1 00:00:00,730 --> 00:00:03,760 What kind of parents drag their kids away 2 00:00:03,770 --> 00:00:05,540 for the entire week of spring break? 3 00:00:05,550 --> 00:00:07,400 I'm missing Mike Triscuit's drug party. 4 00:00:07,410 --> 00:00:09,059 Look at this. He's already watching 5 00:00:09,060 --> 00:00:10,199 "Euphoria" to pregame. 6 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,750 Pregame. Game. Video game. 7 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,740 Yes, yes, drugs and video games. Poor babies. 8 00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:19,669 What you need is to level up with a bong rip of nature. 9 00:00:19,670 --> 00:00:21,309 Trust me, this is good for you. 10 00:00:21,310 --> 00:00:23,409 Can someone just kill me? 11 00:00:23,410 --> 00:00:24,852 Grandpa Rick, you can kill anything. 12 00:00:24,860 --> 00:00:27,449 No, he can't, Summer. We're roughing it. 13 00:00:27,450 --> 00:00:29,079 And that means no sci-fi bullshit. 14 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:30,720 - Isn't that right, Rick? - Uh-huh. 15 00:00:34,610 --> 00:00:37,370 Rick, was that a sci-fi phone call? 16 00:00:37,380 --> 00:00:38,500 Shut up, Jerry. 17 00:00:38,510 --> 00:00:40,550 Damn it, I didn't think she had this number. 18 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,940 Why are you building a Faraday box to block out the signal? 19 00:00:42,950 --> 00:00:44,569 Oh, my God, Grandpa's ghosting someone. 20 00:00:44,570 --> 00:00:46,520 I'm not ghosting. Hey! Give it back, Summer! 21 00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:49,140 "Rick. Please answer me. I'm pregnant"? 22 00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:52,299 Oh, my God, Grandpa, you fuck boi. 23 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:54,009 I'm not a fuck boi, Summer! 24 00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:55,429 - There's no way those kids are mine. - Wow. 25 00:00:55,430 --> 00:00:58,079 At least we know why Rick actually came on the trip... 26 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:00,760 - to avoid his fuck-guy problems. - Why would this person lie? 27 00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:02,949 I don't know, honey. She's addicted to what the Rick did. 28 00:01:02,950 --> 00:01:04,408 You know, it's... it's... it's a tale as old 29 00:01:04,410 --> 00:01:05,893 as my huge dynamite penis. 30 00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:06,910 Can we turn the radio on? 31 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,659 I am not letting you abandon those kids 32 00:01:08,660 --> 00:01:10,529 - like you abandoned me. - Oh, my God! 33 00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:12,719 We're going to see this baby mama right now! 34 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:13,990 What, like, literally now? 35 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,410 Yes, now! That's an order. 36 00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:19,140 Aah! 37 00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:20,570 No! 38 00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:23,669 This is exactly what I was talking about! 39 00:01:23,670 --> 00:01:25,939 Rick, I hope you realize the tubing permit 40 00:01:25,940 --> 00:01:27,300 was non-refundable! 41 00:01:27,310 --> 00:01:29,028 Relax, Jerry, we'll be in and out in a minute, 42 00:01:29,030 --> 00:01:31,139 and then you can get right back to your dumb vacation 43 00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:32,830 with a family that doesn't need you. 44 00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:36,080 Kind of expected someone to defend me, 45 00:01:36,090 --> 00:01:37,350 but, sure, okay. 46 00:01:39,210 --> 00:01:41,140 Hello, Gaia. Hold on. 47 00:01:41,150 --> 00:01:43,989 Let me just adjust my Seismic-to-English translator. 48 00:01:43,990 --> 00:01:45,509 Rick. You came. 49 00:01:45,510 --> 00:01:48,018 - W-Where is she? - You're looking at her. 50 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:49,689 I-I-I-I don't understand. 51 00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:51,062 Isn't it obvious, Morty? 52 00:01:51,063 --> 00:01:52,729 I fucked a planet. 53 00:02:20,342 --> 00:02:24,555 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 54 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,890 So, what, you just go around knocking up planets now? 55 00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:28,969 I-I-Is that what you do when I'm at school? 56 00:02:28,970 --> 00:02:30,829 I'm a scientist, Morty. I try things. 57 00:02:30,830 --> 00:02:33,230 Sex with a living planet? Big step for mankind. 58 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,839 Yeah, we finally broke the deadbeat dad barrier. 59 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,949 - Ah, where the magic happened. - Gross. 60 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:39,870 Hey, uh, Gaia, baby, 61 00:02:39,880 --> 00:02:42,031 Big Daddy Rick is here. What's the problem? 62 00:02:42,032 --> 00:02:43,940 Children. Birth cycle. Now. 63 00:02:43,950 --> 00:02:45,450 Okay, gettin' right into it. 64 00:02:47,420 --> 00:02:49,704 - I am! I am! - Jesus Christ! 65 00:02:49,705 --> 00:02:51,206 - I am! - I am! 66 00:02:51,210 --> 00:02:52,410 I am! 67 00:02:52,420 --> 00:02:54,480 Dad, do something! Make it stop! 68 00:02:54,490 --> 00:02:55,608 You think I know how to stop this? 69 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:57,050 I thought she was gonna shit an egg. 70 00:02:59,090 --> 00:03:00,099 Cool vacation, guys. 71 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:01,770 So happy I got to see the human geyser 72 00:03:01,780 --> 00:03:03,539 instead of micro-dosing with my friends. 