1 00:00:01,780 --> 00:00:04,174 So I'm on line at the supermarket. 2 00:00:06,472 --> 00:00:07,823 Two women in front of me. 3 00:00:08,453 --> 00:00:12,411 One of them, her total was $8. The other, $3. 4 00:00:13,875 --> 00:00:17,312 They both, of course, choose to pay by the use of the check. 5 00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:22,942 Fact is, if it is a woman in front of you that's writing out the check... 6 00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:24,714 you'll not be waiting long. 7 00:00:24,719 --> 00:00:27,113 I have noticed that women are very fast with checks. 8 00:00:27,221 --> 00:00:30,241 You know, because they write out so many checks. 9 00:00:30,349 --> 00:00:33,369 The keys, they can never find. They don't know where that is. 10 00:00:34,833 --> 00:00:37,122 But the checkbook, they got that. 11 00:00:37,231 --> 00:00:38,895 They never fumble for the checkbook. 12 00:00:38,899 --> 00:00:40,667 The checkbook comes out of a holster. 13 00:00:40,672 --> 00:00:42,857 "Who do I make it out to? 14 00:00:45,155 --> 00:00:47,132 There's my ID." 15 00:00:54,852 --> 00:00:58,497 There's something about a check, that, to a man, is not masculine. 16 00:00:58,606 --> 00:01:01,625 I don't know exactly what it is. I think, to a man... 17 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:03,710 a check is like a note from your mother. 18 00:01:03,819 --> 00:01:06,734 "I don't have any money, but if you'll contact these people... 19 00:01:07,573 --> 00:01:11,322 I'm sure they'll stick up for me. If you could just trust me this one time. 20 00:01:11,430 --> 00:01:14,033 I don't have any money, but I have these. 21 00:01:15,184 --> 00:01:17,265 I wrote on these. 22 00:01:17,687 --> 00:01:20,498 Is this of any value at all?" 23 00:01:29,469 --> 00:01:30,820 What's that one? 24 00:01:30,928 --> 00:01:33,218 Cocoon II, The Return. 25 00:01:33,327 --> 00:01:35,303 I guess they didn't like it up there. 26 00:01:35,516 --> 00:01:37,597 Maybe they came back for Chinese food. 27 00:01:37,601 --> 00:01:39,683 You know, Maureen Stapleton gets a craving... 28 00:01:39,791 --> 00:01:42,289 she's probably screaming at those aliens: 29 00:01:42,293 --> 00:01:44,479 "I gotta have a lo mein." 30 00:01:47,090 --> 00:01:50,109 Okay, what are we doing here? I have seen everything. 31 00:01:50,218 --> 00:01:51,986 Oh, yeah? 32 00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:55,218 I don't believe you've seen this. 33 00:01:55,327 --> 00:01:58,451 - Oh, lovely. - Yeah. 34 00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:01,787 What do you think their parents think? 35 00:02:01,896 --> 00:02:04,707 "So, what's your son doing now, Dr. Stevens?" 36 00:02:04,815 --> 00:02:08,252 "Oh, he's a public fornicator." 37 00:02:08,569 --> 00:02:11,067 "Yes, he's a fine boy." 38 00:02:12,739 --> 00:02:15,759 You know, this would be a really funny gift for Pamela's birthday. 39 00:02:16,285 --> 00:02:17,844 Pamela. Do I know her? 40 00:02:17,849 --> 00:02:20,451 Yeah, you met her when we were going out. 41 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:22,953 Oh, yeah, right. 42 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,290 You have no idea who I'm talking about, do you? 43 00:02:26,398 --> 00:02:28,271 No. 44 00:02:28,380 --> 00:02:32,442 Blond hair, remember? Glasses. 45 00:02:33,072 --> 00:02:36,612 Have you totally blocked out the entire time we were a couple? 46 00:02:37,138 --> 00:02:39,428 - Riverside Drive. - Right. 47 00:02:39,745 --> 00:02:42,973 In fact... No. Never mind. 48 00:02:44,749 --> 00:02:46,518 Well, what is it? 49 00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:49,959 A bunch of people are getting together tomorrow at some bar... 50 00:02:50,067 --> 00:02:51,731 for her birthday, but... 51 00:02:51,735 --> 00:02:54,546 You don't want to go to that. No. Okay. 52 00:02:55,385 --> 00:02:58,508 Wait a second. Wait a second. 