1 00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:05,906 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 2 00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:12,871 Tickets, please. 3 00:00:17,940 --> 00:00:20,730 Barkeep. A drink for my colleague. 4 00:00:20,740 --> 00:00:21,749 Do I know you? 5 00:00:21,750 --> 00:00:23,779 I know the only reason to travel by train 6 00:00:23,780 --> 00:00:25,170 is to travel with weapons. 7 00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:26,843 And we all know that at the end of this line, 8 00:00:26,844 --> 00:00:29,380 there's only one creature worth killing. 9 00:00:29,390 --> 00:00:32,280 The man in the white coat. 10 00:00:32,290 --> 00:00:35,020 May as well take turns exchanging stories. 11 00:00:35,030 --> 00:00:38,840 Mine begins on planet Ramamama. 12 00:00:38,850 --> 00:00:40,010 Lower him into acid. 13 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:44,969 Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid. 14 00:00:44,970 --> 00:00:46,970 Is he dissolved? 15 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,750 At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer. 16 00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:52,080 I really don't like the attitude around here. 17 00:00:52,090 --> 00:00:54,559 It's a very "lower me into acid" attitude. 18 00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,720 Who are you? 19 00:00:59,010 --> 00:01:00,293 How did you reach my sanctum? 20 00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:02,730 All right, this is going in circles. 21 00:01:02,740 --> 00:01:03,880 Seize him! 22 00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:06,489 - Aah! - Aah! 23 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:16,000 - Aah! - Aah! 24 00:01:21,810 --> 00:01:23,070 Very well. 25 00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,650 Now I will fight you. 26 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,500 Anyway, he tells a different version of the story 27 00:01:28,510 --> 00:01:30,220 where I start crying or something. 28 00:01:30,230 --> 00:01:32,460 That's why he has to die. 29 00:01:32,470 --> 00:01:33,880 'Cause he's a liar. 30 00:01:33,890 --> 00:01:34,989 So... 31 00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:37,100 why are you going to kill Rick Sanchez? 32 00:01:37,110 --> 00:01:38,500 Okay, I don't know who that is. 33 00:01:38,510 --> 00:01:40,240 I don't accept your weird leap in logic 34 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,420 that has everyone on a train going to kill one guy. 35 00:01:42,430 --> 00:01:43,610 And even if I did, 36 00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:45,088 why would we take turns telling stories 37 00:01:45,090 --> 00:01:46,598 about it like little girls at a sleepover? 38 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:48,290 If you're trying to be hurtful, 39 00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:49,840 you're doing a good job. 40 00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:51,009 I'll take his turn. 41 00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:52,980 Here's why I'm going to kill Rick Sanchez. 42 00:01:52,990 --> 00:01:55,780 - You guys have fun with this. - Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun 43 00:01:55,790 --> 00:01:57,550 rising over a giant beach. 44 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,990 Whew. 45 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,880 By then, of course, he had left toys 46 00:02:00,890 --> 00:02:04,080 and flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive. 47 00:02:04,090 --> 00:02:06,050 Ah, a newcomer! I suppose you think 48 00:02:06,060 --> 00:02:07,240 you have a better story 49 00:02:07,250 --> 00:02:10,069 about how Rick Sanchez saved Space Christmas. 50 00:02:10,070 --> 00:02:13,799 What is with the Rick Sanchez obsession? 51 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,599 I think the best way to answer that 52 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,620 is with my Christmas Rick Tale. 53 00:02:19,550 --> 00:02:20,669 Whoo! 54 00:02:20,670 --> 00:02:22,439 Could've used Rudolph tonight! 55 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:24,290 Oh, thank God. I'm not too late. 56 00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:25,598 I don't know how to thank you, Goomby. 57 00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:28,220 No need. You just go in there and have a nice time. 58 00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,720 I will. Thanks. 59 00:02:33,130 --> 00:02:34,512 Hey. 60 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,089 Merry Christmas, Goomby. 61 00:02:36,090 --> 00:02:37,590 Merry Christmas, Rick. 62 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,225 Oh. Uh... 63 00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:40,319 Oh, it's okay. 64 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:41,978 I-I don't have to. Sorry if that was... 65 00:02:41,980 --> 00:02:43,419 No. Um, um, I can ask. 66 00:02:43,420 --> 00:02:44,589 No, no, no, I don't wanna be a burden. 67 00:02:44,590 --> 00:02:46,159 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, there's just... 68 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:47,429 there's a lot of people. Family. 69 00:02:47,430 --> 00:02:48,638 - I get it. - You know? You're not mad? 70 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,959 Totally fine. Bye. 71 00:02:57,670 --> 00:02:59,330 That... Okay, none of my business, 72 00:02:59,340 --> 00:03:00,558 but he didn't even save Christmas in that story. 73 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,358 - Oh, how dare you! - That doesn't mean I'm invested. 74 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,509 Tell your Christmas Rick story! 75 00:03:04,510 --> 00:03:06,252 Step the hell back! Back! 76 00:03:11,950 --> 00:03:13,890 You start teeing up a Rick Sanchez vignette, 77 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:15,108 and you'll be doing it through two holes. 