1 00:00:48,373 --> 00:00:51,123 My friend Miranda was dating Thomas John Anderson, 2 00:00:51,206 --> 00:00:53,331 an up-and-coming New York playwright. 3 00:00:53,415 --> 00:00:54,498 Oh, God. 4 00:00:54,581 --> 00:00:55,790 Oh, God. 5 00:00:55,873 --> 00:00:57,040 Oh, God. 6 00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,581 Oh, God. 7 00:01:00,540 --> 00:01:02,165 That was wonderful. 8 00:01:02,915 --> 00:01:05,706 Things were great except for one thing… 9 00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:06,790 I'll be right back. 10 00:01:09,331 --> 00:01:11,040 Immediately after sex, 11 00:01:11,123 --> 00:01:13,498 he'd hop out of bed and shower. 12 00:01:15,790 --> 00:01:18,165 Oh, God. 13 00:01:18,248 --> 00:01:20,665 Oh, God. Oh, God! 14 00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,290 Oh, God! 15 00:01:24,581 --> 00:01:26,123 Wow! 16 00:01:26,540 --> 00:01:27,581 Be right back. 17 00:01:27,665 --> 00:01:29,581 Night after night, it was the same thing. 18 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:33,790 Oh, God. Oh, God! Oh, God! 19 00:01:37,248 --> 00:01:38,748 - I'll be right… - Yeah. 20 00:01:38,831 --> 00:01:41,123 She decided to confront Thomas John Anderson 21 00:01:41,206 --> 00:01:42,456 as soon as he dried off. 22 00:01:47,456 --> 00:01:52,206 - So, what's with the showers? - What do you mean? 23 00:01:52,623 --> 00:01:55,040 You always get up and shower right after we're done. 24 00:01:55,123 --> 00:01:56,790 I'm starting to feel like it's me. 25 00:01:56,873 --> 00:02:01,290 Oh, no, no, no, it's not you. It's just… 26 00:02:01,790 --> 00:02:04,081 - What? - It's just a habit I have. 27 00:02:04,415 --> 00:02:07,790 Growing up, the nuns told us that sex was a sin. 28 00:02:07,873 --> 00:02:11,206 So I just, you know, got into the habit of taking a shower after I… 29 00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,165 you know, came. 30 00:02:13,498 --> 00:02:14,873 Oh, the nuns. 31 00:02:14,956 --> 00:02:18,623 Miranda suddenly realized she was dating "Catholic Guy." 32 00:02:19,331 --> 00:02:23,623 So you thing the water serves as a retro baptism kind of thing? 33 00:02:23,706 --> 00:02:25,706 Beats me. If I'd known he was Catholic, 34 00:02:25,790 --> 00:02:27,373 I never would've gone out with him in the first place. 35 00:02:27,456 --> 00:02:28,748 They should make them wear a sign. 36 00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:30,290 Single people in New York 37 00:02:30,373 --> 00:02:32,998 rarely ask about their dates' religious backgrounds, 38 00:02:33,081 --> 00:02:36,331 for the same reason they don't ask the number of former sex partners… 39 00:02:36,415 --> 00:02:38,623 - Too scary. - I mean, he's a rational, 40 00:02:38,706 --> 00:02:41,998 Iogical guy in every respect but this. 41 00:02:42,081 --> 00:02:44,290 Clean. You forgot clean. He's a clean guy. 42 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:48,373 Leave it to me to find the only religious guy still left in Manhattan. 43 00:02:48,456 --> 00:02:51,415 New York is a city filled with places to worship. 44 00:02:51,498 --> 00:02:53,415 But it recently dawned on me, 45 00:02:53,498 --> 00:02:56,456 the only time I ever heard anyone mention going into one, 46 00:02:56,540 --> 00:02:58,415 was for a singles mixer. 47 00:02:58,498 --> 00:03:01,290 Are relationships the religion of the '90s? 48 00:03:02,623 --> 00:03:04,915 Having been raised in the church of "Be nice to people 49 00:03:04,998 --> 00:03:06,623 and don't talk with your mouth full", 50 00:03:06,706 --> 00:03:09,706 I decided to check out some more traditional religious types 51 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,540 in their natural habitat. 52 00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:15,040 As I watched people leaving church, I was amazed at how they looked. 53 00:03:15,123 --> 00:03:18,456 Valentino, Escada, Oscar de la Renta. 54 00:03:18,540 --> 00:03:21,915 What is it about God and fashion that go so well together? 55 00:03:22,498 --> 00:03:26,248 And suddenly, there he was, wearing Armani on Sunday. 