1 00:00:05,070 --> 00:00:07,640 I... I can't hold them off, Rick! Th-There's too many! 2 00:00:11,580 --> 00:00:12,728 Richard! 3 00:00:12,740 --> 00:00:15,960 Your fortress is a salty waste of coral and clam. 4 00:00:15,970 --> 00:00:16,982 Relinquish it at once! 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,650 Aah! 6 00:00:24,170 --> 00:00:25,950 Submit, you continental cunt. 7 00:00:25,970 --> 00:00:28,110 - Aah! - Got a better idea. 8 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,379 Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 9 00:00:30,380 --> 00:00:31,690 Aah! 10 00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:35,200 Aah! 11 00:00:35,210 --> 00:00:36,990 - Happy? - Of course I'm happy. 12 00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:38,130 You're acting like you won, 13 00:00:38,150 --> 00:00:39,740 but this is exactly what I wanted! 14 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:42,210 I am Mr. Nimbus! 15 00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:43,450 Ugh, whatever. 16 00:00:43,470 --> 00:00:46,040 - Come on, Morty. - Man, that was intense. 17 00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:48,070 Yeah, nice work, buddy. 18 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,020 Sorry I had to blow up your bunker. 19 00:00:50,030 --> 00:00:52,685 Not so fast, Sanchez. 20 00:00:52,690 --> 00:00:55,780 It is I, Cookie Magneto. 21 00:00:55,790 --> 00:00:57,030 What the fuck? 22 00:00:57,050 --> 00:00:58,670 I'm... I'm not engaging this guy. 23 00:00:58,690 --> 00:01:00,330 That's hardly up to you, Rick. 24 00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:03,230 I'm sorry, do you control things that people agree are cookies? 25 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,790 - Yes. - Okay, but cookies aren't a substance. 26 00:01:05,810 --> 00:01:07,209 They're more of a name we... we give to... 27 00:01:07,210 --> 00:01:08,701 To the things I control. 28 00:01:08,710 --> 00:01:10,490 Do you control cookie ingredients? 29 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:11,909 Because, y'know, t-that sounds dangerous. 30 00:01:11,910 --> 00:01:13,420 Y'know, everything has sugar in it. 31 00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:14,840 Fight me and find... 32 00:01:14,850 --> 00:01:16,530 Aah! 33 00:01:16,550 --> 00:01:18,380 - Jesus, Rick! - I'm sorry, Morty. 34 00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:20,522 I know you're gonna say it's punching down, but I can't fight 35 00:01:20,523 --> 00:01:22,970 another one of these '90s-style goofball super villains. 36 00:01:22,980 --> 00:01:24,020 I'm not the fucking Tick. 37 00:01:24,030 --> 00:01:25,134 I'm... I'm exhausted. 38 00:01:25,140 --> 00:01:28,030 Okay, but i-if you really have a lot of these guys gunning for you, 39 00:01:28,050 --> 00:01:29,769 maybe you should look into what you're doing to... 40 00:01:29,770 --> 00:01:31,620 Oh, don't start that crap, Morty. 41 00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,190 I don't do anything for these dipshits to seek me out. 42 00:01:34,210 --> 00:01:36,470 I am Mr. Calypso! 43 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:41,790 Face me, you ugly, drunk, ugly piece of shit. 44 00:01:42,550 --> 00:01:44,820 Okay, I might look into it. 45 00:02:12,450 --> 00:02:16,643 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 46 00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:18,700 Why don't you have a seat? 47 00:02:18,710 --> 00:02:20,190 'Cause this isn't a therapy session. 48 00:02:20,210 --> 00:02:22,590 I-I'm just asking you what people in your racket say 49 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,920 about handling this particular situation. 50 00:02:24,930 --> 00:02:27,510 First, we'd want you to define the situation. 51 00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:30,230 I'm a walking target for a never-ending sea of angry nerds 52 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,269 that think getting in a fight with me is some kind of... 53 00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:33,510 I don't know, platform? 54 00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:34,730 I mean, look at this guy. 55 00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:36,430 He shows up and calls me an "ugly drunk." 56 00:02:36,450 --> 00:02:38,029 Because, of course, that's the angle of attack 57 00:02:38,030 --> 00:02:39,260 that's gonna undo me, right? 58 00:02:39,270 --> 00:02:42,380 You don't shoot Batman in his fucking Batman logo. 59 00:02:42,390 --> 00:02:44,600 And you think locking this man in a chamber 60 00:02:44,610 --> 00:02:47,760 and milking him of cosmic fluid will somehow resolve this? 61 00:02:47,770 --> 00:02:50,100 I think it's the best I can do to profit from a situation 62 00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:51,520 and maybe set an example. 63 00:02:51,530 --> 00:02:53,470 But you've set this example many times 64 00:02:53,490 --> 00:02:55,557 and it's not changing your situation. 