There's a lot of things I can tolerate.
Gluten, chatty Uber drivers, singing "Happy Birthday" at work.
But one thing I absolutely cannot forgive, betrayal.
And it's happened to me plenty.
Teresa, I need you.
Please do not leave me for the Fishmans. They don't need you.
- They're so much cleaner than I am. - Exactly.
Ali.
- Oh. - Um…
My hairstylist, she called in sick, so the shampoo girl said she could do it.
It looks… good.
- It does? - Yeah, I love it.
- That is 400. Thank you. - Here.
- Go, go, go. Give me those fours. - Going to the bathroom.
Come on. She's gone.
- I'll take your two premier properties. - I knew it. Put it back.
But I never expected to be betrayed like this.
- How could Dyson do this to us? - I know.
After I discovered him, I nurtured him, I built him up, he should be grateful.
You gave him too much positive reinforcement.
This is why I never compliment anyone. You all suck at your jobs.
- It's good to have you back. - Okay. What does he want?
Apparently more than league minimum, and even though he's under contract,
he's not gonna play until he gets paid market value.
Ali, get me some comps for Dyson.
Small forwards, under 25, first long-term deals.
- Got it? - Got it.
Okay, can we give him a slightly bigger contract?
- How much room do we have under the cap? - We're dangerously close to going over.
Yeah, if we give Dyson what he wants, we'll have to pay the luxury tax too.
I'm all for tariffs, but not like this.
Let me play devil's abacus.
Dyson was scoring 18 points a game in the playoffs.
He's not even old enough to rent a car.
I think we should do whatever we can to lock him down.
Well, thanks to you, we have already spent a fortune
on his new marketing campaign, Rags to Swishes.
Yeah, it's a tale as old as Charles Dickens.
Little Dyson, a sweet, penniless teenager.
New Dyson is an LA Waves superstar, draining threes in front of cheering fans,
women with large chests.
I mean, I want it to have a Euphoriatype vibe.
No intimacy coordinators.
I'll take care of this. His agent's his stepfather.
I can handle a retired math teacher from Kentucky.
He's not with Keith anymore.
- He has a new agent. - What? Who?
Mazel on your wedding, lady.
I love love.
Cynthia and I were a little surprised that we didn't get the invite.
Oh, it's an annoyingly small venue, so family only. You get it.
Absolutely.
That's bullshit!
I know that space. That ballroom holds 600 people.
- What do you want, Clint? - Oh, it's not about what I want.
It's about what my client deserves.
A new contract, one that reflects his value to your team.
Four years, 160 million.
Plus, he wants his own bobblehead night, but it's gotta look better than Travis's.
I don't know what that is.
And he wants to change the number on the back of his jersey
to, like, a Bible verse or some shit.
I can do the bobblehead, and I can do the jersey,
but the money part,
over my dead body!
Ooh.
I'm giving you first crack here, okay?
This kid is very special to me,
and there are a lot of other teams out there
that know exactly how special Tyson is too.
His name is "Dyson."
He doesn't pay me to know his name.
He pays me to get him the best deal possible.
Four for 160.
Five for 25.
You cannot be serious.
Five for 22.
You can't go down. Go up.
Look, you and I both know this kid's gonna be a superstar in this league,
and if you don't pay him, I'm gonna make it my life's mission
to make sure that Tys… Dyson never wears a Waves jersey ever again.
Clint, we are done here.
You have my offer, and you let me know what Dyson thinks.
Oh, I will,
and when he leaves your loser ass, I have just the guy to replace him.
Lou Baker in Phoenix, sweetheart of a guy.
The charges were just dismissed. He's looking for a fresh start.
He would thrive in LA.
- Hey, how'd it go with Clint? - Oh, let's see.
The $150 parking ticket I got outside of his office was the highlight.
Well, since you're on a roll with meeting super annoying men,
you have your sit down with your least-favorite season ticket holder.
Oh, no, the Toilet King from Orange County? Reschedule it.
I have, six times. Isla, Al Fleischman spends a lot of money with the team.
I think you need to bite the bullet, take the meeting.
No. No, no, no, no, no. No!
Ali, please just take this meeting for me. Come on.
