1 00:00:06,740 --> 00:00:08,900 Oh, my God, I cannot fucking believe this! 2 00:00:08,910 --> 00:00:10,870 Here we fucking go! 3 00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,320 Oh! Jeez! 4 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:15,760 Pardon the interruption. 5 00:00:15,770 --> 00:00:17,660 We are once again in the federal clear. 6 00:00:17,670 --> 00:00:19,990 Rick, what the hell? A-Are you a Turkey Dracula now? 7 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,830 Morty, is that a Pooplickian GamePod? 8 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,500 Actually it's the GamePod XL. 9 00:00:23,510 --> 00:00:25,770 They say it's the most realistic video game console ever. 10 00:00:25,780 --> 00:00:27,710 - I never got you that. - Space Mom did. 11 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:29,500 She's in for the holiday weekend, remember? 12 00:00:29,510 --> 00:00:31,459 Shit, in that case, let's go, let's get out of here... 13 00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:32,919 I heard you smack the glass, Dad. 14 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:34,319 - If you bail, I'll disown you! - Yeah, 15 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:35,639 I'd say don't hop through a portal. 16 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:37,860 But, oh, wait, you can't. 17 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,110 Look at it this way, Morty. Life is a subscription, 18 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:42,583 and Thanksgiving is your family's yearly charge. 19 00:00:42,590 --> 00:00:44,680 Wow, Dad, good job. 20 00:00:44,690 --> 00:00:48,950 Rick, put some pants on. Today has so few rules. 21 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,380 Yes, Patriarch. 22 00:00:51,540 --> 00:00:52,670 Ding ding ding! 23 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,190 I'd like to make a toast. 24 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,790 Today is a day for thanks. 25 00:00:56,810 --> 00:00:58,730 And for family. 26 00:00:58,740 --> 00:01:01,894 And for remembering all of those that have less. 27 00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:03,520 - Okay, pick a scope. - Pick a scope? 28 00:01:03,540 --> 00:01:05,460 Can we please have a normal Thanksgiving? 29 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:06,979 Well, seems like all the ones I remember. 30 00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:08,120 Good point. 31 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:11,580 Baby, you... It's a toast. 32 00:01:11,590 --> 00:01:12,660 - Sorry! - Sorry! 33 00:01:14,420 --> 00:01:17,350 Anyway, I'm thankful for my wife. 34 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,244 Beth. The Beth that chose me. 35 00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:21,520 I'm so grateful to you, 36 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:23,700 and I literally could not live without you. 37 00:01:23,710 --> 00:01:24,720 - Aw! - Aw! Aw! 38 00:01:24,730 --> 00:01:26,839 I really mean that. If something were to happen to you, 39 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,899 or if you were to leave me, or be unfaithful, 40 00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:30,360 - I would die. - Mm! Uh... 41 00:01:30,370 --> 00:01:32,280 Literally. Probably by my own hand. 42 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:33,330 - Eww. - Okay. 43 00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:34,580 I know how I'd do it. 44 00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:36,410 Our first blender has an extra long cord 45 00:01:36,420 --> 00:01:38,500 and it was manufactured before safety fuses, 46 00:01:38,510 --> 00:01:39,980 so I'd draw a warm bath... 47 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,040 And blend some stuff. Good toast, honey. 48 00:01:42,050 --> 00:01:43,440 To thankfulness. 49 00:01:43,450 --> 00:01:45,340 To... A-America? 50 00:01:45,350 --> 00:01:46,620 To ending the toast? 51 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,580 To ending the toast! 52 00:01:48,590 --> 00:01:51,710 Just to, uh, be clear, I was saying I'd kill myself. 53 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,737 - Jerry. God! - We know! 54 00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:25,561 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - — www.addic7ed.com — 55 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:27,980 Sorry Jerry got all husbandy. 56 00:02:27,990 --> 00:02:29,860 Yeah, do not miss that. 57 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,109 So I was thinking we could set you up in Jerry's man cave? 58 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:33,469 Oh, that's okay, I'll sleep in my car. 59 00:02:33,470 --> 00:02:35,890 It's got a TARDIS thing going on, bigger on the inside. 60 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:39,060 Dad calls it hack, but my soaking tub begs to differ. 61 00:02:39,070 --> 00:02:41,660 Hmm, maybe I'll trade you. Ohh! 62 00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:43,203 Agh! My lower back. 63 00:02:43,210 --> 00:02:45,100 Oh, I got this. 64 00:02:45,110 --> 00:02:47,240 Ah, Jesus, that was great. 65 00:02:47,260 --> 00:02:48,520 Well, you're me. 66 00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:52,504 I find this is usually the biggest help. 67 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:57,260 Mmm, oh, I just love... the Venusian stuff. 68 00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:59,820 It's cool, I get insecure trying to pronounce this crap, too, 69 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,510 but I got just the thing for that. 70 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:02,890 Here. 71 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:12,270 Um... 72 00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,130 Okay, shoot that asteroid. Now shoot that one. 73 00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,210 Now shoot me in the face. This game's trash. 