1 00:00:08,458 --> 00:00:10,043 Hey, Rick! 2 00:00:10,794 --> 00:00:13,421 Need me for any adventures? 3 00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:15,965 Adventures? Remember those? 4 00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,678 Not right now, Morty! But definitely next week though. 5 00:00:19,761 --> 00:00:22,972 You been saying that a while now buddy, so I think I'm gonna give 6 00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:26,601 you a little nudge by cashing in a few of these bad boys. 7 00:00:26,685 --> 00:00:29,104 We're still doing the punch card system? 8 00:00:29,187 --> 00:00:32,107 Never stopped. Read 'em and weep. 9 00:00:32,482 --> 00:00:36,069 Fully punched cards, each entitling me to an adventure of my choosing. 10 00:00:36,152 --> 00:00:38,613 - I don't make the rules. - I do, you little gremlin. 11 00:00:38,697 --> 00:00:40,532 And I definitely did not stamp all these. 12 00:00:40,615 --> 00:00:42,617 You never remember to stamp the cards, you're always drunk. 13 00:00:42,701 --> 00:00:44,369 I didn't know we were still doing this! 14 00:00:44,452 --> 00:00:47,038 This stinks to high heaven Morty, I'm not accepting these. 15 00:00:47,122 --> 00:00:49,999 I knew you were going to do this. So I got receipts, bitch. 16 00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,167 I kept notes. 17 00:00:51,543 --> 00:00:52,585 This is gibberish. 18 00:00:52,669 --> 00:00:55,588 "Isle of the Mortysaurs"? "Takes One to Know One"? 19 00:00:55,672 --> 00:00:57,090 I make up titles for each adventure. 20 00:00:57,173 --> 00:01:00,093 You did the same thing for that MS readathon at your school, Morty 21 00:01:00,176 --> 00:01:00,995 and you didn't read shit. 22 00:01:01,010 --> 00:01:03,138 It's okay to lie when you're fighting Multiple Sclerosis! 23 00:01:03,221 --> 00:01:05,181 Or when you think you won't get caught! 24 00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:06,474 How are you going to catch me? 25 00:01:06,558 --> 00:01:09,769 You done and did it now, little man. That's your ass. 26 00:01:09,853 --> 00:01:12,772 Don't grift a grifter, Morty. I got friends in cosmic places. 27 00:01:13,189 --> 00:01:14,941 I need an audit. 28 00:01:15,984 --> 00:01:17,902 Right! You were already watching. 29 00:01:17,986 --> 00:01:19,863 - I'll come get you. - What is this? 30 00:01:21,573 --> 00:01:23,450 I am The Observer! 31 00:01:23,533 --> 00:01:25,618 You're so busted. Look at your face, you're so fucked. 32 00:01:25,702 --> 00:01:27,829 I Observe All! 33 00:01:27,912 --> 00:01:29,497 They observe all, Morty. 34 00:01:29,581 --> 00:01:31,833 - Cosmic allseeing species. - So? 35 00:01:31,916 --> 00:01:34,335 So, they're basically universal police body-cams but 36 00:01:34,419 --> 00:01:36,379 you can't turn them off before you beat a minority. 37 00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:38,798 Or in your case, before you cook the adventure books! 38 00:01:38,882 --> 00:01:40,717 - I don't do that! - We gonna find out! 39 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,428 I'm here for this! 40 00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,797 I bet a solid seventy percent of these are bullshit. 41 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,591 Quit your bitching and do the audit, I got nothing to hide! 42 00:02:21,674 --> 00:02:23,593 Alright, Observer! Gimme "Truth or Dare". 43 00:02:24,093 --> 00:02:26,012 - Christ! These names, Morty. - It's shorthand! 44 00:02:26,095 --> 00:02:31,476 I have observed it! Now gaze upon me and so shall you… 45 00:02:34,771 --> 00:02:37,023 Two attack patterns and a giant glowing weak spot 46 00:02:37,398 --> 00:02:40,443 - Legend of Zelda tutorial-ass bullshit. - I thought it was kind of fun. 47 00:02:40,777 --> 00:02:43,321 Halt! Unidentified adventurers. 48 00:02:43,404 --> 00:02:45,782 We are the guardians of this sanctuary. 49 00:02:46,115 --> 00:02:49,994 One of us tells only truths, the other, only lies. 50 00:02:50,328 --> 00:02:52,038 - You ever fucked this guy's wife? - Yes. 51 00:02:52,956 --> 00:02:55,208 Well, how about that, he guessed right. 