1 00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:49,985 In a city of perfect people, 2 00:00:50,443 --> 00:00:52,985 no one was more perfect than Brooke. 3 00:00:55,068 --> 00:00:58,776 She was an interior designer who only dated A-list guys. 4 00:01:00,651 --> 00:01:04,276 For Brooke, every Saturday night was like the senior prom. 5 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:10,276 So, when she got married, 6 00:01:10,360 --> 00:01:13,651 we were all dying to see which one had made the cut. 7 00:01:14,735 --> 00:01:15,678 Hey! 8 00:01:15,693 --> 00:01:19,151 Was I the only one who remembered that Brooke once described this man 9 00:01:19,235 --> 00:01:21,693 as more boring than exposed brick? 10 00:01:22,943 --> 00:01:24,985 Hi, thank you so much for coming. 11 00:01:28,776 --> 00:01:31,693 It was your average $100,000 wedding. 12 00:01:34,735 --> 00:01:37,235 Investment bankers and the women who hate them, 13 00:01:39,235 --> 00:01:42,026 classmates from Steiner, Dalton and Brown, 14 00:01:42,943 --> 00:01:44,110 and us. 15 00:01:44,901 --> 00:01:46,526 We looked like The Witches of Eastwick. 16 00:01:59,651 --> 00:02:03,401 A wedding this size always has two singles tables. 17 00:02:04,901 --> 00:02:06,693 We were at the other one. 18 00:02:10,735 --> 00:02:11,818 Hello. 19 00:02:14,318 --> 00:02:17,401 Hi. I'm Bernie Turtletaub, friend of the groom. 20 00:02:20,151 --> 00:02:21,193 It was the Turtle. 21 00:02:21,276 --> 00:02:23,068 A Manhattan legend known for two things, 22 00:02:23,151 --> 00:02:25,193 good investments and bad breath. 23 00:02:25,735 --> 00:02:27,276 God, my feet are killing me. 24 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,485 Here, sit down. 25 00:02:28,568 --> 00:02:30,485 I can't. This outfit only works if I'm standing. 26 00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:32,235 Ooh. 27 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:34,485 I think it works either way. 28 00:02:34,943 --> 00:02:37,776 You know, I think I'm at that table over there. 29 00:02:41,860 --> 00:02:43,985 Your friend is gorgeous. 30 00:02:45,276 --> 00:02:47,151 What do I have to do to get to know her better? 31 00:02:55,318 --> 00:02:58,360 Do you think the pears in this tart are bosc or bartlett? 32 00:02:59,068 --> 00:03:00,443 Who cares? 33 00:03:00,526 --> 00:03:02,985 Two hours later, we were bored. 34 00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:05,568 Supplies were dwindling 35 00:03:05,651 --> 00:03:07,818 and one of our passengers had jumped ship. 36 00:03:08,276 --> 00:03:10,318 Are we gonna stick around and catch the bouquet? 37 00:03:11,735 --> 00:03:13,776 That is so not going to happen. 38 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,776 Bosc! They've got to be bosc. 39 00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:25,401 Can you believe I finally did it? 40 00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:31,651 You're next. Bill's got some great single friends. 41 00:03:35,651 --> 00:03:38,776 It's always better to marry someone who loves you more than you love them. 42 00:03:46,068 --> 00:03:49,276 People are always telling me things I don't want to hear… 43 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,401 But this one crossed the line. 44 00:03:53,401 --> 00:03:55,443 Hey, did I wake you? 45 00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:57,610 - Not at all. - Question. 46 00:03:57,693 --> 00:04:00,068 Why do people get married if they're not in love? 47 00:04:01,026 --> 00:04:02,235 I don't know. 48 00:04:02,568 --> 00:04:07,026 Companionship, guilt, political asylum? 