
He loves to cook.

294
00:13:31,901 --> 00:13:34,788
He—he has five
personalized aprons.

295
00:13:34,802 --> 00:13:38,541
Oh, so I guess he was asking for it
because of the way he was dressed.

296
00:13:38,564 --> 00:13:43,335
We are sick and tired
of this feminized society!

297
00:13:43,350 --> 00:13:47,635
Men have had a very rough go
of it for—just recently,

298
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:50,249
and it ends now!

299
00:13:50,272 --> 00:13:52,103
Male and proud!

300
00:13:52,116 --> 00:13:55,253
Male and proud! Male and proud!

301
00:13:56,107 --> 00:14:00,698
Leslie Knope exemplifies
the feminist attack on our values.

302
00:14:00,714 --> 00:14:03,992
She could learn a little something
about traditional family structure

303
00:14:04,007 --> 00:14:05,789
from me and my
husband, Marshall.

304
00:14:05,809 --> 00:14:07,866
Um, fierce alert!
Eat 'em up, honey!

305
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:11,986
The idea that feminism is an attack
on family values is absurd.

306
00:14:12,001 --> 00:14:14,338
Ooh, so you're defending
Leslie Knope.

307
00:14:14,357 --> 00:14:16,086
No. Absolutely not.

308
00:14:16,101 --> 00:14:17,448
Frankly, I don't
think she's done enough

309
00:14:17,463 --> 00:14:20,420
to distance herself
from this misogynistic lunacy.

310
00:14:20,435 --> 00:14:22,963
Let's turn, now,
to Sasha Dunkirk.

311
00:14:22,986 --> 00:14:26,388
She is head of the group
Women Against Feminism.

312
00:14:26,395 --> 00:14:28,437
What a surprise!

313
00:14:28,452 --> 00:14:31,964
The woman is only talking
to other women.

314
00:14:31,979 --> 00:14:36,624
Can we have one conversation about
feminism where men get to be in charge?

315
00:14:36,632 --> 00:14:38,603
I actually agree with him.

316
00:14:38,618 --> 00:14:40,167
I don't need your pity.

317
00:14:40,190 --> 00:14:45,657
Joan, Leslie Knope and I are united
in our disgust of this week's events.

318
00:14:45,672 --> 00:14:49,262
Leslie, if you're watching,
I, Brandi Maxxxx,

319
00:14:49,277 --> 00:14:53,752
star of 69 Jump Street
and 50 Shaved Old Gays,

320
00:14:53,775 --> 00:14:54,844
have your back.

321
00:14:54,869 --> 00:14:55,800
Oof!

322
00:14:55,824 --> 00:14:57,893
Really stepped in it
this time, Knope.

323
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:01,180
Why isn't the other candidate's wife
being scrutinized like this?

324
00:15:01,204 --> 00:15:04,794
Because June Hartwell
is a lukewarm bowl of nothing.

325
00:15:04,809 --> 00:15:07,249
She started an awareness campaign
called "Bring a Sweater."

326
00:15:07,264 --> 00:15:09,056
She calls it
goose-bump prevention.

327
00:15:09,071 --> 00:15:10,631
Come on, you guys,
you know the drill.

328
00:15:10,652 --> 00:15:12,279
Just ignore the fact
that you're right,

329
00:15:12,302 --> 00:15:16,277
put on your blandest outfits,
so that one, hopefully,

330
00:15:16,292 --> 00:15:18,935
and then just go out there
and publicly apologize. Done.

331
00:15:18,952 --> 00:15:21,165
- What?
- Apologize for what?

332
00:15:21,180 --> 00:15:23,342
Doesn't matter.
Just say you're sorry.

333
00:15:23,365 --> 00:15:26,496
It's like taking a shot of tequila.
You just got to force it down.

334
00:15:26,512 --> 00:15:28,876
Suddenly, the world feels
so much more pleasant.

335
00:15:28,892 --> 00:15:31,395
I do three shots every time
I have to enter this house.

336
00:15:34,955 --> 00:15:37,066
Donna, what are you
doing here so early?

337
00:15:37,074 --> 00:15:38,639
I come bearing gifts.

338
00:15:38,654 --> 00:15:42,190
First off, I got a dude in maintenance
to open up that grate this morning.

339
00:15:42,205 --> 00:15:45,937
So here's your rings,
keys, credit cards,

340
00:15:45,952 --> 00:15:47,705
and I found some heart medicine
I assume is yours.

341
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,933
Yeah, no, that's mine.
That's mine. Oh, my gosh.

342
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:53,797
Also, I thought I'd bring over some
fresh oranges for you and Gayle.

343
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:57,111
Okay, well, that is just
so kind, Donna. Thank you.

344
00:15:57,136 --> 00:15:58,974
- You're one of a kind, Garry.
- Oh.