65 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,469 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and now you're gonna tell me to ignore them. 66 00:02:57,470 --> 00:02:59,102 But guess what? They want that too. 67 00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:00,790 And why would they want to be ignored? 68 00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:03,500 You really believe if I let a guy like this do whatever he wants, 69 00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,010 he gets bored and vanishes? 70 00:03:05,020 --> 00:03:07,903 Rick, would you be interested in proving me wrong? 71 00:03:07,910 --> 00:03:09,900 - Yes! - Then show me data. 72 00:03:09,910 --> 00:03:12,241 Ignore them for a week and see what happens. 73 00:03:12,250 --> 00:03:14,076 You're on, bitch. 74 00:03:14,710 --> 00:03:16,310 Is that man dead? 75 00:03:17,180 --> 00:03:18,730 Is everything in here confidential? 76 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,610 - Everything but murder. - Then he's fine. 77 00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:23,800 I mean, I-I think it's pretty big, you know? 78 00:03:23,810 --> 00:03:25,340 Big step for the big cheese. 79 00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:28,180 - Yeah, Dad, I'm impressed. - Can we not make it a big deal? 80 00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:29,640 It's worth celebrating, Rick. 81 00:03:29,650 --> 00:03:31,310 You accepted the concept of therapy 82 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,920 without turning yourself into a pickle or a housefly. 83 00:03:33,930 --> 00:03:35,800 Jerry, for fuck's sake, that was a regular fly 84 00:03:35,820 --> 00:03:37,080 in her office that day. 85 00:03:37,090 --> 00:03:39,450 - What the hell? - Riiick! 86 00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:41,360 How 'bout a little piss? 87 00:03:41,370 --> 00:03:44,420 Rick, why is there a man shooting piss on our front lawn? 88 00:03:44,430 --> 00:03:47,590 - I'm sure he'll tell you. - I am Pissmaster! 89 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:51,890 Here to flush the toilet that is Rick Sanchez. 90 00:03:51,910 --> 00:03:53,740 He's spraying my lavender bush. 91 00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:55,790 My bees need that lavender! 92 00:03:55,810 --> 00:03:57,070 Remember five seconds ago 93 00:03:57,090 --> 00:03:58,629 when you guys were stoked about me changing 94 00:03:58,630 --> 00:04:00,340 because it made you feel superior? 95 00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:03,520 Ooh, whole family's here. Who's that redhead? 96 00:04:03,530 --> 00:04:05,720 Wouldn't mind spraying her with a golden shower. 97 00:04:05,730 --> 00:04:06,880 Oh, my God, what? 98 00:04:06,890 --> 00:04:08,210 - Hey! - Okay, that's it! 99 00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:09,359 Jerry, please think about this. 100 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,689 If you fight this guy, I'm either an asshole for not helping 101 00:04:11,690 --> 00:04:12,770 or an asshole for helping. 102 00:04:12,780 --> 00:04:15,090 My daughter just got spoken of in porno terms, 103 00:04:15,110 --> 00:04:16,620 and I'll respond how I choose! 104 00:04:16,630 --> 00:04:17,649 - Wait, Dad, don't! - Honey! 105 00:04:17,650 --> 00:04:18,980 Hey. 106 00:04:18,990 --> 00:04:20,767 You want a piece of piss? 107 00:04:20,770 --> 00:04:22,454 If that's your stupid rude way 108 00:04:22,455 --> 00:04:24,320 of saying I have to fight you, I will. 109 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,689 Take your shot, pussy. 110 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:27,780 Don't talk to me that way. Go away! 111 00:04:27,790 --> 00:04:30,090 - Make me. - Go away! 112 00:04:31,430 --> 00:04:32,863 Ow! 113 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,270 Careful, honey! 114 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,140 Just stay down. 115 00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:48,120 - I... I don't even know you. - Yeah, you don't know me. 116 00:04:48,130 --> 00:04:51,290 But I'm gonna know your whole ass, you son of a gun. 117 00:04:56,190 --> 00:04:58,590 - Hey, none of that! - Break it up, guys! 118 00:05:04,150 --> 00:05:06,490 Come on, you dirty motherfucker. 119 00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:13,270 No! No, no, no, no no! 120 00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:19,770 Stop! Aah! 121 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:23,190 Uncle! Mercy! Mercy! 122 00:05:23,210 --> 00:05:24,950 Stop! I give up! 123 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,620 Apologize to my daughter. 124 00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:28,220 For what? 125 00:05:28,230 --> 00:05:31,230 - You know for what! - I'm sorry! 126 00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:33,890 I'm sorry I sexualized you! 127 00:05:33,910 --> 00:05:35,630 It came out wrong! 