1 00:00:03,780 --> 00:00:06,906 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 2 00:00:09,040 --> 00:00:10,320 Wait, what's that? 3 00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:12,820 Do I hear something coming down the chimney? 4 00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:17,910 Rick Santa-chez here with gifts from across the multiverse! 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:18,930 - Oh, my God! - Yes! 6 00:00:18,940 --> 00:00:20,850 For Jerry, an extradimensional version 7 00:00:20,870 --> 00:00:24,370 - of "Miracle on 34th Street." - Two hours longer! 8 00:00:24,380 --> 00:00:26,467 They fixed my only problem with it! 9 00:00:26,470 --> 00:00:28,710 For Beth, a framed photo of the two of us 10 00:00:28,730 --> 00:00:30,910 from a universe where she wasn't murdered as a child. 11 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,130 Oh, my God. Dad. 12 00:00:32,140 --> 00:00:33,920 And for Space Beth, the same thing 13 00:00:33,930 --> 00:00:35,879 because we... we don't know which one of you is real. 14 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:37,810 I am also touched. 15 00:00:37,820 --> 00:00:39,146 Summer, c-check your Venmo. 16 00:00:39,950 --> 00:00:42,310 Ah! Money? How did you know? 17 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:43,430 You're 17. 18 00:00:43,450 --> 00:00:44,630 And last but not least, 19 00:00:44,650 --> 00:00:46,110 for my number one number two. 20 00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,360 Morty, you asked for this a long, long time ago 21 00:00:48,370 --> 00:00:50,830 and I finally went far, far away enough to get it 22 00:00:50,850 --> 00:00:52,159 since shipping would have killed me. 23 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:56,010 - You didn't! No fucking way. - No fucking way. 24 00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:57,150 Does it make the noises? 25 00:00:57,170 --> 00:00:59,670 Of course it "makes the noises." That's like half the fun. 26 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:02,050 - Ha ha! Awesome! - Whoa, do not turn that on! 27 00:01:02,070 --> 00:01:05,040 Don't worry. Morty's only gonna use this very honorable weapon 28 00:01:05,050 --> 00:01:07,830 in designated Jedi zones... like the garage right now! 29 00:01:09,350 --> 00:01:11,230 Ah! Ohhhh! 30 00:01:12,820 --> 00:01:14,320 Holy crap! 31 00:01:14,330 --> 00:01:16,990 I hate to say it, but I wish there was something to attack. 32 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:19,270 Yeah, it's too bad nobody bought a cart of fruit! 33 00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:21,320 You beautiful son of a bitch! 34 00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:22,770 Grapefruit! Mango! 35 00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,440 Papaya! Watermelon! 36 00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:26,402 A second papaya! Another watermelon! 37 00:01:26,410 --> 00:01:27,770 - Strike me down. - What? 38 00:01:27,790 --> 00:01:29,950 - Strike me down! - I'm not striking you down. 39 00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:30,970 Strike me down, Morty! 40 00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:33,250 I-I'll become a pile of clothes like that old guy! 41 00:01:33,270 --> 00:01:34,630 But you'll die. You're drunk. 42 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,829 - Here, I'll... I'll do it myself. - No! 43 00:01:38,010 --> 00:01:41,020 Ha ha, wow, you did it! Just like Obi-Wan. 44 00:01:41,030 --> 00:01:43,580 Rick? Y-You can come out now. 45 00:01:43,590 --> 00:01:46,310 I'm serious. Did you, like, become your clothes? 46 00:01:46,330 --> 00:01:49,673 - Are you T-shirt Rick now? - Psst. Over here, buttfart. 47 00:01:49,674 --> 00:01:51,540 - Hoo, that was awesome! - Right? 48 00:01:51,550 --> 00:01:54,350 Rick, you know, y-y-you've been so great the last couple months. 49 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:56,730 The family's so happy. I'm... I'm really grateful. 50 00:01:56,740 --> 00:01:59,350 Aw, thanks, kid, but less talk, more melon slinging! 51 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,050 - Heads up! - Whoops! 52 00:02:05,430 --> 00:02:07,289 - Oh, shit, shit, shit. Open it, Rick! - Let me do it! 53 00:02:07,290 --> 00:02:09,210 - Get up. Get... Fucking move! - Hurry! 54 00:02:09,230 --> 00:02:11,150 Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa! 55 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,970 You dropped it perfectly vertical, Morty! 56 00:02:12,980 --> 00:02:14,570 P-Perfectly fucking vertical! 57 00:02:14,580 --> 00:02:17,161 - I got it, I got it! Aww! - Ah, shoot. 58 00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,980 - Shit. - Elevator! Elevator! 59 00:02:19,990 --> 00:02:21,890 We gotta get ahead of it! L-Level 10? 60 00:02:21,910 --> 00:02:23,350 No, no, no! 15! 61 00:02:28,930 --> 00:02:30,990 Wait, we live over a cool sushi spot? 62 00:02:32,090 --> 00:02:34,050 Domo, domo. Not now, though. 63 00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,430 Okay, we overshot it. Good problem to have. 64 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:37,500 Still doing the eel roll? 65 00:02:37,510 --> 00:02:40,030 - I told you we should've gone to 10! - No, Morty, not 10! 