1 00:01:00,235 --> 00:01:01,236 'Sup, baby? 2 00:01:18,754 --> 00:01:20,047 Let's do some liquor science. 3 00:01:21,423 --> 00:01:23,258 Um, hey, Rick. 4 00:01:23,967 --> 00:01:25,510 Rick! 5 00:01:26,094 --> 00:01:28,138 Rick! Are you ignoring me? 6 00:01:28,221 --> 00:01:31,183 Hey! Hello! Rick! 7 00:01:31,266 --> 00:01:32,768 Did you go deaf? 8 00:01:33,727 --> 00:01:35,187 No, no, no, no, no! 9 00:01:35,270 --> 00:01:36,938 Oh, my God! 10 00:01:42,402 --> 00:01:45,197 - Morty! What the fuck? - I didn't… I didn't mean to! 11 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:46,740 What the fuck? 12 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,203 Tell me why you ignored a sign that said "do not disturb." 13 00:01:51,286 --> 00:01:52,954 I… It's not important. 14 00:01:53,038 --> 00:01:55,582 It better be. You just destroyed my distillery! 15 00:01:55,666 --> 00:01:58,460 So either it's an emergency, or it's important. 16 00:01:58,543 --> 00:02:00,504 And it better be real fuckin' important 17 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:04,049 because this was the most important thing to me today. 18 00:02:04,132 --> 00:02:08,011 So what did you come down here for? 19 00:02:09,221 --> 00:02:12,474 I was wondering if you could drive me to pick up some Pokémon cards. 20 00:02:14,476 --> 00:02:15,477 I'm sorry. 21 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,938 Have you ever seen me happy, Morty? 22 00:02:18,021 --> 00:02:20,357 What? Uh, I mean, not really. 23 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:22,234 Well, I've been happy in my life. 24 00:02:22,317 --> 00:02:24,444 And, look, there's no point on the chart 25 00:02:24,528 --> 00:02:26,697 where my joy intersects with your presence. 26 00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:27,823 Then why hang out with me? 27 00:02:27,906 --> 00:02:29,908 I don't know. When I found you, you were bait. 28 00:02:29,991 --> 00:02:32,452 When I killed that fish, maybe I should have cut the line. 29 00:02:32,536 --> 00:02:35,080 Because all I have now is a fucking worm. 30 00:02:35,163 --> 00:02:39,292 You told me that wasn't true. You're just trying to hurt me. 31 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,462 Morty, no. I meant… 32 00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:44,381 Fuck! 33 00:02:44,923 --> 00:02:46,341 God damn it. 34 00:02:46,425 --> 00:02:48,552 This would be the perfect time for a drink. 35 00:03:21,209 --> 00:03:23,462 Pressure reader, fermentation chamber, copper lining. 36 00:03:23,545 --> 00:03:25,630 Wow, Morty blew all this up? 37 00:03:25,714 --> 00:03:28,258 - What's a mash tun? - Just get an empty beer keg for that. 38 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,093 I'll also need 60-gallon drums. 39 00:03:30,177 --> 00:03:31,887 Okay. Up front, I'm gonna buy myself some shit 40 00:03:31,970 --> 00:03:33,346 since I'm running your errand. 41 00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:35,640 - Deal. - Can I get a little surprise? 42 00:03:35,724 --> 00:03:37,934 No. The Amex automatically blocks you, Jerry. 43 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,603 How does it know I'm using the card? 44 00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,062 Because of the kind of stuff you buy. 45 00:03:41,146 --> 00:03:42,189 What do I buy? 46 00:03:42,272 --> 00:03:43,607 - Dumb stuff. - Dumb stuff. 47 00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:46,818 Computer, replace potato. 48 00:03:46,902 --> 00:03:49,321 The only Grimaldian potato in the galaxy 49 00:03:49,404 --> 00:03:52,157 - is here. - God damn it! 50 00:03:54,785 --> 00:03:56,536 - Let's go. - No, thanks. 51 00:03:56,620 --> 00:03:57,621 You're just gonna yell at me. 52 00:03:57,704 --> 00:03:59,664 Morty, what if I told you I have a thing that'll make it 53 00:03:59,748 --> 00:04:01,416 so you never hear me scream at you again? 