1 00:00:04,883 --> 00:00:08,970 Before we move off this topic, can I ask if you're currently a hologram? 2 00:00:09,053 --> 00:00:10,597 Hold on. One sec. 3 00:00:11,723 --> 00:00:14,350 Left a bag of Funyuns down there last week. 4 00:00:14,434 --> 00:00:17,186 Didn't want to waste our time. Okay, let's do it. Therapy me. 5 00:00:20,023 --> 00:00:22,525 - Do you need to take that? - No. Just the President. 6 00:00:22,859 --> 00:00:25,987 - Maybe we should turn off the phone. - President of the United States. 7 00:00:26,070 --> 00:00:27,113 Thought you might think that was cool. 8 00:00:27,196 --> 00:00:29,073 You like it when people think you're cool? 9 00:00:29,157 --> 00:00:30,450 You're extra analytical today. 10 00:00:30,533 --> 00:00:33,786 - Looking to remodel your kitchen? - Sanchez! I know you're in there! 11 00:00:35,038 --> 00:00:37,332 When I call you directly it's an emergency. 12 00:00:37,415 --> 00:00:39,500 I was in therapy. Don't stigmatize mental health. 13 00:00:39,584 --> 00:00:41,336 How rude of me. Hello, 14 00:00:41,419 --> 00:00:43,755 - I'm President Andre Curtis. - Yes, I recognize you. 15 00:00:43,838 --> 00:00:44,964 Oh? How nice. 16 00:00:45,048 --> 00:00:47,884 It's not nice to recognize a president, can we go? 17 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:53,932 In 1961, the CIA secretly relocated the Loch Ness Monster to Lake Erie 18 00:00:54,015 --> 00:00:55,808 and replaced her bones with titanium. 19 00:00:55,892 --> 00:00:58,019 She was then bit by several werewolves, 20 00:00:58,102 --> 00:01:00,104 giving us the ultimate anti-submarine weapon. 21 00:01:00,188 --> 00:01:01,007 Got it. 22 00:01:01,022 --> 00:01:02,815 But the Soviets smuggled in a leprechaun, 23 00:01:02,899 --> 00:01:06,736 who turned Nessie's bones to silver, giving her the were-version of AIDS. 24 00:01:06,819 --> 00:01:09,030 She sank to the bottom and we assumed she was dead. 25 00:01:09,113 --> 00:01:12,617 But she was only asleep. Now she's awake… and hungry. 26 00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:13,701 You can't date my shrink. 27 00:01:14,118 --> 00:01:16,996 - What? Bro, you're nuts. - Then don't date my shrink. 28 00:01:17,497 --> 00:01:18,831 I'm not dating your shrink! 29 00:01:19,874 --> 00:01:21,292 She probably doesn't even like me. 30 00:01:21,709 --> 00:01:23,795 - Stand down, Sanchez! - Tell him to stand down! 31 00:01:23,878 --> 00:01:26,464 - Would you let him bang your therapist? - I don't believe in therapy! 32 00:01:27,006 --> 00:01:29,676 What the hell does that even mean, you don't believe in it? 33 00:01:29,759 --> 00:01:31,678 - He's a scientologist. - Don't date my shrink! 34 00:01:31,761 --> 00:01:33,721 - And don't be a Space Mormon! - Why not? 35 00:01:33,805 --> 00:01:34,805 It's silly! 36 00:01:35,223 --> 00:01:36,641 Sorry, it's a cheap shot. 37 00:01:37,141 --> 00:01:38,141 Worship how you want. 38 00:01:39,268 --> 00:01:40,979 - I like Tom Cruise. - Thank you. 39 00:01:41,437 --> 00:01:43,189 - Therapy's working. - Keep it in your pants. 40 00:02:17,181 --> 00:02:19,892 Welcome back to Mr. Stabby! 41 00:02:20,309 --> 00:02:22,228 Let's get another question from the audience! 42 00:02:24,188 --> 00:02:26,274 Why do people get tickets to his tapings? 43 00:02:26,357 --> 00:02:27,692 It's a fame-obsessed culture. 44 00:02:29,485 --> 00:02:31,404 - Mr. President. - I've got an emergency, Rick. 45 00:02:31,487 --> 00:02:32,864 Another President mission? 46 00:02:32,947 --> 00:02:34,949 You just killed the Loch Ness Monster for him. 47 00:02:35,033 --> 00:02:37,368 - Tell that little bitch to zip it. - You can't talk to me like that! 48 00:02:37,452 --> 00:02:39,245 Tell him he can't talk to me like that… 49 00:02:39,328 --> 00:02:40,747 - You can't talk to Morty like that. - Whatever. 50 00:02:40,830 --> 00:02:41,830 I'll portal over. 51 00:02:42,665 --> 00:02:44,792 I've seen this one anyway. The audience dies. 52 00:02:47,962 --> 00:02:49,047 Rick, thanks for coming. 