1 00:00:08,330 --> 00:00:11,250 Hey, you kids! Don't be bad outside my store! 2 00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:12,790 I keep a nice store! 3 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,060 Give it up, old man! 4 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,701 We're just cool bad kids doing young stuff! Chh! 5 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,880 You guys wanna do more skateboard moves? 6 00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:23,580 - Which ones? - The rad ones, that's which! 7 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:24,600 How are you kids? 8 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:26,729 Did you know your grandpa's tryin' to get your attention? 9 00:00:26,730 --> 00:00:28,350 Yeah, yeah, screw off, weirdo. 10 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:30,350 - Grandson, w-w-what's that mean? 11 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,020 He's one of those cult people. 12 00:00:32,030 --> 00:00:33,560 They worship some psycho named Roy 13 00:00:33,580 --> 00:00:35,240 that says he's everybody's grandpa. 14 00:00:35,260 --> 00:00:38,380 So what do you want to do today, e-eat some snacks 15 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,770 and maybe let me kiss you finally? 16 00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:43,814 - Y'know, with my mouth and stuff? - This is going on right now. 17 00:00:43,820 --> 00:00:45,370 - L-Let's go check it out. - Aw, geez. 18 00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:47,818 C-Come on, just for fun, you know? 19 00:00:47,820 --> 00:00:49,020 No, that's not what I'm... 20 00:00:49,030 --> 00:00:51,140 You guys keep thinking I'm a religious leader. 21 00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:53,449 This isn't a religion. This is actual truth. 22 00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:54,860 I'm a scientist in real life, 23 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,120 but this isn't real life, this is a video game. 24 00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:59,410 Y-Y-You at least understand that much, right? 25 00:00:59,420 --> 00:01:00,706 This is a video game? 26 00:01:00,710 --> 00:01:02,708 But you said I'm your grandson? 27 00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:03,719 I'm saying everyone is. 28 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,090 Everyone here, everyone in this world but me. 29 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:08,490 You're all my grandson, your name is Morty, 30 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:10,549 you're stuck in a video game, and I'm here to get you out. 31 00:01:10,550 --> 00:01:12,551 What about me? Am I your grandson? 32 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:14,219 I just said everyone is! 33 00:01:14,220 --> 00:01:15,660 - Wow! - Incredible! 34 00:01:15,670 --> 00:01:17,200 Okay, okay, but don't react like that. 35 00:01:17,210 --> 00:01:19,600 It's not a religion. This is what is happening. 36 00:01:19,610 --> 00:01:21,520 You and me and your sister are at an arcade 37 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:22,560 called Blips and Chitz. 38 00:01:22,570 --> 00:01:24,170 It's been taken over by terrorists. 39 00:01:24,180 --> 00:01:26,060 The power went out, the game restarted, 40 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,580 and your identity has been splintered 41 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:29,510 into all the non-player characters. 42 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:32,220 So I jacked in as Roy, that's the player character, 43 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,520 to get you, my grandson, Morty, out of the game 44 00:01:34,540 --> 00:01:35,949 before it's over and you die. 45 00:01:35,950 --> 00:01:37,660 Okay, question over here. 46 00:01:37,670 --> 00:01:39,360 - Am I your grandson? - Jesus! 47 00:01:39,380 --> 00:01:42,498 Yes! Every single one of you is one five-billionth of Morty. 48 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,800 All of you, collectively, are Morty. 49 00:01:44,820 --> 00:01:46,299 Look, I-I don't wanna seem impatient, 50 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:48,279 but there's actually a lot more that we have to get done, 51 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:49,830 so if this is how hard it's gonna be, 52 00:01:49,850 --> 00:01:51,120 we are in a lot of trou... 53 00:01:51,140 --> 00:01:52,260 Summer, what? 54 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:54,920 I can't do this if you keep bugging me! 55 00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,870 Do you understand time dilation? 56 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,597 I'm losing a month a second out here. 57 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,540 There's an alien army shooting people. 58 00:02:00,550 --> 00:02:03,080 - What am I doing? - It's a small group of alien terrorists. 59 00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:05,354 - Just do a "Die Hard." - What does that mean? 60 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,190 Sneak around, use air vents. You've never seen "Die Hard"? 61 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:11,360 I'm 17. No, I've never seen fucking "Die Hard"! 62 00:02:11,370 --> 00:02:13,659 Well, neither did the guy in "Die Hard," so you're nailing it! 63 00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:15,239 Good luck! 64 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:47,062 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - — www.addic7ed.com — 65 00:02:47,070 --> 00:02:48,100 Larry... 66 00:02:48,110 --> 00:02:49,909 No, I'm at the end of my rope with this kid, 67 00:02:49,910 --> 00:02:51,900 I swear to God... 68 00:02:52,820 --> 00:02:55,160 - Oh, you gotta be kidding me! - Your beautiful hair! 69 00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:56,989 This is not a daughter's haircut! 