54 00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,419 Wait. For real? What kind of thing? 55 00:04:05,212 --> 00:04:06,671 Rick, what the hell? 56 00:04:11,343 --> 00:04:13,011 Rick, what did you do? 57 00:04:13,094 --> 00:04:14,513 It's a Sympathid, a species 58 00:04:14,596 --> 00:04:16,431 that generates unlimited empathy in its hosts. 59 00:04:16,515 --> 00:04:17,891 No matter what I say or do, 60 00:04:17,974 --> 00:04:19,643 the Sympathid will gloss over it 61 00:04:19,726 --> 00:04:21,520 like a Disney edit of a slasher movie. 62 00:04:21,603 --> 00:04:24,105 Here, watch. You're a worthless piece of shit, Morty! 63 00:04:24,189 --> 00:04:25,607 - I'm so disappointed in you. - Rick, fuck you! 64 00:04:25,690 --> 00:04:27,067 I can still hear you screaming. 65 00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:30,362 Okay, it must need to burrow a little bit deeper. 66 00:04:30,445 --> 00:04:31,947 There we go. Let's try again. 67 00:04:32,030 --> 00:04:34,241 You're a piece of sh… 68 00:04:34,324 --> 00:04:35,534 …work, Morty! 69 00:04:35,617 --> 00:04:37,994 Like a golden retriever. A Rick's best friend. 70 00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,663 And when I call you a disappointment, 71 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:42,916 it's because I believe you can be so much better than you are. 72 00:04:42,999 --> 00:04:44,918 How's that? Pretty good, huh? 73 00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:46,670 It nibbles on your empathy centers 74 00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,380 and poops out something much stronger. 75 00:04:48,463 --> 00:04:51,049 - Wait. It eats my empathy? - Don't worry. 76 00:04:51,132 --> 00:04:53,385 We'll only keep it in long enough to win a potato together. 77 00:04:53,468 --> 00:04:55,512 Wait. We have to win one. How do we… 78 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,639 By dancing with the stars! 79 00:05:08,984 --> 00:05:13,446 Hey. It's okay. Focus on my hips. That's where my center of gravity is. 80 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,531 I don't know, Rick. 81 00:05:14,614 --> 00:05:16,366 You've got this. I believe in you. 82 00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:17,492 You two are up. 83 00:05:17,576 --> 00:05:21,204 And now performing "Clair de Lune: Epic Remix" from 84 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,582 the Godzilla: King of the Monsters trailer, 85 00:05:23,665 --> 00:05:27,085 Rick Sanchez and his partner Morty Smith. 86 00:05:56,531 --> 00:05:59,576 Huzzah! A triumph in movement. 87 00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:01,328 Rick, I did it! I caught you! 88 00:06:01,411 --> 00:06:02,746 I knew you could do it, buddy! 89 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:05,123 Congratulations, newest champions. 90 00:06:05,206 --> 00:06:06,917 Here is your reward. 91 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,669 One perfect Grimaldian potato. 92 00:06:09,753 --> 00:06:12,088 And did you see when we nailed that triple spin? 93 00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,507 Your timing was metronomic, Morty. 94 00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,092 And then when I caught you… 95 00:06:16,927 --> 00:06:20,847 Oh, all of that was the Sympathid, wasn't it? 96 00:06:20,931 --> 00:06:23,642 - Did we actually dance or… - The dancing was real. 97 00:06:23,725 --> 00:06:26,311 The trust, the connection, not so much. 98 00:06:26,394 --> 00:06:28,897 It was real nice to-to feel like that with you. 99 00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:30,482 Well, it can't stay in there forever. 100 00:06:30,565 --> 00:06:31,858 There's a bit of a comedown. 