53 00:02:49,422 --> 00:02:51,299 We've got a situation in the state of Virginia. 54 00:02:51,382 --> 00:02:52,925 - Bigfoot. - That's Montana. 55 00:02:53,009 --> 00:02:55,219 - Nazis. - That's… everywhere. 56 00:02:55,303 --> 00:02:56,429 That's an exaggeration, sir. 57 00:02:57,221 --> 00:02:58,890 Jesus, Carl, you too? 58 00:02:59,307 --> 00:03:01,809 The problem in Virginia is… love. 59 00:03:02,268 --> 00:03:04,604 You've heard the state motto, "Virginia is for Lovers"? 60 00:03:04,687 --> 00:03:06,689 Well, now they've codified it into law. 61 00:03:07,023 --> 00:03:10,651 Virginia has declared itself literally and exclusively for lovers. 62 00:03:11,069 --> 00:03:12,904 - Sounds boring. - It gets worse. 63 00:03:12,987 --> 00:03:16,491 There's no crime, no poverty, and suspiciously, no complaints. 64 00:03:16,574 --> 00:03:19,619 The governor just hit a hundred percent roval rating. 65 00:03:19,702 --> 00:03:21,954 - And that's worse? - A hundred percent? 66 00:03:22,038 --> 00:03:23,247 Get on the web, Dwayne, 67 00:03:23,331 --> 00:03:25,291 there's no such thing as a hundred percent of anything. 68 00:03:25,708 --> 00:03:28,169 America knows and incinerates a cult when it sees one. 69 00:03:29,170 --> 00:03:32,256 But I can't do that to all of Virginia, so we need to infiltrate. 70 00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:34,342 I volunteer to do acid to prove I'm not a cop. 71 00:03:34,425 --> 00:03:35,510 No lone wolves. 72 00:03:35,593 --> 00:03:38,471 We need a crack team for this one. Rick, meet Fleeflak. 73 00:03:39,013 --> 00:03:41,140 - He might be able to tell the future. - Might? 74 00:03:41,224 --> 00:03:43,810 We're waiting to find out. Onyx here is a weapons specialist, 75 00:03:43,893 --> 00:03:46,854 and our eye in the sky's my chief of staff bot, Chi-Chi. 76 00:03:46,938 --> 00:03:48,856 - Sleek. - Yes, an excellent team. 77 00:03:49,398 --> 00:03:50,817 But there's something missing… 78 00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:54,237 - A psychology expert, perhaps. - Fuck me! 79 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,031 You pretended to need a crack team so you could get Wong's number? 80 00:03:57,115 --> 00:03:58,157 Get her number? 81 00:03:58,241 --> 00:04:01,244 I own the CIA, if I wanted I could get her genome. 82 00:04:01,327 --> 00:04:03,913 So you wanted what from me, permission? You got it. 83 00:04:03,996 --> 00:04:06,082 It's a free country, so you're always saying. 84 00:04:06,165 --> 00:04:07,834 That's certainly all I'd be willing to pay. 85 00:04:07,917 --> 00:04:09,836 You're making me choose? You or her? 86 00:04:10,253 --> 00:04:13,464 There's three billion women on this planet that have nothing to do with me. 87 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,675 - Can you blame them? - You suck. 88 00:04:15,758 --> 00:04:20,179 - Wait! Danger! - Wow that's great, buddy. 89 00:04:20,263 --> 00:04:21,973 It's goin' right on the fridge. 90 00:04:26,811 --> 00:04:29,897 I appreciate your lending your expertise to this mission, Doctor Wong. 91 00:04:30,356 --> 00:04:31,524 - Gun? - No thank you. 92 00:04:31,983 --> 00:04:34,902 I was surprised to receive your call, but excited. 93 00:04:34,986 --> 00:04:37,196 I haven't done field work since grad school. 94 00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:41,200 We think the people of Virginia have become some kind of hippy sex cult. 95 00:04:41,284 --> 00:04:43,369 I haven't done that since grad school either. 96 00:04:44,328 --> 00:04:46,914 Doctor Wong, you are a firecracker! 97 00:04:46,998 --> 00:04:48,166 Sir, we've reached the border. 98 00:04:48,875 --> 00:04:49,875 Halt! 99 00:04:51,377 --> 00:04:54,797 I'm so sorry, Mr. President, Virginia is closed to visitors. 100 00:04:54,881 --> 00:04:56,132 I thought it was for lovers. 101 00:04:56,507 --> 00:04:58,092 I'm a lover. You guys lovers? 