1 00:00:47,956 --> 00:00:50,790 When you live on a tiny island like Manhattan… 2 00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:56,915 the odds of bumping into the one who broke your heart are incredibly high. 3 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:02,748 The odds of bumping into him when you look like shit are even higher. 4 00:01:18,206 --> 00:01:21,748 After a break-up, certain streets, locations, 5 00:01:21,956 --> 00:01:24,081 even times of day are off-limits. 6 00:01:24,831 --> 00:01:29,040 The city becomes a deserted battlefield loaded with emotional land mines. 7 00:01:29,373 --> 00:01:31,623 You have to be very careful where you step, 8 00:01:31,706 --> 00:01:33,290 or you could be blown to pieces. 9 00:01:39,498 --> 00:01:41,415 Get your coat, Anne Frank, we're going out. 10 00:01:41,498 --> 00:01:44,248 - Guys, I'm really not in the mood. - Coat on. Body out. 11 00:01:44,415 --> 00:01:46,248 - Where are we going? - It's a surprise. 12 00:01:46,331 --> 00:01:48,998 Okay, but only if it's nowhere I can run into him. 13 00:01:49,123 --> 00:01:50,665 Just when exactly do you think 14 00:01:50,748 --> 00:01:52,873 you're gonna be getting out of this hostage situation? 15 00:01:52,998 --> 00:01:54,206 - Miranda… - What? Am I wrong? 16 00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:56,623 Don't listen to her, Carrie, it's only been a month. 17 00:01:56,831 --> 00:02:00,373 It takes half the total time you went out with someone to get over them. 18 00:02:00,456 --> 00:02:02,748 I always like a good math solution to any love problem. 19 00:02:02,831 --> 00:02:05,623 It's the break-up rule. You and Big only went out for a year. 20 00:02:05,748 --> 00:02:08,123 So that means that she's got five more months to get over him. 21 00:02:08,206 --> 00:02:10,415 No! You gotta cut your losses and get back in the game. 22 00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:13,040 When Eric and I broke up, I got over him right away. 23 00:02:13,165 --> 00:02:15,331 I don't really remember it being like that. 24 00:02:15,665 --> 00:02:16,748 Eric who? 25 00:02:16,831 --> 00:02:19,081 Eric, asshole I dated a couple of years ago. 26 00:02:19,165 --> 00:02:20,331 Oh. That Eric. 27 00:02:20,456 --> 00:02:22,581 Miranda used to call Eric the love of her life 28 00:02:22,665 --> 00:02:24,415 until he left her for another woman. 29 00:02:24,498 --> 00:02:26,331 Now, she almost never mentioned him. 30 00:02:26,415 --> 00:02:28,498 You can't push yourself into feeling good. 31 00:02:28,581 --> 00:02:31,706 The only way to get over somebody is to feel really bad, 32 00:02:31,790 --> 00:02:33,248 cry to your girlfriends, 33 00:02:33,415 --> 00:02:35,706 and then, to replay what you hated about him 34 00:02:35,790 --> 00:02:37,415 over and over in your head all day. 35 00:02:37,498 --> 00:02:39,206 Yep, that sounds about right. 36 00:02:39,331 --> 00:02:41,623 You're too dressed up for where we're going. 37 00:02:41,706 --> 00:02:43,331 I'm going to risk overdressed 38 00:02:43,415 --> 00:02:46,623 versus a chance meeting Big for the first time, looking the way I feel. 39 00:02:46,706 --> 00:02:48,665 Oh, God! Seeing someone for the first time is the worst. 40 00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:49,775 You never know how to act. 41 00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:51,623 Yeah. And then there's the vomiting. 42 00:02:53,415 --> 00:02:55,831 You know, if Big had any class, he would've moved away. 43 00:02:55,915 --> 00:02:57,040 I was here first. 44 00:02:57,123 --> 00:03:00,081 You're giving him too much power. You broke up with him, remember? 45 00:03:00,165 --> 00:03:02,581 Right, and that makes me what, happy? 46 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:04,040 Taxi! 47 00:03:04,081 --> 00:03:06,540 Amazingly, Samantha was still with James. 48 00:03:06,665 --> 00:03:08,665 A monogamous relationship for a woman 49 00:03:08,748 --> 00:03:11,456 whose bedroom was usually busier than Balducci's on a Saturday. 50 00:03:11,748 --> 00:03:13,831 Hey, you lovebirds. 