1
00:00:02,406 --> 00:00:03,828
What's new at school?

2
00:00:03,907 --> 00:00:05,454
- Nothing.
- Nothing!

3
00:00:05,534 --> 00:00:07,457
Oh, uh, one
of the lunch ladies died.

4
00:00:07,536 --> 00:00:09,459
They found her in the gym with,
like, two holes in her neck

5
00:00:09,538 --> 00:00:11,211
and all the blood drained
out of her.

6
00:00:11,290 --> 00:00:13,042
Good lord! Who does
something like that?

7
00:00:13,125 --> 00:00:15,503
Obviously a vampire.
W-W-Where's the pepper?

8
00:00:15,586 --> 00:00:17,338
Wait, what?
Vampires are real?

9
00:00:17,421 --> 00:00:20,300
Yes, Summer, vampires
are real. Who knew?

10
00:00:20,382 --> 00:00:23,056
Oh, right, all humanity,
for hundreds of years, now.

11
00:00:23,135 --> 00:00:24,432
Yeah, Summer,
it's a big universe.

12
00:00:24,511 --> 00:00:26,354
Get used to it.
R-Right, Rick?

13
00:00:26,430 --> 00:00:27,602
Well, what are we going to do?

14
00:00:27,681 --> 00:00:29,604
We're gonna live our lives
until we die.

15
00:00:29,683 --> 00:00:31,606
Possibly by vampire.
More likely auto accident

16
00:00:31,685 --> 00:00:34,234
or heart disease,
but possibly vampire.

17
00:00:34,313 --> 00:00:37,237
Grandpa Rick, couldn't you,
like, use your superknowledge

18
00:00:37,316 --> 00:00:40,069
to turn yourself into a teenager
and come to our school

19
00:00:40,152 --> 00:00:42,621
and help us hunt
the vampire down?

20
00:00:42,696 --> 00:00:44,289
Um — Wow.

21
00:00:44,364 --> 00:00:46,617
Yeah, pretty specific
pitch, Summer.

22
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:49,453
I probably could
turn myself into a teenager

23
00:00:49,536 --> 00:00:52,335
and hang out in the
zit-covered, hormone-addled,

24
00:00:52,414 --> 00:00:54,382
low-stakes assworld
that is high school.

25
00:00:54,458 --> 00:00:56,085
But here's my reverse-ask —

26
00:00:56,168 --> 00:00:58,887
Why in the fuck
would I ever do that, ever?

27
00:00:58,962 --> 00:01:01,181
And how dare you even
ask me that?

28
00:01:01,256 --> 00:01:03,054
And why aren't you more
ashamed of yourself?

29
00:01:03,133 --> 00:01:05,261
- Dad!
- Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie.

30
00:01:05,344 --> 00:01:07,142
Jerry! Do you know what you
just said to our daughter?

31
00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:09,188
Sor-ry! I wasn't
paying attention.

32
00:01:09,264 --> 00:01:11,642
To a conversation
about vampires?

33
00:01:11,725 --> 00:01:14,319
Clearly, I didn't know
it was about vampires,

34
00:01:14,394 --> 00:01:16,146
because I wasn't
paying attention,

35
00:01:16,229 --> 00:01:17,651
which you would know,

36
00:01:17,731 --> 00:01:19,483
if you ever
paid attention to me!

37
00:01:19,566 --> 00:01:21,489
Oh, here we go,
right to the victim role.

38
00:01:21,568 --> 00:01:23,161
Am I a victim, Beth,

39
00:01:23,236 --> 00:01:24,954
or am I married
to a mean, unfair monster

40
00:01:25,030 --> 00:01:26,247
that always hurts me?

41
00:01:26,323 --> 00:01:28,246
Jesus Christ!
Will you fix your marriage...

42
00:01:28,325 --> 00:01:31,329
or get a divorce already?

43
00:01:31,411 --> 00:01:35,416
Well, we tried
a couples' therapist.

44
00:01:35,499 --> 00:01:37,046
That's Earth therapy.

45
00:01:37,125 --> 00:01:38,752
You might as well ask a horse
to fix a merry-go-round.

46
00:01:38,835 --> 00:01:41,805
I mean, he'll try his best, but mostly,
he's just gonna get horrified.

47
00:01:42,047 --> 00:01:44,675
I know about a place off-planet
with a 100% success rate.

48
00:01:44,758 --> 00:01:47,227
Well, we want to make it
work, if we can.

49
00:01:47,302 --> 00:01:48,679
It's just —
- Then it's settled.

50
00:01:48,762 --> 00:01:50,184
No need to pack.
- Oh!

51
00:01:50,263 --> 00:01:51,685
Let's go, go, go, go!

52
00:01:51,765 --> 00:01:54,769
Do you think Morn and Dad
are, you know,

53
00:01:54,851 --> 00:01:56,228
gonna get a divorce?

54
00:01:56,311 --> 00:01:58,063
I think it's okay
to dream, Morty.

55
00:01:58,146 --> 00:02:01,867
I'm gonna go make
some wooden stakes.

56
00:02:06,070 --> 00:02:12,070
Ripped By mstoll

57
00:02:33,890 --> 00:02:36,439
I booked you for a two-day
intensive at Nuptia Four,

58
00:02:36,518 --> 00:02:39,192
the galaxy's most successful
couples' counseling institute.

59
00:02:39,271 --> 00:02:40,739
They could save
the marriage of a dog

60
00:02:40,814 --> 00:02:42,361
and a bar of dark chocolate.

61
00:02:42,441 --> 00:02:43,738
They could save the marriage

62
00:02:43,817 --> 00:02:45,444
of a porn star and a porn star.

63
00:02:45,527 --> 00:02:47,154
Well, I know I'm ready
to try whatever it takes.