66 00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:42,249 Morty, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! 67 00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:43,330 Let me out. 68 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:45,773 What the fuck? 69 00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:50,630 - Rick? - You dumb fucking robot. 70 00:02:50,650 --> 00:02:52,029 You had one job! 71 00:02:52,030 --> 00:02:53,489 Hey, that job was to be a good grandpa, 72 00:02:53,490 --> 00:02:55,670 - I-I go where the kid goes. - Don't touch me! 73 00:02:55,690 --> 00:02:58,330 How long have I... you said you weren't a robot! 74 00:02:58,340 --> 00:02:59,840 It killed me to lie to you, Morty. 75 00:02:59,860 --> 00:03:02,210 But it would have literally killed me not to lie to you. 76 00:03:02,230 --> 00:03:03,958 Betrayal! Betrayal on all sides! 77 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:05,100 Don't overreact, Morty. 78 00:03:05,110 --> 00:03:06,880 I-I replaced myself towards the beginning 79 00:03:06,890 --> 00:03:08,640 of that whole Knights of the Sun thing. 80 00:03:08,650 --> 00:03:09,890 I-I'm no good to anybody 81 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,757 until I resolve this archnemesis crap. 82 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,843 You're still hunting the guy who killed your wife? 83 00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:15,270 You don't have to rub it in, Morty. 84 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,050 T-That's why I removed myself. 85 00:03:17,070 --> 00:03:18,440 I've become the thing I hate. 86 00:03:18,450 --> 00:03:20,210 I-It's like a Netflix drama down here, 87 00:03:20,230 --> 00:03:21,869 and I don't mean an accidentally good one, 88 00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:23,810 I mean a regular-ass Netflix drama. 89 00:03:23,830 --> 00:03:25,130 I did you a favor. 90 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,777 Y-You gave him a fuckin' lightsaber for Christmas? 91 00:03:31,780 --> 00:03:33,510 It's almost like someone designed me 92 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:35,480 to be 22% more thoughtful than you. 93 00:03:35,490 --> 00:03:36,699 All right, that's it, I'm shutting you down. 94 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,620 Don't you dare. Y-You've done enough. 95 00:03:38,630 --> 00:03:39,640 The whole family, Rick. 96 00:03:39,650 --> 00:03:42,350 - Everybody loves... this thing. - Oh, good. 97 00:03:42,370 --> 00:03:45,299 By the way, your lightsaber's probably run out of sub-basement by now, 98 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:48,170 - so, congrats. - Unbelievable. 99 00:03:49,130 --> 00:03:50,869 I can't believe you tricked us into loving you! 100 00:03:50,870 --> 00:03:53,430 Not because I like it. It's because it's my job. 101 00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:55,350 But thank God I don't have to do it anymore. 102 00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:57,330 The fuck you don't. It's Christmas! 103 00:03:57,350 --> 00:03:59,555 Get up there and trick everyone into loving you more! 104 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:04,030 - Let's get our "Miracle" on. - Speaking of miracles... 105 00:04:04,050 --> 00:04:05,870 What, bored of your toy already? 106 00:04:05,890 --> 00:04:08,550 Just, uh, excited to spend time with my family. 107 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,104 Y-You know me and Morty. We're all about those streets. 108 00:04:11,105 --> 00:04:13,050 - Oh, would you look at this! 109 00:04:13,070 --> 00:04:14,080 New York City! 110 00:04:14,090 --> 00:04:16,410 Wow, who would have thought it had so many streets? 111 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,310 And avenues too. Oh, gosh! 112 00:04:18,330 --> 00:04:19,530 Hey, sir, sir. 113 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:20,799 Have you seen any miracles? 114 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,078 My little girl, she's sick and she needs a miracle. 115 00:04:23,850 --> 00:04:26,320 The presidential Black Hawk is landing on the lawn. 116 00:04:26,330 --> 00:04:27,333 I'll get rid of him. 117 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,030 You got something to tell me, Morty? 118 00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:32,421 Merry Christmas? 119 00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:34,924 Who dropped a lightsaber perfectly fucking vertical? 120 00:04:34,930 --> 00:04:37,390 - Oh, sh... - Guess what, numb nuts. 121 00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:39,020 It's a mile deep and still going. 122 00:04:39,030 --> 00:04:40,529 You know what's in the hilt of that thing? 123 00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:42,690 - Kyber crystals! - Okay, nerd. 124 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,590 Whatever it is, when it hits the core, 125 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:45,869 it's gonna cause a chain reaction 126 00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:48,062 - that destroys the Earth! - I-It is? 127 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:50,049 Why are you still playing with laser swords anyway? 128 00:04:50,050 --> 00:04:51,190 You're 14! 129 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,230 You know all that Star Wars shit is silly, right? 