SO, WHO'S UP FOR CARDS AT MY HOUSE TONIGHT? Muscle Man: CAN'T.
WRESTLING.
Hi Five: MUCHO ROMANTICO.
GOING TO A JAZZ CONCERT.
EILEEN.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!
FRIEND PLANS.
ROCK POLISHER.
Muscle Man: YOU KNOW WHO ELSE
LIKES TO POLISH PEOPLE'S ROCKS?
MORDECAI?
AW, I WOULD, BUT
C.J. AND I ARE GOING TO A
LASER LIGHT SHOW TONIGHT.
WITH US.
AH, NO. THAT'S OKAY.
OVER.
IN FACT, I BETTER GET GOING.
UH, HAVE FUN, EVERYONE.
ALL RIGHT. SEE YA.
PROBABLY HOME ALONE WATCHING
A ROMANTIC COMEDY IN THE DARK.
SHOW?
C.J.?
ARM AROUND EILEEN'S ROCK
POLISHER?
STOP TALKING!
WAIT. SKIPS?
YOU OKAY, MAN?
YEAH.
NO!
I'VE BEEN SKIPPING SOLO FOR TOO
LONG NOW.
I NEED TO START DATING AGAIN.
SKIPS, GETTIN' BACK IN
THE SADDLE!
I GUESS.
IT'S BEEN SO LONG, I DON'T EVEN
KNOW WHERE TO START.
AH, IT CAN'T BE
THAT BAD.
HOW LONG'S IT BEEN?
200 YEARS.
WHOA!
WELL, BETTER NOW
THAN NEVER.
YOU JUST GOT TO GET OUT THERE.
WINGMEN.
WINGMEN?
YOU KNOW ... YOUR
CO-PILOTS, YOUR BROS, THE ONES
WHO GOT YOUR BACK WHILE YOU'RE
LOOKING FOR LADIES.
IT'S ME.
I NEED SOME WINGMEN.
I'VE BEEN WAITING 200 YEARS
TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.
SO, UH, WHAT HAPPENS
NOW?
TILL THEY COME TALK TO US?
WAITING DOESN'T GET YOU THE
LADIES, SKIPS.
WATCH AND LEARN.
EXCUSE ME, LADIES.
PERHAPS YOU COULD SETTLE A BET.
OLDER?
I DON'T KNOW.
NEITHER.
WE'RE BOTH IMMORTAL.
PLUS WE'RE MAGIC.
WHOA!
OOH. CHECK IT OUT.
CONTACT.
EXCUSE ME.
ARE YOU A PARKING TICKET?
'CAUSE YOU GOT "FINE" WRITTEN
ALL OVER YOU.
WE ARE FINE.
HEY, THAT'S A NICE OUTFIT YOU
OUHAVE ON THERE.
UH, YEAH.
UH, I LIKE IT A LOT.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT IT?
OH, UH, IT LOOKS
COMFORTABLE, LIKE, UH...
LIKE MY FRIEND'S DIAPER.
MY DRESS LOOKS LIKE A
DIAPER?
HE JUST SAID I'M WEARING A
DIAPER!
WHO WANTS TO SEE A SUPERNOVA?
AND, BY THE WAY, IT'S NOT A
DIAPER!
THEY'RE ADULT DIAPERS!
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE!
HEY, SKIPS.
TONIGHT?
I'M JUST NOT CUT OUT
FOR THE WHOLE CLUB SCENE.
DUDE, NOBODY MEETS
ANYBODY AT CLUBS ANYMORE.
YEAH.
THERE'S AN OPTION FOR PEOPLE
IMPRESSIONS.
THE INTERNET!
ALL RIGHT.
WE GOT TO FILL IN YOUR PROFILE.
PROFESSION?
PARK GROUNDSKEEPER.
AH, AH, AH.
"ENVIRONMENTAL TECHNOLOGIST."
HOBBIES?