64
00:02:47,237 --> 00:02:48,830
Which clearly implies
that I'm not.

65
00:02:48,905 --> 00:02:50,282
It's not a competition, Beth.

66
00:02:50,365 --> 00:02:52,163
Oh is that how
you're gonna try to win,

67
00:02:52,242 --> 00:02:54,165
by implying I'm competitive?
- If the shoe fits.

68
00:02:54,244 --> 00:02:55,996
- My shoe fits up your ass.
- You wish!

69
00:02:56,079 --> 00:02:57,922
Okay, have fun.
See ya Thursday!

70
00:02:58,165 --> 00:02:59,587
Oh!

71
00:02:59,666 --> 00:03:01,589
Jerk.
- Don't insult my father.

72
00:03:01,668 --> 00:03:03,591
He's the reason our kids
are only half-stupid.

73
00:03:03,670 --> 00:03:05,297
Ha! You just called
yourself —

74
00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:06,506
Oh.

75
00:03:06,590 --> 00:03:08,183
- Beth and Jerry Smith?
- Yes.

76
00:03:08,258 --> 00:03:09,760
I'm Glaxo Slimslom.

77
00:03:09,843 --> 00:03:11,766
Welcome to Nuptia Four.

78
00:03:11,845 --> 00:03:14,314
Your marriage can rest easy now.

79
00:03:15,766 --> 00:03:18,861
Jerry, go ahead and sit
there and put this on.

80
00:03:18,935 --> 00:03:21,609
This machine isolates
the part of the subject's brain

81
00:03:21,688 --> 00:03:24,908
containing all perceptions
of its romantic partner.

82
00:03:25,150 --> 00:03:28,029
And we will now render
Jerry's perception of Beth

83
00:03:28,111 --> 00:03:31,490
with artificial biological life.

84
00:03:33,784 --> 00:03:35,786
Interesting.

85
00:03:35,869 --> 00:03:37,792
What the hell is that?
Take that back!

86
00:03:37,871 --> 00:03:39,623
You do not think that about me!

87
00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:41,458
I didn't do anything!
They scanned it out of my brain.

88
00:03:41,541 --> 00:03:43,214
Can I take it back?

89
00:03:43,293 --> 00:03:44,761
There's nothing to regret.

90
00:03:44,836 --> 00:03:46,884
We're dealing with
unconscious, unhealthy thoughts.

91
00:03:46,963 --> 00:03:48,510
Beth.

92
00:03:48,590 --> 00:03:50,843
Now, we scan for Beth's
perceptions of Jerry.

93
00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:53,554
- Scan hard. He's dead to me.
- Everything's dead to you.

94
00:03:53,637 --> 00:03:55,139
- What?
- Nothing.

95
00:04:01,269 --> 00:04:02,816
Read it and weep, bitch.

96
00:04:02,896 --> 00:04:04,523
Does everybody
see what I mean?

97
00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:06,825
I think we all see
what you both mean.

98
00:04:08,485 --> 00:04:10,408
Any leads on the vampire?

99
00:04:10,487 --> 00:04:11,909
No, Summer!
I mean, you know,

100
00:04:11,988 --> 00:04:14,082
I think it might be time
that we just l-let it go.

101
00:04:14,157 --> 00:04:15,830
Oh, so, now, you're
too cool for this,

102
00:04:15,909 --> 00:04:17,331
just because Grandpa Rick is?

103
00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:19,378
It's not that, it's just
that the universe

104
00:04:19,454 --> 00:04:21,673
is a little too big to care
about something so small.

105
00:04:21,748 --> 00:04:24,092
Aah!
- What up, my Helsings?

106
00:04:24,167 --> 00:04:26,010
Who wants to hunt
a vampire? Ha ha ha!

107
00:04:26,253 --> 00:04:27,675
Rick?
How — How did you —

108
00:04:27,754 --> 00:04:29,347
Yeah, I got bored
and then, I remembered,

109
00:04:29,422 --> 00:04:31,390
this morning, how I blew
Summer off, and I thought,

110
00:04:31,466 --> 00:04:33,139
"Hey, why are you such
a grumpy douche, Rick?

111
00:04:33,218 --> 00:04:34,686
Go to the garage,
transfer your mind

112
00:04:34,761 --> 00:04:36,388
into a younger clone of
yourself,

113
00:04:36,471 --> 00:04:38,223
and get embroiled
in some youthful hijinks.

114
00:04:38,306 --> 00:04:39,979
What's the BFD?"
So here I am.

115
00:04:40,225 --> 00:04:42,102
I'm Tiny Rick!
- O-O-Okay.

116
00:04:42,185 --> 00:04:43,732
Well, it's good
you're here, Rick.

117
00:04:43,812 --> 00:04:44,984
I was pretty sure we
didn't have what it takes

118
00:04:45,230 --> 00:04:46,573
to deal with
a bloodsucker on our own.

119
00:04:46,648 --> 00:04:47,991
Don't short-sell
yourself, Summer.

120
00:04:48,066 --> 00:04:50,034
You got everything it takes.
But it'll still be fun...

121
00:04:50,277 --> 00:04:52,780
to do this as a fucking team,
motherfucker. Tiny Rick!

122
00:04:52,863 --> 00:04:55,707
Yeah! Oh, my god,
Toby Matthews!

123
00:04:55,782 --> 00:04:58,001
Hey, Toby. I'm Tiny Rick.
I'm new.

124
00:04:58,243 --> 00:05:00,211
Hey Oh — Go easy on me.
Ha ha. Just kiddin'.

125
00:05:00,287 --> 00:05:02,665
Hey, I like your
straightforward style

126
00:05:02,747 --> 00:05:04,499
and that lab coat's pretty cool.

127
00:05:04,583 --> 00:05:05,880
Summer.

