1 00:00:00,471 --> 00:00:02,137 - Morty! - Rick? 2 00:00:02,172 --> 00:00:04,539 - Hey, Morty? - Rick? 3 00:00:04,575 --> 00:00:07,276 Are you far away, or are you inside something? 4 00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:08,977 Is this a camera? 5 00:00:09,013 --> 00:00:10,512 Is everything a camera? 6 00:00:10,547 --> 00:00:12,180 Morty, the garage, Morty. 7 00:00:12,216 --> 00:00:14,182 Come to the garage! 8 00:00:14,218 --> 00:00:15,250 Morty? 9 00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:16,885 Rick? W-where are you? 10 00:00:16,921 --> 00:00:18,287 On my work bench, Morty. 11 00:00:18,322 --> 00:00:20,066 Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me? 12 00:00:20,090 --> 00:00:21,090 Flip the pickle over. 13 00:00:21,125 --> 00:00:22,591 What, I'm gonna touch it, 14 00:00:22,626 --> 00:00:24,437 and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something. 15 00:00:24,461 --> 00:00:26,161 Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. 16 00:00:26,196 --> 00:00:29,097 You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge. 17 00:00:29,133 --> 00:00:31,099 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 18 00:00:31,135 --> 00:00:33,302 Boom! Big reveal... I'm a pickle. 19 00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:34,569 What do you think about that? 20 00:00:34,605 --> 00:00:36,438 I turned myself into a pickle! 21 00:00:36,473 --> 00:00:38,507 W-what are you just staring at me for, bro. 22 00:00:38,542 --> 00:00:40,042 I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! 23 00:00:40,077 --> 00:00:41,376 And? And? 24 00:00:41,412 --> 00:00:43,211 What more do you want tacked on to this? 25 00:00:43,247 --> 00:00:45,948 I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job. 26 00:00:45,983 --> 00:00:47,382 Was it? Who cares, Morty? 27 00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:49,217 Global acts of terrorism happen every day. 28 00:00:49,253 --> 00:00:51,064 Uh, here's something that's never happened before... 29 00:00:51,088 --> 00:00:52,421 I'm a pickle. 30 00:00:52,456 --> 00:00:54,556 I'm Pickle Rick! 31 00:01:30,594 --> 00:01:33,428 Are you going to, I mean, you know, 32 00:01:33,464 --> 00:01:35,364 is this the first part of some magic trick? 33 00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:37,532 I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. 34 00:01:37,568 --> 00:01:39,634 One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner. 35 00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:41,636 Well, can you move? Can you fly? 36 00:01:41,672 --> 00:01:43,283 I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could. 37 00:01:43,307 --> 00:01:46,441 All right, well, do pickles live forever or... 38 00:01:46,477 --> 00:01:49,344 Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. 39 00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:51,113 I'm a pickle. I-I'm just trying 40 00:01:51,148 --> 00:01:52,625 to figure out why you would do this... 41 00:01:52,649 --> 00:01:54,216 Why anyone would do this. 42 00:01:54,251 --> 00:01:56,551 The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, 43 00:01:56,587 --> 00:01:58,720 which they can't, would be because they could, 44 00:01:58,756 --> 00:02:00,455 which they can't. 45 00:02:00,491 --> 00:02:02,168 Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. 46 00:02:02,192 --> 00:02:03,703 Where's your grandpa? Right here, sweetie. 47 00:02:03,727 --> 00:02:05,560 I'm a pickle! What? 48 00:02:05,596 --> 00:02:07,029 Why would you... ugh! 49 00:02:07,064 --> 00:02:08,375 Look, we're running late. We have to go. 50 00:02:08,399 --> 00:02:09,598 Where are you guys going? 51 00:02:09,633 --> 00:02:12,167 We have an appointment downtown 52 00:02:12,202 --> 00:02:15,037 that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, 53 00:02:15,072 --> 00:02:16,438 including you. 54 00:02:16,473 --> 00:02:19,174 Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. 55 00:02:19,209 --> 00:02:21,443 Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. 56 00:02:21,478 --> 00:02:23,378 I mean, I don't know if I can... ooh, geez. 57 00:02:23,414 --> 00:02:26,348 Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling? 58 00:02:26,383 --> 00:02:28,016 - Morty! - It's okay, Beth. 59 00:02:28,052 --> 00:02:29,284 I understand Morty's suspicion. 60 00:02:29,319 --> 00:02:30,685 I've misled him before. 61 00:02:30,721 --> 00:02:34,022 Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact. 62 00:02:34,058 --> 00:02:37,292 Morty, I assure you, I would never find a way 63 00:02:37,327 --> 00:02:39,394 to get out of family therapy. 