78 00:03:15,110 --> 00:03:17,308 I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train. 79 00:03:17,310 --> 00:03:19,014 - Do you remember getting on it? - No. 80 00:03:19,015 --> 00:03:20,183 First thing I remember is... 81 00:03:21,420 --> 00:03:23,230 Tickets, please. 82 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,570 So, why did you date Rick Sanchez? 83 00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:29,530 - What? - Oh, you don't have to pretend 84 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,810 you didn't date him. We all did. 85 00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:33,800 We get it. Low point in your life, 86 00:03:33,810 --> 00:03:35,809 rebound from an ex, et cetera. 87 00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:37,033 No, really, who? 88 00:03:37,040 --> 00:03:39,369 Oh, exactly. 89 00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:43,649 In fact, and get this, when he met my family... 90 00:03:43,650 --> 00:03:44,949 Aah! 91 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,449 Leah! Leah, check it out. 92 00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:50,170 Where'd you meet this, um... 93 00:03:50,180 --> 00:03:51,279 sprite? 94 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,789 He's actually a human. 95 00:03:53,790 --> 00:03:56,359 But he invented portal tech? 96 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,059 I am the concept of time. 97 00:03:58,060 --> 00:03:59,219 Jesus! 98 00:03:59,220 --> 00:04:00,289 I warned you not to do that. 99 00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,030 - I wasn't trying. - You don't have to. 100 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:03,490 The train is obviously amplifying 101 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,280 and linking unrelated narrative fields. 102 00:04:05,290 --> 00:04:06,319 Uh-huh... 103 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,850 Morty? I told you if you found me again, 104 00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:10,039 identify yourself. 105 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:11,680 I didn't know it was you. 106 00:04:11,690 --> 00:04:13,069 How did you not recognize me? 107 00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:14,510 Didn't you create the disguises? 108 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,409 When I create shit, it works, Morty. 109 00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:17,549 It's called being talented. 110 00:04:17,550 --> 00:04:18,849 Why can't we find the engine? 111 00:04:18,850 --> 00:04:21,049 It's not a real train, it's a story device. 112 00:04:21,050 --> 00:04:23,410 Literally. A literal literary device 113 00:04:23,420 --> 00:04:25,719 quite literally metaphorically containing us. 114 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:28,149 - A simulation. - Worse. An anthology. 115 00:04:28,150 --> 00:04:29,839 Okay, so how... how do we hijack it? 116 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,320 Oh, Morty, it's been hijacked 117 00:04:31,330 --> 00:04:32,458 for at least two full minutes. 118 00:04:32,460 --> 00:04:34,810 Are you not hearing this insane conversation? 119 00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:37,499 Okay, Tickets Please Guy, stop the anthology. 120 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:39,599 If we wanted one-offs, we'd do Interdimensional Cable, 121 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,460 not some uptight, overwritten... 122 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:42,999 - Rick? - God damn! 123 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:44,469 Tickets, please. 124 00:04:44,470 --> 00:04:47,479 Dude, I'm sure you've got, like, so many tickets at this point. 125 00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:49,939 Jesus! The Tickets Please guy is cut! 126 00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:51,649 He... he... he's... he's got those things. 127 00:04:51,650 --> 00:04:53,740 W-what do you call them. Uhm, cum gutters. 128 00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:55,218 - Morty, gross! - That's what people call them. 129 00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:56,849 Gross people. I don't want to have to picture 130 00:04:56,850 --> 00:04:58,944 cum so watery in such volumes that... 131 00:04:58,945 --> 00:05:00,690 Hey, hey, hey, stay back. I'll kick you. 132 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,452 I-I'll kick your shin, bro. 133 00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:03,550 - Aaah! - Hey! 134 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,180 I'll fuckin' cook and eat your ticket-taking ass. 135 00:05:06,190 --> 00:05:08,220 Hey, I found a ticket. 136 00:05:09,420 --> 00:05:12,099 Wow, you are just... ladies and gentlemen, 137 00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,029 the Jackie Chan of human shielding. 138 00:05:14,030 --> 00:05:15,650 Who takes the time to get this good at... 139 00:05:15,660 --> 00:05:16,669 Fuck this. 140 00:05:16,670 --> 00:05:18,070 - Aaah. - Structural breach. 141 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:19,249 Losing continuity. 142 00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:20,450 Morty, hold on to something. 143 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,360 Keep your head inside. 144 00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:24,820 Aaah! 145 00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:29,360 Share with your sister, Josh. 146 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:30,438 Just because it's your birthday 147 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,538 doesn't mean you can be an asshole. 148 00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:34,299 - You okay, Dad? - Is this real? 149 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:35,689 I doubt it, but you get what you get 150 00:05:35,690 --> 00:05:36,878 when you eat dinner in an arcade. 