53 00:02:58,617 --> 00:03:00,698 We could work out a little deal here. 54 00:03:01,224 --> 00:03:04,243 - What little deal? - I will go to that... 55 00:03:04,247 --> 00:03:07,371 you go with me to the little family wedding I have on Saturday. 56 00:03:07,584 --> 00:03:08,831 A wedding? 57 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:13,523 - Have you lost it, man? - My parents are coming in for this. 58 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,400 - They're coming in? - Yeah, tomorrow. 59 00:03:15,508 --> 00:03:17,798 Hey, did your father ever get that hair weave? 60 00:03:18,011 --> 00:03:19,362 No, no. 61 00:03:19,470 --> 00:03:21,969 Still doing the big sweep across. 62 00:03:22,807 --> 00:03:24,367 Why does he do that? 63 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,035 Doesn't think anyone can tell. 64 00:03:29,897 --> 00:03:32,291 So, come on, do we have a deal? 65 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:33,751 A wedding? 66 00:03:33,755 --> 00:03:36,357 There's a lot of people to mock. 67 00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:40,841 - All right. What the hell. - Great. 68 00:03:40,949 --> 00:03:45,533 When you're dead, you're dead. That's it. You're not going anywhere. 69 00:03:51,897 --> 00:03:54,604 - Come on, let's go. - Was I supposed to bring something? 70 00:03:54,713 --> 00:03:56,585 - You could have. - I met her one time. 71 00:03:56,590 --> 00:03:59,296 - It is not necessary. - Then what did you say that for? 72 00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:01,590 - Hi. - Hi, Pamela. 73 00:04:01,594 --> 00:04:04,092 - You remember Jerry? - Yes, we met. 74 00:04:04,097 --> 00:04:07,220 - Happy birthday. - Thanks. 75 00:04:07,329 --> 00:04:09,619 Everybody, this is Jerry and Elaine. 76 00:04:09,623 --> 00:04:10,974 - Hi. - Hi. 77 00:04:11,083 --> 00:04:13,477 I didn't bring anything. 78 00:04:13,898 --> 00:04:17,022 - I put you two right here. - Oh, okay. 79 00:04:18,277 --> 00:04:20,775 I'm sorry. I didn't know what... You know. 80 00:04:21,405 --> 00:04:23,799 Nobody's told me anything about this... 81 00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:27,344 How big a tip you think it would take to get him to stop? 82 00:04:27,765 --> 00:04:29,117 I'm in for 5. 83 00:04:29,121 --> 00:04:30,785 I'll supply the hat. 84 00:04:31,415 --> 00:04:33,913 What do we have here? 85 00:04:33,917 --> 00:04:36,520 Why don't you relax, and take your jacket off. 86 00:04:36,628 --> 00:04:39,230 I can't. I have a tendency to get chilly. 87 00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:41,733 How masculine. 88 00:04:41,737 --> 00:04:46,112 Plus I'm wearing short sleeves. I don't want to expose my tattoos. 89 00:04:47,263 --> 00:04:49,761 She's unbelievable. 90 00:04:49,766 --> 00:04:54,036 - Hey, this guy says he know Bricker. - Oh, you know Bricker? From where? 91 00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:55,600 What's going on here? 92 00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:58,624 Got to be her boyfriend. She's too good to be alone. 93 00:04:58,629 --> 00:05:01,023 What's the difference? I can't manoeuvre anyway... 94 00:05:01,027 --> 00:05:02,378 with Elaine next to me. 95 00:05:02,486 --> 00:05:05,506 - How do you know Pamela? - Friend of a friend. 96 00:05:05,719 --> 00:05:07,800 - And you? - We went to law school together. 97 00:05:08,117 --> 00:05:09,676 Oh, Jerry. 98 00:05:09,681 --> 00:05:13,117 Oh, no. Not now. 99 00:05:14,269 --> 00:05:16,558 I had this dream last night, and you were in it. 100 00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:18,018 - Really? - Yeah. 101 00:05:18,126 --> 00:05:20,520 Oh, God, I gotta get out of this. 102 00:05:20,733 --> 00:05:23,440 You were you, but you weren't you. 103 00:05:24,174 --> 00:05:25,942 - No kidding? - Yeah. 104 00:05:26,051 --> 00:05:29,279 Why is this happening? Please mak e her stop. 105 00:05:29,387 --> 00:05:32,615 I think... I think we were in my house where I grew up... 106 00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:35,535 and you were standing there. You were looking out the window. 