130 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,230 Lucas promised a new trilogy for decades. 131 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:57,170 Then, when he delivered, fans turned on him 132 00:04:57,180 --> 00:04:59,590 and started giving any knucklehead with nerd cred a shot 133 00:04:59,610 --> 00:05:01,790 and churned out these irredeemable cash grabs. 134 00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:03,270 Half pretend to be satisfied, 135 00:05:03,290 --> 00:05:05,955 half shit on it, and in the end no one's happy. 136 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:07,030 Do you know why, Morty? 137 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:08,990 Because when you start with a turd, 138 00:05:09,010 --> 00:05:10,250 you end with a turd. 139 00:05:11,570 --> 00:05:13,420 Why you crying? Where's Rick? 140 00:05:14,850 --> 00:05:17,290 He's busy. A-And I hate him. 141 00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:20,120 And I lost my lightsaber, and now it might destroy Earth 142 00:05:20,130 --> 00:05:22,150 and you're unloading all this Gen X hatred on me 143 00:05:22,170 --> 00:05:24,710 for even wanting one, and i-it's the worst Christmas ever! 144 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:26,470 Okay, M-Morty, Morty, Morty, Morty. 145 00:05:26,490 --> 00:05:28,619 I shouldn't have talked to you like you're a UN official. 146 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,500 Let's get your embarrassing-ass lightsaber back 147 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:33,430 so you can swing it around instead of kissing girls. 148 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:37,490 Whoa, ho ho, you found me... found me... found me! 149 00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:47,780 - Security breach. - What the hell? 150 00:05:47,790 --> 00:05:49,690 Unauthorized presence. 151 00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:51,080 What the fuck, Morty? 152 00:05:51,930 --> 00:05:53,740 This morning, a real-life version 153 00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:56,990 of George Lucas's trademarked lightsaber was dropped point down 154 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:59,170 and is whomp-whomping its way to the core of the Earth, 155 00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:01,340 where it will blow us all up. 156 00:06:03,170 --> 00:06:04,470 Touch my shit and die. 157 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,932 That's not a threat from me, that's how advanced my shit is. 158 00:06:06,940 --> 00:06:08,850 Impressive lair, Sanchez. 159 00:06:08,860 --> 00:06:10,477 Got about 600,000 permits? 160 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,050 If I wanted the government in my house, 161 00:06:12,070 --> 00:06:14,490 - I'd buy an Alexa. - I invited him in, Rick. 162 00:06:14,510 --> 00:06:16,810 Yeah, well, they can leave. I'll destroy it. 163 00:06:16,820 --> 00:06:18,950 - We're gonna retrieve it. - Well, that's stupid. 164 00:06:18,970 --> 00:06:20,590 What kind of grandfather are you? 165 00:06:20,610 --> 00:06:22,150 It's Christmas, for God's sake, 166 00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:24,690 and you look like Phil Spector wiped his ass with Randy Quaid. 167 00:06:24,710 --> 00:06:25,830 If you're gonna help, help. 168 00:06:25,850 --> 00:06:27,289 Otherwise step aside. 169 00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:28,710 Merry Christmas to me. 170 00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:30,490 - Merry Christmas to me! - To me! 171 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,890 Anyhoo, I'm no expert, but it seems we've got a... 172 00:06:33,910 --> 00:06:36,420 a certain amount of time to build a big drill ship. 173 00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,950 A big drill ship? 174 00:06:37,970 --> 00:06:39,809 That's some pretty loud stepping aside you're doing. 175 00:06:39,810 --> 00:06:42,590 - Just let me destroy the thing! - You've destroyed enough! 176 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,510 Ooooh! 177 00:06:44,530 --> 00:06:45,610 Aah! 178 00:06:45,620 --> 00:06:48,840 Oh, I see someone found my "told you so" dispenser. 179 00:06:48,850 --> 00:06:52,310 Oh, my God, look at all these streets! We got 34th Street! 180 00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:53,890 35th Street! 181 00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,370 Oh, 36th Street coming too! 182 00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:57,570 Oh, it's a miracle! 183 00:06:57,590 --> 00:07:00,152 We got miracles on 37th Street! 184 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,650 38th! And don't even get me started on the avenues! 185 00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:06,370 - I can't believe they cut this! - Mm-hmm. 186 00:07:06,390 --> 00:07:08,550 Dad, you've been so great lately. 187 00:07:08,570 --> 00:07:10,390 I'm almost afraid it's not real. 188 00:07:10,410 --> 00:07:12,330 You're not a robot, are you? 189 00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:14,530 Ha! Put it this way, honey... If I am, 190 00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:18,270 I-I'm a robot programmed to love you very, very much. 191 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:19,770 Aww! 192 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,259 Will this drill down fast enough to get under the lightsaber? 