1 00:00:47,291 --> 00:00:48,791 They say that the women in New York 2 00:00:48,875 --> 00:00:51,000 are the most beautiful women in the world. 3 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,583 Which explains why men in New York spend all their time looking at them. 4 00:01:00,833 --> 00:01:04,250 The city is a veritable playground for men's roving eyes. 5 00:01:04,708 --> 00:01:08,541 Unfortunately, they need both of them looking straight ahead to survive. 6 00:01:09,291 --> 00:01:10,625 Woah! Hey! 7 00:01:11,666 --> 00:01:15,041 This New York woman was pretty happy. I was seeing Big again. 8 00:01:15,458 --> 00:01:19,583 Unfortunately, my New York guy was still seeing other women. 9 00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:23,541 If checking out other women 10 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,875 is the biggest problem you're having with him, you're lucky. 11 00:01:25,958 --> 00:01:27,833 Well, if it's that's small, he should be able to stop. 12 00:01:27,958 --> 00:01:29,958 Oh, honey. You can't change that about a man. 13 00:01:30,041 --> 00:01:32,333 It's part of their genetic code, like farting. 14 00:01:32,416 --> 00:01:34,083 Oh, please. You're gonna put me off my pretzel. 15 00:01:34,166 --> 00:01:35,833 You have to take Big the way he is. 16 00:01:35,916 --> 00:01:39,125 Once you try to change a man, it's doomed. They won't budge an inch. 17 00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:42,333 Oh, I know, but you can subtly manipulate and cajole. 18 00:01:42,416 --> 00:01:44,875 Well, the things you can work with are hair and wardrobe. 19 00:01:44,958 --> 00:01:48,208 - And even then, it's a constant battle. - I already like the hair and wardrobe. 20 00:01:48,291 --> 00:01:51,291 Then be happy. Honey, no man is perfect. 21 00:01:51,541 --> 00:01:55,541 I'm not asking for perfection, I'm just looking for slight alterations. 22 00:01:55,625 --> 00:01:57,458 Be careful with alterations. 23 00:01:57,708 --> 00:02:00,583 If you pull the wrong thread, everything falls apart. 24 00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:03,291 While Samantha and I discussed the theory of change, 25 00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:05,541 Miranda was going through it for real. 26 00:02:05,916 --> 00:02:08,041 She had a new apartment, a new boyfriend… 27 00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:12,041 …and a new dating schedule that was killing her. 28 00:02:18,750 --> 00:02:22,625 Hey. I'm sorry. I thought we'd be closing the bar earlier. 29 00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:25,708 Oh, jeez. You were asleep. 30 00:02:25,791 --> 00:02:27,208 No, no, I'm up. Hi. 31 00:02:29,291 --> 00:02:30,625 Come on in. 32 00:02:32,291 --> 00:02:33,916 - Come here. Come here. You okay? - Ow. 33 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,500 Let's see. 34 00:02:37,166 --> 00:02:38,250 Ow! 35 00:02:40,958 --> 00:02:41,958 Is that better? 36 00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:43,666 That's better. Thank you. 37 00:02:44,541 --> 00:02:45,791 So, how was your night? 38 00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:50,041 I don't know. I was asleep. 39 00:02:50,541 --> 00:02:52,583 Sorry I was late. 40 00:02:57,250 --> 00:02:59,083 Thought we were gonna close the bar at 2:00. 41 00:02:59,291 --> 00:03:02,375 Then we got this big group of Japanese bankers came in. 42 00:03:02,541 --> 00:03:05,041 And all they want is these big flaming drinks. 43 00:03:05,125 --> 00:03:08,833 Then one of them got sick and then… 44 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,625 Never mind. 45 00:03:18,375 --> 00:03:21,541 Everything was great about Steve except for one thing. 46 00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:26,416 Morning. 47 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,000 Morning. 48 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,250 Come here. Come here, come here. 49 00:03:34,291 --> 00:03:36,583 They had completely opposite schedules. 50 00:03:36,666 --> 00:03:39,250 Steve had all the time in the world in the mornings. 51 00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:42,916 Miranda got right up at 7:00. Unfortunately, Steve did, too. 52 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,458 - I have to go to work. - Not yet. 53 00:03:45,833 --> 00:03:48,416 The only thing Miranda liked inside her in the mornings, 54 00:03:48,500 --> 00:03:51,250 was the cup of take-out coffee she drank on the way to the subway. 