1 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,550 And in weird things in space news, 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:11,598 that mysterious "rift" is still there. 3 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,650 Not gone yet. You remember that, don't you? 4 00:00:13,670 --> 00:00:14,729 It's probably important. 5 00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:15,750 Back to you, Tabitha. 6 00:00:15,770 --> 00:00:17,730 Rick, Mom's working, and Dad's still sleeping. 7 00:00:17,740 --> 00:00:18,929 I'm... I'm... I'm gonna be late. 8 00:00:18,930 --> 00:00:20,941 Yeah, yeah. I-I got you. 9 00:00:20,950 --> 00:00:22,310 - Here. - Holy shit. 10 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:23,830 I-Is the portal gun working again? 11 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:25,112 Yeah, pretty much. 12 00:00:27,390 --> 00:00:28,510 Sometimes that happens. 13 00:00:31,790 --> 00:00:33,954 Just get the keys. 14 00:00:35,590 --> 00:00:37,110 It's actually been nice taking a break 15 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,430 from the portal travel stuff. 16 00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:40,519 I-I've been racking up a lot of high-school adventures. 17 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,610 - I have a process, Morty. - Huh? 18 00:00:42,620 --> 00:00:44,769 I'm fixing my portal gun, and every time you bring it up, 19 00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:46,180 it blocks my creative flow. 20 00:00:46,190 --> 00:00:48,270 A-And then I'm forced to take longer on purpose 21 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:49,739 just to train you to not bring it up. 22 00:00:49,740 --> 00:00:51,460 Geez. Do you know what "projection" is? 23 00:00:51,470 --> 00:00:52,960 - Do you? - No. 24 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:54,630 I-I-I heard Mom use it. 25 00:00:55,810 --> 00:00:57,570 Lord, no. He's here again? 26 00:00:57,580 --> 00:00:59,480 Morty protocol, children. 27 00:00:59,490 --> 00:01:01,100 Oh, what's it now? 28 00:01:01,110 --> 00:01:02,830 Brain bugs? Space worms? 29 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:04,318 Have I been "The Faculty'd" again? 30 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,445 You guys don't have to react like this every day. 31 00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:09,730 Last time, the aliens made me lick all the toilet seats. 32 00:01:09,750 --> 00:01:10,890 That's right... made me. 33 00:01:10,910 --> 00:01:12,430 I see that look on your faces. 34 00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:16,080 What did you do, ya tiny monster? 35 00:01:16,090 --> 00:01:17,110 This isn't me. 36 00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:26,150 The people demand to know... 37 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,390 Do these visitors come in peace? 38 00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:30,630 But first, "Peter's Pizza Corner." 39 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:32,610 What slice we reviewing today, Petey? 40 00:01:32,630 --> 00:01:33,764 Cheese. 41 00:01:38,860 --> 00:01:40,750 If these aliens want Earth, 42 00:01:40,770 --> 00:01:42,570 they'll have to go through Egypt. 43 00:01:42,590 --> 00:01:45,192 And they can ask mummies how that goes. 44 00:01:47,870 --> 00:01:49,780 Mummy Mia! 45 00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:58,205 Dinosaurs are back? 46 00:01:58,210 --> 00:02:00,833 Monkeys went bald? 47 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,656 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - — www.addic7ed.com — 48 00:02:37,550 --> 00:02:38,639 Shh! 49 00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:40,110 Before we start... 50 00:02:40,130 --> 00:02:42,620 where are the rest of... us? 51 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,350 Uh... 52 00:02:44,370 --> 00:02:45,690 They died. Uh... 53 00:02:45,710 --> 00:02:47,270 Long time ago. 54 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,132 Way before us. We didn't see nothin'. 55 00:02:50,140 --> 00:02:53,886 But surely our ancestors must have left some evidence behind. 56 00:02:55,650 --> 00:02:56,805 Why is he nervous? 57 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:02,750 Because, uh, you're dinosaurs. 58 00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,210 It's weird. 59 00:03:04,230 --> 00:03:06,273 Thought you were dead. 60 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:11,090 Moving on, we, quote, "dinosaurs" evolved here on Earth 61 00:03:11,110 --> 00:03:14,150 until our technology was planetarily harmonic. 62 00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:17,080 That being the goal with technology. 63 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,570 After we achieved perfect balance with Mother Earth, 64 00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:23,370 our best and bravest left to help other planets. 65 00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:24,750 Over millions of years, 66 00:03:24,770 --> 00:03:27,878 we've called many worlds home and helped each one flourish. 67 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:32,507 Imagine our surprise upon returning home to find our species extinct 68 00:03:32,510 --> 00:03:36,261 and Earth now in the care of... you guys. 69 00:03:36,270 --> 00:03:39,139 When we left, you were basically squirrels. 