128 00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,721 That's my dad. That's my fucking dad! 129 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,350 Honey, I'm so proud of you. 130 00:05:44,870 --> 00:05:46,270 - Ow! - Oh, sorry. 131 00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:48,380 Thank you, Rick. 132 00:05:50,210 --> 00:05:52,930 Damn, hashtag #FlamingoDad is everywhere! 133 00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:54,520 Buzzfeed made an odd numbered list 134 00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:56,710 of other people's observations about you, 135 00:05:56,730 --> 00:05:58,860 and you're getting a lot of hand clap emojis 136 00:05:58,870 --> 00:06:01,200 on White Twitter's impression of Black Twitter. 137 00:06:01,210 --> 00:06:02,690 Jezebel's offering a cash reward 138 00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:04,390 for evidence that you're a bad person. 139 00:06:04,410 --> 00:06:05,970 That is their highest honor! 140 00:06:05,990 --> 00:06:07,620 So this is what it's like to trend. 141 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,480 Feels good. Feels right. 142 00:06:09,490 --> 00:06:10,899 Just keep in mind, now a bunch more assholes 143 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,549 are gonna know they can get a rise out of you. 144 00:06:12,550 --> 00:06:15,120 - Boooo! - Rick, let a dog have one day. 145 00:06:15,130 --> 00:06:16,650 I'm letting! I'm letting! 146 00:06:19,110 --> 00:06:20,887 Whoa. Are those orbs? 147 00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:22,250 This is what I'm talking about. 148 00:06:22,260 --> 00:06:24,340 Some asshole saw that fight and, believe it not, 149 00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:26,390 they were jealous of Pissmaster. 150 00:06:28,540 --> 00:06:31,290 I am Blagnar the Eternal. 151 00:06:31,310 --> 00:06:33,740 We seek the earthling who beat up Pissmaster. 152 00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:35,402 That's my dad, Jerry Smith! 153 00:06:35,410 --> 00:06:36,420 Jerry Smith. 154 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:38,947 Our Galactic Orbship thirsts for justice 155 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,610 - and those who deliver it. - Wait, what? 156 00:06:40,620 --> 00:06:43,970 Our great council would like to offer you this silver orb 157 00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:46,288 and with it a place amongst us. 158 00:06:46,300 --> 00:06:48,081 Whoa. It... It... It's sticky. 159 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,340 Yeah, that means it's found a pure heart it wants to bond with. 160 00:06:51,350 --> 00:06:53,080 Y-You guys saw my son-in-law on the news, 161 00:06:53,090 --> 00:06:54,250 now he gets a sticky orb. 162 00:06:54,270 --> 00:06:56,190 What's the catch? We're not rubes. 163 00:06:56,210 --> 00:06:59,130 Yeah, your power is well known in our jurisdiction, Rick Sanchez, 164 00:06:59,140 --> 00:07:02,763 and it should come as no surprise that our orbs are unsticky for you. 165 00:07:02,780 --> 00:07:05,460 Oh, no, first I get banned from the Nextdoor app, 166 00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:06,480 now this. 167 00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:08,960 I'd be honored to join your organization. 168 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,240 S-So what do I do? Rub the orb when I see crime? 169 00:07:11,250 --> 00:07:13,106 Or... Or eat the orb like spinach? 170 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,800 The orb is raw power. 171 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,470 Trust your heart, Jerry. 172 00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:19,321 It will know what to do. 173 00:07:24,450 --> 00:07:26,420 Did you turn on the microwave? 174 00:07:26,430 --> 00:07:29,270 No? Maybe? I... I was trying to fly. I... 175 00:07:30,430 --> 00:07:32,417 - What? - I mean, come on, Rick. 176 00:07:32,420 --> 00:07:34,586 Orbs and goblets, this is your thing. 177 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,004 Orbs and goblets. 178 00:07:36,020 --> 00:07:38,270 I'm just saying, you're the orb guy in the family. 179 00:07:38,290 --> 00:07:39,424 Can you please help me? 180 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,330 Jerry, I give you raw power, you'll end up miserable like me. 181 00:07:42,350 --> 00:07:44,140 Trust me, I'm helping by not helping. 182 00:07:44,150 --> 00:07:45,300 - Wow. - Seriously, Rick? 183 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,320 What the eff, Grandpa? 184 00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:48,490 Some creep tried to pee on my tits and you did nothing. 