49 00:04:07,110 --> 00:04:10,610 - Why did you get married? - I was a fool in love. 50 00:04:10,693 --> 00:04:12,235 Oh, that is so sweet. 51 00:04:13,485 --> 00:04:16,860 - And then I was a fool in divorce court. - Yeah, now you're just a fool. 52 00:04:17,526 --> 00:04:21,151 Exactly. Which is why I'm never getting married again. 53 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:24,276 Suddenly, I had to concentrate on breathing. 54 00:04:26,485 --> 00:04:29,401 - Are you in bed with someone? - No. Are you? 55 00:04:29,901 --> 00:04:33,068 Just three slices of wedding cake. You jealous? 56 00:04:33,151 --> 00:04:36,318 That depends. What are your plans for the frosting? 57 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,151 - Good night. - Good night. 58 00:04:41,026 --> 00:04:42,776 I hung up the phone wondering… 59 00:04:43,235 --> 00:04:45,735 Could I date a man who would never get married? 60 00:04:48,943 --> 00:04:52,693 Wow! A guy who doesn't want to get married! Film at 11:00! 61 00:04:52,776 --> 00:04:54,735 Don't tell me you're surprised by this. 62 00:04:54,818 --> 00:04:58,151 You know who wants to get married? Men who miss their mommies. 63 00:04:58,235 --> 00:05:00,360 Maybe this wasn't my target audience. 64 00:05:00,443 --> 00:05:02,776 Am I the only one who thinks this is a major bummer? 65 00:05:02,860 --> 00:05:04,568 What if you spend five years with him 66 00:05:04,651 --> 00:05:06,360 and in the end you have nothing to show for it? 67 00:05:06,443 --> 00:05:07,901 I wasn't even thinking about getting married, 68 00:05:07,985 --> 00:05:09,151 until he told me I couldn't think about it. 69 00:05:09,235 --> 00:05:10,318 Now it's all I can think about. 70 00:05:10,401 --> 00:05:12,526 Just be cool. You don't care. 71 00:05:12,901 --> 00:05:14,401 Then he'll wonder why you don't, 72 00:05:14,485 --> 00:05:16,568 which will make him realize that he does, 73 00:05:16,651 --> 00:05:18,526 and then it's a whole new ball game. 74 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:21,151 So in your world, it's always sixth grade, is that it? 75 00:05:21,235 --> 00:05:23,401 I think, that a relationship has to be based on 76 00:05:23,485 --> 00:05:26,776 honesty and communication if it has any chance of succeeding. 77 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:30,193 Okay. If you were 25, that would be adorable, 78 00:05:30,276 --> 00:05:32,485 but you're 32 now, so that's just stupid. 79 00:05:32,568 --> 00:05:33,901 I can't just ignore it, can I? 80 00:05:33,985 --> 00:05:34,985 - Yes! - No! 81 00:05:35,026 --> 00:05:38,901 What's the big deal? In 50 years, men are gonna be obsolete anyway. 82 00:05:38,985 --> 00:05:42,568 I mean, already you can't talk to them, you don't need them to have kids with, 83 00:05:42,651 --> 00:05:44,776 you don't even need them to have sex with anymore, 84 00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:47,026 as I've just very pleasantly discovered. 85 00:05:47,110 --> 00:05:50,193 Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody just got their first vibrator. 86 00:05:50,276 --> 00:05:53,735 Not first. Ultimate. And I think I'm in love. 87 00:05:53,818 --> 00:05:57,235 Oh, please, stop! This is so sad. 88 00:05:57,318 --> 00:06:00,443 I'm not gonna replace a man with some battery-operated device. 89 00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,151 You say that, but you haven't met "The Rabbit." 90 00:06:02,235 --> 00:06:03,985 Oh, come on. If you're gonna get a vibrator, 91 00:06:04,068 --> 00:06:05,651 at least get one called "The Horse." 92 00:06:05,735 --> 00:06:08,860 A vibrator does not call you on your birthday. 