101 00:06:31,942 --> 00:06:33,318 What kind of comedown… 102 00:06:35,654 --> 00:06:37,864 I feel like shit. 103 00:06:37,948 --> 00:06:39,658 Wow, it's so nice outside. 104 00:06:39,741 --> 00:06:40,825 Stop guilting me! 105 00:06:40,909 --> 00:06:44,371 Oh, my God. This is our fifth Home Depot. 106 00:06:44,454 --> 00:06:45,747 I'm tired of depots. 107 00:06:45,830 --> 00:06:47,374 I'm not going home without those drums. 108 00:06:47,457 --> 00:06:49,167 It's the last thing we need on Grandpa Rick's list. 109 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:51,461 Maybe we should have done all the Rick shopping 110 00:06:51,544 --> 00:06:53,463 before we went Summer shopping. 111 00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,840 I wasn't going to miss out on that Gucci x Kellogg's drop. 112 00:06:55,924 --> 00:06:58,760 Also, I didn't know everyone was gonna be out of 60-gallon drums. 113 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,388 What the shit? 114 00:07:01,471 --> 00:07:03,139 That dude's hoarding all the drums! 115 00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:05,058 Why is this guy such a drum hog? 116 00:07:05,141 --> 00:07:06,893 I'm looking for the Petco. My dog needs… 117 00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,437 Oh, he's a serial killer. 118 00:07:09,521 --> 00:07:11,648 Jesus! We go to rescue that girl. 119 00:07:11,731 --> 00:07:12,857 We got to call the cops. 120 00:07:12,941 --> 00:07:14,109 Are you kidding? Those drums are evidence. 121 00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:15,735 The cops will take them all. 122 00:07:15,819 --> 00:07:17,237 I need you to follow my lead. 123 00:07:22,784 --> 00:07:24,119 These hatchbacks, huh? 124 00:07:24,202 --> 00:07:25,870 Uh, is that a dead girl? 125 00:07:26,496 --> 00:07:28,665 You got me. Thought this rug would do the deed, 126 00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:30,583 but it's clearly not working out. 127 00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:34,504 Now, those are a good idea. 128 00:07:34,587 --> 00:07:36,506 Wish I'd thought of 60-gallon drums. 129 00:07:36,589 --> 00:07:40,260 Yeah, yeah, they're kind of industry standard. 130 00:07:40,343 --> 00:07:43,471 Is my face red? Amateur serial killer here. 131 00:07:43,555 --> 00:07:46,599 Uh, you think maybe I could buy a couple off you? 132 00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:50,186 Sure. Uh, retail price is 75 bucks. 133 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:54,232 Oh, thanks. Saved my night. Uh, here, I've got 100. 134 00:07:54,315 --> 00:07:55,900 Uh, I don't have any change. 135 00:07:55,984 --> 00:07:57,110 That's okay. Keep it. 136 00:07:57,193 --> 00:08:00,155 No, no, I'm a killer, not a thief. 137 00:08:00,238 --> 00:08:04,868 Look, I've got plenty of change at my place. 138 00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,704 It's right down the street. 139 00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:12,459 We got to save that girl. 140 00:08:12,542 --> 00:08:14,210 We got to get those drums! 141 00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:19,799 Hey, dipshit, get on the bus so I can make fun of you! 142 00:08:19,883 --> 00:08:22,469 You've got the body of a 14-year-old boy, 143 00:08:22,552 --> 00:08:24,846 and I'm gonna beat the shit out of that body. 144 00:08:24,929 --> 00:08:28,266 Bully is life! I'm gonna make you so fucking sad. 145 00:08:28,349 --> 00:08:30,435 Yeah. Okay, pal. Good luck with that. 146 00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:34,939 They're paycheck to paycheck, 147 00:08:35,023 --> 00:08:37,275 but they keep voting against their own interests. 148 00:08:37,358 --> 00:08:39,986 I see you. I know how much pain you're in. 149 00:08:40,070 --> 00:08:41,488 It's not your fault. 