74 00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:24,369 I didn't want to say anything, but this does seem lame. 75 00:03:24,370 --> 00:03:25,739 Yeah, I thought it was maybe 'cause we've shot 76 00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:26,750 so many real asteroids. 77 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,060 L-Let's look at the menu. 78 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,440 - Oh! T-There's the realism setting. - Oh, cool. 79 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,840 Also stupid. The factory setting is 4? 80 00:03:32,860 --> 00:03:35,780 - What do we want, 10? - No, do 9. I'm kidding. 81 00:03:35,790 --> 00:03:37,229 - Shut up, Summer. - Yeah, shut up, Summer. 82 00:03:37,230 --> 00:03:38,400 Put 10. 83 00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,020 - This is the same. - It's worse. It's... 84 00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:45,799 Oh. Oh. I get it. Okay. It's... It's more real. 85 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,330 The vast majority of space is empty. 86 00:03:47,340 --> 00:03:50,460 What? Who cares? T-Then what am I doing? 87 00:03:50,470 --> 00:03:53,148 Looks like you can record a video for your kid in case you die. 88 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,759 Not a bad idea, you're gonna be in space for a while. 89 00:03:56,780 --> 00:04:00,510 May as well. Um, hey, son. Uh... 90 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,700 If you're seeing this, 91 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:04,701 I... starved to death while looking for an asteroid. 92 00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:06,510 Ugh. This is stupid. 93 00:04:06,520 --> 00:04:08,819 You guys are obviously just trying to convince yourselves it's cool 94 00:04:08,820 --> 00:04:10,060 because you feel lame about it. 95 00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,350 Summer you know nothing about gamer culture. 96 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:13,899 Bro, tell your son you love the shit out of him. 97 00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:15,003 Oh, I'm gonna! 98 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:26,280 Of course we both can't sleep at the same time. 99 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,400 Yeah, we do share a shitty back. 100 00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:30,770 - Turn around. At least let me... - Yes, please. 101 00:04:30,780 --> 00:04:32,520 Oh, my God. 102 00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:35,540 Okay, I know we're not massage people, but you need this. 103 00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:37,680 See, you act like this badass space cowboy, 104 00:04:37,690 --> 00:04:39,970 but I know you're just a scared little overachiever 105 00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,364 that keeps all her OCD right... 106 00:04:42,370 --> 00:04:44,520 - Oh, my God! - Yeah. 107 00:04:44,530 --> 00:04:46,880 By the way you better be taking notes... I'm next. 108 00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,350 It's my back, you dumb bitch. 109 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,060 Nice. 110 00:04:50,070 --> 00:04:51,240 What? 111 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:00,819 Well, I better get back to bed. 112 00:05:00,820 --> 00:05:01,940 Yep. Same. 113 00:05:06,780 --> 00:05:09,516 Oh, so now you're into highly realistic video games? 114 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,710 Maybe I decided real life was too much right now, 115 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,910 or maybe I'm not afraid to change my mind about stuff. 116 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:17,120 Maybe mental flexibility is stronger than stubbornness. 117 00:05:17,130 --> 00:05:18,720 Nice manip', Sum-Sum. 118 00:05:18,730 --> 00:05:20,530 Okay, I-I'm in the alley behind the library. 119 00:05:20,540 --> 00:05:22,660 - Uptown or downtown? - Shit, there's one uptown, too? 120 00:05:22,670 --> 00:05:24,449 It's okay, stay there, I think I'm near the red line. 121 00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:25,920 Is this "Street Fighter"? 122 00:05:25,930 --> 00:05:27,799 "Street Fighter" where you start at the beginning 123 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:30,180 of each fighter's day and have to find each other to fight. 124 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,260 It's very realistic. 125 00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:32,879 Not even guaranteed a fight will happen. 126 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,610 That meter filling up is us forgetting what made us so mad. 127 00:05:35,620 --> 00:05:38,240 If anyone's interested in a higher level of realism, 128 00:05:38,250 --> 00:05:40,130 I'm booting up the OG... 129 00:05:40,140 --> 00:05:44,880 that's Original Game, called a jigsaw puzzle... in the den. 130 00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:46,590 Hey, gang! 131 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,029 Me and my space self are gonna make a run 132 00:05:48,030 --> 00:05:49,810 to the Gloppy Drop System for ice cream. 133 00:05:49,820 --> 00:05:51,934 - Any flavor requests? - Vanilla! 134 00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:54,060 Why do you guys have to go all the way to deep space 135 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,190 just for ice cream? 