52 00:02:55,291 --> 00:02:57,043 I forgive you! 53 00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:59,420 - Oh shit! - Alright, next room. 54 00:02:59,504 --> 00:03:00,505 No, I wanna watch. 55 00:03:01,422 --> 00:03:03,883 Did you see how one of them lied? 56 00:03:03,967 --> 00:03:06,219 Fine! I'll call that one legit, I'm not here to nitpick, 57 00:03:06,302 --> 00:03:07,887 I'm here to find blatant fraud. 58 00:03:07,971 --> 00:03:10,056 Okay! Show me "Late Night Western". 59 00:03:11,641 --> 00:03:17,063 Morty! Take me drive me, wan go western bacon. 60 00:03:17,146 --> 00:03:18,648 Morty western bacon now. 61 00:03:25,488 --> 00:03:27,407 - Before you say anything… - I knew it! Busted! 62 00:03:27,490 --> 00:03:29,075 You're banned from that Carls Jr! 63 00:03:29,158 --> 00:03:31,452 That doesn't make the drive-thru an adventure, Morty. Invalid. 64 00:03:31,828 --> 00:03:34,539 Sounds like it's anyone's game! 65 00:03:35,081 --> 00:03:38,001 Well, no! It's not a bet, it's an audit. 66 00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:40,461 Observer, show us "Maximum Overdrivewith Clothes" 67 00:03:44,674 --> 00:03:47,135 At least this is better than cars, cars can run you over. 68 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,223 Okay, no, this is worse. 69 00:03:53,016 --> 00:03:55,518 - Adventure, suck it. - Alright, fine. 70 00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,770 How about "Whistlering Dixie". 71 00:04:02,984 --> 00:04:05,528 Whistler! Whattaya got to tag and bag these bastards? 72 00:04:05,612 --> 00:04:09,616 Made this little puppy after I bagged my first neck-rophiliac. 73 00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:12,368 Double action triggers pumping out 14 hundred kilos 74 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,078 of holy water per square inch. 75 00:04:14,454 --> 00:04:18,166 This old girl's got dry-aged, Sicilian garlic expelling out at 76 00:04:18,249 --> 00:04:23,421 32 hundred feet per second, is swaddled by 5200 Solar-joules 77 00:04:23,504 --> 00:04:26,925 of raw ultraviolet. And she's only getting started, 78 00:04:27,008 --> 00:04:29,260 I'm talking crucifix-shaped Chinese stars, 79 00:04:29,344 --> 00:04:31,220 mirror-tipped wooden stakes, and a… 80 00:04:31,554 --> 00:04:33,348 What? Hello? Guys? 81 00:04:35,475 --> 00:04:37,477 Morty, that was just an old man rambling at us. 82 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:38,463 People died! 83 00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,897 So, by your logic, 9/11 was an adventure? 84 00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:42,148 Tweet it, see who agrees. 85 00:04:42,231 --> 00:04:45,193 - Very well! Bear witness to 9/11! - What? 86 00:04:45,276 --> 00:04:48,571 Dude, don't, just you need to let us throw to the stuff, okay? 87 00:04:49,030 --> 00:04:50,990 What's next? What the hell is "Leg Day"? 88 00:04:52,992 --> 00:04:54,994 Hey look, Morty! I'm a leg! 89 00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,665 A leg, Morty! I'm Leg Rick! 90 00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:00,750 Okay! I'll give you that last one. 91 00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:03,962 - What? I mean I'll take it but… - Hey Morty! Check this out. 92 00:05:04,504 --> 00:05:05,672 That's clearly unlicensed. 93 00:05:05,755 --> 00:05:07,674 - License this! - Wait, what are you doing? 94 00:05:08,716 --> 00:05:11,386 Hey Smith, you look hungry! How about some knuckle pie? 95 00:05:13,930 --> 00:05:15,765 Jeez. Rick's implants. 96 00:05:15,848 --> 00:05:18,017 Big Doug… get the truck. 97 00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,770 I've never felt so alive! 98 00:05:27,610 --> 00:05:28,610 Man. 99 00:06:03,312 --> 00:06:07,734 - Turn back into a boat! - I'm trying! 100 00:06:10,778 --> 00:06:12,488 - I'm trying! - Big Doug! 101 00:06:14,323 --> 00:06:15,992 Big Doug, no. 102 00:06:17,452 --> 00:06:20,038 There's my guy! Come on! The hamsters turned on me, Morty. 