150 00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,909 And that's why the Boston Tea Party 151 00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:48,870 sparked the American Revolution. 152 00:08:48,953 --> 00:08:51,623 Holy integers! A raised hand. 153 00:08:51,706 --> 00:08:52,957 This is why I only teach math. 154 00:08:53,041 --> 00:08:54,751 History classes get you canceled. 155 00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,252 I just wanted to say 156 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:58,546 that this history lesson looks a little different 157 00:08:58,630 --> 00:09:00,548 when you empathize with all the parties involved. 158 00:09:00,632 --> 00:09:03,760 You take a smart pill? You're too wise for a child. 159 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:06,805 Next time I have to sub, maybe you should do the teaching. 160 00:09:06,888 --> 00:09:09,682 We should talk about the real issue here, Mr. Goldenfold. 161 00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:11,768 Your ex-wife. Call her. 162 00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:14,354 You might not get another shot, but you'll at least get closure. 163 00:09:14,437 --> 00:09:17,065 I wish you were my son. 164 00:09:17,148 --> 00:09:18,942 Hey, can I talk about how I was bullied in high school 165 00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:20,235 because of my last name? 166 00:09:20,318 --> 00:09:21,611 There's time enough for everyone, 167 00:09:21,694 --> 00:09:23,029 Principal Vagina. 168 00:09:56,271 --> 00:09:59,274 Thanks for waiting. I had to unload the stuff. 169 00:10:01,526 --> 00:10:02,986 - Tea? - Sure. 170 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:06,865 Uh, I don't have to be worried about this, do I? 171 00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,952 I don't know. Do you? 172 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:17,500 Let me get you that change for the drums. 173 00:10:35,143 --> 00:10:38,396 Hello? Please let me live. I'll do anything! 174 00:10:38,479 --> 00:10:40,148 Oh! You're alive. 175 00:10:40,231 --> 00:10:42,901 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Help! Help! 176 00:10:43,818 --> 00:10:46,487 Okay. Uh, yeah. I'm gonna get you out of there. 177 00:10:46,571 --> 00:10:47,614 Thank you. Thank you! 178 00:10:47,697 --> 00:10:48,948 If you help me get 179 00:10:49,032 --> 00:10:51,034 - these 60-gallon drums out of here. - Huh? 180 00:10:53,077 --> 00:10:54,579 Got to say, 181 00:10:54,662 --> 00:10:57,498 you don't seem like a serial killer. 182 00:10:58,541 --> 00:11:02,253 I-I promise I'm a nightmare person. 183 00:11:02,337 --> 00:11:03,796 The worst of the worst. 184 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,425 Really? What's your signature? 185 00:11:07,508 --> 00:11:10,053 Ah. My signature. 186 00:11:10,136 --> 00:11:11,179 Uh, what's yours? 187 00:11:11,262 --> 00:11:15,475 I leave a cat toy in my victim's pockets. 188 00:11:15,558 --> 00:11:18,478 That's why I'm the Cat and Mouse Killer. 189 00:11:20,605 --> 00:11:25,443 Well, I pour honey in the hair, 190 00:11:25,526 --> 00:11:28,905 and then I take, a bunch of flour 191 00:11:28,988 --> 00:11:30,490 and kind of mash it in there too, 192 00:11:30,573 --> 00:11:33,326 and some sprinkles and a balloon, 193 00:11:33,409 --> 00:11:36,746 and, like, I make a card that says "Happy Birthday." 194 00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:39,249 And then I wrap them in wrapping paper, 195 00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:43,670 and that's why they call me the Birthday Butcher. 196 00:11:43,753 --> 00:11:48,049 I kill them on their birthday because that's a double kill. 197 00:11:48,132 --> 00:11:50,176 You know, the death of the child 198 00:11:50,260 --> 00:11:51,636 and the death of the parent. 