102 00:04:58,968 --> 00:05:00,219 I appreciate that, 103 00:05:00,303 --> 00:05:04,056 but the rest of your country doesn't need Virginia's love right now. 104 00:05:04,140 --> 00:05:06,601 You know, the last time a state talked that way, 105 00:05:06,684 --> 00:05:09,228 - we had to have a whole thing. - And? 106 00:05:09,812 --> 00:05:12,315 And this time the other side has nukes. 107 00:05:14,150 --> 00:05:15,150 Let them in. 108 00:05:16,485 --> 00:05:18,613 - Well done, Doctor. - Call me Helen. 109 00:05:25,411 --> 00:05:28,873 As you can see, Virginia has no crime, no poverty. 110 00:05:28,956 --> 00:05:31,459 - All goods are freely given. - Communist bastards. 111 00:05:31,542 --> 00:05:34,921 - And all goods are freely made. - Communist bastards! 112 00:05:35,004 --> 00:05:36,923 So what happened? Tell me the secret. 113 00:05:37,006 --> 00:05:39,008 Well, if I tell you, you'll tell everyone. 114 00:05:39,634 --> 00:05:42,094 But if I show you, you won't have to. 115 00:05:42,178 --> 00:05:43,888 How unsettling and cryptic of… 116 00:05:48,184 --> 00:05:49,810 My God, so that's it? 117 00:05:49,894 --> 00:05:50,894 You're all just drunk? 118 00:05:52,230 --> 00:05:54,815 Sir! It's some kind of body snatching hive-mind! 119 00:05:54,899 --> 00:05:56,609 Finally your religion comes in handy! 120 00:05:56,984 --> 00:05:59,362 No! My only chance at meeting Will Smith! 121 00:06:05,493 --> 00:06:08,955 Pick up your phone, asshole, when I call it's an actual emergency! 122 00:06:10,831 --> 00:06:11,831 Rick? 123 00:06:12,375 --> 00:06:15,127 - Unity. - Take it easy, take it easy… 124 00:06:15,211 --> 00:06:18,130 I can explain, just let me get things under control. 125 00:06:18,214 --> 00:06:19,966 You controlling things is the explanation 126 00:06:20,049 --> 00:06:22,009 and we agreed you wouldn't do it where I work. 127 00:06:23,803 --> 00:06:25,554 The fuck are you spraying me with? 128 00:06:26,222 --> 00:06:28,057 A new scent I picked up after you left. 129 00:06:28,140 --> 00:06:32,019 - I call it "Separation." - You concocted a me repellent? 130 00:06:32,103 --> 00:06:33,771 Does that look like a bad idea? 131 00:06:35,481 --> 00:06:38,943 Rick, are you in a relationship with the population of Virginia? 132 00:06:39,026 --> 00:06:40,026 We dated. 133 00:06:42,905 --> 00:06:44,365 I just want to talk. 134 00:06:44,448 --> 00:06:46,325 I'm pretty sure you have trillions of cell phones. 135 00:06:46,951 --> 00:06:48,327 No, come back, let's talk! 136 00:06:52,873 --> 00:06:54,625 Thank god you had a crack team with you. 137 00:06:54,709 --> 00:06:56,127 - Where's Helen? - "Helen?" 138 00:06:56,210 --> 00:06:57,378 She initiated first name… 139 00:06:59,755 --> 00:07:01,465 Call in a chopper! I'm being cock blocked! 140 00:07:02,842 --> 00:07:05,011 Rick! It's me. 141 00:07:05,469 --> 00:07:07,013 I was released from Unity. 142 00:07:07,096 --> 00:07:09,015 Cool, so you won't mind if I spray this. 143 00:07:09,098 --> 00:07:12,977 Wel… I won't, but we're surrounded and Unity knows your reload time. 144 00:07:13,644 --> 00:07:16,022 I really believe you and Unity should talk. 145 00:07:16,397 --> 00:07:18,691 How would you know? You're just a nutritionist. 146 00:07:18,774 --> 00:07:22,361 When you work in nutritionism as long as I have, you get a certain feel… 147 00:07:27,283 --> 00:07:30,119 Calm down. We came because we're worried about you. 148 00:07:30,619 --> 00:07:32,955 - Why? - We hear things, Rick. 149 00:07:33,039 --> 00:07:36,000 I tried calling but… is it true you're looking for… 150 00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,543 him again? 151 00:07:37,877 --> 00:07:39,503 You almost died last time. 152 00:07:39,587 --> 00:07:42,131 - That's none of your business. - You're our business. 153 00:07:42,214 --> 00:07:44,675 You quit that business! And you're fired from that business! 154 00:07:44,759 --> 00:07:46,177 And I'm using your last paycheck 155 00:07:46,260 --> 00:07:48,346 to cover the stapler you stole which was my heart! 156 00:07:49,764 --> 00:07:50,890 Civil War, baby! 157 00:07:54,018 --> 00:07:55,895 Sorry. That was supposed to be suppressive. 