73 00:03:03,540 --> 00:03:06,069 More coming. Kids. Need father. 74 00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:08,399 Yeah, um, Baby Quakes, how big is your orbit again? 75 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,369 I mean, not to say you get around, but, um... 76 00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:11,709 Are you kidding me? Look at them! 77 00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:12,820 They look just like you. 78 00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:14,680 Yeah, and snakes look like dildos, Beth. 79 00:03:14,690 --> 00:03:15,879 - What's your point? - They do? 80 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,509 The fact is even if they were mine, 81 00:03:17,510 --> 00:03:20,040 which they're not, the best parent is evolution. 82 00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:21,448 They'll probably develop harder skin 83 00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:22,949 or maybe even webbed arms. 84 00:03:22,950 --> 00:03:25,089 Man, that'd be cool, huh? Flying squirrel people? 85 00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:27,330 Yeah, Dad, that approach worked out great for me. 86 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:28,869 Beth, I know it looks bad, but trust me. 87 00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:30,499 This is life in the galaxy, okay? 88 00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:31,530 It's totally normal. 89 00:03:32,610 --> 00:03:34,958 Fine. You won't do something, I will. 90 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,970 Welp, there goes the surprise! 91 00:03:36,980 --> 00:03:38,700 I was gonna have us jump on the trampoline 92 00:03:38,710 --> 00:03:40,068 - after we caught our first fish. - I am! 93 00:03:40,070 --> 00:03:41,429 What? You're stupid. 94 00:03:41,430 --> 00:03:42,849 - I am! - I am! I am! 95 00:03:42,850 --> 00:03:45,469 - Beth, that's not gonna help. - Uh, I hate to agree with Rick, 96 00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:46,819 but shouldn't we just let this be? 97 00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:48,058 We're supposed to be on vacation. 98 00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:49,180 You're unemployed, Jerry! 99 00:03:49,190 --> 00:03:50,890 Every day is a vacation for you. 100 00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:52,688 - Okay, ouch. - You guys do whatever you want. 101 00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:54,189 I'm staying here and fixing this. 102 00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:55,813 - I am! - I am! 103 00:03:55,820 --> 00:03:57,198 Goddamn it, Beth, if you're gonna do it, 104 00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,350 at least do it right. 105 00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,929 Gaia, baby, gonna need a little raw iron and steam. 106 00:04:00,930 --> 00:04:03,069 Whatever you need, baby. 107 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,429 - So much for camping. - Nope. 108 00:04:12,430 --> 00:04:13,880 We are going camping. 109 00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:15,020 There's trees over there. 110 00:04:15,030 --> 00:04:16,957 - We're on solid ground. - Mom! 111 00:04:16,958 --> 00:04:18,419 Summer, Morty, go camp with your father. 112 00:04:18,420 --> 00:04:20,089 - Ohh, son of a bitch. - Son of a bitch. 113 00:04:20,090 --> 00:04:21,289 - I am! - I am! 114 00:04:21,290 --> 00:04:24,510 - I am! - Welp, welcome to lack of abandonment. 115 00:04:26,030 --> 00:04:27,449 Dad, can we please go back 116 00:04:27,450 --> 00:04:28,989 and hang out with Grandpa's clay people? 117 00:04:28,990 --> 00:04:31,710 Why? Because they might have a Sega Dreamcast? 118 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,019 Why is it so hard for you two to let nature in? 119 00:04:34,020 --> 00:04:35,420 Because this sucks ass. 120 00:04:35,430 --> 00:04:37,779 Camping is just being homeless without the change. 121 00:04:37,780 --> 00:04:39,959 Well, that attitude is exactly why we're out here. 122 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,029 You guys wouldn't last two seconds on your own. 123 00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:43,799 You're only happy when you're penned in 124 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:47,199 and drugged up like some kind of chicken or lemur. Hey! 125 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,960 I told you kids no phones! 126 00:04:48,970 --> 00:04:50,330 There's not even any service. 127 00:04:50,340 --> 00:04:52,077 Just... Just let us be happy for a minute. 128 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,120 You know, maybe if you two stopped whining 129 00:04:54,130 --> 00:04:55,979 and let your old man take the reins, 130 00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:59,049 you might actually learn something. 131 00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:01,309 Here. Take a bite of this tasty treat. 132 00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:03,880 Oh, you think this s'more makes you special? 133 00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:04,980 What? Because someone said, 134 00:05:04,990 --> 00:05:07,119 "good job," to you once when you were 10? 