199 00:11:51,719 --> 00:11:53,721 The parent who metaphorically dies 200 00:11:53,805 --> 00:11:56,557 when they become a childless, regular person again. 201 00:11:56,641 --> 00:11:58,559 It's two in one. 202 00:11:58,643 --> 00:12:01,229 And when I kill twins, it's four at the same time. 203 00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:06,276 Oh, there's real darkness in you. 204 00:12:10,488 --> 00:12:12,865 Hey, Rick. I've been thinking about our boundaries. 205 00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:14,742 And you're right. I shouldn't just walk in 206 00:12:14,826 --> 00:12:16,911 and expect access to your time and attention. 207 00:12:16,995 --> 00:12:18,538 What a pleasant surprise, Morty. 208 00:12:18,621 --> 00:12:20,790 I didn't expect the Sympathid to have lasting effects. 209 00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:22,834 Well, I'd like to bring our trust up 210 00:12:22,917 --> 00:12:24,877 to our good ol' Rick and Morty baseline. 211 00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:27,422 It's important that you feel appreciated and seen. 212 00:12:27,505 --> 00:12:29,924 Point is, I'm gonna focus on finding balance 213 00:12:30,008 --> 00:12:32,260 between my needs and what you want. 214 00:12:33,469 --> 00:12:35,096 Well, I want that thermometer. 215 00:12:35,179 --> 00:12:36,347 Easy! 216 00:12:36,431 --> 00:12:38,641 Do you mind if I take this? My grandpa needs it. 217 00:12:40,601 --> 00:12:41,811 Ah! Kaboom! 218 00:12:41,894 --> 00:12:43,813 Aw, look at the little guy! 219 00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:45,732 - Morty, your arm. - My arm? 220 00:12:45,815 --> 00:12:47,108 Yeah, buddy. Your arm. 221 00:12:47,191 --> 00:12:48,318 What's up with my arm? 222 00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:50,403 Oh, do you have the Sympathid in right now? 223 00:12:50,486 --> 00:12:53,156 I don't know, maybe. Is that a problem? 224 00:12:53,239 --> 00:12:54,574 How long have you had it in? 225 00:12:54,657 --> 00:12:57,785 Rick, it's making this, us, the whole thing work. 226 00:12:57,869 --> 00:13:00,997 I got to take a look at it, little guy. Okay? 227 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:02,707 - Oh, Rick, that tickles. - Hold still, you… 228 00:13:04,417 --> 00:13:06,085 moron! 229 00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,963 What the fuck have you done? 230 00:13:09,714 --> 00:13:11,758 You thought you could let an alien parasite 231 00:13:11,841 --> 00:13:13,926 feast on your brain without consequences? 232 00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:19,557 Where are we? What's happening? 233 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:21,184 Why is my arm over there? 234 00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:24,562 You sympathized with an explosion, you dumb piece of shit! 235 00:13:25,855 --> 00:13:27,690 Morty, see that giant brain crab? 236 00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:29,734 - That's your fault. - Oh, fuck off. 237 00:13:29,817 --> 00:13:31,444 - Fuck off? - Yeah, Rick. 238 00:13:31,527 --> 00:13:33,613 "Oh, you ruined my morning!" 239 00:13:33,696 --> 00:13:36,324 Get over yourself, you dumb dead-wife-having bitch. 240 00:13:41,662 --> 00:13:44,082 Okay, your empathy centers have been digested. 241 00:13:44,165 --> 00:13:45,583 You literally can't empathize. 242 00:13:45,666 --> 00:13:47,168 Oh, so I'm you now? 243 00:13:47,251 --> 00:13:49,837 Quick, get me a kid so I can insult the shit out of him. 244 00:13:54,133 --> 00:13:57,136 All right, okay, maybe I leaned a little hard on the shortcut 245 00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,554 when I could have just talked to you. 246 00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:00,598 What difference does it make? Nothing matters. 