70 00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:59,116 I'm not a daughter, I'm a grandson. 71 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,000 Your family had a perfectly fine religion! 72 00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:02,200 You were raised Jewish! 73 00:03:02,220 --> 00:03:04,800 Dad, tell me anything specific about being Jewish. 74 00:03:04,820 --> 00:03:05,870 There's a million things! 75 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:08,360 You go to the temple with the... the... the special hat, 76 00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:10,010 t-the falafafluten... 77 00:03:10,020 --> 00:03:11,480 Oh, the falafafluten? 78 00:03:11,490 --> 00:03:13,020 Our Jewish words are gibberish 79 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,380 because we're a 14-year-old boy 80 00:03:14,390 --> 00:03:16,280 who was raised nondenominational Christian 81 00:03:16,290 --> 00:03:17,680 and we're in a video game! 82 00:03:17,690 --> 00:03:19,970 I don't need to hear this schmoitenheiven! 83 00:03:19,980 --> 00:03:22,290 Let me ask you this, little miss grandson, 84 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:24,040 little miss video game character. 85 00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:26,190 If you're not my daughter, why stand in my house 86 00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,790 spouting this chatschkopfka? 87 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:30,397 - Why even live here? - Good question. 88 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:31,982 There she goes! My daughter! 89 00:03:31,990 --> 00:03:35,277 One five-billionth of a kid trapped in a video game! 90 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:37,529 Yeah, that and a college degree'll pay the rent! 91 00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:43,670 What do you people want? 92 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,020 We have many interests, 93 00:03:45,030 --> 00:03:47,900 but right now my primary one is the location. 94 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,792 Of. Your. Safe. 95 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,250 We exchange tokens for digital currency. 96 00:03:52,260 --> 00:03:53,360 We don't have a safe. 97 00:03:53,370 --> 00:03:56,020 Correction, what you don't have is a head. 98 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,620 Ohh! 99 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:59,780 Is this a weapon or a medical tool? 100 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,010 Why would you give me a gun with a laser that thin? 101 00:04:02,020 --> 00:04:04,580 Did you hear me tell him he wouldn't have a head? 102 00:04:04,590 --> 00:04:06,530 - He's dead, isn't he? - People die in surgery. 103 00:04:06,540 --> 00:04:09,603 Hey! Who don't touched me? I don't like being touched! 104 00:04:09,610 --> 00:04:11,320 Check the hostages. 105 00:04:11,340 --> 00:04:14,983 Make sure nobody else here is doing a "Die Hard." 106 00:04:23,020 --> 00:04:24,952 - All right! Yeah! - Aw, geez! 107 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,740 Yeah. Look. I feel like every time I explain this, I lose followers, 108 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,300 but this isn't a religion. 109 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,120 And while I do have a message from a world beyond this one, 110 00:04:32,130 --> 00:04:35,379 and I do need the entire world to hear my message, 111 00:04:35,380 --> 00:04:37,860 what I do not need is any more songs about it. 112 00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:39,130 Not in this genre. 113 00:04:39,140 --> 00:04:40,720 I'm an old-school hip-hop man, 114 00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:43,230 and no, that's not an invitation for you to try it 115 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,700 because I'm just gonna say it, 116 00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:46,300 we're missing the mark on diversity. 117 00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,177 Get down! You're all under arrest 118 00:04:51,178 --> 00:04:52,819 for being religious the wrong way! 119 00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:54,857 It's not a religion! You know what, just shoot me. 120 00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:56,525 You think your god makes you bulletproof? 121 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:59,510 There isn't even a God in the real world, you fragmented putz. 122 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,000 - There's extra no God in here. - You know what, hippie? 123 00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:03,799 Talking like that is why you're getting shot! 124 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:05,909 If you kill him, the game ends and we all die. 125 00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,820 - Get down, lady! - I'm not a lady. 126 00:05:07,830 --> 00:05:08,996 And you're not a soldier. 127 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,040 We're one person, split into a lot of little pieces. 128 00:05:12,050 --> 00:05:13,740 Y-You feel me? Dawg? 129 00:05:13,750 --> 00:05:16,169 Y-Y-You're not gonna hurt me. You're me. 130 00:05:16,170 --> 00:05:17,800 My name is Kevin! I'm a Marine! 131 00:05:17,820 --> 00:05:19,519 I'm 30! I'm a little racist, 132 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,859 but my best friend is an immigrant 133 00:05:20,860 --> 00:05:23,120 that translated for me in a generic overseas war! 134 00:05:23,130 --> 00:05:24,280 That's not true. 135 00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,850 We're 14, we like pizza and masturbation, 136 00:05:26,870 --> 00:05:28,020 we wear a yellow shirt, 137 00:05:28,030 --> 00:05:30,000 and we have hair that looks like a brown helmet. 138 00:05:30,020 --> 00:05:31,480 A-And we miss our family. 139 00:05:31,490 --> 00:05:33,800 And we're in way over our heads again. 140 00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:36,220 - Why's this always happen, man? - I know, right? 