55 00:03:52,375 --> 00:03:54,541 That night, in a bed across town, 56 00:03:54,625 --> 00:03:58,625 Charlotte was seeing a lot of Mike, a cute, but feared restaurant critic, 57 00:03:58,708 --> 00:04:01,583 famous for his patented five-whisk rating system. 58 00:04:02,166 --> 00:04:03,916 - Mike? - Yeah? 59 00:04:05,125 --> 00:04:06,416 Let's make love. 60 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:07,625 Oh, Charlotte. 61 00:04:07,875 --> 00:04:10,166 Charlotte, you are a five-whisk woman. 62 00:04:10,458 --> 00:04:13,625 But just when Charlotte had become comfortable with the penis, 63 00:04:13,708 --> 00:04:16,041 she got a very unexpected surprise. 64 00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:19,000 Oh. 65 00:04:19,875 --> 00:04:20,875 You're… 66 00:04:21,791 --> 00:04:22,791 It's… 67 00:04:23,666 --> 00:04:26,250 Uncircumcised. Is that okay? 68 00:04:26,458 --> 00:04:27,458 No. 69 00:04:28,125 --> 00:04:29,166 Sure. 70 00:04:30,916 --> 00:04:32,458 Of course it is. 71 00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:34,041 It was not okay. 72 00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:37,291 The only uncut version of anything Charlotte had ever seen, 73 00:04:37,416 --> 00:04:39,000 was the original Gone with the Wind. 74 00:04:40,375 --> 00:04:43,166 There was so much skin, it was like a Shar-Pei! 75 00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:45,250 You've never seen an uncircumcised one? 76 00:04:45,333 --> 00:04:46,500 I'm from Connecticut. 77 00:04:46,583 --> 00:04:49,083 Reminder, you're dating the guy, not the penis. 78 00:04:49,458 --> 00:04:50,958 Aesthetics are important to me. 79 00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,958 It's not what it looks like, it's what they can do with it. 80 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,875 Well, I don't need one that can make its own carrying case! 81 00:04:58,125 --> 00:05:00,875 Personally, I love an uncircumcised dick. 82 00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:02,625 It's like a Tootsie Pop. 83 00:05:02,875 --> 00:05:06,750 Hard on the outside, with a delicious surprise inside. 84 00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:10,250 I don't like surprises. I like it all out there where I can see it. 85 00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:12,791 Same here. I'm sorry, it is not normal. 86 00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:15,708 Well, actually, it is. Something like, 85% of men aren't circumcised. 87 00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:17,958 Great, now they're taking over the world! 88 00:05:18,041 --> 00:05:20,333 - Honey, it's a penis, not Godzilla. - Hey. 89 00:05:20,750 --> 00:05:22,791 If 85% aren't circumcised, 90 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:26,625 that means I've only slept with 15% of the population, tops. 91 00:05:26,791 --> 00:05:28,250 Wow, you're practically a virgin. 92 00:05:28,333 --> 00:05:31,208 You know, he's a nice, waspy guy. What went wrong? 93 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:34,041 Well, maybe his parents were hippies and just didn't believe in it. 94 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,416 I am so circumcising my kids. 95 00:05:36,875 --> 00:05:38,750 I think you can pay people to do that now. 96 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,291 I don't ever wanna know there's a woman out there 97 00:05:41,458 --> 00:05:43,291 calling my son a Shar-Pei. 98 00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:46,250 All I'm saying is, uncut men are the best. 99 00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:47,541 They try harder. 100 00:05:47,791 --> 00:05:50,541 I should know. I've slept with five of them. 101 00:05:50,958 --> 00:05:53,083 - Out of how many? - Infinity. 102 00:05:54,666 --> 00:05:59,125 That night, Big and I went out to celebrate absolutely nothing. 103 00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:03,125 - More grappa? - No, thank ya. 104 00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:07,250 Oh! Listen, my editor called me today and she's… 105 00:06:11,875 --> 00:06:14,250 - You were saying? - Yes, I was. 106 00:06:15,708 --> 00:06:18,125 Excuse me, you can't smoke that in here. 107 00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:20,125 Really? 108 00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:22,708 You're absolutely, positively sure about that? 109 00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:26,333 Because I checked the zoning on this particular table, 110 00:06:26,791 --> 00:06:29,625 and I'm pretty sure this table is in a cigar-friendly zone. 111 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,708 Well, I don't mind, but it's for the other patrons. 