1 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:48,715 As you know, 2 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:53,220 the human race grew up alongside glaciers during the Ice Ages. 3 00:00:53,303 --> 00:00:56,390 The cold stimulates ancient nerves. 4 00:00:56,473 --> 00:00:59,476 It makes you feel a primal connection to the world. 5 00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:04,063 We used over 300 tons of ice to create the hotel, 6 00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,817 and guests are surprised to know how much snow. 7 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,069 Over 10,000 tons. 8 00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,904 Wow, that's a lot. 9 00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,824 Luckily, Norway has plenty of snow and ice. 10 00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,245 These blocks were created 11 00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:22,583 by carefully smoothing the ice on our river as it freezes, 12 00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:26,837 then harvesting it for storage in a nearby cave. 13 00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,216 Everything you see melts in summer. 14 00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:35,429 We have different artists and artisans help us build again each year, 15 00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:39,516 so every stay is truly once in a lifetime. 16 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:41,602 And here we have your room. 17 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:46,982 The Koi Suite. 18 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,489 Wow. It's brisk. 19 00:01:55,616 --> 00:01:58,911 Our guest suites are slightly warmer than the rest of the hotel. 20 00:01:59,411 --> 00:02:01,205 About three degrees below zero. 21 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,373 Not too, too cold. 22 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:06,710 It's quite invigorating once you get used to it. 23 00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:12,466 As we say, you will feel som plommen I egget. 24 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,051 Like a yolk in an egg. 25 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,677 Okay, that's adorable. 26 00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:18,305 Som… Som plommen I eggen? Eggen? 27 00:02:18,388 --> 00:02:19,389 That's very good. 28 00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:22,976 These fish were hand-carved 29 00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:26,313 by famous Norwegian ice sculptor, Anders Skjeggestad Ruud. 30 00:02:26,396 --> 00:02:27,773 He won the Boreal Forest Prize 31 00:02:27,856 --> 00:02:30,192 at the Harbin Ice Sculpting Competition last year. 32 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:31,693 Beautiful. Isn't that beautiful? 33 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:34,196 - The bed is made of ice? - Yes. Isn't that charming? 34 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:37,991 And I highly recommend trying our complimentary house brandy. 35 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:41,286 - The bed is made of ice. - It is distilled locally from ice wine, 36 00:02:41,370 --> 00:02:43,914 and I assure you it is quite special. 37 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:46,250 - These furs are very thick… - Ice. Helen, 38 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,335 we are sleeping on an ice bed. 39 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,880 I could've saved that hundred grand and frozen my eggs right here, yolks and all. 40 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,257 Now, one more thing. 41 00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:57,511 Your bathrooms are around the corner, in the hall to your left. 42 00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,263 And if you keep going in that direction, 43 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:02,099 you get to our hot tub deck, which is always open. 44 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,603 As I'm sure you've noticed, the sky is quite wonderful this time of year. 45 00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,356 Anything else you need, please do not hesitate to let me know. 46 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:11,608 Thank you, Bjorn. 