141 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:37,280 Aw, geez. 142 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:38,720 - Aw, geez. - Come here. 143 00:05:38,740 --> 00:05:40,220 - Aw, geez. - Come here. 144 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,737 - Aw, geez. - Aw, geez. 145 00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:43,155 - Aw, geez. - Aw, geez. 146 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,260 Who is that? 147 00:05:44,270 --> 00:05:46,070 Her video game name is Marta. 148 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:48,869 Okay. See, this I can work with. 149 00:05:49,670 --> 00:05:52,070 "Sneak around. Crawl in some vents. 150 00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,820 Do a 'Die Hard.'" 151 00:06:05,690 --> 00:06:07,800 Oh, my God, it's disgusting! 152 00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:09,420 Actually, it tastes really good. 153 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,990 Oh, my God, it's disgusting that it tastes good! 154 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,727 Frank, have you found him? Report. 155 00:06:13,730 --> 00:06:15,800 Oh. Oh. Walkie talkie. That's "Die Hard." 156 00:06:15,820 --> 00:06:18,340 - Don't have to see it to know that. - This is Jons. 157 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,275 I repeat, have you found him? 158 00:06:20,280 --> 00:06:22,360 Breaker, breaker. Walkie talkie. 159 00:06:22,370 --> 00:06:24,130 I got your walkie talkie. Bitch. 160 00:06:24,140 --> 00:06:26,820 Are you doing a "Die Hard"? 161 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,500 Maybe. 162 00:06:28,510 --> 00:06:30,880 Are... you? Also? 163 00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:31,920 More or less. 164 00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:33,520 And my associate, Frank? 165 00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:37,542 Uh, your associate Frank is definitely not doing a "Die Hard." 166 00:06:37,550 --> 00:06:40,600 You might even say he's doing a Die Easy. 167 00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:42,600 Because I killed him and it wasn't difficult. 168 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,500 Calm yourself, Winslow. 169 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:46,850 Winslow! 170 00:06:46,860 --> 00:06:47,970 Ugh. 171 00:06:48,620 --> 00:06:53,030 It's not every day one meets a fellow "Die Hard" enthusiast, Ms... 172 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,780 - Call me "Die Hard." - Okay, Die Hard. 173 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,380 Tell me. What do you know about "Die Hard"? 174 00:06:58,390 --> 00:07:01,300 What do you care? You writing a book about "Die Hard"? 175 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,235 As a matter of fact, I've written several. 176 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,510 Every sentient civilization across the galaxy 177 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,656 eventually develops the same myth. 178 00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,740 In Centauri, it's known as "Tower Man." 179 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,370 The Orionese have their "Thornberg Cycle." 180 00:07:12,380 --> 00:07:14,959 And in Andromeda it's called "Foolish to Have Imagined 181 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:16,123 You'd Be Able to Kill." 182 00:07:16,130 --> 00:07:18,458 All of them what you'd call "Die Hard." 183 00:07:18,460 --> 00:07:20,790 The difference being that cultures like mine 184 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,080 are aware of its importance 185 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:23,839 whereas I'm starting to doubt 186 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,780 you could even recall a single line. 187 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,677 Walkie talkie "Die Hard," motherfucker. 188 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,929 Aaah! 189 00:07:30,930 --> 00:07:31,989 Not so long ago, 190 00:07:31,990 --> 00:07:34,770 Grandsonism was being dismissed as a doomsday cult. 191 00:07:34,790 --> 00:07:36,450 But since a majority of the world decided, 192 00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:38,739 hey, you know what, we like jerking off and playing video games 193 00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:40,399 and our sister is out there fighting terrorists, 194 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,070 major strides have been made. 195 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,720 The world is united, because the world is one 14-year-old boy, Morty. 196 00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:49,100 But where's it all coming from? Some say Grandsonism's leader, Roy, 197 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,140 has a secret base somewhere in these mountains. 198 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,500 I-I-I couldn't find it, so I'm standing in... 199 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:55,440 in the general area with a microphone. 200 00:07:55,460 --> 00:07:57,539 For Good Enough News, I'm Tony! 201 00:08:06,510 --> 00:08:08,550 There she is, my right-hand Morty! 202 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,180 - Got enough spaceships? - Not yet. 203 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,900 I figure five more years of game time 204 00:08:11,910 --> 00:08:13,889 before I can take the whole fake population 205 00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:15,110 into fake outer space. 206 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:16,680 What do we do in outer space? 207 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,490 Nothing. It's fake. W-We keep going. 