1 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,508 My friend Charlotte was dating Dr. Bram Walker, 2 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:53,633 a very hard-working orthopedic surgeon. 3 00:00:55,383 --> 00:00:56,383 Bram? 4 00:00:58,966 --> 00:00:59,966 Bram? 5 00:01:00,550 --> 00:01:01,550 What? 6 00:01:02,133 --> 00:01:03,258 Were you asleep? 7 00:01:03,425 --> 00:01:05,883 No, no, I was just resting my eyes. 8 00:01:06,216 --> 00:01:07,216 Oh, my God. 9 00:01:07,716 --> 00:01:10,258 Okay, I fell asleep for one second. 10 00:01:10,675 --> 00:01:12,008 Oh, oh, my God, I… 11 00:01:12,091 --> 00:01:13,925 I've been up since 5:00, I had three carpal tunnels. 12 00:01:14,008 --> 00:01:16,466 It's very exhaustive reconstructive work. 13 00:01:18,466 --> 00:01:21,258 He fell asleep when he was making love to me. 14 00:01:21,633 --> 00:01:22,633 - Oh. - He fell asleep! 15 00:01:22,675 --> 00:01:24,300 Sweetie, he was tired. 16 00:01:24,383 --> 00:01:26,716 This has nothing to do with you. 17 00:01:27,008 --> 00:01:29,383 Has a man ever fallen asleep making love to you? 18 00:01:29,466 --> 00:01:32,925 No, but I'm sure many of them wanted to. 19 00:01:33,008 --> 00:01:35,425 I can't believe this happened to me! 20 00:01:35,508 --> 00:01:37,258 You want some herb tea? How about some herb tea? 21 00:01:37,341 --> 00:01:39,300 I must be really bad in bed. 22 00:01:39,383 --> 00:01:41,091 You are not bad in bed. 23 00:01:41,175 --> 00:01:44,258 Okay, I've got, uh, Constant Comment and Tummy T… 24 00:01:44,341 --> 00:01:46,216 Charlotte, honey, you want some Tummy Tamer? 25 00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:47,285 Of course it's her. 26 00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:49,216 And I have to say, I'm not surprised. 27 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,008 Ever seen her on a StairMaster? 28 00:01:51,091 --> 00:01:52,883 Nothing happening below the waist. 29 00:01:52,966 --> 00:01:54,050 Nada. No sale. 30 00:01:54,133 --> 00:01:55,383 How can you say that? 31 00:01:55,466 --> 00:01:58,341 Even if she was bad in bed, which she isn't, 32 00:01:58,425 --> 00:02:00,300 is it really that important? 33 00:02:00,383 --> 00:02:01,508 Absolutely. 34 00:02:01,591 --> 00:02:03,966 Who we are in bed, is who we are in life. 35 00:02:04,175 --> 00:02:07,300 I never met a man who was bad in bed who was good at life. 36 00:02:07,383 --> 00:02:09,758 And just for the record, in bed, you are… 37 00:02:09,841 --> 00:02:11,675 Don't make me state the obvious. 38 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,800 How can you be so sure? 39 00:02:13,883 --> 00:02:17,550 Well, no one ever took a nap while fucking me and… 40 00:02:17,633 --> 00:02:19,550 I get affirmations all the time. 41 00:02:19,633 --> 00:02:20,883 Why, just last week… 42 00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:22,216 It seems, last week, 43 00:02:22,300 --> 00:02:25,841 Samantha was invited to dinner by a gay couple she'd known for years… 44 00:02:25,925 --> 00:02:27,425 David and David. 45 00:02:27,508 --> 00:02:29,383 Well, thanks for a lovely dinner. 46 00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:30,758 It was fun. 47 00:02:30,841 --> 00:02:33,883 Well, I have to admit, we have an ulterior motive. 48 00:02:34,258 --> 00:02:35,258 What? 49 00:02:35,508 --> 00:02:38,591 We were wondering if you were seeing anybody special right now? 50 00:02:38,883 --> 00:02:40,508 Well, actually, no. 51 00:02:40,883 --> 00:02:42,633 Do you have a hot guy for me? 52 00:02:42,716 --> 00:02:44,216 Hmm? 53 00:02:44,466 --> 00:02:45,508 Two. 54 00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:53,133 - No! - Yes! 55 00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,091 We want to have sex with a woman. 56 00:02:56,383 --> 00:02:57,550 Are you serious? 57 00:02:57,633 --> 00:02:59,966 Totally, I've always been curious what it would be like. 58 00:03:00,091 --> 00:03:03,383 Neither one of us has ever done it and we thought it might be fun. 59 00:03:03,466 --> 00:03:04,800 And then we were like, "Well, 60 00:03:04,883 --> 00:03:07,466 if we were gonna do it with a woman, who would it be?" 61 00:03:07,591 --> 00:03:09,550 And then we were like, "uh, 62 00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:11,550 - Samantha." - Totally. 63 00:03:11,633 --> 00:03:14,758 We decided of all the beautiful women we know, 64 00:03:14,841 --> 00:03:16,883 you were probably the best in bed. 65 00:03:16,966 --> 00:03:18,300 Totally. 66 00:03:18,383 --> 00:03:21,091 Look at that! 67 00:03:21,383 --> 00:03:23,091 So I'm thinking about doing it. 68 00:03:23,175 --> 00:03:25,841 - They're cute, they're healthy. - They're gay! 69 00:03:25,925 --> 00:03:27,175 You know, for a sex columnist 70 00:03:27,258 --> 00:03:29,383 you have a very limited view of sexuality. 