1
00:00:48,126 --> 00:00:51,460
One of the best things about
living in a city like New York…

2
00:00:52,251 --> 00:00:53,376
is leaving it.

3
00:00:57,626 --> 00:00:59,210
My friend Patience and her husband

4
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,293
invited me out to the Hamptons
for the weekend.

5
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,710
Patience and Peter
were the perfect married couple.

6
00:01:05,793 --> 00:01:07,543
They were fun, smart

7
00:01:07,626 --> 00:01:09,668
and they looked like they fell out
of a J. Crew catalog.

8
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:13,168
If their house wasn't right on
the beach, I would have hated them.

9
00:01:14,043 --> 00:01:17,335
So he gets in the cab
and slides up next to me.

10
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,418
Yes?

11
00:01:23,210 --> 00:01:24,960
And it is hot.

12
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,626
It is hot all the way
from Houston West Broadway

13
00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:29,210
to 72nd and Madison.

14
00:01:29,293 --> 00:01:32,876
Hampton houseguests are always required
to sing for their supper.

15
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:37,210
Brokers give investment advice.
Architects, design advice.

16
00:01:37,293 --> 00:01:41,793
Single people give married friends
tidbits from their sexual escapades.

17
00:01:43,835 --> 00:01:47,043
The next morning I woke up
feeling rested and fabulous.

18
00:01:47,126 --> 00:01:50,335
I couldn't wait to go out
and take in the spectacular view.

19
00:01:51,835 --> 00:01:52,835
Morning.

20
00:01:54,460 --> 00:01:56,835
Patience went out to get
juice and muffins.

21
00:01:57,043 --> 00:01:58,251
She'll be right back.

22
00:01:58,626 --> 00:02:00,210
There he was…

23
00:02:00,335 --> 00:02:03,293
full-frontal friend.

24
00:02:03,918 --> 00:02:04,918
Good!

25
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:08,751
He just stood there, casual,
happy, hanging out.

26
00:02:09,126 --> 00:02:10,501
I didn't know what to do or what to say.

27
00:02:10,585 --> 00:02:11,486
Great!

28
00:02:11,501 --> 00:02:15,085
I only knew one thing.
That's way too much Peter before coffee.

29
00:02:15,793 --> 00:02:17,918
- Good morning.
- Hey.

30
00:02:18,085 --> 00:02:22,043
Got some fresh juice
and the good muffins.

31
00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:25,043
So, what's happening?

32
00:02:25,835 --> 00:02:27,376
Oh, well, um…

33
00:02:27,585 --> 00:02:31,960
I ran into Peter in the hallway
without his underwear on.

34
00:02:33,835 --> 00:02:35,960
PS, congratulations.

35
00:02:37,626 --> 00:02:38,918
Sunny day.

36
00:02:39,668 --> 00:02:42,168
Honey, did Carrie
see your dick in the hall?

37
00:02:42,876 --> 00:02:44,793
Oh, yeah, she caught me
on the way to the bathroom.

38
00:02:45,085 --> 00:02:47,168
Oh. "On the way to the bathroom."

39
00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:50,210
Oh, yeah! The good muffins.

40
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,376
So what are we doing today?

41
00:02:57,501 --> 00:03:00,210
I barely had time to shove
a "good muffin" in my purse

42
00:03:00,293 --> 00:03:02,001
before I was on my way back to New York.

43
00:03:02,085 --> 00:03:04,710
I'm confused. Why would he do that?
Did he want to have sex with you?

44
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,793
I don't know. It didn't feel sexual.

45
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,543
Maybe he just wanted to show it off,
like a monkey.

46
00:03:11,126 --> 00:03:13,876
- So, how big was it?
- Fresh pepper?

47
00:03:16,376 --> 00:03:18,043
Yes, please. Thank you very much.

48
00:03:19,168 --> 00:03:20,501
That'll do.

49
00:03:20,585 --> 00:03:21,918
Would you like
some fresh pepper?

50
00:03:22,085 --> 00:03:24,376
Oh, honey, I'd love some fresh pepper.

51
00:03:24,668 --> 00:03:28,543
In fact, I think everyone at this table
could use a lot of fresh pepper.

52
00:03:32,168 --> 00:03:33,168
Thanks.

53
00:03:35,626 --> 00:03:36,528
Mmm.

54
00:03:36,543 --> 00:03:39,126
So I told her I didn't understand
why she was so upset.

