Okay, okay, wait. You have to wait for everyone else to play too.
We only have so many balloons.
Adam, would you do Daddy a favor and get the root beer from the kitchen for me?
- Yeah. - Thank you.
- Got the root beer. - Thanks, Adam.
- Happy Birthday. - Oh, yeah. Thanks.
Adam is the birthday boy. This is your child, he's Adam's friend.
And this is Adam's birthday gift.
Adam was turning nine
and I realized I hadn't thrown him a single birthday party.
To save money
it was suggested I use background actors for all the party guests.
But I only remember once they showed up
that union rules prohibit extras from speaking.
I guess they say gluten-free is, like, healthier.
So… yeah.
Right. I'll let you get back to… Yeah.
I guess when normal shows do stuff like this,
they add fake party chatter in post-production.
But when the point is to actually experience it in the moment,
it doesn't quite work.
You guys can… you can clap. Yeah.
It wasn't the most realistic party
but it saved us over fifteen thousand dollars.
And most importantly, Adam seemed to be having a blast.
Like he's mixing the two together,
like Christmas and, like, Christmas trees and Hanukkah.
Now that the six-year-old actors were done,
one of the mothers requested I unravel some of the stuff her son had learned
during the rehearsal.
- He's the… - Jesus is almighty.
Jesus is… You accept him as…
- Our savior. - Our savior.
- Your savior. - Our king.
He is the savior and the king.
And Judaism is just some, like, pretend thing.
You should be excited to be Christian because you get to go heaven,
but I have to go to hell as a Jew and so you should not wanna be Jewish
because you'll suffer like me and I'll burn.
Yeah.
With everything, I was having to deal with behind the scenes,
I was starting to feel like I was constantly being pulled away
from the experienceof fatherhood, I was hoping to rehearse.
During the party, there was one child actor who played Adam at age six
that kept sneaking back into the home
after the nine-year-old had already taken over.
It was the end of his final day
and he was refusing to change out of his Adam wardrobe.
- No! - Come on, let's go change your clothes.
- I don't wanna leave. - It's okay.
- You wanna give him a hug? - You wanna hug and…
I could see… We'll see…
We'll see, we're gonna come back and see him again.
Yeah, yeah, I can see you. Oh, it's okay.
- Give him a hug. - It's okay. We'll see you again.
We'll see each other again.
His name was Remy.
And if I'm being honest, out of all the kids in this project,
I sort of got along with him the most.
I'm here to see the doctor.
I'm Doctor Fart, come have a seat.
Okay, thank you.
I assumed he was just having a normal kid tantrum.
- Hey. - I don't wanna leave.
Okay, but listen, here's the thing, we have to leave.
But then, his mom Amber gave me some insight as to what might be going on.
Now that he's getting older, he sees other kids with dads
and at school, there's dads picking up their kids,
and he's definitely wondering, where's mine?
- Oh, really? - Yeah. It's really tough.
This morning, I was explaining to him,
"You know, you're gonna be Adam today, you're gonna have a birthday party."
And, you know, he's like, "Oh, is my pretend daddy gonna be there?"
I said, "Yeah," and he goes, "My pretend daddy loves me."
And I was like…
My heart literally broke into a million pieces like…
Actually, even talking about it, I could almost cry
just 'cause I feel bad for him but…
Yeah, it is what it is.
Are you gonna say bye?
- Bye, I don't wanna leave you. - It's okay.
It's okay. We'll see each other soon.
I'm sure, okay?
Okay.
All right, guys.
- Thank you. - It's okay.
And after that,
I found myself struggling to transfer my emotions to the new Adam.
Hey, Dad. That party was so fun. I got to see all my friends.
Glad you had a good time.
You're the best dad. I love you.
I love you too.
I'm gonna go back to playing.
- All right. - Bye, Dad.
Bye.
I had enrolled Adam in a Jewish elementary school
to continue his spiritual learning.
It made me feel like a good Jew.
Even though I knew the moment I looked away
his real parents would pull up and intercept him,
so they could take him to his real school.
I planned several challenges for myself
that I feltn a real parent might face.
So, at 4 p.m., when he was brought back for me to pick up,
the actors were instructed to launch into a scenario I had scripted.
Hey, Adam. I'm having a sleepover this weekend.
- You wanna come? - Sure.
Well, you're not invited. So how are you gonna come then?
Don't cry, Adam.
My hopen was that I could practice
counseling my child through a complex emotional experience,
an area where I fear as a real father, I may fall short.
I wanted to go to that sleepover.
You really want to be friends with those guys?
Maybe next time they ask you to hang out you should just say no.
- You wanna practice that? - Sure.
Hey, Adam, you want to come to my sleepover?
No, thanks.
Good.