47 00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,694 Thank you very much. 48 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:16,530 I hope you both have an enjoyable stay. 49 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:17,614 God natt? 50 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,325 Excellent. God natt til deg også. 51 00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:21,410 Okay. 52 00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:31,503 This is amazing. 53 00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:35,215 How did I not realize that the bed would be made of ice? 54 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,303 We just flew 16 hours to get frozen like Walt Disney. 55 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,305 Walt Disney wasn't frozen. That's a myth. 56 00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,806 And look at this place! 57 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,184 It was worth the trip. 58 00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:49,855 I mean, do we absolutely have to go every wacky place Rick Steves recommends? 59 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:54,610 I mean, would it be so bad to stay somewhere that's not an experience 60 00:03:54,693 --> 00:03:56,820 but just a really nice hotel? 61 00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:57,905 Can't it be both? 62 00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,033 Doesn't it feel kind of nice? 63 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:03,952 I mean, my skin feels so awake. 64 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,245 Oh, my God. Seriously? 65 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,917 Who knew? Hell is in Norway. 66 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,503 Come on. This is completely your bag. 67 00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,962 You love feeling bad. 68 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,012 - What you doing over there? - Looking for your cell phone. 69 00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:25,557 - Val should have numbers by now. - I already talked to Val at the airport. 70 00:04:25,641 --> 00:04:27,100 Come over here. Get under these blankets, 71 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:28,852 - they're so soft. - You talked to Val? 72 00:04:29,853 --> 00:04:30,854 What'd she say? 73 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,026 It's on the list! 74 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,195 Congratulations! 75 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,572 - Good. Great. - Yeah. 76 00:04:40,656 --> 00:04:42,366 Now come over here. Have some brandy. It's so good. 77 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,202 Where on the list? 78 00:04:46,328 --> 00:04:48,038 It's… Stop it. It's a best seller. 79 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,040 I know. I'm just curious where. 80 00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:51,959 Top 20. 81 00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,336 - Top 20. - Yeah. 82 00:04:54,419 --> 00:04:56,839 But, like, closer to 11 or closer to 20? 83 00:04:57,881 --> 00:04:58,882 You're impossible. 84 00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:01,885 You're the most impossible best-selling author I know. 85 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,763 - Come over here. - Why? 86 00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:06,348 Just come here. 87 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:08,976 Look at this. 88 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:12,771 That is amazing. 89 00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:17,401 Oh, God, I always wanted to see it. 90 00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:19,152 One time in Canada I came close, 91 00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:22,906 but this is so much better than I ever imagined. 92 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,410 It kinda looks like a screen saver. 93 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,745 Oh, my God. Stop, stop, stop. Sit. 94 00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,166 Here you go. 95 00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,002 Yeah. Isn't that warmer? 