158 00:07:58,522 --> 00:07:59,982 Rick, wait! 159 00:08:02,485 --> 00:08:04,403 - Thank you, Andre. - Thank you, Helen. 160 00:08:04,779 --> 00:08:06,697 It's time to put these bastards on ice. 161 00:08:07,615 --> 00:08:09,158 - Cue up the dome! - Yes sir! 162 00:08:31,889 --> 00:08:34,100 Do you have a dome the size of every state? 163 00:08:35,851 --> 00:08:37,812 You'll need a second date for that answer. 164 00:08:37,895 --> 00:08:38,895 Barf. 165 00:08:40,523 --> 00:08:43,442 A nation in turmoil tonight as the entire state of Virginia 166 00:08:43,526 --> 00:08:45,903 continues to be trapped inside an energy dome. 167 00:08:46,529 --> 00:08:48,406 The White House released a statement dismissing 168 00:08:48,489 --> 00:08:51,117 the President's shouts of "Civil War, baby." 169 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,703 as hyperbole. Shonda, what do we make of that? 170 00:08:53,786 --> 00:08:57,206 - More like Hyper Bully, Tom. - Shit. Shonda came to play. 171 00:08:57,289 --> 00:09:00,709 This President has been in office for how many alien invasions? 172 00:09:00,793 --> 00:09:02,211 Not to mention the mutant turkeys, 173 00:09:02,294 --> 00:09:04,130 the abandoned White House orbiting our planet, 174 00:09:04,213 --> 00:09:05,714 the eco-conscious dinosaurs… 175 00:09:05,798 --> 00:09:06,841 Then he sees Virginia 176 00:09:06,924 --> 00:09:09,427 with its perfect economy and synchronized lawn mowing, 177 00:09:09,510 --> 00:09:12,471 so he shoots them and puts them in a dome? 178 00:09:12,555 --> 00:09:14,640 - Classic Curtis. - Will someone mute the god damn news? 179 00:09:15,015 --> 00:09:17,143 If I want a list of my failures, I'd dig up my mother. 180 00:09:18,227 --> 00:09:20,146 I'm… sorry, that's a turn off, right? 181 00:09:20,229 --> 00:09:21,981 Guy screaming about his mother in a war room? 182 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:25,776 Sanchez! America hates your dome! How long is it going to be up? 183 00:09:25,860 --> 00:09:27,862 Hope you marked that. It was his dome in the chopper. 184 00:09:27,945 --> 00:09:31,157 Now it's mine. It will contain that part of Unity until I shut it down, 185 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:34,452 because… one of us here, Knows how to set boundaries. 186 00:09:34,535 --> 00:09:37,663 Rick, I agree that my accepting this mission was inappropriate, 187 00:09:37,746 --> 00:09:40,541 - when I was invited, I didn't know… - That he was hitting on you? 188 00:09:40,916 --> 00:09:43,669 I was aware of potential romantic motivations. 189 00:09:43,752 --> 00:09:44,962 And I was open to them. 190 00:09:45,546 --> 00:09:48,424 But I did not know you and I would be crossing paths. 191 00:09:48,507 --> 00:09:50,176 You mean you didn't care. Because on one hand, 192 00:09:50,259 --> 00:09:51,343 you got professional ethics, 193 00:09:51,427 --> 00:09:53,262 and in the other hand you got world-famous schlong. 194 00:09:53,596 --> 00:09:55,347 - Now I get to beat you. - Bring it… 195 00:09:55,431 --> 00:09:57,766 Alien vessel approaching Earth! It's hailing us! 196 00:09:57,850 --> 00:09:59,393 - Put it through. - I don't work for you. 197 00:09:59,477 --> 00:10:01,187 You couldn't, you suck. I'll do it. 198 00:10:02,396 --> 00:10:03,439 Mr. President. 199 00:10:03,522 --> 00:10:05,357 Lady, you bring that ship to America's planet, 200 00:10:05,441 --> 00:10:07,151 I'm launching four thousand warheads. 201 00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:09,028 Three thousand of which will turn out to work. 202 00:10:09,403 --> 00:10:11,906 Then I'll call China and you're really fucked. 203 00:10:11,989 --> 00:10:13,282 Let's listen to Unity. 204 00:10:13,365 --> 00:10:14,783 - Are you still here? - Are you? 205 00:10:14,867 --> 00:10:16,869 If I wanted Earth, I would have taken it. 206 00:10:16,952 --> 00:10:17,897 - Bullshit. - Gimme a break. 