70 00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:41,460 Well, uh, we've come a long way, 71 00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:43,977 and we... We've buried a lot more than nuts. 72 00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:46,520 We've evolved past nonconstructive criticism, 73 00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:48,649 so let's agree you've done your best. 74 00:03:48,650 --> 00:03:49,790 You're still alive. 75 00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:52,480 But surely there was some point between gunpowder 76 00:03:52,490 --> 00:03:54,610 and something called Amazon Prime 77 00:03:54,620 --> 00:03:55,890 that you folks had to think, 78 00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,930 "Are we supposed to be running a planet? 79 00:03:57,950 --> 00:04:00,460 Wouldn't we rather make... Marvel movies?" 80 00:04:00,470 --> 00:04:02,130 How many Marvel movies have you made? 81 00:04:02,140 --> 00:04:03,705 29, and 14 more on the way. 82 00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,210 See, you love doing that. 83 00:04:05,230 --> 00:04:08,070 And we love helping new life-forms get their footing. 84 00:04:08,090 --> 00:04:11,920 So now that we're back, we can respectfully take it from here. 85 00:04:11,930 --> 00:04:13,469 Now, hold on. If you've seen "Endgame," 86 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:16,255 you know invasion is not something Earth takes lying down. 87 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,810 This is not an invasion. 88 00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:21,098 Besides, wouldn't you like to lie down? 89 00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:23,183 Ugh. You must be exhausted. 90 00:04:23,190 --> 00:04:25,520 Put your feet up, get more tattoos, 91 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,813 finish rounding out this "Ant-Man" character. 92 00:04:27,820 --> 00:04:30,390 Think of it like your Earth concept of "vacation," 93 00:04:30,410 --> 00:04:32,940 - except permanent. - I think I speak for all world leaders 94 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,150 when I say that the poor people would just murder us 95 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,750 if we made you leave, so... 96 00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:40,490 welcome home, dinosaurs. 97 00:04:40,510 --> 00:04:42,390 Oh. I could use a vacation. 98 00:04:42,410 --> 00:04:44,630 - Should we nuke them? - I'm on vacation, Curtis. 99 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,570 Well, you leaned into this fast. 100 00:05:25,790 --> 00:05:28,640 Ugh. I can't even pretend to feel useful in a game. 101 00:05:28,650 --> 00:05:30,550 This is how humanity's story ends? 102 00:05:30,570 --> 00:05:32,878 Relieved of duty and sat at the kids' table? 103 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,370 I gotta respect these dinosaurs. 104 00:05:34,390 --> 00:05:35,790 They dominated a whole species 105 00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:38,258 just by calling its bluff about wanting more free time. 106 00:05:38,260 --> 00:05:39,329 They didn't even dominate us 107 00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:40,749 because we're not worth a fight to them. 108 00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:42,763 We've become biological Tyler Perry movies. 109 00:05:42,770 --> 00:05:44,839 - All they've done is help. - We didn't need their help. 110 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,030 We were not the problem. 111 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,750 This house recycles. 112 00:05:48,670 --> 00:05:51,310 They sort it at the trash facility. 113 00:05:51,330 --> 00:05:54,500 What the "F"? My dance videos are getting, like, zero likes now. 114 00:05:54,510 --> 00:05:57,060 Oh, yeah. The dinos kicked pedophiles off TikTok. 115 00:05:57,070 --> 00:05:58,540 Great. So now I'm broke? 116 00:05:58,550 --> 00:06:00,010 You don't need money anymore. 117 00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,110 So what's this for now? 118 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:02,979 Phone calls? Ugh. 119 00:06:02,980 --> 00:06:04,459 Oh, c'mon, Dad. You don't hate this, too? 120 00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:06,610 Why would I? I-I was already doing what I wanted. 121 00:06:06,630 --> 00:06:10,410 I do think it's kind of funny that you're all basically Jerry now. 122 00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,084 Fuck. 123 00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,830 Jerry, how do you do it? 124 00:06:13,850 --> 00:06:16,588 - Yeah, Dad, how do you do it? - How do you do it, Dad? 125 00:06:16,590 --> 00:06:18,715 - Huh? - How do you do it? 126 00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:20,590 It's finally happened. 127 00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,360 - All right. 128 00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:41,650 Does anyone know how to mail things to publishers? 129 00:06:41,670 --> 00:06:42,870 Uhp. 130 00:06:42,890 --> 00:06:44,980 President only pages me if it's an emergency 131 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,368 or he needs Molly. 