51 00:03:16,873 --> 00:03:19,248 And how are the most beautiful women in Manhattan? 52 00:03:19,415 --> 00:03:21,123 If we see them, I'll ask. 53 00:03:23,248 --> 00:03:24,290 Have a fun day. 54 00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:26,623 And don't let anything bad happen to my princess. 55 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:27,706 Aw! 56 00:03:28,415 --> 00:03:29,623 I love you. 57 00:03:31,998 --> 00:03:34,831 God, Samantha, everything is going so great. 58 00:03:35,498 --> 00:03:39,915 Me, James, and his tiny penis. We're one big happy family. 59 00:03:40,123 --> 00:03:42,873 After two months, despite all his sweetness and charm, 60 00:03:43,373 --> 00:03:47,415 Samantha still hadn't quite accepted James's… shortcomings. 61 00:03:48,873 --> 00:03:52,123 When Miranda said, "Get back in the game," she meant it. 62 00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:57,415 Forty minutes and a $55 cab ride later, we found ourselves at Yankee Stadium. 63 00:03:57,748 --> 00:03:59,081 Who wants another? 64 00:03:59,290 --> 00:04:01,290 Miranda was a fan of the Yankees. 65 00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:04,040 I was a fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink 66 00:04:04,123 --> 00:04:05,790 at 2:00 in the afternoon without judgment. 67 00:04:05,956 --> 00:04:07,581 - Beer! - Beer! 68 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,206 Do they have hot cocoa? 69 00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:12,081 Okay! Coming up to bat, the new Yankee. 70 00:04:12,165 --> 00:04:15,123 Just up from the Minors, single. Oh so cute. 71 00:04:16,540 --> 00:04:19,873 I can barely see him. Why are we sitting all the way up here? 72 00:04:19,956 --> 00:04:21,540 Because it's the only place I can smoke 73 00:04:21,623 --> 00:04:23,706 without Giuliani putting me away for ten years. 74 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,248 These seats suck. 75 00:04:25,373 --> 00:04:28,623 This hot dog sucks. My entire life sucks. 76 00:04:28,873 --> 00:04:31,415 Your life doesn't suck. You have a man who really loves you. 77 00:04:31,498 --> 00:04:32,540 Oh, yay, love! Whoo! 78 00:04:32,665 --> 00:04:36,290 I don't think you ladies understand the seriousness of my situation. 79 00:04:38,331 --> 00:04:41,290 How would you like to make love to this every night? 80 00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:43,373 Is it kosher? 81 00:04:44,831 --> 00:04:47,790 Don't make me laugh. It's tragic. 82 00:04:47,998 --> 00:04:50,331 Can we all just try and get into the game for a second? 83 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:53,456 - All right. - Come on! Show us what you got. 84 00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:55,540 Last year this guy was Mr. September. 85 00:04:55,665 --> 00:04:58,373 He hit ten home runs in nine days. 86 00:04:58,456 --> 00:05:00,831 Ball! Good eye! 87 00:05:00,915 --> 00:05:02,581 Way to watch them. 88 00:05:02,665 --> 00:05:05,456 He batted.373. He drove in 47 runs. 89 00:05:05,581 --> 00:05:07,415 His on-base percentage was.410. 90 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:10,248 As Miranda went on and on about the new Yankee's stats, 91 00:05:10,331 --> 00:05:12,498 I couldn't help but wonder about my own… 92 00:05:12,581 --> 00:05:15,415 Ten years playing in New York, countless dates, 93 00:05:15,498 --> 00:05:19,498 five real relationships, one serious, all ending in break-ups. 94 00:05:19,665 --> 00:05:24,498 If I were a ballplayer I'd be batting… Whatever really bad is. 95 00:05:26,831 --> 00:05:28,581 My God! Here it comes! 96 00:05:33,456 --> 00:05:35,206 You got it! 97 00:05:37,956 --> 00:05:40,998 Do you know what the odds of catching a fly ball are? 98 00:05:41,081 --> 00:05:42,025 I didn't. 99 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,290 I couldn't help but wonder if they were any higher 100 00:05:44,373 --> 00:05:46,373 than finding a relationship that would last. 101 00:05:46,956 --> 00:05:51,165 Three innings, four beers and one shameless flash of my press pass later, 102 00:05:51,373 --> 00:05:55,373 we waited outside the locker room to get my ball signed by the new Yankee. 