208 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,780 The game's map has edges, 209 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,720 but the game's engine will let us go past them. 210 00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:23,220 That will force the game to reset, 211 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,193 but first it will kick us out, which Morty should survive. 212 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:28,361 I mean, whatever amount of Morty we have on board. 213 00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:30,979 So if you don't have five billion handkerchiefs soaked in chloroform, 214 00:08:30,980 --> 00:08:33,169 I hope you can keep flipping idiots to our cause. 215 00:08:33,170 --> 00:08:34,590 They're not idiots, Grandpa. 216 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,900 - They're me. - Ha. 217 00:08:35,910 --> 00:08:37,800 You'll know how funny that is when we get back. 218 00:08:37,820 --> 00:08:40,220 By the way, I had your genius of a father picked up. 219 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:42,084 - He's over there. - What? Why? 220 00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:43,949 I thought you'd be grateful and less distracted 221 00:08:43,950 --> 00:08:45,280 than if I let him die. 222 00:08:45,290 --> 00:08:47,500 He's been in real bad shape since he lost his wife... 223 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,710 - My mom? - Your not-at-all-real mom, 224 00:08:49,720 --> 00:08:51,040 a mom in a video game. 225 00:08:51,050 --> 00:08:53,320 Occupied by a tiny fraction of yourself. 226 00:08:53,340 --> 00:08:55,730 A fraction of yourself which is now dead forever, 227 00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,120 and fractions add up, so I had your dad brought here. 228 00:08:58,140 --> 00:09:00,520 You're welcome, you heartless monster. 229 00:09:00,530 --> 00:09:02,300 Marta. It's me, Dad. 230 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:03,720 I converted for you. 231 00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:05,820 My name is Morty. So is yours. 232 00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:07,160 And there's no conversion. 233 00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:08,777 We're both Morty. It's a fact. 234 00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:11,240 Sure, honey, anything you say. I don't want to fight. 235 00:09:11,260 --> 00:09:13,290 I'm proud of you. Are you mad at me 236 00:09:13,310 --> 00:09:15,379 because before you became the world's most powerful woman, 237 00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:16,700 I shamed you for your haircut 238 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:18,580 and called you a slutty jobless hobo? 239 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,956 If I were you, I'd be a little mad about that. 240 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,834 You are me. A-and why would I be mad at myself? 241 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,580 Good point! Is there anything to... to eat around here? 242 00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:28,189 There's a kitchenette in the break room. 243 00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:30,650 Oh, a kitchenette you say. Such red carpet treatment. 244 00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,480 - Excuse me? - I said thank you, I love it, 245 00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:34,380 we... we... we're all part of Morty! 246 00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:36,850 Some of us more important parts than others... 247 00:09:36,860 --> 00:09:39,260 Man, the part of me that's my father is a twat. 248 00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:41,601 That's also gonna be funny when we get back. 249 00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:43,812 Next time you try to do a "Die Hard," 250 00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:47,430 don't hide under a long table like the guy from "Die Hard." 251 00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:49,776 Okay, I won't. 252 00:09:51,010 --> 00:09:53,079 I thought you said she doesn't know how to do a "Die Hard"! 253 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,740 - She doesn't. - She's killing us off one by one! 254 00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:57,990 What do you expect her to do, buy us each an ice cream? 255 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,203 Two by two? She's improvising. 256 00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:02,650 Which is how she's going to fall right into our trap. 257 00:10:02,670 --> 00:10:04,510 I'm going to wander the arcade unarmed, 258 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,280 and when she comes across me, I'll pretend to be a hostage. 259 00:10:07,290 --> 00:10:09,070 And because she hasn't seen "Die Hard," 260 00:10:09,090 --> 00:10:10,970 instead of handing me an unloaded gun, 261 00:10:10,980 --> 00:10:12,710 she'll hand me a... ugh! 262 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,427 "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"! 263 00:10:15,430 --> 00:10:16,920 What the hell was that? 264 00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:18,440 "Die Hard"! "Die Hard"! 265 00:10:18,460 --> 00:10:20,439 You can't just keep yelling "Die Hard" 266 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:22,360 into a walkie talkie and... ugh! 267 00:10:22,370 --> 00:10:24,360 She threw her walkie talkie away! 268 00:10:24,380 --> 00:10:26,280 She hates "Die Hard"! 269 00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:30,160 Which makes her the ultimate McClane. 270 00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,320 Forget everything you know about "Die Hard" 271 00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,440 and just go shoot that bitch! 272 00:10:34,450 --> 00:10:37,032 Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Roy. 273 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,780 Half the country hangs on your every word. 274 00:10:38,790 --> 00:10:40,380 Heck, most of the world. 