136 00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:57,620 Gloppy Dropulites have less taste buds than humans. 137 00:05:57,630 --> 00:05:59,360 Their ice cream is like a hospital bed. 138 00:05:59,370 --> 00:06:01,652 It's designed for you to do less so it does more. 139 00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:03,737 Okay, see ya in a bit. 140 00:06:03,740 --> 00:06:06,300 I'll get started sorting all the obvious sky pieces. 141 00:06:06,310 --> 00:06:07,320 Secret technique. 142 00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:08,459 - Oh, shit, there you are! - Oh, fuck, it's on, bitch! 143 00:06:08,460 --> 00:06:10,249 - I'm gonna eat your ass! - You will die in the street 144 00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:11,745 like a dog! 145 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,166 Stunning. 146 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,480 Thank you. This is incredible. 147 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:22,110 Eh. Just glad I had something in your size. 148 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:25,480 How far is Gloppy Drop? 149 00:06:25,490 --> 00:06:28,140 And why do I always think I'm wearing a watch? 150 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,730 I actually have a pint of Gloppy Drop 151 00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:31,490 on a little apartment orbiting Earth. 152 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:32,820 So we have time. 153 00:06:32,830 --> 00:06:34,820 You have your own space station? 154 00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:36,395 We have our own space station. 155 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,820 - We're the same person. - There's differences. 156 00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:42,100 Like, one of us has no idea who she really is. 157 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,670 Wrong. But let's make a deal. 158 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,640 Let's trust ourselves enough to stop wondering 159 00:06:45,650 --> 00:06:47,155 who we are when we're together. 160 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:48,930 We get to say anything to each other. 161 00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:51,970 Things we'd never say to anyone else, even ourselves. 162 00:06:51,980 --> 00:06:54,079 What don't we say to ourselves? 163 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:57,541 How about, "Wow, my ass looks good in that space suit"? 164 00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,664 I mean it. I'm a good-looking woman. 165 00:06:59,665 --> 00:07:01,350 Well, that's nice of you to say. 166 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:06,717 I also... find myself... quite attractive. 167 00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:18,200 We forgot the ice cream. 168 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,440 I want you back in my guts 169 00:07:21,450 --> 00:07:23,692 like I'm one of your sick little fillies. 170 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:32,740 Oh, God damn it, Morty! 171 00:07:32,750 --> 00:07:34,280 You can't just take my controller. 172 00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:35,840 Yes, I can! It's mine! 173 00:07:35,860 --> 00:07:38,560 - Ugh. Okay, Sum-Sum, gimme. - Make your own controller, 174 00:07:38,580 --> 00:07:40,239 some of us need all the control we can get. 175 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:41,700 Ugh, fuck you! 176 00:07:42,770 --> 00:07:45,300 So why are you so suddenly into realistic video games? 177 00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:46,320 I already was. 178 00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:48,360 Yeah, but now you're into them the way I am. 179 00:07:48,370 --> 00:07:50,410 You mean, like staring at them in a numb trance? 180 00:07:50,420 --> 00:07:52,930 Uh-huh. Not judging, just noticing. 181 00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:55,640 Yeah, y-you tend to notice stuff a little before I do. 182 00:07:55,650 --> 00:07:57,040 But eventually you do notice. 183 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,470 And now we can both not notice together, yes. 184 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,313 Oh, my God... Beth! 185 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,870 I thought you said you got ice cream? 186 00:08:03,890 --> 00:08:05,839 Yeah, I, uh... It must be in the, uh... 187 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,820 Oh, the car! We left it in the car. 188 00:08:07,830 --> 00:08:10,650 Okay, good, because that would have been weird! 189 00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,920 I worry things might become more and more noticeable. 190 00:08:12,940 --> 00:08:14,069 Yeah, and if he kills himself, 191 00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:15,259 we're gonna have to get a new dad. 192 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:16,828 Jesus Christ, Summer! 193 00:08:20,180 --> 00:08:21,380 Hey, Dad. 194 00:08:21,390 --> 00:08:23,240 Um, hmm, what's this? 195 00:08:23,250 --> 00:08:24,260 Making a controller. 196 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,700 This species of bionic space whale has carbon wiring, 197 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:28,270 great for smooth gameplay. 198 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,800 I'm not killing it, for the record. 199 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:32,070 I'm just replacing its esophagus with a better one. 200 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:34,080 For free. I-It should thank me. 201 00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,560 And it will, with its mind. 202 00:08:35,580 --> 00:08:36,819 These things are telepathic, Beth. 203 00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:38,100 They talk to you in dreams. 