107 00:05:35,643 --> 00:05:37,516 This is brutal. 108 00:05:37,624 --> 00:05:42,208 And then you turned around, and you had these wooden teeth. 109 00:05:42,838 --> 00:05:44,919 How do you like that? 110 00:05:45,027 --> 00:05:46,796 Can I turn now? Is this over? 111 00:05:47,530 --> 00:05:51,175 No, I can't. I can't. I'm stuck. 112 00:05:51,909 --> 00:05:53,886 Jerry, are you listening to me? 113 00:05:53,994 --> 00:05:55,345 Yes. I heard you. 114 00:05:55,454 --> 00:05:58,682 Elaine, what's the name of that jewellery store you took me to that time? 115 00:05:58,999 --> 00:06:01,289 Thank you, Pamela. 116 00:06:01,397 --> 00:06:02,540 So, you're a lawyer? 117 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,938 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 118 00:06:05,359 --> 00:06:09,526 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 119 00:06:10,677 --> 00:06:13,175 Of course, they handled my tattoo-removal lawsuit. 120 00:06:13,179 --> 00:06:15,260 - Oh, that was you. - Imagine. 121 00:06:15,369 --> 00:06:16,929 Spelling "mom" with two O's. 122 00:06:17,350 --> 00:06:19,223 That's very funny. 123 00:06:19,227 --> 00:06:21,621 - What do you do? - Comedian. 124 00:06:21,729 --> 00:06:24,123 Really? That explains it. 125 00:06:24,545 --> 00:06:29,024 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 126 00:06:29,237 --> 00:06:30,692 You ready? 127 00:06:30,801 --> 00:06:33,090 We gotta run. Happy birthday. 128 00:06:33,199 --> 00:06:35,593 - Bye, everyone. - Thanks for coming. 129 00:06:35,701 --> 00:06:37,678 - Bye. - Bye. 130 00:06:37,786 --> 00:06:39,555 I can't believe it. I got nothing. 131 00:06:40,185 --> 00:06:41,849 I don't even know her name. 132 00:06:41,957 --> 00:06:46,124 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 133 00:06:53,009 --> 00:06:54,778 That wasn't so bad, really. 134 00:06:55,929 --> 00:06:57,697 You know... 135 00:06:58,953 --> 00:07:01,138 you could use a little work on your manners. 136 00:07:01,768 --> 00:07:03,849 Why? What did I do? 137 00:07:04,062 --> 00:07:07,290 Well, I just don't appreciate these little courtesy responses... 138 00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:11,565 like I'm selling you aluminium siding. - I was listening. 139 00:07:11,569 --> 00:07:15,214 No. You couldn't wait to get back to your little conversation. 140 00:07:15,323 --> 00:07:19,280 No. You were talking about the dream you had... 141 00:07:19,285 --> 00:07:22,096 where you had wooden teeth. - No! 142 00:07:22,204 --> 00:07:24,181 No! You had wooden teeth! 143 00:07:24,290 --> 00:07:27,518 You had wooden teeth. I didn't have them, you did. 144 00:07:27,626 --> 00:07:30,229 All right, so I had wooden teeth. So what? 145 00:07:30,337 --> 00:07:33,044 So... So nothing. Nothing. 146 00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,736 Apparently Plato... 147 00:07:37,844 --> 00:07:41,281 who came up with the concept of the platonic relationship... 148 00:07:41,389 --> 00:07:43,575 was pretty excited about it. 149 00:07:45,352 --> 00:07:49,414 He named it after himself. He said, "Yeah, I got this new thing. 150 00:07:49,626 --> 00:07:51,708 Platonic. 151 00:07:51,816 --> 00:07:54,940 My idea, my name. Calling it after myself. 152 00:07:56,717 --> 00:07:58,381 What I do is... 153 00:07:58,385 --> 00:08:00,257 I go out with the girls... 154 00:08:00,366 --> 00:08:01,717 I talk with them... 155 00:08:01,826 --> 00:08:03,281 don't do anything... 156 00:08:03,285 --> 00:08:05,158 and go right home. 157 00:08:05,371 --> 00:08:07,556 What do you think? 158 00:08:08,082 --> 00:08:10,476 I think it's going to be big." 159 00:08:11,627 --> 00:08:13,708 I bet you other guys in history tried... 160 00:08:13,712 --> 00:08:17,253 getting relationships named after them, but it didn't work. 161 00:08:17,466 --> 00:08:20,381 I bet you there were guys that tried to do it. Just went: 162 00:08:20,385 --> 00:08:23,509 "Hi, my name's Rico. 163 00:08:23,618 --> 00:08:26,011 Would you like to go to bed immediately? 