103 00:06:20,121 --> 00:06:21,121 We gotta go. 104 00:06:21,914 --> 00:06:24,667 - R.I.P, Big Doug! - Wasn't even in that one! 105 00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,920 Who cares, it wasn't even on my list. This guy just cued it up! 106 00:06:28,004 --> 00:06:30,590 Speaking of cues, what about all those times 107 00:06:30,673 --> 00:06:33,176 - you two misunderstood each other? - Wait, what? 108 00:06:33,259 --> 00:06:34,677 Are you setting up a series of them? 109 00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:38,890 Trust me! The key is grouping them with thematic connections. 110 00:06:40,850 --> 00:06:44,437 I just want to talk to Morty in private, about something unrelated. 111 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,355 We'll be right back. 112 00:06:47,190 --> 00:06:49,942 Okay, this guy might have been kind of a mistake. 113 00:06:50,026 --> 00:06:51,319 He's really, like, aggressive. 114 00:06:51,402 --> 00:06:54,447 He's steamrolling us. He thinks he's hosting a fucking clip show. 115 00:06:54,530 --> 00:06:56,282 - And I don't like his voice. - I don't like his voice. 116 00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:57,575 I don't like that he's doing jokes, 117 00:06:57,658 --> 00:06:59,077 I don't like that he's talking down to you. 118 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,829 Thank you. Okay. Let's rethink this. 119 00:07:01,913 --> 00:07:03,623 I still don't trust these, but I'll accept these cards 120 00:07:03,706 --> 00:07:05,792 - at 70 cents on the dollar. - Done. Fair. 121 00:07:06,542 --> 00:07:07,543 How do we get rid of him? 122 00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,837 I'll just pay the asshole and tell him he did a great job. 123 00:07:09,921 --> 00:07:11,839 He thinks he's hosting a fucking clip show. 124 00:07:11,923 --> 00:07:13,633 - And I don't like his voice. - I don't like his voice. 125 00:07:13,716 --> 00:07:14,926 I don't like that he's doing jokes 126 00:07:15,009 --> 00:07:16,010 - Okay, well, that's… - I don't like that… 127 00:07:16,094 --> 00:07:18,304 that's on us. Should have seen that coming. 128 00:07:18,387 --> 00:07:19,889 Seeing is more my thing. 129 00:07:19,972 --> 00:07:21,349 Well, then you know he's about to pay you. 130 00:07:21,432 --> 00:07:23,976 And "tell me I did a great job"? 131 00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:26,437 Fine! You caught us. We secretly think you suck. 132 00:07:27,105 --> 00:07:29,565 Here's twice what I owe you, that's how little conversation 133 00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,025 we want to have about you leaving. 134 00:07:31,109 --> 00:07:33,694 I have never seen two bigger assholes! 135 00:07:33,778 --> 00:07:37,156 - And I see all assholes! - Then you can see yours out. 136 00:07:37,573 --> 00:07:38,573 Bye. 137 00:07:40,868 --> 00:07:41,868 Christ. 138 00:07:51,587 --> 00:07:53,422 Shit! Hot, so hot. 139 00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:55,675 Gotta start in the middle, statistically the coolest. 140 00:07:56,592 --> 00:07:58,344 You won't find a carb on my plate, Morty. 141 00:07:58,427 --> 00:08:00,179 - I'm all about that keto. - No! 142 00:08:00,263 --> 00:08:01,848 - Is that a fucking… - Clip? 143 00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,642 I'm a fats man. Gimme all the fats! 144 00:08:04,725 --> 00:08:07,145 That burrito looks pretty carby! 145 00:08:07,228 --> 00:08:09,272 - This fucking guy. - That's your move? 146 00:08:09,355 --> 00:08:12,441 Diet shaming? Just take the L, man! This is embarrassing. 147 00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:15,153 I'll show you embarrassing! 148 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,866 Do it, Morty! It's the only way to save the universe! 149 00:08:19,949 --> 00:08:22,201 How? How is it the only way? 150 00:08:22,285 --> 00:08:25,955 Morty, I'm dying! It's up to you. 151 00:08:30,126 --> 00:08:32,378 - Rick! - What the hell are you doing? 