185 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:51,330 Now you're gonna sit there and hold our dad back from being a hero? 186 00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:54,106 - Are you seriously that petty? - Okay, you know what? Fine! 187 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:55,910 Here. Here's your goddamn suit. 188 00:07:55,940 --> 00:07:58,740 I hard-wired the orb's infinite energy right into it. 189 00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:00,330 This shooty-thing looks cool. 190 00:08:00,350 --> 00:08:02,690 That "shooty thing" is a nuclear disruptor 191 00:08:02,710 --> 00:08:04,170 - that can blow up planets. - Whoa. 192 00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:05,330 - So tight. - Kinda hot. 193 00:08:05,350 --> 00:08:07,390 Okay, show me, uh... 194 00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:10,190 acts of evil happening around the galaxy. 195 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,070 Whoa, Space Hitlers? 196 00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:15,500 "Space Hitlers are convening on Zeplar Prime." 197 00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:17,840 My God, each one of them is their own type of Hitler. 198 00:08:17,850 --> 00:08:19,669 - Yeah, th-that's a problem. - Oh, shit, do that one. 199 00:08:19,670 --> 00:08:21,930 - Aw, you guys. - That's my parents. 200 00:08:23,030 --> 00:08:24,890 Wow. Well, family, 201 00:08:24,910 --> 00:08:27,870 looks like Jerry Smith has his first orb mission. 202 00:08:27,890 --> 00:08:30,190 Lawn Flaming-Ho! 203 00:08:31,370 --> 00:08:34,187 Just a reminder, you guys asked for this. 204 00:08:34,190 --> 00:08:38,690 Soon, our legion of Hitlers will bring about a new galactic order. 205 00:08:38,710 --> 00:08:41,630 - A Reich, if you will. - Riddle Hitler me this... 206 00:08:41,650 --> 00:08:44,320 I'm sorry, are we just letting in all Hitlers now? 207 00:08:44,330 --> 00:08:47,040 Auf wiedersehen, bad guys! 208 00:08:47,050 --> 00:08:50,490 - Exterminate him! - Ow! Shit! Oh, Jesus. 209 00:08:50,510 --> 00:08:51,872 One at a time! 210 00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:54,970 Ah, oh, my God! 211 00:08:59,350 --> 00:09:03,260 Uh, hope there weren't other people on that planet. 212 00:09:03,270 --> 00:09:05,530 And there were no other people on the planet! 213 00:09:05,550 --> 00:09:06,740 Only Hitlers! 214 00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:09,110 Each one ready to start their own holocaust, 215 00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:11,670 meaning an estimated 30 billion lives were saved 216 00:09:11,690 --> 00:09:12,860 by a single blast. 217 00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:15,710 And the galaxy owes it all to Jerry Smith. 218 00:09:15,730 --> 00:09:17,360 Hashtag #FlamingoDad. 219 00:09:17,370 --> 00:09:18,800 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 220 00:09:18,810 --> 00:09:21,060 Up next... Oh, actually nothing. 221 00:09:21,070 --> 00:09:23,351 I guess we're just gonna talk about Jerry Smith some more. 222 00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:27,160 I dunno, therapy is starting to feel hopeless. 223 00:09:27,180 --> 00:09:29,170 I've got so many issues! 224 00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:30,200 Aah! 225 00:09:30,210 --> 00:09:31,244 We need to talk. 226 00:09:31,260 --> 00:09:32,610 Hey. No. 227 00:09:32,620 --> 00:09:33,940 I will not speak with you 228 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,920 if you refuse to treat me and my patients with respect. 229 00:09:39,670 --> 00:09:41,800 Oh, Lord. I was a fly! 230 00:09:41,810 --> 00:09:44,350 So unburdened, so free of shame! 231 00:09:44,370 --> 00:09:46,260 Welp, I'm officially cured! 232 00:09:46,270 --> 00:09:47,290 Here. Here's your data. 233 00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:48,970 Hard proof that God hates me. 234 00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:51,130 I ignored a troll, and Jerry beat the guy's ass. 235 00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:53,110 Now he's got this orb and he's using the power 236 00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:55,420 which I gave him to annihilate planets of Hitlers, 237 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,360 and everyone's popping champagne. 238 00:09:57,370 --> 00:09:59,750 Rick, you came here because you wanted things to change, 239 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:00,760 and they're changing. 240 00:10:00,770 --> 00:10:01,775 It's working. 241 00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:03,950 Oh, so if my bumbling moron of a son-in-law 242 00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,570 beats up people, it's "working." 243 00:10:05,590 --> 00:10:07,740 But if I do it, it's a cosmic abuse of power? 244 00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:09,241 Rick, listen to yourself. 245 00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:11,179 You're complaining about how you have to be careful 246 00:10:11,180 --> 00:10:12,550 with your immense power 247 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,060 and that Hitlers are dead. 248 00:10:14,070 --> 00:10:17,130 Everything you're describing is positive. 