135 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,678 That's actually really sad, Dad. Let's be real. 136 00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:11,129 You've been high-roading us non-stop, 137 00:05:11,130 --> 00:05:12,150 forcing us to do nothing 138 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:14,068 in the middle of fucking nowhere because it's the only way 139 00:05:14,070 --> 00:05:15,639 you're gonna level the playing field, isn't it? 140 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,729 Because if you move the bar so low, 141 00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:20,105 you might actually seem like you're worth a fuck. 142 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:22,329 Huh. 143 00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:24,560 I'm gonna go take a walk. 144 00:05:28,450 --> 00:05:31,782 Jesus Christ, you really need to stop hanging out with Rick. 145 00:05:36,630 --> 00:05:38,418 Okay, so, if we divert the Lawyer Pipeline here, 146 00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,608 they should avoid the Ethics Tube 147 00:05:39,610 --> 00:05:41,499 and come out spineless enough to do their job. 148 00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:43,250 Right. Wait, why are the athletes 149 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,428 going through the introvert sector? 150 00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:46,599 Obviously so they can bully the mathematicians 151 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,259 - and give us astronomers. - God, you are such a space nerd. 152 00:05:49,260 --> 00:05:51,520 I'm not a nerd. We're raising a society here, Beth. 153 00:05:51,530 --> 00:05:52,898 If we want them to be self-sufficient, 154 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,019 they need to get out into space. 155 00:05:55,020 --> 00:05:56,509 Birth cycle. Coming. 156 00:05:56,510 --> 00:05:58,689 We got you, Gai-Gai! Shoot 'em hard and up the middle! 157 00:06:13,220 --> 00:06:15,389 We got an oversupply of teachers 158 00:06:15,390 --> 00:06:16,899 putting a strain on the literary drive. 159 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:19,080 Activating playwright converter! 160 00:06:19,090 --> 00:06:20,150 Aah! 161 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:22,600 Nice work, honey. Okay, the therapists are getting bored. 162 00:06:22,610 --> 00:06:24,478 We need to increase their supply of incest porn. 163 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:25,768 20% wasn't enough? 164 00:06:25,770 --> 00:06:27,089 What the hell is that? 165 00:06:27,090 --> 00:06:28,450 The unproductives. Goddamn it! 166 00:06:28,460 --> 00:06:30,469 - How are there so many of them? - Unproductives? 167 00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,569 Yeah, deejays, foodies, influencers. 168 00:06:32,570 --> 00:06:34,719 I just re-circulate them through until... 169 00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:37,599 Shit, they blew a hole in the human resources department! 170 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:38,608 - You're fired! - Downsizing already? 171 00:06:38,610 --> 00:06:39,870 I'm putting this in your file! 172 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,220 We gotta fix this, Dad. 173 00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:44,773 We can't keep recycling them through. 174 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,920 I could add an online college workaround. 175 00:06:46,930 --> 00:06:49,120 Or just push them out through a pipe in the back. 176 00:06:49,130 --> 00:06:50,525 - Same thing. - Same thing. 177 00:06:50,526 --> 00:06:52,960 These kids may not be mine, but you definitely are. 178 00:06:52,970 --> 00:06:55,200 Look at you. My little steampunk overlord. 179 00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:56,410 Eeee! 180 00:06:57,910 --> 00:06:58,919 I don't think he's coming back. 181 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,468 You know, you... you really messed him up, Summer. 182 00:07:00,470 --> 00:07:01,900 Yeah, well, he called me a lemur. 183 00:07:01,910 --> 00:07:03,080 Let's just go find Grandpa. 184 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,920 Maybe he can portal us home or something. 185 00:07:04,930 --> 00:07:06,760 - Should we leave a note? - Dad is fine. 186 00:07:06,770 --> 00:07:08,139 He's probably sucking off a tree 187 00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:10,510 and having the time of his life right now. 188 00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,650 Guess you don't want to learn how to skip rocks, either. 189 00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:16,309 Aah! 190 00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:19,479 Aaah! 191 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:21,340 Whoa! Whoa! Aah! 192 00:07:21,350 --> 00:07:23,680 Aaaaaah! 193 00:07:23,690 --> 00:07:24,920 Ohh! 194 00:07:24,930 --> 00:07:27,109 Aaaaaah! 195 00:07:27,110 --> 00:07:28,559 Gah! 196 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,059 Ohhhh! Aaah! 197 00:07:31,060 --> 00:07:32,520 Aah! 198 00:07:35,770 --> 00:07:37,200 Aah! 199 00:07:43,749 --> 00:07:45,792 Aaah! 200 00:07:47,030 --> 00:07:48,580 Ow! Hey! 201 00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:50,220 Aah! 202 00:07:50,230 --> 00:07:52,880 Aaaaah! 203 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,850 Aaaaaaaah! 