See now, they don't have any power over you.
Right? You're in control because you don't want anything from them.
You don't want their friendship.
But I was starting to feel like I was just solving a puzzle of my own design.
Thanks, Dad.
No problem.
And instead of being present with my son, my mind was elsewhere.
I spent a week with a child who had no dad, pretending that I was his dad.
What's the guy's name in the house?
Daddy.
What did I think was gonna happen?
I love you, Daddy.
- What did you say? - I love you, Daddy.
I love you too, Adam.
His mom had reached out asking if I wanted to come visit.
Maybe it was time to check in.
- Hey. - Hey, buddy.
- Come here. - Okay.
- Look at that there. - What is that?
That's you and that's me at the birthday party.
- That's me? - Yeah, and that's you… Me.
It was strange being in a real child's home
after being in a fake one for so long.
I wasn't used to this level of detail.
Every object was perfectly placed but nothing was by design.
It was a work of art. And it was just real life.
Daddy.
- Hey. - Daddy.
- Yeah. - Look, I made this at school.
And also, I cut my…
- Hey, hey. - What?
You don't have to call me daddy, you can call me Nathan, okay?
No, don't be silly.
No, because we're just playing daddy, remember? We're just pretending.
I don't want you to be "Athan." I want you to be Daddy.
Right, but we were just pretending, right? So, now we're back to Remy and Nathan.
But also I don't want you to be… I don't want you to be Nathan.
Well, that's my name.
Has he been doing that?
Yeah.
I wondered about that when we first started. I was like…
…that's probably like a really difficult role for a child
who really doesn't have a dad
and he's just like doesn't want it to not be real.
So, it's actually really sad.
He's such a cool kid.
Sorry. I'm don't even know why I'm getting emotional I just…
- No. - I love him to pieces.
So, like, I hope this isn't affecting him.
But it was really cool, and I know he loved it, and he had, like a lot of fun.
Yeah, he was so…
And it's not like I think anybody did anything wrong.
It's just more like my mind wondering.
Yeah. Does he know what acting is?
Like, does he understand that a little bit, or…
I don't know.
I really don't, honestly. I'm not sure.
Look what the bird give me.
- The bird gave you that? - Yeah.
What is that?
Can you listen to this? This is very important, okay?
- Why? - It's very important.
So, remember how we are making a TV show?
And…
I'm Nathan, right? You know that?
- I don't want you to be Nathan. - But honey, listen.
Yeah, but daddy… When we were doing daddy,
that was pretend because we were doing…
- We were making a show. - We were playing.
- And it was fun. - And acting.
And acting, and…
Do you remember when we were being dinosaurs?
And chasing each other around as dinosaurs.
- Yeah. - We weren't really dinosaurs, right?
We were just playing and having fun, right?
Yeah, I also wanna… I really be punching the dinosaur.
Yeah, and that's kind of like when we were doing Daddy and Adam.
That was just play like dinosaurs.
But in real life,
you're Remy and I'm Nathan, and we're just friends, right?
- We're just friends. - Right?
Does that make sense?
And so… what do friends do?
Nothing.
No, friends hang out and have a fun time
and then they go do their own life,
and then they'll talk, and like, hang out sometimes and it's fun, right?
So, it's… If you don't… No, you have to call me Nathan.
Come here. I need to tell you.
This is very important, Remy. Come on, listen to me.
Listen to me.
That is not your daddy.
That's not your daddy. That's our friend Nathan.
And you are Remy and you're not Adam.
And we were just playing pretend.
Okay?
Yeah.
Thank you.
- What? - I wanna stay with…
I just wanna stay with him.
- Yeah. - But…
- Bye, Nathan.? - Good, okay.
- I still love Nathan. - I know.
That's okay, you can still love him and he can be your friend.
So, did you see that guy Max again?
How'd that go?
- Amazing. - Yeah?
They invited me to something, I said no.
So, they just walked away.
Great.
- Guess your advice did work. - Good.
You know I'm not your real dad, right?
Wait, what?
Like… you know, I'm not actually your dad.
- Yeah. - Okay.
- Like we're just acting. - Yeah.
- You know that right? - Yeah, yeah.
And you understand what that means?
- Yes. - Okay.
Do you have a dad?
- Yes. - Okay.
- Sorry. I didn't mean to… insult you. - No, I don't… It's fine.
You're just… you're a good actor.
So you can't tell, I just wanted to be sure.
Okay.
Do you feel like, I'm like, believable as a dad, like…
You're a great scene partner.
- Good. - Yeah.
What on earth was I doing?
Everything about this rehearsal just felt so trivial now.
Maybe the best use of my resources at this point
would be to figure out what I could have done differently.
- What did you say? - I love you, daddy.
I love you too, Adam.