132 00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,430 I'm sure glad you stayed open, Beau. 133 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,127 Wish we could pay, but no more capitalism. 134 00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:58,630 I never make ribs for the money, Mr. President. 135 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,810 Oh, um, here ya go. 136 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:02,270 That's not why I called. 137 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,850 Drugs can't solve this problem. 138 00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:05,387 I can't live like this anymore. 139 00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:07,290 At first it was fun spending all day 140 00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:08,840 watching whatever YouTube autoplays 141 00:07:08,850 --> 00:07:10,100 after the last one autoplayed, 142 00:07:10,110 --> 00:07:12,510 but a man can only watch so many ads for Grammarly. 143 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,780 Rick. Please. 144 00:07:13,790 --> 00:07:15,250 You're not bound by morality. 145 00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,150 Get rid of them. Slit their necks. 146 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,459 Zero Dark Thirty these fuckers for the good of the species. 147 00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:21,420 I won't tell. Help us go back to the old days, 148 00:07:21,430 --> 00:07:23,405 where we pretend to fix the problems we caused. 149 00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:24,629 You think I'm gonna side with you 150 00:07:24,630 --> 00:07:25,930 over hyper-intelligent creatures 151 00:07:25,940 --> 00:07:27,830 operating way beyond your comprehension? 152 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,650 I have more in common with them than you. 153 00:07:29,670 --> 00:07:31,730 You pompous autistic cadaver! 154 00:07:31,750 --> 00:07:33,170 You think you're above this? 155 00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:34,749 - I ought to... - Look here, Mr. President. 156 00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:37,300 When I need my ribs to be tender and delicious, 157 00:07:37,310 --> 00:07:38,670 I pamper them. 158 00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:41,173 See, if you give someone what they want, 159 00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:43,470 they'll give you what you need. 160 00:07:43,490 --> 00:07:45,850 - I'm jus' saying. - I see your point, Beau. 161 00:07:45,860 --> 00:07:47,380 All right, Rick. Ha ha. 162 00:07:47,390 --> 00:07:48,990 Name your price. 163 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,120 - Aw, crap. - God damn it. 164 00:07:51,140 --> 00:07:52,690 How often are you "Westworld-ing" me? 165 00:07:52,700 --> 00:07:55,970 Hang on. Rib-tips jammed his folk-chip again. 166 00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:57,550 Ol' reliable Rick. 167 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,690 Always k-knows what to do. 168 00:07:59,710 --> 00:08:00,739 - What do you want, Rick? - Trustworthy. 169 00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:02,249 - I won't stoop to answering that again. - Honest. 170 00:08:02,250 --> 00:08:03,650 You know exactly what I want. 171 00:08:03,670 --> 00:08:05,822 I can't just snap my fingers and get you that job. 172 00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:07,430 Yeah, yeah. Thanks for lunch. 173 00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:08,540 Fine. Fine! 174 00:08:08,550 --> 00:08:10,140 If you get rid of the dinosaurs... 175 00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:11,610 you can host the Oscars. 176 00:08:11,630 --> 00:08:13,310 - Yes! - Righteous R-Rick. 177 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,150 Straight shootin', t-truth-tellin', 178 00:08:15,170 --> 00:08:17,750 never wets the bed. 179 00:08:20,260 --> 00:08:21,630 Goodbye, old friends. 180 00:08:21,650 --> 00:08:23,330 May you rest in peace, 181 00:08:23,350 --> 00:08:25,520 rather than the tank of an S.U.V. 182 00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:28,229 Hello, fellow cosmic voyagers. 183 00:08:28,230 --> 00:08:29,346 Can we help you? 184 00:08:29,350 --> 00:08:31,210 Actually, I can probably help you. 185 00:08:31,230 --> 00:08:32,530 See, I'm technically human, 186 00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:34,976 but I've come to be more, you know, on your level. 187 00:08:34,980 --> 00:08:36,269 We're fine, thank you. 188 00:08:36,270 --> 00:08:37,600 Maybe I'm being too indirect. 189 00:08:37,610 --> 00:08:39,669 I happen to dabble in multiversal travel, 190 00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:42,108 and I could probably zap you guys to an alternate Earth. 191 00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:43,930 We used portal travel eons ago, 192 00:08:43,953 --> 00:08:45,630 but evolved to a one-universe, 193 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,790 one-truth policy as the highest form of existence. 194 00:08:48,820 --> 00:08:50,800 Sort of a "put your own oxygen mask on 195 00:08:50,820 --> 00:08:52,910 before helping others" type of a thing. 