345
00:15:58,996 --> 00:16:01,836
And I just want to thank you
for taking me down memory lane,

346
00:16:01,851 --> 00:16:03,296
you big B word.

347
00:16:03,315 --> 00:16:05,184
- Oh.
- "Buddy."

348
00:16:07,176 --> 00:16:09,749
So much has changed
around here.

349
00:16:09,771 --> 00:16:13,049
Uhh, I just wanted to remember
the good old days,

350
00:16:13,064 --> 00:16:15,353
when a shoe shine
was two bits

351
00:16:15,373 --> 00:16:18,988
and there were no Mexicans
in the music business.

352
00:16:19,013 --> 00:16:23,295
If you don't mind, Councilman Milton,
we just need to search this stand.

353
00:16:23,310 --> 00:16:25,379
Yes! Found it.

354
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:31,288
"Hi, Andy. I hate people,
but you are okay.

355
00:16:31,303 --> 00:16:33,583
It's weird. Woof, woof.
April."

356
00:16:33,598 --> 00:16:36,218
Oh, my God, babe, you were so into me.
That's hilarious.

357
00:16:36,234 --> 00:16:37,218
That's it.

358
00:16:37,241 --> 00:16:40,047
It's a dead end.
No more clues.

359
00:16:41,056 --> 00:16:42,777
See me in my office.

360
00:16:44,422 --> 00:16:48,272
If it makes you feel any better,
I had a big crush on you too.

361
00:16:49,003 --> 00:16:51,515
It does make me feel
a little better. Thanks.

362
00:16:51,992 --> 00:16:53,543
Oh, thank God.

363
00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:55,474
Get off my boat!

364
00:16:57,028 --> 00:16:58,460
Good afternoon.

365
00:16:58,475 --> 00:17:00,670
I'm here today
to share with you all

366
00:17:00,693 --> 00:17:04,151
my vision for the economic
future of Southern Indiana,

367
00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:07,376
but first, Leslie
Knope, my wife...

368
00:17:08,107 --> 00:17:09,475
has a brief statement.

369
00:17:09,491 --> 00:17:11,663
Hello, everyone.
Thank you. Wow.

370
00:17:11,686 --> 00:17:13,736
How about this weather
we're having?

371
00:17:13,747 --> 00:17:15,522
Very temperate.

372
00:17:15,545 --> 00:17:17,992
Okay. Recently, I made
an attempt to—

373
00:17:18,017 --> 00:17:20,035
Actually, hang on. Stop.

374
00:17:20,060 --> 00:17:24,287
I'm sorry. This whole thing
just makes me queasy

375
00:17:24,941 --> 00:17:27,374
I love how independent
my wife is,

376
00:17:27,389 --> 00:17:31,034
and because of that,
I will not let her speak.

377
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:35,797
That came out wrong. The point
is Leslie is a great mother,

378
00:17:35,804 --> 00:17:38,541
public servant,
all-around person,

379
00:17:38,564 --> 00:17:41,858
and I am tired of everybody
constantly telling her

380
00:17:41,865 --> 00:17:44,467
that she's making
the wrong choice.

381
00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:47,139
So you can say
whatever you want.

382
00:17:47,155 --> 00:17:50,197
I couldn't care less about
the political consequences.

383
00:17:51,495 --> 00:17:53,164
Thank you, Ben.

384
00:17:53,181 --> 00:17:55,623
Well, the first thing
I'm gonna do is say sorry.

385
00:17:55,638 --> 00:17:59,571
I'm sorry that the spotlight
is on me and not on Ben,

386
00:17:59,591 --> 00:18:02,539
because he is going to make
a great congressman.

387
00:18:02,564 --> 00:18:05,395
Second, the Male Men.
Where are you? Ah!

388
00:18:05,403 --> 00:18:07,482
You're ridiculous,
and men's rights is nothing.

389
00:18:07,507 --> 00:18:09,994
Third, I'm now gonna give you
permanent answers

390
00:18:10,002 --> 00:18:12,437
to all the silly questions that
you're gonna end up asking me

391
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:14,844
and every other woman in this
election over the next few months.

392
00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:16,732
Why did I change
my hairstyle?

393
00:18:16,739 --> 00:18:18,726
Well, I don't know, I just
thought it would look better.

394
00:18:18,741 --> 00:18:20,791
Or my kids got gum in it.

395
00:18:20,806 --> 00:18:22,657
Are you trying
to have it all?

396
00:18:22,672 --> 00:18:24,842
That question makes no sense.
It's a stupid question.

397
00:18:24,857 --> 00:18:26,132
Stop asking it.
Don't ask it.

398
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,860
Do you miss your kids
while you're at work?

399
00:18:27,884 --> 00:18:31,633
Yes, of course I do.
Everybody does.