71 00:03:29,466 --> 00:03:31,050 Gay as pink suede. 72 00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:33,091 Wake up! It's 2000. 73 00:03:33,425 --> 00:03:35,591 The new millennium won't be about sexual labels, 74 00:03:35,675 --> 00:03:37,425 it'll be about sexual expression. 75 00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:39,716 It won't matter if you're sleeping with men or women. 76 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,133 It'll be about sleeping with individuals. 77 00:03:42,216 --> 00:03:44,091 Or in your case, twos to threes. 78 00:03:44,175 --> 00:03:46,341 Soon everyone will be pansexual. 79 00:03:46,425 --> 00:03:48,466 It won't matter if you're gay or straight. 80 00:03:48,550 --> 00:03:50,550 Just if you're good or bad in bed. 81 00:03:50,633 --> 00:03:51,925 Exactly. 82 00:03:52,008 --> 00:03:55,175 That night I got to thinking about bed. 83 00:03:55,258 --> 00:03:58,008 Are we secretly being graded every time we invite someone 84 00:03:58,091 --> 00:03:59,300 to join us in it? 85 00:03:59,383 --> 00:04:02,633 A plus, B, D, incomplete. 86 00:04:02,716 --> 00:04:05,966 Is making love really nothing more than a pop quiz? 87 00:04:06,050 --> 00:04:08,050 And if sex is a test, 88 00:04:08,133 --> 00:04:10,633 how do we know if we're passing or failing? 89 00:04:10,716 --> 00:04:12,966 How do you know if you're good in bed? 90 00:04:15,300 --> 00:04:16,716 Later that week, I was walking home 91 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,633 thinking about my own sexual report card when… 92 00:04:20,758 --> 00:04:21,800 Ow! 93 00:04:21,883 --> 00:04:23,675 God! What the hell was… 94 00:04:23,758 --> 00:04:24,925 - I am… - What was that? 95 00:04:25,008 --> 00:04:26,841 Christ, I'm sorry. I… I didn't see you. 96 00:04:26,925 --> 00:04:28,508 I just threw my cigarette. 97 00:04:28,591 --> 00:04:30,300 I thought I was stung by a bee. 98 00:04:30,383 --> 00:04:31,285 Jesus! 99 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:33,841 I… I'm sorry. Did it leave a mark? 100 00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,050 You can't smoke in the restaurant. 101 00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:37,300 You know, I'm a smoker. 102 00:04:37,383 --> 00:04:38,966 Yeah, I'm a smoker too, but come on, pally, 103 00:04:39,050 --> 00:04:41,300 watch where you throw those things, huh? 104 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,008 No, it didn't leave a mark. 105 00:04:45,091 --> 00:04:47,841 As the pain subsided, my mind was free to notice 106 00:04:47,925 --> 00:04:50,175 how incredibly cute this guy was. 107 00:04:50,258 --> 00:04:51,508 Look, I am sorry. 108 00:04:51,883 --> 00:04:53,675 My name's Patrick. Patrick Casey. 109 00:04:53,841 --> 00:04:55,883 Carrie Bradshaw, burn victim. 110 00:04:55,966 --> 00:04:58,091 How… how weird was that? 111 00:04:58,175 --> 00:04:59,383 I mean, that was… that was intense. 112 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,675 But you… you gotta admit, 113 00:05:00,758 --> 00:05:02,966 it's a pretty clever way to meet the ladies. 114 00:05:03,050 --> 00:05:06,175 Oh, so you got a little comedy routine going there, huh, Patrick? 115 00:05:06,258 --> 00:05:07,466 A little bit. 116 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,633 But listen, I… I really feel bad. 117 00:05:09,716 --> 00:05:12,050 So at least let me buy you a cup of coffee 118 00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:13,716 or some burn salve? 119 00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:15,133 Not funny yet. 120 00:05:15,216 --> 00:05:17,175 - Sorry. - But it might be… 121 00:05:17,258 --> 00:05:18,800 after a cappuccino. 122 00:05:19,091 --> 00:05:21,300 There's a place right around the corner. 123 00:05:21,508 --> 00:05:22,841 We can smoke there. 124 00:05:22,925 --> 00:05:25,508 Three Marlboros and two Marlboro Lights later, 125 00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:27,800 I had learned that Patrick was a composer 126 00:05:27,883 --> 00:05:29,550 who wrote music for the movies. 127 00:05:29,883 --> 00:05:32,300 So what type of movies do you compose for? 128 00:05:32,383 --> 00:05:33,800 Really bad ones. 129 00:05:33,883 --> 00:05:35,466 You know, the… 130 00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:38,133 "I Screamed When I Knew What You Did Last Summer On Elm Street," type. 131 00:05:38,341 --> 00:05:41,258 Well, as long as you're challenged by what you do. 132 00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:43,758 Oh, damn it! 133 00:05:43,841 --> 00:05:47,216 Patrick Casey, whoever you are. 134 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:48,758 I'm late. I have to go. 135 00:05:48,841 --> 00:05:49,925 Aww. 136 00:05:50,008 --> 00:05:51,300 Thank you for the coffee. 