204 00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:58,596 Ohh! 205 00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:05,489 Who are you guys? 206 00:08:05,490 --> 00:08:08,859 We are... unproductives. 207 00:08:08,860 --> 00:08:10,449 Ahh, I get it. 208 00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,650 Bunch of bullshit. 209 00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:18,139 What is that? 210 00:08:18,140 --> 00:08:21,170 This? This is camping. 211 00:08:21,180 --> 00:08:23,180 Camping? Ooh! 212 00:08:23,190 --> 00:08:24,209 Camping! 213 00:08:24,210 --> 00:08:27,240 Camping! Camping! Camping! 214 00:08:56,540 --> 00:08:57,849 Good work there, TickTock. 215 00:08:57,850 --> 00:08:59,709 Keep whittling. Incredible. 216 00:08:59,710 --> 00:09:02,049 You've almost got smoke over there, Florflock. 217 00:09:02,050 --> 00:09:03,549 There you go, guys! 218 00:09:03,550 --> 00:09:04,719 Pump those cheeks. 219 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,419 That's the camping spirit. 220 00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,129 What the... Squeeb! 221 00:09:08,130 --> 00:09:09,419 This is not a tent. 222 00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:11,359 It is a new kind of tent, 223 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,729 with special gutters to funnel the rain, and a door. 224 00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:15,960 It's a house! 225 00:09:15,970 --> 00:09:17,840 No houses! No doors! 226 00:09:17,850 --> 00:09:19,770 Once you have doors, you have indoors. 227 00:09:19,780 --> 00:09:23,140 Once you have indoors, you won't want to camp anymore. 228 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:26,350 Then why do they not camp? 229 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,109 Because they're bad. 230 00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:30,230 Bad. Bad. Bad. 231 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,029 Bad. Bad. Bad. 232 00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,419 Oh, my God. Maybe Dad was right. 233 00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:36,049 Maybe we have no life skills. 234 00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:38,089 I've definitely drank more pee than I care to remember. 235 00:09:38,090 --> 00:09:39,749 I'm just gonna sit down. 236 00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:42,369 If I die, don't eat my ass. That'd be weird. 237 00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:44,180 Uh, Summer? 238 00:09:48,350 --> 00:09:49,959 Damn, you think they got infected 239 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:51,460 by a mind slug or something? 240 00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:52,608 Probably drove through a nebula 241 00:09:52,610 --> 00:09:54,010 that made them see their own fears. 242 00:09:57,950 --> 00:09:59,170 Whoa! 243 00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,677 These controls. 244 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,739 It's just like my video game controllers. 245 00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:05,360 I just wish I could read these symbols. 246 00:10:08,150 --> 00:10:11,279 This looks just like Tricia's bong. 247 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,189 Morty, I think these tubes might contain 248 00:10:13,190 --> 00:10:14,816 all of their collective knowledge. 249 00:10:20,290 --> 00:10:22,580 - Mm! - Well? 250 00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:24,576 I think we got this, bro. 251 00:10:25,870 --> 00:10:27,380 Beth, you wanna do the honors? 252 00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:29,169 What? Really? Wow. Okay. 253 00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,550 - Here we go. 254 00:10:32,260 --> 00:10:34,120 If you told me six days ago I'd be christening 255 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:36,509 a generation ship for my half-rock children, 256 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:37,880 I would've called you crazy. 257 00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,189 But I guess that's the lesson... crazy things happen 258 00:10:40,190 --> 00:10:42,677 when you put in the work. Salud! 259 00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:44,929 Fucking Doopnar! Sing something! 260 00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:48,360 - Great toast, Dad. - Thanks, sweetie. 261 00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:50,400 Damn, listen to those pipes. 262 00:10:50,410 --> 00:10:51,859 You sure these kids are yours? 263 00:10:51,860 --> 00:10:53,559 What, you've never heard me sing karaoke? 264 00:10:53,560 --> 00:10:55,499 I'm... I'm pretty good when someone's in my register, 265 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,229 like the guy that sings "Circle of Life." 266 00:10:57,230 --> 00:10:59,159 Can't remember his name. Dresses up weird. 267 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,129 Look at this. Everyone's happy. 268 00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:03,869 They're about to go into space. 269 00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:05,950 I know things haven't always been great with us, 270 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,249 but we do make a pretty good team. 271 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,369 Uh, Rick? Can we talk? 272 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,319 Kinda in the middle of a breakthrough with my daughter. 