I have so much going on. You're so good at this stuff. I'll owe you one.
- Fine. - Yes, thank God.
But I am using your office.
And I found a way to make the statue of your father tax-deductible.
We just have to posthumously ordain him as a minister.
Oh, that's amazing.
Aruna, God, this is why you're our star accountant.
Should we get dinner sometime? This is fun.
I already have my gay friends.
- Let me know if you need an alternate. - Oh, one more thing.
Did you write this $2 million check to Malibu Nights Treatment Center, LLC?
Cam's Rehab Center?
It's not technically a charity, so I don't know how you wanna categorize it.
- That's your signature, right? - Yes. Yes, it is.
Thank you, Aruna. I will work on this.
- Hey, Aruna. Good to see you. - Hmm.
She's all business, huh?
- I don't know. What's up? - Ali needs a raise.
She deserves it. She's asked for it a couple of times.
And it's way overdue.
Isla, no. Okay, there's no money.
We still don't know where we'll land on this Dyson deal.
And there's some unforeseen expenses. Look, we are in the red.
Oh, that's what that means.
- Yes. - Damn it, I just don't wanna tell her no.
- Look, I get it. She's like family. - That's why we should make the exception.
If the board finds out
we're giving out executive raises in the middle of a budget deficit,
we are screwed.
Okay.
I am… not looking forward to this conversation.
That's such fucking bullshit.
- We need to talk. - Jesus Christ, could you fucking knock?
Why would you recommend that book? It's so sad.
What's this?
It is a check to your rehab with my signature on it.
Where did you get that?
Aruna just asked me
why I made a $2 million taxable donation to a for-profit company.
Fucking Aruna. That snake.
I had to get out of there. I had to grease the wheels. They wouldn't let me out.
So you embezzled company funds, and you forged my signature?
- Are you out of your mind? - Would you calm down?
Look, the truth is is that I was going crazy in there.
I was sober, but they wouldn't let me out. I missed my wife, and I… missed my kids.
I even missed you fuckers.
I knew Lizzy would never let me write a check that big,
so I used company funds.
- I swear I was gonna pay you back. - When were you gonna tell me?
How do I tell you?
Someone who everyone says is so much younger
and more talented and has their shit together.
People are saying that?
I promise I'm gonna pay you back,
but can we just please keep this between you and me just for the time being?
I guess we can push this check into next quarter and get you on a payment plan.
Thank you so much.
I promise I'm gonna pay you back when I can.
Hey, how about that Evelyn Hugo, huh?
Isn't it good? I cried so hard when she killed herself.
She did what now?
And I'll have three salmon nigiri, three hamachi, and two spicy toro.
Thank you.
And by the way, I'm a big fan.
I hope everything works out with you and the team.
Thanks, man.
But you'd still be a big fan of mine if they didn't, right?
Yeah, no way, dude. LA Waves for life.
Are you really thinking about not playing?
I don't know. I just want this all to be over.
I hate feeling like Isla and everyone's mad at me.
You can't let that affect your decision. This is business.
And you have value too.
Tomorrow fades I'll be nowhere with you
Hey, is everything okay?
Um, no, I lost my job.
- What? - Dogday Aftergroom got shut down.
The space was bought by some Indian grocery store chain.
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, the new owners offered me a job and asked how many spices I could name.
And all I could come up with was turmeric.
And they practically laughed me out of the room.
- Couldn't come up with cumin? - No, I couldn't come up with cumin.
- Sandy, I don't know what I'm gonna do. - It's gonna be okay, all right?
- Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. - How?
Well, I mean, no offense,
but you didn't move to LA to be a dog groomer.
You had other goals.
You could go back to college, get a degree.
You know, I did originally move here to be an actor.
Right.
Yes, your headshot with the frosted tips.
Yeah, I was the stand-in for Blue Power Ranger for a few months.
They were gonna give me a line. And then I hurt my back.
Right, your back.
I'm gonna get back out there and start auditioning. Oh, I gotta get an agent.
You know a ton of those guys, right? Can you hook me up?
Uh… yes, technically yes, but…
Thank you. Thank you. I… I gotta get new headshots.