128
00:05:05,959 --> 00:05:07,757
He knows my name!

129
00:05:07,836 --> 00:05:09,133
Why wouldn't he?
You're great!

130
00:05:09,212 --> 00:05:10,680
But, listen, just be careful.

131
00:05:10,755 --> 00:05:12,132
We can't rule anybody out
as the vampire,

132
00:05:12,215 --> 00:05:14,434
not even the dreamboats.

133
00:05:14,509 --> 00:05:15,681
Stop, Tiny Rick.

134
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,728
Huntin' a vampire
with my grandkids!

135
00:05:17,804 --> 00:05:20,307
Fuck! Tiny Ri-I-ck!

136
00:05:20,390 --> 00:05:22,233
The next step is
to watch your mythologues

137
00:05:22,309 --> 00:05:25,404
interact together
and, uh — big surprise —

138
00:05:25,478 --> 00:05:27,856
It's never pretty.

139
00:05:27,939 --> 00:05:30,567
Here we have Garrrh
and Zharbidar Gloompfschs,

140
00:05:30,650 --> 00:05:32,493
or, should I say,
here we have the way

141
00:05:32,569 --> 00:05:34,867
Garrrh and Zharbidar
perceive each other.

142
00:05:37,282 --> 00:05:38,659
As we can all see,

143
00:05:38,742 --> 00:05:40,870
this is hardly the real
Garrrh and Zharbidar.

144
00:05:40,952 --> 00:05:42,579
Which is good,
because the relationship

145
00:05:42,662 --> 00:05:45,290
in their heads is not only ugly,

146
00:05:45,373 --> 00:05:47,626
it's unsustainable.

147
00:05:50,712 --> 00:05:53,636
You may already be
learning something important —

148
00:05:53,715 --> 00:05:55,888
All of these relationships
are different,

149
00:05:55,967 --> 00:05:58,891
none of them are real,
and none of them work.

150
00:05:58,970 --> 00:06:02,520
We are not the monsters
we sometimes see each other as,

151
00:06:02,599 --> 00:06:06,320
because we are real
and we are functional.

152
00:06:06,394 --> 00:06:09,489
That's what makes us
better than them.

153
00:06:09,564 --> 00:06:12,317
We can find solutions.

154
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:13,697
We can adapt.

155
00:06:13,777 --> 00:06:15,950
We can communicate.

156
00:06:16,029 --> 00:06:19,750
And, most importantly,

157
00:06:19,824 --> 00:06:23,829
we can work together.

158
00:06:24,871 --> 00:06:27,215
Well, it was a tough
adventure, but it paid off —

159
00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:29,258
Our school is vampire-free!

160
00:06:29,334 --> 00:06:32,053
Man, who would've
suspected Coach Feratu?

161
00:06:32,128 --> 00:06:33,971
You did great, guys.
Couldn't have done it without ya.

162
00:06:34,047 --> 00:06:35,765
You know, we — w-we
should be proud of ourselves.

163
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:38,093
We killed a vampire
and a gym teacher.

164
00:06:38,343 --> 00:06:40,345
Ha ha ha.
Talk about two-for-one, right?

165
00:06:40,428 --> 00:06:42,226
So, how, exactly,
is your old body living

166
00:06:42,305 --> 00:06:43,682
in there, Grandpa Rick?

167
00:06:43,765 --> 00:06:45,233
Oh, you know,
hyperbaric quantum fluid,

168
00:06:45,308 --> 00:06:47,231
that kind of thing.
It preserves living tissue.

169
00:06:47,310 --> 00:06:49,278
Not that there was much
to preserve.

170
00:06:49,354 --> 00:06:52,073
Look at that mummy!
Ha! Ha ha!

171
00:06:52,148 --> 00:06:54,526
And I guess it's time for me
to get back inside the old-timer.

172
00:06:54,609 --> 00:06:56,486
Oh, my god.
Toby Matthews is asking...

173
00:06:56,569 --> 00:06:58,492
if my parents
are still out of town

174
00:06:58,571 --> 00:07:00,164
and if we can have a party!

175
00:07:00,407 --> 00:07:02,159
All right, way to go, Summer!
What did I tell you?

176
00:07:02,409 --> 00:07:05,538
Ohh! He's asking
if Tiny Rick will be here.

177
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:07,247
Well, you know what, Summer?

178
00:07:07,330 --> 00:07:09,003
Tell him Tiny Rick will be here!

179
00:07:09,082 --> 00:07:10,709
And tell him to bring
some brews!

180
00:07:10,792 --> 00:07:13,045
For real? Y-Y-Y-You
would stay as Tiny Rick,

181
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,846
just so we can have a party?

182
00:07:14,921 --> 00:07:16,594
Hell, yeah!
What's one more night?

183
00:07:16,673 --> 00:07:19,142
And who can have fun with this
old bastard hanging around, huh?

184
00:07:19,384 --> 00:07:21,762
Wubby lubby doob doob!

185
00:07:21,845 --> 00:07:23,518
- Whoo!
- Tiny Rick!

186
00:07:25,890 --> 00:07:28,484
Moving on.
Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith

187
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,483
from the planet E-Arth.

188
00:07:30,562 --> 00:07:32,530
- My heart is pounding.
- This is gonna be great.

189
00:07:32,605 --> 00:07:34,528
The E-Arth relationships
are simpler.

190
00:07:34,607 --> 00:07:37,201
It's a primitive planet,
so their dysfunctions are oh —

191
00:07:37,444 --> 00:07:38,991
W-Wait, what?
What's going on?

192
00:07:39,070 --> 00:07:40,743
Where are the Smith mythologues?

193
00:07:45,827 --> 00:07:46,919
Oh, my god.

194
00:07:48,580 --> 00:07:49,923
Aah! Aah!