196 00:08:52,930 --> 00:08:54,496 Have you been on a plane? 197 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:56,164 Yes, I've been on a plane. 198 00:08:56,170 --> 00:08:59,050 We have no problem if you jump dimensions. 199 00:08:59,070 --> 00:09:01,910 Although we sense your gateway device is suboptimal. 200 00:09:01,930 --> 00:09:03,690 - Let us help. - I don't need help. 201 00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:05,430 I-I'm here to help you. 202 00:09:05,450 --> 00:09:06,800 What the hell is this? 203 00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:08,190 A "Portal Pistol." 204 00:09:08,210 --> 00:09:10,640 The gateways are see-through, not a green swirl, 205 00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,410 so now you can see where you're going. 206 00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:13,590 Clever girl. 207 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,010 If you'd like, we could patch up 208 00:09:15,030 --> 00:09:16,685 your little interdimensional rift too. 209 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,630 No, leave it. I know how to close that. 210 00:09:18,650 --> 00:09:20,410 That's there for a reason. Very canonical. 211 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:21,740 Don't you just want it closed? 212 00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,149 Morty, whose team are you on? 213 00:09:23,150 --> 00:09:26,229 It's normal to be frustrated. Here. 214 00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,829 - Oh, my God, are you fucking kidding me? 215 00:09:27,830 --> 00:09:29,110 - Goodbye. - No. Wait. 216 00:09:29,130 --> 00:09:33,109 - What the fuuuuuck! - Ah! 217 00:09:33,110 --> 00:09:34,709 - I saw my bones! - Dr. Manhattan high-road assholes 218 00:09:34,710 --> 00:09:36,609 - teleporting me? - Why... Why wasn't that painful? 219 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,970 They didn't even do it right. My... My... My fly is down. 220 00:09:38,990 --> 00:09:40,510 Your fly was already down. 221 00:09:41,110 --> 00:09:42,660 What are you doing with that? 222 00:09:42,670 --> 00:09:43,810 Rick, it was a better... 223 00:09:43,830 --> 00:09:45,080 Nothing from them is better. 224 00:09:45,090 --> 00:09:47,770 That thing had uptight Zen snob germs all over it. 225 00:09:47,790 --> 00:09:49,209 So, what, now you're gonna fight them? 226 00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:50,690 And prove we're violent and stupid? 227 00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,590 No. We're gonna find out what they're hiding. 228 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,670 Only people who have really fucked up in the past 229 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,130 have to virtue signal this hard. 230 00:09:56,150 --> 00:09:57,180 Look at Sean Penn. 231 00:09:57,190 --> 00:09:59,749 But, Rick, aren't these feelings, like, what they're talking about? 232 00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:01,480 Like, life gets, um... 233 00:10:01,490 --> 00:10:04,650 "programmed for competition by early stages of evolution." 234 00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:06,880 Like, amoebas have to fight amoebas for energy, 235 00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:09,490 but once a species can get enough sugar from a machine 236 00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:10,920 to give itself diabetes, 237 00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:12,990 it's allowed to start thinking beyond conflict. 238 00:10:13,010 --> 00:10:14,830 I mean, it's all in their pamphlet. 239 00:10:16,730 --> 00:10:17,830 Morty, you're a genius. 240 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,930 I clearly mean that in the '90s ironic sense, 241 00:10:19,940 --> 00:10:22,190 but this self-fellating zine is a treasure map 242 00:10:22,210 --> 00:10:24,970 to every fossilized bone in their skeleton closet. 243 00:10:24,980 --> 00:10:26,620 They're gonna call us Laura Dern 244 00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:29,890 because we're about to get elbow deep in Dino doo-doo. 245 00:10:29,910 --> 00:10:31,090 Get it, Morty? The gloves? 246 00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:32,759 - You... You remember the big gloves? - Yeah, no, I get it, Rick. 247 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:34,960 I said "clever girl" earlier. You didn't even react. 248 00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:36,170 I was angry. 249 00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:45,890 Um, I'm looking for a few of my, uh, friends. 250 00:10:45,900 --> 00:10:47,790 Hmm. Kinda look like the Skullfeet 251 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,810 that used to live on our planet way before us. 252 00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:52,030 - They're long gone now. - Really? 253 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,801 - They're extinct here, too? - Yeah. 254 00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:56,110 We keep their bones in that museum over there. 