96 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,045 Warmer than what? 97 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,217 You can almost hear it, can't you? 98 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,847 It's turning purple. 99 00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:51,185 Look at that. 100 00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:55,898 Guess what? 101 00:05:56,648 --> 00:05:59,026 Sitting on a block of ice makes you feel like you have to pee. 102 00:05:59,610 --> 00:06:00,861 Okay, so pee. 103 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,488 Yeah, but is the toilet gonna be made out of ice? 104 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:05,949 - What if I stick to it? - Pee or don't pee, but… 105 00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,679 This is your captain speaking. 106 00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:12,599 Fingers crossed, hopefully we've seen the last of that rough air. 107 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,560 Should be smooth sailing for a while, 108 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:17,729 so we're gonna go ahead and turn off that fasten seat belt sign. 109 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,692 Feel free to move about the cabin, Carol. 110 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,220 May we get you anything? 111 00:07:50,721 --> 00:07:53,390 Nope. Who's flying today? 112 00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:57,978 Carol, on the flight deck is Captain John McConnell and also… 113 00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,646 First Officer Tom Deegan. 114 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:03,817 These individuals have a combined 51,619 hours of flight time. 115 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,987 And between the two of them, they've piloted every variant 116 00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,407 of this capable and trustworthy Airbus A330 aircraft. 117 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,326 You're in good hands. 118 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,496 That's weirder than the gal from TGI Fridays. 119 00:08:16,580 --> 00:08:18,123 You doing this because she freaked me out? 120 00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:21,084 - That's an affirmative, Carol. - Please stop that. 121 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,838 It's much more spacious up in first class. 122 00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,673 Sure you won't be more comfortable there? 123 00:08:26,757 --> 00:08:29,343 It has lie-flat seats. You could get some rest. 124 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:30,844 I'm fine where I'm at. 125 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,931 Thank you. 126 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,621 Back in Spain, that was all the English speakers, right? 127 00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,040 Anyone with conversational ability, yes. 128 00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:01,708 Tell me about the non-English speakers. 129 00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,418 Certainly. What would you like to know? 130 00:09:03,502 --> 00:09:05,128 Anything. Everything. 131 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:10,008 Well, let's see. There's Bora Colak, a 68-year-old candy vendor in Istanbul. 132 00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:12,386 He speaks Turkish and loves cats. 133 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:15,722 In Bali, there's Ida Ayu Dewi. Twenty-three. 134 00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:20,519 Speaks Indonesian Balinese. She's a contortionist and a dancer. 135 00:09:20,602 --> 00:09:24,106 Performs the Barong, the Legong Jobog. It's all quite exquisite. 136 00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:25,440 I'm sure. Keep going. 137 00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:28,569 Sidore Melis in Sardinia is a fisherman. 138 00:09:28,652 --> 00:09:31,321 Or he was, but he's 89 and retired. 139 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:35,617 There's Mary Kuksie Akintola. Lives in Maseru, Lesotho. 