195
00:07:49,998 --> 00:07:53,047
- Oh, my god.
- Secure the cell!

196
00:07:53,126 --> 00:07:55,003
Aaaah!

197
00:07:55,086 --> 00:07:57,555
Uh, hey! You know what's fun?
Our gift shop.

198
00:07:57,630 --> 00:07:59,428
Why don't we proceed
in an orderly —

199
00:08:02,385 --> 00:08:03,557
Oh, dear god, no.

200
00:08:03,636 --> 00:08:06,890
They're codependent!
Run!

201
00:08:09,059 --> 00:08:10,060
Oh!

202
00:08:15,899 --> 00:08:17,697
Oh, yeah, yeah,
you really know how

203
00:08:17,776 --> 00:08:19,904
to sport that color blue.
- Really?

204
00:08:19,986 --> 00:08:21,909
- You're looking real good.
- Oh, my god.

205
00:08:21,988 --> 00:08:23,990
- Hey, Morty.
- Oh, hey — hey, Jessica.

206
00:08:24,074 --> 00:08:27,578
So, is Tiny Rick your
brother or cousin, or...?

207
00:08:27,660 --> 00:08:29,628
No, my grandpa just
transferred his consciousness

208
00:08:29,704 --> 00:08:32,048
into a clone of himself
so he could be in our high school.

209
00:08:32,123 --> 00:08:33,420
Cool.

210
00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:35,548
Hey, Tiny Rick's playing guitar.

211
00:08:35,627 --> 00:08:36,799
All right, everybody.

212
00:08:36,878 --> 00:08:38,551
This next one's coming
straight from the heart.

213
00:08:38,630 --> 00:08:40,632
Making the lyrics up
right off the top of my head.

214
00:09:07,909 --> 00:09:09,752
Tiny Rick!
Thanks, everybody!

215
00:09:09,828 --> 00:09:10,954
This guy's amazing!

216
00:09:11,037 --> 00:09:11,959
- I love Tiny Rick!
- Bad. Ass.

217
00:09:12,038 --> 00:09:14,837
Yeah!

218
00:09:23,967 --> 00:09:24,968
Aah!

219
00:09:33,601 --> 00:09:34,944
Huh?

220
00:09:35,019 --> 00:09:36,692
What the fuck?

221
00:09:36,771 --> 00:09:38,694
Yeah, I know! What kind
of operation are you running?

222
00:09:38,773 --> 00:09:41,492
Us? What the hell kind of
relationship do you have?

223
00:09:41,568 --> 00:09:42,865
Oh, right, blame this on us.

224
00:09:42,944 --> 00:09:46,164
Okay, uh, I can and I am!

225
00:09:46,239 --> 00:09:49,834
Your demonized mythologizations
of each other are cooperating.

226
00:09:49,909 --> 00:09:53,163
- Isn't that good?
- No. No! It's bad!

227
00:09:53,246 --> 00:09:56,295
You have the single worst
marriage I've ever witnessed.

228
00:09:56,541 --> 00:09:58,134
It shouldn't exist!

229
00:09:58,209 --> 00:10:00,211
You should never, ever, ever,
have gotten together

230
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:02,969
and I do not understand
how, or why,

231
00:10:03,047 --> 00:10:05,015
you would ever stay together.

232
00:10:05,091 --> 00:10:06,343
Aaah!

233
00:10:06,593 --> 00:10:07,890
Well, this is just
bad couples' therapy.

234
00:10:07,969 --> 00:10:09,266
Totally.

235
00:10:14,601 --> 00:10:17,229
- Wait for us!
- There's only room for one more.

236
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:19,064
I'm a therapist.
I'll talk to them.

237
00:10:19,147 --> 00:10:21,900
They're not therapists.
Go, go, go!

238
00:10:21,983 --> 00:10:24,031
There's gotta be a way
to contact my dad.

239
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:25,987
Let's find a control room
or something.

240
00:10:31,284 --> 00:10:33,036
Beth! You'll want to see this.

241
00:10:33,119 --> 00:10:35,588
- What is it?
- It's a small, hinged panel...

242
00:10:35,663 --> 00:10:38,337
with a tiny amount
of space behind it.

243
00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:40,293
If you can find one, too,

244
00:10:40,376 --> 00:10:43,596
we should be safe for hours,
maybe days!

245
00:10:43,671 --> 00:10:46,049
You stay put, Jerry.

246
00:10:46,132 --> 00:10:48,385
I'll send help, if I make it.

247
00:10:48,635 --> 00:10:50,353
You don't want to find
your own little hatch?

248
00:10:50,595 --> 00:10:53,189
Jerry, I believe that,
if you hide by yourself,

249
00:10:53,264 --> 00:10:55,483
you might survive
and I believe I,

250
00:10:55,558 --> 00:10:57,652
by myself, have a shot
of getting out of here,

251
00:10:57,727 --> 00:11:00,480
but the two of us, together?

252
00:11:00,563 --> 00:11:01,940
I don't know.

253
00:11:02,023 --> 00:11:03,946
Look, maybe the shrink
was right.

254
00:11:04,025 --> 00:11:06,278
Good luck.

255
00:11:09,364 --> 00:11:10,536
All right, now,
you listen to me.

256
00:11:10,615 --> 00:11:11,741
Oh! Or don't.

257
00:11:11,824 --> 00:11:13,792
Hey! Don't! Please!

258
00:11:16,871 --> 00:11:18,339
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god!

259
00:11:18,414 --> 00:11:20,212
Now, I know I've said,
in the past,

260
00:11:20,291 --> 00:11:22,043
that math is important —
And it is! —

261
00:11:22,126 --> 00:11:24,504
But I also think that,
one day, you'll all look back

262
00:11:24,587 --> 00:11:28,182
on being in high school
with Tiny Rick and Morty,

263
00:11:28,258 --> 00:11:31,262
who I hear had a great
party last night.