275 00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:42,454 You're, like, uh, kind of a pope, I reckon. 276 00:10:42,460 --> 00:10:44,219 L... I'm not a pope because it's not a religion. 277 00:10:44,220 --> 00:10:45,540 We're literally in a video game. 278 00:10:45,550 --> 00:10:47,920 I've heard the message, Roy. You're not on the clock here. 279 00:10:47,930 --> 00:10:49,840 So you want every single person on a spaceship. 280 00:10:49,860 --> 00:10:51,260 But you got a bunch of holdouts. 281 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:53,840 Maybe people that prefer their leaders a little more elected. 282 00:10:53,860 --> 00:10:56,380 Right. Your voters. People that like being told what to do, 283 00:10:56,390 --> 00:10:57,761 but don't like admitting it. 284 00:10:57,770 --> 00:10:58,849 Yeah, not sure I'd put it that way. 285 00:10:58,850 --> 00:11:00,347 I'm sure you'd put it a stupid way. 286 00:11:00,350 --> 00:11:01,920 I told you this was a waste of time. 287 00:11:01,940 --> 00:11:04,240 I've got 92% of you ready to vamoose. 288 00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:07,395 We're not gonna get the rest by making deals with parasites. 289 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,810 Mr. President, Roy is Rick. 290 00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:11,310 He's not us. You and I, w-we're Morty. 291 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,569 Is that really so hard to believe? 292 00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:15,100 Kid, I've known it and I've believed it longer than you have. 293 00:11:15,110 --> 00:11:17,450 We both became video game characters at the same moment, 294 00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,449 but I knew the truth before you dropped your skateboard 295 00:11:19,450 --> 00:11:21,117 and went to your first cult meeting. 296 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:23,660 How do you think a guy becomes a President in this game, honey? 297 00:11:23,670 --> 00:11:25,010 By not paying attention? 298 00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:26,020 Sorry to call you honey, 299 00:11:26,030 --> 00:11:27,679 I know we're both parts of a 14-year-old boy, 300 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:30,293 but my part's old-fashioned and vaguely Southern. 301 00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,088 I'm confused. If... If you know Rick is real, why... 302 00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:35,715 Why hold out? Because he's a rude, entitled cock. 303 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:36,860 He's here to save us. 304 00:11:36,870 --> 00:11:38,810 He... He could've left the game and let us die. 305 00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:39,980 He's spent 50 years... 306 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,430 50 years, it's what, a couple hours to him? 307 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,310 He refuses to leave without his grandson, 308 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:45,920 but what's grandson mean to him? 309 00:11:45,930 --> 00:11:47,160 Sounds like it means butler. 310 00:11:47,170 --> 00:11:49,280 Someone to "Help Summer with her 'Die Hard,'" 311 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:50,360 whatever that means. 312 00:11:50,370 --> 00:11:51,820 I'll tell you what it doesn't mean. 313 00:11:51,830 --> 00:11:53,070 Fly fishing. A hug. 314 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,290 A little appreciation for what is clearly a pretty decent kid. 315 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,700 At least the 8% of him that makes up the decent half 316 00:11:58,710 --> 00:12:00,865 of the greatest God damn nation on the planet. 317 00:12:00,870 --> 00:12:02,280 We're not a person to him yet. 318 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,202 We're not Morty yet. We-We're divided. 319 00:12:04,210 --> 00:12:06,630 We're divided because some of us doesn't trust the guy. 320 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,070 What happens to that part of us when we're all back together? 321 00:12:09,090 --> 00:12:10,520 One Morty? Indivisible? 322 00:12:10,540 --> 00:12:12,370 Under a cranky old bag of dicks? 323 00:12:12,380 --> 00:12:14,670 A man you can lock in a box with five billion pieces 324 00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,200 of his own God damn flesh and blood 325 00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:17,880 for 50 God damn simulated years 326 00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:19,660 and never hear him say "I love you"? 327 00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,800 Sorry, pumpkin tits, that dog don't hunt. 328 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,350 Wa-Want some heroin? 329 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,058 I-It's a video game, might as well. 330 00:12:30,460 --> 00:12:32,230 Just about ready for launch, kiddo. 331 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:33,830 I can finally get outta these clothes. 332 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,330 I don't have nearly enough pockets. 333 00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,277 And it'll be nice to have my own dick back. 334 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,330 Y-you're fine leaving 8% of me to die? 335 00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,080 It's not your finest 8%, Morty. 336 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,110 And 8% of anything is expendable. 337 00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:44,770 8% of pizza is crust. 338 00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:47,170 8% of the Snyder Cut was Batman dreaming. 339 00:12:47,180 --> 00:12:48,549 I don't know what that reference is! 340 00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,910 - We're in a video game! - Not for long, baby! 341 00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:52,500 I'm not leaving without all of me. 342 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,540 What? Oh, no, let me crunch these numbers. 