64 00:02:39,430 --> 00:02:41,229 I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent 65 00:02:41,265 --> 00:02:42,597 the perception of my air quotes. 66 00:02:42,633 --> 00:02:44,444 Can't you just turn yourself back into a human? 67 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:45,500 Great question, Summer. 68 00:02:45,536 --> 00:02:46,768 The unfortunate answer is 69 00:02:46,804 --> 00:02:48,537 I did this to challenge myself. 70 00:02:48,572 --> 00:02:50,305 And it could take hours or even days 71 00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:52,641 before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. 72 00:02:52,676 --> 00:02:54,543 But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me 73 00:02:54,578 --> 00:02:56,078 in a purse or a pocket, you know, 74 00:02:56,113 --> 00:02:57,312 if she really needs me to go. 75 00:02:57,347 --> 00:02:59,514 Nobody needs anything. Okay, it's fine. 76 00:02:59,550 --> 00:03:01,161 I mean, you should just stay here and figure out 77 00:03:01,185 --> 00:03:02,617 how to stop being a pickle, okay? 78 00:03:02,653 --> 00:03:05,554 Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid 79 00:03:05,589 --> 00:03:07,222 hanging directly over you? 80 00:03:07,257 --> 00:03:09,591 Also, why is the string attached to it running through 81 00:03:09,626 --> 00:03:11,393 a pair of scissors attached to a timer? 82 00:03:11,428 --> 00:03:13,595 And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, 83 00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:17,199 exactly when we would have left for therapy? 84 00:03:17,234 --> 00:03:19,401 Well, Morty, if you know must know, 85 00:03:19,436 --> 00:03:21,703 the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, 86 00:03:21,738 --> 00:03:24,172 and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation. 87 00:03:24,208 --> 00:03:26,842 Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late. 88 00:03:26,877 --> 00:03:28,510 W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? 89 00:03:28,545 --> 00:03:30,345 What are you doing there, sweetie? 90 00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,158 Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle 91 00:03:32,182 --> 00:03:33,626 full of liquid unrelated to your situation. 92 00:03:33,650 --> 00:03:34,650 How's that gonna help? 93 00:03:34,685 --> 00:03:35,784 Can't argue with that. 94 00:03:35,819 --> 00:03:37,119 Great. We'll see you later. 95 00:03:37,154 --> 00:03:38,487 Hey, hey, be careful with that. 96 00:03:38,522 --> 00:03:39,866 It's for something else. 97 00:03:39,890 --> 00:03:41,434 It's really important, 98 00:03:41,458 --> 00:03:43,158 so don't break it. 99 00:03:43,193 --> 00:03:45,727 Okay, I may have up here. 100 00:03:47,364 --> 00:03:50,098 Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. 101 00:03:50,134 --> 00:03:51,700 T-t-tah, tah. 102 00:04:02,279 --> 00:04:04,579 Oh, great. 103 00:04:04,615 --> 00:04:06,214 Stupid cat. 104 00:04:07,751 --> 00:04:09,329 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like 105 00:04:09,353 --> 00:04:10,886 to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! 106 00:04:10,921 --> 00:04:12,765 I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared 107 00:04:12,789 --> 00:04:14,734 of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. 108 00:04:14,758 --> 00:04:16,291 I'm not a snake! 109 00:04:16,326 --> 00:04:17,692 I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle! 110 00:04:17,728 --> 00:04:18,760 Whoa! 111 00:04:18,795 --> 00:04:21,096 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 112 00:04:22,599 --> 00:04:26,168 Oh, crap, that sun is bright. 113 00:04:26,203 --> 00:04:27,435 Okay, come on. 114 00:04:27,471 --> 00:04:28,781 This can't really be the way I go out. 115 00:04:28,805 --> 00:04:30,405 This is the mega-genius equivalent 116 00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,341 of dying on the toilet. 117 00:04:33,377 --> 00:04:36,378 So hot. 118 00:04:36,413 --> 00:04:39,381 This is how I'm gonna die. 119 00:04:47,824 --> 00:04:49,658 Oh, God, moisture. 120 00:04:49,693 --> 00:04:52,460 Oh, God, the moisture... Dial it back, God. 121 00:04:52,496 --> 00:04:54,329 Dial it back a little bit here! 122 00:04:54,364 --> 00:04:55,630 Oh! Oh. 123 00:04:59,369 --> 00:05:00,402 Oh, God! 124 00:05:00,437 --> 00:05:02,204 Perpendicular, perpendicular! 125 00:05:02,239 --> 00:05:03,872 Oh, shit! 126 00:05:03,907 --> 00:05:05,874 Oh! Oh! 127 00:05:14,418 --> 00:05:16,551 Oh! 128 00:05:23,627 --> 00:05:25,660 Come on. That's it. 129 00:05:25,696 --> 00:05:27,462 Come get this delicious brine. 