264
00:11:31,344 --> 00:11:34,644
So, class dismissed.
You've got the day off!

265
00:11:34,722 --> 00:11:36,895
All right! Good work,
Mr. Goldenfold!

266
00:11:36,975 --> 00:11:38,852
Yeah, get outside.
Read a book.

267
00:11:38,935 --> 00:11:40,357
Put on some sunscreen, Danielle!

268
00:11:40,436 --> 00:11:42,109
Hey, what's up, Summer?
Ooh, nice top.

269
00:11:42,188 --> 00:11:44,111
Thanks. Tiny Rick,
you think you might be

270
00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:45,817
getting back into
your old body tonight?

271
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:47,823
No can do.
Tonight's the big dance.

272
00:11:47,902 --> 00:11:50,280
And Marty's bringing Jessica.
He needs his tiny wing man.

273
00:11:50,363 --> 00:11:52,081
Tiny Rick!

274
00:11:52,156 --> 00:11:54,750
Okay, but if not tonight, when?

275
00:11:54,826 --> 00:11:56,294
I don't know.
When I feel like it?

276
00:11:56,369 --> 00:11:58,292
Damn, girl!
You need to chill out!

277
00:11:58,371 --> 00:12:00,465
This whole thing was your
idea, in the first place,

278
00:12:00,707 --> 00:12:02,300
and, now, you're trying
to rush it along.

279
00:12:02,375 --> 00:12:04,127
Yeah, and you know what?
I like high school.

280
00:12:04,210 --> 00:12:05,928
I like hanging out.
Tiny Rick!

281
00:12:06,004 --> 00:12:08,723
But what if the you
that likes it isn't you?

282
00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:10,391
Oh!

283
00:12:10,466 --> 00:12:12,059
Oh, Summer!

284
00:12:12,135 --> 00:12:13,853
It's just Rick
in a younger body.

285
00:12:13,928 --> 00:12:15,225
What's the — What's —
What's — What's —

286
00:12:15,305 --> 00:12:16,557
What's the —
What's the problem?

287
00:12:16,639 --> 00:12:18,312
Look at his art, Morty.

288
00:12:18,391 --> 00:12:21,144
I've got an emo streak.
Part of what makes me so rad.

289
00:12:21,227 --> 00:12:23,776
Why does it say "help me
Morty and Summer!"?

290
00:12:23,855 --> 00:12:26,108
Come on, Summer,
that's the title of the art.

291
00:12:26,190 --> 00:12:28,238
Why was Knight Rider
called Knight Rider?

292
00:12:28,318 --> 00:12:30,571
The car's name was Kitt.
Nobody rode Michael Knight.

293
00:12:30,653 --> 00:12:33,281
You're overthinking it, Summer.
I'm Tiny Rick!

294
00:12:33,364 --> 00:12:35,287
Grandpa, I think that,
when you put your mind

295
00:12:35,366 --> 00:12:36,959
into this body's young brain,

296
00:12:37,035 --> 00:12:38,582
it did what
young brains do —

297
00:12:38,661 --> 00:12:40,208
It shoved the bad
thoughts into the back

298
00:12:40,288 --> 00:12:42,040
and put a wall around them.

299
00:12:42,123 --> 00:12:44,342
But those bad thoughts
are the real Rick.

300
00:12:44,417 --> 00:12:46,135
The fact that you're old,

301
00:12:46,210 --> 00:12:47,883
the fact that we're all
going to die one day,

302
00:12:47,962 --> 00:12:49,714
the fact that the universe
is so big,

303
00:12:49,797 --> 00:12:52,425
nothing in it matters —
Those facts are who you are.

304
00:12:52,508 --> 00:12:54,385
So you're trapped in there
and you can only come out

305
00:12:54,469 --> 00:12:57,063
in the form of
Tiny Rick's teen angst!

306
00:12:57,138 --> 00:12:59,482
Well, Summer, I hear

307
00:12:59,557 --> 00:13:01,855
Toby Matthews
isn't into psycho chicks.

308
00:13:01,934 --> 00:13:03,527
Can't think of anyone that is.

309
00:13:03,770 --> 00:13:06,193
I'll see you motherfuckers
at the dance! Tiny Rick!

310
00:13:06,272 --> 00:13:07,899
Morty, you have to help me!

311
00:13:07,982 --> 00:13:09,905
Summer, he's happy!
I'm happy!

312
00:13:09,984 --> 00:13:11,702
I-I-Is that why
you're doing this,

313
00:13:11,778 --> 00:13:13,280
you don't want me
and Rick to be happy?

314
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:15,286
- No.
- Then get your shit together!

315
00:13:15,365 --> 00:13:17,993
Get it all together
and put it in a backpack.

316
00:13:18,076 --> 00:13:20,795
All your shit, so it's together.

317
00:13:21,788 --> 00:13:23,290
And if you gotta
take it somewhere,

318
00:13:23,373 --> 00:13:24,750
take it somewhere, you know?

319
00:13:24,832 --> 00:13:26,300
Take it to the shit store
and sell it

320
00:13:26,376 --> 00:13:28,629
o-or put it in a shit museum.
I don't care what you do!

321
00:13:28,711 --> 00:13:30,304
You just gotta get it together.

322
00:13:31,381 --> 00:13:33,383
Get your shit together.

323
00:13:38,179 --> 00:13:40,398
Get back!

324
00:13:40,473 --> 00:13:43,101
Wait, for real?

325
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:46,563
You're how Beth sees me?

326
00:13:46,813 --> 00:13:49,566
Oh, my god.
Turn around!

327
00:13:49,816 --> 00:13:51,409
I said turn around!

328
00:13:51,484 --> 00:13:53,657
How can Beth have
these thoughts about me?