55
00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:42,043
And she said I couldn't understand it.
I'm single.

56
00:03:42,126 --> 00:03:43,126
And what?

57
00:03:43,168 --> 00:03:45,126
Single women prowl beach houses

58
00:03:45,210 --> 00:03:48,001
hoping for glimpses of their friend's
husband's dicks?

59
00:03:48,126 --> 00:03:51,001
- How good of a friend was she?
- What's the difference?

60
00:03:51,085 --> 00:03:52,960
When someone gets married,
all bets are off.

61
00:03:53,043 --> 00:03:55,335
They become married,
and we become the enemy.

62
00:03:55,418 --> 00:03:57,793
As the only single lawyer
working at her law firm,

63
00:03:57,876 --> 00:03:59,918
Miranda had given this topic
some thought.

64
00:04:00,043 --> 00:04:01,626
You know, married women are threatened

65
00:04:01,710 --> 00:04:04,751
because we can have sex
anytime, anywhere with anyone.

66
00:04:05,043 --> 00:04:06,043
We can?

67
00:04:06,501 --> 00:04:10,001
And they're afraid we're gonna have it
anytime, anywhere with their husbands.

68
00:04:10,085 --> 00:04:11,751
I would never sleep with a married man.

69
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,710
What makes you so sure you haven't?
Wedding rings come off, you know.

70
00:04:15,085 --> 00:04:18,876
Face it, ladies. If you're still single,
you are not to be trusted.

71
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,543
Come on! Not all married women
feel that way.

72
00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:22,710
Charlotte treated marriage

73
00:04:22,793 --> 00:04:25,293
like a sorority
she was desperately hoping to pledge.

74
00:04:25,376 --> 00:04:27,335
You're right. Not all.

75
00:04:27,418 --> 00:04:29,460
The ones who don't fear you, pity you.

76
00:04:29,793 --> 00:04:31,376
That's not true.

77
00:04:31,501 --> 00:04:34,585
Are you telling me you haven't gotten
those "poor single you" looks?

78
00:04:34,668 --> 00:04:37,126
- I hate those.
- Okay, yes, I have.

79
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:40,168
I hate it when you're the only
single person at a dinner party

80
00:04:40,251 --> 00:04:41,501
and they all look at you like you're a…

81
00:04:41,585 --> 00:04:42,710
- Loser.
- Leper.

82
00:04:42,876 --> 00:04:44,668
- Whore.
- Exactly!

83
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,585
I'm telling you,
married people are the enemy.

84
00:04:48,085 --> 00:04:51,085
Was Miranda right?
Were we enemies?

85
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:55,085
Is there a secret cold war
between marrieds and singles?

86
00:04:56,501 --> 00:04:57,835
I love my single friends.

87
00:04:58,085 --> 00:04:59,376
But now that I'm married,

88
00:04:59,460 --> 00:05:01,668
I don't see them as much as I used to.

89
00:05:01,751 --> 00:05:03,501
It's too painful.

90
00:05:03,918 --> 00:05:07,043
They remind me of how desperate
I used to be.

91
00:05:07,126 --> 00:05:09,835
When women get married,
they forget who they are.

92
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:12,960
"I" becomes "We."We loved the movie."

93
00:05:13,043 --> 00:05:14,751
"We hate that restaurant."

94
00:05:14,876 --> 00:05:16,543
"We, we, we, we, we."

95
00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:18,793
My best buddy and I
did everything together.

96
00:05:19,626 --> 00:05:21,793
Then he married this girl
who doesn't like me.

97
00:05:22,210 --> 00:05:24,293
Now I only see him on Super Bowl Sunday.

98
00:05:24,710 --> 00:05:26,543
It's all about
what you want out of life.

99
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:29,293
Some people, like me, choose to grow up,

100
00:05:29,376 --> 00:05:31,168
face reality and get married.

101
00:05:31,335 --> 00:05:33,585
And others choose to… what?

102
00:05:33,668 --> 00:05:37,876
Live an empty, haunted life
of stunted adolescence.

103
00:05:38,126 --> 00:05:41,335
No, it's not a cold war.
It's an out-and-out battle.

104
00:05:41,543 --> 00:05:43,543
And it isn't just straight people.

105
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:46,335
Every gay guy I know
is running off to Hawaii

106
00:05:46,418 --> 00:05:50,543
putting on a kaftan, reciting vows
and feeling superior to me.