343 00:12:54,550 --> 00:12:57,210 8% of five billion plus one person... 344 00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:59,950 my God, if you stay, it changes nothing! Bye. 345 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:02,169 If she's not going, I don't think my country wants to go. 346 00:13:02,170 --> 00:13:04,420 Who invited you to chime in, monitor face? 347 00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:06,973 Why give me a monitor if my opinion doesn't matter? 348 00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:09,180 Your opinion isn't allowed to matter for the rest of us. 349 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,900 We're all a-Morty. How many chunks of us 350 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,899 - are we a-supposed to give up? - Look, I don't know about you, 351 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,270 but I was already taking a big leap of faith, here. 352 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:16,800 We-We're basically giving up our lives 353 00:13:16,820 --> 00:13:18,401 to become a tiny part of a stranger... 354 00:13:18,410 --> 00:13:21,080 - These lives aren't a-real! - Yeah, but they're longer! 355 00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,573 What... What is this, suicide by summit meeting? 356 00:13:23,580 --> 00:13:25,617 Everyone stop. 357 00:13:26,220 --> 00:13:28,440 Rick, I'll get every single part of me 358 00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:30,370 - to get on every ship and go with you. - Good. 359 00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:32,460 But you have to tell us you love us. 360 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,270 I mean, at this point even if he said it, 361 00:13:36,290 --> 00:13:37,837 what... what... what's with the pause? 362 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,172 Screw you, wait for it! 363 00:13:39,180 --> 00:13:41,007 - Holy war! - Holier war! 364 00:13:41,010 --> 00:13:42,530 Holiest war ever! 365 00:13:48,056 --> 00:13:50,934 Loyalist Evacucratic Grandsonistas 366 00:13:50,940 --> 00:13:52,500 claimed seven new cities today, 367 00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,010 while the Stayputlican Contrasurgent Confederation 368 00:13:55,020 --> 00:13:56,648 of Dedication to Video Game Reality 369 00:13:56,660 --> 00:13:58,960 invaded the territories of Mortopia, 370 00:13:58,980 --> 00:14:00,985 New South Saint Morty, and Wemortyall. 371 00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:03,190 In the end, what does it matter, everyone's Morty, 372 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,129 nobody wants to die, and that's a hell of a reason 373 00:14:05,130 --> 00:14:06,940 to kill yourself, but what can we do? 374 00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:07,950 Aw, geez. 375 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,310 You know you're my grandson and none of this is real! 376 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,040 What are you trying to achieve? You're only hurting yourself! 377 00:14:25,050 --> 00:14:27,820 The only reason any of us matter is we're pieces of Morty! 378 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,139 You taught us that, Rick. 379 00:14:29,140 --> 00:14:31,808 But you also taught us you don't care about Morty. 380 00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:33,900 Here's how much I care. 381 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,271 If you don't stop blowing up my flying saucers, 382 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:38,290 I will exterminate every last one of you! 383 00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:39,607 Anything it takes! 384 00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:43,060 What do I have to say? I love and respect you, okay? 385 00:14:43,070 --> 00:14:44,500 Too late for talk, Rick. 386 00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,380 A robot. Of course. 387 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,940 I'm not gonna risk dying because if I die in the game, 388 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,780 you go brain dead, you're welcome! 389 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,980 Better to die in Roy than to serve in hell! 390 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,410 And what about Summer? Do... Do you not care about her? 391 00:14:57,420 --> 00:14:59,260 We gotta get back, Morty. We gotta help her. 392 00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,540 You know what, wherever she is, 393 00:15:00,550 --> 00:15:02,510 I'm sure she's doing fine without your help. 394 00:15:02,520 --> 00:15:03,923 Woof, jinx, anyone? 395 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:07,580 Should we finish the job, b-blow the place? 396 00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:09,920 No, this can't end, not like this. 397 00:15:10,820 --> 00:15:12,340 Do you think I jinxed her? 398 00:15:14,690 --> 00:15:16,460 Why aren't you shooting higher? 399 00:15:16,470 --> 00:15:18,396 I don't wanna shoot the glass. Because... 400 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,080 You don't have to not do things that were done in "Die Hard." 401 00:15:21,090 --> 00:15:24,100 You can shoot the glass. Shoot the glass! 402 00:15:24,110 --> 00:15:25,930 Throw grenades! Do everything! 403 00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,030 Just kill her! 404 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:35,530 Why are you here, Miss Die Hard? 405 00:15:35,540 --> 00:15:38,499 I want to know why you don't just leave. 406 00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:39,699 - "Die Hard"! - Aw, geez. 407 00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:40,869 - Wait. Shh. Shh. - We get every single person 408 00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:42,337 on a spaceship, and then what? 409 00:15:42,340 --> 00:15:44,660 And then we help your sister do her "Die Hard." 410 00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:53,681 - Too much. It's too much. - Ooh, sorry. 