Deck the house with Easter baskets
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, eggs
Plastic grass and chocolate rabbits
Fa-la-la-la-la, marshmallow bird
Easter is the time for giving
Fa-la-la-la-la-la, Easter milk
Hey, bud,
wanna decorate some Easter baskets with your old man?
What? No. I'm streaming on Twitch.
Fortnite just added JFK.
Maybe we could fill some baskets with jelly beans,
you know, get our tradition on?
I've gotta pack for spring break.
Also, "Jelly Bean" is a slur.
Come on, Beth. The kids are growing up.
Maybe you and I can hide some eggs one last time?
I don't need the house smelling like egg farts, Jerry.
Rick. Oh…
You know what? Never mind.
Doesn't anyone celebrate Easter anymore?
I don't wanna force people to go to church or anything, but…
Can you even tell me what Easter is about?
It's when Christ was born.
Or was murdered, maybe. I don't know.
But we eat candy to remember. It's important.
Jerry, if it wasn't for the aisle at Costco,
you wouldn't even know it was happening.
Yeah, Dad. When's Christmas?
December 25th.
And what's today's date?
I… April.
Look, I want to be a good dad, okay?
And I know that you gotta go straight up the middle to do that.
If Easter is fading from our family, that's bad.
So, who's coming with me to get some egg dye?
Guess that just means more candy for Jer.
Jerry makes an egg, and it is nice
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God. Are you okay…
Oh, my God, what a terrible time to have eaten so much candy.
I'm sorry.
I'm not trying to kill you with vomit!
I'm just so scared.
Please, please tell me this isn't who I think it is.
Well, do you know of any other bipedal humanoid rabbits?
Oh, my God, I killed the Easter Bunny.
Along with the hopes and dreams of children everywhere.
Summer! Share those jokes with me in private.
Rick, what does this mean?
Not sure. I have a few questions.
Did you puke on it to try and kill it?
- No! - I have no more questions.
Huh.
This necklace is German, 13th century.
Shows permafrost damage and…
Feel my heart. It's beating a million beats per second!
Sweetie, calm down. Have a glass of water.
- Breathe. - Okay, okay.
You're right. It's fine.
Dad?
Right, water. I came in here for water.
Fucking glass doesn't work!
Dad, what is happening?
Well, for the first time ever, Jerry accomplished something.
We should remember him this way, in case we lose him.
Lose him?
Mutagenesis. Cellular transformation,
metastatic spread, rapidly accelerating
with a deadline of…
48 hours from now.
That's Easter. Unless it's next weekend?
- Doesn't anyone have a calendar app? - I have holidays turned off.
Oh, yeah, no, here it is. Google says it's this weekend.
Well, I truly thought Easter was a zero holiday,
but, Jerry, you've been…
Easter Claused.
Oh, no.
- Wait. What? - Rick, that doesn't make sense.
The title of the movie is based on the pun of Santa's last name.
Did you understand what I meant? If so, then it made plenty of sense.
This is a mitogen deterrent. Should slow down the transformation.
Beth, you stay with Jerry. Morty, you're with me.
We're gonna Dan Brown that German necklace.
Hell, yeah! Easter adventure!
- Summer. - Daytona?
Exactly. Get shitfaced, go insane.
Here's a fake ID and a second alcohol stomach.
I want you to do some molly and throw up in a pool.
- No. Don't. - I fuckin' love you, Grandpa Rick.
Come on, Morty, to the Alps! Let's Indiana Jones!
Ah. Recent thaw.
This altitude should be permafrost.
God, I do not wanna say "climate change" on this show.
I don't know which way Zaslav voted.
You think that giant rabbit unfroze because of SUVs
and… cigarettes?
Yes, Morty, it unfroze because of cigarettes.
You ever see Iceman, Morty? '80s flick? Timothy Hutton?
The '80s were forever ago, Rick.
Encino Man?
- You're old. - You're old.
- Fuck you, Morty. - Fuck you, Rick!
Eh, fuck you! You're old and gay.
You can't say that anymore!
Let's see if the locals know anything.
Whoa, check out this Wicker Man-looking place.
German Easter is a little less chocolate-centric.
Say what you want about America, but we get a few things right.
Whoa. It's a big Easter egg.
Looks like it's from Andromeda.
Why would aliens care about a holiday we don't even care about?
I don't know, but we're not the only ones looking for answers.
Check out these nerds.
Space Christians?
Isn't that a conflict of interest?
Hey, don't scan me. I'll scan you.
Easter Rabbit DNA.
He's clearly made contact with it.
My scan says you shit standing up.
Says it gets on your legs.
Where is the rabbit?
Oh, a cross gun. That's dumb.
Nobody needs to get hurt.
I'm sure I'll be fine.
Aren't you guys on Easter's side?
What the hell is happening?
The egg is damaged.
But now we know where it's from.
Andromeda!
Go there and destroy all the containment eggs except one.