273 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,580 Go ahead, Dad. Gaia deserves some time, too. 274 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:17,830 - They're your kids. - Yes, about that. 275 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:21,509 Pam! It's good to see you, baby! 276 00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:24,010 Um, Gaia? You know this guy? 277 00:11:24,020 --> 00:11:27,009 Ha! You call her Gaia? So lame. 278 00:11:27,010 --> 00:11:28,680 Is that... God? 279 00:11:28,690 --> 00:11:30,889 Rick. The kids. I messed up. 280 00:11:30,890 --> 00:11:33,259 - You're not their father. - Little ones! 281 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:34,270 Daddy's here! 282 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,539 I'm sending some fog down. 283 00:11:36,540 --> 00:11:39,150 - Feel my presence through the fog! - Ooh! 284 00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:41,230 Beth! What the fuck. Don't touch it! 285 00:11:41,940 --> 00:11:44,489 You gotta be kidding me. God is the father? 286 00:11:44,490 --> 00:11:46,350 No hard feelings, okay? 287 00:11:46,360 --> 00:11:47,939 We thought they were yours, you know, 288 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,939 because they're so small. 289 00:11:49,940 --> 00:11:52,239 Oh, wow. No hard feelings. Y-You hear that, Beth? 290 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,679 Guy swoops in after we raised his whole civilization 291 00:11:54,680 --> 00:11:56,859 and tells us he forgives us. What a fucking mooch! 292 00:11:56,860 --> 00:11:59,279 Don't push me, asshole! 293 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,749 Rick, I think you should go. 294 00:12:01,750 --> 00:12:04,289 Seriously? You really want this pile of dry ice 295 00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:05,343 to raise your kids? 296 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:07,529 Stop acting like you did a good job. 297 00:12:07,530 --> 00:12:10,650 You made my kids soft and empty inside. 298 00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:12,970 This city is a monument to nothing! 299 00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:14,227 Where is their faith? 300 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:15,570 Reggie is right. 301 00:12:15,580 --> 00:12:17,790 The children are not ready to leave. 302 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,110 He can give them more. 303 00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:21,109 I mean, maybe we should just bail, Dad. 304 00:12:21,110 --> 00:12:23,509 At least this guy is immortal and can stick around. 305 00:12:23,510 --> 00:12:25,509 Bullshit. They're my kids! We're staying! 306 00:12:25,510 --> 00:12:27,179 Bad! Bad! 307 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,784 See? Now, this is the kind of shit I'm talking about. 308 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:33,519 - Bad! Bad! - Jerry! Oh, my God! Is that you? 309 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,413 - What the hell are you doing? - Camping. 310 00:12:35,414 --> 00:12:37,319 Oh, look, Jerry finally found his people. 311 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:39,292 All it took was a deep enough drip pan. 312 00:12:39,293 --> 00:12:41,689 You labeled these creatures "unproductive," 313 00:12:41,690 --> 00:12:44,007 but I have given them more purpose than ever. 314 00:12:44,010 --> 00:12:46,010 Oh, yeah? They filing your unemployment forms? 315 00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:48,309 His tongue is sharp, but it cannot whittle. 316 00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:50,349 The Great Roughing of It is at hand. 317 00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:52,250 You will now join the One Family 318 00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:53,879 on its Eternal Getaway. 319 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,449 Or join the embers over which we hold marshmallows 320 00:12:57,450 --> 00:12:59,119 at just the right distance. 321 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:02,510 Six inches! Until it gets golden brown! 322 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,290 Don't let it start on fire! 323 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,160 The carbon is bad for you! 324 00:13:08,250 --> 00:13:09,490 What's happening? 325 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:12,090 My children, I give you my power. 326 00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,239 Use it to take what is yours. 327 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,629 Oh, this motherfucker. Raise the walls! 328 00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:23,045 Walls can't stop us, Rick. We are chosen. 329 00:13:23,046 --> 00:13:24,130 Sha-boom-boom! 330 00:13:24,880 --> 00:13:26,379 Sorry! Sorry! 331 00:13:26,380 --> 00:13:27,929 Just trying to get the hang of this thing. 332 00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:30,219 Nice choice of chosen people, G-diddles. 333 00:13:30,220 --> 00:13:32,199 I guess you'll be playing the "mysterious ways" card 334 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:33,790 - on that one. - You wanna go, bro? 335 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:35,391 I'll kick your ass myself. 