255 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,280 Um, wow. 256 00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,880 These guys aren't gonna be much help. 257 00:10:59,890 --> 00:11:01,520 The leading theory is, the Skullfeet 258 00:11:01,540 --> 00:11:04,470 stepped on their own brains so much they straight-up died. 259 00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,870 Such a shame. Would have loved to hear them sing. 260 00:11:06,890 --> 00:11:07,920 - Sing? - Yeah. 261 00:11:07,940 --> 00:11:09,900 We figured they used to hold huge outdoor concerts 262 00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:11,060 in their land amphitheater. 263 00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,219 You people are idiots. 264 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:13,660 Hey. We didn't have much to go by. 265 00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:15,170 Bones aren't big on conversation. 266 00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:16,554 Yeah, neither are you, pal. 267 00:11:17,370 --> 00:11:21,050 The majestic Basketsaur. Aren't they incredible? 268 00:11:21,070 --> 00:11:23,730 We're even making a series of increasingly terrible movies 269 00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:25,563 about cloning them in a theme park. 270 00:11:25,570 --> 00:11:27,940 - So what happened to them? - No idea. 271 00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:30,360 But we do know they all loved eating communal soup 272 00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:32,110 out of the Great Dirt Bowl. 273 00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:33,863 Starting to see a pattern here. 274 00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:36,658 Breathtaking, aren't they? 275 00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:39,450 It's a common misconception that they roamed our planet. 276 00:11:39,470 --> 00:11:41,121 The truth is, they rolled. 277 00:11:41,130 --> 00:11:43,498 Street-style mostly. Some vert. 278 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,540 Lemme guess. There's a very large, deep circular indentation 279 00:11:46,550 --> 00:11:49,254 in which these "Grindasaurs" used to shred. 280 00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:52,000 We think they had a second brain in their butt 281 00:11:52,010 --> 00:11:53,870 dedicated to pulling 1080s. 282 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,710 Three planets visited by dinosaurs, 283 00:11:55,730 --> 00:11:57,770 three apocalyptic meteor impacts. 284 00:11:57,790 --> 00:11:59,030 Gi... Gi... Gimme the board. 285 00:11:59,050 --> 00:12:00,370 I'm dropping in for data. 286 00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:01,391 Aah! 287 00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:02,509 - Oh! - Rick! That's the hardest thing 288 00:12:02,510 --> 00:12:03,689 - in skateboarding. - Ow! 289 00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:06,563 It looked so easy on... aah... "Pro Skater 3." 290 00:12:06,570 --> 00:12:07,814 Oww. 291 00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:10,630 Hello. 292 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,770 - Jackpot, Morty. 293 00:12:13,790 --> 00:12:15,699 You still think the dinosaurs got something to hide? 294 00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:18,670 No, Morty, they have a reason to hide. 295 00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:20,549 - Come here, ya little whippersnapper. - No, Rick, stop! 296 00:12:20,550 --> 00:12:21,929 - C'mere, Morty. Come on, gimme a hug. - No, don't touch me. 297 00:12:21,930 --> 00:12:23,749 - Your hands are greasy. - What's the matter with you? 298 00:12:23,750 --> 00:12:27,200 It's become clear your species is having a hard time 299 00:12:27,210 --> 00:12:29,910 adjusting to its reduced accountability. 300 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:33,810 Our solution is to hold these regular keynotes, or talks, 301 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:36,350 which you used to launch new phones and religions. 302 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,344 Uhp, I see someone's eager to speak. 303 00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:41,930 Hi. Um, what do you do when you want to kill yourself? 304 00:12:41,940 --> 00:12:43,270 You don't do that. 305 00:12:43,290 --> 00:12:44,490 Thank you for asking, though. 306 00:12:44,510 --> 00:12:45,630 Ver... Very important. 307 00:12:45,650 --> 00:12:48,438 We recently discovered a new piece of human literature 308 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:50,430 that we think everyone should read. 309 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,830 Holy shit! I'm a famous author! 310 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,236 Wait, where's my name? 311 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,930 We will distribute it to everyone on Earth tomorrow. 312 00:12:58,940 --> 00:13:01,500 Excuse me. Aren't you gonna say who wrote it? 313 00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:04,390 Nope. Whoever wrote it must be above needing credit. 314 00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:07,230 It's all here in this book that belongs to everyone. 315 00:13:07,250 --> 00:13:08,470 For free. 316 00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:10,510 You Communist lizard scumbags! 