152 00:08:32,461 --> 00:08:35,882 Saving the universe! I think! Right, Rick? 153 00:08:42,471 --> 00:08:45,308 - This guy's nuts! - Screw you, Morty. 154 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,643 What the hell? You told me I was a hero! 155 00:08:47,727 --> 00:08:49,896 - You were that night. - What the hell's going on? 156 00:08:49,979 --> 00:08:52,815 Is that angry stone playing… video-clips? 157 00:08:52,899 --> 00:08:55,735 It's some weirdo Grandpa hired to prove I'm a bad person. 158 00:08:55,818 --> 00:08:58,571 Turns out people that take that job aren't fun to be around. 159 00:08:58,946 --> 00:08:59,946 Get out of here! 160 00:08:59,989 --> 00:09:04,243 Sidewalk's public property, bro! I can observe all I want from here! 161 00:09:04,327 --> 00:09:07,580 This isn't our problem, Dad. Please make this loud thing go away. 162 00:09:07,663 --> 00:09:09,457 I was studying for a test. 163 00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:10,541 No, you weren't! 164 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:12,335 Fucking rock asshole. 165 00:09:12,418 --> 00:09:13,461 Now you've done it! 166 00:09:13,544 --> 00:09:17,590 As they've shamed me, so shall I now shame you! 167 00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:23,763 Mom? Are you drinking wine in there? 168 00:09:23,846 --> 00:09:26,432 No! I'm shitting. 169 00:09:26,515 --> 00:09:28,851 Bitch, I know the sound of a toilet lid moving. 170 00:09:29,685 --> 00:09:30,853 Two birds, one stone. 171 00:09:30,937 --> 00:09:32,688 More embarrassing for Mom than me. 172 00:09:32,772 --> 00:09:35,942 - I wasn't lying, I was going to shit. - What's going on here? 173 00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:38,653 Cosmic being playing embarrassing clips out of spite? 174 00:09:38,736 --> 00:09:39,904 Damn, Jerry. Nailed it. 175 00:09:39,987 --> 00:09:41,948 I was watching from the upstairs window. 176 00:09:42,031 --> 00:09:43,866 Well, watch this, loser! 177 00:09:44,492 --> 00:09:47,411 Morty, I'm throwing out some stuff from our last couple adventures, 178 00:09:47,495 --> 00:09:49,956 - you got any use for this diamond? - Nope. I'm good. 179 00:09:58,214 --> 00:09:59,214 This is gonna be fine. 180 00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:05,638 I'm sorry! I can't stop once I start! 181 00:10:07,556 --> 00:10:09,475 Whatever! Everyone knows I'm embarrassing, 182 00:10:09,558 --> 00:10:12,353 - I'm bulletproof. - Oh my God, this is so sad. 183 00:10:12,436 --> 00:10:15,481 Not as sad as you after this! 184 00:10:16,065 --> 00:10:19,402 The so called "Hottie Snatchers" have spread to Canada and Mexico, 185 00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:22,571 grabbing the most attractive residents and taking them god knows where. 186 00:10:22,655 --> 00:10:26,492 All Americans, even sub-sevens, are advised to stay indoors. 187 00:10:26,575 --> 00:10:28,327 You certainly wouldn't be safe out there. 188 00:10:28,411 --> 00:10:29,829 Not on the air, Michael. 189 00:10:30,538 --> 00:10:31,622 BRB, bathroom. 190 00:10:32,707 --> 00:10:33,916 I need to know! 191 00:10:38,421 --> 00:10:42,133 It's okay, It's not real! They're just doing it at random! 192 00:10:44,176 --> 00:10:45,678 Is everything okay? I heard a… 193 00:10:49,765 --> 00:10:52,518 You too? It's not so bad once you get used to it. 194 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,647 I don't deserve this, I just walked downstairs. 195 00:10:56,731 --> 00:10:58,524 Okay, well if Dad's just gonna stand here, 196 00:10:58,607 --> 00:11:01,235 should I do something? Unless that somehow tees me up. 197 00:11:01,319 --> 00:11:02,319 Walked right into it! 198 00:11:02,945 --> 00:11:05,656 This is our target, Dichotomus Daniel. 199 00:11:08,409 --> 00:11:09,409 That was my chair. 200 00:11:10,328 --> 00:11:12,496 - It was a fart. - Birdperson always knows. 201 00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:14,623 It's true! He's got that beak! 202 00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:15,916 Get lost, you piece of shit! 203 00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:18,210 Why? So you can do stuff like this? 204 00:11:26,177 --> 00:11:27,219 Morty! 