I'M GOOD AT FIXING
STUFF.
CAN FIX ANYTHING ... BUSTED
ENGINES, BROKEN HEARTS, WHATEVER
YOU GOT.
YOU'VE TRAVELED ALL
OVER THE WORLD.
GIRLS LIKE A GUY WHO'S CULTURED.
D. FOUGHT MONSTERS WITH A
H ANINJA SWORD, ARM-WRESTLED DEATH,
AND, ALSO, YOU LOVE KITTENS, TO
SHOW YOUR SOFTER SIDE.
AND... DONE.
NOW WHAT DO WE DO?
THE LADIES COME TO YOU.
HOW LONG'S IT
GONNA TAKE?
I DON'T KNOW.
IT COULD BE A WHILE.
WHOA! LOOK AT THAT!
YOU'VE ALREADY GOT 85,000 VIEWS!
DUDE, YOU'RE ON THE
FRONT PAGE OF THE WEBSITE!
BASED ON YOUR TOP-RATED PROFILE,
YOU'VE BEEN SELECTED TO BE A
SHOW "IT'S A DATE!"
WHAT?
AW, MAN.
YOU'LL MEET SOMEONE NOW FOR
SURE!
UP HIGH!
I CAN'T GO ON A DATING
SHOW.
I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GUY.
NEXT 200 YEARS SHUFFLING
HIS CARDS?
EH ...
I DON'T KNOW.
THESE PANTS ARE A LITTLE TIGHT.
YOU WANT TO LOOK COOL,
RIGHT?
YES.
IT'S GETTING LATE.
TONIGHT.
WHAT QUESTIONS?
DUDE, THE LADIES ASK
YOU QUESTIONS, AND YOU IMPRESS
THEM WITH YOUR SLICK RESPONSES.
HERE. LET'S RUN
THROUGH A PRACTICE ROUND.
"IF YOU WERE TRAPPED ON A DESERT
ISLAND WITH JUST ONE THING, WHAT
WOULD IT BE?"
BOOM! GO.
THAT'S EASY ... FRESH
WATER.
WRONG!
YOU GOT TO SAY SOMETHING COOL,
LIKE "ALL I NEED IS YOUR DEEP
BLUE EYES TO LOOK INTO."
CHEESE IT UP!
MAKE 'EM LAUGH.
IT'S NOT HARD.
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
'CAUSE I'VE SEEN EVERY
EPISODE OF "IT'S A DATE!"
WHAT?
I'VE HAD A LOT OF SPARE TIME
C.J.
IF YOU'RE SO GOOD AT
THIS, WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?
I WOULD IF I COULD.
OH!
SO, YOU ADMIT THAT YOU CAN'T.
NO! IT'S JUST THAT I
DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT LOOK OR
WHATEVER, WHICH HAS NOTHING TO
WORDS.
WELL, I'M NOT A WORD
GUY, OKAY?
HM-HM-HM!
I GOT AN IDEA.
WELCOME TO "IT'S A DATE!"
LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR YOUR HOST,
BOB KARPETT!
THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
LET'S GIVE A BIG, WARM WELCOME
TO OUR BACHELORETTE,
SHEENA ALBRIGHT!
WHO LOVES TENNIS, ITALIAN
CUISINE, AND SLOTHS.
NOW IT'S TIME TO MEET OUR THREE
ELIGIBLE BACHELORS!
BACHELOR NUMBER 1 IS A HIP-HOP
ENTHUSIAST.
PLEASE WELCOME JIMMY JAMZZ!
YO, YO, YO!
WHAT'S PEEPIN', SHEENA?
YO!
BACHELOR NUMBER 2 RUNS HIS
OWN T-SHIRT BUSINESS.
SAY HELLO TO THE T-SHIRT MAN.
BUY MY T-SHIRTS!
HI!
AND BACHELOR NUMBER 3 IS A
VENTRILOQUIST.