207 00:10:17,912 --> 00:10:20,539 You cut eight million pieces of me off. It hurt. 208 00:10:21,499 --> 00:10:23,250 You've made it clear we can't be friends, Rick, 209 00:10:23,584 --> 00:10:26,712 but I need to reconnect those people so I can properly release them. 210 00:10:27,087 --> 00:10:30,216 They're hosting a mindless collective, if it connects to another mind, 211 00:10:30,299 --> 00:10:33,427 - it could become its own colony. - You made a Powerpoint? 212 00:10:33,511 --> 00:10:35,888 I needed you to understand how serious this is. 213 00:10:35,971 --> 00:10:38,307 - I can handle it. - We got the spray, bitch! 214 00:10:38,390 --> 00:10:39,725 Don't talk to them like that. 215 00:10:39,809 --> 00:10:42,228 - Rick, do you not trust Unity? - Shut up. 216 00:10:42,311 --> 00:10:43,604 - Apologize. - Eat me. 217 00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:45,564 - Do you not trust me, Rick? - Who would? 218 00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:47,066 Let Rick answer. 219 00:10:47,149 --> 00:10:49,068 - Baby, I know you want to help, but… - …Andre. 220 00:10:49,401 --> 00:10:51,570 - I think we need to move slower. - Slower? 221 00:10:51,654 --> 00:10:53,906 I haven't even touched you and you're already back seat war rooming. 222 00:10:53,989 --> 00:10:54,990 - Andre. - Helen. 223 00:10:55,074 --> 00:10:56,575 - Rick? - I don't trust you. 224 00:10:56,659 --> 00:10:58,577 You ghosted me to focus on your work. 225 00:10:58,661 --> 00:11:00,412 Your work is absorbing the universe. 226 00:11:00,496 --> 00:11:02,623 But it's my universe. Please go. 227 00:11:02,706 --> 00:11:04,917 We'll spray the Virginians before they touch anyone. 228 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,418 I'm sorry you lost a finger, 229 00:11:06,502 --> 00:11:09,046 but that's the price of surprise butt play. Goodbye. 230 00:11:09,588 --> 00:11:10,588 Goodbye. 231 00:11:11,131 --> 00:11:12,424 Alien vessel is departing. 232 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:13,968 Good job, people, 233 00:11:14,051 --> 00:11:16,053 I'll run the aerosol cannon from the chopper, 234 00:11:16,136 --> 00:11:18,389 we need the optics. Send out a press release. 235 00:11:18,472 --> 00:11:20,558 "President sprays Virginia with the opposite of bullets." 236 00:11:21,016 --> 00:11:22,101 Write it better than that. 237 00:11:22,685 --> 00:11:24,687 You riding shotgun or you staying butt hurt? 238 00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:26,981 Suck my dick and lose my number. You too. 239 00:11:27,064 --> 00:11:29,483 If you invite me to the wedding I will shit in the punch. 240 00:11:32,236 --> 00:11:34,446 He'll be back. What would you like for dinner? 241 00:11:34,822 --> 00:11:36,699 I'm not interested in taking this further. 242 00:11:36,782 --> 00:11:41,120 What? Why? That's insane. How can you be a therapist and insane? 243 00:11:41,203 --> 00:11:42,830 Since you're asking for feedback, 244 00:11:42,913 --> 00:11:46,500 my sincere advice is that you overcome your need for approval. 245 00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:48,460 Okay, you want to play it that way? 246 00:11:48,544 --> 00:11:50,296 There's an exit tunnel by the ladies room. 247 00:11:51,338 --> 00:11:52,423 It gets lots of use! 248 00:11:53,007 --> 00:11:54,383 And not just by sex workers! 249 00:11:55,342 --> 00:11:57,636 Can you at least tell security I did the dumping? 250 00:12:02,558 --> 00:12:03,558 - You okay? - Yes. 251 00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,562 The news said Virginia was a hive…mind. 252 00:12:06,645 --> 00:12:07,645 Yes. 253 00:12:07,896 --> 00:12:08,882 - Was it… - Yes. 254 00:12:08,897 --> 00:12:10,316 My god, dude, whatever, 255 00:12:10,399 --> 00:12:11,775 when's the last time you saw your therapist… 256 00:12:11,859 --> 00:12:13,569 - Today. - Well, then she sucks! 257 00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:15,654 - No Shit! - Well stop yelling at me! 258 00:12:15,738 --> 00:12:18,657 - I need boundaries! - Well here's a big one, fuck face! 259 00:12:21,243 --> 00:12:22,243 Sorry. 