107
00:05:50,626 --> 00:05:53,543
- Kaftan?
- Oh, yes, with orchid leis.

108
00:05:53,626 --> 00:05:56,043
"Aloha."

109
00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:58,210
I miss the old times
when everyone was alone.

110
00:05:58,293 --> 00:06:01,043
Now I'm starting to feel like
I'm an outcast in the outcasts.

111
00:06:01,126 --> 00:06:02,168
Carrie?

112
00:06:03,418 --> 00:06:07,668
Oh, my God! Joe! Hi! Wow!

113
00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:11,001
Geez, it's been years.
I haven't seen you since you were, um…

114
00:06:11,085 --> 00:06:12,168
Straight?

115
00:06:12,251 --> 00:06:14,418
Well, I was gonna say in Miss Saigon.

116
00:06:14,501 --> 00:06:17,293
- Still am.
- I love Miss Saigon.

117
00:06:17,376 --> 00:06:19,626
Oh, this is my friend, Stanford.

118
00:06:19,751 --> 00:06:22,376
Hi. And this is my life partner, Lou.

119
00:06:22,793 --> 00:06:24,793
Oh, look at that.

120
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,085
- Congratulations.
- Where are you registered?

121
00:06:28,168 --> 00:06:30,460
- Barney's.
- I was kidding.

122
00:06:31,543 --> 00:06:33,501
So, Carrie, how about you?
Are you married?

123
00:06:33,585 --> 00:06:35,960
Oh… Not really. I mean, no!

124
00:06:36,168 --> 00:06:40,210
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
- Perfect!

125
00:06:41,043 --> 00:06:42,043
What?

126
00:06:42,126 --> 00:06:45,043
Well, Lou and I are interested
in having a child.

127
00:06:45,335 --> 00:06:48,126
We already have a surrogate,
but we need a topnotch egg.

128
00:06:48,751 --> 00:06:51,793
What are your feelings
about donating one?

129
00:06:53,293 --> 00:06:56,001
Well, listen, here's our card.

130
00:06:56,210 --> 00:06:58,085
You think about it, and give us a call.

131
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,293
- We'll pay.
- Yeah. Great seeing you.

132
00:07:03,168 --> 00:07:06,585
I had just experienced
single-bashing for the new millennium.

133
00:07:06,668 --> 00:07:09,126
I was no longer
even considered a person.

134
00:07:09,210 --> 00:07:11,251
I was now an egg farm.

135
00:07:11,710 --> 00:07:13,585
Meanwhile, in a park downtown

136
00:07:13,668 --> 00:07:16,418
another single woman
was about to be humiliated.

137
00:07:16,501 --> 00:07:20,585
Miranda was obliged to attend
her firm's annual softball game.

138
00:07:20,668 --> 00:07:22,751
A law firm softball game
is like any other,

139
00:07:22,835 --> 00:07:25,835
except when a lawyer steals a base,
he gets promoted.

140
00:07:25,918 --> 00:07:28,210
Miranda.
I was afraid you wouldn't come.

141
00:07:28,751 --> 00:07:30,585
All right. Let's get it over with.

142
00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:35,251
Panicked at the idea
of spending another firm function

143
00:07:35,335 --> 00:07:36,460
labeled as a leper,

144
00:07:36,543 --> 00:07:39,501
Miranda had agreed
to be fixed up on a blind date.

145
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,585
Miranda, this is Syd. Syd, Miranda.

146
00:07:44,418 --> 00:07:46,460
Look at you two.
It's like a perfect match.

147
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:50,043
Well, I'm gonna excuse myself.

148
00:07:53,376 --> 00:07:54,876
- Nice to meet you.
- You too.

149
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,085
I'll tell you what.
I'm gonna get a soda. You want a soda?

150
00:07:58,168 --> 00:08:00,793
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna get us a soda. Okay.

151
00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:03,460
Jeff.

152
00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:06,085
Pretty great, huh?
Can I pick them or what?

153
00:08:06,168 --> 00:08:07,626
Yeah. I'm not gay.

154
00:08:08,460 --> 00:08:09,460
Seriously?

155
00:08:09,793 --> 00:08:13,168
I've been with the firm eight months.
I haven't once seen you with a guy.

156
00:08:13,251 --> 00:08:15,043
Circumstantial, Jeff. I'm single.