We'll capture the rabbit here…
and then Easter will be finished.
They got the egg. How will we know where to go?
Morty, it's one word. We just said it.
Andromeda.
Alright! To Amadahbra!
Are you… Are you messing with me?
Beth, please let me out.
Rick put you in there for a reason, sweetie.
I feel fine! I need to pee.
I just want… five minutes… to stretch my legs!
Whoa. Your arms.
I know! They ripped through my shirt!
I'm telling you, I feel amazing.
Like, I feel like I could…
Holy shit. I feel so shallow for how turned on I am.
See? I'm solid.
And so are you.
- Oh. - Have I ever told you
you're the hottest woman I could imagine?
Am I this easy? I think I'm this easy.
I don't tell you enough. I don't see you.
But I see you now.
Or as the Na'vi put it…
We gotta wash these sheets.
How about one more go before they dry?
Jesus!
- What? - What?
Jerry, you've got a boil on your back,
and there's hair inside it!
I'm sorry, just…
I cwath thu fwack you.
Jerry? Your tooth.
Would you look at that?
Oh, there's another one.
My mouth feels weird in the middle.
Okay, back in the prism.
No! So what?
A few teeth fell out while we wait for Rick to get back.
Why is that such a big deal…
Jerry!
My legs! Oh, my God, my legs!
They're broken!
Wait, they're… they're fine!
Better than fine.
Wow! Look at this, babe. Look!
Just calm down. We'll get you more lettuce.
Why are you being such a drag about this?
- You're scaring me. - And you're bumming me out.
If you're gonna be such a prude, I'm getting out of here.
Jerry! Jerry, come back!
Rick, are we in the right place?
Yeah.
Trying to work out the big mythology here,
and all I'm getting is H.R. Giger meets Coachella.
Okay, Rick, so it looks like there's a space oyster,
and it hypnotizes animals with its pearl…
- No. Stop. Stop. - I was just makin' a hypothesis!
You know, trying out some science?
Here's science.
The Easter Rabbit's an alien.
They send it to planets in an egg.
If you kill it, you become it.
Okay. Well, explain this, then.
Easy.
The rabbit is some kind of pheromonal catalyst.
Looks like it makes everyone have sex
until the planet gets overpopulated and collapses.
It's fuck-based terraforming!
Shit! Duck!
Whoa, Rick, do you see that?
Yeah. It has a butt where its dick should be.
- Rick. - Morty.
Its butt is in the front.
These must be the guys who move in after the rabbit's done its stuff.
Have you seen any of them turn around yet?
- Is it in the back? - Stop it.
- Prepare to meet your maker! - Huh?
Christ guys hate the bald guys?
What is the lore? Who do we help?
Neither! We're gonna third party!
He's going for the last egg!
Stop the dentist!
Shit!
How are we getting off this planet, Rick?
Same way they do.
- Son of a bitch. - Those are ships?
Oh, I've seen this on TV.
- They're on Earth! - Yep.
On Easter Island.
Suppose that might've been a good place to start.
Sir… mission successful.
We didn't get an egg.
The old man and his young son escaped with it.
Why did you say "mission successful," then?
I don't know. I'm dying.
Kinda wanted to go out on a high…
He was here.
Now… where did he go?
Can't believe you're here after that motorcycle accident
you clearly just walked away from.
Yeah, buddy. I respect you.
You respect me enough to have sex with that guy?
What? No!
But maybe I could give him a little smooch.
Whoa, what's going on?
Have sex with someone!
How 'bout a dry hump instead?
Good enough.
Oh, yeah.
Powers growing.
Societal collapse imminent!
Oh, yeah. Oh.
Freeze, abomination!
No! No!
Must collapse society!
Not today, cupcake.
Ah, Rick!
I feel like we got off on the wrong foot here.
Christrooper General Reinhard Kincaid.
The truth is, we both want the same thing.
We both want you to shut up?
Cute. Let me tell you a story.
My species does not like sex.
Is that… the whole story?
We think it's gross.
I don't like seeing it in movies or TV.
It upsets me when they reference it in pop songs.
- Wow. - 2,000 years ago,
we sent a Trooper here to kill your rabbit,
but Earth crucified him.
Whoa. That is not how we tell that story.
Look, you have the egg.
We have…
- Dad? - Shut up.
Morty!
He's gonna break through!
Holy shit.
Jerry, you in there?
Come on, let's get you home and un-Easter-Clause you.
There is no Jerry.
Only Bunny.
Kiss.
- Gross, dude. - Dad! We saw the murals.
You don't think the first thing we would do is inoculate ourselves?
Yeah, this is a low.
Sex!
Have baby.
Cram penis.
Spill juice.
Time to make fuck!
Beth!
Jerry?
Jerry! I want to have sex with you, not this.
Jerry monster?
No!
So sorry.
I'm sorry, Beth.
What have I become?
It's okay.