260 00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:28,959 Arriving at the dome, sir. 261 00:12:29,043 --> 00:12:30,210 Good! I don't need anybody! 262 00:12:30,586 --> 00:12:32,504 - What? - What? I said good! 263 00:12:32,588 --> 00:12:33,631 Tell me when we're there! 264 00:12:33,714 --> 00:12:35,132 - We are! - Roger that! 265 00:12:35,215 --> 00:12:36,675 Just gonna see how we're looking! 266 00:12:37,092 --> 00:12:39,595 And there's Helicopter One with the forementioned gas, 267 00:12:39,678 --> 00:12:41,930 and you can actually see President Curtis inside, 268 00:12:42,014 --> 00:12:44,850 checking his phone to see if this will make people like him. 269 00:12:44,933 --> 00:12:48,354 There he is frowning now, of course, as he realizes no amount of spectacle 270 00:12:48,437 --> 00:12:50,564 is going to undo his last debacle. Shonda? 271 00:12:51,148 --> 00:12:52,983 Not Shonda, she hates me. 272 00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:54,818 It's true, Tom, I mean, yes, 273 00:12:54,902 --> 00:12:58,864 President Curtis is going to release Virginia from yet another alien threat, 274 00:12:58,947 --> 00:13:01,116 but when they are free to speak their minds, 275 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,827 does he really think they're going to say "What a President?" 276 00:13:03,911 --> 00:13:05,204 Deactivating dome, sir! 277 00:13:05,287 --> 00:13:08,832 The fact is, nothing short of literally a one hundred percent approval rating 278 00:13:08,916 --> 00:13:10,584 is gonna save Curtis in the next election. 279 00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:13,795 Let her rip, sir! 280 00:13:14,505 --> 00:13:16,340 One hundred percent approval. 281 00:13:19,134 --> 00:13:21,053 Whoopsie! I'll be right back! 282 00:13:21,136 --> 00:13:22,888 - Sir! - I just gotta get the thing… 283 00:13:23,639 --> 00:13:24,723 How is that going to work? 284 00:13:27,643 --> 00:13:29,395 Give it to me. Give me that hive! 285 00:13:34,358 --> 00:13:36,193 Mother forgive me. Just forgive me. I need it. 286 00:13:42,116 --> 00:13:46,286 - Holy…Shit! - Shit! 287 00:13:48,831 --> 00:13:51,291 Loved ones are gathered here to reunite with the captives, 288 00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:54,044 who appear to walking, quite eagerly, and now running, 289 00:13:54,128 --> 00:13:57,840 in perfect unison, toward them, such a beautiful scene, everyone kissing. 290 00:13:57,923 --> 00:14:00,426 And now everyone that got kisses is kissing everyone else. 291 00:14:00,759 --> 00:14:02,761 Heartfelt, almost disgusting kisses, 292 00:14:02,845 --> 00:14:06,223 the wave of affection is headed in all directions, hello, sir… 293 00:14:07,349 --> 00:14:09,351 The President has saved us. He's the best President, 294 00:14:09,435 --> 00:14:11,353 the best man, really, ever, his mother was wrong. 295 00:14:12,354 --> 00:14:13,772 Did somebody close the lady tunnel? 296 00:14:19,737 --> 00:14:22,740 - Hey, Rick, was Unity…? - She's gone and I don't care! 297 00:14:23,741 --> 00:14:24,741 I think she's back. 298 00:14:27,244 --> 00:14:28,787 Someone order cranky dick? 299 00:14:28,871 --> 00:14:30,456 - I said I was sorry. - No you didn't. 300 00:14:30,539 --> 00:14:31,832 I said it quietly, shut up. 301 00:14:31,915 --> 00:14:35,627 Now Governor, can you explain why all of Virginia ran in all directions and 302 00:14:35,711 --> 00:14:36,962 puked on everyone in the country? 303 00:14:37,045 --> 00:14:40,257 It's simple, News Man. They puke in love of President. 304 00:14:40,340 --> 00:14:42,593 We approve of the President. Everyone does. 305 00:14:43,427 --> 00:14:46,305 Sorry, Governor but you're making me bring Shonda into this. 306 00:14:46,388 --> 00:14:47,806 Thanks, Tom. Governor, 307 00:14:47,890 --> 00:14:51,143 I can assure you that no matter how you personally may feel… 308 00:14:53,061 --> 00:14:55,773 Good president. President good good good. 309 00:14:55,856 --> 00:14:57,858 Are you okay? Josh just vomited into your mou… 310 00:15:00,569 --> 00:15:02,863 I get it now. What a President! 