157
00:08:15,585 --> 00:08:18,543
Christ! When did being single
translate into being gay?

158
00:08:18,710 --> 00:08:20,043
Shit.

159
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:23,335
Uh, you want me to go over there and…

160
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:25,168
No, I'll do it.

161
00:08:28,335 --> 00:08:31,960
Brave Miranda marched
right over and told Syd she wasn't.

162
00:08:32,043 --> 00:08:34,918
They had a good laugh
and decided to stay and play ball.

163
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:48,293
Miranda and Syd's
last-inning double play

164
00:08:48,376 --> 00:08:49,710
got the attention of everyone.

165
00:08:49,793 --> 00:08:51,460
Even the firm's senior partner.

166
00:08:51,543 --> 00:08:54,751
- That was quite a play, ladies.
- It's all about teamwork, Charles.

167
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,418
- Uh, Chip.
- Chip.

168
00:08:58,001 --> 00:09:01,710
Listen. My wife and I are having
a little dinner party on the 12th.

169
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:03,751
Just some couples, nothing fancy.

170
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:06,001
We'd love it if you both could make it.

171
00:09:06,085 --> 00:09:07,418
We'd love to.

172
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,001
Later that night, Miranda
gave me the lowdown on her day.

173
00:09:15,418 --> 00:09:18,918
So you think it's just because
they think you're in a couple?

174
00:09:19,001 --> 00:09:21,335
I know it. I've been
with the firm for two years.

175
00:09:21,418 --> 00:09:24,376
He's barely even spoken to me.
All of a sudden, it's "Chip."

176
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:26,168
A lawyer named Chip. Gotta love that.

177
00:09:26,501 --> 00:09:29,376
And they seemed so relieved
to have finally figured me out.

178
00:09:29,751 --> 00:09:31,793
So you're actually gonna go through
with the dinner?

179
00:09:31,876 --> 00:09:34,710
Yup. I'm determined
to make partner in this firm,

180
00:09:34,793 --> 00:09:37,001
even if I have to be a lesbian partner.

181
00:09:37,126 --> 00:09:39,376
After Miranda left,
I had a thought.

182
00:09:39,460 --> 00:09:41,751
Maybe the cold war isn't about hate.

183
00:09:41,835 --> 00:09:45,251
Maybe it's about fear,
fear of the unknown.

184
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:47,876
Married people don't hate singles.

185
00:09:48,418 --> 00:09:51,126
They just want us figured out.

186
00:09:52,210 --> 00:09:54,418
I felt it was time to stop
all this speculation

187
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:56,251
and infiltrate the enemy camp.

188
00:09:56,835 --> 00:09:59,835
Lunch with my favorite couple,
David and Lisa.

189
00:10:00,460 --> 00:10:03,460
Well, I don't think of us
as married so much as together.

190
00:10:03,835 --> 00:10:05,418
- Wait. Are we married?
- Uh, yeah.

191
00:10:05,501 --> 00:10:07,126
Remember that day
you wore the white dress

192
00:10:07,210 --> 00:10:09,751
- and we got all the flatware?
- Oh, yeah.

193
00:10:10,293 --> 00:10:12,418
- I guess I should stop seeing other men.
- Hey.

194
00:10:12,668 --> 00:10:14,835
What about you? You like being single?

195
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,793
Most of the time, yeah.

196
00:10:16,876 --> 00:10:18,751
Then there are the other times,
you know…

197
00:10:18,835 --> 00:10:22,626
Like family functions, when you're
the only one that's not married

198
00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:24,251
and they sit you at the kid's table.

199
00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:29,418
Or when you two eat off
the same fork, I just…

200
00:10:29,543 --> 00:10:31,126
Oh, man, that's so sweet.

201
00:10:31,668 --> 00:10:34,501
Don't start crying. He's such a pussy.

202
00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:37,376
But you do want
to get married someday, right?

203
00:10:38,168 --> 00:10:39,293
I don't know.

204
00:10:39,376 --> 00:10:41,793
I'm beginning to think
I may not be the marrying kind.

205
00:10:41,918 --> 00:10:42,918
Really?

206
00:10:43,126 --> 00:10:45,251
No sooner had the words
come out of my mouth,

207
00:10:45,335 --> 00:10:47,085
than I wondered if they were true.

208
00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:50,751
- Hey!
- Hey, Sean! What a surprise!

209
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,001
- This is our friend Carrie.
- Hi.