137 00:05:51,383 --> 00:05:55,758 And maybe one day you'll give me scar tissue again. 138 00:05:55,841 --> 00:05:57,758 You're great. 139 00:05:58,341 --> 00:05:59,341 Thanks. 140 00:06:00,341 --> 00:06:02,633 As I walked away, I started to think… 141 00:06:02,716 --> 00:06:06,175 How many cute, smart, single smokers are there left in the world? 142 00:06:06,258 --> 00:06:07,258 Seven? 143 00:06:07,883 --> 00:06:11,175 I decided to do something I almost never do… 144 00:06:11,258 --> 00:06:13,258 give a man my phone number. 145 00:06:13,550 --> 00:06:17,758 Hi. This whole burn lawsuit I plan to initiate, 146 00:06:17,966 --> 00:06:19,675 it might get a little crazy. 147 00:06:19,758 --> 00:06:20,966 So here is… 148 00:06:22,675 --> 00:06:23,716 my phone number. 149 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,383 You'll need that for your attorney… 150 00:06:25,466 --> 00:06:29,050 Or if you want to have coffee again some time. 151 00:06:29,133 --> 00:06:30,466 I left feeling great. 152 00:06:30,550 --> 00:06:32,383 It was such a cute approach. 153 00:06:32,466 --> 00:06:33,800 How could he not call? 154 00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:35,341 Come on, how could he not call? 155 00:06:35,425 --> 00:06:36,800 It's been three days. 156 00:06:37,216 --> 00:06:39,216 Give him 12 more hours and then send him off 157 00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:40,883 to the island of lost men. 158 00:06:40,966 --> 00:06:43,383 Well, I don't wanna send him there, I like him. 159 00:06:43,466 --> 00:06:45,758 Could you believe that someone actually had the nerve 160 00:06:45,841 --> 00:06:47,925 to call this color Florentine peach? 161 00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:50,550 I can't believe you had the nerve to spend this much on sheets. 162 00:06:50,633 --> 00:06:52,008 It's an experiment. 163 00:06:52,258 --> 00:06:53,966 I'm trying to change my bed Karma. 164 00:06:54,050 --> 00:06:58,050 I figure if I can make my bed a place I really want to be… 165 00:06:58,133 --> 00:06:59,550 others will feel the same way. 166 00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,883 Ah! The field of dreams. 167 00:07:01,966 --> 00:07:05,050 Exactly. If you build it, he will come. 168 00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:07,633 The thing that gets me is I'm not usually wrong 169 00:07:07,716 --> 00:07:09,675 about the phone-number-size-up. 170 00:07:09,758 --> 00:07:11,008 I don't put it out there 171 00:07:11,091 --> 00:07:12,758 unless I'm pretty damn sure it's coming back. 172 00:07:12,841 --> 00:07:17,341 I'm either really loving or hating the color. 173 00:07:17,425 --> 00:07:18,425 He thinks I'm ugly. 174 00:07:18,508 --> 00:07:21,383 Oh, my God… get a grip. 175 00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:24,925 A guy doesn't call you for three days and you're ugly? 176 00:07:25,008 --> 00:07:26,050 What's your point? 177 00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:27,133 Pillowcase. 178 00:07:28,175 --> 00:07:29,383 It's amazing. 179 00:07:29,466 --> 00:07:31,925 We can feel totally good about ourselves, 180 00:07:32,008 --> 00:07:33,633 and then it all goes out the window 181 00:07:33,716 --> 00:07:36,300 if the guy doesn't mirror that right back to us. 182 00:07:36,466 --> 00:07:39,883 This has a little weird thing here. 183 00:07:39,966 --> 00:07:41,091 Damnit. 184 00:07:41,175 --> 00:07:42,591 Does everything I bring into this bedroom 185 00:07:42,675 --> 00:07:43,925 have to have a flaw? 186 00:07:44,008 --> 00:07:45,091 Ha, ha! 187 00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:50,925 The next day I was in the village looking for the perfect $7 vintage dress 188 00:07:51,008 --> 00:07:53,675 to go with my $300 shoes, when… 189 00:07:54,591 --> 00:07:55,716 I had a choice. 190 00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,216 I could turn around and run away, 191 00:07:57,300 --> 00:08:00,466 or I could smile, be brave, and walk on over. 192 00:08:04,008 --> 00:08:05,258 Hey, hi. 193 00:08:05,341 --> 00:08:07,300 So what, Saturday's the day you stand on the street 194 00:08:07,425 --> 00:08:08,800 and smoke in the village? 195 00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:12,633 Hi, I'm Carrie. 196 00:08:12,716 --> 00:08:14,300 We're kind of in the middle of something. 197 00:08:14,425 --> 00:08:16,508 Oh, right, sure, sure, right. 198 00:08:16,591 --> 00:08:18,175 Uh, okay, bye. 199 00:08:18,258 --> 00:08:19,675 I was just on my way to Perry street. 200 00:08:19,758 --> 00:08:20,883 This is Perry street. 201 00:08:21,216 --> 00:08:23,841 Bleecker. Bleecker, I meant Bleecker. 202 00:08:24,175 --> 00:08:26,716 Okay, bye. And goodbye to you, too. 203 00:08:30,841 --> 00:08:31,966 Carrie! 