249 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:20,590 Oh, shit. Not reacting. That really is the kill move? 250 00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:23,280 I don't know if you need to think about it in terms of murder, 251 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,170 but, yes, just stay the course. 252 00:10:25,190 --> 00:10:26,540 Okay, good... good talk. 253 00:10:26,550 --> 00:10:28,350 Well, what you're describing is therapy, 254 00:10:28,370 --> 00:10:30,110 and if you'd like to keep receiving it, 255 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,940 start scheduling your visits with Judy up front. 256 00:10:32,950 --> 00:10:35,910 Thank you, thank you, Flamingo Fam. 257 00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:38,690 Uh, you know, when they asked me if I wanted to be the first human 258 00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:42,490 to drive a Mitsubishi Space Lancer, I thought, "Well, I don't know. 259 00:10:42,510 --> 00:10:45,130 I got this cool orb suit that goes really fast." 260 00:10:45,150 --> 00:10:46,444 But you know what sold me? 261 00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:50,109 The Council said I could pick my own bridge crew. 262 00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:52,050 Morty, Summer, Beth, 263 00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:53,390 - what do you say? - What? 264 00:10:53,410 --> 00:10:56,570 - Are you serious? - Oh, shit, yeah, I love Mitsubishi! 265 00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,389 - Me too! I-I've heard of them! - This is so exciting! 266 00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:00,100 Oh, my God! This is so cool! 267 00:11:00,110 --> 00:11:02,460 All right, gang, orbs away! 268 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,360 O me o' my, can it be? 269 00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,750 A giant piece of shit I see? 270 00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:18,090 I am Mr. Stringbean! 271 00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:20,050 No one resists my rhyming scheme! 272 00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:22,810 Hey, douchebag, why don't you chill out? 273 00:11:22,830 --> 00:11:25,430 - Who's this asshole? - I am Doctor Buckles! 274 00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:28,060 Here to tighten the belt on your opinions! 275 00:11:28,070 --> 00:11:30,730 Oh, you wanna see the Bean get mean? 276 00:11:30,750 --> 00:11:32,210 Aah! 277 00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:36,920 I'll be damned. I'm out. 278 00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,730 I'm out. 279 00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,310 I'm... I'm out. 280 00:11:43,330 --> 00:11:46,980 Oh, my God, this Piss Guy is getting wailed on. 281 00:11:46,990 --> 00:11:50,630 Oh! Look at him, he tried to crawl under the car! What a loser. 282 00:11:50,650 --> 00:11:52,690 - Hey, you watching the Pissmaster video? - Yeah. 283 00:11:52,710 --> 00:11:55,520 He has to be the biggest piece of shit in the galaxy, right? 284 00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:56,860 Oh-ho, without a doubt. 285 00:11:56,870 --> 00:11:59,740 Who could relate, being that much of a piece of shit? 286 00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,270 God damn it. 287 00:12:37,150 --> 00:12:39,660 Fuck, shit, come on, man. 288 00:12:39,670 --> 00:12:41,530 Fuck, come on, where is it? 289 00:12:41,540 --> 00:12:43,170 Shit, shit. 290 00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:46,800 Ugh! Fuck! 291 00:12:48,690 --> 00:12:50,810 Come on, Pissmaster, come on. 292 00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,540 Aah! 293 00:12:57,060 --> 00:12:58,070 Damn it. 294 00:13:05,980 --> 00:13:07,001 It's me. 295 00:13:07,010 --> 00:13:10,960 Please, please just open up. Dad? 296 00:13:10,970 --> 00:13:12,910 Mom told me you weren't responding to her calls 297 00:13:12,930 --> 00:13:14,600 and I'm worried, okay? 298 00:13:14,610 --> 00:13:16,940 I know I said terrible things about you on my podcast. 299 00:13:16,950 --> 00:13:19,722 It's just... I've been so frustrated with you. 300 00:13:19,740 --> 00:13:21,469 Look, if you were to ever do something, 301 00:13:21,470 --> 00:13:23,400 I'd never stop blaming myself. 302 00:13:23,410 --> 00:13:25,710 Just, please. Please let me know you're okay. 303 00:13:25,730 --> 00:13:27,050 God damn it. 304 00:13:29,650 --> 00:13:31,190 I'm okay, honey. We're good. 305 00:13:31,210 --> 00:13:32,944 I thought something happened to you. 306 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,090 I can tell you for sure... if anything happens to me, 307 00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:36,550 it's 100% not on you. 308 00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:38,120 It's my own choice. 