210
00:10:53,376 --> 00:10:55,293
We're just about to have dessert.
You want to join us?

211
00:10:55,376 --> 00:10:57,501
Uh, sure. Sure.

212
00:10:58,793 --> 00:11:00,751
- This is such a surprise.
- How are you?

213
00:11:00,835 --> 00:11:02,210
Another time
I hate being single

214
00:11:02,293 --> 00:11:05,751
is when married friends
"surprise" fix you up.

215
00:11:06,460 --> 00:11:08,668
Two espressos and a tiramisu later,

216
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:11,501
I had learned that Sean
was the youngest of three brothers,

217
00:11:11,585 --> 00:11:13,168
had his own investment firm,

218
00:11:13,251 --> 00:11:16,168
and was about to move into
an apartment he had just purchased.

219
00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:19,043
- You know this was a fix-up, right?
- Oh, please.

220
00:11:19,126 --> 00:11:21,126
I could smell it
before you walked in the door.

221
00:11:21,585 --> 00:11:23,626
My parents met on a fix-up

222
00:11:23,710 --> 00:11:26,626
and they will be married
41 years next month.

223
00:11:26,710 --> 00:11:28,751
Wow. That's great.

224
00:11:28,835 --> 00:11:30,126
It was then I realized,

225
00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,251
I was having coffee
with the marrying guy.

226
00:11:32,376 --> 00:11:35,793
That elusive and rare Manhattan man
whose sights were set on marriage.

227
00:11:35,876 --> 00:11:39,293
So, Carrie, can I see you again?

228
00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:41,501
Sure.

229
00:11:46,751 --> 00:11:49,543
Over the next week and a half,
I met Sean for a movie.

230
00:11:51,710 --> 00:11:53,335
I met him for another movie.

231
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:57,751
And I helped him pick out

232
00:11:57,835 --> 00:12:00,293
a top of the line cheese grater
at Williams-Sonoma.

233
00:12:00,751 --> 00:12:02,793
My buddies are giving me
a big housewarming on the 12th.

234
00:12:02,876 --> 00:12:05,835
- You should come and bring your friends.
- Sounds like fun.

235
00:12:08,793 --> 00:12:10,335
Thanks for a great day.

236
00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:15,293
He was like the flesh-and-blood
equivalent of a DKNY dress.

237
00:12:15,376 --> 00:12:16,585
You know it's not your style,

238
00:12:16,668 --> 00:12:19,335
but it's right there,
so you try it on anyway.

239
00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:23,335
It was the night of the 12th.

240
00:12:23,418 --> 00:12:25,751
On the East Side,
a pseudo-lesbian couple

241
00:12:25,835 --> 00:12:28,168
attended a right-wing
Republican dinner party.

242
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:34,376
Hey!

243
00:12:34,668 --> 00:12:37,126
On the West Side,
a trio of single gals

244
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:39,710
went to a single guy's
housewarming party.

245
00:12:39,835 --> 00:12:43,460
- So tell me. Are his friends cute?
- Don't know. I haven't met them yet.

246
00:12:43,543 --> 00:12:46,251
How did you manage to get
a new boyfriend in a week?

247
00:12:46,335 --> 00:12:49,751
He's not my boyfriend.
He's just somebody I'm trying on.

248
00:12:50,168 --> 00:12:51,876
All right. Ready?

249
00:12:57,501 --> 00:13:00,460
Everywhere I looked,
people were standing in twos.

250
00:13:00,793 --> 00:13:03,960
It was like Noah's Upper West Side
rent-controlled ark.

251
00:13:04,126 --> 00:13:05,960
It's all married couples.

252
00:13:07,376 --> 00:13:09,751
Samantha gave me a look
like I had sold her to the enemy

253
00:13:09,835 --> 00:13:11,793
for chocolate bars and nylons.

254
00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,876
- Hey.
- Oh, hey! This is for you.

255
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,001
- Thank you.
- Hi.

256
00:13:16,085 --> 00:13:18,085
- You must be Charlotte.
- Hi.

257
00:13:18,168 --> 00:13:21,043
- And you have to be Samantha.
- Yeah. Where's the bar?

258
00:13:21,126 --> 00:13:23,710
Uh, kitchen. You can't miss it.
Room with the stove.

259
00:13:24,251 --> 00:13:25,460
This apartment is amazing.