204 00:08:33,716 --> 00:08:35,216 Listen, let me explain. I… 205 00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:36,758 No, no, no, I'm embarrassed. 206 00:08:36,841 --> 00:08:39,133 You know, you're obviously, you're in the middle of a thing 207 00:08:39,216 --> 00:08:40,466 with your lover or whoever, 208 00:08:40,550 --> 00:08:42,508 - and I'm standing there all… - No, no, no, I… 209 00:08:42,716 --> 00:08:43,883 I'm not gay. 210 00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:46,341 I'm an alcoholic. 211 00:08:47,216 --> 00:08:48,800 We were just waiting for a meeting to start. 212 00:08:48,883 --> 00:08:50,466 and I wanted to introduce you, 213 00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:52,883 but it's supposed to be anonymous, so… 214 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:56,341 Well, you know, I… I really wasn't getting the gay vibe from you, 215 00:08:56,425 --> 00:08:59,341 it's just, uh, he was so cute and… and… 216 00:08:59,466 --> 00:09:01,508 - I never called. - Right. 217 00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:02,675 I was freaked. 218 00:09:02,883 --> 00:09:04,508 You know, I've only been in the program 11 months 219 00:09:04,591 --> 00:09:06,341 and my sponsor said I really shouldn't get involved 220 00:09:06,425 --> 00:09:08,758 with someone for a year, and… 221 00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:10,883 So… 222 00:09:11,383 --> 00:09:12,425 Well, okay. 223 00:09:12,508 --> 00:09:14,300 So, maybe you'll call me in a month. 224 00:09:14,550 --> 00:09:16,425 It doesn't bother you that I'm an alcoholic? 225 00:09:16,675 --> 00:09:18,008 No, God, no. 226 00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,216 No, I love alcoholics. 227 00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,216 Hell, I hope to be one someday. 228 00:09:22,466 --> 00:09:23,508 That was a joke. 229 00:09:23,633 --> 00:09:25,091 That's not funny… yet. 230 00:09:25,175 --> 00:09:27,466 But it might be after a cappuccino. 231 00:09:27,883 --> 00:09:29,008 You know, what the fuck… 232 00:09:29,091 --> 00:09:30,300 It's only a couple of weeks. 233 00:09:30,383 --> 00:09:32,675 Would you like to go out on a date sometime? 234 00:09:32,758 --> 00:09:34,341 I can't think why not. 235 00:09:35,425 --> 00:09:36,591 You call me. 236 00:09:37,633 --> 00:09:39,716 So I accepted his kind invitation. 237 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,383 Because when you think about it, 238 00:09:41,466 --> 00:09:43,550 aren't we all in recovery from something? 239 00:09:43,633 --> 00:09:45,508 Drinking? Drugging? 240 00:09:45,591 --> 00:09:48,133 Our last relationship? 241 00:09:48,216 --> 00:09:51,091 On our first date, Patrick and I went for coffee. 242 00:09:51,175 --> 00:09:52,800 Hey, I'm really compulsive. 243 00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:56,425 If I open up a bag of Chips Ahoy, I gotta eat the whole thing. 244 00:09:56,508 --> 00:09:58,591 I'm like that with Reese's Pieces. 245 00:09:58,675 --> 00:10:00,175 Reese's Pieces and shoes. 246 00:10:00,258 --> 00:10:03,716 Wouldn't the shoes be a little tough on digestion? 247 00:10:05,008 --> 00:10:07,591 Well, this is me. 248 00:10:08,716 --> 00:10:12,050 Thank you, Mr. Casey, I had a great time. 249 00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:16,050 Oh, no, Miss Burn Victim, I had the great time. 250 00:10:16,133 --> 00:10:19,008 Then, I gave him my very best 251 00:10:19,091 --> 00:10:21,300 lean-in-and-kiss-me-goodnight move. 252 00:10:30,050 --> 00:10:31,091 Well, that was… 253 00:10:31,883 --> 00:10:35,550 Our next date, over dinner, he told me about working his 12 steps. 254 00:10:35,633 --> 00:10:39,300 And after dinner, I stood on my third step trying to work him. 255 00:10:39,383 --> 00:10:41,466 That smell is amazing. What is that? 256 00:10:42,466 --> 00:10:43,633 Me. 257 00:10:46,425 --> 00:10:49,050 I'll… call you. 258 00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:51,175 I couldn't figure it out. 259 00:10:57,258 --> 00:11:00,716 I knew he wanted me because during my lean-in-and-kiss-me goodnight move, 260 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,091 I'd accidentally on purpose felt his pop-up and say hello. 261 00:11:04,466 --> 00:11:06,466 So what was going on? 262 00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:11,216 By the third date I wanted him even more than a fistful of Reese's Pieces. 263 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,008 Well, then, goodnight. 264 00:11:17,508 --> 00:11:20,633 That was that. I'd hit my humiliation limit. 265 00:11:20,716 --> 00:11:22,216 And then I thought… 266 00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:25,050 how many cute, smart, sexy, single, smoking alcoholics 267 00:11:25,133 --> 00:11:26,716 are there left in the world? 