193 00:07:24,260 --> 00:07:26,270 Yep, it will be under the lightsaber in one hour 194 00:07:26,290 --> 00:07:28,681 because the... wait, it's lower now. 195 00:07:28,690 --> 00:07:29,932 Oh, right, it's moving. 196 00:07:29,940 --> 00:07:32,020 You fucking idiot. Get out of here! 197 00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:34,650 Good luck finding a good scientist on Christmas! 198 00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:37,190 I'm President of the United Assholes. 199 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:40,540 All right, genius, I give you permission 200 00:07:40,550 --> 00:07:41,739 to make our drill ship faster. 201 00:07:41,740 --> 00:07:44,270 I'm not touching that thing. I'll get neurotypical cooties. 202 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:46,270 I have son-in-laws more imaginative. 203 00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:48,400 All right, j-just destroy the lightsaber! 204 00:07:48,410 --> 00:07:51,830 Thought you'd never ask. Not true. I knew you'd ask. 205 00:07:51,850 --> 00:07:53,510 - What is that? - A second lightsaber 206 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:56,010 with an A.I.-controlled gyroscopic rocket in the hilt. 207 00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:58,585 - You had a lightsaber? - Oh, did you want one? 208 00:07:58,590 --> 00:08:01,070 What a terrible gift that would have made. 209 00:08:01,090 --> 00:08:03,170 Vertisaber, state your prime directive. 210 00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:04,390 To stay vertical. 211 00:08:04,410 --> 00:08:06,840 - Then show 'em how it's done. - Affirmative. 212 00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:09,805 - Whoo! America! - Yeah! Oh, yeah. 213 00:08:12,670 --> 00:08:14,530 Maintain verticality, Vertisaber. 214 00:08:15,430 --> 00:08:16,640 Affirmative. 215 00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:17,650 All right, looking good. 216 00:08:17,660 --> 00:08:19,606 - Stay on target. - Uh-huh. 217 00:08:21,490 --> 00:08:22,570 Progress report. 218 00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:25,230 Vertisaber, do you copy? 219 00:08:25,250 --> 00:08:28,030 - Do I have to respond every time? - Excuse me? 220 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:29,989 I'm designed to stay perfectly vertical, 221 00:08:29,990 --> 00:08:31,470 not to give constant affirmation. 222 00:08:31,490 --> 00:08:32,919 You do your job, I'll do mine. 223 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:35,230 - I control you! - Okay, I'll just turn off my brain 224 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,207 and you can do that. Byyye! 225 00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:39,167 Fucking kidding me? Shit! 226 00:08:39,168 --> 00:08:42,463 - Trajectory's drifting, sir. - Where is it coming out? 227 00:08:42,470 --> 00:08:44,173 Looks like Italy, sir. 228 00:08:47,180 --> 00:08:48,594 Okay, t-that could've been worse. 229 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,410 Aah! 230 00:08:54,690 --> 00:08:58,110 Well, uh, that is definitely not amore. 231 00:08:58,130 --> 00:08:59,870 Way to show us how it's done, Rick. 232 00:08:59,890 --> 00:09:02,390 - Whatever. - Italian prime minister on line one. 233 00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:03,420 Put him on hold. 234 00:09:03,430 --> 00:09:06,450 We can pin this on the Saudis. This is something they'd do. 235 00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:07,910 They may as well have done it. 236 00:09:08,490 --> 00:09:10,440 They did do it. 237 00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:13,310 Oh, there's another miracle at the end of the intersection 238 00:09:13,330 --> 00:09:16,850 of 401st Boulevard and 7,000th Street! 239 00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:19,170 That's a miracle per block so far. 240 00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:21,730 Okay, even I am nearing my limit. 241 00:09:21,750 --> 00:09:23,712 Let's play a Christmas game! 242 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,966 Oh. Uh, um... have you guys ever played "Are You a Robot?" 243 00:09:27,970 --> 00:09:29,490 Each person here has to decide 244 00:09:29,510 --> 00:09:31,136 whether or not t-they're a robot. 245 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:32,579 - Ohh, I'm gonna play that. - Yes, yes, yes. 246 00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:34,660 But don't say it out loud. Because if you're a robot, 247 00:09:34,670 --> 00:09:35,889 you're not allowed to say you are. 248 00:09:35,890 --> 00:09:37,140 T-T-That's the rule. 249 00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:39,790 That's the horrible, painful thing about being a robot. 250 00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:42,350 But you do have to answer everyone's questions. 251 00:09:42,370 --> 00:09:45,270 And it's their jobs to decide whether you are or aren't a robot, 252 00:09:45,290 --> 00:09:47,490 because... because if you are a robot, you can't say! 253 00:09:47,500 --> 00:09:49,230 You're not allowed to say at all. 254 00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:51,740 - I'll go first! Uh, question. - Oh! 255 00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,570 Ahh, are you a robot? 