140 00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,160 What does she do? 141 00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:40,581 Her family raises Basotho ponies, but she's only eight years old. 142 00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:43,083 - She hasn't decided on a profession. - Next. 143 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:46,628 Abdul Kareem Alsharei lives in Aden, Yemen. 144 00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,839 He's a 37-year-old muezzin. 145 00:09:49,423 --> 00:09:52,176 Muezzin. That's a… What is that? 146 00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,094 He sings the call to prayer. 147 00:09:54,178 --> 00:09:55,888 He has a powerful tenor voice. 148 00:09:56,388 --> 00:09:57,639 He also loves cats. 149 00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:03,395 Okay. But are there any medical doctors? 150 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:06,565 Any scientists or an expert of some kind? 151 00:10:07,524 --> 00:10:09,651 Yes. According to Time Out Magazine, 152 00:10:09,735 --> 00:10:13,864 Takeo Kitanaka in Osaka makes the best udon noodles in the entire Keihanshin… 153 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,782 That's not what I meant. Nope. 154 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:18,660 All right, that makes… What? 155 00:10:20,454 --> 00:10:21,455 Six. 156 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,874 So, you didn't say anything about the guy from… 157 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:28,253 Where was it? Paraguay. What about him? 158 00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,464 His name is Manousos Oviedo. 159 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,799 We weren't aware of him for the first 33 hours. 160 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,053 He manages a self-storage facility in Asunción. 161 00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:39,306 So far, he hasn't really communicated with us. 162 00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:44,228 I wanna talk to him. 163 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,231 He only speaks Spanish and a bit of Guarani. 164 00:10:47,814 --> 00:10:49,775 - Do you want us to translate for you? - No. 165 00:10:50,526 --> 00:10:51,527 I'll manage. 166 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:54,571 First thing, once I get home. 167 00:10:56,073 --> 00:10:57,991 We could try him right now, if you like. 168 00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:16,343 He's been a bit reluctant to get in contact. 169 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:34,611 Try it again. 170 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:59,052 Hola, señor. Me llamo C… 171 00:12:02,431 --> 00:12:05,309 I think we got cut off or something. Try it again. 172 00:12:22,451 --> 00:12:24,536 Hola, yo soy Carol Sturka. 173 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,164 Estoy de los… United States… 174 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,334 ¡No me jodan más! ¡Déjenme en paz, putas! 175 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,423 Get him back. 176 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,719 Get him back. 177 00:12:56,693 --> 00:12:58,612 ¡Chinga tu madre, cabrón! 178 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:04,117 We're sorry, Carol. We don't think it was personal. 179 00:13:37,860 --> 00:13:38,902 Bye, Carol. 180 00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,446 Really, please let us know if there's… 181 00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,867 Carol! One… One second. 182 00:13:46,952 --> 00:13:48,412 We have something for you. 183 00:13:54,418 --> 00:13:57,504 We gathered all the mail that was in transit for you. 184 00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:03,093 We think you're really gonna like what's in the box. 185 00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:15,355 Anything else we can do for you, just let us know. 186 00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:56,456 Hi, Carol. What can we do for you? 187 00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:59,543 What exactly do you know about what's in this box in my mail? 188 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:04,214 Helen ordered it for you. You'd been so stressed out on the tour. 189 00:16:04,715 --> 00:16:06,633 You tried one in the Atlanta airport. 190 00:16:07,134 --> 00:16:10,846 But you said it was too expensive, so Helen bought one online. 