311 00:15:02,946 --> 00:15:04,907 - Approval here! - President approved! 312 00:15:05,282 --> 00:15:07,034 I thought Unity promised to never do this. 313 00:15:07,117 --> 00:15:08,160 That's not Unity. 314 00:15:08,243 --> 00:15:10,746 - You kids stay inside and lock up. - Dad's still out shopping. 315 00:15:10,829 --> 00:15:12,915 Then stay inside, lock up and plug your ears. 316 00:15:12,998 --> 00:15:13,998 Where are you going? 317 00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:15,625 Therapy. 318 00:15:16,376 --> 00:15:17,419 Thank God. 319 00:15:35,103 --> 00:15:36,103 You're rehired. 320 00:15:36,730 --> 00:15:38,982 - Is that Unity? - It's your boyfriend. 321 00:15:39,066 --> 00:15:40,692 He must have linked with the severed hive-mind. 322 00:15:41,068 --> 00:15:43,403 He's going to assimilate the earth faster than I can fight it. 323 00:15:43,487 --> 00:15:45,906 - And you want me to talk to him. - There's no talking to him. 324 00:15:45,989 --> 00:15:49,201 No human mind can keep itself together while controlling millions of people. 325 00:15:49,284 --> 00:15:51,703 - So where are we going? - I need Unity's help. 326 00:15:51,787 --> 00:15:53,372 So you need to convince her I'm worth it. 327 00:15:53,747 --> 00:15:55,040 - You aren't. - So lie. 328 00:15:58,502 --> 00:16:00,128 Inbound vessel detected. 329 00:16:00,462 --> 00:16:02,631 - Tell him to turn around. - Tell me in person. 330 00:16:02,714 --> 00:16:04,174 - I'm already here. - God damnit. 331 00:16:04,258 --> 00:16:06,552 - But your ship was just… - You have your gimmicks, I have mine. 332 00:16:06,635 --> 00:16:08,595 This is my therapist, she can vouch for me. 333 00:16:08,679 --> 00:16:11,515 We met. She was me for a second. What do you want, Rick? 334 00:16:11,598 --> 00:16:13,225 Look, it's clear you weren't lying 335 00:16:13,308 --> 00:16:14,601 when you said you could've taken over Earth 336 00:16:14,685 --> 00:16:16,728 because your finger just took over America. 337 00:16:16,812 --> 00:16:18,313 I need you to help me fix that. 338 00:16:18,397 --> 00:16:21,525 - It took that to make you believe me? - Why should I believe you? 339 00:16:21,608 --> 00:16:23,777 You show up unannounced and hijack a state. 340 00:16:23,861 --> 00:16:26,572 I called you! Multiple times! 341 00:16:26,655 --> 00:16:28,115 You ghosted me. 342 00:16:28,198 --> 00:16:29,575 Rick, is that true? 343 00:16:29,658 --> 00:16:31,535 She dumped me, why would I answer her calls? 344 00:16:31,618 --> 00:16:35,247 Alright, I'm gonna commit a cardinal sin in couple's therapy here, but Rick, 345 00:16:35,998 --> 00:16:38,292 - I think you're wrong. - Bringing you was a mistake. 346 00:16:38,667 --> 00:16:41,545 You had an outer space lady who was worried for your life 347 00:16:41,628 --> 00:16:44,715 and your response was hostile enough to cause a huge problem. 348 00:16:45,048 --> 00:16:45,868 Thank you. 349 00:16:45,883 --> 00:16:48,927 Now you're asking her to both forgive you and solve it? 350 00:16:49,386 --> 00:16:51,930 Unity, I think the reason Rick brought me here is 351 00:16:52,014 --> 00:16:54,892 that he doesn't know how to indicate to you he's changed, 352 00:16:55,225 --> 00:16:57,644 because he's changing very slowly. 353 00:16:57,728 --> 00:16:58,812 But he is. 354 00:17:00,022 --> 00:17:01,940 Alright, anyone else wanna call me a baby? 355 00:17:02,024 --> 00:17:04,776 Maybe we can drag this out until Earth is fully assimilated? 356 00:17:05,777 --> 00:17:08,363 Alright, so you're asking for an invasion. 357 00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:48,320 Hold 'em back! They love me, they just forgot! 358 00:17:48,403 --> 00:17:50,656 They just forgot! They just forgot! 359 00:17:54,159 --> 00:17:55,953 No! Stop! You love me! 360 00:17:56,870 --> 00:17:58,330 Why're you stopping? 361 00:17:58,830 --> 00:17:59,831 I've won you over? 362 00:18:02,751 --> 00:18:04,753 Good! You're here! 363 00:18:05,087 --> 00:18:06,838 Unity, kept them warm for you. 364 00:18:07,172 --> 00:18:11,009 They went a little crazy but, anyway, seems like this is all over. 365 00:18:11,385 --> 00:18:12,886 Helen, we could grab some coffee? 