204 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:40,580 Does your replicator thing make ice cream 205 00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:42,080 from the Gloppy Drop system? 206 00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:45,030 Why would you want replicated Gloppy Drop ice cream, poser? 207 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:47,640 Crazy thing. I went with Space Beth to get some, 208 00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:50,660 and we had such a great time we forgot the ice cream! 209 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:53,290 - Crazy, right? - That's a real question? 210 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,400 M-Maybe? 211 00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:56,200 Come here, hold the pup down. 212 00:08:56,210 --> 00:08:57,880 You're talking about an infinite father. 213 00:08:57,900 --> 00:08:59,870 I've met myself out there infinite times. 214 00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:01,420 Infinite shit happens. 215 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:03,840 Including, as you put it, forgetting the ice cream. 216 00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:05,860 You've... forgotten the ice cream? 217 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:07,520 Drill me for details when I'm drunker. 218 00:09:07,530 --> 00:09:10,000 In the meantime, don't worry about what's crazy. 219 00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:11,620 You know, as the kids say, you do you. 220 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,040 Oh, thanks. Thank you so much, Dad. 221 00:09:14,060 --> 00:09:15,359 One thing to keep in mind, though. 222 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,209 It's not just your own ice cream you're forgetting. 223 00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:18,220 It's your family's. 224 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,729 If you forget it too much, you start having to keep secrets. 225 00:09:20,730 --> 00:09:22,310 Oh, and you're against secrets? 226 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,290 Against? Hell no. Secrets are great. 227 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:26,940 For instance, I've had a pint of vanilla Gloppy Drop 228 00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:28,160 in my fridge this whole time. 229 00:09:28,170 --> 00:09:30,280 Take it. I'm just saying, lies pile up. 230 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:31,400 Like credit card debt. 231 00:09:31,410 --> 00:09:33,280 You retain an advantage by staying liquid. 232 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,160 Gotcha. Well... 233 00:09:35,180 --> 00:09:38,243 I'd call this a simple cash transaction. 234 00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:40,871 Fun and done. 235 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:49,620 Favorite Culkin. 236 00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,019 - Kieran! - Kieran! 237 00:09:51,020 --> 00:09:52,132 Favorite song by Britney. 238 00:09:52,140 --> 00:09:53,159 - "Work Bitch"! - "Work Bitch"! 239 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,176 Favorite hangover cure. 240 00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:55,779 - Hair of the dog with a guilty pleasure - Hair of the dog with a guilty pleasure 241 00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:57,460 - like "Humans Weekly." - like "Us Weekly." 242 00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,400 I told Dad. 243 00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:05,200 I mean, I didn't have to. He knew. 244 00:10:05,220 --> 00:10:08,100 I guess that's one reason you didn't have to tell him. 245 00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:11,100 What'd he say? 246 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,620 We kind of talked in code, I think he said it's fine 247 00:10:13,630 --> 00:10:16,240 until it makes us feel indebted to our lessers. 248 00:10:16,260 --> 00:10:17,580 That sounds like Dad. 249 00:10:17,590 --> 00:10:21,000 Do we owe... the family an explanation? 250 00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:22,640 Do we have to spend our time together 251 00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:24,100 figuring out how to please others? 252 00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:25,180 I'm married. 253 00:10:25,190 --> 00:10:28,200 We both are, but I'm in our marriage. 254 00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:30,540 It's the defining difference between us. 255 00:10:30,560 --> 00:10:33,020 Well, there's no rule book that says you have to be. 256 00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:35,100 What's gonna happen? 257 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,730 What is this? Are we in love... 258 00:10:37,740 --> 00:10:39,200 with ourself? 259 00:10:39,220 --> 00:10:40,590 I mean, does that make us the most 260 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,780 or the least healthy woman in the universe? 261 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,935 Anybody ever tell you you're overly analytical? 262 00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:46,920 Which I do love. 263 00:10:46,930 --> 00:10:48,380 If that's what you need to call it. 264 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,410 I don't need to call it anything. 265 00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:54,080 I would like to know... its shelf life. 266 00:10:54,090 --> 00:10:56,571 I might know a way to gather that data. 267 00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:57,740 - Motel room! - The Holodeck! 