Coriander. Coriander.
Yeah, I'm so excited for you.
Midlife career change.
The first round didn't go great. Do you want me to take lead on this?
Look, Clint and I play golf at The Riv all the time.
Thanks, Cam, I've got this.
There he is, my homie.
- Allergies? - Yeah, I got COVID. Nobody shake my hand.
- Oh. - All right.
- Oh, get over it, it's 2026. - Just stay over there.
Well, we have discussed things on our end, and here is our counter.
Five years at 35 million.
Hello, Clint, are you feeling sick?
No, no.
I'm just trying to process what a dumb fucking moron you are.
- Whoa! Hey! - That's uncalled-for, sir.
You shut up, little girl.
I'm not a girl. I'm a boy, a… man.
This number is nowhere near what we're looking for.
You're not serious negotiators, and personally, I don't like any of you.
Come on, Clint, meet us in the middle here.
That's what you think this is?
You're more R-word than I thought.
And yeah, I don't say it anymore because I'm on some board.
Ugh.
I'm telling you, you're playing with fire. All of you are playing with fire.
Cam, I got us a tee time 8 a.m. on Friday.
I'm gonna whip your ass, fucker.
You wish, motherfucker. I'm gonna smoke you.
- You wish. - Get out of here. I love you.
Oh.
- Yeah. Told you I should've handled that. - Oh shit. We got a code green.
God, Ness, no one can remember your color code system.
Green means go,
as in go ahead and start worrying because we got a big problem.
Poacher's in town.
I'm… I'm sorry, who's The Poacher?
Magnus Serafin, GM of the Toronto Trappers.
Absolute shark.
Trappers have won three of the last nine championships,
and he's the reason.
He's responsible for taking most of the talent up to Canada.
You take your eye off the ball for one second,
and the next thing you know, your best player's up there backstage
at a Weeknd concert eating donuts named after him from Tim Hortons.
Oh no, do you think he's after Dyson?
- The Dyson donut, it's perfect. - Bingo.
Worst part is, he's not just charming, he's hot as hell.
Nobody can resist him.
Oh, come on, we're hot too.
Yeah, but he's mom-and-dad hot. We're just mom hot.
- Speak for yourself. I'm dad hot. - We have the same ugly dad.
Guys, this is crazy. Okay?
Dyson is under contract.
The Poacher cannot sign him.
Well, he can't sign him,
but he can take him to the Polo Lounge and wine and dine him.
Suddenly Dyson's no longer holding out. He's demanding a trade to Toronto.
It's happened before. Lewis Washington out of Orlando.
Or was it Orlando Lewis in Washington?
This is bullshit.
I'm not gonna let The Poacher take talent that I discovered.
Jackie, I want you to find out where Magnus is staying. Track his every move.
- Whoa, whoa, what are you gonna do? - I'm gonna talk to Dyson.
We shouldn't be engaging with him directly. This is business.
Yes, which is why I'm going as a friend to tell him he's fucking up my business.
Mic check Next to flex
I put it on Till the break of dawn…
Whoo!
- Mm! - We said no dunks.
Can we talk a second?
Looks like you're still keeping in shape, so that's good.
Should you be here? Clint says I should only be talking to Team Dyson now.
He may have said "Tyson."
Look, I'm sure Clint is trying to tell you I'm the bad guy, but you signed a deal,
and you're holding out before the season even starts.
Dyson, if it wasn't for me, you would be playing in front of 20 people
and still working at UPS.
You think I should accept less than what I'm worth because I owe you one?
No, but this is your first big shot. I gave it to you.
- That should count for something. - I was told you'd say that.
Don't listen to Clint.
It wasn't Clint.
- I should go. - Yeah.
Well, you're not even supposed to be playing basketball right now.
Hey, man, my daughter got me that ball for Father's Day.
Knock, knock, Al Fleischman, AKA The Flush Man,
The Toilet King of Orange County.
It's good to see you again, Al. Ali Lee, Waves Chief of Staff.
Right, right, right. Where's Isla?
Isla really wanted to be here but got pulled into a last-minute issue.
She didn't want to reschedule for the seventh time?