164 00:08:26,746 --> 00:08:29,452 Hey, it's a 'riconic' relationship." 165 00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:36,542 - Hey. - There he is. 166 00:08:36,547 --> 00:08:38,836 This is what I like. See? 167 00:08:38,841 --> 00:08:42,277 You come home, your parents are in your bed. 168 00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:47,178 You know, Jerry, we don't have to do this. 169 00:08:47,182 --> 00:08:49,784 What are you talking about? I love having you here. 170 00:08:50,206 --> 00:08:53,329 - Tomorrow, we'll go to a hotel. - Ma, will you stop? 171 00:08:53,438 --> 00:08:55,415 No. Why should we take over your apartment? 172 00:08:55,523 --> 00:08:57,709 I don't care. I'm sleeping next door. 173 00:08:57,713 --> 00:08:59,377 Your friend Kramer doesn't mind? 174 00:08:59,381 --> 00:09:01,149 No. He's making a bouillabaisse. 175 00:09:02,405 --> 00:09:05,216 So, Dad, let me ask you a question. 176 00:09:05,220 --> 00:09:08,031 How many people work at these big law offices? 177 00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:10,325 - Depends on the firm. - Yeah, but if you called... 178 00:09:10,433 --> 00:09:13,349 and described someone, you think they would know who it was? 179 00:09:13,562 --> 00:09:15,330 What's the matter, you need a lawyer? 180 00:09:15,855 --> 00:09:19,605 I met someone. I know where she works, but I don't know her name. 181 00:09:19,713 --> 00:09:21,794 Why don't you ask someone who was at the party? 182 00:09:22,111 --> 00:09:25,027 No. The only one I could ask is Elaine. I can't ask her. 183 00:09:25,135 --> 00:09:28,885 - Why not? - Because it's complicated. 184 00:09:28,993 --> 00:09:31,178 There's some tension there. 185 00:09:31,287 --> 00:09:33,159 He used to go with her. 186 00:09:33,164 --> 00:09:34,828 - Which one is she? - From Maryland. 187 00:09:34,936 --> 00:09:37,956 She brought the chocolate-covered cherries you didn't like. 188 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:41,397 Oh, yeah. Very alert. Warm person. 189 00:09:41,505 --> 00:09:43,065 Oh, yeah, she's great. 190 00:09:43,173 --> 00:09:45,359 So how come nothing materialized there? 191 00:09:45,363 --> 00:09:48,904 Well, it's a tough thing to talk about. 192 00:09:51,306 --> 00:09:54,534 - I don't know. - I know what it was. 193 00:09:54,538 --> 00:09:57,349 You don't know what it was. 194 00:09:57,354 --> 00:09:59,018 So what was it? 195 00:09:59,856 --> 00:10:02,250 Well, we fight a lot for some reason. 196 00:10:02,567 --> 00:10:05,274 - Oh, well. - Oh, well. 197 00:10:05,904 --> 00:10:09,132 And there was a little problem with the physical chemistry. 198 00:10:16,122 --> 00:10:19,141 Well, I think she's a very attractive girl. 199 00:10:19,458 --> 00:10:21,122 She is. She absolutely is. 200 00:10:21,127 --> 00:10:23,208 I can see if there was a weight problem... 201 00:10:23,316 --> 00:10:24,772 No, it's not that. 202 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,440 It wasn't all one-sided. 203 00:10:26,757 --> 00:10:30,089 You know you can't be so particular. Nobody's perfect. 204 00:10:30,198 --> 00:10:32,592 - I know, I know. - You know, Jerry... 205 00:10:32,596 --> 00:10:34,469 good thing I wasn't so particular. 206 00:10:34,681 --> 00:10:36,867 Idiot. 207 00:10:37,601 --> 00:10:41,559 - Who you looking for, Sophia Loren? - That's got nothing to do with it. 208 00:10:42,189 --> 00:10:44,791 How about Loni Anderson? 209 00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,502 Where do you get Loni Anderson? 210 00:10:47,506 --> 00:10:49,587 Why, what's wrong with Loni Anderson? 211 00:10:49,696 --> 00:10:51,881 I like Elaine more than Loni Anderson. 212 00:10:51,990 --> 00:10:54,801 What are you two talking about? 213 00:10:54,805 --> 00:10:56,886 Look, Elaine just wasn't the one. 214 00:10:57,203 --> 00:10:58,867 And this other one's the one? 215 00:10:58,976 --> 00:11:03,246 - I don't know. Maybe. - So ask Elaine there for the number. 