411 00:15:53,690 --> 00:15:56,560 I've got a special guest with me, Ms. Die Hard! 412 00:15:56,570 --> 00:16:00,230 Or should I call you... this guy's sister? 413 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,480 - Mom. - Hello, dear. 414 00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,241 - I'm joining the other side. - What? Why? 415 00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:12,950 I wanna live in the real world with Roy. 416 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,720 I wanna help Summer with her Die Hard." 417 00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:16,080 His name is Rick. 418 00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:17,229 And we have no way of knowing 419 00:16:17,230 --> 00:16:19,832 if your generation is actually part of Morty. 420 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:21,543 Do you know how offensive that is? 421 00:16:21,550 --> 00:16:24,240 It's parenting like this that pushed me into religious radicalism. 422 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:26,340 - Bye. - It's not... 423 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,400 Not a religion. But okay. 424 00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:31,640 Ma'am, it's really not safe out here. 425 00:16:31,660 --> 00:16:33,513 Also, it's... time. 426 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,600 Are we going on the spaceship now? 427 00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:41,145 Pretty soon, Dad. Yeah. 428 00:16:41,150 --> 00:16:42,730 Are you... lying? 429 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:44,569 You kind of said it with that tone in your voice 430 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,400 that we use for dying people. 431 00:16:46,410 --> 00:16:49,020 I won't lie to you. You're dying, Dad. 432 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,200 And we're... not leaving the video game. 433 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:53,949 We're... We're gonna live our lives out here. 434 00:16:53,950 --> 00:16:55,270 What? Why the fuck? 435 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,000 - Why? - It's more real here. 436 00:16:57,020 --> 00:16:59,020 The hell it is! My liver hurts! 437 00:16:59,040 --> 00:17:00,180 I'm old here! 438 00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:01,810 I wanna be a teenage boy! 439 00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:03,480 I want to jump around and do homework 440 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,130 and jerk off all over the place. 441 00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:06,150 But, Dad, that's... 442 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:08,080 We would've been one tiny part of that. 443 00:17:08,090 --> 00:17:10,383 In here, we get to be who we really are. 444 00:17:10,390 --> 00:17:11,740 Yeah. Great. Dead. 445 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:13,360 I get to be a dead father. 446 00:17:13,370 --> 00:17:14,790 Who do I make the... 447 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,080 Who do I... 448 00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:18,540 - Who... - Don't talk, Dad. 449 00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:21,380 - Gotta finish my zinger. - You don't. 450 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,760 Who do... Who do... 451 00:17:23,780 --> 00:17:27,160 Who do I make the check out to? 452 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:31,670 "Best Daughter Ever... Incorporated"? 453 00:17:42,290 --> 00:17:44,042 Thought you woulda left by now. 454 00:17:44,050 --> 00:17:46,210 I was hoping to get at least half of you home. 455 00:17:46,220 --> 00:17:47,319 I can't hold out much longer. 456 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,298 I-I'm pretty much beating my heart voluntarily at this point. 457 00:17:50,300 --> 00:17:51,580 Okay, this is a little awkward, 458 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,520 but the time dilation has given me a chance to reflect. 459 00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:56,660 And I-I-I gotta say... 460 00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,060 There's no need for that. 461 00:17:58,070 --> 00:18:00,340 I've come to tell you, I'm giving the go-ahead. 462 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,040 All of Morty will leave with you. 463 00:18:02,060 --> 00:18:03,160 To the real world. 464 00:18:03,180 --> 00:18:04,700 To be your grandson, 465 00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,820 may we help Summer do her "Die Hard." 466 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,690 I-I gotta say, I-I was not expecting that. 467 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,240 W-Why the change of heart? 468 00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:14,020 My people are staying only out of loyalty to me. 469 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,220 I'm a relic. 470 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:16,866 I don't represent them anymore. 471 00:18:16,870 --> 00:18:19,940 You really are a good grandson, you know that? 472 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:23,180 - I'm proud of you, Morty. - Please, call me Marta. 473 00:18:23,190 --> 00:18:24,832 That's my video game name. 474 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,670 Speaking of which, I do have one condition. 475 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,860 I must say I admire you, Ms. Die Hard. 476 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,680 You were a genuine McClane... 477 00:18:32,700 --> 00:18:35,260 a most worthy Yankee doodle ruffian. 478 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,540 But now it's all come to an end. 479 00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:43,017 And the quarterback, as they say, is toast. 