130 00:05:27,497 --> 00:05:28,597 Aah! 131 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,767 Come on! Come on, mother! 132 00:05:32,803 --> 00:05:34,402 Come on! 133 00:05:54,958 --> 00:05:57,259 Yes! 134 00:05:57,294 --> 00:05:59,527 How is this even family therapy 135 00:05:59,563 --> 00:06:01,896 if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come? 136 00:06:01,932 --> 00:06:04,266 Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog? 137 00:06:04,301 --> 00:06:06,501 It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. 138 00:06:06,536 --> 00:06:09,237 The family was told to get counseling by your principal, 139 00:06:09,273 --> 00:06:10,939 even though it's not the family that was 140 00:06:10,974 --> 00:06:13,308 huffing pottery glaze in the art room 141 00:06:13,343 --> 00:06:15,310 and desk wetting in history class. 142 00:06:15,345 --> 00:06:17,012 Oh, the Smith family, 143 00:06:17,047 --> 00:06:18,513 minus a dad. 144 00:06:18,548 --> 00:06:20,382 You're patients of Dr. Wong, too? 145 00:06:20,417 --> 00:06:22,384 Temporarily... By order of the school. 146 00:06:22,419 --> 00:06:25,854 Me too. How long have you all been eating poop? 147 00:06:25,889 --> 00:06:28,423 We... have never... 148 00:06:28,458 --> 00:06:29,458 eaten poop. 149 00:06:29,493 --> 00:06:31,326 Uh, me, neither. 150 00:06:31,361 --> 00:06:33,728 Say, where did my family get off to? 151 00:06:33,764 --> 00:06:36,364 Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. 152 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,433 Come on in. 153 00:06:41,838 --> 00:06:44,639 I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us? 154 00:06:44,675 --> 00:06:46,841 He got wrapped up in an experiment. 155 00:06:46,877 --> 00:06:48,677 He's a scientist. 156 00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:50,945 Like, legit, like on a an inter-galactic, 157 00:06:50,981 --> 00:06:52,580 sci-fi level. His work is very... 158 00:06:52,616 --> 00:06:53,882 He turned himself into a pickle. 159 00:06:53,917 --> 00:06:56,418 Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry. 160 00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:58,053 I suppose that's a good segue 161 00:06:58,088 --> 00:07:00,455 into our little discipline cases here. 162 00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:03,058 Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot? 163 00:07:03,093 --> 00:07:06,328 What? No! What kind of question is that? 164 00:07:06,363 --> 00:07:09,064 The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way. 165 00:07:09,099 --> 00:07:11,633 Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. 166 00:07:11,668 --> 00:07:15,303 No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. 167 00:07:15,339 --> 00:07:17,405 He's unpredictable and eccentric. 168 00:07:17,441 --> 00:07:19,774 The whole family is. Speaking of which... 169 00:07:19,810 --> 00:07:22,711 Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, 170 00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:24,646 and let me ask this. 171 00:07:24,681 --> 00:07:27,816 Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle? 172 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,494 Wow. Ugh! 173 00:07:41,998 --> 00:07:44,332 Hey, listen, I know this is your world not mine. 174 00:07:44,368 --> 00:07:46,112 The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back 175 00:07:46,136 --> 00:07:50,071 to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them. 176 00:07:50,107 --> 00:07:51,806 You are one driven rat. 177 00:07:51,842 --> 00:07:55,844 Could you be a little more driven? 178 00:07:55,879 --> 00:07:58,913 To the right. 179 00:07:58,949 --> 00:08:00,515 Yes, yes, yes! 180 00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:02,717 Come on, come on, come on! Fresh, fresh, fresh! 181 00:08:02,753 --> 00:08:04,719 Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend? 182 00:08:04,755 --> 00:08:08,556 Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, being a dumb... rat. 183 00:08:29,112 --> 00:08:30,845 Oh, yeah! 184 00:08:54,137 --> 00:08:55,837 Aaaah! 185 00:08:55,872 --> 00:08:57,605 I didn't say my father is perfect, 186 00:08:57,674 --> 00:08:58,973 I said his work is important. 187 00:08:59,009 --> 00:09:00,708 And she's saying what's important is 188 00:09:00,744 --> 00:09:02,844 that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here. 189 00:09:02,879 --> 00:09:04,012 Oh, he did not! 190 00:09:04,047 --> 00:09:05,547 Let's do an experiment here. 191 00:09:05,582 --> 00:09:07,682 I get the impression this family values science. 192 00:09:07,717 --> 00:09:10,051 So raise your hand if you feel certain 193 00:09:10,086 --> 00:09:12,187 you know what was in the syringe. 