151 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,059 I mean are you real, is life real? 152 00:05:39,060 --> 00:05:40,260 Okay, I'm calling the nurse 153 00:05:40,270 --> 00:05:41,438 because you are not doing this tonight. 154 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:42,440 You're God damn right 155 00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:44,659 - I'm not because... - You are not doing this tonight! 156 00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:45,989 This isn't real life! 157 00:05:45,990 --> 00:05:47,399 - Dad? Oh, my God! - Honey. Sweetie. 158 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,678 - What's happening? - Give me your tickets. 159 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:49,850 I... I need tickets. 160 00:05:49,860 --> 00:05:53,210 Everyone give me tickeeeeeettttttts! 161 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,240 Aaaah! 162 00:05:56,005 --> 00:05:57,006 Aaah! 163 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,719 Emergency continuity deployed. 164 00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:07,589 - This could come in handy. - Can't we just ride out the... 165 00:06:07,590 --> 00:06:09,399 Fuck you, I'd rather die. 166 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,759 Train cops! Hands in the air! 167 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:12,089 Tee up a story about Rick Sanchez! 168 00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,659 - He is Rick! - Jesus Christ! 169 00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:15,010 Is that the Tickets Please Guy? 170 00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:16,355 Well, just the stub. 171 00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:17,690 - Too soon! - Too soon! 172 00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:19,560 Don't move! Too soon! 173 00:06:21,410 --> 00:06:23,689 So, what did the Train Cops do wrong? 174 00:06:23,690 --> 00:06:25,689 Shot... people? 175 00:06:25,690 --> 00:06:27,059 - Shot passengers. - Wrong. 176 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,490 The passengers tampered with the anthology's structure. 177 00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:30,879 Lethal response was permitted, 178 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,209 but not with him holding that tank. 179 00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:34,949 Let's take a look at what they should have done. 180 00:06:34,950 --> 00:06:36,179 Train cops! Hands in the air! 181 00:06:36,180 --> 00:06:38,400 - Drop the tank! Drop it! - Drop it! Drop the tank. 182 00:06:41,620 --> 00:06:42,750 Sorry to nitpick, sir, 183 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,010 but if there was a continuity explosion, 184 00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:46,400 isn't there always one? 185 00:06:46,410 --> 00:06:48,420 And doesn't that mean those two could be anywhere? 186 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:50,359 What? No, you idiot, that... it's... 187 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,509 It's just a training video. That didn't actually happen. 188 00:06:52,510 --> 00:06:54,750 - That's what you think. - Hey. How'd you get here? 189 00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,738 Yeah, like we're the ones that popped up out of nowhere? 190 00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:57,779 Fuck these guys. 191 00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:03,349 Hey, what the hell? Your leg is healed. 192 00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:04,729 Yeah, it's a real free-for-all. 193 00:07:04,730 --> 00:07:05,739 Here we go. 194 00:07:05,740 --> 00:07:07,689 Of course this thing is just a fuckin' circle. 195 00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:09,770 You'd think it was so God damn complicated... 196 00:07:09,780 --> 00:07:12,220 Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were. 197 00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:13,958 God, imagine if that had been the whole thing. 198 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,712 So now we're here, and the engine must be here. 199 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,489 I'll have to rig us a couple of space suits 200 00:07:19,490 --> 00:07:21,269 that start failing around here 201 00:07:21,270 --> 00:07:22,850 so we can pay a heavy price 202 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,499 for re-entering at this threshold. 203 00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,889 We have to leave the train? 204 00:07:25,890 --> 00:07:27,599 We don't have to do anything, Morty. 205 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,110 This is just a structural guide. 206 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:31,180 We're obviously gonna impart our own style. 207 00:07:31,190 --> 00:07:32,698 I don't like how meta this is getting, Rick. 208 00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:33,999 Shut up, Morty. You're 14. 209 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,509 You watch videos of people on YouTube 210 00:07:35,510 --> 00:07:37,169 reacting to fucking YouTube. 211 00:07:37,170 --> 00:07:38,549 I'll be the judge of when we get too meta. 212 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:39,579 Holy shit. 213 00:07:39,580 --> 00:07:40,839 - How is he still breathing? - Aah! 214 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,170 He's suspended in disbelief, slowly dying 215 00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:45,609 while living out an alternative non-diagetic reality. 216 00:07:45,610 --> 00:07:47,529 Geez, what a horrible way to die. 217 00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:48,549 You don't know the half of it. 218 00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:50,110 Oh! 219 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,159 You're on fuego with the guy-torn-in-half bits, Rick. 220 00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:53,218 That one was organic, though. 