191 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:12,347 Did she? 192 00:16:12,431 --> 00:16:15,726 She thought it would make a nice gift to celebrate the end of the tour. 193 00:16:16,310 --> 00:16:17,978 A homecoming present. 194 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:22,983 Carol? 195 00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:27,070 Okay, here's what's gonna happen. 196 00:16:28,322 --> 00:16:30,574 You're gonna forget everything you know about Helen. 197 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,577 Every memory. Every thought she ever had. 198 00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:36,330 Get her out of your head. Heads. 199 00:16:36,413 --> 00:16:39,583 - Carol, we apologize if it… - Never mention her again. 200 00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,543 Never think about her again. 201 00:16:41,627 --> 00:16:44,505 Only I get to remember her, you got that? Only me. 202 00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:02,356 Then how come your name isn't Big Dummy? 203 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:07,361 Well, there were already three other people in town with that name. 204 00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,364 But that's beside the point. 205 00:17:10,446 --> 00:17:14,409 One day I got up the courage to go up to Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper 206 00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:17,037 and ask her why she always frowned. 207 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:21,124 Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles. 208 00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:27,798 I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down! 209 00:17:28,549 --> 00:17:33,971 So from then on, whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave! 210 00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:02,165 What the hell? 211 00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,289 - Good morning, Carol. - What's with the food? 212 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:47,252 It's the exact meal you had at that B and B you stayed at in Provincetown. 213 00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:51,048 2012? Remember? You were there to see the Indigo Girls. 214 00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:55,969 You were very complimentary of the chef that morning. It really stuck with her. 215 00:18:56,053 --> 00:18:59,056 - The sorghum flour pancakes… - So you took it upon yourself 216 00:18:59,139 --> 00:19:00,557 to make me breakfast? 217 00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:02,601 Well, we knew your fridge was pretty bare. 218 00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:06,939 You've only got tonic water, half a carton of oat milk, 219 00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:09,900 a jar of green olives, a jar of black olives, a jar of red olives… 220 00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:13,237 - I told you Helen was off-limits. - Yes, of course, Carol. 221 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:14,321 So how the f… 222 00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:18,575 How do you know what is in my fridge? 223 00:19:18,659 --> 00:19:20,619 Theresa from Merry Maids. 224 00:19:20,702 --> 00:19:23,747 You had them clean up just before you got home from the book tour. 225 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,124 Is the food not to your liking? 226 00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:28,502 Would you like us to make you something else instead? 227 00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:29,586 Nope. 228 00:19:32,673 --> 00:19:34,508 I want you to leave me alone. 229 00:19:53,110 --> 00:19:56,196 Shows what you know, fuckers. It's three quarters of a carton. 230 00:20:35,319 --> 00:20:39,114 What… the… fuck? 231 00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:07,184 - Hello, Carol. - What happened to my Sprouts? 232 00:21:07,267 --> 00:21:09,353 Are you the Grinch who steals supermarkets? 233 00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,231 So sorry. We're consolidating resources 234 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:15,234 to centralize useful items for distribution. 235 00:21:15,317 --> 00:21:18,695 Food, medicine, anything helpful from stores or businesses 236 00:21:18,779 --> 00:21:20,447 or what used to be private homes. 237 00:21:20,948 --> 00:21:22,699 It's just more efficient. 