93 00:06:08,943 --> 00:06:10,860 A vibrator doesn't send flowers the next day, 94 00:06:10,943 --> 00:06:13,610 and you cannot take a vibrator home to meet your mother. 95 00:06:13,693 --> 00:06:18,818 Well, I know where my next orgasm is coming from. Who here can say as much? 96 00:06:24,235 --> 00:06:28,276 That night, Samantha went on a date with a flesh and blood man 97 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,651 while the three of us went in search of furrier companionship. 98 00:06:31,735 --> 00:06:35,651 Ladies, I'd like you to meet the Rabbit. 99 00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,401 $92? 100 00:06:38,485 --> 00:06:40,776 Please! Think about the money we spend on shoes. 101 00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:44,526 I have no intention of using that. I'm saving sex for someone I love. 102 00:06:44,610 --> 00:06:46,693 Fantastic. Is there a man in the picture? 103 00:06:48,318 --> 00:06:51,610 Look! Oh, it's so cute. 104 00:06:51,693 --> 00:06:55,151 Oh, I thought it would be all scary and weird, but it isn't. It's pink… 105 00:06:55,235 --> 00:06:56,443 For girls! 106 00:06:57,068 --> 00:07:01,401 Look. The little bunny has a little face like Peter Rabbit. 107 00:07:01,485 --> 00:07:04,776 It's even got a remote. I mean, how lazy do you have to be? 108 00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:08,651 Later that night, back at the Briar Patch… 109 00:07:09,151 --> 00:07:10,985 Wow. 110 00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:16,818 Hello? 111 00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:20,610 You are not going to believe the evening I've had. 112 00:07:25,110 --> 00:07:27,651 - Are you listening to me? - Yeah. 113 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,568 Jerry, who Samantha met at Brooke's wedding, 114 00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:34,860 took her to Lava, New York's restaurant du jour. 115 00:07:41,526 --> 00:07:43,276 From the moment I saw you at that wedding, 116 00:07:43,818 --> 00:07:45,526 I knew we would be have dinner together. 117 00:07:46,276 --> 00:07:48,193 Well, aren't you cocky! 118 00:07:48,651 --> 00:07:50,526 I'm the kind of guy, I see something… 119 00:07:51,610 --> 00:07:52,860 I like it… 120 00:07:53,526 --> 00:07:54,651 I go after it. 121 00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:57,235 You sound like my kind of guy. 122 00:07:58,235 --> 00:08:01,276 - Hold that thought. I'll be right back. - Okay. 123 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:12,193 Ten minutes and a couple of cocktails later… 124 00:08:14,735 --> 00:08:16,151 Where the hell is he? 125 00:08:21,443 --> 00:08:22,568 Excuse me. 126 00:08:30,193 --> 00:08:33,485 He obviously had seen something else he liked and gone after it. 127 00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:46,651 Then, just when she thought her evening couldn't get any worse… 128 00:08:46,735 --> 00:08:49,068 Samantha? Hey, Samantha! 129 00:08:49,443 --> 00:08:50,610 It's me. 130 00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:54,026 Bernie Turtletaub from the wedding. 131 00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:56,818 Oh, right. 132 00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,526 Are you here all by yourself? 133 00:08:59,235 --> 00:09:01,193 Well, sort of. I'm… 134 00:09:01,276 --> 00:09:03,026 Sit down, join me! 135 00:09:07,735 --> 00:09:09,485 God, you look great. 136 00:09:09,568 --> 00:09:11,943 What Samantha needed now more than anything 137 00:09:12,026 --> 00:09:13,985 was a compliment from anyone. 