1 00:00:46,965 --> 00:00:48,215 New York City. 2 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:51,881 Home to one million exciting, eligible, single men, 3 00:00:53,090 --> 00:00:56,423 and four cold and slightly cranky single women. 4 00:00:56,506 --> 00:01:00,215 Well, this is good. We're actually crossing water to meet men. 5 00:01:00,298 --> 00:01:03,090 Reminder, I am not going to Staten Island to meet men. 6 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,423 I am going to judge them. 7 00:01:06,215 --> 00:01:09,215 One of the perks of being a minor New York celebrity 8 00:01:09,298 --> 00:01:11,715 is that you get invited to major events. 9 00:01:11,798 --> 00:01:15,465 Like the Fire Department of New York's annual calendar competition. 10 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:18,590 This is an awfully long way to go 11 00:01:18,673 --> 00:01:20,756 to watch some firemen take their shirts off. 12 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:24,090 Honey, I'm on the fucking ferry. I better see more than just pecs. 13 00:01:24,631 --> 00:01:26,340 I'm freezing! 14 00:01:27,715 --> 00:01:31,256 I just don't understand why they couldn't just hold the competition 15 00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:32,325 in a bar in Manhattan. 16 00:01:32,340 --> 00:01:34,756 I mean, they have firemen on the Upper East side too, you know? 17 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:36,090 Yes, I know they do, sweetie. 18 00:01:36,173 --> 00:01:38,340 And they only put out the really top-notch fires. 19 00:01:40,631 --> 00:01:42,131 Look at how small it looks. 20 00:01:43,423 --> 00:01:45,423 Who would have thought an island that tiny 21 00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:48,798 would be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends. 22 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:59,340 Next up, Carlo. He's a Virgo. He loves to cook… 23 00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:02,423 …and says he can whip up a great baked ziti. 24 00:02:02,506 --> 00:02:08,340 He's from Engine 275, Ladder 133, way, way out there in Queens. 25 00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:16,965 Sittin' here eatin' my heart out, baby 26 00:02:17,048 --> 00:02:19,340 Waitin' for some lover to call 27 00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:23,298 Dialed about a thousand numbers… 28 00:02:23,381 --> 00:02:26,006 - Is he hot? - He's a six. 29 00:02:26,090 --> 00:02:27,506 On a scale of how many? 30 00:02:29,256 --> 00:02:30,798 His name was Bill Kelley. 31 00:02:30,881 --> 00:02:32,423 He was a divorced politician, 32 00:02:32,506 --> 00:02:34,631 campaigning for New York City Comptroller. 33 00:02:34,715 --> 00:02:36,715 And the token male judge. 34 00:02:36,798 --> 00:02:39,881 I want some hot stuff, baby This evenin' 35 00:02:40,631 --> 00:02:42,298 Watch the firemen. 36 00:02:42,381 --> 00:02:43,840 I'm more into cops. 37 00:02:43,923 --> 00:02:45,340 Right, now, Billy McCloud. 38 00:02:45,423 --> 00:02:50,173 He's a Cancer, and married. Sorry, ladies. 39 00:02:50,256 --> 00:02:55,173 His wife Maria, she says he's a good guy but he works too hard. 40 00:02:55,256 --> 00:02:58,298 Work it, Billy! 41 00:03:02,965 --> 00:03:04,798 Ladies, over here. 42 00:03:06,423 --> 00:03:11,006 Okay, they don't make Cosmopolitans. It's Staten Island Iced Tea. 43 00:03:11,090 --> 00:03:14,215 - Is that like a Long Island Iced Tea? - I think so. 44 00:03:16,423 --> 00:03:17,590 Hello, I'm drunk. 45 00:03:18,548 --> 00:03:21,090 Do we have to be this close? It's embarrassing. 46 00:03:21,590 --> 00:03:23,590 You gotta be in it to win it. 47 00:03:23,673 --> 00:03:25,048 I'm moving back. 48 00:03:25,131 --> 00:03:27,590 No, come on. I can't see the cute firemen 49 00:03:27,673 --> 00:03:29,131 from back there without my glasses. 50 00:03:29,215 --> 00:03:31,965 Why do you even care if you can see? You have Steve. 51 00:03:32,048 --> 00:03:33,465 I do not have Steve. 52 00:03:33,548 --> 00:03:36,548 There is no having of the Steve. We're just friends. 53 00:03:36,631 --> 00:03:39,673 No, we're just friends. I don't put my dick in you. 54 00:03:40,423 --> 00:03:42,048 Another one of these and I might let you. 55 00:03:43,173 --> 00:03:45,256 There are no datable men here. 56 00:03:45,340 --> 00:03:46,798 What was your first clue? 57 00:03:46,881 --> 00:03:49,631 The pleather jackets or the smell of Hai Karate? 58 00:03:50,173 --> 00:03:53,173 Okay, this is Ricky Fantucchi. He's a Capricorn. 59 00:03:53,256 --> 00:03:55,256 His uncles are firefighters. 