DUMMY, LIL' RIGS!
HEY!
WHAT'S SHAKIN', DOLLFACE?
HOLD ON TIGHT, STRAP YOURSELF
IN, 'CAUSE A DATE WITH ME WILL
MAKE YOUR HEAD SPIN!
ALL RIGHT, SHEENA.
IT'S TIME FOR YOUR FIRST
QUESTION FOR OUR BACHELORS.
"IF WE WENT OUT ON A DATE,
WHERE WOULD YOU TAKE ME?"
BACHELOR NUMBER 1.
GIRL, I'D TAKE YOU TO THE
HOPPINGEST DANCE CLUB IN TOWN,
'CAUSE JIMMY JAMZZ IS ALL ABOUT
BUSTIN' KILLER MOVES, GIRL!
OH, YEAH, DAWG!
OKAY.
BACHELOR NUMBER 2?
I WOULD TAKE YOU TO A
FT-SHIRTS!
WHOO-HOO-HOO!
HMM. BACHELOR NUMBER 3?
UH...
GO OUT FOR A NICE MEAL?
AND GO TO THE
PLANETARIUM, 'CAUSE YOU SURELY
BODIES.
NEXT QUESTION ... "WHAT IS YOUR
BIGGEST DREAM IN LIFE?"
BACHELOR NUMBER 1.
PSHEW!
GIRL, I'M ALREADY LIVING MY
DREAM!
I'VE BEEN REGIONAL HIP-HOP DANCE
CHAMPION NINE TIMES IN A ROW,
PLAYER!
CREW!
BACHELOR NUMBER 2?
MY DREAM IS TO SELL MY
NATIONWIDE ... THAT AND MOVE OUT
OF MY MAMA'S BASEMENT.
BACHELOR NUMBER 3?
UH, WELL, UH, SAVE UP
FOR RETIREMENT.
GEEZ, GRAMPS!
YOU'RE NOT DEAD YET!
PRESENCE, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE!
HEY-OH!
BUT, SERIOUSLY, SHEENA, MY ONLY
YOU BETTER THAN THE LAST.
WHY, THANK YOU,
BACHELOR NUMBER 3.
OH, COME ON!
THAT'S THE WORST PICKUP LINE I
EVER HEARD!
MULLET!
RIGBY!
HEY, THE AUDIENCE
LOVES ME.
THESE TWO DUMMIES.
YOU CALLING ME A DUMMY,
DUMMY?
NO, BUT YOU KNOW WHO
IS CALLING YOU IS YOUR MOM.
SHE WANTS YOUR RENT CHECK, FOOL.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR LIP,
SON!
PLAYTIME'S OVER!
AAAAAH!
EAT T-SHIRT!
LET'S TEACH THIS PUNK SOME
MANNERS.
UGH!
THAT'S ENOUGH!
LOOK OUT!
AAAAAAH!
YOU OKAY?
LOOK, EVERYONE, I'M NOT A
VENTRILOQUIST.
AND THIS ISN'T A DUMMY.
THE TRUTH IS I'M JUST A SIMPLE
GUY WHO WORKS AT A PARK, A QUIET
GIRL ... SOMEONE I CAN SPEND TIME
WITH AND TALK TO AND, UH
DOESN'T MIND THAT I
LIKE TO GO COMMANDO.
ANYWAY, I'M SORRY I WASTED
EVERYBODY'S TIME.
WAIT!
I CHOOSE BACHELOR NUMBER 3!
HUH?
IT'S A DATE!
SHEENA AND SKIPS, YOU TWO WIN AN
COSTA RICA!
WHOO!
YE-AH!
WITH YOUR CHICA?
WELL, UH...
AAAAAH!
AAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AH, SHE WAS TOO
HIGH-MAINTENANCE.
BUT I'M BACK IN THE SADDLE.
THANKS, GUYS.
WH-O-O-O-O-O-OA!
NICE. NICE.