56 00:03:26,956 --> 00:03:28,373 Mr. Big. 57 00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:31,290 I admit it was kind of a shock. 58 00:03:31,373 --> 00:03:34,206 Up until that moment, I thought he only believed in the Yankees. 59 00:03:41,581 --> 00:03:43,998 - Well, hello there, churchgoer. - Hey! 60 00:03:45,831 --> 00:03:48,790 - What are you doing here? - Research. 61 00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:52,540 I'm doing a column on closet Presbyterians. You know any? 62 00:03:52,623 --> 00:03:55,456 Actually, I'm an atheist, but don't tell that to the minister. 63 00:03:56,290 --> 00:03:57,665 Who's the mystery woman? 64 00:03:59,456 --> 00:04:00,456 My mother. 65 00:04:01,873 --> 00:04:05,123 - I take her to church every Sunday. - Really? 66 00:04:06,331 --> 00:04:09,123 I'm so loving that. How come you never told me? 67 00:04:09,915 --> 00:04:12,081 Well, you write every Sunday, so… 68 00:04:12,581 --> 00:04:15,748 So every Sunday… church. 69 00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:17,540 Right. 70 00:04:21,581 --> 00:04:23,915 You know, I've got 20 minutes before my racquetball game. 71 00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:26,456 - Why don't we have a cup of coffee? - I can't. I'm on deadline 72 00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:29,081 and this cappuccino just kicked in, so… 73 00:04:30,498 --> 00:04:31,790 So? 74 00:04:32,165 --> 00:04:33,165 Bye. 75 00:04:36,706 --> 00:04:37,956 God bless. 76 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,290 It was one of those awkward relationship moments 77 00:04:40,373 --> 00:04:42,540 where you feel like you know nothing about the person 78 00:04:42,623 --> 00:04:44,415 you thought you knew everything about. 79 00:04:45,373 --> 00:04:47,290 He goes to church with his mother? 80 00:04:47,373 --> 00:04:49,456 - That can't be good. - Don't listen to her. 81 00:04:49,540 --> 00:04:52,123 A man who cares about his mother makes a wonderful husband. 82 00:04:52,206 --> 00:04:54,623 - I think it's sweet. - Sure, all religions are sweet, 83 00:04:54,706 --> 00:04:56,915 until you get to that shower-after-sex phase. 84 00:04:56,998 --> 00:05:00,456 - Oh, my God! Is he still doing that? - It's amazing he has any skin left. 85 00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:02,456 Well, have you tried taking a shower with him? 86 00:05:02,540 --> 00:05:05,290 No! I'm afraid he'll pull out garlic and a cross. 87 00:05:05,665 --> 00:05:08,206 So, which church does his mother go to? 88 00:05:08,290 --> 00:05:10,581 - Park Avenue Presbyterian. - Good church! 89 00:05:10,665 --> 00:05:12,415 It's one of the best on the East Side. 90 00:05:12,498 --> 00:05:14,998 What, are you rating churches? Is there a Zagat guide for that? 91 00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,956 Four stars, great bread, disappointing wine selection. 92 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,873 The thing is, I'm dying to meet his mother. 93 00:05:21,665 --> 00:05:22,650 Can you imagine? 94 00:05:22,665 --> 00:05:26,081 Getting on the good side of his mother is like closing the deal. 95 00:05:26,165 --> 00:05:28,915 - Hey, I'm sorry I'm late. - Well, it's about time. 96 00:05:28,998 --> 00:05:31,248 I just had a five-hour lunch with James. 97 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,206 Five-hour lunches. I remember those. 98 00:05:33,290 --> 00:05:35,998 Ladies, I have an announcement. 99 00:05:36,081 --> 00:05:38,456 - Please don't laugh. - What? 100 00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:41,623 - I'm in love. - What? 101 00:05:41,706 --> 00:05:44,331 Samantha uttering those words to us 102 00:05:44,415 --> 00:05:48,623 was an event as unfathomable as Moses parting the Red Sea. 103 00:05:50,581 --> 00:05:54,748 It all started a couple of weeks ago, on a particularly blah Wednesday night. 104 00:05:54,831 --> 00:05:57,998 Samantha decided to treat herself to a night of great music. 105 00:06:02,373 --> 00:06:05,040 I couldn't help but notice how you move to the music. 106 00:06:05,123 --> 00:06:06,373 It's beautiful. 