268 00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,407 I like yours better. 269 00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:02,020 Hmm... Uh... 270 00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:08,580 Beth! Uh, m-my Beth! 271 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,500 Well, not "my" Beth, but... I finished! 272 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:12,960 It's done! 273 00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:14,640 Kids, do you know where your moms are? 274 00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:16,860 Oh, you're busy with your GamePod. 275 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:18,930 Don't worry about it, I'll find those two somewhere. 276 00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:23,682 No! No, Dad, um, come play video games with us! 277 00:11:23,690 --> 00:11:26,160 Okay, Dad, here's the infinite menu screen. 278 00:11:26,180 --> 00:11:27,435 Oh, I dunno. 279 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,021 Here, here, I-I'll have the console choose a game! 280 00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:32,580 Um, maybe let's skip this one? 281 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,566 Really? Why? Looks fun! 282 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:38,790 Oh, okay, so we are a woman married to a man, 283 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,960 but having a sexual affair with another woman! 284 00:11:41,980 --> 00:11:43,420 Very spicy. 285 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:45,620 Very spicy, Jer. G-Good job. 286 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,164 Looks pretty single player, kids? 287 00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:55,797 Seriously, you two? 288 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:58,174 What the hell did you do in my Holodeck? 289 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,100 Holy shit, you... you did a full "San Junipero" in here? 290 00:12:02,110 --> 00:12:03,770 Oh, my God, Beth, there's masturbating 291 00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:05,680 and then there's masturbating. 292 00:12:05,690 --> 00:12:07,809 - Ew, Dad, stop, I'm sorry! - You'd know, old man. 293 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,800 Argh! Look, this isn't my business, 294 00:12:09,820 --> 00:12:12,510 and by all means, enjoy being sapphic horse girls together. 295 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:14,220 But you suck at doing it secretly. 296 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,540 - We all know. - Including Jerry? 297 00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,920 No, Dad's so in the dark that he's enjoying a video game 298 00:12:18,940 --> 00:12:20,279 about being in an affair right now. 299 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,979 If you guys are doing this, you got to tell him! 300 00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:23,420 Okay, little man, back off. 301 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,520 - Take it easy. They're right. - Right about what, 302 00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:27,360 that we have to be twice as considerate 303 00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:28,621 and twice as repressed 304 00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:30,690 because some dick split us in two? 305 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:33,918 This is the shit I left. This isn't. This is me. 306 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,180 This is the me that doesn't tell you all to fuck off. 307 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,080 So allow me. Fuck off. 308 00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,660 She'll tell her husband what she wants when she feels like it. 309 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,599 And you can deal with it or you can deal with me. 310 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,440 But you should know I have all the Predator weapons. 311 00:12:46,740 --> 00:12:47,799 - Works for me. - That's cool. 312 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,851 - Fair enough. - I guess it's time for ice cream. 313 00:12:49,860 --> 00:12:52,460 Come on, kids, you're inhaling this stuff. 314 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,990 Your Moms went to space. 315 00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,566 Did you even thank them for doing it? 316 00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:59,960 Thanks for... doing it, Moms. 317 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:01,363 Very selfless of you. 318 00:13:01,370 --> 00:13:03,100 Eat your ice cream however you want. 319 00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,491 Nothing good lasts forever. 320 00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:12,520 Okay, come on, it's Thanksgiving. 321 00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:15,040 The least we can do is speak English. 322 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,620 Jerry, I had sex with your wife. 323 00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,720 Or I'm your wife and had sex with the clone you sleep with. 324 00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:22,759 Your pick. We had sex. We loved it. 325 00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:27,305 Beth Sanchez sure is something, huh? 326 00:13:28,380 --> 00:13:29,720 I think I'll ask her to prom. 327 00:13:29,740 --> 00:13:32,840 Jerry, for your own sake, stay away from Beth Sanchez. 