112 00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:38,208 Oh, you mean if those five patrons don't mind, it's okay with you? 113 00:06:38,458 --> 00:06:40,541 - Sir, I'm gonna have to… - Just one second. 114 00:06:42,666 --> 00:06:45,291 Excuse me, this is my last day on Earth. 115 00:06:45,750 --> 00:06:47,750 I'm being executed tomorrow morning. 116 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:50,458 That's my parole officer there. 117 00:06:50,541 --> 00:06:52,750 Would you mind terribly if I smoked this, ladies? 118 00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:53,875 No. 119 00:06:54,458 --> 00:06:55,458 Thank you. 120 00:06:56,666 --> 00:07:00,125 Excuse me, I'm sorry. Would it be okay if I smoked this? 121 00:07:00,208 --> 00:07:02,041 And please, let me preface this by saying: 122 00:07:02,166 --> 00:07:04,083 I'd like to buy everybody a round of drinks. 123 00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:11,375 Apparently, the other patrons aren't bothered at all. 124 00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,875 I didn't have the guts to tell Big that he was 125 00:07:13,958 --> 00:07:15,666 actually kind of bothering me. 126 00:07:15,916 --> 00:07:17,541 Well, it's not like they're gonna tell you the truth. 127 00:07:17,625 --> 00:07:20,125 No one is gonna say to your face they hate your cigar. 128 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:21,541 Good. 129 00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,791 You are very arrogant. 130 00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:28,833 I thought that's what you liked about me. 131 00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:31,791 Maybe Big was right. 132 00:07:32,291 --> 00:07:35,208 Maybe we were at that inevitable point in the relationship 133 00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:37,708 when all those little things you loved about the person become… 134 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,666 huge liabilities. 135 00:07:40,041 --> 00:07:41,791 And just then… 136 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:44,250 …a huge liability walked by. 137 00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:48,250 Hey! 138 00:07:48,791 --> 00:07:49,791 What? 139 00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:51,375 I… 140 00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:54,708 I… hate that cigar. 141 00:08:00,333 --> 00:08:02,375 And you told me right to my face. 142 00:08:06,666 --> 00:08:08,750 New York City is all about change. 143 00:08:09,041 --> 00:08:11,541 New Yorkers change their haircuts, their politics, 144 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,625 even their friends in the blink of an eye. 145 00:08:14,041 --> 00:08:17,166 If change was so easy, why was it so hard for Big? 146 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,291 Was I banging my head against the wall, 147 00:08:20,375 --> 00:08:22,458 thinking that I could get him to stop and notice me? 148 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:26,416 Did I have to change my expectations, or was it possible… 149 00:08:27,791 --> 00:08:29,583 Can you change a man? 150 00:08:29,791 --> 00:08:33,833 My husband used to be obsessed with watching sports 24 hours a day. 151 00:08:34,125 --> 00:08:36,500 Then I started fooling around with his best friend. 152 00:08:36,958 --> 00:08:39,125 And now he's obsessed with watching me. 153 00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:41,708 Every girlfriend I've had wants me to change something. 154 00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:43,291 "Change your job," "change your friends," 155 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,541 "change your attitude." 156 00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,833 The only thing I ever change is girlfriends. 157 00:08:51,916 --> 00:08:52,916 No. 158 00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:56,583 Meanwhile, Charlotte was about to discover that some men can change. 159 00:08:56,666 --> 00:08:58,666 Thanks for dinner. It was great. 160 00:09:03,208 --> 00:09:04,208 So… 161 00:09:05,083 --> 00:09:08,125 - Can I come upstairs with you? - Oh. Jeez, uh… 162 00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:11,291 I have to get up really early, and my place is just a mess. 163 00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,291 Charlotte. Look, I understand. 