221 00:07:53,220 --> 00:07:54,880 That's because you're naturally funny. 222 00:07:54,890 --> 00:07:57,058 That... that's good old-fashioned fun right there, you know? 223 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,658 W-w-we don't need to over-think shit, okay? 224 00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:00,450 Okay, buddy. Nice and grounded, 225 00:08:00,460 --> 00:08:02,504 fully immersive from here on out. 226 00:08:02,505 --> 00:08:04,850 - Right after this. - W-what's happening? 227 00:08:04,860 --> 00:08:06,240 Going into an act break. 228 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,710 Sure, that was a great moment, 229 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:30,190 but it was hardly the best time 230 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,630 Rick and Morty were musical. 231 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:32,990 - Who can forget the t... - Hey. 232 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:34,168 You guys think there's something weird 233 00:08:34,170 --> 00:08:35,331 about this train? 234 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:36,378 We've been here a really long time 235 00:08:36,380 --> 00:08:37,618 and nobody's taken our tickets. 236 00:08:37,620 --> 00:08:39,459 Aaah! 237 00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:42,410 Aaaah! 238 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:44,689 The galaxy's greatest scientists continue to ponder 239 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,509 the horrific figure known to children as Floaty Blood Man. 240 00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:50,093 But after three months, nobody is any closer to the truth. 241 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:52,159 For Cutesy Name News, I'm Uncle Nibbles. 242 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:54,640 I can't believe Floaty Bloody Man is real. 243 00:08:54,650 --> 00:08:56,629 He's more than real, he's my new god. 244 00:08:56,630 --> 00:08:58,559 - Check it. - Is that brand-new, 245 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,719 - or is the blood just... - Accurately depicted, yeah. 246 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,660 His followers believe the entire universe 247 00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:04,670 is Floaty Bloody Man's nightmare as he dies 248 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,270 in a time-dilated reality. 249 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,199 - So we could go at any minute. - No. 250 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,300 I'm part of the Floaty Nogasm Brotherhood. 251 00:09:10,310 --> 00:09:11,629 We believe we're keeping him alive 252 00:09:11,630 --> 00:09:13,980 by redirecting our suppressed sexual energies. 253 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,519 You're staying a virgin 254 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,089 just to keep the universe existing? 255 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:21,680 - That's... so attractive. - It is? 256 00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:23,520 Okay, look, let's just do it once. 257 00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:29,410 Sorry. 258 00:09:30,220 --> 00:09:32,138 Aaah! 259 00:09:32,140 --> 00:09:33,970 - Happy now? - He was suffering. 260 00:09:33,980 --> 00:09:35,728 Keep moving. We have to get to the return threshold 261 00:09:35,730 --> 00:09:38,000 before the ticking clock on your suit gets to zero. 262 00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,109 Why would you put ticking clock... 263 00:09:39,110 --> 00:09:40,278 Because if it's too easy to get there, 264 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,289 we'll never get there. 265 00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,549 If you don't want to be meta stop, deconstructing shit. 266 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,469 That's the thematic seal. 267 00:09:45,470 --> 00:09:47,219 Gotta find a way to disrupt it. 268 00:09:47,220 --> 00:09:50,360 Okay, Morty, tell a story unrelated to us. 269 00:09:50,370 --> 00:09:52,469 - Uh, what do... - Stop thinking and do it! 270 00:09:52,470 --> 00:09:54,409 Uh, okay, uh, there was this... 271 00:09:54,410 --> 00:09:56,970 My name is Mike Johnson. That's good coffee. 272 00:09:56,980 --> 00:09:59,079 Better get that door. 273 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:01,020 Iiiiiiii, hello. 274 00:10:01,030 --> 00:10:02,300 I want your cookies. 275 00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:03,878 I'm hungry, I want your cookies. 276 00:10:03,879 --> 00:10:05,360 Scorpions, scorpions. 277 00:10:05,370 --> 00:10:07,294 There's scorpions outside. Get inside. 278 00:10:07,295 --> 00:10:08,674 What do they want from us? 279 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:09,750 They want food. 280 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,509 - Me too. - Okay, just stop. 281 00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:13,069 I'm not a writer, okay? 282 00:10:13,070 --> 00:10:15,158 Relax, your story was supposed to be awful and stupid. 283 00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,458 I just failed to predict how well 284 00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:17,749 that would mesh with the theme. 285 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,130 Think. Think. 286 00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:20,649 What kind of story would we never... 287 00:10:20,650 --> 00:10:22,830 Morty, do you know what the Bechdel Test is? 288 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:24,219 - The what? - For God's sake, Morty, 289 00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,020 the formula for measuring female agency 290 00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:28,080 in a story proposed by lesbian cartoonist Allison... 291 00:10:28,090 --> 00:10:29,899 what the hell are they teaching you in that school? 