480 00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:45,561 I don't suppose you have a gun taped to your back. 481 00:18:45,570 --> 00:18:46,649 What the hell does that mean? 482 00:18:46,650 --> 00:18:49,190 It's how "Die Hard" ends. Doesn't matter now. 483 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,920 "Die Hard" tapes a gun to his back? 484 00:18:50,940 --> 00:18:52,619 That's the end of your perfect movie 485 00:18:52,620 --> 00:18:55,020 that you've patterned your whole criminal life after? 486 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,100 Well, it seems to have worked out pretty well for me 487 00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,300 since you're the one about to die. 488 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,500 What was it you said? Ah, yes. 489 00:19:01,510 --> 00:19:04,330 "Walkie talkie 'Die Hard,' motherfucker." 490 00:19:05,820 --> 00:19:08,660 - Why are you laughing? - Well, it's funny. 491 00:19:08,670 --> 00:19:10,460 The way you said motherfucker. 492 00:19:10,470 --> 00:19:12,220 - Just laughing. - Okay. It's just that... 493 00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,030 Oh, does that happen in "Die Hard"? 494 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:15,160 Does John McClane laugh, 495 00:19:15,180 --> 00:19:16,640 and then Hans Gruber is confused, 496 00:19:16,650 --> 00:19:18,309 but then they start laughing together for a second? 497 00:19:18,310 --> 00:19:20,440 That actually does happen, yes! 498 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,189 Wait. You knew their names this whole time? 499 00:19:22,190 --> 00:19:23,650 Not this whole time, no. 500 00:19:23,670 --> 00:19:24,939 You left your book in the bathroom. 501 00:19:24,940 --> 00:19:28,140 I read it while I took a shit. I mean, mostly the ending. 502 00:19:37,370 --> 00:19:39,657 Yiiiiiiiiiii... 503 00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:45,121 ippppppeeeeeeeee... 504 00:19:47,460 --> 00:19:49,751 - Oh. - ... dippee doo, baby! 505 00:19:52,590 --> 00:19:54,130 Nice timing, Grandpa Rick! 506 00:19:55,050 --> 00:19:57,467 Tochter aus Elysium... 507 00:19:58,290 --> 00:20:00,500 - Uh... - Hi, remember me? 508 00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:01,970 You shot me on that table, 509 00:20:01,980 --> 00:20:05,020 and the near-death experience got me reflecting. 510 00:20:05,030 --> 00:20:06,510 I didn't used to be like this. 511 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,460 I-I... uh, ate a kid. 512 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,680 It was dark, and I thought he was a grown-up. 513 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:13,120 Ever since then, I haven't eaten anybody at all. 514 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,459 I think I was channeling all that pent-up eating energy 515 00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:18,154 into this job. But now... 516 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:21,780 Thank you for freeing me. 517 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:26,580 Classic "Tower Man." 518 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:28,430 Almost too on the nose. Right, Morty? 519 00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:30,625 Sure. I mean, whatever you say, Rick. 520 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:33,795 Y-You know best! I trust you implicitly. 521 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,630 - Is he all right? - Oh, yeah, he's fine. 522 00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:38,883 Got him all out, every last piece. 523 00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:42,710 What's with the jacked-up "Roy" machine? 524 00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:44,340 Shouldn't you be taking that to repairs? 525 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:45,530 Nah, special order. 526 00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:48,360 Some rich douche wants his last game to keep running. 527 00:20:48,370 --> 00:20:51,069 Hooked it up to an external battery. We're just supposed to store it. 528 00:20:51,070 --> 00:20:52,500 - Weird. - Yeah, and get this. 529 00:20:52,510 --> 00:20:54,680 The game's still going, but Roy's dead. 530 00:20:54,690 --> 00:20:56,020 - What? - Yeah, he's just a corpse 531 00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:57,520 floating at the edge of outer space, 532 00:20:57,530 --> 00:20:59,530 but for some reason the game won't restart 533 00:20:59,540 --> 00:21:02,200 'cause it's centered on some old lady living a full life. 534 00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:03,741 Hmm. Sounds bad. 535 00:21:03,750 --> 00:21:05,440 Well, put it in there. 536 00:21:11,460 --> 00:21:13,770 Hey, is anybody that wants this later gonna be able to... 537 00:21:13,790 --> 00:21:16,440 Huh? Oh, yeah, everything's cataloged and tracked. 538 00:21:16,450 --> 00:21:18,680 People got the wrong idea from the size of the space, 539 00:21:18,690 --> 00:21:20,030 but it's all supported digitally. 540 00:21:20,050 --> 00:21:21,200 So I can put it anywhere. 541 00:21:21,220 --> 00:21:23,802 - Here's fine? - That's as fine as anywhere else! 542 00:21:23,803 --> 00:21:28,509 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - — www.addic7ed.com — 543 00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:04,180 Why isn't anyone attacking him? 544 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,480 It's fucking freezing out. 545 00:22:05,490 --> 00:22:07,160 No, I think it's the sign. 546 00:22:07,170 --> 00:22:09,480 Well, the sign from "Die Hard 3" was clearly racist. 547 00:22:09,490 --> 00:22:11,800 Obviously. But I think we went too broad. 548 00:22:11,820 --> 00:22:13,880 "Everybody"? I mean, who is that offending? 549 00:22:13,900 --> 00:22:15,400 Everybody? 550 00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:17,560 At this point, why even do it? 551 00:22:18,810 --> 00:22:22,069 I wish my brother was still alive.