138 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:23,360 I can't believe the synchronicity. I was just thinking about you! 139 00:09:23,943 --> 00:09:24,985 Uh-huh. 140 00:09:26,068 --> 00:09:29,235 So, do you like this shirt? 141 00:09:29,610 --> 00:09:31,776 My ex-girlfriend picked it out for me. 142 00:09:32,776 --> 00:09:37,568 Honey, no offense, but your breath… 143 00:09:37,651 --> 00:09:38,943 I know. 144 00:09:39,026 --> 00:09:43,485 It's these Chinese herbs I'm taking. You know, for longer life. 145 00:09:43,985 --> 00:09:45,360 Well, with breath like that, 146 00:09:45,443 --> 00:09:48,443 you're gonna live a very long life… alone. 147 00:09:49,901 --> 00:09:52,360 I killed the last woman who talked to me like that. 148 00:09:54,818 --> 00:09:58,693 Samantha was impressed. The Turtle had attempted a joke. 149 00:10:05,485 --> 00:10:07,276 Once we get the breath under control, 150 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,943 I'm going to take him shopping for a whole new wardrobe. 151 00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,026 He's a cute little fixer-upper. 152 00:10:12,110 --> 00:10:14,568 Sweetheart, he's a man, not a brownstone. 153 00:10:14,651 --> 00:10:18,360 Honey, when I'm through with him, he'll be Gracie Mansion. 154 00:10:19,818 --> 00:10:21,693 Samantha and the Turtle? 155 00:10:22,068 --> 00:10:24,818 But then again, I'm dating a man who will never get married, 156 00:10:24,901 --> 00:10:27,110 and Miranda is having a meaningful relationship 157 00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:29,860 with something that comes in a box from Japan. 158 00:10:31,110 --> 00:10:35,610 In a city of great expectations, is it time to settle for what you can get? 159 00:10:36,693 --> 00:10:38,318 I needed some answers. 160 00:10:38,401 --> 00:10:40,360 Later that week, I met Brooke. 161 00:10:40,443 --> 00:10:43,068 Just back from her honeymoon, she was all business… 162 00:10:43,151 --> 00:10:44,651 The business of marriage. 163 00:10:44,735 --> 00:10:46,985 I'd like to return these. 164 00:10:47,318 --> 00:10:50,568 Is there any way you can melt them down into one decent gift? 165 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:52,401 His friends. 166 00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,776 So, how is it being married? 167 00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:59,193 It's fabulous. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted. 168 00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:02,610 - And that's a good thing. - What's that supposed to mean? 169 00:11:03,151 --> 00:11:07,443 Oh, just means you're happy with Allen, right? 170 00:11:07,526 --> 00:11:09,443 Yes, I'm happy. 171 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,193 Well, then I'm happy for you. 172 00:11:14,818 --> 00:11:17,860 Hey, listen, I hope I didn't give you the wrong idea. 173 00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:20,485 I think Allen's great. I just… 174 00:11:20,818 --> 00:11:22,568 I mean, he's incredibly successful. 175 00:11:22,651 --> 00:11:26,735 We all think we're Carolyn Bessette. One day John-John's out of the picture, 176 00:11:26,818 --> 00:11:29,901 and we're happy just to have some guy who can throw around a frisbee. 177 00:11:29,985 --> 00:11:32,151 Oh! Look who's here. Hey, you two! 178 00:11:32,235 --> 00:11:34,318 - Hey! - What a small world! 179 00:11:34,401 --> 00:11:36,026 I couldn't believe it. 180 00:11:36,110 --> 00:11:38,651 It was the Turtle wearing Helmut Lange. 181 00:11:38,735 --> 00:11:41,568 - Wow, he looks great! - Doesn't he? 182 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:45,345 Oh, he twirls! 183 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,151 - What do you think? - Fabulous. 