268 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:27,841 Five? 269 00:11:41,466 --> 00:11:42,966 Do you want to come up? 270 00:11:43,175 --> 00:11:44,216 Yeah. 271 00:11:44,841 --> 00:11:46,175 But you see, the thing is… 272 00:11:46,258 --> 00:11:48,841 I've never had sex sober. 273 00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:51,383 I've always been drunk or high. 274 00:11:51,716 --> 00:11:53,466 I don't know if I'll be any good. 275 00:11:55,091 --> 00:11:56,425 Oh, what the hell. 276 00:11:57,008 --> 00:11:58,883 Let's take it one step at a time. 277 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,758 Oh! Whoo! 278 00:12:12,091 --> 00:12:13,716 Oh, sex… 279 00:12:14,091 --> 00:12:15,716 is amazing. 280 00:12:16,716 --> 00:12:19,258 It feels so fucking amazing. 281 00:12:19,508 --> 00:12:21,091 Do other people know about this? 282 00:12:21,175 --> 00:12:23,383 I mean… whoa! 283 00:12:23,466 --> 00:12:24,451 Yeah! 284 00:12:24,466 --> 00:12:26,758 All right! I did it! 285 00:12:26,841 --> 00:12:28,425 Sex without beer! 286 00:12:28,508 --> 00:12:29,493 Yeah! 287 00:12:29,508 --> 00:12:30,841 Woo-hoo! 288 00:12:32,966 --> 00:12:34,133 Easy, cowboy. 289 00:12:34,383 --> 00:12:35,368 You! 290 00:12:35,383 --> 00:12:36,966 What about you! 291 00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:38,508 You are the best. 292 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,300 Well, you weren't half bad yourself. 293 00:12:40,383 --> 00:12:42,591 No! You are the best. 294 00:12:43,258 --> 00:12:44,341 You're the best. 295 00:12:44,425 --> 00:12:46,050 I aim to please. 296 00:12:48,050 --> 00:12:51,091 After we have a cigarette… 297 00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:56,383 can we do it again? 298 00:12:59,633 --> 00:13:02,675 I'm gonna have a Spanish omelet, hash browns, some more coffee, 299 00:13:02,758 --> 00:13:04,091 and orange juice. 300 00:13:04,175 --> 00:13:07,550 Oh, and, um, can I have some rice pudding for later? 301 00:13:07,883 --> 00:13:08,966 Thanks. 302 00:13:09,341 --> 00:13:10,675 Storing up for winter? 303 00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:12,258 No, I'm starving. 304 00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:15,716 Patrick and I… all last night and I'm just… 305 00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:17,758 No, don't stop, it's okay. 306 00:13:17,841 --> 00:13:21,258 I mean, just because I'm bad in bed doesn't mean everybody has to be. 307 00:13:21,341 --> 00:13:23,008 Okay, one more time. 308 00:13:23,091 --> 00:13:25,508 - You are not bad in bed. - Oh, really? 309 00:13:25,591 --> 00:13:28,300 Has a man ever fallen asleep making love to you? 310 00:13:28,383 --> 00:13:31,466 No, but I once fell asleep when a guy was doing me. 311 00:13:31,550 --> 00:13:32,550 It was the ludes. 312 00:13:32,633 --> 00:13:33,716 It's okay. 313 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,258 I'm mature enough to realize that while I may be good at some things, 314 00:13:37,341 --> 00:13:39,758 like accessories… 315 00:13:39,841 --> 00:13:43,008 that I might need help in others like… 316 00:13:43,216 --> 00:13:44,383 Fucking? 317 00:13:44,466 --> 00:13:45,758 Making love. 318 00:13:46,216 --> 00:13:47,300 So… 319 00:13:47,383 --> 00:13:49,800 I'm taking a class. 320 00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:51,466 A fucking class? 321 00:13:51,550 --> 00:13:54,175 No, a Tantric sex workshop. 322 00:13:54,258 --> 00:13:56,258 Well, just don't drink any suspicious Kool-Aid 323 00:13:56,341 --> 00:13:57,341 or put on new Nikes. 324 00:13:57,383 --> 00:13:58,883 Oh, it's not like that. 325 00:13:58,966 --> 00:14:01,883 It's taught by this very well respected woman psychologist. 326 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:04,633 It's called, "How to Please a Man." 327 00:14:04,716 --> 00:14:05,883 I know how to please a man. 328 00:14:05,966 --> 00:14:07,591 You just give away most of your power. 329 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,800 Look, I have a trainer for the gym. 330 00:14:10,883 --> 00:14:12,300 I can have a trainer for… 331 00:14:12,383 --> 00:14:13,383 Fucking? 332 00:14:13,633 --> 00:14:15,008 Please stop saying that. 333 00:14:16,466 --> 00:14:18,050 Are you… are you actually going to do this? 334 00:14:18,216 --> 00:14:19,160 Yep. 335 00:14:19,175 --> 00:14:22,675 And, uh, seating was limited, so I signed you guys up. 336 00:14:24,133 --> 00:14:26,133 - Please, please? - I… I… 337 00:14:26,216 --> 00:14:27,341 I can't go alone. 338 00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:30,383 And if Bram ever falls asleep on me again, I will die. 339 00:14:30,466 --> 00:14:33,341 Please, pretty please, pretty please with sugar on it? 340 00:14:33,425 --> 00:14:34,508 Christ, I'm in. 341 00:14:35,133 --> 00:14:36,133 What the hell? 342 00:14:36,216 --> 00:14:38,508 I don't exactly have them hanging from the rafters. 