164 00:09:13,875 --> 00:09:15,416 - You do? - Yeah, I mean… 165 00:09:16,041 --> 00:09:17,750 what happened the other night, yeah. 166 00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,416 You're not the first woman to react to it that way. 167 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:21,625 I've gotten it most of my life. 168 00:09:21,708 --> 00:09:22,708 Really? 169 00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:25,291 Yeah, and I've decided to do something about it. 170 00:09:25,875 --> 00:09:27,833 I've been uncomfortable for too long, so, 171 00:09:28,875 --> 00:09:30,208 I'm getting circumcised. 172 00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,708 Can you do that? 173 00:09:36,875 --> 00:09:40,000 Well, yeah. I mean, it hurts. And it takes a long time to heal. But… 174 00:09:40,541 --> 00:09:41,875 But I'm willing to do that. 175 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,000 I wanna feel good about making love. 176 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:47,458 Oh, that is so sweet. 177 00:09:48,708 --> 00:09:51,833 - Do you mind waiting? - Oh, no. Not at all. 178 00:09:52,750 --> 00:09:53,916 Mmm. 179 00:10:02,333 --> 00:10:04,541 Apparently, Samantha was wrong. 180 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,875 Some men could budge an inch. 181 00:10:07,250 --> 00:10:10,916 In Mike's case, it may have been more like an inch and a half. 182 00:10:12,875 --> 00:10:16,500 The next morning, Miranda was getting her usual wake-up call. 183 00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:27,125 Hey. Where're you going? 184 00:10:28,625 --> 00:10:30,833 - I'm getting up. - Ah, come on, it's Saturday. 185 00:10:30,916 --> 00:10:33,000 Come on, lay down, slow down. Come here. 186 00:10:37,666 --> 00:10:39,958 How long are we gonna do this? 187 00:10:42,416 --> 00:10:45,000 - You want a time frame for cuddling? - Yeah. 188 00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:46,541 Like 20 minutes? 189 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:48,500 Thirty? 190 00:10:49,083 --> 00:10:50,166 You're kidding me. 191 00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:55,166 It helps if I have an end point in mind. I respond well to limits. 192 00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:57,416 That's your problem, you got too many limits. 193 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,500 You gotta let go a little, Miranda. 194 00:10:59,958 --> 00:11:02,916 Look. Saturday is my free day, right? 195 00:11:03,041 --> 00:11:05,750 I have spinning and then I get my dry cleaning. 196 00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:08,500 Then I have my nails done and I do my grocery shopping for the week. 197 00:11:09,125 --> 00:11:11,375 - Okay? - You're not sounding very free to me. 198 00:11:16,041 --> 00:11:18,083 Do you want to come with me and get my dry cleaning? 199 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,541 No, I didn't think so. 200 00:11:27,291 --> 00:11:29,000 An hour and a half, tops. 201 00:11:31,041 --> 00:11:33,375 Twelve hours later, Steve went to work. 202 00:11:35,541 --> 00:11:38,291 About the same time, we went out to our favorite bar, 203 00:11:38,375 --> 00:11:41,625 which on Saturdays changes into drag queen bingo. 204 00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:44,166 Come on, come on, N-23. 205 00:11:44,375 --> 00:11:47,500 I really like him, but this morning thing is killing me. 206 00:11:47,583 --> 00:11:49,791 It's bad enough that we've never done it at night, 207 00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,875 but after we do it in the morning, he just wants to lie there with me. 208 00:11:52,958 --> 00:11:55,000 Everyone wants a guy who wants to cuddle. 209 00:11:55,458 --> 00:11:57,375 O-33, ladies. 210 00:11:57,666 --> 00:11:58,666 Shit! 211 00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:02,041 Well, I'm jealous. Big won't even spend the night at my place. 212 00:12:02,166 --> 00:12:03,958 You know, what you have is real intimacy. 213 00:12:04,041 --> 00:12:05,291 It's bed arrest. 214 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,375 I've been horizontal all day, and I had errands to do. 215 00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:09,666 I missed spinning. 216 00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:12,125 You don't have to spin if you're having sex. 217 00:12:12,541 --> 00:12:15,916 - B-12! - How about N-23? 218 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,000 I don't know why I play this, I never win. 219 00:12:18,083 --> 00:12:20,875 Why do I have to be the one to change my routine? 220 00:12:20,958 --> 00:12:23,000 Well, maybe because you really like the guy, 221 00:12:23,083 --> 00:12:24,708 and it wouldn't kill you to slow down a little. 