- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -
I know I'm the last person that you want to hear from right now, Chris,
and I...
I can't apologize enough for...
I know that you're mad,
but from the bottom of my heart...
I really am sorry, I'm just trying to...
What were you gonna say?
I was saying...
I am just trying to apologize!
And I just thought you were my fucking friend!
Set me up to take the fall and then you try to send me to prison,
and you think "I'm sorry" is gonna cut it?
"Cut it!"
Dude, we're off it!
We are?
I am getting so many moral judgments from people
who regularly kill people.
I don't kill people for nothing, all right?
- When my brother died, I made a vow... - Right, "the vow."
- Anyone I'd kill, I'd kill for peace. - Oh, Jesus.
So, unlike Keith, no one would ever die for no reason again.
Well, that's fucking stupid!
So, you're gonna make it so that death
isn't meaningless anymore?
Go fuck yourself!
I read your file, Chris.
It was an accident!
You were a child!
Don't forgive me, that's fine.
But stop letting that shit define who you are.
Are you guys serious right now?
We just had a really sick time
murdering Peacemaker's dad,
then all these hilarious fart jokes, just, like,
an all-time classic run,
with my best friend, my second-best friend, Eagly,
my fifth best friend, Adebayo,
and now you guys are ruining it.
Mom, there are way more
Butterflies than we thought
and the whole team is injured. So, I was thinking, like,
maybe you could call in the Justice League?
No, I'm not kidding.
Can you believe Amanda Waller is her fucking mother?
Yes.
Do we have time to wait for backup?
No. They're teleporting the creature out of here!
Mom, they're teleporting the creature out of here.
This is our only chance to stop them,
then we're back to square-fucking-one.
Then we're back to square one.
All right.
All right, I will tell her.
Fine. My mom says you're in charge
and Economos and I should stay back in case anything goes wrong.
Copy, Mom.
Yes, ma'am.
How much longer is it going to be?
The teleporter is nearly installed and functional.
As soon it is, we'll move her to the Eastern Base.
Quickly, please.
Forces could arrive any minute, and without her, we're all dead.
If Waller is your mom, why is your last name Adebayo?
I took my wife's name.
Doesn't that make you the girl in the relationship?
We're both girls in the relationship, Adrian.
That's what being a lesbian is.
Hey, Peacemaker...
what do these do?
This is Underwater World, allows you to breathe underwater.
Okay, not sure how we can use that.
This one's Scabies For All. Upon activation,
it gives everybody in a one-mile radius scabies,
except, of course, the wearer of the helmet.
This one is Anti-Gravity.
- Allows you to float. - Aimlessly?
No. I carry a tiny hand fan to guide me.
This is Sonic Boom.
It's the one I used to stop the rocker chick.
How many booms does it produce on one charge?
I don't know, three, maybe four.
This one, we should just throw away.
What is it?
Human Torpedo.
So, you aim your head at whatever you want to destroy
- and you become a... - Human torpedo.
Sweet.
Yeah, only sweet if you wanna risk shattering every bone in your body.
It's just a prototype.
Okay, so let's say I want to get this Sonic Boom helmet
onto the top of that barn
over there without being seen?
Just the helmet itself?
No. I'm gonna put a walkie in it
and activate it from here.
And then maybe you can put on Activate Anti-Gravity
and just float it over there.
- Uh, guys? - Okay, I forgot my tiny hand fan,
but, you know... once in the jungles
of Cambodia, I used two oversized palm fronds as...
Guys!
Fuck! Deactivate Anti-Gravity!
Deactivate Anti-Gravity!
Did you say "Activate Anti-Gravity?"
No. Maybe. I don't know.
You can't fucking say that shit!
- I didn't know it was that voice sensitive! - Fuck it, no big deal.
I didn't just kill the only man who knows how to make it.
You did just kill the only man who knows how to make it.
I know, bro! I was being sarcastic.
If you're gonna be sarcastic, you should really warn people
so there's no confusion.
Okay, so how do we get the Sonic Boom Helmet
over to the barn?
Well, we can shoot a fishing line over to the barn
from one of these trees here, and just let the helmet slide down.
Like Green Arrow?
No, not like Green Arrow.
That dude goes to Brony conventions
dressed as the back half of Twilight Sparkle
with a four-inch-wide butthole drilled in the costume.
Maybe it's so he can breathe properly.
You actually believe that shit?
He has an insane story for every single superhero.
No, I actually heard that's true about Green Arrow.
But that's the first thing he's said that's real.
- And Aquaman fucking fish. - Well, yeah, obviously.
Look, it doesn't even matter
we don't have any bows.
But we do have a team member capable of flight.
Get the fuck out.
That's right. Good. Okay.
I need you to take that helmet...
and drop it on top of that barn.
No way can an eagle understand
what you're saying.
Oh, Eagly's no ordinary eagle.
No, Eagly, take it.
No, Eagly, just, take...
Take the helmet.
Take it! Take it.
I know you don't like her.
The mean, blonde woman has nothing to do with this.
- No, no. - No.
- No. No. - Eagly. Take the helmet.
Take the helmet.