184 00:11:47,235 --> 00:11:48,651 He's like a whole new person. 185 00:11:50,985 --> 00:11:52,151 Don't I have a three o'clock? 186 00:11:52,235 --> 00:11:54,568 Oh. That's right. I'm taking him to Bliss for a facial. 187 00:11:54,651 --> 00:11:57,610 - Oh, enjoy. - See you later. Bye. 188 00:11:57,693 --> 00:11:59,276 You know, I have to run, too. 189 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,360 - I'll call you. - Okay 190 00:12:00,901 --> 00:12:02,151 Smart girl. 191 00:12:02,568 --> 00:12:04,318 She seems happy. 192 00:12:05,526 --> 00:12:09,110 Samantha left with the Turtle, Brooke left with a better gift, 193 00:12:09,193 --> 00:12:12,901 and I left wondering if everyone in Manhattan was settling. 194 00:12:13,651 --> 00:12:15,443 My Zen teacher once told me 195 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:18,776 that there was nothing like yoga to quiet a busy mind. 196 00:12:18,860 --> 00:12:21,276 Just as I had reached the moment of no thought… 197 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,776 - I think I broke my vagina. - Sorry. Am I pulling too hard? 198 00:12:23,860 --> 00:12:26,860 No! Metaphorically, I mean. With the Rabbit. 199 00:12:26,943 --> 00:12:29,235 - Oh… So you've been using it! - Yes. 200 00:12:29,318 --> 00:12:30,818 And I'm scared if I keep using it, 201 00:12:30,901 --> 00:12:32,985 I'll never be able to enjoy sex with a man again. 202 00:12:33,068 --> 00:12:34,110 Why? 203 00:12:34,193 --> 00:12:36,610 Well, have you ever been with a man, you know, 204 00:12:36,693 --> 00:12:40,276 and he's doing everything and it feels good, 205 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,235 but somehow you just can't manage to… 206 00:12:43,318 --> 00:12:44,485 Come? 207 00:12:44,568 --> 00:12:45,901 Yeah. 208 00:12:45,985 --> 00:12:50,068 Well, it's weird, 'cause with the Rabbit it's like every time, boom! 209 00:12:50,151 --> 00:12:53,610 And one time, I came for like five minutes. 210 00:12:53,693 --> 00:12:55,443 Oh, Charlotte, honey, it's not illegal. 211 00:12:55,526 --> 00:12:59,026 Yeah, but no man ever did that. I mean, I'm scared. What am I gonna do? 212 00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:03,068 Well, you know, you could still enjoy sex with a man and the Rabbit. 213 00:13:03,151 --> 00:13:05,610 No, no. I'm done with it. 214 00:13:05,693 --> 00:13:08,151 That's it. I'm never gonna touch that thing again. 215 00:13:11,943 --> 00:13:16,193 - I got to cancel on the ballet tonight. - Oh, why? 216 00:13:17,693 --> 00:13:22,193 I'm expecting a phone call… 217 00:13:22,276 --> 00:13:24,276 long distance phone call, transatlantic. 218 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,610 Charlotte could never tell a decent lie. 219 00:13:26,693 --> 00:13:28,568 I knew an addict when I saw one. 220 00:13:28,985 --> 00:13:33,901 I love Sleeping Beauty! The music, the sex, the costumes! 221 00:13:33,985 --> 00:13:35,485 It's so romantic! 222 00:13:35,568 --> 00:13:37,985 You only like it because she gets to sleep for 100 years, 223 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,193 and she doesn't age. 224 00:13:39,276 --> 00:13:41,110 I invited Stanford to the ballet. 225 00:13:41,193 --> 00:13:42,693 I knew he was available. 226 00:13:43,026 --> 00:13:45,276 Hey, Stanford, cute, huh? 227 00:13:46,818 --> 00:13:49,318 I've had it with the whole gay scene. 228 00:13:49,818 --> 00:13:52,985 It's so competitive. You won't believe what happened to me last week. 229 00:13:53,693 --> 00:13:57,026 Evidently Stanford, tired of bars and blind dates, 230 00:13:57,110 --> 00:13:58,985 decided to place a personal ad. 231 00:14:00,568 --> 00:14:05,443 He scheduled a rendezvous with the only respondent on a cold, Sunday afternoon. 