194 00:09:13,089 --> 00:09:15,590 Raise your hand if you know for certain 195 00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:18,760 the syringe does not contain anti-pickle serum. 196 00:09:20,063 --> 00:09:21,963 Beth, your hand did a little thing there. 197 00:09:21,998 --> 00:09:23,576 Do you really not see what's happening here? 198 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,133 Tell me. Well, Dr. Wong... 199 00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:26,768 By the way, racist name... 200 00:09:26,837 --> 00:09:29,037 Obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your 201 00:09:29,072 --> 00:09:31,439 arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run 202 00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:33,608 around what was supposed to be their therapy. 203 00:09:33,643 --> 00:09:35,176 Oh, I think this pickle incident 204 00:09:35,212 --> 00:09:36,778 is a better path than any other 205 00:09:36,813 --> 00:09:38,746 to the heart of your family's dysfunction. 206 00:09:38,782 --> 00:09:40,815 I think it's possible that you and your father 207 00:09:40,851 --> 00:09:43,117 have a very specific dynamic. 208 00:09:43,153 --> 00:09:44,552 I don't think it's one 209 00:09:44,588 --> 00:09:46,032 that rewards emotion or vulnerability. 210 00:09:46,056 --> 00:09:47,655 I think it may punish them. 211 00:09:47,691 --> 00:09:49,924 I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, 212 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,993 and is infecting your kids with a tendency 213 00:09:52,028 --> 00:09:54,762 to misdirect their feelings. 214 00:09:54,798 --> 00:09:55,864 you. 215 00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:56,865 - Mom! - Mom! 216 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:57,999 both of you, too. 217 00:10:00,237 --> 00:10:01,914 By the way, you might notice that in spite of 218 00:10:01,938 --> 00:10:04,138 your numerous distinctive features, 219 00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:07,842 I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. 220 00:10:07,878 --> 00:10:09,978 That's because, to me, you aren't special. 221 00:10:10,013 --> 00:10:12,480 You were special to rats. Now they're dead. 222 00:10:12,516 --> 00:10:14,616 I guess it was me you should have impressed. 223 00:10:14,651 --> 00:10:16,951 God damn it, I love myself. 224 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:28,997 Pickle Rick! 225 00:10:44,036 --> 00:10:45,569 Get that parkour. 226 00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,037 Get that parkour! 227 00:10:50,109 --> 00:10:51,709 Hey, it's cool. 228 00:10:51,744 --> 00:10:52,988 Just need to find the nearest exit. 229 00:10:53,012 --> 00:10:54,645 Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out. 230 00:10:56,682 --> 00:10:57,915 Whoa! 231 00:10:59,051 --> 00:11:01,071 Who in the toilet is this? 232 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,372 What is it? 233 00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:15,541 A pickle? A rat? Both. 234 00:11:15,576 --> 00:11:17,221 It says it's a scientist. 235 00:11:17,245 --> 00:11:18,544 Where is it? 236 00:11:18,579 --> 00:11:20,412 It seems to be using the air ducts 237 00:11:20,448 --> 00:11:22,414 and the mail tubes to get around. 238 00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:24,650 It's been gathering office supplies, we think, 239 00:11:24,685 --> 00:11:25,851 to build weaponry. 240 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,287 But look what it did on the mezzanine. 241 00:11:28,322 --> 00:11:32,558 It transferred a bottle from the trash to the recycling bin. 242 00:11:32,593 --> 00:11:36,262 Whatever this thing is, it's shaming us. 243 00:11:36,297 --> 00:11:38,564 We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle? 244 00:11:38,599 --> 00:11:40,432 32 armed guards. 245 00:11:40,468 --> 00:11:42,334 He killed two. 246 00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:43,836 It's on the phone. 247 00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,272 Put him on, and locate the phone he's using. 248 00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:47,973 Hello. 249 00:11:48,009 --> 00:11:50,809 Hi, um, can you, uh, please let me out. 250 00:11:50,845 --> 00:11:52,511 Your mere presence in this building 251 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,413 violates international law. 252 00:11:54,448 --> 00:11:57,349 I couldn't let you out even if you hadn't killed two men. 253 00:11:57,385 --> 00:11:59,752 You should know those men killed themselves. 