309 00:13:38,130 --> 00:13:41,520 You still sound like you're gonna do something bad. 310 00:13:41,540 --> 00:13:44,205 Just promise you won't, okay? 311 00:13:44,220 --> 00:13:47,810 - Okay, yeah. Promise. - Love you, Dad. 312 00:13:52,070 --> 00:13:53,130 Fuck. 313 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,340 Well, this is it. 314 00:14:03,350 --> 00:14:05,900 I'm killing myself because of Jerry Smith. 315 00:14:05,910 --> 00:14:08,940 The Earth man. FlamingoDad. 316 00:14:08,950 --> 00:14:11,390 Seeing them all cheer as I got my ass whipped 317 00:14:11,410 --> 00:14:14,230 made me realize... people just wanna see me fail. 318 00:14:14,930 --> 00:14:19,580 All I've ever wanted to do is prove them wrong. 319 00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:35,990 Help! 320 00:14:38,610 --> 00:14:40,303 Wait! Who are you? 321 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,680 Pissmaster. 322 00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:44,740 M-Make, make sure you tell everybody Pissmaster saved you. 323 00:14:44,750 --> 00:14:46,550 Those were heat-seeking pissiles by the way. 324 00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:49,480 - Not just missiles. - Oh, ugh, okay. 325 00:14:51,230 --> 00:14:52,440 Yo! Pissmaster! 326 00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:54,860 You saving that cat to make people forget you suck? 327 00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:56,740 Nope, just saving it to save it. 328 00:14:56,750 --> 00:14:58,160 Okay, we got nothing. 329 00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:21,400 Dr. Wong, what's up? 330 00:15:21,410 --> 00:15:22,920 Rick, you're late for your session. 331 00:15:22,930 --> 00:15:25,390 - Cancel it. Bill me. I'm good. - You're good? 332 00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,139 Yeah, see, I put on the suit of my enemy 333 00:15:27,140 --> 00:15:28,440 and I fucking love it. 334 00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:30,620 Now I'm gonna make a giant bomb, plant it in a city, 335 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:32,960 and then have his suit auto-pilot the bomb into space. 336 00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:35,984 Boom. Everyone will think Pissmaster sacrificed himself. 337 00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:39,160 He dies a hero, I get a win I'd otherwise never get myself, 338 00:15:39,170 --> 00:15:40,560 nice wet bow on top. 339 00:15:40,570 --> 00:15:42,410 I'm tempted to second guess a lot of that, 340 00:15:42,430 --> 00:15:44,940 but I think you might be nailing it. 341 00:15:44,950 --> 00:15:47,580 - What? - If it's free and fun, do it. 342 00:15:47,590 --> 00:15:48,663 It sounds healthy. 343 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:50,990 Oh, that wasn't my goal, but good to know. 344 00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:52,580 Shit, gotta go. 345 00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,970 No, exactly. And the slave planet thing, 346 00:16:04,990 --> 00:16:07,910 I hear he broke their chains with pure urine, so... 347 00:16:09,950 --> 00:16:11,370 Hey, guys, sorry I'm late, 348 00:16:11,390 --> 00:16:14,630 - lot of traffic on the orbway. - Take a seat, Jerry. 349 00:16:14,650 --> 00:16:17,740 We were just discussing Pissmaster's honorable rise. 350 00:16:17,750 --> 00:16:19,200 I mean, who cares, right? 351 00:16:19,210 --> 00:16:20,730 Uh, people are talking about him. 352 00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:23,031 He's becoming likable. Good, even. 353 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:25,870 - But... he's Pissmaster. - People change, Jerry. 354 00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:27,785 Everyone loves a comeback story. 355 00:16:27,790 --> 00:16:30,750 All in favor of offering orbship 356 00:16:30,770 --> 00:16:33,890 to Eugene Michael Piss, aka Pissmaster? 357 00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,461 - Orb-yes. - All those opposed? 358 00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:39,297 - Obviously orb-no. - The orbship has spoken. 359 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:44,200 You know what, Jerry? I think this is a good test for you. 360 00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:47,650 If you can't let go of your pettiness enough to recruit Pissmaster, 361 00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:50,320 maybe you don't deserve your orb. 362 00:16:50,330 --> 00:16:54,440 And, Jerry... don't come back without him. 363 00:16:54,450 --> 00:16:55,830 Absolute chaos! 364 00:16:55,850 --> 00:16:57,540 No one knows who planted the bomb, 365 00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,700 but one thing is clear: 366 00:16:58,710 --> 00:17:02,170 Orphan Island, a city populated entirely by orphans, 367 00:17:02,190 --> 00:17:04,180 now sits on the brink of doom. 368 00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:07,890 The Orphan Island bomb squad is trying to dismantle it as we speak. 