232 00:14:07,443 --> 00:14:09,693 Twenty minutes and three false alarms later, 233 00:14:10,068 --> 00:14:11,985 Stanford was ready to call it quits… 234 00:14:13,318 --> 00:14:14,401 Stanford? 235 00:14:15,443 --> 00:14:16,651 Yes. 236 00:14:17,943 --> 00:14:20,526 Sorry. This is not gonna happen. 237 00:14:25,110 --> 00:14:27,151 It's so brutal out there. 238 00:14:27,235 --> 00:14:29,901 Even guys like me don't want guys like me. 239 00:14:29,985 --> 00:14:31,735 I just don't have that gay look. 240 00:14:32,276 --> 00:14:34,776 I don't know. You look pretty gay to me. 241 00:14:35,526 --> 00:14:37,693 Come on, maybe it's just a phase. 242 00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:41,776 Puberty is a phase. Fifteen years of rejection is a lifestyle. 243 00:14:42,193 --> 00:14:47,276 Sometimes I think I should just marry a woman and get all the money. 244 00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,360 - What is there, a cash prize? - Oh, yeah. 245 00:14:49,443 --> 00:14:50,985 My grandmother gives everyone in the family 246 00:14:51,068 --> 00:14:54,026 their inheritance when they get married. 247 00:14:54,485 --> 00:14:57,318 - She doesn't know you're gay? - She doesn't believe in gay. 248 00:14:57,401 --> 00:14:59,985 Oh, really? That's funny. Big doesn't believe in marriage. 249 00:15:00,068 --> 00:15:03,151 Maybe you should propose to me, and we'll all live happily ever after. 250 00:15:03,735 --> 00:15:07,235 - You really do want it all. - I don't know. Maybe nobody gets it all. 251 00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:10,818 Though, you do have a point. 252 00:15:11,318 --> 00:15:14,360 We're best friends. We make each other laugh. 253 00:15:14,443 --> 00:15:16,276 We both sleep with men. 254 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,193 You know, this is not a bad idea at all. 255 00:15:19,276 --> 00:15:22,693 - Well, actually, I was kidding. - I'm not! Think about it. 256 00:15:22,776 --> 00:15:25,276 Who else would keep you in expensive shoes 257 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,943 and encourage you to cheat? 258 00:15:27,901 --> 00:15:29,193 Now you're talking! 259 00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:31,401 Friday night at the ballet with a man 260 00:15:31,485 --> 00:15:33,985 who shared my passion for hot men in tights. 261 00:15:34,735 --> 00:15:38,485 Saturday afternoon in bed with a man who shared my passion for passion. 262 00:15:39,193 --> 00:15:41,485 Maybe there was such a thing as having it all. 263 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:45,485 What's that smile about? 264 00:15:46,485 --> 00:15:50,443 Oh, I got a marriage proposal last night. 265 00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:53,901 - Really? - Mmm. 266 00:15:54,901 --> 00:15:56,110 From whom? 267 00:15:56,693 --> 00:16:00,860 A very handsome, witty young man about to come into his inheritance. 268 00:16:01,693 --> 00:16:05,526 Oh, I see. Anyone I know? 269 00:16:05,860 --> 00:16:08,818 Actually his name is Stanford. Stanford Blatch. 270 00:16:10,985 --> 00:16:12,651 I thought he was gay. 271 00:16:12,985 --> 00:16:14,151 He is. 272 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,985 That should make for an interesting column. 273 00:16:23,401 --> 00:16:25,526 What are you gonna do about sex? 274 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,026 I have you. 275 00:16:30,901 --> 00:16:31,901 Oh. 276 00:16:33,735 --> 00:16:36,318 I guess you've got it all figured out… 277 00:16:38,193 --> 00:16:40,026 Mrs. Blatch. 