216 00:11:03,355 --> 00:11:05,227 I can't. She'll get upset. 217 00:11:05,336 --> 00:11:07,521 I never talk about other women with her... 218 00:11:07,630 --> 00:11:10,545 especially this one tonight. - How could you still see her... 219 00:11:10,549 --> 00:11:13,360 if you're not interested? - We're friends. 220 00:11:13,469 --> 00:11:16,071 Doesn't sound like you're friends. If you were friends... 221 00:11:16,180 --> 00:11:18,782 you'd ask her for the number. 222 00:11:18,786 --> 00:11:21,597 - Do you know where this one works? - Oh, yeah. 223 00:11:21,602 --> 00:11:23,161 So go up to the office. 224 00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:24,830 Up to her office? 225 00:11:24,938 --> 00:11:26,394 Go to the building. 226 00:11:26,502 --> 00:11:28,270 She goes out to lunch, doesn't she? 227 00:11:28,796 --> 00:11:31,294 - I guess. - So you stand in the lobby... 228 00:11:31,403 --> 00:11:34,839 by the elevator and wait for her to come down for lunch. 229 00:11:35,469 --> 00:11:37,863 You mean stake out the lobby? 230 00:11:38,284 --> 00:11:41,929 Morty, that's ridiculous. Just ask Elaine for the number. 231 00:11:42,038 --> 00:11:44,119 He doesn't want to ask Elaine for the number. 232 00:11:44,227 --> 00:11:46,621 So you got him standing by the elevator like a dope. 233 00:11:46,730 --> 00:11:50,166 - What happens when he sees her? - He pretends he bumped into her. 234 00:11:52,777 --> 00:11:56,318 You know what? This is not that bad an idea. 235 00:12:11,024 --> 00:12:14,669 - What does she look like? - I don't know. It's hard to say. 236 00:12:15,299 --> 00:12:16,963 What actress does she remind you of? 237 00:12:17,489 --> 00:12:18,840 Loni Anderson. 238 00:12:20,617 --> 00:12:21,968 Loni Anderson? 239 00:12:22,076 --> 00:12:25,096 What, there's something wrong with Loni Anderson? 240 00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:27,703 Hey, listen, thanks again for running over here. 241 00:12:27,811 --> 00:12:30,726 Yeah, sure. I was showing a condo on 48th Street. 242 00:12:30,731 --> 00:12:33,437 Besides, you think I want to miss this? 243 00:12:35,110 --> 00:12:38,338 - I'm a little nervous. - Yeah. Me too. 244 00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:41,987 If I see her, what do I say I'm doing in the building? 245 00:12:42,096 --> 00:12:44,073 To see me. I work in the building. 246 00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,054 What do you do? 247 00:12:46,996 --> 00:12:48,869 I'm an architect. 248 00:12:49,707 --> 00:12:51,163 You're an architect? 249 00:12:51,793 --> 00:12:53,457 I'm not? 250 00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,878 I don't see architecture coming from you. 251 00:13:02,219 --> 00:13:05,239 I suppose you could be an architect. 252 00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:07,741 I never said that I was the architect. 253 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,452 - Just something else. - She's not even going to ask. 254 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,433 If we see her, which is remote. 255 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,727 What do you want me to say, I just wandered in? 256 00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:17,647 We're having lunch with a friend. He works here. 257 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:19,940 What is his name? 258 00:13:20,570 --> 00:13:23,173 Burt Har... 259 00:13:23,177 --> 00:13:25,884 binson. Burt Harbinson. 260 00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:27,865 - Burt Harbinson. - Right. 261 00:13:27,973 --> 00:13:30,888 - It sounds made-up. - No good? 262 00:13:31,206 --> 00:13:32,974 All right. 263 00:13:33,082 --> 00:13:35,163 Art... 264 00:13:35,376 --> 00:13:37,457 Core. 265 00:13:37,774 --> 00:13:39,543 Art Core. 266 00:13:39,964 --> 00:13:42,045 Velay. 267 00:13:42,883 --> 00:13:44,965 - Corevelay? - Yeah, right. 