222 00:12:24,791 --> 00:12:25,958 No, Miranda's right. 223 00:12:26,041 --> 00:12:29,208 Why is it the woman that always has to change and never the guy? 224 00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:32,333 - Because we are more adaptable. - I love morning sex. 225 00:12:32,416 --> 00:12:34,708 I haven't done morning sex since I was in college, 226 00:12:34,791 --> 00:12:37,250 and then, it was only 'cause I didn't have to be in class till 11:00. 227 00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:39,666 Well, maybe you guys should come up with a schedule or something. 228 00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:42,125 A sex schedule? Very romantic! 229 00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:43,541 Yeah, surprise him at the bar 230 00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:45,500 wearing nothing but a trench coat and a smile. 231 00:12:45,875 --> 00:12:48,000 Well, now, that would be a happy hour. 232 00:12:48,875 --> 00:12:51,375 I just think that if you really believe in the relationship, 233 00:12:51,541 --> 00:12:52,833 then you should work at it. 234 00:12:52,916 --> 00:12:55,416 This from a woman who dumped a guy over foreskin. 235 00:12:55,666 --> 00:12:57,208 Actually, we're still dating. 236 00:12:57,750 --> 00:13:00,291 - The Shar-Pei? - He's getting circumcised. 237 00:13:03,041 --> 00:13:05,375 Please tell me that we're not invited to the Bris. 238 00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:09,791 Can I get another board, please? 239 00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,166 - Samantha? - Yes. 240 00:13:13,708 --> 00:13:15,750 It's me, Brad. 241 00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:18,291 Brad McColskey? 242 00:13:18,541 --> 00:13:20,875 Brad was a semi-professional hockey player 243 00:13:20,958 --> 00:13:22,833 Samantha had dated a few years back. 244 00:13:23,083 --> 00:13:26,041 Apparently, the only thing he was checking these days were his pants, 245 00:13:26,166 --> 00:13:27,166 at the door. 246 00:13:27,208 --> 00:13:30,375 Look at you, Miss Thing. You look fabulous. 247 00:13:30,875 --> 00:13:33,250 Oh! Wow. Well, so do you. 248 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:37,875 - When did you start doing… - Oh, about five years ago, 249 00:13:38,416 --> 00:13:39,791 right after you. 250 00:13:41,125 --> 00:13:44,625 Maybe Samantha was wrong. Apparently, she could change a man. 251 00:13:44,708 --> 00:13:47,500 - How are the kids? - Oh, good. Jake is in second grade. 252 00:13:47,791 --> 00:13:49,541 - Jake has two mommies. - Mm-hm. 253 00:13:49,625 --> 00:13:52,750 There are other people here who need boards, Samantha. 254 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:54,916 Take a chill pill, Miss Saigon! 255 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,000 "Samantha"? 256 00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:00,958 Well, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. 257 00:14:02,583 --> 00:14:04,500 Gotta go. Enjoy the game. 258 00:14:05,750 --> 00:14:07,208 N-23. 259 00:14:07,583 --> 00:14:08,583 Bingo! 260 00:14:08,666 --> 00:14:11,125 I am so much prettier than him. 261 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,625 Two hours later, I was supposed to meet Big at his place. 262 00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:21,458 Two and a half hours later, he showed up. 263 00:14:24,375 --> 00:14:25,375 Hey. 264 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,000 Sorry. 265 00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,041 You're a half hour late. 266 00:14:29,541 --> 00:14:31,166 Your doorman thinks I'm a hooker. 267 00:14:31,416 --> 00:14:33,458 - Did you make any money? - Not funny. 268 00:14:33,541 --> 00:14:36,875 I hate waiting here for you. 269 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:41,333 There's a coffee shop around the corner you could have waited in. 270 00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:44,583 - You know what? I'm gonna go. - Oh, don't be pissed. 271 00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:46,166 - I'm pissed! - Well… 272 00:14:47,291 --> 00:14:48,291 Come upstairs. 273 00:14:48,791 --> 00:14:52,875 You know, if you gave me a key, I could wait upstairs next time. 274 00:14:53,666 --> 00:14:54,666 A key? 275 00:14:56,208 --> 00:14:59,375 Or you could stay at my place sometimes. It's easy to pick my locks. 276 00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:02,250 Yeah, but then I like my bed. 277 00:15:04,666 --> 00:15:05,791 Look at that service. 