292 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,680 - Other stuff! - Then you've killed us both! 293 00:10:31,690 --> 00:10:33,700 Why is lesbian part of her job title? 294 00:10:33,710 --> 00:10:35,050 Oh, now you're progressive? 295 00:10:35,070 --> 00:10:37,000 - What is the test? - You have to tell... 296 00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,139 Morty, Morty. 297 00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:44,669 Two women. They both have to have names 298 00:10:44,670 --> 00:10:46,669 and talk to each other about something... 299 00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:48,220 - Rick! - ... other than a man... 300 00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:49,589 Oh, Rick, listen to me. 301 00:10:49,590 --> 00:10:50,920 Once upon a time, 302 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:53,135 my mom and my sister... Listen to me! 303 00:10:55,190 --> 00:10:57,340 Mom, can I try your tea? 304 00:10:57,350 --> 00:10:59,080 Yes, Summer. 305 00:10:59,090 --> 00:11:00,800 Yes. Try my tea. 306 00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:03,129 It's so good. It's so warm. 307 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:05,270 Mom, can I talk to you 308 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:06,800 about my special time? 309 00:11:06,820 --> 00:11:08,899 It's okay. I have one, too. 310 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,300 Mine is heavy today. 311 00:11:10,310 --> 00:11:11,969 Mine is never light. 312 00:11:11,970 --> 00:11:13,839 I love you ever since you were... 313 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:15,139 mailed to me. 314 00:11:15,140 --> 00:11:16,742 By a doctor woman. 315 00:11:16,750 --> 00:11:18,680 Your special time is your power. 316 00:11:18,690 --> 00:11:20,579 It makes you strong like a boob. 317 00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:21,769 Strong against what? 318 00:11:21,770 --> 00:11:23,940 Scorpions. Female Scorpions. 319 00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,793 They're attacking outside. Come on. 320 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,270 Fight them with your heavy special time. 321 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:31,339 You do it, too. 322 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,290 - Hello? - Hello? 323 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,460 I'm that Supreme Court lady, and you fucking did it. 324 00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:45,000 - We did it! - We did it! 325 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,909 Great job, Morty. 326 00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:54,322 A feminist masterpiece. Hey, look. 327 00:11:58,860 --> 00:12:01,179 Guess who's got two penises and all the agency? 328 00:12:01,180 --> 00:12:03,180 Rick and Morty. 329 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,360 Story Lord. 330 00:12:04,370 --> 00:12:06,640 I should've known you were behind this, and I did. 331 00:12:06,650 --> 00:12:07,980 - Who is this guy? - Ugh. 332 00:12:07,990 --> 00:12:09,859 He's like a Matrix Space Frasier. 333 00:12:09,860 --> 00:12:11,238 Let's get this fight over with, nerd. 334 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:12,253 I've got shit to do. 335 00:12:12,254 --> 00:12:13,780 You of all people know, Rick, 336 00:12:13,790 --> 00:12:16,409 there can be no destination without a journey. 337 00:12:16,410 --> 00:12:18,429 I don't know that at all. I regularly teleport. 338 00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:21,199 Oh, of course. No rules for you. 339 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,819 Spiraling through the multiverse, 340 00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:25,880 burping semi-improvised dialogue about how nothing matters, 341 00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:28,379 so we may as well pull out our dicks and rub them 342 00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:31,049 on fate's glaring teeth like we're brushing fate's teeth, 343 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:33,460 but we're using your gross, dirty dick. 344 00:12:33,470 --> 00:12:34,519 Must be nice. 345 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:35,613 Nobody's stopping you. 346 00:12:35,614 --> 00:12:37,800 True. Not anymore. 347 00:12:39,010 --> 00:12:40,368 - Goddamn! - We already did this. 348 00:12:40,369 --> 00:12:42,559 Oh, is this a double beat? Oh, well. 349 00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,538 Just how I adventure, dawg. 350 00:12:44,540 --> 00:12:45,549 This is more impressive 351 00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:46,738 than the Tickets Please Guy, though. 352 00:12:46,740 --> 00:12:48,649 You are like 90% cum gutter. 353 00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:51,290 It's called discipline. Watch this. 354 00:12:52,630 --> 00:12:53,880 - God damn. - Geez! 355 00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,980 - Do we have to fight him? - I don't want to. 356 00:12:55,990 --> 00:12:57,308 We surrender. We're not fighting. 357 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:58,569 Ow! 358 00:12:58,570 --> 00:12:59,600 Ow! 359 00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,230 Fucking kick your ass. 360 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:02,598 Ow! 361 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,829 Oh! 362 00:13:03,830 --> 00:13:05,935 Hey! Get back in your egg! 363 00:13:07,980 --> 00:13:09,028 - What the... - Don't worry, Morty! 364 00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:10,110 Nothing out there is canon! 365 00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:12,968 - We've got a pulse. - Stay with me, Private. 366 00:13:12,970 --> 00:13:14,719 Smith, listen to me. You were exposed 367 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,069 to a chemical that is altering your mind. 368 00:13:17,070 --> 00:13:18,079 To beat it, you have to hold on... 369 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,789 - We're losing him. - Aliens. Sarge? 