268 00:13:44,969 --> 00:13:46,946 Well, what does he do? 269 00:13:48,097 --> 00:13:49,969 He's an importer. 270 00:13:50,078 --> 00:13:52,055 Just imports? No exports? 271 00:13:52,163 --> 00:13:54,453 He's an importer-exporter, okay? 272 00:13:58,211 --> 00:13:59,875 Did Elaine ever call you back? 273 00:13:59,983 --> 00:14:02,690 No. I guess she's still mad. 274 00:14:02,903 --> 00:14:05,714 I don't understand. You never talk to her about other women? 275 00:14:05,822 --> 00:14:07,278 Never. 276 00:14:09,784 --> 00:14:12,074 Wait a second. That's her. 277 00:14:12,182 --> 00:14:13,847 On the right. 278 00:14:15,519 --> 00:14:17,809 I forgot who I am. Who am I? 279 00:14:18,439 --> 00:14:20,624 You're you. We're having lunch with Art Corevelay. 280 00:14:20,732 --> 00:14:23,335 - Vandalay. - Corevelay. 281 00:14:23,443 --> 00:14:26,150 Let me be the architect. I can do it. I can do it. 282 00:14:26,363 --> 00:14:28,757 Hey, hey... 283 00:14:29,074 --> 00:14:30,529 Pamela's birthday party. 284 00:14:31,055 --> 00:14:34,387 - Didn't I see you there? Jerry. - Sure. Hi. 285 00:14:36,894 --> 00:14:38,975 - This is George. I'm sorry. - Vanessa. 286 00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:40,747 Nice to meet you. 287 00:14:40,856 --> 00:14:43,458 Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim and Taff. 288 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,961 That's right. What are you doing here? 289 00:14:46,799 --> 00:14:49,089 Meeting a friend for lunch. Works in the building. 290 00:14:49,197 --> 00:14:50,861 Yeah, Art Vandalay. 291 00:14:50,866 --> 00:14:52,530 Oh, really? 292 00:14:52,534 --> 00:14:53,885 Which company? 293 00:14:54,202 --> 00:14:57,326 - I don't know. He's an importer. - I don't really know... 294 00:14:57,434 --> 00:14:59,411 - Importer. - And exporter. 295 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,331 He's an importer-exporter. 296 00:15:02,856 --> 00:15:04,208 I'm... 297 00:15:04,316 --> 00:15:06,606 I'm an architect. 298 00:15:08,695 --> 00:15:11,193 Really? Well, what do you design? 299 00:15:14,117 --> 00:15:16,198 Railroads. 300 00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:18,805 I thought engineers do that. 301 00:15:19,122 --> 00:15:21,516 They can. 302 00:15:21,729 --> 00:15:24,123 I'm sorry you had to leave so early the other night. 303 00:15:24,231 --> 00:15:27,042 Me too. My cousin had to go back to Boston. 304 00:15:27,046 --> 00:15:30,900 - Oh, that guy was your cousin. - Yeah. 305 00:15:30,904 --> 00:15:32,881 - And that woman was your... - Friend. 306 00:15:35,075 --> 00:15:38,094 I'll just get a paper. 307 00:15:39,350 --> 00:15:41,222 So... 308 00:15:41,539 --> 00:15:43,412 do you date immature men? 309 00:15:44,355 --> 00:15:46,748 Almost exclusively. 310 00:15:55,198 --> 00:15:57,071 I have no letters. 311 00:16:01,142 --> 00:16:04,057 Ma, will you go already? 312 00:16:06,668 --> 00:16:09,374 - What are you doing? - I just want to see something. 313 00:16:09,483 --> 00:16:12,398 You can't look in there. We're playing. 314 00:16:13,549 --> 00:16:14,901 - Hi. - Hi. 315 00:16:15,009 --> 00:16:18,029 - Good evening, Mr. Kramer. - Hey, Morty. 316 00:16:18,137 --> 00:16:19,905 - Salad dressing? - Look. 317 00:16:20,014 --> 00:16:22,095 - "Quo." Is that a word? - Maybe. 318 00:16:22,204 --> 00:16:24,702 - Will you challenge it? - Ma, you can't look up words... 319 00:16:24,810 --> 00:16:27,204 in the dictionary. Dad, she's cheating. 320 00:16:27,313 --> 00:16:29,289 "Quo"? That's not a word. 321 00:16:30,232 --> 00:16:32,939 - You're such a stickler. - Well, put something down. 322 00:16:32,943 --> 00:16:35,650 You're taking 20 minutes on this. 323 00:16:35,654 --> 00:16:38,778 So Uncle Mac and Artie, they're all coming here before the wedding? 324 00:16:38,886 --> 00:16:40,238 They'll be here at 2:00. 325 00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:44,721 Oh, Elaine called. She said she'd be here at 2:30 and she says: 326 00:16:44,725 --> 00:16:48,683 "Hope your meeting went well with Art Vandalay." 