278 00:15:07,666 --> 00:15:08,666 Come on. 279 00:15:12,125 --> 00:15:14,083 That night, something else changed. 280 00:15:14,416 --> 00:15:16,333 Neither of us wanted to make love. 281 00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:20,833 If this was all I was ever going to get out of Big, was it enough for me? 282 00:15:21,625 --> 00:15:25,166 And then at 3:00 a.m., somewhere between sleep and waking, 283 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:26,541 I got my answer. 284 00:15:28,125 --> 00:15:30,875 - Damn it! - What? Huh? Carrie? 285 00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:33,583 - Are you all right? - No! 286 00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:36,541 - What the fuck? - Oh, my God! 287 00:15:37,708 --> 00:15:39,250 What the hell was that? 288 00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,833 You knocked me out of bed! 289 00:15:40,916 --> 00:15:43,708 - You didn't even know I was here! - Well, I do now. 290 00:15:43,791 --> 00:15:46,250 Why don't you break my arm the next time? 291 00:15:46,416 --> 00:15:48,708 - Sorry. - Jesus! 292 00:15:49,791 --> 00:15:53,041 Ah! All right, Sugar Ray, the bed's all yours. 293 00:15:53,291 --> 00:15:55,541 - Where are you going? - I'm gonna sleep on the couch. 294 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,250 - Wait, would you just let me explain? - Don't talk now. 295 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,291 Bad to talk now. 296 00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:03,625 But I couldn't sleep. 297 00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:07,416 And at 4:00 a.m., I decided he couldn't sleep either. 298 00:16:15,916 --> 00:16:17,250 It's ice for your face. 299 00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:20,916 Yes, I can feel that. 300 00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,041 Okay, I know I've lost a little of my power here. 301 00:16:27,125 --> 00:16:30,208 And I'm pretty sure that most women's magazines 302 00:16:30,291 --> 00:16:33,333 would say that what I just did was a very bad idea. 303 00:16:34,250 --> 00:16:35,250 But… 304 00:16:35,666 --> 00:16:38,958 the thing is, the other night wasn't just about the cigar. 305 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:40,958 It never is. 306 00:16:43,041 --> 00:16:44,791 I hate that you look at other women. 307 00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:47,416 I hate that I don't have a key to your place. 308 00:16:47,541 --> 00:16:49,250 You've never spent the night at my place. 309 00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:52,375 You can't even make… space for me in your bed. 310 00:16:53,166 --> 00:16:55,416 And it's not your fault because I never say it. 311 00:16:56,958 --> 00:16:59,458 So now I punched you, so now I have to say it. 312 00:17:00,958 --> 00:17:02,625 So now I'm gonna say it. 313 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:11,333 I feel like… I'm back in your life, 314 00:17:12,708 --> 00:17:14,708 and nothing has really changed. 315 00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:16,250 And I know you can't change a man, 316 00:17:16,375 --> 00:17:19,500 and you definitely can't change a man like you. But… 317 00:17:22,125 --> 00:17:23,458 I still want… 318 00:17:24,916 --> 00:17:27,375 something to change a little bit. 319 00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:29,833 For me. 320 00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:33,625 Physical violence is never the answer. 321 00:17:34,250 --> 00:17:35,250 Yeah. 322 00:17:37,416 --> 00:17:38,458 I'm gonna go. 323 00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:42,958 - Does it hurt? - Yes. 324 00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:48,416 Look, 325 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,041 I'm sure there are things you don't like about me. 326 00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:54,333 Not falling for that one. 327 00:17:57,291 --> 00:17:59,125 Well, that was one thing I liked about Big. 328 00:18:00,083 --> 00:18:01,625 He definitely knew when to shut up. 329 00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:07,916 The next night, Charlotte took Mike out for a post-operative scotch. 330 00:18:08,375 --> 00:18:10,000 So, did it hurt? 331 00:18:11,041 --> 00:18:13,500 On a scale of one to five, I'd give it a… 332 00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:14,833 Seventy-two. 333 00:18:14,916 --> 00:18:17,166 - You poor thing. - That's all right. 