256 00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:55,330 - Can I just ask that? - You can! 257 00:09:55,340 --> 00:09:56,630 But don't forget that if I am, 258 00:09:56,650 --> 00:09:59,490 I have to lie even though I don't want to. 259 00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,690 - More questions? - Can you feel things? 260 00:10:01,710 --> 00:10:04,270 Oh, fuck yes! Yes! T-That's the problem! 261 00:10:04,280 --> 00:10:06,110 If I'm a robot, which I'm not... 262 00:10:06,130 --> 00:10:07,650 don't forget I have to say that... 263 00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:10,010 but yes, yes, I feel so much. 264 00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:11,990 I'm filled with love for certain people, 265 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,750 but also filled with shame 266 00:10:13,770 --> 00:10:16,770 if I'm programmed to deceive them, but that's a big if. 267 00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,680 - What's your skeleton made of? - Titanium! 268 00:10:18,690 --> 00:10:20,870 - You're... You're a robot! - Yes! 269 00:10:20,890 --> 00:10:23,420 No! But that's what a robot would say! 270 00:10:23,430 --> 00:10:24,590 So, you get the idea. 271 00:10:24,610 --> 00:10:26,149 - Whoo! - Suck it, bitches! 272 00:10:26,150 --> 00:10:28,800 This is fun! I've always been afraid to let my guard down 273 00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:30,470 and just have stupid family fun like this, 274 00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:32,906 but Grandpa Rick is making me learn to be vulnerable! 275 00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:34,310 - Right on! - Me too! 276 00:10:34,330 --> 00:10:35,490 - Ohh! - Mm! 277 00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:40,840 All right, your derivative drill ship is now faster 278 00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:41,850 than a lightsaber. 279 00:10:41,860 --> 00:10:43,250 Morty, y-you want front or back? 280 00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:44,830 Who says the two of us are going? 281 00:10:44,850 --> 00:10:46,169 Y-You didn't even want to... 282 00:10:46,170 --> 00:10:47,410 Oh, for fuck's sake. Bye! 283 00:10:47,430 --> 00:10:48,970 Good luck. Don't blow up my planet. 284 00:10:48,990 --> 00:10:51,383 You act like you're the one that got stabbed in the back! 285 00:10:51,390 --> 00:10:52,890 Because I am the one, Morty. 286 00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:54,440 You want to know why I replaced myself 287 00:10:54,450 --> 00:10:56,700 in the beginning of that stupid Knights of the Sun thing? 288 00:10:56,710 --> 00:10:58,460 I said don't take the fucking sword, 289 00:10:58,470 --> 00:10:59,960 and you were like "whatever," 290 00:10:59,970 --> 00:11:02,830 like I'm our neighbor Gene or David Arquette or something. 291 00:11:02,850 --> 00:11:03,930 You called me boring. 292 00:11:03,940 --> 00:11:05,610 I've become dog shit to you. 293 00:11:05,620 --> 00:11:07,260 That's what happens when you let people in 294 00:11:07,270 --> 00:11:08,429 and they stop respecting you. 295 00:11:08,430 --> 00:11:10,230 They touch your shit, they screw things up, 296 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:11,670 they kill your fucking family. 297 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:12,690 Go ahead. Trust him. 298 00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,340 You're gonna learn the same fucking thing. 299 00:11:16,350 --> 00:11:20,350 I... am not going to kill your family, Morty. 300 00:11:20,370 --> 00:11:21,550 That means a lot. 301 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,930 In case this goes south, any last words, Morty? 302 00:11:28,940 --> 00:11:30,809 I've never been old enough to vote, Mr. President, 303 00:11:30,810 --> 00:11:32,790 but when I am, I'll vote for you. 304 00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:34,620 Thanks, Morty. Every vote counts. 305 00:11:34,630 --> 00:11:36,569 If you want, I can have them legally change your age. 306 00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:39,598 Uh, no, I-I'm not in any hurry to get into that shit show. 307 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,390 Approaching the lightsaber in T-minus... 308 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:42,680 oh, shit, now. 309 00:11:42,690 --> 00:11:44,290 T-minus now! Sorry! 310 00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:45,970 I missed countdown day at the academy. 311 00:11:45,980 --> 00:11:47,300 Now or never, Morty! 312 00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,278 - There it is! - Reverse the jets! 313 00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:57,020 I got this! Ugh! 314 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,243 No... I do! 315 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,890 Morty, you magnificent little bastard! 316 00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:04,414 Let's get this thing topside. 317 00:12:08,130 --> 00:12:10,170 May the force be with... me! 318 00:12:10,190 --> 00:12:12,190 I think you mean with me. 319 00:12:12,210 --> 00:12:13,860 What? You hate Star Wars. 320 00:12:13,870 --> 00:12:15,860 I was your age when this shit was in theaters. 