107 00:06:07,581 --> 00:06:09,290 Well, I love jazz. 108 00:06:10,206 --> 00:06:11,456 That's pretty clear. 109 00:06:12,123 --> 00:06:13,331 Are you a musician? 110 00:06:14,581 --> 00:06:15,623 Yeah. 111 00:06:16,456 --> 00:06:18,415 Trapped in the body of a lawyer. 112 00:06:18,498 --> 00:06:21,123 Well, we won't tell anyone. 113 00:06:22,665 --> 00:06:23,873 May I join you? 114 00:06:25,373 --> 00:06:26,540 Sure. 115 00:06:31,873 --> 00:06:33,456 After they closed the jazz joint, 116 00:06:33,540 --> 00:06:35,123 they walked and talked for blocks. 117 00:06:35,206 --> 00:06:37,290 You have to at least try one of the glazed. 118 00:06:37,748 --> 00:06:39,040 It's a little bit of heaven. 119 00:06:40,706 --> 00:06:42,040 Mmm. 120 00:06:42,123 --> 00:06:45,456 Heavenly. And I never thought I'd get there. 121 00:06:45,540 --> 00:06:48,498 Why not? An angel like you? 122 00:06:50,456 --> 00:06:54,165 And then Samantha did something rather shocking for a first date… 123 00:06:54,248 --> 00:06:55,831 She didn't ask him home. 124 00:06:57,415 --> 00:06:58,623 Thanks, James. 125 00:06:59,373 --> 00:07:01,206 I had a wonderful time. 126 00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:03,915 Can I see you again? 127 00:07:05,415 --> 00:07:06,623 I'd love that. 128 00:07:09,790 --> 00:07:11,331 And with that one touch, 129 00:07:11,415 --> 00:07:14,790 Samantha, who was never a believer in relationships, 130 00:07:14,873 --> 00:07:16,540 suddenly became a convert. 131 00:07:16,915 --> 00:07:20,540 I mean, I'd totally given up on the idea that you could actually talk to men. 132 00:07:20,623 --> 00:07:22,831 - Hey, don't spread that around. - Before James, 133 00:07:22,915 --> 00:07:25,831 all my conversations consisted of two sentences, 134 00:07:25,915 --> 00:07:27,956 "give it to me" and "go home." 135 00:07:28,998 --> 00:07:30,665 And I owe it all to Charlotte. 136 00:07:31,331 --> 00:07:33,915 Me? What did I do? 137 00:07:33,998 --> 00:07:35,623 All that bullshit you spout 138 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:38,498 about not sleeping with men right away actually paid off. 139 00:07:38,581 --> 00:07:42,373 I mean, if I'd fucked James already, who knows where we'd be. 140 00:07:42,456 --> 00:07:44,581 Wait. You haven't had sex yet? 141 00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:45,706 Soon. 142 00:07:46,748 --> 00:07:47,748 You know, 143 00:07:48,373 --> 00:07:50,831 I think he's someone I could actually marry. 144 00:07:52,665 --> 00:07:55,081 Samantha, that's great. 145 00:07:55,165 --> 00:07:58,581 The idea that Samantha could possibly get married before she did, 146 00:07:58,665 --> 00:08:01,081 shook Charlotte's beliefs to the core. 147 00:08:01,165 --> 00:08:03,165 She took some drastic action. 148 00:08:03,248 --> 00:08:05,540 She made an appointment to see Noanie Stine, 149 00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:08,290 psychic to the stars and a cosmic connection, 150 00:08:08,373 --> 00:08:11,373 who lived in a brownstone between Central Park West and Columbus. 151 00:08:11,831 --> 00:08:13,873 - Is this you and Madonna? - Yeah. 152 00:08:13,956 --> 00:08:16,290 We go to the same Cabala class. 153 00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:18,873 Now… 154 00:08:19,956 --> 00:08:24,165 Pick three cards, face down with your left hand. 155 00:08:24,915 --> 00:08:27,581 Charlotte had heard about Noanie through a sorority sister 156 00:08:27,665 --> 00:08:30,373 whose marriage she had very accurately predicted. 157 00:08:30,790 --> 00:08:31,831 Okay. 158 00:08:32,415 --> 00:08:35,540 Now, is there one question in particular? 159 00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:38,331 Well, no. 160 00:08:38,665 --> 00:08:39,790 Just… 161 00:08:40,581 --> 00:08:41,748 There is. 162 00:08:42,748 --> 00:08:44,123 When will I get married? 163 00:08:47,331 --> 00:08:49,706 "Ace of wands." Prosperity. 164 00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:55,373 "Nine of cups." Strength and independence. 165 00:08:56,998 --> 00:08:59,873 "The Hanged Man." A new awakening. 