334 00:18:17,541 --> 00:18:21,166 The worst is over. Now I just accept sympathy and heal. 335 00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:24,125 - For how long? - About another week or so. 336 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:27,208 - I can't wait. - Me either. 337 00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:29,708 Oh, God, Charlotte. 338 00:18:30,250 --> 00:18:31,791 You really turn me on. 339 00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,875 Ow, ow, ow, ow! 340 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,083 You know, you reall… You should go. 341 00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:49,958 Much later that night, bolstered by coffee, 342 00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:53,208 Miranda decided to perform a 2:00 a.m. seduction. 343 00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:01,166 Hello. 344 00:19:01,250 --> 00:19:03,375 Wow, look at you! You look great. 345 00:19:03,791 --> 00:19:05,083 What's the occasion? 346 00:19:05,208 --> 00:19:09,000 It's 2:00 a.m. and I am still awake. I thought we could celebrate. 347 00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:10,666 I've had five cups of coffee. 348 00:19:11,666 --> 00:19:13,375 That's worth a party. 349 00:19:17,416 --> 00:19:20,041 Meet me in the bedroom. I'll get the wine. 350 00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:30,666 Hey. Get up. 351 00:19:31,458 --> 00:19:32,458 What? 352 00:19:32,541 --> 00:19:34,500 I think you should spend the night at your place tonight. 353 00:19:35,166 --> 00:19:36,250 Why? 354 00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:38,958 Because I'd really like to catch up on my sleep. 355 00:19:39,041 --> 00:19:42,625 And I really don't wanna worry about having sex with you in the morning, 356 00:19:42,708 --> 00:19:45,458 and then just lying there and being late. 357 00:19:47,166 --> 00:19:50,250 - You don't like having sex with me. - No, I do. I love it. 358 00:19:50,500 --> 00:19:52,333 But just once I would like to do it at night, 359 00:19:52,416 --> 00:19:53,958 like other normal Homo sapiens. 360 00:19:54,208 --> 00:19:57,666 - Hey, relax, we can have sex now. - We can't have sex now! 361 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:00,958 I had a window, and it happened half an hour ago! 362 00:20:01,416 --> 00:20:04,625 - You had a window for sex? - I'm sorry, I'm a lawyer. I get tired. 363 00:20:05,208 --> 00:20:08,083 Yeah, well. I'm a bartender and I get awfully tired of dealing with 364 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:09,375 other people's neuroses. 365 00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:14,500 When you get, uh, get… you know, 366 00:20:15,541 --> 00:20:18,583 a picture window, or a whole doorway of time, 367 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:21,500 call me. 368 00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:29,291 Miranda had never felt less like a successful lawyer in her life. 369 00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:32,291 Even though she'd won her case, 370 00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,916 she'd also been left with all the damages. 371 00:20:36,458 --> 00:20:41,083 A week later, Charlotte finally got her chance to break in the new merchandise. 372 00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:44,583 So, what do you think? 373 00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:47,083 It's perfect. 374 00:20:47,166 --> 00:20:50,500 It was like her birthday and Christmas rolled into one. 375 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:52,541 You realize this makes me a virgin. 376 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,916 I'll be gentle. 377 00:21:05,125 --> 00:21:06,541 That was really wonderful. 378 00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:09,291 It was. A five. 379 00:21:12,291 --> 00:21:15,083 So what do you wanna do Saturday night? 380 00:21:15,666 --> 00:21:17,833 Saturday? Did we have plans? 381 00:21:18,458 --> 00:21:22,291 No, but I thought maybe we could go to this drama league benefit, 382 00:21:22,416 --> 00:21:26,875 or we could, you know, go low-key and stay in and rent videos. 383 00:21:26,958 --> 00:21:28,125 Oh, Charlotte. 384 00:21:28,625 --> 00:21:29,916 Hang on, listen. 385 00:21:31,208 --> 00:21:34,708 I don't think I'm ready for this to be, you know, like a big thing. 386 00:21:37,458 --> 00:21:38,500 "A big thing"? 387 00:21:39,083 --> 00:21:42,416 Well, I… I just feel like I can't be tied down right now. 388 00:21:43,375 --> 00:21:45,041 There's a whole new me happening. 