369 00:17:07,910 --> 00:17:09,890 I can't stress enough, 370 00:17:09,910 --> 00:17:12,830 I'm eight years old, I have no idea what I'm doing! 371 00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:15,330 Look! It's Pissmaster! 372 00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,140 Oh, no! There's no time to dismantle it! 373 00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:18,840 Come on, it's not safe here. 374 00:17:18,850 --> 00:17:20,320 - Whoa, oh, oh! - Whoo-hoo! 375 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:22,150 Pisspop? Pisspop? Pisspop? 376 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,020 - Pissmaster. - Jerry, what are you doing here? 377 00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:28,160 Eugene Michael Piss, 378 00:17:28,170 --> 00:17:30,000 by decree of the Andromeda strain, 379 00:17:30,010 --> 00:17:32,120 our great council presents you with this orb, 380 00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,142 which you have to take. 381 00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:35,170 Fuck off, Jerry, I'm in the middle of something. 382 00:17:35,190 --> 00:17:38,520 Excuse me? Hey, this is the greatest honor you could ever be given. 383 00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:40,608 - I don't want it! - Well, you have to take it. 384 00:17:40,610 --> 00:17:42,550 Jesus Christ, get the fuck out of here! 385 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:46,150 He's flying it into space! 386 00:17:46,175 --> 00:17:47,907 He's gonna sacrifice himself! 387 00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,920 Get back here, you ungrateful shit! 388 00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:54,330 What is your problem? You're screwing up my hero death! 389 00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:57,210 - Good! - FlamingoDad wants us to blow up? 390 00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:59,310 When did he become a shitheel? 391 00:17:59,330 --> 00:18:00,880 Life comes at you fast. 392 00:18:00,890 --> 00:18:04,090 - Jesus, Dad! People are filming! - Yeah, maybe dial it back? 393 00:18:11,430 --> 00:18:13,100 Rick? 394 00:18:13,110 --> 00:18:15,480 - PissSuit! Auto-pilot the payload! - Confirmed. 395 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:30,366 That's my fucking dad. 396 00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:37,130 - Jerry? - Dad? Are you okay? 397 00:18:37,140 --> 00:18:39,990 Your father is the fucking Pissmaster! 398 00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:41,753 - Um... - Grandpa? What the hell? 399 00:18:43,550 --> 00:18:44,800 Jerry, what is this? 400 00:18:44,810 --> 00:18:46,690 People are saying you turned shitheel? 401 00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,130 Well, apparently my father-in-law is Pissmaster, 402 00:18:49,150 --> 00:18:51,170 - so why don't you ask him? - What the...? 403 00:18:51,190 --> 00:18:53,770 Rick Sanchez the Pissmaster? 404 00:18:53,790 --> 00:18:56,726 - Okay, this is not a good look. - This family, man. 405 00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:59,490 Look, I don't know what kinda weird shit you two are pulling, 406 00:18:59,510 --> 00:19:01,210 but it's completely unstickworthy. 407 00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:03,630 - We're done here. - But I didn't know! 408 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:06,870 I-I'm a good guy. I... I made you all famous! 409 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,540 I'm 1,000 years old. 410 00:19:08,550 --> 00:19:11,190 You know how many "Flamingo Dads" I've seen? 411 00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:12,430 Don't orb us. 412 00:19:14,470 --> 00:19:18,230 I don't get it. You... You were Pissmaster the whole time? 413 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,580 Obviously not, Jerry. 414 00:19:19,590 --> 00:19:21,590 I put the suit on once Pissmaster kill... 415 00:19:21,610 --> 00:19:23,503 Uh, when... when you made him... 416 00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:28,174 Uh, yeah. I-I've always been Pissmaster. 417 00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:30,390 But that would mean you let my dad beat you up 418 00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,670 just so he could, like, feel more confident? 419 00:19:33,690 --> 00:19:34,710 - Wow. - Damn, Rick. 420 00:19:34,730 --> 00:19:36,400 - Yeah, that's amazing. - Hold on, Wh... 421 00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:38,530 Everyone's just accepting this? 422 00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:40,570 Wait. Wasn't Pissmaster an alien? 423 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:42,279 - He obviously avatar'd it. - Probably a robot. 424 00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,730 But why? Why would Rick even prop me up like that? 425 00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:47,230 Jesus, Jerry. Rick did something nice for once, okay? 426 00:19:47,250 --> 00:19:49,320 He's obviously trying to change. 