- Eagly, take the helmet. - Eagly, take the helmet.
Good, Eagly, good. Good boy.
Go, Eagly.
Go to the barn. Go to the barn.
Shit.
I knew there was no way he knew
what you were talking about!
Peacemaker is a great guy in almost every way,
but his biggest flaw is that he commonly
overestimates Eagly's abilities.
Okay, they could be teleporting this cow at any minute.
We need to fan out and look for the helmet.
Easy. Easy.
Do you see anything over there?
I saw a squirrel a couple seconds ago. Ants.
No, dude. I'm talking about the helmet.
Well, then you should be more specific.
We're looking for a helmet, why do I care if you saw ants?
Because the circle of life, bro.
What do ants have to do with the circle of life?
They're one of the most important
parts of it.
How are ants a more important part
of the circle of life than, like, fish?
Is that a serious question?
What?
There are shit loads of ants.
How many fish are there?
I don't know! But probably as many as there are ants!
Not in one place
at the same time, dude.
Okay, I am as confused as fuck by this conversation.
Yeah? Well, welcome to the fucking club!
Oh, fuck.
So...
why'd you change your mind and decide to come?
I saw an eagle hug a human.
So, I thought maybe it was a sign.
To risk your life?
Yep.
Why wasn't it a sign to, like,
run in the opposite direction?
Fuck!
We're never gonna find this dumb fucking hat.
You thought you could lose me by killing me, boy?
I'm in your head.
I'm the reason you kill
and the reason you can't sleep at night.
My body may be gone, but the rest of me is right here!
And I ain't going nowhere!
Shit.
The fuck are you doing?
Getting my poison blow gun, fucko.
Well, why don't you just go for your piece, cum stain?
You're metaphorical, douche wad. My gun is real.
I don't want the Butterflies to hear.
I almost tricked you, fuck nugget.
You didn't trick shit, you ball sack-looking fuck.
I immediately went for my blow gun.
I didn't think for a second about going for my gun!
How do you like that, huh?
Thanks for coming back, ghost,
so I could kill you all over again.
Smith?
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
Holy shit.
Whoa.
I need you to do something else for me.
Are you fucking kidding me?
The only way for us to get the helmet inside of the barn
is by one of us going in undercover.
They're gonna notice Adebayo and me with these injuries.
Cool. I'll do it.
You can't do it, man. Goff knows what we look like.
I'll wear a funny nose.
John, you're the only one.
I don't even want to be here. And why are these wet?
- I washed them in the creek. - Why?
One of the things us warriors seldom talk about
is how often people shit themselves when they die.
It's a touch of gray in the white cloud of kicking ass.
So, now, you want me to risk my life
while wearing diarrhea pants?
Hey, nobody said anything about diarrhea. I said it was shit.
- Was it diarrhea? - Yes, it was.
John, you can do this. Just act like they act.
- Don't show any expression. - Yeah, like Harcourt.
Eat my dick, Schwarze-never.
They're aliens. Do they even speak English?
They retain the memories of the bodies they've taken over.
So, they seem to primarily use English when communicating.
Fuck. Fine!
Would you look away?
Happily.
- John, you copy? - Yes. Copy.
Don't look back!
They're everywhere.
This is fucking stupid.
Remain calm.
Head towards the barn like you know what you're doing.
- Relax your face. - Shut up, I know.
Hey!
Fuck.
Where are you going?
I'm going inside.
Why?
Fuck!
Because of this bag.
What the fuck does that mean?
Okay. Just wanted to make sure.
How the fuck did that work?
Sorry.
I have a real bad gag reflex.
Oh, shit.
I'm good. I'm good.
Would you shut the fuck up?
I can't do this.
John, you're already inside.
You're doing great.
Please. What's there?
Uh... Stairs...
and an elevator.
An elevator's noisy.
Head down the stairwell.
Yeah, of course.
You head down the fucking stairwell.
John, don't creep.
You have to act normal,
like you're supposed to be there.
We just need you to place the helmet down as low as possible.
Oh, no.
John?
John, you copy?
Uh-uh. Fuck it. No more kaijus.
No more kaijus.
Fuck this.
John, do you copy?
Jesus fuckin' Christ. What the fuck is that?
The fuck is that?
"Cow", my ass. It's a motherfucking caterpillar
the size of the Empire State Building.
Get ready.
We need to get the fuck out of here.
Hey!
Fuck.
The man you've taken over.
Why did he do that to his beard?
Do what?
Why did he color his beard all strange like that?
He thought it made him look younger and more handsome.
He never had a girlfriend,
so he thought dying his beard might help.
But he was also lazy... and busy with his job...
and he wouldn't dye his roots regularly.
And when he did, he used the cheapest brand,
because he was incredibly underpaid.
Mostly, though...
he never thought anybody noticed...
until recently...
when one guy said it to him all the time.
Humans can be really pathetic.
Yeah.
Fine, I dye my beard, all right?
We all know it. I guess I learned my lesson.
L'Oréal probably is worth the extra few bucks.
Hey!
That guy just put this down here!
- Fuck! Do it, now! Do it. - Activate Sonic...
What the fuck?
How did that even happen?