166 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,581 You're a strong, independent woman 167 00:09:03,665 --> 00:09:06,956 with great success in your future, but I do not see marriage. 168 00:09:08,873 --> 00:09:11,165 - Excuse me? - I don't see it. 169 00:09:12,706 --> 00:09:14,915 - What? - I don't see marriage. 170 00:09:14,998 --> 00:09:19,456 Well, how can you just… say that like that? 171 00:09:20,373 --> 00:09:23,998 I mean, what about my feelings? 172 00:09:24,081 --> 00:09:27,165 Honey, I'm a psychic. I'm not a shrink. 173 00:09:27,581 --> 00:09:30,040 So, who is this fabulous mother in the hat 174 00:09:30,123 --> 00:09:32,290 and when do I get to go to church with you two? 175 00:09:33,415 --> 00:09:35,581 You want to go to church? 176 00:09:35,915 --> 00:09:38,498 You say that like I'm the antichrist or something. 177 00:09:38,581 --> 00:09:39,790 No. 178 00:09:39,873 --> 00:09:42,956 It's just I never thought of you as the church type. 179 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,790 Oh, really? What type am I? 180 00:09:46,165 --> 00:09:49,790 The incredibly beautiful and intelligent type. 181 00:09:51,706 --> 00:09:52,998 What religion are you? 182 00:09:53,748 --> 00:09:56,498 I'm no one religion in particular. I'm open to all. 183 00:09:57,290 --> 00:09:59,665 - Kind of like a 7-Eleven? - Come on. 184 00:09:59,748 --> 00:10:01,956 I want to go to church with you and your mommy. 185 00:10:02,415 --> 00:10:03,956 How about this Sunday? 186 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:09,748 Well, it's just a private little thing my mother and I do, just the two of us. 187 00:10:18,998 --> 00:10:20,415 You want to go to the Caribbean next week. 188 00:10:20,873 --> 00:10:22,915 Sure. I'll go pack my jet ski. 189 00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:25,748 No, I'm serious. We could both use a vacation. 190 00:10:25,831 --> 00:10:29,956 Come on. The sun, the sand, you and me. You waiting on me. 191 00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,873 - Can you get away? - Yeah, but I can't afford it. 192 00:10:32,956 --> 00:10:35,206 I'll tell you what. I'll buy the tickets. 193 00:10:35,290 --> 00:10:39,206 When we get to St. Barts, you can buy me one big margarita. 194 00:10:41,498 --> 00:10:43,581 Oh, God! 195 00:10:43,665 --> 00:10:47,373 Oh, God! Oh, God! 196 00:10:54,165 --> 00:10:56,123 Wait. I want to hold you. 197 00:10:57,331 --> 00:10:59,790 - I'll be right back. - Stay here a second. 198 00:11:02,373 --> 00:11:05,373 Isn't this nice? Us together? 199 00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,040 Yeah. 200 00:11:08,165 --> 00:11:09,790 Look. I'm just gonna go jump in the shower, 201 00:11:09,873 --> 00:11:12,040 and then, boom, I'm all yours. 202 00:11:12,748 --> 00:11:14,956 There's nothing sinful about sex. 203 00:11:16,456 --> 00:11:17,581 Oh… 204 00:11:17,998 --> 00:11:19,290 Oh, really? 205 00:11:19,873 --> 00:11:22,498 Well, thanks for clearing that up. 206 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:25,248 And what is that? The gospel according to Miranda? 207 00:11:25,665 --> 00:11:27,956 What are you gonna tell me next that God made the body, 208 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,290 and if God made the body and sex is an expression of that body, 209 00:11:31,373 --> 00:11:35,290 how could anything made by that God-made body be considered sin? 210 00:11:35,373 --> 00:11:36,706 Well, yeah. 211 00:11:36,790 --> 00:11:40,331 It's a miracle! I'm healed! 212 00:11:40,415 --> 00:11:42,331 You're free to go work with the lepers now. 213 00:11:42,415 --> 00:11:44,290 I guess this means I'm not going to hell. 214 00:11:44,373 --> 00:11:47,331 Great news! Thank you, Miranda. 215 00:11:47,415 --> 00:11:49,956 Thank you for saving my immortal soul. 216 00:11:50,706 --> 00:11:52,123 In her effort to help, 217 00:11:52,206 --> 00:11:56,248 Miranda had accidentally detonated some kind of Catholic guilt bomb. 218 00:11:57,748 --> 00:11:59,165 I'm gonna go take a shower. 