205 00:11:27,303 --> 00:11:30,222 I'm afraid the only way out is through the bottom of this massive 206 00:11:30,306 --> 00:11:31,306 vat of whale semen. 207 00:11:32,141 --> 00:11:33,893 Well, that last one was just for shock value. 208 00:11:33,976 --> 00:11:34,976 Fuck this guy! 209 00:11:35,019 --> 00:11:38,939 If you can't take the heat, get out of the watching'! 210 00:11:39,023 --> 00:11:40,316 You suck! 211 00:11:40,399 --> 00:11:43,277 Showing weird shit just cuz we wouldn't let you treat our lives 212 00:11:43,361 --> 00:11:44,138 like a clip show! 213 00:11:44,153 --> 00:11:45,613 - Get him Morty! - Mess him up, little bro! 214 00:11:45,696 --> 00:11:48,741 What? You gonna beat me up like the piss guy? 215 00:11:48,824 --> 00:11:50,076 Hey! Not cool! 216 00:11:50,159 --> 00:11:52,328 Why don't you tee up this clip of me kicking your ass! 217 00:11:55,581 --> 00:12:02,046 I'm all rocks now! I never saw this coming… 218 00:12:03,923 --> 00:12:06,467 Shit! These guys can die? 219 00:12:06,550 --> 00:12:08,594 - I thought they were cosmic. - You know what? 220 00:12:08,677 --> 00:12:10,805 I say we leave this thing in the street, deny any involvement 221 00:12:10,888 --> 00:12:12,056 and just hope this blows over. 222 00:12:12,390 --> 00:12:14,100 Unless, of course, they play this exact clip 223 00:12:14,183 --> 00:12:16,936 on a screen in front of a jury with some kind of built-in bias. 224 00:12:17,019 --> 00:12:20,356 As an observer, I try to stay impartial, 225 00:12:20,439 --> 00:12:22,775 but I am not seeing innocence. 226 00:12:22,858 --> 00:12:25,861 - It's not blowing over, Rick. - I'd tell you to stay positive, Morty 227 00:12:25,945 --> 00:12:27,613 but I do not like the looks of that jury. 228 00:12:29,615 --> 00:12:31,492 I can't believe we got ourselves into this mess 229 00:12:31,575 --> 00:12:33,828 over something as petty as what an adventure is… 230 00:12:33,911 --> 00:12:37,123 I guess I can admit I got a little loose with the stamps. 231 00:12:37,206 --> 00:12:39,959 Gotcha! Can the stenographer read back that confession, please? 232 00:12:40,042 --> 00:12:43,462 Silence! The killing of an observer is unforgivable. 233 00:12:43,546 --> 00:12:47,174 We must now decide whether to end your existence. 234 00:12:47,883 --> 00:12:50,261 Your honor! If everyone here has truly seen everything, 235 00:12:50,344 --> 00:12:53,472 then you all know that my grandson and I did this whole thing with giants. 236 00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:55,141 Did what whole thing? 237 00:12:55,224 --> 00:12:59,228 I will address that! I'm your court appointed defender. 238 00:12:59,311 --> 00:13:02,982 Your honor, observe the time Rick and Morty did this with giants! 239 00:13:03,691 --> 00:13:07,027 This is an open and shut case, Morty. Y'know what do ya think is gonna happen, 240 00:13:07,111 --> 00:13:08,737 some magical angel's gonna show up and… 241 00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:12,074 Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell the violation of civil liberties! 242 00:13:12,158 --> 00:13:14,785 The moments are practically identical, your honor, 243 00:13:14,869 --> 00:13:17,663 I move for a mistrial on the grounds it bumps. 244 00:13:17,746 --> 00:13:21,083 If the argument is that Rick and Morty repeat their mistakes, 245 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:23,752 - the prosecution agrees! - Oh God! 246 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:26,755 You sound just like the guy we killed. Allegedly. 247 00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,507 That was my brother! 248 00:13:28,841 --> 00:13:31,927 - I didn't like his voice either! - Well, this isn't gonna help our case. 249 00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:33,971 Neither will this next clip! 250 00:13:34,722 --> 00:13:37,183 Morty! I made you a gorilla gun. Pretty cool. 251 00:13:37,266 --> 00:13:39,852 A gorilla gun? Does this do what I think it does? 252 00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,313 Where's your lunch money, punk? 253 00:13:42,396 --> 00:13:45,816 Lunch money? Are you sure you wouldn't rather have a banana? 