343 00:14:38,841 --> 00:14:40,258 "How to Please a Man." 344 00:14:40,341 --> 00:14:42,800 I could teach the damn class. 345 00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:46,716 All right. 346 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:53,800 That night, while David and David got undressed 347 00:14:53,883 --> 00:14:55,633 and waited for her in the bedroom, 348 00:14:55,716 --> 00:14:59,675 Samantha began to wonder if maybe she was about to go too far. 349 00:14:59,758 --> 00:15:03,258 Was she actually capable of being this sexually free? 350 00:15:03,341 --> 00:15:05,383 Or was she getting in over her head? 351 00:15:05,925 --> 00:15:07,550 She decided, before there were any regrets, 352 00:15:07,675 --> 00:15:10,425 they should all talk about it a little more. 353 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,633 Listen, David and David, maybe… 354 00:15:15,258 --> 00:15:17,008 You look amazing. 355 00:15:17,091 --> 00:15:19,550 Just like Jean Harlow in Red Dust. 356 00:15:19,633 --> 00:15:22,008 Samantha loved the Samantha mirrored at her 357 00:15:22,091 --> 00:15:23,133 through the eyes of the Davids. 358 00:15:23,216 --> 00:15:24,883 What the hell? 359 00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,050 They're so soft. 360 00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:10,591 I know. 361 00:16:24,841 --> 00:16:27,008 I can't do this. 362 00:16:27,216 --> 00:16:28,508 Neither can I. 363 00:16:31,008 --> 00:16:32,133 But I… 364 00:16:32,216 --> 00:16:34,300 We're just getting start… 365 00:16:34,383 --> 00:16:37,591 No. Can't. I'm sorry. 366 00:16:37,675 --> 00:16:38,660 Sorry. 367 00:16:38,675 --> 00:16:40,216 It's very pretty, but… 368 00:16:40,716 --> 00:16:41,758 no. 369 00:16:41,841 --> 00:16:43,883 It's not you. It's us. 370 00:16:43,966 --> 00:16:45,300 I have an idea. 371 00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:48,008 Let's all put on our clothes and go out for gelati! 372 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,383 - Cheesecake. - Whatever. 373 00:16:53,008 --> 00:16:55,008 Suddenly, Samantha wasn't feeling so good 374 00:16:55,091 --> 00:16:56,508 about herself in bed. 375 00:17:00,925 --> 00:17:02,091 Oh, yikes. 376 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,841 I gotta go or I'm going to be late for the Tantric Workshop thing. 377 00:17:06,966 --> 00:17:10,800 Oh, baby, you don't need a workshop. 378 00:17:10,883 --> 00:17:12,675 Mmm, you are amazing. 379 00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:16,008 Now, come on. Come on. One more time. 380 00:17:16,425 --> 00:17:18,425 We did it last night and all this morning. 381 00:17:18,508 --> 00:17:20,841 I could have sex with you morning, noon, and night. 382 00:17:20,925 --> 00:17:21,925 Now, come on. 383 00:17:21,966 --> 00:17:23,341 That's when I realized it. 384 00:17:23,425 --> 00:17:25,841 Mr. Compulsive wasn't in bed with me… 385 00:17:25,966 --> 00:17:27,341 More, come on. 386 00:17:27,425 --> 00:17:30,008 He was in bed with a big bag of Chips Ahoy. 387 00:17:30,091 --> 00:17:31,133 More. 388 00:17:31,591 --> 00:17:37,550 The intent of Tantric, we say, "Sacred sexuality," 389 00:17:37,633 --> 00:17:41,591 is to experience and merge with the divine. 390 00:17:41,675 --> 00:17:43,758 I think Patrick's addicted to me. 391 00:17:44,341 --> 00:17:46,675 It's like he's replaced drinking with me. 392 00:17:46,758 --> 00:17:48,550 Yeah, "Program guys" are tough. 393 00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:50,841 I dated a guy who was in Overeaters Anonymous, 394 00:17:50,925 --> 00:17:54,383 and every time we had a fight, he'd binge eat hot fudge sundaes. 395 00:17:55,425 --> 00:18:00,091 …in other words, ladies, to drive your man crazy. 396 00:18:00,175 --> 00:18:02,133 He wants to have sex all the time. 397 00:18:02,216 --> 00:18:03,966 It's getting a little out of hand. 398 00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:06,050 Well, at least he wants to fuck you. 399 00:18:06,133 --> 00:18:07,716 They were gay. 400 00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:08,701 So? 401 00:18:08,716 --> 00:18:11,800 One minute they were interested and then, suddenly they weren't. 402 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,133 What did I do to turn them off? 403 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,383 Not having a dick would be the thing that you did 404 00:18:17,466 --> 00:18:18,633 to turn them off. 405 00:18:18,716 --> 00:18:20,758 You guys, I'm serious. This is rude. 406 00:18:20,841 --> 00:18:27,508 …and use it to bring any man to his knees with love, of course. 