336 00:13:35,392 --> 00:13:36,729 Oh, dude, don't tempt me. 337 00:13:36,730 --> 00:13:38,489 When I'm done with you, you'll need a staff 338 00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:40,029 to un-part your fucking face. 339 00:13:40,030 --> 00:13:42,649 Guys. Please. Not in front of the kids. 340 00:13:44,610 --> 00:13:46,399 Did you for real just try to smite me? 341 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,113 Siri, triangulate source of power. 342 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,270 Got you now, you son of a bitch. 343 00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:52,509 Sweetie, you handle the hippies. 344 00:13:52,510 --> 00:13:53,879 I'll handle the off-brand Yahweh. 345 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,996 - Kick his ass, Dad! - Bear witness. 346 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:05,049 Now you see my true form. 347 00:14:05,050 --> 00:14:09,092 The clouds were simply a shape more appealing to Gaia's mind. 348 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,059 No shit. Any form is more appealing than this. 349 00:14:11,060 --> 00:14:13,090 You look like Kid Rock fucked Zeus. 350 00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,039 Oh, seriously, you expect me to fight you like this? 351 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,229 You're the size of four Empire State Buildings. 352 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:20,309 All right, motherfucker. Let's go. 353 00:14:36,550 --> 00:14:39,998 Aaah! Aah! 354 00:14:41,110 --> 00:14:42,125 Ha-ha! You like that? 355 00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:44,010 - Ohh! - Here comes some pain! 356 00:14:44,820 --> 00:14:46,420 Ohh! 357 00:14:58,590 --> 00:15:00,300 Ow! 358 00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:02,640 Ow! 359 00:15:06,660 --> 00:15:11,170 And... that last one should be... 360 00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:12,630 the start button. 361 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:14,289 Perfect. I guess we're ready. 362 00:15:14,290 --> 00:15:16,359 Let's show Mom and Dad what video games 363 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:18,619 and partying are all about. 364 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,969 Jesus Christ, was that the wings? 365 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:31,939 This is not like a video game! 366 00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:34,009 - It's not like a video game at all! - Oh, my God, make it stop! Make it stop! 367 00:15:34,010 --> 00:15:37,269 - How do I make it stop? - I don't know. I'm fucking high! 368 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,379 Aah! 369 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,390 Oh, God, now I'm high, too! 370 00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:49,570 - Jerry, that's enough. - Oh, hey, babe. 371 00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:52,195 You like these plagues I'm unleashing on your asses? 372 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,270 No, they're lame. It's not a great sign 373 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:56,491 that your army's on the same side as disease. 374 00:15:56,492 --> 00:15:59,880 Sorry we aren't modern enough to sort people by value 375 00:15:59,890 --> 00:16:02,413 and shit the losers through a mean butt tube! 376 00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:07,969 Just admit this is about you wanting to feel needed! 377 00:16:07,970 --> 00:16:10,009 Says the woman who sold out her family 378 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:12,429 for an ounce of approval from her drunk father! 379 00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:14,409 Well, maybe he drinks because it isn't easy 380 00:16:14,410 --> 00:16:15,769 to be more powerful than God. 381 00:16:15,770 --> 00:16:16,979 Well, if it's god power 382 00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,819 that gets you going, light some candles 383 00:16:18,820 --> 00:16:21,730 and put on the Billy Ocean because Moses is home 384 00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,910 and he's ready to burn some bush! 385 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,529 Sha-boom-boom! 386 00:16:26,850 --> 00:16:28,520 Ohh! Fuck! 387 00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,759 Ow! All right, all right, stop. 388 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:32,774 - Come on, bitch! - Look, you win, okay? 389 00:16:32,775 --> 00:16:34,240 Ju... I don't care about the kids. 390 00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,999 Smite them, raise them to fuck sheep. 391 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,599 Just keep the city, okay? 392 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:38,858 My daughter and I built that thing. 393 00:16:38,860 --> 00:16:41,369 - It's important to her. - No, bro. I'm a Zeus. 394 00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:43,839 I can literally do anything. 395 00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:46,509 Think I'm gonna hang around and raise kids? 396 00:16:46,510 --> 00:16:50,659 The only lesson they need is right here... fear. 397 00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:52,889 And it looks like school's out, bitch. 398 00:16:52,890 --> 00:16:54,840 I-I think you mean school's in. 399 00:16:54,850 --> 00:16:56,378 What are... What are you talking about? 400 00:16:56,380 --> 00:16:57,529 I-If you're teaching fear, 401 00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:59,929 then choking me... school would be in. 402 00:16:59,930 --> 00:17:02,210 Fine. School's in, bitch. 