219 00:11:59,873 --> 00:12:02,581 When I come out, I'd kind of like it if you weren't here. 220 00:12:03,665 --> 00:12:04,873 You got it. 221 00:12:04,956 --> 00:12:07,498 Six months later, that exact same speech 222 00:12:07,581 --> 00:12:09,998 would find its way into Thomas John Anderson's 223 00:12:10,081 --> 00:12:12,915 hit Off-Broadway play Shower of Shame. 224 00:12:15,790 --> 00:12:19,915 Meanwhile, downtown, Samantha was preparing to see God. 225 00:12:22,873 --> 00:12:24,540 I know it's only been a couple of weeks, 226 00:12:25,998 --> 00:12:27,331 but I love you, Samantha. 227 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,373 I love you, too. 228 00:12:36,998 --> 00:12:39,831 Oh, honey, I can't wait any longer. 229 00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:42,415 Just unzip and get over here. 230 00:12:55,373 --> 00:12:58,706 Okay, I'm ready. Put it in. 231 00:12:59,623 --> 00:13:00,748 It is in. 232 00:13:02,373 --> 00:13:04,873 Samantha said a little prayer that he was kidding. 233 00:13:06,081 --> 00:13:07,081 He wasn't. 234 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:13,873 Sunday morning. A time for rest. A time for relaxation. 235 00:13:14,206 --> 00:13:15,623 A time for spying. 236 00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:17,998 The plan was simple. 237 00:13:18,081 --> 00:13:19,331 Just get a look at the mother, 238 00:13:19,415 --> 00:13:21,331 then Miranda and I would go for eggs. 239 00:13:21,415 --> 00:13:24,248 Look at how crowded it is. What a sham. 240 00:13:24,331 --> 00:13:26,456 Will you lighten up? It's a Presbyterian church, 241 00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:27,540 not a Catholic one. 242 00:13:27,623 --> 00:13:31,498 Whatever. Catholics, Episcopalian, Buddhists, Shakers, Quakers. 243 00:13:31,581 --> 00:13:34,248 All the same, all designed to fuck up our sex lives. 244 00:13:34,331 --> 00:13:35,331 Here, pray. 245 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,373 Oh, there they are. 246 00:13:38,456 --> 00:13:40,290 - Where? - Right there. 247 00:13:40,373 --> 00:13:43,873 As I watched Mr. Big standing quietly next to his mother, 248 00:13:44,373 --> 00:13:47,081 tall, proud, respectful… 249 00:13:47,665 --> 00:13:50,206 I think I fell a little bit more in love with him. 250 00:13:50,290 --> 00:13:51,456 Let us pray. 251 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:55,248 - We come together… - We're out of here. 252 00:14:08,456 --> 00:14:11,165 Here they come. Let's make a break for it. 253 00:14:11,248 --> 00:14:12,915 No, they saw me. I have to say hello. 254 00:14:12,998 --> 00:14:14,415 I can't just pray and run. 255 00:14:15,165 --> 00:14:16,373 Oh, there they are. 256 00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:19,456 Okay, go. I'm fine. Go. 257 00:14:23,665 --> 00:14:26,040 Aren't you the young lady who made all that noise? 258 00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:27,831 Slippery gloves. 259 00:14:28,623 --> 00:14:30,081 - 'Morning. - Good morning. 260 00:14:30,165 --> 00:14:32,498 - It's a lovely church. - Yes, isn't it? 261 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:36,873 - Don't you think it's lovely? - Mother, this is my friend Carrie. 262 00:14:37,581 --> 00:14:40,706 I searched her face looking for the light of recognition. 263 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:43,748 But there was nothing. 264 00:14:44,081 --> 00:14:45,206 Carrie-Carrie. 265 00:14:45,790 --> 00:14:47,498 I'm just gonna go and say good-bye to the pastor. 266 00:14:47,581 --> 00:14:49,456 It was lovely meeting you. 267 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,540 "My friend Carrie"? 268 00:14:53,623 --> 00:14:55,915 You show up at church after I asked you not to. 269 00:14:55,998 --> 00:14:57,540 What are you trying to do? Test me? 270 00:14:57,623 --> 00:15:00,206 I mean, why all of a sudden interest in meeting my mother? 271 00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,040 Well, has the woman ever even heard of me? 272 00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:04,373 My mother doesn't need to meet another girlfriend. 