Please sit. So what can I do for you, Al?
Okay, well, I'll be blunt. I want better seats.
Well, you're already front row, Al. Doesn't get better than that.
Yeah, but I'm under the basket, okay?
What does a billionaire gotta do to sit with the A-listers, okay?
I'm talking center court.
I'm talking sitting next to the Sabrina Carpenters
and the Ariana Grandes and the Olivia Rodrigos.
All the cool, young, hip people should be sitting together.
I'm doing this for your ratings.
I can assure you
the minute center court seats open up, you'll be getting a call.
Do I need to remind you
that every turd in that arena goes through a Fleischman toilet?
Even your turd, okay?
- I think I deserve a little more respect. - We do respect you, Al.
How about some VIP access?
You know, something we rarely do is let fans watch a practice.
It's the closest you'll ever get to the players.
Yeah, you think they'll let me scrimmage a little?
You're spying on someone. Are you in danger?
No, no, I'm fine.
My car's in the loading zone, ready to roll.
Well, be careful. You're still coming to dinner with my family tonight, right?
Yes, please tell your brothers not to roughhouse me so much.
Oh my God, The Poacher!
Jackie Moreno, né Gordon.
There's two things Canadians don't like. Rollerblade hockey and being spied on.
I'm not a spy.
I'm here for… breakfast.
I'll have the, uh… $45 omelet?
I have a message for your family.
Tell them I always get what I want, and now it's personal.
Also, that car of yours in the loading zone, it's being towed.
No, no, no, my good charger's in there. Dammit.
- Any news on The Poacher? - Magnus is definitely on the prowl.
Oh, Jackie needs 500 bucks to get his car out of the impound lot.
Hey, who's our contact at CAA or WME?
Uh, for sports, that's Pat Ellerman.
No, not sports. The, uh, acting side.
Oh, God, no, Travis isn't trying to do white Blade again.
No, it's not for Travis. It's for, uh, something personal.
- Don't tell me you're trying to act now. - I love you. You have zero charisma.
No, stop. It's for Charlie, okay?
He lost his job, and he's trying to get back into acting.
No, Sandy, I am not contacting Kevin Huvane
so you can get your dog groomer, non-actor boyfriend a job.
He is an actor, okay?
He was the main stand-in for Blue Power Ranger,
and he almost had a line until he hurt his back.
- Right. His back - Yeah, his back.
Okay, this is so unfair.
You guys do favors for your spouses all the time.
Ness, we have invested in every one of Bituin's businesses,
and Isla, how many times have we given the owner's box to Lev's practice?
And if I have to go to one more of Lizzy's galas for Cam,
I'm gonna lose it.
All I'm asking for is a phone number.
Fine. Here is a contact at CAA,
so your boyfriend can have a huge acting career.
Thank you.
- Clint. - Oh boy.
Hi, Clint.
I'm just gonna cut right to the chase.
Dyson just got a big offer from another team,
so either you guys match it, or we're gonna demand a trade.
You know it's against league rules
to negotiate with other teams when Dyson is still under contract.
Okay, well, then sue me.
You can take it to the Supreme Court for all I care.
I was frat brothers with Brett Kavanaugh.
Delta Kap for life, bitch.
I can't believe he'd leave me after everything I've done for him.
- You didn't say that to him, did you? - No. I mean, yeah, kind of. Pretty much.
Jackie, what is it?
Permission to speak as your brother and not your assistant?
Yes, of course.
Okay, as someone who you also took under your wing,
maybe Dyson is tired of being thought of as a charity case.
A charity case? He's one of the best players on the team.
We were about to give him an entire marketing campaign.
Yeah, Rags to Swishes.
What's wrong with that?
The fans love it.
They shortened it to Rags,
which basically means an old towel you still haven't thrown out.
Sometimes people get tired of being treated like an underdog.
You know, when you have smart ideas, you can just say them.
Don't make me coax them out of you.
Really? Because I was thinking about redoing my desk area.
Maybe some new lighting, a little area rug.
I want it to have a Nancy Meyers aesthetic.
I didn't mean now.
Hey, headed home?
Oh, I wish. Gene's doing an open mic at the Irvine Comedy Barn.