103 00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,790 Hi! Good game. 104 00:05:57,248 --> 00:05:59,373 Did you see that bulge? 105 00:05:59,540 --> 00:06:01,581 Uh… He was wearing a cup. 106 00:06:02,373 --> 00:06:04,040 Well, honey, his cup runneth over. 107 00:06:10,415 --> 00:06:12,581 It's official, you're drunk. 108 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:15,248 I'm not drunk, I'm sedated from my pain. 109 00:06:15,373 --> 00:06:18,206 She's allowed to be drunk, she's going through a break-up. 110 00:06:19,665 --> 00:06:21,165 Oh! Hey. Hi. 111 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,998 Excuse me. Huge Yankee fan. 112 00:06:24,081 --> 00:06:27,081 We don't mean to bother you but my friend caught your ball. 113 00:06:28,415 --> 00:06:29,456 This is her. 114 00:06:29,831 --> 00:06:31,498 - I'm her friend. - Hi. 115 00:06:31,581 --> 00:06:33,540 We were wondering if you'd sign it? 116 00:06:33,748 --> 00:06:36,956 - That foul ball to the upper deck? - Yes. I mean… 117 00:06:37,290 --> 00:06:39,581 Yes. If it's not too… 118 00:06:39,831 --> 00:06:43,790 I'm a huge Yankees fan. I'm a lawyer. 119 00:06:43,956 --> 00:06:45,748 So, if I don't sign it, you'll sue me? 120 00:06:45,956 --> 00:06:48,581 No. No, I don't know why I said that. 121 00:06:48,665 --> 00:06:50,206 No problem, give me the ball. 122 00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:51,748 Give him the ball. 123 00:06:51,831 --> 00:06:53,206 Oh! 124 00:06:55,206 --> 00:06:56,540 - Could you hold these? - Sure. 125 00:06:56,665 --> 00:06:57,608 Thank you. 126 00:06:57,623 --> 00:07:00,748 - You a Yankee fan, too? - Actually, no, I came for the beer. 127 00:07:00,956 --> 00:07:03,248 - I think baseball's a little dull. - Oh, yeah? 128 00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:05,706 - What do you do? - She writes a column. 129 00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:07,415 A sex column. 130 00:07:07,706 --> 00:07:10,415 - Nothing dull about that. - You'd be surprised. 131 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:13,040 - Here you go. - Thank you. 132 00:07:13,373 --> 00:07:15,581 Whoo! 133 00:07:17,123 --> 00:07:18,956 He's so cute. 134 00:07:19,581 --> 00:07:22,081 I'm gonna ask him to the Dolce & Gabbana party. 135 00:07:22,248 --> 00:07:23,498 What? 136 00:07:25,456 --> 00:07:26,790 No, really, you can't. 137 00:07:28,665 --> 00:07:30,290 Yankee! 138 00:07:34,873 --> 00:07:38,456 I don't know if it was the beer or the fact that I was holding his ball, 139 00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:41,873 something gave me the strength to ask the new Yankee out. 140 00:07:42,665 --> 00:07:45,123 No, no, no. This is not fair. 141 00:07:45,206 --> 00:07:47,540 This is not the way this is supposed to happen. 142 00:07:47,790 --> 00:07:50,123 Why? You told me to get back in the game. 143 00:07:51,331 --> 00:07:55,373 Yeah, with some balding CPA or other boring rebound guy. 144 00:07:55,498 --> 00:07:57,790 Nobody rebounds with the new Yankee. 145 00:07:57,915 --> 00:07:59,331 Well, maybe I'm the new Carrie. 146 00:07:59,415 --> 00:08:01,373 Come on, ladies, let's blow this hot dog stand. 147 00:08:02,331 --> 00:08:03,331 Come on! 148 00:08:05,206 --> 00:08:07,123 Samantha, let's go. 149 00:08:09,373 --> 00:08:12,415 She knew it was risky, but a day of watching big men 150 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:16,290 swing their big wooden bats proved to be too much for Samantha. 151 00:08:16,706 --> 00:08:19,540 She told herself there's no harm in just looking. 152 00:08:31,748 --> 00:08:33,081 Can I help you? 153 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,248 Um… 154 00:08:42,581 --> 00:08:45,248 As my ballpark cheap beer buzz wore off, 155 00:08:45,456 --> 00:08:48,706 I began to worry about the ramifications of my day. 156 00:08:49,165 --> 00:08:50,581 Was Charlotte right? 157 00:08:50,748 --> 00:08:54,581 Were we supposed to get over an ex in a slow, painful way? 158 00:08:54,748 --> 00:08:58,540 Or should we ignore all the bad feelings and throw ourselves back in the game? 159 00:08:59,331 --> 00:09:00,790 In a world where leaving each other 160 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,040 seems to be getting more and more frequent… 161 00:09:03,415 --> 00:09:05,165 What are the break-up rules? 162 00:09:05,498 --> 00:09:07,706 Whatever you do, man, don't cry. 163 00:09:07,998 --> 00:09:09,915 'Cause if you do get back together again, 164 00:09:09,998 --> 00:09:11,665 then like, you're the guy that cried. 165 00:09:14,248 --> 00:09:17,081 Don't call or see him till three months have passed. 166 00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:18,540 That's how long it takes to lose 167 00:09:18,623 --> 00:09:20,081 the weight you put on when you were breaking up. 168 00:09:20,165 --> 00:09:23,415 Give her whatever she wants, but don't sign a motherfucking thing. 169 00:09:24,456 --> 00:09:27,206 Change your name, change your phone number. 170 00:09:27,290 --> 00:09:30,415 Change your job. They're all bums. 171 00:09:31,623 --> 00:09:34,206 - You got a problem? - No, no! 172 00:09:34,290 --> 00:09:36,790 Friday night, the Dolce & Gabbana party. 173 00:09:36,998 --> 00:09:39,206 The new Yankee was ten minutes late. 174 00:09:39,331 --> 00:09:41,123 I was running 20 behind. 175 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:43,331 Oh, God. 176 00:09:47,706 --> 00:09:50,123 I was reaching for my favorite necklace when… 177 00:09:51,748 --> 00:09:53,956 I thought I'd destroyed all the evidence, 178 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,415 but there it was. 179 00:09:55,498 --> 00:09:57,706 We'd taken it with a disposable camera 180 00:09:57,790 --> 00:10:00,748 before it ever dawned on me that we could be disposable as well. 181 00:10:01,081 --> 00:10:04,956 It was then and there I created my own very first break-up rule. 182 00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:09,665 "Destroy all pictures where he looks sexy and you look happy." 183 00:10:14,165 --> 00:10:16,248 The party was a complete home run. 184 00:10:16,373 --> 00:10:18,540 All the fashion heavy-hitters were there. 185 00:10:20,081 --> 00:10:22,081 Oh, come on, honey. Paul! 186 00:10:23,331 --> 00:10:25,456 Charlotte was dating Paul Ericson, 187 00:10:25,581 --> 00:10:28,956 the VP of a major recording label's classical and jazz division. 188 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,581 Hey, ladies, having a good time? 189 00:10:30,665 --> 00:10:33,956 You're not gonna believe it. This guy's never heard Miles Davis. 190 00:10:34,498 --> 00:10:36,748 - I don't really like that jazz stuff. - Stuff? 191 00:10:36,831 --> 00:10:39,831 You just wait. I'm gonna give you our "Best of Miles Davis" CD. 192 00:10:39,915 --> 00:10:41,581 His stuff's gonna change your mind. 193 00:10:41,665 --> 00:10:44,915 His concentration of emotion in the phrasing… 194 00:10:45,248 --> 00:10:46,790 It's fucking magical. 195 00:10:46,873 --> 00:10:49,498 He was handsome, smart, eclectic. 196 00:10:49,623 --> 00:10:51,540 The perfect match for Charlotte. 197 00:10:51,873 --> 00:10:53,415 Except for one minor snag. 198 00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:57,706 The authenticity of Miles' timbre is gonna blow you away. 199 00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:59,831 I mean, the fusion revolution 200 00:10:59,915 --> 00:11:02,123 changed the entire concept of contemporary music. 201 00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:08,623 There we were, two single gals out on the town with our ballplayers. 202 00:11:20,081 --> 00:11:21,415 What's wrong? 203 00:11:21,498 --> 00:11:23,290 I thought I saw… 204 00:11:23,373 --> 00:11:25,665 - Where? - No, it wasn't him. 205 00:11:26,415 --> 00:11:28,040 Do you think he'll be here? 206 00:11:28,331 --> 00:11:29,915 I don't know, I hadn't thought about it. 207 00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:32,290 Break-up rule number two. 208 00:11:32,831 --> 00:11:36,665 "Lie. It's a lot easier than admitting that's why you invited the new Yankee 209 00:11:36,748 --> 00:11:39,581 and why you maxed out your credit card to buy the dress." 210 00:11:41,623 --> 00:11:45,206 When Mr. Big never made an appearance, I decided to make the best of it. 211 00:11:45,373 --> 00:11:47,998 I actually got to know a little about this new Yankee. 212 00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:49,290 His name was Joe. 213 00:11:49,373 --> 00:11:52,206 So, Joe, the new Yankee… 214 00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:54,873 How'd you like your first fashion party? 215 00:11:55,456 --> 00:11:57,206 It was kind of cool. 216 00:11:58,248 --> 00:11:59,373 What? 217 00:11:59,581 --> 00:12:01,290 Nothing. It's just… 218 00:12:01,790 --> 00:12:03,081 "Kind of cool." 219 00:12:03,248 --> 00:12:04,998 You're very succinct. 220 00:12:06,873 --> 00:12:08,706 What? Are you making fun of me? 221 00:12:08,790 --> 00:12:09,998 A little bit. 222 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:13,956 Well, you're kind of cute. 223 00:12:15,248 --> 00:12:17,290 You're kind of cute, too. 224 00:12:22,540 --> 00:12:25,206 And there, in the shadow of my island, 225 00:12:25,415 --> 00:12:28,081 just four weeks out of my last relationship, 226 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:31,415 I let the new Yankee get to first base. 227 00:12:32,290 --> 00:12:33,748 Our Saturday morning ritual. 228 00:12:33,831 --> 00:12:36,748 Coffee, eggs, and a very private dish session. 229 00:12:36,956 --> 00:12:38,956 Except, today our dish wasn't so private. 230 00:12:39,081 --> 00:12:41,706 - You're on page six! - Oh, my God! 231 00:12:41,790 --> 00:12:45,206 "Hot Yankee Joe Stark on the town with New York columnist 232 00:12:45,290 --> 00:12:47,206 and sex-pert, Carrie Bradshaw." 233 00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:49,040 "Sexpert"? It's a proud day for me. 234 00:12:49,123 --> 00:12:50,998 Oh, honey. That dress just paid for itself. 235 00:12:51,081 --> 00:12:52,831 Big is gonna see this and die. 236 00:12:52,915 --> 00:12:54,456 I don't want him to die. 237 00:12:54,581 --> 00:12:57,415 Cut the shit, it's me. You're using that Yankee. 238 00:12:57,540 --> 00:13:01,415 Okay. Everybody has got to look at my new Palm Pilot. 239 00:13:01,498 --> 00:13:04,248 - It's amazing. - This is so great. 240 00:13:04,331 --> 00:13:05,623 The first time Big sees you, 241 00:13:05,706 --> 00:13:07,748 you look like that and you're with the Yankee. 242 00:13:07,998 --> 00:13:10,748 Why are we still talking about him? He hurt her. 243 00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:12,873 He's out of the picture. It's over. 244 00:13:12,956 --> 00:13:14,915 Let's talk about something else, okay? 245 00:13:14,998 --> 00:13:15,983 - Okay. - Okay. 246 00:13:15,998 --> 00:13:16,998 Okay. 247 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,040 I have a problem with my boyfriend. 248 00:13:28,165 --> 00:13:30,123 Okay. I'm gonna go get the check. 249 00:13:31,831 --> 00:13:33,665 I don't know really quite how to say this, 250 00:13:33,748 --> 00:13:34,956 but he's always… 251 00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:36,831 touching his… 252 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:38,831 Balls. I know, Carrie told me. 253 00:13:39,165 --> 00:13:40,665 I had to. It freaked me out. 254 00:13:40,748 --> 00:13:42,373 I didn't know what the hell was going on there. 255 00:13:42,456 --> 00:13:43,998 I still don't. What is going on there? 256 00:13:44,331 --> 00:13:47,831 I don't know but it's constant. He just can't seem to leave them alone. 257 00:13:47,915 --> 00:13:49,831 He and every other guy on the planet. 258 00:13:49,915 --> 00:13:52,123 They're always trying to pull our attention down there. 259 00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,290 "Look what I got." 260 00:13:53,373 --> 00:13:55,498 I don't get it. He's from a good family. 261 00:13:55,581 --> 00:13:58,165 He went to Brown. Why is he doing that? 262 00:13:58,373 --> 00:14:00,998 - Does he have low-hangers? - Is that a patented phrase? 263 00:14:01,123 --> 00:14:03,665 Sometimes they hang so low, they get in the way. 264 00:14:04,123 --> 00:14:05,998 I heard Nick Nolte had a ball lift. 265 00:14:06,081 --> 00:14:07,623 I don't know how long they are. 266 00:14:08,873 --> 00:14:11,665 Wait a minute. You've been dating this guy for three weeks 267 00:14:11,748 --> 00:14:13,331 and you haven't seen his balls yet? 268 00:14:13,623 --> 00:14:16,040 Oh, come on! Get with the program. 269 00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:18,248 But why do men do this? 270 00:14:18,415 --> 00:14:21,623 How would they feel if we stood around in public touching ourselves? 271 00:14:21,748 --> 00:14:22,873 - They'd love it. - They'd love that. 272 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,456 What are we talking about? 273 00:14:24,581 --> 00:14:26,373 Charlotte's boyfriend's balls. 274 00:14:26,831 --> 00:14:27,831 Seriously? 275 00:14:27,956 --> 00:14:30,415 - They're too long. - She's just guessing. 276 00:14:30,915 --> 00:14:33,040 Okay. That's it. 277 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:34,581 I'm out of here. 278 00:14:35,081 --> 00:14:36,956 All we talk about anymore 279 00:14:37,165 --> 00:14:41,498 is Big or balls or small dicks. 280 00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:43,915 How does it happen that four such smart women 281 00:14:43,998 --> 00:14:45,831 have nothing to talk about but boyfriends? 282 00:14:46,623 --> 00:14:48,623 It's like seventh grade with bank accounts. 283 00:14:48,706 --> 00:14:49,873 What about us? 284 00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:53,206 What we think, we feel, we know. Christ! 285 00:14:53,790 --> 00:14:55,748 Does it always have to be about them? 286 00:14:56,540 --> 00:14:57,748 Just… you know. 287 00:14:58,456 --> 00:15:00,248 Give me a call when you're ready to talk about 288 00:15:00,331 --> 00:15:02,206 something besides men for a change. 289 00:15:03,123 --> 00:15:06,540 In the case of Miranda Hobbes versus silly women everywhere, 290 00:15:06,623 --> 00:15:08,040 the verdict was in. 291 00:15:08,206 --> 00:15:09,706 Guilty as charged. 292 00:15:10,748 --> 00:15:13,373 After breakfast, Charlotte and I went shopping. 293 00:15:13,790 --> 00:15:15,623 Break-up rule number three. 294 00:15:15,790 --> 00:15:19,873 "Until emotionally stabilized, enter no stores." 295 00:15:20,415 --> 00:15:21,581 Later that night, 296 00:15:21,665 --> 00:15:24,623 Samantha and James were about to enter the seventh inning stretch. 297 00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:26,206 Okay, honey. 298 00:15:26,331 --> 00:15:30,665 When I arch my back, I want you to lift that ass and really give it to me. 299 00:15:30,956 --> 00:15:34,831 Rather than quit mid-season, Samantha decided to attack her problem 300 00:15:34,998 --> 00:15:37,873 with the gusto of a seasoned coach training a rookie. 301 00:15:38,206 --> 00:15:41,290 Go, go, lift. Lift that ass. 302 00:15:41,748 --> 00:15:43,790 Give it to me! Give it to me! 303 00:15:47,331 --> 00:15:50,623 A good coach encourages and motivates. 304 00:15:50,748 --> 00:15:52,915 You are so hot. 305 00:15:53,998 --> 00:15:57,081 Fuck me. Fuck me, you hot stud. 306 00:16:00,873 --> 00:16:03,165 A good coach disciplines and criticizes. 307 00:16:03,331 --> 00:16:05,956 No. What are you doing back there? 308 00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:07,206 Let's go. 309 00:16:07,331 --> 00:16:08,831 And like every good coach, 310 00:16:08,998 --> 00:16:11,998 she passed on the benefits of her years of experience. 311 00:16:12,206 --> 00:16:13,623 Okay, baby, I'm close. 312 00:16:13,790 --> 00:16:15,706 I want you to get up here and slide inside of me. 313 00:16:15,831 --> 00:16:19,331 Hurry, slide, slide, slide! 314 00:16:19,415 --> 00:16:20,998 Oh, Yeah! 315 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,748 Then, at the bottom of the ninth try, 316 00:16:25,831 --> 00:16:27,915 with two balls and two strikes, 317 00:16:28,206 --> 00:16:31,456 the coach had no choice, but to bring in a pinch hitter. 318 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,456 What's that? 319 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:36,706 It's my vibrator. 320 00:16:37,498 --> 00:16:39,123 I thought it would be fun. 321 00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,290 I think just us might be more fun. 322 00:16:41,956 --> 00:16:43,706 That's not a problem, is it? 323 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:50,998 But there was no joy in Mudville. 324 00:16:51,123 --> 00:16:53,581 Mighty Samantha had struck out. 325 00:16:56,873 --> 00:17:00,706 But a little further uptown, the ball game was just getting started. 326 00:17:01,873 --> 00:17:04,040 I have a present for you. 327 00:17:04,540 --> 00:17:06,998 I thought you just gave me one. 328 00:17:12,540 --> 00:17:14,165 I was at Barneys today. 329 00:17:15,665 --> 00:17:16,998 And, well… 330 00:17:17,748 --> 00:17:18,748 Here. 331 00:17:19,498 --> 00:17:22,331 Charlotte had decided a possible solution to her problem 332 00:17:22,415 --> 00:17:25,456 might be as simple as briefs versus boxers. 333 00:17:26,081 --> 00:17:28,581 The salesman said that these were the very best. 334 00:17:29,165 --> 00:17:31,123 They're like the Wonderbra for men. 335 00:17:31,248 --> 00:17:33,790 They give good support, something about the pouch. 336 00:17:35,831 --> 00:17:38,706 We haven't even made love yet and you're already out shopping for me? 337 00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:39,790 Slow down. 338 00:17:39,998 --> 00:17:41,373 No, no, it's not like that… 339 00:17:41,581 --> 00:17:42,581 It's what? 340 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:43,983 Well… 341 00:17:43,998 --> 00:17:45,998 But Charlotte couldn't bring herself to tell him 342 00:17:46,081 --> 00:17:48,415 the problem was foul balls. 343 00:17:48,665 --> 00:17:51,248 This is too fast. Way too fast. 344 00:17:51,456 --> 00:17:54,581 First comes the underwear, and then you move in… 345 00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:57,331 And then the next thing I know, you hate my music. 346 00:17:59,540 --> 00:18:00,873 And that was that. 347 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:03,706 He broke it off after only three weeks. 348 00:18:03,873 --> 00:18:08,123 Charlotte, true to form, was over him in exactly a week and a half. 349 00:18:09,206 --> 00:18:12,581 Whenever Miranda was feeling stressed out, she went for a long walk. 350 00:18:12,748 --> 00:18:15,248 She'd lose herself in the places and faces 351 00:18:15,331 --> 00:18:17,915 and whatever was bothering her would somehow lift. 352 00:18:18,081 --> 00:18:20,623 But today, she would have no such luck. 353 00:18:21,706 --> 00:18:24,831 I really thought he liked me. Why didn't he call me? 354 00:18:26,165 --> 00:18:29,206 And just when Miranda decided she was the only woman in New York 355 00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:31,206 with any real perspective on men… 356 00:18:34,206 --> 00:18:36,790 There he was. Eric Asshole. 357 00:18:37,248 --> 00:18:38,956 The former love of her life, 358 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,040 walking hand and hand with the woman he left her for. 359 00:18:56,831 --> 00:18:59,581 Somewhere between playing the Royals and the Red Sox, 360 00:18:59,748 --> 00:19:03,123 the new Yankee found a minute to teach me some dugout pastimes. 361 00:19:03,290 --> 00:19:05,498 One, two, three, toss. 362 00:19:06,456 --> 00:19:07,456 Shit. 363 00:19:07,540 --> 00:19:10,040 If you don't get this, we don't move on to spitting. 364 00:19:10,123 --> 00:19:11,290 Hold my beer. 365 00:19:11,956 --> 00:19:13,706 - Center your head now. - Okay, wait. 366 00:19:14,748 --> 00:19:16,706 - Back, back, back. - Sorry. 367 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,415 Break-up rule number four. 368 00:19:21,248 --> 00:19:24,331 "Never stop thinking about him even for a moment, 369 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:27,373 because that's the moment he'll appear." 