370 00:13:20,790 --> 00:13:23,270 Morty, never forget the highest truth of all... 371 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,940 you're getting your ass kicked on a train. 372 00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:27,780 Professor Sanchez? 373 00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:28,860 Did it work? 374 00:13:28,870 --> 00:13:30,270 I wouldn't say that, Marcus. 375 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:32,530 I'd say it fucking worked. 376 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:36,139 100% time dilation and total immersion. 377 00:13:36,140 --> 00:13:37,216 Define "total." 378 00:13:37,220 --> 00:13:39,158 Marcus, I've been back in reality for three hours, 379 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,649 and I still have memories of a completely different life. 380 00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:43,570 I-I-I was a scientist still. 381 00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:45,419 I-I-I was... I-I-I had developed 382 00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:48,489 inter-dimensional travel, I-I-I-I had a daughter. 383 00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:50,000 I-I didn't have a mustache. 384 00:13:50,010 --> 00:13:52,839 I-I was kinda funny sometimes, 385 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,170 mostly burping. 386 00:13:54,180 --> 00:13:55,789 No more secret testing. 387 00:13:55,790 --> 00:13:57,049 I can help people now. 388 00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:58,404 You've helped people. 389 00:13:58,405 --> 00:13:59,590 I've hurt more. 390 00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:02,100 - Aaah! - P-P-Professor Sanchez. 391 00:14:02,110 --> 00:14:04,619 I-I'm Morty Smith from the... the... the the 241st. 392 00:14:04,620 --> 00:14:06,380 They... they... put your pill in our food. 393 00:14:06,390 --> 00:14:08,000 - It... it works. - Call the police! 394 00:14:08,010 --> 00:14:09,820 It's okay. It's okay. It's not real. 395 00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:11,369 N-n-n-n-nothing's real. 396 00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:14,069 - I'm sorry, son. - I-i-it's okay. You aren't real. 397 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,799 God, you're right. I should do more freeform stuff. 398 00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,450 In you go. 399 00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,820 - What's happening? - The reason I brought you here. 400 00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:24,340 I'll now fuel my anthology 401 00:14:24,350 --> 00:14:25,640 with your limitless potential, 402 00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:27,850 propelling it to its final stop... 403 00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,477 beyond the fifth wall. 404 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:34,480 You idiot. Our potential isn't limitless. 405 00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:36,808 You'll never breakthe fifth wall before you've burnt us out. 406 00:14:36,810 --> 00:14:39,569 Is that so? Oh, well. Win-win. 407 00:14:39,570 --> 00:14:41,100 Rick, w-what's he doing? 408 00:14:41,110 --> 00:14:43,750 He's trying to tap into us, Morty. Resist. 409 00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,528 I can't believe you're finally headed off to college. 410 00:14:46,530 --> 00:14:49,460 Yeah, you know, it really felt like you were gonna be 17 forever. 411 00:14:49,470 --> 00:14:51,379 For, like, 16 years, at least. 412 00:14:51,380 --> 00:14:53,700 I can't believe I'm tearing up over this. 413 00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:56,200 Jesus, Rick, you know, you've really softened up. 414 00:14:56,210 --> 00:14:57,549 It's a human moment, Morty. 415 00:14:57,550 --> 00:14:59,129 It's a human moment. 416 00:14:59,130 --> 00:15:00,841 - Aaah! - Aaah! It hurts! 417 00:15:07,230 --> 00:15:09,391 Abradolph Lincoler? I thought you were dead. 418 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,270 I'm very much alive, and I need your help. 419 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:13,312 Yeah! 420 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:15,340 Shit. He's taking the good stuff, Morty. 421 00:15:15,350 --> 00:15:16,940 Wait, is... is any of this canon? 422 00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:17,960 It could have been. 423 00:15:17,970 --> 00:15:19,270 Oh, dear. 424 00:15:19,280 --> 00:15:22,050 Are there things Rick Sanchez holds sacred after all? 425 00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:30,520 How did you find us? 426 00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,100 I trusted you! 427 00:15:33,110 --> 00:15:35,840 Don't blame others for your bad decisions. 428 00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:38,546 Resist, Morty! 429 00:15:38,550 --> 00:15:40,120 Resist before he burns us out! 430 00:15:40,130 --> 00:15:41,830 Oh, too late now! 431 00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:42,999 What's wrong, Rick? 432 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,386 Don't you want to see how your story ends? 433 00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:00,520 Holy shit, Rick. What do we... 434 00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:01,898 There... there... there's now way out! 435 00:16:01,900 --> 00:16:02,909 You're right, Morty. 436 00:16:02,910 --> 00:16:05,049 Sometimes it does seem like there's no way out. 437 00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:06,115 Like it's hopeless. 438 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,701 But remember, there's always someone there for us. 439 00:16:08,702 --> 00:16:10,100 - Who? - My best friend 440 00:16:10,110 --> 00:16:12,269 and personal savior, Jesus Christ. 441 00:16:12,270 --> 00:16:14,122 What? You... you don't believe in God. 442 00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:15,499 But He believes in us, Morty. 