366 00:18:13,220 --> 00:18:14,554 Wait Unity, what are you doing? 367 00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:17,808 Alright, Rick, that's everyone. 368 00:18:18,350 --> 00:18:19,393 Nice job, Une. 369 00:18:20,102 --> 00:18:22,521 Well. This has been quite a session. 370 00:18:22,980 --> 00:18:24,398 Hope you do group discounts. 371 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,234 Actually, just send the bill to the White House. 372 00:18:28,777 --> 00:18:31,029 I wouldn't be doing this for anyone else, Rick. 373 00:18:31,113 --> 00:18:32,698 It was nice to team up again. 374 00:18:33,115 --> 00:18:35,284 No, I mean I wouldn't be doing it. 375 00:18:35,617 --> 00:18:38,370 I've never released hundreds of millions of people before. 376 00:18:38,453 --> 00:18:39,538 This is gonna suck. 377 00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:20,120 Here… it's over. Nice job, Une. 378 00:19:20,662 --> 00:19:21,955 I'm fine. 379 00:19:22,039 --> 00:19:23,040 You want a painkiller? 380 00:19:23,665 --> 00:19:25,792 I'm on a few of them right now. 381 00:19:26,334 --> 00:19:27,335 No thank you. 382 00:19:27,669 --> 00:19:29,337 I mean, you can hang out if you want, 383 00:19:30,255 --> 00:19:31,255 come see the kids, 384 00:19:32,799 --> 00:19:34,134 I trust you now. 385 00:19:34,551 --> 00:19:36,470 That's nice but I don't trust you. 386 00:19:38,180 --> 00:19:39,180 Fair enough. 387 00:19:59,201 --> 00:20:00,786 Hey Rick, it's Unity. 388 00:20:02,371 --> 00:20:03,371 Give me a call, okay? 389 00:20:04,039 --> 00:20:06,708 Hey Rick, Unity. Look, cards on the table, 390 00:20:06,792 --> 00:20:08,585 I heard you were going after that guy again. 391 00:20:09,211 --> 00:20:10,754 Just made me worried, give me a call. 392 00:20:11,630 --> 00:20:13,882 Look I get it, I dumped you, you're ignoring me. 393 00:20:14,257 --> 00:20:17,636 But, I care about you and I just wanna know you're alright. 394 00:20:18,428 --> 00:20:21,473 Hey Rick, listen I'm just gonna stop by Virginia, okay? 395 00:20:21,848 --> 00:20:23,391 I don't know what state you live in 396 00:20:23,475 --> 00:20:25,811 but I'll camp out there and try to reach you. 397 00:20:25,894 --> 00:20:26,894 Hope you're okay. 398 00:20:27,270 --> 00:20:29,189 Hey, Rick. David Miscavige here. 399 00:20:29,272 --> 00:20:32,150 Heard you were saying some really great things about Scientology. 400 00:20:32,234 --> 00:20:34,152 - If you ever wanna meet Travolta… - And playback. 401 00:20:39,074 --> 00:20:41,660 You uh, really went all in on that approval? 402 00:20:44,955 --> 00:20:46,915 Shonda's gonna eat me alive. 403 00:20:46,998 --> 00:20:49,084 - Fuck em. - Thanks, Rick. 404 00:20:51,545 --> 00:20:56,299 Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I might need therapy. 405 00:21:34,546 --> 00:21:36,256 And we're back with Mr. Stabby. 406 00:21:36,756 --> 00:21:39,551 What do you say to people who say, "I don't want to get stabbed. 407 00:21:39,634 --> 00:21:40,760 I want to go a show, 408 00:21:40,844 --> 00:21:42,888 I have a right to not get stabbed." 409 00:21:42,971 --> 00:21:45,473 Well, Gary, I have a right to arms and legs. 410 00:21:45,557 --> 00:21:47,058 But I wasn't born with those. 411 00:21:47,142 --> 00:21:48,685 And I don't think that means I should be 412 00:21:48,768 --> 00:21:51,021 boxed out of an industry where, let's face 413 00:21:51,104 --> 00:21:54,983 it, there's zero representation of people with swords for arms and legs. 414 00:21:55,066 --> 00:21:57,527 But do you have to take questions from the audience? 415 00:21:57,611 --> 00:22:00,572 People come to my show because they want the experience. 416 00:22:00,655 --> 00:22:02,324 If they didn't want it, they'd stop coming. 417 00:22:02,407 --> 00:22:06,244 Your show has resulted in the deaths of 58,000 attendees. 418 00:22:07,829 --> 00:22:09,748 Well, you're talking about it.