327 00:16:52,858 --> 00:16:55,669 - She said what? - Just what I said. Here. 328 00:16:59,323 --> 00:17:01,195 She knows. 329 00:17:01,304 --> 00:17:05,157 Oh, I am such a jackass. 330 00:17:05,266 --> 00:17:08,494 - She knows what? - She knows the whole stupid thing. 331 00:17:08,602 --> 00:17:10,579 Vanessa and the elevator. 332 00:17:10,688 --> 00:17:12,977 No, no, that won't do. He may have a Z. 333 00:17:12,982 --> 00:17:14,854 So how did she find out? 334 00:17:14,963 --> 00:17:18,504 Because Vanessa probably told Pamela... 335 00:17:19,446 --> 00:17:22,466 and Pamela probably told Elaine. 336 00:17:22,783 --> 00:17:25,489 So, what are you, afraid of her? 337 00:17:25,494 --> 00:17:28,200 Yes. Yes, I am. 338 00:17:28,413 --> 00:17:31,328 - What else did she say on the phone? - Whatever I wrote down. 339 00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:35,499 Yeah, but what was the tone in her voice? How did she sound? 340 00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:37,793 Who am I, Rich Little? 341 00:17:39,048 --> 00:17:42,172 Well, she can't be too mad. 342 00:17:42,281 --> 00:17:45,404 - She's still coming to the wedding. - Yeah, but now I'm nervous. 343 00:17:45,409 --> 00:17:47,594 Oh, stop it. 344 00:17:52,290 --> 00:17:55,831 - "Quone"? - Thirty, 31, 32... 345 00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:57,499 "Quone"? 346 00:17:57,608 --> 00:18:00,419 No, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to challenge that. 347 00:18:00,423 --> 00:18:02,921 No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. 348 00:18:02,926 --> 00:18:05,424 - That's a definite word. - I am challenging. 349 00:18:05,428 --> 00:18:08,030 "Quone." To "quone" something. 350 00:18:11,580 --> 00:18:13,140 I'm not playing with you anymore. 351 00:18:14,082 --> 00:18:15,850 "Quone's" not a word. 352 00:18:15,959 --> 00:18:18,249 No good. Sorry. There it is. 353 00:18:18,670 --> 00:18:20,125 Get it off. 354 00:18:20,547 --> 00:18:22,419 Why did you make me put that down? 355 00:18:22,424 --> 00:18:25,443 No. We need a medical dictionary. 356 00:18:25,552 --> 00:18:28,780 Like a patient gets difficult, you quone him. 357 00:18:31,599 --> 00:18:35,036 You want some funny material? You ought to come down to where I work. 358 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:38,164 There's a sitcom. 359 00:18:38,272 --> 00:18:41,604 You must have quite a time down there. 360 00:18:42,547 --> 00:18:45,567 - We got plenty of time. - Sorry. I am just waiting for someone. 361 00:18:45,675 --> 00:18:49,424 Watch what you say to this guy. He'll put it in his next act. 362 00:18:50,054 --> 00:18:51,927 - Yeah, yeah. - Jerry, did I tell you... 363 00:18:52,035 --> 00:18:54,429 that I'm writing a book, an autobiography? 364 00:18:54,538 --> 00:18:56,098 Yeah, you mentioned it. 365 00:18:56,206 --> 00:18:59,017 It's based on all my experiences. 366 00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:01,415 That's perfect. 367 00:19:01,524 --> 00:19:03,396 - Could you excuse me one second? - Sure. 368 00:19:03,401 --> 00:19:05,273 - I'm sorry. - Sure. 369 00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:13,614 How do you do? Jerry Seinfeld. 370 00:19:13,723 --> 00:19:15,387 Oh, how do you do? Elaine Benes. 371 00:19:19,979 --> 00:19:21,956 You want to do this now, or you wanna wait? 372 00:19:22,064 --> 00:19:23,624 Oh, no, let's do it now. 373 00:19:23,733 --> 00:19:25,918 The whole elevator business, let me just explain. 374 00:19:26,026 --> 00:19:28,316 - Okay. - Jerry, are you going with us? 375 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,757 - No, I'm gonna take my car. - That's why I brought the wagon. 376 00:19:31,865 --> 00:19:34,468 Why the hell did I bring the wagon? 377 00:19:34,889 --> 00:19:37,179 Anyway, you know why I didn't ask you? 378 00:19:37,183 --> 00:19:41,454 I mean, I felt so uncomfortable, and you were so annoyed in the cab. 379 00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:44,477 Well, Jerry, I never saw you flirt with anyone before. 