247 00:14:00,681 --> 00:14:02,767 Yeah, but I try not to be ghoulish, Morty. 248 00:14:02,850 --> 00:14:05,561 And this counts as ghoulish. 249 00:14:05,645 --> 00:14:08,147 So you can empathize, you just don't want to. 250 00:14:08,231 --> 00:14:10,608 I'm old. I'm allowed to squeeze in some efficiency here and there. 251 00:14:10,691 --> 00:14:12,276 Oh, shit, Morty! 252 00:14:34,006 --> 00:14:35,591 Oh, we're gonna die. We're gonna die! 253 00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:38,010 Hey, this is on you for walking up to a scary guy 254 00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,095 and asking for directions. 255 00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:40,513 Oh, that's worse than a victim-blaming teen 256 00:14:40,596 --> 00:14:41,889 obsessed with murder drums? 257 00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:43,641 So help me God, if you fuck this up, 258 00:14:43,724 --> 00:14:45,226 I'll start screaming, and he'll come out here. 259 00:14:45,309 --> 00:14:47,728 - You're a terrible person. - I'm not even here, lady. 260 00:14:47,812 --> 00:14:50,440 And if I'm not here, you're back at the bottom of a well. 261 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,650 Don't even start unpacking this shit because it's airtight. 262 00:14:52,733 --> 00:14:53,901 You're not even another victim? 263 00:14:53,985 --> 00:14:55,445 You came here on purpose? 264 00:14:56,195 --> 00:14:58,406 Your side is low. Lift your side, bitch. 265 00:14:59,490 --> 00:15:01,075 Oh, no, no, no, no. 266 00:15:01,159 --> 00:15:04,036 What the hell? That girl looks just like you. 267 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,747 Yeah. Yeah. Uh, that's my daughter. 268 00:15:06,831 --> 00:15:08,166 Wasn't she in the rug? 269 00:15:08,249 --> 00:15:09,417 Looks like she's alive! 270 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:11,669 Jesus Christ, you were trying to kill your daughter? 271 00:15:11,752 --> 00:15:12,962 That is fucked, man! 272 00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:14,714 Oh, thank God. 273 00:15:14,797 --> 00:15:16,424 - You called the police? - Yeah. 274 00:15:16,507 --> 00:15:18,718 But you're a serial killer. You're crazy. 275 00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:20,887 I thought I was until I met you. 276 00:15:20,970 --> 00:15:22,346 I'm here for the girl. 277 00:15:22,430 --> 00:15:24,265 I'm not letting you touch her, man! 278 00:15:26,976 --> 00:15:29,145 Help! He's gonna kill me! 279 00:15:29,228 --> 00:15:32,815 - No, I'm not. I'm a normal guy. - Come out with your hands up. 280 00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:35,568 No normal guy could come up with the stuff that you said! 281 00:15:35,651 --> 00:15:37,320 I'm only here for your drums 282 00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:40,364 and to rescue that girl, if I can convince my daughter. 283 00:15:40,448 --> 00:15:44,660 So you made me call the police on myself? 284 00:15:45,328 --> 00:15:48,873 Come back here! I'm gonna kill you! 285 00:15:48,956 --> 00:15:51,417 They said the '70s were full of serial killers 286 00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:54,420 because World War II fucked up all their dads. 287 00:15:54,504 --> 00:15:55,755 But you know what I think? 288 00:15:55,838 --> 00:15:58,049 - Sir… - I think it's in our DNA. 289 00:15:58,633 --> 00:16:02,386 I think you and I are two bad lattes away from getting out the knives. 290 00:16:02,470 --> 00:16:04,138 - Um… - We're all animals. 291 00:16:04,222 --> 00:16:07,225 Fuck! Fuck! 292 00:16:09,352 --> 00:16:13,606 I wish this tire was my head! 293 00:16:15,983 --> 00:16:17,568 Get the battering ram. 294 00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,655 I can't believe it's my fucking birthday. 