238 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:26,078 Fine. Fine. I get it. 239 00:21:26,161 --> 00:21:28,330 Is there something specific you need? 240 00:21:28,413 --> 00:21:30,541 We can deliver to you anytime. Anywhere. 241 00:21:30,624 --> 00:21:33,627 I am not going to call you every time I need something. 242 00:21:33,710 --> 00:21:35,420 I don't want you waiting on me. 243 00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:39,716 I am a very independent person. Okay? 244 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,261 I always have been. I fend for myself. 245 00:21:43,971 --> 00:21:45,347 I just want my Sprouts back. 246 00:21:45,848 --> 00:21:47,766 Absolutely. Will do. 247 00:21:48,308 --> 00:21:49,309 Okay. 248 00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,478 Great. 249 00:21:53,313 --> 00:21:54,648 So, what? 250 00:21:57,776 --> 00:21:59,653 Can we say Friday, maybe? 251 00:21:59,736 --> 00:22:02,865 I just need a rough estimate of when I should come back. 252 00:22:03,824 --> 00:22:05,200 We'll be there in a moment. 253 00:24:01,650 --> 00:24:02,901 Carol. 254 00:24:02,985 --> 00:24:04,403 May we sneak past you here? 255 00:25:15,432 --> 00:25:18,519 - All set, Carol. Call us if there's… - …something you want that's not here. 256 00:25:18,602 --> 00:25:19,770 - We'll get it… - …to you toot sweet. 257 00:26:08,902 --> 00:26:10,737 Luckily, there were some Druid priests 258 00:26:10,821 --> 00:26:12,990 who were in town for the opening of Stonehenge-land. 259 00:26:14,575 --> 00:26:16,326 They said they could stop it 260 00:26:16,410 --> 00:26:19,454 if they could sacrifice the town's dumbest virgin. 261 00:26:23,834 --> 00:26:26,420 I don't know why I raised my hand. 262 00:26:32,551 --> 00:26:33,552 Damn it. 263 00:27:04,917 --> 00:27:07,419 You have got to be fucking kidding me. 264 00:27:23,977 --> 00:27:25,062 Hello, Carol. 265 00:27:25,145 --> 00:27:27,981 So sorry to startle you. We didn't mean to do that. 266 00:27:28,065 --> 00:27:29,608 Why are you turning off the lights? 267 00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:32,236 Yes, we know. It was a mistake. 268 00:27:32,319 --> 00:27:34,696 We had a little problem isolating your branch circuit. 269 00:27:34,780 --> 00:27:36,031 They're back on now, right? 270 00:27:36,114 --> 00:27:37,616 - The lights in your house? Okay. - Yes. 271 00:27:37,699 --> 00:27:40,410 Why are you turning them off everywhere else? 272 00:27:40,494 --> 00:27:41,703 For conservation. 273 00:27:41,787 --> 00:27:45,541 Just the ones that aren't necessary. Which are, well, most of them. 274 00:27:45,624 --> 00:27:48,126 What? Lights aren't necessary for you guys? You just see in the dark? 275 00:27:48,210 --> 00:27:50,170 Oh, no. Not at all. 276 00:27:50,254 --> 00:27:52,256 It's just that there's no crime to prevent, 277 00:27:52,339 --> 00:27:56,051 and we're not working at night. Except for essential operations. 278 00:27:56,134 --> 00:27:58,387 Water treatment, hospitals, things like that. 279 00:27:58,470 --> 00:28:00,180 Right, so it's more of your efficiency? 280 00:28:00,264 --> 00:28:04,852 Yes. You donated twice to the Sierra Club, so we felt you'd understand. 281 00:28:04,935 --> 00:28:07,271 If you'd like, we'd be happy to restore the rest of the lights. 282 00:28:07,354 --> 00:28:10,440 No. Screw it. Leave them off. Who gives a shit? 283 00:28:10,524 --> 00:28:13,652 Carol, is there anything we can do to cheer you up? 284 00:28:13,735 --> 00:28:15,320 Cheer me up? Why? 285 00:28:15,821 --> 00:28:19,074 I'm fine. I'm so happy. 286 00:28:19,157 --> 00:28:21,994 There is nothing wrong with me that a fucking hand grenade wouldn't fix. 287 00:28:22,077 --> 00:28:23,078 You got one of those? 288 00:28:23,161 --> 00:28:24,913 'Cause I think that would be the perfect topper 289 00:28:24,997 --> 00:28:27,082 for the greatest week in human history. 290 00:28:48,937 --> 00:28:49,938 Fuck it. 291 00:29:26,350 --> 00:29:29,520 It must've just been the excitement of the moment, 292 00:29:29,603 --> 00:29:31,980 but they said the only way to prevent the eruption 293 00:29:32,064 --> 00:29:34,983 was for me to crawl through their legs, up the volcano, 294 00:29:35,067 --> 00:29:36,944 while they gave me my birthday whacks. 295 00:29:38,862 --> 00:29:40,989 Well… and you're not going to believe this… 296 00:30:17,901 --> 00:30:19,069 - Yeah? - Hi. 297 00:30:19,152 --> 00:30:20,571 Sorry it took so long. 298 00:30:23,824 --> 00:30:25,742 - A hand grenade. - Yes. 299 00:30:26,535 --> 00:30:28,537 We thought you were probably being sarcastic, 300 00:30:28,620 --> 00:30:30,497 but we didn't want to take the chance. 