260
00:13:25,585 --> 00:13:26,960
Thanks. I've been planning it for years.

261
00:13:27,043 --> 00:13:28,501
Come on. I'll give you guys
the grand tour.

262
00:13:28,626 --> 00:13:30,293
As I moved through
the married couples,

263
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:32,418
I noticed something was different.

264
00:13:33,501 --> 00:13:35,751
No fear, no pity, no pointing.

265
00:13:36,043 --> 00:13:39,418
Were Sean's friends cold war
conscientious objectors

266
00:13:39,501 --> 00:13:42,043
or was it just that I was "figured out"?

267
00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:47,876
My accountant says that it's best
to go with low-risk stocks.

268
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,126
Well, that depends.
I mean, what are your expectations?

269
00:13:50,626 --> 00:13:52,043
Well, I'm not sure.

270
00:13:53,210 --> 00:13:56,210
Honey, I need you to come over here
and meet someone.

271
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:59,001
Sure. Oh, this is Samantha.
Samantha, this is Elaine.

272
00:13:59,085 --> 00:14:00,085
His wife.

273
00:14:01,168 --> 00:14:03,210
Honey, I really need you
in the other room.

274
00:14:03,293 --> 00:14:06,376
Sure. It was nice
talking to you, Samantha.

275
00:14:10,418 --> 00:14:12,376
And this is the den.

276
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:15,126
Oh, you have one of these
leather club chairs. I love these.

277
00:14:15,210 --> 00:14:17,751
Thanks. I'm using this room
as an office now,

278
00:14:17,835 --> 00:14:20,710
but someday this is gonna be
the kid's room.

279
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:21,793
Look.

280
00:14:24,126 --> 00:14:26,668
I got this three years ago in Aspen.

281
00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:28,835
What do you think?

282
00:14:34,876 --> 00:14:36,043
Okay, I owe you.

283
00:14:36,126 --> 00:14:38,418
I didn't know that all his buddies
were gonna be married.

284
00:14:39,293 --> 00:14:41,293
Oh, my God. You're doing tequila shots?

285
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,460
You see that buddy over there?

286
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:46,460
I fucked him.

287
00:14:47,501 --> 00:14:49,001
See that buddy over there?

288
00:14:49,876 --> 00:14:51,335
I fucked him too.

289
00:14:52,918 --> 00:14:54,960
I never thought I'd see them again.

290
00:14:55,251 --> 00:14:57,376
Well, maybe we should start tagging
your married men

291
00:14:57,460 --> 00:14:59,210
and that way you can keep track of them.

292
00:14:59,626 --> 00:15:03,460
- He's gonna ask you to marry him.
- He is not going to ask me to marry him.

293
00:15:03,543 --> 00:15:05,168
I've been dating him a week and a half.

294
00:15:05,251 --> 00:15:08,335
No guy buys a classic six
on the Upper West Side,

295
00:15:08,418 --> 00:15:11,251
unless they are seriously
thinking about marriage.

296
00:15:11,335 --> 00:15:14,668
Some people read palms.
Charlotte read real estate.

297
00:15:14,751 --> 00:15:17,293
If you turn into one of those
married assholes,

298
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:18,751
I'll kill you.

299
00:15:21,001 --> 00:15:25,085
Sean is the greatest guy,
and he love kids.

300
00:15:25,876 --> 00:15:29,710
Plus, he owns his own business,
and he's got 300,000 in the bank.

301
00:15:30,418 --> 00:15:32,876
We both slept with him,
and he is great in bed.

302
00:15:33,918 --> 00:15:35,918
An hour and a half
into this housewarming,

303
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:39,126
I had gone from party guest
to prisoner of war.

304
00:15:40,001 --> 00:15:42,585
Samantha is totally drunk.
I've gotta get her out of here.

305
00:15:42,668 --> 00:15:44,876
- You're not going anywhere without me.
- Carrie.

306
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,751
Oh, God. More friends.

307
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,126
Surprise!

308
00:15:50,876 --> 00:15:52,376
It certainly was.

309
00:15:52,501 --> 00:15:55,293
Last time I saw Patience,
she was shoving me on a bus.

310
00:15:55,376 --> 00:15:59,043
When Sean told us you and he
were dating, we were just so thrilled.

311
00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:03,210
Oh. Well, listen. About what happened
at your beach house the other day…

312
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:05,751
- Don't mention it.
- Well, I just… I'm not even sure…

313
00:16:05,835 --> 00:16:07,585
I said don't mention it.