328 00:13:32,860 --> 00:13:34,120 Worst case, she says "no." 329 00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:36,600 No, Jerry. Worst case she says "yes." 330 00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,400 She's too much woman for you. 331 00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:41,140 Yeah, maybe she'd find your simple naiveté endearing, 332 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,260 but she's intense. 333 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,239 Sooner or later, she'd tear you apart. 334 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:48,493 I'd be lucky to be torn apart by Beth Sanchez. 335 00:13:53,510 --> 00:13:54,639 - Aah! - What the fuck? 336 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:57,180 Dad's a bug! Dad rolled into a bug! 337 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,360 Oh, yeah. Sh... Forgot I installed that. 338 00:14:01,810 --> 00:14:04,040 Why does Jerry have a Pill Bug Protocol? 339 00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,440 It's an emotional defense system. 340 00:14:05,460 --> 00:14:06,803 I got drunk with Jerry one night 341 00:14:06,810 --> 00:14:08,379 and he said it's what he wanted most in the world. 342 00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:10,557 Don't blame me, I wanted tattoos. 343 00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:11,939 Anyway, he's in perfect health in there 344 00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,239 and he can unroll when he chooses to, 345 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,320 but can also stay in metabolic hibernation pretty much indefinitely. 346 00:14:16,340 --> 00:14:18,399 It's a cool power to have, like if you have to fly coach 347 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,989 or if Summer asks you what you thought of "Wonder Woman 1984." 348 00:14:20,990 --> 00:14:22,790 - How do we undo it? - Only he can. 349 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,260 That's the point. It's total safety. Even I can't reverse it. 350 00:14:26,270 --> 00:14:27,789 If you try to pry him out and hit a nerve, 351 00:14:27,790 --> 00:14:29,320 he'll literally turn into a Shrek. 352 00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:31,578 In his own sad way, he's taken control. 353 00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:33,120 This is classic Jerry. 354 00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:35,340 He'd rather be a bug than have a conversation. 355 00:14:35,350 --> 00:14:37,299 Oh, have you heard the way you start conversations? 356 00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:38,820 You ladies discuss responsibility 357 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,504 while I get stoned and play video games with your kids. 358 00:14:50,620 --> 00:14:53,100 - Fuck! More forest! - L-Look around! 359 00:14:56,630 --> 00:14:57,680 Try heading north. 360 00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:02,939 - Oh, shit. - Wait, what the fuck? 361 00:15:02,940 --> 00:15:04,980 Um, maybe keep heading north? 362 00:15:10,860 --> 00:15:12,240 - Ew, what the hell? - Oh, God, 363 00:15:12,260 --> 00:15:13,995 w-what happens in the shadows? 364 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,370 Jerry, sweetie, if you can hear me, please unroll. 365 00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:18,720 He doesn't want to. 366 00:15:18,730 --> 00:15:20,877 It's a little late to worry about what he wants. 367 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:22,660 Jesus, Beth, don't fall for this. 368 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,172 This isn't love, it's a tantrum. 369 00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:26,480 Yeah, but his tantrum is self-destructive. 370 00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:27,980 Yours is destructive. 371 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,760 Maybe that's why I'm the one that loves him. 372 00:15:29,780 --> 00:15:31,600 He worries. He wants to do right. 373 00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:33,460 He's ashamed when he fails. 374 00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,520 Aren't those things you love about me? 375 00:15:35,540 --> 00:15:37,860 You want me to be like him? You want me to propose? 376 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,280 Threaten to kill myself? 377 00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:41,320 No. I love you the way you are. 378 00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:44,749 And I did it forever in a video game. But in life, things go wrong. 379 00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:45,759 Things stop working. 380 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:47,640 I-I like to fix those things, and when I can't, 381 00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:48,760 I'm pretty useless. 382 00:15:48,780 --> 00:15:49,860 Like my husband. 383 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,880 I don't get it. You're the house wife and I'm the space lady, 384 00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:55,020 but you're the one that chewed me up and spit me out. 385 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:57,220 I don't want to just forget about you. 386 00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:01,160 Me neither. It's a problem. 387 00:16:01,170 --> 00:16:04,128 But we know someone that owes us a solution. 388 00:16:04,700 --> 00:16:06,210 Oh, shit, we're out of the forest. 389 00:16:06,220 --> 00:16:07,679 - We found a clearing. - Go check it out! 390 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,092 Go check out the clearing! 391 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,720 Vampires? Oh, come on! That's not realistic! 