254 00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,320 And how is that? 255 00:12:01,355 --> 00:12:03,022 They didn't let me out. 256 00:12:03,057 --> 00:12:04,456 Solen'ya. 257 00:12:04,492 --> 00:12:05,824 Shut your mouth and do your jobs, 258 00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:07,259 you children! 259 00:12:07,295 --> 00:12:08,861 Uh, is this not a good time or...? 260 00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,830 Some of my men are calling you "Solen'ya"... 261 00:12:11,866 --> 00:12:14,900 The Pickle Man, an old wives tale. 262 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,702 He crawls from bowls of cold soup 263 00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,804 to steal the dreams of wasteful children. 264 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,372 That'd be a lucky break for you. 265 00:12:20,408 --> 00:12:23,342 Go, shoot to kill. 266 00:12:23,377 --> 00:12:26,045 Aaah! 267 00:12:36,691 --> 00:12:37,768 We got him. 268 00:12:37,792 --> 00:12:38,857 - Ah. - Ah. 269 00:12:38,893 --> 00:12:40,392 Because this pickle 270 00:12:40,428 --> 00:12:42,528 doesn't care about your children. 271 00:12:42,563 --> 00:12:44,029 And I'm not gonna take their dreams. 272 00:12:44,065 --> 00:12:46,832 I'm gonna take their parents. 273 00:13:03,718 --> 00:13:05,651 Solen'ya! He's coming! 274 00:13:05,686 --> 00:13:08,420 It's because I threw half-way my sandwich! 275 00:13:08,456 --> 00:13:10,055 He's just a pickle! 276 00:13:10,091 --> 00:13:11,423 He's a monster. 277 00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:13,926 He's not the only one. 278 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:26,038 You can stay, dead to the world and die in this room. 279 00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:30,342 Or you can kill a pickle for me and earn your freedom. 280 00:13:30,378 --> 00:13:34,480 There is no freedom while you're leader breathes. 281 00:13:34,515 --> 00:13:36,548 Our country is a prison. 282 00:13:36,584 --> 00:13:38,350 Then Catarina is a prisoner. 283 00:13:38,386 --> 00:13:40,919 Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. 284 00:13:40,955 --> 00:13:44,523 She lives, Jaguar. 285 00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,959 Where is this pickle? 286 00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:49,495 What do you think is in the syringe, Beth? 287 00:13:49,530 --> 00:13:51,830 You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me. 288 00:13:51,866 --> 00:13:53,577 - Anti-pickle serum. - It's anti-pickle serum. 289 00:13:53,601 --> 00:13:56,635 Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum. 290 00:13:56,670 --> 00:14:00,038 My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases. 291 00:14:00,074 --> 00:14:02,408 They're just angry at me for divorcing their father. 292 00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:03,976 I never said I was angry at you. 293 00:14:04,011 --> 00:14:06,378 That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. 294 00:14:06,414 --> 00:14:08,113 You do it so you don't have to say 295 00:14:08,149 --> 00:14:09,915 "I'm angry at mommy" out loud. 296 00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:11,650 Oh, my God! Oh, there... 297 00:14:11,685 --> 00:14:13,819 There's pictures of people eating poop in there! 298 00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:17,556 It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. 299 00:14:17,591 --> 00:14:20,058 Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, 300 00:14:20,094 --> 00:14:22,461 you could ask him... He won't have to ask for it, okay? 301 00:14:22,496 --> 00:14:23,462 He won't need it. 302 00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:24,797 He'll just make more. 303 00:14:24,832 --> 00:14:26,498 He doesn't need anything from anyone. 304 00:14:26,534 --> 00:14:29,868 You admire him for that. 305 00:14:29,904 --> 00:14:31,603 It's better than making your problems 306 00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:32,905 other people's problems. 307 00:14:50,458 --> 00:14:51,824 Oh, come on! 308 00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:05,604 Pickle Man, you should know this isn't personal! 309 00:15:05,639 --> 00:15:06,850 You should know that isn't original. 310 00:15:06,874 --> 00:15:08,173 They have my daughter. 311 00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:10,075 There's nothing I won't do to see her again. 312 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,678 Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, 313 00:15:12,713 --> 00:15:14,480 but killing you gets me to her quicker 314 00:15:14,515 --> 00:15:16,515 than your derivative bullshit. 