317 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,110 I wrote that. Me, Jerry Smith! 318 00:13:15,630 --> 00:13:17,420 - Hey, hey, hey! 319 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,840 Guess what. Dinosaurs are not secretly evil, 320 00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:28,770 and they're not out to cause anybody trouble, 321 00:13:28,790 --> 00:13:31,773 but it turns out trouble has a way of following them. 322 00:13:32,730 --> 00:13:35,150 Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's showtime. 323 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,070 Literally every planet with dinosaurs on it 324 00:13:37,090 --> 00:13:39,310 is eventually smashed by a huge space rock 325 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,533 that takes out them and most existing life. 326 00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:43,290 What? That can't be true. 327 00:13:43,310 --> 00:13:44,910 It's all right to be frustrated. 328 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:46,010 Let me explain. 329 00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:49,150 Why would planet-killing meteors follow dinosaurs? 330 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,540 As these reptiles evolved to higher and higher levels 331 00:13:51,550 --> 00:13:53,310 of loving vegan godhood, 332 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,279 another life-form devolved into an equally selfless, 333 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,260 hate-filled species of barely sentient rocks. 334 00:13:59,270 --> 00:14:01,920 They hurtle through space and do as much damage as they can 335 00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:04,222 to their chosen enemy, which is guess who. 336 00:14:04,230 --> 00:14:06,070 Yup, everywhere these dinos go, 337 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:07,930 these rocks, they come a-crashing. 338 00:14:07,950 --> 00:14:10,440 And this one... 339 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:13,231 is headed directly towards us. 340 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:15,940 And all of our work? It was for... 341 00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:18,080 Nothing. Bingo. Welcome to life. 342 00:14:18,090 --> 00:14:19,509 It's a big boat with a lot of holes, 343 00:14:19,510 --> 00:14:20,659 but we're all in it together. 344 00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:21,990 - Oh, my. - Ohhhhh. 345 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,850 - Mm. - So much death. 346 00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:25,940 Congratulations, primates. 347 00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:28,290 Looks like Earth could have done worse. 348 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,870 Rick out. Oh. 349 00:14:29,890 --> 00:14:32,010 And don't forget to tune in to this year's Oscars. 350 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:36,671 Well, this is a... a lot to take in. 351 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,675 I like trains now. 352 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,570 Okay, that hurt. 353 00:14:42,590 --> 00:14:44,304 Trains rule! 354 00:14:44,310 --> 00:14:45,750 Dinos drool! 355 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,220 And you had no idea about the disastrous meteors 356 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:50,435 that followed in your wake? 357 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,210 We just learned about it like you. 358 00:14:52,220 --> 00:14:53,896 Truly heartbreaking news. 359 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:56,170 But I assume you're gonna destroy it 360 00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:57,400 when it arrives here, right? 361 00:14:57,410 --> 00:15:00,810 Um, we're in the process of finding a solution 362 00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:02,947 that, um, doesn't involve violence. 363 00:15:02,950 --> 00:15:05,366 Hold on. You're in the process? 364 00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:07,719 Well, there you have it, Cooperheads. 365 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:10,250 An angry species of rock is gonna slam into our... 366 00:15:10,270 --> 00:15:13,450 sorry... their planet, and our new planet runners 367 00:15:13,470 --> 00:15:15,168 are weighing whether to let it happen. 368 00:15:17,180 --> 00:15:20,410 I mean, no one knows if the meteor species is even real. 369 00:15:20,430 --> 00:15:21,870 No. It's very real. 370 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:23,870 - We all know that. - You know what's real? 371 00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,130 A rear naked choke hold. I'll show you. 372 00:15:26,150 --> 00:15:27,180 - Hmm? - What? 373 00:15:27,190 --> 00:15:30,929 Final question... How we doing? 374 00:15:31,950 --> 00:15:34,130 We have come to the conclusion the only way 375 00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:37,590 to ensure humanity will be safe is for us to go. 376 00:15:37,610 --> 00:15:39,520 We are leaving the planet for good. 377 00:16:14,030 --> 00:16:17,390 Maybe it's the Molly, but I fucking love you, Rick. 378 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:19,560 - It's the Molly. - Isn't this nice? 379 00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:22,370 Rivalries behind us, dinos gone, 380 00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:24,900 two cool guys living in the moment. 