407 00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,216 Where was this bitch last night when I needed her? 408 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,550 Shh. Shh! Be quiet and you might learn something. 409 00:18:32,633 --> 00:18:34,675 This lady is supposed to be a genius. 410 00:18:35,633 --> 00:18:36,925 If she's so good, 411 00:18:37,008 --> 00:18:39,925 why is she having this workshop in her apartment? 412 00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:41,216 I don't know. 413 00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:44,383 Tantric sex is not about talk, 414 00:18:44,591 --> 00:18:46,008 it's about action. 415 00:18:46,925 --> 00:18:49,300 Delayed action. 416 00:18:49,633 --> 00:18:50,758 So… 417 00:18:50,841 --> 00:18:54,050 without further "delay," 418 00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:58,300 let me introduce my husband, 419 00:18:58,383 --> 00:19:02,800 Dr. Ronnie Shapiro. 420 00:19:03,758 --> 00:19:10,341 I will demonstrate the very effective lingam massage. 421 00:19:12,883 --> 00:19:15,216 I think I know why we're in an apartment. 422 00:19:16,383 --> 00:19:23,175 The receiver lies on his back before the giver, naked. 423 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:28,425 Genitals clearly exposed for the massage. 424 00:19:28,508 --> 00:19:30,008 You're not writing. 425 00:19:30,383 --> 00:19:34,633 Take your time doing this… 426 00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:36,091 An hour and a half later, 427 00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,925 crippled by our inability to look away from a car crash, 428 00:19:39,008 --> 00:19:43,091 we watched as the Dr. Shapiro illustrated Tantric sex. 429 00:19:43,175 --> 00:19:49,550 Massage the head of the lingam as if you are using an orange juicer. 430 00:19:49,758 --> 00:19:52,633 Well, there go my good feelings about breakfast. 431 00:19:53,716 --> 00:19:55,925 Stop it! You're embarrassing me. 432 00:19:56,008 --> 00:19:58,216 Oh, we're the embarrassing part? 433 00:19:58,883 --> 00:20:05,800 Now, place your right hand on the receiver's root chakra. 434 00:20:06,258 --> 00:20:07,758 Root! 435 00:20:07,841 --> 00:20:13,383 The root chakra is located between the anus and the genitals. 436 00:20:13,758 --> 00:20:16,550 Well, I think that I just got my 50 bucks worth, so… 437 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:22,633 Gently rock your hand to awaken this chakra. 438 00:20:22,841 --> 00:20:25,966 Clinically referred to as perineum. 439 00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:29,091 Perineum, Latin for "Not without an engagement ring." 440 00:20:30,133 --> 00:20:33,341 Will the women who are laughing compose themselves? 441 00:20:33,425 --> 00:20:34,883 Thank you. 442 00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:39,508 Orgasm is not the goal of lingam massage, 443 00:20:39,591 --> 00:20:44,966 but can be a pleasant and very welcome side-effect. 444 00:20:45,550 --> 00:20:48,966 Watch what I'm doing here. 445 00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:55,800 If you can master this, your man will always be faithful. 446 00:20:56,050 --> 00:21:02,925 Because once they go Tantric, they don't go back. 447 00:21:04,591 --> 00:21:05,800 You go, girl. 448 00:21:06,758 --> 00:21:10,091 See that, can you all see this? 449 00:21:13,341 --> 00:21:14,633 Oh, my God! 450 00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:17,591 He's gonna… 451 00:21:20,258 --> 00:21:22,216 Oh, God. 452 00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:25,966 And just like that, Miranda got hit by old faithful. 453 00:21:26,216 --> 00:21:27,966 Oh! 454 00:21:28,050 --> 00:21:29,550 What's funny? 455 00:21:35,841 --> 00:21:38,550 That night, after we talked Miranda in from the ledge, 456 00:21:38,633 --> 00:21:40,216 I met Patrick for a movie. 457 00:21:40,300 --> 00:21:43,716 So I was telling my sponsor today how I felt about you, 458 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,383 and suddenly I realized, 459 00:21:45,466 --> 00:21:48,050 duh, maybe I should just tell you. 460 00:21:48,966 --> 00:21:49,966 Carrie… 461 00:21:51,383 --> 00:21:52,716 I love you. 462 00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,258 There it was… 463 00:21:54,341 --> 00:21:56,550 the little phrase every girl is dying to hear 464 00:21:56,633 --> 00:21:58,883 a week and a half into a relationship. 465 00:21:59,133 --> 00:22:00,508 Oh, wow. 466 00:22:01,133 --> 00:22:04,008 Well, thanks and that's, uh, so… 467 00:22:05,508 --> 00:22:06,800 - Wow. - What? 468 00:22:06,883 --> 00:22:08,800 Too soon. Is that what you're thinking? 469 00:22:08,883 --> 00:22:12,133 Well, we have been going out like a minute. 470 00:22:12,258 --> 00:22:14,216 Oh, fuck that shit. I don't want to play games. 471 00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,758 I'm just trying to own my feelings. 