329
00:13:53,736 --> 00:13:56,330
That judgmental monster bitch!

330
00:13:56,406 --> 00:13:58,124
I'm not taking this.

331
00:13:58,199 --> 00:13:59,542
I want to know where my wife is.

332
00:13:59,784 --> 00:14:01,582
You are going to help me.

333
00:14:01,828 --> 00:14:03,876
No!
Nobody's doing that!

334
00:14:06,749 --> 00:14:08,672
Stay.

335
00:14:08,751 --> 00:14:11,504
- What do you want?
- Jerrys.

336
00:14:11,587 --> 00:14:14,557
You want Jerry?
I don't even want Jerry.

337
00:14:14,799 --> 00:14:17,348
I want Jerrys.

338
00:14:19,011 --> 00:14:20,558
An army.

339
00:14:20,805 --> 00:14:23,024
An army of Jerrys.

340
00:14:23,099 --> 00:14:26,694
The value of his subservience
is wasted on you.

341
00:14:26,769 --> 00:14:29,943
I will use it to dominate
the universe.

342
00:14:30,022 --> 00:14:31,740
Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must
think I'm pretty stupid,

343
00:14:31,816 --> 00:14:33,363
for you to be this stupid.

344
00:14:33,443 --> 00:14:34,990
Wouldn't it make more sense

345
00:14:35,069 --> 00:14:36,992
to put my dumb-ass husband
in this chair,

346
00:14:37,071 --> 00:14:38,994
so you can make an army
of your badass self?

347
00:14:40,658 --> 00:14:42,581
There could never be more
than one of me.

348
00:14:42,660 --> 00:14:45,630
I'm the strongest,
smartest being alive

349
00:14:45,872 --> 00:14:48,625
because Jerry thinks
you're that much stronger

350
00:14:48,875 --> 00:14:51,970
and smarter than you are!

351
00:14:52,044 --> 00:14:54,388
Okay, ouch.

352
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:02,981
Oh, hey h-hey-y!
Morty, Jessica, what's up?

353
00:15:03,055 --> 00:15:04,523
Check out the new dance
I made up.

354
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:06,567
It's called "Ooh let me out!"

355
00:15:25,328 --> 00:15:27,547
Awesome!

356
00:15:27,622 --> 00:15:29,420
Okay, that last part
was really weird.

357
00:15:29,499 --> 00:15:31,172
Maybe Summer's
on to something here.

358
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,502
I don't know.
It was fun.

359
00:15:32,585 --> 00:15:33,837
You want to slow dance?

360
00:15:38,925 --> 00:15:40,598
Tiny Rick, hey,
great dancing as usual.

361
00:15:40,676 --> 00:15:42,303
Moment of your time?

362
00:15:42,386 --> 00:15:44,138
Tiny Rick, this conversation

363
00:15:44,222 --> 00:15:45,974
is gonna break
my heart wide open.

364
00:15:46,057 --> 00:15:47,604
You're a great student
and the fact that

365
00:15:47,683 --> 00:15:49,435
you're an 80-Year-Old man
in a clone body,

366
00:15:49,519 --> 00:15:51,112
it never bothered me.

367
00:15:51,187 --> 00:15:52,439
But this here is another matter.

368
00:15:52,522 --> 00:15:54,399
You recognize this?

369
00:15:54,482 --> 00:15:56,280
We got a tip
it was in your locker.

370
00:15:56,359 --> 00:15:58,282
Yeah, now, because
the gym coach was a vampire,

371
00:15:58,361 --> 00:16:00,034
the school board is embarrassed

372
00:16:00,112 --> 00:16:01,705
and won't take it public,
However,

373
00:16:01,948 --> 00:16:03,370
they can't have students
killin' teachers.

374
00:16:03,449 --> 00:16:05,372
I gotta expel you
for this one, TR.

375
00:16:05,451 --> 00:16:07,499
I'm sorry.

376
00:16:08,496 --> 00:16:10,419
I just got expelled, Summer!

377
00:16:10,498 --> 00:16:13,297
Oh! So I guess there's
no need to stay young.

378
00:16:13,376 --> 00:16:15,299
My top!
- Screw your top!

379
00:16:15,378 --> 00:16:17,130
You ratted on me?
I'm Tiny Rick!

380
00:16:17,213 --> 00:16:19,090
Fine! Yes!
Because I love you...

381
00:16:19,173 --> 00:16:21,050
and I'm trying
to save your life!

382
00:16:21,133 --> 00:16:23,477
High school is my life!

383
00:16:23,553 --> 00:16:25,476
Summer Smith is
a fucking psycho nerd

384
00:16:25,555 --> 00:16:27,603
and she just got me
kicked out of school!

385
00:16:33,062 --> 00:16:34,484
Boo!

386
00:16:34,564 --> 00:16:35,986
Summer, I thought you were cool!

387
00:16:36,065 --> 00:16:37,692
I'm sorry, okay?

388
00:16:37,775 --> 00:16:39,743
How can you be such a bitch?

389
00:16:39,986 --> 00:16:41,488
Oh, my god, Morty.

390
00:16:41,571 --> 00:16:43,744
Your sister crossed Tiny Rick?

391
00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:45,708
Talk about
self-destructive.

392
00:16:45,783 --> 00:16:47,501
Yeah.

393
00:16:49,370 --> 00:16:51,418
Hey, Jerry-Lover!

394
00:16:51,497 --> 00:16:53,545
How about a taste
of the real thing?

395
00:16:53,624 --> 00:16:55,626
Jerry!

396
00:16:55,710 --> 00:16:57,587
Ah. Ah. Ah.

397
00:16:57,670 --> 00:16:59,968
Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah.

398
00:17:02,383 --> 00:17:04,977
Not on my watch.