380 00:19:44,586 --> 00:19:46,876 It was quite the spectacle. 381 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:48,752 Jerry, we'll see you there. Bye, Elaine. 382 00:19:48,861 --> 00:19:50,942 Oh, bye. Good to see you. 383 00:19:51,051 --> 00:19:52,610 Oh, we didn't meet. 384 00:19:52,615 --> 00:19:55,113 Sorry. Elaine, this is my cousin, Artie Levine. 385 00:19:55,221 --> 00:19:57,198 - Levine. - Artie. 386 00:19:57,202 --> 00:20:00,013 Artie! Come on. 387 00:20:01,269 --> 00:20:02,724 Yeah, Levine. 388 00:20:02,833 --> 00:20:05,852 And I'm Jerry Cougar Mellencamp. 389 00:20:08,255 --> 00:20:12,213 Anyway, I admit it was a fairly ridiculous thing to do... 390 00:20:12,217 --> 00:20:15,758 but I mean, obviously we have a little problem here. 391 00:20:15,866 --> 00:20:17,217 Yeah, obviously. 392 00:20:17,222 --> 00:20:20,971 If we're gonna be friends, we gotta be able to talk about other people. 393 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,161 - Couldn't agree more. - Good. 394 00:20:23,895 --> 00:20:26,184 - Good. - Good. 395 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:29,625 Great. 396 00:20:29,942 --> 00:20:33,170 Great? Where do you get great? 397 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,758 It's great to talk about... 398 00:20:39,222 --> 00:20:40,782 other people. - Guys. 399 00:20:40,890 --> 00:20:44,431 - Yeah. - Yeah. 400 00:20:44,644 --> 00:20:46,204 Well, anybody specific? 401 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,019 No. 402 00:20:49,232 --> 00:20:51,417 - A general guy. - Oh, really? 403 00:20:51,421 --> 00:20:54,336 - Elaine Marie Benes. - What? 404 00:20:54,445 --> 00:20:56,213 No, it's not a big deal. 405 00:20:56,322 --> 00:20:58,090 No, that's great. That's terrific. 406 00:20:58,094 --> 00:20:59,967 - No, we just met. - Doesn't matter. 407 00:21:00,284 --> 00:21:03,720 What's the young man's name? I would like to meet him. 408 00:21:04,872 --> 00:21:06,327 I don't think so. 409 00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,725 Well, what does he do? Is he an artisan... 410 00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:11,853 a craftsman, a labourer of some sort? 411 00:21:11,962 --> 00:21:15,086 - Wall Street. - High finance. 412 00:21:15,090 --> 00:21:17,692 Bulls, bears, people from Connecticut. 413 00:21:20,303 --> 00:21:22,384 And he happens to be pretty good-looking. 414 00:21:23,848 --> 00:21:25,304 All right, sir. 415 00:21:26,664 --> 00:21:29,057 And he's hilarious. 416 00:21:29,479 --> 00:21:32,498 - Now that's not fair. - You know. 417 00:21:32,607 --> 00:21:34,375 So where did you meet this guy? 418 00:21:35,005 --> 00:21:37,503 I staked out his health club. 419 00:21:37,924 --> 00:21:39,588 When you're on a stakeout... 420 00:21:39,593 --> 00:21:42,716 do you find it's better to stand up against the wall... 421 00:21:42,721 --> 00:21:46,053 or kind of crouch down behind a big plant? 422 00:21:47,413 --> 00:21:49,598 You know, I think that... 423 00:21:50,124 --> 00:21:53,143 even if you've had a relationship with someone... 424 00:21:53,147 --> 00:21:56,480 or, let's say, especially if you've had a relationship with someone... 425 00:21:56,588 --> 00:21:59,295 and you try and become friends afterwards... 426 00:21:59,299 --> 00:22:01,067 it's very difficult. Isn't this? 427 00:22:01,072 --> 00:22:05,134 It's hard because you know each other so well. 428 00:22:05,242 --> 00:22:07,219 You know? You know all each other's tricks. 429 00:22:07,224 --> 00:22:09,826 It's like two magicians trying to entertain each other. 430 00:22:09,830 --> 00:22:13,579 You know, one goes, "Look, a rabbit." The other goes, "So?" 431 00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:17,437 "I believe that's your card." 432 00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:23,381 "Look, why don't we just saw each other in half and call it a night, okay?"