254 00:13:48,903 --> 00:13:50,946 I thought it would turn him into a gorilla… 255 00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,781 Why would you want a bully to be a gorilla? 256 00:13:53,365 --> 00:13:55,993 It was a gun that kills gorillas. Please go easy on him, 257 00:13:56,076 --> 00:13:57,953 this one's on me and it won't happen again. 258 00:13:58,287 --> 00:14:00,539 - Morty, this is a bully gun. - Cool! 259 00:14:00,623 --> 00:14:01,790 Any questions about it? 260 00:14:01,874 --> 00:14:04,460 - Not really. - Should be self-explanatory. Have fun. 261 00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:07,546 - Give me your backpack. - You trying to bully me? 262 00:14:08,422 --> 00:14:11,050 Well, how are you going to bully… another bully? 263 00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:13,051 What are you doing? 264 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:19,642 I feel like this one's not entirely my fault. 265 00:14:19,975 --> 00:14:22,144 - Okay, how do you feel? - I'm okay. 266 00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,813 I mean, maybe just stop giving me guns, or… 267 00:14:24,897 --> 00:14:27,900 Or make them less ambiguous, way ahead of you. Here. Take this. 268 00:14:28,275 --> 00:14:31,237 This is a gun, and I want to be really specific here. 269 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,490 This is a gun that you only use to shoot bad people. 270 00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:36,158 - Are we clear? - Okay, Rick. 271 00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:39,537 - When are you going to use that? - When I want to shoot a bad person. 272 00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:40,620 Okay. 273 00:14:40,871 --> 00:14:43,582 - I had a great time tonight, Jessica. - Hey. Give me your money. 274 00:14:43,666 --> 00:14:45,251 Why don't you take this instead? 275 00:14:47,711 --> 00:14:49,004 - Jeffrey Dahmer? - Hi. 276 00:14:49,088 --> 00:14:50,839 - What's happening? - I don't know, just run. 277 00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:56,303 Let the record show this bit continued for several more guns. 278 00:14:56,387 --> 00:14:58,931 What are we even guilty of in that one, being kind of dumb? 279 00:14:59,014 --> 00:15:01,433 For being dumb over and over! 280 00:15:02,142 --> 00:15:06,438 But your honor, is that not the definition of experimentation? 281 00:15:06,522 --> 00:15:09,108 The foundation of science? And are Rick and Morty 282 00:15:09,191 --> 00:15:13,112 therefore not only not not learning, but therefore actively learning? 283 00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:14,780 Observe this example! 284 00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:18,826 How long before Ben Franklin comes back to life? 285 00:15:19,577 --> 00:15:20,578 Holy shit! Yes! 286 00:15:21,662 --> 00:15:23,038 Shit! He came back evil. 287 00:15:23,747 --> 00:15:25,499 What do you think will happen if we bury him again? 288 00:15:25,583 --> 00:15:26,527 You don't know? 289 00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:29,003 This is my first time using Pet Semetary soil, Morty. 290 00:15:29,086 --> 00:15:31,839 I mean as long as we're asking questions… 291 00:15:31,922 --> 00:15:33,507 We've been here so long my phone died. 292 00:15:33,591 --> 00:15:36,385 - It's not gonna charge your phone! - So you can be curious and I can't? 293 00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:37,595 Fuck, you're right. 294 00:15:37,678 --> 00:15:40,806 We're sitting on top of brand new science here, let's gather some data! 295 00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:46,312 - Put your back into it, Morty! - You think it'll refill the tank? 296 00:15:46,395 --> 00:15:47,605 Good pitch, Morty! 