321 00:12:15,870 --> 00:12:17,670 This franchise raised me, 322 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,450 trained me, taught me good from evil, 323 00:12:19,470 --> 00:12:21,260 made having a bad father empowering. 324 00:12:21,270 --> 00:12:24,210 And when that third movie got all... muppety, 325 00:12:24,230 --> 00:12:25,810 something in me began to rot. 326 00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:27,980 But make no mistake, child, 327 00:12:27,990 --> 00:12:29,880 I own Star Wars, not you. 328 00:12:29,890 --> 00:12:32,010 Not that bubble-throat pompadour fuck, 329 00:12:32,020 --> 00:12:33,690 not some Mickey Mouse shit machine. 330 00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:35,610 They didn't pay the price with their souls. 331 00:12:35,620 --> 00:12:38,190 I did! I earned this, not you! 332 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,670 America, transform and roll out! 333 00:12:41,690 --> 00:12:43,453 Bastard! 334 00:12:47,460 --> 00:12:51,310 Rick, I would be honored if you would carve the ham this year. 335 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,550 - Whoa. Dad. That's... - Unheard of? 336 00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:54,810 You're quite right, Summer. 337 00:12:54,830 --> 00:12:57,410 It's my way of saying I see your mom's father 338 00:12:57,430 --> 00:12:59,410 as my father too. 339 00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:02,347 Ohh, Jerry, w-w-why don't you cut it? 340 00:13:02,350 --> 00:13:03,930 Geez, Dad, what the hell are you doing? 341 00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:07,144 He's like adopting you into his biological family, Grandpa. 342 00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,690 Morty, I am sure glad to see you. 343 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,970 Y-Y-You ready to tag your old grandpa back in? 344 00:13:11,990 --> 00:13:14,410 You're not my grandpa. You're a fucking robot. 345 00:13:21,030 --> 00:13:23,190 Finally. 346 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,020 Okay, okay, okay. 347 00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,110 Oop! 348 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:52,397 Aww! 349 00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:57,190 Summer, do you have any drugs? 350 00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:59,250 - Are you serious? - I guess not. 351 00:13:59,260 --> 00:14:01,650 I'm just glad I'm not the one that ruined Christmas. 352 00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:03,909 - People of Earth... - Hmm, that's never good. 353 00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,590 I'm not here to play the blame game, 354 00:14:05,610 --> 00:14:07,820 but Morty Smith got a lightsaber for Christmas, 355 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,550 dropped it, and it's now heading for the Earth's core again... 356 00:14:10,570 --> 00:14:11,709 I-I mean for the first time. 357 00:14:11,710 --> 00:14:13,590 Son of a bitch! He played with it! 358 00:14:13,610 --> 00:14:16,910 If it does reach the core, it will blow all of you up. 359 00:14:16,930 --> 00:14:18,960 I-I mean all of us up. 360 00:14:18,970 --> 00:14:20,150 But don't abandon hope. 361 00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:22,190 We're doing everything we can to stop it, 362 00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:24,040 and only if that fails, 363 00:14:24,050 --> 00:14:26,190 will we launch the White House into space... 364 00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:30,790 Welp, I'm busted. Clearly in space already. 365 00:14:30,810 --> 00:14:32,720 - You did ruin Christmas. - Nunh-unh! 366 00:14:32,730 --> 00:14:34,710 He stole my lightsaber and must've dropped it! 367 00:14:34,730 --> 00:14:36,210 A-A second time! 368 00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:38,820 Does that mean you stopped it a first time? How? 369 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:42,110 - A drill ship. - A drill ship? Awesome! 370 00:14:42,130 --> 00:14:44,380 It was, but the government took it with them. 371 00:14:44,390 --> 00:14:46,029 Then we lean on the only asshole smart enough 372 00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:47,710 to make another one in this tight a window. 373 00:14:47,730 --> 00:14:49,020 But Rick's gone. 374 00:14:49,030 --> 00:14:51,190 And I'm not sure he's ever coming back. 375 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,792 Then let's settle for the next best thing. 376 00:14:54,810 --> 00:14:57,000 Oh, fuck! Just let me die! 377 00:14:57,010 --> 00:14:58,970 Turn me off... not that I can be turned off 378 00:14:58,990 --> 00:15:01,258 because I'm obviously not a robot! 379 00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:25,282 Fuck yeah! I got you. 380 00:15:26,533 --> 00:15:28,118 Okay, I can... I can work with that. 381 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,160 Aaaah! 382 00:15:34,570 --> 00:15:37,240 What do you mean the White House chef was grocery shopping? 