273 00:15:05,540 --> 00:15:06,540 Oh. 274 00:15:07,373 --> 00:15:08,540 I didn't mean that… 275 00:15:11,206 --> 00:15:12,206 I mean… 276 00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:14,790 I'll introduce you as my girlfriend when I'm sure. 277 00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,206 Oh. 278 00:15:17,206 --> 00:15:21,040 Look, I have to do things on my time frame. 279 00:15:21,123 --> 00:15:22,415 "Time frame"? 280 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,748 We've been going out for months. 281 00:15:28,456 --> 00:15:30,998 I really don't know what else to say to you. 282 00:15:31,706 --> 00:15:34,456 We'll get there. You just have to have a little faith. 283 00:15:34,831 --> 00:15:38,123 - "Faith"? - Yeah. Look. 284 00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:39,581 In a couple of days we're going on vacation. 285 00:15:39,665 --> 00:15:40,915 We have plenty of time to talk this out. 286 00:15:40,998 --> 00:15:42,706 Right now, I've got to get my mother home. Okay? 287 00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:44,373 Well, go. 288 00:15:46,456 --> 00:15:47,665 Just go. 289 00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,581 Move over. 290 00:16:11,248 --> 00:16:12,456 I didn't leave. 291 00:16:13,456 --> 00:16:14,873 You didn't seem fine. 292 00:16:15,873 --> 00:16:18,206 He introduced me to his mother as a friend. 293 00:16:20,415 --> 00:16:21,831 She never heard of me. 294 00:16:23,706 --> 00:16:25,248 That isn't a good sign. 295 00:16:27,248 --> 00:16:30,498 - Maybe they're not that close. - Come on, don't lie. You're in a church. 296 00:16:36,081 --> 00:16:37,456 I can't get inside. 297 00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:41,873 I don't know what else I can do. 298 00:16:44,915 --> 00:16:46,915 Later that night in the Church of Disco, 299 00:16:47,331 --> 00:16:49,456 Stanford invited everyone he knew 300 00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:51,998 to a party to introduce a new fragrance, 301 00:16:52,081 --> 00:16:53,415 Fallen Angel. 302 00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:58,165 Hi, Carrie! Hi, Carrie! 303 00:16:58,831 --> 00:17:02,040 Also, he wanted to show off his new boyfriend, Allanne. 304 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:04,623 Hi! 305 00:17:04,706 --> 00:17:07,623 Isn't this fun? It's like hell with a cover charge. 306 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,373 Carrie, this is Allanne. Allanne, Carrie. 307 00:17:11,456 --> 00:17:13,956 - Hi. Nice to meet you finally. - You too. 308 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:17,456 Did I tell you that Allanne designed the Fallen Angel bottle? 309 00:17:18,581 --> 00:17:20,248 Yes. Congratulations. 310 00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:23,206 Thank you. Excuse me for a second. 311 00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:25,498 I just saw someone I want to say hello to. 312 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,331 So you know what we did today? 313 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:37,748 We shopped for Deco cabinet handles for his armoire. 314 00:17:37,831 --> 00:17:40,581 I turned into one of those couples we hate and I'm loving it! 315 00:17:41,540 --> 00:17:44,206 Stanford and Allanne worshiped the same God… 316 00:17:44,290 --> 00:17:45,456 style. 317 00:17:45,956 --> 00:17:49,123 So, you all excited for the big vacación? 318 00:17:49,206 --> 00:17:51,498 I don't know. I can't help feeling 319 00:17:51,581 --> 00:17:55,248 like it's some sort of consolation prize for not letting me in his life. 320 00:17:55,331 --> 00:17:57,998 What is going on with you two? 321 00:17:58,081 --> 00:18:00,998 - We're not in the greatest place. - What happened? 322 00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:04,040 He wouldn't introduce me to his mother. 323 00:18:04,915 --> 00:18:05,915 Ouch. 324 00:18:08,748 --> 00:18:09,748 Thanks. 325 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,123 Skipper. Hi. 326 00:18:13,206 --> 00:18:16,498 It seems Stanford had invited everyone in his Rolodex. 