He's 11th up.
Ooh, yikes.
Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry we couldn't do the raise thing.
Oh.
Oh, Isla didn't tell you yet.
Shit, yeah, sorry. It's just not really a good time.
Hi to Gene.
Thanks for coming, Dyson.
Sure, but I parked out front, and the sign says it's street cleaning tomorrow,
so I need to leave by 8 a.m.
This will take less than 12 hours. Just come in.
Okay.
Here it goes.
I've worked really hard to get to where I am,
but no matter what I do,
people still treat me like the total mess I used to be.
You mean like when Sean Murphy called you CE-Ho?
Yes. Thank you.
What I'm trying to say, Dyson,
is that I've been treating you like the D-League kid that I found
and not the rising star you've become.
And I am really sorry about that.
- Thank you. - So we're gonna do right by you.
We're gonna get you paid, and no one will call you "Rags" anymore.
All I ask in return is that you take back the trade demand.
What trade demand?
Fucking Clint!
Okay, you are about to be in a good mood.
Uh, the barista who gives us free cake pops finally took us up on our offer?
No. Um, actually, I don't know, but we should follow up with him.
But guess who now has an agent at CAA.
- Stop, are you serious? That's incredible. - Yeah.
- Thank you. I'm so happy.
Oh, and good news.
I, uh… I actually found my old headshot, and I think I can still use it.
Look at you.
Your hair is so crunchy.
Maybe I can also hook you up with a new photographer.
Yo, king of the hill, man I got the juice…
Oh, look who it is. "Moneybag" Gibbs.
You know, you're paying for team dinners now.
Hell no. That was Rookie Dyson. All you youngins are on blast now.
Congrats on securing the bag. Just moved up the pecking order.
Hey, Travis.
I didn't want you to hear this from anyone else,
but, uh, me and Zoé are dating now.
- All right. - All right, then.
Oh shit, it's Marcus's anniversary, so let's make sure we send him flowers.
Send 'em from Louisa's in Bel-Air.
I didn't get any of that.
Oh, fuck it. I'll just tell Jackie to do it.
Cam! Hey, Al Fleischman,
aka The Flush Man, the Toilet King of Orange County.
Hey.
- You got a second? - Listen, I'd love to talk to you, Al.
But me and Leroy gotta meeting we gotta get to.
Uh, no. No, we don't. You can talk to your friend.
- Oh, great. - No, we definitely have a meeting.
- Dude, I don't have anything in this book. - Okay, we can have a meeting.
Because I've been running into a brick wall with that sister of yours.
I mean, what's a kid gotta do to kick it center court, baby?
I would love to help you. I don't handle the ticketing.
I know, but it's not about the money, man. I can pay, okay?
We just became an exclusive vendor to all North American Radissons, okay?
And that's a high-flow clientele.
I'm talking breakfast buffets seven days a week.
I'm talking coffee makers in every room. I mean, we're talking Crap City, man!
That sounds really great, Al. I… I really don't have time.
Hey, Cam, I want those seats, and money is no object.
Do you understand?
You know what, Al?
You and I might be able to figure something out.
I'll call you.
Whoa.
Great job closing on Dyson.
Yes, and I was happy to see it was a declining deal
that'll keep us under the luxury tax for a couple years.
- Yes. - I'm so glad we didn't trade Dyson.
He's the only one of the players that followed me back on Instagram.
And, turns out, Clint made all that trade stuff up.
Toronto was never even after Dyson.
Wait a minute.
Then what the hell's The Poacher doing in LA?
Oh, yeah. Who was he here for?
I'm not going to beat around the bush, hey?
I'm offering you an opportunity to maximize your gifts.
So, do we have a deal?
I'd be crazy to say no.
I didn't mean to yell at you
There must be something in the air
I mean You're talking 'bout the Apocalypse
I was asking 'bout my hair
And I know you think I'm on something strong
You know I'm cynical, at least
Well, babe, you might not be wrong
But I paid a lot for these seats
I know I'm unsubtle And you're so coy
You only laugh When I'm annoyed
I want to care But what can I say?
Goddamn It's just too hot in L.A.
It's too damn hot