389 00:21:45,125 --> 00:21:46,958 I feel like I should get out there and share it. 390 00:21:49,208 --> 00:21:51,041 You wanna share your penis? 391 00:21:51,750 --> 00:21:52,750 Well… 392 00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:55,125 yeah. 393 00:21:56,291 --> 00:21:59,875 I mean, I feel like I owe it to myself to take the doggie out 394 00:21:59,958 --> 00:22:01,583 for a walk around the block. 395 00:22:02,125 --> 00:22:03,125 You know? 396 00:22:03,458 --> 00:22:05,333 Charlotte never saw Mike again. 397 00:22:05,708 --> 00:22:08,291 She realized you could take the Shar-Pei out of the penis, 398 00:22:08,791 --> 00:22:11,125 but you could never take the dog out of the man. 399 00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:15,625 A few days later, I realized you could change a man. 400 00:22:16,083 --> 00:22:18,208 You could change him into not calling you. 401 00:22:24,666 --> 00:22:25,666 Oh. 402 00:22:25,791 --> 00:22:26,833 Hi. 403 00:22:28,333 --> 00:22:29,625 Wow. Look at that. 404 00:22:30,458 --> 00:22:32,333 No, you look at it. I've seen it already. 405 00:22:33,875 --> 00:22:34,875 Sorry. 406 00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:38,916 Ah! Easy, no hands near the face. 407 00:22:41,708 --> 00:22:42,791 Come in. 408 00:22:44,333 --> 00:22:46,291 I just came over to tell you something. 409 00:22:48,583 --> 00:22:50,125 You're suing me, right? 410 00:22:54,083 --> 00:22:58,375 Look, maybe you need a key to know that I'm crazy about you. 411 00:22:59,458 --> 00:23:02,708 But the thing is, I've given out, like, five keys… 412 00:23:04,458 --> 00:23:05,666 and you never get 'em back. 413 00:23:07,166 --> 00:23:09,750 And maybe I hog my bed. 414 00:23:09,833 --> 00:23:11,291 But, I mean, it's my bed. 415 00:23:11,875 --> 00:23:12,875 And… 416 00:23:13,166 --> 00:23:14,166 Well, I like you in it. 417 00:23:16,375 --> 00:23:19,041 - Wow. I should hit you more often. - And the oranges. 418 00:23:19,416 --> 00:23:21,333 - What? - The oranges have to go. 419 00:23:21,833 --> 00:23:23,875 Now, this is something I don't like about you. 420 00:23:24,416 --> 00:23:27,666 - I hate that you eat oranges in my bed. - You do? 421 00:23:27,958 --> 00:23:30,333 They're sticky and they make the sheets stink. 422 00:23:31,041 --> 00:23:33,291 - That's it? - I like my sheets. 423 00:23:34,958 --> 00:23:37,166 What are you gonna give me for the oranges? 424 00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:39,000 - A negotiation? - Yep. 425 00:23:40,333 --> 00:23:41,750 Well, this could take a while. 426 00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:43,750 It could. 427 00:23:47,250 --> 00:23:49,333 Well, it looks like I may have to spend the night. 428 00:23:50,750 --> 00:23:55,458 That night, for the first time, Big spent the night at my place. 429 00:23:57,166 --> 00:24:00,500 I realized that neither of us would ever fundamentally change, 430 00:24:00,583 --> 00:24:02,041 but we were talking about it. 431 00:24:02,333 --> 00:24:04,458 And maybe that was the biggest change of all. 432 00:24:06,375 --> 00:24:10,083 The next day my sheets stunk of cigars. I changed them immediately. 433 00:24:12,291 --> 00:24:16,875 Across town, it was 2:00 a.m. and Miranda was no closer to getting sleep. 434 00:24:23,666 --> 00:24:24,666 Hello? 435 00:24:29,250 --> 00:24:30,250 Hi. 436 00:24:31,083 --> 00:24:32,250 Sorry to wake you. 437 00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:34,750 It's okay, I was awake. 438 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,666 Look, I don't wanna bug you. 439 00:24:37,958 --> 00:24:39,208 Do me a favor. 440 00:24:40,291 --> 00:24:41,375 Go to the window. 441 00:24:45,333 --> 00:24:46,375 Okay. 442 00:24:47,125 --> 00:24:48,125 Now look up. 443 00:24:49,958 --> 00:24:51,625 Oh, my God. 444 00:24:52,541 --> 00:24:53,791 It's amazing, isn't it? 445 00:24:55,083 --> 00:24:58,375 It's a blue moon. It's really rare. 446 00:24:58,958 --> 00:25:00,333 Just wanted you to see it. 447 00:25:01,125 --> 00:25:04,291 It was right then, that Miranda finally slowed down 448 00:25:04,375 --> 00:25:05,916 and gave in to Steve. 449 00:25:06,958 --> 00:25:08,666 Come over when you're done, okay? 450 00:25:10,541 --> 00:25:11,541 Yeah. 451 00:25:13,458 --> 00:25:14,458 Night. 452 00:25:15,708 --> 00:25:18,416 That night, Miranda and Steve made love. 453 00:25:19,958 --> 00:25:21,583 And they did it again in the morning. 454 00:25:22,625 --> 00:25:25,541 Miranda was an hour late for work and didn't even notice. 455 00:25:26,208 --> 00:25:28,041 So maybe you can't change a man, 456 00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:31,208 but once in a blue moon, you can change a woman.