400
00:18:31,658 --> 00:18:33,435
And then, you know,
sometimes I don't.

401
00:18:33,450 --> 00:18:36,085
Yeah, and by the way, no one's
ever asked me that question.

402
00:18:36,108 --> 00:18:37,946
No one asks me,
"Where are your kids?"

403
00:18:37,954 --> 00:18:39,427
Or "Who's taking
care of them?"

404
00:18:39,442 --> 00:18:41,342
By the way, who is taking care
of the kids right now?

405
00:18:41,361 --> 00:18:42,519
My mom, babe.
Everything's fine.

406
00:18:42,527 --> 00:18:44,813
Right. So maybe
Leslie doesn't fit

407
00:18:44,828 --> 00:18:48,693
your personal idea of what
a candidate's wife should be.

408
00:18:48,719 --> 00:18:49,610
So what?

409
00:18:49,624 --> 00:18:52,761
That's good, because there
shouldn't be just one idea anyway.

410
00:18:52,777 --> 00:18:54,847
That's right. If you want
to bake a pie, that's great.

411
00:18:54,871 --> 00:18:56,855
If you want to have a career,
that's great too.

412
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,970
Do both or neither.
It doesn't matter.

413
00:18:58,985 --> 00:19:02,045
Just don't judge what someone
else has decided to do.

414
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:04,665
I mean, we're all just trying
to find the right path for us

415
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,702
as individuals on this Earth.

416
00:19:13,818 --> 00:19:15,893
I'd say that's 50/50
boos and cheers.

417
00:19:15,908 --> 00:19:16,909
Yeah, that seems about right.

418
00:19:16,924 --> 00:19:20,058
Let Ben speak!
Let Ben speak!

419
00:19:20,073 --> 00:19:21,325
He just spoke.

420
00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:25,551
Oh. Sorry. I-I just got here. I had
a broken bike chain. My bad.

421
00:19:37,182 --> 00:19:44,249
So I guess we are celebrating that
you trusted me and I let you down.

422
00:19:44,274 --> 00:19:44,939
Great.

423
00:19:44,954 --> 00:19:48,223
I change my house locks
every 16 days.

424
00:19:48,237 --> 00:19:49,701
That key has been useless

425
00:19:49,709 --> 00:19:53,275
since the second Tuesday
after I gave it to you.

426
00:19:53,282 --> 00:19:55,879
What matters is
that I trust you

427
00:19:55,894 --> 00:19:58,060
and admire you
as a person.

428
00:19:58,583 --> 00:20:02,962
I will be sorry to see you leave
this town for many reasons...

429
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:08,773
not the least of which is that you created
a puzzle that even I couldn't solve.

430
00:20:09,534 --> 00:20:13,569
And boy, oh, boy,
did you love Andy.

431
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:17,957
"Woof, woof."

432
00:20:17,975 --> 00:20:19,756
It really is embarrassing.

433
00:20:19,771 --> 00:20:21,840
Oh, my God. I totally
know where the key is.

434
00:20:29,815 --> 00:20:31,271
How'd you remember?

435
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:33,191
"Woof, woof."

436
00:20:34,248 --> 00:20:35,663
Bark.

437
00:20:36,289 --> 00:20:37,927
Why here?

438
00:20:39,266 --> 00:20:41,886
Because this tree
reminds me of you.

439
00:20:41,901 --> 00:20:44,843
It's strong and quiet

440
00:20:44,857 --> 00:20:47,830
and always here
when you need it...

441
00:20:49,062 --> 00:20:50,472
or whatever.

442
00:20:51,185 --> 00:20:53,731
I have always felt a certain
kinship with April,

443
00:20:53,754 --> 00:20:56,179
and this is proof
that I was correct—

444
00:20:56,194 --> 00:20:58,606
not the nice things
she said about me,

445
00:20:58,631 --> 00:21:03,204
the fact that I buried a large amount
of gold under that same tree years ago.

446
00:21:04,633 --> 00:21:06,387
I've since moved it.

447
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:08,738
Or have I?

448
00:21:10,898 --> 00:21:12,343
- Elise.
- Oh...

449
00:21:12,368 --> 00:21:13,713
What did I do wrong now?

450
00:21:13,721 --> 00:21:18,598
No, actually, we at the I.O.W. loved
what you said in your speech.

451
00:21:18,623 --> 00:21:22,730
- Really? - But what we loved
even more was how you, Ben,

452
00:21:22,752 --> 00:21:26,340
gave Leslie a platform
in which to speak her mind.

453
00:21:27,668 --> 00:21:29,358
Congratulations, Ben Wyatt.

454
00:21:29,374 --> 00:21:32,870
You are this year's I.O.W.
Woman of the Year.

455
00:21:32,885 --> 00:21:34,574
Son of a bitch.

456
00:21:34,586 --> 00:21:41,593
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