301 00:30:33,041 --> 00:30:34,751 Were you being sarcastic? 302 00:30:38,964 --> 00:30:40,591 Right. Of course you were. 303 00:30:41,592 --> 00:30:43,177 Do you want us to take… 304 00:30:43,260 --> 00:30:46,680 You know what? We're just gonna… We'll get rid of it. 305 00:30:50,184 --> 00:30:51,476 Feel better, Carol. 306 00:30:54,730 --> 00:30:55,731 Hey. 307 00:30:56,440 --> 00:30:58,150 Do you maniacs drink? 308 00:31:00,819 --> 00:31:02,070 It's okay. 309 00:31:02,154 --> 00:31:04,656 You can bring the hand grenade. 310 00:31:19,171 --> 00:31:22,424 Does the whole world get drunk when you drink? 311 00:31:22,508 --> 00:31:27,179 Like, does some six-year-old in Sri Lanka slur his words when you knock one back? 312 00:31:27,262 --> 00:31:29,515 No, it doesn't work like that. 313 00:31:31,350 --> 00:31:32,768 How do you say cheers in Sanskrit? 314 00:31:34,436 --> 00:31:37,397 Roughly it means, "May everyone be blessed." 315 00:31:38,690 --> 00:31:41,318 Well, then. Shoot… Shoo… 316 00:31:42,736 --> 00:31:43,737 Shoopy shoop shoop. 317 00:31:51,370 --> 00:31:54,831 You know the word "vodka" is a diminutive of voda, meaning "water." 318 00:31:55,832 --> 00:32:00,671 Very similar to the Latin aqua vitae, literally "water of life." 319 00:32:00,754 --> 00:32:03,048 That becomes the Scandinavian akvavit. 320 00:32:03,131 --> 00:32:05,050 Although the drinks are very different. 321 00:32:06,260 --> 00:32:08,929 Fun fact, whiskey has the same root meaning. 322 00:32:09,012 --> 00:32:11,723 It's Scots Gaelic from uisce beatha. 323 00:32:11,807 --> 00:32:13,016 You don't say. 324 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:20,315 What gives this particular brand its distinctive smoothness, 325 00:32:20,399 --> 00:32:23,485 it's distilled from both potato and corn. 326 00:32:24,152 --> 00:32:26,363 It is slightly alkaline. Do you taste that? 327 00:32:27,739 --> 00:32:30,075 Lower-shelf alcohol tends to be acidic. 328 00:32:30,158 --> 00:32:32,828 The chief distiller learned the process from his grandfather. 329 00:32:32,911 --> 00:32:34,997 And now you learned it by stealing it out of his brain. 330 00:32:41,712 --> 00:32:44,506 How long do I have left before you turn me into a worker bee? 331 00:32:46,758 --> 00:32:49,136 It's a hard thing to predict. 332 00:32:49,887 --> 00:32:51,930 Scientific advances tend to ebb and flow. 333 00:32:52,014 --> 00:32:54,391 That's not an answer. How long? 334 00:32:56,226 --> 00:32:57,769 We're working round the clock. 335 00:32:58,353 --> 00:33:03,400 It could be as soon as a couple weeks, or it could take months or longer. 336 00:33:04,276 --> 00:33:09,156 That's quite the range for someone who knows everything that there is to know. 337 00:33:12,451 --> 00:33:15,954 Regardless, sooner or later, I'm fucked. 338 00:33:17,122 --> 00:33:20,667 Sorry, Carol. We have a biological imperative. 339 00:33:21,251 --> 00:33:23,879 You people make no goddamn sense. 340 00:33:23,962 --> 00:33:24,963 Do you know that? 341 00:33:25,756 --> 00:33:28,217 "We wanna make you happy," you say. 342 00:33:28,300 --> 00:33:30,886 "Your life is your own," you say. 343 00:33:30,969 --> 00:33:34,973 And "agency." I've got all this agency, but… 344 00:33:35,474 --> 00:33:39,228 I mean, I guess I have agency just until I don't? 345 00:33:41,313 --> 00:33:42,314 Carol… 346 00:33:43,899 --> 00:33:47,110 if you were walking by a lake, and you saw somebody drowning, 347 00:33:47,194 --> 00:33:48,904 would you throw 'em a life preserver? 348 00:33:49,696 --> 00:33:50,989 Of course you would. 349 00:33:51,073 --> 00:33:55,494 You wouldn't think, you wouldn't wait, you wouldn't try to get consensus on it. 350 00:33:55,577 --> 00:33:57,579 You'd just throw it. 351 00:33:59,748 --> 00:34:02,000 So now I'm drowning? 352 00:34:03,544 --> 00:34:04,878 You just don't know it. 353 00:34:07,548 --> 00:34:12,511 Well, you people are brainwashed, is what you are. 354 00:34:13,094 --> 00:34:18,809 I mean what could possibly be so great about this mind meld of yours? 355 00:34:19,351 --> 00:34:22,646 Actually, let me guess. It's… 356 00:34:23,272 --> 00:34:26,900 it's all beautiful scenery, and you feel nothing but contentment. 357 00:34:26,984 --> 00:34:33,072 Just wave after wave of bliss and peace and everything is perfect. 358 00:34:33,574 --> 00:34:38,536 It's like living inside a postcard, every second of every day. 359 00:34:39,161 --> 00:34:42,416 Basically, it's every Rick Steves special ever, right? 