381 00:16:24,910 --> 00:16:26,910 So, uh, like, uh 382 00:16:26,930 --> 00:16:28,249 you know what you're gonna wear? Because... 383 00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:29,910 - I can't get another plus-one. - What? 384 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,090 I'm the one who got you the gig, you son of a bitch! 385 00:16:32,110 --> 00:16:33,350 I feel this napkin... 386 00:16:33,370 --> 00:16:35,190 Feel this napkin. 387 00:16:35,210 --> 00:16:37,542 So soft. 388 00:16:37,550 --> 00:16:41,370 This is the 95th annual Academy Awards. 389 00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:43,510 Now, please welcome your host, 390 00:16:43,530 --> 00:16:46,370 an old science guy who got rid of the dinosaurs... 391 00:16:46,390 --> 00:16:49,554 Rick Sanchez. 392 00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,510 Suck my gray tits, Hollywood pinkos. 393 00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:55,600 Where's the Mic? 394 00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:57,050 The... The... The raising Mic? 395 00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:58,500 Ha. 396 00:16:58,510 --> 00:16:59,981 Bring it up! 397 00:17:03,450 --> 00:17:04,650 Tommy. 398 00:17:04,670 --> 00:17:06,404 Tom Hanks is here. 399 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:09,282 C'mon. Do it. 400 00:17:10,010 --> 00:17:11,700 Come on. 401 00:17:11,710 --> 00:17:13,077 Do ittttt. 402 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,250 Okay, okay, one time. 403 00:17:15,930 --> 00:17:18,330 "Wilson!" 404 00:17:19,930 --> 00:17:21,919 I'm Oscar host Rick. 405 00:17:23,650 --> 00:17:25,870 Grandpa Rick, this is so cool. 406 00:17:25,890 --> 00:17:28,130 - That microphone bit killed. - Yeah, told you it would. 407 00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:29,320 That was all scripted? 408 00:17:29,340 --> 00:17:30,810 Every moment at the Oscars is. 409 00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:32,250 - Even that one thing. - Ha ha! 410 00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:34,270 Look who stole themselves a swag bag. 411 00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:36,976 - Ah, fucking Sprinkles coupon! - We're splitting that. 412 00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,210 Hey, so I was thinking it might be funny 413 00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:40,950 to add dinosaurs to the "In Memoriam." 414 00:17:40,970 --> 00:17:42,290 Eh, it feels beneath us. 415 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,119 It's funnier that they left and we don't even care. 416 00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:47,350 Oh, yeah, they left, but they keep begging for attention. 417 00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:48,420 You haven't heard? 418 00:17:48,430 --> 00:17:50,159 The dinos are just standing up there on Mars 419 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:51,409 with their dicks in their hands. 420 00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:52,575 So dramatic. 421 00:17:52,580 --> 00:17:55,570 What, they're just gonna let the meteor hit them a-and die? 422 00:17:55,590 --> 00:17:58,560 Good. If being superior to everyone makes you die, 423 00:17:58,580 --> 00:18:00,230 I call that balance. 424 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,510 It's all in my globally published book 425 00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:05,050 the dinos stripped my name from! 426 00:18:05,070 --> 00:18:06,230 Ugggh. 427 00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:09,110 Oscars are over. Where are my keys? 428 00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:11,370 God damn it, I need to fix portal travel. 429 00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:13,763 And... And I'm going to. I have a process. 430 00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:18,040 Our final act of kindness. 431 00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:21,354 It's been an honor serving the sanctity of life with you all. 432 00:18:21,360 --> 00:18:23,580 Hee-aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh! 433 00:18:29,330 --> 00:18:30,760 Rick, what are you doing? 434 00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:33,110 - Standing here with you guys. - You don't want to do that. 435 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:34,910 We're sacrificing ourselves here. 436 00:18:34,930 --> 00:18:36,160 Then so am I. Y'know? 437 00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:38,730 Elon Musk be damned, we're blowing up Mars. 438 00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:41,030 No. We're doing something selfless. 439 00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,700 You're doing it out of pettiness. 440 00:18:42,710 --> 00:18:44,930 How is anyone supposed to know the difference? 441 00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:47,129 Consider it a game of virtue chicken. 