472 00:22:17,925 --> 00:22:20,508 I… I love you. I said it. 473 00:22:21,008 --> 00:22:24,050 Mr. Casey, you do not love me… 474 00:22:24,550 --> 00:22:27,341 You love you not drinking with me. 475 00:22:27,425 --> 00:22:29,508 No, I love you. 476 00:22:31,508 --> 00:22:32,633 Okay, look… 477 00:22:33,550 --> 00:22:37,466 Gosh, I am, I… it's… I'm so flattered, 478 00:22:37,883 --> 00:22:41,091 but I just think maybe we should, we should slow down a little here. 479 00:22:41,175 --> 00:22:42,591 What does that mean? 480 00:22:42,675 --> 00:22:44,966 It just… it means that, you know, it's… 481 00:22:45,050 --> 00:22:46,508 things are going very fast, and I just, 482 00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:48,383 it… you know, you have all these new feelings. 483 00:22:48,466 --> 00:22:49,925 - 'Cause you're not drinking… - No, no, no. 484 00:22:50,008 --> 00:22:52,383 Don't give me that program bullshit. 485 00:22:52,925 --> 00:22:54,925 This has nothing to do with drinking. 486 00:22:57,341 --> 00:22:58,716 I love you. 487 00:22:59,841 --> 00:23:02,716 Maybe we should spend a little time apart. 488 00:23:03,925 --> 00:23:05,466 I'll call you tomorrow. 489 00:23:06,008 --> 00:23:07,300 I'm not coming up? 490 00:23:07,383 --> 00:23:08,508 Just a couple nights. 491 00:23:09,883 --> 00:23:12,133 Are you breaking up with me? 'Cause if you break up… 492 00:23:12,216 --> 00:23:14,300 Patrick, I'm not, I'm not breaking up with you. 493 00:23:14,383 --> 00:23:16,216 I'm just going inside. 494 00:23:16,841 --> 00:23:18,633 So call me tomorrow. 495 00:23:18,925 --> 00:23:21,091 We'll do something next week, okay? 496 00:23:22,675 --> 00:23:24,591 What… What am I gonna do now? 497 00:23:25,133 --> 00:23:27,341 Well, you should go to a meeting. 498 00:23:27,716 --> 00:23:30,966 And then you go home and call me tomorrow. 499 00:23:32,966 --> 00:23:34,466 Okay? Goodnight. 500 00:23:35,508 --> 00:23:37,133 I'll see you next week. 501 00:23:39,675 --> 00:23:40,966 Go. 502 00:23:48,466 --> 00:23:50,091 Get yourself some cookies. 503 00:23:56,466 --> 00:23:57,716 Meanwhile, across town at Charlotte's… 504 00:23:57,800 --> 00:23:59,758 Oh, my God, Charlotte, what are you doing? 505 00:23:59,841 --> 00:24:02,216 Oh. Oh, God. 506 00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:03,508 Oh! Mmm. 507 00:24:03,591 --> 00:24:05,466 Oh, Charlotte, you are good. 508 00:24:05,550 --> 00:24:08,008 Sweet Christ. You are good. 509 00:24:09,133 --> 00:24:12,925 Charlotte considered it the best 50 bucks she'd ever spent. 510 00:24:16,841 --> 00:24:18,341 It cost Miranda a little more, 511 00:24:18,425 --> 00:24:21,508 but across town in her bed, things were good as well. 512 00:24:35,133 --> 00:24:36,675 Carrie! 513 00:24:38,633 --> 00:24:40,258 Carrie! 514 00:24:41,341 --> 00:24:43,966 Carrie! 515 00:24:45,966 --> 00:24:47,966 Carrie! 516 00:24:48,466 --> 00:24:50,091 Patrick, what are you doing? 517 00:24:50,175 --> 00:24:53,425 Huh? You, you bitch! 518 00:24:53,508 --> 00:24:54,493 Shit! 519 00:24:54,508 --> 00:24:56,008 I loved you. 520 00:24:56,675 --> 00:24:58,466 And you didn't love me. 521 00:24:58,966 --> 00:25:02,591 You fucking made me date you before the month. 522 00:25:03,591 --> 00:25:05,341 And now I'm drunk. 523 00:25:05,425 --> 00:25:07,925 - Shh! - And I don't care! 524 00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:10,716 Carrie! 525 00:25:11,008 --> 00:25:13,300 I love you, Carrie! 526 00:25:13,550 --> 00:25:15,091 I love you! 527 00:25:15,175 --> 00:25:17,050 Make love to me! 528 00:25:18,258 --> 00:25:19,258 What are you doing? 529 00:25:19,341 --> 00:25:22,383 God, don't take your clothes off. 530 00:25:22,466 --> 00:25:25,133 My first impulse was to go down and rescue him, 531 00:25:25,216 --> 00:25:28,716 but as I learned on our second date, that would be codependent. 532 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,341 Still, I felt I had to do something. 533 00:25:32,341 --> 00:25:35,425 Here, put this on, you'll get a cold. 534 00:25:35,508 --> 00:25:39,050 I hope I fucking die! 535 00:25:39,133 --> 00:25:40,591 Quiet, asshole, I'll call the cops! 536 00:25:40,675 --> 00:25:43,550 Oh, shut the fuck up, dickweed! 537 00:25:44,716 --> 00:25:46,050 Carrie! 538 00:25:46,675 --> 00:25:50,008 You were the best fuck I ever had! 539 00:25:50,091 --> 00:25:52,508 Three weeks later, I got a letter from Patrick, 540 00:25:52,591 --> 00:25:55,716 saying he was back in the program and wanted to make amends. 541 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,216 I never saw him again, but I always wondered two things… 542 00:25:58,300 --> 00:25:59,285 Carrie! 543 00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:00,883 Was he able to stay sober? 544 00:26:00,966 --> 00:26:03,258 Am I really that good in bed?