315 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,988 I never bullshit, Pickle Man. 316 00:15:23,023 --> 00:15:25,157 This can only end with one of us dead, 317 00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:26,925 and I have never died. 318 00:15:26,961 --> 00:15:28,694 That will be your downfall, Jaguar, 319 00:15:28,762 --> 00:15:31,530 not being open to new experiences. 320 00:15:42,610 --> 00:15:44,243 Is it done? 321 00:15:44,278 --> 00:15:46,044 Jaguar? 322 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,046 Jaguar couldn't make it. 323 00:15:48,082 --> 00:15:49,147 Do it. 324 00:15:49,183 --> 00:15:51,517 Okay, you win, Pickle Man. 325 00:15:51,552 --> 00:15:52,851 I'm unsealing the building. 326 00:15:52,887 --> 00:15:55,120 No, thanks. I'm coming for you now. 327 00:15:55,155 --> 00:15:58,090 Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds 328 00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,591 in a safe on level two. 329 00:15:59,627 --> 00:16:00,792 I'll give you the combination. 330 00:16:00,828 --> 00:16:02,661 That money belongs to the people. 331 00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:04,596 Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! 332 00:16:04,632 --> 00:16:06,064 Do we have a deal? 333 00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:08,066 Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter 334 00:16:08,102 --> 00:16:09,067 when you set her free. 335 00:16:09,103 --> 00:16:10,602 Or I'll be visiting you. 336 00:16:10,638 --> 00:16:12,070 Jaguar's daughter is dead. 337 00:16:12,106 --> 00:16:13,272 Huh, so you're a liar. 338 00:16:13,307 --> 00:16:14,806 Jaguar was an animal. 339 00:16:14,842 --> 00:16:16,575 You're an intelligent pickle. 340 00:16:16,610 --> 00:16:17,910 We can do business. 341 00:16:17,945 --> 00:16:19,745 I don't think so. See you soon. 342 00:16:19,780 --> 00:16:21,280 - Is the helicopter here? - Yes. 343 00:16:21,315 --> 00:16:22,781 And the police are on the way. 344 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:23,916 What do we tell them? 345 00:16:23,951 --> 00:16:25,083 Ooh! Aah! 346 00:16:25,119 --> 00:16:26,919 Tell them we were robbed. 347 00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:33,692 Hey! Hey, what are you doing? 348 00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:36,061 I'm right here! 349 00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:52,077 Farewell, Solen'ya. 350 00:16:56,050 --> 00:16:57,749 F-15s are scrambled. 351 00:16:57,785 --> 00:17:00,152 This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes. 352 00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:01,920 Well, my daughter is about five away, 353 00:17:01,956 --> 00:17:03,589 and I've got about eight to live. 354 00:17:03,624 --> 00:17:05,891 Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter 355 00:17:05,926 --> 00:17:07,259 I love her, but not for you. 356 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,994 Oh, well, uh, she knows. 357 00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,807 I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, 358 00:17:10,831 --> 00:17:12,631 to the extent that love is an expression 359 00:17:12,666 --> 00:17:15,100 of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines 360 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:16,868 precludes the necessity of attachment. 361 00:17:16,904 --> 00:17:19,237 In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters 362 00:17:19,273 --> 00:17:20,639 in an alternate version of earth 363 00:17:20,674 --> 00:17:23,241 that was taken over by mutants. 364 00:17:23,277 --> 00:17:25,611 Okay. Good luck with that. 365 00:17:25,646 --> 00:17:27,879 Wait. Do I have infinite daughters? 366 00:17:27,915 --> 00:17:30,949 Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. 367 00:17:30,985 --> 00:17:33,819 Nope, just me. 368 00:17:33,854 --> 00:17:35,621 Yeesh! 369 00:17:37,291 --> 00:17:38,924 I... 370 00:17:38,959 --> 00:17:40,626 am... 371 00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,160 afraid... 372 00:17:42,196 --> 00:17:43,662 that my kids will get expelled. 373 00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:45,263 Good. Summer, you go. 374 00:17:45,299 --> 00:17:47,699 I am mad... 375 00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:49,701 that I can't huff enamel 376 00:17:49,737 --> 00:17:52,704 without people assuming it's because my family sucks. 377 00:17:52,740 --> 00:17:56,141 I hope to be seen one day 378 00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,721 as someone that just likes getting high. 379 00:17:57,745 --> 00:17:58,977 Good job. 380 00:17:59,013 --> 00:18:01,113 Morty, do you have an "I" statement? 