297 00:15:48,188 --> 00:15:50,399 Okay! Let's bury that kangaroo from the waist down. 298 00:15:50,482 --> 00:15:52,401 Holy shit! Will only his legs come back? 299 00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:53,652 Who knows? 300 00:15:53,736 --> 00:15:55,821 I'm having a great time with you tonight, Morty! 301 00:15:56,572 --> 00:15:58,365 - What's that one? - Ben Franklin! 302 00:15:58,449 --> 00:16:00,075 Remember we tried wrapping him 303 00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,619 in tin foil to see if it'd shield him from the evil? 304 00:16:01,702 --> 00:16:02,702 Oh yeah. 305 00:16:03,871 --> 00:16:05,497 Fuck! It's hot! 306 00:16:05,998 --> 00:16:10,210 Jesus Christ! It cooked him like a pig at a luau. 307 00:16:10,919 --> 00:16:13,464 - It's so moist. - Rick! That's a guy! 308 00:16:13,547 --> 00:16:15,341 Man, what is this place doing to us? 309 00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:18,010 Is nothing sacred to you two? 310 00:16:18,093 --> 00:16:20,554 What are these clips? What are we even on trial for anymore? 311 00:16:20,638 --> 00:16:24,308 What's anyone on trial for, son? Being good or evil. 312 00:16:24,391 --> 00:16:28,020 Look, sure we can be irreverent but we're far from evil. 313 00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:31,398 - We make more friends than enemies! - Let's run the tape on that one! 314 00:16:32,191 --> 00:16:34,109 Rick, can you make my churros come to life? 315 00:16:34,193 --> 00:16:35,193 On it! 316 00:16:36,111 --> 00:16:37,905 Hi! I'm Churry! 317 00:16:37,988 --> 00:16:40,366 - Churry, do you want to have fun? - Let's go! 318 00:17:08,185 --> 00:17:10,396 This has been the best time of my life, Churry. 319 00:17:11,522 --> 00:17:14,441 Okay, thanks Rick! You can turn him back into a regular Churros now. 320 00:17:14,525 --> 00:17:16,193 What? I can't turn him back. 321 00:17:16,276 --> 00:17:18,612 You asked me to bring him to life. Done! 322 00:17:18,696 --> 00:17:21,824 But he's a churros, he doesn't have internal organs, a brain, etc. 323 00:17:22,157 --> 00:17:24,368 in order to live, I had to make him functionally immortal. 324 00:17:26,245 --> 00:17:27,245 What? 325 00:17:33,168 --> 00:17:35,754 My family! 326 00:17:35,838 --> 00:17:37,506 Goodbye, Churry. I'll miss you. 327 00:17:42,052 --> 00:17:47,975 These are just regular churro? Oh my God! No! 328 00:17:48,058 --> 00:17:52,020 Mark my words, Morty. I shall leave you as you left me. 329 00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:55,941 On a barren planet. Praying for death! 330 00:17:56,483 --> 00:17:58,277 I'm starting to see why this lawyer was free. 331 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,988 Okay! Well we never intentionally hurt people. 332 00:18:01,071 --> 00:18:02,156 We adventure! 333 00:18:02,239 --> 00:18:04,366 Stuff goes wrong, we don't just murder for fun. 334 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,410 Here's a clip about that topic! 335 00:18:07,494 --> 00:18:10,539 I did it, Morty! I killed the versions of us that were in Space Jam! 336 00:18:10,622 --> 00:18:12,958 - Help me with the bodies! - How you'd do it, Rick? 337 00:18:13,041 --> 00:18:14,752 It was easy, Morty. They welcomed death! 338 00:18:14,835 --> 00:18:15,835 They wanted out, Morty! 339 00:18:16,211 --> 00:18:19,298 No! You don't get it, they begged me. It was a kindness! 340 00:18:19,381 --> 00:18:22,509 - Was that helpful? - It was for the prosecution! 341 00:18:22,593 --> 00:18:25,679 - Okay, I've heard enough! - No, you fucking haven't. 342 00:18:25,763 --> 00:18:28,390 If we're about to die, at least let us defend ourselves. 343 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:29,892 - The outrage! - Seems iffy. 344 00:18:29,975 --> 00:18:32,478 I'll allow it. But no lolly gagging! 345 00:18:32,561 --> 00:18:34,688 I only need one clip, your honor. 