442 00:18:51,930 --> 00:18:54,410 Okay, if you won't go, we'll make you go. 443 00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:58,279 Oh. Sorry. I-I Dino-proofed my tech to spite you guys. 444 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:00,260 Which further proves selflessness and selfishness 445 00:19:00,270 --> 00:19:01,710 are two sides of the same coin, 446 00:19:01,730 --> 00:19:03,271 so what's the point? 447 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:14,570 Fine. Cool with me that your final chapter 448 00:19:14,580 --> 00:19:16,742 is dying on Mars with an old dickhead. 449 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,412 Hyaaaa! 450 00:19:19,420 --> 00:19:20,913 Aaaah! 451 00:19:22,170 --> 00:19:23,880 All right! Welcome back. 452 00:19:23,890 --> 00:19:26,085 You obnoxious little twat! 453 00:19:26,090 --> 00:19:27,110 Yeah, but you're alive. 454 00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:29,580 No David Foster Wallace-ing in my galaxy. 455 00:19:29,590 --> 00:19:30,750 You don't get to be so smart 456 00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:32,550 that you remove yourself from everybody. 457 00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:35,094 From one god being to another, you're welcome. 458 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,930 Well, as long as we're doing each other favors... 459 00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:40,800 Hey. Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? 460 00:19:45,650 --> 00:19:48,170 You fixed my rift? You fucking hypocritical cocks. 461 00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:49,630 I-It was all canonical and shit. 462 00:19:49,650 --> 00:19:51,579 We coulda milked that thing for a whole season. 463 00:19:51,580 --> 00:19:54,270 O-Or, like, a three-episode arc at least. 464 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,580 Sorry. That's just us. 465 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:56,890 We love helping, 466 00:19:56,910 --> 00:19:58,890 god beings to god being. 467 00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:01,746 Seriously. I was gonna fix that. 468 00:20:06,850 --> 00:20:08,870 Shit. They're coming back. 469 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:10,320 Can we turn on the A.C.? 470 00:20:10,330 --> 00:20:12,550 It's, like, a thousand degrees outside. 471 00:20:13,070 --> 00:20:14,960 Yes! New follower. 472 00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,700 Named... CryptoForBareToes? 473 00:20:17,710 --> 00:20:19,930 Not sure I get it, but sounds like business. 474 00:20:19,950 --> 00:20:21,970 - Proud of you, honey. - Is Dad okay? 475 00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:24,977 Yes. I'm just... writing my second book. 476 00:20:24,980 --> 00:20:26,239 I don't know what it's gonna be about, 477 00:20:26,240 --> 00:20:27,590 but I can tell you one thing... 478 00:20:27,610 --> 00:20:29,910 The title is "Jerry Smith Presents: 479 00:20:29,930 --> 00:20:31,610 A Book by Jerry Smith." 480 00:20:32,490 --> 00:20:33,790 Chapter one... 481 00:20:37,450 --> 00:20:38,470 Fuck! 482 00:20:40,210 --> 00:20:42,620 Morty, get your ass in the garage! 483 00:20:47,470 --> 00:20:48,870 Hoo-ha! Check it out. 484 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,150 A... A dimension where hats wear people. 485 00:20:51,170 --> 00:20:53,120 Mmmmm! Oh! 486 00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:54,799 I did it! I fixed portal travel. 487 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,900 - Oh, shit. - Figured my guy deserves a vacation. 488 00:20:57,910 --> 00:20:59,230 - Boob World! - You're damn right. 489 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,910 - And it's Areola Week. - All right! 490 00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:03,570 Good old-fashioned portal fun. 491 00:21:03,580 --> 00:21:04,799 Yep. Like this. 492 00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:05,810 Ohh! Whoa! 493 00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:08,019 - It's gonna be classic episodes, Morty. - Oh, I'm gonna puke, Rick! 494 00:21:08,020 --> 00:21:10,590 Portaling in. Wrecking shit, portaling out, Morty. 495 00:21:10,610 --> 00:21:12,150 Oh, my Go... Adventures, Morty. 496 00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:13,389 - Aah! Aah! - Social commentary. 497 00:21:13,390 --> 00:21:15,460 Crude characters. Here we go. 498 00:21:15,470 --> 00:21:17,229 Rick and Morty time! 499 00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:21,739 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - — www.addic7ed.com — 500 00:21:49,030 --> 00:21:50,810 This is our home now. 501 00:21:50,830 --> 00:21:52,890 We shall live out the rest of our days here. 502 00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:55,818 Never interfering with the ways of the universe again. 503 00:21:55,820 --> 00:21:57,330 We are content. 504 00:21:57,350 --> 00:21:58,690 It was a good run. 505 00:21:58,710 --> 00:22:00,448 Speaking of a good run... 506 00:22:00,450 --> 00:22:02,290 I bet I could switch heel onto that Manny pad, 507 00:22:02,310 --> 00:22:04,650 big spinout, tre flip that gap, 5-0 the rail, 508 00:22:04,670 --> 00:22:06,662 drop into the bowl, stalefish into a Christ Air, 509 00:22:06,670 --> 00:22:08,070 and then we get fucking wrecked. 510 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,840 Ho-ho. It's on, Iguanadon.