383 00:15:37,260 --> 00:15:39,030 Well, do you know how to make an egg? 384 00:15:39,050 --> 00:15:41,110 You do? Everyone does? 385 00:15:42,170 --> 00:15:43,220 Good news, sir. 386 00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:45,309 The lightsaber was intercepted before it hit the core. 387 00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:47,850 All right, here we go! Ha ha! 388 00:15:47,870 --> 00:15:49,950 I don't suppose you could send it up here. 389 00:15:49,970 --> 00:15:52,017 Uh, who intercepted it, anyway? 390 00:15:52,020 --> 00:15:53,450 That's the bad news. 391 00:15:54,230 --> 00:15:55,830 That is bad news. 392 00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:02,650 Hey, Mister P. Drop something? 393 00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:07,109 Morty! I see you and, uh, Rick patched things up. That's nice. 394 00:16:07,110 --> 00:16:08,970 No, the real Rick and I have never been worse 395 00:16:08,990 --> 00:16:10,700 thanks to that wedge you drove between us 396 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:11,870 just to get that lightsaber! 397 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:14,050 Yeah, well, looks like you got it back. 398 00:16:14,070 --> 00:16:15,830 Your journey is complete. 399 00:16:15,850 --> 00:16:17,970 - As a nerd! - You're the nerd! 400 00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:20,010 You can't say all that crazy shit about Star Wars 401 00:16:20,030 --> 00:16:22,040 - and then act like you're cool! - Oh, really? 402 00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:24,680 Would a person who wasn't cool have one of these? 403 00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:26,134 I think so? 404 00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:27,970 Slowly closing door! Slide! 405 00:16:29,470 --> 00:16:31,390 Oh, no! I-I'm not gonna make it. 406 00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:34,790 What a shame to be put out of my misery again. 407 00:16:34,810 --> 00:16:36,010 Aw, man. 408 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:42,060 What the hell? 409 00:16:42,070 --> 00:16:43,950 W-Was this always part of the White House? 410 00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:45,862 Carter built it with his own two hands. 411 00:16:45,870 --> 00:16:47,430 Reagan tried to destroy it. 412 00:16:47,450 --> 00:16:50,090 George W. added kegs to the cantina. 413 00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:53,203 But only I saw its true value. 414 00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:55,060 Mr. President, you need to come home 415 00:16:55,070 --> 00:16:56,289 and tell the people the truth. 416 00:16:56,290 --> 00:16:58,959 The fuck I do. Droids, get that saber! 417 00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:02,070 Give it a minute. 418 00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:03,590 Usually comes out on the fourth try. 419 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,970 All right! Here we go! 420 00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,551 Look at 'em... lightsaber hands! 421 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,053 Tell me that's not cool. 422 00:17:10,060 --> 00:17:12,210 It's not! I always wanted to fight with a lightsaber, 423 00:17:12,220 --> 00:17:13,250 but not like this. 424 00:17:13,270 --> 00:17:15,860 - Y-You ruined it! - Disney ruined it! 425 00:17:15,870 --> 00:17:18,950 You think I want 30 low-rent TV series with bad CGI? 426 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,065 They film everything on that one big green screen. 427 00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:23,566 Like you've got better ideas. 428 00:17:23,570 --> 00:17:24,950 I've got a million. 429 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,640 Here's one... a robot with lightsabers for eyes! 430 00:17:36,990 --> 00:17:38,970 God damn it, he can't see! 431 00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:42,660 It was a good idea otherwise. 432 00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:45,922 Uh, admit it, you were intimidated. 433 00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,920 Uh, now, Morty... 434 00:17:52,450 --> 00:17:55,390 Come on, put down the lightsaber Gatling gun. 435 00:17:55,410 --> 00:17:56,641 We had our fun, right? 436 00:17:57,730 --> 00:18:00,312 Star Wars rules say you have to forgive me. 437 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,200 I-I'm done with that, and I'm done with you! 438 00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:04,816 - Morty, nooo! - Rickbot! 439 00:18:05,470 --> 00:18:07,230 He sacrificed his life for me. 440 00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:10,510 Yeah, don't be too touched, he's actively trying to die. 441 00:18:10,530 --> 00:18:13,390 Ugh. I-It's okay. It doesn't hurt. 442 00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:15,950 Oh, God, t-they're sliding, Morty! 443 00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:18,580 T-They're sliding! They're sliding! 444 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:27,505 Perfectly fucking vertical. 445 00:18:29,350 --> 00:18:31,634 Ohh! Ooh! 446 00:18:33,930 --> 00:18:36,740 Save yourself, Morty! Rick can build another me. 447 00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:39,190 If... If I was a robot, w-which I'm not. 448 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:40,560 I don't want another you. 449 00:18:42,110 --> 00:18:43,410 Nooo! 450 00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,870 Rick? You came to help! 451 00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:51,370 Better tend to your little toaster. 