278 00:16:40,110 --> 00:16:41,276 The more he mocked me, 279 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:44,943 the more convinced I became that this idea was genius. 280 00:16:48,735 --> 00:16:51,651 That night, Miranda and I had plans to join Charlotte 281 00:16:51,735 --> 00:16:53,776 for a gallery opening in Chelsea when… 282 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:01,068 - Hello? - Carrie, it's Charlotte. 283 00:17:01,401 --> 00:17:04,026 I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to cancel. 284 00:17:04,526 --> 00:17:06,735 I'm totally wiped out. 285 00:17:06,818 --> 00:17:08,068 Uh-huh? 286 00:17:08,151 --> 00:17:09,235 Wiped out! 287 00:17:09,318 --> 00:17:13,318 That was Charlotte speak for "I'm spending the night with my vibrator." 288 00:17:14,026 --> 00:17:15,901 But you guys have fun, though. 289 00:17:15,985 --> 00:17:17,985 There was only one thing to do. 290 00:17:18,068 --> 00:17:19,610 A rabbit intervention. 291 00:17:20,693 --> 00:17:22,026 Come on, let's go! 292 00:17:23,026 --> 00:17:25,443 - Okay, where is it? - What are you talking about? 293 00:17:25,526 --> 00:17:27,985 The Rabbit, Charlotte. Give us the Rabbit. 294 00:17:28,068 --> 00:17:32,068 Hey! Hey, hey, hey it's a vibrator. It's not like it's crack. 295 00:17:33,193 --> 00:17:35,735 Oh, Charlotte! 296 00:17:35,818 --> 00:17:40,651 You hid the Rabbit behind a stuffed rabbit? That is so you. 297 00:17:40,735 --> 00:17:42,360 You guys have a lot of nerve coming in here. 298 00:17:42,443 --> 00:17:43,526 You're the one who made me get it. 299 00:17:43,610 --> 00:17:45,235 I thought you could handle it. 300 00:17:45,318 --> 00:17:46,318 It's no big deal. 301 00:17:46,401 --> 00:17:49,235 I'd just rather stay home with the Rabbit than go out, deal with men. 302 00:17:52,276 --> 00:17:57,318 All right. You're right. I'll go get dressed. 303 00:17:57,401 --> 00:17:59,026 With a little help from her friends, 304 00:17:59,110 --> 00:18:02,985 Charlotte decided that she wasn't going to settle for herself. 305 00:18:03,735 --> 00:18:07,151 While Samantha was doing everything in her power to remake the Turtle 306 00:18:07,235 --> 00:18:09,651 into a man she could fall in love with. 307 00:18:10,526 --> 00:18:12,693 - How's your dinner? - It's questionable. 308 00:18:13,235 --> 00:18:15,276 I can't figure out whether the mushrooms in this sauce 309 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,235 are shiitake or chanterelle. 310 00:18:18,026 --> 00:18:19,776 They're definitely not porcini. 311 00:18:21,818 --> 00:18:24,235 Maybe they're wood ear. 312 00:18:25,818 --> 00:18:27,860 Maybe it doesn't matter. 313 00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:31,693 My God! They're trumpets! 314 00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:36,360 It was then that Samantha realized that even with all her effort, 315 00:18:36,443 --> 00:18:39,151 he was still just the Turtle in black. 316 00:18:39,651 --> 00:18:42,360 You know, I'm not feeling very well. 317 00:18:42,443 --> 00:18:44,943 I think I'm going to have to send myself home. 318 00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:49,068 I'll call you. 319 00:18:56,776 --> 00:18:59,443 Excuse me. Do you like this shirt? 320 00:19:00,026 --> 00:19:02,735 My ex-girlfriend picked it out. 321 00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,818 After 12 phone calls and three e-mails, 322 00:19:07,235 --> 00:19:10,318 Stanford badgered me into at least meeting his grandmother. 323 00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:12,610 I love that suit you're wearing. 324 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:15,401 Designed by Coco Chanel herself. 