443 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,329 You know, I thought I was the inventor, 444 00:16:17,330 --> 00:16:18,700 but the greatest invention of all 445 00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,169 is the free gift of Eternal Life. 446 00:16:20,170 --> 00:16:21,940 Is this... are you fucking with me? 447 00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:23,132 Oh, trust me, Morty. 448 00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,669 I've done plenty of effed up stuff in my life. 449 00:16:25,670 --> 00:16:27,909 But it's never too late to accept Christ. 450 00:16:27,910 --> 00:16:29,670 Jesus is always knocking at the door. 451 00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:30,749 All we have to do is open it 452 00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:32,379 - and let Him into our hearts. - How? 453 00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:33,799 I'm so glad you asked, Morty. 454 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,949 Just close your eyes and go to Him in prayer. 455 00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:36,959 Like this. 456 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,389 - Heavenly Father. - Heavenly Father. 457 00:16:38,390 --> 00:16:40,328 Thank you for sending your only begotten son. 458 00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:42,740 What a second, no! What are you doing? 459 00:16:42,750 --> 00:16:44,929 Jesus, I accept you into my heart. 460 00:16:44,930 --> 00:16:46,329 No! This sucks. 461 00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:48,031 Stop! You guys would never do this. 462 00:16:48,032 --> 00:16:49,599 Fill me with your Spirit. 463 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:50,951 Make me a shining city on a hill for you. 464 00:16:50,952 --> 00:16:53,140 - No! No! - Make me born again. 465 00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:54,810 - No! - In Jesus's name, we pray. 466 00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:55,820 - Amen. - Amen. 467 00:16:55,830 --> 00:16:57,839 - Amen! - You did it! 468 00:16:57,840 --> 00:16:59,269 - Way to go, Morty! - Crossy. 469 00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:00,539 Bible-Saurus. You made it. 470 00:17:00,540 --> 00:17:02,546 We wouldn't miss this for anything! 471 00:17:02,550 --> 00:17:03,922 You said it, Mr. Celery. 472 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,879 What the fuck is all of this? 473 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,719 Greatest story ever told, Story Lord. 474 00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,579 No, it's not. It's awful! 475 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:12,590 I beg your pardon? 476 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,557 Ah! 477 00:17:14,558 --> 00:17:15,893 Goddamn. 478 00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,639 My Lord and my God! 479 00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:19,898 - No! No! It sucks in here. - Let's get the fuck outta here. 480 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:21,729 Go, now. 481 00:17:21,730 --> 00:17:23,229 Ugh. We're safe, Morty. 482 00:17:23,230 --> 00:17:24,899 Nobody ever wanted to see that shit. 483 00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:26,699 Wh-what's gonna happen to Story Lord? 484 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:29,039 He gets to spend eternity in every writer's hell... 485 00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,300 - the Bible. - I don't know. 486 00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,160 Some people actually like that stuff. 487 00:17:32,170 --> 00:17:33,450 Seems kind of cynical. 488 00:17:33,460 --> 00:17:35,409 I just don't like taking cheap shots, you know? 489 00:17:35,410 --> 00:17:37,209 Cheap shots? Morty, we were literally 490 00:17:37,210 --> 00:17:38,609 saved by Jesus Christ. 491 00:17:38,610 --> 00:17:40,450 Tell me in any way how that's offensive. 492 00:17:40,460 --> 00:17:41,600 This was a little confusing, 493 00:17:41,610 --> 00:17:44,149 but I guess it brought us closer together, you know? 494 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,649 Tested our demons. 495 00:17:45,650 --> 00:17:47,308 Made us believe in ourselves more than ever. 496 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,550 Yeah. You're right, Morty. 497 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,419 We got all that meta-canon shit outta the way 498 00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:52,050 and now we can just be ourselves. 499 00:17:52,060 --> 00:17:54,830 Now what do you say we bring this train into the station. 500 00:18:04,940 --> 00:18:07,402 Oh, shit. 501 00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:08,946 So what do you think? 502 00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:10,449 Wow. Where did you get this thing? 503 00:18:10,450 --> 00:18:12,050 The Citadel of Ricks Gift Shop. 504 00:18:12,060 --> 00:18:13,360 Do you really like it? 505 00:18:13,370 --> 00:18:14,849 I didn't think you'd even care. 506 00:18:14,850 --> 00:18:17,079 What? Morty. No. I love it. 507 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:18,789 You did the most important thing. 508 00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:20,080 You... you bought something. 509 00:18:20,090 --> 00:18:21,619 - What? - You bought something. 510 00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:24,319 With money. God. I love money so much, Morty. 511 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,350 - Are you being sarcastic? - Merchandise, Morty. 512 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,049 Your only purpose in life is to buy and consume merchandise. 513 00:18:29,050 --> 00:18:30,669 And you did it. You went into a store... 514 00:18:30,670 --> 00:18:33,529 an actual honest to God store... and you bought something. 