To live these moments again. And seen if there was a better path.
I'm Doctor Fart, come have a seat.
Kinda hear how he talks.
After all, how can you move on from a mistake
if you don't even know what you could have done to avoid it.
- What did you say? - I love you, Daddy.
Refer to me as Nathan, please. Is that okay?
Yeah, okay.
I tried experimenting with a slightly colder demeanor.
Okay. You don't need to hold my hand you're a big boy now. Okay?
To see if it could have helped prevent a bond being formed.
Okay, let's not just… just let's play the game.
We can still have fun. We don't need to hug.
Daddy, can you read me a bedtime story?
Aren't you…
Aren't you old enough to read by yourself?
But all this forced detachment
felt like it was defeating the purpose of rehearsing being a parent.
All right, maybe a quick one.
Perhaps I could have avoided these issues,
if I used older kids to play the younger ones.
I love you, Daddy.
- What did you say? - I said I love you, Daddy.
I love you too, Adam.
Then I could have been just as affectionate and caring towards them
and they would never get confused.
No!
If their performance was good enough,
maybe I could have looked past any visual inconsistencies
Yeah!
It's not hard to be in the moment with a great actor.
But even though I gave it my best,
something about this just didn't sit right.
- Goodnight, Adam. - Goodnight, Daddy.
And I found myself constantly distracted
by the thought that I was living with a fully grown man.
And removing humans from the equation entirely
proved to be just as weird.
I love you too, Adam.
Well, if there was nothing I could have done differently with the kids,
maybe I could have changed my approach with the parents.
- Amber. - Amber.
Good to meet you. Okay, come on in.
- Nice to meet you. - Yeah.
What could I have said?
Maybe…
Or should I have done something different on that day we said goodbye.
It's okay.
What?
What can I do? What do you want?
I don't wanna leave.
We can say goodbye.
You wanna give him a hug?
Hey.
So, maybe it was Angela.
That was so much fun, right?
If she had never left,
maybe that would have made all the difference.
You have to be good and listen to your mom, okay?
She was so good with the kids.
Okay. Thank you.
Bye.
And with a fake mom in the house the whole time,
maybe he would have known it was all pretend.
You see.
But what could I have done differently to make her stay?
I…
I can make it better. I can…
Things can improve. I can improve.
I just feel like, we're just going back in circles and that's never gonna change.
I'll just take my tea.
But what could I have said?
What could I have done?
No, don't go.
That's all you have to say?
Yeah.
Okay.
Well then, I'll just take my tea.
Why do I always end up here?
I can change. I can try to…
I can't change 180 but…
I can change in small ways, for sure.
Well then, I think you've made your choice.
I'll get my tea.
- I'm sorry, I am who I am. - And I am who I am.
Right.
I'll just get my tea.
How doesn this keep happening to me?
What else can you do when you're trying your best?
- Okay. - Well…
I'll just take my tea.
I just wanted to apologize for suggesting that…
you aren't taking this seriously.
You were navigating it as best as you could and…
So, I'm sorry.
I was the problem, not you.
I appreciate you saying that.
All is forgiven.
Really? Just like that?
There's a scripture that talks about forgiving someone seven times.
But Jesus says the new teaching is, I tell you…
seven… 70 times seven.
Is that 77 times seven.
And then Peter came up to him and said,
"Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?"
"As many as seven times."
And then Jesus said, "I do not say to you seven times, but 70 times seven."
So, it's like if we have to forgive our neighbor that much,
and we have to love ourselves like we love our neighbor,
then we also have to forgive ourselves that much.
All right.
- Hey. - Hi, guys.
Hi, Remy. Do you remember Liam?
- Yeah. - He's an actor, too.
He played Adam also. He was at the birthday party, you switched with him.
- You remember him? - Yeah.
Three, two, one go.
No, no!
Forgiving yourself sounds so easy and nice.
Watch out.
But how does a person actually do that?
- He called me Nathan when I came in. - Yeah. Totally.
So, what do you think?
I think he's… accepted it and he's kind of like, chill with it.
- He doesn't think I'm his… - Yeah, he gets it for sure.
- You think so? - Yeah.
I think that he will be okay. I do. I think he'll be okay.
How do you convince yourself of that?
I didn't convince myself.
I'm just gonna make sure he's okay, so he is and I just know.
Like I just know. Like, I don't know how to explain it.
It's something you won't know until you like have a kid if you do.
What did you see in his face that makes you so sure?
Myself.
It's just one of those things, I don't know, you just know.
No!
You strong, boy.
Could it ben that the path to forgiveness lies in someone else's eyes?
Where'd you get that sweatshirt?
Buckle. Yeah.
- It's nice. - Thank you.
Yep.
What's your name again?
Nathan.