327 00:18:16,581 --> 00:18:18,915 I was hoping I'd see you here. 328 00:18:18,998 --> 00:18:21,415 I've been totally thinking about you since we broke up. 329 00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:23,831 - You have? - Totally. 330 00:18:25,748 --> 00:18:26,915 You look great. 331 00:18:27,790 --> 00:18:30,331 Thanks. So do you. 332 00:18:30,956 --> 00:18:32,956 Miranda looked at Skipper. 333 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,373 The months apart had shed a new light on him. 334 00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:39,456 Actually, they'd shed a new light on his shower-free feelings about sex. 335 00:18:40,456 --> 00:18:43,706 Later that night, the three of us tracked Samantha to the ladies' room 336 00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:46,040 to get the lowdown on her love life with James. 337 00:18:46,123 --> 00:18:48,040 Here you are. We've been looking for you everywhere. 338 00:18:48,123 --> 00:18:51,206 So, how is everything? 339 00:18:51,581 --> 00:18:53,915 She means have you and James done it yet? 340 00:18:54,331 --> 00:18:55,581 Mm-hmm. 341 00:18:55,665 --> 00:18:56,665 And? 342 00:18:58,331 --> 00:19:01,373 - It's nice. - I'm so happy for you. 343 00:19:05,123 --> 00:19:07,165 Sweetie, what is it? 344 00:19:07,790 --> 00:19:08,998 Nothing. 345 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,956 Hey, what's going on? 346 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:17,290 Why are you crying? 347 00:19:18,165 --> 00:19:19,665 James has a small dick. 348 00:19:19,748 --> 00:19:20,831 Oh… 349 00:19:20,915 --> 00:19:24,123 - Well, it's not the end of the world. - It's really small. 350 00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:25,498 - How small? - Too small. 351 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,998 - Well, size isn't everything. - Three inches? 352 00:19:28,415 --> 00:19:30,165 - Well… - Hard? 353 00:19:32,081 --> 00:19:34,790 - Is he a good kisser? - Who the fuck cares? 354 00:19:34,873 --> 00:19:36,540 His dick is like a gherkin! 355 00:19:37,123 --> 00:19:40,915 I feel so terrible. Listen to me. I'm a bad person. 356 00:19:40,998 --> 00:19:44,290 Don't beat yourself up. You had certain expectations and you're disappointed. 357 00:19:44,373 --> 00:19:46,415 Why? Why? 358 00:19:46,498 --> 00:19:48,790 Why does he have to have a small dick? 359 00:19:49,456 --> 00:19:52,373 - I really like him. - I thought you loved him. 360 00:19:52,873 --> 00:19:53,858 Well… 361 00:19:53,873 --> 00:19:56,873 - Oh, look, we've all been there. - That's for sure. 362 00:19:56,956 --> 00:20:00,540 I was once with a guy the size of one of those little miniature golf pencils. 363 00:20:00,623 --> 00:20:03,290 Couldn't tell if he was trying to fuck me or erase me. 364 00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,831 I'm sorry. It's just… It's funny. 365 00:20:08,915 --> 00:20:10,665 Let's not lose perspective. 366 00:20:10,748 --> 00:20:14,373 - There are ways to work around this. - I don't want to work around it. 367 00:20:14,456 --> 00:20:17,456 I love a big dick. I love it inside of me. 368 00:20:17,540 --> 00:20:20,123 I love looking at it. I love everything about it. 369 00:20:21,915 --> 00:20:23,456 When I blow him, it's like… 370 00:20:24,873 --> 00:20:26,040 nothing. 371 00:20:26,540 --> 00:20:27,831 Nothing. 372 00:20:27,915 --> 00:20:30,665 - Can you talk to him about it? - No. 373 00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:33,998 It's the only thing we can't talk about. 374 00:20:36,748 --> 00:20:41,081 - What am I gonna do? - How is he with his tongue? 375 00:20:44,665 --> 00:20:46,123 Charlotte left us all behind, 376 00:20:46,206 --> 00:20:48,165 telling us she had another party to go to. 377 00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:53,998 She took a cab to a part of town never mentioned in the New Yorker. 378 00:20:54,956 --> 00:20:56,415 Will I ever get married? 379 00:21:00,331 --> 00:21:02,456 I call the power of all the saints. 380 00:21:03,248 --> 00:21:04,373 Saint Lazarus. 381 00:21:05,415 --> 00:21:07,956 Saint Rosa. Send me your guidance. 