392 00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:18,180 Morty, it's obviously set in a world 393 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:19,919 - where vampires hunt in clearings. - How did you... 394 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:21,979 I'm working with the same information you are! 395 00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,250 - Ow! - No more screen time 396 00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:24,940 until your homework's done, Dad. 397 00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,700 - What did that mean? - We refuse to care. 398 00:16:27,710 --> 00:16:30,120 Damn. You really came of age this Thanksgiving. 399 00:16:30,140 --> 00:16:31,200 How old are we? 400 00:16:31,220 --> 00:16:33,116 We've had a million Thanksgivings. 401 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:34,860 Can I explain how irrational this is? 402 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,900 Asked the guy that cloned his daughter. 403 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,122 - Will I ever live that down? - No. 404 00:16:39,130 --> 00:16:40,639 You guys are having me "Eternal Sunshine" 405 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,720 all the "Multiplicity" porn scenes from your minds? 406 00:16:42,740 --> 00:16:43,999 - Yep. Basically. - Sounds right. 407 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,440 Meanwhile, everyone around you... 408 00:16:45,450 --> 00:16:47,020 your father, your cuckhold husband, 409 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,360 your jaded children... will just happily and silently bear the burden 410 00:16:50,370 --> 00:16:52,429 because it's more practical for them than the truth 411 00:16:52,430 --> 00:16:54,379 and you don't care because it won't be your problem? 412 00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,480 Solid repipe, Dad. 413 00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:58,060 It's like he has a lifetime of experience as a selfish ass. 414 00:17:02,780 --> 00:17:04,529 When this fails and the two of you fall in love again 415 00:17:04,530 --> 00:17:06,220 and you attack me for taking part in this, 416 00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,379 I'm gonna lie and say I tried to talk you out of it for hours. 417 00:17:08,380 --> 00:17:09,620 In truth, I don't care. 418 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,446 - Three, two... - Oh, for God's sakes, 419 00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:12,700 all of you, grow up. 420 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:13,939 - Jerry! You unrolled! - What the hell? 421 00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:15,739 Ooh, plot twist, Deus Ex Husbanda. 422 00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:18,411 Oh, don't lobotomize yourselves for my comfort. 423 00:17:18,420 --> 00:17:20,370 I may be a man, but I'm also a baby, 424 00:17:20,395 --> 00:17:23,210 and babies don't take responsibility for other people's suffering. 425 00:17:23,220 --> 00:17:25,650 I should never have said I'd kill myself if you left me. 426 00:17:25,660 --> 00:17:28,279 It's not true. All I'd do is pack my shit and cry 427 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,299 while I look for a job on Starbucks Wi-Fi. 428 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:31,800 And that's what I'm gonna do. 429 00:17:31,810 --> 00:17:34,840 So the two of you can get clone lesbian married 430 00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:37,540 by a robot and finger yourselves on the moon 431 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:40,820 while laughing in Martian French about my weird little dick! 432 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,101 Jerry, wait! 433 00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:48,800 Jerry, don't leave angry. 434 00:17:48,820 --> 00:17:51,420 Should I float out on a lotus leaf? 435 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,980 I have to be twice as confident 436 00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:55,080 because my wife cheated on me with herself? 437 00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:56,400 It's not even cheating. 438 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,034 Oh, you here to help? You suck. 439 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,040 You don't even know which one is your real wife. 440 00:18:00,050 --> 00:18:02,340 If it's me, have you been cheating with a clone? 441 00:18:02,350 --> 00:18:04,165 I'm not the clone, but she has a point. 442 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,900 Oh, what a provocative conversation it would've been great to have 443 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,410 before the two of you... 444 00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:10,020 and I am counting two... 445 00:18:10,030 --> 00:18:12,680 gave each other unfairly expert orgasms 446 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,425 while mocking my weird little dick! 447 00:18:14,430 --> 00:18:16,659 Jerry, you're the only one who keeps saying "weird" and "little." 448 00:18:16,660 --> 00:18:17,780 Well, you've both seen it! 449 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,939 And you've both seen each other, 450 00:18:18,940 --> 00:18:20,640 and now you want to tell me all about it, 451 00:18:20,650 --> 00:18:21,660 but it's a little late. 452 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:22,940 Oh, my God. 453 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,439 You're not mad that it was about you. 454 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:25,960 You're mad that it wasn't. 455 00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:28,160 He wanted to permit our love. 456 00:18:28,180 --> 00:18:31,210 Okay, it's not "Handmaid's Tale" to loop in your husband. 