325 00:19:15,485 --> 00:19:16,568 Seriously? 326 00:19:16,651 --> 00:19:19,568 Grandmother's been wearing that same suit for 40 years. 327 00:19:19,651 --> 00:19:20,860 And it still fits. 328 00:19:21,318 --> 00:19:23,568 - It never goes out of style. - Never. 329 00:19:23,651 --> 00:19:27,068 I have it in blue, black, pink. 330 00:19:27,151 --> 00:19:28,401 And eggshell! 331 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:29,901 Exactly. 332 00:19:30,568 --> 00:19:33,193 Stanford tells me you're a writer. 333 00:19:33,276 --> 00:19:35,360 Yes, I have a column in The Star. 334 00:19:35,443 --> 00:19:38,485 I was a career woman many, many years ago. 335 00:19:38,818 --> 00:19:41,443 But I gave it up to have children. 336 00:19:43,526 --> 00:19:46,651 Oh, wow! Is this you? 337 00:19:47,026 --> 00:19:49,693 Not a bad-Iooking girl. Don't you think? 338 00:19:49,776 --> 00:19:50,678 No. 339 00:19:50,693 --> 00:19:54,360 Doesn't she look exactly like Deborah Kerr in An Affair to Remember? 340 00:19:54,443 --> 00:19:55,735 She does. 341 00:19:57,401 --> 00:20:01,068 Oh, my God! This has to be Stanford. 342 00:20:01,151 --> 00:20:03,360 - You're the same person. - Okay. That's enough. 343 00:20:03,443 --> 00:20:07,318 Oh, come on. This is fun. I had no idea you had such a big family. 344 00:20:07,401 --> 00:20:10,026 And how about you, honey? Do you want a family? 345 00:20:11,026 --> 00:20:13,193 As I looked around at all the memorabilia 346 00:20:13,276 --> 00:20:14,985 and family photographs, 347 00:20:15,068 --> 00:20:18,901 the faces of brides and grooms, children and grandchildren, 348 00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,818 I realized… 349 00:20:21,235 --> 00:20:22,901 Yes, I do. 350 00:20:23,485 --> 00:20:27,735 Uh, Stanny, be a dear. Go in the kitchen and get me some matches. 351 00:20:27,818 --> 00:20:28,943 Of course. 352 00:20:34,318 --> 00:20:37,693 I love my Stanford. He's a very sweet boy. 353 00:20:37,776 --> 00:20:40,068 But you know, he is a fruit. 354 00:20:41,443 --> 00:20:43,318 I realized then that the only inheritance 355 00:20:43,401 --> 00:20:45,360 Stanford was going to get from his grandmother 356 00:20:45,443 --> 00:20:47,526 was her collection of Chanel suits. 357 00:20:51,068 --> 00:20:53,110 Salt. Yeah. 358 00:20:53,651 --> 00:20:54,735 That night at dinner, 359 00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:57,651 I knew I would have to break the news to Mr. Big. 360 00:21:05,735 --> 00:21:06,818 What do you think? 361 00:21:07,693 --> 00:21:09,735 Look, I do want to get married someday. 362 00:21:10,276 --> 00:21:12,443 I mean, maybe not today, but I just… I don't wanna… 363 00:21:12,526 --> 00:21:15,193 I can't date somebody that won't. You know, what's the point? 364 00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,235 Definitely too much salt. 365 00:21:22,943 --> 00:21:24,443 I mean, it's all in the timing. 366 00:21:25,610 --> 00:21:27,485 You gotta brown the garlic 367 00:21:27,568 --> 00:21:29,610 before you put in the onions, 368 00:21:29,693 --> 00:21:31,193 know what I mean? 369 00:21:32,985 --> 00:21:34,776 I thought we were having fun. 370 00:21:47,401 --> 00:21:50,568 It's better, but it definitely has possibilities. 371 00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:56,151 You have a little bit of sauce on the lip… 372 00:21:56,235 --> 00:21:57,776 right there. 373 00:21:58,110 --> 00:22:02,401 My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness… 374 00:22:02,485 --> 00:22:05,735 is to live in the moment and not worry about the future. 375 00:22:07,276 --> 00:22:09,651 Of course, he died penniless and single.