452 00:18:51,390 --> 00:18:54,830 I... I'm I'm coughing up oil, Morty. 453 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,350 Oh, Rickbot, I-I never should've pushed you away. 454 00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:58,950 Y-You were... you were so great. 455 00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,130 Of course I'm great. I'm Rick. 456 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,540 Rick literally built me to make you happy, Morty. 457 00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:07,970 Anything I do is technically something Rick did. 458 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:12,150 But maybe he can do a little more him... himself. 459 00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:14,280 God, how long do you take to die? 460 00:19:14,290 --> 00:19:17,410 Goodbye, Morty. Uh... 461 00:19:19,310 --> 00:19:21,730 Ugh, Jesus. 462 00:19:21,750 --> 00:19:24,170 Uh, Rick, uh... 463 00:19:24,190 --> 00:19:27,410 I guess this is a bad time to ask for a new White House? 464 00:19:28,970 --> 00:19:30,777 Morty, would you mind calling me an Uber? 465 00:19:32,210 --> 00:19:35,510 Right, well, uh... Merry Christmas. 466 00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:39,300 I guess I'll go watch a guy scream about streets with the family. 467 00:19:39,310 --> 00:19:43,510 - Also, you need to shower. - Hey, maybe the robot's right. 468 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,710 I-I should have included you in my shit. 469 00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:48,470 You can help me if you want. 470 00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:55,720 Wow, are those all the places Rick Prime could be? 471 00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:56,990 I wish, Morty. 472 00:19:57,010 --> 00:19:58,610 It's all the places he is. 473 00:19:58,630 --> 00:20:01,190 - Oh, geez. - Welcome to my darkness. 474 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,590 I spent my life hunting this guy, Morty! 475 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,510 This is the closest I've ever been to catching Rick Prime. 476 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:07,530 It's impossible! 477 00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,774 He... He's an incredibly crafty piece of shit. 478 00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,510 Hunting him destroyed me, Morty! 479 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,170 But now we're gonna do it together! 480 00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:14,190 - You and me! - Oh! 481 00:20:14,210 --> 00:20:15,909 - Uh... - It's gonna take over your life, Morty! 482 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:18,366 Rick and Morty, season seven, hunting my nemesis! 483 00:20:18,370 --> 00:20:20,270 Maybe trying to stay healthy while doing it! 484 00:20:20,290 --> 00:20:21,370 Juggling plates! 485 00:20:21,390 --> 00:20:22,650 And not every episode, Morty! 486 00:20:22,660 --> 00:20:24,709 It could be all happening in the background! Who knows? 487 00:20:24,710 --> 00:20:26,450 You know, n-no one will, except us! 488 00:20:26,460 --> 00:20:29,050 I-It's the most painful shit I've ever had to deal with 489 00:20:29,070 --> 00:20:30,509 and I'm fucking bringing you into it 490 00:20:30,510 --> 00:20:32,090 because you asked for it, Morty! 491 00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,289 You and me, Morty! 492 00:20:33,290 --> 00:20:37,299 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - www.addic7ed.com ... 493 00:21:05,270 --> 00:21:07,550 Ooo-wee! What a season, huh? 494 00:21:07,570 --> 00:21:09,209 Rick Prime! Therapy! 495 00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:11,030 And that thing we did with Roy. 496 00:21:11,050 --> 00:21:12,470 Remember thaaat? 497 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,370 Sorry I wasn't around, 498 00:21:14,390 --> 00:21:16,710 been busy getting my little poopybutt in shape. 499 00:21:16,730 --> 00:21:19,510 Been tonin' and bonin'! Whew! 500 00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:22,310 Y-You might think I'm over-compensating for the emptiness 501 00:21:22,330 --> 00:21:24,090 after Amy left with Poopy Jr., 502 00:21:24,110 --> 00:21:27,770 but my trainer Caaarl says the best way to get over a girl 503 00:21:27,790 --> 00:21:30,450 is to get under a 300-pound squat. 504 00:21:30,470 --> 00:21:31,590 Damn right. 505 00:21:31,610 --> 00:21:34,430 Ha! Oo-wee, that's the good stuff! 506 00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,820 Oh, sugar! Oh, sugar! Oh, sugar! 507 00:21:38,830 --> 00:21:40,190 Oh, is it... is it bad? 508 00:21:40,210 --> 00:21:42,170 Oh! It's... It's really bad, isn't it? 509 00:21:42,190 --> 00:21:43,990 Oh, sug... oh! 510 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,990 Someone call Amy, tell her I need her. 511 00:21:46,010 --> 00:21:47,330 Tell her I love her! 512 00:21:47,350 --> 00:21:50,030 Not my phone. She blocked me. U-Use yours. 513 00:21:50,050 --> 00:21:52,794 Oo-weee! I am broken! 514 00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:55,797 Did you get any of that?