382 00:21:09,290 --> 00:21:10,831 Send me the truth. 383 00:21:13,956 --> 00:21:15,373 Send me an answer. 384 00:21:26,790 --> 00:21:28,081 No yolk. 385 00:21:28,623 --> 00:21:29,706 What does that mean? 386 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:32,998 You'll never be married. 387 00:21:35,290 --> 00:21:36,498 You are cursed. 388 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:42,123 But do not worry. For $100 dollars, we can remove it. 389 00:21:48,290 --> 00:21:49,415 The entire way home, 390 00:21:49,498 --> 00:21:52,040 Charlotte berated herself for being so foolish. 391 00:21:52,623 --> 00:21:54,581 She simply refused to give in to the idea 392 00:21:54,665 --> 00:21:56,040 that she would never get married. 393 00:21:56,623 --> 00:21:57,623 Sorry. 394 00:21:57,706 --> 00:22:00,790 All she had to do was keep believing, and it would happen. 395 00:22:04,498 --> 00:22:06,748 It was 3:00 am in the Church of Disco, 396 00:22:06,831 --> 00:22:09,790 and Miranda couldn't believe what she was about to say. 397 00:22:10,165 --> 00:22:13,581 - You want to spend the night? - The night? The whole night? 398 00:22:14,831 --> 00:22:16,998 Yeah, the whole night. 399 00:22:20,540 --> 00:22:23,623 - I knew we'd get back together. - You did? 400 00:22:24,623 --> 00:22:25,873 Yep. 401 00:22:25,956 --> 00:22:28,665 Every night I'd light a candle and say a little prayer. 402 00:22:30,081 --> 00:22:31,373 You're a freak. 403 00:22:33,456 --> 00:22:35,081 Samantha tried desperately 404 00:22:35,165 --> 00:22:37,498 to believe that love was stronger than sex. 405 00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:40,498 Why are you crying? 406 00:22:42,456 --> 00:22:43,748 I'm just so happy. 407 00:22:49,831 --> 00:22:53,373 I stayed up all night questioning my faith in faith. 408 00:22:53,456 --> 00:22:56,290 I mean, hadn't I had faith in us all along? 409 00:23:01,831 --> 00:23:03,831 Faith that all the withholding would stop. 410 00:23:06,415 --> 00:23:08,581 Faith that he'd say, "I love you." 411 00:23:08,665 --> 00:23:09,956 Let's go! 412 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,498 Hey, hurry. We're gonna miss the plane. 413 00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:15,873 Wait, wait. Put them down a second. 414 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,248 Just put them down. 415 00:23:20,790 --> 00:23:21,790 Okay. 416 00:23:23,498 --> 00:23:24,540 What? 417 00:23:26,331 --> 00:23:27,623 I need a sign. 418 00:23:28,915 --> 00:23:31,956 I mean, you told me to have faith, but, see… 419 00:23:32,915 --> 00:23:34,790 I'm kind of losing mine, so… 420 00:23:37,123 --> 00:23:38,331 I need a sign. 421 00:23:38,831 --> 00:23:40,831 What, like in those old religious movies? 422 00:23:40,915 --> 00:23:42,331 You want a voice from above? 423 00:23:43,456 --> 00:23:44,956 Just tell me I'm the one. 424 00:23:46,748 --> 00:23:50,790 You don't have to tell your mother or the whole world, just… 425 00:23:53,540 --> 00:23:54,956 Just tell me. 426 00:24:11,331 --> 00:24:12,540 I can't do this. 427 00:24:14,331 --> 00:24:15,456 Carrie. 428 00:24:15,540 --> 00:24:16,581 Carrie. 429 00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:18,816 Carrie. 430 00:24:18,831 --> 00:24:21,915 Just get in the car. Please. 431 00:24:23,206 --> 00:24:24,331 I can't. 432 00:24:26,415 --> 00:24:27,998 I love you, but I can't. 433 00:24:34,081 --> 00:24:35,331 So that's it? 434 00:24:49,790 --> 00:24:51,498 No regrets 435 00:24:53,831 --> 00:24:59,998 Although our love affair has gone astray 436 00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:03,790 No regrets 437 00:25:05,331 --> 00:25:07,581 After he left, I cried for a week. 438 00:25:09,915 --> 00:25:12,123 And then I realized I do have faith. 439 00:25:12,915 --> 00:25:14,331 Faith in myself. 440 00:25:15,790 --> 00:25:18,123 Faith that I would one day meet someone 441 00:25:18,206 --> 00:25:21,706 who would be sure that I was the one. 442 00:25:22,915 --> 00:25:27,456 Still in my heart you'll be 443 00:25:27,831 --> 00:25:33,206 Forever mine 444 00:25:33,540 --> 00:25:37,081 No regrets