427 00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:54,370 You are no longer worthy of Mitsubishi. 428 00:19:56,170 --> 00:19:57,450 Proud of you, Dad. 429 00:19:57,460 --> 00:19:59,980 Or should I say: Pissmaster. 430 00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:02,320 Yeah, Grandpa, sorry I yelled at you. 431 00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:05,689 And I guess I'm sorry for trying to stop you from killing yourself 432 00:20:05,690 --> 00:20:06,700 with a nuclear bomb. 433 00:20:06,710 --> 00:20:09,507 I just... really liked having an orb. 434 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:10,810 Eh. Don't sweat it, Jer. 435 00:20:10,830 --> 00:20:12,130 Piss under the bridge. 436 00:20:13,130 --> 00:20:15,040 Man, I guess the therapy worked, huh? 437 00:20:15,050 --> 00:20:17,570 Opening up, doing all that just to make my dad feel good. 438 00:20:17,590 --> 00:20:18,980 That's pretty great of you, Rick. 439 00:20:18,990 --> 00:20:20,650 Yeah... that's right, Morty. 440 00:20:20,670 --> 00:20:22,280 That's right. Wait, Morty. 441 00:20:22,290 --> 00:20:23,529 You have to promise not to tell anyone, 442 00:20:23,530 --> 00:20:25,340 but your dad made Pissmaster kill himself. 443 00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:27,530 - Oh, man, what? - Yeah, I mean, I found him dead 444 00:20:27,540 --> 00:20:28,650 and I... I put on his suit, 445 00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:31,360 but look at this... he literally blames your dad. 446 00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:33,050 Holy shit. 447 00:20:33,070 --> 00:20:35,950 Wait, you kept the suicide note? That's so messed up! 448 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,970 I know, I mean, I had to tell someone, Morty. 449 00:20:37,990 --> 00:20:39,689 - I couldn't just sit on that. - And you expect me to? 450 00:20:39,690 --> 00:20:41,500 Morty, no! What are you doing? 451 00:20:41,510 --> 00:20:42,790 Aah! 452 00:20:42,810 --> 00:20:44,570 What the hell? He killed himself? 453 00:20:44,590 --> 00:20:46,290 Jesus, Dad, you should've told us! 454 00:20:46,310 --> 00:20:48,730 - Especially if Jerry murdered him! - Wait, don't say that, 455 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,709 - I... I didn't murder! - Hey, I... I thought it was pretty cool 456 00:20:50,710 --> 00:20:52,749 - that I withheld that information. - But you didn't withhold it! 457 00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,359 - You're walking around with the note! - Yeah, Grandpa, 458 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:56,619 you gotta, like, keep it in your heart as a great sacrifice. 459 00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:57,629 That's the cool move. 460 00:20:57,630 --> 00:21:00,330 I mean, how am I the bad guy? He sprayed piss on us! 461 00:21:00,350 --> 00:21:02,643 - You... You all cheered me on! - Don't drag us into this. 462 00:21:02,660 --> 00:21:04,009 - A man is dead, Dad. - Again, wasn't gonna say it, 463 00:21:04,010 --> 00:21:05,429 - but I told you this would happen. - Get off your high horse. 464 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,049 - Dr. Wong would be so proud. - Go ahead and boo. 465 00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:08,650 I was breathing piss, you think I care? 466 00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:10,240 Is this what it's like to trend? 467 00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:11,490 This is a nightmare! 468 00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,710 I should've just let him pee on my daughter! 469 00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,489 Ew! What the hell, Dad? 470 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:20,494 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 471 00:21:47,330 --> 00:21:50,670 How about Jack Miller, aka CarJack? 472 00:21:50,690 --> 00:21:52,429 - He lifted a car off a stranger. - Eh. 473 00:21:52,430 --> 00:21:53,440 - I guess. - Next. 474 00:21:53,450 --> 00:21:55,130 - Orb-no. - We're fresh off a dad 475 00:21:55,140 --> 00:21:56,150 and a piss guy. 476 00:21:56,170 --> 00:21:58,410 Maybe we add someone that's already powerful? 477 00:21:58,430 --> 00:22:00,618 We have to be realistic about who we can get. 478 00:22:00,620 --> 00:22:01,744 I have a pitch. 479 00:22:01,750 --> 00:22:03,610 We're not gonna add Scarlett Johansson. 480 00:22:03,630 --> 00:22:07,840 Next up: Mr. Nimbus, lord of the oceans. 481 00:22:07,850 --> 00:22:09,961 Oh, I hear he controls the police. 482 00:22:09,980 --> 00:22:10,990 - Wow. - The police? 483 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,030 - Orb-yes. - Ohhh. Guys, I already checked. 484 00:22:13,050 --> 00:22:15,383 His reps say he's really busy right now. 485 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,649 - He just doesn't wanna do it. - Everyone says that. 486 00:22:16,650 --> 00:22:18,010 Oh, and we're not busy?