399
00:17:05,052 --> 00:17:06,975
That's it!

400
00:17:07,054 --> 00:17:09,102
Beth, it's me, your husband!

401
00:17:09,181 --> 00:17:11,104
I'm here to save you.

402
00:17:11,183 --> 00:17:13,606
Or my name isn't Jerry Smith!

403
00:17:13,686 --> 00:17:15,154
- Aha!
- Yes!

404
00:17:15,229 --> 00:17:16,606
Jerry Smith!

405
00:17:16,689 --> 00:17:17,986
- Yeah, here.
- Aha!

406
00:17:18,065 --> 00:17:19,783
Okay, fair enough.

407
00:17:26,449 --> 00:17:28,747
Say goodnight, old man.

408
00:17:30,494 --> 00:17:31,746
What the hell are you doing?
- Put it down!

409
00:17:31,996 --> 00:17:33,714
Summer, you bitch!

410
00:17:33,789 --> 00:17:35,791
Don't talk to her that way!
She's your granddaughter!

411
00:17:36,042 --> 00:17:38,261
I don't need a granddaughter!
I'm Tiny Ri-I-ck!

412
00:17:38,336 --> 00:17:40,259
She's my sister!
And if Tiny Rick is

413
00:17:40,338 --> 00:17:42,340
gonna be an asshole
to my sister, then,

414
00:17:42,423 --> 00:17:44,425
you know, y-y-you
may as well be old again.

415
00:17:44,508 --> 00:17:46,135
You think you're tough,
huh, Morty?

416
00:17:46,218 --> 00:17:47,595
What are you gonna do?
I'm Tiny Rick.

417
00:17:47,678 --> 00:17:49,351
I'm the coolest kid
in your school.

418
00:17:49,430 --> 00:17:51,478
How are you gonna just make me
do whatever you say, huh?

419
00:17:51,557 --> 00:17:53,651
I'm gonna do what real Rick
would do if he was here —

420
00:17:53,726 --> 00:17:55,694
I'm gonna kick your ass!

421
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,113
Ohhhh!

422
00:17:58,272 --> 00:18:00,650
Rick, I know you're in there!

423
00:18:00,733 --> 00:18:02,280
I know you're trying to get out!

424
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:05,034
That's it, Morty!
Hold him down!

425
00:18:07,198 --> 00:18:09,701
I” Stay up all night J“

426
00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:12,708
Listen to it, Tiny Rick.
Listen to Elliott Smith.

427
00:18:12,787 --> 00:18:14,209
Ugh! No!

428
00:18:14,288 --> 00:18:15,756
Feel what he's feeling.

429
00:18:15,831 --> 00:18:19,005
Ugh! Noooooooo! God!

430
00:18:20,544 --> 00:18:22,546
Oh, god, what is life?

431
00:18:22,630 --> 00:18:25,179
How can someone so talented
die so young?

432
00:18:25,257 --> 00:18:27,009
What is being young?

433
00:18:27,093 --> 00:18:29,596
I'm not young. I'm old.
I'm — I'm gonna die.

434
00:18:29,679 --> 00:18:31,272
My body isn't real.

435
00:18:31,347 --> 00:18:33,190
Morty! Summer!
It's me!

436
00:18:33,265 --> 00:18:34,812
It's Rick! Regular Rick!

437
00:18:34,892 --> 00:18:36,769
Rick! How do we get you
back into your body?

438
00:18:36,852 --> 00:18:37,978
Okay, listen carefully.

439
00:18:38,062 --> 00:18:40,064
There's a set of diodes
on the vat's control panel,

440
00:18:40,147 --> 00:18:41,273
a blue one and a red one.

441
00:18:41,357 --> 00:18:43,359
Oh, god, what kind of world is this?
I didn't ask to be born.

442
00:18:43,442 --> 00:18:46,195
I need you to connect
the blue one to my left temple

443
00:18:46,278 --> 00:18:48,246
and the red one to —
Why doesn't anyone really like me?

444
00:18:48,322 --> 00:18:50,245
- Focus, Grandpa!
- Just put the stupid wires on my head!

445
00:18:50,324 --> 00:18:52,042
I hate being a teenager!

446
00:19:00,126 --> 00:19:01,878
Ugh! Arrgghh!

447
00:19:04,797 --> 00:19:07,266
Ah! Uhhhhh!

448
00:19:07,341 --> 00:19:09,639
Jerry, you can't bend metal.

449
00:19:09,719 --> 00:19:11,721
Then make a me that can!
- How can I do that...

450
00:19:11,804 --> 00:19:14,432
while I'm watching you
totally fail to bend metal?

451
00:19:14,515 --> 00:19:15,983
Good old Beth!

452
00:19:16,058 --> 00:19:18,026
The mind of a robot
and the heart of an insect!

453
00:19:18,102 --> 00:19:19,854
Don't talk that way about her!

454
00:19:19,937 --> 00:19:21,985
What?

455
00:19:22,064 --> 00:19:24,362
Oh, it hurts!

456
00:19:24,442 --> 00:19:25,659
Oh, god.

457
00:19:28,571 --> 00:19:29,993
Stop.

458
00:19:30,072 --> 00:19:33,747
This representation
displeases me.

459
00:19:33,826 --> 00:19:35,544
Aaah!

460
00:19:39,832 --> 00:19:41,880
Good lord.
How did you...?

461
00:19:42,126 --> 00:19:43,753
Well, I had a feeling
that, in your mind,

462
00:19:43,836 --> 00:19:45,588
the ideal version of me
is one smart enough

463
00:19:45,671 --> 00:19:47,344
to see you as...

464
00:19:47,423 --> 00:19:48,925
a goddess.

465
00:19:49,175 --> 00:19:51,303
Not such a stupid worm
now, are you?