381 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:04,149 I am sad... 382 00:18:04,184 --> 00:18:05,817 that I peed. 383 00:18:05,853 --> 00:18:09,287 I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet. 384 00:18:09,323 --> 00:18:12,658 Look at this family go. You guys are pros. 385 00:18:12,693 --> 00:18:15,661 What do you guys think about doing this once a week? 386 00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:19,765 Ugh. 387 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,939 You must be Rick. Mm-hmm. 388 00:18:27,975 --> 00:18:29,841 I've heard a lot about you today. 389 00:18:29,877 --> 00:18:31,877 Your family is crazy about you. 390 00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:33,645 Your daughter holds you in very high regard. 391 00:18:33,681 --> 00:18:34,980 You're a lucky fella. 392 00:18:35,015 --> 00:18:36,915 Yeah, thank you. Uh, sweetie, you don't still 393 00:18:36,950 --> 00:18:39,117 happen to have that syringe in your purse? 394 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,089 Dad... 395 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:48,360 I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe. 396 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:52,397 It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive. 397 00:18:52,433 --> 00:18:55,834 I have had a rough day. 398 00:18:55,869 --> 00:18:59,137 And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. 399 00:18:59,173 --> 00:19:01,907 I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent. 400 00:19:01,942 --> 00:19:05,143 By changing you from a pickle to a human. 401 00:19:05,179 --> 00:19:06,445 Yes. 402 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,781 Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? 403 00:19:09,817 --> 00:19:11,216 So I wouldn't have to come here. 404 00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:12,884 Why didn't you want to come here? 405 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,387 Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. 406 00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,167 Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy 407 00:19:17,191 --> 00:19:18,835 for a living, and when I don't like something 408 00:19:18,859 --> 00:19:20,459 about the world, I change it. 409 00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,794 And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall 410 00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:24,730 to listen to some agent of averageness 411 00:19:24,765 --> 00:19:26,242 explain which words mean which feelings 412 00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,966 has ever helped anyone do anything. 413 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,813 I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable 414 00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:31,770 and stop panicking, which is a state of mind 415 00:19:31,805 --> 00:19:33,472 we value in the animals we eat, 416 00:19:33,507 --> 00:19:35,207 but not something I want for myself. 417 00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,441 I'm not a cow. 418 00:19:36,477 --> 00:19:38,710 I'm a pickle... When I feel like it. 419 00:19:38,746 --> 00:19:41,279 So... you asked. 420 00:19:41,315 --> 00:19:43,782 Rick, the only connection between 421 00:19:43,817 --> 00:19:46,051 your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness 422 00:19:46,086 --> 00:19:48,987 destroying your family is that everyone in your family, 423 00:19:49,022 --> 00:19:52,257 you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. 424 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:55,127 You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind 425 00:19:55,162 --> 00:19:58,997 as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. 426 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,432 And I think it's because the only 427 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:02,834 truly unapproachable concept for you 428 00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:05,303 is that it's your mind within your control. 429 00:20:05,339 --> 00:20:08,373 You chose to come here, you chose to talk 430 00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:12,210 to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle. 431 00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:14,746 You are the master of your universe, 432 00:20:14,782 --> 00:20:17,315 and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. 