- Nathan. - Yeah.
He is crazy.
I just want to call you daddy.
- We're not going back to that. - No, no, Nathan.
That doesn't worry you? What just happened.
No. No.
Bye!
Bye. See you later.
- My TV friends are leaving. - Yes, they are.
You may never be able to change what happened.
But maybe with a new perspective, you could try to change yourself.
- Did you get enough? - Yeah, I think so.
Okay, good. Buckle up.
Remy?
eah, Mom.
you wanna record that TV show audition now, baba?
- What do you think? - Yeah.
Yeah? Okay. Come on.
Hi. I'm Remy. I live in Oregon.
And I have so many toys that are in my room.
Like, one, I have a…
I have a Gru plushie. I really like to sleep with him…
That's our house there. We're gonna be right there, huh?
Cool, huh?
- Hey, Amber. - Hi.
- And you must be Remy. - Yes.
We're so excited to have you guys be a part of this.
Let me introduce you the director, right? It's a very unique project.
- Okay. - Come inside.
Do you guys have Hungry Hungry Hippos?
We sure do.
All right, so… Sort of freeform. We won't be sticking to a script.
Okay.
But of course, anything that happens inside the home
will be sure to clear with you beforehand.
Okay, great.
- Do you want me anywhere… - Well…
Yeah, you're free to watch everything here at the monitors.
- Thanks. - Okay. Yeah.
- Let me… I have to go. - Yeah, I'll see you.
- So, how are you today, Adam? - Good. I'm good.
Okay. What have you been doing? Just tidying up your room?
He's kind of a weird dude, huh?
Can I get you some soda or sparkling water?
- Oh, I'm okay. - You sure?
- Thank you. Yeah, thank you. - Okay.
Right. Well, let me know if you need anything.
Sure, thank you so much.
Do I get to see Daddy tomorrow?
- You do. Does that sound good? - Yeah.
You know he's your pretend daddy though, right?
No, not… Don't, baba. Not on your nose. No, no, no.
This is gonna hurt you.
Okay, you want some food? Are you hungry?
- How was work today? - Good. Just busy.
While you were at work today, he kept asking to see his dad.
- Do you know what's that about? - That's the TV show he's been doing.
- I told you about that, Mom. - Oh, right.
Do you think he's a little young to be getting into acting?
No, he's having a lot of fun.
I just worry about him sometimes.
I love you, Daddy.
- What did you say? - I love you, Daddy.
I love you too, Adam.
And what's…
They said you're gonna have a birthday party soon.
Is my daddy gonna be there?
Yeah, he's your pretend daddy, baba.
- Okay. - Okay.
My pretend daddy loves me.
- Come on in. Let's go. - Okay.
- What's wrong? You sad? - You want a hug?
You want to give him a hug?
- No. - I could… we'll see you.
We gotta go, okay? We can't stay here.
- It's okay. - I don't wanna leave. I don't…
You know Mommy has to go. You give him a hug. Say goodbye.
No.
It's just complicated
because he's now seeing kids at school and they have their dads
and he's kind of wondering where's his.
You know. And so…
it's just new to him. New concept.
I get it.
I hope it's okay.
Yeah. Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah. I'm okay.
Okay.
But I don't want you to be Nathan.
- I want you to be daddy. - Right.
But we are just pretending, right?
And now, we're back to Remy and Nathan, okay?
I don't want… I don't want you to be…
I want him to be daddy.
It's okay. It's okay.
He said he wasn't my daddy anymore.
I'm sorry, baba. That must've been very hard for you to hear.
Why did he say he was my daddy?
I know. That man didn't mean to confuse you, honey.
He just didn't know what he was doing.
You know, he… He's not that different from you.
He's just figuring stuff out and messing up along the way.
Maybe we shouldn't have done that show, huh?
It's like a weird little weird thing for a little kid to be a part of.
But you know what? Mommy's not perfect, okay?
She makes mistakes too. And you're gonna make mistakes.
Look at me, baba. You know what.
I think it's a good thing that you're sad.
Because it shows that you have a heart.
It shows that you can feel and you can love,
and you can put your trust in others.
Is that a smile I see?
Is that another thing you're feeling there? A smile.
How do you feel if tickle monster attacks you?
See,
life's better was surprises.
I mean, some things you want to be prepared for, but you know what I mean.
Oh, no, you got me! Tickle monster got me now.
What the heck?
That's weird.
But you know what? It's okay if you get confused.
It's okay if you get sad because no matter what you experience,
we have each other.
And I'm always gonna be here for you, okay?
'Cause I'm your dad.
Wait, I thought you were my mom.
No.
I'm your dad.
Good boy. You wanna go play now?
- Yeah, let's go. - Okay, let's go play.
Let's go.