My hands are sweaty!
Get the fuck off me!
Activate Sonic Boom.
No.
Wait.
Now!
Activate Sonic Boom.
Fuck. Oh, fuck. Fuck.
Activate Sonic Boom.
No.
Activate Sonic Boom.
Yep, that's it for the charges.
No!
Look, I can help.
We need you to stay here, Ads.
If something happens to us, you're the only hope.
The fuck am I?
What's the plan, man?
Let's go kill a cow.
Chris! Go kill the cow!
We'll hold them off here!
Don't fuck with my BFF.
Oh, darn it.
- Oh, my God. - What's happening? I can't see.
Harcourt is down!
What? The fuck do we do?
Wait, what are you doing?
No, no, Adebayo. You can't. You'll get hurt!
You can't do this! Hey, what makes you think you can do this?
Because I'm made for this shit.
Dude, God, damn it! You're gonna get hurt!
Fuck.
Oh, what the fuck?
What the fuck?
Oh, my God! Oh, shit!
What the fuck?
Stay with me.
Help...
- Chris. - I have to get you out of here.
Go.
And do what?
Leota!
Be with me, baby Jesus.
Okay.
Oh.
- Goff? - Yeah.
Activate Human Torpedo!
Adebayo, no!
Oh, Jesus, I told her not to use that one.
Listen to me.
I have no reason to hurt you.
Stop fighting. Follow me.
Holy cow.
It is.
Good. You found him.
I need three sets of hands to teleport her away from here.
Come again?
See that switch? I need you to flip that
while Locke and I work these two stations
to teleport the cow to our cavern in Maine.
Why the fuck would I help you?
Because I know that once I tell you the truth,
like I did with Judomaster, you'll join us.
Murn told us the truth already.
You've murdered innocent people all over the country
by taking them over in your dipshit quest for power.
We're not doing this for power.
We're doing it because we took a vow.
Our kind traveled here from a planet
that had become unlivable.
Your planet had the habitat we needed,
water to drink, and air to breathe.
Your food couldn't sustain us, but...
that's why we brought her.
The cow would help the last of our people survive
for another hundred years.
But not long after we arrived,
we realized the people of Earth
were on the exact same trajectory
as our people had been,
ignoring science in favor of populist leaders
who tell you that the floods and the fires and the disease
are unrelated to your own actions,
valuing profit over survival,
treating minor inconveniences
as assaults on your freedom.
And so, we made a vow to do anything we could
to change your future.
We made a vow to make the choices for you
that you were incapable of making on your own,
to save your people and your world,
no matter how many lives it cost us.
Murn disagreed with our methods.
He didn't think we had the right to impose our will.
But you're one of us,
Christopher Smith.
Please, God...
I'll do whatever you want me to do...
for peace.
Thank you for feeding me and talking to me
and showing me kindness.
I see who you are and I see your character.
I tried telling you yesterday, in the jar.
Peace sign.
Please, fulfill your calling.
Be the Peacemaker.
Join us in saving your planet.
What do you say?
Activate Human Torpedo.
What?
Sorry, Goff.
Oh, what the fuck?
Fucking disgusting!
Thank you.
Hey, guys, what's up?
You're late, you fucking dickheads!
Go fuck another fish, asshole.
I'm so fucking sick of that rumor.
It's not a rumor.
Fuck you, Barry.
Let's go.
Dr. David, telephone, please.
Dude, you're shot.
You gotta be admitted.
I'm fine, seriously.
All I need is a good nap.
Did you hear all that stuff Goff said?
Yep.
Did I just...
kill the world?
Maybe.
Or maybe you just gave us
a chance to make our own choices
instead of our bug overlords.
Why did you choose not to help them?
Because of your proto-fascist
libertarian idea of freedom?
Because I knew they'd hurt you and the others if I did.
Yeah.
I'm sorry I betrayed you.
I know.
Where you going?
To do the right thing.
Ads.
Don't tell V, but...
after Eagly...
you're my BFF.
Yes, that does mean Christopher Smith
never wrote any diary.
Both the Peacemaker and the costumed crime fighter
Vigilante were working in a deep-cover operation
for the U.S. Government
called "Project Butterfly."
This is all part of a black-ops program
known as "Task Force X", where convicted criminals
are undertaking dangerous missions
for the United States in exchange for time
off their sentences.
It's been running for years out of Belle Reve prison,
under the command of a...
of a woman named Amanda Waller...
- What the fuck? - ... who happens to be my mother.
Now, I'm calling for an immediate investigation
- into these inhumane... - Mr. Smith?
abuses of power.
I heard you've been out there for days.
Fuck it! Fuck it! Go, go, go!
Fuck!
If you're gonna be sarcastic,
you should really warn people,
- so there's no confusion. - What?
For instance, like,
I'm about to be sarcastic, okay?
- Okay. - You're not fat at all.
- See? - Why are you all so obsessed
- with my physical appearance? - Sarcasm.
I haven't noticed you eating way more corn chips
than any one human being should eat,
and I'm not worried that you're gonna die.
But I... I am worried that you're gonna die.
Thanks.
- Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.addic7ed.com -