60 00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:59,881 Yes, ladies, that's a cheetah on his arm. 61 00:04:01,173 --> 00:04:06,423 Ricky represents Engine 53 in Lower Manhattan. 62 00:04:07,756 --> 00:04:10,548 I'd like to show him my Lower Manhattan. 63 00:04:11,965 --> 00:04:12,965 Ew! 64 00:04:14,090 --> 00:04:16,673 Look at his arms, they're huge. 65 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:20,631 You know what they say. Big arms, big arms. 66 00:04:21,506 --> 00:04:25,298 Hello, 911. I'm on fire. 67 00:04:29,173 --> 00:04:32,006 Toot-toot Hey, beep-beep 68 00:04:33,215 --> 00:04:35,965 Toot-toot Hey, beep-beep 69 00:04:37,215 --> 00:04:40,048 Toot-toot Hey, beep-beep… 70 00:04:40,923 --> 00:04:42,298 After the contest, 71 00:04:42,381 --> 00:04:46,923 I began to realize that Staten Island was like a quaint European country. 72 00:04:47,006 --> 00:04:49,340 The American music was 20 years behind 73 00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,381 and you could smoke wherever you wanted. 74 00:04:52,298 --> 00:04:55,923 Talking about bad girls, yeah 75 00:04:57,673 --> 00:05:00,798 See them out on the street at night 76 00:05:00,881 --> 00:05:01,825 Walkin' 77 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:05,798 Picking up all kinds of strangers If the price is right 78 00:05:05,881 --> 00:05:08,548 You can't score if your pocket's tight 79 00:05:09,798 --> 00:05:12,881 But you want a good time… 80 00:05:13,798 --> 00:05:16,756 Hi. Do you know if those shirts are for sale? 81 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,465 Because I'd like to get one for my nephew. 82 00:05:20,048 --> 00:05:21,090 Yeah, you could buy them. 83 00:05:21,173 --> 00:05:22,965 But like, I don't know if you can buy them here or not. 84 00:05:23,715 --> 00:05:26,756 I got this one at work, but I'm sure you could buy them at other places. 85 00:05:27,256 --> 00:05:30,131 - I've seen them in those shops on… - Samantha. 86 00:05:30,715 --> 00:05:33,381 - Ricky, how are you doing? - Good. How are you doing? 87 00:05:34,256 --> 00:05:36,798 - I saw you up there. - I saw you too. 88 00:05:36,881 --> 00:05:38,590 You looked fantastic. 89 00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:39,673 - Yeah? - Yeah. 90 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,465 I never did anything like that before. 91 00:05:41,548 --> 00:05:43,173 But my sisters were like, "Do it, Ricky." 92 00:05:43,256 --> 00:05:45,340 And I'm like, "I never did anything like that before." 93 00:05:45,423 --> 00:05:48,173 - And they're like… - Well, you did it very well. 94 00:05:48,881 --> 00:05:51,590 Hey. I wonder what month you'll be. 95 00:05:51,673 --> 00:05:54,923 I don't know. Maybe like October? My birthday's in October. 96 00:05:55,006 --> 00:05:58,090 I bet July, or any month that's hot. 97 00:05:59,673 --> 00:06:00,575 Two songs later, 98 00:06:00,590 --> 00:06:03,215 it was time for this dancing queen to take a breather. 99 00:06:04,006 --> 00:06:05,631 - Hello. - Hi. 100 00:06:05,715 --> 00:06:06,715 Can I bum a smoke? 101 00:06:06,756 --> 00:06:08,465 - Sure. - Thanks. 102 00:06:08,881 --> 00:06:09,881 There you go. 103 00:06:11,465 --> 00:06:12,465 Mmm. 104 00:06:13,506 --> 00:06:14,631 Man, that's good. 105 00:06:15,298 --> 00:06:16,340 I quit three years ago. 106 00:06:16,423 --> 00:06:17,506 How's that working out for you? 107 00:06:17,590 --> 00:06:20,215 Good. I allow myself one a week. 108 00:06:20,298 --> 00:06:22,006 You live right on the edge, don't you? 109 00:06:23,465 --> 00:06:25,381 - Can I buy you a beer? - No, thanks, I got it. 110 00:06:25,465 --> 00:06:28,173 Oh, come on. It's on me. For helping me out during the contest. 111 00:06:28,256 --> 00:06:29,340 Okay, sure. 112 00:06:30,256 --> 00:06:32,506 And by the way, you have the worst taste in men. 113 00:06:32,590 --> 00:06:34,298 - Ever. - No way. 114 00:06:35,798 --> 00:06:38,256 You gave that guy from Midtown a seven. 115 00:06:38,340 --> 00:06:40,423 Hey, I like a firefighter with love handles. 116 00:06:40,506 --> 00:06:41,673 It gives you something to hold on to 117 00:06:41,756 --> 00:06:43,548 when you ride him down the side of a burning building. 118 00:06:43,631 --> 00:06:45,298 You got a point there, my friend. 119 00:06:45,381 --> 00:06:46,631 But you, you were tough. 120 00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:50,340 And what's with all those half-points? Six and a half, eight and a half. 121 00:06:51,215 --> 00:06:53,673 What can I say? Sometimes a girl needs a half. 122 00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,965 So, which district do you vote in? 123 00:07:00,548 --> 00:07:02,173 Whichever one is near Barneys. 124 00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:04,923 Are you saying you've never voted in New York City? 125 00:07:05,006 --> 00:07:06,423 You are correct, Mr. President. 126 00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:08,283 What's your address? 127 00:07:08,298 --> 00:07:11,048 Official government purposes. I can tell you your district. 128 00:07:12,256 --> 00:07:13,256 Officially? 129 00:07:13,881 --> 00:07:16,256 It's 245 East 73rd Street. 130 00:07:16,340 --> 00:07:18,465 - District 23. Same as mine. - Mmm. 131 00:07:19,131 --> 00:07:20,631 I'm at Madison and 82nd. 132 00:07:20,715 --> 00:07:22,048 Fancy. 133 00:07:22,131 --> 00:07:24,923 I thought all honest politicians lived in small studios 134 00:07:25,006 --> 00:07:26,090 and ate beans out of a can. 135 00:07:26,173 --> 00:07:27,423 I'm not a fan of beans. 136 00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,590 Can I get your phone number? Government purposes only. 137 00:07:33,298 --> 00:07:35,881 You know what? I'm just here with my friends having a good time. 138 00:07:35,965 --> 00:07:38,715 - I'm really not into dating right now. - Why, bad break-up? 139 00:07:54,798 --> 00:07:56,006 That was a long silence. 140 00:07:57,465 --> 00:07:59,090 Actually, it was a silence and a half. 141 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:00,840 Have dinner with me. 142 00:08:03,465 --> 00:08:04,673 Would it help if I took my shirt off? 143 00:08:08,215 --> 00:08:10,548 Okay. Time to go. Politician's hitting on me. 144 00:08:10,631 --> 00:08:14,881 - And is that a bad thing? - He's just way too "I'm the guy." 145 00:08:14,965 --> 00:08:17,215 Are you sure? He's pretty cute. 146 00:08:17,298 --> 00:08:18,715 I don't want to have to tell you this. 147 00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:21,006 But I actually saw him give someone a thumbs up. 148 00:08:21,590 --> 00:08:22,715 We're out of here. 149 00:08:23,340 --> 00:08:25,548 Samantha went home with that firefighter. 150 00:08:25,631 --> 00:08:26,881 Mmm, toot-toot, beep-beep. 151 00:08:26,965 --> 00:08:28,965 And Charlotte's around here, somewhere. 152 00:08:32,215 --> 00:08:35,798 - How many cocktails did she have? - A couple, why? 153 00:08:36,965 --> 00:08:37,950 Hello? 154 00:08:37,965 --> 00:08:39,673 Hi, honey, it's me 155 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,506 I went to see the doctor today 156 00:08:43,673 --> 00:08:45,673 'Cause ever since you've been gone 157 00:08:45,756 --> 00:08:48,340 I had a pain deep down inside 158 00:08:49,506 --> 00:08:52,090 He says there's Nothing really wrong with me 159 00:08:52,173 --> 00:08:53,756 I'm just missing my man 160 00:08:54,923 --> 00:08:57,173 So honey, please 161 00:08:57,256 --> 00:08:59,381 Come on home as soon as you can 162 00:09:00,631 --> 00:09:03,756 Doctor's orders say 163 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:08,256 There's only one thing for me 164 00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:10,548 Nothing he can do… 165 00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:13,673 And so, three girls headed home, 166 00:09:13,756 --> 00:09:16,881 taking with them only their fond memories of Staten Island 167 00:09:16,965 --> 00:09:18,756 and its infamous iced teas. 168 00:09:21,506 --> 00:09:23,923 Honey? Honey, close up, it's cold. 169 00:09:27,256 --> 00:09:30,340 - Are you gonna help? - I held her head in the taxi. 170 00:09:35,131 --> 00:09:37,006 You're so nice, Carrie. 171 00:09:37,506 --> 00:09:40,590 - I'm nice too, aren't I? - Yes, you're nice. 172 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,631 I'm nice… 173 00:09:43,590 --> 00:09:47,590 and I'm pretty and I'm smart. I'm a catch. 174 00:09:47,673 --> 00:09:49,631 Yes, you're a catch. 175 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:51,756 I hate you. 176 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:52,923 You know what? 177 00:09:54,465 --> 00:09:57,756 I'm gonna meet the perfect guy and I'm gonna get married. 178 00:09:58,256 --> 00:10:02,006 - Yes, you're getting married. - Whoo-hoo! 179 00:10:02,090 --> 00:10:06,215 Did you hear that, New York? I'm getting married this year! 180 00:10:07,090 --> 00:10:10,423 I'm getting married, and here I come! 181 00:10:10,923 --> 00:10:13,673 If she falls over, I will never stop laughing. 182 00:10:13,756 --> 00:10:15,965 I wasn't quite sure if it was the iced teas 183 00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:19,048 or the Staten Island dating pool that broke the camel's back, 184 00:10:19,131 --> 00:10:21,548 but something set Charlotte on fire. 185 00:10:22,048 --> 00:10:24,173 And uptown on dry land, 186 00:10:24,256 --> 00:10:27,715 Samantha and Mr. July had their own fire going. 187 00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:31,340 You're so big and strong. 188 00:10:34,756 --> 00:10:38,923 I believe the official fire department count is a four-alarmer. 189 00:10:39,006 --> 00:10:39,908 Thank you. 190 00:10:39,923 --> 00:10:43,173 The next morning at breakfast, Miranda and I wanted poached eggs, 191 00:10:43,256 --> 00:10:45,298 Samantha wanted to give us the juicy details, 192 00:10:45,381 --> 00:10:47,923 and Charlotte wanted to keep her head from exploding 193 00:10:48,006 --> 00:10:49,381 all over her Burberry raincoat. 194 00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:52,965 And I'm telling you, I don't think a guy has ever gotten me that wet. 195 00:10:53,048 --> 00:10:54,298 - Pass the salt. - Milk? 196 00:10:54,381 --> 00:10:56,256 Ladies, let me tell you about his cock. 197 00:10:56,340 --> 00:10:59,590 Will you be quiet? The people at the next table have a child. 198 00:11:01,340 --> 00:11:03,965 - Well, that's their choice. - Little Miss Hangover's right. 199 00:11:04,048 --> 00:11:06,631 Can we lighten up on the cock talk till cocktail time? 200 00:11:06,715 --> 00:11:08,298 Fine. I just wanted to let you know 201 00:11:08,381 --> 00:11:11,381 that my fireman was every bit the fantasy I had in mind. 202 00:11:11,465 --> 00:11:12,631 New York's finest. 203 00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:14,756 - That's cops. - Whatever. 204 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:18,798 I think it's wrong to sleep with a man just to fulfill a certain fantasy. 205 00:11:18,881 --> 00:11:21,798 Oh, please, all the men we sleep with fulfill a certain fantasy. 206 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:22,783 Or nightmare. 207 00:11:22,798 --> 00:11:24,756 You fantasize a man with a Park Avenue apartment 208 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,506 and a nice, big stock portfolio. 209 00:11:26,590 --> 00:11:28,673 For me, it's a fireman with a nice, big hose. 210 00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,173 And why are firemen always so fucking cute? 211 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,158 Mmm! 212 00:11:31,173 --> 00:11:33,215 Even when they're not that cute, they're still cute. 213 00:11:33,298 --> 00:11:34,283 What's up with that? 214 00:11:34,298 --> 00:11:38,048 Well, first, there's a weight limit. And second, it's the hero thing. 215 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:40,923 - You know, you see him up on that truck. - That truck is hot. 216 00:11:41,006 --> 00:11:43,798 Hurrying off to save someone trapped on a burning ledge or something. 217 00:11:43,881 --> 00:11:46,798 Plus, they've got that "I'm a good guy" look in their eyes. 218 00:11:46,881 --> 00:11:48,131 It's that look. 219 00:11:48,215 --> 00:11:51,006 It's because women really just want to be rescued. 220 00:11:51,465 --> 00:11:52,548 There it was. 221 00:11:52,631 --> 00:11:54,840 The sentence independent single women in their 30s 222 00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:57,381 are never supposed to think, let alone say out loud. 223 00:11:57,465 --> 00:11:59,006 I'm sorry but it's true. 224 00:11:59,590 --> 00:12:03,090 I've been dating since I was 15, I'm exhausted. Where is he? 225 00:12:03,173 --> 00:12:04,881 Who? The white knight? 226 00:12:05,340 --> 00:12:07,048 That only happens in fairy tales. 227 00:12:07,131 --> 00:12:08,548 My hair hurts. 228 00:12:09,548 --> 00:12:10,631 Charlotte, honey, 229 00:12:11,048 --> 00:12:13,465 did you ever think that maybe we're the white knights 230 00:12:14,006 --> 00:12:16,048 and we're the ones that have to save ourselves? 231 00:12:17,548 --> 00:12:19,215 That is so depressing. 232 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:20,840 Is it? 233 00:12:22,256 --> 00:12:25,298 Later that day, I got to thinking about fairy tales. 234 00:12:26,131 --> 00:12:28,381 What if Prince Charming had never showed up? 235 00:12:28,965 --> 00:12:31,673 Would Snow White have slept in that glass coffin forever? 236 00:12:32,298 --> 00:12:36,465 Or would she have eventually woken up, spit out the apple, gotten a job, 237 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:39,715 a healthcare package and a baby from her local neighborhood sperm bank? 238 00:12:40,590 --> 00:12:41,756 I couldn't help but wonder. 239 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,506 Inside every confident, driven, single woman 240 00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:49,548 is there a delicate, fragile princess just waiting to be saved? 241 00:12:50,215 --> 00:12:51,340 Was Charlotte right? 242 00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:54,715 Do women just wanna be rescued? 243 00:12:55,173 --> 00:12:58,798 And after your laser surgery on Saturday, 244 00:12:58,881 --> 00:13:04,256 you'll need a significant other or a friend to help get you home. 245 00:13:04,340 --> 00:13:05,631 Sign here. 246 00:13:05,715 --> 00:13:08,631 While for some women the idea of rescue was a life raft, 247 00:13:08,715 --> 00:13:10,465 for Miranda it was an insult. 248 00:13:10,548 --> 00:13:13,590 I really don't need anybody to help me. I'll be fine. 249 00:13:13,673 --> 00:13:16,923 No, you'll be sedated, and your vision will be blurred. 250 00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:20,090 You will need someone to get you home and up to bed. 251 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,923 Then you take 2 sleeping pills, sleep for 12 hours, 252 00:13:24,006 --> 00:13:27,048 wake up, and you'll be able to see perfectly. 253 00:13:27,131 --> 00:13:30,048 I can't believe I'm gonna wake up and be able to see clearly 254 00:13:30,131 --> 00:13:33,465 without glasses or contacts for the first time in my life. 255 00:13:33,548 --> 00:13:34,548 Believe it. 256 00:13:36,548 --> 00:13:39,756 And then they slit your eyeball open and flip up the top. 257 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,006 - Oh, man. Gross. - Steve, it just flips. 258 00:13:42,090 --> 00:13:43,715 Right up. Flip, my eye. 259 00:13:43,798 --> 00:13:47,881 - Okay, okay, stop. - This little blade cuts it. Just… 260 00:13:49,131 --> 00:13:50,298 like the top of a grape. 261 00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:54,256 That sounds pretty bad. 262 00:13:56,673 --> 00:13:58,006 You want me to come down and hold your hand? 263 00:13:58,756 --> 00:14:01,798 I'm fine. I do not need anyone to hold my hand. 264 00:14:01,881 --> 00:14:05,006 Jeez, I'm not saying you need anyone. 265 00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:08,465 I'd just like to be there, to help you, whatever. 266 00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:10,756 You're gonna need help getting home. 267 00:14:11,256 --> 00:14:13,881 Um, yeah, I'm gonna ask Carrie. 268 00:14:16,131 --> 00:14:18,590 Why do you have to ask Carrie when I'm offering right now? 269 00:14:18,673 --> 00:14:21,715 Because, you know, Carrie is my friend. 270 00:14:21,798 --> 00:14:23,298 Oh, okay, and what am I? 271 00:14:24,215 --> 00:14:26,423 Well, we haven't exactly established that yet. 272 00:14:28,215 --> 00:14:29,215 Are you coming up? 273 00:14:31,173 --> 00:14:33,256 We haven't exactly established that yet. 274 00:14:38,256 --> 00:14:40,590 What are we doing here? I mean, are we… 275 00:14:40,673 --> 00:14:44,215 Steve, after they flip the eye up, then these jets… 276 00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:51,631 And over on the East side at a more Charlotte-friendly bar, 277 00:14:51,715 --> 00:14:55,756 the iced tea princess began her quest for a white knight. 278 00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:59,215 Oh, my God. He's so cute. Cute, right? 279 00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:02,215 Very cute. And let's not forget, I'm a professional. 280 00:15:05,006 --> 00:15:07,715 I have to meet him. How am I gonna meet him? 281 00:15:07,798 --> 00:15:10,548 Sweetie, we got here ten minutes ago. Pace yourself. 282 00:15:10,631 --> 00:15:13,798 Hey, beautiful. I'm J.J. Can I buy those sweet lips a drink? 283 00:15:13,881 --> 00:15:15,298 - Ooh! - Um… 284 00:15:15,881 --> 00:15:17,715 I'm sorry. We were just leaving. 285 00:15:18,673 --> 00:15:22,298 Charlotte was a firm believer in the laws of dating feng shui. 286 00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:24,506 Change location, change luck. 287 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:27,381 Why is it always a guy like that? Is it me? 288 00:15:27,465 --> 00:15:31,256 No, sweetie. It's not you. Into every life a little J.J. must fall. 289 00:15:31,340 --> 00:15:35,923 I just want a nice, sweet, handsome, funny, great guy, 290 00:15:36,006 --> 00:15:38,965 who doesn't say things like "sweet lips." 291 00:15:39,048 --> 00:15:40,548 Is that too much to ask? 292 00:15:40,631 --> 00:15:43,631 Hey, hey, you didn't leave. You're just over here now. 293 00:15:43,715 --> 00:15:46,590 - Come on, let me buy you a drink. - I'm really not interested. 294 00:15:46,673 --> 00:15:48,715 One drink. I'll even buy blondie here one. 295 00:15:49,173 --> 00:15:51,006 - One little drinky. - Excuse me. 296 00:15:52,173 --> 00:15:53,256 She said she's not interested. 297 00:15:53,340 --> 00:15:55,881 Am I talking to you? No. come on… 298 00:15:55,965 --> 00:15:58,673 - You're not listening. The lady said… - Hey, fuck you. 299 00:16:03,423 --> 00:16:05,090 I'm sorry about that. 300 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,756 Um, did you hurt your hand? 301 00:16:08,423 --> 00:16:09,325 No. 302 00:16:09,340 --> 00:16:10,923 His name was Arthur. 303 00:16:11,006 --> 00:16:14,756 He was a nice, sweet, handsome, funny, great investment banker 304 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,131 who lived between Madison and Fifth. 305 00:16:17,756 --> 00:16:19,881 So, maybe there really were white knights. 306 00:16:19,965 --> 00:16:21,006 Little help. 307 00:16:24,756 --> 00:16:28,215 The day after Charlotte met her knight, I met my credit card limit. 308 00:16:28,756 --> 00:16:31,673 With no man in sight, I decided to rescue my ankles 309 00:16:31,756 --> 00:16:33,215 from a life of boredom 310 00:16:33,298 --> 00:16:36,423 by purchasing too many pairs of Jimmy Choo shoes. 311 00:16:37,423 --> 00:16:41,173 Hello, my name is Bill Kelley and I'm wanna be your city comptroller. 312 00:16:41,256 --> 00:16:44,423 - You're not seriously here. - Oh, yes, ma'am. I assure you I am. 313 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,256 And I brought along some voter registration forms. 314 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,131 I took the liberty of filling out your name. 315 00:16:49,215 --> 00:16:51,048 Under occupation I put "Heartbreaker." 316 00:16:51,465 --> 00:16:52,465 I really did. Look. 317 00:16:53,715 --> 00:16:55,631 You're like a Jehovah's Witness with a good suit. 318 00:16:57,298 --> 00:16:59,840 - So how long you been sitting here? - Your number's not listed. 319 00:16:59,923 --> 00:17:00,908 Exactly. 320 00:17:00,923 --> 00:17:03,006 - What did you buy? - Shoes. 321 00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:04,090 Let me see. 322 00:17:04,756 --> 00:17:05,965 Come on, sit down and show me. 323 00:17:06,881 --> 00:17:07,881 God, you are… 324 00:17:08,631 --> 00:17:09,631 I know. 325 00:17:13,173 --> 00:17:14,965 I'm not showing you a shoe. 326 00:17:15,965 --> 00:17:17,881 Ooh. Sexy. 327 00:17:18,881 --> 00:17:21,423 - Hey, I need a favor. - Oh, you do? 328 00:17:21,506 --> 00:17:24,965 Actually, it's for the City of New York. See, I really am one of the good guys. 329 00:17:25,673 --> 00:17:27,048 And right now, I'm carrying all the boroughs 330 00:17:27,131 --> 00:17:28,840 but I still need help in Staten Island. 331 00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,840 - You want one? - No, I had one on Thursday. 332 00:17:32,048 --> 00:17:33,673 So, here's the thing. 333 00:17:34,381 --> 00:17:38,340 I gotta go back out there to do a schmooze at the Capri restaurant 334 00:17:38,423 --> 00:17:41,173 on Sunday night, and I want you to go with me. 335 00:17:42,131 --> 00:17:44,715 - And why is that? - Because they have great Italian. 336 00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:47,923 And also, for the record… 337 00:17:50,131 --> 00:17:51,715 I can't stop thinking about you. 338 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,006 So, I'll pick you up at 7:00. 339 00:17:56,590 --> 00:17:57,631 - No. - Don't answer now. 340 00:17:57,715 --> 00:17:59,131 - I just did. - Think about it. 341 00:17:59,215 --> 00:18:01,631 I'll drive by at 7:00. I'll wait down in the car. 342 00:18:01,715 --> 00:18:03,673 If you come down, you come. 343 00:18:03,756 --> 00:18:05,881 If you don't, no pressure. Wear the shoes. 344 00:18:07,215 --> 00:18:10,048 Oh. These. Pass them out. 345 00:18:12,381 --> 00:18:13,283 That Saturday, 346 00:18:13,298 --> 00:18:15,798 when I was unable to take Miranda to her laser surgery 347 00:18:15,881 --> 00:18:19,756 due to a looming column deadline, she didn't call Steve. 348 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,923 She decided to take things into her own hands. 349 00:18:23,006 --> 00:18:26,006 Who needs a man to hold your hand, when you have cab fare 350 00:18:26,090 --> 00:18:28,923 and a big black marker to write down emergency numbers? 351 00:18:29,965 --> 00:18:32,048 And while Miranda was under the knife, 352 00:18:32,131 --> 00:18:35,506 Charlotte was having her first glass of white wine with her white knight. 353 00:18:35,590 --> 00:18:37,715 So, I did the Hasty Pudding show a couple of times, 354 00:18:37,798 --> 00:18:38,965 just to blow off steam. 355 00:18:39,048 --> 00:18:43,006 My friend Tom says that Harvard is still the most massively aggressive place 356 00:18:43,090 --> 00:18:45,006 he's ever seen, and he's a trader. 357 00:18:45,090 --> 00:18:48,131 - Not Tom Kennedy? - Oh, my God, yes! Do you know Tom? 358 00:18:48,215 --> 00:18:50,631 - Great guy. And how about his wife? - Mmm. 359 00:18:50,715 --> 00:18:53,173 Now that's my idea of the perfect marriage. 360 00:18:53,256 --> 00:18:54,465 Totally. 361 00:18:54,548 --> 00:18:56,215 Charlotte nodded, thinking, 362 00:18:56,298 --> 00:18:59,423 "What a nice, sweet, handsome, funny, great couple they made." 363 00:18:59,923 --> 00:19:02,923 Excuse me, you just bumped into her chair. 364 00:19:03,423 --> 00:19:04,325 A little crowded. 365 00:19:04,340 --> 00:19:07,256 Yes, it's crowded but you bumped her chair, spilled her wine. 366 00:19:07,340 --> 00:19:08,673 You should say you're sorry. 367 00:19:09,090 --> 00:19:11,090 - It's okay. - No, it's not okay. 368 00:19:12,173 --> 00:19:15,798 - That's no way to treat a lady. - Lighten up. It's brunch. 369 00:19:22,923 --> 00:19:24,215 Charlotte suddenly realized 370 00:19:24,298 --> 00:19:26,673 that her date wasn't a man who came to a woman's rescue, 371 00:19:27,756 --> 00:19:30,090 he was a man who liked to start fights. 372 00:19:30,173 --> 00:19:31,840 - Excuse me, sir… - You want a piece of me? 373 00:19:33,715 --> 00:19:34,715 And just like that, 374 00:19:35,381 --> 00:19:38,881 Charlotte's white knight changed into a white nightmare. 375 00:19:40,548 --> 00:19:42,631 Miss Hobbes, your friend is here. 376 00:19:44,131 --> 00:19:46,465 - Carrie? - Actually no, it's me. 377 00:19:47,215 --> 00:19:49,506 Carrie thought you might need a little help. Is that okay? 378 00:19:50,048 --> 00:19:52,381 I'm on Valium. Everything's okay. 379 00:19:54,340 --> 00:19:56,298 - Here, give me your hand. - I'm good. 380 00:19:59,048 --> 00:20:02,548 Just don't let me hit the door frame and never mention these goggles. 381 00:20:05,881 --> 00:20:08,590 One cab ride and two potent sleeping pills later, 382 00:20:08,673 --> 00:20:10,340 Steve put Miranda to bed. 383 00:20:10,423 --> 00:20:13,048 All right. Okay. Give me your leg. 384 00:20:13,131 --> 00:20:16,256 No, this leg. No. I want this leg. 385 00:20:16,340 --> 00:20:19,381 - Stop. No. No rescue. - Yeah, all right. 386 00:20:19,465 --> 00:20:22,965 Fine, okay. All right. Put your feet under, Sleeping Beauty. 387 00:20:28,381 --> 00:20:29,381 The next morning, 388 00:20:29,465 --> 00:20:31,881 after what felt like she'd slept for 100 years, 389 00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:33,506 Miranda awoke. 390 00:20:42,465 --> 00:20:46,090 And for the first time in her life, she saw things clearly. 391 00:21:00,673 --> 00:21:01,673 That night, 392 00:21:01,756 --> 00:21:05,131 Mr. July invited Samantha to come down and hang with him 393 00:21:05,215 --> 00:21:06,840 while he worked the Sunday shift. 394 00:21:08,131 --> 00:21:12,131 Hello? Where is everyone? 395 00:21:12,215 --> 00:21:13,465 The idea of spending time 396 00:21:13,548 --> 00:21:16,840 in a firehouse filled with a veritable calendar year of hot firemen 397 00:21:16,923 --> 00:21:20,631 was a fantasy, Samantha felt, whose time had most definitely come. 398 00:21:20,715 --> 00:21:21,715 Boys? 399 00:21:29,006 --> 00:21:31,298 This was not the firehouse fantasy 400 00:21:31,381 --> 00:21:32,590 Samantha had in mind. 401 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:39,381 Hey, Samantha. 402 00:21:40,256 --> 00:21:42,298 I just put a pot of chili on. Come on, sit down. 403 00:21:42,756 --> 00:21:44,715 Come on, brother. Get up. Make room for Sam. 404 00:21:47,881 --> 00:21:48,881 I'll be right back. 405 00:21:49,756 --> 00:21:52,423 Samantha's rescue fantasy was suddenly something 406 00:21:52,506 --> 00:21:54,423 - she needed to be rescued from. - No. 407 00:21:59,340 --> 00:22:00,923 It's me. Leave a message. 408 00:22:01,006 --> 00:22:04,840 Hey. I'm still down here in the car. 409 00:22:06,548 --> 00:22:09,173 All right, I'll wait ten more seconds, and then I'll go alone. 410 00:22:10,215 --> 00:22:14,715 Ten, nine, eight, seven, 411 00:22:14,798 --> 00:22:17,048 six, poor me… 412 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,506 Five, four, three, 413 00:22:22,548 --> 00:22:24,923 two, one. 414 00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,090 One and a half. Sometimes a girl needs a half. 415 00:22:31,506 --> 00:22:33,048 Okay, that was my best shot. 416 00:22:34,090 --> 00:22:35,090 You're not coming. 417 00:22:36,256 --> 00:22:37,256 So long. 418 00:22:38,131 --> 00:22:39,131 Vote! 419 00:22:54,215 --> 00:22:57,006 - I don't know what I'm doing. - Okay. 420 00:22:57,090 --> 00:23:03,006 I'm standing here, fully dressed, watching that politician guy 421 00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:05,548 drive off to Staten Island without me, why? 422 00:23:05,631 --> 00:23:07,006 You hate Staten Island? 423 00:23:07,090 --> 00:23:09,173 No. Don't think so. Any other ideas? 424 00:23:13,381 --> 00:23:14,590 Just say it. 425 00:23:16,048 --> 00:23:18,840 Big. You're terrified of getting hurt again. 426 00:23:18,923 --> 00:23:22,340 There it was. The phrase single, independent women in their 30s 427 00:23:22,423 --> 00:23:25,548 are never supposed to think, let alone say out loud. 428 00:23:25,631 --> 00:23:26,631 Yep, okay, gotta go. 429 00:23:29,090 --> 00:23:30,423 Miranda was right. 430 00:23:30,506 --> 00:23:33,631 I was like a woman frozen on the ledge of a building on fire. 431 00:23:34,090 --> 00:23:36,631 I'd been so burned in my last relationship, 432 00:23:36,715 --> 00:23:39,131 I was afraid to leap off into the next one. 433 00:23:55,381 --> 00:23:56,506 Excuse me for a second. 434 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:01,506 - Hey. Hi. How did you get here? - Ferry. 435 00:24:01,590 --> 00:24:02,590 All alone? 436 00:24:03,340 --> 00:24:04,465 I'm very independent. 437 00:24:04,548 --> 00:24:05,881 I can see that. 438 00:24:05,965 --> 00:24:08,423 And this isn't a date. 439 00:24:09,548 --> 00:24:10,965 I'm here as a concerned citizen. 440 00:24:11,048 --> 00:24:13,798 There is a woman on my block who will not pick up after her poodle. 441 00:24:13,881 --> 00:24:15,048 I'll see what I can do. 442 00:24:15,673 --> 00:24:16,840 Can I take your coat? 443 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,840 And, Mr. President, 444 00:24:22,756 --> 00:24:24,173 it was a bad break-up. 445 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:26,298 So I need to take this slow. 446 00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:34,548 Somewhere between the chili and half-time, 447 00:24:34,631 --> 00:24:38,048 Samantha decided if she wanted her firehouse fantasy to happen, 448 00:24:38,131 --> 00:24:40,006 - she'd have to make it happen. - Are you in here? 449 00:24:40,090 --> 00:24:41,256 Up here. 450 00:24:46,798 --> 00:24:49,631 Nice pole. Wanna see it again? 451 00:24:49,715 --> 00:24:50,715 Yeah. 452 00:24:55,298 --> 00:24:57,756 Samantha rode the pole a couple of times that night. 453 00:25:03,381 --> 00:25:06,131 Why are these boots set up like this, huh? 454 00:25:06,215 --> 00:25:07,881 You have to be ready at a moment's notice. 455 00:25:08,215 --> 00:25:13,923 Oh. Well, I should be a fireman, because I am always ready to go. 456 00:25:17,131 --> 00:25:18,215 We've got a job. 457 00:25:22,006 --> 00:25:23,215 - Get out of my gear. - Hmm? 458 00:25:23,298 --> 00:25:25,173 Get the fuck out of my fucking gear! 459 00:25:25,715 --> 00:25:28,173 Let's go! Move, lady! There's a fuckin, fire! 460 00:25:31,548 --> 00:25:33,381 Come on, let's go, guys. Let's go. Let's go. 461 00:25:33,465 --> 00:25:34,465 I'm coming. 462 00:25:48,798 --> 00:25:50,465 Samantha learned there was quite a difference 463 00:25:50,548 --> 00:25:53,923 between a rescue fantasy and a rescue reality. 464 00:25:58,756 --> 00:26:01,756 It's getting really late. You sure I can't give you a ride? 465 00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:02,923 No, no. 466 00:26:03,965 --> 00:26:05,006 I'm good. 467 00:26:06,006 --> 00:26:07,006 You go… 468 00:26:08,173 --> 00:26:09,840 You go do your thing. 469 00:26:09,923 --> 00:26:11,548 Hey, do I get your vote? 470 00:26:18,506 --> 00:26:19,506 Too fast? 471 00:26:23,006 --> 00:26:25,506 Oh, my God, you're so sexy. Come home with me. 472 00:26:26,048 --> 00:26:27,840 No, no. Kissing is enough. 473 00:26:28,548 --> 00:26:30,131 It's enough for tonight, really. 474 00:26:41,256 --> 00:26:44,423 Oh, shit. It's almost 12:00. I'm gonna miss the last ferry. 475 00:26:58,173 --> 00:26:59,965 Oh, wait! 476 00:27:00,048 --> 00:27:02,048 Oh! 477 00:27:03,631 --> 00:27:04,840 Wait! 478 00:27:08,048 --> 00:27:09,881 I lost my Choo. 479 00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:12,923 Great. 480 00:27:28,923 --> 00:27:29,923 Need a ride? 481 00:27:33,215 --> 00:27:35,631 Well, he didn't have a white horse, 482 00:27:35,715 --> 00:27:38,340 but he did have a BMW with a working heater. 483 00:27:39,590 --> 00:27:43,006 So I guess sometimes a woman absolutely has to be rescued. 484 00:27:44,048 --> 00:27:46,381 You're taking me to my apartment, and that's it. 485 00:27:46,465 --> 00:27:48,506 That's it… for tonight. 486 00:27:53,173 --> 00:27:55,965 Now, do you have any idea how we get the fuck off this island? 487 00:27:57,715 --> 00:27:59,340 Um… Okay, make a right. 488 00:27:59,423 --> 00:28:02,798 And sometimes, a woman absolutely has to rescue a man. 489 00:28:03,965 --> 00:28:07,798 At least, that's how it ends in this Staten Island fairy tale.