314
00:16:07,668 --> 00:16:11,001
This party is terrible. Who are you?

315
00:16:11,126 --> 00:16:14,668
Um, this is my friend Patience,
and this is her husband Peter.

316
00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:17,251
I heard about you.

317
00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:21,793
Big peppermill dick!

318
00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:28,751
And just as suddenly,
our little cease-fire was over.

319
00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:32,460
Meanwhile, across town
things were winding down.

320
00:16:33,001 --> 00:16:35,210
Thank you so much.
We really had a great time.

321
00:16:35,293 --> 00:16:36,710
As did we all.

322
00:16:38,085 --> 00:16:39,876
She is a real find.

323
00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:41,710
- Oh.
- We'll do it again soon.

324
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:45,460
I'll meet you at the elevator, okay?
I just need to…

325
00:16:47,835 --> 00:16:49,460
We can't do it again soon.

326
00:16:50,001 --> 00:16:51,585
Syd and I aren't really a couple.

327
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,543
In fact, we're not even really lesbians.

328
00:16:54,710 --> 00:16:56,835
Well, Syd is. I'm not.

329
00:16:57,251 --> 00:16:59,376
I just took advantage of the situation

330
00:16:59,460 --> 00:17:01,835
to bend your ear
about my work at the firm.

331
00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:04,460
Shrewd move, Counselor.

332
00:17:05,335 --> 00:17:07,418
- No harm done.
- Thank you, sir.

333
00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:09,168
My wife will be disappointed.

334
00:17:09,251 --> 00:17:12,918
She was looking to add
a lesbian couple to our circle.

335
00:17:17,293 --> 00:17:18,960
As they rode between floors,

336
00:17:19,043 --> 00:17:20,751
Miranda considered how much easier

337
00:17:20,835 --> 00:17:23,043
her life would be
if she were in a couple.

338
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,543
Any couple.

339
00:17:30,501 --> 00:17:31,585
Yep.

340
00:17:32,376 --> 00:17:33,835
Definitely straight.

341
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,335
Yeah. You are.

342
00:17:38,751 --> 00:17:39,751
Sorry.

343
00:17:41,835 --> 00:17:44,251
While Miranda cursed
her heterosexuality

344
00:17:44,335 --> 00:17:46,918
and wondered how much longer
she could fight the war,

345
00:17:47,876 --> 00:17:51,418
Charlotte cursed tequila
and forced Samantha into a cab.

346
00:17:51,501 --> 00:17:54,293
She decided Samantha was too drunk
to get home alone,

347
00:17:54,376 --> 00:17:56,751
and insisted she spend
the night on her couch.

348
00:17:59,585 --> 00:18:02,585
- We're home.
- We're home. Oh, boy.

349
00:18:06,918 --> 00:18:08,418
Let me get that door for you.

350
00:18:09,585 --> 00:18:10,876
Hey!

351
00:18:12,418 --> 00:18:15,918
- I like him.
- All right. All right! Bye-bye!

352
00:18:16,626 --> 00:18:19,126
She got Samantha upstairs
and safely to bed…

353
00:18:19,210 --> 00:18:20,668
Or so she thought.

354
00:18:22,376 --> 00:18:23,793
A couple of hours later,

355
00:18:23,876 --> 00:18:26,668
Samantha woke up still drunk
and still single.

356
00:18:26,751 --> 00:18:29,126
And single to Samantha
meant one thing…

357
00:18:35,918 --> 00:18:38,168
- Can I have a cigarette?
- Sure.

358
00:18:43,793 --> 00:18:45,251
Can I have a kiss?

359
00:18:57,335 --> 00:18:58,335
Oh, Jesus.

360
00:19:00,085 --> 00:19:02,585
I really shouldn't. Somebody might see.

361
00:19:03,585 --> 00:19:06,251
Why don't you come upstairs,
just for a minute?

362
00:19:18,543 --> 00:19:19,668
Samantha?

363
00:19:23,835 --> 00:19:26,960
Don't be scared, miss.
It's me, Tommy. I'm just leaving.

364
00:19:27,168 --> 00:19:29,626
Your friend invited me up.
I know it was wrong.

365
00:19:29,751 --> 00:19:32,710
But I've just been so Ionely
since I left home

366
00:19:32,876 --> 00:19:34,376
and I wanted the feel of a…

367
00:19:34,668 --> 00:19:37,210
a woman's touch on me.