295 00:16:22,990 --> 00:16:24,200 I don't feel good. 296 00:16:24,283 --> 00:16:25,576 Okay, we got to get you out of here 297 00:16:25,660 --> 00:16:26,869 and get that thing out of your head. 298 00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:28,704 Fuckin' bug is making me feel 299 00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,874 a lot of feelings, Morty, a lot of feelings. 300 00:16:31,958 --> 00:16:33,584 I know what you want, Morty. 301 00:16:33,668 --> 00:16:34,961 Come here, come here, come here. 302 00:16:35,044 --> 00:16:37,213 Grandpa's got a nice kiss for your forehead. 303 00:16:38,339 --> 00:16:41,342 Grandpa should be giving you hugs, not turning you into a trash can 304 00:16:41,425 --> 00:16:43,177 when I'm too lazy to walk across the room. 305 00:16:43,261 --> 00:16:45,179 Wait, when was that? Fuck! Here they come! 306 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:52,061 Oh, no! No, no, no. His juice is coming out. 307 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:54,564 Oh, Morty, we got to put his juice back in. 308 00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,608 - What are you doing? - I got to call his family. 309 00:16:57,692 --> 00:16:59,151 Rick, this isn't the time! 310 00:16:59,235 --> 00:17:02,697 Mrs. Gorbleflax? I'm sorry. Your husband's dead. 311 00:17:02,780 --> 00:17:03,864 Give me the fucking phone. 312 00:17:03,948 --> 00:17:05,700 He lost all his juice! 313 00:17:07,034 --> 00:17:09,829 Oh, my God! We got to make so many phone calls! 314 00:17:09,912 --> 00:17:11,414 Hurry up. I get it, Rick. 315 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,666 I get how frustrating it is to try to get things done 316 00:17:13,749 --> 00:17:15,209 while your sidekick shits the emotional bed. 317 00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:23,050 I got to clean my car. So much broken glass. 318 00:17:23,134 --> 00:17:24,260 Set destination for Earth! 319 00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,220 Is that a used syringe on the floor? 320 00:17:26,304 --> 00:17:28,222 What will people think? 321 00:17:30,433 --> 00:17:32,852 - What's your problem? - What the hell? What's your problem? 322 00:17:32,935 --> 00:17:34,520 - Put Grandpa Rick on the phone. - Not now. 323 00:17:34,604 --> 00:17:36,272 There's a brain crab in Rick's head 324 00:17:36,355 --> 00:17:37,857 that's making him into a Hallmark movie. 325 00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,401 Every piece of paper has an animal locked inside. 326 00:17:40,484 --> 00:17:42,361 Well, Dad's about to be killed by the police so… 327 00:17:42,445 --> 00:17:43,487 We can get another dad. 328 00:17:43,571 --> 00:17:44,864 - What? - What? 329 00:17:44,947 --> 00:17:47,158 Wow! Look at the stars! We're in space! 330 00:17:47,241 --> 00:17:48,534 Morty, I don't know what the hell is going on. 331 00:17:48,618 --> 00:17:51,495 Get over here now, or I'll make sure whatever happens next is worse. 332 00:17:51,579 --> 00:17:54,165 Fuck! Fine. Set course for Summer. 333 00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:04,216 Grandpa Rick, I… 334 00:18:05,009 --> 00:18:07,053 You don't need to prove yourself to me. 335 00:18:07,136 --> 00:18:09,221 Grandpa loves you. 336 00:18:09,305 --> 00:18:10,431 What the literal dick? 337 00:18:10,514 --> 00:18:11,849 Told you. Brain crabbed. 338 00:18:11,932 --> 00:18:13,434 - He's in there? - Yeah. 339 00:18:14,644 --> 00:18:16,228 Housekiller Ram is here, sir. 340 00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:20,524 Great. This guy wants a Waco? I'll show him who's God. 341 00:18:20,608 --> 00:18:22,401 Hold on. Let me try. 342 00:18:23,819 --> 00:18:25,696 Dad, are you still alive? 343 00:18:25,780 --> 00:18:27,114 Morty! Help! 344 00:18:27,198 --> 00:18:30,242 I am gonna boil you alive! 