403 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:05,049 Oh. 404 00:17:05,050 --> 00:17:06,269 What the fuck. 405 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,569 Ohh! Are we dead? D-Did we die? 406 00:17:14,570 --> 00:17:15,949 I don't ever want to be high again. 407 00:17:15,950 --> 00:17:17,239 I-I got scared straight. 408 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:18,709 Oh, my God, I got scared straight. 409 00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:20,079 Fuck. Dad was right. 410 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:21,319 We... We think we know everything, 411 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:22,680 but maybe we're the ones who suck. 412 00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:26,412 You kids are my fucking heroes! 413 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,850 You saved Grandpa's life! I fucking love you so much! 414 00:17:28,860 --> 00:17:30,140 - Papa! - Papa! 415 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,110 We played video games and got high! We did wrong! 416 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,899 - We did wrong! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, little boopas. 417 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,841 Come on, now. You kids, you did real good here. 418 00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:38,019 You did good. 419 00:17:38,020 --> 00:17:39,769 Getting high and playing video games is the best, 420 00:17:39,770 --> 00:17:40,840 I swear to fucking God. 421 00:17:40,850 --> 00:17:42,038 But Mom and Dad are gonna be mad. 422 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,099 No, hey, hey, look, no. 423 00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,729 Fuck your mom and dad. Your parents are a bag of dicks. 424 00:17:45,730 --> 00:17:47,739 Getting high and playing video games is the best, 425 00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:49,669 and I will never sell you out, ever. 426 00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:50,698 Now, we got to get out of here 427 00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:52,098 before this guy falls out of the sky. 428 00:17:52,100 --> 00:17:53,289 He's generating an ionic cloud 429 00:17:53,290 --> 00:17:54,630 from his own belief system. 430 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,370 Holy shit. Summer, were you smoking this? 431 00:17:56,380 --> 00:17:59,000 You were basically inhaling brake fluid. Jesus! 432 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:02,779 Mm, yeah. 433 00:18:08,310 --> 00:18:10,959 It's over, Beth. Tell your people to lower the gates 434 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,829 and pack their moisture-wicking shirts. 435 00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,659 Incoming! 436 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:23,150 Jerry! 437 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,390 Beth! Just hold on! 438 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:27,150 I'm losing my grip! 439 00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:30,650 - Jerry. - Squeeb? 440 00:18:30,660 --> 00:18:33,510 Use the s'more, Jerry. 441 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,809 - Ow! You stabbed my hand! - Sorry! Sorry! 442 00:18:39,690 --> 00:18:41,619 Should... Should we make love? 443 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,730 Jerry, I love you, 444 00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:45,070 but I can literally smell your balls from here. 445 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,109 Oh, wow. 446 00:18:46,110 --> 00:18:48,799 Ask God for a flood next time. It'll come with a shower. 447 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,080 Noted. 448 00:18:50,890 --> 00:18:52,669 Aw, geez, that... that poor guy. 449 00:18:52,670 --> 00:18:54,199 Can you maybe not tell Mom and Dad? 450 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:56,699 Relax, it's just a Zeus. If this was the real God, it... 451 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,964 it'd be a completely different story. 452 00:18:58,965 --> 00:19:01,839 Rick! What did you do? 453 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:03,339 I mean, gravity did most of it. 454 00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:06,514 - So, you, technically. - I told you to leave! 455 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,549 Yeah, well, you also asked me to raise your kids. 456 00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:11,149 Uh, not sure if you heard the phrase, "pick a lane," but... 457 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,769 You killed their father! 458 00:19:12,770 --> 00:19:14,689 Father or not, he was a lying piece of shit. 459 00:19:14,690 --> 00:19:16,519 I don't care who else stuffed your crust, 460 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:17,950 but I'm the guy that showed up. 461 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,030 But I mean, if you want, 462 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,612 I can still power-wash his guts off the tower and maybe... 463 00:19:21,613 --> 00:19:22,940 Get oooout! 464 00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:24,310 Okay, yeah, she's pissed. 465 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,209 I mean, you killed her slam piece, Grandpa. 