360 00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:43,500 That kind of bullshit? 361 00:34:43,583 --> 00:34:47,545 Like you're taking a hike in the woods, and there's a warm rain, 362 00:34:47,629 --> 00:34:52,467 and the trees are so tall you can't even see the tops. 363 00:34:52,551 --> 00:34:56,138 Or you're having coffee on the canals in Amsterdam, 364 00:34:56,221 --> 00:34:59,224 and it's like you're in a coffee commercial. 365 00:34:59,308 --> 00:35:04,646 Or you're taking a walk at sunset on the most flawless beach in Croatia. 366 00:35:05,189 --> 00:35:08,984 Or you're in Norway, above the Arctic Circle in… 367 00:35:11,445 --> 00:35:13,447 In a hotel made of ice. 368 00:35:14,698 --> 00:35:16,783 Under a pile of furs. 369 00:35:28,754 --> 00:35:32,633 I told you that Helen was off-limits. 370 00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,562 You are a bunch of mind-fuckers. 371 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,661 Wow, you got this thing really jammed in there, don't you? 372 00:36:02,329 --> 00:36:05,040 Please, be careful with that. 373 00:36:05,123 --> 00:36:07,543 Right. Like you would give me a real hand grenade. 374 00:36:10,087 --> 00:36:11,421 Carol, if we may? 375 00:36:48,792 --> 00:36:50,085 You gave me… 376 00:36:58,677 --> 00:37:02,055 Shit. Shit. Fuck. 377 00:37:04,516 --> 00:37:06,226 Oh, fuck. 378 00:37:13,025 --> 00:37:14,067 Shit. 379 00:37:14,943 --> 00:37:17,446 Okay. I'm gonna go get some help, okay? 380 00:37:17,529 --> 00:37:18,906 It's okay, Carol. 381 00:37:19,948 --> 00:37:21,116 Help is coming. 382 00:38:13,126 --> 00:38:14,378 May we join you? 383 00:38:20,676 --> 00:38:23,804 We're happy to say Zosia's doing much better. 384 00:38:23,887 --> 00:38:26,890 There was some blood loss, but no real nerve damage. 385 00:38:26,974 --> 00:38:30,310 She did get a pretty severe concussion that we're gonna wanna keep an eye on. 386 00:38:31,144 --> 00:38:32,396 She's resting now. 387 00:38:34,273 --> 00:38:36,441 Can we get you a fresh change of clothes? 388 00:38:40,737 --> 00:38:44,032 Carol, your quick thinking really saved the day. 389 00:38:47,828 --> 00:38:50,581 Why would you give me a hand grenade? 390 00:38:51,373 --> 00:38:52,416 You asked for one. 391 00:38:53,625 --> 00:38:55,043 Why not give me a fake one? 392 00:38:58,505 --> 00:39:00,507 Sorry if we got that wrong, Carol. 393 00:39:04,803 --> 00:39:08,140 If I asked right now, would you give me another hand grenade? 394 00:39:08,223 --> 00:39:09,308 Yes. 395 00:39:10,058 --> 00:39:12,269 Even after last night, you would give me another? 396 00:39:12,352 --> 00:39:13,604 Oh, sure. 397 00:39:17,274 --> 00:39:19,026 Okay, what about a bazooka? 398 00:39:19,776 --> 00:39:22,905 And the thing a bazooka shoots? A rocket, or whatever. 399 00:39:24,072 --> 00:39:25,365 Yes. 400 00:39:26,283 --> 00:39:27,284 All right. 401 00:39:28,785 --> 00:39:29,786 All right. 402 00:39:30,787 --> 00:39:31,872 What about… 403 00:39:32,956 --> 00:39:35,375 I don't know, a tank? 404 00:39:40,631 --> 00:39:44,092 What about an atom bomb? 405 00:39:47,471 --> 00:39:48,722 Why would you want one? 406 00:39:49,306 --> 00:39:50,349 To blow shit up? 407 00:39:50,432 --> 00:39:52,267 For kicks. I mean, does it matter? 408 00:39:52,351 --> 00:39:54,937 You gave me a grenade, for fuck's sake. 409 00:40:02,986 --> 00:40:05,197 It'd be okay to say no at this point. 410 00:40:05,822 --> 00:40:07,282 That would be sane. 411 00:40:07,908 --> 00:40:10,786 Not utterly batshit crazy. 412 00:40:12,996 --> 00:40:16,959 If you truly wanted a nuclear weapon, 413 00:40:17,543 --> 00:40:21,755 we would weigh the pros and cons with you. 414 00:40:21,839 --> 00:40:25,133 We would explain that it would be very destructive… 415 00:40:25,217 --> 00:40:26,718 Yes or no? 416 00:40:29,638 --> 00:40:30,639 Ultimately… 417 00:40:31,932 --> 00:40:32,933 yes. 418 00:40:34,226 --> 00:40:35,936 Wouldn't necessarily feel good about it. 419 00:40:37,646 --> 00:40:42,109 But we would move heaven and earth to make you happy, Carol. 420 00:40:45,988 --> 00:40:48,824 Would you like an atom bomb? 421 00:40:51,785 --> 00:40:53,745 I'm gonna have to get back to you on that. 422 00:40:56,999 --> 00:40:59,376 Okay. Okay. 423 00:41:00,043 --> 00:41:01,461 Would you like a cup of coffee? 424 00:41:03,338 --> 00:41:05,132 One sugar, with oat milk, right? 425 00:41:05,632 --> 00:41:07,509 - And maybe a pinch of… - You can go.