457 00:18:31,220 --> 00:18:32,879 I agree, for the record. We made a mistake. 458 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,640 Oh, because we should've noticed ourselves losing control 459 00:18:35,650 --> 00:18:39,340 and gone to Sexmaster Jerry and said, "Oh, pretty please, Jerry, 460 00:18:39,360 --> 00:18:41,911 - can I make out with myself?" - Yes, you may. 461 00:18:42,540 --> 00:18:46,040 Yeah, see. Not so hot when it's aboveboard, home-wreckers. 462 00:18:46,050 --> 00:18:47,840 Oh, so we won't enjoy this? 463 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,580 Well, hold on, hold on, this is weird. 464 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,003 Weird and permitted. 465 00:18:51,010 --> 00:18:53,320 - Wait, you like this? - Who cares what he likes. 466 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,040 - I do. - I might like it. 467 00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:56,926 And if she likes it, I permit it. 468 00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:59,140 - You little pervert. - You like a little pervert. 469 00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:01,260 I like humiliating a little pervert. 470 00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,000 I approve. Carry on. 471 00:19:03,010 --> 00:19:05,430 I'm freaked out by how hot this is. 472 00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:07,200 Am I permitted to do this? 473 00:19:07,220 --> 00:19:08,730 Until further notice. 474 00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:10,860 - I love it. - Then it's permitted from now on. 475 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,940 Oh, because you like whatever she likes. 476 00:19:12,950 --> 00:19:14,510 Because you're a worm. 477 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,110 I will allow that assessment. 478 00:19:16,120 --> 00:19:17,960 - Pass the salt? - I don't care what you allow. 479 00:19:17,980 --> 00:19:19,089 - Damn it! - What do you allow? 480 00:19:19,090 --> 00:19:20,130 I allow this. 481 00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:21,439 Well, then it's required. 482 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:22,989 I approve the requirement. 483 00:19:22,990 --> 00:19:24,600 - You get over there. - Good idea. 484 00:19:24,610 --> 00:19:26,160 Oh, wow. Okay. 485 00:19:26,180 --> 00:19:27,790 - Uh, Honey? - I'm fine if you are. 486 00:19:27,810 --> 00:19:31,460 - You're never fine, shut up. - Okay, but... Whoa! Okay. 487 00:19:31,470 --> 00:19:35,020 - This is not how I pictured this, but... - I have zero complaints so far. 488 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,680 Because I know what you want. 489 00:19:36,700 --> 00:19:38,300 I do not disagree with that. 490 00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,160 Can I make a pitch? What if we... 491 00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:41,409 Are you serious? 492 00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:43,240 Hey, is... is this making fun of me? 493 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,400 - Well, is that bad? - I'll allow it. 494 00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:50,779 Jesus Christ, you need to fix the portal gun, Rick! 495 00:19:50,780 --> 00:19:52,910 Morty, you asking makes me want to do it less. 496 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,210 Okay, uh, Thanksgiving! 497 00:19:54,220 --> 00:19:55,980 L-L-Let's talk about Thanksgiving! 498 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,820 Who's thankful for what? Go, Summer, y-you first. 499 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:02,920 Um, I guess I'm thankful, for like, water? 500 00:20:02,930 --> 00:20:04,860 Perfect! Wonderful! Morty, w-what about you? 501 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,360 F-F-Fucking... Are you fucking kidding me? 502 00:20:07,370 --> 00:20:09,760 Why? Why? Discovery Channel! 503 00:20:09,770 --> 00:20:11,660 Discovery Channel, why? 504 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:13,240 Okay. Just eat your food. 505 00:20:13,260 --> 00:20:14,960 Ea-Ea... Everyone eat the food. 506 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,740 Sorry, I'm... Is this? Ooh! 507 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:19,240 Well, bye, kids! 508 00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:21,552 I'll keep an eye out for my grandkid in space. 509 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:24,510 Your what? Oh, right. "Naruto." 510 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,640 Thanks for visiting, Space Beth. 511 00:20:31,150 --> 00:20:34,850 Well, seems like we all learned a little lesson this weekend! 512 00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:36,420 At least, I know I did. 513 00:20:36,430 --> 00:20:38,528 Me, too, Jerry. Me, too. 514 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:56,280 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - — www.addic7ed.com — 515 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:24,670 Hello there, Jerry! How can I help you today? 516 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,970 Howdy! Yeah, just, uh... just here to hang! 517 00:21:27,980 --> 00:21:29,640 Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. 518 00:21:29,650 --> 00:21:31,440 You can't come here by yourself. 519 00:21:31,450 --> 00:21:33,410 Why not? It's just me in there! 520 00:21:33,420 --> 00:21:36,010 Well, not that this is something you'd do, 521 00:21:36,020 --> 00:21:38,350 but sometimes we have Jerries come here 522 00:21:38,360 --> 00:21:40,540 and try to touch other Jerries. 523 00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,850 Oh, no, that's... that's not good. 524 00:21:42,860 --> 00:21:44,927 Uh, well, see you later! 525 00:21:51,420 --> 00:21:52,640 Okay. Thank you.