368
00:19:38,418 --> 00:19:40,543
I'm going into the bathroom now

369
00:19:40,626 --> 00:19:43,626
and when I come out, you won't be here.

370
00:19:44,460 --> 00:19:46,335
And I never want this mentioned again.

371
00:19:47,668 --> 00:19:49,043
Let me get the door for you, miss.

372
00:19:59,626 --> 00:20:01,376
I was kinda hoping you'd stay over.

373
00:20:05,835 --> 00:20:07,251
Look, Sean, um…

374
00:20:08,293 --> 00:20:10,085
I don't think this is gonna work.

375
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,668
We want different things.

376
00:20:11,751 --> 00:20:15,668
You obviously want to get married
and I don't know what I want.

377
00:20:18,168 --> 00:20:20,543
You could smell my desperation, right?

378
00:20:20,626 --> 00:20:22,335
No.

379
00:20:22,460 --> 00:20:24,335
No, no. It's just…

380
00:20:26,460 --> 00:20:29,460
I was trying you on. You know?

381
00:20:29,543 --> 00:20:30,751
See if it fits.

382
00:20:32,126 --> 00:20:33,418
It doesn't.

383
00:20:34,668 --> 00:20:35,876
I'm sorry.

384
00:20:43,626 --> 00:20:45,293
I don't understand you women.

385
00:20:46,043 --> 00:20:50,293
All I hear is "I want to get married.
I want to get married."

386
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:53,710
And none of you says yes. What the fuck?

387
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,293
I'm so tired of going through women.

388
00:21:07,085 --> 00:21:08,710
I just want to get married.

389
00:21:11,460 --> 00:21:13,751
I may know someone
who's perfect for you.

390
00:21:16,001 --> 00:21:17,001
Who?

391
00:21:17,210 --> 00:21:21,210
They started out casual.
A brunch here, a concert there.

392
00:21:21,460 --> 00:21:24,001
But pretty soon
they were visiting china.

393
00:21:24,251 --> 00:21:27,168
Um, I always wanted this pattern
for formal dining.

394
00:21:29,043 --> 00:21:30,418
Are you serious?

395
00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:36,043
Charlotte broke it off
then and there.

396
00:21:36,126 --> 00:21:37,460
It would never work.

397
00:21:37,543 --> 00:21:40,335
He was American Classic,
she was French Country.

398
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,085
Your friend never called
like she promised.

399
00:21:45,418 --> 00:21:48,501
- Why is that?
- I don't know.

400
00:21:53,418 --> 00:21:56,501
As I sifted through the rubble
of my marriage skirmish,

401
00:21:56,585 --> 00:21:57,668
I had a thought.

402
00:21:57,751 --> 00:22:00,043
Maybe the fight between marrieds
and singles

403
00:22:00,126 --> 00:22:02,168
is like the war in Northern Ireland.

404
00:22:02,251 --> 00:22:03,876
We're all basically the same,

405
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,543
but somehow we wound up
on different sides.

406
00:22:06,918 --> 00:22:10,460
Sure, it'd be great to have that
one special person to walk home with.

407
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,960
But sometimes there's nothing better

408
00:22:13,043 --> 00:22:15,585
than meeting your single girlfriends
for a night at the movies.

409
00:22:17,543 --> 00:22:19,293
All I'm askin'

410
00:22:19,376 --> 00:22:21,210
Is for a little respect
When you get home

411
00:22:21,293 --> 00:22:22,335
Just a little bit

412
00:22:22,418 --> 00:22:23,320
Hey, baby

413
00:22:23,335 --> 00:22:24,320
Just a little bit

414
00:22:24,335 --> 00:22:25,376
When you get home

415
00:22:25,460 --> 00:22:26,543
Just a little bit

416
00:22:26,668 --> 00:22:27,653
Mister

417
00:22:27,668 --> 00:22:28,710
Just a little bit

418
00:22:29,876 --> 00:22:31,418
I ain't gon' do you wrong

419
00:22:32,126 --> 00:22:33,168
While you're gone

420
00:22:34,168 --> 00:22:35,710
Ain't gon' do you wrong

421
00:22:36,085 --> 00:22:37,876
'Cause I don't wanna

422
00:22:38,293 --> 00:22:39,835
All I'm askin'