You just wanted to celebrate a holiday with your family.
Now you know never to do that again.
Get back! Can't control it!
I know what to do.
Anyway, that's the whole plot of Alien: Prometheus.
Wow! Sounds memorable!
How'd we even start talking about that?
I don't know, Morty. Sometimes I just get on tangents.
You think you've won.
But we sent our best man, and he couldn't do the job.
Do you truly think you're better than the Christ?
Ugh. This guy doesn't even die when he's dead.
Your planet will be, how do you say it,
fucked out.
Okay, now he's dead.
He's sleeping.
Do we… need to kill him?
We can go. He's on an island without legs.
Morty, remind me to delete the Ring cams after this.
It's like that thing you told me about,
- the rat thing. - Rat thing?
You told me once about an experiment with rats.
When I was "wasting time brushing my hair."
Rat utopia! Morty! It's exactly like that.
That's… You did science!
Good job. Nice little mini-arc.
And all it took was a trip to Amadahbra!
He's in the garage.
And unless you guys just jerked around
for the last 48 hours, you know how to fix this.
- He's my grandson! - We didn't jerk anything!
I made a vaccine.
Can't… hold it… in!
Thank God we already had sex.
When he was a person!
Alright, I'm gonna extract the rabbit particles into this egg
without killing Jerry.
Do not touch the beam or you'll become the bunny.
And I'm guessing it'll be fast, because it's…
Easter.
What now?
Ooh! It's a butt guy!
Morty, I saw his back part! He's got a…
Rick, there's no time!
Shit!
Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no!
Mom!
God, I hate Easter!
Beth, are you okay?
- Jerry. - I'm so sorry!
I have to fix this.
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
It's in the butt guy!
Whoa! It's that guy!
How did you get here?
I took the big stone ship.
But I landed downtown, so then I took a bus.
Then I put the egg back in the splitter
after he dropped it in front of me
and patched the egg with a piece from that mosaic.
Then I used that to get the bunny out of the butt guy
into the egg, which you guys saw, and now we're in the present.
Everyone stopped having sex.
It's… it's beautiful.
You can keep the egg. We're done here.
What am I gonna do with this?
I don't know. Use it as art?
What do people do on your planet if they're not having sex?
I'm so glad you asked.
- We weren't actually asking. - Get off our lawn.
Alright, I can do it.
Just give me a moment.
- Turn away. - Who…
- Who was that? - Honestly, Mom, don't ask.
The less we know about holidays the better.
Well said, son. Well said.
Deck the house with Easter baskets
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, eggs
Plastic grass and chocolate rabbits
Fa-la-la-la-la, marshmallow bird
Easter is the time for giving
Fa-la-la-la-la-la, Easter milk
Something, something, basket, candy
Jerry makes an egg, and it is nice
Oh, presidents can have a birthday
Fa-la-la-la-la-la, celebrate
Burger King and do it your way
Fa-la-la-la-la, Whopper, Big Mac
Some are loud and some are somber
Fa-la-la-la-la-la, different things
Corvettes and Hondas, Mr. Golf Cart
Everything's on sale, go to the store
Fa-la-la-la-la-la, spend
That should do it.
I'm happy we did all the other religious holidays off-screen.
Wait, did we just live through a whole calendar year?
Is Summer still at spring break?
You wanna do more poppers?
No, I'm tired.
How long have we been here?
I think it's December.
Spring break!
Sunblock! Trading sunblock for flip-flops!
We've got shots. Tequila shots! Vodka shots!
Tetanus shots!
Shit. Gotta go see Madison.
Do you have a tribute?
Madison! I've brought you this epic gram of mushrooms.
"Epic"? What are you, 30?
- Get the hell out of my tent. - No!
- What did you bring her? - Weed gummies,
and I found a PopSocket.
- Madison! I brought you a PopSocket! - Hey!
That's mine! Give it back!
Ugh, drama.
Exile them to the Best Western pool area.
Hold up. What's the story on that bracelet?
After I realized spring break only ends
if your parents pick you up,
I holed up with another forgotten girl I met.
Me and Brittany lived on Jell-O shots until her teeth fell out.
She didn't have a second stomach just for alcohol.
She didn't make it.
I wear her teeth to remember.
They're yours if you want 'em.
Tight. This girl is my new bestie.
- Hell yeah. - Let's do poppers!
Hell yeah.
Debra. My love. I voyaged across the stars.
And I've realized one thing above all others.
I want to make love to my wife.
What? Sex is gross.
Are you sure?
It doesn't weird me out anymore.
I sort of got to see it up close.
You've been gone for 20 years. You came back in half.
What am I gonna fuck,
that bone that's sticking out of your body?
Also, what is that? I didn't ask for a big egg.
It's got an immortal bunny spirit in it.
- Does that turn you on? - No. Absolutely not.
Drag yourself somewhere else.
I have lived my life poorly.
Did you get any of that?