466 00:19:26,210 --> 00:19:27,720 I don't blame her. 467 00:19:41,220 --> 00:19:44,594 See? You put the fire stick to the wood, and, voil? 468 00:19:44,595 --> 00:19:45,599 Campfire. 469 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,610 You have known about this the whole time? 470 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:49,388 I'm not gonna waste my time building you an ark, 471 00:19:49,390 --> 00:19:50,650 but if your mom gets clingy, 472 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:52,089 you can use this to get some space. 473 00:19:52,090 --> 00:19:54,561 Is that all you want to say to your children before you leave? 474 00:19:54,562 --> 00:19:57,440 Oh, yeah, uh, don't ask me for money. 475 00:19:59,820 --> 00:20:02,099 I mean, Gaia's not gonna raise those guys 476 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:03,969 to hunt us down, right? 477 00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:06,069 Oh, most definitely. I put a tracker on their ship. 478 00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:07,829 I'll blow it up if they come anywhere near me. 479 00:20:07,830 --> 00:20:09,789 Well, kids, never thought I'd say this, 480 00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:11,979 - but, Summer, you were right. - Wait, what? 481 00:20:11,980 --> 00:20:14,209 I thought I wanted to teach you guys about tents, 482 00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:16,379 but really, I just wanted to feel important. 483 00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:18,090 I guess sometimes teenagers do know 484 00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:20,249 what they're talking about, even if it's mean. 485 00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:23,289 Right, but didn't you, like, go into god-mode and fight Mom? 486 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:25,429 Love is the only power that matters, Morty. 487 00:20:25,430 --> 00:20:27,789 No, you had actual power, and you did jack shit. 488 00:20:27,790 --> 00:20:29,010 That was a divine staff. 489 00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:30,807 You could've cured cancer or raised the dead. 490 00:20:30,808 --> 00:20:33,569 - Instead you made bugs. - Well, I was impressed, Dad. 491 00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:36,150 He saved my life, no thanks to you. 492 00:20:38,590 --> 00:20:40,069 Your kids got high on alien mist 493 00:20:40,070 --> 00:20:41,649 and drove the ship into that Zeus guy's head. 494 00:20:41,650 --> 00:20:42,918 - Basically murdered him. - Grandpa! 495 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:43,928 - What the hell? - Come on! 496 00:20:43,930 --> 00:20:45,458 What? You did. I mean, not to cast the first stone, 497 00:20:45,460 --> 00:20:48,089 but, Beth and Jerry, pretty terrible parenting on your part. 498 00:20:48,090 --> 00:20:49,779 Did you know Summer huffed a K-Zax Array? 499 00:20:49,780 --> 00:20:51,310 She basically smoked "The Ring." 500 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:52,900 Most pilots die after three days. 501 00:20:52,910 --> 00:20:54,110 And Morty, the fucking moron, 502 00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,289 he thought the ship worked like a game controller. 503 00:20:56,290 --> 00:20:58,119 What in the Disney Channel fuck is that? 504 00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,759 Maybe help him with homework next time. 505 00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:01,625 He's clearly crying for help. 506 00:21:01,626 --> 00:21:05,299 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 507 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,205 Planets Only. Planets Only. Planets Only. 508 00:21:36,210 --> 00:21:39,180 Entire systems of steamy, lush globes 509 00:21:39,190 --> 00:21:41,999 and barely habitable celestial objects 510 00:21:42,000 --> 00:21:44,389 are drifting through the void just for you. 511 00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,490 - Planets Only. - Let's terraform. 512 00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:49,879 - Or colonize me as I am. - Planets Only. 513 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,969 Oops, there's a hole in my ozone. 514 00:21:51,970 --> 00:21:53,950 I didn't put it there. Did you? 515 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,830 I can't fill it by myself. 516 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:57,190 I'm not smart enough. 517 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,870 Young, dumb, and orbiting the sun. 518 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:03,049 The greenhouse is in full effect at Planets Only. 519 00:22:03,050 --> 00:22:06,064 Oh, I want you to split my Pangea into distinct continents. 520 00:22:06,065 --> 00:22:08,590 I don't have hydrostatic equilibrium yet. 521 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,289 Is that something you can learn? 522 00:22:10,290 --> 00:22:13,380 You get the idea. 523 00:22:13,390 --> 00:22:14,399 Phew! 524 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,369 I was watching over your shoulder for a full minute. 525 00:22:16,370 --> 00:22:17,899 So? I was watching because it's funny. 526 00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:19,279 It's... It's... They... They... They're planets, 527 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,470 but they're sexy. It's a comedic premise. 528 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,209 - Yeah. - Planets Only. 529 00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:25,755 Planets Only.