346 00:18:34,772 --> 00:18:37,608 If it pleases the court, hold on to your tits. 347 00:18:42,446 --> 00:18:44,573 I'm a leg, Morty! You like that? 348 00:18:46,075 --> 00:18:47,284 I know you do. 349 00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:49,453 We already saw that one. 350 00:18:49,536 --> 00:18:52,414 - No, that's the other time I did it. - That was your Hail Mary? 351 00:18:52,498 --> 00:18:56,126 - I held onto my tits for nothing! - That was mid! 352 00:18:56,210 --> 00:19:00,422 I hereby find Rick and Morty guilty! Time to die! 353 00:19:09,181 --> 00:19:11,558 - What in tarnation? - Plot twist! 354 00:19:11,642 --> 00:19:13,519 Whattaya expect? You gave me access to your tech. 355 00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:16,730 Look, I'm not saying we're heroes 356 00:19:16,814 --> 00:19:18,690 but in the two minutes I've had access to your server 357 00:19:18,774 --> 00:19:21,401 I can observe you're no better. Here, let's see a clip. 358 00:19:23,779 --> 00:19:28,325 Help! Please! Oh my God! Please! 359 00:19:32,287 --> 00:19:36,542 Absurd! If the Observer was in the clip, who was watching? 360 00:19:36,625 --> 00:19:37,625 Glad you asked! 361 00:19:38,335 --> 00:19:39,335 Please! 362 00:19:43,132 --> 00:19:44,132 Jesus Christ. 363 00:19:44,383 --> 00:19:46,885 You can't shame us for watching! It's who we are! 364 00:19:46,969 --> 00:19:49,471 Right! And you'd never take advantage of that. 365 00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:53,684 Hot copies! Freshly watched! I've got Avatar 3 through 6! 366 00:19:53,767 --> 00:19:57,396 Friends and Family screening, the VFX aren't done, but they're still blue! 367 00:19:57,813 --> 00:19:59,982 It's not my fault I saw those movies! 368 00:20:00,065 --> 00:20:02,401 Yes! We observe, it's all we do! 369 00:20:02,484 --> 00:20:04,111 It's not all you do. 370 00:20:05,487 --> 00:20:07,531 I'll give you guys twenty dollars to fight each other. 371 00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:10,325 Money, money. 372 00:20:10,784 --> 00:20:14,204 As it turns out, you do plenty! You're just as bad as us! 373 00:20:14,288 --> 00:20:17,666 We're not all bad, I observe a couple of bad apples! 374 00:20:17,749 --> 00:20:20,752 Who are you calling an apple? Should we all observe 375 00:20:20,836 --> 00:20:22,337 what you did with Tom's wife? 376 00:20:23,005 --> 00:20:25,549 Observe me harder! Harder! 377 00:20:25,924 --> 00:20:29,261 I regret nothing, Tom! The only thing you could never see 378 00:20:29,344 --> 00:20:31,013 was what a treasure Nancy was. 379 00:20:31,096 --> 00:20:33,599 - I'll kill you! - I'd like to observe you try! 380 00:20:37,019 --> 00:20:39,646 Jeez, Rick! People be fucking each other's wives. 381 00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:42,941 Marriage is a scam, Morty. Let's scram. 382 00:20:43,025 --> 00:20:45,110 Wait! I still have more clips! 383 00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:48,530 Morty, I appreciate what you were trying to do 384 00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,949 with the punch cards, my whole groove thing. 385 00:20:51,033 --> 00:20:53,785 Thanks. So is this a stamp? 386 00:20:53,869 --> 00:20:55,746 Or you gonna make me count this as my adventure? 387 00:20:55,829 --> 00:20:57,664 How about we just ignore this one. 388 00:20:57,748 --> 00:20:59,374 Good call. 389 00:21:00,542 --> 00:21:02,127 - Eighty cents on the dollar? - Seventy five. 390 00:21:02,210 --> 00:21:03,210 Done. 391 00:21:03,712 --> 00:21:06,590 Whattaya say, Rick? Fly through space, come upon something, 392 00:21:06,673 --> 00:21:09,301 maybe I have a moral objection, stuff gets messy 393 00:21:09,384 --> 00:21:10,510 and you ultimately bail us out? 394 00:21:10,594 --> 00:21:11,845 Let's take it for a spin. 395 00:21:12,387 --> 00:21:15,349 Rick and Morty! We're back, baby! Check the glove box! 396 00:21:15,891 --> 00:21:17,267 Another gun! 397 00:21:49,841 --> 00:21:52,386 Morty, see you at the frolf mixer tomorrow? 398 00:21:52,469 --> 00:21:53,929 Sure thing Jimmy. 399 00:21:56,515 --> 00:21:57,849 I knew this day would come. 400 00:21:59,935 --> 00:22:00,936 God! 401 00:22:03,438 --> 00:22:05,315 Nice! Free Churros.