345 00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:32,662 Kid, you're not gonna talk him down. 346 00:18:32,745 --> 00:18:35,581 These kind of guys, they got zero empathy. 347 00:18:35,665 --> 00:18:37,625 Right now, neither do I. 348 00:18:37,708 --> 00:18:40,002 Excuse me, Mr. Serial Killer, sir. 349 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:43,255 Look, I know how you feel. I know everything's nothing. 350 00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:45,132 We live in a world of made-up rules, 351 00:18:45,216 --> 00:18:47,301 policed by policies that serve no one. 352 00:18:47,385 --> 00:18:50,137 You feel alone, and you don't understand anyone. 353 00:18:50,221 --> 00:18:52,932 But that doesn't mean you can't understand yourself. 354 00:18:53,974 --> 00:18:56,852 I know what I need. I need someone to hug me. 355 00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,729 Not because they want something from me, 356 00:18:58,813 --> 00:19:01,190 but because they just want to hug me. 357 00:19:01,273 --> 00:19:03,442 But the world won't give people like us hugs 358 00:19:03,526 --> 00:19:05,736 unless we tell people what we need. 359 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,155 So if you want a hug, a real one, 360 00:19:08,239 --> 00:19:10,616 then walk out and ask for it. 361 00:19:14,662 --> 00:19:17,665 I want a hug! 362 00:19:29,635 --> 00:19:30,845 He's got a knife! 363 00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:34,640 - Well… - Morty, I'm so proud of you. 364 00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:37,810 You did it. And this, sir, is for you. 365 00:19:37,893 --> 00:19:40,312 - Happy birthday. - How did you know? 366 00:19:40,396 --> 00:19:41,439 I could just tell. 367 00:19:41,522 --> 00:19:43,023 Can I come out, 368 00:19:43,107 --> 00:19:45,192 or are you gonna shoot me too? 369 00:19:45,276 --> 00:19:46,277 Do you have a knife? 370 00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:50,156 I technically have a Swiss Army knife in my pocket. 371 00:19:55,077 --> 00:19:59,123 What… Was that the sound of an entire police force out of bullets? 372 00:19:59,206 --> 00:20:01,584 You always feel like this? 373 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,461 Like cut off like this? 374 00:20:03,544 --> 00:20:07,798 Yeah. Morty, the truth is, maybe you shouldn't empathize with me. 375 00:20:07,882 --> 00:20:10,843 Putting this thing in your head made you ignore my behavior. 376 00:20:10,926 --> 00:20:13,012 But being cruel is a danger signal, 377 00:20:13,095 --> 00:20:16,307 and you need to heed those red flags so you don't get hurt. 378 00:20:16,390 --> 00:20:18,100 Are you saying you're a piece of shit? 379 00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:20,227 Yeah, I guess so. 380 00:20:20,311 --> 00:20:21,896 I guess that's okay. 381 00:20:31,822 --> 00:20:33,908 I wish I could enjoy this. 382 00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,590 No hard feelings. 383 00:21:28,921 --> 00:21:31,882 Was that supposed to make me feel better? A pun? 384 00:21:31,966 --> 00:21:33,926 A student slashed my tires. 385 00:21:34,009 --> 00:21:36,846 Another one filled my desk drawer with period blood. 386 00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:38,013 It's gonna be okay. 387 00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:40,724 No, it's not! I make $40,000 a year. 388 00:21:40,808 --> 00:21:42,810 I'd pocket more money if I was in prison. 389 00:21:42,893 --> 00:21:45,187 I see you, I see you. 390 00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:47,481 What the fuck are you talking about? 391 00:21:47,565 --> 00:21:50,067 Did you even see the other side of this drawing? 392 00:21:50,150 --> 00:21:51,569 It's a death threat! 393 00:21:52,194 --> 00:21:53,821 What are you shushing?