515 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,529 You didn't ask questions or raise ethical complaints. 516 00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:37,648 You... you just looked straight into the bleeding jaws 517 00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,970 of capitalism and said "Yes, daddy, please." 518 00:18:39,980 --> 00:18:42,062 And I'm... I'm so proud of you. 519 00:18:42,070 --> 00:18:43,458 I only wish you could've bought more. 520 00:18:43,460 --> 00:18:45,982 I... I love buying things so much, Morty. 521 00:18:45,983 --> 00:18:47,320 Rick, are... are you... 522 00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:48,736 do you need to go to the hospital? 523 00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:50,910 I love you, Morty. Give Grandpa a kiss. 524 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,820 Give... give... gimme... give Grandpa a kiss. 525 00:18:52,830 --> 00:18:53,969 Lips if you want. What... 526 00:18:53,970 --> 00:18:54,979 whatever you're comfortable with. 527 00:18:54,980 --> 00:18:55,993 Some cultures do that. 528 00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:58,819 That was sweet. Thank you. 529 00:18:58,820 --> 00:19:01,289 I... I love you. You're my little buddy. 530 00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:02,770 Okay. 531 00:19:02,780 --> 00:19:04,499 Let's watch some Interdimensional Cable. 532 00:19:09,650 --> 00:19:11,380 So you're saying my father 533 00:19:11,390 --> 00:19:12,850 and His kingdom... 534 00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:15,800 Well, yes... it's based on the fusion 535 00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:17,580 of a Sumerian god named "Ya" 536 00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,892 and a Mesopotamian god named "Way." 537 00:19:19,893 --> 00:19:22,700 And we're in a toy train? 538 00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:24,020 Yes. 539 00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,458 It's enough to really make you question 540 00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:27,519 all of existence, isn't it? 541 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,019 So what do you think you're gonna do about it? 542 00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:33,219 I'm gonna do what I've always done. 543 00:19:33,220 --> 00:19:35,259 I'm gonna get the fuck outta here. 544 00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:39,569 Father of omens! Give me blood beyond sight! 545 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:44,049 Hey, what the fuck Morty? The train you got me 546 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,700 just completely derailed itself. 547 00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:46,868 There's blood all over the windows on it. 548 00:19:46,870 --> 00:19:49,320 Oh, man, I'm sorry, Rick. I guess I'll return it. 549 00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:50,699 Return... Are you insane? 550 00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:51,920 Did you hear nothing I said? 551 00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:53,140 Buy another one, Morty. 552 00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,220 Consume, Morty. 553 00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:56,579 Nobody's out there shopping with this fucking virus. 554 00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:58,055 Where's your fucking wallet? 555 00:19:58,056 --> 00:20:03,050 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 556 00:20:29,610 --> 00:20:31,078 Tired of the same boring adventures 557 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,270 with your dogshit Morty? 558 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:33,419 - Yeah! - Aw. Geez. 559 00:20:33,420 --> 00:20:35,673 Then get ready for the Citadel of Rick's Story Train. 560 00:20:35,674 --> 00:20:37,529 Story Train. Story Train. 561 00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:38,799 The Citadel of Rick's Story Train 562 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,869 comes with car after car of enemies, lovers, 563 00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:43,514 and Goomby, all grappling with the nature of who you truly are. 564 00:20:43,515 --> 00:20:45,280 Rick is a god! Tickets Please. 565 00:20:45,290 --> 00:20:47,019 Whoa! Watch out! It's Story Lord! 566 00:20:47,020 --> 00:20:48,103 Damn. He's jacked. 567 00:20:48,104 --> 00:20:49,689 Pure cum gutter. 568 00:20:49,690 --> 00:20:50,919 And of course, what story would be complete 569 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:53,109 without the engineer of the Greatest Story Ever Told. 570 00:20:53,110 --> 00:20:55,249 - Oh, Jesus Christ. - I have come not to judge 571 00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:56,649 the world, but to save it. 572 00:20:56,650 --> 00:20:58,088 And the best part is, the fun never ends. 573 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,020 Thanks to the Rick-patented anthology generator, 574 00:21:00,030 --> 00:21:01,520 you'll never run out of new stories 575 00:21:01,530 --> 00:21:03,349 - and people to tell them. - Are they alive? 576 00:21:03,350 --> 00:21:05,079 Of course. But not in any ways that matter. 577 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:07,332 They. Have. No. Souls. 578 00:21:07,340 --> 00:21:08,999 Puppets. Of. Fate. 579 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:10,188 The Story Train. Available now 580 00:21:10,190 --> 00:21:11,799 in The Citadel of Ricks. Buy it ironically. 581 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,070 Buy it sincerely. Just buy it. 582 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:14,358 Not buying it is an act of buying it. 583 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,760 Buy it now. Look it up. It's real. 584 00:21:15,770 --> 00:21:17,880 www.story-train.com. 585 00:21:17,890 --> 00:21:20,129 On the Internet. It's there. Buy it. Buy the train. 586 00:21:20,130 --> 00:21:21,290 We want you to buy the train.