466
00:19:51,385 --> 00:19:54,013
Honey, when it comes
to the subject of your ego,

467
00:19:54,096 --> 00:19:56,064
I'm Stephen fucking Hawkinson.

468
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:58,609
Ugh, it's —
Never mind.

469
00:19:58,684 --> 00:20:00,402
I love you.

470
00:20:07,276 --> 00:20:08,949
- Rick!
- Pants!

471
00:20:09,195 --> 00:20:11,072
Holy shit!
Thanks, kids.

472
00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:13,203
You figured it out.
Well, Summer did.

473
00:20:13,282 --> 00:20:15,284
Kind of weird that
you were that willing

474
00:20:15,367 --> 00:20:17,369
to sell my existence out
for some trim, Morty.

475
00:20:17,453 --> 00:20:18,921
- What?
- Pants!

476
00:20:19,163 --> 00:20:20,881
But listen — I forgive you both
because you know what?

477
00:20:20,956 --> 00:20:22,799
I learned, today,
something important —

478
00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:24,502
The teenage mind
is its own worst enemy.

479
00:20:24,585 --> 00:20:25,802
Oh, I also learned this...

480
00:20:27,755 --> 00:20:30,759
Operation Phoenix is not
the fallback I thought it would be.

481
00:20:30,841 --> 00:20:32,514
I guess it's back
to the drawing board.

482
00:20:32,593 --> 00:20:34,061
Oh, my god!

483
00:20:34,136 --> 00:20:35,433
Oh, my god!

484
00:20:35,513 --> 00:20:38,312
- Oh, my god.
- Put some pants on!

485
00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:39,562
Put pants on.

486
00:20:39,642 --> 00:20:41,519
Grandpa's back, baby!

487
00:20:41,602 --> 00:20:42,728
Grandpa's —

488
00:20:42,812 --> 00:20:44,655
Oh, man, I gotta pick up
your parents.

489
00:20:44,730 --> 00:20:46,573
They have been blowin' me up.

490
00:20:46,649 --> 00:20:47,775
One last swing for the road!

491
00:20:47,858 --> 00:20:49,405
Aaaaaaaaaaah!

492
00:20:49,485 --> 00:20:50,907
For the love of god,
get dressed!

493
00:20:53,447 --> 00:20:55,541
So, what do you think?
You wanna...

494
00:20:55,616 --> 00:20:57,289
keep this marriage
going a while longer?

495
00:20:57,368 --> 00:21:00,793
At least until Morty has
graduated high school.

496
00:21:00,871 --> 00:21:02,498
Oh. Mm.

497
00:21:04,708 --> 00:21:06,836
Aha, you see?
What did I tell you two?

498
00:21:06,919 --> 00:21:08,216
It worked.

499
00:21:08,295 --> 00:21:09,797
You know what, Rick?
I guess, in a way —

500
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,008
Already lost interest.
Get in the car.

501
00:21:12,258 --> 00:21:13,555
I've been inside a kid
all day and, now,

502
00:21:13,634 --> 00:21:15,102
I can feel my bones
scraping each other.

503
00:21:15,177 --> 00:21:17,305
Uh, just so you're prepared,

504
00:21:17,388 --> 00:21:19,311
there's a bunch of dead mes
in the garage.

505
00:21:19,390 --> 00:21:22,735
Huh! Sounds like our stories
were connected by a theme.

506
00:21:22,810 --> 00:21:24,983
Not really, Jerry.

507
00:21:25,062 --> 00:21:28,362
Probably a cosmetic connection
your mind mistakes for thematic.

508
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:29,862
Oh.

509
00:21:29,942 --> 00:21:31,944
Old Rick!
Ruinin' everything!

510
00:22:07,229 --> 00:22:08,981
- Master.
- Speak.

511
00:22:09,064 --> 00:22:12,159
Coach Feratu's presence was
discovered by the humans.

512
00:22:12,234 --> 00:22:14,487
He has been destroyed.
- No bother.

513
00:22:14,570 --> 00:22:16,163
The mortals shall soon —

514
00:22:16,238 --> 00:22:17,364
I'm sorry, what did you
say his name was?

515
00:22:17,448 --> 00:22:19,291
- Coach Feratu.
- Coach Feratu.

516
00:22:19,366 --> 00:22:21,619
That was his real name,
like his actual vampire name?

517
00:22:21,702 --> 00:22:23,750
No no no no. His vampire
name was Balik Alistane.

518
00:22:23,829 --> 00:22:25,456
Why the fuck
would he name himself

519
00:22:25,539 --> 00:22:27,291
after a famous vampire movie?
Was he doing a bit?

520
00:22:27,374 --> 00:22:28,626
I do not know, your unholiness.

521
00:22:28,709 --> 00:22:30,336
Jesus fucking Christ.

522
00:22:30,419 --> 00:22:32,888
From now on, no more of
this clever-name bullshit.

523
00:22:32,963 --> 00:22:34,556
When a vampire is pretending
to be a human,

524
00:22:34,632 --> 00:22:35,849
they can just call themselves

525
00:22:35,925 --> 00:22:37,677
Alan Jefferson
or something like that.

526
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:39,057
It's crazy, right?

527
00:22:39,136 --> 00:22:40,433
I mean, am I being an asshole?

528
00:22:40,512 --> 00:22:42,059
Okay, I feel like
everybody in the room

529
00:22:42,139 --> 00:22:43,311
is looking at me like
I'm the buzzkill.

530
00:22:43,390 --> 00:22:44,391
I'm not?

531
00:22:44,475 --> 00:22:47,854
Good. Okay. Great.

532
00:22:49,438 --> 00:22:50,860
Did you get any of that?

533
00:22:50,940 --> 00:22:52,863
It's-a good-a show!

534
00:22:55,070 --> 00:23:01,070
Ripped By mstoll