433 00:20:17,351 --> 00:20:20,452 Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. 434 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:23,288 I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless 435 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:26,091 by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth 436 00:20:26,126 --> 00:20:27,325 and wipe my ass. 437 00:20:27,361 --> 00:20:29,227 Because the thing about repairing, 438 00:20:29,263 --> 00:20:32,998 maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. 439 00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:35,233 There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. 440 00:20:35,269 --> 00:20:37,102 It's just work. 441 00:20:37,137 --> 00:20:38,537 And the bottom line is, 442 00:20:38,572 --> 00:20:41,506 some people are okay going to work, and some people... 443 00:20:41,542 --> 00:20:43,909 well, some people would rather die. 444 00:20:43,944 --> 00:20:46,511 Each of us gets to choose. 445 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:50,382 That's our time. 446 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:52,083 I'm going to give you guys my card 447 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:53,485 and hope to hear from you again. 448 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,098 And if you have any friends or family that eat poop 449 00:20:55,122 --> 00:20:57,789 and would like to stop, give them my number. 450 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,127 I, um... 451 00:21:02,162 --> 00:21:04,229 I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. 452 00:21:04,264 --> 00:21:05,463 I... I shouldn't lie to you. 453 00:21:05,499 --> 00:21:07,065 Oh, it's fine. 454 00:21:07,100 --> 00:21:08,900 I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. 455 00:21:08,936 --> 00:21:10,502 But I hope you know that's not what 456 00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:12,204 that session was supposed to be. 457 00:21:12,239 --> 00:21:14,506 Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants 458 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:16,441 and Summer snorting glue or whatever... 459 00:21:18,245 --> 00:21:20,846 She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it. 460 00:21:20,881 --> 00:21:22,361 Well, there was so much more at stake. 461 00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:27,385 I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist. 462 00:21:27,421 --> 00:21:29,521 Are we gonna go back? 463 00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:31,790 Sweetie, could I get... Get that syringe now? 464 00:21:31,859 --> 00:21:34,125 Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. 465 00:21:34,161 --> 00:21:35,994 Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony. 466 00:21:36,029 --> 00:21:38,997 Eh. 467 00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:45,203 Jesus. 468 00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,840 Jesus Christ. Therapists, man. 469 00:21:48,876 --> 00:21:50,175 Weird breed. 470 00:21:50,210 --> 00:21:52,077 Man, I missed having hands... 471 00:21:52,112 --> 00:21:55,046 and blood and a stomach. 472 00:21:55,082 --> 00:21:56,214 We should get a drink. 473 00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:57,983 Really? Like, go somewhere? 474 00:21:58,018 --> 00:22:00,285 Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on. 475 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:02,554 Absolutely. 476 00:22:02,589 --> 00:22:04,890 I... I liked her. 477 00:22:04,925 --> 00:22:07,592 So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? 478 00:22:07,628 --> 00:22:08,960 Maybe Shoney's? 479 00:22:08,996 --> 00:22:10,962 Yeah, either one. Either one. 480 00:22:43,230 --> 00:22:45,330 You'll never get away with this, Concerto. 481 00:22:45,365 --> 00:22:47,432 That is where you're mistaken, Mr. Sanchez. 482 00:22:47,501 --> 00:22:51,336 This shall be my greatest performance of all time! 483 00:22:53,941 --> 00:22:55,206 This is it, Morty. We're goners. 484 00:22:55,242 --> 00:22:56,574 We're not getting out of this one. 485 00:22:56,610 --> 00:22:58,143 After everything we've been through, 486 00:22:58,178 --> 00:22:59,188 this is how we're gonna die. 487 00:22:59,212 --> 00:23:00,445 Make peace with your god. 488 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:02,580 Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! 489 00:23:02,616 --> 00:23:05,583 And now for the E-splat! 490 00:23:07,654 --> 00:23:09,454 Jaguar! 491 00:23:13,026 --> 00:23:15,126 Who? Who was that, Rick? 492 00:23:15,162 --> 00:23:17,696 That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy.