1
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:49,808
Manhattan…

2
00:00:49,933 --> 00:00:51,308
For millions of our forefathers,

3
00:00:51,391 --> 00:00:54,308
the gateway to hope,
opportunity and happiness

4
00:00:54,391 --> 00:00:56,016
beyond their wildest dreams.

5
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,058
Today that hope is still alive.

6
00:00:58,141 --> 00:01:00,516
It's called "The first date."

7
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:03,808
On Saturday nights, every
restaurant in lower Manhattan

8
00:01:03,891 --> 00:01:06,391
resembles its own little Ellis Island.

9
00:01:06,891 --> 00:01:09,891
Hordes of single women crowded
into a hot cramped space

10
00:01:09,975 --> 00:01:12,308
hoping to make it
to their final destination…

11
00:01:12,391 --> 00:01:14,141
The state of matrimony.

12
00:01:14,225 --> 00:01:16,516
Or at least to get
a hot meal in transit.

13
00:01:17,641 --> 00:01:20,058
Samantha didn't believe
in the first date.

14
00:01:20,141 --> 00:01:22,100
But she did believe in sex after it.

15
00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:24,350
Mmm.

16
00:01:26,016 --> 00:01:28,600
Ooh, I think you missed a drop.

17
00:01:28,683 --> 00:01:31,058
Harrison was a very
successful litigator

18
00:01:31,141 --> 00:01:33,183
who took steam baths with Ron Perlman

19
00:01:33,266 --> 00:01:36,225
and owned an apartment
on the 39th floor of Museum Tower…

20
00:01:36,308 --> 00:01:38,725
An excellent first-date pedigree.

21
00:01:38,808 --> 00:01:40,058
After dinner,

22
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:43,225
Harrison invited Samantha up
to see his view.

23
00:01:43,475 --> 00:01:45,058
Mmm…

24
00:01:46,016 --> 00:01:49,058
I think you should know my
specialty is sexual harassment.

25
00:01:49,141 --> 00:01:50,141
- Really?
- Mmm.

26
00:01:50,225 --> 00:01:51,225
So is mine.

27
00:01:53,683 --> 00:01:55,016
This is a classic case…

28
00:01:55,725 --> 00:01:57,766
A classic case of entrapment.

29
00:01:58,600 --> 00:01:59,808
Beautiful woman,

30
00:01:59,891 --> 00:02:01,891
- mind-altering wine.
- Mmm-hmm…

31
00:02:01,975 --> 00:02:03,475
I could claim temporary insanity.

32
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:06,808
I do have a prior record
of driving men a little crazy.

33
00:02:08,725 --> 00:02:10,141
You fit the profile.

34
00:02:10,225 --> 00:02:13,225
Most sexual harassment cases
are brought by older women.

35
00:02:19,016 --> 00:02:20,183
I'm sorry?

36
00:02:20,266 --> 00:02:24,100
No offense, but come on,
what are you, 40, 41?

37
00:02:24,516 --> 00:02:26,683
Samantha had celebrated
her 35th birthday

38
00:02:26,766 --> 00:02:28,641
for as long as we could remember.

39
00:02:28,933 --> 00:02:30,725
I'm just gonna freshen up.

40
00:02:30,808 --> 00:02:33,558
Well, I think
you're pretty fresh already.

41
00:02:40,933 --> 00:02:43,350
I'm too sexy for my shirt

42
00:02:43,433 --> 00:02:45,475
Too sexy for my shirt

43
00:02:45,558 --> 00:02:48,558
So sexy it hurts

44
00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:51,516
I'm too sexy for your body

45
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:56,225
Hey sexy, I'm over here.

46
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:03,141
There, next to his
Brooks Brothers suits,

47
00:03:03,225 --> 00:03:07,058
was the world's smallest
cedar-lined den of iniquity.

48
00:03:07,141 --> 00:03:08,683
Slap me.

49
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,433
You've got to be kidding.

50
00:03:10,516 --> 00:03:12,641
Oh, come on…

51
00:03:13,516 --> 00:03:15,225
Slap me hard.

52
00:03:15,308 --> 00:03:18,975
Apparently the view
left a little to be desired.

53
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:25,850
The next night, Samantha invited us
to a party she was throwing

54
00:03:25,933 --> 00:03:28,725
for the new coffee table book du jour.

55
00:03:29,183 --> 00:03:30,641
The book was awful,

56
00:03:30,725 --> 00:03:32,975
but the hors d'oeuvres were fabulous.

57
00:03:33,058 --> 00:03:35,016
Well, you got to give the guy credit.

58
00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:37,183
It takes a lot of work to get
all rigged up like that.

59
00:03:37,266 --> 00:03:39,850
Yeah, most of my first dates
don't even open the cab door.

60
00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:41,558
Hey, what if he's still hanging there?

61
00:03:41,641 --> 00:03:42,891
The super would find him eventually.

62
00:03:42,975 --> 00:03:44,600
You see, this is why I don't date.

63
00:03:44,683 --> 00:03:46,266
The men out there are freaks.

64
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:47,725
Well, that's completely unfair.

65
00:03:47,808 --> 00:03:50,100
I'm sorry, if a man
is over 30 and single

66
00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:51,391
there's something wrong with him.

67
00:03:51,475 --> 00:03:54,350
It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out
from propagating the species.

68
00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,058
Okay, what about us?

69
00:03:56,141 --> 00:03:57,766
We're just choosy.

70
00:03:58,808 --> 00:04:00,683
I'm getting more shrimp.

71
00:04:02,016 --> 00:04:04,141
You know what the worst part
of the date was?

72
00:04:04,975 --> 00:04:07,808
Harrison actually thought I was 40.

73
00:04:08,308 --> 00:04:10,100
- Really?
- Really.

74
00:04:11,266 --> 00:04:13,016
Do you think I look 40?

75
00:04:13,141 --> 00:04:15,225
If Samantha's past
four birthdays taught me anything,

76
00:04:15,308 --> 00:04:18,433
it was that there is only one answer
to a question like that.

77
00:04:18,516 --> 00:04:20,225
You don't look a day over 35.

78
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,808
This is a great party.

79
00:04:24,891 --> 00:04:26,266
I just met the most amazing guy,

80
00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:27,725
Mitchell Saylor.

81
00:04:27,808 --> 00:04:29,350
When Charlotte
really liked a guy,

82
00:04:29,433 --> 00:04:30,766
she said his whole name.

83
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:33,516
It helped her to imagine
their future monogrammed towels.

84
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:34,891
Mitch Saylor?

85
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,100
Yeah, do you know him?

86
00:04:36,183 --> 00:04:37,808
Oh, honey, I know of him.

87
00:04:37,891 --> 00:04:39,808
Well, well, what is that
supposed to mean?

88
00:04:39,891 --> 00:04:43,933
Ladies, I suggest you
join me in the bathroom.

89
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:46,891
- He's "Mr. Pussy."
- Mr. Who?

90
00:04:46,975 --> 00:04:48,933
Suddenly Charlotte's
monogrammed towels

91
00:04:49,016 --> 00:04:50,183
were looking very different.

92
00:04:50,266 --> 00:04:52,975
He's renowned, he loves
going down on women.

93
00:04:53,058 --> 00:04:54,933
He's so cute to be so nasty.

94
00:04:55,016 --> 00:04:56,016
That's disgusting!

95
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:57,475
I told you there'd be something.

96
00:04:57,558 --> 00:05:00,016
He's a legend.
He's just amazing at eating pussy.

97
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,850
Would you please
just stop calling it that?

98
00:05:01,933 --> 00:05:03,766
Oh, fine, going down, giving head.

99
00:05:03,850 --> 00:05:04,933
Eating out?

100
00:05:05,016 --> 00:05:06,558
I never understood that,
shouldn't it be eating in?

101
00:05:06,641 --> 00:05:08,225
Stop it, stop it, stop it!

102
00:05:08,850 --> 00:05:10,391
You do do that, right?

103
00:05:10,683 --> 00:05:11,808
Of course!

104
00:05:11,891 --> 00:05:13,850
I just… I don't have to talk about it.

105
00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:15,058
The reality was,

106
00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:18,183
the only thing that went down
with any regularity on Charlotte's dates

107
00:05:18,266 --> 00:05:20,100
was a gold American Express card.

108
00:05:20,183 --> 00:05:24,183
Forget it. I'm not dating anyone
who is known as Mr. Pussy.

109
00:05:24,266 --> 00:05:25,350
Why not?

110
00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:27,016
Well, maybe I want more than that.

111
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:30,433
Oh, sweetie, if a man is good at that,
there is nothing more.

112
00:05:30,516 --> 00:05:31,850
Amen.

113
00:05:31,933 --> 00:05:33,766
You have to be talking
about Mitch Saylor.

114
00:05:33,850 --> 00:05:35,725
He's unbelievable.

115
00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:37,975
I dated him for a month.

116
00:05:38,433 --> 00:05:41,975
He was so good, I actually
passed out when I came.

117
00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:44,225
Enjoy.

118
00:05:47,225 --> 00:05:49,683
Well, the guy's got good word of mouth.

119
00:05:52,058 --> 00:05:55,100
Oh, my God, right over there.
That's… that's him. That's Mr…

120
00:06:10,308 --> 00:06:11,808
Unlike Miranda,

121
00:06:11,891 --> 00:06:14,475
I wasn't ready to accept
that all single men were freaks.

122
00:06:14,558 --> 00:06:17,308
I was so optimistic
that I had actually agreed

123
00:06:17,391 --> 00:06:20,391
to go on my first blind date
in two years.

124
00:06:20,475 --> 00:06:23,808
PJ was a very successful
independent movie producer.

125
00:06:23,891 --> 00:06:26,100
His documentary on endangered seagulls

126
00:06:26,183 --> 00:06:28,683
had just aired to
excellent reviews on PBS.

127
00:06:28,766 --> 00:06:32,641
So documentary films…
that must be fun.

128
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,141
Look, let's be realistic.

129
00:06:34,266 --> 00:06:36,516
I'm only doing this docu-bullshit
to earn a rep, you know?

130
00:06:36,641 --> 00:06:39,266
I mean, ultimately I want to
parlay into the action movie arena.

131
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:40,600
I want to make money.

132
00:06:40,683 --> 00:06:42,225
I'm not afraid to say it, okay?
I love money.

133
00:06:42,308 --> 00:06:44,975
I would sell toilet bowls if
it would make me a millionaire.

134
00:06:45,058 --> 00:06:46,350
What about the seagulls?

135
00:06:46,433 --> 00:06:47,975
Fuck the seagulls.

136
00:06:49,141 --> 00:06:50,350
Step right up, folks.

137
00:06:50,433 --> 00:06:51,891
Two vodkas and a $12 pasta

138
00:06:51,975 --> 00:06:56,350
buys your admission to see
"The Man With No Soul."

139
00:06:58,850 --> 00:07:01,433
Observe if you dare,
this chilling sight.

140
00:07:01,516 --> 00:07:03,725
Bachelor number two seemed promising.

141
00:07:03,808 --> 00:07:07,183
Just so you know, I can't
see a movie without popcorn.

142
00:07:07,558 --> 00:07:09,725
- I'm a junior mints kind of guy.
- Mmm.

143
00:07:09,808 --> 00:07:12,641
This relationship is probably doomed.

144
00:07:15,933 --> 00:07:17,266
You want to lean a little closer?

145
00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:19,141
Maybe hear our entire conversation?

146
00:07:19,225 --> 00:07:20,433
Hey, here's a better idea.

147
00:07:20,516 --> 00:07:21,766
Why don't you
and your fucking girlfriend

148
00:07:21,850 --> 00:07:23,016
just sit on our laps during the movie?

149
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:25,891
Then you won't
miss a fucking word, dick!

150
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:34,141
Ladies and gentlemen,
stand far away from…

151
00:07:34,225 --> 00:07:36,641
"The man with two faces."

152
00:07:38,850 --> 00:07:41,100
They say the third time's the charm.

153
00:07:41,350 --> 00:07:44,475
Max was a broker who had made
two million on bonds last year.

154
00:07:44,558 --> 00:07:47,141
We had a great dinner in Little Italy.

155
00:07:49,016 --> 00:07:50,891
Not only did Max have two million,

156
00:07:50,975 --> 00:07:54,600
he also appeared to have
a lending library in his pants.

157
00:07:55,016 --> 00:07:58,100
Parents, please keep
the kiddies away from the cage of…

158
00:07:58,350 --> 00:08:02,183
"The man who steals
cheap used books for no reason."

159
00:08:02,475 --> 00:08:05,141
Okay, now I was afraid.

160
00:08:05,225 --> 00:08:08,183
Apparently the men in
the dating world had devolved

161
00:08:08,266 --> 00:08:09,850
since the last time I visited.

162
00:08:10,433 --> 00:08:12,016
Maybe Miranda was right.

163
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:14,016
Maybe they should never
have outlawed freak shows,

164
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:17,391
because at least then the freaks
were rounded up in one place.

165
00:08:17,475 --> 00:08:20,183
Now they're out there
among us, roaming free.

166
00:08:21,016 --> 00:08:22,225
Is it true?

167
00:08:23,141 --> 00:08:24,933
Are all men freaks?

168
00:08:27,433 --> 00:08:30,891
Apparently, Charlotte's week
went a little better than mine.

169
00:08:30,975 --> 00:08:35,391
On Monday night, she was finally ready
to let Mitch under her sheets…

170
00:08:38,058 --> 00:08:40,225
Way under.

171
00:08:42,225 --> 00:08:43,391
Mmm.

172
00:08:50,641 --> 00:08:51,725
Sorry.

173
00:08:51,808 --> 00:08:52,808
It tickles.

174
00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:54,308
Just relax.

175
00:08:55,016 --> 00:08:56,183
Relax.

176
00:08:58,850 --> 00:09:02,933
That night Charlotte came
harder than she ever had before.

177
00:09:08,975 --> 00:09:11,100
That is, until Tuesday.

178
00:09:11,183 --> 00:09:13,350
Oh! Oh, yes, oh, yes!

179
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:17,350
- Wednesday…
- Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes! Uh-huh…

180
00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:19,266
- Thursday…
- Uh-huh…

181
00:09:21,641 --> 00:09:23,850
- Friday…
- Oh God! Oh!

182
00:09:23,933 --> 00:09:26,225
- Friday…
- Oh God! Oh, God! Ah…

183
00:09:26,308 --> 00:09:27,391
Oh! Oh, God!

184
00:09:27,475 --> 00:09:29,891
- Friday…
- Oh, God! Oh, God!

185
00:09:29,975 --> 00:09:32,766
Oh, God! Oh…

186
00:09:33,183 --> 00:09:36,350
That night,
Charlotte saw God seven times.

187
00:09:36,433 --> 00:09:39,225
For a lapsed Episcopalian,
it was a very good Friday.

188
00:09:41,766 --> 00:09:43,141
If Mitch was a freak,

189
00:09:43,225 --> 00:09:45,850
Charlotte was ready to run away
and join the circus.

190
00:09:55,308 --> 00:09:58,308
Meanwhile, all I wanted
to do was run away.

191
00:10:16,975 --> 00:10:18,100
Rough night?

192
00:10:19,641 --> 00:10:21,058
Bad date.

193
00:10:22,183 --> 00:10:23,766
Been there.

194
00:10:24,975 --> 00:10:26,766
He was a kleptomaniac.

195
00:10:28,808 --> 00:10:32,100
Last month, I went out with a woman
who slept with her shoes on.

196
00:10:37,225 --> 00:10:38,725
Hi, Carrie.

197
00:10:40,016 --> 00:10:41,433
Ben.

198
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:43,266
I was instantly attracted.

199
00:10:43,350 --> 00:10:47,391
But I was pretty sure I could
feel webs between his fingers.

200
00:10:49,058 --> 00:10:51,391
So when did you guys all become freaks?

201
00:10:52,766 --> 00:10:53,891
Us?

202
00:10:54,975 --> 00:10:57,558
No, the shoe woman
seemed totally normal.

203
00:10:57,683 --> 00:10:59,683
Then a month in
I discover she's a freak.

204
00:11:00,683 --> 00:11:02,308
They hide it really well.

205
00:11:03,308 --> 00:11:05,266
That's why I don't date anymore.

206
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,225
Women are bizarre.

207
00:11:07,766 --> 00:11:08,891
Thank you.

208
00:11:09,391 --> 00:11:11,391
Sometimes in a good way.

209
00:11:16,225 --> 00:11:19,266
I once saw the world's
fattest twins at a state fair.

210
00:11:20,058 --> 00:11:21,683
They were both married.

211
00:11:22,433 --> 00:11:24,558
Their wives were very skinny.

212
00:11:25,141 --> 00:11:27,058
Maybe it was an optical illusion.

213
00:11:29,016 --> 00:11:30,558
Maybe.

214
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,308
Would you have dinner with me?

215
00:11:41,058 --> 00:11:42,183
I thought you didn't date.

216
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,433
I don't. It… it would be a non-date.

217
00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:46,100
A non-date.

218
00:11:49,058 --> 00:11:50,058
Maybe.

219
00:11:51,975 --> 00:11:53,141
Is that a yes?

220
00:11:53,975 --> 00:11:56,058
Let's call it a non-no.

221
00:11:57,808 --> 00:12:00,641
And it was then,
that the most freaky thing happened.

222
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,058
There in the middle of Manhattan,

223
00:12:03,141 --> 00:12:07,016
two complete strangers gave out
their unlisted phone numbers.

224
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:12,183
Meanwhile, Samantha was about to have
her own chance encounter.

225
00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:14,350
Samantha?

226
00:12:14,433 --> 00:12:15,975
Monica!

227
00:12:17,266 --> 00:12:20,058
Look at you. You look amazing.

228
00:12:20,141 --> 00:12:22,141
Don't I? It's the work.

229
00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:24,641
I had the fat from my ass
injected into my face.

230
00:12:24,725 --> 00:12:27,433
And look, like a baby's bottom.

231
00:12:27,516 --> 00:12:29,933
- Unbelievable.
- Isn't it?

232
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:31,891
Fat from my own ass.

233
00:12:31,975 --> 00:12:33,266
Oh, and the best part is,

234
00:12:33,350 --> 00:12:35,766
is you get to eat like a pig before,
fatten up your ass.

235
00:12:35,850 --> 00:12:38,308
And then a week later, poof!
It's in your face.

236
00:12:39,683 --> 00:12:41,725
Gotta go, bye.

237
00:12:41,808 --> 00:12:44,641
An hour later,
Samantha had her first Big Mac

238
00:12:44,725 --> 00:12:47,933
and an appointment with the most
expensive plastic surgeon

239
00:12:48,016 --> 00:12:49,225
on Upper Fifth.

240
00:12:49,975 --> 00:12:52,766
Meanwhile, I had my own ass
to be obsessed with

241
00:12:52,850 --> 00:12:54,183
and it belonged to Ben,

242
00:12:54,266 --> 00:12:56,600
an editor at a hip political magazine

243
00:12:56,683 --> 00:12:57,933
who made me laugh.

244
00:12:58,016 --> 00:12:59,391
This is me.

245
00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:03,475
Then I guess this is goodnight.

246
00:13:04,058 --> 00:13:05,183
You know, uh…

247
00:13:05,266 --> 00:13:07,891
Normally I would
try to get upstairs, but…

248
00:13:08,683 --> 00:13:10,391
since this is a non-date.

249
00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:13,266
So no kiss.

250
00:13:14,933 --> 00:13:16,141
Well…

251
00:13:17,058 --> 00:13:18,891
Maybe a non-kiss.

252
00:13:30,641 --> 00:13:33,725
There was nothing
"non" about it.

253
00:13:35,891 --> 00:13:38,225
A week and three non-dates later,

254
00:13:38,308 --> 00:13:40,600
Samantha summoned us
to make an announcement.

255
00:13:40,683 --> 00:13:42,058
You've got to be kidding.

256
00:13:42,141 --> 00:13:46,058
It's sitting in a fat repository
in Queens as we speak.

257
00:13:46,141 --> 00:13:48,308
And in three days it will be in my face

258
00:13:48,391 --> 00:13:50,225
and I will look fabulous.

259
00:13:50,308 --> 00:13:51,210
I can't believe this.

260
00:13:51,225 --> 00:13:53,100
We spend our lives trying to hide
the fat in our ass,

261
00:13:53,183 --> 00:13:55,225
and you're gonna put it
right out there on your face?

262
00:13:55,308 --> 00:13:58,808
I just have to wear this girdle
for a week to keep my skin tight.

263
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:00,850
- Oh!
- Yikes.

264
00:14:00,891 --> 00:14:03,433
Wow, look at that, huh.

265
00:14:05,475 --> 00:14:07,308
Well, that's a girdle with a hole.

266
00:14:07,391 --> 00:14:10,975
Well, of course it has a hole,
it's for peeing, et cetera.

267
00:14:11,058 --> 00:14:12,475
Et cetera?

268
00:14:12,558 --> 00:14:14,558
Last night I slept
with a Calvin Klein model.

269
00:14:14,641 --> 00:14:16,141
I've never felt sexier.

270
00:14:16,225 --> 00:14:18,683
I think the fat's
already gone to your head.

271
00:14:18,766 --> 00:14:20,183
Could you please put your skirt down?

272
00:14:20,266 --> 00:14:21,475
- Oh, right.
- God.

273
00:14:21,558 --> 00:14:23,391
Whatever happened to aging gracefully?

274
00:14:23,475 --> 00:14:24,475
It got old.

275
00:14:24,516 --> 00:14:26,225
I got to go, I'm meeting Mitch
at my apartment.

276
00:14:26,308 --> 00:14:28,058
Ooh, so how is he?

277
00:14:28,141 --> 00:14:29,891
He is amazing.

278
00:14:29,975 --> 00:14:31,266
He makes me so happy.

279
00:14:31,350 --> 00:14:33,516
I think we have a real chance
at a future together.

280
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,600
You and Mr. Pussy.

281
00:14:34,683 --> 00:14:35,975
His name is Mitchell.

282
00:14:36,058 --> 00:14:37,141
Hang on, honey.

283
00:14:37,225 --> 00:14:39,058
You don't fall in love with Mr. Pussy.

284
00:14:39,141 --> 00:14:41,808
You enjoy him and then set him free.

285
00:14:41,891 --> 00:14:45,058
To Samantha, Charlotte
had committed the ultimate sin.

286
00:14:45,141 --> 00:14:46,975
She was bogarting Mr. Pussy.

287
00:14:47,058 --> 00:14:48,183
He's a freak!

288
00:14:48,266 --> 00:14:50,183
Aside from technique what
do you even know about the guy?

289
00:14:50,266 --> 00:14:52,183
- Do you even talk?
- Do you even fuck?

290
00:14:52,266 --> 00:14:53,891
- Stop it.
- Sweetie, Miranda has a point.

291
00:14:53,975 --> 00:14:56,766
I mean, have you guys
had dinner together,

292
00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:58,433
have you seen a play, anything?

293
00:14:58,516 --> 00:15:01,141
No, but we could.

294
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:03,683
You know what?
I think you've fallen into the sex haze.

295
00:15:03,766 --> 00:15:05,475
You know, where the sex is really great

296
00:15:05,558 --> 00:15:08,266
and then you start acting
like a crazy person.

297
00:15:08,350 --> 00:15:10,891
Then you start to imagine
the relationship is something it's not.

298
00:15:10,975 --> 00:15:12,475
Charlotte's not having a relationship.

299
00:15:12,558 --> 00:15:14,808
She's having multiple orgasms.

300
00:15:17,308 --> 00:15:19,058
He makes me happy.

301
00:15:19,308 --> 00:15:20,808
Hoping to prove Miranda wrong,

302
00:15:20,891 --> 00:15:23,641
I had convinced her to come out
on a double non-date

303
00:15:23,725 --> 00:15:25,308
with Ben's friend Luke.

304
00:15:25,391 --> 00:15:27,558
Things were actually going
remarkably well.

305
00:15:27,641 --> 00:15:28,933
Favorite ice cream.

306
00:15:29,016 --> 00:15:30,141
Strawberry.

307
00:15:30,225 --> 00:15:31,475
Oh, I see, you're boring.

308
00:15:31,558 --> 00:15:34,058
I like to see it
as traditional.

309
00:15:34,141 --> 00:15:36,058
Traditional? Traditional can be good.

310
00:15:36,141 --> 00:15:38,808
Nothing makes you feel
like more of a non-couple

311
00:15:38,891 --> 00:15:40,558
than creating another non-couple.

312
00:15:40,641 --> 00:15:43,558
Unfortunately, our smugness
was a little premature.

313
00:15:43,641 --> 00:15:46,433
So, what are you doing this weekend?

314
00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:47,641
Uh, big plans.

315
00:15:47,725 --> 00:15:50,058
I'm gonna go see
my granddad in Connecticut.

316
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,600
Connecticut?

317
00:15:53,308 --> 00:15:54,641
What's wrong with Connecticut?

318
00:15:54,725 --> 00:15:56,391
I hate the country.

319
00:15:56,475 --> 00:15:58,850
I haven't left Manhattan in ten years.

320
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,225
And you're proud of that?

321
00:16:01,308 --> 00:16:03,183
Everything you want is right here.

322
00:16:03,433 --> 00:16:06,516
Culture, food, the park.

323
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:08,600
Cabs at 3:00 a.m., why leave?

324
00:16:08,683 --> 00:16:11,558
Perhaps to experience
a world outside Manhattan.

325
00:16:11,641 --> 00:16:14,558
There is no world outside Manhattan.

326
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:18,725
I had unwittingly set Miranda
up on a date with "Manhattan Guy,"

327
00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:22,058
a genetically mutant strain
of single man that fed on Zabar's

328
00:16:22,141 --> 00:16:24,141
and midnight shows at the Angelika.

329
00:16:26,058 --> 00:16:27,516
No, thanks.

330
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,058
I like the city.

331
00:16:30,683 --> 00:16:32,725
I also happen to like the country.

332
00:16:33,308 --> 00:16:34,808
This does not make me a freak.

333
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:37,600
Ah… You're obviously not from here.

334
00:16:41,933 --> 00:16:43,475
I have to go feed my cat.

335
00:16:43,558 --> 00:16:45,350
Miranda had invoked
our code phrase.

336
00:16:45,433 --> 00:16:47,891
Honed over years of bad parties,
awful dates,

337
00:16:47,975 --> 00:16:49,641
and phone calls that wouldn't end.

338
00:16:49,725 --> 00:16:51,891
Unfortunately, I wasn't
ready to accept defeat.

339
00:16:51,975 --> 00:16:54,225
I thought you already fed your cat.

340
00:16:55,391 --> 00:16:57,141
I have to feed it again.

341
00:16:59,475 --> 00:17:01,475
Cat people, all freaks.

342
00:17:03,808 --> 00:17:05,683
- Where are you going?
- Home.

343
00:17:05,766 --> 00:17:08,266
The man has not left
Manhattan in a decade, Carrie.

344
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:09,391
He's obviously a freak.

345
00:17:09,475 --> 00:17:13,016
And by the way, if Luke's a freak,
Ben is bound to be a freak too.

346
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,641
You can tell everything about a person
by who their friends are.

347
00:17:17,683 --> 00:17:19,225
Oh, God, I hope not.

348
00:17:31,141 --> 00:17:33,933
That night I couldn't get
Miranda's freaky comment

349
00:17:34,016 --> 00:17:35,766
out of my head.

350
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,225
So…

351
00:17:43,475 --> 00:17:45,891
Is there anything weird
about you I should know

352
00:17:45,975 --> 00:17:48,225
before this gets any more compromising?

353
00:17:51,016 --> 00:17:53,016
Well, now that you mention it, there is.

354
00:18:05,016 --> 00:18:06,183
Oh…

355
00:18:07,516 --> 00:18:09,350
It's adorable.

356
00:18:09,683 --> 00:18:13,600
Yeah, it's a souvenir from a drunken
bachelor party a few years ago.

357
00:18:13,975 --> 00:18:15,391
Yeah, my friend's marriage didn't last,

358
00:18:15,475 --> 00:18:17,475
but Tweety Bird did.

359
00:18:21,016 --> 00:18:22,516
So what about you?

360
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,391
You're probably perfect, huh?

361
00:18:24,475 --> 00:18:26,350
No. Mmm-mmm.

362
00:18:30,141 --> 00:18:31,516
Three stitches.

363
00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:35,975
I got into a fight
with a third grade bully.

364
00:18:39,725 --> 00:18:40,933
You're scrappy.

365
00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:43,558
I like scrappy.

366
00:18:45,808 --> 00:18:49,475
And then the amazing
tattooed man made love to me.

367
00:18:49,558 --> 00:18:51,808
And it didn't feel weird at all.

368
00:18:54,891 --> 00:18:57,141
While Miranda was busy
feeding her pussy,

369
00:18:57,225 --> 00:18:59,266
Charlotte was trying to do
everything but.

370
00:18:59,641 --> 00:19:01,266
Did you ever go to summer camp?

371
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:04,266
There, over the exotic
fruit plate,

372
00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:07,308
Charlotte tried to make
a relationship happen.

373
00:19:07,391 --> 00:19:08,725
I loved camp.

374
00:19:08,808 --> 00:19:11,725
I went to this place in Maine
called Minnehaha.

375
00:19:11,808 --> 00:19:13,975
We used to play
these big games of color war.

376
00:19:14,058 --> 00:19:15,641
I was always a red.

377
00:19:15,891 --> 00:19:17,308
It was so much fun.

378
00:19:17,766 --> 00:19:20,850
And then they made us stop because
they said that it glorified warfare.

379
00:19:25,975 --> 00:19:27,933
You're awfully quiet tonight.

380
00:19:28,058 --> 00:19:29,475
What are you thinking about?

381
00:19:34,350 --> 00:19:36,850
Charlotte realized
Miranda was right.

382
00:19:36,933 --> 00:19:39,391
She had stayed too long at the fair.

383
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,016
From that moment on,

384
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:44,225
Charlotte couldn't be
in the same room with a fig.

385
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:46,766
Some people might call that
a little odd.

386
00:19:48,058 --> 00:19:51,641
Meanwhile, Samantha was about
to get her own special showing.

387
00:19:51,725 --> 00:19:52,850
Voila!

388
00:19:52,933 --> 00:19:56,058
I love it,
what else can you do?

389
00:19:56,141 --> 00:19:59,225
To Samantha, surgery
was like being at Barneys.

390
00:19:59,308 --> 00:20:01,725
Once you're in the door,
you might as well shop.

391
00:20:01,808 --> 00:20:04,350
We can always lift a little here.

392
00:20:04,433 --> 00:20:06,975
Take care of these lines…

393
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:08,266
here…

394
00:20:09,308 --> 00:20:13,516
In five years,
we can augment the breasts,

395
00:20:14,141 --> 00:20:17,516
pick them up a little,
in ten years, a tummy tuck.

396
00:20:17,891 --> 00:20:20,183
Uh-huh… Oh, lipo.

397
00:20:20,516 --> 00:20:24,350
Yeah, yeah. The hip and the thigh area.

398
00:20:26,558 --> 00:20:29,558
Doctor, you're…
you're needed on the phone.

399
00:20:30,266 --> 00:20:31,391
Knee lift.

400
00:20:44,433 --> 00:20:48,141
Samantha felt like
she had walked into a fun house…

401
00:20:48,225 --> 00:20:50,808
Only it wasn't particularly funny.

402
00:21:09,308 --> 00:21:11,558
I'm late for my soccer game.

403
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:13,016
Stay here.

404
00:21:13,266 --> 00:21:14,683
I'll be back in two hours.

405
00:21:18,058 --> 00:21:19,433
It had happened.

406
00:21:19,516 --> 00:21:22,141
We had done it
and now I really liked him.

407
00:21:23,058 --> 00:21:26,891
I was deep into the sex haze,
and completely freaked out.

408
00:21:28,225 --> 00:21:31,308
There had to be something
sick and off about him.

409
00:21:31,391 --> 00:21:35,308
If the rest of the species had devolved,
Ben would have to be a freak to survive.

410
00:21:35,725 --> 00:21:39,808
I had to find out what was wrong
before I wasted the next six months.

411
00:21:39,891 --> 00:21:41,933
It started innocently enough.

412
00:21:42,058 --> 00:21:44,516
I just wanted to see what the guy ate…

413
00:21:45,225 --> 00:21:46,975
Listened to…

414
00:21:47,683 --> 00:21:48,683
Dated.

415
00:21:49,516 --> 00:21:51,641
Then it took on a life of its own.

416
00:21:51,808 --> 00:21:53,975
Somewhere in this hip,
normal looking apartment,

417
00:21:54,058 --> 00:21:56,475
was the clue to Ben's inner freakiness.

418
00:21:56,558 --> 00:21:58,808
And I wasn't gonna rest till I found it.

419
00:22:16,558 --> 00:22:18,766
There it was, taunting me.

420
00:22:18,850 --> 00:22:20,975
Ben's secret box of freakdom.

421
00:22:21,058 --> 00:22:25,183
Home of elicit photos, love letters,
maybe an old marriage license.

422
00:22:35,058 --> 00:22:36,766
- Carrie.
- Oh!

423
00:22:42,933 --> 00:22:44,600
What the hell are you doing?

424
00:22:48,475 --> 00:22:49,641
I don't know.

425
00:22:51,308 --> 00:22:52,808
I can't explain it. I…

426
00:22:54,850 --> 00:22:56,350
I guess I was…

427
00:22:57,766 --> 00:22:59,308
Looking for something.

428
00:23:00,641 --> 00:23:01,641
Something?

429
00:23:03,308 --> 00:23:06,100
Something… freaky.

430
00:23:22,141 --> 00:23:24,475
It's my cub scout badge collection.

431
00:23:27,891 --> 00:23:29,766
I was gonna skip the game
to be with you.

432
00:23:31,391 --> 00:23:33,391
I thought you were
actually a normal one.

433
00:23:34,475 --> 00:23:35,475
I was.

434
00:23:40,683 --> 00:23:41,850
I'm gonna go.

435
00:23:43,350 --> 00:23:44,391
Good idea.

436
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:58,225
That was the day I came
face to face with my freak.

437
00:23:58,308 --> 00:24:01,891
The frightening woman
whose fear ate her sanity.

438
00:24:06,183 --> 00:24:08,350
The truth is, it isn't just the men.

439
00:24:08,433 --> 00:24:09,808
It's all of us.

440
00:24:09,891 --> 00:24:11,516
Anyone who's single in Manhattan

441
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,975
gets a little freaked out
from time to time.

442
00:24:15,516 --> 00:24:18,350
But we keep trying,
because you have to figure,

443
00:24:18,433 --> 00:24:20,850
if the world's fattest twins
can find love

444
00:24:20,933 --> 00:24:22,725
there's hope for all of us.

445
00:24:22,808 --> 00:24:24,475
Somewhere out there

446
00:24:24,766 --> 00:24:28,350
is another little freak
who will love us, understand us,

447
00:24:28,433 --> 00:24:31,683
and kiss our three heads
and make it all better.

448
00:24:31,850 --> 00:24:33,725
And in the meantime,

449
00:24:33,808 --> 00:24:35,433
we always have Manhattan.