370 00:19:28,290 --> 00:19:31,331 As he made his way through the crowd, I felt calm. 371 00:19:31,540 --> 00:19:34,123 I had accomplished the perfect first meeting. 372 00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:37,790 I looked good, I felt good, and I was with the new Yankee. 373 00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:38,915 Surprise, surprise. 374 00:19:39,248 --> 00:19:41,040 Wow. Look at you… 375 00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:43,665 I've been… 376 00:19:43,748 --> 00:19:45,665 - How've you… - Good, good, good. 377 00:19:46,706 --> 00:19:50,123 - Oh, God. Sorry. This is Joe Stark. - I know who he is. 378 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,373 I'm a big fan. Good luck this season. 379 00:19:52,498 --> 00:19:53,831 Thanks. 380 00:19:54,415 --> 00:19:56,581 I saw your picture in the paper. 381 00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:59,748 You never looked better. 382 00:20:25,748 --> 00:20:27,540 You want another round? 383 00:20:38,081 --> 00:20:40,248 Hey, some buddies of mine are at a bar on Bleeker. 384 00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,165 - How about it? - Sure. 385 00:20:42,998 --> 00:20:44,290 Hey. 386 00:20:54,206 --> 00:20:55,415 I'm sorry. 387 00:20:57,248 --> 00:20:59,748 I'm really sorry, it's not you. This is… 388 00:21:00,665 --> 00:21:02,456 This is really embarrassing. 389 00:21:02,873 --> 00:21:05,415 - I'm sorry. I'm really embarrassed. - It's okay. You're okay. 390 00:21:05,581 --> 00:21:07,498 I don't think I'm okay. I just… 391 00:21:07,873 --> 00:21:09,873 I just cried in your mouth. 392 00:21:11,123 --> 00:21:13,498 I just… I can't, uh… 393 00:21:15,415 --> 00:21:17,748 I'm not ready. 394 00:21:18,331 --> 00:21:20,456 That guy in the bar… 395 00:21:20,956 --> 00:21:21,956 That… 396 00:21:22,623 --> 00:21:24,206 That suit guy. 397 00:21:25,331 --> 00:21:26,748 I better go. Sorry. 398 00:21:26,831 --> 00:21:28,831 - You want a ride home? - No, Joe, please. 399 00:21:28,915 --> 00:21:31,748 Don't pay any more attention to me. Just go, please. 400 00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:36,040 Go to that bar thing. I'm just gonna get a cab, all right? 401 00:21:37,415 --> 00:21:40,206 Please. Will you just go? 402 00:21:42,373 --> 00:21:43,915 All right, then I'll go. 403 00:21:58,456 --> 00:22:01,081 But I didn't go home. I couldn't. 404 00:22:01,206 --> 00:22:02,456 I went to a pay phone. 405 00:22:02,540 --> 00:22:03,956 Hey, it's me. 406 00:22:04,373 --> 00:22:06,415 Hi, listen. 407 00:22:07,165 --> 00:22:09,665 I know things are really weird between us right now. 408 00:22:10,123 --> 00:22:11,831 But I really need to talk. 409 00:22:12,206 --> 00:22:13,331 Can you… 410 00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:17,123 Will you meet me at our place in like, 15 minutes? 411 00:22:18,456 --> 00:22:19,665 Okay. 412 00:22:19,748 --> 00:22:20,748 Okay. 413 00:22:48,373 --> 00:22:49,623 Hi. 414 00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,498 I saw Big. 415 00:22:56,831 --> 00:22:58,790 And I completely fell apart. 416 00:22:59,915 --> 00:23:01,706 I know you want me to be over him… 417 00:23:01,790 --> 00:23:02,873 I'm a jerk. 418 00:23:04,123 --> 00:23:06,456 It's my stuff. It's not you. 419 00:23:08,998 --> 00:23:10,706 I saw Eric on the street today. 420 00:23:11,456 --> 00:23:12,998 And I hid. 421 00:23:13,540 --> 00:23:15,123 After two years… 422 00:23:17,331 --> 00:23:19,206 I forgot how hard it is. 423 00:23:20,290 --> 00:23:22,540 You just take all the time you need, okay? 424 00:23:34,206 --> 00:23:35,415 These are cold. 425 00:23:37,165 --> 00:23:38,165 So? 426 00:23:42,123 --> 00:23:45,540 And finally, the most important break-up rule. 427 00:23:45,748 --> 00:23:49,415 "No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, 428 00:23:49,706 --> 00:23:52,748 you'll never get through it without your friends."